Tantra Island_ The Search for Sexual Paradise
Category
đš
FunTranscript
00:00Here in Copenhagen, there's a huge aspect of liberation. People who really just want
00:13to break all cultural codes and boundaries.
00:19The energy here is so strong, anything that you need for your healing is going to show
00:23up immediately. And some people, it breaks them.
00:27And you bring out the sexual energy.
00:30This is not a regulated industry. There's no code of conduct. Someone can just take
00:35to the workshop and now, oh, they are a massage therapist.
00:39It is up to the practitioner to keep the boundaries.
00:44What frustrates me is this idea that a man thinks that his cock can heal a woman.
00:50No one can walk through those doors for you. Maybe I'm dealing with it a bit now.
00:55The boxes are beginning to open whether you like it or not.
01:05Off the coast of Thailand, there's a place that locals have dubbed Tantra Island.
01:10Within this community, expats from all around the world have claimed to have created a tantric
01:16utopia.
01:17I've seen a lot of the practitioners are saying that they can heal all kinds of trauma.
01:23In my personal life, I have just come out of a relationship that was quite traumatic.
01:27I've been dealing with it in my own way, but I'm kind of at the stage where I would like
01:30to try something a bit more radical.
01:32I'm going to go to Koh Phangan and enroll myself in whatever the tantric practitioners tell
01:37me to do.
01:38Oh, God.
01:39People know Koh Phangan for novelty buckets of cheap vodka and fingering.
01:53If you go to Thailand, you have to be there on the full moon to get the experience of
01:56something else.
01:57Bonkers!
01:58The full moon parties here evoke either heaven or the darkest circle of hell, depending on
02:05who you're talking to.
02:06You had some good sex.
02:07Sex on the beach.
02:08Who's the lucky fella?
02:09I don't know him.
02:10But over on the other side of the island, it's a little bit different.
02:18There's a community who claim to have unlocked the sexual healing power of tantra.
02:22I've definitely been going down that rabbit hole of my own sexual exploration.
02:27We're in an open relationship, it's a way of exploring other people and learning through
02:32other people.
02:33I had a lot of sexual numbness inside of me.
02:36Some people come with all kinds of issues.
02:40They come, in a way, traumatized.
02:45So I've just arrived on the island and I'm extremely excited to be here.
02:49It seems very, very hippie.
02:51There's a lot of dancing and yoga going on on the beach.
02:55I'm going to be as open as I can possibly be to exploring where the tantra really works
03:00because at the moment for me, it really is a grey area.
03:03I'm feeling like a bit of a weirdo on the sidelines right now, but maybe by the end
03:07of the week, you'll see me right at the centre of the drum circle.
03:12Or will you?
03:15There's a tight-knit community of expats who form the tantric scene on the island.
03:22Almost like the village elders, they each teach conscious sexuality in their own ways
03:27and will be my guides for the week.
03:29So I am a somatic psychotherapist.
03:32Sex, love, relationship coach.
03:34An intimacy coach.
03:35I'm a healer.
03:36Yeah.
03:37Like, that's just who I am.
03:38How long have you all been here for?
03:40Nine years, ten years.
03:42And you're all friends and there's a big community?
03:44Yeah, I mean, some of us are more acquaintances, for sure.
03:48Some of us, we just met and then us two were like...
03:53You guys together, or?
03:57It depends, your definition of together.
03:59Yeah.
04:00Oh wow, this looks amazing.
04:01Credit you to the food.
04:02Okay.
04:03It's like, the people that made it.
04:05Us, this experience, this moment.
04:21One thing out of many, many things that tantra can do is turn something that's mundane into
04:28extraordinary.
04:31Ah.
04:33Yoga teacher, a tantra teacher, they have their own definition of what tantra is.
04:37I like to classify them as classical tantra, which is for spiritual evolution and enlightenment,
04:43and neo-tantra, which is for healing and working with your sexuality.
04:47I think you'll like tomorrow's leisure session.
04:49I go through all kinds of different touches to like, awaken their body and find out what
04:55they like.
04:56Oh God.
04:57It became quite obvious that they all have their different approaches to tantra.
05:03I still don't quite understand what tantra means, but I'm definitely going to learn this
05:09week.
05:14My first day in tantric paradise.
05:16I presume I'll be eased in gently.
05:22Luckily, it's not me on the table.
05:24I've chosen to sit on the sidelines of Heather's pleasure session.
