Mr Lovejoy, a struggling actor-manager returns to a small provincial town with plans to put on a show.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00And Robbie Vincent.
00:01:00Come to the happy drum, come to the show Just like a horse from home, that's where
00:01:27we're going to be a horse and be a flame We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:01:34We can do more than a horse of our own You should sing this piano as you're home from
00:01:43home And stop and look and listen to the happy
00:01:44drum Sing this piano as you're home from home
00:01:45We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:08We can do more than a horse of our own You should sing this piano as you're home from
00:02:09home We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:10We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:11We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:12We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:13We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:14We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:15We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:16We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:17We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:18We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:19We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:20We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:21We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:22We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:23We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:24We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:25We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:26We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:27We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:28We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:29We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:30We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:31We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:32We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:33We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:34We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:35We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:36We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:37We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:38We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:39We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:40We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:41We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:42We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:43We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:44We'll guarantee that you'll be full of praise
00:02:45arriving in town ahead of me company
00:02:47with no money for a room or for the posters I'd ordered
00:02:51or to pay for the theatre I'd rented
00:02:54Those were the days
00:03:00Looks like a ham act to me
00:03:01I knew it wasn't kosher
00:03:15My good man have you seen my chauffeur?
00:03:28Eh?
00:03:29My car was to meet me here, the large one
00:03:31Oh I haven't seen it sir
00:03:33Dear dear, and the mare waiting
00:03:35Beastly boy are these receptions
00:03:37Aye
00:03:38My valet and secretary will follow later
00:03:41You might tell them where I am
00:03:43Ma'am, mustn't keep the mayor waiting.
00:03:46Oh, no, sir.
00:03:47I'll order a taxi for myself.
00:03:49Thank you, sir.
00:03:50No, my man, thank you.
00:04:14Hey, I am pleased to see you again.
00:04:16I suppose you've come to pay that little old bill, haven't you?
00:04:19Bill?
00:04:20I'll get it for you.
00:04:21You stay here.
00:04:26Made a mistake that time, laddie.
00:04:30Both of us.
00:04:44No prose, not in my house.
00:04:52Oh!
00:04:53Perhaps you've heard of me.
00:04:54You're right, I have.
00:05:14Mrs. Bain.
00:05:18That'll take a rare bit of doing.
00:05:22Oh, well.
00:05:34Well, my dear, can I have my old room?
00:05:38Not good.
00:05:40My dear Mrs. Bain, remember me?
00:05:44That's worse.
00:05:45She will.
00:05:47Hello, hello, just popped in to see her.
00:06:03Ah, Mrs. Bain.
00:06:04I saw you coming, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:06:06And you came yourself to welcome me.
00:06:08The open door of hospitality.
00:06:10As I always say, old friends are best.
00:06:13Not so much of the old.
00:06:15Younger than ever, my dear, and as charming as always.
00:06:18Well, here I am, back in town and on your doorstep.
00:06:22Like the bad penny, eh?
00:06:25You haven't forgotten me.
00:06:26You?
00:06:27Not me, I remember things.
00:06:29Like elephants.
00:06:30I mean, nicely put.
00:06:32Well?
00:06:33Yes.
00:06:35You've made it home, sweet home.
00:06:37You've made yourself at home.
00:06:39Just like old times, eh?
00:06:41Not quite.
00:06:42Things have changed.
00:06:43Changed?
00:06:44Outside.
00:06:45I'll show you.
00:06:48Look, down there.
00:06:50I can't see anything?
00:06:51Look hard, you will.
00:06:55Nay, damn it, missus.
00:06:57See now?
00:06:58Nowt.
00:06:59You're out.
00:07:00But my things.
00:07:01They're in.
00:07:02But.
00:07:03And here they stay.
00:07:04You can have them when you pay me what you owe me from last time and not before.
00:07:07This is an outrage.
00:07:08Home, sweet home, remember?
00:07:10Oh, my poor foot.
00:07:12Oh, poor man, it must hurt you.
00:07:14It does.
00:07:15Well.
00:07:17Goodbye, my dear.
00:07:19I'll see you later.
00:07:20A lot of business to attend to, you know.
00:07:25Well, at least it's better than having to carry those blinking suitcases.
00:07:33Well, I'll see you later.
00:08:03Sounds like mice.
00:08:06Let me tell you I'm not mice, because if I was mice, I'd like cheese and I don't like cheese, so.
00:08:13So you're not mice, then what are you doing in that hole?
00:08:15Mr. Jones told me to get in there.
00:08:17I'm not a mouse.
00:08:18I'm a cat.
00:08:19I'm a cat.
00:08:20I'm a cat.
00:08:21I'm a cat.
00:08:22I'm a cat.
00:08:23I'm a cat.
00:08:24I'm a cat.
00:08:25I'm a cat.
00:08:26I'm a cat.
00:08:27I'm a cat.
00:08:28I'm a cat.
00:08:29I'm a cat.
00:08:30I'm a cat.
00:08:31I'm a cat.
00:08:31I'm a cat.
00:08:32I'm a cat.
00:08:33I'm a cat.
00:08:34I'm a cat.
00:08:35I'm a cat.
00:08:36I'm a cat.
00:08:37I'm a cat.
00:08:38I'm a cat.
00:08:43I'm a cat.
00:08:45Now,
00:08:49what's
00:08:52he doing in there?
00:08:53Well, what sounds like a hole to Mr. Jones.
00:08:56Mr. Jones told me to go through the stock, and I got stuck.
00:08:59All right.
00:09:00He just draws my wages.
00:09:02And what do you do?
00:09:02I do all his work.
00:09:04Now listen, unconscious, where is Mr. Jones?
00:09:06He's Mr. Jones!
00:09:07But you just told...
00:09:08But it's his son's, my boss!
00:09:10And where's he?
00:09:11Gone to his grandson's wedding and left me in charge of the shop.
00:09:15You in charge?
00:09:16That's easier.
00:09:17I've called for my posters.
00:09:19Are they ready?
00:09:20Are they ready? I'm asking you!
00:09:22And I'm telling you!
00:09:23I don't even know ya!
00:09:25I am Mr. Lovejoy!
00:09:27The actor?
00:09:28Yes, sir, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:09:29All your posters are ready, sir.
00:09:31If I can find them.
00:09:33Idiot's delight.
00:09:34Ah, here they are!
00:09:39Right, I'll take them with me.
00:09:40No, twelve and ninepence, DFCO.
00:09:43DFCO? What's that?
00:09:44Deliver for cash only.
00:09:45Ah, that's very good.
00:09:46Well, here's a theatre pass.
00:09:48Come and see me act and you can collect the money.
00:09:50TNGI.
00:09:51And what's TNGI?
00:09:52Try and get it.
00:09:54Oh, but the boss said unless he pays all he owes,
00:09:56don't give the posters to that low-down stage comic.
00:09:59Comic?
00:10:00I'm a tragedian.
00:10:02I called you a lot of things,
00:10:03but what you said wasn't amongst them.
00:10:05And those are my posters?
00:10:06Yes, I'll show you.
00:10:08Hmm, not too bad.
00:10:10Not too bad.
00:10:12That's no use.
00:10:13No use?
00:10:14I can't use that.
00:10:15You printed them upside down.
00:10:17Hee, so I did.
00:10:19So you're to blame.
00:10:20What a waste of time, labour and material.
00:10:23Wait until the boss sees this.
00:10:25I wouldn't like to be in your shoes.
00:10:27Neither would I.
00:10:28Goodbye, laddie.
00:10:31Mr. Lovejoy, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:10:34You take him.
00:10:35They're no use to me.
00:10:36Please, Mr. Lovejoy, then he won't know
00:10:38and I won't get the sack.
00:10:40Well, all right, my lad, but only as a favour to you.
00:10:43Thank you, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:10:45I'll remember you for this.
00:10:46I'm sure you will.
00:10:51Grand chap, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:10:53He got me out of a bit of a mess he did.
00:10:56And so you let him talk into giving him the posters.
00:10:58Oh, but Mr. Jones.
00:10:59And he didn't pay.
00:11:02You're a brainless nincompoop.
00:11:03You can blame Lovejoy for being out of a job.
00:11:05Eh?
00:11:05You're fired.
00:11:06What will my auntie say?
00:11:07It's all that Lovejoy's fault.
00:11:09Maybe he'll hire you.
00:11:11That's right, he might.
00:11:13Hee, it seems like fate.
00:11:14I'm going on the stage.
00:11:16The chance has come.
00:11:17Whoopee, ta-da, Mr. Jones.
00:11:20Crackers, good riddance.
00:11:22Let me tell you.
00:11:24Now, don't you start that.
00:11:26You're a man of the world, my dear Bigglestuff.
00:11:29And as editor of the community's one newspaper,
00:11:33shall we say its leading newspaper.
00:11:37You, sir, are a molder of, well, public opinion.
00:11:43Get to the point.
00:11:45To be brief, I want you to attend my opening
00:11:47night as my guest.
