Have I Got News for You 2024 episode 1
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FunTranscript
00:00I will say at this point I'm glad to be here, but this week, I really don't care.
00:04LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
00:10There was one high point when a policeman investigating me said,
00:14this may be a silly question, but is there anyone who might have a grudge against you?
00:19I have an alibi.
00:21LAUGHTER
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:00Good evening, welcome to Have I Got News For You.
01:03I'm Kevin Bridges.
01:04In the news this week, in London, three men about town
01:07meet up with their blind dates for the evening.
01:11LAUGHTER
01:19At the Tory party conference in Birmingham,
01:22Rishi Sunak announces he is staying on as leader.
01:25AUDIENCE GROANS
01:28And at the headquarters of SpaceX in California,
01:31secret footage emerges of Elon Musk preparing for his latest launch.
01:45On Ian's team tonight is a journalist and broadcaster
01:48who is currently writing a book about the nature of genius.
01:51No pressure, but it better not be shy.
01:54Please welcome Helen Lewis.
01:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:02On Paul's team is a comedian who describes her school days
02:05at an all-girls school in Kent as if Enid Blyton wrote Skins.
02:09So please welcome the star of Five Get Trapped In A K-Hole,
02:13it's Chloe Petsch.
02:15APPLAUSE
02:21We begin with the bigger news stories of the week.
02:24Ian and Helen, take a look at this.
02:27Finally, a scandal-free government.
02:30Oh, things can only get bitter.
02:33Just a change, change of shirt, change of suit.
02:36This is surely about the shortest honeymoon
02:38since that one Britney Spears had.
02:40Yes. Immediately Keir Starmer gets in
02:42and lots of people have said, you shouldn't take these freebies,
02:45you're going to get into trouble, but, you know, he's a lawyer.
02:48He doesn't listen.
02:50You can't really spend years attacking the Tories for sleaze
02:53and then the first thing that happens is
02:56one of your major donors is giving you all this stuff for free
02:59and it's just, it's glasses.
03:01And you think, don't walk straight into it.
03:04He should have gone to Specsavers, is what you're saying.
03:07I mean, just like the previous Labour government,
03:09if you remember the Blair government,
03:11ran straight into Bernie Eccleston,
03:13major donor giving them a load of money and changing policy.
03:16And it's, at worst, disappointing and, B, it's just,
03:19it's the same again.
03:21Big response from the audience.
03:24It's not popular, but it is what's happening.
03:27Problems mounting up for Keir Starmer.
03:29Would anybody like to play a game?
03:31Yeah, what's the game?
03:33It's called Fears For Keir.
03:35Well, now I've heard what it's called, I don't want to play it.
03:38Let's see if I can sell you on the game.
03:40It's a randomiser, it's going to stop on a picture
03:42and I want you all to tell me who it is
03:44and why they are a fear for Keir.
03:46OK, fine.
03:47Here's your first one.
03:48Can I just check the words that you're saying?
03:50Fear for Keir.
03:51Fear for Keir.
03:53Fear for Keir.
03:54It was feels for Keir.
03:55Feels for Keir.
03:56We were all going to be blindfolded and you were going to bring
03:58someone in and we had to work out a fear for Keir Starmer.
04:01Somebody threw me under the bus here with these pronunciations.
04:05For Keir.
04:06Here's your first picture.
04:12Well, that's Lord Ali, who's a major donor to the Labour Party.
04:16He gave them £500,000 and he's doing it for nothing.
04:21He doesn't want anything in return.
04:23Well, he did get to have a pass, didn't he,
04:25to Downing Street during the transition period,
04:27which they then took away from him.
04:28Which he was never really explained what he was there for
04:30apart from just sort of vibing.
04:31I can only imagine a bit like he's sort of Bez in the Happy Mondays
04:34and he's just sort of there just to kind of keep the energy up.
04:37Yeah, that's how I see him.
04:42That is Lord Asos, I mean, Lord Ali,
04:45who has paid for £32,000 worth of goodies,
04:49including clothes and glasses for Starmer, what do we think?
04:52That is actually a Stone Island polo shirt.
04:56That is how confident he is he's going to get Oasis tickets.
05:01Money well spent.
05:02Well, he's given back the money for the Taylor Swift concert.
05:06He's paid back £6,000 worth of tickets.
05:10It's just odd that he didn't see that this was going to be a problem.
