Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Listen, Bernie, what can I say? Love stinks. People get hurt.
00:00:05I've got to admit, a lot of great songs come out of it.
00:00:08So will you get off my back, please?
00:00:10All right, I'll see you at the club on Tuesday.
00:00:13A brawl!
00:00:14It was really more of a...
00:00:15A brawl! A brawl! You turned a level three date into a brawl?
00:00:21How did you...
00:00:22It's trending.
00:00:24Great. She's here. Hi.
00:00:26You want to take over the bow and arrow? Huh?
00:00:29You better shape up.
00:00:30Truth.
00:00:32Ruby, this job isn't easy.
00:00:34It never has been, and it's not getting any easier.
00:00:37Love has gotten lazy lately.
00:00:39You've got dating apps, reality TV.
00:00:41I don't even recognize the planet anymore.
00:00:44But, Cupid, you were so good at what you do.
00:00:47You are way too young to retire.
00:00:50Nah. Nah, I'm getting old.
00:00:52I still look good.
00:00:53Oh, like a fox.
00:00:54I do. I look very good lately.
00:00:57But these people!
00:00:59They're fickle, impatient, selfish.
00:01:02Love shouldn't be like that.
00:01:05And you.
00:01:06Want to take over the reins of this operation, huh?
00:01:10Well, I don't think you have the stomach for it.
00:01:12She doesn't.
00:01:13I do!
00:01:14I love love.
00:01:16When they find that person who completes them,
00:01:19who makes them happy,
00:01:21and who they were made for.
00:01:23I am made for finding that one person for everyone,
00:01:26and this job is made for me.
00:01:28That's not what her numbers say, though.
00:01:31She's right.
00:01:32Your numbers are wrong.
00:01:34They have been for a long time.
00:01:37It's tough out there.
00:01:39Right? No one believes in soulmates.
00:01:41No one believes in love at first sight.
00:01:42No one even believes in true love.
00:01:45In the old days, you fell in love.
00:01:48It was forever.
00:01:50Of course, you only lived till 35, so it was tolerable.
00:01:53Things are different now.
00:01:54I think you're too sensitive for this kind of work.
00:01:57Too sensitive for love? Come on.
00:02:02All right.
00:02:04All right, I'll give you one more chance.
00:02:06What?
00:02:07What?
00:02:08No, what a great idea.
00:02:12Merciful is what you are.
00:02:14Yes, I am.
00:02:15Thank you, Cupid.
00:02:17Just you wait.
00:02:18All right, I'm going to be turning those numbers upside down.
00:02:20The world is going to be romantic again.
00:02:23I'm not asking you to set the world on fire.
00:02:26Just make one person fall in love.
00:02:28And I've got the perfect case for you.
00:02:31Oh.
00:02:32A case from the X-Files.
00:02:37If you can find romance for this guy,
00:02:40then you are worthy of being the god of love.
00:02:45Charlie Conrad.
00:02:46College professor.
00:02:47We call him the anomaly.
00:02:50He's unmatchable.
00:02:51But there's someone for everyone.
00:02:53Not this guy.
00:02:54He seems nice.
00:03:04I could show you 50 more clips just like that.
00:03:07Every opportunity for romance seems to go wrong.
00:03:11Either his timing is off or he's trying too hard.
00:03:14Right now, I think he's given up trying altogether.
00:03:17Poor guy.
00:03:19Poor you.
00:03:20This is your last chance.
00:03:22You've got until Christmas Eve.
00:03:25Got your holidays mixed up, don't you?
00:03:28You think that's funny, huh?
00:03:31No.
00:03:32You know the last time I had a Christmas vacation?
00:03:341472.
00:03:361472.
00:03:37The last Christmas I saw, my family.
00:03:39Christmas tree.
00:03:40Presents.
00:03:41Eggnog.
00:03:42I want a Christmas vacation.
00:03:43You deserve a Christmas vacation, sir.
00:03:45I do.
00:03:46Philomena, go along and assist her.
00:03:48Sir!
00:03:49The clock strikes midnight on Christmas Eve.
00:03:52You will either take my place as the god of love,
00:03:55or you won't.
00:03:56Now get out of here.
00:03:58Thanks, man.
00:03:59Ah!
00:04:18Really professional.
00:04:19You could just try not to traumatize the mortals.
00:04:22You teaching me about professionalism.
00:04:24That is hilarious.
00:04:25I know you're here to assist me,
00:04:27but I'd rather work alone.
00:04:29Okay, this job's gonna be a piece of cake.
00:04:30I just...
00:04:31I just need to find the target.
00:04:35Target acquired.
00:04:37Huh.
00:04:39So, what's the plan?
00:04:41You gonna chat him up,
00:04:42ask him what he's looking for in a soulmate,
00:04:44give him a, uh,
00:04:45what's your type survey?
00:04:47Nope, that's the old me.
00:04:48Okay, no more hopeless romantic Ruby.
00:04:50Say hello to I mean business, Ruby.
00:04:58Bingo.
00:05:11I'm impressed.
00:05:13Maybe you have changed.
00:05:22Hi.
00:05:23I'm sorry, what?
00:05:24I gotta...
00:05:25Oh.
00:05:28I, uh...
00:05:29Oh, man.
00:05:30I always drop these things.
00:05:32Ow!
00:05:33Oh, no! Oh, no!
00:05:35Oh.
00:05:37Are you serious?
00:05:38Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
00:05:40Can I at least pay for your dry cleaning?
00:05:44Oh, man.
00:05:45Oh, those are tests!
00:05:52Yes!
00:05:53Yes!
00:05:55Oh, that was amazing!
00:05:58Oh, my.
00:05:59I need to...
00:06:00Okay.
00:06:02No.
00:06:08Oh!
00:06:10Here.
00:06:11Let me help.
00:06:15Come on.
00:06:20Oh, oh!
00:06:21Watch your step!
00:06:22Okay.
00:06:25You okay?
00:06:27Oh, yeah.
00:06:28Yeah, yeah.
00:06:29I'm good.
00:06:30Thanks.
00:06:31Just, uh...
00:06:32Found the thing.
00:06:33Yeah.
00:06:34I saw.
00:06:36Oh, yeah.
00:06:37You and everybody else on campus.
00:06:40Yeah, nothing to see here, folks.
00:06:42Just a grown man who can't seem to make it through a semester without falling in the fountain.
00:06:47Oh, this has happened before?
00:06:48It's a sore subject.
00:06:49I'd rather not talk about it.
00:06:50Really?
00:06:51Ooh.
00:06:53It's cold, right?
00:06:55It's winter.
00:06:56Almost Christmas.
00:06:58All right.
00:07:00Here you go.
00:07:03Where'd you get this?
00:07:04Always be prepared.
00:07:05That is my motto.
00:07:06I'm Ruby.
00:07:09Good motto.
00:07:13Well, I gotta go.
00:07:14Really only so much humiliation I can take in one day at one time, and, well, I think I might be freezing to death, so...
00:07:18Okay, keep it.
00:07:19Early Christmas present.
00:07:20Thanks.
00:07:22You're welcome.
00:07:23Yeah.
00:07:24New towel.
00:07:25Pink.
00:07:26Really brings out my eyes.
00:07:27Oh, yeah.
00:07:29Okay.
00:07:30Bye.
00:07:33See you around, Charlie!
00:07:42What a nerd.
00:07:44He's sweet.
00:07:46Good luck finding someone who agrees with you by Christmas.
00:07:49Twelve days, Ruby.
00:07:51Clock is ticking.
00:07:58So without a solid working knowledge of history, history is doomed to repeat itself.
00:08:03And if we realize that we didn't treat people well, or if we realize that, you know, maybe there's a better way to do these things, we can do it better the next time.
00:08:12Yeah.
00:08:13Yeah, I'm kind of confused about...
00:08:14Hey, Gina.
00:08:15Todd!
00:08:16How is...
00:08:17I'm having a conversation.
00:08:19So, are we supposed to...
00:08:20Hi, excuse me, can I talk to you guys?
00:08:22I have a few questions about Charlie.
00:08:25Who's Charlie?
00:08:26She means Professor Conrad.
00:08:27You a cop?
00:08:28She looks like a cop.
00:08:29I'm...
00:08:30I'm wearing pink.
00:08:32I'm a...
00:08:33I'm a reporter.
00:08:34And I'm...
00:08:35I'm writing a story, and I'm looking for some background.
00:08:38On Professor Conrad?
00:08:40Not to be mean, but...
00:08:42He isn't exactly the kind of person you would write an article about.
00:08:47Oh!
00:08:48Sorry, excuse me.
00:08:49Whatever background he has, I promise you, it is boring.
00:08:53Well, maybe not looking like a cop is your whole thing.
00:08:56I'm on to you, cop.
00:09:03Hey, you look like a bright young man.
00:09:05What can you tell me about Charlie?
00:09:07I mean, he's like a teacher.
00:09:09It's not like we hang out.
00:09:10Oh, yeah.
00:09:12He's nice, I guess, but kind of unreasonable.
00:09:15Like, when I tell him I don't have my project because my life has been so extra right now,
00:09:19and he gives me an extension, but it's not really enough of an extension.
