Tyler Perrys House of Payne Season13 Episode8
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00:00Hey, hey, what's up, Junior? Are you excited about the mother-son dance tonight?
00:07I don't know.
00:08Hey, come on, it's gonna be a blast. We'll have a live DJ, snack bar, plus your mom knows all the latest dance moves.
00:16Look, now, I know it's your dance, and I don't want to make this particular decision for you, but your pop's got you a new outfit so you can be drippy.
00:24What? For real?
00:26Yeah, you hype about it now, huh?
00:28Heck yeah!
00:29I knew you would be. Here, go, go try it on.
00:32Thanks, Dad, but don't be saying drippy no more.
00:37Whatever. Outfit's drippy.
00:40What's he so happy about?
00:42Oh, I got him a little outfit for his mother-son dance tonight.
00:45Aww, that's so sweet, babe. You are the best dad, you know that?
00:50I try.
00:51Mmm.
00:52Hey, guys! Sorry to, uh, just pop in, but your door was unlocked.
00:58Mm-hmm. I'm sure it was.
01:00Um, Calvin, I text you.
01:02Oh. Oh, my phone must have been on silent. My bad.
01:05Yeah, Christian said he forgot his goggles. He thinks they're over here.
01:09Oh, they're in the car. I'll go grab them.
01:10Oh, thank you, thank you.
01:12Really? Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
01:15What happened?
01:16Man, I just hyped up Junior about how fun his dance is gonna be. I got him a new outfit, and now he's all geeked.
01:22Okay, so what's wrong with that?
01:24Tracy.
01:25Oh.
01:26She just texted me saying something popped up at work, and now she can't take him.
01:31I'll take him.
01:34You both wanna take him?
01:37Fantastic.
01:57Look, this is an elementary school dance. You guys aren't gonna make a thing out of this, are you?
02:01A thing? No, it's not a thing. It's not a thing at all. I just... I wanna take him.
02:07And plus, he lives here with me, so...
02:09You know what? You are absolutely right. He does live here with you now.
02:13However, I've just known him since he was itty-bitty, so...
02:17Okay, you both know each other?
02:18Yeah.
02:19Okay.
02:21You know what? It is not that serious.
02:23So, how about this? Why don't we let Junior decide? Are you okay with that, Laura?
02:27Fine by me.
02:28No, no, no, no. I don't wanna put Junior in a position where he feels like he has to choose between the two of you.
02:33Okay.
02:34Okay?
02:36Oh! Hello, handsome.
02:39Hey, hey, stop.
02:40Stop.
02:41Stop.
02:42Stop.
02:43Stop.
02:44Stop.
02:45Stop.
02:46Stop.
02:47Stop.
02:48Stop.
02:49Stop.
02:50Stop.
02:51Stop.
02:52Stop.
02:53Buddy, I got some good news and I got some bad news.
02:56The bad news is your mother, she just texted me.
02:59She had something come up at work, so she can't take you to the dance.
03:02Well, that's not fair.
03:03Wait, wait, wait, wait. Calm down.
03:04It's all good, because two subs just graciously offered to fill in and take you.
03:10So, I decided that...
03:11I get to pick between Miranda and Laura?
03:14Dope.
03:15Well, I guess you could, if you want to.
03:18Like you said, it's my dance, so you're not going to decide for me.
03:22I did say that.
03:23You said that.
03:24All right, well, you all figure it out amongst yourselves while I go get Christian's swim goggles.
03:29Junior!
03:31You know, Miranda and I both want to take you to the dance.
03:35And we're both mature adults.
03:38We're grown-ups.
03:39And we promise you that no matter who you choose, we're going to be okay.
03:44You won't hurt our feelings.
03:46Absolutely not.
03:47We are definitely mature adults and definitely wouldn't be doing anything silly like competing.
03:53You know, never.
03:55Didn't I tell you how sharp you were in this suit?
03:58And do you know I have a dress the exact same color?
04:01You do?
04:02I'm just saying.
04:06You know, if you're into that whole matchy-matchy thing, personally, I think it's super played out.
04:10However, you know what's not played out?
04:13What?
04:14Ice cream.
04:15Ice cream?
04:16Yes, and when we go to the dance, we will get some ice cream after.
04:20Why wait?
04:21You can have ice cream right now before the dance.
04:24And let me tell you where I used to be a dancer back in high school.
04:26You know, I won third place at the state competition my senior year.
04:29I wanted to look something like this.
04:32Uh-huh.
04:33You know what?
04:35It's okay.
04:37Just give me a second.
04:39I know y'all ain't having a full-on dance battle in here.
04:42Mm-mm.
04:43Nope.
