2016 Mad Women FULL HOT MOVIE
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:31That's a really lovely watch.
00:00:34Thank you.
00:00:36I got it as a birthday present from my Nana on my ninth birthday.
00:00:41It's my very first watch.
00:00:45On my tenth birthday she died.
00:00:48I'm so sorry.
00:00:51And I bet you want it every day and you've never let it stop once.
00:00:55Am I right?
00:01:01I have nothing to say today.
00:01:03May I ask some silly questions then?
00:01:07What kind of books did you read when you were a little girl?
00:01:10How little? When I was all sugar and spice?
00:01:13How old was that?
00:01:16Nancy Drew.
00:01:18And Frank.
00:01:20Philip Roth.
00:01:22I like to think I'm still all sugar and spice.
00:01:28Okay.
00:01:30You mean when I was this little?
00:01:39I had so many friends that I suppose that's why I didn't have time to read much.
00:01:45One of my friends, her parents had this karaoke machine.
00:01:49They would carry on for hours.
00:01:54Her parents were so rich.
00:01:57So rich.
00:02:01They had this bathtub.
00:02:03This enormous bathtub.
00:02:06I suppose her parents used it more often to get dirty than to get clean.
00:02:10If you catch my drift.
00:02:15Five of us.
00:02:18Five of us.
00:02:20Four friends and me.
00:02:23I had so many friends.
00:02:26We were all so little that we'd squeeze into the bathtub together.
00:02:31It was disgusting but it was fun.
00:02:35Disgusting fun.
00:02:38Once we almost brought the karaoke machine in there with us but one girl said we would be electrified.
00:02:44That's what she said. Electrified.
00:02:46Not electrocuted.
00:02:48She was wrong on both accounts.
00:02:51Once I checked into it I decided she was too stupid to be my friend anymore.
00:02:58I was so shallow.
00:03:01So shallow in the shallow end of the tub.
00:03:07I babysat a lot.
00:03:10Gee whiz, I suppose I was a born babysitter.
00:03:15I used to love giving babies baths.
00:03:19They smelled so good.
00:03:23I also loved my dad's smell.
00:03:25The smell of his dental office.
00:03:27I would sweat so much in a hot bath and come out smelling so good.
00:03:57I love you.
00:03:59I love you.
00:04:27I love you.
00:04:47Oh, you made it.
00:04:49Hi.
00:04:51Good to see you.
00:04:53I'm so proud of you, Mom.
00:04:55I love you, Richard.
00:04:57Let's go.
00:04:59In the movie Norma Rae, Norma has to explain to her children that she's a jailbird.
00:05:06And she feels compelled to put that scarlet letter in the proper context for her kids
00:05:12so that they understand the principles for which she was jailed.
00:05:16So that they fully grasp that the reason their mommy was jailed was to make life better
00:05:22for hundreds of other people.
00:05:25For hundreds of friends.
00:05:28For hundreds of other mommies with whose children they played.
00:05:33Well, I'm a jailbird too.
00:05:38I broke the law when the law stopped making sense to me.
00:05:43When a law that was wrong was hurting a great many people.
00:05:47I crossed state lines.
00:05:49And I paid a computer hacker, a known felon, to track down a domestic terrorist.
00:05:56A man who had vowed to kill a Planned Parenthood doctor.
00:06:01A physician who performed abortions legally, safely, and affordably.
00:06:08A man who also saved the lives of many other women.
00:06:13And I stalked this man, this terrorist, with the intent to kill him before he had a chance to commit his act.
00:06:22And I intended to kill him with a handgun that I'd purchased legally from a gun shop.
00:06:29A gun shop owned by that very terrorist.
00:06:33But my plan was thwarted when a security camera mounted on that very clinic just a block away
00:06:40spied my weapon in the passenger seat of my car.
00:06:46It was my passenger.
00:06:49I was sentenced to a year in prison.
00:06:53Released after 36 weeks.
00:06:57How's that for irony?
00:07:00But my imprisonment led to a nationwide outcry.
00:07:05I don't have to tell you what it led to.
00:07:07You were at the forefront.
00:07:10But that conflagration of protest flickered to a few dying embers within a week, maybe ten days.
00:07:19You know, they used to wrap fish in day-old newspaper.
00:07:24What do they wrap in day-old cyber news?
00:07:28And then you people, you people, Iris Glenn people,
00:07:34you began to do a funny thing.
00:07:38You began to sign a petition.
00:07:41A petition that would put me on November's ballot as a mayoral candidate.
00:07:52And I've decided to run.
00:07:55I've decided to win.
00:07:57I've decided to serve.
00:08:05Three bites and it's back to work.
00:08:08I'm not going to violate my first campaign promise only four hours after the polls close.
00:08:13Don't worry about that tomorrow after you're sworn in.
00:08:16This is delicious, Kylie.
00:08:20It's in your food, young lady.
00:08:22Sorry.
00:08:24That's not pressure you're feeling, is it?
00:08:27No, it's hunger.
00:08:29Real hunger.
00:08:36Okay.
00:08:38Let's eat.
00:08:40Okay.
00:08:42Okay.
00:08:44Okay.
00:08:46Okay.
00:08:48Okay.
00:08:50Okay.
00:08:51Let's eat.
00:09:05Where's Daddy?
00:09:07He doesn't get back from his conference till tomorrow.
00:09:11I heard a noise and I was scared.
00:09:13What kind of noise?
00:09:16I don't know.
00:09:19I can't explain it.
00:09:21Silence, maybe?
00:09:52Okay.
00:10:13Thanks.
00:10:21Thank you.
00:10:37Hey, baby.
00:10:39This is my daughter, Nevada.
00:10:41This is Curtis.
00:10:43Curtis is about to publish his first book.
00:10:46Grandma!
00:10:48Good to see you.
00:10:49You look gorgeous.
00:10:51Thank you.
00:10:53Thank you.
00:10:56Hi.
00:10:58Can I have a glass of iced tea?
00:11:00Sure.
00:11:04I'm going to hit that up.
00:11:19Daddy, help me.
00:11:21Nevada Smith, my favorite waitress.
00:11:23I thought I was your favorite ballerina.
00:11:25That's as you were five.
00:11:36You are such a pig.
00:11:38I love going in the garden.
00:11:41I taste its texture.
00:11:43With butter, without butter.
00:11:45You really do, don't you?
00:11:50What are you doing out here?
00:11:52Are you pissed at someone back there?
00:11:59I don't know.
00:12:04Now you sound scared.
00:12:07I've never heard that sound from you before.
00:12:12I can only recall being this scared once before in my life.
00:12:17Daddy?
00:12:19How old are you?
00:12:26Seventeen.
00:12:31I was seventeen years old and I was working as a delivery boy at a local deli.
00:12:38It's still there, the deli.
00:12:42Different delivery boy.
00:12:45After work, must have been just before midnight,
00:12:47I was clowning around, trying to look like a big shot.
00:12:52I played a game of chicken with another kid who worked at the deli.
00:12:56On the street, on the four-lane street for the affections of a seventeen-year-old who worked with us.
00:13:05We told her she would have to make out with whomever would lie down the longest prone on the dark street
00:13:12as a car approached before escaping to safety.
00:13:18Stupid.
00:13:23He was my best friend at the time.
00:13:26I barely knew her.
00:13:28But she had just started working at the deli and we'd heard that she was
00:13:33recently dating the much older owner of an aquarium in the same strip mall
00:13:37and that he had taught her how to do things.
00:13:43Sex things.
00:13:45Sex things.
00:13:48I was still a virgin.
00:13:50So my imagination ran wild.
00:13:56I don't think I wanted to win.
00:13:59I was terrified of what the aquarium owner might have taught her.
00:14:04Things that would make me look foolish to her.
00:14:08Of course, she'd agreed to none of this.
00:14:10My buddy had already slept with a girl, so...
00:14:15I was in it for him.
00:14:21After he was run over, no one paid me any attention.
00:14:27Not even after he had his leg amputated.
00:14:30No one. Not him, not his parents.
00:14:33It was as if I was nothing more than a late-arriving bystander.
00:14:37I felt so much fear every day.
00:14:41After that, it was as if their silence was taunting me.
00:14:48The girl never spoke to me again.
00:14:51My own parents wouldn't speak to me for...
00:14:55months.
00:14:57The only one who would even say hello to me was the guy who owned the aquarium.
00:15:02The only one who would even say hello to me was the guy who owned the aquarium.
00:15:10I was scared for years.
00:15:13Until I met your mom.
00:15:15Even then, she knew how to vanquish fear and...
00:15:20make you feel worth something.
00:15:23Make you feel...
00:15:27make you appreciate your full worth.
00:15:31Dad.
00:15:36Dad, you're scaring me.
00:15:42Look at you.
00:15:45It blows my mind...
00:15:48that I was able to make something as perfect, as beautiful...
00:15:55as you.
00:15:57Dad.
00:16:00See the men in that car there?
00:16:06I'm going to be arrested, honey.
00:16:11I don't fear jail.
00:16:15What I fear is that the kid with the amputated leg is finally going to come after me.
00:16:22And that they all will.
00:16:26Dad.
00:16:42You know, some people call me an activist.
00:16:46Others call me something else.