00:09:23And then he doesn't even, like, try to understand that I have a lot going on right now.
00:09:27But, you know, nice.
00:09:31Nice.
00:09:32I like that he doesn't pretend to know my name.
00:09:34None of the teachers know my name.
00:09:36But Professor Conrad doesn't pretend like he does.
00:09:38I'll remember your name.
00:09:40What's your name?
00:09:41Well, as far as teachers go, he's probably, like, my second favorite,
00:09:45but that's really just because I hate history.
00:09:47Like, I hate it!
00:09:48Why are you yelling?
00:09:49I'm expressing myself!
00:09:51Do you need a hug?
00:09:56Hi, Charlie!
00:09:57Whoa, hey.
00:10:00You're, uh, you gave me the pink towel.
00:10:02Yeah, that's me, Ruby.
00:10:04Right, well, hi again.
00:10:05Hi! Charlie, I have the offer of a lifetime for you.
00:10:08Oh, I mean, it's all in Central Oils.
00:10:12I hear they're really great, but no, no, I'm here to help you.
00:10:16Help me what?
00:10:18Fall in love.
00:10:19Mm, that sounds fun, but not really in the market, so nice seeing you again.
00:10:23You know, it's nice to see you, too.
00:10:24See, Charlie, I'm what you could call a matchmaker.
00:10:26Ah, so you want me to pay you to fix me up?
00:10:28For you? Totally free.
00:10:30Mm, so you're a matchmaker for charity cases?
00:10:32Yes!
00:10:33But I can see by your face that's a bad thing, so no!
00:10:36No, I, I, I can just help you be happy.
00:10:40Yeah, thanks, but no thanks.
00:10:44But you're lonely.
00:10:46Don't you want love? Everybody wants love.
00:10:48Nope, not me. I've retired.
00:10:50But don't you want a sweetheart to spend Christmas with?
00:10:52No, I do not want that.
00:10:56You seem nice.
00:10:58You seem nice.
00:11:01Help me out of the fountain.
00:11:02Gave you a towel.
00:11:03Gave me a towel, but, uh, not to be rude, but...
00:11:09You're kind of freaking me out.
00:11:10Oh.
00:11:11Yeah, yeah.
00:11:12So, if, uh, if you stop walking, I'll keep walking, and, and, and we can just...
00:11:17I don't want to freak you out.
00:11:18Yeah, thanks.
00:11:19Yeah, yeah. Okay.
00:11:20Bye.
00:11:21See you around, Charlie.
00:11:22Yep, okay.
00:11:27Bye.
00:11:45Okay, Charlie, we need to talk.
00:11:49Why are you in my house?
00:11:50Because I mean business.
00:11:52Well, that is terrifying.
00:11:54Look, I don't have any money.
00:11:56I'm a teacher.
00:11:57What? No, I'm, I'm freaking you out again.
00:11:59I'm Ruby, remember? With the...
00:12:00Ah, no! Yes! Wait! The towel! Hold on! Hold on!
00:12:07Here. Here, take...
00:12:14I don't want the towel.
00:12:27Oh!
00:12:30Charlie! That lamp was, like, the nicest thing in here!
00:12:35Can we dial this down a notch?
00:12:37No!
00:12:38Help!
00:12:51I think I might have used the wrong tactic here.
00:12:54Can we start over?
00:12:57Okay, good.
00:13:00What is going on?
00:13:03So this is gonna sound weird, but...
00:13:05Have you heard of Cupid?
00:13:07Cupid? Like, as in...
00:13:10Valentine's Day Cupid?
00:13:11Yes! But he's Cupid every day.
00:13:17Oh, okay.
00:13:18I've never told a mortal before, but...
00:13:21I only have 11 days, so...
00:13:23Gloves are coming off, Charlie!
00:13:24You're not gonna hit me, right?
00:13:25Oh, no, no, no! I'm not gonna hit you.
00:13:27I'm not gonna hit you.
00:13:29Okay, I'm about to tell you a really big secret,
00:13:33and I need you to prepare yourself.
00:13:36Okay.
00:13:39I work for Cupid.
00:13:40And if things go well, I'm going to move into his position
00:13:43and become the god of love, if you can believe it.
00:13:46Or, I guess, the goddess of love.
00:13:48I guess you could say I'm a Cupid in training.
00:13:51That is fascinating.
00:13:53Yeah.
00:13:54But what are the job requirements for something like that?
00:13:58Well...
00:14:00Hey!
00:14:11Oops.
00:14:19Feeling better?
00:14:21Before you broke into my house and beat me up?
00:14:23No.
00:14:24Beat you up is a bit of an exaggeration.
00:14:27I was trying to explain to you when you flipped out.
00:14:29Yeah, well, I've recently sustained a head injury,
00:14:31so please recap.
00:14:32You're, uh, Cupid?
00:14:34His apprentice.
00:14:37Fat baby in a diaper with wings.
00:14:38Well, he's not a baby anymore,
00:14:40and for obvious reasons,
00:14:42HR convinced him to start wearing pants a long time ago.
00:14:44But, yeah.
00:14:45You're like a goddess.
00:14:46Oh.
00:14:47No.
00:14:48No?
00:14:49No, no.
00:14:50No.
00:14:51Oh, no.
00:14:52Ruby God.
00:14:53Magical immortal.
00:14:54Interfering in the lives of humans.
00:14:56That kind of thing.
00:14:57Ha!
00:14:58Ruby the Immortal.
00:14:59Well, my real name is Cherub.
00:15:01But Ruby just has more zing, don't you think?
00:15:03Way more zing.
00:15:04Yeah.
00:15:05And, um...
00:15:06I'm sorry, but you're bothering me.
00:15:07Why?
00:15:08I'm helping you.
00:15:09Helping you find love.
00:15:12Oh.
00:15:13Okay.
00:15:14Great.
00:15:15Well, I'm a little tired,
00:15:17so I'm gonna go to bed,
00:15:18but you can call me tomorrow,
00:15:19and we'll schedule a little love-finding session.
00:15:21No time!
00:15:22We're on a ticking clock here.
00:15:23I have until midnight on Christmas Eve
00:15:25to make you fall in love.
00:15:27Uh, Christmas isn't even your holiday.
00:15:29I know.
00:15:30It's a little arbitrary,
00:15:31but what are you gonna do?
00:15:33Why me?
00:15:35Well,
00:15:37because according to Cupid,
00:15:39you are the most romantically hopeless person
00:15:42on Earth.
00:15:45On Earth?
00:15:47Out of everyone?
00:15:48Really?
00:15:49Like, not even just the state of Virginia,
00:15:50but, like, all the states everywhere
00:15:51and all the countries?
00:15:52Yeah.
00:15:54Wow.
00:15:56I reached an all-new low.
00:15:58I just let the opinion
00:15:59of an imaginary flying baby hurt my feelings.
00:16:02You still don't believe me, do you?
00:16:04No, no.
00:16:05That you're a magical chair?
00:16:06Not at all.
00:16:07Okay.
00:16:08We have to fix that.
00:16:10No.
00:16:11This might be a little unnerving.
00:16:13Wait, wait, wait.
00:16:14What?
00:16:15Ah!
00:16:16Ah!
00:16:17Take a look around.
00:16:18What do you see?
00:16:19I mean, my underwear.
00:16:21Possibility.
00:16:22The possibility of love around every corner.
00:16:25Hey, hey, could she be the one?
00:16:27What about her?
00:16:29What about him?
00:16:31The world is full of romantic possibilities.
00:16:34Did you drug me?
00:16:36How did you get me here?
00:16:37No wonder you don't believe in love.
00:16:39You don't believe in magic.
00:16:40This is insane.
00:16:42Cupid is not real.
00:16:44He's an antiquated idea
00:16:45that was repackaged
00:16:46by the marketing department
00:16:47of some gritty car company.
00:16:48Oh!
00:16:49Uh-oh.
00:16:50Buzz.
00:16:51Hey, be cool.
00:16:52Uh, ma'am?
00:16:53Is this man bothering you?
00:16:54She's bothering me.
00:16:55She's a witch.
00:16:56Or she's magic or something.
00:16:58Do you think you're dressed appropriately
00:17:00to be in a public area?
00:17:01Well, I've obviously, Officer,
00:17:03if I'd known that I was going to be
00:17:04magically transported,
00:17:05I would have put on pants.
00:17:06Okay, why don't you calm down
00:17:07and come with me, all right?
00:17:08I can get you out of this, Charlie.
00:17:09No, ma'am, you can't.
00:17:11Oh, okay.
00:17:12I totally can.
00:17:13Sir, don't make this difficult.
00:17:15Just promise you'll try and find love.
00:17:17I'm not going to promise anything.
00:17:19I just want to go home.
00:17:20Okay, so do it the hard way.
00:17:22I don't want to fall in love.
00:17:24I got my classes and my books,
00:17:25and that's all I need.
00:17:26Good to know, pal.
00:17:27I have until Christmas Eve
00:17:28to convince you you're wrong.
00:17:30Ma'am, can you please step back?
00:17:32Okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:17:33I give up.
00:17:34Say it.