05:30Today we're going to do different touches to see what she likes, what she doesn't like.
05:34She's going to rate them.
05:38And then I'm going to invite her into asking for what she wants.
05:47The session involves stimulating different parts of the body with a number of unusual
05:52household items.
05:53It doesn't matter where you are, you can always find something to play with.
05:57Exactly.
05:58Best place is the hardware store.
05:59Yay.
06:00Heather's origin story is also a bit unusual.
06:03I started doing pleasure sessions with people a long time ago, so I was called into it as
06:08a way of healing myself.
06:11Literally about 19, 20 years ago, this flashing green neon sign that basically just tantra,
06:17tantra, tantra.
06:18Where was that?
06:19In my head.
06:20Oh.
06:21And I found the right teacher, I went through a teacher training, all of a sudden I was
06:25like healing and I was supporting others to heal.
06:28You're almost like a sex therapist.
06:30Without the license.
06:34The session is definitely not what you would expect from your run-of-the-mill therapist.
06:38Oh, that's hard.
06:41But I have a feeling nothing on the island is.
06:44There's healing in pleasure.
06:48If we can find out what we want and need in this segment of our life, it makes it so much
06:55easier in life to be able to ask for what we need and want on a daily basis.
07:05Next up, I have an appointment with Jade Egg.
07:08Let me explain.
07:09Hello.
07:10Hillary Kimball runs the Jade Temple, an all-women's tantra space on the island.
07:16From what I've gleaned, a lot of tantric healing centres around the yoni, the ancient Sanskrit
07:20word for vagina.
07:22Yoni massages are meant to clear trauma from the area through what looks to me like spiritual
07:27fingering.
07:29There's also another way to achieve this, and it's kind of like a kinder surprise for
07:33your vagina, where the small free toy is profound spiritual enlightenment.
07:38These are the eggs, right?
07:40These are the eggs.
07:41You pop them up for your yoni.
07:44Not exactly.
07:46The way that we do this is that we're all in a big circle.
07:50They have no underwear on, so we actually do bring the egg in inside of the class altogether,
07:55massaging the womb, massaging the vulva, and then actually asking the yoni and asking the
08:01body, do you want to receive the egg today?
08:03And how do you know whether it's saying no or yes?
08:06The yoni will literally begin to draw the egg in all on its own.
08:11Yoni egg practice, we actually learn to bring the egg all the way up towards the cervix
08:15and push it down towards the entrance.
08:17That makes me feel a bit sick.
08:20This is super, super healthy for a woman's body and a woman's vagina.
08:25If you don't use the muscles here, you're going to lose them.
08:28So it gives you a tight vagina.
08:29You don't want a tight pussy.
08:31You don't want a tight pussy.
08:32This is a complete misconception.
08:33A tight pussy is actually really unhealthy and can lead to health complications.
08:38Do you sell the jade eggs?
08:39I do.
08:40$50.
08:41So you can choose your egg.
08:42Yeah.
08:44Yeah.
08:45I will probably use it.
08:48Alone.
08:49Do you know what?
08:50I think it is important for women to know their yonis.
08:53Do I think it's important to put it up my vagina in front of loads of people?
08:58Probably not.
09:02In order to stay on what looks to me like an endless holiday,
09:05each practitioner has to have a tantric niche to avoid the issue of competition.
09:10I have been invited to attend something which I can only presume didn't have this issue.
09:15An Egyptian tantric sex magic witch coven.
09:18All I need is a white dress.
09:21Ta-da!
09:24Hello.
09:25How are you?
09:26Good.
09:27My tantra is going back to the ancient lineage, Egyptian tantra.
09:33My workshops that I perform for people is all about connecting into that portal of their magic.
09:42Do you cast spells?
09:43Of course we do.
09:48Sex magic is using sex, which is your life force.
09:53We come from sex.
09:54We come from this energy, this purity.
09:57This magic was performed way back in ancient Egypt.
10:02When you work with these energies, these ancient energies,
10:05when you really align to your magic, to who you are,
10:09anything is possible.
10:11I am a witch.
10:12What does that mean?
10:13A witch is a person who can cast a spell.
10:16I am a witch.
10:17I am a witch.
10:18I am a witch.
10:19I am a witch.
10:20I am a witch.
10:21I am a witch.
10:22I am a witch.
10:23I am a witch.
10:24I am a witch.