04:44Somebody's taking this a little too serious.
04:46Yeah, somebody named you.
04:48Okay, this is ridiculous.
04:49Junior, it's time to pick.
04:50Who are you taking to the mother-son dance?
04:53I pick...
04:57Miranda.
04:58Oh, baby.
05:00Oh, I love you.
05:01Congratulations, Miranda.
05:03Thank you.
05:04You guys are gonna have so much fun tonight.
05:08Thank you, Laura.
05:10Calvin, why don't we go out on a date tonight?
05:13Somewhere romantic.
05:15Yeah.
05:16Okay, so, baby, listen.
05:17I'm gonna pick you up at 6 o'clock.
05:19Okay.
05:20So we can go to the dance, okay?
05:21Okay.
05:22I'll see you soon.
05:23Love you.
05:24Love you, too.
05:25Take care.
05:26Bye.
05:27Bye-bye.
05:28Bye.
05:31You all right, babe?
05:33Me?
05:34Yes.
05:35Of course.
05:36Uh-huh.
05:37Junior, why don't you go in your room and finish your homework?
05:40Oh, I already finished.
05:45Baby.
05:47Come on.
05:48Come here.
05:50Come on.
05:51Bring it in.
05:53Bring it in.
05:54Bring it in.
05:56Calvin.
06:00Calvin, I try.
06:02And I try and I try.
06:05But nothing seems to work.
06:09I wanna have a close connection with your son, too.
06:20Hey, I'm Curtis.
06:22So, look, I am hosting a meet-and-greet at our house for Councilman Dussman to get to meet the community.
06:27But we ran into a little problem.
06:30Our babysitter didn't show up.
06:32So we were wondering if you and Auntie Ella could babysit Melissa for us.
06:36Uh-huh.
06:38What are you doing? What?
06:40Uh-uh.
06:41You just said that you and Auntie Ella would babysit for us.
06:44I did?
06:45Oh, yeah.
06:46Yeah.
06:47I'm fine.
06:48Ella loves watching the baby.
06:49I'll put these bottles in the fridge.
06:51All right.
06:52So, Uncle Curtis, look, you got the diapers in these pockets.
06:54You got a tushy cream in here.
06:56You got binky and backup binky two through seven in here just in case she gets fussy.
07:00Uh-uh.
07:02Yes, give her the binkies if she gets fussy.
07:04But whatever you do, don't rock her.
07:07She hates that.
07:08Uh-uh.
07:10And if she microwaves a zebra and backflip ocean double helix, then you just got to stop her.
07:17Uh-uh.
07:19Okay, Uncle Curtis, that's how I know you're not listening to me because what I just said didn't make any sense.
07:26Uh-uh.
07:28Well, y'all, I ain't got to listen to you, okay?
07:31Ella know everything all about you.
07:33She done babysit this precious little baby infant child a million times.
07:37She know all that stuff.
07:39All right.
07:40Well, thank you, Uncle Curtis.
07:41Uh-uh.
07:49Curtis.
07:52Curtis, where did the baby come from?
07:55Ella, if you don't know where babies come from by now, I can't help you.
07:59Really, Dr. Oz?
08:00What happened to that babysitter?
08:03I don't know.
08:04Here.
08:05Here?
08:06Here what?
08:07Curtis, I am going to my event.
08:11What event?
08:12I can't babysit by myself.
08:14You're not by yourself.
08:16You got Floyd?
08:21Ella, baby, for your own good, you've got to cancel that event.
08:26Please, you've got to watch this baby.
08:28Curtis.
08:29Or else she's going to grow up and go off to college in the blink of an eye and you're going to have regret in your heart for the precious moments you didn't spend with her.
08:36Oh, Curtis, no, I'm not.
08:38Not at all.
08:39Baby, I babysit the baby all the time.
08:42I am not canceling my plans.
08:44I've been looking forward to going out with my friends in my beautiful crown.
08:49And that's exactly what I'm about to do.
08:52Well, you know quite as it's kept.
08:54I must say, you look beautiful in that green dress, baby.
08:58You look like a sexy leprechaun.
09:00Thank you.
09:01I want to get lucky.
09:02Curtis, don't try to butter me up, mister.
09:05No, you'll be fine, baby.
09:07It's not like this is the first time you've watched a baby.
09:10You raised CJ, you raised Calvin.
09:13Tending to a baby is like riding a bike.
09:17And the last time I rode a bike, I crashed into a mailbox.
09:21You can't do this to me, baby.
09:22Curtis, babe, you did this to yourself, okay?
09:25Let this be a life's lesson.
09:27Pay attention to your wife and not to football.
09:32Never.