00:16:50I think it's a word that begins with C.
00:16:53Crackpot.
00:16:56All paradigms begin with crackpots.
00:17:00Revolution isn't easy.
00:17:02Making history legally is hard.
00:17:10Does anyone know what this is behind me?
00:17:13It's Vermont's flag.
00:17:15Not its state flag.
00:17:17It's the flag of the nation of Vermont.
00:17:19More specifically, the Second Vermont Republic.
00:17:22A movement founded by an economics professor in 2003.
00:17:27And a recent article in the New York Times.
00:17:30They reported that the Obama administration had been flooded with secession petitions by eight states.
00:17:37Including Texas.
00:17:39A state whose laws I find dubious.
00:17:43The Texas petition, signed by 125,746 citizens,
00:17:50declared that withdrawing from the union was, quote,
00:17:54practically feasible, since the state had a balanced budget.
00:17:59And Austin is its capital, for crying out loud.
00:18:02So Texas can't be all bad, am I right?
00:18:05The Vermont movement embraces many of the same values as our founding fathers.
00:18:11Ideals are hard.
00:18:14They're hard to conjure up.
00:18:17They're hard to wrap other people's minds around.
00:18:20And they're hardest of all to achieve and maintain.
00:18:24You dropped out of high school.
00:18:26You dropped out of high school.
00:18:28You dropped out of high school.
00:18:30You dropped out of high school.
00:18:31You dropped out of high school.
00:18:33You dropped out of high school.
00:18:35You dropped out of high school.
00:18:37You dropped out of high school.
00:18:39You're forgiving him?
00:18:41He was inside another woman.
00:18:43A girl?
00:18:45Is there any left?
00:18:47This ten-year-old just moved in down the block I've had my eye on.
00:18:49Where are you going?
00:18:51To get you some Valium.
00:18:53Ugh, unbelievable.
00:18:54Dad, why don't you just pull out the nitrous, hmm?
00:19:00That used to calm me down just fine.
00:19:02And you're going to start a country!
00:19:05Yes, but first I'm giving my daughter ten milligrams of Valium.
00:19:08Take this.
00:19:10Do you remember last August when Mom and I went to Jones Beach to see John Fogarty and Jackson Brown?
00:19:17Pathetic.
00:19:18Do you even know their work?
00:19:20Not really.
00:19:23Pathetic.
00:19:25Before we left for the show, we dropped acid.
00:19:29It had been 30 years, but we kept a vial in the back of the freezer.
00:19:38The show began, and I was tripping, and I needed to go to the men's room.
00:19:44That was the last time I saw Mom until I got home.
00:19:49She was already in bed sleeping when I got home.
00:19:53I have no recollection of how I got home.
00:19:58When I walked into the men's room, there were, and I have no idea why,
00:20:01there were half a dozen cans of spray paint in the corner of the room.
00:20:05All different colors.
00:20:08Well, maybe different colors.
00:20:10There was a simple lock on the men's room door, so I locked myself in,
00:20:15and instantly all of the sounds occurring outside of the room clicked off.
00:20:21They didn't fade out.
00:20:22They just switched off as if there was a power failure.
00:20:26Not even the music could penetrate my trip.
00:20:30So I gathered up the cans, and I began to paint the floor.
00:20:35It looked like a blank canvas to me, so I decided I needed to create a mural, so I did.
00:20:42And I don't paint, but there was some pretty impressive shit I was spraying.
00:20:47What was Mom doing?
00:20:48I'll tell you what I can remember later.
00:20:50Don't do drugs.
00:20:53I painted an amusement park.
00:20:55Rides, cotton candy vendors, sideshows, freak shows.
00:21:01One side of the park was day, the other was night.
00:21:05And then she, this girl, walked out of one of the men's room stalls.
00:21:13She was 16.
00:21:16It didn't seem odd to me that this young woman was relieving herself in an otherwise empty men's room.
00:21:23Maybe it wasn't actually otherwise empty.
00:21:26Maybe it wasn't.
00:21:29But she began conversing with me as if she'd been watching me all along.
00:21:34I described my park tour, the people and the families in the park,
00:21:38but all she could see in my painting were sexual things.
00:21:43She was probably high off her ass.
00:21:46I'm not on LSD.
00:21:50She made me cry.
00:21:52She brought me to tears because she couldn't see what I was seeing in my painting.
00:22:00She said if we had sex, maybe I could understand what she was seeing.
00:22:06And suddenly I imagined it was the end of the world.
00:22:10And I thought of all the things I might do if I knew the world was coming to an end.
00:22:18And so I had sex with her.
00:22:25Afterwards, she left the room and I continued to paint the floor.
00:22:29And that's all I remember about that night at Jones Beach.
00:22:33She got pregnant and she had an abortion.
00:22:37And she posted the story of her experience of our experience on Facebook.
00:22:44And so here we are.
00:22:46This woman.
00:22:47Girl.
00:22:49Girl.
00:22:52Oh my God.
00:22:56Oh my God, this girl doesn't live anywhere near Iris Glen, does she?
00:22:59No.
00:23:05And where are you going?
00:23:06I'll be right back.
00:23:09Conspiracy to commit murder and now statutory rape.
00:23:13Your approval rating is sure to hit an all-time high, Mom.
00:23:20What is it?
00:23:22They're from my first year of dentistry when I shared a practice with three other young dentists.
00:23:28I worked on kids almost exclusively then.
00:23:32Kids were so afraid of the dentist.
00:23:34But I won them over.
00:23:36I quelled their terror.
00:23:38Almost without exception, my young patients hand wrote thank you cards and letters to me.
00:23:43Some said they were inspired to be dentists themselves so they could grow up and teach the next generation of kids not to be afraid of the dentist.
00:23:50Most of these are from girls.
00:23:53It's creepy.
00:23:54You're trying hard to hate me, Nevada.
00:23:58This is the real me.
00:24:01Please hold on to them for me.
00:24:04Who's going to tell Jude?
00:24:06I already did.
00:24:07I Skyped with your sister this morning.
00:24:09Actually, middle of the night, our time.
00:24:11I wanted to get her before she went to work.
00:24:15What did she say?
00:24:17Our call was interrupted.
00:24:20She got a text that a young boy had just been shot and that she was needed someplace, someplace dangerous.
00:24:27There were so many things I wanted to do with you.
00:24:31Put them on a list.
00:24:33Bury them in a time cap zone.
00:24:35We'll dig them up together.
00:24:39There you go again, charming the pants off me.
00:24:44What a waste.
00:24:47You could have been a great dad.
00:24:50Right now, tell me one of the things you wanted to do with me.
00:24:54No.
00:24:55Nevada, it'll get me through.
00:25:00Why not?
00:25:02Because I don't want to get my hopes up.
00:25:05Just in case I hate you as much when you get out of prison as I do now.
00:25:10How's that for a going away gift?
00:26:02Okay.
00:26:32What?
00:26:39I'm really sorry, but I've got to say this.
00:26:46You have the greatest legs I have ever seen.
00:26:51It even looked like you were moving in slow motion.
00:26:54I was in slow motion.
00:26:56I've been watching you for a week or so.
00:26:59A week or so, huh?
00:27:01See that guy over there?
00:27:04Yeah.
00:27:06Who is he?
00:27:08He's been watching me for over four years.
00:27:11So you're not so special.
00:27:15I am special.
00:27:21What's he doing to the kid?
00:27:23He's feeding the kid.
00:27:25The kid's name is Brett.
00:27:27And babysitting the kid?
00:27:29I've got to make a living too, you know?
00:27:33I don't know what the guy's name is.
00:27:36You like tennis?
00:27:37You don't know anything about that guy.
00:27:39It's okay.
00:27:41He's my ball boy.
00:27:43I love the attention.
00:27:45It's flattering.
00:27:47Makes me feel like I'm going to live forever.
00:27:51I changed the diapers.
00:27:54Whose?
00:27:56You like getting attention from that guy?
00:27:59Wouldn't you rather know if I don't mind getting your attention?
00:28:02I know you've been watching me forever.
00:28:06You're really not so different, eh?
00:28:15My name's Otto.
00:28:16Otto what?
00:28:17Otto Briar.
00:28:19Nevada.
00:28:20Nevada what?
00:28:21Smith.
00:28:22You're leering at me.
00:28:23I beg to differ.
00:28:27I'm tough.
00:28:29I'm tough.
00:28:30Really?
00:28:31If I let you punch me in the stomach, will you let me punch you in the stomach?
00:28:34I am not going to.
00:29:24Okay.
00:29:40I didn't think you'd do it.
00:29:52Come on.
00:29:53I got to get the baby.
00:30:09How are you doing, beautiful?
00:30:24I've read Bukowski's Women.
00:30:26Loved it.
00:30:27Danced at the Viper Club in West Hollywood.
00:30:30Didn't live up to the hype.
00:30:32I adore sentimental education.
00:30:35Do you ever work?
00:30:36I do very well.
00:30:38I am executive VP of business development for a company called Think Already.
00:30:43No exclamation points.
00:30:46Business development.
00:30:48You develop businesses?
00:30:50Like developing photos?
00:30:52People don't really develop photos anymore.
00:30:54Do you ever worry that people won't develop businesses anymore, either?
00:31:01Okay, what businesses?
00:31:02Hybrid businesses.
00:31:03Wondrous businesses.
00:31:05Destination sites.
00:31:06And that's hard these days, thanks to Mr. Bezos.
00:31:09But I'm good at it.
00:31:10For example, we all know most women love to try on shoes.
00:31:15And most women get pregnant at one time or another and have to expand, so to speak, their wardrobe.
00:31:21So, I came up with the barefoot and pregnant chain.
00:31:26Clever.
00:31:27But it sounds like a one-hit wonder.
00:31:29What else?
00:31:31I'm just getting started, Nevada Smith.
00:31:33Everyone loves ice cream.
00:31:35And everybody has to die.
00:31:39There's a franchise in New Hampshire and Maine called Heaven and Hell.
00:31:43I want mine, too.
00:31:44Is ice cream the heaven or hell part?
00:31:47It's also a crematorium.
00:31:49It's an ice creamatorium.
00:31:52That chain is successful.
00:31:55We had to throw in a bar for good measure.
00:31:58It's doing good.
00:32:00It's coming along.
00:32:02No offense, but it sounds a tad easy.
00:32:05Your job.
00:32:07You think.
00:32:08Always up for some competition, huh?
00:32:10Okay.
00:32:11Knock yourself out.
00:32:13Any ideas?
00:32:15Okay.
00:32:20Everyone's online these days.
00:32:23And...
00:32:27Nuts are very good for you.
00:32:31Internuts.
00:32:33Snacks.
00:32:38Oh, I liked your ideas.
00:32:40I did.
00:32:42I liked your ideas.
00:32:45You want to know something embarrassing about me?
00:32:48I have a paralyzing fear of the sight of blood.
00:32:54My father was so disappointed I wouldn't follow in his footsteps.
00:32:58He's a dentist.
00:33:00My sister, she's the widow of our family.
00:33:04She is a pediatrician, so she's a saint to both of my parents.
00:33:09I pass out when I see a kid with a bloody nose.
00:33:12You and your sister get along okay?
00:33:15She's my hero, too.
00:33:18She's in the Ukraine.
00:33:20Taxes without borders.
00:33:23So I only see her when we Skype.
00:33:26I had another sister, but she died of cancer when she was a baby.
00:33:32She was only three.
00:33:36Um, what about bloody movies?
00:33:41Oh, you don't want to know.
00:33:45What about your period?
00:33:47Ah, you don't want to know.
00:33:49I keep a big monthly calendar in my bedroom to remind me.
00:33:54To be fully prepared.
00:33:57My friends, my friends do it online.
00:34:00And what if their computer crashed?
00:34:03It's chilling. I don't leave anything up to chance.
00:34:06So that's why I'm also on the pill.
00:34:10Wow.
00:34:12Are you glad to hear I'm on the pill, Otto Breyer?
00:34:15Ecstatic.
00:34:17Do you like to play tennis?
00:34:20You mean a game where you hit something and it doesn't hit you back?
00:34:24I gotta be honest, your name is really dumb.
00:34:27My dad was an English Lit professor and thought it would be noble or funny anyway to come up with palindrome for my name.
00:34:38Thank God you don't have any siblings.
00:34:41What do you mean was an English Lit professor?
00:34:44Is he retired?
00:34:46He died.
00:34:48Six years ago, pancreatic cancer.
00:34:51I'm really sorry.
00:34:53I'm really pissed.
00:34:55I, uh, I did want to follow in his footsteps, be a teacher, but I, uh...
00:35:06My grades plummeted when he got sick, so I had to find a job that didn't require an advanced degree.
00:35:13Or a, um, a degree.
00:35:18You can still follow in his footsteps.
00:35:21He was a mentor, so...
00:35:25Tough act to follow.
00:35:27So is my dad.
00:35:29He's embarrassed by it.
00:35:32Did he suffer much?
00:35:35Why do people ask that question?
00:35:38Why should you care, really?
00:35:40When did that become de rigueur?
00:35:42Do you know the meaning of the word schadenfreude?
00:35:44Did it make you feel like a better person to ask me that?
00:35:47Did he suffer much?
00:35:51Yes.
00:35:57What does your mom do?
00:36:00Housewife.
00:36:02I own a house in Ireland.
00:36:04In County Clare.
00:36:06About 100,000 people live there.
00:36:08It was my grandfather's.
00:36:10Do you have a picture of it?
00:36:12I've never seen it.
00:36:15Why?
00:36:17I'm afraid I'd fall in love with it.
00:36:19That it would be like looking at something out of a fairy tale.
00:36:24Like, out of a storybook.
00:36:28That's not real life.
00:36:31Schadenfreude, my ass.
00:36:33Come over to my house tomorrow.
00:36:41Okay.
00:36:43Okay.
00:37:07Miss Smith.
00:37:09I'm a reporter with the Times.
00:37:10I'd like to schedule an interview with you.
00:37:12I used to write for Rolling Stone.
00:37:14You're a rock star.
00:37:15Yeah.
00:37:16Mrs. Smith goes to Washington.
00:37:18Oh, you're good.
00:37:20Medical center.
00:37:22There's nothing wrong with you, is there?
00:37:23Well, I'm having my annual physical.
00:37:25You want to come with me?
00:37:27No.
00:37:28I saw that in a movie once.
00:37:29Never ends well.
00:37:31Give me your card.
00:37:32I'll give you something.
00:37:34Soon.
00:37:36Thank you.
00:37:38You're welcome.
00:37:39Really?
00:37:4117,621.
00:37:45That's the population of Iris Glenn.
00:37:49Our unemployment rate is 0.4%.
00:37:55Impossibly low?
00:37:57No.
00:37:59Coincidence?
00:38:01Providence?
00:38:02No.
00:38:0417,621.
00:38:09Eight billionaires.
00:38:11121 millionaires.
00:38:14And they all signed my petition.
00:38:17And one of the top ten constitutional attorneys in the United States calls Iris Glenn her home.
00:38:25When my daughter and I accompanied my husband to a dental convention in 2000 in Washington, D.C., my world was rocked.
00:38:37We visited quite a few historical monuments.
00:38:41But what took my breath away was when we took in the National Archives.
00:38:49This is where the original Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights hold sway.
00:38:56Every elected official should be compelled by law to make a pilgrimage to the National Archives once a week.
00:39:05At a bare minimum.
00:39:09As a reminder.
00:39:12As a reminder.
00:39:17Parchment that changed the world.
00:39:25So here's what I propose to do.
00:39:28My first act as mayor will be to impose term limits.
00:39:33A mayor may only serve one six-year term.
00:39:36And the very first victim of term limits will be me.
00:39:40In six years, I'm through.
00:39:42I have lofty goals, to put it mildly.
00:39:46But six years is plenty of time to achieve most of them.
00:39:50Or to fail.
00:39:52Six years is plenty of time to rise to a challenge.
00:39:56Not dilly-dally campaigning for reelection.
00:40:02Next, in a recent poll, it was determined that 82% of the adult population of Iris Glen do not smoke.
00:40:11Disposal of cigarette butts.
00:40:15It's littering, it's disgusting, and you're going to jail for 72 hours.
00:40:24Oh, right on 18 percenter, because I'm going to get it passed.
00:40:29And you'll also perform 70 hours of community service picking up, sweeping up, spearing trash, including cigarette butts, after your incarceration.
00:40:42Expectorating in public.
00:40:48Why are baseball players always spitting?
00:40:52What is it exactly that they're spitting?
00:40:56And why can't they simply swallow?
00:41:0170 hours in jail.
00:41:11Immigration.
00:41:14That shut you up, didn't it?
00:41:45You don't have to wait when you're this excited.
00:41:48Just pull my pants down and fuck me.
00:41:58Oh, ye who's dead lie buried beneath the green grass.
00:42:02Whose standing among flowers can say, Here, here lies my beloved.
00:42:07Ye not know the desolation that broods in bosoms like these.
00:42:11What bitter blanks in those black-bordered marbles which cover no ashes.
00:42:16What despair in those movable inscriptions.
00:42:20What deadly voids and unbidden infidelities in the lines that seem to gnaw upon all faith and refuse resurrections to the beings who have been placed without a grave.
00:42:30As well might those tablets stand in the cave of Elephanta as here.
00:42:35So, you're telling me I should ignore the fact that Geneva is looking at my Johnson?
00:42:41Baby, I'm reading Melville.
00:42:44What's his deal, Nevada?
00:42:46I don't know. He represents the sum total of Iris Glenn's unemployment rate.
00:42:51He won a wheelbarrow full of lottery money, so he doesn't have a job.
00:42:56He's our talisman. Our protector.
00:43:01My mom says she's actually glad he's there so she can keep an eye on him.
00:43:05Have you ever met him?
00:43:07None of us have. Maybe my baby sister once.
00:43:12Why do you say that?
00:43:14It makes sense.
00:43:18My dad's in prison. Please don't look up what he did.
00:43:22I know he's in prison. And why.
00:43:26And I know who your mom is.
00:43:31I'm really crowding you, huh?
00:43:33Promise me you won't tell anyone. Your friends, your family. Who I am. Who my mother is.
00:43:49So how are you going to introduce me to Otto when he gets here?
00:43:53How about Otto meet my best friend Darlene, who was once my babysitter,
00:43:57and who cruelly left my beautiful baby godson home today with his grandmother?
00:44:03I love that kid.
00:44:05You're so mean.
00:44:07I'm so jealous of older couples who are so openly affectionate with one another.
00:44:12So clearly, spectacularly in love.
00:44:16You think that's because you're getting older or because you're presently single?
00:44:21I have to lower my standards. I have to stop being superficial.
00:44:24I would never date someone named Otto, for example.
00:44:30I can't wait to get older so I can do things like that and make people, young people like me, jealous.
00:44:36Does Otto have any discernible flaws?
00:44:39He doesn't know how to say guacamole. He pronounces it guacamole.
00:44:44I think he thinks that's how it's actually pronounced.
00:44:48Correct him.
00:44:50I think it's adorable.
00:44:53He's a great lover. See how I just cut to the chase there?
00:44:58We're both creatures of habit.
00:45:01We only eat baked salmon for lunch.
00:45:03We only drink kale and fruit smoothies.
00:45:05Only?
00:45:06And neither of us particularly like to eat dinner.
00:45:09That's crazy. Aren't you hungry when you wake up in the morning?
00:45:12Yeah, I eat breakfast.
00:45:14We both eat baked breakfasts.
00:45:17We both like taking walks through Times Square at 5 a.m.
00:45:23Between 5 and 6 in the morning we own that town.
00:45:26Does Harper like him?
00:45:28You punched me in the stomach.
00:45:30That only means you punched him in the stomach first. You have become so predictable.
00:45:35Does Harper like him?
00:45:37I don't even know if she likes you, babe.
00:45:40Since I met Otto I've begun obsessing about palindromic names.
00:45:45Anna. Eva.
00:45:49Anna.
00:45:51Good.
00:45:53He says the oddest things.
00:45:56Once he asked me if I thought there was a finite number of songs that could be written since there are only so many musical notes.
00:46:03Are there only so many?
00:46:07It made me wonder if that was true of people, too.
00:46:11Only a finite number of people allowed?
00:46:15Well...
00:46:18Maybe he thinks he's just another transitional relationship to you.
00:46:24Like a snowflake that'll dissolve the moment you turn your face away from his.
00:46:28That's horrible.
00:46:30Anyway, you just answered the question.
00:46:33Every snowflake is different.
00:46:35So is every song.
00:46:38So is every person.
00:46:41I still daydream. Radiant daydreams.
00:46:44I love your mom for that.
00:46:46Never stop dreaming no matter how old you become.
00:46:48There's still so much I want to do.
00:46:51The trouble is, with each passing year, with each new kid, I become frustrated.
00:46:56So the only thing I do about my dreams is conjure up new ones.
00:47:00How did you become a babysitter? Or why did you become a babysitter?
00:47:04That might be the oddest segue I've ever heard.
00:47:07Nothing. It's not odd. Just ask my kids.
00:47:10Hi.
00:47:11Hi.
00:47:14Darlene, this is Otto, my boyfriend.
00:47:16Hi.
00:47:17Hi.
00:47:18No Otto jokes?
00:47:20It's nice to meet you.
00:47:21Nice to meet you, too.
00:47:23Oh, honey, about tomorrow, I'm going to visit my grandma, Julianne.
00:47:27Oh, hey, how did her Seder go?
00:47:29Your grandmother's Jewish?
00:47:31Honorary Jewish.
00:47:34What can I say? She craves gefilte fish.
00:47:37She's the traditional sort of gal.
00:47:39Her best friend growing up was Jewish.
00:47:41So when the friend went to live in Israel on a kibbutz, so did grandma.
00:47:46That inculcated the concept of paradigms in grandma.
00:47:50I'm certain that's how it took root in my mom.
00:47:54My mom was actually born in Israel, in Haifa.
00:47:58Technically, she's Israeli.
00:48:00I don't know how she keeps it a secret.
00:48:05Grandma even enlisted in the Israeli army.
00:48:08Her best friend, it was compulsory for her best friend.
00:48:11And they are inseparable.
00:48:14Inseparable.
00:48:16But she's not Jewish.
00:48:18The army stint is when she took up archery.
00:48:21She was so good, she was recruited to train with the Israeli Olympic archery team.
00:48:25But, uh, she was retrieving her arrows one day on the range, and one of her eyes...
00:48:34She was blinded in a freak accident.
00:48:38Her cornea was sliced open by the fletching of someone else's arrow.
00:48:43In the end, I guess she was lucky.
00:48:48But now, even still, she goes to the range once a week, every week.
00:48:53She's not intimidated by anything.
00:48:58Stubborn, fake Jew.
00:49:02My family's nuts.
00:49:08You're insane.
00:49:10Harper, you have breast cancer.
00:49:13Aggressive breast cancer.
00:49:15That's debilitating enough, but you're also opting for a double mastectomy.
00:49:20Take a break.
00:49:22Lou, I need you to help me draft the constitution,
00:49:25and I need you to spearhead the flat tax section.
00:49:28You can work with George on that.
00:49:30What's the final number?
00:49:3246.2%.
00:49:34Margin of error?
00:49:35.2%.
00:49:36.2%.
00:49:37I can sell that.
00:49:40What am I saying?
00:49:42How soon can you meet with George?
00:49:44Harper...
00:49:48After I remove your breasts.
00:49:52I've got four more years to get so much done.
00:49:55Realistically.
00:49:57Am I being realistic?
00:50:01Lou!
00:50:03A year ago, you were fairly adamant about not taking the time off from work for a second surgery
00:50:08if you needed a mastectomy.
00:50:10What happened?
00:50:14That's coffee.
00:50:17The ice cube is water.
00:50:20I'll get you a hand towel.
00:50:22No.
00:50:32Thanks.
00:51:03I'm sorry.
00:51:18I'm very nervous.
00:51:22About what?
00:51:25It's kind of nice and kind of weird that neither of us have names that can be shortened into nicknames.
00:51:38Have you told anyone about me?
00:51:40About my mom?
00:51:44No.
00:51:45But I really want to.
00:51:49I knew I could trust you.
00:51:52I knew I could trust you.
00:51:54I've always said that the fastest way to spread gossip is to swear at your best friend in secrecy.
00:52:04Okay.
00:52:09You want to hear an epic story?
00:52:13I wouldn't.
00:52:16You can't unhear it once I tell it.
00:52:19And you're going to want to break up with me once I tell you.
00:52:24But it's a pretty epic story.
00:52:30Nevada?
00:52:32In here, Mom.
00:52:36Why are you reading in here, honey?
00:52:38The bulb in my room blew and I don't like reading downstairs next to the scary TV.
00:52:42When my sister was born, I would spy on my mother while she watched her sleeping.
00:52:47I've never seen that singular look of love on anyone's face since.
00:52:51So pure. So intense.
00:52:54Are you jealous?
00:52:55Sure.
00:52:57That's some smile, Mom.
00:53:00I'm going to Washington, honey.
00:53:03Friday.
00:53:04I finally got a meeting with one of the Supremes.
00:53:08Ah, it's special.
00:53:11Ah, it's starting.
00:53:13That's amazing.
00:53:15I love that smile, Mom. I thought you retired that smile when Uncle Calvin died.
00:53:20Oh, honey.
00:53:21When you love someone so much, you should always be smiling like this.
00:53:27I remember exactly when it was that I first started loving Uncle Calvin so much that I couldn't stop smiling like this.
00:53:37I was 17.
00:53:40I had a best girlfriend.
00:53:45She was a rebel.
00:53:48I idolized her.
00:53:51She was a great dancer.
00:53:54She knew how to buy the coolest clothes from the vintage shops.
00:53:58And she knew where they all were everywhere.
00:54:00Like the people who know where all the best antique stores are.
00:54:04She got strays and she never did her homework.
00:54:07She wouldn't wear a bra.
00:54:09I bet she wears one now.
00:54:10Oh, shut up.
00:54:12I owned my own car.
00:54:14I bought it with my own money, too.
00:54:17So, after graduation from high school, she decided that we should drive to a music festival in Austin, Texas.
00:54:24Together, on holiday. Just the two of us.
00:54:27There was nothing she could suggest that I wouldn't do.
00:54:31So we decided to drive through Salt Lake City so we could see the Great Salt Lake.
00:54:37And that's where she met this guy, this Mormon guy.
00:54:41She ditched me for him.
00:54:45Well, defiantly, I decided to drive on to Austin alone.
00:54:50I got just outside of Grand Junction, Colorado, and my car overheated.
00:54:54I freaked out because I knew nothing about cars.
00:54:58So, without thinking, I did a U-turn, drove back to Grand Junction, checked into a Holiday Inn.
00:55:07At noon, I bought a six-pack of beer with my phony ID.
00:55:13I bought a six-pack of beer, I brought it back to my room, and had a nervous breakdown.
00:55:20I never cried so hard, so long, in my life.
00:55:25I fell completely apart.
00:55:28And so I did the only thing I could do.
00:55:30I called Grandma, but she wasn't home.
00:55:33Only Calvin was home.
00:55:35Remember, he lived in Argentina, worked for Lufthansa.
00:55:39You even wrote that story, fiction, about him being a Nazi in exile.
00:55:45He played along with his great-niece, providing you with elaborate fake details.
00:55:52And he had that adorable fake accent.
00:55:56Anyway, he just arrived in New York, and he made it to the phone just in time,
00:56:01a split second before I was going to hang up and slip my wrist.
00:56:06Well, I couldn't stop crying, but I got my whole story out,
00:56:10and ended by telling him that I was moving to Grand Junction for the rest of my life
00:56:16because my car didn't work, and I couldn't face coming home a loser.
00:56:22Well, he talked me off the ledge, and he told me to get a good night's sleep.
00:56:27So I ate a chocolate bar and some cashews,
00:56:30and right around the time I got through with my second beer, the phone rang.
00:56:35In Grand Junction.
00:56:38I almost didn't answer it.
00:56:40I didn't know his soul outside of Iris Glen.
00:56:44It was a young priest from a local parish.
00:56:47Calvin found him and asked if he would call me.
00:56:50But I needed a pep talk from a third party I could trust.
00:56:54And that young priest knew his shit.
00:56:58He gave faith to the faithless.
00:57:01That was me, faithless.
00:57:05It gave me all the courage I needed to drive home.
00:57:10And that's the first time I fell in love with Uncle Calvin.
00:57:24Sigh.
00:57:27Sigh.
00:57:54Sigh.
00:58:24Sigh.
00:58:42Wanna break up?
00:58:49I'm the middle daughter.
00:58:52My big sister is going to win a Nobel Prize for medicine someday.
00:58:58And my baby sister, wow, she'll always be a superstar.
00:59:05And my father's dead to me.
00:59:08And to your mom.
00:59:12If you want me to stop, I will.
00:59:15You're cheating on me.
00:59:23How can I be jealous of your mother?
00:59:29What kind of threat?
00:59:38Never mind.
00:59:41I'm in love with you.
00:59:48You'll still make love to me?
00:59:52Yes.
00:59:54It wasn't a question.
01:00:01I'm sorry.
01:00:05I'm sorry.
01:00:11I love you so much.
01:00:16And there's something else.
01:00:21My mother has breast cancer.
01:00:24She's having a double mastectomy on Saturday.
01:00:27And after that she's having breast reconstruction.
01:00:32And then she's going to change the world.
01:00:35Immigration.
01:00:37Oh.
01:00:39That shut you up, didn't it?
01:00:41I'll get back to immigration later.
01:00:43We're going to raise taxes.
01:00:45Oh, they're going through the roof.
01:00:47And we're also switching to a flat income tax.
01:00:50And sales taxes will be raised.
01:00:52But there's an upside.
01:00:54Health care will be free.
01:00:56And we're going to make it free.
01:00:58And we're going to make it free.
01:01:00And we're going to make it free.
01:01:02Health care will be free.
01:01:11Now, we don't have a four-year school within our city limits.
01:01:15But any child who wants an associate's degree from IGCC
01:01:19will be admitted tuition free.
01:01:27And we'll create a scholarship fund for transfers to four-year schools.
01:01:33Four months of paid maternity leave will be guaranteed.
01:01:38And serious consideration will be given to some amount of paternity leave as well.
01:01:45I want all drugs decriminalized, legislated, and heavily taxed.
01:01:53Taxes raised from the legal sale of drugs
01:01:56will be plowed into addiction therapy and mental health needs.
01:02:00I have to determine how to handle the traffic nightmare that will occur as a result.
01:02:05But we'll figure it out.
01:02:09Probably restrict the hours of vending drugs.
01:02:11Maybe the days too.
01:02:19The penalty for rape will be life in prison.
01:02:24Without parole.
01:02:31There are six cemeteries and two golf courses within our city limits.
01:02:38They sit on some of our most fertile land
01:02:43and reside on tracts of Iris Glen
01:02:46that could otherwise be allocated for 6,000 living, breathing, productive citizens.
01:02:54Sorry, sports fans.
01:02:56But cemeteries and golf courses make no logical sense to me.
01:03:01And I'm going to look into closing our local post office
01:03:04and building a fourth hospital.
01:03:06We desperately need a new hospital.
01:03:09School pledges of allegiance will bite the dust.
01:03:13As will swearing on a Bible in a court of law.
01:03:16These are both fascist controlling practices
01:03:20antithetical to free speech and freedom of thought
01:03:23and freedom of religion and freedom from religion.
01:03:37Oh, that's right. Immigration.
01:03:40Everyone is going to want to live here once all of this and so much more is accomplished.
01:03:47If you want to make Iris Glen your new home,
01:03:50you'll have to deposit $400,000 into a local bank
01:03:54and leave it there untouched for no less than five years.
01:03:58We are not creating a welfare state.
01:04:08We don't want nor do we need federal assistance.
01:04:11No federal roads or highways currently run through Iris Glen.
01:04:21I had a lot of time to look ahead in prison.
01:04:26To consider the direction humanity is headed.
01:04:31Global warming may not ebb despite mankind's best efforts.
01:04:38If left unchecked, the world's population will double within 20 years.
01:04:46Our food supply is drying up.
01:04:50Our water supply is drying up.
01:04:53And so is our energy.
01:04:56Cyberterrorism will become endemic.
01:05:02My friends.
01:05:05Iris Glen is going to secede from the United States of America.
01:05:22Doors open.
01:05:25Where were you? You're late.
01:05:27You said you'd be back by four.
01:05:29You're late. You said you'd be back by four.
01:05:32Stuff for Nova. For your mom.
01:05:34Hmm, cute.
01:05:36Mom's going to love your eyeballs out for that.
01:05:39What about bagels?
01:05:41Everything bagels. Spinach, kale, coconut water, banana, mango, smoothies.
01:05:47I'm going to love you for that.
01:05:50Going down on you makes me feel sad sometimes.
01:05:54Your penis is so pretty, but I can't see it or watch it when I'm going down on you.
01:06:00But I know how good it makes you feel.
01:06:06You can open your eyes.
01:06:08I'm myopic.
01:06:11When I'm that close, it's out of focus and it isn't beautiful anymore.
01:06:22I love that you let me kiss you on the lips when I'm doing this.
01:06:25Are you kidding me?
01:06:27I'm not kidding.
01:06:29I'm not kidding.
01:06:31I'm not kidding.
01:06:33I'm not kidding.
01:06:35I'm not kidding.
01:06:37I'm not kidding.
01:06:39Are you kidding me?
01:06:41Your lips taste like raspberry yogurt after I cum in your mouth.
01:06:44That's disgusting.
01:07:10I'm thinking of cutting my hair short.
01:07:14Why?
01:07:40I want you to do me a favor.
01:07:43I need you to speak to that lunatic across the street.
01:07:47About a reporter who's stalking me.
01:07:52That lunatic across the street probably hasn't left his house since we moved in here.
01:07:57Exactly. He could scare the shit out of anyone.
01:08:01You know what? Forget it.
01:08:03I don't need his help.
01:08:06You know what? Forget it.
01:08:08I don't need his pity either.
01:08:26So, you want to break up?
01:08:28What?
01:08:29Nothing. That's what I asked Otto after I told him.
01:08:33Oh, so you're still seeing him?
01:08:35Yes.
01:08:37Okay.
01:08:40Darlene, at the library, I went online and scoured the web looking for a single instance of a positive or enduring sexual relationship between a mother and her daughter.
01:08:53I couldn't find one.
01:08:56Not a legitimate one.
01:08:58Not some porn fantasy.
01:09:01Not a Greek tragedy.
01:09:04And I looked for hours.
01:09:07I actually fell asleep at the computer.
01:09:11I woke up the next morning.
01:09:14The librarian who just left me there sleeping said he didn't want to wake me.
01:09:20Made me coffee the next morning when he arrived.
01:09:24How guilty do you feel?
01:09:28I feel right.
01:09:32You don't feel ashamed of your mom?
01:09:34A lot of people think she's a kook, you know.
01:09:37They do.
01:09:41I'm afraid that she's ashamed of me.
01:09:47I think if you had told me what you were doing when I was your age, I would have flipped out.
01:09:53I would have stopped talking to you.
01:09:55I would have turned you in.
01:09:58Is it even against the law?
01:10:01No.
01:10:06I hate you for telling me.
01:10:14She's alone now.
01:10:17I'm all she has left.
01:10:19I'm all she has left.
01:10:24The first time it happened,
01:10:27for the first time I completely understood how my dad must have felt.
01:10:33Wait.
01:10:34Letting your imagination run away with you can be a good thing.
01:10:38It is a good thing.
01:10:40And the sex is great.
01:10:43There. I said it.
01:10:45Out loud.
01:10:47And my mom's hot.
01:10:49And she's a role model.
01:10:52And she's under so much pressure.
01:10:56And she tries to help so many people.
01:10:59And she's a survivor.
01:11:03And one of her kids died in her arms.
01:11:08In her arms.
01:11:11And if I can do anything to make her feel good, physically or any other way,
01:11:15as her daughter, I have a responsibility to do that.
01:11:27Thank you, Darlene.
01:11:40Are you on drugs?
01:11:42Yes.
01:11:43And I've filched a huge handful of them.
01:11:46They're in a cellophane pouch in my rectum.
01:11:48Oh, I don't believe you.
01:11:50Go ahead. You can check for yourself.
01:11:54You know I will.
01:12:00Mom, are you okay?
01:12:02I'm okay.
01:12:05Remember when I was a little girl?
01:12:09Remember what you used to tell me when I got sick?
01:12:13That getting sick is nature's way of making us stronger and prettier and smarter.
01:12:20You're already prettier.
01:12:22Shh.
01:12:35Shh.
01:12:59I'm sorry.
01:13:02Thank you.
01:13:19Hello, Harper. Sorry to keep you waiting.
01:13:21No worries, Dr. Ellis. I called to ask for a prescription for me.
01:13:25For Valium. I'm out.
01:13:29No.
01:13:30No? Why?
01:13:32Harper, you've used hallucinogenic drugs in the past five years,
01:13:36and I don't live in Iris Glen.
01:13:38I'll see you on Saturday, Harper.
01:14:01Mom!
01:14:03Stop staring at my kids. You're embarrassing me.
01:14:06Oh, I'm embarrassing you?
01:14:09Don't call them that.
01:14:11Oh, is that a new law, too?
01:14:19I'm sorry.
01:14:21I'm sorry.
01:14:23I'm sorry.
01:14:25I'm sorry.
01:14:27I'm sorry.
01:14:29I'm sorry.
01:14:35You were telling me about turbulence.
01:14:40Well, it was surreal.
01:14:43Significant turbulence.
01:14:45You know the kind, when the pilot makes that sudden, scary, stern announcement,
01:14:50flight attendants, take your seats.
01:14:53An entire plane full of passengers, all exhibiting uncontrollable laughter.
01:15:02A dog...
01:15:04A dog on the plane got sick.
01:15:06Took a dump in the aisle.
01:15:08The sight of which made a handful of passengers puke.
01:15:11They had to turn the plane around.
01:15:14Military jets were scrambled, I think,
01:15:16because someone shouted something out as a joke
01:15:20that was construed as threatening.
01:15:22But that didn't for a moment subdue the insane laughter.
01:15:32That was the only time I thought I was crazy
01:15:36to do what I'm doing, politically.
01:15:41To try to change the world.
01:15:45For the better.
01:15:52For the better.
01:16:13I'm growing more accustomed to my new breaths.
01:16:16I can touch them now without getting an inexplicably sick feeling in my gut.
01:16:25I've named them...
01:16:27my breasts.
01:16:32Did I mention Nevada's dating a guy named Otto?
01:16:36Otto?
01:16:40Unbelievable.
01:16:47You really have a lot of pubic hair.
01:16:52Do you ever shave it?
01:16:54Can't.
01:16:56It's one of the town's new regulations.
01:16:59Oh.
01:17:01I'm just fucking with you.
01:17:03Does it bother you?
01:17:05Do you want me to shave down there?
01:17:07No.
01:17:09I'm just fucking with you.
01:17:11Does it bother you?
01:17:13Do you want me to shave down there?
01:17:15Do you want me to shave down there so you can fantasize your fucking ten-year-old girl?
01:17:18You're not going to hit me again, are you?
01:17:22I want to introduce you to my grandma one of these days.
01:17:26I'm going to meet her at the archery range on Thursday.
01:17:30I think she's lonely.
01:17:33She doesn't have a boyfriend?
01:17:35I wish.
01:17:37She's single for life.
01:17:40She did meet a guy on this dating site once.
01:17:43He told her that he started crying at 60 and hadn't stopped since.
01:17:49He was trying to impress her or something with how sensitive he was or some such thing.
01:17:54Isn't Nevada Smith the name of a movie?
01:17:57A year.
01:17:59It took you a full year to ask me that.
01:18:02I knew you know that.
01:18:04Yes, it is.
01:18:06But no, that's not it at all.
01:18:09I was born on my mother's 35th birthday.
01:18:12And Nevada is the 35th state.
01:18:15She's patriotic like that.
01:18:19Your mom was only 22 when you were born.
01:18:22Man, I can't get anything past you.
01:18:26Oh, good one.
01:18:30Okay, good watching.
01:18:48Keep your eyes open.
01:18:52Keep your eyes open.
01:18:55Some of the archers around here, rank amateurs.
01:18:59Keep your eyes open?
01:19:01Is that a joke?
01:19:03You're so cute.
01:19:05Here, like this.
01:19:11Tight, tight.
01:19:13I'm starting to worry about your old grandma.
01:19:17She's been going into the city regularly and hopping on Chinatown buses headed for Atlantic City.
01:19:24Why are you doing that?
01:19:26I'll tell you.
01:19:27Being a passenger on one of those buses is more dangerous than one-eyed archery.
01:19:32A few months ago, I woke up.
01:19:36I couldn't sleep.
01:19:38I watched Casablanca and I got all caught up in the illicit gambling.
01:19:44Bogart turns you on, huh?
01:19:47I was more of a Claude Rains gal.
01:19:52What are you reading these days?
01:19:54How do you know I have a book with me?
01:20:00The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll.
01:20:03Mm-hmm.
01:20:04And Robert Caro's second Johnson biography.
01:20:08I can't poop without taking a book in there with me.
01:20:11I can't poop without taking a book in there with me.
01:20:14I'm like a little boy being toilet trained.
01:20:19Mom seldom leaves the house anymore.
01:20:22Seems like just yesterday when we couldn't get her out of the library.
01:20:27You're worried about her, aren't you?
01:20:31You know, honey, when I was in high school, a hundred years ago,
01:20:36my best male friend was a member of the varsity tennis team.
01:20:42He was the friendliest guy in the world.
01:20:45And he had lofty, spunky dreams, too.
01:20:49But the pressure took a toll.
01:20:53He became an alcoholic.
01:20:56He developed cirrhosis.
01:20:58His stomach became distended.
01:21:00His hair turned white, it seemed like overnight.
01:21:05He became a hermit.
01:21:08It was his vanity, not his illness, that singed his dreams.
01:21:14Did you ever tell Mom about that?
01:21:16Did you ever tell your boyfriend that your grandmother was famous?
01:21:20Why, because your father was one of Hitler's 100 bodyguards?
01:21:24Fame is fame.
01:21:26Before Andy Warhol made everybody famous, there was Adolf Hitler.
01:21:32I would never tell him that.
01:21:35You're afraid he'd spook easily, huh?
01:21:39Fear runs in your family, Bobola.
01:21:43I used to be afraid of being pierced by an arrow.
01:21:46Your mother is still afraid of failure.
01:21:49You can't stand the sight of blood.
01:21:53Yet here I am.
01:21:55Your mother's a local legend.
01:21:57And every month you still menstruate.
01:22:01Your father's fearless.
01:22:03That's why he's a good doctor.
01:22:05That's why he's a good man.
01:22:07Even now.
01:22:09I told Otto.
01:22:10Otto.
01:22:11I know that it grows on you.
01:22:14I told him how you love archery and how you lost your eye.
01:22:17Oh, I wish you hadn't done that.
01:22:19I'm sorry, Grandma.
01:22:22Why?
01:22:25Listen, honey.
01:22:27Okay.
01:22:29You know, I was boy crazy when I was in the army.
01:22:34I was particularly smitten with this one boy, this one man.
01:22:40He knew my whole story.
01:22:42But he wouldn't go out with me.
01:22:44Only with Julisses.
01:22:47But I couldn't stop daydreaming about him, spying on him.
01:22:51One day I was watching him across the barracks from my window.
01:22:56I wasn't thinking.
01:22:58The barracks were dulled by my sexual desire.
01:23:02The double-hung window overhead suddenly dropped like a guillotine onto my head.
01:23:09Instantly I lost the sight of my eye.
01:23:12That's why I'm blind in one eye.
01:23:15You lied to me, Grandma.
01:23:19We each have one thing it's difficult to own up to, right?
01:23:25I shipped home to Germany immediately, my tail between my legs.
01:23:32But it was because of my blindness that I met Grandpa.
01:23:35How did you meet Grandpa?
01:23:37He saved my life.
01:23:39He did?
01:23:42I was rushing to the post office to mail a Dear John letter to that same guy in Israel.
01:23:50Because my peripheral vision was compromised and I hadn't quite adjusted to it yet,
01:23:56I still can't believe it.
01:23:58I ran directly into the path of a streetcar.
01:24:02At the last second a stranger shoved me out of the way.
01:24:05He took me to a nearby doctor.
01:24:09My arm was broken.
01:24:12Afterwards he said I owed him.
01:24:16And when I asked him, you know, what form of payment that would take,
01:24:21he said my hand in marriage.
01:24:24I figured he was right, I owed him, so I said yes.
01:24:29How short-sighted was that?
01:24:31Was Grandpa handsome back then?
01:24:33Nah.
01:24:35He didn't develop good looks until he turned 50.
01:24:39What a fucking story.
01:24:41Why did you think he was short-sighted of you?
01:24:43Because there might have been someone better out there.
01:24:46For me, someone better than Grandpa.
01:24:50And I rushed into marriage just because I owed him my life.
01:24:54Grandma, shame on you.
