Perkahwinan Puan Hasnita & Encik Azhar menghadapi pelbagai masalah termasuk komunikasi. Tapi siapa sangka penyakit ‘Autism Dewasa’ yang dikesan pada Encik Azhar pada tahun ketujuh perkahwinan menyelamatkan rumah tangga mereka.
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GMW: Motif Trending
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LearningTranscript
00:00I think it will happen again. As a wife, why is my husband like this?
00:04Sometimes we get angry, right? It's really bad.
00:07Life is like this, until I feel like I'm not in heaven.
00:10I'm like this with my husband.
00:19Hello guys and welcome to another episode of Motif Trending.
00:23Today we are at the studio. We have Mrs. Hasnita and also Mr. Muhammad Azhar.
00:29Hello, Assalamualaikum.
00:31So, maybe some of you have been to their FYP TikTok.
00:36But there are also those who are like, wait a minute, how do you know?
00:39Is this true? Maybe you can tell us a little bit about what is Motif Trending?
00:43It's related to adult autism.
00:46Do you know that he had autism when he was married?
00:50I don't know either. He doesn't know, I don't know, he still doesn't know.
00:55I don't know. We found out in our 7th year of marriage.
01:00Okay guys, so I think you must have been through FYP.
01:04But before we go to the question, I want to know, how old is this marriage?
01:09Our marriage is 8 years old.
01:12We met on social media in 2014.
01:16We got engaged in 2015 and got married in 2016.
01:19Wow, so there's a year gap.
01:24So, how did you decide that you really wanted to get married?
01:29So, at that time, we said that if we wanted to be friends for a long time, we didn't want to get married.
01:35Wow, so who invited who first?
01:38Me, of course.
01:40Yes, because as people know, adult autism follows directions.
01:45So, I was the one who invited him.
01:47But I also said that if I wanted to be friends, I didn't want to get married.
01:50He was afraid of losing me, so he got married.
01:52Azhar was afraid of losing you?
01:53Yes, I was worried.
01:55So, you were okay with it?
01:57I had to work hard.
01:59Because if I was alone, I might not be able to do it.
02:03I didn't know what to do.
02:06What about you, Ayang? What do you like about him?
02:09He's cheerful.
02:10He's cheerful.
02:11He's bright.
02:12He's bright.
02:13He's happy.
02:14He's happy.
02:15He's active.
02:16He's active?
02:17It's fun to be alone.
02:19It's fun to be friends with Ayang, right?
02:21Before that, can you tell us about your backgrounds?
02:26In terms of diplomas.
02:28I have a diploma in IT.
02:31What about you, Azhar?
02:32I have an electronic engineering diploma in Polytechnic, Polis.
02:36How did you meet each other?
02:38We met on social media.
02:40I like his writing.
02:42He likes to write.
02:44So, I was interested in his writing on Facebook.
02:47So, I read it.
02:49Then, I read his PM's.
02:52That's cute.
02:53When you read his PM's, what did you think?
02:57Did you want to google it first?
02:59It's not like that.
03:01We're used to reading stories on TV or novels.
03:05We can read texts.
03:07But when we meet each other, we're awkward.
03:09Do you want me to laugh or cry?
03:13Why are you laughing?
03:15Laugh.
03:16I'm done.
03:17You haven't laughed yet.
03:19Laugh first.
03:21Azhar, what makes you interested in Nita?
03:25You said that you're interested in her writing.
03:28What about you, Azhar?
03:29She writes on social media.
03:35I like her writing.
03:37She's brave.
03:38She speaks the truth.
03:39She's outspoken.
03:41She has a happy voice.
03:43She's cheerful.
03:45I'm the opposite.
03:48I like her.
03:50You complement each other.
03:53Azhar, I have a question.
03:55What do you like about Nita?
03:58She's always cheerful.
04:02She's active.
04:05Why are you laughing?
04:07She's always cheerful.
04:11She's a phenomenon in my life.
04:13She's a phenomenon in my life.