09:33Casserole's in the fridge.
09:35Oh, my goodness.
09:37Baby, wait, baby, wait before you go.
09:39She made a boo-boo.
09:41I was watching.
09:42I was watching.
09:43It was a great play.
09:44Yes, sir.
09:45I'm not talking about the game.
09:47We got a cold brown.
09:51Where did the baby come from?
09:53Where's Lisa?
09:54I don't know.
09:55She left.
09:56Well, where's Ella?
09:57I don't know.
09:58She left.
09:59Well, what do you know?
10:01I don't know if we don't change this baby's diaper in 30 seconds.
10:04I'm going to pass out from toxic fume inhalation.
10:08Okay, look.
10:09We're in luck.
10:10We got this right here.
10:11There's a bag right there.
10:12Okay, cool.
10:13We got a blanket.
10:14Okay.
10:15All right.
10:16We got a rattle.
10:17Let's see what we got here.
10:19We got a pacifier.
10:20Okay.
10:21We got two of them.
10:22I can't do what you're doing.
10:24I don't know how many.
10:25How many pacifiers does this baby have?
10:27I mean, jeez.
10:28She ain't got but one mouth.
10:30Would you focus, okay?
10:32I'm getting queasy.
10:34Okay, all right.
10:36All right.
10:37Now we're in business.
10:38Here.
10:40Oh, yeah, you do it.
10:41What?
10:42Me?
10:43No, you the blood relative, bro.
10:45You in the game now.
10:46Look, I'm just the family friend that's standing on the sidelines, all right?
10:50Come on, Curtis.
10:52Get your game face on.
10:54Mm-hmm.
10:55Yeah.
10:56You know what?
10:57You can do this.
10:59You got this.
11:00You got this.
11:01You can do it.
11:02I got it.
11:03I can do it.
11:04Yes.
11:07Go ahead.
11:08Okay.
11:09All right.
11:10All right?
11:11This will blow out.
11:12I can't do it.
11:13Yes, indeed.
11:14I can't do it.
11:15It's burning my eyes.
11:16I can't do it.
11:17I can't do it.
11:18Look here.
11:19You know what?
11:20The true sign of a champion is one that can stay calm under pressure.
11:23Okay.
11:24Come on.
11:25Get in there.
11:26All right.
11:27Now this is what you got to do.
11:28You ready?
11:29Okay, let's do it like football.
11:30First down.
11:31First thing we got to do is take the dirty diaper off the baby.
11:35Me?
11:36Yes, sir.
11:37Blood relatives.
11:38Go ahead.
11:39You got it.
11:40Oh, yeah.
11:41I know.
11:42I know.
11:43Stay with it.
11:44Oh.
11:45Oh, Lord.
11:46All right.
11:47All right.
11:48Now, I know wipes.
11:49It's something to do with wipes.
11:50Yes.
11:51Wipe the baby.
11:52That's second down.
11:53Second down.
11:54Wipe the baby.
11:55What the hell is it?
11:56It's a wipe.
11:57I need a sheet.
11:58Oh.
11:59I need a wipe.
12:00Thank you.
12:01Feeling good?
12:02Okay.
12:03All right.
12:04What about one more?
12:05You good?
12:07All right.
12:08You got that?
12:09Wrap it up.
12:10Okay.
12:11All right.
12:12Okay.
12:13Good job.
12:14You got it?
12:15All right.
12:16Okay.
12:17You got it?
12:18Do something with that.
12:19Oh!
12:20Do that?
12:21All right.
12:22So, look here.
12:23All right.
12:24Third down.
12:25You have to give the baby a clean diaper.
12:26Clean diaper.
12:27Yes, yes.
12:28All right.
12:29You get a clean diaper.
12:30Yeah, lift it up.
12:31You get a clean diaper.
12:32Yeah, there she is.
12:33High and lift it up.
12:34There you go.
12:35All right.
12:36Go ahead.
12:37Right there.
12:38You want to let the baby like that?
12:39Yeah, right there.
12:40You are doing great, man.
12:41I mean, it ain't like I never did it.
12:42Yeah, I know, but...
12:43Yeah, you ain't lost your touch.
12:44Now, fourth down.
12:45Now we got to redress the baby.
12:46All right.
12:47Just wrap it up in this somehow.
12:48Oh, she's so good, ain't she?
12:49Yeah.
12:50Button it up.
12:51That's too many buttons.
12:52No.
12:53I just put it on top of her like a blanket.
12:54Oh.
12:55Smart.
12:56There she go.
12:57Ah!
12:58Right.
12:59You did it.
13:00All right.
13:01All right.
13:02All right.
13:03All right.
13:04All right.
