Honest Trailers _ House of the Dragon Season 3

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Transcript

00:00This episode is presented by Ardbeg Isla Single Malt Scotch Whiskey.

00:05Discover planet Ardbeg today.

00:19From the channel behind the prestige TV you stay up to watch as an adult,

00:24and the pre-internet porn you stayed up to watch as a kid,

00:27comes HBO's return to the well-esteros in search of an heir to Game of Thrones,

00:32because every other true-born son of their parent company is dead.

00:42Remember Daenerys?

00:44Girls named Khaleesi sure do.

00:46Turns out she and her brother weren't the only nuts in the Targaryen family tree,

00:50as you revisit a civil war between rival factions of goth albino sociopaths

00:56that only goes down because so many Targs are named Aegon.

00:59Aegon, the prince that was promised, you are the one.

01:03Then, choose a side to root for,

01:05even though the only thing these extremely out-of-touch rich people have in common

01:09with their extremely poor subjects is inbreeding.

01:12Hey, Raymond, come out and look. This one's got a funny eye like you.

01:17Meet a whole new tomes worth of characters trying to satisfy their raging throners,

01:22like Prince Daemon, a fully armed and operational Joffrey.

01:25If you're accusing me of subject privacy, you'll need to be more specific.

01:28Watch Matt Smith continue the hot streak he's been on since Mormon time,

01:32as this homicidal narcissist with a limp noodle

01:39that the internet has a crush on anyway.

01:41Are you okay, internet?

01:43Viserys, a stellar performance by Paddy Constantine,

01:47as a king succumbing to parts-falling-off disease.

01:50My own face is no longer a handsome one.

01:53Who just wants to hang out in this room and play with his artisanal mini-figs all day.

01:57He'll declare his daughter Rhaenyra as heir,

02:00a girl who looks like she just found out she isn't getting a pony,

02:03who gets hardened, sharpened, and aged about 20 years

02:07when her bestie becomes her step-mom.

02:09Rhaenyra must fight for women's rights over the women's wrongs of Alicent Hightower.

02:14She's sad.

02:17He's your son, Viserys. Your blood.

02:20His last words to me and I was the only one to hear it.

02:29Then there's supporting players like Otto Hightower,

02:32the Hand of the King and the King of the Passive-Aggressive Remark.

02:36Perhaps there's some better use for the princess's talents, your grace.

02:40Kristen Cole, a hardened combat veteran,

02:43yet still the most fragile white knight in the land.

02:46Spoiled c**t.

02:51The Valerians, an ancient family who bring much-needed diversity to people in ridiculous white wigs.

02:57And lurking, ever-lurking, is Larys Strong,

03:00who's like Littlefinger if he were more into little piggies instead.

03:06Wee-wee-wee-wee-wee!

03:09If you thought MTV's lineup was full of hard-to-watch pregnancies,

03:13strap in for a show that's more comfortable with dead moms and stillbirths

03:17than a red-state legislature,

03:19where the showrunner had to explicitly promise to tone it down this time.

03:22And though their female characters go through hell,

03:25at least they all have easy access to Plan T.

03:27It will rid you of any unwanted consequences.

03:31It's best to be certain.

03:34So return to Westeros hundreds of years before winter came all over it.

03:38But don't worry, the Baratheons are still dumb.

03:41Where's the bloody maester?

03:42The Starks are still loyal.

03:44There has never lived a Stark who forgot an oath.

03:47Lannister's smug. Targaryen's cuckoo.

03:50The episodes directed by Miguel Sapochnik impossible to see.

03:54And now, more than ever, the dragons' enormous ex-machinas

03:58that keep surprising people despite being as big and loud as a 747.

04:05There we go. That's the writing quality we got used to.

04:08Starting to feel like old times again.

04:10Dany kind of forgot about the Iron Fleet.

04:13Starring...

04:15The Leprechaun.

04:17Matt Damon.

04:19You're an uncle lover, yes it's true.

04:21Nobody loves uncles quite like you.

04:23It's not easy being green.

04:26The Queen who never yassed.

04:28The Dread Pirate Corlys.

04:30King Louis of C.K.

04:32You'll pay for this, Potter.

04:34Hollywood's worst Chris.

04:36Prince Eric.

04:38That's what I do. I lurk and I tow things.

04:41The Lion creeps tonight.

04:43Lucerys looking like a snack.

04:46Meeting balls.

04:48I wonder what those are for.

04:51Oh.

04:52A human spoiler alert.

04:58Immortan Joe's crap shack.

05:00And calling someone a b**** without really saying it.

05:03Sooner or later you may get one who looks like you.

05:05He doesn't know, does he?

05:07What's wrong?

05:08Did your brother mention if this one also bears a marked,

05:11but entirely coincidental resemblance to the commander of the City Watch?

05:14He is Laenor's son.

05:16What grounds could there be for...

05:17He is indeed Lord Beesbury.

05:19What?

05:20Indeed.

05:21Come on, you know you want to say it.

05:22Our children.

05:24Our b****.

05:26Ooh, he said it. You were in so much trouble.

05:33Wrigley Blonde.

05:38Aegon foresaw the end of the world of men.

05:40It is to begin with a terrible winter.

05:42And if the world of men is to survive, a Targaryen must be seated on the Iron Throne.

05:46Actually, all you really need is a Stark with two working hands.

05:52So which show's off to a better start?

05:54Game of Thrones or the Hot D?

05:56We counted up every kill, lie and boob in the first season

06:00to see who takes the crown in a brand new episode of By the Numbers.

06:04Click the thumbnail on the right to watch now.

06:07This episode was presented by Ardbeg Isla Single Malt Scotch Whiskey.

06:11A whiskey out of this world awaits you on planet Ardbeg.

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