Lord Whitebait's plan to save his sinking fortunes is to open stately Whitebait Manor to the public.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Once again, Spang-Forth?
00:00:19Very good, Lord.
00:00:22Oh, wait a minute.
00:00:24Look, you hold the post and give me the hammer.
00:00:26Very good, Lord.
00:00:30Very good, Lord.
00:00:39Spang-Forth, I do apologize.
00:00:40Are you all right?
00:00:41Yes, I think so.
00:00:42Well, this is our last chance.
00:00:44If we can't make any money this way, we shall end our days in bankruptcy and the debtor's prison.
00:00:48How are the mighty fallen?
00:00:50Flat on our beam ends, most of us.
00:00:54Open to the public?
00:01:00What's the matter, your father had any brokers or something?
00:01:03Of course not.
00:01:04Just gives them another interest.
00:01:06Wouldn't mind buying the old place myself, so long as you went with it.
00:01:09Huh?
00:01:10Huh?
00:01:10Afternoon, sir.
00:01:11Good afternoon, Peter.
00:01:12Hello, Daddy.
00:01:13He's been showing me his new car.
00:01:14Looks very nice.
00:01:16It's a bit clapped out, actually.
00:01:17It's like going for a song.
00:01:18Only two thousand.
00:01:19Dirt cheap.
00:01:21Not too happy about it.
00:01:24Do you think the engine's missing?
00:01:26Sounds very much there to me.
00:01:28Well, mission two and six.
00:01:30Yeah, I'm afraid I haven't got any change on me.
00:01:31I'll send you a check, all right?
00:01:33Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:01:39I wish he'd been serious about that half-crown.
00:01:43Lord, Lord.
00:01:51Thanks, bud.
00:01:54Well done, my lord.
00:01:55I think if I may coin a phrase, our ship has come home.
00:02:06Six people and one half-price.
00:02:24Six people and one half-price.
00:02:26Six people and one half-price.
00:02:28Six people and one half-price.
00:02:30Six people and one half-price.
00:02:32Six people and one half-price.
00:02:34Six people and one half-price.
00:02:36Six people and one half-price.
00:02:38Six people and one half-price.
00:02:40Six people and one half-price.
00:02:42Six people and one half-price.
00:02:44Six people and one half-price.
00:02:46Six people and one half-price.
00:02:48Six people and one half-price.
00:02:50Six people and one half-price.
00:02:53Six people and one half-price.
00:02:55Six people and one half-price.
00:02:57Six people and one half-price.
00:02:59Six people and one half-price.
00:03:01Six people and one half-price.
00:03:03Six people and one half-price.
00:03:05Six people and one half-price.
00:03:07Six people and one half-price.
00:03:09Six people and one half-price.
00:03:11Six people and one half-price.
00:03:13Six people and one half-price.
00:03:15Six people and one half-price.
00:03:17Six people and one half-price.
00:03:19Six people and one half-price.
00:03:22The Westgate
00:03:34We will now leave the Westgate
00:03:36and proceed through the private apartments
00:03:39occupied by the present Lord Whitebait,
00:03:42his sister, the Lady Millicent,
00:03:44and his daughter, Lady Catherine.
00:03:46Aye, aye.
00:03:48You will observe that this corridor
00:03:51was built in a brick wall.
00:03:53That, I regret to say,
00:03:55is all that is left of the East Wing.
00:03:57It stood for 400 years
00:03:59until 1941
00:04:01when it was destroyed by enemy action.
00:04:03Or, as we put it,
00:04:05rather hubrisly,
00:04:07when the East Wing went west.
00:04:14I trust I am not moving too fast for you?
00:04:17No, not a bit.
00:04:19In your interest, I take it you are historians?
00:04:21No.
00:04:23Bailiffs.
00:04:28Well, if you care to follow me,
00:04:31I will continue our tour.
00:04:36Room 43.
00:04:43Hm, one geezer.
00:04:45By the look of it, defunct.
00:04:47What are you coming here for?
00:04:48The inventory.
00:04:49Well, it's next door.
00:04:56Because...
00:04:57Sir?
00:05:05Come on, then.
00:05:08Oh, really, Peter,
00:05:10will you please stop popping in and out
00:05:12of that wretched little siding of yours?
00:05:14Oh, dash it all, sir.
00:05:15I've been cooped up here for the past ten minutes.
00:05:17Why can't I have a go with the passenger train?
00:05:19Well, it's my set, isn't it?
00:05:21Well, if you're going to take that attitude,
00:05:22I shan't play with you any more, so there.
00:05:24All right, you needn't.
00:05:25I'll get Spangforth in.
00:05:26He doesn't take liberties with his goods, friend.
00:05:29Now, what were you saying?
00:05:31How much did you get a year?
00:05:33Oh, a quarter.
00:05:35How much did you get a year?
00:05:36Oh, just over 6,000.
00:05:38I think that's enough to keep a wife on, what?
00:05:40Will you ask Kate?
00:05:42Oh, I'm sure that'll be all right.
00:05:43Oh, you think so, do you?
00:05:44Yes.
00:05:45Well, OK by me.
00:05:47Then you agree to my marrying her?
00:05:48Yes.
00:05:49Well, thank you very much, sir.
00:05:50I'll just go and tell her.
00:05:53I say, we're getting married.
00:05:55I hope we'll be very happy together.
00:05:59A picturesque young man.
00:06:00Oh, he's really downright careless.
00:06:02Look at all this havoc, Spangforth.
00:06:04Oh, dear me.
00:06:05This has been gross negligence.
00:06:07He really is a shocking shunter.
00:06:09Oh, that's no way to run a railway.
00:06:11Tell me, Spangforth, have we had a successful visiting day?
00:06:15I wouldn't say it's been an unqualified financial success, my lord.
00:06:18I have some grave news.
00:06:20Well, don't bother with the details.
00:06:22Just tell me when you think white bait manor will be solvent again.
00:06:25Grease me to have to say it, my lord, but I fear the answer must be never.
00:06:29Never?
00:06:30The bailiffs are in.
00:06:32You're not serious.
00:06:33Absolutely.
00:06:34Come in.
00:06:36Lord Whitebait.
00:06:37Yes?
00:06:38It is my duty to inform you that this manor, complete with its entire contents,
00:06:42is being taken over by a government trust, as from one week today.
00:06:45In the meantime, we shall have to take it inventory.
00:06:48Of course, sir, we shall do it at your convenience.
00:06:51Oh, thank you very much.
00:06:53Not a bit.
00:06:57Oh, there is just one thing.
00:06:59I'd rather you didn't mention this to my daughter.
00:07:02She's just not engaged and it might upset her.
00:07:05I quite understand, sir.
00:07:07Poor Kate.
00:07:08Kate, there's something terribly important I want to ask you.
00:07:12What is it?
00:07:13Can't you guess?
00:07:14Peter, it's much too hot for guessing games.
00:07:17Kate, I know I'm not madly handsome nor even moderately presentable.
00:07:23But you are.
00:07:24Madly handsome?
00:07:26No, moderately presentable.
00:07:28Oh.
00:07:30Kate, you know, for the past year, I've thought of nothing but you.
00:07:34Nothing else at all?
00:07:36You fill up every moment of my life.
00:07:38You know, there are times when I even forget what gear I'm in.
00:07:41Oh, thank you.
00:07:43Kate, I'd get hitched to you, even if it meant taking on the ancient heap as well.
00:07:47Peter, don't be so rude.
00:07:49Oh, I didn't mean your aunt. I meant the manor.
00:07:51The manor?
00:07:54Would you? Would you really?
00:07:56Yes, yes, of course I would.
00:07:57So, Kate, would you do me the honour of becoming my...
00:08:04What an excitable man you are.
00:08:10Now, where... where was I?
00:08:13You just proposed.
00:08:14Oh, yes.
00:08:15Well, will you...
00:08:17Will I what?
00:08:19Become my co-driver?
00:08:21I'll think about it.
00:08:24You won't regret it, Kate.
00:08:28Funny lot, these limey aristocrats.
00:08:30Yeah, weak in the head, I reckon.
00:08:32Weak in the something. Don't look like his head.
00:08:38Your usual nightcap, my lord?
00:08:40Thank you, Spankfolk.
00:08:46Spankfolk, you don't suppose that Kate is marrying this fellow just for his money.