01:24:57I loved Grandpa.
01:24:59I loved his candy store.
01:25:01He opened that candy store when I got pregnant with your mother.
01:25:06He thought a child would love its father that much more if he owned a candy store.
01:25:13Especially since he was so ugly and all, and so undeserving of me.
01:25:19Honey, buying love is a sin.
01:25:22Especially a child's love.
01:25:25Grandma, shut up right now.
01:25:29You remember those promotional storybook-shaped lightsaber boxes that he used to give us at Christmas?
01:25:34Well, Bubba, I'm fresh out of lightsabers.
01:25:38What's up?
01:25:40I'm going to die soon.
01:25:42I don't have time to waste.
01:25:44You've been using that line on me for over ten years.
01:25:47It doesn't motivate me anymore.
01:25:50Or scare me anymore.
01:25:52Damn.
01:25:54It's about me and Mom.
01:25:57Something's going on.
01:26:00Mom stares at me.
01:26:02Now.
01:26:04Since the operation.
01:26:05Specifically at my breasts.
01:26:08I used to work and run the house topless so it would be therapeutic for her.
01:26:13But now I avoid her altogether whenever possible.
01:26:18I avoid both my parents.
01:26:21And they're amazing people.
01:26:23They're amazing parents.
01:26:25It's...
01:26:27It's killing me.
01:26:29Weren't you always proud of your body?
01:26:32Didn't she always look at your breasts?
01:26:34It was different before.
01:26:37She's not objectifying me, though.
01:26:40I don't think.
01:26:44I don't know what's going on, Grandma.
01:26:47What do you want me to say?
01:26:49This is a catastrophe?
01:26:52Losing an eye is a catastrophe.
01:26:56My father always used to tell me,
01:26:58Don't worry so much. You'll live longer.
01:27:02Old chestnut, but I think he was right.
01:27:05That guy at the barracks.
01:27:07When you were ogling him.
01:27:09Were you looking through binoculars?
01:27:11Now, wouldn't that have been ridiculous?
01:27:16Nevada.
01:27:18I've been proud of my daughter every day of her life.
01:27:23Nothing's going to ever change that.
01:27:27And I believe that what she's trying to do now is...
01:27:35Okay. Okay.
01:27:38Let's go over there to your house.
01:27:41If she doesn't look at my breasts,
01:27:43There's going to be hell to pay.
01:28:05Okay.
01:28:30Thank you for picking me up.
01:28:35You're welcome.
01:29:05Ah!
01:29:35Oh, my God.
01:30:05Oh, my God.
01:30:35Oh, my God.
01:30:53Remember during our last session,
01:30:55You told me that your mother didn't want to have any more children
01:30:58After your sister died.
01:31:00And that you decided then for the first time in your life
01:31:05For your mother to replace what she lost.
01:31:09So what now?
01:31:11Some people all over the world believe in idealism.
01:31:16They have lofty goals.
01:31:19Improbable ideals.
01:31:21They aspire to be good, altruistic people.
01:31:25Gandhi. Mother Teresa.
01:31:28Two out of, what, six, seven billion?
01:31:31You have better odds playing the lottery.
01:31:33For most people, they don't feel the need to set impossible goals.
01:31:39For them, shit happens.
01:31:42It just happens.
01:31:44Mom anticipates calamity so well,
01:31:47She just swats it away.
01:31:50It's still a boatload of pressure, though.
01:31:53Some people respond to pressure in extraordinary fashion.
01:31:57Heroically.
01:32:03Thank you.
01:32:33Thank you.
01:33:03Who am I?
01:33:26Birds.
01:33:29Beautiful birds.
01:33:33They're lovely.
01:33:35And simple to take care of.
01:33:38Simply lovely.
01:33:41Simply lovely.
01:33:44I like that.
01:33:59The night Amy died, the four of us all had dinner together.
01:34:03The survivors.
01:34:06I asked if we could go out for ice cream,
01:34:09And my father asked why.
01:34:12And I reminded him that the tooth fairy showed up right on time
01:34:15After I lost my first tooth, and that this was much more...
01:34:18Dramatic.
01:34:23When I said to my mother,
01:34:25When I said to my mother,
01:34:27Don't let the tooth fairy put you to shame.
01:34:31Or something like that.
01:34:35One of the first things they made me do after I was arrested
01:34:39Was surrender my passport.
01:34:43My passport surrendered.
01:34:47Sounds queer, doesn't it?
01:34:51Your mother and I really did love each other.
01:34:57There's a building in New York,
01:35:01A skyscraper on Park Avenue,
01:35:04The MetLife building.
01:35:06It was once known as the Pan Am building.
01:35:10Pan Am was once the most famous international airline around.
01:35:13It was even the airline of the future in 2001.
01:35:17Did you ever see that movie?
01:35:19Was it in color?
01:35:22Kidding.
01:35:27Airlines used to have their own stores, kiosks,
01:35:30All over town, in every major town.
01:35:34There was one on the ground floor of that building,
01:35:37On that skyscraper.
01:35:39Their flagship store.
01:35:42All of the salespeople used to wear flight attendant uniforms.
01:35:48It was so romantic.
01:35:51So grand.
01:35:57The day I knew we were in love for certain,
01:36:01Your mother and I,
01:36:03Was the day we received our first passports.
01:36:07What pride we felt, being citizens of the world.
01:36:11We practically sprinted to that airline ticket office
01:36:14To buy tickets to Paris.
01:36:17Our first overseas trip.
01:36:21Maybe you didn't love mom.
01:36:23Maybe you just loved 2001 and Pan Am.
01:36:28Maybe yes, maybe no.
01:36:34The night Amy died, I was at a friend's house,
01:36:37On a playdate.
01:36:39And the phone rang.
01:36:41And she answered the phone and listened.
01:36:43And then my friend said she died.
01:36:49For a few moments,
01:36:54I was shaking so hard it felt like forever.
01:37:00I thought that she was mom.
01:37:03And it was all my little sister's fault that mom died.
01:37:08And I was so relieved to find out that it wasn't her fault.
01:37:11And I was so relieved to find out that it wasn't mom.
01:37:16But I loved Amy.
01:37:20I loved my sister.
01:37:26Hating yourself takes so much energy.
01:37:31What was prison like for you?
01:37:33What?
01:37:35Your father being in prison, what was that experience like for you?
01:37:39Like nothing.
01:37:43Like taking a shower.
01:37:46Something you do every day without thinking about it or remembering it later.
01:37:52Wait, once, one day,
01:37:57I thought about when my parents went on a six-week vacation.
01:38:02I thought about how happy I would be when my father came home.
01:38:05I became more excited.
01:38:08Almost giddy.
01:38:10Every day leading up to his return.
01:38:14Did you feel equally giddy
01:38:17about the prospect of seeing him again?
01:38:22No.
01:38:25Why?
01:38:29Because I suppose this time,
01:38:33because I suppose this time I knew he'd be back.
01:38:49I spent hours, days, weeks of my life
01:38:55in slow motion bashing a tennis ball against a wall.
01:38:59I wanted to be the best at everything.
01:39:01Everybody does, honey.
01:39:03Yeah, but everybody settles.
01:39:06My mom doesn't settle.
01:39:14What's wrong with the name Otto?
01:39:17I love him, but really.
01:39:22My first boyfriend at sleepaway camp.
01:39:24You probably don't remember this, but
01:39:26his name was Buck.
01:39:29Everyone made fun of him for his name,
01:39:31but I told him that it sounded like a
01:39:34superhero in a comic book.
01:39:37So he decided he'd actually write
01:39:41a superhero named Buck at camp.
01:39:45And he made me a character in it.
01:39:50I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest.
01:39:53What was your character's name?
01:39:55Judas.
01:40:00We made out.
01:40:03He was my first make-out session.
01:40:07Then his older kids beat him up one day.
01:40:10Not too bad, just cuts and scratches.
01:40:15Bruised ego.
01:40:17And I nursed him back to health.
01:40:19We played doctor.
01:40:21We played doctor.
01:40:23Like, you know, real doctor.
01:40:25You have the best name.
01:40:27I was always so jealous of your name.
01:40:31Judith.
01:40:33Nevada.
01:40:35And Amy.
01:40:37It's getting really cold here.
01:40:39I went to this flea market last week.
01:40:41And you know what I bought?
01:40:43This Boston Red Sox jacket.
01:40:47Oh, Queens.
01:40:52Dad once told me that everyone's life
01:40:55has at least one good movie in it.
01:40:59Not mine.
01:41:02A good movie is one that you can identify with.
01:41:06I don't think anybody can identify with mine.
01:41:11And I can't figure out if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
01:41:16Making a movie about one's life is like living in the past.
01:41:21You've always lived in the present.
01:41:23That's where your fun is.
01:41:27I'd like to live in the future.
01:41:30That's how endlessly curious I am.
01:41:34Most people don't want to rush time.
01:41:36Me.
01:41:39I can't wait.
01:41:42Judith, you know what I realized?
01:41:44What, Nevada?
01:41:46Since you were born October 10th.
01:41:50You were probably the product of a
01:41:53drug-fueled drunken New Year's Eve orgy.
01:41:57Oh, God.
01:41:59Do the math.