10:25I am a witch.
10:26A witch is somebody that knows her craft.
10:30So could I be a witch?
10:33You could be a witch.
10:34You probably are maybe a witch.
10:37Yeah.
10:38Do you manifest your will?
10:41Yeah, I think so.
10:42I think you do.
10:44When I was in my teens, I was heavily involved with witchcraft.
10:50It wasn't until I got to Egypt that I found my calling.
10:55I take spiritual tours now, initiate men and women in these temples
10:59like I have in many past lives before.
11:02The witchcraft that you're talking about is ancient Egypt, right?
11:07And then Tantra is Indian.
11:09How do the two mix?
11:12There is Egyptian Tantra.
11:14It's not mainstream like India is.
11:17But it is of sacred, sacred lineage.
11:22Thank you for guarding this place set outside of time
11:25in the realms of your eternal magic.
11:28We bid you farewell.
11:31This one.
11:34Oh, what is it?
11:36The devil.
11:37Of course, of course.
11:39You'll go through a spiritual upgrade in the next two years
11:44where you will be going through awakenings from this.
11:47Kopan Gang is a very highly spiritual place.
11:52We're on such a high portal frequency here because of the land.
11:57We're on crystal beds.
11:58Whatever we're learning spiritually, it's intensified.
12:02What spiritual awakenings lie ahead for me?
12:05And will being tied up for five hours
12:07in a Japanese shibari rope bondage session help me get there?
12:11Who here has no experience with ropes at all?
12:15Wish me luck.
12:16We're not going to be going too erotic today.
12:21Let them breathe all the way down the genitals to their feet.
12:26Can you bring out the sexual energy?
12:30Are you feeling your genitals?
12:32With everything getting a bit raunchy,
12:34I decide to employ a new sexy skill I learned from Heather.
12:40It's clearly the hot new move.
12:43Earth, water, fire.
12:46This rope-based foreplay moved into a game of elements.
12:50Fire is rising. It's wild.
12:52It could be everything.
12:54So what is the element of fire inside of you?
13:00I was enjoying being in control,
13:03but not so much when I was on the receiving end.
13:06Do we want to reach our edge?
13:09No.
13:12Yes.
13:13Get out of these ropes.
13:16You can't have it. Control it.
13:18You're finding control, losing control.
13:21Let it go.
13:23It's been three hours.
13:25It's long and laboursome.
13:27It's hot and sweaty.
13:29I've got marks all over my arms.
13:31Baby, you can do it.
13:33I wouldn't say any other word.
13:36Meet those wounds, meet those pains,
13:38and let them fucking go.
13:40The body is very uncomfortable
13:42and reaching many different levels of uncomfort,
13:45and that begins to open up the mind.
13:47I'm definitely uncomfortable and looking for an exit.
13:51But out of the mist, a rope angel
13:53suddenly envelops me in calming knots.
13:56So what do you want to get out of this?
13:59I had some trauma recently with my partner,
14:04and since then I've found it really hard
14:07to surrender and be sexual.
14:10So that's why a workshop like this for me is harder.
14:13How did you feel being wrapped up and tied up?
14:18I felt fine because you were doing it so gently,
14:21but it did just feel a bit weird
14:24because it felt a bit like a hog roast.
14:26A hog roast?
14:28If I had the apple,
14:30I would be channelling my inner pig hog roast.
14:33That's hilarious.
14:35OK, yeah, some shoes.
14:37How are you?
14:39I felt loving and caring,
14:41which was nice because I haven't had that in a while.
14:44There were parts of the rope that hurt,
14:47and there were parts of the rope
14:49that would have been scary
14:51if it was a man, probably.
14:53I would have felt a lot more intimidated,
14:55but I had a very gentle soul wrap me up,
15:00and it actually felt quite nice and comforting.
15:05Why?
15:07Because she was fit.
15:10I feel like I'm starting to get the idea of what tantra is.
15:13Living in the moment, even at dinner time,
15:15manifesting my will,
15:17having a strong yoni,
15:19knowing how to verbalise my sacred sexuality.
15:22And being connected to the fire, air,
15:25and water of my being.
15:27But there's also a young generation of visitors
15:29who are carving out their own
15:31tantric interpretations and practices.
15:33Hi, how are you?
15:35Roxy works across the globe
15:37giving tantric massages,
15:39primarily for a client list of rich men.