04:16If a man says that a phenomenon is in his life, I won't accept it.
04:20You have to say that a phenomenon is in your life.
04:25Nita, what do you like about Azhar?
04:28When we first met.
04:30I like him because he's quiet.
04:32He's a good person.
04:34He's quiet.
04:35He's obedient.
04:38Women like that.
04:41He doesn't complain.
04:43He's obedient.
04:45Women like that.
04:49That's why I like him.
04:50In the beginning?
04:51But now?
04:53He has a process.
04:54She likes him in the beginning.
04:57Why?
04:58He has a process.
05:00We didn't know each other before we got married.
05:03He's quiet.
05:05He's obedient.
05:07When we get married, we want a husband...
05:11...who is more dominant than us.
05:13But when we get married, he's like that.
05:16He's not...
05:20He's not elite.
05:21He's not elite, but he doesn't want to do anything.
05:28Azhar, are you okay?
05:29Yes, I'm okay.
05:30We're talking about awareness.
05:32Why is my husband like that?
05:34It's not like Zahil.
05:37He looks normal.
05:39He can go to school.
05:40He can study math.
05:42He can pass the exam.
05:44He can go to work.
05:45But his focus is different from others.
05:49He's not like other people.
05:52We were talking about the background.
05:55Now, we're going to get into the deeper questions.
05:59Maybe some of you know, some of you don't.
06:02I mean, you're aware of adult autism.
06:07When you first met him, you didn't know anything about it.
06:12I didn't know.
06:13When we first met, we thought he was quiet.
06:17We thought he didn't know how to socialize.
06:19But it's okay.
06:20It's not wrong to not socialize.
06:23We don't want to get angry.
06:24That's right.
06:26When we got married, he was very quiet.
06:30For example, he didn't even ask for food.
06:34It's like he's not hungry.
06:37We asked him if he was hungry.
06:39He said he was hungry.
06:40We asked him why he didn't ask for food.
06:42He said, he was waiting for his dad.
06:44But he's sweet.
06:45Yes, we thought he was sweet.
06:48We thought he was sweet because he was waiting for his dad.
06:51But after 6 years of marriage, he's still quiet.
06:57He doesn't know how to communicate.
07:01He always says, if you want to eat, there's a crab in front of you.
07:04We're confused.
07:06But he doesn't.
07:07We have to tell him that the crab is edible.
07:11Usually, when we want to communicate something,
07:17even if he says it 3 or 4 times, I still don't understand it.
07:22So, it's like we're in a mess.
07:25It's normal for people to understand.
07:28So, that's the issue.
07:31But in other things, it's different every day.
07:33But it's the same.
07:35So, it's stressful in the long run.
07:38That's right.
07:39It's very difficult.
07:42For example, communication is a long-term mission.
07:46But even if I say it, he doesn't understand.
07:48It's like that.
07:49If I say something, he'll say something else.
07:52So, we end up arguing.
07:55You have to repeat it a few times.
07:56Then, you'll understand it.
07:58You'll understand how to communicate.
08:00My way of thinking is limited.
08:02You have to follow his example.
08:04A bowl.
08:06But if he calls it a mug,
08:08for example, he calls it a mug.
08:09We tell him to take the bowl.
08:11He doesn't understand that it's a bowl.
08:12He knows that it's a mug.
08:15We can't use our words.
08:16We have to use his words.
08:19So, we end up arguing.
08:21We end up arguing a lot.
08:23I understand.
08:24Usually, when we argue a lot,
08:29how do we know that it's settled?
08:32We don't want to argue about it anymore.
08:33It doesn't stop for six years.
08:38We can't say that it's settled.
08:40It'll happen again tomorrow.
08:42Sometimes, we get angry.
08:44It's terrible.
08:45Life is like this.
08:46I feel like I'm not in heaven.
08:49I feel like I'm with my husband.
08:52Life is hard.
08:54I understand.
08:56I don't know if we're still married.
08:58But, I understand.
08:59It's like we're in a relationship.
09:02We don't understand each other.