01:42:01Because firstborns are usually late.
01:42:03And you were a mom's first.
01:42:05And you were due
01:42:07either September 30th or October 1st.
01:42:11So Mom was late.
01:42:14And you know what else?
01:42:16She probably held you in a couple of extra days.
01:42:20So your birthday would be 10-10.
01:42:24So it would be easier for everyone to remember your birthday.
01:42:30That's how much Mom loved you before you were even born.
01:42:34Judith, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday this year.
01:42:37You always forget my birthday.
01:42:46Is Mom losing her mind?
01:42:49All the surgeries?
01:42:51The politics?
01:42:54Grandma made me watch this German movie.
01:42:59I don't know.
01:43:01I watched this German movie.
01:43:05It's called Even Dwarves Started Small.
01:43:11Mom's fine.
01:43:15She's fine.
01:43:20I am so tired, but I love talking to you.
01:43:26Me too.
01:43:28Stay here till you fall asleep.
01:43:36The single most painful thing about this whole debacle?
01:43:41I was stripped of my license.
01:43:43Whenever I was released, I was forbidden to practice dentistry ever again.
01:43:47To take care of children.
01:43:49I needed to conjure up something else to do with my hands.
01:43:53My head.
01:43:56You miss what's most familiar to you with your sense of touch,
01:44:00more than sight and sound.
01:44:02Sense memory takes care of everything else,
01:44:05but not touch.
01:44:08Most days, most nights, and the weather.
01:44:11You don't care about the weather anymore.
01:44:14A man was not an option, so I became a chronic masturbator.
01:44:19So I stopped reading books, and I stopped going to the gym.
01:44:23But after a few months, I thought I hadn't been rehabilitated enough
01:44:27or sufficiently punished.
01:44:29And those feelings deprived me of sleep.
01:44:32For four days straight, I didn't sleep.
01:44:35On the fifth day, I masturbated someone else.
01:44:38More sleep deprivation.
01:44:41Is that sex?
01:44:44I don't think so.
01:44:48I began making deals with God.
01:44:51If I was the bottom for just one other inmate,
01:44:55then maybe he, God, would let me sleep again.
01:44:58Rationalization number two.
01:45:00I began finger-fucking myself during masturbation
01:45:03to get inured to the pain, to the prospect of pain.
01:45:06But instead, it felt great. What the fuck?
01:45:10I'm an old man now, so no one needed me on the inside
01:45:13or wanted me on the outside.
01:45:15Everyone had their own distractions.
01:45:17You know, I didn't see much rape.
01:45:20Instead, inmates would conduct these whacking-off contests
01:45:24to see who could ejaculate the farthest.
01:45:27Prizes included cigarettes, free tattoos,
01:45:30extra-conjugal visits.
01:45:32Yes, the guards liked to get in on the action.
01:45:37Well, I don't smoke, and the needles reminded me of Nevada
01:45:42and her fear of blood and extra-conjugal visits.
01:45:50Wow.
01:45:53That was the first six months.
01:45:56Then they made me work. They made me take a job.
01:46:00I was planning to retire before all of this happened,
01:46:03but now I'm not finished.
01:46:07I feel incomplete.
01:46:09I will never retire now.
01:46:12But I needed a new trade.
01:46:14My dentistry years were over.
01:46:16So I learned to repair bikes in prison.
01:46:20For six months or so, I worked exclusively with the guards
01:46:23and the warden.
01:46:25They moved around the grounds on bikes.
01:46:27And then I was granted permission,
01:46:29I and half a dozen other inmates,
01:46:31to build a bike path, a lane,
01:46:34to requisition bikes for the inmates.
01:46:39But I would have a new skill
01:46:42that would allow me to get a job,
01:46:44that would allow me to continue to live
01:46:47in Iris Glen after I was paroled.
01:46:54Bikes.
01:46:59I love kids.
01:47:04Nevada.
01:47:07I love you.
01:47:12I'm tired.
01:47:15I'm going to bed.
01:47:21Me too.
01:47:27Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm going to bed too.
01:47:36Good night.
01:47:51What was it that first attracted you to Harper?
01:47:55She was the most beautiful thing I ever saw.
01:47:59Isn't that what first attracted you to Nevada?
01:48:02And also what Harper found attractive about you?
01:48:05Are you kidding me? No.
01:48:08It was my ambition.
01:48:10That was the biggest turn-on for her.
01:48:12Still is, I suppose.
01:48:14And it wasn't the money that went with the ambition.
01:48:16It was something more intangible,
01:48:19more sincere.
01:48:22I was the youngest paid department store Santa
01:48:25in recorded history.
01:48:28One December, I cut school,
01:48:30and I biked to the local mall,
01:48:32and I saw that Santa had called in sick.
01:48:35So I tracked down this woman, this very pretty woman,
01:48:38who worked at the mall's H.R. department,
01:48:40and I convinced her to let me stand in.
01:48:43She was much older than I was,
01:48:45but I made her look good.
01:48:48And the woman who hired you?
01:48:50Older? Probably all of 25?
01:48:54Maybe she wanted to seduce you.
01:48:56No.
01:49:01I never thought of that
01:49:04as a possibility.
01:49:07No, there was no sexual tension there.
01:49:13I don't know.
01:49:16Maybe I missed a wonderful opportunity.
01:49:24Probably not.
01:49:31Good night, Richard.
01:49:45Is Harper going to give up?
01:49:50Aside from the girls,
01:49:54the happiest I've ever seen Harper
01:49:56was the day she threw her hat in.
01:49:59It was the day she threw her hat into the ring
01:50:01at that movie theater.
01:50:03She won't quit. Ever.
01:50:10Good night, Richard.
01:50:29Good night.
01:51:00My mother...
01:51:05My mother was a school crossing guard.
01:51:08Everybody loved her.
01:51:11That's why I wasn't bullied.
01:51:16She signed more senior yearbooks
01:51:18than even the most popular kids.
01:51:21Who else can say that?
01:51:24I don't know.
01:51:28Who else can say that about their mother?
01:51:32Why didn't she have more kids of her own?
01:51:39She thought that would be selfish.
01:51:48I'm going to listen.
01:51:50I need to ask you a question.
01:51:58What color were the streamers?
01:52:07Uh...
01:52:09White.
01:52:14You were a dentist.
01:52:17She's very proud of you.
01:52:21I'm not so sure.
01:52:28We're a family of very high expectations.
01:52:51Mother, would you please get off of that thing?
01:52:54Where's Otto?
01:52:56He's taking stock of his life.
01:52:58He'll be right back.
01:53:06You have a lot of work to do, Mom.
01:53:10It'd only be a distraction.
01:53:13It's only two more years.
01:53:17Grandma's going to take good care of you.
01:53:19Yeah, she'll probably shoot me with an arrow.
01:53:26You're not coming back.
01:53:30You're in love with Otto.
01:53:32Otto. What a stupid name.
01:53:38And you're going to fall in love with Ireland.
01:53:42If your goal was to become a seductress
01:53:44when you're a middle-aged lady,
01:53:46you couldn't have a better teacher than Ireland.
01:53:51Once you're gone, Daddy has to go, too.
01:53:55Really?
01:53:57Yeah. You want to tell him?
01:53:59I need a buffer.
01:54:03He's not it anymore.
01:54:07He'll be a distraction to the cause.
01:54:15But the first time my girls will all be gone,
01:54:20I'm so proud of all three of you.
01:54:28I finally feel like that orphan we sometimes talk about.
01:54:34The next time you come to visit,
01:54:37you will have dual citizenship.
01:54:40That is my personal, private campaign pledge to you.
01:54:46Don't get yourself sick again, Mom.
01:54:49Don't go blind with all that stupid reading of yours.
01:55:16I'm going to miss you, Grandma.
01:55:18I'm going to miss you, too.
01:55:20So much.
01:55:21Take care of yourselves.
01:55:33My friends, Iris Glenn is going to secede
01:55:38from the United States of America!
01:55:43I'm making it sound a lot easier than it will be.
01:55:50And in six and a half years or so,
01:55:53I hope my successor will grab the baton from me
01:55:57and take the lead in making the United States of America.
01:56:04And in six and a half years or so,
01:56:07I hope my successor will grab the baton from me
01:56:11and take the lead
01:56:12and work at it twice as hard as I will to close the deal.
01:56:22So let's put on a show!
01:56:33Let's kickstart something really dramatic,
01:56:36something that gets rave reviews,
01:56:39a hit show that spawns road companies and goes global!
01:56:50Texas has a balanced budget?
01:56:53We have a cash surplus!
01:56:57Vermont has a flag?
01:57:00Well, ours will be prettier and more enduring!
01:57:06If I'm elected mayor in November,
01:57:08I will have 2,190 days to get the ball rolling
01:57:13and to find a worthy successor
01:57:15who will not only make for a smooth transition,
01:57:18but someone who will put our movement over the top!
01:57:24These are not American ideals.
01:57:29These are human ideals,
01:57:32and I will not turn my back on them!
01:57:54Thank you.
01:58:20Hi, Jeff.
01:58:21Hi.
01:58:51Thanks.
01:58:58Got just ten minutes inside that pussy.
01:59:21Thanks.
01:59:22Bye.