00:08:51He really is a shocking shunter.
00:08:54He really is a shocking shunter.
00:08:57Would save the day, my lord.
00:08:59Certainly would.
00:09:00Poor Kate. She's all I've got left in the world.
00:09:03And heaven knows she deserves a beautiful wedding.
00:09:06I suppose there's nothing more we can sell, my lord?
00:09:09What a hope now.
00:09:10Those two bailiff gentlemen will be down on me like a ton of bricks.
00:09:14I'm mortgaged up to the hilt and broke to the wide.
00:09:17It's easy to see why people turn to crime in moments of despair.
00:09:21Yes.
00:09:23Of course. Crime.
00:09:25Why didn't you think of that before?
00:09:27Is your lordship serious?
00:09:28Absolutely. Take a look at these Sunday papers.
00:09:31See what's going in the way of crime these days.
00:09:33There's bound to be something suitable.
00:09:35Yes, yes, yes.
00:09:37Bigamy at Bolton?
00:09:39No, thank you.
00:09:42Girl of 17 accuses rugger team.
00:09:45Where?
00:09:46Here.
00:09:48Disgraceful.
00:09:51Let's watch papers.
00:09:52No, no, no. Wait a minute. Here's something I found.
00:09:54Famous cat burglar to be released.
00:09:57Jim Barger, connoisseur of old masters,
00:10:00self-confessed organiser of three daring country house robberies
00:10:04is due to leave Wormwood Scrubs prison at noon tomorrow.
00:10:09What about that, my lord?
00:10:10Oh, no, no. I'm getting too old for cat burglary.
00:10:13Unless it was your own house that was robbed.
00:10:15Unless what?
00:10:17Supposing a valuable painting of yours was stolen,
00:10:21then the insurance company would have to pay the claim.
00:10:24Yes, I suppose so.
00:10:26Which is your most valuable picture?
00:10:29Well, that one.
00:10:30Vincent Van Gogh's New Zealand Giza.
00:10:33Oh, it's a lovely thing.
00:10:35Worth several thousand pounds, if I were allowed to sell it.
00:10:39May I suggest we steal this picture and put in a claim for it?
00:10:42What do you mean? Steal my own picture?
00:10:44Precisely.
00:10:45How can we prove to the police that it was an outside job?
00:10:48We could leave a liberal supply of footprints in the flowerbeds
00:10:51and smash a window or two.
00:10:53But if the police found some of our footprints,
00:10:55we'd look pretty foolish, wouldn't we?
00:10:57Then we must ask somebody else to do it.
00:10:59What? You mean this fellow Barger?
00:11:04Do you think he'd agree?
00:11:06One can but try, my lord.
00:11:08Do you think he'd agree?
00:11:10One can but try, my lord.
00:11:11Yes. Oh, let's see, what did it say?
00:11:14Oh, Wormwood Scrubs, tomorrow at noon.
00:11:18Spangforth, we shall be there,
00:11:21waiting inconspicuously at the gate.
00:11:38Come on.
00:12:04What's up?
00:12:05Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't know it was you, Mr. Sapling.
00:12:07Quite all right. The governor sent for me.
00:12:10Oh.
00:12:15Is it a big job?
00:12:16It's your stuffing box.
00:12:18Your what?
00:12:19Lucky you called me when you did,
00:12:20otherwise you'd have the prisoners floating out through the skylight.
00:12:23Right, well, I'd better leave you to finish off.
00:12:25I'll go and meet the governor. Long job?
00:12:27Oh, a couple of minutes.
00:12:29I've just got to make sure this stuffing box is resting squarely on the sparge pipe
00:12:33and the job's done.
00:12:36Well, it sounds highly complicated to me.
00:12:38I suppose it would to the layman.
00:12:40I can do it with me eyes shut.
00:12:47Very neat.
00:12:48Now do it with your eyes open.
00:12:55Morning, sir.
00:12:56Good morning.
00:12:57And lock it.
00:12:59Oh, 22893, you can call me Tutu.
00:13:04Oh.
00:13:05Mr. Barger, you've been in and out of this prison so often
00:13:07that you're known amongst the staff here as Yo-Yo.
00:13:09I see no point whatsoever in giving you any more words of advice.
00:13:12Oh, don't you worry, sir. I see my mistakes.
00:13:14I know where I always went wrong, sir.
00:13:16You got yourself nabbed.
00:13:17Exactly, but if I'd only had the right...
00:13:20What I really meant to say, sir, is I've seen the light, sir.
00:13:23Oh, and off you go.
00:13:24I suppose you wouldn't know the address of the nearest Salvation Army headquarters,
00:13:27would you, sir?
00:13:28Oh, now, come off it, Barger.
00:13:30But I mean it, sir.
00:13:31I want to be saved.
00:13:33Show Brother Barger safely off the premises, will you?
00:13:35Now.
00:13:37Well, goodbye, sir.
00:13:39No, Barger.
00:13:40Au revoir.
00:13:43None of you seem to share my convictions.
00:13:45Why not? You've said them all so far.
00:13:48I feel more like a criminal every minute.
00:13:50Well, you are, my lord.
00:13:51Oh, shut up, Spangford.
00:13:52Things are difficult enough without your comforting remarks.
00:13:57Oh.
00:13:58There's another thing.
00:13:59Oh.
00:14:00Pleasant day?
00:14:02Just waiting for a bus?
00:14:06They don't often stop at Lampost.
00:14:09Oh.
00:14:10Oh, sorry.
00:14:11We thought it was the Underground.
00:14:18Underground, my lord?
00:14:20Sorry, Spangford.
00:14:25Here he comes.
00:14:26Barger, our man.
00:14:28Oh.
00:14:43By the way, I'm Whitebait.
00:14:45Oh.
00:14:46And this is Spangford.
00:14:47How do you do, gentlemen?
00:14:48May we call you Jim?
00:14:49If you'd like, but if it's all the same to you, I prefer Wilfred.
00:14:52Oh, certainly.
00:14:53We wanted the best man we could find, so naturally we came to you.
00:14:56What's the nature of the job?
00:14:57The removal of the geyser.
00:14:59Oh, the geyser.
00:15:00Yes, I'm absolutely serious.
00:15:01It must disappear.
00:15:03Fiendishly clever, don't you think?
00:15:06It's the New Zealand geyser.
00:15:08Oh.
00:15:10I think I'll have a cuppa.
00:15:11Oh, may we join you?
00:15:13If you wish.
00:15:15Oh, three teas, please, Doris.
00:15:17Aye.
00:15:19Are you known here?
00:15:20Yes.
00:15:21Well, it doesn't seem very surprised to see you again.
00:15:23Oh, the odd cup of tea doesn't call for much celebration, does it?
00:15:26I find this casual air of indifference quite fascinating.
00:15:29Don't you agree, Spankpaw?
00:15:31I'm spellbound, my lord.
00:15:33Tell me, Jim.
00:15:34I'm sorry, Wilfred.
00:15:36Did the prison supply you with those clothes?
00:15:38Certainly not.
00:15:39I have a tailor.
00:15:40Oh, really?
00:15:41How are you keeping?
00:15:42All right.
00:15:43You?
00:15:44Oh, I mustn't grumble.
00:15:45That's right.
00:15:47We really are an incredibly unemotional race, Spankpaw.
00:15:50Indeed, my lord, we are.
00:15:53Now, about the geyser.
00:15:56Do you mind?
00:15:57Not so loud, please.
00:15:59All I said was, how about the geyser?
00:16:01Shh!
00:16:02Don't say it.
00:16:03Now, look here, your lordship.
00:16:05I'm a very busy man.
00:16:07Would you mind either stating your business or going?
00:16:09Well, you don't seem to realize that no one, except the three of us, must know it's been removed.
00:16:15Not even Lady Millicent?
00:16:17Who's she?
00:16:18My sister.
00:16:20She's bound to notice the gap on the wall, isn't she?
00:16:22No, no, no.
00:16:23She never goes into the room.
00:16:25Never?
00:16:26Well, once or twice a year at the most.
00:16:31So you want me to come along tonight and remove the...
00:16:34Remove the geyser.
00:16:35Exactly.
00:16:37You see, we'll hold a dinner party and invite the local magistrate, Mr. Mallow.
