Watch Full Movie Online - Heathers - Hollywood English Movie
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00:00:00you
00:01:00a little girl
00:01:03I asked my mother
00:01:05What will I be?
00:01:09Will I be pretty?
00:01:12Will I be rich?
00:01:14Here's what she said to me
00:01:19Que sera, sera
00:01:23Whatever will be, will be
00:01:28The future's not ours to sleep
00:01:33Que sera, sera
00:01:38What will be, will be
00:01:44When I was just a child in school
00:01:49I asked my teacher
00:01:51What should I try?
00:01:55Should I take pictures?
00:01:58Should I sing songs?
00:02:00This was her wise reply
00:02:05Que sera, sera
00:02:09Whatever will be, will be
00:02:14The future's not ours to sleep
00:02:19Que sera, sera
00:02:24What will be, will be
00:02:34Sam
00:02:36It's your turn, Heather
00:02:41No, Heather, it's Heather's turn
00:02:44Heather
00:02:49Sorry, Heather
00:02:51Que sera, sera
00:02:55Whatever will be, will be
00:03:00The future's not ours to sleep
00:03:05Que sera, sera
00:03:10What will be, will be
00:03:15Que sera, sera
00:03:34Dear Diary
00:03:36Heather told me she teaches people real life
00:03:39She said real life sucks losers dry
00:03:43If you want to fuck with the eagles
00:03:45You have to learn to fly
00:03:47I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly?
00:03:52She said yes
00:03:54I said, you're beautiful
00:03:57God, come on, Veronica
00:03:59What is your damage, Heather?
00:04:01Don't blame me, blame Heather
00:04:03She told me to haul your ass into the calf pronto
00:04:06Back me up, Heather
00:04:08Yeah, she really wants to talk to you, Veronica
00:04:11Okay, I'm going
00:04:13Jesus Christ
00:04:24Hello, Heather
00:04:26Veronica, finally
00:04:29I got a note of Kurt Kelly's
00:04:31I need you to forge a hot and horny but realistically low-key note of Kurt's handwriting
00:04:35And we'll slip it onto Martha Dumpchuck's lunch tray
00:04:38Heather, I don't have anything against Martha Dumpstock
00:04:41You don't have anything for her either
00:04:44Come on, it'll be very
00:04:46The note will give her shower novel masturbation material for weeks
00:04:53Think about it
00:04:55Don't think
00:05:03Veronica needs something to write on
00:05:05Heather, bend over
00:05:09Dear Martha, you're so sweet
00:05:14I'm telling you, man, it would be so righteous to be in a Veronica Sawyer Heather Chandler sandwich
00:05:20Oh, hell yes
00:05:22I want to get a Heather and put her on my Johnson just like spinning around like a goddamn pinwheel
00:05:26Punch it in
00:05:38Come on
00:05:59Come on, people, let's give that leftover lunch money to people who don't have lunches
00:06:03Those tater tots you threw away
00:06:05God, aren't they fed yet?
00:06:07Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
00:06:09Oh, sure, pilgrims, Indians, tater tots
00:06:13It's a real party continent
00:06:15Sawyer, guess what today is
00:06:17Ouch, lunchtime poll?
00:06:20So what's the question?
00:06:21Yeah, so what's the question, Heather?
00:06:23Goddamn, Heather, you were with me in study hall when I thought of it
00:06:27I forgot
00:06:30Such a pillowcase
00:06:33This wouldn't be that bizarre thing you were babbling about over the phone last night, would it?
00:06:38Of course it is
00:06:41I told Dennis if he gives me another political topic, I'd spew burrito chunks
00:06:54Oh, Veronica, I'm sorry
00:06:56Betty Finn
00:06:57Gosh
00:06:58Hey, I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to your birthday party last month
00:07:01It's okay, your mom said you had a big date
00:07:04I'll probably miss my own birthday for a date
00:07:06Don't say that
00:07:08You know what? I was looking around the other day and I dug up these old photographs
00:07:15Oh, they're great
00:07:17Come on, Veronica
00:07:19I was talking this morning
00:07:28Oh, great, it was Heather
00:07:30Oh, shit
00:07:33Hi, Courtney
00:07:34Love your cardigan
00:07:35Thanks
00:07:36I just got a last-class limited
00:07:38Like, totally blew my allowance
00:07:42Now, check this out
00:07:43You win five million dollars from the publisher Sweepstakes
00:07:46And the same day that that big egg guy gives you the check
00:07:49Aliens land on the earth and say they're gonna blow up the world in two days
00:07:53What do you do?
00:07:55That's easy
00:07:57I just slide that wad over to my father
00:08:00Because he is, like, one of the top brokers in the state
00:08:03If I got that money, I'd give it all to the hoes
00:08:07Every cent
00:08:09You're beautiful
00:08:14If you're gonna openly be a bitch
00:08:17Heather, why can't we talk to different kinds of people?
00:08:20Fuck me gently with a chainsaw
00:08:22Do I look like Mother Teresa?
00:08:24If I did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the Geek Squad
00:08:31Did you see that?
00:08:32Heather, number one, just looked right at me
00:08:35Does it not bother you that everybody in this school thinks that you're a piranha?
00:08:39Like I give a shit
00:08:41They all want me as a friend or a fuck
00:08:44I'm worshipped Westerberg
00:08:46And I'm only a junior
00:08:55I can't believe this
00:08:58We're going to a party at Remington University tonight
00:09:01And we're brushing up on our conversational skills with the scum of the school
00:09:08Hi
00:09:09Hi
00:09:12So this was called a lunchtime poll
00:09:15You win five million dollars in the publisher's sweepstakes
00:09:18And the same day that What's-His-Face gives you the check
00:09:21Aliens land on Earth and say they're going to blow up the world in two days
00:09:25What are you going to do with the money?
00:09:27I'd go to Egypt
00:09:29With a girl
00:09:31I'd use the money for an end-of-the-world get-together
00:09:34I'd pay my daughter a million bucks to sit on my face
00:09:37And have a riot like the Kentucky Derby
00:09:39That's got to be the most spooky-ass question I ever heard
00:09:42All right, this is important
00:09:43After taxes are only beginning
00:09:45She should pay me, though
00:09:47You go to the zoo and you get a lion
00:09:49And then you put a remote-controlled bomb up its butt
00:09:52And then there's social security, legal fees
00:09:54You push the button on the bomb
00:09:56And you and the lion die like one
00:10:00What?
00:10:06Oh, my God
00:10:08Here we go
00:10:20Oh, my God
00:10:27Oh, my God
00:10:50Hi, Veronica
00:10:52Five keeps the neighborhood alive
00:10:57He wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school
00:11:01If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing
00:11:04Come on, Veronica
00:11:06You used to have a sense of humor
00:11:12Veronica, could you come back here a minute?
00:11:15True friend's work is never done
00:11:18Gross
00:11:20Grow up, Heather
00:11:21Bulimia's so 87
00:11:23You know, maybe you should see a doctor
00:11:26Yeah, maybe
00:11:28Come on, Heather
00:11:29Let's take another look at today's lunch
00:11:32Oh, my God
00:11:47God, Veronica Drolmuch?
00:11:50His name is Jason Dean
00:11:52He's in My American History
00:12:02Hello, Jason Dean
00:12:04Greetings and salutations
00:12:08Are you a Heather?
00:12:10No, I'm a Veronica
00:12:13Sawyer
00:12:16This may seem like a really stupid question
00:12:19There are no stupid questions
00:12:23You inherit five million dollars the same day aliens land on the Earth
00:12:27And say they're gonna blow it up in two days
00:12:30What do you do?
00:12:34That's the stupidest question I've ever heard
00:12:37Who does that guy in the coat think he is, anyways?
00:12:40Bo Diddley?
