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00:00The Makers of Campbell's Soup presents the Campbell Playhouse, Orson Welles, producers.
00:27Good evening. This is Orson Welles. It's been my custom on opening these Sunday
00:44Campbell Playhouse shows of ours to talk about, in the order named, A, our offering for the
00:51evening, and B, our guest star. My task tonight is relatively easy. Our offering is our guest
00:58star, Mr. Jack Benny. Mr. Benny, not exactly unknown to the airwaves as a comedian and
01:05violin virtuoso, has consented tonight to make his radio debut as an actor, pure and
01:12simple. It is his art, I hasten to add, which is pure. It is the character he plays who
01:18is simple. Tonight, for the first time since I've been his producer, we've opened the doors
01:24of the Campbell Playhouse, opened them to admit as our guests a few hundred of Mr. Benny's
01:29fans, whom Mr. Benny at least numbers in millions. We bid them a sincere and hearty welcome.
01:38And if Mr. Benny behaves himself tonight, the silence of the Campbell Playhouse will
01:42remain as always, undisturbed. Granted, of course, that tonight's specialty is no particular
01:48invitation to sobriety on the part of the giddiest guest in our career. June Moon by
01:54Ring Lardner and George S. Kaufman, as advertised, is his vehicle. Until just now, at least,
01:59it's always been one of my favorite plays. Now, for just a minute or so, while Mr. Benny
02:04gets in the mood, Ernest Chappell, who is in the mood, has something to tell us about
02:10a discovery he's made, Mr. Chappell. Thank you, Orson Welles. Perhaps it's hardly to
02:13be called a discovery. The other night I was browsing through the diaries of the great
02:18and greatly human Englishman, Samuel Pepys, when I came upon this entry in the year 1665.
02:24All mourning of my books which I have had new-bound. Then was Sir W. Penn in his carriage
02:29to the Lord Chancellor's. We were there regally entertained, dining upon a vast dish of chickens
02:35of most excellent sweet meat. And so we have evidence, if indeed evidence were needed,
02:41that the taste for chicken was as keen in the year 1665 as it is with most of us in
02:471940. Now, I'm sure it must be our continued liking for chicken that has made this country
02:52take so wholeheartedly to Campbell's chicken soup. One after another, families have tried
02:57this chicken soup and found it rich in chicken flavor clear through, from its golden surface
03:03to the very bottom of the plate. They've seen how its broth fairly glistens with chicken
03:07richness. They've enjoyed the fluffy rice and tender chicken meat in every plateful.
03:12They've told others how much they enjoyed Campbell's chicken soup, and so its popularity
03:16has grown and continues to grow. Have you tried this deep-flavored, home-like chicken
03:21soup of Campbell's? Won't you enjoy it tomorrow? I promise you, just as sure as you like chicken,
03:28you'll like Campbell's chicken soup. And now, Orson Welles opens our Campbell Playhouse
03:33presentation of June Moon, starring Jack Benny.
03:59Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's story is all about the big city. To quote O. Henry,
04:06the fair but pitiless city of Manhattan. In this big city, large and sudden things happen.
04:14You round a corner and thrust the rib of your umbrella into the eye of your old friend from
04:18Kenosha, Wisconsin. You stroll out to pluck a sweet William in the park, and lo, bandits
04:26attack you. You stand in the bread line, marry an heiress, and take out your laundry, all
04:31seemingly in the wink of an eye. You travel the streets, and a finger beckons to you.
04:36A handkerchief. Oh, Orson. Orson. You travel the streets, and a finger beckons to you,
04:43and a handkerchief is dropped for you. Oh, Orson. A handkerchief is dropped for you,
04:47a brick is dropped upon you. The elevator cable or your bank breaks, a tobbledote or
04:52your wife disagrees with you, and fate tosses you about like cork crumbs in wine opened
04:58by an unfeed waiter. The city... Orson. Orson. What is it, Jack? Hmm. I've only been here
05:06one minute, and he's discussed it already. Never mind. The city is a sprightly youngster,
05:14and you are red paint on its toy, and you get licked off. Of such red paint is our story's
05:21hero. Now aboard a fast train, speeding through the night toward this greatest of cities,
05:27this Baghdad. Down the aisle of a parlor car, a candy butcher is just wending his way. All
05:34right. Oh, now wait a minute, Orson. Just one minute. What is it, Jack? If you think
05:39I came all the way over here to play the part of a candy butcher, you're nuts. You're not
05:44playing the candy butcher, Jack. I play the candy butcher. Oh. Oh, pardon me. What am
05:50I playing? Jack, you're playing the leading man. Oh. Oh. Oh. You're the love interest.
05:57Oh, the love interest. Yes. I see. I'm the leading man, huh? Well, what am I beefing
06:02about? Let's get going.
06:21Candy? Cigarettes? Magazines? Candy, cigarettes, or magazine, miss? No, thank you. Candy? No,
06:28thank you. Candy, mister? You got any Fruitsy-Wootsy rolls? I sure have. How much are they? Fifteen
06:33cents apiece. How many? Fifteen cents for Fruitsy-Wootsy rolls? None. Excuse me, mister.
06:39Didn't you ask me did I have a Fruitsy-Wootsy roll? Yes. And then you asked me how much?
06:44I was just making conversation, that's all. Hey, now wait a minute, Orson. Look, let's
06:48stop this right here. Look, Orson. No, no, wait, wait. Look, Orson, I'm afraid this part
06:52doesn't fit me. It's not my character. I'm not a tightwad. Well, Jack, you're an actor.
07:03Just throw yourself into it. Oh, all right. Fine part he gave me to play. I'll try. Candy,
07:10cigarettes, magazines, newspapers, miss? No, thank you. Candy? No, thank you. Cigarettes?
07:16Candy. Oh, miss? Hey, miss, would you care to look at part of my newspaper? Oh, thank
07:22you, but I don't think so. Thank you. Thank you? Thought you might want to read. No, thank
07:27you. Well, we're doing New York at ten-three. Yes, I know. You got out in Hudson, didn't
07:34you? Yes. I seen you. Now there's another thing, Orson, look. Now wait a minute. Orson,
07:42what? No, one second. Wait a minute. Orson, look, I don't talk like that. I mean, I seen
07:47you. What is that I seen you? That's for Phil Harris. Not for me. Now look here, Jack. Now
07:55look here, Jack. I can't tolerate any more interruptions. This is a legitimate program.
08:01You're playing a character. The character speaks ungrammatically. Miss Gordon, will
08:04you please continue? Gee, what a tyrant. Jack, let's start where we left off. It's your
08:11line, Jack. We're doing New York at ten-three. All right, all right. Sound effect. We're
08:18doing New York at ten-three. Yes, I know. You got out in Hudson, didn't you? Yes. I
08:23seen you. Seen you. You know, I've been on ever since Schenectady. Really? Yeah, that's
08:32where I work. I mean, where I did work at the GE. GE? Yeah, General Electric. They call
08:38it the GE. That's where the plant is in Schenectady. I've got a girlfriend from Schenectady. Is
08:42that so? She's in New York now, or at least she was the last time I heard of her. Grace
08:45Crowell. Oh, I used to know a Mildred Crowell, but her name wasn't Grace. This was Grace.
08:50Yeah, this was Mildred. I guess there's a difference, all right. You know, Mildred's
08:56brother was quite a billiard player. Three cushions. Eddie, his name was. That's my name,
09:00too. Well, of course, it isn't my real name. It's just my nickname. My real name is Edna.
09:06Now, his is Edward. I often wonder what became of Grace. It's funny how we lose track of
09:12people. It's terrible, too, because if a person's got good friends, they ought to keep them.