00:11:49To be briefer still, you want some free publicity.
00:11:50Publicity?
00:11:51Me, sir?
00:11:52I hate it.
00:11:53I'm an artist.
00:11:54Let me tell you.
00:11:55Where have I heard that before?
00:11:56I've been running this paper for the last 30 years,
00:11:58and it's always the same line of gab.
00:12:00My policy is no free publicity.
00:12:02Here in Northwest Hampton, we've had some real actors.
00:12:05I've been insulted.
00:12:06And I've been given the sack.
00:12:08Ah, deadly nightshade.
00:12:10They said you were here, Mr. Lovejoy, and I want to ask you.
00:12:12If I can find something for you to do, of course I can.
00:12:15Excuse this interruption.
00:12:16It's a pleasure.
00:12:17Not another word there.
00:12:18The posters, you mean you want me to?
00:12:20Stick them up, exactly.
00:12:21You mean?
00:12:21Now, run along, gumboil.
00:12:23I'll see you later.
00:12:24Oh, thank you, sir.
00:12:25Won't me auntie be pleased?
00:12:26Goodbye, all.
00:12:28My new assistant.
00:12:29I'd like to break, I'd like to break him in.
00:12:31Always believe in giving local lads a break.
00:12:34That's why I came to see you for advice.
00:12:36Advice?
00:12:37Confidential advice.
00:12:39This is my goodbye to the provinces.
00:12:41Next season, I shall be in London.
00:12:43Not for publication, mind you.
00:12:44The London newspapers haven't got this yet.
00:12:47I understand.
00:12:48The point is, I must have fresh talent to take with me.
00:12:51But I haven't time to find it.
00:12:53I can't go searching.
00:12:54Well, how can I help you?
00:12:55Well, you know everybody hereabouts.
00:12:58You might suggest some worth giving a try.
00:13:00I see.
00:13:01It's a golden opportunity.
00:13:03Fame and fortune waits for someone,
00:13:05if only we can find them.
00:13:06I'll give it a thought.
00:13:07I knew you would.
00:13:09Thanks so much, Mr. Bigglestaff.
00:13:11I won't detain you any longer.
00:13:13Goodbye.
00:13:13Goodbye.
00:13:16Hello?
00:13:17Hello, Ed?
00:13:18Hold me some space.
00:13:19I've got a front-page story for tomorrow.
00:13:27Enoch the Gump.
00:13:41They say they love you.
00:13:42But, Enoch, maybe he's so dumb, he's clever.
00:13:45Makes people notice him more being bottom-side up.
00:13:49It's a very good show.
00:13:50I enjoyed it myself.
00:13:53All that I dream of is you.
00:13:58All that I want...
00:14:00Ah!
00:14:01Mrs. Bain!
00:14:01Mrs. Bain!
00:14:03Mrs. Bain!
00:14:04Mrs. Bain!
00:14:06Oh!
00:14:07Mrs. Bain!
00:14:08He's here!
00:14:08He's here!
00:14:09He's here!
00:14:10He's walking up the street!
00:14:11And he's over there!
00:14:12And he's here!
00:14:13And he's here!
00:14:14So, Mrs. Bain, would you like a hand?
00:14:15Here, take this.
00:14:17Go on.
00:14:18Go on.
00:14:27You, too?
00:14:29You would.
00:14:37I must get those back somehow.
00:14:49Oh, Mr. Lovejoy, this is a surprise.
00:14:52It is and all.
00:14:53Oh, do come in.
00:14:55Eh?
00:14:56I'm that pleased to see you, you can't imagine.
00:14:59No, I can't.
00:15:04Ghosts.
00:15:05Your bag is unpacked and everything's put away,
00:15:07and you've had your same old room.
00:15:09Eh?
00:15:09Oh, you must be wore out, so busy.
00:15:11You'll need a bit of rest.
00:15:13I'll bring you tea up in a jiffy.
00:15:14I don't just...
00:15:15Uncle Jimmy!
00:15:15Oh, the epidemic.
00:15:17Oh, hello, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:15:18I told me auntie that you gave me a job.
00:15:20So that's it, eh?
00:15:21Ah, the little darling.
00:15:22The late sister's boy, and we're so proud of him.
00:15:24I'm grateful, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:15:26I feel I can't be doing too much for you.
00:15:28Oh, I look like being stuck with this.
00:15:30Anything you'd like me to do now, Mr. Lovejoy?
00:15:32Yes, my little nightmare.
00:15:33Take a long walk on a short pier.
00:15:40Oh, rubbish!
00:15:41Bah!
00:15:42Disgraceful!
00:15:43Outrageous poppycock!
00:15:45What is, Poppycock?
00:15:46What is, Poppa?
00:15:47Theatrical crap-trap!
00:15:48Cheap publicity!
00:15:49Dearly, dear.
00:15:50Such language, and breakfast.
00:15:52So bad for your ulcers.
00:15:54Mrs. Mosse, if you please,
00:15:56I shall enjoy breakfast in my own way,
00:15:59and lunch, and dinner, and my ulcers.
00:16:02But in front of Bunty.
00:16:04Oh, I don't mind.
00:16:05I'm only saying it for our daughter's own good.
00:16:07She may have silly ideas about the stage.
00:16:09I love the stage.
00:16:11As a girl, they said I made a lovely Juliet.
00:16:14Who?
00:16:15Amateur, of course.
00:16:17Bah!
00:16:18The theater is a sink of iniquity.
00:16:19It is!
00:16:20Bah!
00:16:21Dear, you're upsetting yourself and everything else.
00:16:23I repeat, bah!
00:16:25And I shall be late for the office.
00:16:27John, dear, remember your indigestion.
00:16:29Don't remind me!
00:16:33Opportunity for local talent.
00:16:35Oh, boy, oh, boy.
00:16:38No publicity, eh?
00:16:40That'll teach Mr. Editor Bigglestaff a lesson.
00:16:43Enoch, my lad.
00:16:45Live and learn.
00:16:46There's more ways than one of skinning a mouse.
00:16:49But, Mr. Lovejoy, do you want to skin mice?
00:16:52Oh, never mind, Quicksilver.
00:16:59They'll get in your hair!
00:17:01What, mice?
00:17:02No, people.
00:17:03They'll chase you.
00:17:04They'll want to recite to you.
00:17:06They won't leave you alone.
00:17:07Millions of them.
00:17:08In this town, millions?
00:17:09Anyway, dozens.
00:17:11Do you think I'm daft?
00:17:12Yes, sir.
00:17:13I mean, no, sir.
00:17:14Listen, morning glory.
00:17:15They'll all want to show me what they can do.
00:17:18But I won't have time.
00:17:20I shall be too busy with my plays.
00:17:23Still, I can let them walk on as supers,
00:17:27and that will give me a chance of seeing their ability.
00:17:29If they wear the proper costumes.
00:17:35My dear child, this is a monologue, not a catalogue.
00:17:39As I was saying, I'll be doing them a favor.
00:17:42They will be gaining valuable stage experience,
00:17:45and they won't expect any wages.
00:17:48Understand, little buttercup, now, eh?
00:17:51You may enter.
00:17:54I hope I don't intrude, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:17:56I've come for the try.
00:17:58Have you had enough breakfast?
00:17:59Yes, thank you.
00:18:00Take it away.
00:18:03Awkward, aren't I?
00:18:07Morning, sir.
00:18:09I've brought you hot water.
00:18:11Thank you, my dear.
00:18:13Your pantaloons, Mr. Lovejoy, all pressed and sponged lovely.
00:18:18Hey, that's proper champion.
00:18:24Girls!
00:18:26Well?
00:18:36Who is this Lovejoy, dear?
00:18:38Great stage actor he is.
00:18:40Dramatic.
00:18:41He's played before crowned heads of Europe.
00:18:43Opens here this week.
00:18:44Of course, he never eats in this place.
00:18:46He's too posh.
00:18:47But I want to see him play Othello.
00:18:49He was ducky.
00:18:51Nice publicity.
00:18:53He seems to have a good record.
00:18:55Where's the porter?
00:18:56Where's my big head?
00:18:57Who's that? What's she like?
00:18:58She looks foreign.
00:18:59Tall, dark, slim.
00:19:00Looks like an actress.
00:19:01No, old and fat and looks like a schoolteacher.
00:19:05For a minute, I thought she...
00:19:07Another cup of coffee, sir?
00:19:08Well...
00:19:11No, second thought, better not.
00:19:14Thank you, sir.
00:19:16Which way to the theater?
00:19:18Down the main road on your left.
00:19:19Are you going to be there?
00:19:21You never can tell.
00:19:26Oh, I wish I was an actress.
00:19:29I wish I was still an actress.
00:19:31Oh, Connie, I wish I was back on the stage in London.
00:19:35Not likely.
00:19:36Not there for old crooks like us.
00:19:38I used to sing.
00:19:39Go on, you never.
00:19:40I did.