15:41Yannick, lovely to meet you.
15:43Where are you from, Yannick?
15:45I'm from Germany.
15:47What is the profile of your main clients?
15:49Most of them are a bit different from Yannick.
15:51They're a lot older,
15:53and it's feeling like they've really been in the material world.
15:55They've grabbed at a lot of things.
15:57And it's that feeling that still
15:59there's somehow a void that's missing.
16:01And that's a lot of the time
16:03why people tap into spirituality.
16:07So we're going to be doing a practice today
16:09called the Circle of Light.
16:11And that's basically tapping
16:13into the subtle energetic body.
16:15So the breath is the anchor
16:17into the present moment,
16:19until the giving and receiving actually drop away
16:21and there's this feeling of oneness.
16:23So we don't need the
16:25heavy foreplay or the
16:27touching so much,
16:29but this sharing of presence.
16:49So we're going to be doing
16:51a practice called the Circle of Light.
16:53And that's basically
16:55tapping into the subtle energetic body.
16:57So the breath is the anchor
16:59into the present moment,
17:01until the giving and receiving actually drop away
17:03and there's this feeling of oneness.
17:05So we don't need the
17:07heavy foreplay or the
17:09touching so much,
17:11but this sharing of presence.
17:13So we don't need the
17:15heavy foreplay or the
17:18âĻ
17:24I think good?
17:26How was that for you?
17:28It was really good!
17:30It looks good!
17:32It is very different from any kind of
17:34normal
17:36cuddling or lovemaking.
17:38It's a very
17:40different state of consciousness, it describes it well.
17:42Do you guys not want to have sex now?
17:44Having sex isn't
17:46always necessary. Do you agree with that?
17:55There were definitely times where, yes, I felt like I want to
17:59have sex with Roxy, but it's not focused on my genitals or on
18:06having an orgasm right now in that sense, but much more on the
18:10whole body experience. Janik and I are going to shower
18:14because basically we want to clean our auric field.
18:26It's not over, folks. The session was followed by a full body
18:29massage designed to stimulate the lingam, also known as penis.
18:33When I do tantric massage, I always start at the base of the
18:36body. And so when you can relax certain parts of your feet, the
18:41lingam will actually get aroused. So before we go to
18:47lingam, we focus on entire body. What I'm seeing does seem
18:52undeniably sexual, but I'm learning that within tantra,
18:55intimacy has been radically redefined. Just because I touch
18:59someone, it doesn't mean that it's sexual, but it really comes
19:01from mechanism of society of feeling. So much with touch
19:05translates into sex and it doesn't. However, I see how the
19:09blurring of these boundaries could give rise to
19:11misunderstandings. Do your clients ever come to you and get
19:15the wrong idea? A huge part of it is the fact that I will never
19:18have sex with any of them. Is Janik just a client? Janik, I
19:24consider a friend more than anything else. Janik, how do you
19:30feel? I feel very good about the statement. She calls a lot of
19:37people her friends. The powerful women that I've spent
19:44time with so far seem completely in control, but they
19:47are also aware of the dangers of the often ambiguous lines of
19:50consent within the tantric world. What are the borders?
19:54Like, okay, no penetration, but between no penetration and
19:57working in sexuality, that's like one million possibilities.
20:01Could slip up, could get horny, could get something that
20:07you didn't sign up for, and then the gray zone comes in and
20:12who is to blame? The gray zone of consent within this tantric
20:16world has been weaponized by abusers in the past. In 2019,
20:22Agama, the world's biggest tantric yoga school, was forced
20:25to close its headquarters on the island after accusations of
20:28endemic sexual abuse by its leader, Swami Vivekananda
20:32Saravasti. You do tantra and you go crazy. You know that if
20:36you maintain yourself in that pre-orgasmic state for a long
20:40time, it's like a drunkenness. I've managed to get hold of
20:43Mangala, who's a previous Agama student. For me, it was a very
20:47long, slow process. It was years before I was groomed enough
20:50to be abused, let's put it that way. Mangala spent five years
20:54at Agama and became the victim of tantric sexual abuse on an
20:57industrial scale. You'd be invited into a private session
21:01with him and do some kind of weird meditation and then the
21:05women would then report that they'd ended up sleeping with
21:08him. This was alongside allegations of toxic misogyny
21:11at the core of its belief system. Let's get clear, this
21:14is a cult and people are brainwashed. As I was, I was
21:17deep in it for five years and so we would hear constantly,
21:21oh, there's problems with women. I was constantly being
21:24told, I've got sexual blocks, I'm a Scorpio, I should be
21:28having five lovers and it was this constant chipping away at
21:32my confidence and to the point where I would ask for help from
21:37senior teachers and the only answer was like, go and sleep
21:41with the Swami. Despite the leader fleeing the island,
21:44amidst worldwide media attention, the school has
21:47quietly reopened. There's a lot of people have been through
21:50that school who are out teaching, like on the island,
21:53they've got massive blind spots and are still basically
21:56regurgitating the same shit.