09:15I certainly got good ones. They showed that last night at the banquet. Were you at a banquet?
09:20I was the guest of honor. How exciting. You know, it was a farewell testimonial on account
09:25of me going to New York. And then this afternoon, 10 or 11 of the boys came down to the station
09:29and Ernie Butler, that's a friend of mine, you know, he had a hangover and bought me
09:32the seat in a parlor car. And he said it would be a disgrace for me to ride in a day coach
09:36with this new valise. It's a lovely valise. Yeah, they gave it to me at the banquet. It's got my
09:40initials. F.D.C. Frederick D. Stevens. What's the D for? Deductible. I was born March 15th.
09:465.10 a.m. I like a man to have a middle name. Girls don't usually have them. I'm just plain
09:53Edna. I wouldn't say plain. Oh, you know how to make pretty speeches. I bet you're used to them.
09:59You know, talking about speeches, you ought to have heard the speech Carl Williams made when
10:04they gave me this valise. At the banquet, I mean. I guess I blushed all right, all right. I bet they
10:09were sorry to see you go. You look like the kind of a man men would like. And girls, too. I don't go
10:14around much with girls. I don't go much with men, either. Neither do I. Yep, Carl sure made quite a
10:22speech, all right. He said the boys expected me to be the best songwriter in the country. Is that
10:26what you are, a songwriter? Not the music part, just the words. Lyrics, they're called. The words
10:31are called lyrics, I mean. Not the music, you know. It must be wonderful to have a gift like that. You
10:37know, that's what Benny Davis called it. A gift. I guess you heard of him. He's turned out a hundred
10:42smash hits. I guess I must have. He wrote, Oh, How I Miss You Tonight. It was a song about how he
10:47missed his mother. He called her his old pal. That's sweet. Well, we happen to be playing in
10:54Schenectady and Vaudeville. He had did, I mean. And I happened to meet him and I happened to show
10:57him some of my lyrics. And he said a man like me with a songwriting gift like me was a sucker not
11:02to go to New York. And he gives me a letter of introduction of Paul Sears, the composer. He wrote
11:06Paprika. You remember Paprika? Paprika, paprika, the spice of my life. Paprika, paprika, the spice of my
11:17life. You remember? I think so. Now believe me, when you write a song like Paprika, paprika, you don't
11:25ever have to worry again. You know, he's one of the most successful composers to be as Paul Sears. I
11:30bet you he and me will turn out some hits together. Are you going to be partners with him? If he wants
11:34me to. And I guess he will when I show him Benny Davis's letter. That's the hard part, getting
11:38acquainted. I'd have broke away a long while ago, only from a sister. But she got married a week ago
11:43Saturday. She's always done everything for me. I mean, cooked my meals and sewed things for me. Oh, I
11:49love to sew. It's too bad you're not my brother. I mean, oh, Mr. Stevens, I don't want you to misjudge me.
11:55Ah, you don't need to be scared of me, girly. I treat all women like they were my sister. Till I find out
12:01different. I bet you're a wonderful songwriter. No wonder your friends gave you that big dinner. Yes, sir.
12:08It sure was some banquet, all right. I bet some of my pals got a headache today, all right, all right. I feel
12:13terrible. I hardly ever touch it myself. Only once in a great while at a party. Girls ought to lay off
12:18it entirely. I never touch it. You take some of those women in Schenectady, and they want to go out every
12:23night and guzzle. Married women, too. Either they get all dressed up and drag their husband to a dance or a
12:29card party every night, or either they lay around the house in a wrapper. When I marry, I'll be just as careful
12:33of my appearance as I am now. I believe a husband appreciates a wife dressing up for him. If it ain't too
12:38expensive. The man I marry won't have any complaints. I make practically all my own clothes. Now, I hardly
12:43ever go out evening. Personally, I prefer to stay home and read or else just sit and dream. But still, I
12:48always bathe and change my clothes, even when I'm only going to cook dinner, no matter how hard I've been
12:52working. You know, I think I'll take a room with a bathroom when I get to the hotel. I only been to New York
12:59once before. That was with Carl Williams. He's the fellow that made that speech last night. That was the
13:03first time he's been away from home in the evening since he was married. He's got a wife and baby now. Oh, I'm
13:08dying to have a baby. I didn't mean to say that. It's nothing against a woman to like babies. Carl's wife sure
13:16likes hers. She's made him a nice home, too. He didn't have to buy hardly anything in the way of furniture. Her
13:22grandmother gave her a bedroom suit and she bought the rest herself. She must be a good deal. She bought it with
13:31money, she said, while she was working at Burger. Carl fixed it so she could quit three years after they were
13:35married. Boy, you should see him now. He thinks the world of her. He thinks she got her job back last year.
13:44Definitely. Girl, I, Mary, won't never have to work. I don't believe the almighty ever meant for a woman to endure a
13:53life of druggery. Oh, Mr. Stevens, if only all men felt the same way. My, hasn't it got dark? Naturally. It's 926.
14:04It's been a shorter trip than usual for some reason. Gee, there's a moon out. I love the moon. Yeah. June moon. What? I just said
14:16June moon. It isn't June, it's October. I know, but June and moon go together. They rhyme. I'm always thinking of words that
14:24rhyme even when I ain't working. That'd be a catchy name, June moon, for a song, I mean. Sure, and you could get other words to
14:29rhyme with it, like spoon and croon and soon. And marry soon or something. And macaroon. I wish I had some, I'm hungry. You know, I
14:39thought when I got to New York, I'd go and get something to eat someplace. Only I wouldn't know where to go. Oh, I can tell you a place
14:44where I go once in a while. Though most of the time I stay home and cook my own dinner just because I love to cook. It'd be too late to cook
14:50tonight. Yes, I guess it would. Say, this place you're talking about, it ain't very expensive, is it? Oh, no. The last time I went, there
14:58was two of us and we had hot roast beef sandwiches and peas and coffee and it only came to a dollar twenty. Well, that sounds all right. I
15:05guess we can each afford sixty cents.
15:28Yeah, that's for me. Hello, this is Paul Sears. Who? Fred Stevens. Oh, hello, Mr. Stevens. Welcome to our city. Where are you now? Well, you'd
15:48better hop in a taxi. It's quite a ways yet. That's it, Mr. Stevens. That's Mr. Stevens. That's the lyric I was telling you about, Lucille. He's
15:55from Schenectady. Thank heavens he can't get that in a lyric. I've been thinking maybe he and I could do something together. I could get rid of
16:01Hausman. If Hausman gave me a new idea, I'd drop dead. But this fella's got a fresh slant. Hausman would drop even deader if you gave him a new
16:08tune. I gave him Paparika, didn't I? That's so long ago. I don't see how you remember it. Well, Hart made enough money out of it. Everybody
16:14makes money but you. This Stevens is a nice kid. Hope Hart likes him. Say, your sister's got a date with Hart. Why don't you keep it? It's
16:20past date. Don't you worry about Eileen. What about Hart and her anyway? If she's engaged to him, aren't they ever going to get married? You'll know as soon as
16:27as anything's true. Oh, if he wears me, she's tired of him already. Yeah, he'll wiggle off the hook someway. If he wears me, he's getting so tired of it.
16:33Listen, what makes you think so? Oh, just because of the luck I'm running. If I ever marry again, it'll be a woman without a sister. If the sister didn't have a
16:40sister, that's who I'd like to be. Either of them. What time is it, Lucille? Oh, it's nearly nine o'clock. Do you want me to fix your evening dress, Eileen? Say, it's not
16:50going to last much longer. I know it. Why don't you shop around Monday and see if you can find something? I'd go with you if I had anything to shop with. You wait
16:58until this new number gets over. By that time, I'll only want a shawl. Oh, it's hot going to phone her, isn't it? It gets me crazy just waiting. Oh, shut up, Paul. Oh, all right. I don't care. I wouldn't mind waiting if there was
17:10something to wait for. I nearly go out of my mind just sitting. You hear women brag about the nice, cozy evenings they spend at home with their husband. They're not
17:19married to a piano tuner with ten thumbs. Hart said he'd call me the minute he got in. Maybe the train was late. He was in Philadelphia, you know. I know, but they got phones there now, too. Wish there was something I could do tonight. Why don't you go to a picture? They charge admission. You're a fool to keep it up. You ought to break away while you've still got a chance. That's easy to say. I haven't got any grounds. You wouldn't need grounds. Just get him up in court and let the judge look at him. And if I did leave him, do you know what would happen? He'd write ten smash
17:49hits in a week. That's my life. Who's that? Oh, Maxie, I guess. Or maybe that lyric writer. Who? You know, that's coming to see Paul from Albany or someplace. Oh, hello, everybody. Oh, hello, Maxie. Hello, Lucille. Hello, Maxie. Hi, kid. Well, everybody's staying at home on a Saturday night. All nights are alike up here. Look, I want the girls to hear that Montana number, Maxie. You know, the way it really sounds when it's played. Okay. Hey, hey, he's going to play Montana number. That's all right. I'll close the door. Go ahead, Maxie. She don't know anything. You know, I might have been
18:19a songwriter myself, but I got stuck on my own stuff. I wrote tunes nobody ever heard of before. Yeah, they wouldn't stand for it. You know, that was a great idea of Hausman's writing a lyric about Montana. He's using up his ideas too fast. Montana moon. He puts a state and a moon all in one song. Are you going to play it? Yeah.
18:49My way to you. I know you're lonely. My one and only. For I am lonely. It's lonely too. That's solid, Maxie. Boy, ain't it great the way Maxie plays it? I don't think Pearlin will kill himself. You know, Paul, I wouldn't count on this number
19:18too much if I was you. They were talking about it when I left the office. I said, we're talking about Paul's new number. You mean they were talking about it today? Yeah. What time? I don't know. Five o'clock. Yeah. Why? Oh, what's the matter with Eileen? Oh, that don't matter. What did they say about the song? Right now? They don't want it. If I don't deliver pretty soon, Maxie, they'll let me out. I guess this is Stephen. Stephen's that lyric writer. Hey, maybe he's just what you need.
19:48Oh, Stephen's glad to see you. Hello, Mr. Sears. Put your hat and coat in the chair. This is Maxie. Mr. Schwartz. Shake hands with Mr. Stephens. Glad to meet you, Mr. Schwartz. Hello, Stephens. And this is my wife, dear. This is Mr. Stephens. How are you, Mr. Stephens? I'm all right. Paul tells me you're a songwriter yourself. Just the words. Well, that's all Paul needs. That and the music. Well, I just write the words. You know, I've always admired Mr. Sears ever since he wrote Paprika. You've got a good memory. Well, sir, I'm anxious to get started. All right. All right. Since I got
20:18out of town, all I've done so far is spend money. Spend money? Say, you are a stranger. Sit down. Thanks.
20:25Guess I'm a little late. I got off the subway station. There was an old woman there selling
20:28papers. So I stopped and talked to her because, well, I knew she must be somebody's mother. A fresh
20:35slant. I was right, too, because she told me she has six sons. I feel sorry for old women that
20:40have to earn their own living. What do the boys do? Rent or the stand? No, most of them are in a hospital
20:46and two of them had their foot cut off. She told me all about it, so I gave her a nickel. You want
20:50to be careful in a place like New York. Oh, boy, it's a great city. All right. All right. You know,
20:56today I took a ferry boat over to Staten's Island and back. It's an island. You have to take a ferry
21:02boat. But I suppose you've been there. I go there a lot, just for the trip. Well, I've seen the
21:08Goddess of Liberty, too. I mean the statue. It costs one million dollars, weighs 225 tons.
21:14She ought to cut out sweets. Hey, Mrs. Sears, have you been through the Holland Tunnel? No, I haven't.
21:22Have you been through the Holland Tunnel, Mrs. Sears? No. Have you been through the
21:26Holland Tunnel, Mr. Schwartz? I've been waiting for somebody to go with. I'll go with you. Fine.
21:31See, I want to go every place, though, to get ideas for songs. I was telling Mr. Sears about
21:35one idea. I haven't got it written yet. It's a song about the traffic lights. Green for come ahead and
21:42red for stop. Maybe a comical song with a girl giving signals to her sweetheart with different
21:47colored lights in the window. A green light when it's all right for him to call. And a red one when
21:52her husband's home. Now, this girl isn't married. I was thinking of another idea on the way up here.
21:59Maybe a song about how New York is all just one big symphony. You know, the noise of the subways
22:05and the taxis and the streetcars and the trucks and the newsboys. Nothing but noise. That's what
22:10New York is, the lyric would say. That's all we need. A song with noise in the words, too.
22:15Then there's the Hall of Fame up to Washington Heights. Gee, they got everybody up there.
22:19Washington, Lincoln, Longfellow. They got two dozen of them. What do you call them, bus? That's the
22:25place for you, Paul, dear. No. Man's got to be dead for 25 years. Well, that fits in. Well,
22:32I've got to be going along. Wait, wait, I want Stevens to show you one of those lyrics. I've
22:35got to be downtown at ten. Oh, come on, this won't take a minute. Come on, go ahead, Stevens.
22:39Oh, I got lots of ideas, lots of them. But I told this one to a certain party and she,
22:43I mean, this party seemed to think it was pretty good. Let's hear it. It's just the title.
22:48What's the title? June Moon. That's the title. June Moon. See, the verse will be about a fella
22:54that meets a girl in June when there's a moon shining. And then something happens so that she
23:00went away. Or maybe he went away. Or maybe they both go away. I don't know. And then whenever
23:06he looks up at the moon after that, he thinks of her. Then in the second verse, she'll be doing
23:10the same thing for him. That's fair enough. I don't know. Another moon soon. I got it.
23:20June Moon. How I wish you so and so. How I miss my so and so. Spoon.
23:29For heaven's sake, this would have taken Cole Porter months. I'm a genius.
23:33Hello? No, this is Lucille. Just a minute. Eileen? No, the idea came to me on the train. See,
23:39I just happen to be looking out of the window. Hello? Oh, yes, Mr. Hart. Not at all, Mr. Hart.
23:45What train, Mr. Hart? Oh, nothing, Mr. Hart. Good-bye, everybody. I'm doing the audition.
23:49That's a good match, Mr. T. Wait a minute, Maggie. Don't say anything now. I really thought
23:54you were leaving tomorrow. What time tonight? My, it must be important. Well, I won't have
23:58a chance to say goodbye before you go. Oh, don't trouble yourself. It's quite all right.
24:03Have a pleasant trip, Mr. Hart. Mr. Stevens, this is my sister, Miss Fletcher. Hello. Glad to meet
24:12you, Miss Fletcher. Thanks. Mr. Stevens, the lyric writer. He's from Schenectady. He's been all over
24:16New York getting ideas for songs. Do you like it? Yeah, I like it fine, but it costs money to live
24:21here. Gosh, I had breakfast in a hotel this morning. It was 40 cents for salt, mackerel,
24:26mashed potatoes, and a cup of instant Postum. Imagine. A few more breakfasts like that and
24:32you won't have any money left. I still got plenty. Oh, really? See, I'll bet you haven't been to any
24:36of the real places, have you? It takes a New Yorker to find those. Well, I seen the Goddess
24:40of Liberty. I mean the night places. I seen it at night. Oh, no. Restaurants. Mr. Stevens would
24:49love those, wouldn't he, Eileen? Yeah. I'll tell you what. Why don't we make up a party,
24:53the four of us, and show Mr. Stevens the town? You mean tonight? What do you say, Eileen? How
24:56about it? Why, sure. I don't know why not. Sure. Well, wait. It'll be great to go. All right,
25:02all right. Only the trouble is I got another engagement. Ah, you can put that off. Of course
25:06you could. Paul had another engagement, too. He broke it on your account, didn't you, dear? What?