00:12:42Veronica's into his act, no doubt
00:12:44I don't know, probably row out to the middle of the lake somewhere
00:12:48Bring along a bottle of tequila, my sacks, and some Bach
00:12:54How very
00:12:56How very
00:13:00Come on, Veronica
00:13:04Later
00:13:06Definitely
00:13:11Let's kick his ass
00:13:12Shit, Ram, we're seniors, man
00:13:15We're too old for that kind of crap
00:13:18Let's give him a good scare, though
00:13:26You gonna eat this?
00:13:28And what did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?
00:13:33Answer him, dick
00:13:34Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?
00:13:39Oh, yeah, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes, though, don't they?
00:13:47What did you say, dickhead?
00:13:49I'll repeat myself
00:13:52God, they won't expel him, they'll just suspend him for a week or something
00:13:57He used a real gun
00:13:59They should throw his ass in jail
00:14:01No way, he used blanks
00:14:04All J.D. really did was ruin two pairs of pants
00:14:07Maybe not even that
00:14:09Can you bleach out urine stains?
00:14:12You seem pretty amused
00:14:14I thought you had given up on high school guys
00:14:17Never say never
00:14:20So what are you gonna do, Heather?
00:14:22Take the two shots or send me out?
00:14:27Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
00:14:29First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red
00:14:39Shit
00:14:41It's your turn, Heather
00:14:45Easy shot, Heather
00:14:47No way, no day
00:14:49Give it up, girl
00:15:00God, that was incredible
00:15:05So, what are you gonna do, Heather?
00:15:08God, that was incredible
00:15:14So, tonight's the night, are you two excited?
00:15:17I'm giving Veronica her shot
00:15:20Her first Remington party
00:15:22You blow it tonight, girl
00:15:24And it's keggers with kids all next year
00:15:39Why?
00:15:41Why not?
00:15:43Heather, your mother's here
00:15:45Come on, everyone's arrived
00:15:50Bye, thank you
00:15:52Bye
00:15:54Hey, take a break, Veronica, sit down
00:15:58So, what was the first week of spring vacation withdrawal like?
00:16:03I don't know, it's okay, Gus
00:16:05Hey, kid, isn't the prom coming up?
00:16:08I guess
00:16:10Any contestants worth mentioning?
00:16:13Maybe, I'm just kind of the dark horse in the running
00:16:18God damn, will somebody tell me why I read these spy novels?
00:16:23Because you're an idiot
00:16:25Oh, yeah, that's it
00:16:27You too
00:16:29Great pate, but I got a motor if I want to be ready for that party tonight
00:16:38Corn nuts, BQ or plain?
00:16:41BQ
00:16:46You gonna pull a super chunk with that?
00:16:50No, but if you're nice, I'll let you buy me a slushie
00:16:55So, you know your convenience speak pretty well?
00:16:58Yeah, well, I've been moved around all my life
00:17:02Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas, Sherwood, Ohio
00:17:08There's always been a snappy snack shack
00:17:11Any town, any time
00:17:13Pop a ham and cheese in the microwave and feast on a turbo dog
00:17:17Keeps me sane
00:17:20Really?
00:17:23That thing you pulled in the calf today was pretty severe
00:17:28Yeah, well, the extreme always seems to make an impression
00:17:36Did you say a cherry or a Coke slushie?
00:17:39I didn't
00:17:41Cherry
00:17:48Great bike
00:17:50Yeah, just a humble perk for my dad's construction company
00:17:55You've seen the commercial, right?
00:17:57Bringing every state to a higher state
00:18:00Wait a minute, Jason Dean, your pop's big bud Dean Construction?
00:18:04It must be rough moving place to place
00:18:07Well, everybody's life has got static
00:18:10Is your life perfect?
00:18:12Oh, yeah, I'm on my way to a party at Remington University
00:18:20No, my life's not perfect
00:18:23I don't really like my friends
00:18:25Yeah, I don't really like your friends either
00:18:31It's just like they're people I work with and our job is being popular and shit
00:18:38Maybe it's time to take a vacation
00:18:50Hello, ladies, are you Cokes on the Floor?
00:18:53I'm Veronica, this is Brett
00:18:56Excellent
00:18:58Did you girls bring your partying slippers, huh?
00:19:00It's a party
00:19:02She loves to party
00:19:09Dear diary, I want to kill
00:19:12And you have to believe it's for more than just selfish reasons
00:19:15More than just a spoke in my menstrual cycle
00:19:18You have to believe me
00:19:20It's so great to be able to talk to a girl and not have to ask what's your major
00:19:24I hate that
00:19:32So, when you go to college, what subjects do you think to study?
00:19:40Come on, David, should we get back to the party?
00:19:43We will
00:19:45It's just so hot tonight
00:19:48I can't control myself
00:20:01Oh, Christ, I can't explain it
00:20:03But I'm allowed an understanding that my parents and these Remington University assholes have chosen to ignore
00:20:09I understand that I must stop Heather
00:20:46How's my little cheerleader, huh?
00:20:50Oh, I know everyone at your high school isn't so uptight
00:20:56Come on
00:20:57Come on, Alec, I don't feel so good, okay?
00:20:59Hey, let's do one of the coats, it'll be excellent, huh?
00:21:02You know, I have a little prepared speech I tell my suitor when he wants more than I'd like to give him
00:21:07Gee, Blake, I had a really nice...
00:21:09See, the speech is for Malcolm X
00:21:13I just want to get laid
00:21:17You don't deserve my fucking speech
00:21:21Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads
00:21:26Killing Heather would be like offing the Wicked Witch of the West
00:21:30Wait, East, West, God, you sound like a fucking psycho
00:21:43What's your damage? Fred says you're being a real coot
00:21:47Heather, I feel really sick, like I'm atheropsy, can we please jam now?
00:21:51No, hell no
00:22:04Tomorrow I'll be kissing her robesized ass
00:22:09But tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free
00:22:21You stupid fuck
00:22:24You goddamn bitch
00:22:26You were nothing before you met me
00:22:28You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn
00:22:31You were a bluebird
00:22:33You were a brownie
00:22:35You were a Girl Scout cookie
00:22:38I got you into a Remington party
00:22:40What's my thanks?
00:22:42It's on the hallway carpet
00:22:44I got paid in puke
00:22:46Lick it up, baby, lick it up
00:22:51Monday morning, your history
00:22:53I'll tell everyone about tonight
00:22:55Transfer to Washington
00:22:57Transfer to Jefferson
00:22:59No one at Westerburg's going to let you play their reindeer games
00:23:08Oh
00:23:12Dreadful etiquette, I apologize
00:23:16It's okay
00:23:19I saw the croquet set up in the back, you up for a match?
00:23:24Mmm, thank you, that was my first game of strip croquet
00:23:30You're welcome
00:23:32It's a lot more interesting than just flinging off your clothes and boning away on a neighbor's swing set
00:23:38There's a lot to be said for throwing off your clothes
00:23:41Ow
00:23:43I'm sorry, I'm sorry
00:23:45I'm sorry, I'm sorry
00:23:47I'm sorry, I'm sorry
00:23:49I'm sorry, I'm sorry
00:23:51I'm sorry, I'm sorry
00:23:54What a night
00:23:57What a life
00:23:59They wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade because I was supposed to be this big genius
00:24:05And then we decided to chuck the idea cause I'd have trouble making friends, blah blah blah
00:24:10Now blah blah blah is all I do, I use my grand IQ to decide what color gloss to wear and how to hit three kakers before a curfew
00:24:23Heather Chandler is one bitch that deserves to die.
00:24:33Killing her won't solve anything.
00:24:36I say we just grow up, be adults and die.
00:24:41But before that, I'd like to see how the Chandler puker cuts out.
00:24:49Trust me, she skips the Saturday morning trip to grandma's even when she's not hungover.
00:24:58We'll just concoct ourselves a little hangover cure that'll induce her to spew red, white and blue then.