00:19:41And I used to play one of these.
00:19:43Oh, well, never mind, ducks.
00:19:45You'll soon be playing one again.
00:19:48I say, Connie, do you think I could have a go on it?
00:19:51Well, you can't do no harm.
00:19:53Play something classical.
00:19:56Something sentimental.
00:20:06Come on.
00:20:32Come on, darling, look at Muriel on her toes.
00:20:37Come on.
00:20:38Come on.
00:20:39Come on.
00:20:40Come on.
00:20:41Come on.
00:20:42Come on.
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00:21:00Come on.
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00:22:00Come on.
00:22:01Come on.
00:22:02Come on.
00:22:03Bring high the hams 1,000 for the countryside.
00:22:051,000?
00:22:06Well, we haven't any hams so come on girls.
00:22:11What'll I do when I get to the theater Mr. Lovejoy?
00:22:13The first thing you do is to wake up.
00:22:15I'm not asleep.
00:22:16I haven't slept for days.
00:22:17How's that?
00:22:18I sleep at night.
00:22:19There's the theater.
00:22:20I would have preferred to go in, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:22:21No, stage door.
00:22:22Look!
00:22:23I told you so.
00:22:24What'll you do, Mr. Lovejoy?
00:22:26leave her to you, my boy.
00:22:27To me?
00:22:29Yes, they'll be busy in the front of the house.
00:22:31You take their names and the addresses,
00:22:32I will, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:22:34No, I tell you, you'll have to wait until Mr. Lovejoy gets here.
00:22:37I know nothing about it.
00:22:38I know nothing about it.
00:22:41Come on, all of you.
00:22:43Get in line there, can't you?
00:22:45Come on, get in some sort of queue.
00:22:46Come on, now.
00:22:47Oh, not now.
00:22:48Wait a minute.
00:22:49Come on.
00:22:50Come on, now, all of you.
00:22:51Get in the queue.
00:22:52Come on, now, get in.
00:22:53Oh, Mr. Lovejoy, please.
00:22:54No.
00:22:55No what?
00:22:56What you said.
00:22:57But I didn't.
00:22:58But I'm not.
00:22:59Oh, you're crazy, talking to yourself.
00:23:00I would be if I listened, but I don't.
00:23:02Goodbye.
00:23:04Enough.
00:23:05I can't stop now.
00:23:06Too busy.
00:23:07Hey, wait, lady.
00:23:08We're all ahead of you.
00:23:09Yes, but I've got to.
00:23:10Come on, get in line.
00:23:11Yes, but I've got to.
00:23:12End of the queue, see?
00:23:14Hey, now, that's your place.
00:23:16It's behind me.
00:23:17You shouldn't behave like that.
00:23:18You know, people won't like you.
00:23:19But I've got to go in there.
00:23:20So have we all.
00:23:25Oh, what'll I do?
00:23:27You'll wait like the rest of us.
00:23:29How long?
00:23:30Until that Mr. Lovejoy comes.
00:23:31Suppose Mr. Lovejoy doesn't come.
00:23:32Then he'll send his assistant or somebody
00:23:34to take charge of things.
00:23:35No.
00:23:36And I thought you were Mr. Lovejoy.
00:23:38Ridiculous, wasn't it?
00:23:39Yes, I'm not.
00:23:40I'm his assistant.
00:23:41You are?
00:23:42Yes.
00:23:43Didn't think I'd have to wait in the queue.
00:23:44Oh, listen, mister.
00:23:45My name's Bunty.
00:23:46Bunty Smith.
00:23:48Smith.
00:23:49You know, with an S.
00:23:50A dress?
00:23:51What?
00:23:52Where do you live?
00:23:53I don't.
00:23:54What do you do?
00:23:55Sing.
00:23:56Sing?
00:23:57Sing.
00:23:58What do you do?
00:23:59Sing, dance.
00:24:00Anything.
00:24:01Look.
00:24:02I'll show you.
00:24:08Yes, Bunty.
00:24:09I'd sing if I had some music.
00:24:11What's the big idea?
00:24:12Why don't you save it, honey?
00:24:13Here's Mr. Lovejoy's assistant.
00:24:15He's in charge.
00:24:17Fine.
00:24:18Yes.
00:24:19Let's see what you can do.
00:24:20Columbus discovered America.
00:24:22And Neptune found the sea.
00:24:24And here am I.
00:24:26Try, try, trying.
00:24:27But nobody discovers me.
00:24:29Eve caught Adam in the Garden of Eden
00:24:31with an apple on a tree.
00:24:33And here am I.
00:24:34Cry, cry, crying.
00:24:36But nobody discovers me.
00:24:38Kick high.
00:24:39Kick slow.
00:24:40Take a hot note.
00:24:41Swing it low.
00:24:42For the thing that you give well
00:24:43has got to have plenty of rhythm.
00:24:45As you know.
00:24:47Dickfield created the glamour girl.
00:24:49A swell job, you'll agree.
00:24:51Oh me, oh my.
00:24:52Here am I.
00:24:53But vitamins ain't to see.
00:24:55But nobody discovers me.
00:24:57Disney discovered the seven dwarves.
00:24:59A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
00:25:02Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:25:04But nobody discovered me.
00:25:06Mark Cerny discovered the radio.
00:25:08I've sung on the big radio.
00:25:11But nobody discovered me.
00:25:15Kick high.
00:25:16Kick low.
00:25:17Swing a hot note.
00:25:18Swing it low.
00:25:19High and low.
00:25:21In the belly of the loon.
00:25:23For the thing that you give well
00:25:25has got to have plenty of rhythm.
00:25:27Take low!
00:25:49♪
00:25:59♪
00:26:09♪
00:26:19♪
00:26:29♪
00:26:39Well?
00:26:40Let me tell you!
00:26:43There's no singing and dancing in our plays.
00:26:45They're all serious drama.
00:26:47Besides, I've got to get all your names and addresses,
00:26:49so get back in the line.
00:26:51Let's see.
00:26:52Let's see.
00:26:56Where's Mr. Lovejoy?
00:26:57He's gone to the lobby. Why?
00:27:02Now, what do you do?
00:27:03Steady there.
00:27:05Don't keep shaking the blinking ladder.
00:27:08Then stop wobbling it!
00:27:10If you let me fall, the audience will never forgive you.
00:27:15Hey, hey, that's what you think!
00:27:17There he is! Hard man! Pissed on it!
00:27:20You can go. I'll take care of this.
00:27:22What's that ladder?
00:27:23We'll look after you, Lovejoy.
00:27:25Till you settle our bills.
00:27:26You've got to pay the money you owe us!
00:27:27Or your show don't open!
00:27:28And you go to jail!
00:27:29You'll get your money.
00:27:31Now!
00:27:32Well, my assistant who handles the cash is round backstage.
00:27:36Listen, Lovejoy!
00:27:37Oh, Mr. Lovejoy, there you are.
00:27:39Your assistant said you had some bills to pay
00:27:41and sent me round with the money.
00:27:43Well, now that's different.
00:27:45Mine's more than that.
00:27:46Eighteen pounds, six and four, miss.
00:27:59Thank you very much.
00:28:00There you are, gentlemen.
00:28:01Good morning.
00:28:03And there you are, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:28:05Yes, I know, lass, but where?
00:28:07E'en up the gump. He hasn't got any money.
00:28:09Why did you do it?
00:28:10I want you to give me a job, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:28:12Oh, you must!
00:28:13It doesn't make sense.
00:28:14You've got money and you want a job?
00:28:15Yes, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:28:17How did you come by the money?
00:28:18Did you steal it?
00:28:19Oh, no, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:28:20You see, it's like this.
00:28:21My husband, he's very rich.
00:28:23He's a foreign nobleman.
00:28:25That makes me a countess.
00:28:26But he's very cruel to me.
00:28:27A beast with whiskers.
00:28:29Kept me locked up in his castle like a gilded bird in a cage.
00:28:33I had to get away, so I came to you for help, for protection.
00:28:36I want to be an actress.
00:28:38Hide me from him and...
00:28:40And your husband?
00:28:42He's a big, tall giant of a man, eh?
00:28:45Oh, no, tiny and nearsighted.
00:28:47Ah, that's better.
00:28:48Oh, you're a hero.
00:28:49You'll not be sorry.
00:28:51I'm awfully dramatic, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:28:53Let me show you, do.
00:28:54All right, then.
00:28:55Let's get cracking.
00:28:56Now, what's it to be?
00:28:57A scene from a tragedy.
00:28:58Awfully emotional.
00:28:59I do the poor girl and you can do the man that did me wrong.
00:29:02It won't take a minute.
00:29:03All right, all right.
00:29:04Don't be a jumpy bug.
00:29:05Stop bouncing.
00:29:06Now, let's have it.
00:29:09No, no, not that.
00:29:11You fiend in human form.
00:29:13Right shall prevail.
00:29:15You shall not have your way with me.
00:29:20Fine.