25:11We thought it'd be fun for the four of us to go out someplace, but Mr. Stevens doesn't want to.
25:15Well, it ain't that I don't want to. You know, you really ought to. Paul was just saying that
25:18what you needed was to go places where they do the latest numbers and hear what kind of songs
25:21are getting over. Isn't that what you were saying, Paul? Sure. Sure. Are we all set? Well,
25:30gee, I'd like to go, all right, but I don't know on account of this other engagement. Oh,
25:35but you could do something about that. You could go if you really wanted to. Don't you want to?
25:41Well, maybe. Maybe I can get out of the party I was going with.
25:47But this engagement, I was going to take in a radio show. Say, listen, I'll tip you off about
25:53that, Mr. Stevens. One thing about a radio show, you don't have to go to see it. You can always
25:58hear it on the air or turn it off. Well, you know, in Schenectady, I listen to the radio all the time
26:04and there's one guy I never miss. Gee, he's a scream. A fella by the name of Jack Benny.
26:10You know, Benny? Jack Benny. Oh, yeah. Jack Benny. Sure. I hear about him all the time on
26:21the Fred Allen program. Fred Allen? Oh, I listen to him, too. Gee, that Fred Allen is sure funny,
26:28all right. He hands me a lot of laughs. But gosh, I don't know, he ain't got near the class that guy
26:35I don't know, he ain't got near the class that guy Benny has.
26:41What a comic. Mr. Stevens, you can go to a radio show anytime. Wouldn't you rather hit the high
26:45spots with us tonight? Well, I ain't dressed to go out. I mean to some swell place. We'll go where
26:49we don't have to dress. How about the orchard? Wouldn't Maxie be surprised to see the four of us
26:53strolling? You see, I'll go right in and get all things on. But wait a minute, it's just that I
26:56didn't have to bring enough money with me. Oh, that's all right, Paul. Mr. Stevens can be the
27:01treasurer tonight and you can fix it up with him later. Come on, let's hurry. Say, Paul, she's a
27:07good looker, ain't she? Who, Eileen? Yeah, does she live here with you all the time? I'd say she does.
27:13Say, can I use your phone a minute? Sure, do you want the book? No, I know the number. Look, they
27:17was talking about the orchard. That ain't one of them expensive places, is it? Nah, just about average.
27:22Average is too expensive. Hello? Does Miss Edna Baker live there? Yeah. No kidding, Paul, what do you
27:30think it'd cost for the four of us? More than six dollars? You got more than that with you, haven't you?
27:35Well... No, don't call her to the phone, just give her this message. Tell her Mr. Frederick D. Stevens,
27:39the songwriter, called and won't be able to make it tonight. He's all tied up. More than six dollars
27:46for four people. Where are they gonna take me? Six dollars. I wish I was dead.
28:03You are listening to the Campbell Playhouse presentation of June Moon,
28:07produced by Orson Welles and starring Jack Benny. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.
28:16This is Ernest Chapel, ladies and gentlemen, welcoming you back to the Campbell Playhouse.
28:35In a moment, we shall resume our presentation of June Moon. You know, I think everybody will agree
28:41that this is the day of the expert, of the specialist in every field. Now, Campbell's have
28:47spent 41 years in the highly specialized field of soup making. Throughout all these years, every day
28:53has been soup making day at Campbell's. Every day a day devoted to marketing for the finest
28:57ingredients, to improving recipes and to acquiring skill in soup cookery. And I think after all these
29:04years, it may be truly said that Campbell's know how to make soup. Certainly this is conceded by
29:10good home cooks everywhere. The moment they first taste Campbell's soups and discover their fine
29:16flavor and wholesomeness, they often say something like this. Yes, these soups are really home-like.
29:23And so it is that more and more women are turning over the making of all their soups to Campbell's.
29:28Have you done so yet? If not, I invite you to try your family's favorite soups one after another
29:34as they're made in Campbell's kitchens. And if you will, I sincerely believe that you too
29:40will appoint Campbell's soup makers to your family from now on. And now Orson Welles
29:47resumes our Campbell Playhouse presentation of June Moon, starring Jack Benny.
29:51Ladies and gentlemen, the city. In the big city, there are those who go their ways making money
30:10without turning to the right or... Hey Orson, Orson. What is it, Jack? How am I doing, Orson?
30:16I mean, in this part I'm playing, is my characterization vivid and sincere enough?
30:21Jack, what's the difference? What's the difference?
30:26Gee, lucky I'm not temperamental. I'd stomp right out of this studio.
30:30Hello, Maxie. And Mr. Hart, come in yet? Not yet, Jack.
30:33Oh. Jack, I have to set the scene. Oh. Oh, pardon me. The scene, ladies and gentlemen.
30:41In the big city, there are those who go their ways without turning
30:45to the right or left. That guy burns me up.
30:49But there is a tribe wonderfully composed, like the Martian, solely of eyes and the means of
30:55locomotion. Thinks he has such a beautiful speaking voice.
30:57Of such as these are the slaves of a great music publisher. Lifeless but undead,
31:03they woo the muse in the offices of Goebbels and Hart just off Broadway.
31:07Here in a dozen little cubicles at a dozen hopeful but patient pianos are manufactured
31:12those hymns of love, those ragtime rigadoons. Rigadoons?
31:18That great melody to which a nation dances year after year. Usually the same melody.
31:29Hello, Maxie. And Mr. Hart, come in yet? Not yet.
31:32Gosh, we used to meet him at four. Here it is at 422.
31:34Well, this is his first day back in town. I guess he's got a lot to do.
31:37Paul's coming right away. We want to play the song once before Mr. Hart hears it.
31:40Gosh, I wish I'd have known Mr. Hart was going to be late. I could have slept some more.
31:44I had to get up at 12.
31:45It must be tough after working for the General Electric,
31:47where a man's hours is practically his own.
31:49No, I had to be on the job at eight there every morning.
31:52Say, Maxie, how much money do you think a fellow ought to be making before he could get married?
31:56In New York, I mean.
31:57Depends on the girl.
31:59You know, Maxie, I'm getting a new suit. Miss Fletcher took me.
32:02Is that so?
32:03It's blue search with hair, bone, stripes. He took my measures all over like I was a fighter.
32:08I'm 38 inches around my chest and 33 around my stomach.
32:11And I forget my thigh. Anyway, he's got it all wrote down.
32:15I must get a copy.
32:17You know, Maxie, if they like June Moon, I'm going to get an evening dinner coat with a tuxedo.
32:26I've been wearing an old suit of Paul's, but it's too big.
32:29Miss Fletcher said it would hold two like me.
32:31There couldn't be two.
32:33She was just joking.
32:34Oh, I see.
32:36Gee, I wonder what my friends in Schenectady would say if they could see me now.
32:39I hate to think.
32:41I didn't know nothing when I lived there.
32:43Even the first few weeks I was in New York, I was kind of a sap, awful knave.
32:48I went sightseeing to places like the aquarium,
32:50Grant's Tomb and the Central Park Animal Zoo.