13:05You did that.
13:06Touchdown.
13:07Yes, sir.
13:08Touchdown.
13:09Touchdown.
13:10Uh-huh.
13:11No, no, no.
13:12Don't slam the baby.
13:13So, son, what made you pick Miranda to take you to the mother-son dance anyway?
13:17What's wrong with Lauren?
13:19She cute and all, but she cannot cook.
13:23What?
13:24That's not true.
13:25Hey, keep your voice down.
13:29For real, though, Miranda is way better.
13:32You should for real get back with her.
13:33Hey, hey, hey.
13:34Now, I agree about she can't cook, but she's a wonderful woman that I'm going to marry.
13:38And you will respect her.
13:40Don't ever say anything like that again.
13:42Don't ever say something like what again?
13:44Oh, Junior was just using some language that we never use in this house.
13:49And now he's going to go on and get dressed.
13:51Go ahead.
13:52Boy.
13:54I got it.
13:55Thank you.
13:56He is going to have so much fun tonight.
13:59At an elementary school dance?
14:01Yeah.
14:02Really?
14:03Yes.
14:04Mr. Winkle, the math teacher, is on the ones and twos.
14:07And they ain't got nothing to eat but stale leftover corn dogs that the cafeteria lady found in the freezer.
14:12Be happy that you're missing all that.
14:14Yeah, well, I guess.
14:17It's just, babe, I've been trying so hard to build a stronger bond with Calvin Junior.
14:22I don't know what else to do.
14:25You know?
14:26Like, I've even prayed about it.
14:28But I get it.
14:30Miranda is a mother.
14:31She is great with kids.
14:33And I cannot compete with that.
14:35Look, you don't have to compete.
14:37Ever.
14:39Look, I chose you, baby.
14:41And besides, Miranda has lived with Junior for years.
14:45Yeah.
14:46You'll get there.
14:47I know it.
14:48One day, he's going to see the amazing woman that I know and love.
14:54Have you talked to Uncle Chris?
14:55Uh-uh.
14:56Why?
14:57Honey bun.
14:59What's wrong with spinach dip?
15:01First rule of hosting, don't get high on your own supply.
15:04Although his boss is all for getting high.
15:07Look, I only had one chip.
15:10Okay, maybe five.
15:12But you know spinach dip is my weakness.
15:14You got a lot of weaknesses, bro.
15:16Chips, cake, cinnamon buns, cobbler.
15:23Look, this is my party, okay?
15:26This ain't your party, fool.
15:29Now stop grazing.
15:31Girl, he can't help it.
15:32Look, relax.
15:34This is my first official duty being a part of Councilman Dussman's campaign team.
15:38And it's a success.
15:40My boss is happy.
15:42The community leaders that we invited are happy.
15:44I'm happy.
15:46Why aren't you happy?
15:47I don't know.
15:49I guess I'm a little on edge.
15:51I'm worried about Melissa.
15:54She's with Uncle Curtis and Uncle Floyd.
15:56En fait, tu devrais être un mec nerveux.
15:59Jessica, arrête. Tu n'es pas en train d'aider.
16:01Regarde, bébé, calme-toi. Tout va bien.
16:04Je ne sais pas, Malik.
16:05Uncle Curtis n'est pas en train de répondre.
16:07Mais c'est ton premier problème.
16:08Tu n'appelles jamais Uncle Curtis.
16:09Tu appelles toujours Auntie Ella.
16:11J'appelle toujours Auntie Ella.
16:12Appeler Uncle Curtis, c'est comme demander un tsunami.
16:15Je l'appelle Auntie Ella.
16:16Elle est à l'événement Incomparable Crowns.
16:18Donc apparemment, Uncle Curtis est en train de bébé.
16:22Et il est devenu sombre.
16:26Je pense que quelque chose n'est pas bien.
16:27Regarde, bébé, rien n'est pas bien, d'accord?
16:29C'est Uncle Curtis et un bébé.
16:31Qu'est-ce qui peut avoir du mal?
16:33Tu as entendu les mots qui sont venus de ta bouche, n'est-ce pas?
16:36Allons-y.
16:41Uncle Curtis, est-ce que...
16:42Chut. Tout va bien.
16:44Hum-hum.
16:46Pas du tout qu'il n'ait pas pu répondre au téléphone.
16:49Et le bébé a mis la bouche dans l'eau.
16:51Tu sais quoi? J'ai mis assez de FaceTime après le rendez-vous.
16:54Vu qu'on est là, on peut prendre le bébé.
16:56D'accord.
16:58Je laisse le bébé avec moi.
17:03Bonjour, beau gosse.
