Silent Crime: I survived my ex who punched, kicked, raped and strangled me as I lay in bed next to my children
In the latest of special reports into silent crimes, the Lancashire Post and the Blackpool Gazette will be looking at impact of domestic violence on victims and why many feel reporting it is not an option.
Category
🗞
NewsTranscript
00:00Hello, my name is Luke Patrick and I'm a reporter for the Lancashire Post and the Blackpool Gazette.
00:04This week's silent crime article will focus on domestic violence across Lancashire,
00:08why people don't report it and what support is available.
00:12I spoke to the chair of Preston Domestic Violence Service, Jacqueline Simpson.
00:17Okay, my name is Jackie Williams. I'm chair of Preston Domestic Violence Services.
00:23So what would you say is
00:26the biggest reason why people won't report incidents of domestic abuse?
00:34It's an under-reported crime, essentially I think because people feel shame, guilt,
00:41the stigma attached to being a victim of domestic abuse and the practical issues really,
00:48in terms of what do they do, where do they go, who do they tell, what support can they access, essentially.
00:56Yeah. What would be your message to people who might be in a domestic violence situation
01:06and they're looking for help or something like that?
01:09If they're in a domestic abusive situation, and it can happen to anyone,
01:14it's around making sure that that's not secret, sharing that with people in a safe way.
01:19So friends, family, if they're able to contact, if they're at work, work colleagues,
01:24or seek out information and advice from websites or our website, they can access support that way.
01:33Make that phone call or just reach out, really.
01:37Yeah. What are the different types of domestic abuse?
01:42The different types, I think most people associate it with violence, physical abuse,
01:48but it can be a variety of things, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, emotional and psychological abuse,
01:56coercive control, financial abuse. It encompasses all of those things, really.
02:03Yeah.
02:12Can you tell me a little bit about how people come to the charity?
02:19Okay. So in terms of how they refer, do you mean?
02:22Yeah.
02:23So it's about the majority of our service users, our clients, self-refer, so they contact us direct,
02:29whether that's an online referral, or they ring up their helpline and speak to somebody, speak to one of the workers.
02:36They can get referred by other services as well, so other charities in the local area, or children's social care, statutory services.
02:44They get information from other welfare rights, maybe organisations as well.
02:50So there's a variety of ways that they can be referred to Preston Domestic Violence Services.
02:55Yeah. As we've talked about, there's been a lot of stigma around domestic violence, so I've got some of the myths here.
03:04And so the top one was, a myth about domestic abuse, was if it was that bad, she would leave.
03:10Can you talk a bit about that? I mean, it's a very simple myth.
03:13It is, yeah. It doesn't necessarily just affect females, so she would leave.
03:20It can affect males as well. It can affect anybody, essentially.
03:25And yeah, that is a very simplistic statement, if it was that bad.
03:28We all like to think that we've got some element of agency and control over our lives.
03:34But there's a variety of reasons why people don't leave, and that can relate to financial difficulties.
03:41They feel that they can't support themselves outside of that relationship.
03:44It may be that because of the abuse that's happened to them, the world has become a lot smaller.
03:49They've become more isolated from people.
03:51They don't know where to go, what to do.
03:53And also, it's about self-esteem and self-confidence.
04:01If you're a victim of domestic abuse, you're more likely to feel, or often more being made to feel that it's your fault.
04:09So nobody would believe you.
04:12What can you do about it?
04:13So for a massive amount of reasons why people don't leave.
04:17Yeah.
04:20I think you kind of touched on this one as well.
04:23But well, we've basically gone over this, but the next one was going to be domestic abuse always involves physical violence.
04:30But yeah, that's what we've covered.
04:34Another one of the myths was domestic violence is not that common.
04:39OK, it is very common.
04:41I'd say significantly, we work with women, but we do work with men as well.
04:47One in four women experience domestic abuse, and that stat has been going for a long time.
04:51It might even have changed.
04:53You might need to check that out.
04:56One in two women are murdered by their partners or ex-partners a week in the UK.
05:01So it is very common.
05:03It's underreported.
05:05Yeah, yeah.
05:08And this one, all couples argue it's not a domestic abuse, it's a normal relationship.
05:13What would you say to that?
05:14Yeah, within all relationships, whether they're romantic, platonic, et cetera, people do have disagreements and do have arguments.
05:22But it's not just about arguments.
05:24It's more than that.
05:25And if that sort of situation is impacting on an individual in an abusive way, that's when the difficulties arise, really.
05:35So, yeah, we acknowledge and understand all couples argue.
05:39It's seen as abuse when that situation escalates to more than just arguing.
05:46Yeah, yeah.
05:47And just one last thing I want to ask, how many, I think you kind of mentioned earlier, talking about how many incidents it takes to call the police?
05:56Yeah, I'd say there's possibly, potentially, I think some research some time ago now said there's domestic abuse has to happen at least 35 times before it's actually reported.
06:09To the police.
06:10And some of that is around what we've said before, that people don't think they're going to be believed.
06:16There's a shame and stigma attached to it.
06:18And, you know, oh, this is the norm, this is what happens in my household, it's acceptable.
06:24And it's only when they come to understand that it's not that, you know, they perhaps feel that they can do something about it, that last straw situation.
06:33Yeah, because I guess if they're in an isolated situation, they're less likely to say to someone, this has happened.
06:41And then the reaction, they'll realise that it's not normal.
06:45Yeah, yeah.
06:52Yeah, if it's part of your everyday sort of situation, you're not going to, well, you may know and understand that it's not right, but it's what you do about it.
07:02And if you felt so your self-esteem, self-confidence is so downtrodden that you've been made to feel, actually, yes, it's about you, it's your fault.
07:12You've done this to me or whatever.
07:15You're not likely to seek support, are you?
07:18You're not likely to seek help because you're unsure whether you're going to be able to get it, I think.
07:23Yeah, domestic violence is underreported because survivors will delay reporting perpetrators to the police for a variety of reasons.
07:31These include guilt, shame, fear and the overall stigma attached to being a survivor of domestic abuse.
07:38The Lancashire Post spoke to a survivor of domestic abuse who wants to remain anonymous.
07:43They said he was let out on bail the same night he was arrested and continued to stalk and harass me even after we moved house.
07:51His first words after finding out our new address due to stalking his own son was, I finally found you.
07:57I've been driving up and down the street, every street looking for you.
08:01The survivor also said he kept telling me how worthless I was and that everyone would be better off without me here.
08:07He made me lose my self-confidence and self-esteem.
08:10He was also trying to turn my friends against me by messaging them on social media and telling them lies.
08:16They said three years later, now me and my kids are thriving, we are happy and we are looking forward to the future.