32:53Can you imagine?
32:55Gee, a little friend of mine, she took me around and I thought I was seeing New York.
32:58She didn't know no better either.
33:00What's become of her? Did she go home?
33:01No, she lives there. She works for a dentist.
33:03I must call her up sometime and see how she's getting along.
33:06Only I guess maybe I'll wait now till I need a filling or something.
33:10She could probably get me a price.
33:12Hello, Fred. Hot here yet?
33:14Oh, hello, Paul. No, he ain't showed up yet.
33:15We just got time to run through the song before he gets here.
33:18Are you ready, Maxie?
33:19Oh, sure.
33:22Drop it a tone, will you, Maxie?
33:24Okay.
33:24It's too high for me. I can't.
33:25How's that?
33:26That's better.
33:27Put a lot of schmaltz in this, will you?
33:29Maxie, put a feeling into it.
33:56Forty, Maxie. Forty.
33:59Now, pianissimo again.
34:13Now, Fort. Fort, Maxie. Fort.
34:15Tell her to come to me here, to me and her dear, June, moo, hoo, hoo, hoo.
34:27Solid, Fred. Solid. Solid.
34:30Oh, that was wonderful.
34:32Huh?
34:32You got an audience.
34:33Edna.
34:34Hello.
34:35Well, I wasn't expecting to see you.
34:38This is Miss Baker, everybody.
34:39This little girl I was telling you about.
34:40The one that works for the dentist.
34:42How do you do, Miss Baker?
34:43Hello.
34:43I hated to come down to your office, Fred.
34:45I'm afraid you're busy.
34:46We were just polishing up my new number, June Moon.
34:48Did you like the melody?
34:49Oh, I loved it.
34:50And I love Fred's words.
34:51I think everybody will.
34:52Oh, but I don't want to interrupt.
34:53Maybe I'd better be going.
34:54No, no, no, no, no.
34:55We'll go.
34:55You stay right here.
34:56But look, if Mr. Hart comes in...
34:58Paul and I will be in my room.
34:59Goodbye, Miss Baker.
35:00Goodbye, everybody.
35:02Hello, Fred.
35:04Hello.
35:05There's nobody here, Fred.
35:07Huh?
35:08Nobody's looking.
35:09Well, of course nobody's looking.
35:10If nobody's here, that means nobody's looking.
35:13Naturally.
35:14My goodness.
35:15Fred, what's been the matter?
35:17Nothing's the matter, Edna.
35:18I've just been busy, that's all.
35:19I was going to call you as soon as I wasn't busy.
35:21I thought maybe you were sick or something.
35:23I tried to call you up two mornings.
35:24I'm in at your hotel and they said you couldn't be waked up
35:26before one o'clock, I think it was.
35:28That's only because I've been up late the night before working.
35:30We got the song all finished, ain't we?
35:32Oh, it's beautiful.
35:34I had no idea it would turn out so beautiful.
35:37It's beautiful.
35:38You said it.
35:39And when it's published, I'll make them put your name on the cover.
35:42Dictated to Miss Edna Baker.
35:45How's that?
35:46Oh, Fred, I'd love that.
35:48But I'd love something else better.
35:49What's that?
35:50Fred, it's been two Sundays since we went anywhere together.
35:53Remember the day we took our lunch and went over to the Palisades all day?
35:56And then we were going again the next Sunday, only we didn't.
35:59I remembered that Sunday.
36:01It's silly to remember a Sunday you didn't go someplace.
36:04Why, every Sunday you don't go someplace.
36:06I mean someplace you don't go to.
36:08I don't know what I mean.
36:09But what have you been doing, Fred?
36:11Well, you have to go around places and keep a contract with the other boys.
36:15You mean nightclubs?
36:16Some of them.
36:16Just you and Mr. Sears?
36:18Well, Paul's wife, Mrs. Sears.
36:20Doesn't anybody else go along to sort of even up the party?
36:23Well, nobody you know.
36:25I already know her myself.
36:26She just comes along because she's Lucille's sister and lives there.
36:29Oh.
36:29Can't leave her alone by herself.
36:30She's timid.
36:32Didn't you ever tell her about me?
36:34Well, you see, we just...
36:36It's only business.
36:37There's nothing like that come up.
36:39She isn't nosy.
36:40A girl like she's probably got lots of beautiful clothes.
36:43She'd probably make little me look like nothing.
36:46No, that part don't matter.
36:47Wouldn't make no difference to me if she had all the clothes in the world.
36:50Or if she was bare, either.
36:52Doesn't it cost an awful lot of money when you go around to all these places?
36:56Costs a lot of money.
36:57Fred, are you going to be busy tonight?
36:58Fred, after they hear the song?
37:00Sure, I got to work with Paul.
37:01Well, then before that.
37:02After Mr. Hart hears it.
37:03Oh, Fred, couldn't I stay and hear it too, Fred?
37:05Oh, no, Eddie.
37:06When Mr. Hart hearing a new number, he can't have nobody around.
37:09He's got to consecrate on what he's doing.
37:11Oh.
37:11I'll tell you what.
37:12You wait in the reception room or somewhere, and the minute he hears the song,
37:15I'll come and tell you what he says.
37:16Oh, Fred, that's grand.
37:18And then can we go somewhere for a little while and have a soda or something?
37:20I guess so.
37:21There's a place around the corner you can get nickel sodas.
37:24You can hardly tell them from the dime ones.
37:25Oh, Fred, I'm sorry.
37:26You only get one straw, it's just a matter of price.
37:28I mean, you do care whether you see me?
37:30Of course I do.
37:31Sure, certainly.
37:33Oh, pardon me.
37:34Oh, Mr. Hart.
37:35Mr. Hart.
37:36What?
37:36We've been waiting for you.
37:37We're all ready.
37:38Ready with what?
37:38That new number.
37:39We'll go through it if you'll wait a minute.
37:40What number?
37:41June Moon.
37:42The number I wrote with Paul Sears.
37:43I'll get Maxie.
37:44We'll run through it for you.
37:45Say, Edna, if you'll go into one of them other offices.
37:47Oh, all right, dear.
37:47I can wait happy now.
37:48Yeah, wait in that reception over there.
37:50There's a good place.
37:50Oh, thank you, Fred.
37:52No, no, not that door.
37:53Gee, can't you read?
37:57Now, Mr. Hart.
37:59Where'd he go?
37:59Mr. Hart.
38:01Mr. Hart.
38:02Why, Freddie.
38:03Hello, Fred.
38:04Oh, hello, girls.
38:06What are you doing down here, Eileen?
38:07Lucille and I came down to bring you luck.
38:09Yeah, I'm a born rabbit's foot.
38:11Oh.
38:12Oh, there you are, Mr. Hart.
38:13Yeah, well, uh, I didn't know we had visitors.
38:16Hello, Lucille.
38:17Hello.
38:17This is Miss Fletcher, Mr. Hart.
38:19Miss Fletcher's Paul's sister-in-law.
38:20Yeah, I've already met Miss Fletcher.
38:23Yeah.
38:24Mr. Hart's been off on a trip, Eileen.
38:26That's very interesting.
38:28Are you ready for our song now, Mr. Hart?
38:29I mean, June Moon?
38:30I guess so.
38:31Come on, Stevens.
38:32Oh, wait till you get a load of this song.
38:33I mean the words.
38:35Eileen, what are you going to do about Stevens?
38:38He's going to be kind of a nuisance with Hart back.
38:40I can handle him.
38:41He's so far gone, you can tell him anything.
38:43I wonder if that song is any good.
38:45All of Paul's stuff sounds just alike to me.
