Friday night at the Jockey and barman Kev is dealing with the usual drunken women on the prowl. When one gets too pushy, he tells her that he's already getting married - without telling his girlfriend Veronica first. Elsewhere, Mandy Maguire doesn't take Ian's rejection of her sexual advances very well and her brothers, the hardest on the Chatsworth estate, are on the warpath.
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TVTranscript
00:00Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate is the Garden of Eden, but it's been a good
00:14home to us, to me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who I'm proud of, because every single
00:21one of them reminds me a little of me. They can all think for themselves, which they've
00:27me to thank for. Fiona, who's a massive felt. Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why
00:35nobody calls him Philip any more. Ian, a lot like his mam, which is handy for the others,
00:40because she's disappeared into thin air. And Cal, we dare let him grow his hair for two
00:44reasons. One, it stands on end and makes him look like a toyer. Two, and it's loving. Debbie,
00:50sent by God, total angel. You have to check your change, but she'll go miles out of her
00:55way to do you a favour. Plus, Liam, gonna be a star once we've got the fits under control.
01:02Steve, Fiona's boyfriend. The truth is out there. Not. Fantastic neighbours, Kev and
01:10Veronica, lend you anything. Well, not anything. All of them to a man. No, first and foremost,
01:17one of the most vital necessities in this life is to know how to throw a party.
01:23Hey, hey, hey, hey, Scar!
01:28Now, I'm not really a jealous person, but living next door to Fiona gave me a cross
01:33to bear. Every bloke she met seemed to want to marry her, because she had that kind of
01:38face. I thought I had that kind of face and all, but Kev never once mentioned marriage
01:43in all the years I'd known him, which never used to bother me, till the day I realised
01:49Well, you either love each other, or you don't. And if you don't, it's time to find
01:55your running shoes, innit?
02:09Have you seen our Veronica? She's around the disco.
02:12Veronica!
02:17How about a bit of Lady Liza?
02:18Don't you remember this? Down Jekyll's, eat off our faces. Just tell him Fiona, it's
02:22the first time we got off together.
02:24I must have been off my cake before dancing to this. Have you seen me shirt?
02:27What shirt?
02:28The Friday shirt for work. I got it out early and it's disappeared. What's in there?
02:32Bedding. I'm gonna stick them in Fiona's. That one of hers, I'll rip them to shreds.
02:36Veronica!
02:41Must have thought it was a pillowcase.
02:42With sleeves?
02:44It's been down here ever since.
03:01Hey, that's sexual, or it?
03:03Mandy!
03:04I was hoping you'd be here. Wanted to say thanks for earlier. Stepping in with Hardman.
03:09I thought it were nothing.
03:10You're joking? None of the other lads would have done that. You were like my knight in
03:14shining armour. Do you know you've got a hero working for you? Stood up for me earlier
03:19in biology. Hard on Hardman. He's a right dirty old bastard. Do you have to stay long
03:25in detention?
03:26About an hour or so. I just listened to my walkman.
03:28What are you doing when you get off here?
03:30I don't know, cos he's a bit of a slave driver, so I'm never too sure what time I'm gonna
03:35finish. Listen, Mandy, I best get on.
03:38OK. I'll see you later, then.
03:41Sexy.
03:53Excuse me, ladies. Excuse me.
03:57I'll just take these off you.
03:58Take anything you want off me, darling.
04:01What's your name, love?
04:02Kev.
04:03Oh, for girls! I found a new one.
04:06Kev! Listen, Kev, I'm working my way through the alphabet, and I haven't had a care yet.
04:12Do you fancy helping me out?
04:15Well, I tell you what, if you're still stuck after the other 25, give us a shout.
04:23Hey, Zak! Zak! You might be in here, mate.
04:37Hi.
04:42Gotcha!
04:43Jesus, Mandy!
04:45You scared me half to death.
04:46I've been waiting for you.
04:48Come on, I'll walk you home.
04:49Queen's Garden's in it.
04:52She fancies the arse off you.
04:54Over there, Tina.
04:56Shall I tell you you're interested?