00:17:35Say, I promise I'll do
00:17:36whatever Ruby wants me to
00:17:37so I can find love and be happy.
00:17:39Fine, fine.
00:17:40I promise I'll do whatever
00:17:41Ruby wants me to do
00:17:42so I can find love and be happy.
00:17:43Well, we got a couple
00:17:44of real romantics here.
00:17:46But on one condition.
00:17:47I'm not going to have you
00:17:48tricking me into falling in love.
00:17:49No magic.
00:17:51Sure, pal.
00:17:52No magic.
00:17:53You're really tying my hands here, Charlie.
00:17:54Promise or no deal.
00:17:56Okay.
00:17:58No magic.
00:18:01Don't worry, Romeo.
00:18:02Everything's going to be just fine.
00:18:14Hi!
00:18:16Would you please stop
00:18:17hopping up everywhere like that?
00:18:19Really disconcerting.
00:18:20I certainly don't want you disconcerted,
00:18:21but we don't have time
00:18:22for another little flip-out, do we?
00:18:24Charlie, you promised.
00:18:27I have class, Ruby.
00:18:28I teach.
00:18:29See, that's what I do.
00:18:30That's my job.
00:18:31Kind of like your job
00:18:32is breaking into people's houses
00:18:33and harassing them
00:18:34until they agree to let you
00:18:35set them up on dates.
00:18:36Yeah, well, that's not
00:18:37a fair assessment.
00:18:38Fine.
00:18:39Do your little romance experiment
00:18:40after I'm done working, okay?
00:18:42That's the deal.
00:18:43Well, how long will that be?
00:18:45I'll tell you what.
00:18:46Go into that building right there,
00:18:47talk to my boss,
00:18:48tell her you work for Cupid,
00:18:49and that I need some vacation days
00:18:51so that we can go on the hunt
00:18:52for my perfect person.
00:18:54I'm sure that'll go great for you.
00:19:06Hi!
00:19:07Oh!
00:19:08Why did you roll up on me like that?
00:19:10Hey!
00:19:11Just let me pee a little!
00:19:12Terry!
00:19:13Terry!
00:19:16How did...
00:19:17Okay, how did she get in my office?
00:19:19How did you...
00:19:20You know what?
00:19:21Always on top of it, right, Terry?
00:19:23Out!
00:19:24There's something wrong with that boy.
00:19:26Are you Charlie's boss?
00:19:28Does he work at this institution?
00:19:29Yes.
00:19:30Then I'm his boss.
00:19:31My name is Ruby Valentine,
00:19:32and I need your help.
00:19:34This won't hurt a bit.
00:19:40Girl, I got you.
00:19:41So in light of that perspective,
00:19:42I'm curious to know what your thoughts are.
00:19:45Charlie!
00:19:48Oh.
00:19:49Hi.
00:19:51What are you doing here?
00:19:52I did what you said.
00:19:54I talked to your boss.
00:19:55I'm sorry, you did what?
00:19:56Hey!
00:19:57Look at all your fresh, young faces!
00:19:59Just learning and growing and getting smarter!
00:20:02I feel good.
00:20:03Do y'all feel good?
00:20:04Oh!
00:20:05Hi, Dean Wozniak.
00:20:06Hi!
00:20:07Charlie!
00:20:08Charlie, Charlie, Charlie!
00:20:10Ooh, honey, please don't ever wear that shirt again.
00:20:12That is an ugly shirt.
00:20:13Ooh.
00:20:14Mm-mm.
00:20:15No.
00:20:16Is there something that I can help you with?
00:20:18You sure can!
00:20:19Do you see this beautiful, intelligent woman right here?
00:20:22Ain't she pretty?
00:20:23Um, well, I...
00:20:24She's cute.
00:20:25Super hot.
00:20:26I don't see it.
00:20:27Okay.
00:20:28Okay.
00:20:29This young lady...
00:20:30What's your name again, sweetie?
00:20:31Ruby Valentine.
00:20:32Ruby Valentine, yes.
00:20:33That's the most amazing name I've ever heard!
00:20:35I'm a visiting professor,
00:20:36and I'm here to oversee Charlie.
00:20:38I'm here to oversee Charlie
00:20:39and correct him whenever he's wrong about stuff.
00:20:41And she's the boss
00:20:42and says I can be here all the time
00:20:44and do anything I want, right?
00:20:46Right, right.
00:20:47I'm the boss.
00:20:48Yes.
00:20:49She can be here anytime she wants.
00:20:50She can be here as long as she wants
00:20:51and do what she wants.
00:20:52I have spoken!
00:20:53Yes!
00:20:54Well, I'm gonna go take a nap,
00:20:56because, ooh, I feel wonderful!
00:20:58Don't y'all feel wonderful?
00:20:59Did I say that already?
00:21:00I don't know.
00:21:01I just feel good.
00:21:02And that's an ugly shirt.
00:21:03Ooh, Charlie, that's an ugly shirt.
00:21:04Don't wear that no more.
00:21:05What was that?
00:21:06What are you doing?
00:21:07Oh, oh, that's what I'm doing.
00:21:08What you're doing is called stalking.
00:21:10She's way too hot to be stalking you.
00:21:12Truth?
00:21:13You guys are so nice.
00:21:15Oh!
00:21:16You're that cop!
00:21:17Ha!
00:21:18No.
00:21:19I knew it.
00:21:24And that's how Napoleon and Josephine fell in love.
00:21:29So beautiful.
00:21:31I have to say,
00:21:32this is the first I've ever found history
00:21:34interesting in my life.
00:21:35Okay.
00:21:36That's great.
00:21:37That's great.
00:21:38Can we all now get back to the reason
00:21:39that we're actually here in the first place?
00:21:40Absolutely.
00:21:41Thank you for keeping us on track.
00:21:43Who here thinks Charlie is dateable?
00:21:45Whoa!
00:21:46Show of hands.
00:21:47No, this is totally inappropriate.
00:21:49Do not answer.
00:21:50This...
00:21:51He's cute,
00:21:52but there's a lack of effort happening here.
00:21:54Agreed.
00:21:55I mean, did you sleep in those clothes?
00:21:57You should pay more than $6 for a haircut.
00:22:00And you can be a bit...
00:22:02abrasive.
00:22:03All right.
00:22:04See?
00:22:05That's real turn-off, Professor Conrad.
00:22:07Step one in finding new love should be a makeover.
00:22:10Yeah, I'm not doing that.
00:22:11You promised.
00:22:12Okay, whatever it takes.
00:22:13The quicker you find love,
00:22:15the quicker I'll be out of your life.
00:22:17I don't get it.
00:22:18What are you guys talking about?
00:22:20Class project.
00:22:21I'm gonna need all your help.
00:22:23I'm a bit out of the loop with modern dating,
00:22:26and Charlie here needs all the help he can get.
00:22:29We're trying to set Professor Conrad up,
00:22:31like, on a date?
00:22:32More than that.
00:22:33Love.
00:22:34Love is a myth.
00:22:35It's simply our brain chemistry
00:22:36tricking us to propagate the species.
00:22:38Thank you, Gina.
00:22:39Okay, you're my next project,
00:22:40but let's stay focused, okay?
00:22:42We have ten days to find love for Charlie.
00:22:45I'm open to any and all suggestions.
00:22:47Go!
00:22:52I mean...
00:22:54there's, like, a thousand apps.
00:22:56Ooh!
00:22:57Apps.
00:22:59Applications.
00:23:00On the computer.
00:23:02Intriguing.
00:23:03Uh, personally,
00:23:04I've always avoided them.
00:23:05You know, I like to take a more hands-on approach,
00:23:07but desperate times call for desperate measures.
00:23:09All right, class is over.
00:23:11What about your dating profile?
00:23:12Multiple photos and a bio.
00:23:14Are you sure you're ready
00:23:15for this level of self-marketing?
00:23:17And don't forget photo touch-ups.
00:23:19Trust me,
00:23:20I don't think you want to post an unedited photo.
00:23:23They're right.
00:23:24We need their help.
00:23:30They have other classes.
00:23:31Yo, I'm-I'm free.
00:23:32I can skip.
00:23:33This is way more interesting.
00:23:42Billed?
00:23:44Skinny?
00:23:46Frail?
00:23:47He's got some tone to him,
00:23:48but it wouldn't kill you to hit the gym.
00:23:51So athletic?
00:23:52Let's not get crazy.
00:23:54He's tall?
00:23:56That means a lot.
00:23:57It means everything.
00:23:58Can't we just put that he's tall
00:24:00and leave out all the personality bits?
00:24:02Well, that's a new level of humiliation for me,
00:24:04so thanks for that, guys.
00:24:06Oh, toughen up.
00:24:07So what are your interests?
00:24:09And let's stay away from the boring ones, shall we?
00:24:12You know what?
00:24:13I really don't need you guys
00:24:14to make a dating app for me.
00:24:15It's actually a dating profile,
00:24:17and yes, you do.
00:24:19Well, whatever it's called,
00:24:20I don't need it, I don't want it,
00:24:21so you guys can just do whatever you want to do.
00:24:24I don't care.
00:24:26Bye.
00:24:27Bye.