38:47Well, maybe Stevens' lyrics are just silly enough to get over.
38:50I got kind of a hunch they are.
38:51Even if they buy it, it won't mean anything to us.
38:53Paul's so far ahead of his royalties, they'll never catch up.
38:56He could write Madame Butterfly, and it wouldn't even get me a new step in.
39:01Why don't you do something, Lucille?
39:03Maybe I am.
39:04You are what?
39:05Oh, I don't know.
39:05Nothing, maybe.
39:07Honey, remember Ed Nolten?
39:09Yeah, what about him?
39:10I ran into him Friday on Madison Avenue.
39:12Well?
39:12Still likes me, and I like him.
39:14Has he got any money?
39:15He makes a lot, but he spends it.
39:16If he likes you, that's not a fatal drawback.
39:18He likes me, all right.
39:19Well, don't tell me you aren't going to do anything about it.
39:21Oh, I don't know what to do.
39:22Ed's nice.
39:23The things he says, they make me feel young again.
39:26And it's such a relief to just talk to a man that hates music.
39:30Listen, if you don't do this...
39:31Hey, girls!
39:32Girls, what do you know?
39:33They're crazy about it!
39:34They're going to take it!
39:35They've took it!
39:42Come in.
39:43Mr. Schwartz, do you know if Mr. Hart heard Mr. Stevens' song yet?
39:46I mean, June Moon?
39:47Yes, Miss Baker, he did.
39:48Was it all right?
39:49Did he like it?
39:50He took it.
39:51Where is he?
39:51Still in there?
39:52Not anymore.
39:53They've all gone.
39:54They?
39:54Yes, Mr. Sears and his wife, and his sister and Fred.
39:58They went out just a couple of minutes ago.
39:59Oh.
40:01Oh, thank you very much.
40:04And now, for the tune that's still in first place on our hit parade, for the 16th consecutive week, June Moon!
40:22Oh, June Moon.
40:24If I hear that ridiculous song again, I'll scream.
40:26What's ridiculous about 16 weeks on a hit parade?
40:29Well, it doesn't mean anything to us, does it?
40:30We still haven't any money.
40:31That dress is new, ain't it?
40:33Don't you think it's about time?
40:34How much was it?
40:35It won't come due for a while.
40:36I may take care of it myself.
40:37I can take care of it if it ain't too soon.
40:39I've got to go on out.
40:40Eileen's waiting.
40:40Hold on.
40:41That's what I want to talk to you about.
40:42What?
40:43About her and Fred.
40:44Oh.
40:44She's got him so he can hardly work at all.
40:46I don't know when we're going to finish the new numbers.
40:48Of course you can finish them.
40:49Ah, but marrying him and taking him off on this trip, it's going to cost him a million dollars.
40:52And just when we're beginning to work together, good.
40:54You can write other numbers while he's gone.
40:56Don't you think they ought to go ahead and get married?
40:57No, they shouldn't.
40:58He's a nice guy.
40:59Oh, I've got to kind of like him myself.
41:01Well, what of it?
41:02Eileen's a nice girl.
41:03Ah, you know what I mean.
41:04Isn't it kind of a dirty trick?
41:05I mean, after the way Eileen, well, the way she and Hart and everything.
41:08Oh, you ought to have more sense.
41:09Oh, just the same.
41:10I don't feel right about it.
41:11And the way she's throwing his money around, just like it was confetti.
41:14Spending every nickel she can get on herself.
41:15Clothes, clothes.
41:16You can't go to Europe in a life belt.
41:18Ah, don't you know what she spent yesterday afternoon, just in one day?
41:21Close to $400.
41:22Fred pretty near cried when he told me.
41:24And I don't blame him.
41:24He's a nice kid.
41:25She doesn't spend that every day.
41:27Well, she shouldn't have spent it at all.
41:28And you should have thought she didn't spend it.
41:30Well, how could I stop her?
41:31I wasn't there.
41:32Oh, yes, you were.
41:33You were with her all afternoon.
41:34You said you were.
41:34Oh, yeah.
41:35Oh, I thought you meant the day before.
41:37It was Sunday the day before.
41:38Yeah, I just got mixed up.
41:39That's all.
41:40Anyhow, something ought to be done about it.
41:42She's got him in dead enough.
41:56Life is a game.
41:57We are but players, playing the best we know how.
42:04Yeah, that's good.
42:06Playing the best we know how.
42:08Come in.
42:10Sometimes we shoot a seven.
42:13Sometimes 11.
42:15But off times it's boxcars for us.
42:18Oh, Fred.
42:19Off time.
42:20What do you want?
42:21Can't you see I'm composing?
42:23Did you ask Hart about that advance?
42:25He's advanced me so many advances already in advance.
42:28Gee.
42:28But, sweetheart, you promised.
42:30All right, all right.
42:31But I got to find Paul now.
42:32He's waiting for me.
42:32Oh, don't go to work yet.
42:34You never have any time for me.
42:36You don't realize I want to be loved once in a while.
42:39Loved once in a while?
42:40I held your hand in the taxi, didn't I?
42:42What do you want?
42:44Just think.
42:44Only three more days till we belong to each other.
42:47It's four, ain't it?
42:49Four till we sail.
42:50Only three till we get married.
42:51And don't forget, you're to ask Hart for $1,000 advance.
42:54I've borrowed $3,500 on June moon already.
42:57Maybe more than my royalties will amount to altogether.
43:00Don't be ridiculous.
43:01That number will still be selling when you're dead.
43:03Well, I won't care so much then.
43:05Oh, Fred, your children will.
43:07Don't you want children, Freddie?
43:10I don't get along with them very good.
43:13You would with your own.
43:14No, I figure I'd get along better with other people.
43:16Because they'd go home once in a while.
43:19We needn't think of that now.
43:21Let's just think of you and me.
43:23All alone on that big boat.
43:25We won't be alone.
43:26The fella said it'd be pretty near full.
43:28But we don't have to see anybody.
43:29A bride and groom don't generally go around much.
43:32They're supposed to be so awfully in love.
43:35Well, if the dining room won't be crowded.
43:37They'll serve us in our cabin.
43:39It'd be kind of cramped.
43:39Maybe I could go in the dining room and order your meals sent up.
43:42And leave me all alone?
43:43I'd be scared to death.
43:45Look, it's just as dangerous in the dining room as the bedroom.
43:48If the ship sinks pretty near, all the rooms will be underwater.
43:53Let's not think about such things.
43:55Just think of the pleasant side.
43:57London, Paris.
43:58Oh, I'm glad we're going to Paris first.
44:00So I can get some clothes.
44:02Clothes?
44:03What do you have been buying?
44:04Oh, they're all right for the ship, dear.
44:06But not the Rivera.
44:08Don't you want to be proud of me?
44:10Don't you want to be proud of the way I look?
44:12Well, if you're going to stay in your cabin all the time.
44:14You won't eat nothing but a mother hubbard.
44:16Well, all ready for the big trip?
44:19Hello, Maxie.
44:19The boat sails Saturday.
44:21I don't know what you want to go to Europe for.
44:23Why not?
44:24Well, because he's never been there before.
44:26A songwriter never goes anywhere for the first time.
44:28They're always going back to places.
44:30Back to Indiana.
44:31Back to Baltimore.
44:34Fred, are you going to talk to Mr. Hart?
44:36Yeah, I'm going to talk to Mr. Hart.
44:38Well, this would be a good time.
44:39And let me know what he says.
44:40I'll be outside.
44:44I'd like to be going back to Schenectady.
44:46But Eileen's got her heart set on Europe.
44:48I hear it's quite a place.
44:49Yeah, I guess so.
44:51I was kind of excited about it at first.