04:58Reckons you're like a little boy, you need a mothering.
05:01She's a right dirty cow, though.
05:03What do you reckon, Kev? Shall I tell you you're up for it?
05:05No, I can't.
05:06Oh, why not?
05:07I just can't.
05:08Hey, Tina!
05:09No, no, no, listen, I'm...
05:12Look, I'm...
05:15I'm getting married, aren't I?
05:16Married?
05:18Veronica. Great girl. Love her to bits.
05:23Hey, did he just say he was getting married?
05:25Well, it's first Harvard.
05:27Look, he's just...
05:28I'm gonna stand there, and you're gonna break out the bubbly.
05:32Come on, this needs marking, doesn't it?
05:35Paddy! Reds!
05:36Kev!
05:37Getting married!
05:39Hey, here he comes.
05:41Here comes the bride.
05:49Hey, Carol!
05:51No!
05:52You're Veronica.
05:53Kev's gonna make an honest woman of her.
05:57Oh, Jesus Christ!
06:01He's done it!
06:03He's finally gone and done it!
06:06Kevin Alan Paul, give me a big kiss!
06:12My new son-in-law!
06:13Carol.
06:14Oh, you know, he's made me the happiest mother in the world!
06:18Mind you, it's about bloody time.
06:21Hey, give us your phone. I wanna ring Veronica.
06:23You can't.
06:25She'll wanna tell you herself.
06:27Kev!
06:29Kev!
06:30The barman!
06:33He's getting married!
06:35Congratulations, Kev!
06:47Do you want another?
06:50Cheers.
06:51Cheers.
06:52Don't be long.
06:56What the fuck is...
06:57Oh, I'll sit in this!
06:59All right!
07:01Jesus!
07:02Where are you going?
07:03Bed.
07:04Apparently.
07:19You, Kev!
07:20Yeah, why?
07:21My brother said you're getting married.
07:24Top boy.
07:26Good, isn't he?
07:29Bit stupid, didn't she?
07:31Do you wanna try it on?
07:44You're getting married!
07:51You're dead, you are.
07:55One shot, that's all.
08:11Mandy! Mandy!
08:13It's okay. I've got some in my bag.
08:15Three-pack.
08:21No, I can't. I can't. I'm sorry.
08:23Ian!
08:24Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to.
08:27What's up? What's the matter?
08:29What is it? Don't you fancy me a summer?
08:39What are you looking at?
08:51PHONE RINGS
08:56All right!
08:58All right!
09:01Who is it?
09:03Hello?
09:06No, there's nobody there, love.
09:08Go back to bed.
09:10No, it's nothing.
09:12Oh, it's probably just kids.
09:14Get the baseball bat if you want,
09:16but I don't think you'll need it because...
09:18Veronica!
09:25Kev, you scared the...
09:27What are you doing down there?
09:29Veronica Fisher.
09:31You do me the honour of being my wife.
09:36Is this a wind-up?
09:42Course I will, you daft bugger.
09:49SHE LAUGHS
09:53What's going on?
09:55Don't know. They look happy.
09:57Just think, that could be new Mandy McGuire.
09:59Fine, dick.
10:01What's the go? What?
10:12A little boy, he's mothering.
10:14No, no, no.
10:16Veronica Fisher.
10:18You do me the honour of being my wife.
10:20Hey, Carol, can you sing it?
10:28Right, come on, here we are. Sit down.
10:33Can we have a bit of hush, please?
10:36All right, everyone's settled?
10:38We've got an announcement to make.
10:40Watch me not need drinks.
10:42Are you getting married?
10:44Debbie?
10:46Yes, Kev and me are getting married!
10:48CHEERING
10:50I'll be your wedding alcoholic.
10:52Oh, can I be the wedding...
10:58Sorry, kiddo, maybe next time.
11:00Congratulations, Kev.
11:02Well done.
11:04Come here, monkey boy.
11:14How long does it take to get a divorce?
11:17You have to get married first, Kev.
11:19I'm already married.
11:24I don't even know where she is.
11:26Last time I heard she was in Carlisle.