05:14It makes you think maybe he's not very good at politics.
05:17The idea that you're saying, I'm going to give back the donations,
05:20well, some of them, well, a few of them, well, OK, those ones.
05:25It's not exactly saying, yep, you're right,
05:28let's be clean and transparent.
05:30I personally have a theory on why he gave the Taylor Swift tickets back
05:34and it's because, I'm not sure if you guys have noticed this,
05:37Taylor Swift and Theresa May dance in exactly the same way.
05:41Like haunted marionettes.
05:45I think he gave them back because he didn't want to get trauma flashbacks
05:48if he went to the Swifty concert.
05:50He'd be handed a friendship bracelet that just said,
05:52Brexit means Brexit.
05:54OK, what was Kiel's excuse for accepting £20,000 worth
05:57of free accommodation?
05:59It's really nice.
06:02You said it was for his son to take GCSEs.
06:05That's correct.
06:06He defended his family staying at Lord Ali's flat
06:08so that his son could revise in peace for his GCSEs,
06:11adding, it's your one chance in life.
06:15It's a bit unfair on the retake market.
06:19And if he screwed up his exams, he could always learn a trade,
06:22something humble.
06:23I don't know, a humble tool maker?
06:27What about his defence for taking free football tickets?
06:30This is the executive box, isn't it?
06:32Because if he sits in the stands, it might be a security issue.
06:35Yep, he said he can't take his security detail into the stands
06:38so if I don't accept a gift of hospitality,
06:41I can't go to a game.
06:44Don't go, then.
06:45You're a dick.
06:48What historic event did Kiel get a free ticket to?
06:51Was it the Battle of Hastings?
06:54The Euros?
06:55Correct.
06:56The Euro final, Spain versus England.
06:58A memorable evening for everybody in Glasgow.
07:04Here's Kiel enjoying a chat during the game.
07:10You can fucking watch some.
07:14Time for another Fear For Kier.
07:21There we go, a pensioner giving him the wanker sign with Vanderbilt.
07:25Do you know what this is in relation to?
07:27This must be the winter fuel payment being taken away
07:29from richer pensioners.
07:30I don't think anybody wants the winter fuel payment to be cut.
07:33Mainly because it means your parents are going to have to come and stay.
07:38Everybody is angry.
07:40Check out this Daily Telegraph headline.
07:44Jeremy Corbyn was right.
07:46That's like the sign of the apocalypse.
07:50Was anybody able to articulate a defence of the policy?
07:54Older pensioners, you know, I won't be there for a very long time,
07:58but it might be thought that they don't really need this
08:02and perhaps they shouldn't have it.
08:04I think that's the argument.
08:05I don't buy it, obviously.
08:07I claim every penny.
08:10Should we see a Labour delegate put it a bit more coherently?
08:14Are you worried about the optics of all the various donations
08:18given the fact that you're having to make that choice
08:21or the Chancellor says Labour's had to make that choice
08:24to take away the winter fuel allowance from a lot of pensioners?
08:41Sorry, could you repeat the question?
08:44APPLAUSE
08:51It was a really miserable conference for Labour.
08:55But who tried to lighten the mood?
08:57Absolutely no-one, as far as I can remember.
09:00We had Rachel Reeves having been doom and gloom all summer.
09:03The Times revealed that she would shift the tone
09:05to offer a more positive vision.
09:07Here she is trying to offer that positive vision.
09:12There's a touch of Wallace and Gromit going on there, isn't there?
09:18How did Keir himself accidentally lighten the mood?
09:21Sausages instead of hostages.
09:23So good.
09:25I did feel for him because he gave a very long speech
09:27and I thought, no-one will remember anything about that
09:29apart from he said, we're going to bring the sausages home.
09:32I think what happened there is sometimes when I come on the television,
09:35my mates will be like, can you get the word unicycling?
09:38Which he's just done.
09:42James, you owe me a tenner, mate.
09:44Unicycle, I'll have a tenner as well.
09:48I think what's happened here is his mate, Labour peer Waheed Ali,
09:52has gone, if you say sausages in your next speech,
09:55I'll give you £16,000.
09:59And he knew that hostages was coming up and he saw an opportunity.
10:03That's what I think has happened.
10:06Sounds plausible.
10:10Can I just say that the night Keir did that,
10:13I was doing an event with John McCarthy,
10:16who actually had been a hostage in Lebanon.