17:05Est-ce que tu es prêt pour cette danse?
17:07Oui.
17:08J'y vais avec mon deuxième enfant.
17:13Et Junior, tu sais que je t'aime.
17:15C'est tellement mignon.
17:16Et je serai toujours là pour toi.
17:18Mais tu sais, Laura est prête à être ta grand-mère.
17:20Tu parles comme mon père.
17:22Je sais, je sais.
17:23Asseyez-vous avec moi, monsieur.
17:25Tout ce que je demande,
17:27c'est que tu lui donnes au moins une chance, d'accord?
17:29J'y promets.
17:30D'accord, bien.
17:31Pourquoi ne pas te dire à ton père et à Laura
17:33qu'on va sortir, d'accord?
17:35Oui.
17:39Hé bébé, Junior, Junior, Junior.
17:40Attends une minute.
17:42Je sais que nous n'avons jamais vraiment été
17:44sur ce genre de date.
17:46Donc, j'ai l'impression que tu as vraiment besoin
17:49d'entendre ce que tu t'entends.
17:51Je vais t'expliquer.
17:52Je vais te montrer les mouvements que j'ai, d'accord?
17:56Nous n'avons pas besoin de danser.
17:58Nous pouvons juste
18:00nous battre les gueules et parler.
18:02D'accord, comme ça.
18:06Oui.
18:07Donc, pour que tu saches,
18:09j'aime aussi raconter des blagues
18:11quand je suis sur un date.
18:12Hé, tu veux en entendre une?
18:14Alors, pourquoi les oiseaux
18:16ont des fesses?
18:18Je ne sais pas.
18:19Pourquoi?
18:22Pour couvrir leurs couilles, bien sûr.
18:26Est-ce que c'est vrai?
18:27J'ai commencé, j'ai commencé.
18:28Oh non.
18:29Oui, est-ce qu'il y a un problème avec ça?
18:31Madame Laura, j'ai changé d'avis.
18:33Pouvez-vous m'emmener à la danse de soleil de ma mère?
18:35Quoi?
18:36Non.
18:37Non, ça ne serait pas bien pour Miranda.
18:39Non, non, non, non, non.
18:40Laura, c'est bon.
18:41Ecoute, mes pieds sont déjà blessés.
18:43Vas-y, vas-y.
18:45Vraiment, Miranda?
18:47Vraiment, Miranda?
18:48Comme...
18:49Tu ne te souviens pas?
18:50Tu ferais
18:51ces pieds ici un favori.
18:53Alors, vous allez y aller et profiter.
18:55Je vous verrai plus tard.
18:56Absolument.
18:57Vas-y, vas-y.
18:58Vas-y.
18:59OK.
19:00Allez.
19:01À plus tard.
19:02Au revoir.
19:03Passez du bonheur.
19:04Nous le ferons.
19:05Oh, et il est un homme gentil.
19:07Vas-y, garçon.
19:10Miranda, qu'est-ce qui s'est passé?
19:12Oh, je...
19:13Tu sais, j'ai juste montré à Junior
19:15quelques de mes mouvements de danse
19:16et je pense qu'il avait des secondes pensées.
19:18Maintenant, Miranda,
19:19tu es une fantastique danseuse.
19:22Je sais.
19:23Mais je...
19:24Je me suis rendue compte
19:25que je devais mettre
19:26ma...
19:28ma fierté de côté.
19:30Parce que la réalité est
19:31que Laura va être ici
19:33pour l'aider à l'élever.
19:36Alors,
19:37j'ai dû faire un petit
19:38« Mom Jedi »
19:39sur son cerveau.
19:40Oui.
19:42Tu es une bonne femme, Miranda.
19:43Tu le sais.
19:44Oh, j'essaie, j'essaie.
20:15Tu as laissé le bébé?
20:19Oh, il y a une note.
20:20Une note.
20:21Il doit y avoir une note de renseignement ou quelque chose.
20:23Oh, merci Dieu.
20:24Qu'est-ce que c'est?
20:25Oh, ça peut dire
20:26Malik et Lisa sont venus
20:28et ont acheté le bébé.
20:29Merci beaucoup.
20:31Oh, attends une minute.
20:32Tu le savais?
20:34Bien sûr que je le savais, Curtis.
20:36Ils m'ont dit quelque chose
20:38et j'ai écouté.
20:39Quelque chose que tu devrais essayer.
20:42Bonne nuit, Floyd.
20:43Bonne nuit, Ellen.
20:44Oh, non, non, non.
20:45Tu restes.
20:46Tu vas te nettoyer.
20:48Non, non.
20:49Bonne nuit.
20:51Oh, c'était proche.
21:11Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada