2001 Is Harry On The Boat FULL HOT TEEN MOVIE
This comedy, based on the book by Colin Butts, follows the adventures of a group of holiday reps from a 18-30 like club during one season in Ibiza. Very much of its time, the film stays true to the book with an abundance of sex and drugs.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So, what do you think?
00:00:07I can't believe you. That's the sickest thing.
00:00:14It was just a suggestion, you know, try something new, you know, something adventurous.
00:00:20You want me to have a threesome with my best friend? It's perverted.
00:00:25It doesn't have to be your best friend, you know, we could pick up a prostitute or something.
00:00:56Hey!
00:00:58Hey!
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00:01:45So tell me what happened.
00:01:46I told you I needed me space. I mean I'm young, I need someone who's gonna grow with me, try new things.
00:01:47She dumped you when you asked for a threesome.
00:01:48No, no no. It was a mutual…
00:01:49She dumped ya?
00:01:50No. We both felt that…
00:01:51Brad, she dumped ya and you figured out you'd have more chance of a threesome in IB3. Is that it?
00:01:55Is that it?
00:01:55Well, with a busload of fanny turning up
00:01:57every two weeks,
00:01:58the chances have got to be better
00:01:59for the Saturday night down the local, ain't they?
00:02:02I agree with you, mate.
00:02:03Three, two, one.
00:02:05Woo!
00:02:06Woo!
00:02:23Tell you what, Spanish birds are fit, bro.
00:02:26Hey, how do you think they know where holiday rips?
00:02:27Well, if not Mario, I'm sure you'll point it out to them, mate.
00:02:30Yeah, well, these shag tags, man,
00:02:31they're like a license to fuck, bro.
00:02:34Hey, Mario, can you do us a favour, mate?
00:02:35Yes, mate, anything you like.
00:02:36Stop calling us, bro.
00:02:41Yeah, look, here's the girls.
00:02:45Do you reckon they shag?
00:02:47Yeah, of course they do.
00:02:47Ain't much good to you, though, would I?
00:02:49Nah, I could have them no sweat.
00:02:51You can't screw the crew, Mario.
00:02:52It seems to be dismissive. Yeah, yeah.
00:02:54I know all that, but if you could,
00:02:55they'd be begging for it, bro.
00:02:59You're a rep, drinks are free, OK?
00:03:02She's great, isn't it?
00:03:03I know, I haven't had a pint or anything
00:03:04since I finished training.
00:03:05So she got a write-up.
00:03:06So I followed in after and I said,
00:03:08you know, what's the matter?
00:03:08And she says, you called me stupid.
00:03:11And I said, I said, no, I didn't.
00:03:13I said, I'm going to fuck you, stupid.
00:03:16That's her guide dog watching.
00:03:18What?
00:03:19Don't cane it too hard tonight
00:03:21just because you finished training.
00:03:22The clients start arriving tomorrow,
00:03:24so no hangovers, please.
00:03:28Well, it's to a great season, everyone, eh?
00:03:30Let's have a latte.
00:03:32Yes!
00:03:35♪ You've got to live it your life ♪
00:03:39Going for a good time, mate?
00:03:40Yes, mate.
00:03:41This is what it's all about,
00:03:42when we're smoking by the sea.
00:03:44Yeah.
00:03:49That's what I say, mate.
00:03:52Don't move!
00:03:54Come with us.
00:03:55Come with us.
00:03:57Were they these guys?
00:03:58No, they weren't those two.
00:04:00Sorry, we have made a mistake.
00:04:02Come, we'll take you home.
00:04:05Cheers, mate.
00:04:06Thanks.
00:04:08What's happening?
00:04:09You speak Spanish?
00:04:10Si.
00:04:11El chico del bar nos dijo que un chico blanco y uno negro
00:04:13estaban comiendo pollo y vino blanco
00:04:15y se fueron sin pagar.
00:04:17Right!
00:04:18That is it.
00:04:19You are fired.
00:04:19You're on the next flight back to London.
00:04:21What?
00:04:21You're lucky not to be in jail.
00:04:22It's only you care about that poor girl, Mr. Thorpe.
00:04:24Hold on, what have I done?
00:04:24Exposing yourself to a white girl,
00:04:26making her look at your cock.
00:04:27You are disgusting.
00:04:28No, poder, no, coño, no te enteras.
00:04:30Estaban bebiendo.
00:04:32Poder, no, coño, no te enteras.
00:04:34Estaban bebiendo vino y comiendo pollo
00:04:36y ellos no han sido.
00:04:37It's okay, listen, you two are lucky.
00:04:39I've convinced them not to press charges.
00:04:41Alison, I think you may have misheard.
00:04:43I know what he said.
00:04:44He said pollo, which is cock.
00:04:46He said pollo, which is chicken.
00:04:49Pollar, ah, is cock.
00:04:51Right, well that might be so,
00:04:52but he said blanco, which is white.
00:04:54Vino blanco, Alison, which is white wine.
00:04:57So you didn't expose yourself?
00:04:58No, no, I did not.
00:04:59Two guys ran off without paying for some chicken.
00:05:01It was a case of mistaken identity.
00:05:05Muy bien.
00:05:06Buenos noches.
00:05:06Cheers, mate.
00:05:07Buenos noches.
00:05:08Buenos noches.
00:05:12Well, obviously I'm gonna have to go down
00:05:14the police station in the morning
00:05:15and sort this little lot out.
00:05:16Brad, you're on airport duty in two hours' time.
00:05:18And you, I hope tonight's taught you something.
00:05:31Oh.
00:05:43What are you doing in my room?
00:05:46This is my room.
00:05:47Room 121.
00:05:49That's room 112.
00:05:52Oh, is it?
00:05:53Sorry.
00:05:55I had a bit too much to drink tonight.
00:06:02Do you mind if my friend joins us?
00:06:13Jenny?
00:06:14Jenny?
00:06:15Jenny, what the?
00:06:22Jenny?
00:06:23Jenny?
00:06:24Jenny?
00:06:24Jenny?
00:06:25Jenny?
00:06:26Jenny?
00:06:27Jenny?
00:06:28Jenny?
00:06:29Jenny?
00:06:29Jenny?
00:06:30Jenny?
00:06:35Come on, Brad.
00:06:36We've gotta get moving.
00:06:37First touchdown's in an hour.
00:06:39Yeah.
00:06:40Yep.
00:07:01Is this your first time at the airport, then?
00:07:03No.
00:07:05Yes.
00:07:07Yeah, is it that obvious?
00:07:08I'm afraid so.
00:07:10I'm Carmen.
00:07:11Brad, Brad.
00:07:12So what got me away?
00:07:14Well, that's easy.
00:07:15It's at least 15 minutes
00:07:16till the passengers come through,
00:07:17but you've been stood here since then,
00:07:18that was the flight.
00:07:20Right, so who do you work for then?
00:07:21I let you down a lot.
00:07:22I've gotta go.
00:07:23Good luck.
00:07:24Yeah, thanks.
00:07:25Thanks a lot, yeah.
00:07:26Cheers.
00:07:31This way, the coast is just up here, mate.
00:07:33Look, go straight ahead and dodge.
00:07:34Straight down, lovely, cheers.
00:07:35Just follow him, mate.
00:07:37Excuse me, my mate's not feeling well.
00:07:38I think it's something she ate.
00:07:39Right, right, I'll go.
00:07:40Just give me one second.
00:07:41Greg!
00:07:45I'm perfect.
00:07:46All right, it's all good.
00:07:47I'm perfect.
00:07:48I'm perfect.
00:07:49I'm perfect.
00:07:50I'm perfect.
00:07:50I'm perfect.
00:07:51I'm perfect.
00:07:52I'm perfect.
00:07:53I'm perfect.
00:07:54I'm perfect.
00:07:55I'm perfect.
00:07:55I'm perfect.
00:07:56I'm perfect.
00:07:57I'm perfect.
00:07:58I'm perfect.
00:07:59I'm perfect.
00:08:00What's up, man?
00:08:01Greg, Greg, look, this girl's feeling a bit sick.
00:08:02Can you sort it out for me, could you?
00:08:04Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't worry.
00:08:04You just get her back onto the coach.
00:08:05I'll look after her.
00:08:06Good man, good man.
00:08:07It's all right, man.
00:08:08Let's keep going straight up here, yeah?
00:08:09You're not feeling too good, no?
00:08:10All right, we'll look after you.
00:08:15My mate will be all right, won't she?
00:08:16Yeah, yeah, Greg's one of our oldest reps.
00:08:18She's in safe hands, mate, trust me.
00:08:28You all right, babes?
00:08:30Yeah, I'm just waiting on one.
00:08:31She's feeling a bit sick.
00:08:32Greg was helping her in the toilet.
00:08:33Well, I'm helping him, Sam.
00:08:35What?
00:08:38You all right, babe, yeah?
00:08:43All right, so, where's the microphone?
00:08:50So...
00:08:54Jesus, you bust my eardrum, you stupid cockney wanker.
00:08:59Like, we're meant to be in Ibiza.
00:09:01Now we know who the twat is, we can get on with it.
00:09:03Welcome to Ibiza, everyone.
00:09:05Next two weeks are gonna change your lives,
00:09:07so let's get ready to party!
00:09:09Come on!
00:09:10Yeah!
00:09:29We don't really need a crowd to have a party
00:09:34Just a funky beat and you to get the story
00:09:38Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:09:40We'll dance the night away
00:09:46We're having big fun
00:09:50The party's just begun, yeah
00:09:53Tell you what, there's some talent here today, mate.
00:09:57Don't let that up to me.
00:09:58Well, they might look like a bunch of mingers
00:09:59to the untrained eye, but wait till the bar crawls.
00:10:01I'll tell you what, this thing can sniff out a shag
00:10:03at 30 feet, mate.
00:10:05Hope you took precautions at the airport.
00:10:07Yeah, yeah, I didn't give my number.
00:10:08Brad, any chance of getting on with things, please?
00:10:10Yes, yes, I'm going, I'm going now.