09:15What do you think about your husband's decision?
09:23After six years,
09:25life is hard.
09:28I think about him a lot.
09:31Let me tell you about autism.
09:33There's a focus.
09:35He likes to focus on things that are too focused.
09:38So, my husband,
09:41after six years,
09:43he'll do what we tell him to do.
09:46He's not interested in anything else.
09:47He's interested in reading novels,
09:49playing games on his phone.
09:51That's all he's interested in.
09:53He doesn't want to do anything else.
09:55I told him to do something else.
09:56When he was seven years old,
09:58he didn't do anything else.
09:59He didn't play games,
10:00he didn't read novels.
10:01But, he felt lost.
10:03He couldn't take it anymore.
10:06If it's because of a game,
10:07I can tell him to slow down.
10:09If it's because of reading novels,
10:11I can tell him to stop.
10:13But, I don't know what's wrong with him.
10:16It's been eight months.
10:18It's the worst.
10:20I found out that he wrote a blog.
10:22I found out that the blog made him...
10:25He was quiet.
10:27He was interested in the blog.
10:30I couldn't stop him from writing the blog.
10:33I couldn't stop him.
10:35I thought there was something wrong.
10:37So, I took him to the doctor.
10:39How old was he when you took him to the doctor?
10:42He was seven years old.
10:45That's a long time.
10:46When you took him to the doctor,
10:49what did you think at first?
10:52I was willing to take the treatment.
10:57I knew that I had a lot of weaknesses.
11:01I had a hard time with people around me.
11:03I wanted to overcome it.
11:05So, I took the treatment.
11:07When we told him to stop writing the blog,
11:10he couldn't stop.
11:12I didn't tell him to stop every time.
11:15But, he did it three or four times in three or four months.
11:21So, it was a problem for me.
11:26At that time, I didn't think about what you did.
11:29But, I thought about how to save you.
11:31He was seven years old.
11:33He had a hard time with me.
11:36He was always angry.
11:37He was always in a hurry.
11:39Sometimes, he was late.
11:41When we asked him a question,
11:43he had to answer it in five seconds.
11:47It was a problem for us.
11:51I have a question.
11:52After you took him to the doctor,
11:56what did you do to diagnose autism?
12:02When we went to the doctor,
12:04it was easy for me.
12:06We already had the blog.
12:08So, we gave it to the doctor.
12:11He looked at it and asked about my marriage.
12:15He asked about my character.
12:19We had a few appointments for a few months.
12:22Then, the doctor told me about autism.
12:28He called it adult autism.
12:30I understand.
12:31When you found out about the result,
12:35what was the first thing that came to your mind?
12:38I didn't feel sad.
12:40I didn't think negatively.
12:42I was more open-minded.
12:45I was happy.
12:46I knew that I was like this.
12:49I felt like I was different from others.
12:54But, there was an answer.
12:58Autism has different levels, right?
13:02What was Azhar's level?
13:04He had mild autism.
13:06But, he also had OCD and anxiety.
13:10He couldn't stop his OCD.
13:13He was afraid of his character.
13:16He was afraid that he couldn't talk to people.
13:20I'm going to try the cake that my wife made.
13:25Cake, banana, yogurt.
13:29It's wet.
13:30It's crumbly.
13:32Crumbly?
13:33You said it's a cake, but it's crumbly.
13:35It's not crumbly.
13:36The crust is good.
13:41Can you hear it?
13:46I can hear people talking.
13:48Did the doctor give you any advice when you went to see the doctor?
13:54The doctor gave me some advice.
13:55We were roommates at that time.
14:03But, the doctor asked me if I wanted to split up.
14:09If I didn't want to split up, I couldn't get married.
14:13It was just the two of us.
14:14I felt like I was wronged.
14:18It was like that.
14:20I was sad when we split up.
14:23I was sad when we got married.
14:26But, we had to choose whether to live or not.
14:30The doctor told me that it's not wrong for autism to live on its own.
14:36If it wants to eat, it can eat.
14:39If it doesn't want to talk to people, it's fine.
14:41It can live on its own.
14:42But, once it's in the family, it becomes a problem.
14:46So, I had to make a decision.
14:50I chose to be with him.
14:52Azhar, what did you feel when the doctor told you that you had to split up...
14:57...or stay together?
15:02I think I accepted that I had many weaknesses.
15:08I mean, we're not that close.
15:12It's not easy to live with someone like me.
15:18Azhar, once you were diagnosed with autism,...
15:23...what was the first thing you said to Nita?
15:27I didn't have anything specific to say to my wife.
15:36Here's the thing.
15:39No matter what happened, she didn't feel anything.
15:44For example, if I was sad because of what she wrote.
15:49If I wanted to heal my heart, I would say, please forgive me.
15:53That's it.
15:55Don't cry!
16:00I understand. You had to tell her to forgive you.
16:05Yes.
16:07She didn't feel anything.
16:09It was normal for her to feel sad or nervous.
16:15As long as I was happy, she was happy.
16:17If I was angry or sad, she would stay quiet.
16:21So, if I was sad because of what she did, I would say, please forgive me.
16:27That's it.
16:29But I would say, it's okay.
16:33I would say, I'm sorry for blocking you.
16:35I'm sorry for not understanding you.
16:37She would say, it's okay. I'm sorry for blocking you.
16:40That's it.
16:41So, I had to convince myself.
16:47Azhar, do you have anything to say?
16:49Don't cry.
16:51Say sorry now.
16:53Sorry.
16:56Okay, Azhar.
16:59Did you feel anything when you saw your wife crying or sad?
17:08Did you want to do anything when she was sad?
17:13I understand how she felt.
17:16But I couldn't do anything.
17:21I couldn't do anything.
17:25Sometimes, I had to persuade her.
17:29Or I had to plan for a vacation.
17:35I had to choose where to go.
17:37I couldn't decide what to do or when to do it.
17:41I was passive.
17:44Why are you different from your friends?
17:52When I was in school, I was happy when I saw other people.
18:01I always had something to do.
18:04I like to hang out with my friends.
18:06I like to hang out with my friends.
18:08I like to be alone.
18:11I don't want to talk much.
18:13I don't want to meet people.
18:15But it's weird.
18:17If you don't have friends, you can't go anywhere.
18:21As I got older, I started to have goals in my life.
18:27For example, I want to work in the army.
18:31Some people want to be a millionaire.
18:33One day, a lecturer asked me about my dreams.
18:38I told him that I didn't have any dreams.
18:41I didn't think about it.
18:44But people laughed at me.
18:45I didn't know what my goal was.
18:48I didn't know what my goal was.
18:50I didn't know what to do.
18:52I didn't know what to do.
18:54I was lost.
18:56I couldn't find my way.
18:58When you were diagnosed with mild autism,...
19:02...did you feel relieved?
19:05At least, you were still looking for your way.
19:07Yes.
19:08I knew what to do.
19:13My husband wasn't like this.
19:17He wouldn't talk to me.
19:21He wouldn't talk to me.
19:23I've been training him for eight years.
19:27Autism needs training.
19:30After I trained him, he became like this.
19:34When I trained him, he had a hard time.
19:37I was strict.
19:38I was like a commando.
19:40Were you strict?
19:42Yes.
19:45We didn't know he had autism.
19:48I was angry.
19:50It was hard for him to live with me.
19:52When I was angry, he didn't understand why I was angry.
19:58He didn't understand.
20:00It was hard for him to live with me.
20:01It wasn't just hard for me.
20:02I felt like I was doing the right thing.
20:06I was used to it.
20:08I was supposed to be like this.
20:09But I wasn't.
20:12So, you had to tell him what to do.
20:18I was relieved when I found out that my husband was like this...
20:23...because he was like this.
20:26He wasn't just like this.
20:28He wasn't a troublemaker.
20:30He wasn't a lazy person.
20:32He didn't know anything.