00:16:42He's a tough old bird, but his presence will prove that we had nothing to do with it.
00:16:47Now, how would you like to enter the manor?
00:16:50Well, I suppose it's out of the question to come through the front door.
00:16:53Absolutely.
00:16:54You'll miss all the flower beds that way.
00:16:58Excuse me a moment.
00:16:59Oh, yes, certainly.
00:17:05Boss.
00:17:06What?
00:17:07Have you seen the papers today?
00:17:08Yes.
00:17:09Has anyone escaped from anywhere?
00:17:11No, don't think so.
00:17:19Well, where were we?
00:17:22Where were we?
00:17:23The method of entry.
00:17:25There's a scullery window.
00:17:26And a conservatory window.
00:17:28You'll need a step ladder.
00:17:29And my first floor bedroom.
00:17:31Oh, and there's a very convenient drain pipe.
00:17:34Now, which of those do you favour?
00:17:36Well, when I make things difficult for myself, I'll just pop down the chimney.
00:17:50Thanks, Mike.
00:17:51All right, Jim.
00:17:52See you soon.
00:18:01Anyone home?
00:18:04Jim's back.
00:18:06Elsie.
00:18:07Not so loud, please.
00:18:12I am trying to read.
00:18:14Oh, I'm very sorry.
00:18:15I'm sure.
00:18:18Here.
00:18:19Who are you?
00:18:20I'm a lodger.
00:18:21Sneed.
00:18:22Oh, pleased to meet you, Mr. Sneed.
00:18:25I've been away for some time, as you probably know.
00:18:28Yes, Elsie did tell me.
00:18:29Oh, good.
00:18:30Where is she?
00:18:31Oh, I've just sent her out for some beer.
00:18:33Splendid.
00:18:35You, um...
00:18:37You working?
00:18:40Of course not.
00:18:41God, man.
00:18:43What's your particular line of business?
00:18:45Well, I belong to the Friends of Freedom.
00:18:47I'm a strike organiser.
00:18:48Oh, really?
00:18:49Well, it takes all sorts to break a world, doesn't it?
00:18:53Are things going all right?
00:18:55Well, no.
00:18:56As a matter of fact, they're not, friend.
00:18:58We're going through a very sticky patch indeed.
00:19:00I might say that we've never had it so bad.
00:19:02Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:19:04How do you make ends meet?
00:19:05Well, I'm on national assistance.
00:19:07Oh, well, if they're looking after you all right,
00:19:09that's all that matters, isn't it?
00:19:12Oh, hello.
00:19:13You're back.
00:19:15Watch out, me old China.
00:19:16How have you been keeping?
00:19:17All the better for not having you around.
00:19:19Well, come on, give us a kiss.
00:19:21Oh, right.
00:19:23Finished?
00:19:24Nearly.
00:19:25Do you mind if I go upstairs?
00:19:26I find sentimentality quite embarrassing.
00:19:37Here, allow me.
00:19:39It's a pleasure.
00:19:48Here.
00:19:50You haven't altered much.
00:19:52Well, I've got to get back into training.
00:19:54Now, let's have a look at the chart.
00:19:56You know, you must admit I'm exhausted, this neck of the woods.
00:19:58Well, I'm not moving.
00:20:00Why not?
00:20:01It's not worth it.
00:20:02You're only home for about a week every three years.
00:20:04Yes, but things are going to be different now.
00:20:06I've thought out a new system.
00:20:07You see, the police got wise to me, old one.
00:20:09They always knew what I was going to strike next,
00:20:11but they won't know in the future.
00:20:12Why?
00:20:13Because I don't know meself.
00:20:15Here, watch.
00:20:18Look, I daggum, here I come.
00:20:26Good evening.
00:20:27It took a bit of finding, but I...
00:20:29Shh, shh, shh.
00:20:30They're all here.
00:20:31Who are?
00:20:32Mr. Peter Brewster, the local magistrate,
00:20:34and they just started the soup.
00:20:35Oh.
00:20:36Now, you'll go round the back.
00:20:37I'm afraid the chimney was too narrow.
00:20:39But we'll put a ladder up instead.
00:20:41Good luck.
00:20:42Good luck.
00:20:51Come along, Hallo.
00:20:52The ladies will be with us in a moment.
00:20:54What the devil's going on here, Whitebait?
00:20:56Got the bums in?
00:20:58Oh, no.
00:20:59No, not at all.
00:21:00They're from the pest control.
00:21:04Yes, I think I've got a death watch beetle.
00:21:07Probably turned up in the soup, one.
00:21:10I think I heard it.
00:21:12Yeah.
00:21:13There it is again.
00:21:14Oh, no, that's not a beetle.
00:21:16That's my beetler.
00:21:17I mean, butler.
00:21:18Excuse me.
00:21:19What is it?
00:21:21He's arrived, milord.
00:21:22Oh, good.
00:21:23We'll have dinner now.
00:21:25Where's my sister?
00:21:27In the bath, I believe.
00:21:28Oh, not again.
00:21:30Bring in the soap.
00:21:32The soup.
00:21:40Oh, good evening.
00:21:57I'm sorry to trouble you, but Lord Whitebait's expecting me.
00:22:00Oh, then come in.
00:22:02Oh, thank you.
00:22:10I'm sorry to trouble you, but Lord Whitebait don't expect me at all.
00:22:23It's a German steward.
00:22:30There's a man to see Lord Whitebait, milady.
00:22:32I'm afraid he's at dinner.
00:22:34Is it frightfully important?
00:22:36Oh, no.
00:22:37There till do.
00:22:39I've just come to remove the geezer from the bathroom.
00:22:41Oh, not before time, too.
00:22:43It'll blow the whole roof one of these days.
00:22:46Obsolete model, I expect.
00:22:48It does everything but move.
00:22:50Well, where is it, please?
00:22:51I'll show you.
00:22:56If you go up the stairs, it's on the right.
00:22:58Oh, thank you.
00:23:00You can't miss it.
00:23:03Vincent Van Gogh.
00:23:05Oh, Jimmy Poole, you're rich.
00:23:07Rich beyond the dreams of average.
00:23:22A first aid.
00:23:25This can't be it.
00:23:49Well.
00:23:51You're a pretty ugly looking sight, aren't you?
00:23:59Help!
00:24:00Help!
00:24:01Help!
00:24:02Murder!
00:24:03Murder!
00:24:08Stop it, you're breaking me neck.
00:24:13I can explain everything.
00:24:15Oh, you shall.
00:24:16In the morning.
00:24:18Vincent, I can explain everything.
00:24:20Anything known about sapling?
00:24:22No previous conviction, sir.
00:24:24Fined 10 pounds and bound over to keep the peace for 12 months.
00:24:30What about Mr. Barger?
00:24:33Here we go.
00:24:3449 previous convictions, sir.
00:24:36You've reached your half century.
00:24:39Six months.
00:24:40Congratulations.
00:24:41Sorry.
00:24:46The Lord.
00:24:47Oh, control yourself, Spangford.
00:24:49Mr. Sappy's coming up the drive.
00:24:51Don't let him in.
00:24:52Don't answer the door.
00:24:53I can't face him.
00:24:54He must think we're a bunch of lunatics.
00:24:58Call against.
00:25:08Ah!
00:25:10Ah!
00:25:11It's that peeping Tom again.
00:25:18What happened?
00:25:19How am I to know?
00:25:21Well, I'm going to find out now.
00:25:22Take me to his lodger.
00:25:23Yes, sir.
00:25:24Just a minute, sir.
00:25:25I'll go and see if he's in.
00:25:28Tell him we're out.
00:25:29Get rid of him.
00:25:33I'm sorry.
00:25:34He's out.
00:25:35Could you call again?
00:25:36Oh, no.
00:25:37I wouldn't think of doing that.
00:25:39If it's all the same to you, I'll just go in and wait.
00:25:47Sorry, my lord.
00:26:13Charles, it's that peeping.
00:26:15Ah!
00:26:16Ah!
00:26:20Well, Spangford, if that's all right, you can go.
00:26:24We'll look for this some other time.
00:26:27You may even turn up in the vacuum cleaner.
00:26:30Very good, my lord.
00:26:33Very good, my lord.
00:26:40Now, my dear Mr. Sapling, I feel we owe you an apology.
00:26:44Well, you can make it from there.
