Why do so many of the world's best goalscorers unravel in the Premier League?
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00:00Much to the chagrin, excellent word, of fans of other divisions, the question, but can
00:09he do it in the Premier League, remains a pertinent one.
00:12While some of the game's greatest names have arrived in the division and thrived,
00:15I'm thinking like Makalele, Zlatan, and, I did have another one, Ivan Campo, he'll
00:21do, plenty of the giants of world football have had an absolute nightmare here.
00:25And of course, in no position is that more costly, or indeed more funny, than up front.
00:31I'm Adam Cleary, this is 442, and these are 10 amazing strikers who completely flopped
00:37in the Premier League.
00:38Number 10, Jared Borghetti, Bolton.
00:40For a player whose name sounds like a car, Jared Borghetti was the proverbial Rolls Royce
00:45of a footballer.
00:46He pitched up a Bolton in the twilight of a career that had made him a bigger Mexican
00:50institution than those enormous hats you get with the nice little lace patterns on them.
00:54He had scored absolutely loads of goals in his home country for Santos Laguna and became
00:59one of the most feared strikers in all of South America.
01:02However, under Sam Allardyce, he managed just two goals in 19 Premier League games, one
01:07against Man City and the other against Charlton.
01:10He was a lot better in the Cups, yes, but that's not what this list is about, is it?
01:14Rules are rules.
01:15Number nine, Roberto Saldardo, Tottenham.
01:17Now, I'm sorry, but I'm not having any comments here for referring to Saldardo as
01:21a great striker.
01:22The lad had just barred 30 goals in 46 appearances the previous season at Valencia and was genuinely
01:30being talked about as one of the hottest commodities in Europe.
01:32Now, you might not believe that, I might not even believe that, but it did happen.
01:36I was there.
01:37People were saying it.
01:38And as well, in his defence, Spurs were a little bit all over the place when he arrived,
01:42having just splurged all the Gareth Bale money on no less than seven, count them, seven highly
01:47rated new players.
01:49Still though, seven Premier League goals in 52 games is, well, crap.
01:54Number eight, Diego Forlan, Manchester United.
01:57It tells you absolutely everything about what a footballing monster truck Mourinho's Chelsea
02:02were that Man United had both Van Nistelrooy and Forlan on their books for those first
02:06two Premier League wins and could not get anywhere near them.
02:09Unlike his Dutch teammate though, the Uruguayans' time in the Premier League was a famous damn
02:13squib.
02:1417 goals in 98 appearances, the first not coming until his 34th game, did little to
02:20suggest that he would go on to, and let me just double check my notes here, ah yes, become
02:25one of the most feared goal scorers in all of Europe.
02:29155 goals in just seven years in La Liga, that is not the Diego Forlan you saw in the
02:35Premier League.
02:36Regardless though, Man United fans still seem to love him on account of his two very memorable
02:40strikes against Liverpool.
02:42Proof once more that banter remains undefeated as the true measure of footballing success.
02:48Number seven, Sergei Rebrov, Tottenham.
02:53The ÂŁ11 million Ukrainian, then 25, had been one half of what was arguably Europe's most
02:58devastating strike partnership.
03:00Alongside Andrey Shevchenko and ho-ho-ho, more on him later, the duo had scored almost
03:06200 goals between them in five seasons at Dynamo Kiev.
03:10Recruited to become the prolific goal scorer that Spurs lacked, Rebrov ultimately struggled
03:14to perform at anywhere near the same level, and was even overlooked for the 2002 League
03:18Cup Final.
03:19Now don't get me wrong, there's no shame to getting benched behind Teddy Sheringham
03:22and Les Ferdinand, they're two great players, but they had a combined age at the time of
03:2770.
03:28But you know, score 10 goals in two seasons, and that's what you're gonna get.
03:32Number six, Gonzalo Higuain, Chelsea.
03:34Genuinely a sporting anomaly how so many strikers can bang in goals for fun in almost any other
03:39league in the world, and then get to England and look like some beige middle management
03:43type who's won a play on the pitch prize in a company raffle.
03:47Gonzalo Higuain, par exemple, was almost one goal every two games at Real Madrid and Juventus,
03:54one goal every game and a half at Napoli, and then got to Chelsea and looked about as
03:58much use as tits on a kipper.
04:00Five goals, the sum total of his loan spell in London, where afterwards he defended his
04:04record by pointing out the club did win the Europa League while he was there.
04:08And again, just let me check my notes here, ah yes, he played a grand total of 24 minutes
04:12in that competition and did not even get off the bench in the final.