10:19And I thought, oh, no, this is really bad taste.
10:22I don't know what's going to happen.
10:24John McCarthy stood up and said, as a former sausage...
10:36Shall we have a look at the clip?
10:38I call again for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza.
10:41The return of the sausages.
10:48Is this any connection with Liz Truss opening up new pork markets?
10:55That is a disgrace.
10:59It's contradictory policies, though,
11:01because if the sausages get returned,
11:03it's a fuel to sort of cook them on.
11:07What are you writing down?
11:09Are you going to do that joke again, but better?
11:13No, actually, it's nothing to do with you.
11:15I'm just writing a book.
11:19Final fear for Keir. Let's take a look.
11:21Who have we got left?
11:25Angela Rayner.
11:27Do we get points for this? No, we don't.
11:29How long have you been doing this show?
11:3220 minutes.
11:34Yep, it is Angela Rayner.
11:44Oh, this is a private photographer.
11:46A vanity photographer.
11:48Have you seen what she's been photographed doing so far?
11:53For 68 grand, you would get a photographer
11:56who could remove his own fingers from the picture.
12:02Who will be happy about Angela Rayner's vanity photographer?
12:07She will be, presumably.
12:09Former Tory MP Jake Berry, here he is, talking about Angela Rayner.
12:13I actually think Angela Rayner is a very, very attractive woman.
12:16I used to have a picture of her pinned up.
12:18I had a picture of her, there was a book launch,
12:20and I pinched the poster on the way out...
12:22Does your wife know this, by the way?
12:24Yeah, my wife does, don't worry.
12:26I pinched the poster on the way out,
12:28and I had it pinned up in my office.
12:31This was when I was Conservative MP.
12:36Sharing a split screen with Jeremy Kyle
12:38and you still come across as the creepiest after-death.
12:43But he's done quite well, considering,
12:45according to that caption, he was a form of chair.
12:48You're right.
12:54This is the end of Keir Starmer's honeymoon period.
12:57Just three months in, a majority of voters
13:00think Labour will lose the next election.
13:02Put it this way, there are cruise ships in Belfast
13:04that have got off to a better start.
13:09Keir Starmer received tickets to a Taylor Swift concert.
13:12How times have changed at Westminster.
13:14In Boris's day, a Swiftie was when you impregnate a member of staff.
13:25Before your wife gets home.
13:30He did write a hysterical column in the Mail
13:32accusing Keir Starmer of being sleazy.
13:37Paul and Chloe, take a look at this.
13:39Sorry, I looked along the way.
13:41Paul and Chloe, take a look at this.
13:49What, are you going to do something?
13:51No, no, no.
13:53Paul and Chloe.
13:55We're still here.
13:57Take a look at that.
14:00APPLAUSE
14:02Has it been in the news this week?
14:07Shut up.
14:09Paul and Chloe, take a look at this.
14:13I think that's Tom Tugendhat.
14:15A clean start, yes.
14:17Just empty your pocket, sir.
14:19Yeah, that's James Cleverley.
14:21Kemi Badenoch looking for some mothers to take some money off.
14:24Yep.
14:26And...
14:29Just a normal way to hold your wife.
14:31Yeah, exactly, yeah.
14:33So who are these people, do you know?
14:35Not a clue.
14:37No.
14:39I'm not sure some of them know.
14:41This is the Conservative Party conference in Birmingham,
14:43the hottest ticket in town.
14:45Take a look at this.
14:47There is a brilliant buzz at this conference, isn't there?
14:49It's fantastic.
14:51Terrific energy.
14:53Thousands of you here.
14:55We've got members, councillors, MPs, businesses.
14:58In fact, it's such a hot ticket,
15:00I'm surprised that Keir Starmer
15:02hasn't asked somebody to buy him one.
15:06Rushie's joke belt, an absolute fucking belter.
15:12It's very peculiar.
15:14I mean, the party that's just won with a thumping majority
15:16is absolutely miserable.
15:18The ones that have been wiped out and got no chance
15:20for the next 50 decades are going,
15:22this is great!
15:24I actually think the Tories do like being in opposition.
15:27It means they can attack the people they really hate,
15:29which is each other.
15:31They're certainly thrilled.
15:33They thought they had a great conference, didn't they?
15:35I've got a problem, because as a citizen of a democracy,
15:37I want them to have a really good leader, right?