00:26:45Just don't come any nearer.
00:26:46That's all.
00:26:47I'll shout for the police.
00:26:48Don't mention that word.
00:26:49I beg you.
00:26:50Now, what can I do for you?
00:26:53Five pounds for my expenses in connection
00:26:55with that perishing geezer.
00:26:56And a further 10 pounds towards a little case in court.
00:27:01I'm afraid you must believe me, Mr. Sapling,
00:27:03when I tell you that I haven't got 15 pounds.
00:27:08Lord Whitebeard, I'm not exactly a fool.
00:27:11And it occurs to me at our first meeting
00:27:13we were talking at cross purposes.
00:27:15I was engaged as a burglar, not a plumber.
00:27:18Am I right?
00:27:20Yes.
00:27:21I thought so.
00:27:22Why?
00:27:24Well...
00:27:25Danny, I didn't know you were busy.
00:27:27Mr. Sapling.
00:27:30How are you?
00:27:32I'm very well, thank you.
00:27:34I am sorry you got involved in that stupid case.
00:27:37Oh, well, it's all over now.
00:27:39I hope it didn't harm your reputation at all.
00:27:41No, I don't think so.
00:27:43Good.
00:27:44I thought you looked very impressive
00:27:45standing up there in the witness box.
00:27:47Very nice of you to say so.
00:27:49I mean it.
00:27:50What did you want to see me about, Kate?
00:27:52Peter's been pressing me about the wedding.
00:27:54He wants it to be at the end of the month.
00:27:56Oh, good.
00:27:57It's going to be an awful expense for you.
00:27:59You'll want a huge reception and everything.
00:28:01Don't worry, my dear.
00:28:03We'll manage.
00:28:04All right, then.
00:28:05I'll tell him.
00:28:10Thank you, Mr. Sapling.
00:28:12Quite all right.
00:28:19The end of the month.
00:28:21What am I to do?
00:28:22I can't tell her fiancé that I'm broke.
00:28:25My only chance was to employ Jim Barger,
00:28:28and now he's got himself locked up again.
00:28:30Barger?
00:28:32You won't Barger.
00:28:34Of course.
00:28:35He was my last hope, and now he's inside.
00:28:38Then we shall have to get him out.
00:28:39What do you say?
00:28:40If your daughter's happiness is at stake,
00:28:42we'll get him if we have to move heaven and earth to do it.
00:28:45You mean you're willing to risk your neck for me?
00:28:47Perhaps not for you entirely.
00:28:49Let's just say the edge of chivalry is not yet dead.
00:28:52Am I to understand
00:28:53that you're going to help Mr. Barger to escape?
00:28:55I know every stopcock, pipe, and manhole in the entire prison.
00:28:58If I can't do it, then no one can.
00:29:00The only trouble is letting Barger know.
00:29:02I'm not supposed to have any contact with the prisoners.
00:29:04She could say you were a relative.
00:29:06That's no good. They'd recognize me.
00:29:08Of course.
00:29:09Wait a minute.
00:29:11Suppose I went there and they didn't recognize me.
00:29:14Would you show me up to Lady Millicent's room?
00:29:16Yes, of course.
00:29:18When I heard that you called,
00:29:20I felt I ought to take this opportunity
00:29:22of meeting the wife of one of our most frequent and hardened prisoners.
00:29:26Sugar?
00:29:27Yes, please.
00:29:28One lump or two?
00:29:30Three.
00:29:32Oh.
00:29:33It's a change to meet a woman who isn't slimming.
00:29:35Oh, I've been a steady 12 stone ever since I was in the Navy.
00:29:40The Navy?
00:29:43The Navy.
00:29:44Oh, the Navy. I see.
00:29:50Is that where you first met Mr. Barger?
00:29:53Yes.
00:29:55Strange.
00:29:56The TV is beautiful.
00:30:02Did you know that he had a criminal record before the war?
00:30:08No.
00:30:09So, you were innocent of that fact at the time you married him.
00:30:12Oh, yes.
00:30:13I was innocent of all the facts.
00:30:16Oh, a little more tea, Mrs. Barger.
00:30:18Oh, well, perhaps just a soup spoon.
00:30:20There you are.
00:30:23Milk?
00:30:26And, uh, three lumps.
00:30:29Oh, yes.
00:30:31Oh, yes.
00:30:32And a little milk.
00:30:34Oh, yes.
00:30:35And a little milk.
00:30:37And a little milk.
00:30:39I'll have a little milk.
00:30:42Well, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Barger.
00:30:44Three lumps.
00:30:45I think.
00:30:47There's one thing I would very much like to know.
00:30:50Yes?
00:30:51When did you first realize that you had married a cat burglar?
00:30:54I think it was about a month later.
00:30:56I came down one morning and found the place full of cats.
00:31:00Full of what?
00:31:03Full of cat burglars.
00:31:11It must have been a very distressing moment for you.
00:31:14Yes, it was.
00:31:16So, even when you knew the worst, you still stuck to him.
00:31:20Oh, yes.
00:31:21I knew that he needed me more than ever.
00:31:23Yes, I suppose a woman's love might have saved him.
00:31:27You can't beat it, can you?
00:31:29What?
00:31:30I was thinking of my mother.
00:31:33Mrs. Barger, I'm going to be perfectly frank with you.
00:31:36I think your husband is a very good man at heart.
00:31:39Or could be.
00:31:40In my opinion, there is only one thing which will help him reform.
00:31:43You must have a baby.
00:31:47But he's never home.
00:31:49I'm most awfully sorry.
00:31:50It's nothing really.
00:31:51I won't embarrass you any longer.
00:31:53I'll get the warden to take you down to the visitor's room right away.
00:31:57Forgive me for any distress I may have caused you.
00:31:59But you see, it is our duty not only to lock your husband up, but to try and help him.
00:32:05I'll try and help him too.
00:32:07Lock it.
00:32:08Take this lady down to see Barger.
00:32:10I do hope you won't find the visit too upsetting.
00:32:13Entirely.
00:32:14Entirely.
00:32:21Not at all.
00:32:22Not at all.
00:32:24Shall we go?
00:32:27We're not.
00:32:31Yeah, I know all about that.
00:32:32Why are you dressed up like that?
00:32:34This for you, you see.
00:32:36I would like to dress up for you, you know.
00:32:38Yeah, I know how much.
00:32:40Barger.
00:32:41Chelsea, come and see you next week.
00:32:42Oh, go on.
00:32:43All right, all right.
00:32:44Let her come.
00:32:46Barger.
00:32:49How long, Tutu?
00:32:53Barger!
00:32:55Are you coming in there to see your wife, or have I got to drag you in?
00:32:57Look, in all my 30 years, she's never come to see me once.
00:32:59I don't see why she wants to start now.
00:33:01I am not interested in your domestic relations, Barger.
00:33:03Just do as you're told.
00:33:05Oh, go and ask her what she wants.
00:33:07Please.
00:33:08All right.
00:33:13Come on in, Paul.
00:33:16I'm very sorry, Mrs. Barger, but he says he wants to know what you want.
00:33:18Does he?
00:33:19I'm afraid so.
00:33:20Not very gentlemanly, is it?
00:33:22I must say he's not a very gentlemanly type.
00:33:24Well, I don't know how to tell you.
00:33:26Can I whisper?
00:33:28Why don't you better sit down?
00:33:29Yes.
00:33:38What?
00:33:39It must be that punishing lodger.
00:33:41He got me for an hour at lunchtime.
00:33:43I was back in the cell that night.
00:33:44Now, come on, Elsie, what's this?
00:33:45Oh, children.
00:33:47Oh, children.
00:33:48Oh, children.
00:33:49Oh, children.
00:33:50Oh, children.
00:33:51Oh, children.
00:33:52Oh, children.
00:33:53Oh, children.
00:33:54Oh, children.
00:33:55Oh, children.
00:33:57She's not my wife.
00:33:59You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
00:34:02Go on, comfort her.
00:34:06Who are you?
00:34:07Very well, Jim.
00:34:08Who are you?
00:34:11What's this all about?
00:34:13Well, I hardly like to say it with you standing there.
00:34:21Look into my eyes, Jim.
00:34:24Wilf!
00:34:27Wilf, for crying out loud, it's Winnie.
00:34:30I just had to see you, Jim.