00:24:28Ooh, you should add that he's fiery and passionate.
00:24:32Ooh, I like that.
00:24:34I don't get it.
00:24:36What kind of person doesn't want to fall in love?
00:24:38The damaged kind?
00:24:39Oh, no, no, no, put that, put that.
00:24:40We love damaged.
00:24:42All done.
00:24:44That's really good.
00:24:45You know, if I saw that,
00:24:46I would actually think he's kind of cute.
00:24:51Oh, which is gross.
00:24:52Post it.
00:24:53Any girl would look at this
00:24:54and want to date with Charlie.
00:24:56It's cupping season.
00:24:57Standards are as low as they get all year.
00:24:59Right.
00:25:00Wait, what?
00:25:02Too high maintenance,
00:25:04too fun,
00:25:06too cool.
00:25:08We're being a little picky, aren't we?
00:25:10Okay, not that it's any of your business,
00:25:12but I'm trying to find the right woman for him.
00:25:15Right, the same way that you've always done it,
00:25:17taking your time,
00:25:18choosing nothing but the best candidates.
00:25:21You want my advice?
00:25:23Not really.
00:25:24Ruby, you have to go all in.
00:25:26Find him as many possibilities as you can.
00:25:28This is a numbers game.
00:25:29Oh, just match him with everyone willy-nilly?
00:25:31I'm not going to do that.
00:25:32It's not how I operate.
00:25:33Well, that's exactly why your job
00:25:35is on the line in the first place.
00:25:37Same old Ruby, same old mistakes.
00:25:39But look, hey, whatever.
00:25:40I mean, what do I care?
00:25:42Do it your way.
00:25:43I'm just trying to help you.
00:25:46So, Amina,
00:25:47do you know what cuffing season is?
00:25:50You don't?
00:25:52And you're next in line to be the god of love?
00:25:55Wow, I cannot.
00:25:56I will see you upstairs.
00:26:02Whatever.
00:26:05Like, like, like, like.
00:26:13I can't believe I'm on a date with a teacher.
00:26:16I mean, I feel like I just graduated.
00:26:20When exactly was that?
00:26:22Oh, months and months ago.
00:26:25This drink is delish.
00:26:31We're all going to die someday.
00:26:33So what's the point, right?
00:26:36It's pretty dark.
00:26:37I mean, look at us.
00:26:39Two lonely people desperately seeking companionship,
00:26:42when in the end we're all just going to die alone.
00:26:45Okay.
00:26:48I don't want to waste your time,
00:26:49and I certainly don't want you wasting mine.
00:26:52I want a husband.
00:26:53I want kids.
00:26:54I want a big wedding,
00:26:55and I want a year-long engagement with a big ring.
00:26:59And if I want all of these things, which I do,
00:27:01then I need to move quickly.
00:27:03Could you see yourself proposing to me
00:27:05in the next three to six months?
00:27:11So this is Alfie.
00:27:13He is so bad.
00:27:15This is Josephine.
00:27:17How many cats do you have?
00:27:19Twelve.
00:27:20There are five more outdoor babies,
00:27:22but they're not really mine, per se.
00:27:25You have a lot more women coming,
00:27:27because my shift is almost over.
00:27:29More women?
00:27:30Casanova has been here for hours.
00:27:37I think she's just upset
00:27:38because I've had four blind dates tonight,
00:27:39and all I've ordered is water.
00:27:40Tonight?
00:27:42Christmas is in a week.
00:27:44Don't want to be alone on Christmas?
00:27:46I get it.
00:27:47It's cupping season.
00:27:48You know, I don't know what that means.
00:27:50And I'd be fine to be alone,
00:27:51except that somehow I've managed to become part
00:27:53of a giant cosmic bed.
00:27:55See that woman over there
00:27:56sliding down on her seat?
00:27:57Yeah, that's Cupid.
00:27:59Or Cupid's assistant.
00:28:00Hey, are you his assistant?
00:28:02What?
00:28:05Cupid set us up using a dating app.
00:28:07I know, right?
00:28:08I told her she couldn't use any magic, though,
00:28:10and she only has a week
00:28:11to make me fall in love by Christmas.
00:28:12Don't you mean Valentine's Day?
00:28:13That's what I said.
00:28:14No, Christmas.
00:28:16Apparently Cupid wants to spend the holiday
00:28:18on his bone or something.
00:28:19Charlie!
00:28:20You're talking crazy.
00:28:21Jarrah Valentine.
00:28:22That's her name,
00:28:23but she goes by Ruby
00:28:24because it's got more zing.
00:28:25Hey, disappear.
00:28:26Shoot an arrow or something.
00:28:27Show more of your magic.
00:28:28My name's Leslie.
00:28:29Oh, what did I say?
00:28:30Here you go, big spender.
00:28:34I detect your snark.
00:28:36You know what?
00:28:37I'm leaving.
00:28:38That's it for me.
00:28:39I am out of here.
00:28:40And you're not getting 20%.
00:28:41You're getting 15, max.
00:28:43Leslie, I'm so sorry.
00:28:45You've been lovely.
00:28:46This has nothing to do with you,
00:28:47but I have to go.
00:28:51He's a little high-strung.
00:28:53So you really think you're Cupid?
00:28:56Do I look like a Looney Tunes?
00:28:59I mean, like, here's my little bow and arrow.
00:29:03Pew!
00:29:04Of course not.
00:29:05I'm just really great at matchmaking.
00:29:09Here, let me show you.
00:29:13Ah.
00:29:15I think that guy over there,
00:29:19I think he might be the one.
00:29:21Maybe I could introduce you?
00:29:23Oh, my, yes, please.
00:29:33What was that?
00:29:34We have a deal.
00:29:35Well, the deal is done.
00:29:38Boring chitchat with women that you picked for me,
00:29:40wearing clothes that you picked for me,
00:29:42pretending to be some guy who's looking for love,
00:29:44which I am not.
00:29:45But why?
00:29:46Why, Charlie?
00:29:47Why don't you want to find love?
00:29:48You really want to know why?
00:29:49Okay.
00:29:50Fine, I'll tell you.
00:29:53I gave up.
00:29:55Dating and relationships,
00:29:56it's just been one disaster after another.
00:30:00Disappointments, heartbreak.
00:30:02I don't know.
00:30:03I just got tired of it, okay?
00:30:05And now I'm just me.
00:30:06And I've finally gotten used to that.
00:30:09And then you come around here messing with my head.
00:30:12But I don't want to change.
00:30:15And I don't need you to change me.
00:30:33Wow.
00:30:35That went well.
00:30:37This is all your fault.
00:30:39Moi?
00:30:40Yes.
00:30:41You told me I should play a numbers game.
00:30:42That's why I chose all those random women.
00:30:45You did this on purpose.
00:30:47Yeah, obviously.
00:30:49When you go down in flames,
00:30:50who do you think the boss is going to turn to?
00:30:51That is so not nice of you.
00:30:53You are supposed to be helping me.
00:30:55Oh, but instead I'm helping me.
00:30:59Oops.
00:31:00Maybe I'll tell Mr. C about this.
00:31:03Yeah, you should do that, Ruby.
00:31:04Everybody loves a tattletale.
00:31:06As a matter of fact, that's why I'm here.
00:31:08Cupid wants to see you in his office.
00:31:10So...
00:31:11Cool. Amazing.
00:31:12I've been meaning to pop up there anyway.
00:31:13Oh, yeah?
00:31:14I totally believe you.
00:31:16It's true.
00:31:17I know.
00:31:21I need to see the boss.
00:31:22Stop!
00:31:31He'll see you now.
00:31:32Just me, though, right?
00:31:33He said both of you.
00:31:38No! No, Ruby!
00:31:43Really?
00:31:45Hello, sir.
00:31:46I need to talk to you.
00:31:49Philomena set me up.
00:31:50No, no, no!
00:31:51Don't listen to her!
00:31:52She said that how it did.
00:31:53She said that I should be...
00:31:54Wait, wait, wait!
00:31:59I could be on my boat.
00:32:00You know I have a boat.
00:32:02Yeah.
00:32:04Is that true, Philomena?
00:32:05You're trying to sabotage Ruby's plan?
00:32:07No!
00:32:10Kind of.
00:32:11I just didn't help her.
00:32:13And...
00:32:14You know what?
00:32:15Why should I?
00:32:16I'm obviously the much better candidate for your job.
00:32:19Rude!
00:32:20No.
00:32:21She may be right.
00:32:22It seems Philomena might be more willing to do what needs to be done.
00:32:27She does not care about love at all!
00:32:30She doesn't care if a couple would be happy.
00:32:32She's just pew, pew, pew with the arrows all over the place.
00:32:35I do not pew, pew, pew!
00:32:37I do pew, pew, pew!
00:32:38All right, all right, all right!
00:32:39Quiet, quiet, both of you!
00:32:41You've already wasted half your time.
00:32:44From where I stand, the next six days don't look so promising.
00:32:47I underestimated how difficult this case is, sir.
00:32:50I'm going to need a lot more than magic,
00:32:52and I'm using any and all tools at my disposal, but...
00:32:56But what?
00:32:57I don't even know if he's going to talk to me anymore.