15:39But as a journalist and someone who does comedy panel shows,
15:41I want it to be Robert Jenrig.
15:43Which one was he?
15:45He was the last one.
15:47One of his kids, his middle name is Thatcher.
15:49Really?
15:51And he said, I understand women,
15:53because I've got three daughters, a wife,
15:56and a son.
15:58Kemi Badenoch has made a pretty strong pitch
16:00at being the biggest crackpot
16:02at the Tory leadership.
16:04What does she think is excessive?
16:06Maternity pay.
16:08You're right, the answer is statutory maternity pay,
16:10which is always a good idea,
16:12winding up pregnant women.
16:16It's not good having a name that starts
16:18with the word bad, though, is it?
16:20And ends with Enoch.
16:26So, if you pledge support
16:28to Kemi Badenoch,
16:30you can join her WhatsApp group.
16:32What sort of fun do they have
16:34on Kemi Badenoch's WhatsApp group?
16:36Emojis? They're quite fun.
16:38Yeah.
16:40They actually write Kemi-inspired limericks.
16:42No. No, I'm against that.
16:44Would you like to hear a sample?
16:46Oh, I think so, yeah.
16:48We know Kemi's got the right stuff
16:50and won't fail
16:52when the going gets tough.
16:55It just goes to shit.
16:57Tom, James, Mel and Bobby,
16:59don't delight the lobby,
17:01so Miss Badenoch's
17:03the one up to snuff.
17:05I think it's a cry for help
17:07rather than a limerick.
17:09We know Kemi's got the right stuff
17:11and won't fail
17:13when the going gets tough.
17:15You won't get any money
17:17if you're a new mummy,
17:19so...
17:21So we say she's had enough.
17:23We've got an alternative last line.
17:25So don't try and get up the duff.
17:27Yes!
17:29Yeah, there we are.
17:31Robert Jenrick is probably the favourite.
17:33Now, if your name was Robert Jenrick
17:35and you wanted to jazz it up a bit
17:37so it was a bit more cool,
17:39how would you go about that?
17:41Bobby Jenrick.
17:43And he's called himself Bobby J.
17:45They've got hats.
17:47We want Bobby J.
17:49It's an ill-advised reference
17:51because according to Urban Dictionary...
17:53Yes, it's a reference to a blowjob.
17:55In certain communities, yes.
17:59Kemi looks scandalised.
18:01I've enjoyed your genuine kind of...
18:03Not Bobby Jenrick!
18:05It's worth getting one of, isn't it?
18:07Yeah!
18:09The cat, I mean, the cat.
18:11You know.
18:13Robert Jenrick owns an unusual item
18:15of personal grooming equipment.
18:17Can you tell me what it is?
18:19Is it a nasal perma?
18:23It is hair.
18:25It's kind of related to hair.
18:27Is it a comb?
18:29You sound like you haven't come across
18:31one of those before. You're right.
18:35According to the Mirror,
18:37he has a special razor to shave his hands.
18:41Even more disturbingly, it's for his palms.
18:43LAUGHTER
18:45Another of the candidates
18:47is James Cleverley.
18:57Let's be more normal.
18:59LAUGHTER
19:03Liz Truss was at the Tory conference.
19:05What did she have to say?
19:07I'll be back.
19:09She said the Conservatives would have done better
19:11if they hadn't kicked her out.
19:13She said I wasn't wrong.
19:15It's become a bit like going to see
19:17the lunatics in Bedlam, hasn't it?
19:19I wonder what Liz Truss will say.
19:21Go on.
19:23Say something mad.
19:25LAUGHTER
19:27APPLAUSE
19:33This is the Tory leadership battle
19:35down to the final four.
19:37The Guardian presented this helpful guide
19:39to the Conservative leadership candidates,
19:41after which the passport photo booth
19:43blew itself up.
19:45LAUGHTER
19:47Jamie Bithenock told the Tory conference
19:49that 10% of civil servants should be in prison.
19:51LAUGHTER
19:53So about the same proportion of Tory MPs
19:55and BBC News readers.
19:57LAUGHTER
19:59In Birmingham last week,
20:01Liz Truss declared...
20:03LAUGHTER
20:05Do you want me to do that again, cleaner?
20:07Just carry on.
20:09Just carry on?
20:11All right, mate.
20:13Relax, mate.