00:34:32There's some things one can't write about in a letter,
00:34:34and I wanted you to be the first to know about a certain event.
00:34:47I just had to get it off my chest.
00:34:49You're not angry with me, are you?
00:34:51No, no, I'm delighted.
00:34:53It all sounds very exciting.
00:34:55All right, you two.
00:34:56Time's up.
00:34:57Say goodbye.
00:34:59Goodbye, Angel.
00:35:02Goodbye, precious.
00:35:06Come along now, Barger.
00:35:07You've done enough damage.
00:35:08Back to the workroom.
00:35:15All right, Venom.
00:35:16This way.
00:35:21You've been most kind.
00:35:23Hey, you'll find a bus stop just down there.
00:35:27Very basic.
00:35:54PHONE RINGS
00:35:59Hello?
00:36:00Oh, good morning, Your Lordship.
00:36:02Everything ready?
00:36:04Good.
00:36:06Synchronise your watches.
00:36:09Stand by.
00:36:12Start Operation Stopcock now!
00:36:15Stopcock!
00:36:16Huh?
00:36:17No, I'm sorry, not you.
00:36:18Stop Operation Stopcock!
00:36:20Now we've got to turn off the prison water mains.
00:36:27All the news in the world.
00:36:28Here we are with all the Sunday papers.
00:36:40What's your mate?
00:36:43What do you say?
00:36:45What's your mate?
00:36:47Well, how does one reply to that?
00:36:49I've no idea.
00:36:50Shall we just smile and answer in the vernacular?
00:36:54Hello, my old...
00:36:55Huh?
00:36:56Huh?
00:36:58What are you going to do?
00:36:59Oh, just a routine job.
00:37:01We're from the Metropolitan Water Board.
00:37:06After you, my lord.
00:37:07No, no, no.
00:37:08No, after you.
00:37:09No, I insist.
00:37:10Oh, very well.
00:37:14He's really quite good once he starts.
00:37:16He's a raving genius.
00:37:18This is great fun.
00:37:19Care to join me, my lord?
00:37:20Oh, thank you, Spankball.
00:37:32Oh, you've sunken me, Sandy!
00:37:34Oh, I don't know what's happened to me.
00:37:39Here, come back here, you liar.
00:37:41Here, come back here, you liar.
00:37:48Hello?
00:37:49Supling here.
00:37:50Wilmot Scrubs here.
00:37:51Sorry to disturb you on a Sunday,
00:37:53but something seems to have gone wrong with our water supply.
00:37:56I wonder if you could come over right away.
00:37:58Be right over.
00:38:12Oh, lucky we caught you in.
00:38:14There's not a drop of water coming through the mains.
00:38:15Oh, marvellous.
00:38:17Where do you want to start looking for the fault?
00:38:18Under the chapel.
00:38:19There's your danger point.
00:38:20The chapel?
00:38:21Aye, you see, you've got a main junction there.
00:38:23It might be a stoppage,
00:38:24in which case you could have a minor volcano
00:38:26right in the middle of your mattings.
00:38:27Oh, we've got a service coming off in ten minutes.
00:38:29Then there's no time to waste.
00:38:30Don't worry, I'll do all I can to avert a disaster.
00:38:32Now, there must be no panic.
00:38:33Let everything carry on as though normal.
00:38:35Can't stop now.
00:38:37Wish me luck.
00:38:39Good luck.
00:38:42Oh!
00:38:44Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:38:45Have I disturbed your prayers?
00:38:47I'm a plumber.
00:38:48That's all right, my boy.
00:38:49We have all denominations here.
00:38:51Bless you, my son.
00:39:12Wait till the processional, him!
00:39:14Right!
00:39:42Come on.
00:39:50Red Red let us start our service this morning
00:39:52with hymn number 28,
00:39:54O Come, All Ye Faithful.
00:40:04Keep singing and I'll find you again.
00:40:11What are you doing up here, Mr. Sadler?
00:40:12Oh, I'm still trying to trace that leak.
00:40:16Oh, man, freedom!
00:40:21Oh, good morning, sir.
00:40:23Good morning.
00:40:24I'm afraid the main junction's blocked.
00:40:26Pressure's building up all the time.
00:40:30Ah!
00:40:31Oh, yes.
00:40:36The choir has done a bunk.
00:40:40We'd better double up for them.
00:40:43We'd better get their places in the early on.
00:40:51Sing, all ye faithful,
00:40:54Glory in the highest.
00:40:59Unless you can fix it temporarily,
00:41:00you must wait until after the service.
00:41:02Very good, sir.
00:41:18You'd better escort him off the premises.
00:41:20Yes, sir.
00:41:21Come, all ye faithful.
00:41:27Oh, sorry, Mr. Sapling.
00:41:28What are you up to now, Mr. Sapling?
00:41:29I, um, I forgot me tools.
00:41:38Here we are.
00:41:39You'll find a bus stop just down there.
00:41:40I came by bicycle.
00:41:51Come, all ye faithful,
00:41:54Joyful and triumphant,
00:41:58O come ye, O come ye,
00:42:02To Bethlehem.
00:42:05Which way, Barger?
00:42:06God knows.
00:42:07And a fat chance I've got
00:42:08of being in love with a perishing glee club.
00:42:10Do you mean to say you don't know the way out?
00:42:12Of course I don't.
00:42:13Oh, we'll have to go on till we reach the sea.
00:42:15Ah, oh, shut up, will you?
00:42:17Look, heads it's right, tails it's left.
00:42:19Tails it is, that way.
00:42:20Now come on, and let's hope young Wilfred
00:42:22picks their scent up somewhere.
00:42:23Well, there's plenty of it about anyway.
00:42:25Wilfred said keep singing.
00:42:27Three.
00:42:28O come, all ye faithful,
00:42:32Joyful and triumphant,
00:42:36O come ye, O come ye,
00:42:40To Bethlehem.
00:42:51Barger!
00:42:53Barger!
00:42:55Jim!
00:42:57Are you there?
00:42:59Oh, dash it, he must have gone wrong.
00:43:02Can you hear me?
00:43:06Barger!
00:43:09Bar...
00:43:21I've lost me budgie.
00:43:23You've lost your what?
00:43:25Me budgie.
00:43:27Down there?
00:43:29Yes.
00:43:30You see, it got tired of flying and it wanted to walk.
00:43:33So we were just taking a little stroll
00:43:35when unfortunately it tripped and tumbled off the curb
00:43:37and went down a grating.
00:43:39His, uh, his knee must have gone from under him
00:43:42or his ankle or...
00:43:44or, um, something.
00:43:47I see.
00:43:49He should have had a walking stick, shouldn't he?
00:43:52Yes, I suppose he should, really.
00:43:55Well, I, uh, I won't detain you.
00:44:05If you come across him, you might let me know.
00:44:07Here's his description.
00:44:09He's green with a white tail,
00:44:13grey wings and blue eyes
00:44:16and walks with a limp.
00:44:20Whistle.
00:44:34Chirrup, chirrup, chirrup!
00:44:37Whistle.
00:44:42Whistle.
00:44:44Not a sound. Not a sound.
00:44:47Two, three.
00:44:49Come, all ye faithful,
00:44:53Joyful and triumphant,
00:44:57O come ye, O come ye,
00:45:01To Bethlehem.
00:45:05Derry, stop out.
00:45:07You've come home to a respectable hour.
00:45:09We wouldn't take you off the die to get up in the morning.
00:45:12Here ends the 101st lesson.
00:45:17I'll be to church all ready this morning.
00:45:19Evidently.
00:45:21Why don't you bring some of the old peace and goodwill back?
00:45:25Belt up.
00:45:27A fine day like this and you lie in the bed.
00:45:29You might have this place painted or something like that.
00:45:31Instead you're spending all my money that I'm earning.
00:45:33And you're just doing nothing and loafing about.
00:45:35I don't know what I'm going to do.
00:45:36I'm going to leave you to go on like this.
00:45:39He's got his skin full.
00:45:41Poor old perisher.
00:45:45I hope he ain't married much.
00:45:59Come on. Come on. Come on.
00:46:05Come on. Come on. Come on.
00:46:19There. It's the warning.
00:46:21All right, lad, I can take an int.
00:46:24Good.
00:46:27What time's the next service open?