11:28All right, look, I know a decent solicitor, a mate of mine.
11:30If you want, I can give him a call.
11:32You're never going to get away with doing it behind her back, Kev.
11:34Why have you never told her?
11:36I fuck knows. We're only married a year.
11:38You're going to have to tell her
11:40before she broadcasts it to the entire estate.
11:43So, this is where you're hiding.
11:46Yeah.
11:48Might be a bit late for that.
11:59What do you think?
12:01I think it might need a few alterations.
12:08Right, on my side,
12:10you've got my mum, Uncle Terry,
12:12Mick and Sylvia, Janet, Rhonda, Clement, Pete.
12:14And then there's my brothers, Barry, Mitch, little Leo.
12:17No-one's talking to our Phil.
12:19And Marta's still in prison.
12:21What about your side?
12:23Kev?
12:25Whoever.
12:27Well, who do you want to invite?
12:29I'm telling you now, your Kelly's not coming for starters.
12:32Well, you do the list, then,
12:34and you'll get your own way, won't you?
12:36What is your problem?
12:38I haven't got a problem.
12:40Can't see your face!
12:42I'm not dragging you around, Kev.
12:44If we're going to do this, we're going to do it together.
12:46There is no way I'm sorting it all out on my own.
12:48Just because we're getting married,
12:50I'm not going to turn into one of those women
12:52that shuffles round trying to...
12:54What?
12:56I've got to go to work.
13:02It's Kev. Kev Ball.
13:04Yeah, sorry to ring you out of the blue.
13:07You haven't got a contact number for your Roxy, have you?
13:12She's joking.
13:14It's EBH. What happened?
13:20Golf club?
13:22Jesus! She took them clean off?
13:26Erm, when you visit her, can you pass on a message for me?
13:29Yeah, tell her I want a divorce.
13:37PHONE RINGS
13:43Are you Ian Gallagher?
13:45You're fucking dead!
13:47Leave him! Get in, you!
13:49Leave the lad alone!
13:51Do you think you can force yourself without Mandy Gallagher?
13:54Will you pick the wrong one next time?
13:56Fuck off! You're dead for this!
13:58Do you hear me? You hear me, Gallagher?
14:00Leave him!
14:02I'll be out the back and down the street by now.
14:07Tell him he's a marked man.
14:19Ian!
14:21Ian!
14:23It's all right, they've gone.
14:25I'll put the lock on.
14:37I didn't touch her cash.
14:39I swear, she just...
14:41It's all right. Come here.
14:43It's all right. Come here.
15:10Why don't I like her?
15:13Why couldn't I touch her?
15:15You know why.
15:17No, I don't. Cos lots of real lads fancy her.
15:19Why can't I?
15:22Because you're...
15:24What? A puff?
15:26Like you?
15:28With a wife and two kids?
15:30Cos maybe that's what I want.
15:32Maybe if I try hard enough, I can convince myself I'm straight.
15:35Cos I tell you what, Cash,
15:37it'd make my life a fuck of a lot easier.
15:40You think?
15:42Easier?
15:44Lying to your family for the next 20 years?
15:46Listening to people in the shop,
15:48in the pub,
15:50making jokes about how filthy it is
15:52without being able to say anything?
15:54Sleeping with a woman every night of your life,
15:56even though you don't like the feel of her skin?
16:03You think that's easy?
16:09No.
16:18Mandy McGuire called round earlier.
16:20Said she'd got the wrong brother fancy-teeing what an older man could do.
16:26You wanker!
16:36God!
16:40What?
16:46What did they do?
16:50Ian?
16:52What did they say?
16:53What do you think?
17:03I wasn't even bothered about getting married till he brought it up.
17:06Now it's like I'm dragging him down the bleeding aisle.
17:08Don't know what's up with him.
17:10Last few days he's had a face like a slapped arse.
17:12Maybe he doesn't really want to get married.
17:14Maybe he only asks you cos he thinks that's what you want.
17:17Nine years, no ring on your finger.
17:20Most women have ditched him by now.
17:22Thought about it over the years, but it's never really mattered.
17:25I mean, you just know, don't you, whether someone's right or not.
17:28If it works, it works.
17:30The way things are between us, it's perfect.
17:32So why change it?
17:34What's the one thing that breaks up long-term couples?
17:38Other than the prezzies and the piss-up.
17:40Give me three good reasons why you want to get married.
17:51Kev, come out.
17:59What?
18:01Why are we getting married?
18:04I think it was at sight cos you're meant to be.
18:07You know the idea of it all?
18:09Mm.
18:10Nice dress.
18:12Fancy ring.
18:14People looking at you like you're something special.
18:16Mm.
18:18But when I stopped and thought about it,
18:21it just seemed pointless.
18:25We don't need a piece of paper to tell us we love each other, do we?
18:28Oh, that's exactly what I was...
18:32Hang on. This isn't a test, is it?
18:35One of them women things where you pretend you don't want to do something
18:38to see if they'll try and talk you round.
18:40Well, if it is, you've just failed.
18:46Well, what have we told people?
18:49We've changed our minds.
18:52Actually, don't tell them anything till they've bought the presents.
18:55Size of my family.
18:57We'll get the whole house kitted out.
18:59THEY LAUGH
19:06Do you know what?
19:09I'd love the arse off you.
19:12How could you not?
19:14THEY CHUCKLE
19:18He ignores you.
19:22Veronica! Veronica!
19:24Hurry up! I'm going to whack yourself out here!
19:27Picture the scene.
19:29Beautiful church.
19:31Sun shining.
19:33All your friends and family gather together.
19:36Kev waiting at the front in his new beige suit.
19:39Nervous, excited.
19:41And suddenly, you appear.
19:45The blushing bride.
19:47Radiant, voluptuous.
19:50You're walking arm in arm with your father down the aisle.
19:56He's proud. He's tearful.
19:59He's dead?
20:01Well, that's what he would have wanted.
20:05Had the good Lord not seen fit to take him away from us.
20:09So...
20:12..he left you this instead.
20:16He never made a will because he didn't want people squabbling over it.
20:20So he put that aside.
20:22Do you know what he was like?
20:24Old-fashioned.
20:26Reckoned any father worth his salt should be able to pay for his daughter's wedding.
20:30Five grand?
20:34He was a good man, Veronica.
20:36And he wanted me to keep that until the time was right.
20:41How do I turn this thing off?
20:52You all right?
20:54It's Ian Gallagher.
20:56Tell Ian Gallagher if you want him out here, now.
20:58If you want him out here, now, Ian.
21:00Have you seen him?
21:01Listen, if you see him, you tell him I'm looking for him, all right?
21:04All right!
21:12Long story.
21:23Why'd you lie, man?
21:25Why'd you tell him I attacked you?
21:27Get him away from me.
21:28Tell him the truth, Mandy. Please, they're gonna kill me.
21:31Get him away from me!
21:33You need locking up.
21:34You fucking pervert.
21:58Kev!
21:59Kev!
22:00Look!
22:02That's straight households, they're all in the same room!
22:04That's straight households, they're all in the same room!
22:07Buy your own house!
22:08Aye, I appreciate your class.
22:11Right-to-buy scheme.
22:13Council are selling off the houses.
22:15So?
22:16So, five grand, plus the bit we've got in the bank,
22:20we could almost buy our place outright.
22:22I don't own Kev.
22:24What do you think?
22:26A quick walk down the aisle, a couple of I do's.
22:28Be worth it to get our own place.
22:30But we've got to get a move on. Closing date's end of the month.
22:36What's up?
22:40I can't marry you, Veronica.
22:44There's something you should know.
22:49Fuck me.
22:52Fucking hell.
22:54Roxy Benson.
22:56I remember her from school.
22:59She were gorgeous.
23:01She were headcase.
23:02She used to throw plates at me.
23:04She couldn't handle a drink, I tell you.
23:06Talk about fiery.
23:07That's why I've got that scar on the back of my neck.
23:12The amount of times I nearly told you over the years,
23:16but the further away it got,
23:19the more unreal it seemed.
23:23That's the only thing that I have got to prove it ever happened.
23:30You look all right, the sweat on there, don't you?
23:32Fucking mullet.
23:34That's worse than finding out you were married.
23:41I'm sorry.
23:44I just...
23:46I didn't want anything to spoil it for us.
23:49So I buried it.
23:54How long will it take to divorce her?
23:57Six months, I don't know, maybe longer.
24:00I think we might have to forget about buying a house.
24:06Oh, it's...
24:13Hang on.
24:16What?
24:17What?
24:18Well, we don't actually have to get married.
24:23If my mum wants a wedding,
24:25why don't we give her a wedding?
24:29You can fake it.
24:30Why not?
24:31You can't.
24:32Why not?
24:33We'll still be married.
24:35Just won't be legal.
24:39The dress brings the photographer the works.
24:42It's got to be like the real thing, except cheaper.
24:48What?
24:53Your wedding car matters.
24:58It might have to be in black.
24:59Whatever.
25:05Quentin, how do you fancy a couple of months' free rent?
25:10Repeat after me.
25:12I, Veronica Carol Fisher,
25:16Kevin Alan Ball,
25:19take this man, Kevin Alan Ball,
25:22to be my lawfully wedded husband.
25:26Isn't it illegal to impersonate a vicar?
25:28You're not a vicar, you're a registrar.
25:32Even so...
25:41Hello, Gallagher.
25:47Tell your brother no-one gives us a run around.
25:50Either he shows his face tomorrow or we'll fucking kill him.
25:53You understand?
25:54Yeah.
25:55You understand?
25:56Yeah.
25:57Good.
26:08Is there something you're not telling us?
26:10It just got out of hand. It's Mandy McQuaid.
26:12She's not someone you say no to.
26:14Jailbait?
26:15Er, Kev...
26:16Oh, come on, you can't say shit in Foxhay.
26:18Right, Ian, why don't I just swing round there,
26:20see if they can't listen to reason?
26:21Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, post-live.
26:23You'll come back in bin bags.
26:24So what, Kev? Roll over and die?
26:26You can't just give in to these people.
26:27I'll tell you what, I'll go round.
26:29I know another old man from the pub. He's all right.
26:31Well, his violent piss heads go.
26:33Hmm?
26:44Woof, woof.
26:54Woof, woof.
26:55Woof, woof, woof, woof.
26:59Where is he?
27:00Where the bleeding hell is he?
27:02He's got his stag do in an hour.
27:04Here you go.
27:07Er, do you want another one?
27:10I wouldn't know if anything's happened to him.
27:12That eldest is a maniac.
27:13He did for Sally Sargent.
27:14Only got off because he intimidated the witness.
27:16Veronica!
27:17Hey! He started this mess.
27:19I'm going to end up a widow before I'm even married.
27:21Erm, well, you know, married.
27:23All right, now take your time with this one, all right?
27:25You never know, you might have to identify the body.
27:30Luke!
27:33Oh, it's the police.
27:34Oh, no.
27:36Right, it's all right. It's only Helmut.
27:38He's got Kev with him.
27:40For that.
27:41I pictured myself at his funeral.
27:43Like there's nothing with my legs.
27:47I thought I was going to be there all night.
27:49Tone giving me lift back.
27:51What happened?
27:55Well, I goes round there.
27:57I ask if I can have a word, you know, private and that.
28:00Anyway, fair enough.
28:02He invites me in.
28:03And they're all sat there in a row.
28:05Every single one of them on the couch, arms folded.
28:08Canal station at my feet.
28:10Growling.
28:12So, I explain the situation.
28:15I put Ian's case forward.
28:17Misunderstanding. Blah, blah, blah.
28:20Didn't mean to offend her.
28:22They listened. Fair dues.
28:24They offer us a beer and a spliff.
28:31And, well, basically,
28:33well, I agreed to keep my fecking nose out of it.
28:36Is that it?
28:37Well, what could I do?
28:38Hey, but they flogged us to camcorder for the wedding, though.
28:41You useless wanker!