00:10:16Right, my name's Brad, and I'm your ever-friendly,
00:10:18ever-smiling rep from young, free and single,
00:10:20the most wildest holiday package in Ibiza.
00:10:24Now, raise your glasses,
00:10:26and I'll teach you the Spanish for cheers.
00:10:28Salud, salud, salud.
00:10:32And there's plenty more where that came from.
00:10:34Now, this is Sid.
00:10:36Now, Sid's here to make sure that you pay attention.
00:10:39So that nobody echoes me.
00:10:40Anybody gets leery, he spits.
00:10:43Now, you have been warned.
00:10:45Now, some basic rules.
00:10:48Be polite to anyone that's serving you food,
00:10:50especially if it's a rep, because you never know
00:10:52which one of us has been tossing the salad.
00:10:54So watch out for the mayonnaise, wouldn't you?
00:10:56Most of the staff here speak English.
00:10:58Isn't that right, Frank?
00:10:59Yes, you're bloody welcome.
00:11:01On a serious note, I know that some of you
00:11:03are going to be tempted to use illegal substances
00:11:06while you're here.
00:11:07If any of yous are caught with anything,
00:11:09then you'll be made to share it with us, you greedy bastards.
00:11:15Seriously, though, do not risk getting in trouble with the police.
00:11:18Now, before we go any further,
00:11:19I'd better introduce you to the crew.
00:11:21We've got the super sexy Heather, if you like to party.
00:11:24Lorraine will help you recover the next day.
00:11:26Mario will only break your heart.
00:11:28Mikey will kiss it better.
00:11:30And Greg will kiss anything.
00:11:32You're all savages, every single one of yous.
00:11:34You've so come to the right place.
00:11:36Young, free and single.
00:11:37Let's have it, love.
00:11:38Please.
00:11:39Come on.
00:11:41Come on.
00:11:42Let's have it.
00:11:43Let's have it.
00:11:45Jump.
00:11:46Jump.
00:11:47Jump.
00:11:48Jump.
00:11:50Jump.
00:11:51Everybody jump.
00:11:54Jump.
00:11:55Jump.
00:11:56We'll show you all night.
00:11:59Jump.
00:12:00Jump.
00:12:01Jump.
00:12:02Right.
00:12:03Let's see.
00:12:06Dad, you were brilliant.
00:12:07When you got a Frank to call you a wanker, that was wicked.
00:12:09Thanks a lot, mum.
00:12:10Really good for a first time.
00:12:11How are you holding up?
00:12:12I'm knackered.
00:12:13I've got a flight in two hours, then I've got a bar crawl,
00:12:15and then I've got a flight first thing in the morning.
00:12:17I just don't know when I'm going to sleep.
00:12:19Cody did really well explaining those excursions.
00:12:21How are the sales?
00:12:22About 85%.
00:12:23Well, there's room for improvement then, isn't there?
00:12:25Yeah.
00:12:26Well, did well, didn't he?
00:12:27Yeah, actually, can you guys just leave me and him alone?
00:12:29There's a few things in the square.
00:12:30All right.
00:12:31See you later.
00:12:32Cheers.
00:12:33So, Brad, how do you think your part of the welcome meeting went?
00:12:36Well, I was nervous to start.
00:12:38But once a few jokes got laughed, so...
00:12:40By jokes, do you mean the soda siphon thing?
00:12:42Yeah.
00:12:43But I reckon I can improve it, right?
00:12:44What would you have done if someone had actually heckled?
00:12:47I suppose I'd have got squirted.
00:12:48Yeah, and then the place would have erupted,
00:12:50it would have been a free-for-all,
00:12:51everyone chucking drinks all over each other.
00:12:53No, see, if someone would have started heckling,
00:12:55I'd have warned them, then I'd have put it to a vote.
00:12:57That way, if I did squirt someone,
00:12:59the group would have been on my side, see?
00:13:01Right, well, listen, Brad,
00:13:02you may have got top marks in your training,
00:13:03but I have got more experience.
00:13:04I've been in this job six years, OK?
00:13:06You're wrong. I don't want to see it again.
00:13:08It's got nothing to do with that.
00:13:09Jesus Christ, will you just do as you're told?
00:13:11I don't want to hear you or me.
00:13:12You are.
00:13:13And another thing,
00:13:14why didn't you introduce me to the clients?
00:13:16Are you embarrassed because I'm your manager
00:13:18because I'm a woman?
00:13:19No, I just...
00:13:20Brad, you've got two ears and a mouth.
00:13:22Use them in that ratio, all right?
00:13:24Look, I don't say these things to win arguments, Brad.
00:13:27I say them to help you.
00:13:28Just listen to what I've got to say,
00:13:30and one day you might be in my position, all right?
00:13:36Come on, let's go and have a walk.
00:13:39She'll be fine, don't worry about her.
00:13:40Yeah, I ain't, I ain't.
00:13:41No, don't.
00:13:42Hola, Maria.
00:13:43Hola, Greg.
00:13:44Maria, this is Bradley.
00:13:45Hola, Brad.
00:13:46Hola, mate.
00:13:47What?
00:13:48So, er, Brad will be playing with you?
00:13:50Yeah.
00:13:54Right, son, pick a car.
00:14:03Well, is this it, yeah?
00:14:04Is this the legendary competition?
00:14:07Come on, my son, this have it.
00:14:09This have it.
00:14:11Right, what's this one here?
00:14:12Er, that's YesterMartin.
00:14:13Well, it'll work with James Bond,
00:14:14it'll work with Bradley Street or Esquire.
00:14:16Right, what's the rules?
00:14:17Well, it's one point for the show.
00:14:19First to 50.
00:14:2150?
00:14:22So we all in or what?
00:14:23Oh, that's a fucking losing.
00:14:25I'm not interested.
00:14:27That's not why I'm here.
00:14:28You'll soon change your tune, mate.
00:14:30Right, what about bonus points?
00:14:31Yeah, there's, er, one bonus point
00:14:33for missing a pink and pointing a brown, all right?
00:14:35What are you on about?
00:14:36I think Greg's referring to the rusty bullet hole, Mario.
00:14:37What?
00:14:38The chocolate starfish.
00:14:39Of Bill Gordon.
00:14:41Did you get it in a dirt box?
00:14:42What do you mean, shoving it up their arses?
00:14:44Are you all queer?
00:14:51What about threesomes?
00:14:52Ah, the old menage a trois.
00:14:54The holy grail men have searched for ever since
00:14:56they could watch their dad's porno movies.
00:14:58Now listen up, you lot.
00:14:59If any of you can get enough drink down their necks
00:15:01to get them through the threesome,
00:15:02it's worth five bonus points, all right?
00:15:04Can't you guys talk about anything but sex?
00:15:06Like what?
00:15:07Well, I don't know.
00:15:08Talk about the weather.
00:15:11Well, it's a nice night for a fork.
00:15:23So when do we start?
00:15:24We have started.
00:15:26You, however, Mario, are not invited.
00:15:28Why not?
00:15:29Why can't I play?
00:15:30Because the competition requires a gentleman's agreement
00:15:32to be honest about points scored.
00:15:33You look like a cheating, lying arsehole
00:15:35who'd just say anything to make up his own end.
00:15:37And you've got a tiny penis.
00:15:39What the fuck are you on about?
00:15:41There ain't nothing small about my dick, mate.
00:15:43Come on, everyone thinks theirs is large.
00:15:45I've measured mine.
00:15:46It's a niner.
00:15:47Bollocks.
00:15:48It's a millimetres or centimetres.
00:15:50I'll prove it any time.
00:15:51All right.
00:15:52Well, why don't we all stand round
00:15:53and you can get it out and verify your claim?
00:15:55Come on, no-one's going to be able to see it.
00:15:57Get it out, get it out.
00:15:58Flop it out.
00:16:06Well, boys,
00:16:07when you see an argument,
00:16:09Mario appears to be telling the truth.
00:16:11You still can't play, though?
00:16:12I believe this is Mario you're dealing with, eh?
00:16:17Fuck me.
00:16:35So I told him I wasn't going to do that any more.
00:16:37You know, I'm just sick of it.
00:16:38What?
00:16:39Hi.
00:16:41So you're working your way around
00:16:42all the girls in the bar, then?
00:16:44Only the ugly ones.
00:16:46Well, you can get lost
00:16:47because we're not pissed enough
00:16:48to take advantage of yet.
00:16:49Well, don't worry.
00:16:50I need at least another ten more pints
00:16:51before me standards will drop that low.
00:16:53And where exactly did you two meet?
00:16:55Carmen helped me out at the airport.
00:16:57Grant had a premature arrivals problem.
00:16:59Well, it happens.
00:17:00It happens.
00:17:01It happens.
00:17:02It happens.
00:17:03It happens.
00:17:04It is a premature arrivals problem.
00:17:05Well, it happens when I get excited.
00:17:06Poor impulse control.
00:17:08Well, practice makes perfect, doesn't it?
00:17:10That's why God gave you a right hand, sweetheart.
00:17:12Look, maybe you two should get roomed.
00:17:17I've got to go.
00:17:18Nice to see you again.
00:17:19Yeah.
00:17:27So you know Carmen Long?
00:17:30She's only two years. She's a family rep.
00:17:36So what hotel does she work at then?
00:17:38I can pass her a note at playtime if you like.
00:17:41What?
00:17:42Oh, fuck off.
00:17:48Oi, put that pint down. We've been here 40 minutes.
00:17:50Round everyone off and get them on to the next bar, alright?
00:18:00Everyone listen up. Do you have anyone here from Young, Free and Single?
00:18:06Jesus Christ, me granny's bingo grin makes more noise than that.
00:18:09I said, do you have anyone here from Young, Free and Single?
00:18:17If you don't like it, get yourselves home to the Ambers where the party's really going to get going.
00:18:20Come on, move it.
00:18:25Greg, this place is a bit of a damp, isn't it?
00:18:27Yeah, well, we go where Alison tells us to, you know what I mean?
00:18:29What time do you call this? You're ten minutes late.
00:18:31Are we going to stay another ten minutes?