00:46:30Joyful and triumphant.
00:46:33Will you shut up, Barger.
00:46:36Hold it. Hold it.
00:46:38Hello?
00:46:39Oh, Wilfred here.
00:46:41Oh, nice of you to look in.
00:46:43Are you okay?
00:46:44Yes, it's charming down here.
00:46:46Tell me, are we all right for Leicester Square or do we have to change?
00:46:49I can't get you out here.
00:46:51You're in Willington Avenue now and you should be in Gretna Road.
00:46:54Yeah, well, it's not very well signposted down here, you know.
00:46:58Well, if you carry straight on and take the next left-hand fork,
00:47:02then sharp right, that's Gretna Road. You can't miss it.
00:47:06All right, but for heaven's sake, don't lose us again.
00:47:11Whatever you do, keep singing.
00:47:13Don't worry, I'll find you again.
00:47:16And who might you be talking to?
00:47:18The Budgie?
00:47:20No one.
00:47:21That was just an echo, I suppose.
00:47:23Yes, an echo.
00:47:25I see.
00:47:26Well, do it again.
00:47:27No, thank you.
00:47:28Do it again.
00:47:32Hello.
00:47:33Hello.
00:47:35Hello.
00:47:36Hello.
00:47:38Goodbye.
00:47:39Goodbye.
00:47:41Fascinating, isn't it?
00:47:43Goodbye.
00:47:48Two, three.
00:47:50Come all ye faithful
00:47:54Joyful and triumphant
00:47:58O come ye, O come ye
00:48:02To Bethlehem
00:48:05Come and behold ye
00:48:10Of all ages
00:48:12O come ye, adoring
00:48:15O come ye
00:48:20This is it, sir, the mules.
00:48:21Oh, thank heaven for that.
00:48:22Well, you will for its sapling, the manhole should be halfway up the mules.
00:48:25This is where we erect the tent.
00:48:27Oh, I can't see it.
00:48:29Ah!
00:48:31Um, move it, will you, Spankhorn?
00:48:34How?
00:48:35Take the brake off.
00:48:37Thank you, my lord.
00:48:38Wait.
00:48:43That's all.
00:48:44You may go.
00:49:12Oh!
00:49:15What are you doing down here?
00:49:17I don't know, I've been depressed all day.
00:49:19Quick.
00:49:20I'm sorry.
00:49:21It's all right.
00:49:22Cheryl.
00:49:23Pardon?
00:49:27I've lost me bird.
00:49:29Eh?
00:49:30Down the manhole.
00:49:31You down what?
00:49:33Anthony!
00:49:35Cleo.
00:49:50Could you move over, please?
00:49:53Shall I tell you something?
00:49:55Yes.
00:49:56I'm arresting you for...
00:49:58Oh, here!
00:50:20Oh, good morning.
00:50:21Yes, lovely to have a bit of sunshine.
00:50:24Is this the westerly route?
00:50:26Yes, full and eternal for Victoria.
00:50:29Take the shortcut past the house of support.
00:50:32Oh, thanks.
00:50:34They're not sitting at the moment.
00:50:42Barger!
00:50:43Barger!
00:50:45What, sir?
00:50:46I can't get you out now.
00:50:48You're in the new system.
00:50:50You could have phoned me.
00:50:52Carry on till you pass Victoria.
00:50:54And whatever you do, keep singing or I'll never find you again.
00:50:57Oh, all right.
00:50:59Once again.
00:51:19No bread, no potatoes, no drinking.
00:51:21Oh, it just isn't worth living.
00:51:23No.
00:51:24I am sick of the spite of those rolling machines.
00:51:26I tell you, I shall be so thankful when I've seen the last of men.
00:51:29Oh, such a relief not to have them around.
00:51:36I do so like a nice hot shower.
00:51:39Oh, yes, isn't it?
00:51:43Has a man about five foot eleven, dark, wearing an oval, been past here?
00:51:46When?
00:51:47Just now.
00:51:48Yes, that's right.
00:51:50He's going to Victoria.
00:51:52Eh?
00:51:53Oh.
00:52:17First group forward.
00:52:28Second group, pass.
00:52:37Second group, pass.
00:53:08Oh, come along, my dear.
00:53:09Up you get.
00:53:10No, no.
00:53:11Up.
00:53:12And go.
00:53:13With the pole.
00:53:14I don't want to.
00:53:15Please.
00:53:16I don't want to.
00:53:17Oh, yes, you do.
00:53:18Come along now.
00:53:19No, I don't want to.
00:53:20Come along now.
00:53:21I don't want to.
00:53:22Yes, you do.
00:53:24A doll!
00:53:28A doll!
00:53:32I've got filth in my eyes.
00:53:34Oh.
00:53:35Ow.
00:53:42Oh, what a day.
00:53:45Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:53:52oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:53:58oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:54:05oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:54:10oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
00:54:15Oh, dear, a little too much on the thighs, my dear, but we're all right here!
00:54:19Turn over.
00:54:22Here, excuse me, I must just see my glasses.
00:54:24And now we're going to do the tree movement.
00:54:35Now the first group are going to be trees, and the second group are going to rustle through
00:54:40them like wind.
00:55:31That's a word for men like you, sir.
00:55:39Will he listen, you see?
00:55:40No, he will not.
00:55:41I'm a police officer.
00:55:42Prove it.
00:55:43Where's your whistle then?
00:55:44Oh, thank heaven you've arrived.
00:56:00You can't move this darn thing.
00:56:01Oh, never mind that now.
00:56:02Barge is off course.
00:56:03Made for Gretna Road.
00:56:04I'll try and re-route him.
00:56:05Get along there, boys.
00:56:06Come and behold.
00:56:07Come the night of angels.
00:56:08Oh, come and adore.
00:56:09Get in there.
00:56:10Don't tell me you're afraid of the dark.
00:56:11Yeah.
00:56:12What, for crying out loud?
00:56:13Come on, get weaving.
00:56:14I'm going to be out of here by Christmas.
00:56:15Come on in.
00:56:16Come on in.
00:56:17Come on in.
00:56:18Come on in.
00:56:19Come on in.
00:56:20Come on in.
00:56:21Come on in.
00:56:22Come on in.
00:56:23Come on in.
00:56:24Come on in.
00:56:25Come on in.
00:56:26Come on in.
00:56:27Come on in.
00:56:28Come on in.
00:56:29Come on in.
00:56:30Come on in.
00:56:31Come on in.
00:56:32Come on in.
00:56:35Come on in.
00:56:40Hiya, ladies.
00:56:45What ladies do you think you're playing at? Fairy queens?
00:56:48I say, I'm awfully sorry.
00:56:49You're a raving lunatic.
00:56:51Don't talk to me like that. I'm a sergeant.
00:56:53Well, would Sir Malcolm care to put his tiny foot on my bumper?
00:57:03Oh, I shall be glad when this is over.
00:57:05Such a long time.
00:57:09Oh, I think this is a heavy object.
00:57:16Aye, how did this ridiculous thing go?
00:57:28There must be half the prison there.
00:57:30They'll give themselves away, my lord.
00:57:32Hager, this is Sunday morning.
00:57:35What a perish in everything you're doing.
00:57:37Oh, that's perfectly all right.
00:57:39We're just from the metropolitan.
00:57:42Well, tell me the butterfly there to fatten up.
00:57:49Well done, men, well done.
00:57:51They won't stop singing.
00:57:53Oh, leave it to me.
00:57:56You're there now.
00:57:58Shh, not so much noise.
00:58:01Oh, shove the tent over.
00:58:04Hello.
00:58:06Dr. Livingston, I presume.
00:58:08Did you have a pleasant journey?
00:58:09Delightful.
00:58:10May we join you?
00:58:12What the heck are you doing here?
00:58:14They both helped in your escape.
00:58:15Well, I'm very grateful, I'm sure,
00:58:17but what prompted you to winker me out of the scrubs?
00:58:20He's got a very important job for you.
00:58:22Dangerous?
00:58:23No.
00:58:24What is it?
00:58:25Stealing a picture.
00:58:27Stealing a picture?
00:58:29Dangerous?
00:58:30No.
00:58:31What is it?
00:58:32Stealing a picture.
00:58:33Where from?
00:58:35Whitebait Manor.
00:58:36What?
00:58:37Look out, I'm going back.