00:29:21Very good.
00:29:23Oh, but there's more yet.
00:29:24Unhand me, Melinda.
00:29:26Oh, no, I say, let me go.
00:29:28Let me down, you coward, you big bully.
00:29:31Unhand me.
00:29:32Hey, stop it.
00:29:33Break away.
00:29:34Let her go.
00:29:38How dramatic.
00:29:39Are you hurt?
00:29:40Did you like it?
00:29:41Wasn't it lovely?
00:29:42You're delirious, child.
00:29:43Oh, you're wonderful.
00:29:44So strong, so profiteering, so...
00:29:47Oh, poor Mr. Lovejoy.
00:29:49Where is he?
00:29:51Oh, dear.
00:29:54You mean he's Mr. Lovejoy?
00:29:56I was acting for him.
00:29:57Your acting's too real for me.
00:30:00Take that away.
00:30:01I'm terribly sorry, sir, really.
00:30:02As a matter of fact, I was just coming to see you.
00:30:04Funny coincidence, wasn't it?
00:30:06I felt everything but the funny part.
00:30:08The gentleman thought he was coming to my rescue.
00:30:11It was very sweet of you, Mr... Mr...
00:30:13Ramsbottom's the name.
00:30:15My name's Brown, Bunty Brown.
00:30:17When you two have quite finished, will you please leave me alone?
00:30:21But I want to speak to you, sir.
00:30:22I came all the way from London to talk to you on business.
00:30:24London?
00:30:25What kind of business?
00:30:26Money-making, for us both.
00:30:27Excuse us.
00:30:29Big business.
00:30:32Oh, this idea of your idea interests me, Mr. Rams...
00:30:35What shall I call it?
00:30:36Proceed.
00:30:37Your company, Mr. Lovejoy,
00:30:38appeals to me as a sound business proposition.
00:30:41Yours?
00:30:42It will expand.
00:30:43Oh, yours.
00:30:44Which requires capital, and that's where I come in.
00:30:46You mean you supply the capital?
00:30:48Well, not exactly, but I'll get it.
00:30:51Oh, Mr. Lovejoy, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:30:53What is it, lad?
00:30:54It's our leading lady.
00:30:56It's our leading lady, she's...
00:30:57Enough!
00:30:58Well...
00:30:59Nancy, thank you, ma'am.
00:31:00The leading lady?
00:31:01And the stage manager.
00:31:02Developed.
00:31:03Yes, left you, left us flat.
00:31:04Oh, how romantic!
00:31:05The final blow.
00:31:06Oh, surely not.
00:31:07I must think.
00:31:08Oh, don't do that, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:31:11I'll be your leading lady.
00:31:13And I'll be your manager.
00:31:14Please.
00:31:15Mr. Lovejoy, perhaps I can help you.
00:31:17Happens I'm on sort of holiday.
00:31:18Could combine managing with our financing plan.
00:31:20Let me tell you, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:31:22You're engaged, if only in self-defense.
00:31:24Oh, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:31:27Oh.
00:31:28And I'll give you Enoch here as your general assistant.
00:31:30Oh, Mr. Ramsbottom, can't I be your leading lady?
00:31:33Not yet.
00:31:34General understudy.
00:31:35Oh, but...
00:31:36To start, to get experience, you must win your spurs, you know.
00:31:40Spurs?
00:31:41You mean I ride a horse?
00:31:42That'll be nice.
00:31:43Take them away, Ramsbottom.
00:31:45Start rehearsals.
00:31:46Miss Dorsey, you can try the leading part.
00:31:49Oh, yes, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:31:50What'll I do?
00:31:51Take them away, Ramsbottom.
00:31:53Right, governor, come on.
00:31:56Now, show me the way to the stage.
00:31:58I'd sooner show you the way to the canal.
00:32:08Poor Lovejoy.
00:32:09You do have your troubles, don't you?
00:32:14What shall we give dear Mr. Lovejoy for his dinner?
00:32:17That's my affair, and I thank you not to presume.
00:32:19I was just asking.
00:32:21Marie, you've left a crease in that sleeve.
00:32:23Oh, I wouldn't do that.
00:32:24Not his sleeve.
00:32:25Seems to me like he wears his heart on it.
00:32:27You mean that actress?
00:32:28Miss Dorsey?
00:32:29She is pretty, isn't she?
00:32:31Well, he brought her here to live, didn't he?
00:32:33I know what I'd like to do to her.
00:32:35The coat's ready.
00:32:37Oh, here, I'll take it up to him.
00:32:38Oh.
00:32:39Well, he's working very hard on his part,
00:32:41and he mustn't be disturbed.
00:32:45Throw in a weight about a bit, ain't she?
00:32:47She acts high and mighty, she does.
00:32:49Anyone would think she was the only one
00:32:50who'd ever been a leading lady.
00:32:52I wonder if there's anything between them.
00:32:56I believe she's carrying on with him.
00:32:58Oh.
00:33:02Come in.
00:33:05I've brought your coat.
00:33:07Thank you, Mrs. Bain.
00:33:08And what would the dear man like for his dinner?
00:33:10Hey, I've only just had me breakfast.
00:33:12Well, I want you to have the things you like.
00:33:15Now, that Miss Dorsey, she's a lovely lady.
00:33:18Now, that Miss Dorsey...
00:33:19You found her a room?
00:33:21Yes.
00:33:23She's pretty, in a way, isn't she?
00:33:26Actresses, Mrs. Bain, are just the tools of my profession.
00:33:29I never think of them as women.
00:33:32My shoes.
00:33:33Oh.
00:33:34Connie has them to brush.
00:33:36I'll send her up with them.
00:33:43Come in.
00:33:45You can put them down.
00:33:47Put down what?
00:33:48My shoes.
00:33:49I haven't got them, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:33:50Oh, it's you again, is it?
00:33:51Well, what is it?
00:33:52This.
00:33:53My part in your first play.
00:33:54Well?
00:33:55All I have to say is yes, sir.
00:33:57How can I do any acting with that?
00:33:59Well, you can add oh.
00:34:00Try it.
00:34:01Yes, sir.
00:34:02Oh.
00:34:03That doesn't seem to make sense.
00:34:05Hmm.
00:34:06I want some more to do.
00:34:08After all, I've paid some of your bills.
00:34:10You'll have plenty to do.
00:34:11You understudy all the ladies in the company.
00:34:14What does that mean?
00:34:15Well, if any of them fall ill or can't appear,
00:34:17you take their places.
00:34:19Oh, I hope they all get ill.
00:34:21Beep.
00:34:22Oh, might as well live in a railway station as here.
00:34:25Come in.
00:34:27Brought your shoes, sir.
00:34:28Where would you like them, sir?
00:34:29On me feet.
00:34:30I'll put them on meself.
00:34:32I'll see you at rehearsal, I'm afraid.
00:34:46Oh!
00:34:51Oh!
00:34:52Enoch, I want to talk to you.
00:34:54I'm busy.
00:34:55It looked like it.
00:34:56I've got to report to Mr. Roundsbottom, but it's a tell.
00:34:58Let me tell you, I wish I was his boss.
00:35:00And I wish I had the leading lady's part.
00:35:02Listen, Enoch, if we work together,
00:35:04maybe we can both get Bobby bombed.
00:35:06Yes, then I'd be important.
00:35:07If we stick together, will you do it?
00:35:09Yes.
00:35:10Good.
00:35:11But I've got to hurry up.
00:35:12Mr. Roundsbottom's waiting.
00:35:13Oh, he's wonderful.
00:35:15Me?
00:35:16Of course not, silly.
00:35:17Mr. Roundsbottom.
00:35:18Oh.
00:35:22Oh, yes, sir.
00:35:24Oh, yes, sir.
00:35:26Oh, yes, sir.
00:35:31Just a moment.
00:35:44Oh, you.
00:35:46I thought it was somebody.
00:35:48Aren't I somebody?
00:35:49Well, that's a matter of opinion.
00:35:50I'm your new assistant.
00:35:52What'll I do?
00:35:53Stop talking.
00:35:55Oh.
00:35:57See who that is.
00:36:00Who is it, please?
00:36:01I mean myself.
00:36:03Where is he, that Roundsbottom?
00:36:05Tanya.
00:36:06Aha!
00:36:07So there you are, snake worm.
00:36:10Thank you, Mina.
00:36:11Not yet, Ivan.
00:36:13So you think you lose, Tanya, and make the safe escape.
00:36:18You run out from London, but we follow.
00:36:21We find you, me and my big brother.
00:36:24I've got him, Mina.
00:36:25Yes, Ivan, but not yet.
00:36:26Now listen, Tanya.
00:36:27I listen once to you and what I get.
00:36:29You think, Tanya, the great stupid artiste, the big fool,
00:36:32huh?
00:36:33But now I can tear you up into little pieces.
00:36:36And what is left of you, my big brother,
00:36:38you will tear into more little pieces again and again.
00:36:40Tanya, it was all a mistake.
00:36:41You take all of my money.
00:36:42You promised me the great London babies.
00:36:45And what I get?
00:36:46I get left in the lodge with nothing, nothing at all.
00:36:49Thank you, Mina.
00:36:50Yes, Ivan, but not yet.
00:36:51Wee!
00:37:01Oh, no.
00:37:02Wasn't me, mister.
00:37:04What is that?
00:37:05He's my assistant.
00:37:06Oh.
00:37:07Put the cute little man down, Ivan, my brother.
00:37:11I want him.
00:37:13Oh, not me.
00:37:14You do something to me.
00:37:16Oh, no, I don't.
00:37:17Oh, yes, you do.
00:37:31Oh.
00:37:32See you later, fell Ramsbitter.
00:37:36Tanya, I didn't run away.
00:37:38I came here on your behalf to help
00:37:40further your artistic career.
00:37:42I've secured for you the greatest opportunity of a lifetime,
00:37:45a place in the company of the world's greatest
00:37:47impresario of living or dead, Jay Sheridan Lovejoy.
00:37:50But if he is dead, I don't want him.
00:37:52Next season, you will burst upon London like a blazing star.
00:37:56Good.
00:37:57I see him now, this, um, this Lovejoy.
00:37:59Come.
00:38:00Ah, but Tanya, I must speak to Lovejoy
00:38:01first before he sees you.
00:38:02I see him now.
00:38:04Ah, my little marmoset.
00:38:07Come.
00:38:08Oh, you can have an awful time with your career.
00:38:11And Mr. Lovejoy, I find time for you.
00:38:17This, Sir Percy, is my answer.
00:38:19Come, wheel or woe, I love him.
00:38:21Nought's in your power to change that or win me from his side.
00:38:26Didst think I likely love?
00:38:28Oh, yes, sir.
00:38:29What's that Miss Dorsey?
00:38:31Didst think I likely love?
00:38:33It's your cue, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:38:35I thought I was hearing voices.
00:38:37A touch of liver, likely.
00:38:38Oh, yes, sir.
00:38:39Quiet.
00:38:40Miss Dorsey, my dear.
00:38:43Do you think you would give us a little more color?
00:38:46I mean, purple passion.
00:38:48Passion?
00:38:49Ay, lass, remember, you're not a girl saying she loves lollipops.
00:38:53You're a woman who's burning for her mate.
00:38:57Oh, yes, sir.
00:38:59Bunty, come here.
00:39:01My cue.
00:39:02I missed it.
00:39:03Wait.
00:39:04Wait a minute.
00:39:06Oh, yes, sir.
00:39:07What is this, a skating rink?
00:39:09I fell down.
00:39:10How was I?
00:39:11A smash.
00:39:12That's what I felt.
00:39:13Let's get on with the rehearsal.
00:39:14Let's do.
00:39:15Where do you want me?
00:39:16Anywhere but here.
00:39:17Take her away, Ramsbottom.
00:39:19Where is my assistant?
00:39:21Where is his assistant?
00:39:23Where's Enoch?
00:39:25Enoch!
00:39:27Ramsbottom, you're late.
00:39:29I began to think you were not going to get here at all.
00:39:31So did I, Governor.
00:39:32Oh, so this is it.
00:39:33Yes, no.
00:39:34Mr. Lovejoy, yes, it's up to him.
00:39:36My sweet Tanya, she forgive you.
00:39:39Don't go away, little beetle.
00:39:41Governor, meet Madam Tanya.
00:39:43Oh, I like you also.
00:39:45So big, like the elephantissimo.
00:39:48Ramsbottom.
00:39:49Ramsbitter, my love, also.
00:39:51Only him there is not so much of.
00:39:54You are proud I act with you.
00:39:56Act?
00:39:57Never before have you such acting seen.
00:40:00You like I show you now?
00:40:01No, the rehearsal's over.
00:40:03I want to go home.
00:40:04Good, I go with you.
00:40:06We talk about me.
00:40:09Casanova.
00:40:10Oh, listen, Dante.
00:40:11Oh, you and that woman.
00:40:12But I can explain.
00:40:13Oh, not to me, you sweet Ramsbottom.
00:40:16Go away.
00:40:17Oh, please.
00:40:18Oh, I never want to see you again.
00:40:23Well, what have you got to say for yourself?
00:40:29He's gone.
00:40:30Oh.
00:40:31Has that woman gone?
00:40:32Yes.
00:40:33So is Mr. Ramsbottom.
00:40:35And I love him.
00:40:36The homewrecker.
00:40:37I hope she eats him alive.
00:40:39Yes, but you said you love him.
00:40:40No, I hate him.
00:40:41I live for my career.
00:40:43I'll show him I'm a better actress than she is.
00:40:46The critics, they are at my feet.
00:40:48Flat all over the continent.
00:40:49I know, flat feet all over the continent.
00:40:51What do you think?
00:40:52I think I'm sunk.
00:40:53I forget never the applause.
00:40:55The crowds, they weep.
00:40:56They laugh.
00:40:57They cheer.
00:40:58Everywhere feels the same.
00:40:59I am terrified.
00:41:02Saved.
00:41:05Agrimino.
00:41:06They've gone off.
00:41:07Don't go away.
00:41:08I'll try again.
00:41:11Agrimino.
00:41:13My success in Turkey, she is just the same.
00:41:15That leaves only the Switzerland and the Sweden.
00:41:18Open the door.
00:41:26Well, Mr. Lovejoy, you are home early.
00:41:29Oh.
00:41:30Well, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:41:31This, this is your soul mama.
00:41:33Oh.
00:41:34Ah.
00:41:35Oh.
00:41:36Oh.
00:41:37Oh.
00:41:38Aye, aye, this house, she is haunted like Macbeth.
00:41:41Only here there are four old witches.
00:41:43Mr. Lovejoy, I am surprised.
00:41:45No, she said witches.
00:41:47Well, what I am.
00:41:48Oh, that's easy to see.
00:41:49Is that so?
00:41:50Now, lassies, lassies.
00:41:51You hold your noise.
00:41:52Out of the way, fatness.
00:41:53Take your clothes off.
00:41:54It is my business.
00:41:55Stop mucking me about.
00:41:56Let go, will you?
00:41:57I said stop.
00:41:58I wish you wouldn't.
00:41:59You will.
00:42:00I will not.
00:42:01You will.
00:42:02You will.
00:42:03Go on.
00:42:04Go on.
00:42:05Resist.
00:42:06Now you've done it.
00:42:07You've busted me braces.
00:42:08Oh.
00:42:09Let that be a lesson to you.
00:42:11I'm surprised at you.
00:42:13Knowing I'm nearly driven deaf trying to get my play ready for tomorrow night.
00:42:16I want no more of it.
00:42:18Oh, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:42:19Mr. Lovejoy.
00:42:20Not another word.
00:42:22The rest is silence.
00:42:33Oh, she's too tall.
00:42:34I'd never be able to wear her costume.
00:42:37Miss Gillick, I like her parts.
00:42:39Put down dressing room number five, seven, eight, ten, and twelve.
00:42:44Get their costumes and bring them to me in the property room.
00:42:46And then they won't be able to go on stage.
00:42:48Suppose they get suspicious.
00:42:49Oh, they won't if you use your head.
00:42:51Now hurry up.
00:42:52See you in the property room.
00:42:53Eight, ten, and twelve.
00:42:57Bunty.
00:42:59Oh, you.
00:43:00I don't want to talk to you.
00:43:01Oh, please.
00:43:02Tanya's only interest is in her career.
00:43:04She doesn't mean that to me.
00:43:05Not that?
00:43:06And I do mean that to you?
00:43:08I must say, it's not very complimentary.
00:43:10Just a mere that.
00:43:12Bunty, I'm serious.
00:43:13I want to tell you how I feel about you.
00:43:14No, I haven't time.
00:43:16You think I'm wonderful?
00:43:17Oh, I do, Bunty.
00:43:18Can't stop now?
00:43:20You're crazy too?
00:43:21About me, I mean?
00:43:22Oh, I'm mad about you, Bunty.
00:43:24Good.
00:43:26I'm terribly busy.
00:43:27You must come up and see me sometime.
00:43:30And tell me how you feel about me.
00:43:33Crazy kid.
00:43:37Ah, Nero, Nero.
00:43:39This is the secret meet.
00:43:41A secret meet.
00:43:43Oh!
00:43:45How dare you?
00:43:46Well, you see, there's a man I've sold.
00:43:49Here.
00:43:50What number dressing room is this?
00:43:51Number eight.
00:43:52Eight?
00:43:53What are you doing?
00:43:54From the laundry.
00:43:55Take you next week's washing.
00:43:58That's two of them.
00:43:59I use me head.
00:44:01Aye, now my Troy looks beauteous in her flames.
00:44:07The Tyrene seas are bright with Roman fires.
00:44:11The voice is a bit bloodshot today, old boy.