44:53But now, I don't know.
44:55I'm kind of tired, I guess.
44:56The way we've been going it lately.
44:58I'm kind of behind on my sleep.
44:59But you've been having a lot of fun.
45:01All those nightclubs.
45:02I did at first.
45:03Dancing and everything.
45:04But now my feet so sore, I have to take a bath every day.
45:07Might as well take a whole bath.
45:09It's just your feet.
45:11They ache so I can't sleep in them.
45:14If I don't get some rest soon, I'll have a nervous breakup.
45:16And everything costs so much.
45:17Eileen wants to take a taxi.
45:19She's going in the other room.
45:20You sure picked out a thrifty little girl.
45:23I kind of get thinking sometimes.
45:24Maybe a man like I that's just breaking in.
45:27Maybe he shouldn't get married so soon.
45:29Especially a woman's got to have so many clothes.
45:32Sometimes I think it'd be better if I hadn't gotten engaged.
45:35I read a case once in Michigan where a man was engaged to a girl and didn't marry her.
45:39I didn't read that.
45:40Have you got the clippings?
45:43No, but my memory's pretty good.
45:45For instance, I remember a nice little girl that was here to see you one time.
45:50I even remember her name.
45:52Miss Baker.
45:53Maxie.
45:54You haven't seen her or anything, have you?
45:56Me?
45:56No.
45:57Why?
45:58I guess I shouldn't be thinking of her at a time like this.
46:00Are you?
46:01I don't know.
46:02Sometimes...
46:03Oh, I'm going to my office.
46:04I got to do some work.
46:06Ever since I broke my dime bank, everything's been so complicated.
46:11Life is a game we are but players.
46:15Sometimes a full house greets us.
46:18Sometimes a broken flush meets us.
46:20And often...
46:21Fred.
46:22Why don't you...
46:23Oh, hello, Eddie.
46:25Hello.
46:26Hey, maybe I'm crazy, but you know I'm glad to see you, Eddie.
46:28I'm glad to see you too, Fred.
46:30I'm glad you're well and that you're going to be happy.
46:33You know, Eddie, I've been having the insomnias about you.
46:35I've been waking up in the morning thinking about you.
46:38Are you waking up in the morning again, Fred?
46:39Let's see.
46:44Gee, we used to have a lot of fun together.
46:46Remember that day in Van Cortlandt Park when I lost my watch and that little boy found it?
46:49You gave him a nickel.
46:50I gave him a dime.
46:52And he said, keep it and buy your wife a radio set.
46:57He thought we was married.
46:59I remember.
46:59He was embarrassed, all right, all right.
47:01Any girl would.
47:02And then coming back, we forgot to change at 72nd Street.
47:05That is, you forgot.
47:06I didn't know any better.
47:07I just wasn't thinking.
47:08We had to go all the way down to Times Square.
47:10Remember, that's when we saw the flea circus.
47:12You said one of the fleas reminded you of a man in Schenectady.
47:15Yeah, Perry Robinson.
47:17He always walked like he just picked up a nail.
47:19Eddie, Eddie, have you heard anything about me?
47:26I heard you were going to be married, Fred.
47:28I should have congratulated you.
47:29Thanks.
47:31Say, Eddie, wait here a minute, will you?
47:32Where are you going, Fred?
47:33You congratulating me made me think of something.
47:35What, Fred?
47:36I got to go see my intended-to-be fiance.
47:50Eileen?
47:51Yes, Freddy?
47:52I got to tell you something.
47:53Oh, what is it, Freddy?
47:54I don't want to get married.
47:56I mean, you and I, and don't call me Freddy.
47:58That's all.
48:02Do you know what you're saying?
48:04I shouldn't have never got engaged.
48:05I didn't realize.
48:06Well, this is a fine time to tell me.
48:08Why didn't you wait till we got to the altar?
48:10Why wait?
48:10I know it now.
48:12I see.
48:13And you think all you have to do is tell me, and that settles it.
48:16Well, it doesn't work quite that way.
48:18Well, it doesn't work quite that way.
48:20I'll sue that girl for alienation.
48:22You can't.
48:22She was born right here in New York State.
48:26Go there.
48:27Well, what would you think of a man that made a girl love him
48:29when she was already engaged, and then threw her over?
48:32Do you think that would be honorable?
48:34A man like that is a rat.
48:36I was talking to you.
48:38You didn't tell me.
48:40Well, I'm telling you now, Fred Stevens.
48:42I'm the girl you're engaged to, and I'm the girl you're going to marry.
48:45Now, look, Eileen.
48:46Hello, Fred.
48:47Am I interrupting?
48:48No, I was just going.
48:51See you later, Freddy.
48:53What's the matter?
48:54Been fighting?
48:55Ain't anything the matter.
48:56Well, I just thought maybe we might get together on some of those songs this afternoon.
48:59I can't.
49:00I got to go to the French passport place.
49:02I thought you went there yesterday.
49:03It would have been cheaper.
49:05Told you I went with Eileen while she was shopping.
49:07You must have had a swell time running around with two women all yesterday afternoon.
49:11What two women?
49:12I and Lucille.
49:14Lucille wasn't along.
49:15Just I and Eileen.
49:16Yesterday?
49:17Yeah, we were together from 1 to 5.30.
49:19Why?
49:20Didn't Lucille ever meet you during the afternoon?
49:23No, why?
49:24Paul, Eileen and I are going out to lunch.
49:26You want to come along?
49:27Lucille, I want to talk to you.
49:28What about?
49:29Where were you yesterday afternoon?
49:31I was out.
49:32I said, where were you?
49:33Do I have to report all my movements?
49:35You do, and I catch a line.
49:36Where were you?
49:37I had an engagement.
49:38It was with an old friend of mine, and I thought you might want me to do it.
49:41And so I told you I was with Eileen.
49:43Holy mackerel.
49:45I know it was silly of me, Paul.
49:46I was going to tell you later, wasn't I, Eileen?
49:48Yeah, she was going to tell you tonight.
49:49She told me so.
49:50Where did you go yesterday afternoon with this fella?
49:52Fella?
49:53Gee.
49:54We went to a matinee.
49:55On a Monday?
49:56We went to the Roxy.
49:57Who was there?
49:58On the stage show?
49:59I don't see what difference that makes.
50:00You dirty lying double-crosser.
50:02Hey, my goodness.
50:03That's not true.
50:03Will you keep still, Eileen?
50:06Listen, Paul.
50:06Did you think I was going to wait around forever for you to give me the things I wanted?
50:10Holy smokes, Lucille.
50:11You mean to say that when you were married to Paul, you went out with a fella?
50:15Eileen, you must have known she was doing it.
50:17Known she was doing it?
50:18She put her up to it.
50:19That's not true.
50:20No?
50:20Well, listen to this.
50:21I'll tell you something that is true.
50:22Don't you believe him, Fred?
50:23I will if I want to.
50:24Eileen told you she was engaged to be married.
50:26Well, she wasn't.
50:26She was Hart's girl.
50:28And he kicked her out.
50:29And that's the only reason she took up with you.
50:31Why?
50:32Why, that's the badger game.
50:34Eileen, you're nothing but a badger.
50:37That's what you are.
50:38Come on, Lucille.
50:39Let's get out of here.
50:40I'm sick of looking at these tin pan alley hats.
50:42I'm coming, Eileen.
50:43Goodbye.
50:44And you're a badger's sister.
50:59Hey, Eddie, Eddie.
51:01Excuse me, Maxie.
51:02What is it, Fred?
51:02I don't have to marry her.
51:04Paul told me everything.
51:05Congratulations.
51:06Look, Eddie, I still got the tickets for the boat.
51:08And it says Frederick D. Stevens and wife.
51:10I wonder if the steamship people allow you to change your wife.
51:12Yes, if you don't do it in midstream.
51:15If your wife is the right kind,
51:16she won't let you take her on an expensive trip.
51:18She'll make you put everything into a home.
51:20Oh, I don't mean a big home.
51:22Just a little bungalow would do.
51:24A bungalow?
51:26Bungalow.
51:26A bungalow for two.
51:28Gee, that would be a great title for a song.
51:30And I've got a great tune.
51:34Bungalow, I love you.
51:38Bungalow for two.
51:41Gee, the words are great, aren't they?
51:43But the tune's no good.
51:44It'll never go.
51:45Why can't I get somebody to write tunes for me?
51:48A bungalow, I love you.
52:05You have been listening to the Campbell Playhouse presentation of June Moon,
52:08produced by Orson Welles and starring Jack Benny.
52:11Mr. Welles and our guest star will be back with us in just a moment.
52:14Meanwhile, I'd like to leave just this thought with the mothers listening.
52:18When your children come home at noon for lunch,
52:20why not give them bowls of Campbell's chicken soup now and then?
52:24Children love chicken and they'll enjoy the flavor of chicken
52:27in every gleaming drop of this good chicken soup
52:29along with fluffy rice and tender chicken meat.
52:33Now, perhaps your children take their lunch to school.
52:36In that case, why not fill a thermos bottle with good hot chicken soup
52:38and let them take it along as their needed hot dish?
52:41Try it and see if they don't ask for it often.
52:45Because just as sure as they like chicken, they'll like Campbell's chicken soup.
52:50And now our producer and star of the Campbell Playhouse, Mr. Orson Welles.
52:58June Moon, ladies and gentlemen, June Moon,
53:00the play which you've just heard, written by Ring Lardner and George S. Kaufman,
53:06was one of the greatest comedy successes that Broadway has ever known.
53:11And I want to say, ladies and gentlemen,
53:13Oh, Orson.
53:14I want to say, ladies and gentlemen,
53:15that Jack Benny, despite what any of you may think,
53:17genuinely did his best tonight and we're very grateful to him for his efforts.
53:21Well, thanks. Thanks, Orson.
53:22Quite all right. The part of Fred Stevens, the songwriter,
53:25is generally not regarded as a difficult one.
53:29But tonight we happen to have with us a man who makes mountains out of molehills.
53:34Well, thanks.
53:35Thanks, Orson.
53:36Thanks. You know, I don't, uh, I think that called for a thanks.
53:41I didn't know.
53:42You know, I don't, uh, I don't often do legitimate plays like this.
53:46No, you don't.
53:47No.
53:49Oh, you could sort of feel that.
53:50Yeah, it came to me.
53:51Okay. While I was playing, you were reading your own.
53:54Oh, I didn't know.
53:57Now, where am I? Oh, yeah, here I am.
53:59You know, I don't often do legitimate plays like this.
54:03I'd love to get just one line out.
54:05All right. All right. Sorry, Jack.
54:06You drive a guy nuts. I'm not kidding.
54:11I got it.
54:13Wait a minute. You want to know something?
54:14Yeah.
54:14You look better with a beard.
54:20So, Orson, look, I don't often do legitimate plays like this.
54:24And naturally, it was quite a strain for me.
54:26But do you really think I gave a good performance?
54:27Well, Jack, if you're referring to those people that left in the middle of the broadcast,
54:31they probably had to go home early anyway.
54:33Oh, I wasn't worrying about them.
54:34It was the people that stayed.
54:36They looked like they wanted to go home, but their feet hurt.
54:38You know, Orson, I enjoyed playing that part,
54:42but it still didn't have the dramatic quality that will get me an Academy Award.
54:46You see, Orson, that's what I'm after, the Academy Award.
54:49I want that statue.
54:50Well, don't get excited, Jack.
54:51There's no rush. Take your time.
54:53Take my time?
54:54Orson, I'm not a kid anymore.
54:57I've either got to win it in the next few years
54:59or go through the hereafter muttering to myself.
55:02I don't know what you're driving at, Jack.
55:04Well, look, Orson, last week I did the hunchback of Notre Dame.
55:07This week I did June Moon.
55:09Now, what I want to know is, when can I play Hamlet?
55:14Maybe you didn't hear me, Orson.
55:15When can I play Hamlet?
55:17I heard you, and I'm thinking.
55:19Oh, well, maybe I am a little too anxious,
55:22and I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate
55:24all these dramatic lessons you've been giving me.
55:25Oh, thanks.
55:26Gee, Shakespeare, that's my goal.
55:28That's my ambition.
55:29Listen, Orson, I am the Count of Monte Cristo, and the world is mine.
55:35That's not Shakespeare.
55:36That's from the Count of Monte Cristo, Jack.
55:38It is?
55:38Yeah.
55:38Oh, well, then let's do that.
55:40What are we waiting for?
55:41All right, Jack.
55:42If that's what you want, I'll start giving you lessons on it tomorrow.
55:45Oh, boy.
55:46Jack Benny and the Count of Monte Cristo.
55:48So long, Orson.
55:48I want to run over to the owl drugstore and tell the boys about this.
55:51Goodbye, everybody.
55:52Goodbye, Jack.
55:53Ladies and gentlemen, the character of Frederick Stevens was sustained tonight by Jack Benny.
56:13Other characters were also sustained by Benny Rubin and Gus Schilling, for instance,
56:17who were Maxie and Paul in the order named.
56:20Lee Benederet was Lucille.
56:21Lee Patrick was Eileen.
56:22Virginia Gordon was Edna.
56:25And the Candy Butcher, a little jewel of its kind.
56:29Candy Butcher.
56:30You may remember the Candy Butcher way back there in the first scene.
56:34Need I say, fans, that the Candy Butcher was your obedient servant.
56:43I had conceived of the Candy Butcher as the part most suitable for our guest of the evening.
56:47I had another part in mind for myself.
56:51Jack Benny didn't think he was right for the Candy Butcher.
56:53I don't know why I didn't think he was right.
56:55As a matter of fact, there has been some talk that Jack Benny was going to play
56:58Rochester in Jane Eyre.
57:00This is a lie.
57:02We're doing Jane Eyre all right, and I'm playing Rochester.
57:05And not the Rochester that first comes to mind.
57:08I mean Miss Bronte's Rochester, not Mr. Benny's.
57:11Miss Bronte's Rochester neither dances nor sings.
57:15And if any of you people would be interested in hearing me play a part again, please tune in.
57:22That other faction had better be warned that Rochester is present
57:25in several sequences in next week's romance.
57:28And romance it is too.
57:31Jane Eyre, quite seriously, is next week's story.
57:34And it's one of the really fine, really moving romances in all literature.
57:37We're genuinely thrilled at the prospect of doing Jane Eyre for you.
57:41We're very proud indeed to announce as our guest for the name part,
57:44an old friend and very gifted actress, Miss Madeline Carroll.
57:49Till next Sunday night in Jane Eyre with Madeline Carroll,
57:53my sponsors, the makers of Campbell Soups,
57:54and all of us in the Campbell Playhouse remain as always, obediently yours.
58:14The makers of Campbell Soups join Orson Welles in inviting you to be with us
58:26in the Campbell Playhouse again next Sunday evening
58:29when we present Jane Eyre with Madeline Carroll as our guest.
58:33In the meantime, if you've enjoyed tonight's Playhouse presentation,
58:37won't you tell your grocer so tomorrow when you order Campbell's chicken soup?
58:41This is Ernest Chappell saying thank you and good night.
58:48This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.