00:18:33Mate, what's your problem?
00:18:34Don't worry, man. It's going to be rocking in five minutes.
00:18:36Look at that. Isn't it amazing?
00:18:38Quite a wonder a brand of make-up can do, eh?
00:18:40Come on, son, let's get on the board early.
00:18:42Let's have it.
00:18:59Well, I'd like to get to know you a bit better.
00:19:01See another side of you.
00:19:03How about my backside? You can watch it while I walk away.
00:19:13She is gorgeous.
00:19:15What would I do without her?
00:19:17Come too quickly, Mario.
00:19:19You watch, you'll see.
00:19:21I'll be back in a minute.
00:19:23She is gorgeous.
00:19:25What would I do without her?
00:19:27Come too quickly, Mario.
00:19:29You watch, you'll soon be putty in my hands.
00:19:31Any soft thing in your hands tonight, mate, it'll be your dick.
00:19:33I'm not so sure, Brad.
00:19:35I mean, after all, Mario is a good-looking lad.
00:19:37Right, so he dresses a little strange.
00:19:39Yeah, well, it's an expression of his personality.
00:19:41Yeah, just needs a little red nose to finish it off.
00:19:43Oh, fuck off.
00:19:45These trousers cost 120 quid.
00:19:47And if you paid more than the five of Mario, then you were done.
00:19:49Oh, and the fuck do you know about fashion?
00:19:52My cousin runs one of the best clothes shops in Kings Road.
00:19:55So why don't you shop there?
00:19:57Yeah, well, at least I haven't changed my clothes.
00:20:00What are you going to do about your skin?
00:20:23It's Patricia, isn't it?
00:20:26Well, hello, Mikey.
00:20:29Did you come here to tell me how 3,000 people applied for 30 jobs
00:20:33and how thrilled any girl should be if a rep tries to chat her up?
00:20:37Listen, I apologise about Mario.
00:20:40He's what we call in the trade a bit of a wanker.
00:20:42A bit of a wanker?
00:20:44OK, you're right. Mario's a total wanker.
00:20:46We're not all brainless idiots.
00:20:48So you need brains for this job.
00:20:50Next you'll be telling me you need A-levels to be a rep.
00:20:52What were yours in, Mikey?
00:20:54Sunbathing in pots and drinks?
00:20:56No, I did my dissertation in those.
00:20:59My thesis was in making assumptions
00:21:02before you've got all the facts.
00:21:09Listen up, we're going back to the hotel to get your asses together.
00:21:12Come on, move it, people.
00:21:15So, you've got a girlfriend, then, Brett?
00:21:18No, no. I haven't had sex for over a year.
00:21:21Really? Why's that, then?
00:21:23Brett, you've got to get over it, mate.
00:21:25All right, Mikey, I really don't think now's the time, is it?
00:21:27Some girl break your heart or something, then?
00:21:29Look, mate, you've got to move on.
00:21:37OK, I'll move on.
00:21:39I'll move on.
00:21:42OK.
00:21:43I was in love with this girl. Everything was going great.
00:21:46And then she dumped me for this rugby player.
00:21:51I tried everything to get her back, everything.
00:21:53Two of his mates jumped me and they kicked the shit out of me.
00:21:57You poor thing.
00:21:58I was in the hospital for ten weeks, ten weeks.
00:22:01They said I'd never be able to get another erection.
00:22:03So they put this bar in it.
00:22:06Keeps it standing to attention.
00:22:08Stiff as a poker, night and day.
00:22:11So how do you have sex?
00:22:13I haven't.
00:22:15I mean, what if they start laughing at me?
00:22:18What if I can't take it?
00:22:20Mate, leave it. It's all right.
00:22:22Excuse me, I'm really sorry, mate.
00:22:30He's really sensitive, though.
00:22:33Fred, I think I might be able to help.
00:22:37What the fuck do you reckon?
00:22:39I'm a nurse back home.
00:22:42Well, come on, let's just see what you're doing.
00:22:52I'm sorry.
00:22:53I'm sorry.
00:22:54I'm sorry.
00:22:55I'm sorry.
00:22:56I'm sorry.
00:22:57I'm sorry.
00:22:58I'm sorry.
00:22:59I'm sorry.
00:23:00I'm sorry.
00:23:01I'm sorry.
00:23:05I'll give you a hand.
00:23:08Can you feel that?
00:23:10Blimey.
00:23:11Isn't that odd all the time?
00:23:13Yeah.
00:23:14Yeah.
00:23:15All I have to do is just, like...
00:23:17Just bend it forwards and...
00:23:19Does it feel any different now?
00:23:22I don't know.
00:23:23It's hard to tell.
00:23:26Linda.
00:23:27Could I just...
00:23:28No, I'm sorry.
00:23:29Come on.
00:23:30Could I ask you a huge favour?
00:23:32It's just...
00:23:34I haven't...
00:23:35It's just...
00:23:36I haven't come since the operation and...
00:23:43You bastard.
00:23:44I knew you were lying.
00:23:45I'm sorry.
00:23:46I'm sorry.
00:23:48Oh.
00:23:58We make a great team.
00:24:00It was like telepathy.
00:24:03Yeah, it was a laugh.
00:24:05Look, them birds was all over you.
00:24:07Why don't you come in on this competition?
00:24:09Brad, I've already told you, mate.
00:24:11I ain't interested.
00:24:12I'd just rather sleep with one girl 20 times than 20 girls once.
00:24:16Well, that's why you've come to Ibiza, is it?
00:24:20Right now, all I want to do is have a laugh.
00:24:24And a threesome.
00:24:25Oh.
00:24:26I have a dream.
00:24:39All right, lads.
00:24:42You can turn that music out, please.
00:24:45I can't hear you, mate. It's too loud.
00:24:56Enough of that fucking shite.
00:24:58Right, listen up.
00:24:59The beach party starts pretty soon,
00:25:01so get yourselves down to the beach and sort yourselves out, all right?
00:25:04And as for you three, I tell you what,
00:25:06I'm going to throw that much fucking beer down your necks
00:25:09at this beach party cos you're going to be so fucking pissed
00:25:12you won't know the difference between Megadeth and the fucking Spice Girls.
00:25:36One point, Bradley. Nice one, son.
00:25:38Well, I'm still in the lead, though, mate, you see.
00:25:40Put me down for a point.
00:25:42Now, what do you think?
00:25:44I don't know, Greg. What do you think?
00:25:46Well, that's much more fun watching him squirm, isn't it?
00:25:48Yeah, absolutely.
00:25:51Oh, come on, Greg. What's the matter with you?
00:25:53Afraid of some serious competition?
00:25:55I'm terrified, mate.
00:25:59Money on me also, and I tell you what,
00:26:01you make a bit of rain, you're on the board.
00:26:03Lorraine?
00:26:06Oh, now, mate, look at her. I swear, she's a nun.
00:26:08I'd have more chance with a lesbian.
00:26:10Oh, well...
00:26:14Just like that image there, you know.
00:26:17So, Lorraine, it is.
00:26:18Get your boots under the bed and you're in.
00:26:36Ah, Patricia, you'll come and play the game, won't you, babe?
00:26:39No. Come on, there's a bottle of wine. I'll even carry you.
00:26:41I'll carry you over. Come on.
00:26:43Come on, we'll go together.
00:26:49He is unbelievable.
00:26:51He thinks he can just snap his fingers
00:26:53and I'll fall back with my legs split open.
00:26:55Yeah, well, Mario's homeless enough.
00:26:57He just wants to win this stupid competition.
00:26:59Competition? Yeah, you know,
00:27:01so he can sleep with as many girls as possible.
00:27:03And you're not?
00:27:05Definitely not.
00:27:07So why are you here, then?
00:27:09Basically, I got shafted on a business deal.
00:27:12Yeah, I lost all my money.
00:27:15I needed to get away.
00:27:18So I'm definitely not here to add notches to my bedposts.
00:27:21So you're saying you don't want to sleep with me?
00:27:24No. Well, yeah, no.
00:27:27Um, look, Patricia, can I take my foot out and start again?
00:27:30Give it your best shot, Mikey.
00:27:32Well, I'm attracted to you, but not in that sort of way.
00:27:35Oh, I get it.
00:27:37You want to get to know the real me,
00:27:39share thoughts about world hunger,
00:27:41become my soul mate in two weeks.
00:27:43Is that it?
00:27:49Shit.
00:27:50Patricia, look, I know I'm making a book of myself
00:27:52and all those things you said, they're all corny and crazy,
00:27:55but the long and short of it is that I do find you attractive.
00:27:58And even though sleeping with you isn't at the top of my agenda,
00:28:01I'd be lying if I said that it hadn't crossed my mind.
00:28:04Oi, Mikey! Get your ass over here!
00:28:18Ah, cheers, Mary, eh?
00:28:20What?
00:28:22We haven't really had a chance to chat, me and you.
00:28:24No, I guess we haven't. Both of you have been a bit busy, eh?
00:28:27Well, it's not because I haven't wanted to.
00:28:30You've caught some sun.
00:28:32Makes you look sexy.
00:28:34Yeah.
00:28:36Compared to most of the girls here, I don't look a right old scrubber.
00:28:39You shouldn't put yourself down.
00:28:41Now, listen.
00:28:43You're a beautiful, beautiful girl.
00:28:50Want some wine?
00:28:52That'd be lovely, babe. Yeah.
00:28:54There you go. Cheers.
00:28:56Cheers.
00:29:00So how are you finding the job? Oh, I love it.
00:29:02You know, I figure a few years as this and graduate up to resort manager
00:29:05and then back to England to work at head office.
00:29:07That's great. Yeah, I really want to make a go of it.
00:29:09You know, I love... You see, Taika...
00:29:11What?
00:29:13I thought, you know...
00:29:15You invited me up here. Yeah, yeah, I know.
00:29:17It's just, er... Well, I like to build up to things.
00:29:20You know, get in the mood.
00:29:22Sure, all right, yeah. No, it's all right. I understand.
00:29:26So is it true what they say about your, er...
00:29:29Absolutely.
00:29:31Would you get it out for me and let me see it?
00:29:33What?
00:29:35Just, you know, let me see it.
00:29:38Yeah, all right.
00:29:50Yeah.
00:29:52Er...
00:29:55Yeah, Mario, I...
00:29:57I want you to sit over there where I can, er...
00:29:59watch you touch yourself.
00:30:01What are you on about? Well, you know,
00:30:03touch yourself. It would really turn me on, watching you.
00:30:06I, er... Well, I'll join in later.
00:30:08Promise.
00:30:11You dirty bitch.
00:30:14You want a piece of me, do you?
00:30:16Yeah.
00:30:18You want a piece of Mario, do you?
00:30:20Oh, I bet you love it dirty, don't you?
00:30:24Dirty and sweaty and scratchy and...
00:30:28Dirty but nice.
00:30:30I'm a paradox. I'm like a... I'm a poet.
00:30:33I'm like, I can run hot and cold. Mario.
00:30:35Hot and cold and soft and hard and... Mario.
00:30:37Mario, there's something else I want you to do for me.
00:30:40Can you put these on?
00:30:45And some masks.
00:30:47Yeah? Like, like a wolf.
00:30:49Oh, Mario. Oh, that's...
00:30:51Oh, no.
00:30:56Oh.
00:30:59You did it.
00:31:01No, you must be kidding.
00:31:03That's what Mama's on. He's out the door like a flash.
00:31:05All right, that's two points for the underwear
00:31:08and one for howling like a dog.
00:31:11Right, who's next?
00:31:17It's a grid I've been thinking, mate.
00:31:19It ain't going to be much of a competition, is it,
00:31:21if we keep scoring points off the same bird?
00:31:23What are you saying?
00:31:25What I'm saying is...
00:31:27is that once she's been done, she's off the board.
00:31:31What, so no-one else can get any more points off her?
00:31:33First one to her gets a go, no second place.
00:31:38That young Bradley's genius, mate. It's him.
00:31:41Of course it's him.
00:31:50Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you all to give three cheers to Greg.
00:31:53He's at the back of the bus there.
00:31:55His wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
00:31:58Absolutely beautiful, he is.
00:32:00Hip, hip...
00:32:01Hooray!
00:32:02Hip, hip...
00:32:03Hooray!
00:32:04Hip, hip...
00:32:05Hooray!
00:32:10Right, we've got hot and cold running women,
00:32:12and you're stuck on this girl who doesn't...
00:32:14You know, excuse me for saying this, mate,
00:32:16really seem all that interested in you.
00:32:18Look, Brad, all I know is I'm not interested in mating a girl
00:32:21who I can't be arsed to talk to in the morning.
00:32:24What's the point?
00:32:25Terrific, clever. Five of you can talk her mate into it.
00:32:49Oh.
00:32:51Sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
00:32:53Take more than that to scare me. What can I do for you?
00:32:56I need a quick word with you. It's a bit delicate.
00:32:58OK, I'll come to my room.
00:33:00I think you do a great job.
00:33:02It must be really tough being a resort manager.
00:33:05Yeah, it can get hard.
00:33:07I've got to go.
00:33:08Bye.
00:33:09Bye.
00:33:10Bye.
00:33:11Bye.
00:33:12Bye.
00:33:13Bye.
00:33:14Bye.
00:33:15Bye.
00:33:16Bye.
00:33:17Yeah, it can get hard.
00:33:19Has something come up?
00:33:21I mean, has anything popped up?
00:33:24What can I do for you, Mario?
00:33:26It's just, erm...
00:33:27All I'll say, it is a bit delicate.
00:33:29Well, I'm probably just imagining it.
00:33:32Sit down.
00:33:35Now, listen, I'm not only your boss, I'm also your friend.
00:33:38Erm...
00:33:40It's Lorraine.
00:33:41Lorraine? What's she done?
00:33:43Well, nothing yet, it's just that she's...
00:33:45She's coming on to me.
00:33:47I just ain't sure what to do.
00:33:49I can have a word with her.
00:33:51Oh, no, no, no, you don't have to do that.
00:33:53I just wanted to make you aware of it, just in case, you know, it gets out of hand.
00:33:57OK, well, if it carries on, make sure you come and see me, all right?
00:34:01Will do.
00:34:02Cheers, Alison.
00:34:12Good-looking and clever.
00:34:15Come on.
00:34:40Stand up, come on, get up.
00:34:41Get up there, girl.
00:34:42Get it up.
00:34:43All right, ladies.
00:34:44Hands up, straight up in the air.
00:34:45Ladies, lean forward a little bit more.
00:34:47Ready?
00:34:49Whoa!
00:34:51Let's give it a go, let's give it a go.
00:34:53Oh, goodness, Brad, tell me, what do you think?
00:34:55Don't get me wrong, you're definitely a four.
00:34:57But, I mean, here, we've got nice...
00:34:59Well, don't worry.
00:35:00Here, we've got nice balance.
00:35:01They're firm, they've got good density.
00:35:03Eye wobblability.
00:35:04And, you know, mate, I really do agree,
00:35:06but I think that your bra impedes movement.
00:35:08I'm going to have to give you 5.6.
00:35:105.6?
00:35:11I can give you better than that.
00:35:13Take that.
00:35:15Oh, that is so much better.
00:35:17The support was definitely swinging things.
00:35:19I'm going to give them...
00:35:20An eight, ladies and gentlemen.
00:35:28How's it going?
00:35:29It's not... I've done every trick in the book here.
00:35:42Oi, you!
00:35:44Four out of ten?
00:35:45That is shocking, that is.
00:35:47I want another go.
00:35:49Well, I'm sorry, Faye,
00:35:50but the judge's decision is final.
00:35:52Do you know what I mean?
00:35:53Anyway, if I touch your tits,
00:35:55your mate's going to get jealous, isn't he?
00:35:57Trudy won't get jealous.
00:35:58Will you, Trudy?
00:35:59Yes.
00:36:01All right, all right.
00:36:02Well...
00:36:04So, I've got both on me,
00:36:06but what's it going to be?
00:36:08Let's go.
00:36:18It's like you've got your hands full, Brad.
00:36:20So you won't be coming to Pasha with the rest of us tonight.
00:36:26Listen, listen, girls,
00:36:27we've just got to go and make sure she's got enough tickets for Pasha, yeah?
00:36:31Just wait, wait, wait.
00:36:33I'm telling you, I've got two of them on me.
00:36:35I'm serious, man.
00:36:36I've walked past them twice, I didn't even look.
00:36:38Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!
00:36:41Brad.
00:36:42Man, them birds are well, I'm afraid.
00:36:43Look at them.
00:36:45Leave her, man.
00:36:46She's a rep, she knows her score.
00:36:47Basically, every day you get a five-point on your hand.
00:36:49Now, where's it? Come on.
00:36:50Oh, shit.
00:36:52Oh, shit.
00:36:53Oh, shit.
00:36:54Oh, shit.
00:36:55Oh, shit.
00:36:56Oh, shit.
00:36:57Oh, shit.
00:36:58Oh, shit.
00:36:59Oh, shit.
00:37:00Oh, shit.
00:37:01Yeah, have a bit of this whizzy.
00:37:02Get a bit.
00:37:06Right, now, get him blathered and do the business. Come on.
00:37:08I'll tell you what, I've got a bit of one here.
00:37:10Except one of these, I'm all right.
00:37:12Well, come on, what's the matter with you?
00:37:14Well, I've never done it before, have I?
00:37:15You what?
00:37:17Yeezy's having it, hasn't he?
00:37:18No, I just never really fancied it, that's all.
00:37:20It's just, no-one knows what they do to you, do they?
00:37:22Greg, Greg, trust me on this one, mate.
00:37:24Whizzy's much worse for you.
00:37:25And booze, booze just fucks up your brain, your liver, kidneys, spleen, the lot.
00:37:29The whole body is like one big fucking erogenous zone.
00:37:32You can't come, but when you do...
00:37:36It's not going to make me a skit or anything, is it?
00:37:38No, look, I'll tell you what, look, take half.
00:37:40If you like it, have another half later.
00:37:42What was that bit about the sex again?
00:37:44Yeah?
00:37:45Yeah.
00:37:46Yeah.
00:37:47Come on.
00:37:48Come on, pop it, come on, let's have it.
00:37:49Fuck it.
00:37:50Let's have it.
00:37:51I've been wanting to do it for ages, anyway.
00:37:53Come on, let's have it.
00:37:54Come on, let's have it!
00:37:59Yeah, Greg, Lorraine's in the bag, mate.
00:38:01What?
00:38:02That's right, I pulled her last night.
00:38:03Barlow?
00:38:04No, straight up.
00:38:05I'm going to need more evidence than that, mate.
00:38:07Sorry.
00:38:08All right, wait here.
00:38:19Yeah, Lorraine, Lorraine, come and dance.
00:38:21Come on.
00:38:28Yeah, love it.
00:38:58Come on.
00:39:29Oh, ouch, oh, I felt that.
00:39:31It's amazing the number of people who catch themselves on the edge there.
00:39:35How's your head?
00:39:36I've never had any complaints, will you tell me?
00:39:38Now I'm worried.
00:39:41Oh.
00:39:42Oh.
00:39:44Oh, yeah, oh, that's good.
00:39:46Oh, that, oh.
00:39:48Oh, oof, that is good.
00:39:50Oh, that's good.
00:39:51Oh, that's good.
00:39:52Oh, that's good.
00:39:53Oh, that's good.
00:39:54Oh, that's good.
00:39:55Oh, that's good.
00:39:56Oh, that's good.
00:39:57Oh, oof, that is good.
00:39:59That's got 150 pesetas per person written all over it, baby.
00:40:04250.
00:40:05Mikey, there you are.
00:40:08What are you doing?
00:40:10Not wimping out, are we?
00:40:11No, I was, um, just learning about negotiating skills.
00:40:15All work and no play makes Mikey play.
00:40:20How does that make Mikey?
00:40:22Oh, confused.
00:40:25Nervous.
00:40:27You don't have to be nervous, Mikey.
00:40:29Not with me.
00:40:31Come on, let's take a walk.
00:40:35Five.
00:40:36Ah, 175, I can't go any higher.
00:40:38Ah!
00:40:40It's just a shame I've got to be the next one in a few minutes.
00:40:44Pay me 200.
00:40:46Final offer, 200 pesetas for every client I bring in.
00:40:49Clear down to that.
00:40:51And you know how much I like going down.
00:40:54Yeah, yeah.
00:40:55Oh, come on, baby, come on.
00:40:57Oh, it's so good.
00:40:58Oh, yeah.
00:40:59200 pesetas per person.
00:41:03He was just getting too possessive.
00:41:05Thought he owned me.
00:41:07How long's it since he split?
00:41:08A month.
00:41:09I mean, it was hard, but...
00:41:11Well, sometimes when the soul of a relationship dies,
00:41:13you've just got to let it go.
00:41:15You know, you are so right.
00:41:17Sometimes you just have to move on.
00:41:20Do something out of character.
00:41:26Come on, let's go in.
00:41:46I booked this holiday at the last minute,
00:41:49so I didn't know what to expect.
00:41:51When I first got here, I wanted to leave.
00:41:54How do you feel now?
00:41:56I've put stuff on you.
00:41:58Now I don't want to leave.
00:42:01Well, sometimes the things you least expect
00:42:04work out for the best.
00:42:06Oh, I hope so.
00:42:11Listen, I need some more speed, mate.
00:42:15Lorraine, Lorraine, listen,
00:42:17make sure you come and see me first thing in the morning, OK?
00:42:19What about?
00:42:21I heard a shit and I got the best start I've ever had.
00:42:24Yeah, I approve of you, mate, I approve of you.
00:42:26But look, I need that speed, I ain't got much time.
00:42:28Time? What?
00:42:30It's time, bro.
00:42:31You know what I mean?
00:42:32This isn't a rehearsal, you know?
00:42:33You have to make time.
00:42:34I know, I know, I know that,
00:42:35but what I'm saying to you is, look, look,
00:42:37I've got 20 minutes to get to my point.
00:42:39I really need that speed, just a minute.
00:42:41You're a top, man.
00:42:42No, see, yeah, listen, listen,
00:42:44you, you are a top walker.
00:42:46You know that, bro?
00:42:47You are.
00:42:48You and me are going to have a fucking blinding season out here.
00:42:50Do you know why?
00:42:51It's you, right?
00:42:52You're someone I can trust.
00:42:54Yeah.
00:42:55You are.
00:42:56Yeah.
00:42:57I mean, look, look, it's the fucking moon.
00:43:00I mean, isn't it amazing here, I mean, this island?
00:43:03I mean, it's sort of mystical and sort of spiritual in a way, you know?
00:43:08And the island's been here for millions and millions of years
00:43:12before we even existed.
00:43:14So, you know, just sat there like a...
00:43:16No, here, sat there like a rock, you know,
00:43:18just there in the middle of the ocean of change.
00:43:21Don't I make you think?
00:43:23What about the birds?
00:43:24Birds!
00:43:25I could only wait for it all the time.
00:43:27Just love it when you get fat ones,
00:43:29you get thin ones, short and long ones.
00:43:31It's just fucking mental.
00:43:33Listen, when do you think I should have the other half?
00:43:35Well...
00:43:36Don't!
00:43:41SHE SCREAMS
00:43:42Oh, my God!
00:43:44Don't worry, don't worry.
00:43:49That way, that way.
00:43:59We're going to be there.
00:44:13We're supposed to park!
00:44:16No, no, no. Let's go, let's go.
00:44:37There she goes. Out like a light.
00:44:39It's all right, cos, you know, we can wake her, can't we?
00:44:42No, you've got better chance of waking the dead.
00:44:45And if she's asleep, you can count me out.
00:44:47What? What do you mean?
00:44:49We only do this for the crack.
00:44:51I'm not into one-on-ones, we only do threesomes.
00:44:53Well, what did you tell me that for? Now, this is never going to go away, is it?
00:44:56Oh, don't worry, we'll just talk or something instead.
00:44:58This really reminds me of this time we went to a club.
00:45:00Me and all my mates. It was a really good club.
00:45:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:45:03All right, all right, that's enough of that.
00:45:05Let me tell you about this club. Really nice inside.
00:45:08Bit dodgy on the outside, but it was OK.
00:45:10I went with my mate Mandy.
00:45:12And my mate Mandy, every time she comes out,
00:45:15it's just like, we just get wasted every time.
00:45:18OK, just to kiss them.
00:45:20Let me tell you about Mandy first.
00:45:22For fuck's sake!
00:45:23I said to her, you can't mix your drinks.
00:45:25So what does the divvy girl go and do?
00:45:27She has a diamond white and white wine.
00:45:29I said, you can't mix them. She's like, why not? They're both white.
00:45:32Listen, listen, I'm sitting here with a raging hard-on, right?
00:45:35And all you can do is rabbit on about the drinking preferences
00:45:38of one of your divvy mates.
00:45:40She ain't divvy.
00:45:41Well, yeah.
00:45:42Oh, she is, actually.
00:45:44I remember when I met her, it was at the school.
00:45:46No, actually, I don't think it was.
00:45:48Oh, look, can we do something about this, please?
00:45:52Because it's just getting quite painful, do you know what I mean?
00:45:55You men are so pathetic, once the blood drains from your head.
00:45:58If you're getting that desperate, I don't know,
00:46:00why don't you cut Trudy's back or something?
00:46:02What the hell is this, Sandra?
00:46:32MUSIC
00:46:39KNOCKING
00:46:41Alison, it's Lorraine.
00:46:50KNOCKING
00:46:51OK.
00:46:56KNOCKING
00:46:57Alison?
00:46:58OK!
00:47:02DOOR OPENS
00:47:08Oh.
00:47:12I heard she stays.
00:47:18Sit down.
00:47:26I hope you realise you've not only shown yourself,
00:47:28but also the company.
00:47:29I'm sorry?
00:47:32What made you think someone like Mario's going to see anything in someone like you?
00:47:35What are you talking about?
00:47:36Last night, Lorraine, everyone saw you.
00:47:38Saw me what?
00:47:39I'd say, Lorraine, it'd be so much easier if you'd just told the truth.
00:47:41You were kissing him.
00:47:42No, no, no, I didn't kiss Mario.
00:47:44You look that way to me.
00:47:45I think he's a creep, Alison, I wouldn't go near him.
00:47:47Listen, love, I understand he's a good-looking bloke
00:47:49and someone like you's going to fall for him.
00:47:51I mean, he even told me.
00:47:52Told you?
00:47:53Tell me, what's the fucking bastard been saying about me?
00:47:55That fucking bastard, Lorraine, defended you.
00:47:58He told me you were coming on to him, and I believe him.
00:48:01Coming on to him?
00:48:02No, I don't believe this.
00:48:03Look, can we just get Mario up here, Alison?
00:48:05Listen, love, I've thought about this long and hard,
00:48:07and I'm going to have to let you go.
00:48:08What?
00:48:09You know the rules about fraternising with other reps.
00:48:10It leads to bad feelings and undermines working as a team.
00:48:15You bitch.
00:48:16What?
00:48:17You don't give a clue.
00:48:18I mean, you only care about the holiday, mate,
00:48:19because you just want to stuff as much money into your own pockets as you can.
00:48:21You make me fucking sick, Alison.
00:48:31You all right?
00:48:33You all right?
00:48:36I'm a good rep, aren't I?
00:48:38Yes.
00:48:40Alison, don't seem to think so.
00:48:44What? Why?
00:48:47She just sacked me, Brad.
00:48:50What's going on?
00:48:52She thinks I've been coming on to Mario, and I ain't.
00:48:55I told her, but she wouldn't listen to me.
00:48:57Look, this is ridiculous.
00:48:59Look, you know what she's like.
00:49:00Let's go and sort it out. Come on.
00:49:01No, Brad, no, I've got to go.
00:49:02It's no good.
00:49:18KNOCK AT DOOR
00:49:19Mario, it's Alison.
00:49:20Yeah, hang on a second.
00:49:29KNOCK AT DOOR
00:49:38OK.
00:49:50I thought I'd let you know I've let Lorraine go.
00:49:53Shit.
00:49:55That's terrible.
00:49:56Mario, don't blame yourself. It had to be done.
00:49:58I know someone like you's going to feel bad about it,
00:50:00but it's my decision, so just try and forget it, OK?
00:50:02Do you think the other reps are going to take it badly?
00:50:04I don't care what the other reps think. I'm in charge.
00:50:06I really admire you, Alison.
00:50:08Well, that's a tough fucking job, keeping everything running so well.
00:50:11Shit.
00:50:14If anyone finds out about this,
00:50:16I'll deny it and sack you.
00:50:21And this does not go on the score sheet.
00:50:29Shit.
00:50:34Would you like to experiment, Mario?
00:50:36Yeah, babe, anything you want.
00:50:49Ow! Ow!
00:50:53All right, boys?
00:50:55Someone died.
00:50:56Lorraine's been sacked.
00:50:58What's she done?
00:50:59Apparently, she was coming up to Mario in a bar.
00:51:02Oh, no, fuck!
00:51:04No, that wasn't supposed to happen.
00:51:06What? What wasn't supposed to happen?
00:51:08It's Lorraine's fucking scumbag. He's taking the piss out of her.
00:51:10And if you're taking the piss out yourself,
00:51:12if you get sacked, I'm going to let you chill out.
00:51:14If you do Mario over now, forget getting fired.
00:51:17You might even end up in a knick-knack.
00:51:20Come on, Sam.
00:51:21It just keeps winding me up.
00:51:23But you're right.
00:51:25It's better to hit him where it hurts most.
00:51:27Pick your time.
00:51:29Pick your moment.
00:51:53Greg! Greg!
00:51:55Um, you know he said that yoghurt was a good cure for some, but...
00:51:58Yeah, I'd love for some relief, yeah.
00:52:00Does it matter what flavour you get?
00:52:02Well, natural's usually the best.
00:52:04Oh, shit. I hate natural yoghurt.
00:52:06You're not supposed to eat it.
00:52:08What are you supposed to do with it?
00:52:10You're supposed to rub it round your balls and your armpits, aren't you?
00:52:13All right, leave him alone, you twat.
00:52:15Don't listen to him, Nick. He's winding you up again.
00:52:19Here's a ticket for you. Friday night, Eden.
00:52:21It's going to be a good night. You've got to get there early, get some drinks in.
00:52:24This one for you. Ticket for you.
00:52:27I hope you realise it's a criminal offence to impersonate a YF&S rep.
00:52:31And what gave me away? A talk without drooling?
00:52:33That and the fact that you're far too ugly to work for us.
00:52:36Well, I swapped sides.
00:52:39What?
00:52:40Nothing, nothing. I'm just...
00:52:41I'm just seeing what images come to mind with that phrase.
00:52:43Heather set it up.
00:52:45They needed someone in a hurry to replace Lorraine
00:52:47and, frankly, I was bored with dealing with snotty-nosed kids
00:52:49and calling out bingo numbers every Wednesday night.
00:52:51Well, are you trained?
00:52:53Yeah, I can fart the national anthem and vomit over three feet.
00:52:57With you, darling, any bodily fluid is more than welcome.
00:53:05Hey, Mikey.
00:53:09Thanks.
00:53:11Dear Mikey,
00:53:13Dear Mikey,
00:53:14Seems so long since I saw you.
00:53:17What we had was great and you'll always be a friend,
00:53:19but Geoff really needs me.
00:53:22I'm so confused, but I think I have to give it another try.
00:53:27Honest.
00:53:43Mike, you all right, mate?
00:53:46Is that a pleasant surprise, or are you genuinely interested?
00:53:50What's the matter with you?
00:53:54Facts, and it is so cold.
00:53:56That redhead you've been mooning over, don't you, has she?
00:53:58Not much of a boyfriend?
00:53:59Yeah.
00:54:00Well, I've got to go.
00:54:01Bye.
00:54:02Bye.
00:54:03Bye.
00:54:04Bye.
00:54:05Bye.
00:54:06Bye.
00:54:07Bye.
00:54:08Bye.
00:54:09Bye.
00:54:10Is that your boyfriend?
00:54:11Yeah.
00:54:13Let me guess.
00:54:14What we had together was special, yada-da-da,
00:54:16but my boyfriend's changed, yada-da-da.
00:54:18He really loves me, but we can still be friends.
00:54:20Good night, Vienno.
00:54:21How do you work that out?
00:54:22Well, it happened to me my first month.
00:54:24I mean, we work here.
00:54:25We get blasé about Ibiza.
00:54:27And for the majority of Brits,
00:54:28it's a million miles away from their real world.
00:54:30I mean, sure, while they're here, it seems like love will find a way,
00:54:33but at the end of the day, they go on.
00:54:35Back to their normal lives, you know.
00:54:37And when they think about what they've done
00:54:39to the people they've turned into on holiday,
00:54:41it scares the fucking shit out of them.
00:54:43All they want to do is scurry back to their little comfort zones,
00:54:46and if that includes an old boyfriend, it's tough titty, mate.
00:54:49That's pretty deep for you, Greg.
00:54:51Yeah, well, don't go telling anyone.
00:54:53I've got a reputation to protect.
00:54:55Anyway, come on.
00:54:56The season's still young.
00:54:57Plenty more points to be had and all that.
00:54:59Yep, Calum.
00:55:00I'm going to put you down for a pint, mate.
00:55:02Well, you'd better make that two.
00:55:04Oh!
00:55:05You dirty old man.
00:55:07Anyway, look, check this out.
00:55:09This is going to cheer you up, I guarantee you.
00:55:11Mary'll be lucky to get a shag off her blow-up doll, won't she?
00:55:14LAUGHTER
00:55:37KNOCK AT DOOR
00:55:38Mary up.
00:56:08DOOR OPENS
00:56:10DOOR CLOSES
00:56:21Two seconds.
00:56:38SIGHS
00:56:51You're the man.
00:56:53You're the big man.
00:56:58You're the best.
00:57:01You're the best!
00:57:03Mary, hurry up!
00:57:05Yeah, I'm in a minute, bye.
00:57:27Oh, it's so nice.
00:57:31Oh, yeah.
00:57:32I'll bury this bone.
00:57:34Argh!
00:57:36GRUNTS
00:57:40Is that it?
00:57:42Yeah.
00:57:43Just get your knickers on and get out.
00:57:47Bastard.
00:57:48I'd more have fun just sat on a washing machine.
00:57:50Shut up, you wanker.
00:57:52Come on, get out, sling it.
00:57:54Come on, back up, I've got to get moving.
00:57:56Come on!
00:58:05SIGHS
00:58:20SIGHS
00:58:22SIGHS
00:58:33BUZZER
00:58:42BUZZER
00:58:52BUZZER
00:59:06BUZZER
00:59:08BUZZER
00:59:23SCREAMS
00:59:34Bikini lion needs doing.
00:59:36Willy needs extending.
00:59:39Here, Brad, look.
00:59:46All right, listen up, everyone.
00:59:48OK, everyone that's going on the Boogie Nights Pornstar Party,
00:59:52can you just gather round?
00:59:54I need to check your names off.
00:59:56Now, anyone that needs to be sorted out with 70s clothes and wigs
01:00:00can give your names to me now.
01:00:02So, count to me. Argh!
01:00:05LAUGHTER
01:00:07Woo-hoo-hoo!
01:00:10LAUGHTER
01:00:19There's your hanging rope.
01:00:22SIGHS
01:00:32LAUGHTER
01:00:51Well, boys, this competition's proven too easy for me.
01:00:54So I thought I'd give you two losers a chance to catch up.
01:00:57Yes, certainly.
01:00:58Well, I've got a new competition.
01:01:00Why don't we get ten bonus points for going a wig without a shag?
01:01:03Don't you think that'd be a lot harder?
01:01:05Blasphemer! No.
01:01:07Now, what I thought we could do is have, like, a phrase of the week.
01:01:10Now, when you shag a bird, you get the bird to say it while you, you know, jury.
01:01:14What sort of phrase?
01:01:16Well, I thought we could start with fluffy flops.
01:01:19What?
01:01:20Fluffy flops, you know.
01:01:22It doesn't matter how you get her to say it,
01:01:24as long as you don't mention the competition, all right?
01:01:27Fluffy flops, yeah.
01:01:30Greg, you're proving to be the sickest man I know.
01:01:32Cheers, mate.
01:01:33Woo-hoo!
01:01:36Right, that's after three.
01:01:37I want to see these points disappear, all right?
01:01:39One, two, three.
01:01:41Come on, boys, give them Daniel.
01:01:43Give them Daniel.
01:01:48No, you don't.
01:01:49No, you don't.
01:01:50No, you don't.
01:01:51Come on, boys.
01:01:52Come on, boys.
01:01:53You can do it, boys.
01:01:54I'll do it.
01:01:55I'll do it.
01:01:56I'll do it.
01:01:57I can do it.
01:01:58I can do it.
01:01:59You can do it.
01:02:00I can do it.
01:02:01I can do it.
01:02:02You can do it.
01:02:03Come on, boys.
01:02:04Right, listen up, everybody. Tonight we are going to Eden, which is one of the maddest,
01:02:15baddest, loudest off-your-head clubs in Ibiza, and it is going to be a large one. So, if
01:02:20you haven't got a ticket, shake your stuff over to me.
01:02:27I think he's had enough.
01:02:36Brad, what are you doing?
01:02:41He's had enough.
01:02:42And who are you, his mother?
01:02:44No.
01:02:45Listen, I don't want to hear it. Your job is to make sure these clients have a good time
01:02:48and buy a lot of drinks. Jamie!
01:02:49Where's my ticket?
01:02:50Do you think I should?
01:02:51It's all right. I'll look after her. You can cancel that.
01:02:52You all right? You good?
01:02:53Yeah.
01:02:54Hello, darling.
01:02:55Hello, boys.
01:02:56You all right, chickens?
01:02:57Hello.
01:02:58Yeah, you all right?
01:02:59Now, they are fit. Are they coming to Eden tonight?
01:03:00Probably.
01:03:01Are you all right?
01:03:02Yeah.
01:03:03You all right?
01:03:04Yeah.
01:03:05You all right?
01:03:06Yeah.
01:03:07You all right?
01:03:08Yeah.
01:03:09You all right?
01:03:10Yeah.
01:03:11You all right?
01:03:12Yeah.
01:03:13You all right?
01:03:14Yeah.
01:03:15You all right?
01:03:16Yeah.
01:03:17All right.
01:03:18You all right?
01:03:19Yeah.
01:03:20You all right?
01:03:21Yeah.
01:03:22You all right?
01:03:23Yeah.
01:03:24You all right, ladies?
01:03:25Yeah.
01:03:26Probably.
01:03:27Are you up for it?
01:03:28Up for it?
01:03:29Listen, lovers, I've just had a pacemaker fitted, right?
01:03:30This could be my last ever holiday, so believe me, I am up for anything.
01:03:31See you later.
01:03:32Now, that's got to be worth a bonus point.
01:03:39Come on!
01:04:04You all right?
01:04:05Yeah, I am, mate.
01:04:06This club is fantastic, and the beats are great, man.
01:04:09You're the fucking best.
01:04:11Right, listen, listen.
01:04:12We're going to go sit down.
01:04:13We're going to go over here.
01:04:14Come and follow me, yeah?
01:04:15Yeah, yeah.
01:04:23What's that?
01:04:24What's that?
01:04:25No, it's just a drop of water.
01:04:26Have a little drop of water.
01:04:28Then we're going to have a little dance.
01:04:29Get with the Polar Cups and Birds, yeah?
01:04:37You're the best.
01:04:37I've been so nice to you.
01:04:39You're a batter!
01:04:40You're a bat.
01:04:50GHB!
01:04:51It's wicked, man.
01:04:52It's liquid ecstasy.
01:04:54Share it out, then.
01:04:56Yeah!
01:04:58Come on, get your work out.
01:05:02Get in the air, violently, get on.
01:05:03One, two, three, four.
01:05:05straight, straight, straight, straight, straight.
01:05:08Yea!
01:05:09Come on, come on!
01:05:11Let's dance!
01:05:12Come on!
01:05:13Come on!
01:05:14Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
01:05:21oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:05:26So, what do you think of Brad?
01:05:29Yeah, he's a louse.
01:05:31Don't you fancy him, then?
01:05:32Brad?
01:05:33No.
01:05:34No, we're just good mates.
01:05:37Why are you asking me?
01:05:38Well, you and him are pretty tight.
01:05:40I thought that maybe...
01:05:41No, no.
01:05:43He's too much of a boy, if you know what I mean.
01:05:45He's a sweetie, though. I don't give a damn.
01:05:49The only thing he cares about is winning that competition.
01:06:01She's pretty cool, isn't she?
01:06:04Who?
01:06:05Mother Teresa. Who do you think?
01:06:07Carmen.
01:06:08Yeah, yeah. She's a good laugh, yeah.
01:06:10So you like her, then?
01:06:11No, I really thought about it, you know.
01:06:13Anyway, you can't screw the crew.
01:06:15You know something, mate? You two are so into each other, you can't see past your noses.
01:06:18We're just good friends.
01:06:20You don't screw friends, right?
01:06:22You want to know what it is, mate?
01:06:24Okay, Dr. Freud, enlighten me.
01:06:26She stimulates this, and not just this.
01:06:29Bollocks.
01:06:31Truth is, we're just good friends.
01:06:33Whoever laughed, end of story.
01:06:35Well, I ain't got many mates that give me a 24-hour boner, that's for sure.
01:06:40And I thought I really meant something to you.
01:07:02I love you.
01:07:03I love you.
01:07:04I love you.
01:07:05I love you.
01:07:06I love you.
01:07:07I love you.
01:07:08I love you.
01:07:09I love you.
01:07:10I love you.
01:07:11I love you.
01:07:12I love you.
01:07:13I love you.
01:07:14I love you.
01:07:15I love you.
01:07:16I love you.
01:07:17I love you.
01:07:18I love you.
01:07:19I love you.
01:07:20I love you.
01:07:21I love you.
01:07:22I love you.
01:07:23I love you.
01:07:24I love you.
01:07:25I love you.
01:07:26I love you.
01:07:27I love you.
01:07:28I love you.
01:07:29I love you.
01:07:30I love you.
01:07:31I love you.
01:07:32I love you.
01:07:33I love you.
01:07:34I love you.
01:07:35I love you.
01:07:36I love you.
01:07:37I love you.
01:07:38I love you.
01:07:39I love you.
01:07:40I love you.
01:07:41I love you.
01:07:42I love you.
01:07:43I love you.
01:07:44I love you.
01:07:45I love you.
01:07:46I love you.
01:07:47I love you.
01:07:48I love you.
01:07:49I love you.
01:07:50I love you.
01:07:51I love you.
01:07:52I love you.
01:07:53I love you.
01:07:54I love you.
01:07:55I love you.
01:07:56I love you.
01:07:57I love you.
01:07:58I love you.
01:07:59I love you.
01:08:00I love you.
01:08:01I love you.
01:08:02I love you.
01:08:03I love you.
01:08:04I love you.
01:08:05I love you.
01:08:06I love you.
01:08:07I love you.
01:08:08I love you.
01:08:09I love you.
01:08:10I love you.
01:08:11I love you.
01:08:12I love you.
01:08:13I love you.
01:08:14I love you.
01:08:15I love you.
01:08:16I love you.
01:08:17I love you.
01:08:18I love you.
01:08:19I love you.
01:08:20I love you.
01:08:21I love you.
01:08:22I love you.
01:08:23I love you.
01:08:24I love you.
01:08:25I love you.
01:08:26I love you.
01:08:27I love you.
01:08:28I love you.
01:08:29I love you.
01:08:30I love you.
01:08:31I love you.
01:08:32I love you.
01:08:33I love you.
01:08:34I love you.
01:08:35I love you.
01:08:36I love you.
01:08:37I love you.
01:08:38I love you.
01:08:39I love you.
01:08:40I love you.
01:08:41I love you.
01:08:42I love you.
01:08:43I love you.
01:08:44I love you.
01:08:45I love you.
01:08:46I love you.
01:08:47I love you.
01:08:48I love you.
01:08:49I love you.
01:08:50I love you.
01:08:51I love you.
01:08:52I love you.
01:08:53I love you.
01:08:54I love you.
01:08:55I love you.
01:08:56I love you.
01:08:57I love you.
01:08:58I love you.
01:08:59I love you.
01:09:00I love you.
01:09:01I love you.
01:09:02I love you.
01:09:03I love you.
01:09:04I love you.
01:09:05I love you.
01:09:06I love you.
01:09:07I love you.
01:09:08I love you.
01:09:09I love you.
01:09:10I love you.
01:09:11I love you.
01:09:12I love you.
01:09:13I love you.
01:09:14I love you.
01:09:15I love you.
01:09:16I love you.
01:09:17I love you.
01:09:18I love you.
01:09:19I love you.
01:09:20I love you.
01:09:21I love you.
01:09:22I love you.
01:09:23I love you.
01:09:24I love you.
01:09:25I love you.
01:09:26I love you.
01:09:27I love you.
01:09:28I love you.
01:09:29I love you.
01:09:30I love you.
01:09:31I love you.
01:09:32I love you.
01:09:33I love you.
01:09:34I love you.
01:09:35I love you.
01:09:36I love you.
01:09:37I love you.
01:09:38I love you.
01:09:39I love you.
01:09:40I love you.
01:09:41I love you.
01:09:42I love you.
01:09:43I love you.
01:09:44I love you.
01:09:45I love you.
01:09:46I love you.
01:09:47I love you.
01:09:48I love you.
01:09:49I love you.
01:09:50I love you.
01:09:51I love you.
01:09:52I love you.
01:09:53I love you.
01:09:54I love you.
01:09:55I love you.
01:09:56I love you.
01:09:57I love you.
01:09:58I love you.
01:09:59I love you.
01:10:00I love you.
01:10:01I love you.
01:10:02I love you.
01:10:03I love you.
01:10:04I love you.
01:10:05I love you.
01:10:06I love you.
01:10:07I love you.
01:10:08I love you.
01:10:09I love you.
01:10:10I love you.
01:10:11I love you.
01:10:12I love you.
01:10:13I love you.
01:10:14I love you.
01:10:15I love you.
01:10:16I love you.
01:10:17I love you.
01:10:18I love you.
01:10:19I love you.
01:10:20I love you.
01:10:21I love you.
01:10:22I love you.
01:10:23I love you.
01:10:24I love you.
01:10:25I love you.
01:10:26I love you.
01:10:27I love you.
01:10:28I love you.
01:10:29I love you.
01:10:30I love you.
01:10:31I love you.
01:10:32I love you.
01:10:33I love you.
01:10:34I love you.
01:10:35I love you.
01:10:36I love you.
01:10:37I love you.
01:10:38I love you.
01:10:39I love you.
01:10:40I love you.
01:10:41I love you.
01:10:42I love you.
01:10:43I love you.
01:10:44I love you.
01:10:45I love you.
01:10:46I love you.
01:10:47I love you.
01:10:48I love you.
01:10:49I love you.
01:10:50I love you.
01:10:51I love you.
01:10:52I love you.
01:10:54Muchos gracias.
01:10:58I'm going to be as soon as I can.
01:11:09This our room?
01:11:10Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it is, yeah.
01:11:14Hiya, what are you two doing here?
01:11:17You alright?
01:11:19Oh fuck no.
01:11:20I feel terrible.
01:11:22God, I hope I didn't do anything bad last night.
01:11:24You don't remember?
01:11:26Er, I was just going out for a drink and then, er...
01:11:31I thought I did that stuff.
01:11:35Oh, shit!
01:11:36Shit!
01:11:37Don't worry about it, mate. Don't worry.
01:11:39Cos no-one else will remember nothing anyway, will they?
01:11:41No. Oh, God, I hope not.
01:11:43I couldn't look him in the face.
01:11:46I'll tell you what, you don't worry yourself,
01:11:48but try taking it a little bit easier next time, yeah?
01:11:50Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.
01:11:53All right. Yeah, yeah. Cheers.
01:11:55See you later, mate. See you later. Yeah.
01:12:03Fuck, mate, it's just getting well out of hand.
01:12:05Oh, it's still going to be two points, though, huh?
01:12:08It's the ambulance, bruv.
01:12:10It's two fucking points, bruv.
01:12:12Er, can you go away? Er, it's a false alarm.
01:12:15Sorry, um, you're not needed.
01:12:19No, no, no, you're not needed, OK?
01:12:21All right.
01:12:25What's happened?
01:12:30What is it? What's going on?
01:12:39What's happened? What's...
01:12:49Oh, shit.
01:12:51Shit.
01:12:53We found him in his room.
01:12:55He had checked his own wallet.
01:12:59I tried to get him to go home.
01:13:01It's not your fault.
01:13:03I told him to stop, I swear.
01:13:05It's just so messed up.
01:13:11Are you happy now?
01:13:13I haven't got time for this, Brad.
01:13:15What, like you didn't have time for me last night?
01:13:17I told you them boys had had enough.
01:13:19Listen, I've had head office on the phone all day.
01:13:21The parents might sue us.
01:13:23Well, I hope you realise that in my report
01:13:25I'll be telling them you made me get him so drunk.
01:13:27I don't know what you're talking about.
01:13:29I don't know what you're talking about.
01:13:31I don't know what you're talking about.
01:13:33I hope you realise that in my report
01:13:35I'll be telling them you made me get him so drunk
01:13:37he couldn't stand up.
01:13:39Oh, really?
01:13:41Well, newsflash, Brad, what you do as a rep in your hotel
01:13:43is down to you.
01:13:45And if you go out and state a company policy...
01:13:47Don't you care that a boy's dead
01:13:49because you forced me to pump him so full of booze
01:13:51just so you could get your little brand envelope.
01:13:53I'll make this simple for you.
01:13:55If you go to head office with allegations about me
01:13:57you can't prove and your arse is going to be on the next plane home,
01:13:59you want to keep your job, shut this
01:14:01up.
01:14:07Listen, listen, me and Mikey have got a jeep.
01:14:09Let's go and get you away from this madness for a bit.
01:14:11Come on.
01:14:13She's going to damp it all on me, I know it.
01:14:15We have to stop her.
01:14:17We?
01:14:19No, no, I've told you, mate, I don't give a toss what she does.
01:14:21I do my job, I suggest you do yours.
01:14:23We'll report her to head office.
01:14:25Yes, and we will all get fired.
01:14:27But Alison can tell what the fuck she likes in head office.
01:14:29Forget it, we're having a laugh at her and you want to screw her up.
01:14:31Well, she'd rather fuck to bed until someone else does.
01:14:33What am I, a mug?
01:14:35All this just ain't worth it anymore.
01:14:39Hey, guys, listen up.
01:14:41Alison's way too greedy not to write it all down in a book.
01:14:43Who owes what,
01:14:45who pays for what.
01:14:47All we've got to do is find that book.
01:14:49She probably keeps it in a safety deposit box at the hotel.
01:14:51And I've seen the key.
01:14:53So where's it round her neck?
01:14:55Right, so we just cut her head off and we're sorted.
01:14:57We're going straight at Alison, she's going to smell it a mile off.
01:14:59You've got to be smart.
01:15:01Greg, I need you in on this, mate.
01:15:03For fuck's sake, yes.
01:15:05What do you want to do?
01:15:09Just got to find her weak spot.
01:15:11One thing she just can't resist.
01:15:27I reckon one of us can do them both here, mate.
01:15:29You think?
01:15:31Yeah, I've just got this feeling about me, you know what I mean?
01:15:33I'm hardly ever wrong.
01:15:35Oh, God, come on, Greg, mate.
01:15:37Let me have this one.
01:15:39I don't know, mate, Jesus.
01:15:41Oh, come on.
01:15:43All right, yeah, but it's going to cost you big time, I'm telling you.
01:15:47Ladies, I'm afraid I've got to head back.
01:15:49Oh, no.
01:15:51I thought you was going to walk us home.
01:15:53Yeah, well, I'm sure Mario here will be happy to advise.
01:15:55No problem at all.
01:16:25Oh, God.
01:16:55Hey!
01:16:57Get it off, Tom!
01:17:05I like that one bit
01:17:07when the first geezer starts going down on you.
01:17:09He knew they were blokes.
01:17:11Come on, look, look.
01:17:13He was just curious.
01:17:15Mario, we understand.
01:17:17Yeah, mate, and it's a shame, really,
01:17:19cos, you know, I doubled and a couple of bullet holes
01:17:21could have got you some nice points.
01:17:23I ain't a fucking puff.
01:17:25Look, it's just that, you know, some people aren't as open-minded as us.
01:17:27That's all, it's just...
01:17:29One word, mate, and people might think
01:17:31that you're a stark raving queen.
01:17:33I tell you what we could do, we could make copies, you know,
01:17:35for his family, and we could send it to him.
01:17:37OK, all right, I'll do it.
01:17:39Two conditions.
01:17:41Yeah?
01:17:43One, you give me that tape now.
01:17:45Yeah?
01:17:53Ah!
01:18:05Fucking hell, it's Mikey!
01:18:17What's going on?
01:18:19That's Steph, that is.
01:18:21Alison, you've got two ears and a mouth,
01:18:23why not try using them in that ratio?
01:18:25I'll have your fucking job for this.
01:18:27I don't say these things to win arguments, Alison.
01:18:29I say them to help you.
01:18:31All these names with money next to them,
01:18:33what can they mean?
01:18:35It means that you're standing up to your ears in shit,
01:18:37so you'd better not go making waves.
01:18:39So, Mario's not the only one getting shafted tonight.
01:18:43So, shut up...
01:18:45and listen.
01:18:47And one day you might be in this position as well.
01:18:49Well, it is your investigation
01:18:51and I've found that I must have made a mistake.
01:18:55No, I can deal with it here.
01:18:57No.
01:18:59No, Brad is outstanding.
01:19:03Yeah, I couldn't believe it, either.
01:19:05Yeah, I'll get it all straightened out, no problems.
01:19:07Bye.
01:19:09You keep off everybody's backs till the end of the season.
01:19:11You give everybody a good rip-off,
01:19:13and I'll give everybody a good rip-off.
01:19:15You give everybody a good rip-off,
01:19:19and I'll give you back your cash
01:19:21and your little book.
01:19:25Oh, yeah,
01:19:27and, um,
01:19:29there's just one more little thing.
01:19:31Right.
01:19:33Right.
01:19:35Come.
01:19:37We had a chance to talk
01:19:39about the other night.
01:19:41What about it?
01:19:43We're in the club.
01:19:45You know, when we...
01:19:47Oh, that, that.
01:19:49It's just the chemicals, right?
01:19:51Was it?
01:19:53Yeah, I was flying.
01:19:55Yeah, I was flying.
01:19:57Yeah, I was flying.
01:19:59Was it?
01:20:01Yeah, I was flying.
01:20:03Yeah, so was I, but...
01:20:05I wasn't on anything.
01:20:09Well, I've, uh, handed in my notice.
01:20:11Now Lorraine's back.
01:20:13You don't have to do that.
01:20:15Well, I prefer to work with kids who look their age.
01:20:17That way you know where you are.
01:20:19You know where you are with me, Carmen.
01:20:21I thought we was having a laugh.
01:20:23You know, there's plenty of season left.
01:20:25Plenty of season, plenty of points.
01:20:27Brad, you don't need to apologise.
01:20:29You like to be a winner.
01:20:31What's wrong with that?
01:20:33You were the blue-eyed boy of the training course.
01:20:35I mean, you've won against Alison,
01:20:37and I'd bet my money on you winning the competition.
01:20:39So,
01:20:41good luck to you.
01:20:43Yeah, but surely, you know, you felt the same...
01:20:45Brad, my friend's just been sick all over my floor.
01:20:47All right, look, can't this wait just one second?
01:20:49No, it can't. She's locked herself in the bathroom
01:20:51and she won't come out. Come on.
01:20:57So,
01:20:59Greg is in the lead.
01:21:01You think you can win?
01:21:03No.
01:21:05What would I win?
01:21:07Why? You'd be the biggest dick.
01:21:13Are you ready?
01:21:27CHEERING
01:21:47Good to be back, then.
01:21:49Oh, really?
01:21:51Well, you know, I just spoke to Carmen.
01:21:53She's great, isn't she?
01:21:55Fantastic.
01:21:57Well, I've been talking to the skis, all right,
01:21:59and apparently, right, there's these two sisters on board,
01:22:01right, and they used to be lap dancers.
01:22:03Now they've got to be up for it.
01:22:05Well, maybe we can both do them, both get the extra points.
01:22:07There's a special exception.
01:22:09Yeah, but only if the bullet hole's in play, yeah?
01:22:11I've heard they've booked their glennies.
01:22:13How many bonus points is that?
01:22:17A wrinkly starfish.
01:22:19What's the matter with you?
01:22:25He was too finesse for me.
01:22:27I thought he owned me.
01:22:29Sometimes you've got to move on.
01:22:33Come on, get your arse in the game.
01:22:35We've got to do the prizes.
01:22:39Why did you bring me here?
01:22:41I'm not even a YFNS rep any more.
01:22:43Will you just shut up for once, Carmen?
01:22:45You might actually like what you're about to hear.
01:22:47CHEERING
01:22:49The prize is never your attention.
01:22:51Just for two minutes, please.
01:22:53The Champagne Diving Award goes to Crazy Lib.
01:22:55So where are you, Crazy Lib?
01:22:57Come up here, mate.
01:22:59We'll sort you out.
01:23:01Yeah? Sorted?
01:23:03Lovely.
01:23:05Right, the first Top List Dive Award
01:23:07goes to Jennifer.
01:23:09So come up here, Jennifer, wherever you are.
01:23:11CHEERING
01:23:13To be honest,
01:23:15I don't think she's got any danger
01:23:17of drowning with them.
01:23:19The award for the sexiest...
01:23:21Actually, I've got a special award
01:23:23of my own.
01:23:25But I don't know if there's going to be
01:23:27a prize at the end of it.
01:23:29That's down to Carmen.
01:23:31You're right, Carmen.
01:23:33I've always liked being a winner.
01:23:35But I don't know if there's going to be
01:23:37a prize at the end of it.
01:23:39That's down to Carmen.
01:23:42And when I first heard about that competition
01:23:45at the training course,
01:23:47that's all that's been on my mind.
01:23:49But the other night, I had a kiss.
01:23:51And I couldn't score any points with it.
01:23:53Why?
01:23:55Because it was off the scale.
01:23:57And so, Carmen,
01:23:59I want to award myself a prize
01:24:01for being the biggest dick
01:24:03of the season.
01:24:05Only a dick
01:24:07would think that winning
01:24:09a shagging competition
01:24:11is more important than losing a chance
01:24:13to be with someone like you.
01:24:15So if it's not too late,
01:24:17and if you still have me,
01:24:21I'm off the board.
01:24:23Yo, put some bloody music on!
01:24:25It's all right, mate.
01:24:27Take the music off.
01:24:39Are you sure this is what you want?
01:24:41Oh, come on.
01:24:43Carmen has let you come on his boat.
01:24:45It's only fair you let him come on yours.
01:24:47Oh, fuck off, Greg.
01:24:49Are you sure you mean this?
01:24:55Yes.
01:25:09You