21:58The Agama scandal may be in the past, but this kind of abuse
22:02has not left the island. There's a lot of predators and a
22:05lot of sleazebags on this island, has been and will be.
22:09This is a really big issue. And something that you guys
22:12probably come across regularly. Yeah, I mean, we have like a
22:17Facebook women's group and once a week maybe someone's like,
22:20I had this experience. Once a week, wow. I feel like I see
22:22them quite often. Well, recently there's a lot. Let's
22:26see what's here. I can see a post and it says, a man
22:31sexually assaulted me, but someone recently told me he's
22:34here and teaching things in brackets, tantra, shabari, that
22:39would put him in a position of power over women. I worry that
22:42with what he teaches, that many women might end up in a
22:45vulnerable position with him. A lot of women have had similar
22:49experiences with this guy. It was not okay. What he requested
22:54in the name of spiritual healing. So there's another
22:56post. This guy offered her a healing session. What this
23:01consisted of is him tapping her forehead and eventually going
23:06down to her vagina. And he told her that he cleared vaginal
23:10chakras by putting his fingers inside of them. There's
23:14honestly comment after comment after comment. I would have
23:18thought that the agama scandal would have been something that
23:21changed the island for the better, but I'm sad to see that
23:24the same shit is still happening. So much of the
23:27teaching involves being touched by strangers and it involves
23:30doing things that make you feel uncomfortable. Some men have
23:34figured this out and I think they've taken advantage of it.
23:37If you're a sexual predator, this is like a paradise for you.
23:47After the agama scandal and the constant abuse being reported
23:50on the island, some teachers have started to train people in
23:54consent and verbalizing their boundaries.
23:59Looking at our boundaries all of the time constantly helps us
24:03to define and refine what those are for us so that we are
24:06continuously true to ourselves. In Satyama's classes, tantric
24:10yoga was paired with role plays based around consent. No matter
24:14what I ask her, she's going to say no. Yeah. Can I give you a
24:20yoni massage? Absolutely not. Thank you.
24:28You're going to say yes and. May I choke you? Yeah, and try not to
24:38hit this part. I had a rope there yesterday.
24:44The class descended into chaos, running the gamut between extreme
24:48eye contact and nipple clenching. Whilst pissing around, I meet a
24:52couple who travel from Germany for their dose of sexual
24:55enlightenment. So how long have you guys been together for?
24:58More than five years. Nearly five and a half years. And do you
25:04often explore different things together? We do. And also with
25:10other people because we're in an open relationship. So we've been
25:12open for two and a half years. I was 20 years old. I was very
25:16jealous at the time. I worked on myself and I realised I'm also
25:19interested in other guys. And I worked on my jealousy. You get
25:22jealous because of the feelings you have in your past. You don't
25:26feel confident and that's nothing to do with your partners. It's
25:28not easy. And if you have an issue, it's always, you can say,
25:31it's you, no? Issue is you. The class ended with a very intense
25:36game of power play. Ask him energetically for a hug. Some
25:40uncomfortably prolonged hugs. And this guy, still at it with the
25:44bum out eye contact. It's my first, I think there's a lot of
25:49eye gazing. They've both been staring into each other's eyes
25:53for about five minutes and they've both just left the room
25:56crying. It must be a powerful practice. Teaching boundaries is
26:01a good way of helping people protect themselves. But to be
26:04able to have the courage to vocalise your boundaries in the
26:07first place, you need to have a strong sense of self-worth and
26:10sexual confidence. And just breathing into that. Marnie's
26:16all-female workshops are designed to destroy internalised
26:19misogyny and shame, born from patriarchy. My body more or less
26:25looked like this at 11, 12 years old. So I had a split
26:29energetically with men, where I weaponised my body and my
26:32sensuality to get love and approval. And with women
26:36diminishing and hiding myself to stay in connection. 10, 11
26:40years ago, I got in touch with shadow work, the hidden, the
26:44denied, the suppressed aspects of self. And I decided to become
26:49a stripper and a lap dance. It's a moving meditation that we
26:53will move into. Also working through a lot with my mum
27:00sitting there.
27:19This is your time. And just drop into meditation.
27:25For some reason, I feel so safe with women. We've been trained
27:28to give our bodies away, you know, to the sexual experience,
27:31to the power in male sensuality. And I feel like when women have
27:35a feeling of like awkwardness or like divorce from being able
27:38to occupy that space, it's almost because we're so used to
27:41giving that away. I literally could feel like sensations in my
27:45body, where it was like almost disgust, a lot of shame, a lot
27:50of guilt in there, because like, that was not accepted in our
27:55culture in Thailand. Doing that, it feels terrifying. But at
27:59the same time, I felt like I am touching my body, I am feeling,
28:04you know, this beauty that I have to show, you know, I don't
28:08have to be disgusted by it. Marnie is clearly teaching a
28:12class that's really special for those who attend. Very sexy
28:15woman. You should see her lap dance, it's amazing.
28:21Having an all-female safe space seems to give women room to
28:24express themselves and tantrically evolve. But what
28:28about the men on the island?
28:33Women are empowering themselves, we men must do the
28:38same. Stefo is training the male population here on how to
28:41be a true tantric man. I want to teach men about integrity and
28:45how important it is to actually integrate your sex with your
28:49heart and the head, and we won't step over boundaries and
28:52things like that. One thing that I'm teaching from tantra is
28:58semen retention, right? So in tantra, we say that the life
29:02force of a man is stored in the semen. Orgasm does not equal
29:09ejaculation. After 21 days is when our super powers start to
29:15come out. We can use that in a long-term relationship because
29:19ejaculation pushes the partner away. Men with chronic blue
29:24balls not being able to come worries me, I'm not going to
29:27lie. But the promise of superpowers must be genuinely
29:30tempting for the men in this group. So in a couple of
29:34sentences, introduce your brother to the group. As a child,
29:41he actually struggled quite a bit from a learning disability.
29:44One of his biggest challenges has been facing how his father
29:48expressed what masculinity was to him. The doctors really
29:52couldn't do anything about his trauma, and he's overcome that
29:54by discovering yoga and various alternative methods to get into
29:58his trauma. And just release everything you know, every
30:04program you picked up about what it is to be a man. You have to
30:10have a big, hard dick that you need to look a certain way, that
30:14need to be strong. Boys don't cry, shake it out. I think
30:19something like this is really amazing, and I've never seen
30:22anything like it being done before. They've been taught to
30:25not cry, they've been taught they have to be super masculine,
30:28so I really respect all the men that have come here and are
30:31trying to work on themselves. I think there's a lot to learn
30:35about men being able to share openly how they felt about
30:39things. Alongside his men's courses, Steffo does one-on-one
30:46breathwork designed to clear trauma from the body. Hello, how
30:49are you? How are you? Good, thank you. He thinks that this
30:54could help me with my own experiences. The goal of this
30:57session is to just to let go to whatever comes up. You could
31:02say it's a healing session, because the breathwork we will
31:05be doing is a circular breathing. It's been used as an
31:09alternative kind of therapy for a very long time. On the
31:13emotional side, since we work with the subconscious, there
31:17might be stuff stored there that you haven't kind of looked
31:20at for a while, and there might be any types of emotions like
31:23sadness coming up out of nowhere, you don't even know why,
31:27or anger. The breath is deeper than usual. The breath is
31:33faster than usual. I just don't feel very well. I feel like I'm
31:43going to be sick. You're doing great. I just feel really sick.
31:49I don't know why I feel so dizzy. Surrender to that. It's
31:52just your body releasing. Sorry, I wasn't expecting that to
31:56happen. No, it's okay.
31:59It's totally fine. Just let it come. You're doing exactly as
32:06you should.
32:21It's more difficult when the cameras are here.
32:29I was kind of expecting to just breathe and not have a
32:32reaction, but something happened, and as soon as I
32:36started talking, I could tell that I was wanting to cry. My
32:39body was wanting to cry, and I don't know if that's because
32:42I've just been put in a bit of a pressure cooker this week, or
32:46because emotions from what I've been through are coming up, or
32:50because I was essentially hyperventilating. The thing is,
32:54we have been going to class after class after class after
32:56class, and that seems to be the way here. There's so much to
33:00choose from, and everybody seems to be working on
33:02themselves, but when do you stop?
33:08Just preparing for a little cacao ceremony. Girl cacao
33:12ceremony. You can think about an intention for this ceremony
33:17while we talk.
33:21Do you think it's possible to heal?
33:24Heal fully, you mean?
33:25Yeah.
33:26Probably not. It's quite a lifelong process to be looking
33:30at where can I go from healing to revealing to pleasure to
33:34bliss. I mean, I had a normal job. I was the executive
33:39director of a chamber of commerce.
33:41Wow.
33:41And I handed in my resignation, and I lived at the Osho
33:45Meditation Resort in Pune, yeah, and looked at Osho
33:48meditations.
33:49Oh, wow.
33:51That was where I became Satyama.
33:53Yeah, it's that Osho you might have seen in Netflix's
33:57Wild Wild Country, which documented the sexual abuse
34:00rampant in his cult. He is also, incidentally, the creator
34:05of Neo-Tantra, with many practitioners still
34:07pilgrimaging to Osho centers for their teaching.
34:10There's obviously a massive controversy about him.
34:14For sure, if you haven't lived there. This is all media.
34:18I had the time of my life there.
34:19So did you not experience that?
34:21Controversy.
34:22Yeah.
34:23With Osho.
34:24Well, he wasn't alive. He wasn't alive at the time.
34:28So what was your name before?
34:29Don't ask me that. I'm not going to answer.
34:31Please. I would love to know.
34:34Did your original name begin with S?
34:37Was it Susan?
34:38No.
34:41So what's your intention?
34:43I would like to be a powerful, accomplished woman.
34:47I can help you with that.
34:48In the last 10 years, I've lived in many different
34:50conscious communities.
34:51My workshop could even be considered slightly controversial.
34:55I will put you in situations that would maybe make you feel
34:58uncomfortable, like a transfiguration ceremony,
35:01which we're going to do under the full moon.
35:04You will go to different Shiva's experience, energy.
35:07Different men.
35:07Yes.
35:16So I've just got a message off Satyama,
35:19and it says assignment.
35:21Invite a man to tomorrow's transfiguration ritual.
35:25Maybe I can just invite Aitor or something.
35:27I think we had a moment on the beach because we both saw
35:29blue and white and we were staring into each other's souls.
35:38Did you see white blue?
35:42Satyama has asked me to bring someone to the
35:45transfiguration ceremony tonight.
35:47You seem like quite a nice guy.
35:49Will you come with me?
35:52Actually, I have...
35:52Don't say...
35:54The rejection.
35:57Actually, I have some dance, so...
36:00No.
36:01It's not going to be possible this time.
36:04Shall I just jump in the sea?
36:07Satyama said not to worry though,
36:09as she found a sexy British man for me.
36:12Terrified.
36:13This is it.
36:14It's the culmination of all the tantric work that I've done this week.
36:19I feel a little bit like it's my wedding day,
36:22and I have no idea what to expect,
36:24apart from the fact I'm going to be paired up with an English man called Ross.
36:28Rory, is this girl here?
36:33It feels a little bit like a tantric speed dating.
36:37Hello.
36:39Where's Ross?
36:40He's over there.
36:40Oh, you're Ross.
36:41Hello, nice to meet you.
36:42What's your name?
36:43Tia.
36:43Tia?
36:44Yeah.
36:45Okay.
36:45How are you?
36:46Very good.
36:46Good.
36:47Shall we?
36:49I would love it if the men would stand up,
36:53have a look at whoever the men are here,
36:56walk and have a look to see all the women that are here participating also.
37:02Now that we are all paired with our Shiva's,
37:04all men,
37:05it's time to get to know each other.
37:07Now that we are all paired with our Shiva's,
37:10all men,
37:10it's time for the moonlight ceremony to begin.
37:13The men are sent to the beach to await us Shaktis,
37:16or women,
37:17to gracefully descend to them.
37:19Wait up, guys.
37:26The ritual is of a divine state beyond the mind.
37:30You are representing femininity,
37:33and he will be the one that will be holding consciousness for us in this ritual.
37:52In this sacred ceremony,
37:53I must dance around the different men in the group,
37:57hold a mudra,
37:58or spiritual gesture,
38:00before sitting down for some more eye gazing.
38:03For a ritual which should profoundly express my femininity,
38:14it looks a lot like a group of women dancing for men's pleasure.
38:18I'm feeling very uncomfortable.
38:22Namaste.
38:26I find another woman from the ritual also needing some time out.
38:34How did you find it?
38:36Exhausting.
38:37Yeah, exhausting.
38:38How come?
38:39There are like so many different people you're like looking into straight into soul.
38:44Yeah, I know.
38:46Yeah, it felt intense.
38:48Yeah.
38:49Really, really intense.
38:51I don't know, there's something in me that's like,
38:54since filming it so many times,
38:56they've been told to be wary of like sexual predators.
39:00It feels so unnatural for me to then start dancing.
39:10On Tantra Island, people can go to extreme lengths on their journey of discovery.
39:15But I'm not sure I'm there yet.
39:16If I had said to myself that I would be doing something like this maybe a year ago,
39:21I would have said no, absolutely not.
39:23That's not really, I can't see myself doing that.
39:25It's not my kind of thing.
39:26But recently, I think circumstances have made me push towards seeing if I can change
39:33or what sort of more radical approaches there are to healing for me.
39:38Where do you want to get healed from?
39:43I don't want to specifically now in this setting go into the stuff that happened to me.
39:56Before I started this whole journey, I didn't have this fire inside of me.
40:02And I was very afraid of my sexuality and very afraid of sex in general.
40:06And then I went to my first sexual shamanic awakening.
40:12And to be honest, I didn't think it would shift me so much.
40:17But it changed my whole life.
40:19What happened there?
40:21What happened there?
40:22I can tell you that from the minute that I walked in, it was crazy.
40:29Only when you really allow yourself to die, that's when rebirth is coming.
40:34Only, only.
40:35It's like pain.
40:36So many people feel pain and then they stop because they don't want to feel more pain.
40:43I find it hard to feel pain.
40:44Yeah.
40:45How long are you feeling pain for?
40:47It hurts for, you know, a very short amount of time.
40:52And then I'm like, I need to be strong about this.
40:55It's been what I've done since I was a teenager.
40:58The first person I had sex with is very, very traumatic to me.
41:02And I've definitely not processed it.
41:06Yeah. And how do you feel about meeting them?
41:11I want to.
41:13Yeah.
41:13And it's there and I can talk about it, kind of.
41:16But I, yeah, I'm just struggling.
41:21Maybe I'm dealing with it a bit now.
41:23Yeah.
41:25Because the boxes are beginning to open, whether you like it or not.
41:42That was very gracefully done.
41:44You all right?
41:45I feel like that talk with Natalie was actually one of the most poignant parts of my journey so far.
41:51I did feel like it was almost a sort of little therapy session in a way.
41:55So I guess the point is, a lot of people heal in different ways.
41:59For me, sitting, having a chat with a coconut was the perfect way of doing it.
42:04But for Natalie, something more extreme,
42:07something that was going to push her limits is how she healed.
42:12If you are hiding, you cannot create intimacy.
42:16Intimacy begins with vulnerability.
42:20This is an island of contradictions.
42:22And then taking one hand and putting on our genitals and feeling, am I alive?
42:27Know your boundaries, but challenge them.
42:29Reclaim and display your sexuality.
42:32But don't confuse this with sensuality, which is wholly separate.
42:35Celebrate your femininity, but also deify men.
42:39Escape from trauma, but potentially be traumatized all over again.
42:44Tantra has undoubtedly done a lot of good for a lot of people.
42:48I didn't have any sense of sexuality until I came to this island.
42:52I didn't have a pleasure practice.
42:53My sexuality was like, there was nothing.
42:56But this Wild West-like industry, with no regulations and charlatans a dime a dozen,
43:02can be fertile ground for abuse.
43:04What would your advice be to women who are joining this community?
43:07Anywhere in your body, if you're feeling that this is not right, it's not right.
43:12I'm going back to London sure of a few things.
43:15I definitely still have some shit to work through, and conversation is a great help.
43:20I know I could never be a stripper.
43:23And from now on, hugs are only allowed to be three seconds maximum.
43:28But for those still there, I truly hope they're able to create a safe healing community
43:33in the paradise of Tantra Island.
43:37Are you closing your eyes again?