20:34He was like this because of a reason.
20:37When we talk about our lives on social media...
20:43...I'm sure there are positive and negative comments.
20:48I'm pretty sure you've received negative comments.
20:53Which comment do you remember the most?
20:55For me, the positive comments are more than the negative ones.
20:59The negative comments are like...
21:03...my husband is a troublemaker.
21:04But for me, he's not a troublemaker.
21:06A troublemaker is like my husband who does bad things.
21:09But for me, he's like this.
21:11There are people like this.
21:13It's just that we don't know about it.
21:14People say that children have autism.
21:17There are adults around us.
21:19If we meet someone who can't talk to us...
21:23...or can't look at us...
21:24...they're not arrogant.
21:26They have their own problems.
21:29Azhar, do you have any advice for men or other people...
21:35...who have the same problem as you...
21:38...but they're too shy to consult a doctor?
21:42If we're diagnosed, we don't have to be shy.
21:45We should accept our shortcomings.
21:47We should support each other.
21:51It's not a punishment if it's true.
21:53If we're diagnosed, we can change...
21:56...and improve our marriage.
21:59What advice do you have for women...
22:03...who are aware of autism?
22:07We want to bring this issue to those who are married.
22:12If a married woman has a problem with her husband...
22:16...and feels the same as Azhar...
22:19...she can try to improve their marriage.
22:23For a married woman like me...
22:25...I learnt three things.
22:27First, acceptance.
22:28How to accept our husband.
22:30If we've been married for seven years...
22:32...and he still can't accept us...
22:34...it means we can't accept him.
22:36Even if we're not diagnosed, he still can't accept us.
22:40Second, we shouldn't have any expectations...
22:42...as a married woman.
22:45If we expect him to ask for a leave from the first year...
22:50...we still can't get it.
22:52The doctor said, don't expect anything from a husband like him.
22:55Third, ignore him.
22:57Ignore what he does every time we're angry.
23:01Don't care about it. Just let it be.
23:04What's important is our soul.
23:06We know how hard life is.
23:10Azhar, I think...
23:12...we should say...
23:16...what you want to say to your wife...
23:20...that you've kept in your heart for a long time...
23:25...or you want to say it now.
23:28Maybe you can say it now.
23:30Do you want to say thank you...
23:32...for knowing me for seven years?
23:35For Tok Ayang, I want to say thank you...
23:40...for never leaving me.
23:44For always being there for me.
23:52For always trying to be there for me.
23:57Thank you. I love you.
24:01Sayang.
24:05You still have time.
24:07What do you want to say to Azhar?
24:09I want to say...
24:11...we're the only ones who know what we've been through.
24:14So...
24:17...don't waste what I've been through.
24:23If one day...
24:25...someone doesn't believe in me...
24:28...you'll understand what I've done.
24:33Okay, Azhar. Maybe after this...
24:36...we'll plan a vacation.
24:39You can choose.
24:41You can go to Penang or Melaka.
24:44Can you do that?
24:45Yes, if Allah wills it.
24:47I'll keep trying.
24:50This is a question for Nita.
24:52As a woman and as a wife...
24:55...you must be tired.
24:58But what gives you the strength to carry on?
25:02What gives me the strength?
25:04I...
25:06...have been through a lot.
25:09What I've been through.
25:11I always feel like I'm about to break up.
25:13But...
25:15...I think what I've been through is...
25:18...in this world...
25:20...Allah has given us a test.
25:22If we don't pass the test, if we don't get the answer...
25:27...we'll fail.
25:28So, I'm trying to find the answer to why my husband is like this.
25:31That's the strength.
25:34Why am I still here?
25:37Let's give a round of applause for...
25:40...Ms. Haznita and Mr. Azhar.
25:43Thank you so much, Ms. Haznita and Mr. Azhar.
25:46I think we've learnt a lot from today's Motif Trending.
25:51Watch the full video at...
25:54...gempak.com. Bye!
26:03Watch the full video at...
26:06...gempak.com. Bye!