04:16Worth a try.
04:18Number five, Claudio Pizarro, Chelsea.
04:20Yeah, I'll just, I'll level with you now, the rest of this list is mostly Chelsea.
04:24The Peruvian all-star hit 100 goals for Bayern Munich to establish a reputation as one of
04:29Germany and Europe's top marksmen, and his arrival at Chelsea on a free transfer no less
04:34looked like a genius piece of business.
04:36He started by missing a penalty in the Community Shield shootout against Manchester United
04:40on his debut, and things did not improve much thereafter.
04:45Pizarro notched just two goals in 21 matches before departing after one season.
04:51A stint so short in fact that we as a fanbase didn't ever quite decide if it was Pizarro
04:56or Pitzarro.
04:57You'd think Piz, as there's only one Z, so it's not like Pizza with two.
05:03Right?
05:04Pizarro?
05:05Pizarro.
05:06Pizarro?
05:07What was I talking about?
05:09Number four, Radamel Falcao, Manchester United.
05:13Easily, without question, one of the most complete centre-forwards in world football
05:17while at both Porto and Atletico Madrid, Falcao made cheese strings out of his anterior cruciate
05:23ligaments at Monaco, but his six million loan to Man United still felt like really good
05:28business.
05:29Nope, just four goals all season for Louis van Gaal's men, and that was the end of his
05:33time in England.
05:34Except, wait, no it wasn't, because…
05:37Number four, again, Radamel Falcao, Chelsea.
05:41Never a team you can accuse of letting their rivals hog the money-wasting spotlight, Chelsea
05:45seemingly took it as a personal challenge to somehow out-farce this farce and brought
05:51him in the following season.
05:53One goal in all competitions.
05:55Round of applause for everyone involved, please.
05:57Number three, Hernan Crespo.
05:59You guessed it, Chelsea.
06:00Now, yes, okay, a glance at Crespo's goals per game record in the Premier League suggests
06:04that maybe the flop tag is somewhat harsh in this case, he did net 20 times in 49 games,
06:10but according to the three Chelsea fans I know and I swear have asked, the former Parma,
06:15Lazio and Inter sharpshooter just never really convinced at Stamford Bridge.
06:20Ten goals in both seasons just felt like a massive letdown given how good he clearly
06:24was and could have been, and neither Ranieri nor Mourinho ever quite managed to extract
06:29a proper tune out of him.
06:30Number two, Fernando Morientes, Chelsea.
06:31Oh, no, it's Liverpool.
06:32Oh, do you know what?
06:34This one broke my heart.
06:35Liverpool appeared to have snared one of the deals of the century when they got Morientes
06:40still only 28 for 6.3 million.
06:43He wasn't getting minutes at Madrid, but being behind Ronaldo, Raul and Michael Owen in the
06:47pecking order hardly made that a red flag.
06:50But not only was it a red flag, it was a Reds flag, because they're the Reds.
06:56That joke does sort of work.
06:58The three-time Champions League winner showed flashes of his talent at Anfield, but ultimately
07:02found neither form nor fitness.
07:04A meagre 12 goals in 60 appearances followed, and the Reds loaned him back out to Valencia
07:09after just 18 months.
07:10Anyway, here's a pitch for any HBO types watching.
07:13Get a biopic in the works and have Pedro Pascal play him.
07:15Look at them side-by-sides.
07:16You can see it, can't you?
07:18Number one, Andriy Shevchenko, Chelsea.
07:21For a while, Shevchenko was basically the Michael Jordan of football.
07:25For Chelsea, though, he was the Michael Jordan of expensive footballing misadventure.
07:31A then-British record fee of ÂŁ30.8 million in 2006 yielded a meagre nine Premier League
07:37goals in his three years at the club.
07:40The problem was, he was less a shrewd bit of transfer business and more… how can I
07:45put this without winding up on some sort of hit list?
07:48A gift.
07:49A lovely, generous goalscoring gift from Roman Abramovich to Jose Mourinho, despite Chelsea
07:56having no issue scoring goals and them just coming off the back of consecutive Premier
08:02League title wins.
08:03If you think about it, it's sort of like buying somebody a really nice, expensive beard
08:07trimmer for Christmas after they've already accidentally cut their own head off with their
08:12Gillette Mach 3.
08:13So, like, it fits their interests, yes, just not their circumstances.
08:17And that's it.
08:18That's the video.
08:19Thank you so very much for watching and making it all the way till the end.
08:22Somebody's keen.
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08:36I do hope you enjoyed yourself and I'll see you soon.
08:39Goodbye.