28:43I thought you were dead!
28:45I can't believe I'm having you, you know.
28:47Ian!
28:50You see this badge?
28:52Now, I know it doesn't count for a lot round here these days,
28:55but we haven't lost a fight yet, you know.
28:57One word in the right ear could make things go away.
29:00I didn't want you getting involved.
29:02Why not?
29:03We don't need the police fighting our battles for.
29:05No, not the police.
29:07Me, Tony.
29:10Do you fancy coming out tomorrow?
29:12Police are having this friends and family day in Tatton Park.
29:15Oh, a bite to eat, a few drinks.
29:17Let your hair down.
29:19They usually have a rifle range so you can get your own back on the scum.
29:25It's Kevin Veronica's wedding tomorrow.
29:27We're off out on the hen night now.
29:29Right, right.
29:31Right, right.
29:34So, do you fancy it or not?
29:40OK, you ready?
29:42Oh, me toe!
29:52Let's go!
29:54There's only one way out of this, you know that, don't you?
30:01Tell them.
30:11Where am I sleeping?
30:13It's out of bedspread.
30:18You can always keep it with you.
30:20Yeah, as long as you keep it on to yourself.
30:32Oh, God.
30:53The 545 service to London is leaving from Bay C in five minutes.
30:57The 545 service to London is leaving from Bay C in five minutes.
31:28Fuck, Mandy.
31:33Move! Shift away now!
31:35I'm here to gallagher. Try anything and you're dead.
31:37Fuck, I'm dead anyway. Your brother's us, it's that.
31:39Mandy, please. Please, there's something...
31:41I need to talk to you properly.
31:44Please.
31:46I'm gay.
31:51Let the best you can come up with.
31:53Mandy, if I was going to make something up, do you think I'd...
31:56I'm hanging myself here, you know that, cos no-one knows.
31:59No-one in school, no-one in the estate.
32:02Lip only knows cos he worked it out.
32:04You're the only person I've ever told.
32:07Like, told, like, said it to.
32:09Out loud.
32:11Look.
32:19Look.
32:21I just haven't got the right equipment.
32:23You don't look the gay type.
32:25Is that better?
32:27It's off, you know what I mean.
32:31People suss it out, though.
32:3315, no girlfriend, and all them lads at school to go apart.
32:36You know what you need?
32:38What?
32:40A girlfriend.
32:42You know, like film stars do when they don't want people knowing.
32:48What do you get out of it?
32:50Do you know what it's like being me?
32:52All them morons hitting on me.
32:54Trying to get into my knickers.
32:56I want to find someone nice, someone interesting.
32:59Someone like you.
33:02Except not gay.
33:06Do you fancy coming to a wedding?
33:24Oh, shit.
33:54Mm-hmm.
34:24Yeah!
34:26Yeah!
34:28Yeah!
34:30Yeah!
34:32Yeah!
34:34Yeah!
34:36Yeah!
34:38Jeffy! Marty!
34:41How you doing, mate?
34:48I think you rang the doorbell or something, like any normal person.
34:51Kev, you know Marty, thoughtful as ever.
34:53Smug face.
34:56You got any sugar?
35:01Cheers.
35:02Yeah, me man rang, told me you were getting married.
35:04He said send a card.
35:06I'm thinking, sod that. Big sister getting hooked.
35:09Gonna be there.
35:13Hey, wouldn't have missed this for the world.
35:15You know what they say about Marty?
35:17Marty never misses a party.
35:19Where you coming from, anyway?
35:21Last time I heard you were in prison.
35:22Yeah, I was. Fire stretch.
35:24When did you get out?
35:26Last night.
35:32What?
35:33I need to talk to Veronica.
35:37It's the day of the wedding. It's bad luck.
35:42What have you got on your face?
35:45What's he in for?
35:47Aggravated burglary and arson.
35:49Do you remember the Dole office going up on election day?
35:52Yeah.
35:53That were him. He loves setting fire to things.
35:55He's a maniac. He came at me.
35:57Almost felt my heart stop in there.
35:59Then we're having a brew and he starts all like...
36:01What's that?
36:02Tourette's. Coupled with hypomania.
36:05It's a psychologist's wet dream.
36:07What are you gonna do?
36:09I'll ship him out. Preferably back to prison.
36:11Because if there's one person you can rely on to really fuck things up,
36:15it's Marty.
36:21You can't stay, Marty. You're in prison.
36:24It's only a cat day, Veronica. They practically give you your own key.
36:27You've got to go back, Marty.
36:30It was nice of you to make the effort.
36:33But if they catch you, that's your parole gone.
36:37How long have you got left?
36:3918 months.
36:40Twenty?
36:41Exactly. No time.
36:43Yeah, but it's your wedding day, Veronica.
36:47They'll be looking for you.
36:49Why don't you go back and yourself in?
36:52Tell them it was a mistake. A moment of madness.
36:55Won't happen again.
36:56Me and Kev will back you up.
36:58Make sure they listen to you.
37:01You know it's for the best.
37:05Drink up.
37:06If we get our skates on, we can have you back before breakfast.
37:08I am not going back, Ronnie.
37:10It's your wedding day. I'm not missing your wedding day.
37:13All right?
37:18What time is it?
37:19Quarter to twelve.
37:21We've got two hours.
37:22Veronica, I'm just going to have to let him come and we'll sort it out after.
37:25No way, Kev. I'm not having that nutcase at my wedding.
37:29One wrong word and everything will go ballistic.
37:31Can you imagine the service?
37:33Do you, Veronica Bucketbeard Fisher, take this man, Kevin, dunking it, dunking that ball?
37:38Sorry.
37:39Well, that wouldn't be so bad.
37:41We'll be laughed at at the bloody building.
37:43No, he's going back to prison, even if I have to drag him there myself.
37:47Are you all right in there, Marty?
37:50Marty, are you OK?
37:52Whereabouts, V?
37:53Just hanging up soon as you walk in.
37:56It's not.
37:58You what?
37:59Nice wedding dress, Veronica.
38:03Burn a treat, this will.
38:06You try and send me back to prison.
38:09Dress goes up, house goes up, we all go up.
38:14Marty, open the door.
38:18Open the bleeding door.
38:20You shouldn't talk about Marty like that.
38:22I can't believe it.
38:24It's not fair.
38:26Marty doesn't like it.
38:28And you're not getting married without me.
38:32Bucketbeard.
38:33Bucketbeard.
38:35Sorry.
38:42What's he doing?
38:44He's just sitting there.
38:47Lighting matches.
38:49Jesus Christ.
38:52He's going to burn down the bleeding house.
38:54This is what he did at my grandad's funeral, he gutted half the hospice.
38:57Let's just call the cops, at least that way we'll get rid of him.
39:00Kev's right.
39:01If the house goes up, we're not going to be able to get him out of there.
39:04What about the wedding?
39:05This is our big day.
39:07Don't take it out on me, he's your brother.
39:09He's always been like this.
39:10He hates anyone else being the centre of attention.
39:12Everything has to be about him.
39:13Always bloody him.
39:14He wants to put an end to Nuthouse.
39:16Oi, oi.
39:17What's going on?
39:18A bit of a problem.
39:20Is there any chance we can put things back in our stead?
39:22The room's only booked until three.
39:23We're going to be hard pushed to change things at this stage.
39:25What's happened?
39:26Veronica, your mum's here.
39:28Get him out of here.
39:29Fiona, tell her I can't see her, tell her anything.
39:31Just get rid of her.
39:33Never get married.
39:35Carol, Veronica wants you coordinating things at the other end.
39:39No, I'm...
39:43The whole thing's ruined.
39:45We've got to be there in an hour.
39:47And I've got that wanker stuck in my bathroom.
39:51Come on.
39:53I call it Catholic guilt,
39:55but I am starting to think there's a message in here somewhere.
39:59All I want is to own my own home.
40:02For us.
40:04Somewhere we can feel safe.
40:06Somewhere we can call our own.
40:08Maybe fetch kids up in.
40:13I thought you didn't want nippers.
40:15Based on what?
40:17On you saying how much you ate them.
40:19Yeah.
40:20Other people's.
40:22But I might not mind a baby Kev running around.
40:28What are we going to do, Kev?
40:31Shall we call it off and tell everyone we've had second thoughts?
40:34No chance.
40:36In an hour's time, we're getting married.
40:39And there's nothing going to stop that.
40:43Remember when we were kids?
40:45How you'd always tag along wherever I went?
40:50I know I got angry and that.
40:52Shouted at you.
40:55But I always looked after you, didn't I, Marty?
41:00You know why?
41:02Because I'm your big sister.
41:06And I didn't want you getting in any trouble.
41:09Because I love you.
41:13And that's why I want you to go back to prison.
41:24But I've been thinking about the wedding.
41:28And you know something?
41:32You're right.
41:34Because...
41:38..my wedding day...
41:41..wouldn't be my wedding day...
41:45..without my little brother there.
41:51In fact...
41:54..I'd like you to be the one to give me away.
42:03Marty?
42:10Meena?
42:13Cross me heart.
42:18Come here, who doesn't hug you deaf like a bugger?
42:24You...
42:26You bitch!
42:28You lying, two-faced, bucket-spunk...
42:32I'll burn your fucking house down. I'll burn...
42:38Performance for a lifetime.
42:40Just call me Nurse Ronnie.
42:42Right, let's get him out of here.
42:44Nice one.
42:54Yeah, mid-20s, probably a junker.
42:57It looks like he might be dead.
42:59Chatsworth Park, he's driving the kiddies.
43:01All right.
43:04Sorry.
43:23Now that we're sitting around in my chair
43:26I can't lie to myself
43:28I can't lie to myself
43:30I can't lie to myself
43:32I can't lie to myself
43:34I can't lie to myself
43:36I can't lie to myself
43:38I can't lie to myself
43:40I can't lie to myself
43:42I can't lie to myself
43:44I can't lie to myself
43:46I can't lie to myself
43:48I can't lie to myself
43:50I can't lie to myself
43:52I can't lie to myself
43:54I can't lie to myself
43:56I can't lie to myself
43:58I can't lie to myself
44:00I can't lie to myself
44:02I can't lie to myself
44:04I can't lie to myself
44:06I can't lie to myself
44:08I can't lie to myself
44:10I can't lie to myself
44:12I can't lie to myself
44:14I can't lie to myself
44:16I can't lie to myself
44:18I can't lie to myself
44:20I can't lie to myself
44:22I can't lie to myself
44:38What are you doing?
44:39Everyone's said come for a drink
44:40Get one, then piss off home
44:47Heyya gorgeous
44:48What's your name?
44:49with a clue. You'd think they'd have toilet paper on special occasions.
44:56Tina! Tina! Your husband's just turned up. You what?
45:07Look at this. You what?
45:14Look at this. Look at this.
45:31So, what do you think, Mrs Ball? You happy?
45:50Hey, this is for you. Official. It's been a perfect day. I only wish Aunt Marty could
46:11have been here.
46:18We never got to keep the money in the end. We had to pay for Marty's little firework
46:37display in the toilets, so we never got to buy the house. But at least we got our day
46:41to remember, and I wouldn't change that. Not for anything.
46:45Here's a pipe full of gold, Jez.
46:50We are now looking for a three-year-old boy. Debbie must have planned this.
46:54She knabbed the kids.
46:55I'll bring to the name of...
46:56Jody!
46:57What will they do to her if they find her?
46:58If that kid was one of mine, I'd want that guy's bollocks in her bag.
46:59This is all we need. Are you right in the bloody head?
47:06She's not screwy, and she didn't steal him. She buried him accidentally.
47:10Where's some chocolate buttons?
47:11Who saw you?
47:12Nobody. We just ran.
47:14Please, contact us immediately. We need your help.
47:18Who the fuck are you?
48:06Pig.
48:09Scum.
48:12Pig, pig. Piggy.
48:18Shut it, smart-arse.
48:20Bucket.