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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00...kicked her country ass to the cab, hooked up with her little sister.
00:04That's how we players roll.
00:06Hell, Roy, you ain't no player. Read my lips.
00:09You ain't no player.
00:12You don't know nothing about being a player.
00:15Betty done had your ass pussy-whipped for about 30 years.
00:19Nobody got me pussy-whipped.
00:22I whips pussy.
00:30You boys look really good with your little rental cop outfits on.
00:33Yes, they're attractive.
00:35Come on out here!
00:37What's the matter?
00:39I'm losing the bands in my head trying to kick that back up on me.
00:42You know I got them bad guts?
00:44Hey, man, come on.
00:47Hey, you know what?
00:49The lady will let you use the downstairs.
00:51You know Miss Pearlie?
00:53Yeah, yeah, go on down. She'll let you use it.
00:55Come on out of there, man!
00:57Cut line, baby.
00:59Where you going?
01:08Merry Christmas, baby.
01:12You sure did treat me nice.
01:21Merry Christmas, baby.
01:25All right!
01:27Hi, I'm Craig's daddy, Willie Jones.
01:30As you know, we have a little get-together upstairs,
01:33and the bathrooms are jammed.
01:35Oh, I like the way you got that lined up.
01:37Mind if I use yours?
01:39No, come on in.
01:41Where is it at?
01:42Down the hall.
01:51There.
01:53There we go.
01:55There we go.
01:57About time.
01:58Oh, this is what I needed so bad.
02:00Whew!
02:02Yeah, that is.
02:04Ow!
02:05Come on, now!
02:06Come on, now.
02:07This is awful.
02:08Take it straight.
02:09Ow!
02:12How you doing, Ma?
02:17What's the matter?
02:19Where did your father go?
02:21Oh, he just went downstairs to use the bathroom
02:23over at Miss Pearlie's.
02:24You know, the landlady?
02:25Oh, Miss Pearlie.
02:28Hmm.
02:29Excuse me.
02:34Mama!
02:36Shh!
02:38Hey!
02:40Whew!
02:41Dear Lord, getting people with guts like mine.
02:44That was a monster.
02:45Why is it so dark in here, baby?
02:47What are you about to do, pray or something?
02:49Did your son tell you I said hi?
02:53No.
02:54Pretending to what?
02:56Your son Craig ain't paid his rent this month,
02:59and I'm about to throw him out on his ass tomorrow.
03:02So how much do you really love your boy?
03:04Not enough to pay his fucking rent.
03:06I have enough trouble paying my own damn rent.
03:08I'm not talking about rent, Willie Jones.
03:11Well, what you talking about, Miss Pearlie?
03:13I'm talking about these nuts.
03:15Ow!
03:16Hey!
03:17Miss Jones, you gonna give me some of this dick today.
03:20I don't even know you, woman.
03:22I heard they call you Sweet Dick Willie.
03:24Who, me?
03:25Yeah.
03:26You heard that, huh?
03:27Yeah.
03:28Yes, baby, I'm a bad mother.
03:30Can I have some of it?
03:31Let me go, woman.
03:32Can I have some of it?
03:33No, you won't.
03:34Oh, Sweet Dick Willie!
03:36Get your ass off of that heifer!
03:38Daddy!
03:39Daddy, get your ass off that heifer!
03:41Ow!
03:42No, no, no.
03:43Come on, come on.
03:46Ain't nothing in this house.
03:48Shit.
03:55Every time I come in the kitchen,
03:57you in the kitchen.
04:01In the goddamn refrigerator.
04:03Eating up all the food.
04:05All the chicken.
04:07All the pig feet.
04:09You ate my dinner.
04:10My mashed potatoes.
04:11That good old gravy I like.
04:12Them biscuits, I can sop that gravy in.
04:14You ate all of that.
04:15You drink up all the milk.
04:17Don't care what kind of milk it is.
04:18You don't care.
04:19Two percent, three percent,
04:20buttermilk, patent milk.
04:21Polar cow on a patent milk can.
04:23I bet you eat that, too.
04:24What's wrong with you?
04:25I don't hide in my grapes.
04:27You gonna eat a ball of my grapes.
04:29Now, when I went to bed last night,
04:32didn't I tell you to take out the trash?
04:35Yeah.
04:37So why didn't you do it?
04:38I fell asleep.
04:40I wish you was sleeping right now.
04:41I'd knock you upside your head with a left foot,
04:43make your ass make up,
04:44and take out that damn trash.
04:47Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
04:49What are you doing?
04:51I'm throwing this away.
04:52We ain't even got no milk.
04:54You better eat that damn cereal.
04:56You ain't got no damn milk.
04:57I ain't got, I bet you.
04:58When I was coming up,
04:59we didn't have milk, cereal,
05:01a bowl to eat in,
05:02spoon, fork, knife.
05:04No napkins or nothing.
05:05You do like this.
05:06What?
05:07Mouth, mouth, and hand like this.
05:08You ever do that?
05:09No.
05:10Have you ever had government cheese?
05:12Hmm?
05:13Craig, government cheese, you had some?
05:14No.
05:15I ain't getting government cheese.
05:17Couldn't take a dump for two weeks.
05:18If you eat it on the 4th of July,
05:20by the 18th,
05:21everybody in the whole neighborhood
05:22trying to get to the bathrooms.
05:23I want to eat some of them chitlins.
05:25I love pig's feet.
05:27The barbecue pig feet were gone.
05:28You got grease all over your damn mouth.
05:30I had a sweet potato pie in there.
05:31You ate the whole pie.
05:32Left me that little old plastic thing in there.
05:34You ain't got no damn milk.
05:36Ain't that a bitch?