00:33:00He was really upset about the whole speed dating strangers.
00:33:06He has an idea.
00:33:08Why don't you get to know him, huh?
00:33:10Then you use that intel to get him a match.
00:33:14Come on, you guys.
00:33:16Do I have to do everything for you?
00:33:26What's that for?
00:33:27Don't tell me you don't like cupcakes.
00:33:29I'm skeptical of magical beings bearing gifts.
00:33:35It's a peace offering.
00:33:39I'm sorry for pushing you into blind dates and trying to change you.
00:33:49Thanks for the cupcake.
00:33:51You're welcome.
00:33:52So, I hate that I have to keep getting all up in your business, but...
00:33:56And yet, here we are.
00:33:58I can't not do this.
00:34:01Making people fall in love, it's what I do.
00:34:04It makes me happy.
00:34:07And...
00:34:09You may not know it, but you need my help.
00:34:13I know you've had bad luck in the past, but you can't just give up.
00:34:17Bad luck doesn't even begin to describe it.
00:34:20High school, I got the flute, and I threw up on my prom date.
00:34:25College, one of my girlfriends stole my identity and then proceeded to buy 14 flat screen TVs on my credit card before she fled town.
00:34:31I really liked her, too.
00:34:34Graduate school, my girlfriend fell in love with my roommate and then moved in with us.
00:34:38Yikes.
00:34:41Yeah, so, since then, for my own sanity and really as a public service, I have decided to stay away from the whole like, love, romance thing.
00:34:50And that is how I became the undateable man.
00:34:53You're not undateable.
00:34:55You're smart, sensitive, a great teacher, and when you're not mad at me, you're really nice.
00:35:05Plus, you're actually super cute.
00:35:12Really?
00:35:14Really?
00:35:15Super cute?
00:35:16No, just like a regular, just a normal amount of cute.
00:35:20Sounds like you think I'm dreaming.
00:35:22Maybe this is why you don't get compliments very often.
00:35:24The point is, we need to find someone who sees you the way I do.
00:35:29Then how do we do that?
00:35:31Well, I need to know who I'm looking for.
00:35:34And in order to figure that out...
00:35:36Oh, boy.
00:35:37You gotta hang out with me.
00:35:40We are on a mission, people.
00:35:42We need to find the perfect person for Professor Conrad.
00:35:45Leave no stone unturned.
00:35:47Also, I just really need to know, what is cuffing season?
00:35:51Cuffing season is that time, usually October to March, where people go looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend for the holidays.
00:35:57And because it's cold outside.
00:35:59Yeah, it's kind of gross.
00:36:00What? No, I... Maybe I'm not explaining it right.
00:36:03See, if you're single, for the holidays...
00:36:05You don't have anybody to invite to a family Thanksgiving dinner.
00:36:08Or get Christmas presents from.
00:36:10Or have a date for New Year's or Valentine's Day.
00:36:12So cuffing season is actually intentionally lowering your standards so as not to be alone, because that would be the real tragedy.
00:36:19It is kind of gross.
00:36:22I don't mean to bother you guys, but do you have a daughter?
00:36:24Excuse me, I have a very important and pressing question for you.
00:36:28Are you single?
00:36:29And emotionally available?
00:36:49You can feel it everywhere.
00:36:53There's Christmas in the air.
00:36:57What are you doing for Christmas?
00:36:58Same thing I always do. Rent the same lake cabin every year.
00:37:02What? By yourself?
00:37:04Yeah, why not? I got my music, I got my books.
00:37:07You know, Superman has his fortress of solitude.
00:37:11You smell like a shack of sadness.
00:37:15What does a yellow arrow do?
00:37:18Yellow will make you notice someone.
00:37:20Purple will make you feel all lovey and happy and dopey.
00:37:24That's the one you used on my boss.
00:37:26Then there's red.
00:37:27Red is for emergencies only.
00:37:30Makes people do crazy things.
00:37:33Charlie, look!
00:37:37It's a sign from Cuban! We're on the right track!
00:37:40It's a sign from the tourism bureau.
00:37:43Hey, you're really good at your job.
00:37:46I think you're probably really good at what you do, too.
00:37:50Thank you. I appreciate hearing that.
00:37:53I've just been having some trouble at work and I think my boss hates me.
00:38:03Just to reiterate, this is magic.
00:38:07You're not allowed to use an arrow on me or anybody else.
00:38:09You know, you're really making this more difficult than it needs to be, but I promised.
00:38:13No magic.
00:38:15So what about you? Four days until Christmas.
00:38:18You got a special someone?
00:38:20I'm immortal.
00:38:22Too long a commitment.
00:38:23Funny guy.
00:38:25Well, I'd imagine the dating pool with dudes who live forever is pretty shallow.
00:38:29It just doesn't work like that.
00:38:31I get to make people fall in love, but I just don't get to.
00:38:35What?
00:38:36Really?
00:38:38Cupid's assistant?
00:38:39Apprentice.
00:38:40Miss I-love-love, miss there's a perfect person for everybody.
00:38:44You've never had a boyfriend.
00:38:47Never been on a date, never been kissed.
00:38:50But I bet it's really nice.
00:38:53I guess I finally found the one thing we have in common.
00:38:55You've never been kissed either?
00:38:57What? No.
00:38:58Yes, yes, yes, I've been kissed.
00:39:01It's okay if you haven't.
00:39:02No, I've been kissed.
00:39:04It's okay if you haven't.
00:39:05No, I have been kissed.
00:39:07I have done the kissing, right?
00:39:09And also received the kissing.
00:39:10Whatever, that's not what I meant.
00:39:11I meant it just seems like we've both put our professional lives ahead of our personal lives.
00:39:17That's the thing we have in common.
00:39:21Sounds like I hit a nerve.
00:39:22You didn't hit...
00:39:28Hey Gina, I...
00:39:29Oh, hey Todd.
00:39:31Stop it.
00:39:32I was wondering if you wanted to...
00:39:35Wait, stop.
00:39:36Oh my God.
00:39:40Who is that?
00:39:41I know her.
00:39:43She taught me intro to theater.
00:39:45She's totally his type.
00:39:48And she's reading a book.
00:39:49Lots of people read books.
00:39:51I wish Ruby was here.
00:39:53Seth!
00:39:55Don't do that.
00:39:58Meet Amber McCormick, professor of theater.
00:40:01She likes to read, especially the works of Jane Austen.
00:40:05Good taste.
00:40:06She's a romantic.
00:40:07Pretty.
00:40:08Yeah, pretty.
00:40:09She's hot.
00:40:11Hot.
00:40:12She's not uptight.
00:40:13She's like laid back.
00:40:15She's not like professor.
00:40:16She's like...
00:40:17Right.
00:40:18Call me Amber, like casual.
00:40:20Like boho.
00:40:21Yes!
00:40:22Yes!
00:40:23So, what do you think?
00:40:25What do you mean, what do I think?
00:40:26What, I'm supposed to just look at this and tell you if I would date someone?
00:40:29Yeah.
00:40:30Yeah.
00:40:31No!
00:40:32No, no, no, no, no.
00:40:33You need to talk to her.
00:40:34See if there's a spark.
00:40:36Then you just need to follow your heart.
00:40:39Follow my heart, huh?
00:40:40Mm-hmm.
00:40:41That's the key to all of this, Charlie.
00:40:44Ooh!
00:40:45Brainstorm!
00:40:46I know what we need.
00:40:47We need a meet-cute.
00:40:49Yes!
00:40:50What's a meet-cute?
00:40:51All right.
00:40:52So, what are we doing?
00:40:53Okay.
00:40:54A meet-cute is that part in the movie where the girl and the boy meet for the first time
00:40:57and it's usually silly or awkward, but it's just so darn cute.
00:41:01Sounds pretty contrived to me.
00:41:03Why'd you ruin the things I love?
00:41:09Okay.
00:41:10You said no magic, no arrows.
00:41:13And I'm sticking to my promise, despite how difficult that may be.
00:41:17No arrows.
00:41:18And I'm sticking to my promise, despite how difficult that makes everything.
00:41:22Well, good, because that was our deal.
00:41:23But that means that you need to stop complaining for one second and just get on board with this.
00:41:30The goal, after all, is to make you happy.
00:41:33Well, it's not working so far.
00:41:34Okay, well, just wait.
00:41:36Just stay close.
00:41:39Wait for my cue.
00:41:42Oh, perfect!
00:41:48Whoo!
00:41:53What a combo!
00:41:55It's such a beautiful story!
00:42:01Oh, oh no.
00:42:03Go help her! Go!
00:42:06May I help you?
00:42:07Oh!
00:42:09Oh!
00:42:10Oh!
00:42:13My head!
00:42:15Oh, God, are you okay? I'm so sorry.
00:42:21You're bleeding.
00:42:24Oh, uh, I'm fine.
00:42:28Are you sure?
00:42:31You did it, Charlie! You got a date!
00:42:33Yeah, she probably only agreed to go out with me because she felt bad for maiming me.
00:42:36No, she liked you. And it was, uh, charming.
00:42:41Oh, sure it was.
00:42:42I mean it! You showed vulnerability. We like that.
