A I Trump DEAR DIARY 10 - YouTube
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00:00Dear diary, you know, I'm really starting to lose my enthusiasm for this whole being
00:23president thing.
00:24I think I may have mentioned it before.
00:27The only thing that keeps me going is the recurring nightmare I've been having where
00:30I'm forced to sit in an eight by six cell in an orange, 100% polyester jumpsuit being
00:35forced to have conjugal visits with Melania while the guards sit outside chowing down
00:40McDonald's quarter pounders and that sweet, sweet, sweet aroma is filling the room.
00:44They drink diet Cokes in front of me.
00:46They loudly discuss their weekend excursions to the golf course.
00:50And then after the horrors of being stuck in a room with my wife for an hour, they lead
00:54me back to the plain gray walls of my cell where I sit looking longingly up at the small
00:59barred window that's too high for me to reach as dust moats drift and tumble through the
01:03hazy shaft of feeble sunlight that falls upon my pale turgid face.
01:08It's enough to make you shit bricks.
01:11In fact, many a morning and increasingly of late I've had to call in my Trump diaper changer.
01:16That's an official title to relieve me of my soiled nightwear.
01:21Even a freshen up with a bed bath performed by the all-female Trump cleansing team, another
01:25official title and a new application of Trump yam facial paste.
01:29That's another official name, hex code CC 5801 for those who want to know.
01:34Even those have failed to purge my every waking moment of lingering thoughts of the prior
01:39night's terrors.
01:41It's such bullshit.
01:43So desperate am I to draw my mind away from such frightening echoes I have taken to spending
01:47an hour or more of my morning simply standing in my walk-in wardrobe, soaking up the comforting
01:52sight and smell of my many 100% natural cotton suits, my silk ties, my patent leather high
01:58yield shoes.
01:59Every day I play a game with myself.
02:01What shall I wear today?
02:03Will it be the charcoal gray Ralph Lauren with a three-tone blue striped tie?
02:07Or perhaps the discreet black number from Bonham Strand set ablaze with a striking golden
02:11number?
02:13Today, perhaps a subtle pinstripe from Turnbull and Asser coupled with a cheeky Paisley Windsor.
02:20But no, it will always and ever be my favorite, the blue suit and red silk tie from a special
02:24tailor of mine who shall remain nameless, lest his brilliance and passion be consumed
02:28by the mass market forever to be lost to me.
02:32I'd rather see him die in penury than have his beautiful bespoke suits ruined by the
02:36industrial machine.
02:38These are the sacrifices we have to make.
02:42And yet my soul will not be stilled.
02:44Even now I feel the creeping presence of that most vile and loathsome of creatures, Jack
02:48Smith slowly approaching from the shadows, coiled and poised to strike like a venomous
02:53cobra.
02:54I feel the encroaching darkness preparing to devour me like a shark in the deep circling
02:59alone swimmer on the choppy seas above.
03:02Man, I hate sharks.
03:05Outwardly I present as a calm and collected senior statesman, unruffled, unruffleable,
03:11speaking clear and true in my mind.
03:13Inside, however, I am in turmoil, unable to breathe, unable to think, unable to finish
03:18my 11th consecutive cheeseburger.
03:22My head is crowded with thoughts, many of them not my own.
03:25Others abide there, Joe Biden, Jimmy Kimmel, Hillary.
03:30And they pay me no rent, even though it's a pretty nice triplex, 100,000 square feet,
03:35all gold furnishings worth maybe $60 to $70 billion in today's market.
03:40My one true love has been taken from me, no, not Loomer, though it is true that I have
03:45been forbidden from seeing her.
03:47Bummer, she's got boobs, and one of those things I love to grab women by.
03:52But no, my one true love is golf, of course.
03:56But since that fateful Sunday scarcely more than a week ago, I have been forbidden from
03:59golfing too.
04:01It is, they say, too dangerous for me to go out in the open with my big fat orange glowing
04:06watermelon head so ripe for a lid slug.
04:10So a fear to they that I now must ply my diatribes behind a wall of strengthened glass
04:15lest a willing participant attempts to make it a hat trick.
04:19So this is my choice, a choice that would make Sophie Blanche, to be confined behind
04:23walls of glass or to be confined behind walls of cinderblock for the rest of my days, or
04:29to live free while I can and damn the consequences.
04:33Even now, those eager demons clutch and tease at the golden threads of my ultimate fate.
04:38Have I no agency?
04:39Am I destined to be contained, controlled, oppressed?
04:42Or can I be the ultimate arbiter of my own future?
04:45I posit these notions to my most trusted confidants to one unanimous verdict that I cannot accept.
04:52If you can't do the time, then don't do the crime.
04:55Peasants, turncoats, cruel obnoxious vapors, why must you abuse me so?
05:02Well, fuck them.
05:05Donald J. Trump.
05:09Donald Trump.
05:11Donald Trump.
05:13Donald Trump.
05:15Donald Trump.
05:17Donald Trump.
05:19Donald Trump.
05:21If you can't do the time, then don't do the crime.
05:23A E prime.
05:25Asabri yena praytama samfordana.
05:39Asabri yena.