00:25:07What about like milk and orange juice? What's the up check factor on that?
00:25:13I'm a no rest build up man myself.
00:25:16Don't be a dick. This stuff will kill her.
00:25:26I know we can cook up some soup and put it in a coke.
00:25:31That's pretty sick, eh? Now should it be chicken noodle or bean with bacon?
00:25:37Put a lid on that stuff. You say we go with big blue here?
00:25:41What are you talking about? She would never drink anything that looked like that anyway.
00:25:46So we'll put it in this. She won't be able to see what she's drinking.
00:25:53Let me get a cup, jerk.
00:26:01Milk and orange juice.
00:26:04Milk and orange juice.
00:26:07Maybe we could cough up a phlegm glob or something.
00:26:22No?
00:26:24Oh well, milk and orange juice will do quite nicely.
00:26:29Chicken?
00:26:31You're not funny.
00:26:34I'll be right back.
00:26:38I'm hungry.
00:26:57Uh, Veronica?
00:26:59What?
00:27:01Never mind, I'll carry the cup.
00:27:08Morning, Heather.
00:27:13Veronica.
00:27:15Jesse James.
00:27:17Kelsey, please.
00:27:19You're about Veronica's affection for regurgitation.
00:27:23Heather, I think last night we boasted a lot of stuff we didn't mean.
00:27:26Did we?
00:27:28How the hell did you get in here?
00:27:30Um, Veronica knew you'd have a hangover, so I whipped this up for you.
00:27:36It's a family recipe.
00:27:38What did you do, put a phlegm glob in it or something?
00:27:41I'm not going to drink that piss.
00:27:43I knew this stuff would be too intense for her.
00:27:47Intense?
00:27:50Grow up.
00:27:52You think I'll drink it just because you call me chicken?
00:28:00Just give me the cup, jerk.
00:28:07C'mon.
00:28:20C'mon.
00:28:37Oh, my God.
00:28:40I can't believe it.
00:28:42I just killed my best friend.
00:28:45And your worst enemy.
00:28:47Same difference.
00:28:57What are we going to tell the cops?
00:29:02What, if she can't take a joke, Sarge?
00:29:05Oh, my God.
00:29:08I can't believe this is my life.
00:29:11Oh, my God.
00:29:14I'm going to have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford.
00:29:22I'm just a little freaked here.
00:29:26At least you got what you wanted, you know?
00:29:29Got what I wanted?
00:29:31It is one thing to want somebody out of your life.
00:29:33It's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid trainer.
00:29:37Oh.
00:30:01All right, we did a murder.
00:30:04That's a crime.
00:30:07If this were like a suicide thing, you know?
00:30:13Like a suicide thing?
00:30:15Yeah.
00:30:18I mean, you can do Heather's handwriting as well as your own, right?
00:30:23Right?
00:30:31Yeah.
00:30:36You might think what I've done is shocking.
00:30:39Yeah.
00:30:46To me, though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me.
00:30:52That's good, but Heather would never use the word myriad.
00:30:56This is the last thing she'll ever write.
00:30:58She's going to want to cash in on as many 50-cent words as possible.
00:31:01Yeah, but she missed myriad on the vocab test two weeks ago.
00:31:04That only proves my point more.
00:31:06The word is a badge for her failures at school.
00:31:10Oh.
00:31:12Okay, you're probably right.
00:31:15People think just because you're beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun.
00:31:27No one understood I had feelings, too.
00:31:35I'd die knowing no one knew the real me.
00:31:41I just could.
00:31:43Have you done this before?
00:31:49Any other principal would take the same position.
00:31:52Keep things business as usual.
00:31:54Heather Channel is not your everyday suicide.
00:31:56She was very popular.
00:31:58Come on, Paul.
00:31:59If I let these kids out before lunch, the switchboard would light up like a Christmas tree.
00:32:03I must say I was impressed to see that she made proper use of the word myriad in her suicide note.
00:32:09I find it profoundly disturbing that we're told of the tragic destruction of youth,
00:32:16and all we can think to talk about is adequate morning times and misused vocabulary words?
00:32:22Oh, Christ.
00:32:24We must revel in this revealing moment.
00:32:27Look, I suggest that we get everybody together, both students and teachers in the cafeteria,
00:32:34and just talk and feel together.
00:32:39Thank you, Miss Fleming.
00:32:41You've called me when the shuttle lands.
00:32:43Now, is this Heather the cheerleader?
00:32:46That would be Heather McNamara.
00:32:49Damn.
00:32:50I'd be willing to go a half a day for a cheerleader.
00:32:53God, it's unfair.
00:32:55It's just so unfair.
00:32:57We should get off a whole week, not just an hour.
00:33:00Write the school board.
00:33:02Watch it, Heather. You might be digesting food there.
00:33:05Yeah, where's your urge to purge?
00:33:07Fuck it.
00:33:08Look.
00:33:12Heather left behind one of her swatches.
00:33:18She'd want you to have it, Veronica.
00:33:21She always said you couldn't accessorize for shit.
00:33:25Sorry to hear about your friend.
00:33:27Thought she was your usual airhead bitch.
00:33:30Guess I was wrong.
00:33:32We all were.
00:33:36What a waste.
00:33:39Another humanity.
00:33:48Veronica?
00:33:57Veronica?
00:33:59What are you doing?
00:34:12I'm just so thrilled.
00:34:16To finally have an example of the profound sensitivity
00:34:19of which a human animal is capable.
00:34:22That example is Heather Chandler.
00:34:25I have her note.
00:34:29Now, I'm going to pass this note around the class
00:34:32so you can all feel its pathetic beauty for yourself.
00:34:37And while we do this,
00:34:39I think it's a good opportunity to share the feelings
00:34:43that this suicide has spurred in all of us.
00:34:46Now, who would like to begin?
00:34:49I heard it was really gnarly.
00:34:51She sucked down a bowl of multipurpose deodorizing disinfectant
00:34:54and then smashed.
00:34:56Uh, now, Tracy, let's not rehash the coroner's report.
00:34:59Let's talk emotions.
00:35:02Um, Heather and I used to go out.
00:35:05But she said I was boring.
00:35:07But now I realize I really wasn't boring.
00:35:10It's just that she was dissatisfied with her life.
00:35:16That's very good, Peter.
00:35:26Are we going to be tested on this?
00:35:29You know, we were the same size,
00:35:31and sometimes we could borrow each other's clothes
00:35:33and mix it up. It was fun.
00:35:35I remember I won her, um, a rhino
00:35:38at the 4-H club fair.
00:35:39Oh, you're an asshole. Mute him.
00:35:42You know, we liked the same kind of clothes.
00:35:44Heather, how many networks did you run to?
00:35:46We liked a lot of the same things.
00:35:47It's just not going to be the same here without her.
00:35:49What are you talking about?
00:35:50You hated her. She hated you.
00:35:52Every English class, I look forward to seeing her.
00:35:56Heather Chandler's more popular than ever now.
00:36:01Scary stuff.
00:36:03Damn.
00:36:05Hey, son. I didn't hear you come in.
00:36:08Hey, Dad. How was work today?
00:36:15It was miserable.
00:36:17Some damn tribe of withered old bitches
00:36:19doesn't want us to terminate that flea bag hotel.
00:36:23All because Glenn Miller and his band once took a ship there.
00:36:27Just like Kansas.
00:36:29You remember fucking Kansas?
00:36:31Yeah, that was the one with the wheat, right?
00:36:34Save the Memorial Oat Tree Society.
00:36:38Showed those fucks.
00:36:40Yeah, 30 of those 4th of July fireworks attached to the trunk
00:36:44rained but acquitted.
00:36:46Gosh, Pop.
00:36:47I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend.
00:36:50Oh.
00:36:51Veronica, this is my dad.
00:36:53Dad Veronica.
00:36:54Hi.