05:37You funny.
05:38You my boy.
05:41You remind me of my granddaddy.
05:44You know what your problem is?
05:45You think money grows on trees.
05:48Just go out, pick your $400, $500,
05:50and go off and just dance
05:51and eat chicken and dance,
05:52and you just having all the fun in the world.
05:55You know how many stinking dogs
05:56I got to catch
05:57to fill that big-ass bowl you got there, boy?
06:0045, 50 dogs.
06:02Stinking, nasty dogs,
06:03and 12 of them little old stinking things
06:04they call a chihuahua.
06:06You better put some water on that shit, boy.
06:09All right, I'll eat it.
06:11Hey, hey, hey, hey!
06:13Take the garbage out front, son!
06:20Easy.
06:21What is wrong with you?
06:23Carry up with the garbage.
06:25I got some homework for you.
06:30Mama, you didn't tell Daddy
06:32what happened yesterday, did you?
06:34You know I wouldn't tell on my baby.
06:38Cole.
06:39Cole!
06:40Fred!
06:42Huh?
06:43Come in here!
06:49Where you at?
06:51In the bathroom!
06:58Oh, man, I'll wait till you come out.
06:59Boy, bring your ass off up in here.
07:01What you talking about you wait till I come out?
07:02I smelt your shit for 22 years.
07:04Now you can't smell mine for five minutes.
07:07Shut the door.
07:14Now, your mama told me
07:16what happened to you yesterday.
07:18What?
07:19That was stupid.
07:21How the hell you gonna get fired
07:23on your day off?
07:25I don't know.
07:28Well, you need to trade.
07:30Take a look at that paper over there
07:32on the counter there.
07:37I ain't trying to be no dog catcher.
07:39Why not?
07:41George Clinton was a dog catcher.
07:43No, he wasn't.
07:44Sure he was.
07:45That's why he said,
07:46do the dog catcher, dog catcher.
07:48I don't even like dogs.
07:49That's the beauty of it.
07:51I grab a dog,
07:53and I poke him,
07:55and I kick the shit out of him.
07:57And I, and I, all day long,
07:58I put up a dog's ass.
08:00I bang, bang, bang up his ass.
08:02That's my plan.
08:04I'll tell you one thing.
08:06Around here,
08:07you're gonna work and go to school.
08:09The first of the month, rent is due.
08:11If you ain't got nothing on the table,
08:13you ain't gotta worry about catching a dog.
08:15You gotta worry about a dog
08:17catching your ass.
08:25Now, Dana told me
08:26about that big snake situation.
08:28Big worm.
08:29Big worm, big hole,
08:30big worm, big hole.
08:32Big worm.
08:33Big worm, big hole, big...
08:34I don't give a damn!
08:35You get your ass on out of this house, boy.
08:37You only got some shit going.
08:39And you, you keep your ass here.
08:41Big snake, big worm.
08:43What kind of name is that?
08:45I bet y'all drinking that wine, too, aren't you?
08:46Smoking them tweeds and everything.
08:48Wearing them old clothes all half off your ass.
08:50What the hell's going on today?
08:51Huh?
08:52Weeds.
08:53Oh!
08:58Craig!
08:59Huh?
09:01Shut the door and have a seat.
09:04Don't leave the door open.
09:05Shut the door.
09:11Now, you see, son,
09:12you gotta let us know when you leave the house.
09:14What if you got killed tonight?
09:16We have to bury you.
09:18You know how much a funeral costs these days?
09:20No.
09:22About $4,000 or $5,000.
09:24I ain't got no $4,000 or $5,000
09:26to plant you in the ground.
09:27You understand?
09:29Yeah.
09:30Well, you keep your ass around this house.
09:35Oh, yeah, your supervisor called you today about your job.
09:37She wants you to call her tomorrow.
09:38For real?
09:39Mm-hmm.
09:41Now, Craig,
09:43I was proud of you tonight.
09:45Use your brain.
09:47That's what I want you to do.
09:48Use your brain.
09:50That's my boy.
09:52That's my boy.
09:55Get to the commercial with me, Elroy.
09:57You got no business working for me.
09:59You the one who gave a concussion, Willie.
10:01You was supposed to be acting.
10:03I should have smacked the hell out of you.
10:05How's she doing?
10:07Hey, hey, Mama, Big Mama.
10:09You all right?
10:10Who are you?
10:11It's Craig, Mama.
10:12Who Craig?
10:13Don't worry about it, Mama.
10:14Your oldest grandson.
10:15The smart one, not Day-Day.
10:17She's still having 30-second blackouts
10:19and blurred vision.
10:20I bet she remembers Day-Day a little.
10:22That's enough damn salt there, Willie.
10:24I know what I'm doing.
10:25Nobody want all that goddamn salt
10:27in their potato salad.
10:28Y'all argue too much.
10:30God, what the hell's wrong with y'all?
10:31Y'all should get married.
10:32Why are you in so much competition with me?
10:35You jealous, Willie.
10:37I can't have it.
10:38I look better than you do.
10:39You don't.
10:40I cook better than you.
10:41You can't.
10:42My dick is bigger than yours.
10:44It was cold that night.
10:46Think of this.
10:47Last year at this time,
10:48you had water in your mouth.
10:50Think of this.
10:51Last year at this time,
10:52you had won the lotto.
10:53Over a million dollars.
10:55Any unfretty else would be
10:56living in the frisbee era.
10:58You back there cooking pig feet with me
11:00at Brother's Bar-Bar-Bar-Barbecue.
11:03You tight-tongued dog catcher.
11:05You best go check on the sauce
11:06your mama's out on her feet again.
11:08Dumbass dog catcher.