00:42:47Hmm.
00:42:50Ah! Hey, hey. None of that now.
00:43:01What do you think?
00:43:05Super cute?
00:43:07Yeah, actually.
00:43:11Oh, come here. Let me, um, fix this.
00:43:17I'm kind of nervous.
00:43:19Why?
00:43:21I haven't done this in a while. You know, the whole date thing.
00:43:24With my track record, there's a really good chance that before the end of the night I'll end up in the emergency room.
00:43:29Wrong attitude, Charlie. Just be yourself.
00:43:33Right. Would you call me romantically hopeless?
00:43:36Even Cupid doesn't think I can do this.
00:43:38You're not hopeless. I think you're really great.
00:43:43I think you're really great, too.
00:43:51What do I know? I'm just a figment of some marketing guy's imagination.
00:43:58Right.
00:44:01Good luck on your hot date.
00:44:16So, you got him a date. Amazing.
00:44:21It's a start.
00:44:23What happened to love at first sight?
00:44:25Yeah. But, I mean, love can grow, too.
00:44:31What's wrong with you? You should be all annoyingly peppy and gloating. Your guy has a date.
00:44:36Yeah, it's great. They're probably perfect for each other.
00:44:41Probably? What's with the prob-
00:44:48No way. Are you kidding me? You like him?
00:44:52Oh, yes, you do. You're pathetically transparent. Gross.
00:44:55I don't like him. I just- I think he's nice.
00:45:00Ruby, you're an immortal. He's just some dude with no fashion sense. You have magical powers. He falls down a lot.
00:45:13I know. It's just- He'll probably only make fun of me.
00:45:17Yeah, probably.
00:45:18It's just I've made it happen so many times. I've seen how they react. I just kind of wish I could have that feeling of falling in love, too.
00:45:28You know what you should do? You should tell him how you feel.
00:45:33Think?
00:45:35Oh, absolutely. Yes. Just get it all on the table. Talk about your feelings. Tell him how much you like him. It's healthy. You'll feel better.
00:45:43Okay, you. You're just trying to sabotage me. Don't worry, Philomena. I'm not going to do anything to mess this up. I'm getting a cheaper job.
00:45:51We'll see. I have a feeling you'll figure out a way to blow it.
00:45:58It's your favorite thing, though.
00:46:03He's so dumb.
00:46:08I'm so sorry. Thank you.
00:46:12Oh, she hates me.
00:46:13People spill coffee all the time.
00:46:15Do they, though?
00:46:17Okay. Maybe not all the time, but it's happened before.
00:46:22I guess we both survived, didn't we?
00:46:26It's funny how we met. Don't you think? Almost like out of the movie.
00:46:33Yeah, it's called a meet-cute.
00:46:35I know it's called a meet-cute. I can't believe you know it's called a meet-cute.
00:46:39Yeah.
00:46:40It's almost like someone up there is shoving us together.
00:46:43Yeah, it is almost like that.
00:46:48I had a nice time, Charlie. I'd like to see you again.
00:46:52Oh. Seriously?
00:46:55I mean, if you don't want to.
00:46:58No, yeah. I mean, yes, I would. Sorry. Yes, I totally would. I just thought I was pretty boring.
00:47:08Okay, yes, you were a little boring. I mean, you talked about history for a long time.
00:47:15Yeah, sorry. I guess, you know, it's just what I'm—
00:47:18I think it's just that we're both nervous. We'll do better next time.
00:47:26Okay. Yeah, deal.
00:47:34So how'd it go?
00:47:37Could you please stop breaking into my house?
00:47:41I don't break anything.
00:47:42No, you don't. I do.
00:47:44You poop or pop or bippity-boop or whatever it is that you do into my private residence and I get startled and I break things.
00:47:51I don't bippity-poppity-boop.
00:47:54I'm a teacher. Can't afford to buy new things.
00:47:58Sorry. So how'd it go?
00:48:01It's fine. It's good.
00:48:04Well, which is it? Because fine is very different than good.
00:48:08It's fine. And then it got better.
00:48:11So you like her?
00:48:13She's nice.
00:48:15Because the clock is ticking.
00:48:17Yeah, yeah, I know. You're in a hurry to move on. We have a date tomorrow night, so.
00:48:22We'll see.
00:48:25Poof on out of here.
00:48:30All right. Gonna have an hour with this, which should be plenty of time.
00:48:35If you studied.
00:48:38You're not gonna tell us how it went?
00:48:40Oh, we absolutely need details.
00:48:42Was it a love connection?
00:48:44Are you gonna see her again?
00:48:45Did you spill anything?
00:48:49It was good.
00:48:52Don't know yet. We have a date tomorrow night.
00:48:54And yes, I did spill something. Coffee.
00:48:57But good news is, not on her.
00:49:00All right. Anyway, good luck.
00:49:02As soon as you're done, you can leave.
00:49:03And safe travels and have a great Christmas, you guys.
00:49:06You can't possibly believe that we're gonna leave before Christmas Eve.
00:49:10Like we would come this far and then not see how it ends up?
00:49:13What do you mean?
00:49:14The bet? You have to fall in love by Christmas Eve or.
00:49:19Well, something happened. Yeah, I'm not really clear on the consequences.
00:49:22We want to see if you make it.
00:49:25Don't you guys want to go home and see your families?
00:49:28After all the work that I put into this project, do you think I'm just gonna walk away?
00:49:32Professor Conrad, we're invested in this.
00:49:35I'm not convinced it's going to happen, but I'm definitely sticking around to see.
00:49:39Plus, the Christmas Eve gala is super fun.
00:49:43Great. Just great.
00:49:49Hey.
00:49:53You with me?
00:49:54Yes, of course.
00:49:55So Phil, I mean, it says that you had this whole thing wrapped up, huh?
00:49:58Yeah, it's looking good.
00:50:00You're too expound?
00:50:02Is he in love?
00:50:03No, not yet.
00:50:05And we don't want to rush into anything.
00:50:07Rush into anything?
00:50:09You got three days.
00:50:11Three days until Christmas. I'm gonna have my Christmas, Ruby.
00:50:15I'm just not entirely, totally certain that she's the one.
00:50:21You're not.
00:50:24You're not by any chance having any feelings for this guy, are you?
00:50:27What? No.
00:50:28No, that's crazy.
00:50:29Because you know that you're not allowed to.
00:50:31I know.
00:50:32It can't happen.
00:50:35I just want him to be happy.
00:50:38So.
00:50:48Professor Conrad.
00:50:50You heading out for the break?
00:50:52Yes, I'm trying to head out right now.
00:50:54Tomorrow's the Christmas gala, and then two beautiful weeks student free.
00:50:59Just me, my kids, and my boo.
00:51:01That sounds nice.
00:51:03You have any plans?
00:51:04I don't really have a boo, or a family.
00:51:07So I usually just spend Christmas day volunteering at a soup kitchen.
00:51:10And then I think this year, I think I'm gonna go up to the lake and spend some alone time.
00:51:14Okay, that sounds depressing.
00:51:16Something you need?
00:51:18Look, I don't want to keep you.
00:51:21You know what? Too late.
00:51:23What do you want?
00:51:24Right.
00:51:26Do you remember Ruby?
00:51:28The girl you said could be in my classroom all the time?
00:51:31Ah, the visiting professor or something.
00:51:33What about her?
00:51:34Yeah, well the thing is, we're from two completely different worlds.
00:51:39Nothing in common.
00:51:40And she's always pushing me to be different.
00:51:43Do you like her?
00:51:47I don't know.
00:51:50There's this other girl.
00:51:52She's smart and pretty.
00:51:55We have a lot in common.
00:51:57Professor Conrad, let me tell you a little something about love.
00:52:01See, love will have you thinking about him all the time.
00:52:04Love will have you getting that knot in your stomach whenever you're around him.
00:52:07Love will have you going to bed at night thinking about him and waking up in the morning hoping you see him.
00:52:12See, sometimes with love you just gotta go with it.
00:52:15Life is too short to settle for anyone or anything that doesn't make you feel like that.
00:52:22But...
00:52:24Ruby and I don't make sense.
00:52:26Love don't make sense.
00:52:29You just gotta follow your heart.
00:52:31Follow my heart.
00:52:34You're the second person to tell me that this week.
00:52:36Well, that's good advice.
00:52:37Now, if it's alright with you, and now that I've solved all your love problems, I wanna go home.
00:52:43Yes.
00:52:44Okay.
00:52:45Sure, sorry.
00:52:46I'll see you tomorrow at the gala.
00:52:47I'll see you tomorrow night.
00:52:48Okay, bye bye.
00:52:49Bye.
00:52:55Wow.
00:52:57That's good.
00:52:58Yeah, well, the show is tomorrow night, so...
00:53:03Cool.
00:53:04You know, directing the University Christmas Eve Gala is my favorite part of the year.
00:53:08Yeah, it's exciting.
00:53:11Would you maybe...
00:53:14wanna be my date?
00:53:16I know, it's Christmas Eve and you probably have family to see.
00:53:19Oh, no.
00:53:20Um, nope.
00:53:22I mean...
00:53:24Just me.
00:53:26So, yeah.
00:53:28Yeah, yeah, I would love to come tomorrow night.
00:53:32Okay.
00:53:33Great.
00:53:42I'm so sorry.
00:53:45But I just remembered that I've got this thing that I gotta go.
00:53:50Okay.
00:53:51There's something I have to do.
00:53:53Okay.
00:53:55Sorry, but tomorrow night, big show, I am there.
00:53:59Or, here.
00:54:00Is it something I said?
00:54:02No, no, no, nothing you said or did or anything at all.
00:54:04You're amazing.
00:54:05I just, I gotta go do a thing, but I'll see you tomorrow night.
00:54:10Ruby!
00:54:11Ruby!
00:54:12Ruby!
00:54:13Hey!
00:54:14Ruby, we need to talk.
00:54:16What was that?
00:54:17Did you just run away from her?
00:54:18No, I just...
00:54:19That was not very gentle of you.
00:54:20I know, I'm sorry.
00:54:21I thought you liked...
00:54:22I like you.
00:54:25You do?
00:54:28Afraid so.
00:54:31But you're not supposed to like me.
00:54:33This was not a part of the plan, Charlie.
00:54:35No, no, no, I didn't mean to do it.
00:54:37But when I'm at dinner with her, I'm thinking about you.
00:54:42Coffee, you.
00:54:43I go to kiss her goodnight and all I can think about is kissing you.
00:54:53This is bad.
00:54:56That's not the response I was hoping for.
00:54:59This can't happen.
00:55:01If I've done anything to make you think that I...
00:55:04No, I mean, I...
00:55:07I mean, I thought you liked me.
00:55:10I think that you and Amber make a really great couple.
00:55:18Um, yeah.
00:55:25Yeah, um...
00:55:28I'm a little embarrassed.
00:55:31So, um...
00:55:33You don't mind?
00:55:35Yeah.
00:55:39Yeah.
00:55:53Hey, Amber.
00:55:58You came.
00:56:02I wasn't sure you'd make it.
00:56:04The way you left last night.
00:56:06Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry about that.
00:56:08I just, uh, had something I needed to take care of.
00:56:12But it's done now.
00:56:13And I'm really happy to be here with you.
00:56:17Good.
00:56:19Well, I got you a seat.
00:56:22Or...
00:56:24You can watch it with me backstage.
00:56:27Alright, alright.
00:56:28Sounds like nice access.
00:56:30I'm a big deal around here.
00:56:31Apparently so.
00:56:32Come on.
00:56:37Hey, Gina.
00:56:39Hey, Todd.
00:56:41Mind if I sit with you?
00:56:43Look, Todd.
00:56:44You're nice.
00:56:46But you're a gym guy, and...
00:56:48I'm an intellectual.
00:56:50And I'm just not into the whole dating thing.
00:56:53If you can deal with that...
00:56:56Then you can sit with me.
00:56:58Okay.
00:57:07God, you're depressing.
00:57:08What?
00:57:09No, I'm not.
00:57:11Why?
00:57:12You got it bad for Professor Nerd Alert down there.
00:57:16It's gonna happen.
00:57:18I can tell.
00:57:20He's been resisting his feelings, but...
00:57:23He is falling for her.
00:57:25So if it's not right, then break them up.
00:57:28Just because you can't be with him doesn't mean that she should.
00:57:31What?
00:57:33I don't know.
00:57:34She should.
00:57:36Right.
00:57:37So you can get the promotion?
00:57:39Do I want this job?
00:57:40Yes.
00:57:41Will I do almost anything to get it?
00:57:43Also, absolutely yes.
00:57:44But...
00:57:47Something that you don't know about me...
00:57:51I...
00:57:53Fell in love with a mortal once, too.
00:57:56Sure you did.
00:57:57Okay.
00:57:58Believe me or don't, but...
00:58:00He was strong and handsome and...
00:58:02A little crazy, which I'm really into.
00:58:05But I knew that it couldn't work, so...
00:58:08Even though it wasn't right for him, I used a red arrow.
00:58:11And who did he end up falling for?
00:58:14Freaking Cleopatra, that snake!
00:58:19Cleopatra?
00:58:20Yeah.
00:58:21Are you talking about Mark Antony?
00:58:22Oh, God, no.
00:58:23Ew.
00:58:24I would never fall for that emo pretty boy.
00:58:27Julius Caesar.
00:58:29He was a stone-cold silver fox.
00:58:34Well...
00:58:36My point is...
00:58:38If I liked a guy who I knew was about to end up with the wrong woman...
00:58:42I would do what I could to stone him.
00:58:51Students, faculty, friends, and family...
00:58:53Welcome to our annual Christmas Eve gala.
00:58:58Our students have quite a performance for us.
00:59:01And I'm sure you're going to see something very special.
00:59:04And without further ado, let's get the show on the road.
00:59:11And three, two, one, cue.
00:59:20I'm really happy you're here.
00:59:24Me, too.
00:59:28No.
00:59:33No.
00:59:47You are one hot number.
00:59:51Thanks.
00:59:52This is Fred, the stage hand.
00:59:55Stage manager.
00:59:56Stage manager.
00:59:57Hey, Fred.
00:59:58Did you look this way in rehearsals?
00:59:59Something's changed, right?
01:00:00Haircuts or...
01:00:01I don't know.
01:00:02It's working.
01:00:03Hi.
01:00:04I'm Charlie.
01:00:05Hi, Charlie.
01:00:06I'm kind of having a thing right here.
01:00:07Well, we were, too, until...
01:00:09Oh, excuse me.
01:00:10What are you, uh...
01:00:11The boyfriend?
01:00:13Well...
01:00:14Um...
01:00:15No.
01:00:16Well, I...
01:00:17We're...
01:00:18I mean, we're dating.
01:00:19Yeah.
01:00:21What's...
01:00:22I mean...
01:00:23I don't really think it's any of your business.
01:00:27No way.
01:00:29Button-up type, huh?
01:00:31You seem, uh...
01:00:32A bit...
01:00:33Basic.
01:00:34We call it blue collar.
01:00:35Oh.
01:00:36Okay.
01:00:37Oh!
01:00:52Thank you so much to these two gentlemen.
01:00:55Next, we have a beautiful dance select...
01:00:59I'm sorry.
01:01:00I know you're in the middle of this...
01:01:01Thing.
01:01:02But, uh...
01:01:03What are you doing after this?
01:01:05What?
01:01:06Yeah.
01:01:07A couple of us are going to get breakfast.
01:01:08And I will, like, totally buy you some pancakes.
01:01:10Are you down?
01:01:11Please welcome the dancers!
01:01:15No, I'm serious!
01:01:16Eggs, bacon, sausage, my treat!
01:01:18Come on!
01:01:20That was...
01:01:22Weird.
01:01:26What was that?
01:01:28I... I have no idea.
01:01:29Yeah, man.
01:01:30That wasn't cool.
01:01:31Quit hassling her.
01:01:32What's that?
01:01:33I wasn't hassling her, man.
01:01:34I was frickin' wooing her.
01:01:35There is a performance going on.
01:01:37Woo this!
01:01:38Okay, tough guy.
01:01:39Come on!
01:01:40Come on!
01:01:41Hey!
01:01:42There is a performance going on!
01:01:46That's how it's gonna be!
01:01:47Come on!
01:01:48Seems like there's some kind of kerfuffle backstage.
01:01:50Kerfuffle?
01:01:52Who talks like that?
01:01:53Who talks like that?
01:01:54Ezra does.
01:01:57I'm Ezra.
01:01:58You're Emily, and you're the prettiest girl at school.
01:02:08Sir, what are you doing later?
01:02:10Hey!
01:02:11Can you just give it a break?
01:02:12Okay.
01:02:13Hey, who made you boss?
01:02:14You're backstage!
01:02:15I'm the boss back here!
01:02:17Kind of true.
01:02:18See?
01:02:19You don't step to the big dog in his kingdom, huh?
01:02:24I think you're mixing your metaphors there, Fred.
01:02:27Oh!
01:02:28Oh!
01:02:29Oh!
01:02:30Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:02:31Come get me!
01:02:32Come, come, come.
01:02:33Ah!
01:02:34Not the trees, not the trees.
01:02:50This is the most amazing show I've ever seen.
01:02:55I've ever been to.
01:03:02Ruby!
01:03:03Oh, hey!
01:03:04What's up?
01:03:05Don't play innocent with me.
01:03:06You promised no magic, and you're in there shooting off your little love arrows, making everybody crazy.
01:03:10You don't know that.
01:03:11I do know that.
01:03:12But I don't understand why.
01:03:15I did everything that you asked me to do.
01:03:17I put myself out there, met somebody nice.
01:03:20I'm sorry!
01:03:23I was jealous.
01:03:25What?
01:03:27You were right.
01:03:30Like you said earlier, there's something between us.
01:03:35I think maybe I might have possibly developed some feelings for you.
01:03:47Like me?
01:03:49Yeah.
01:03:51You completely shut me down.
01:03:52I know.
01:03:53You said we couldn't be together.
01:03:54We can't.
01:04:09How am I supposed to take this?
01:04:13I tell you that I like you, and then you reject me.