00:58:38Oh, you listen, Barnsley.
00:58:40Oh, I will not.
00:58:41And take your hands off.
00:58:43Belt up.
00:58:45Belt up.
00:58:46What's the matter with you?
00:58:47What's the matter with you?
00:58:48What's the matter with you?
00:58:49What's the matter with you?
00:58:50What's the matter with you?
00:58:51What's the matter with you?
00:58:52Shut up.
00:58:53Shut up.
00:58:54Shut up.
00:58:55Shut up.
00:58:56Shut up.
00:58:57Shut up.
00:58:58Oh, shut your face.
00:58:59Oh, shut up.
00:59:00Shut up, you.
00:59:01We are hardly dressed for a sonic conference, are we?
00:59:03Well, it isn't exactly what you call casual wear, is it?
00:59:06You look like a bunch of monks.
00:59:08Here, that's what we better be.
00:59:10Roll up your trousers, boys.
00:59:11What for?
00:59:12Don't argue, do as I say.
00:59:14Roll up your trousers.
00:59:15Wilfred Sapling here has become leader of a new brotherhood.
00:59:19The Sapling Salvationists.
00:59:23The Sapling Salvationists?
00:59:24What's that?
00:59:25I don't have a clue, but you're better to start pretty quick.
00:59:29Here, what are you lot doing here?
00:59:31Oh, uh, well, um, um.
00:59:36Good morning, brother.
00:59:37Would you care to join us to be saved?
00:59:39No.
00:59:40Oh, then be damned to.
00:59:42Now, come along, brothers.
00:59:44Let us sing the M, E, O, and valiant B.
00:59:47What number is it?
00:59:48I'm the pro, look it up.
00:59:49Who are you lot?
00:59:50It will profit you little to know.
00:59:52But this much I will tell you.
00:59:54The ages of sin is, um.
00:59:56Two, two, six.
00:59:57Twenty-two and six.
00:59:59Now, let us go forth in pairs.
01:00:01Two, three.
01:00:03He who would valiant be gains no disaster.
01:00:08Let him in constancy follow us faster.
01:00:13There's no discouragement shall make him once relent.
01:00:19His first abode is meant to be a pilgrim.
01:00:24He who would valiant be gains no disaster.
01:00:28Elsie, Elsie, get me the police.
01:00:30Let him in constancy follow us faster.
01:00:35Is that the police?
01:00:36I've got two raving lunatics here.
01:00:38They're disguised as waterboard officials.
01:00:40Yeah, and there's a lot of other fellas.
01:00:41I don't know who they are.
01:00:43Emergency in all cars.
01:00:45Follow us faster.
01:00:48There's no discouragement shall make him once relent.
01:00:54His first abode is meant to be.
01:00:58And when the day comes, my friends,
01:01:00and you have finally gained your freedom,
01:01:03you will all, each and every one of you,
01:01:06have your liberty and your big fat cigars.
01:01:10Now, can you picture what the world will be like then?
01:01:13It is fake, eh?
01:01:17All right, my friend.
01:01:19Jest if you will.
01:01:20Laugh if you will.
01:01:22Call me a liar if you will.
01:01:24Liar?
01:01:27Harold, just nip around and give our friend a freedom of thought if you want, will you?
01:01:30Oh.
01:01:32There's no discouragement shall make him once relent.
01:01:35His first abode is meant to be a pilgrim.
01:01:44Blimey, that's torn it.
01:01:45No, no, wait.
01:01:46Come on, men, I've got an idea.
01:01:47Come on.
01:01:48Three, four.
01:01:49He who would valiantly against all disaster.
01:01:54Harold, this must be some sort of religious sect.
01:01:56Stand your ground like a true atheist.
01:01:59There's no discouragement shall make him once relent.
01:02:05His first abode is meant to be a pilgrim.
01:02:11Friends, we must fight for the right to believe in nothing.
01:02:15Come on, there.
01:02:16Hurry up.
01:02:17Never.
01:02:18You can't make me...
01:02:19Hey, wait a minute.
01:02:20I know that face.
01:02:21Oh, God, the lodger.
01:02:22That's Barger.
01:02:23Hey, he should be...
01:02:30He who would valiantly against all disaster.
01:02:38The cops are closing in.
01:02:39Start talking.
01:02:40Make it quick and make it early.
01:02:41I'm not very well up on those sort of things.
01:02:42But you must remember something from your school days.
01:02:44Oh, the hymns.
01:02:45That'll do.
01:02:46Oh, well.
01:02:47Go on, get up there.
01:02:48His first abode is meant to be a pilgrim.
01:02:59All people that on earth do dwell.
01:03:05Onward, Christian soldiers.
01:03:09Fight the good fight.
01:03:11Was in the bleak midwinter.
01:03:13Good King Wenceslas last looked out.
01:03:19Rescue the perishing.
01:03:21It's the only bit of sense, isn't it?
01:03:23The moon belongs to everyone and the best things in life are free.
01:03:29That can't be right.
01:03:30Never mind that.
01:03:31The Rogers are getting suspicious.
01:03:32Oh, he's quite right, you know.
01:03:34Excuse me, madam.
01:03:36Speak of something quick.
01:03:38Art thou weary?
01:03:40Art thou languid?
01:03:42Good boy.
01:03:44I think we'll have to make a dash for it.
01:03:46All right, but let the boys know.
01:03:47Okay.
01:03:49So take heed, brothers, and save yourselves now.
01:03:54Our man.
01:03:56Hey!
01:04:06The keys are still in.
01:04:07Our prayers are not in vain.
01:04:08Hop in.
01:04:17Well, the band will have rumbled us by now.
01:04:18Where do we make for?
01:04:19Egham, for the Gorgoth geyser.
01:04:21And that's where you come in.
01:04:22Mate, I've got news for you.
01:04:23This is where I get out.
01:04:24Another 50 miles an hour.
01:04:26Well, that's a point.
01:04:32Officer, are we all right for Fulham Palace?
01:04:35The bishop's convocation, you know.
01:04:37Oh, yes, my lord.
01:04:39We take the first turn left across the Chiswick Passover.
01:04:42Passover?
01:04:43Of course.
01:04:44Thank you, officer.
01:04:46By the way, have you got the right time?
01:04:48Oh, certainly.
01:04:53Well, would you believe it?
01:04:55I must have left it at home.
01:04:57Just a moment.
01:05:02What does he want?
01:05:03I don't know, but don't knock him over.
01:05:04It might make him suspicious.
01:05:09I say I'm awfully sorry, but I've got a bishop's convocation here,
01:05:12and they want to know the time.
01:05:15Half past 11.
01:05:16Oh, thank you.
01:05:18Half past 11.
01:05:21You must be the plain clothes patrol.
01:05:23Yes, that's right.
01:05:25Who's he?
01:05:27I am the Bishop of Agam.
01:05:29I didn't know Agam had a bishop.
01:05:31Well, he's the late Bishop of Agam.
01:05:33Very late.
01:05:34I must get him to the church.
01:05:36Yes, get me to the church on time.
01:05:39By all means.
01:05:45That should keep him busy for a bit.
01:05:49Headquarters here.
01:05:50Come in.
01:05:51Abel Fox.
01:05:52Anything to report on prison break?
01:05:54Oh, heck.
01:05:55Leave this to me.
01:05:57Which way are we heading?
01:05:58Due west.
01:06:01Abel Fox calling headquarters.
01:06:03Prisoners disguised as bishops in a stolen black Rolls Royce
01:06:07heading due east.
01:06:09Over.
01:06:11Heading due east.
01:06:12Over.
01:06:13Thanks, Abel Fox.
01:06:14Roger.
01:06:15Out.
01:06:1610-4.
01:06:17Roger.
01:06:18In.
01:06:191 and 8.
01:06:20Filter.
01:06:21Out.
01:06:2220 for 3 and 11.
01:06:238, 9, 10.
01:06:24Your position, please.
01:06:25Jack, Queen, King.
01:06:26Game and set.
01:06:29Emergency in all cars.
01:06:31Emergency in all cars.
01:06:36Come on, mate.
01:06:37Sure, officer.
01:06:38We're bonafide Anglicans.
01:06:40Really?
01:06:41Well, we happen to know your wormwood scrubby hooligan.
01:06:43Now, in you go.
01:06:44Come on.
01:06:45But we're on our way to Fulham.
01:06:47Well, they're playing away this week.
01:06:49That's right.
01:06:50In you get.
01:06:51Come on, now.
01:06:52In you go.
01:06:54Hey, take your hands off me.
01:07:21We'll get a rat for Abus Corpius.
01:07:26Wait till our union gets to hear about this.
01:07:28Very humiliating.
01:07:29What puzzles me is why the police doubted us when we said we were men from the Waterborne.
01:07:34Could it be your continual reference to me as my lord mate?
01:07:47While you're having a chat with his lordship,
01:07:48I'll nip upstairs and change into something more comfortable.
01:07:50Good idea.
01:07:52Yes?
01:07:53Can we see Lord Whitebeard, please?
01:07:54I'm afraid you can't.
01:07:55He's locked up in a police station.
01:07:57He's what?
01:07:58He's behind bars.
01:07:59Well, where's Lady Kate?
01:08:01Gone to visit him.
01:08:04The police!
01:08:05Blimey, excuse us.
01:08:10Tell them everyone's out and the place is haunted.
01:08:20Here, give me your trousers.
01:08:21What am I going to wear?
01:08:22Have a look in the wardrobe.
01:08:26But these are all hunting clothes.
01:08:28They sound very suitable.
01:08:33Okay, men, spread out.
01:08:34You three, cover the back.
01:08:36We'll look after the front.
01:08:37We've reason to believe you're an escaped prisoner here.
01:08:39A prisoner?
01:08:40No, the place is empty and everyone's haunted.
01:08:43Mind if I search?
01:08:44No, but don't go upstairs.
01:08:46A ladyship is in the bath.
01:09:02Hey, they're closing in.
01:09:03We'll have to make a dash for it.
01:09:06Good luck.
01:09:11Excuse me.
01:09:14Young man, you should see a psychiatrist.
01:09:16I'd love to.
01:09:23Have a look upstairs.
01:09:24A ladyship!
01:09:33Have you ever wanted to see a fox pass this way?
01:09:35No.
01:09:38Where are your trousers?
01:09:40I was unseated at the water jump.
01:09:53Jump, my daddy.
01:09:58Oh, heck.
01:10:02Oh, come on, smile for daddy.
01:10:05Cool, the moaning leaser.
01:10:07Here, we've got another six months of your sparkling company, you know.
01:10:10I'm sorry.
01:10:11It was all my fault.
01:10:12I thought of the idea.
01:10:13Of course, you know, he tried to make out at the trial that he was the only guilty party.
01:10:17But I reckon his lordship and old St. Pancras over there, they ought to be doing your stretch.
01:10:21It's a terrible thing for them.
01:10:23Rubbish.
01:10:24A few months in the cool has got me a peace of mind.
01:10:26You speak for yourself.
01:10:29Oi, you're doing all right, ain't you?
01:10:31Well, one can't make as neat a job of it as one would wish.
01:10:33But I think it will look quite pretty.
01:10:35Ow!
01:10:36Don't you needle me too far.
01:10:38Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
01:10:42Special visitor for you.
01:10:43Name of White Bay.
01:10:44Oh, not Lady Millicent.
01:10:46Oh, I couldn't face it.
01:10:48Oh, not for you, your 33092 ship.
01:10:51For him.
01:10:52For me?
01:10:53Come on now, sapling.
01:10:54Jump to it.
01:11:02Get on with it.
01:11:06Number three grill, make it stabby.
01:11:15Is it...
01:11:16Is it me you wanted to see?
01:11:18Yes, it is.
01:11:19But what about your father?
01:11:21I wanted to see you first.
01:11:22To tell you how terribly sorry I am about all this.
01:11:25Oh, I've failed you.
01:11:26I've failed you all.
01:11:27No, you haven't.
01:11:28Father must have been mad to let you in for all this.
01:11:31Oh, well, it's only for six months.
01:11:33What's that out of a lifetime?
01:11:35I'll come and see you for every one of those six months, if I may.
01:11:38What will your fiancé say?
01:11:40Nothing.
01:11:42I'm not going to marry him anymore.
01:11:44Oh.
01:11:45I'm sorry.
01:11:47You needn't be.
01:11:48He couldn't stand the scandal.
01:11:50Anyway, when he discovered how poor we were,
01:11:52he decided he didn't love me after all.
01:11:54Didn't love you?
01:11:56He must have been mad.
01:11:57What's money got to do with this?
01:11:59I'll give up everything I have for you.
01:12:03You already have.
01:12:05I know that now.
01:12:07Hurry it up now, sapling.
01:12:09Goodbye, Wilfred.
01:12:15I love you, Kate.
01:12:20Time's up.
01:12:41I've had a call from the home office.
01:12:43Come with me, will you?
01:12:53What do the old geezer want this time?
01:12:55I told her I loved her and she...
01:12:57she touched my hand.
01:12:59Not that old seal that lives in the bath.
01:13:01Not Millicent.
01:13:03No, it was Kate.
01:13:07La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
01:13:14I must say, it's extremely generous of you
01:13:17to allow us out for the occasion.
01:13:20Well, you know, I have a daughter not unlike yours.
01:13:23She, too, can wind me round her little finger.
01:13:26Oh, really?
01:13:27Well, talking of fingers,
01:13:28I wonder if you'd be good enough
01:13:29to put these cufflinks in for me.
01:13:31You know, I've stuck so many needles into mine recently
01:13:35that I just can't grip a thing.
01:13:38Well, I must say that your sewing has improved lately.
01:13:42Oh, thank you very much.
01:13:47Come in.
01:13:53Kate, you look quite beautiful.
01:13:56I hope Wilfred thinks so.
01:13:58I must say, it's awfully kind of him
01:14:00to pay for the wedding and all that.
01:14:04I think he must love me.
01:14:06I think he must.
01:14:08Well, come on.
01:14:09We must fish your aunt out of the bath,
01:14:12or we'll be late.
01:14:14I now pronounce you man and wife.
01:14:17Bless you, my children.
01:14:35A very excellent choir.
01:14:38Are they from Yabby?
01:14:39No, my lady.
01:14:40They're from Wormwood Scrap.
01:14:42Oh.
01:14:43Oh!
01:14:45Goodbye, Daddy.
01:14:46Oh, I'll miss our wedding.
01:14:47So long, forever, sweetheart.
01:14:52I'll miss you too.
01:14:53I hope so much.
01:14:54Well, bye, Daddy.
01:14:56So long, Sofia.
01:14:57Well, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon.
01:14:59I'll miss you too.
01:15:00I'll kiss your mouth.
01:15:01I'll kiss your mouth.
01:15:02I'll kiss your mouth.
01:15:03I'll kiss your mouth.
01:15:04I'll kiss your mouth.
01:15:05And then we'll go to the dance.
01:15:06I'll give you a hug and a kiss from Yabby,
01:15:08and we'll go to the dance together.
01:15:10That'll be perfect.
01:15:11A kiss and a hug.
01:15:13Good-bye, Daddy. Good-bye, everybody.
01:15:15Good luck.
01:15:16God bless you.
01:15:17Yes.
01:15:18We'll drop her off and take you on to the scrubs.
01:15:20Oh, thanks.
01:15:22See you later.
01:15:33All right, you lot. In.
01:15:43Good-bye.
01:15:59You're a very remarkable man, Wilfred.
01:16:01I don't think so, but I'm a proud one.
01:16:13As fine a bunch of chaps you could ever wish to meet.
01:16:16A bunch of mugs, if you ask me.
01:16:19Why, you crafty old...
01:16:21...barger!
01:16:28And once again...
01:16:30La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
01:16:35Hey, come back here!
01:16:44All right, Uncle Ben, all right.
01:16:48Come on, lad, come on.
01:16:49No, no.
01:16:50You want an honeymoon, don't you?
01:16:51Yes, but not with you.
01:16:54We'll see.
01:16:55Come on, lad.
01:16:56Come on, lad, shoot me.
01:16:57Come on, boys, come on.
01:17:01Oh!
01:17:14News to standard.
01:17:15Dan and Skype are prisoners.
01:17:17Barger!
01:17:22Come on, big head.
01:17:43THE END
01:18:13© BF-WATCH TV 2021
01:18:43© BF-WATCH TV 2021