00:36:57Son, why don't you ask your little friend to stay for dinner?
00:37:02I can't.
00:37:03My mom's making my favorite meal tonight.
00:37:05Spaghetti.
00:37:06Box of oregano.
00:37:08How nice.
00:37:09Last time I saw my mom,
00:37:11she was waving from a library window in Texas.
00:37:14Right, Dad?
00:37:17Right.
00:37:19Son.
00:37:23Right.
00:37:27Hey, take a break, Veronica. Sit down.
00:37:32So, what was the first day after Heather's suicide like?
00:37:36I don't know.
00:37:37It was okay, I guess.
00:37:39Terrible thing.
00:37:42So, will we get to meet this dark horse prom contender?
00:37:46Maybe.
00:37:48God damn, will somebody tell me why I smoke these damn things.
00:37:52Because you're an idiot.
00:37:55Oh yeah, that's it.
00:37:57You too.
00:37:59Great, Pat.
00:38:00I have to motor if I want to be ready for that funeral.
00:38:08I blame not Heather,
00:38:10but rather a society
00:38:13that tells its youth
00:38:15that the answers can be found in the MTV video games.
00:38:22We must pray that the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio
00:38:26know the name of that righteous dude
00:38:30who can solve their problems.
00:38:33It's Jesus Christ,
00:38:35and he's in the book.
00:38:46Oh God, this is a tragic thing,
00:38:48and sometimes I have a hard time dealing with it and stuff.
00:38:51Please send Heather to heaven and all that.
00:38:53Dear God,
00:38:54please make sure this never happens to me
00:38:56because I don't think I can handle suicide.
00:38:58Fast early acceptance into an Ivy League school
00:39:00and please let it be Harvard.
00:39:02Amen.
00:39:03Jesus God in heaven,
00:39:05why'd you have to kill such hot snatch?
00:39:08It's a joke, man.
00:39:10Jeez, people are so serious.
00:39:12Hail Mary who art in heaven,
00:39:14pray for all the sinners so we don't get caught.
00:39:17Another joke, man.
00:39:19I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times.
00:39:22And I felt bad every time I did it,
00:39:24but I kept doing it anyway.
00:39:26Now I know you understood everything.
00:39:29Praise Jesus.
00:39:30Hallelujah.
00:39:33Hi, I'm sorry.
00:39:35Technically I did not kill Heather Chandler,
00:39:38but hey, who am I trying to kid, right?
00:39:41I just want my high school to be a nice place.
00:39:44Amen.
00:39:47Did that sound bitchy?
00:39:53Veronica.
00:39:55What are you doing tonight?
00:39:57I don't know.
00:39:59Morning, maybe watch some TV.
00:40:01Why?
00:40:04Well, Rand asked me out tonight,
00:40:07but he wants to double with Kurt
00:40:10and Kurt doesn't have a date.
00:40:13Heather, I have something going with JD.
00:40:15Please, Veronica, put Billy the Kid on hold tonight.
00:40:18I'm your best friend.
00:40:23So are we on a nightmare or what?
00:40:26I don't know.
00:40:28Still got to talk to Heather, dude.
00:40:31We're a funeral, huh?
00:40:33That pudwapper just stepped on my foot.
00:40:36Let's kick his ass.
00:40:38Pull off.
00:40:39We're seniors.
00:40:41Goddamn geek.
00:40:43Ah, well, sit and spin.
00:40:47Not no prick.
00:40:52Oh!
00:41:01All right, you piece of shit bag.
00:41:03You like to suck big dicks?
00:41:05Kurt, I don't...
00:41:06Say I like to suck big dicks.
00:41:08Leave him alone, Rand.
00:41:11Ow!
00:41:13Say it!
00:41:18Say it!
00:41:19Okay, okay.
00:41:22You like to suck big dicks.
00:41:24Ow!
00:41:28I like to suck big dicks.
00:41:34I can't get enough of them.
00:41:36Are you satisfied?
00:41:37Don't worry.
00:41:38Rand's been so sweet lately,
00:41:40consoling me and stuff.
00:41:42It'll be really very.
00:41:44Promise.
00:41:46Okay, just as long as it's not going to be
00:41:48one of those nights where they get shit-faced
00:41:50and tell the pastor to tip cows.
00:41:59Is he sleeping, dude?
00:42:01I think so, man.
00:42:03Shit.
00:42:05Come here.
00:42:07Oh, shit.
00:42:08He's fucking crying.
00:42:10Punch it in.
00:42:12Ow!
00:42:14Oh, shit.
00:42:16Count to three, guy.
00:42:18One...
00:42:20Two...
00:42:21Three!
00:42:32When I get that feeling,
00:42:34I need sexual healing.
00:42:36You're right, asshole.
00:42:45What is this shit?
00:42:48What?
00:42:52I'm doing a favor for Heather.
00:42:55Double date.
00:42:56I tried to tell you at the funeral,
00:42:57but you wrote off.
00:42:59Motherfucking Heather.
00:43:04I'm sorry.
00:43:05I'm just feeling a little superior tonight.
00:43:09Seven schools in seven states,
00:43:11and the only thing different
00:43:12is my locker combination.
00:43:16Our love is God.
00:43:19Let's go get a slushie.
00:43:32I'm not belittling the Foodless Fund, Peter.
00:43:34It's just that we're talking teen suicide here.
00:43:36I mean, ask Allison.
00:43:37The number one song in America today
00:43:39is Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It by Ben Funk.
00:43:42Jesus, man.
00:43:43Westerberg finally got one of these things,
00:43:45and I'm not gonna blow it.
00:43:46Great.
00:43:47So Heather gets the front page,
00:43:48and I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.
00:43:51Hi, guys.
00:43:52Came to check up on this week's lunchtime pool topic.
00:43:56Hey, don't worry about it, Veronica.
00:43:58Sit down, huh?
00:44:00That funeral yesterday must have really been rough, huh?
00:44:04Oh, yeah.
00:44:06We were wondering if you had any poems,
00:44:10artwork that Heather did
00:44:11that we can put in the Heather Chandler yearbook spread.
00:44:14The what?
00:44:16Take a look.
00:44:17It's a two-page layout with her suicide note
00:44:20right up here in the corner.
00:44:24It's more tasteful than it sounds.
00:44:27I don't know, Dennis.
00:44:28This stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
00:44:31Like last night, Veronica?
00:44:36Excuse me?
00:44:38I don't get it.
00:44:39I don't get it.
00:44:40What you did last night.
00:44:42Kurt told us of your little date.
00:44:44Yeah, and?
00:44:45I left him drunk and flailing in cow shit.
00:44:48Well, I don't know.
00:44:49He was really detailed.
00:44:52Shut up, Courtney.
00:44:53No, don't shut up.
00:44:54I'd like to know exactly what I did.
00:44:58Come on, Veronica.
00:44:59I'll show you the lunchtime pool topic.
00:45:04What the fuck?
00:45:06Now, I rarely listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly,
00:45:09but he said that he and Ram had a nice little sword fight
00:45:12in your mouth last night.
00:45:13You know what I mean?
00:45:15Ew!
00:45:18That does not have a bitch.
00:45:21Hi, Kurt.
00:45:23Hi, this is Veronica Sawyer.
00:45:26Yeah, I didn't expect to be calling either.
00:45:28I guess my emotions took over.
00:45:31Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted all those things
00:45:33you've been saying to really happen.
00:45:35It's always been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once.
00:45:40I'm sure you can write to Penthouse Forum.
00:45:44Yeah, in the woods behind the school.
00:45:47At dawn.
00:45:49Don't forget Ram.
00:45:58I don't get the point of me writing a suicide note
00:46:01when we're just going to be shooting them with blanks.
00:46:04We're not going to be using blanks this time.
00:46:08You can't be serious.
00:46:12Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.
00:46:15Wait a second, wait a second.