00:44:15Beauteous with Roman fires.
00:44:18A prince's mind knows neither hope nor fear.
00:44:24Knows neither hope nor fear.
00:44:27But Nero in his royal robes.
00:44:30A prince's mind knows neither hope nor fear.
00:44:35A prince's mind knows neither...
00:44:40Neither hope nor fear.
00:44:42Hope nor fear.
00:44:46The beams of royal majesty are such with it,
00:44:48eyes are weakened and amazed.
00:44:52Weakened and amazed.
00:44:53Weakened and amazed.
00:44:56Amazed and weakened.
00:44:59What's this, a dagger I see before me?
00:45:03What's this, a dagger I see before me?
00:45:06There.
00:45:07That'll do.
00:45:09Ah, here you are.
00:45:10Over here with them.
00:45:11I use me head, I did.
00:45:13But they're all alike.
00:45:14Oh.
00:45:15You only really needed to get one.
00:45:16The trouble I went through to get them.
00:45:18Overture, and I will call the actors.
00:45:20Here, here.
00:45:21Take this with you.
00:45:22It's in my way.
00:45:23Overture, off the stage.
00:45:25Overture, off the stage.
00:45:27Overture on the stage.
00:45:28Nobody called for 15 minutes.
00:45:30Let go of us, Enoch.
00:45:42Where's that Enoch?
00:45:43It's time for the curtain.
00:45:44Enoch, the curtain.
00:45:45I'm here, Mr. Rumsbottom.
00:45:48Pull up the curtain.
00:45:49Yes, sir.
00:45:50Yes, sir.
00:45:51Yes, sir.
00:46:12Hail Nero.
00:46:13Hail Nero.
00:46:14Hail Nero.
00:46:15Hail Nero.
00:46:16The people of Nero gather down below
00:46:18to greet their emperor
00:46:19on his return from distant warfare
00:46:21in a foreign land.
00:46:22They clamor for a sight of you below.
00:46:25Rome's very greatest king.
00:46:27I'll show myself.
00:46:28Hail, hail, hail.
00:46:30Hail, hail, Nero.
00:46:32Hail, Nero.
00:46:33Hail, Nero.
00:46:35Three cheers for the governor.
00:46:36Three cheers for the red one.
00:46:37Blue.
00:46:38Shut up, you crazy galoot.
00:46:40Hail, Nero.
00:46:42Welcome back to Rome, great king.
00:46:45How went the wars, almighty emperor?
00:46:48Mustn't be late.
00:46:50Affairs of state must wait to father's joys.
00:46:53My heart cries out for my beloved Augusta.
00:46:56Gentlemen, leave me.
00:46:57We shall await your graciousness, sir.
00:47:00Ah, at last she comes.
00:47:02My beloved Augusta.
00:47:04My one and only daughter.
00:47:07One and only daughter?
00:47:10Father!
00:47:13I've been looking for you, my dear father.
00:47:17It's you again.
00:47:18I fell again.
00:47:19Grieve my heart, daughter, that our meeting thus
00:47:22but leads to separation yet again.
00:47:26Speak your lines.
00:47:28Separation yet again you go, aside to Nero.
00:47:32Sounds awfully silly.
00:47:33You're speaking the cues.
00:47:35I must.
00:47:36But why?
00:47:37My duty calls.
00:47:39Fear not.
00:47:40I pray you, leave me.
00:47:42Fear not, papa.
00:47:44I shall leave you never.
00:47:51I never liked that daughter of mine anyway.
00:47:53Made a quick exit, didn't I?
00:47:55Yes, and I shouldn't have moved this piece of wood.
00:47:57And now we are together, my dear.
00:48:02And now I've got to play the wife's part.
00:48:04And I've got to get back to work.
00:48:09Send somebody.
00:48:10Send somebody on.
00:48:12At last I am alone.
00:48:15Alone, alone.
00:48:17I am alone.
00:48:22Ah, my queen, my papaya.
00:48:25Ah, Nero, Nero, what is this?
00:48:28A secret meeting with our daughter here
00:48:32before you sought me out?
00:48:34Sought me out?
00:48:36She was here.
00:48:37She has gone.
00:48:38She had to go.
00:48:42A wife's always more interesting than a daughter.
00:48:45Octavia, my ex-wife, she's away.
00:48:47Banished by my decree far, far from Rome.
00:48:50Nay, she's returned, ignoring your command,
00:48:52to league against you with Agrippina.
00:48:54Those two conspire.
00:48:58They must die.
00:49:01Octavia I'll condemn officially.
00:49:03She has disobeyed Nero, lord of Rome.
00:49:05And Agrippina?
00:49:07She's a tougher nut.
00:49:08Each in her turn, I'll start with my ex-wife.
00:49:12Oh, Anicetus.
00:49:15Deep in the heart of Texas.
00:49:22I'll fetch Octavia here.
00:49:24Be ruthless, dear.
00:49:25I will.
00:49:26Oh, the forgotten one.
00:49:29I'll proudly watch the show.
00:49:36They forgot that one, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:49:38You can hide behind it.
00:49:40Come, lord.
00:49:41Ex-wife and traitorous tooth.
00:49:45Woman, wife that was, Octavia.
00:49:48In you a serpent clutched I to my heart
00:49:50to stab me when my hapless back was turned.
00:49:53Well?
00:49:54I know a bank where on the wild thyme grows.
00:49:57No, no, no, no, no.
00:49:59Sorry, wrong poem.
00:50:03You cast me off.
00:50:04Whoever did you harm?
00:50:05Took your very plumb woofer
00:50:06for your pitch on to the most horrible.
00:50:09How's that?
00:50:10Your tongue wags fast of things you want not of.
00:50:13Did I talk it too fast?
00:50:14I'll try again.
00:50:15You cast me...
00:50:16No, no, no, no.
00:50:17Oh, Anicetus.
00:50:19Deep in the heart of...
00:50:22Ladies and gentlemen.
00:50:25There's money in this.
00:50:28Take her forth to die.
00:50:30Yes, Nero.
00:50:31Leon!
00:50:33Drown her.
00:50:35Do you want these, Monty?
00:50:36Yes, I'll go on right away again as the mother.
00:50:38She comes.
00:50:40Your mother.
00:50:41She, go back.
00:50:42Be firm.
00:50:45She comes.
00:50:47Where is he?
00:50:49Where is he?
00:50:51My son.
00:50:53Monty back.
00:50:55Greetings, old mother mine.
00:50:57What's this I hear?
00:50:59That Nero plans a concert tour of Greece.
00:51:02You'll bring world mockery upon your head
00:51:05if you go singing round it, windless one.
00:51:09You're acting on the stage.
00:51:14It's only matched by your behavior on this road.
00:51:18Ah, you cut me to the quick.
00:51:20Goodbye.
00:51:21So soon?
00:51:22Okay.
00:51:24Goodbye.
00:51:26Goodbye, my son.
00:51:28You, my son.
00:51:32Where's Anicetus?
00:51:33How?
00:51:38Deep in the heart of...
00:51:42Octavia has beat her last.
00:51:44At last.
00:51:45And Agrippina?
00:51:46Dead too.
00:51:47Good.
00:51:48She's well.
00:51:49There's ill news too.
00:51:50Conspiracies afoot.
00:51:51Something worse.
00:51:52Speak out.
00:51:53Your ear alone must hear it.
00:51:56Pardon us, good wife.
00:51:58My lover.
00:52:01Oh!
00:52:02Uh-oh.
00:52:03Oh!
00:52:04Oh, wanton wife.
00:52:06Deceiver.
00:52:07Faithless one.
00:52:09Nymphaeus is your lover.
00:52:11But now he is dead.
00:52:13I will avenge my honor.
00:52:15Kill my wife.
00:52:19Kill her.
00:52:25Oh, catch her.
00:52:26Don't leave it all to me.
00:52:33She is gone.
00:52:34To the sorry end.
00:52:36The rest is silence.
00:52:42Silence.
00:52:44Ah, my friend.
00:52:45I want you to set fire to Rome.
00:52:46I'll fiddle while she burns.
00:52:48You mean it.
00:52:49I'll teach those Roman traitors to be rebellious to their emperor.
00:52:52Go, set it alight.
00:52:53As you will, my lord.
00:52:56Come, servants.
00:52:57Ho!
00:52:58Enough.
00:52:59There are no servants.
00:53:00You'll have to go on.
00:53:02Come, servants.
00:53:03Ho!
00:53:07What will it be, king of joy?
00:53:09Bring me my lyre.
00:53:10Your lyre?
00:53:11Ha, ha, ha.
00:53:12You mean Ramsbottom?
00:53:13Away!
00:53:16Ha, ha, ha.
00:53:20Here you are.
00:53:21I've got to hurry and light the fire.
00:53:26The gods will avenge themselves, and so will it.
00:53:29Kings must, upon their people's broken hearts,
00:53:32walk to security and peace of mind.
00:53:35Rome burns!
00:53:36The city is on fire!
00:53:38Rome burns!
00:53:40Rome burns!
00:53:42Rome burns!
00:53:45Rome burns!
00:53:47I'll play my harp.
00:53:49How beauteous Rome appears,
00:53:52wreathed in a flowing flame of red and blue.
00:53:56Ha, ha, ha.
00:54:15Oh, Mr. Lovejoy, I'm so sorry for what I did.
00:54:20Too late now, sir.
00:54:30They're roaring mad, but don't go out, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:54:32Eh?
00:54:33They'll kill you.
00:54:34Listen, answer to them.
00:54:35They're going mad.
00:54:36Is there a back way out?
00:54:37Oh, yes, through the window of the property room.
00:54:39Show me.
00:54:45Hello, Bunty.
00:54:47Awful, wasn't it?
00:54:49Mm.
00:54:50I'm afraid that's the end of Mr. Lovejoy's dramatic company.
00:54:53Poor Mr. Lovejoy.
00:54:55But it means we're free.
00:54:57We could get married and go up to London.
00:54:59You will, won't you, Bunty?
00:55:02You do love me, don't you?
00:55:04Then why not?
00:55:06I can't leave Mr. Lovejoy now.
00:55:08Where's my daughter?
00:55:10Where's my daughter?
00:55:12Where's my daughter?
00:55:14Millionaire mossop.
00:55:15What's he want?
00:55:16Me?
00:55:17Bunty!
00:55:18Ah, there you are.
00:55:19John, please.
00:55:20Don't nag, Superba.
00:55:21I want to talk to you, young woman, and Lovejoy.
00:55:23Who are you?
00:55:24Name's Ramsbottom.
00:55:25I'm going to marry him.
00:55:26One of the Ramsbottoms of Upper Lowest Off.
00:55:28Oh, you're going to marry him?
00:55:30That's not important, my dear.
00:55:31Oh, really?
00:55:32I want to see Lovejoy.
00:55:33Where is he?
00:55:34Don't you think he's had enough trouble for one night, Dad?
00:55:36Trouble?
00:55:37Ha!
00:55:38That's nothing to what he's going to have.
00:55:39I never laughed so much in all my life.
00:55:40It's marvelous.
00:55:41Ha!
00:55:42It's wonderful.
00:55:43Ha!
00:55:44They laughed at me.
00:55:45Just laughed.
00:55:46I'm finished.
00:55:47Oh, eat a bit of supper, lad.
00:55:48You'll feel better then.
00:55:50I gave them the best I had, and they just
00:55:52laughed me off the stage.
00:55:54This is the end.
00:55:55Nonsense.
00:55:56You've had success before.
00:55:58And you'll have it again.
00:55:59I never was a success.
00:56:01London, crown heads of Europe, fame.
00:56:04Just talk, the lot of it.
00:56:06A second-rate actor in the province was all my life.
00:56:09And now, not even that.
00:56:12They laughed.
00:56:13Well, that's better than making people cry.
00:56:15You made them forget their troubles.
00:56:16You made them laugh.
00:56:18Yes, but I didn't mean to.
00:56:19Well, think how much harder you could
00:56:21make them laugh if you tried.
00:56:23If I tried?
00:56:25That Bunty was funny.
00:56:27And Enoch mucking things up.
00:56:29That foreign actress with the upside-down talk.
00:56:33I could make them laugh with my classic roles.
00:56:36All of them.
00:56:37Caesar, Napoleon, Nero.
00:56:40And it wouldn't break your heart?
00:56:42I'll do it.
00:56:44But after tonight, who's going to let me try?
00:56:48Where is he?
00:56:49Ah, there you are, lovejoy.
00:56:51It's my father.
00:56:52Name's Mossip.
00:56:53Owns the town.
00:56:54I've got something to say to you.
00:56:55Oh, John, dear.
00:56:56I'll say he has.
00:56:57Now, I don't like actors.
00:56:58I never did, and I never will.
00:56:59But you're different.
00:57:00Thanks.
00:57:01Now, what's your next engagement?
00:57:02You got a theater of your own?
00:57:03All right, then I'll buy you one.
00:57:04How's Blackpool?
00:57:06You'll buy me what?
00:57:07Oh, don't quibble.
00:57:08I'll buy you a theater.
00:57:09Any kind of theater.
00:57:10How soon can you open?
00:57:11Now, wait a minute.
00:57:12There's one of us daft.
00:57:13What is the matter with him?
00:57:14It's my father.
00:57:15It's his answer.
00:57:16He's got all the money in the world.
00:57:17Oh, how lovely.
00:57:18It isn't.
00:57:19It's terrible.
00:57:20Oh, they're all crackers.
00:57:21Oh, be quiet, everybody.
00:57:22You want to give Mr. Lovejoy a theater?
00:57:23Why?
00:57:24Because I laughed more tonight than I've
00:57:25laughed since I was married.
00:57:26Why, John.
00:57:27Forgot my indigestion.
00:57:28Forgot everything.
00:57:29And I want more of it.
00:57:30Now, I'm a businessman.
00:57:31I'll finance the whole thing and keep everybody happy.
00:57:32Oh, share it.
00:57:33It's just what you wanted.
00:57:34There must be a catch in it.
00:57:35Now, about this theater of mine.
00:57:40Wait, my little mouse.
00:57:42Agrippina.
00:57:43Yes, sir.
00:57:44Mom.
00:57:45You, I want.
00:57:46I take with you to my own country,
00:57:48where the art and the passion, they know no laws.
00:57:52Blimey.
00:57:53But first, we have the business with this Lovejoy
00:57:55and that Rumpetum.
00:57:56Agrippina.
00:57:57We cut off their ears and their noses
00:58:00and their fingers one by one.
00:58:03That make you laugh, huh?
00:58:07And it's all settled.
00:58:08I'll make them all happy.
00:58:09With all of us to help you.
00:58:10Your very own theater.
00:58:12Oh.
00:58:13Here you are, ruffian.
00:58:15Let me look.
00:58:16That's it.
00:58:17That's just what I want.
00:58:18Terrific.
00:58:19More champions.
00:58:20How dare you laugh.
00:58:21My career, you have ruined it.
00:58:23Never mind.
00:58:24A new one is born tonight.
00:58:25What?
00:58:26Hey, Mr. Lovejoy, don't think of love.
00:58:28Everybody will be happy in Lovejoy's happy grove.
00:58:47Second off curtain, Mr. Lovejoy.
00:58:50Come on, lads.
00:58:51Don't keep our public waiting.
00:58:52I never thought I'd be an actor, Governor.
00:58:54I always wanted to be one.
00:58:55Let's get cracking.
00:58:58Let's go.
00:58:59Let's go.
00:59:00Let's go.
00:59:01Let's go.
00:59:02Let's go.
00:59:03Let's go.
00:59:04Let's go.
00:59:05Let's go.
00:59:06Let's go.
00:59:07Let's go.
00:59:08Let's go.
00:59:09Let's go.
00:59:10Let's go.
00:59:11Let's go.
00:59:12Let's go.
00:59:13Let's go.
00:59:14Let's go.
00:59:15Let's go.
00:59:16Let's go.
00:59:17Let's go.
00:59:18Let's go.
00:59:19Let's go.
00:59:20Let's go.
00:59:21Let's go.
00:59:22Let's go.
00:59:23Let's go.
00:59:24Let's go.
00:59:25Let's go.
00:59:26Let's go.
00:59:27Let's go.
00:59:28Let's go.
00:59:29Let's go.
00:59:30Let's go.
00:59:31Let's go.
00:59:32Let's go.
00:59:33Let's go.
00:59:34Let's go.
00:59:35Let's go.
00:59:36Let's go.
00:59:37Let's go.
00:59:38Let's go.
00:59:39Let's go.
00:59:40Let's go.
00:59:41Let's go.
00:59:42Let's go.
00:59:43Let's go.
00:59:44Let's go.
00:59:45Let's go.
00:59:46Let's go.
00:59:47Let's go.
00:59:48Let's go.
00:59:49Let's go.
00:59:50Let's go.
00:59:51Let's go.
00:59:52Let's go.
00:59:53Let's go.
00:59:54Let's go.
00:59:55Let's go.
00:59:56Let's go.
00:59:57Let's go.
00:59:58Let's go.
00:59:59Let's go.
01:00:00Let's go.
01:00:01Let's go.
01:00:02Let's go.
01:00:03Let's go.
01:00:04Let's go.
01:00:05Let's go.
01:00:06Let's go.
01:00:07Let's go.
01:00:08Let's go.
01:00:09Let's go.
01:00:10Let's go.
01:00:11Let's go.
01:00:12Let's go.
01:00:13Let's go.
01:00:14Let's go.
01:00:15Let's go.
01:00:16Let's go.
01:00:17Let's go.
01:00:18Let's go.
01:00:19Let's go.
01:00:20Let's go.
01:00:21Let's go.
01:00:22Let's go.
01:00:23Let's go.
01:00:24Let's go.
01:00:25Let's go.
01:00:26Let's go.
01:00:27Let's go.
01:00:28Let's go.
01:00:29Let's go.
01:00:30Let's go.
01:00:31Let's go.
01:00:32Let's go.
01:00:33Let's go.
01:00:34Let's go.
01:00:35Let's go.
01:00:36Let's go.
01:00:37Let's go.
01:00:38Let's go.
01:00:39Let's go.
01:00:40Let's go.
01:00:41Let's go.
01:00:42Let's go.
01:00:43Let's go.
01:00:44Let's go.
01:00:45Let's go.
01:00:46Let's go.
01:00:47Let's go.
01:00:48Let's go.
01:00:49Let's go.
01:00:50Let's go.
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01:09:43Let's roll.
01:09:44Come on, Gordon.
01:09:45It's time to roll.
01:09:46Let's go.
01:09:47Let's go.
01:09:48Come on.
01:09:49All right, services, gentlemen.
01:09:50Are you ready for the magic of fashion?
01:09:53That's right, sir.
01:09:55This is all you're going to do for three days, is it?
01:10:03My cheeks are growling.
01:10:05The Emperor is free from all the cares of states, and I shall have him to myself.
01:10:09How wonderful. We've been married for over a year, but only to the war.
01:10:12He spent the whole time with his armies.
01:10:14Oh, dear, that is too bad.
01:10:16Yes, I have always been alone.
01:10:18Why, even on my honeymoon, he leaves me for a war in Spain.
01:10:22He said the Emperor's approaching.
01:10:23Oui, madame.
01:10:27Josephine, I've come to say goodbye.
01:10:28Goodbye? You mean...
01:10:30England must be invaded.
01:10:31No, it can't that way.
01:10:32No, no. For a nation of shopkeepers, tomorrow will be too late.
01:10:34Why?
01:10:35It's our only closing day.
01:10:36Oh, always war. Is it so important to you?
01:10:41Yes, my little butterfly.
01:10:42Then you must choose between your guns and your butterfly.
01:10:45Then I choose guns.
01:10:47But won't you stay with me for just a little while?
01:10:50Ah, no. Not tonight, Josephine.
01:10:52Oh, please. For just a teeny little while, nappy.
01:10:56Ah, don't call me nappy. My generals will think I'm a wet blanket.
01:10:59Always your generals or your armies. That's all you ever think of.
01:11:03Farewell, Josephine.
01:11:05I must go to Moscow. I must go.
01:11:09Moscow? But I thought you said you were going to invade England.
01:11:13So I am, but Moscow's a shortcut.
01:11:15And I suppose your shortcut takes you via Paris.
01:11:18Paris? I don't understand.
01:11:19Oh, I know perfectly well what's going on behind my back.
01:11:21You're going to Paris to see Marie Valesca.
01:11:23Ah, don't flame up so, my little Josephine. I've got to join my armies.
01:11:26Then before you go, won't you please grant me one request?
01:11:30Ah, no. Not tonight, Josephine.
01:11:33Very well, then. Goodbye.
01:11:38Goodbye.
01:11:40Oh, why are your stays so short?
01:11:44No, no. No braces.
01:11:46Bony?
01:11:47How can you call me bony?
01:11:49My maid has gone out. Before you go, would you please unfasten my dress?
01:11:54Ah, no. Not tonight, Josephine.
01:11:56Oh, please. Just take but a moment.
01:11:59Very well, but I must hurry.
01:12:01Why do you women wear so many fortifications?
01:12:08And now, unfortunately, I go to the war.
01:12:11But you have a long journey.
01:12:13Just before you enter, a glass of wine.
01:12:15Wine? No, no. Not tonight, Josephine.
01:12:17But you must drink to victory.
01:12:19Victory's assured.
01:12:21And here's to your safe return to la belle France.
01:12:29And me.
01:12:33I shall be waiting for you.
01:12:41Josephine, I am about to make my greatest advance.
01:12:47Volontaire, so you are going to invade England?
01:12:53Oh, not tonight, Josephine.
01:12:59And now, lads and lasses, the next turn I've got for you is a novelty and something new.
01:13:04That clever pair, the Carolles.
01:13:58Hey, will you stop, please? Will you stop?
01:14:12Don't play more.
01:14:15Where?
01:14:25Now listen.
01:14:27I want to play a violin solo, but I want to play alone, you understand?
01:14:31You! You must not play. I play! Not you!
01:14:44John!
01:14:57John!
01:14:59John!
01:15:25I don't understand.
01:15:29Stupid!
01:15:32You know what you are?
01:15:33Yes.
01:15:34Stupid man.
01:15:35You disturb me.
01:15:36Now, now, now. Don't do that.
01:15:51Get up.
01:15:52Oh, no.
01:15:53Get up!
01:15:54Oh, no. Oh, give me a chance. Let me play.
01:15:56You want to play?
01:15:57Yes.
01:15:59But you know, I don't like this instrument.
01:16:02You don't like this?
01:16:04Hey, give me another one.
01:16:06Which one?
01:16:07Any one.
01:16:11Nice one.
01:16:12Oh, a guitar.
01:16:13Hello.
01:16:14Guitar.
01:16:29No, no, no.
01:16:31Don't do that, please.
01:16:32No?
01:16:33No.
01:16:34Oh, stop it, you two.
01:16:43You are very smart.
01:16:45Here.
01:16:46Try now.
01:16:48What's the matter with you all the time? Come on.
01:16:52Don't do that.
01:16:54I'm sorry.
01:16:59Ha, ha, ha.
01:17:11Are you ready now?
01:17:14Now, let go.
01:17:24Oh.
01:17:28Oh.
01:17:54Oh.
01:17:56I'm sorry.
01:17:57Well, what do you play?
01:18:11Come on, come on, come on.
01:18:12Keep going, keep going.
01:18:20Thank you very much.
01:18:26OK.
01:18:27Look, I want to play another one of your songs.
01:18:30Oh.
01:18:31Oh.
01:18:32Oh.
01:18:33Oh.
01:18:34Oh.
01:18:35Oh.
01:18:36Oh.
01:18:37Oh.
01:18:38Oh.
01:18:39Oh.
01:18:40Oh.
01:18:41Oh.
01:18:42Oh.
01:18:43Oh.
01:18:44Oh.
01:18:45Oh.
01:18:46Oh.
01:18:47Oh.
01:18:48Oh.
01:18:49Oh.
01:18:50Oh.
01:18:51Oh.
01:18:52Oh.
01:18:53Oh.
01:18:54Oh.
01:18:55Oh.
01:18:56Oh.
01:18:57Oh.
01:18:58Oh.
01:18:59Oh.
01:19:00Oh.
01:19:01Oh.
01:19:02Oh.
01:19:03Oh.
01:19:04Oh.
01:19:05Oh.
01:19:06Oh.
01:19:07Oh.
01:19:08Oh.
01:19:09Oh.
01:19:10Oh.
01:19:11Oh.
01:19:12Oh.
01:19:13Oh.
01:19:14Oh.
01:19:15Oh.
01:19:16Oh.
01:19:17Oh.
01:19:18Oh.
01:19:19Oh.
01:19:20Oh.
01:19:21Oh.
01:19:22Oh.
01:19:23I'm very sorry, Mr. Lovejoy, but I couldn't get it.
01:19:47You couldn't get what?
01:19:48Well, as a matter of fact, they said they didn't keep it.
01:19:49They said they didn't keep what?
01:19:50They didn't keep what you told me to fetch.
01:19:51Well, what did I tell you?
01:19:52I don't know.
01:19:53I've forgotten.
01:19:54You know, you should wear lilies in your hat.
01:19:55Your brain's dead.
01:19:56Yes, Mr. Lovejoy.
01:19:57I'll get some.
01:19:58Oh.
01:19:59Now, look here, I'll break your nose and I'll slam you against the wall.
01:20:28Oh, just a minute.
01:20:41What do you want?
01:20:42Do you want to play?
01:20:43With me?
01:20:44Why not?
01:20:45Come on.
01:20:46We'll play together.
01:20:47Oh, what do you play, huh?
01:21:08Oh, I'm sorry.
01:21:16Oh.
01:21:19Enjoying it?
01:21:25Yes.
01:21:29And there's money in it, too.
01:22:25There you are.
01:22:46Great success.
01:22:47They're laughing.
01:22:48Sorry.
01:22:50Everybody's happy at your Happy Drome.
01:22:51Come to the Happy Drome, come to the show.
01:22:53Come to the Happy Drome, come to the show.
01:23:19Come to the Happy Drome, come to the show.
01:23:48Come to the Happy Drome, come to the show.
01:24:17Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:18Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:19Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:20Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:21Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:22Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:23Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:24Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:25Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:26Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:27Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:28Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:29Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:30Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:31Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:32Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:33Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:34Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:35Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:36Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:37Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:38Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:39Come to the Happy Drome.
01:24:40Come to the Happy Drome.