01:04:16You sabotage my date.
01:04:18And then you tell me, oh no, just kidding, I actually do like you, but no, no, no, never mind, we don't have a future together.
01:04:25What do you want from me?
01:04:29I just...
01:04:32I want you to be happy.
01:04:35I can't be happy.
01:04:38Can't you see that?
01:04:43It's the same thing over and over again.
01:04:46Something always goes wrong.
01:04:48Oh.
01:04:53Somehow, I thought you and I might be different.
01:04:57But...
01:05:01Nothing ever changes.
01:05:18Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, you did it!
01:05:48Look at you. You get to move up to the big chair. I get my Christmas.
01:05:53Everybody's a winner.
01:05:54Couldn't have been easy.
01:05:56It wasn't.
01:05:58It isn't.
01:06:01Congratulations, Ruby.
01:06:06Hey kid, what's the matter?
01:06:11I...
01:06:13can't.
01:06:16I... I can't take this job.
01:06:21Not like this.
01:06:22What do you mean?
01:06:24What I did was wrong.
01:06:27They're not right for each other.
01:06:30And he deserves his perfect person. They both do.
01:06:33You were right. You were right. What you said in the beginning. I... I don't have the stomach for this.
01:06:39Shoving people together just so they're not alone. It's... it's why people have stopped looking for their person.
01:06:46They... they don't believe in love.
01:06:50I just can't be a part of that.
01:06:55You know what this means, don't you?
01:07:00I lose my job.
01:07:04Wait.
01:07:07Ugh.
01:07:10Ruby's right.
01:07:12I'm sorry.
01:07:13They're not a good match.
01:07:15Why are we putting people together that don't belong together?
01:07:18So it's done.
01:07:19Maybe this job should be more than random arrows flying around and us just hitting our numbers.
01:07:25And if you don't believe that, then maybe you should retire.
01:07:29Just get on your stupid boat and sail away. Look, I don't know who should be in charge,
01:07:33but if you've given up on love, it shouldn't be you.
01:07:37Those were a lot of words that I just said.
01:07:41Since when did you become so romantic?
01:07:45Ugh. It's a new development.
01:07:49This discussion isn't over.
01:07:52Neal.
01:07:54What's going to happen to me now?
01:07:57It ain't pretty.
01:08:01I have to take away your powers.
01:08:04I have to take away your powers.
01:08:07Does it hurt?
01:08:09It hurts later.
01:08:10By the power vested in me as the god of love, I hereby rescind all your magical powers.
01:08:20Is that it?
01:08:21Yeah.
01:08:23Magic's weird.
01:08:24Not for the hard part.
01:08:29You have to be mortal.
01:08:31Wait. You mean...
01:08:33Of course. What do you think happens when you get fired from a job as a deity?
01:08:38Now, you gotta pay taxes.
01:08:41You develop joint pains. You gotta face the unknown. It's horrible.
01:08:45Philomena, please escort this human back to Earth.
01:08:50We will discuss your little outburst later.
01:08:53Yes, sir.
01:08:58Oh, Ruby.
01:09:01One more thing.
01:09:05I'm proud of you.
01:09:07You are?
01:09:08Yeah.
01:09:09Takes a lot of courage to stand up for what you believe in.
01:09:12You're gonna do just fine on Earth.
01:09:16You gotta admit, I'll miss your annoying chipperness.
01:09:21You think I'm annoying?
01:09:22Something.
01:09:23Point is, you've done good.
01:09:26You helped a lot of people find love, and now I think it's time for you...
01:09:29To find a little love for yourself.
01:09:33Well...
01:09:35Enough of that.
01:09:37Scram.
01:09:43So, how's it feel?
01:09:46Being... mortal?
01:09:49Pretty much the same, I guess.
01:09:51It's kind of a letdown.
01:09:53Hey, did you stick up for me back there?
01:09:56Oh, I mean...
01:09:58I guess.
01:09:59That was really cool of you.
01:10:01Yeah, it was really cool of me, wasn't it?
01:10:03I feel like we're friends now.
01:10:05Okay, I'm drawing the line. There's a reason that we are here.
01:10:07Okay.
01:10:14Amber?
01:10:16Hi, I'm Ruby. One of Charlie's friends.
01:10:19Oh, you're the one.
01:10:22The one what?
01:10:23The one what?
01:10:24Charlie and I broke up last night.
01:10:26He said he was in love with someone else.
01:10:29You.
01:10:31I'm so sorry.
01:10:33Hey, the last thing I want is a man who is in love with someone else.
01:10:37You should go for him.
01:10:39Seriously.
01:10:41Amber, you're a really nice person.
01:10:47Also, I am so sorry about your show last night.
01:10:50Yeah, what a disaster!
01:10:53But you know what the funny part is?
01:10:54If the show hadn't gone so completely off the rails,
01:10:57I wouldn't have connected with Fred.
01:11:05I think you might be the one.
01:11:08You know what?
01:11:10I think you might be right.
01:11:11Really?
01:11:12Me too.
01:11:13We're both in the theater, you know?
01:11:16Kindred spirits.
01:11:18Like someone up there has brought us together.
01:11:21Who's that?
01:11:24Ruby.
01:11:25She's sweet.
01:11:26So, your nerdy teacher is on the market.
01:11:30What an interesting development.
01:11:34Question is, what are you going to do about it?
01:11:43Here?
01:11:44He volunteers every Christmas day.
01:11:46Of course he does.
01:11:47You coming?
01:11:48Oh, you don't need magic.
01:11:50Two nerds are perfect for each other.
01:11:53Besides, I gotta go back to the office and get yelled at by Cupid.
01:11:57I'm really proud of you.
01:12:01Okay, come here.
01:12:07Good luck, Ruby.
01:12:09Go get it!
01:12:13Oh look, it's Ruby!
01:12:15Merry Christmas, Ruby!
01:12:16Merry Christmas, guys!
01:12:17What are you doing here?
01:12:18Obviously, being good citizens.
01:12:21Professor Conrad offered us extra credit for next semester if we came and volunteered with him.
01:12:24Alright, also there's extra credit.
01:12:26Where's Charlie?
01:12:27He took off.
01:12:28He said he had to catch a train.
01:12:30A train?
01:12:31To where?
01:12:32So he's going to some boring cabin on a lake?
01:12:35He's spending Christmas alone.
01:12:38You love him, huh?
01:12:40You love him, huh?
01:12:46It's totally obvious.
01:12:47You guys are made for each other.
01:12:50I guess I...
01:12:51Yes!
01:12:52Yes!
01:12:53I love him!
01:12:54I love Charlie!
01:12:55Knew it!
01:12:56You should tell him!
01:12:57Yes!
01:12:58Yo!
01:12:59I'll drive!
01:13:00Shotgun!
01:13:01Yeah, yeah, yeah!
01:13:02Oh my gosh, it's so romantic I might cry!
01:13:04I might cry!
01:13:09Slow down, brain!
01:13:10No!
01:13:11Go faster!
01:13:12Punch it!
01:13:13Where are we going?
01:13:14Why are you driving if you don't know where the train station is?
01:13:17Right!
01:13:18Turn right!
01:13:23This is my first time in a car!
01:13:27I'm kind of scared.
01:13:35Ah!
01:13:39Good luck, Ruby!
01:13:41Bye!
01:13:45Charlie!
01:13:54Merry Christmas.
01:13:58What are you doing here?
01:14:00You, uh...
01:14:01You're taking a trip?
01:14:02Yeah.
01:14:03Um, just needed some time away.
01:14:07I heard you and Amber broke up.
01:14:09Somebody fell in my heart, Ruby.
01:14:12I couldn't stay with Amber and do that at the same time.
01:14:16Wait, the thing is...
01:14:18I love you.
01:14:20I'm in love with you.
01:14:22And also, I really like you as a person.
01:14:25Ruby, you know...
01:14:26I know I said we didn't have a future, that it was impossible, but it's not.
01:14:31Not anymore.
01:14:33See, uh...
01:14:35I kind of got fired.
01:14:36Actually, no, I...
01:14:38I quit.
01:14:40I gave it up.
01:14:42For you.
01:14:46I mean, you're...
01:14:48Not a...
01:14:49Magical sprite?
01:14:50Spreading love?
01:14:52Nope.
01:14:54Now I'm just a...
01:14:55Regular girl.
01:14:57I got a lot to learn.
01:14:59That's all so new.
01:15:00Practical.
01:15:05Sorry, I'm sorry.
01:15:06I just really wanted to do that.
01:15:08That was my first kiss.
01:15:10I knew it'd be nice.
01:15:12Nice?
01:15:24Wow.
01:15:26Wow is a much better response.
01:15:29I love you, too.
01:15:31You do?
01:15:33Madly.
01:15:34Crazy.
01:15:36And real.
01:15:39Oh, my God!
01:15:41They're so cute, I think I'm gonna die.
01:15:44Way to go, Professor Conner!
01:15:48Brought my students, huh?
01:15:50I needed a ride.
01:15:51Oh, my God!
01:15:53Oh! What? What was that?
01:15:56I wowed her with my charms!
01:15:59Gina, I got your text.