00:46:17Do you take German?
00:46:18French.
00:46:20All right.
00:46:21These are Ichluga bullets.
00:46:23My grandfather snared a shitload of them back in WW2.
00:46:26They're like tranquilizers,
00:46:28only they break the surface of the skin
00:46:31to cause a little blood but no real damage.
00:46:34So it looks like the person's been shot and killed
00:46:37and really they're just lying there unconscious and bleeding?
00:46:42Right.
00:46:44See, we shoot Curt and Ram,
00:46:46make it look like they shot each other,
00:46:48and by the time they regain consciousness
00:46:50they'll be the laughingstock of the whole school.
00:46:53The notes, the punchline, how'd that turn out?
00:46:56First tell me the similarity is not incredible.
00:47:01Incredible similarity.
00:47:05Okay.
00:47:09Ram and I died the day we realized
00:47:11we could never reveal our forbidden love
00:47:13to an uncaring and ununderstanding world.
00:47:16The joy we shared in each other's arms
00:47:18was greater than any touchdown,
00:47:20yet we were forced to live the lie
00:47:22of sexist, beer-guzzling, jock assholes.
00:47:25That's perfect.
00:47:28Let's take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts
00:47:31I dug up to land at the scene.
00:47:34All right.
00:47:36I got an issue with stud puppy.
00:47:38Great.
00:47:40A candy dish.
00:47:43Joan Crawford postcard.
00:47:46Some mascara.
00:47:50All right, and here's the one perfecto thing I picked up.
00:47:54Mineral water.
00:47:56Oh, come on.
00:47:57A lot of people drink mineral water.
00:47:59It's come a long way.
00:48:00Yeah, but this is Ohio.
00:48:02I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand,
00:48:04you might as well be wearing a dress.
00:48:06Oh, you're so smart.
00:48:18Hi, Veronica.
00:48:21Hi, guys.
00:48:24Glad you could make it.
00:48:35So, should I just whip it out, or...
00:48:37Well, I've made a circle on each side of the clearing.
00:48:41Ram, you come over here.
00:48:44Kurt,
00:48:47when you get to the circle,
00:48:49strip.
00:48:51What about you?
00:48:53I was kind of hoping you could rip my clothes off me, sport.
00:48:57Oh.
00:48:59Good idea.
00:49:09Okay.
00:49:11Count of three, guys.
00:49:14One.
00:49:18Two.
00:49:21Three.
00:49:25Whoa!
00:49:27Did you miss him completely?
00:49:29Yeah, but don't worry.
00:49:30It was worth it just to see the look on...
00:49:32All right, don't move.
00:49:33I'll get him back.
00:49:48All right.
00:50:10Ha-ha!
00:50:18Ha-ha!
00:50:41Now!
00:50:49Ha!
00:50:52Hey, I heard it that time.
00:50:54What?
00:50:55Another gunshot from the woods.
00:50:57Oh, shit. Let's roll.
00:50:59Kurt doesn't look too good.
00:51:01Just remember he's left-handed.
00:51:03Keep going until you hit the clearing.
00:51:06Come on.
00:51:12Mother of shit.
00:51:14Call Ed.
00:51:17Hey, I heard something out there.
00:51:20I'm checking it out.
00:51:22Yeah, this is Officer McCord.
00:51:24I've got two dead bodies in the woods behind Westerberg High.
00:51:48Whoa!
00:51:58Whoa!
00:52:00Whoa!
00:52:16Milner, can you hear me? What's going down?
00:52:18Yeah, yeah.
00:52:20I think what I heard back there was just a bunny rabbit.
00:52:22All I got here is a couple of kids making out in a station wagon.
00:52:25Should I pry them apart?
00:52:27No, no, forget it.
00:52:29The answer's back here.
00:52:31There you go.
00:52:33Are they naked?
00:52:46Yeah, so, uh, what's the deal?
00:52:49Suicide, double suicide. They shot each other.
00:52:53Hey, that's Kurt Kelly.
00:52:55Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney.
00:52:59My God, suicide, why?
00:53:03Does this answer your question?
00:53:06Oh, man, they were fags.
00:53:09Listen up.
00:53:11We realized we could never reveal our forbidden love to an uncaring and ununderstanding world.
00:53:17Jesus H. Christ!
00:53:20The quarterback buggering the linebacker.
00:53:23What a waste.
00:53:25Oh, the humanity.
00:53:56So we killed them, didn't we?
00:53:59Yeah, of course.
00:54:02So we killed them, didn't we?
00:54:05Yeah, of course.
00:54:32If we're both, I'm such an idiot.
00:54:38Look, you believed it because you wanted to believe it.
00:54:42Your true feelings were too gross and icky for you to face.
00:54:48I did not want them dead.
00:54:52You did too.
00:54:54I did not.
00:54:55Did too.
00:54:56I did not.
00:54:57Did too.
00:54:58I did not.
00:54:59Did too.
00:54:59Did not.
00:55:00Did too.
00:55:01Did not.
00:55:01Did not.
00:55:02I did not want them dead.
00:55:04Come on, you did.
00:55:05I had a little lab, little lab, little lab.
00:55:08I did not want them dead.
00:55:09I did not.
00:55:11I did not want them dead.
00:55:12Young love, did you hear school canceled today because Curt and Ram killed themselves in a repressed homosexual suicide pact?
00:55:20No way.
00:55:24God.
00:55:27Football season is over, Veronica.
00:55:31Curt and Ram had nothing to offer the school but date rapes and AIDS jokes.
00:55:38Sure.
00:55:40Could we make an ice run before the funeral?
00:55:50If there's any way you can hear me, Curt, buddy.
00:55:55I don't care that you really were some pansy.
00:56:00You're my own flesh and blood and, you know, you made me proud.
00:56:07My son's a homosexual and I love him.
00:56:12I love my dead gay son.
00:56:16How do you think he'd react to his son that had a limp wrist with a pulse?
00:56:22Yes.
00:56:30Dear diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.
00:56:41The most popular people in school are dead.
00:56:44Everybody's sad but it's a weird kind of sad.
00:56:49Suicide gave Heather depth, Curt a soul, Ram a brain.
00:56:56I don't know what it's given me but I've got no control over myself when I'm with J.D.
00:57:03Are we going to prom or to hell?
00:57:06Now, it seems we were in a similar position on Monday when I thoughtfully suggested we get everybody together for an unadulterated emotional outpouring.
00:57:16But no, you took this as an opportunity to play yet another round of Let's Laugh at the Hippie.
00:57:24Pauline...
00:57:25Shut up, Paul.
00:57:27I've seen a lot of bullshit.
00:57:29Angel dust, switchblades, sexually perverse photography exhibits involving tennis rackets.
00:57:36But this suicide thing, I guess that's more on Pauline's wavelength.
00:57:43Well, we're just going to write off today.
00:57:47And on Friday she can hold her little love hand or whatever.
00:57:53Whatever.
00:58:01Attention!
00:58:03May I have your attention, please?
00:58:07This school has been torn apart by tragedy.
00:58:10I'm here today to fuse it back again through togetherness.
00:58:14I want everyone to clasp hands.
00:58:17We need to connect this cafeteria into one mighty circuit.
00:58:21Excuse me, please.
00:58:22Hey, look, here comes the TV crew.
00:58:24Lock your paws.
00:58:27Ms. Fleming, we're ready when you are.
00:58:28Hi there.
00:58:28Yeah, I'm holding.
00:58:30Come on.
00:58:32Let's go.
00:58:32Up here.
00:58:33And we'll be on TV.
00:58:35Let's show them how you feel.
00:58:36Looks like Ms. Flem's on another one of her crusades.
00:58:40Usual success, of course.
00:58:42Come on.
00:58:43Right foot, left foot.
00:58:43Get up.
00:58:44Watch your feet.