20:15OK.
20:17And we forgot to do the round
20:19about the Middle East,
20:21so that's coming up.
20:23LAUGHTER
20:25Not many series only have one episode,
20:27but...
20:29this might be the one.
20:31LAUGHTER
20:33And so, to round two,
20:35this is the strength-o-meter of news.
20:37OK, fingers on buzzers, teams.
20:39There we go.
20:41BUZZER
20:43This is the cruise ship,
20:45which I believe now has eventually left Belfast.
20:47It's been there for about three or four months.
20:49And finally it's set sail
20:51and they're just heading across the Atlantic now
20:53where there's been reports of icebergs,
20:55but they're not worried about that.
20:57LAUGHTER
20:59It left Belfast on Monday.
21:01We can see how far it got.
21:03It got about as far as Bangor.
21:05Not even the one in Wales.
21:07It got as far as the London...
21:09the local Bangor.
21:11And then it turned back, giving the explanation,
21:13we still have some administrative paperwork
21:15to be finished.
21:17Where is it going now?
21:19Caribbean next up, isn't it?
21:21Closer to home.
21:23Caribbean?
21:25LAUGHTER
21:27Is it somewhere in Scotland?
21:29Yes, it is. I was quite flattered it was going to take in Scotland.
21:31It's going there to refuel.
21:33LAUGHTER
21:35The cruise is meant to be a three-and-a-half-year
21:37round-the-world trip.
21:39Why might one cruiser be seeking a refund?
21:41He liked it in port and he's angry they've started moving.
21:43One woman paid £75,000
21:45for a permanent cabin
21:47and she was kicked off
21:49for making critical comments
21:51in a private WhatsApp group.
21:53She did it in limerick form as well.
21:55LAUGHTER
21:57She did it in a private WhatsApp.
21:59There's also a grass on board,
22:01which is the last thing you want to be in Belfast.
22:03LAUGHTER
22:07How have the passengers
22:09spent their days stuck in Belfast?
22:11Having a good time.
22:13Generally, they all seem to be very upbeat,
22:15the people I saw being interviewed on the news.
22:17One couple had this to say.
22:19How did you manage to stay happy throughout all this happening?
22:21Oh, how can you not in Belfast?
22:23It's not much fun. We drink.
22:25LAUGHTER
22:29That is actually the captain and the fost mate.
22:31LAUGHTER
22:33OK, fingers on buzzers, teams.
22:35Yeah.
22:37WHISTLE BLOWS
22:39BUZZER
22:41One unusual thing to do with your mouth.
22:43I think this was the debate
22:45which got a lot of coverage at the time,
22:47particularly Donald Trump's assertion
22:49that people in a place called Springfield
22:51are eating pets, eating cats and dogs.
22:53Yeah, here we go.
22:55They're eating the dogs, the people that came in.
22:57They're eating the cats.
22:59They're eating...
23:01They're eating the pets
23:03of the people that live there.
23:05LAUGHTER
23:07Perhaps he's seeing somebody
23:09eating a hostage dog.
23:11LAUGHTER
23:13APPLAUSE
23:17Kamala Harris has been trying to present herself
23:19in a sort of Republican light.
23:21How has she been doing that?
23:23She's, like, I own a gun, she says.
23:25Boasting. Boasting to Oprah Winfrey.
23:27If anybody breaks into my house, they're getting shot.
23:29LAUGHTER
23:31What has been Donald Trump's latest attempt
23:33to grab headlines?
23:35There are a lot of quite good sort of dance remixes of him,
23:37because he said they're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats,
23:39they're eating the pets of the people that live here,
23:41which actually is a much better poem
23:43than the Kemi WhatsApp truth,
23:45and I could really learn a little something from that, frankly.
23:47This particular question
23:49is in relation to Donald Trump
23:51launching a new brand of luxury watches.
23:53Oh, yes, yes.
23:55Which cost up to $100,000.
23:57Oh, they tell you the time that he should be doing.
23:59LAUGHTER
24:01APPLAUSE
24:03Here's the advert.
24:05This isn't just any watch,
24:07it's one of the best watches made,
24:09with almost 200 grams of gold
24:11and more than 100 real diamonds.
24:13That's a lot of diamonds.
24:15I love gold, I love diamonds.
24:17Watches for administrative purposes only
24:19and is not an exact representation of the final product.