00:58:44Let's go.
00:58:45Hi.
00:58:45What's your name?
00:58:46Hi.
00:58:46I'm Heather Duke.
00:58:48Hi.
00:58:49Come with me, please.
00:58:51Come over here.
00:58:52Let's see some togetherness.
00:58:53Is this as good for you as it is for me?
00:58:57No fishnets can win.
00:58:58Let's go.
00:58:59Come on, kids.
00:59:00Come on, everybody.
00:59:02Come on.
00:59:03Come on.
00:59:03Hurry up, Ms. Washington.
00:59:05We can't run throughout this cafeteria.
00:59:07Show them that you care.
00:59:11Greetings and salutations.
00:59:14I'm going to need a VHS copy of all this by Monday for my Princeton application.
00:59:18Uh-huh.
00:59:19This is vicious.
00:59:21Don't let suicide get to them.
00:59:24That thing this afternoon.
00:59:27I'm so angry.
00:59:28It was chaos.
00:59:29Fucking chaos.
00:59:31What are you talking about, huh?
00:59:34I mean, today was great.
00:59:35Chaos is great.
00:59:37Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.
00:59:41Face it.
00:59:42Our way is the way.
00:59:43I mean, we scare people into not being assholes.
00:59:47Our way is not our way.
00:59:49Oh.
00:59:50Tell that to the judge, all right?
00:59:52Tell it to Kurt Kelly.
00:59:53Oh, God, darling.
00:59:55I'm telling it to you.
00:59:59God, you can be so immature.
01:00:01Oh, you kids are making too much damn noise.
01:00:06We beat the bitches.
01:00:07Oh, beautiful.
01:00:08The beaver's home.
01:00:11Judge told them to slurp shit and die.
01:00:15I put a Norwegian in the boiler room.
01:00:19Masterful.
01:00:22And then when that flew, it set off a pack of thermals I stuck upstairs.
01:00:36Because some days it's great to be alive.
01:00:42Do you like your father?
01:00:46Never given the matter much thought.
01:00:51Like my mother.
01:00:55They said her death was an accident, but she knew what she was done.
01:01:00She walked into the building two minutes before my dad blew the place up.
01:01:06She waved at me, and then boom.
01:01:12Dudes, if I get one more request for that big, fun song, I'm going to commit suicide.
01:01:17Playing our song.
01:01:18Here it is, Teenage Suicide.
01:01:20Don't do it.
01:01:23Teenage Suicide.
01:01:25Don't do it.
01:01:26Teenage Suicide.
01:01:28She blew it.
01:01:29Teenage Suicide.
01:01:31Don't do it.
01:01:33That's it.
01:01:34We're breaking up.
01:01:35What?
01:01:36If you can't bring him back, you must know that.
01:01:39I am not trying to bring anybody back, except maybe myself.
01:01:53No.
01:01:56And to think there was a time when I actually thought you were cool.
01:02:01Man, if you can't deal with me now, then just stay home and shoot your TV.
01:02:05Blow up a couple toasters or something.
01:02:07Just don't come to school, and don't mess with me.
01:02:14You'll be back.
01:02:17Me and Martha Dump Truck.
01:02:20Where did you get this?
01:02:22Oh, I just had the nicest little chat with Ms. Dump Truck.
01:02:27Got along famously.
01:02:29It's kind of scary though.
01:02:30Everybody's got a little story to tell.
01:02:33You want to see the canoeing shots?
01:02:36Yeah, I'd love to.
01:02:38I'd love to.
01:02:40It's kind of scary though.
01:02:41Everybody's got a little story to tell.
01:02:44You want to see the canoeing shots?
01:02:46What is this, blackmail?
01:02:52I'll give you a week's lunch money.
01:02:56I don't want your money.
01:02:58I want your strength.
01:03:00And Westerburg does not need mushy togetherness.
01:03:03It needs a strong leader.
01:03:05Heather Chandler was that leader, but...
01:03:09But she can handle it.
01:03:11I think you can.
01:03:14Moby Dick is dunked.
01:03:17The white whale drank some bad plankton and splashed through a coffee table.
01:03:21And now it's your turn to take the helm.
01:03:24What about the photographs?
01:03:26Oh, don't worry.
01:03:28I'll ask you to do me a favor.
01:03:30It'll be one you'll enjoy.
01:03:32And you'll get the negatives and everything back then.
01:03:36But in the meantime...
01:03:38Strength.
01:03:41Here's a little gift.
01:03:44Heather, Heather.
01:04:05Guess who?
01:04:06Heather?
01:04:36Oops.
01:04:47Hello?
01:04:48Hello, Betty. This is Veronica.
01:04:53I don't believe it. I'm winning.
01:04:57Don't you start getting cocky on me now, girl.
01:05:01You know, I really missed you.
01:05:04I know I'm not as exciting as your other friends.
01:05:07That is bullshit.
01:05:09Shoot.
01:05:11Do you know I'm still a virgin?
01:05:13Okay, I French kissed Alice Springer once.
01:05:17It was a total disaster.
01:05:19Shoot the ball.
01:05:25You know, Betty, your daydreams are a lot better than my realities. Believe me.
01:05:31But now, prepare to die.
01:05:34Ronnie.
01:05:51Well, you're not just going to go for those two shots.
01:05:54I mean, go ahead, knock me out.
01:05:57It's the only way to win.
01:06:00It's not my style.
01:06:03This guy's finished last.
01:06:05I should know.
01:06:15Bravo.
01:06:17Bravo.
01:06:21I gotta get home, okay?
01:06:24Okay.
01:06:25Thanks.
01:06:27Bye, Betty.
01:06:29Bye.
01:06:31Betty, leaving so soon?
01:06:33I'm red.
01:06:58The Westerberg suicides were tough on all of us.
01:07:02But we shared the pain of losing three very popular sons.
01:07:07I came into the cafeteria, asked them to hold hands.
01:07:11Isn't that the flake we met at the open house?
01:07:14The burst of cleansing synchronicity.
01:07:16TV cameras happened onto our path.
01:07:19Cleansing synchronicity?
01:07:21Happened onto our path.
01:07:23Cleansing synchronicity?
01:07:25Emotional outpouring of emotion.
01:07:27Outpouring of emotion?
01:07:31Look, there's Heather.
01:07:33It is Heather.
01:07:35Where are you, Veronica?
01:07:37Before a teenager decides to kill himself, there are certain facts that he should know.
01:07:41After all, this is the decision that affects all of us.
01:07:45And there's only one chance to get it right.
01:07:51Get it right.
01:08:03Turn that back on.
01:08:05Can't you see? These little programs are eating suicide up with a spoon.
01:08:08They're making it sound like it's a cool thing to do.
01:08:10Are you trying to tell me it is not a time for troubled youth?
01:08:13Stand up straight.
01:08:14All we want is to be treated like human beings.
01:08:17We don't want to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
01:08:21I don't patronize bunny rabbits.
01:08:23Treated like human beings?
01:08:25Is that what you said, little Miss Voice of a Generation?
01:08:29Just how do you think adults act with other adults?
01:08:32You think it's all just a game of doubles tennis?
01:08:35When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings,
01:08:39it's usually because they are being treated like human beings.
01:08:43Yeah, well, I guess I picked the wrong time to be a human being.
01:08:47Well, you will live.
01:08:55Want some pâté?
01:08:58Hi, everybody. The door is open.
01:09:01Veronica, have you heard?
01:09:03We were doing Chinese at the food fair
01:09:05when it comes over the radio that Martha Dumptruck tried to buy the farm.
01:09:09She belly flopped in front of a car wearing a suicide note.
01:09:14Is she dead?
01:09:16No. That's the punch line.
01:09:18She's alive and in stable condition.
01:09:20Just another case of the geek trying to imitate the popular people at the school and failing miserably.
01:09:25Is that pâté?
01:09:31I said I was sorry.
01:09:33You were out of control.
01:09:34I mean, Heather and Kurt were a shock, but Martha Dumptruck?
01:09:37Get crucial. She dialed suicide hotlines in her diapers.
01:09:41You're not funny.
01:09:43Look, Martha couldn't take the heat, so she got out of the kitchen.
01:09:49Just think what a better place this world would be if every nimrod followed her cue.
01:09:53Shut up. Hot props is on.
01:09:55Oh, shit, yeah.
01:09:57I mean, like, Skipper's okay, but still, sometimes I feel like I'm on that island,
01:10:01and Gilligan can just be so stupid sometimes.
01:10:04Yeah, well, dude, just remember, you know,
01:10:06if it wasn't for the courage of the fearless crew,
01:10:09the minnow would be lost, and you are, too.
01:10:12Next call.
01:10:14Hey, you got the dog catcher.
01:10:17My name is Heather.
01:10:19No, it's not Heather.
01:10:23No, it's...
01:10:27It's Madonna.
01:10:29Geez, no, not that.
01:10:31Hey, babe, I need a name.
01:10:40My name is Tweety.
01:10:43Tweety? Ooh, tweet.
01:10:47God has cursed me, I think.
01:10:50The last guy I had sex with killed himself the next day.
01:10:57Failing math.
01:10:59My whole life is a mess.
01:11:02I was supposed to be captain of the cheerleading team.
01:11:05Oh, man, she knows we listen to this show.
01:11:08Holy shit, well, crucify her.
01:11:11My parents are divorced and stuff.
01:11:17Heather told everyone about Heather.
01:11:21Yes, dear diary, I've cut off Heather Chandler's head,
01:11:25and Heather Duke's head has sprouted back in its place
01:11:28like some mythological thing my eighth-grade boyfriend would have known about.
01:11:35Heather's even doing the old note trick.
01:11:40I've seen JD's way.
01:11:42I've seen Miss Pauline Fleming's way, and nothing has changed.
01:11:48I guess that's Heather's way.
01:11:51And Jesus, what about JD?
01:11:53I can't get him out of my head.
01:11:56Wait, where's Heather going?
01:11:59Where's Heather going?
01:12:01She's going to cry.
01:12:05Fucking child protective caps.
01:12:13Now, where is she going?
01:12:18Heather?
01:12:22What are you trying to do, kill me?
01:12:24What's she trying to do, sleep?
01:12:27Suicide is a private thing.
01:12:31Heather, you're throwing your life away to become a statistic in the U.S. fucking A to D.
01:12:36Now, that is about the least private thing I can think of.
01:12:40What about Heather and Kurt and Ram?
01:12:46Everyone jumped off a bridge with you.
01:12:52Probably.
01:12:55I know.
01:12:57If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host.
01:13:03What do you say we knock up early, buy some shoes, something lame like that?
01:13:08Okay.
01:13:16So it's come to this.
01:13:18Heather Chandler did polls.
01:13:20I want you to do a petition as a favor.
01:13:23As THE favor.
01:13:25You've heard of the group Big Fun, right?
01:13:28That's right. Teenage suicide. Don't do it.
01:13:31Right. Some teeny bop of rag says that they want to play a prom.
01:13:36Now, it could be Westerberg's if we get everybody's John Hancock.
01:13:40I'll get right on it, coach.
01:13:42Oh, a little gift for you. I won't be needing it.
01:13:53Thank you.
01:14:19Heather? Veronica?
01:14:22Color me stoked, girl.
01:14:24I've gotten everyone to sign this petition.
01:14:27Even the ones who think Big Fun are tuneless Eurofags.
01:14:30People love me.
01:14:32You know, you haven't signed yet.
01:14:34People love you, but I know you.
01:14:37Jennifer Forbes told me the petition she signed was to put a hot tub in the cafeteria.
01:14:42And Doug Hilton said...
01:14:44Some people need different kinds of convincing than others.
01:14:47Look, just sign the petition, okay?
01:14:49Don't talk to me like that, okay?
01:14:51Look, if it's J.D.'s idea...
01:14:53He made out the signature sheet and everything, so why don't you just sign it?
01:14:57No.
01:15:01Jealous much?
01:15:06Heather, why can't you just be a friend?
01:15:09Why are you such a mega-bitch?
01:15:12Because I can be.
01:15:15Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
01:15:18Do you think, I mean, do you really think if Betty Finn's fairy godmother made her cool...
01:15:22She would still hang out with her dweebette friends?
01:15:25No way, Veronica.
01:15:27Uh-uh.
01:15:39Wanna go out tonight?
01:15:41Catch a movie, you know, some miniature golf?
01:15:45Just thinking more along the lines of splitting Heather Duke's wrist open...
01:15:49Making it look like a suicide.
01:15:51Ah, now you're talking. I could be up for that.
01:15:54I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.
01:16:02I knew you'd be back, Veronica.
01:16:05I knew it. I was positive. I was sure.
01:16:10It's over, J.D. Over.
01:16:13Grow up.
01:16:15I don't get it. I mean, you were wrong. I was right.
01:16:21Straight, damn it.
01:16:25Come on, come back.
01:16:36Yes?
01:16:38Yes?
01:16:40Your friend Jason Dean stopped by. He seemed very concerned about you.
01:16:44He said that he thought you might try to kill yourself.
01:16:48You have been depressed lately. Oh, he left this for you.
01:16:59Oh, my God.
01:17:02He said that we should keep you away from sharp objects, closed garage doors, chemical...
01:17:09Prescription drugs. Prescription drugs.
01:17:31Oh, my God.
01:17:51To neither love nor reverence wilt thou be kind.
01:17:56And even for hate thou canst but kill.
01:18:00And all are killed.
01:18:04I like it.
01:18:06It's got that, uh, what a cruel world, so let's toss ourselves in the abyss type ambiance, huh?
01:18:15Come on. It's Heather's copy of Moby Dick.
01:18:20Why don't you give it a try, huh? Underline something.
01:18:25Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho.
01:18:28You're a rebel? Do you actually think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel.
01:18:32You're a fucking psychotic.
01:18:36You say tomato, I say tomato.
01:18:40Hold it. Eskimo. Look at that.
01:18:44That's one word. I love it.
01:18:47I usually go for the whole sentence myself, but this is perfecto.
01:18:52Eskimo, you know, it's so, uh, mysterious.
01:18:57Eskimo.
01:19:04Come on.
01:19:08J.D., you are not even listening to me.
01:19:11Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.
01:19:16That knife is filthy.
01:19:19What do you think I'm going to do with it? Take out her tonsils?
01:19:22Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do.
01:19:25If she was going to slit her wrist, the knife would be spotless.
01:19:30All right, how's this? Can you see your fucking reflection in the thing?
01:19:36Tomorrow, someone else is just going to move into her place.
01:19:40That person could be me.
01:19:47There's only one of us who knows how to do Heather's handwriting,
01:19:50and if you think I'm going to write another suicide note, you're wrong.
01:19:53You don't get it, do you?
01:19:55Every society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.
01:20:01Nobody's going to care about exact handwriting.
01:20:15Life sucks.
01:20:21It's perfecto.
01:20:24Jesus.
01:20:26I've got a meaningfully marked-up Moby Dick.
01:20:28What else does a suicide need, huh?
01:20:31Now, if you'll excuse me.
01:20:45Open the door!
01:20:51Eskimo.
01:20:58Heather Duke underlined a lot of things in this copy of Moby Dick,
01:21:03but I believe the word Eskimo,
01:21:07underlined all by itself,
01:21:10is the key to understanding Heather's pain.
01:21:14On the surface, Heather Duke was the vivacious,
01:21:18Heather Duke was the vivacious young lady we all knew her to be,
01:21:23but her soul was in Antarctica,
01:21:27freezing with the knowledge of the way fellow teenagers can be cruel,
01:21:33the way that parents can be unresponsive,
01:21:38and as she writes so eloquently in her suicide note,
01:21:43the way that life can suck!
01:21:49We'll all miss Sherwood's little Eskimo.
01:21:54Let's just hope she's rubbing noses with Jesus.
01:21:59Is this turnout weak or what?
01:22:02I had at least 70 more people at my funeral.
01:22:07Heather?
01:22:12God, Veronica.
01:22:14My afterlife is so boring.
01:22:18If I have to sing kumbaya one more time...
01:22:21What are you doing here?
01:22:24I made your favorite.
01:22:26Spaghetti. Lots of oregano.
01:22:32Dinner!
01:22:35Veronica! Dinner!
01:22:48Dear Diary, Last Entry.
01:22:52No one can stop J.D.
01:22:54Not the FBI, the CIA, or the PTA.
01:22:58He once told me that the extreme always makes an impression.
01:23:02Well, now it's my turn.
01:23:05I'm going to tell you the truth.
01:23:08I'm going to tell you the truth.
01:23:11I'm going to tell you the truth.
01:23:14Well, now it's my turn.
01:23:17Let's see how the son of a bitch reacts to a suicide he didn't perform himself.
01:23:45I can't believe you did it.
01:23:48I was teasing.
01:23:51I loved you.
01:23:54I'm sure I was coming up here to kill you.
01:23:58First, I was going to try and get you back with me.
01:24:03Then I was going to kill you.
01:24:06Then I was going to kill you.
01:24:11First, I was going to try and get you back with my amazing petition.
01:24:19It's a shame you can't see what her fellow students really signed.
01:24:27All right, listen.
01:24:32We students of Westerburg High will die.
01:24:37Today, our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest to a society that degrades us.
01:24:46Fuck you all.
01:24:49It's not very subtle, but neither is blowing up a whole school now, is it?
01:24:57Talk about your suicide pacts, huh?
01:25:02If our school blows up tomorrow, it's going to be the kind of thing to infect a generation.
01:25:09I mean, it's going to be a woodstock for the 80s.
01:25:21Damn it, Veronica.
01:25:26We could have toasted marshmallows together.
01:25:31What does she want, a written invitation?
01:25:34Veronica, dinner.
01:25:37Shit.
01:25:43Veronica, I...
01:25:49I should have let you take that job at the mall.
01:25:54It was just that I was afraid of you coming home late at night, and I...
01:26:02Hey, Mom. Why so tense?
01:26:11Hey, Pop. I need some help with my homework.
01:26:16Not right now, Tiger. I'm a little busy.
01:26:31Veronica!
01:26:50Janie told me you committed suicide last night.
01:26:53Where is he? Where's Janie?
01:26:55We have to talk.
01:26:57Whether you kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.
01:27:01Get a job.
01:27:27Get a job.
01:27:57Get a job.
01:28:27Get a job.
01:28:57Get a job.
01:29:27Rodney, where's everybody going?
01:29:30It's Friday.
01:29:32Shit, I need your damn papers some way.
01:29:35Yeah. You know, these things can get pretty artificial, but at least you get out of class.
01:29:42Rodney, what's underneath the gym?
01:29:47The boiler room.
01:29:56May I see your hall pass?
01:30:03I knew that loose was too loose.
01:30:07I'm a little nervous.
01:30:13I knew that loose was too loose.
01:30:17I mean, uh, noose too loose.
01:30:21Goddamn you, Mom.
01:30:24Like father, like son.
01:30:26A serious as fuck bomb in the boiler room to set off a pack of thermals upstairs.
01:30:33Okay. Let's start by putting the bomb down on the ground.
01:30:42I knew that. I knew that.
01:30:46Okay. Put your hands on your head.
01:30:50You didn't say Simon Says.
01:31:13Let's go! Let's go, Rockwell! Let's go!
01:31:19Let's go, Rockwell! Let's go!
01:31:43W-A!
01:31:46T-E-R!
01:31:48G-E-R!
01:31:49B-U-R!
01:31:50T-U-R!
01:31:51G!
01:31:52G!
01:31:53Minus man!
01:32:12G-E-R!
01:32:33T-E-R!
01:32:34T-U-R!
01:32:35G-E-R!
01:33:39You think just because you started this thing you can end it?
01:34:06I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you, I swear to God.
01:34:12How do I turn off the goddamn bomb, asshole?
01:34:15Fuck you!
01:34:25Shit!
01:34:28It's all over, JD. Help me stop it.
01:34:36You want to clean the slate as much as I do, right?
01:34:45So maybe I am killing everyone in the school, because nobody loves me.
01:34:50Let's face it, all right?
01:34:53The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.
01:34:59Which button do I press to turn it off?
01:35:06Try the red one, all right?
01:35:08Seriously, people are going to look at the ashes of Westenburg and say,
01:35:15now there is a school that self-destructed not because society didn't care,
01:35:19but because the school was society.
01:35:23It's pretty deep, huh?
01:35:27Which red button?
01:35:31Press the middle one to turn it off.
01:35:35That's what you really want.
01:35:37You know what I want, babe?
01:35:40What?
01:35:50Cool guys like you out of my life.
01:35:56Fuck.
01:36:27Fuck.
01:36:41Don't let me impress.
01:36:46You really fucked me up pretty bad, Veronica.
01:36:52You, um, you got power.
01:36:59Power I didn't think you had.
01:37:07Slate is clean.
01:37:22Pretend I didn't blow up the school.
01:37:26All the schools.
01:37:29Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with your life?
01:37:34I didn't blow up the school.
01:37:37All the schools.
01:37:41Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with your life?
01:38:04I didn't blow up the school.
01:38:07All the schools.
01:38:10Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with your life?
01:38:15I didn't blow up the school.
01:38:18All the schools.
01:38:21Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with your life?
01:38:26I didn't blow up the school.
01:38:29All the schools.
01:38:32Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with your life?
01:38:37I didn't blow up the school.
01:38:40All the schools.
01:38:43Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with your life?
01:38:48I didn't blow up the school.
01:38:51All the schools.
01:38:54Now that you're dead, what are you going to do with your life?
01:38:59Veronica, you look like hell.
01:39:02Yeah, I just got back.
01:39:06Veronica, what are you doing?
01:39:09Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town.
01:39:14Veronica, what are you doing?
01:39:17Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town.
01:39:22Veronica, what are you doing?
01:39:25Sheriff in town.
01:39:31Hey, Martha.
01:39:33My date for the prom kind of flaked out on me.
01:39:36I was wondering if you were doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases?
01:39:41Pop some popcorn?
01:39:46I'd like that.
01:39:48Yeah, so would I.
01:39:55I'd like that.
01:40:26Will I be pretty?
01:40:30Will I be rich?
01:40:33Here's what she said.
01:40:37Kara
01:40:41Sara
01:40:47Whatever
01:40:50Will be
01:40:53Will be
01:40:56Will be
01:41:00The future that I want
01:41:05To see
01:41:08Wow, wow, wow, will
01:41:13Guess or I
01:41:16Guess or I
01:41:19Guess or I
01:41:24When I grew up and fell in love
01:41:30I asked my lover, what will I be?
01:41:37Will I be rich?
01:41:40Day after day
01:41:43Here's how my love explained
01:41:47Kara
01:41:51Guess or I
01:41:54Guess or I
01:41:57Whatever
01:42:00Will be
01:42:03Will be
01:42:06Will be
01:42:12Guess or I
01:42:15Guess or I
01:42:19Whatever
01:42:22Will be
01:42:25Will be
01:42:28Will be
01:42:31The future that I want to see
01:42:37The future that I want to see
01:42:46Guess or I
01:42:49Guess or I
01:42:52Guess or I
01:42:55Guess or I
01:42:58Guess or I
01:43:01Guess or I
01:43:34you