24:21LAUGHTER
24:23Such a tiny writing at the bottom.
24:25Do you know the name of the company that makes the watches?
24:27Flybynightfakewatches.com.
24:29LAUGHTER
24:31They're called the best watches on Earth.
24:33LAUGHTER
24:35Why has a statue of Donald Trump
24:37caused upset in Las Vegas?
24:39Is the statue in the form of a one-armed bandit?
24:41LAUGHTER
24:43So you pull his arm?
24:45Yeah. And then a golden shot...
24:47No, I'm not going to... LAUGHTER
24:49Have you got a picture of it?
24:51Do you want to see the picture? Yeah, go on.
24:53It's offended. Oh!
24:55Oh, no.
24:57It's from a different angle.
24:59Look, there's a little hostage there.
25:01LAUGHTER
25:03APPLAUSE
25:05What is the title of the artwork?
25:07Does anybody want to have a guess at that?
25:09Is it Naked Greed?
25:11Oh, that's good.
25:13The Little Prick?
25:15LAUGHTER
25:17APPLAUSE
25:21Yes, the 43-foot,
25:23£6,000 nude structure
25:25is called Crooked and Obscene.
25:27LAUGHTER
25:29Time now for the Missing Words Round,
25:31which this week features as its guest publication
25:33The Searcher, the magazine
25:35for metal detector enthusiasts.
25:37Search as long as you like.
25:39You won't find anything
25:41that anyone gives a shit about.
25:43LAUGHTER
25:45I would dispute your fact
25:47that no-one's ever found anything interesting.
25:49I was in a field...
25:51Did someone find you? Yeah.
25:53LAUGHTER
25:55No, and I went with a metal detector
25:57and I found an Anglo-Saxon silver coin.
25:59King Edgar.
26:01About 5.90.
26:03That's not what it's worth.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:07UK Conkers tournament
26:09up in arms over what?
26:11Pike Conkers. Oven usage?
26:13Cold Conkers.
26:15LAUGHTER
26:17Very close. The answer is Frozen Conkers.
26:19Frozen Conkers.
26:21This is Conker Fon in Hertfordshire,
26:23where one angry competitor said
26:25that using Frozen Conkers
26:27was cheating, pure and simple.
26:29There we go. Thanks to Labour
26:31scrapping the fuel allowance, there's going to be
26:33a lot of pensioners with Frozen Conkers
26:35this winter.
26:37APPLAUSE
26:41Nick, if you miss what,
26:43there's now a website that lets you relive it?
26:45Evensong.
26:47LAUGHTER
26:49If you miss experiencing life
26:51because you're glued to the internet,
26:53there's now a website that lets you relive it.
26:55LAUGHTER
26:57The answer is, if you miss sounds
26:59computers made in the 1990s,
27:01there's now a website
27:03that lets you relive it.
27:05This is an article for Computer Buffs,
27:07nostalgic for the days of performing tasks
27:09such as defragging
27:11a hard drive.
27:13I'm not sure I know how to do that,
27:15but more importantly, neither did
27:17Hugh Edwards.
27:19LAUGHTER
27:21Finally. While out with my
27:23metal detector in a field in Shropshire,
27:25I was surprised to find...
27:27A metal detector?
27:29Ian Hislop? Yes.
27:31LAUGHTER
27:33APPLAUSE
27:41We've got a picture of Ian here.
27:45You look as if you're building a joint
27:47with that guy, Ian.
27:49LAUGHTER
27:51So, the final scores are
27:53Ian and Helen have three points
27:55and Paul and Chloe have seven.
27:57Well done, Paul and Chloe.
27:59APPLAUSE
28:03On which note, we say thank you
28:05to our panellists, Ian Hislop and Helen Lewis,
28:07Paul Merton and Chloe Petz, and I leave you
28:09with the news that at the new Ryman's
28:11Megastore in London, after setting his heart
28:13on the giant hole punch, one customer
28:15wonders whether he could claim it back
28:17as office supplies.
28:19LAUGHTER
28:21At a retirement home in Fife,
28:23one lucky nana celebrates having
28:25won this week's bingo jackpot.
28:27LAUGHTER
28:29And in London,
28:31a new artwork is unveiled at the headquarters
28:33of the National Institute of Proctologists.
28:35LAUGHTER
28:39Goodnight.
28:41APPLAUSE
28:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE