The Three Badasses Who Want Me Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:06What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:10Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:15If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:20Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:22What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply it to your penny list though?
00:00:28And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:32Alright, everybody get out!
00:00:35We got an important guest coming!
00:00:39You!
00:00:44You deaf? I said pack up and scram!
00:00:47I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:00:54You want to say that again?
00:00:58You know who's visiting today?
00:01:00Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:04Ellen Musk?
00:01:05Of course a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:07Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:11Really?
00:01:12Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:17You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:24Coming to see you?
00:01:25Alright, you know what? I'll play your game.
00:01:28If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:35Deal.
00:01:44Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:01:47Or else, you're fired.
00:01:56Get to the flea market.
00:02:08Prepare the limo. Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:18Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:20Good. Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:23Five.
00:02:24Four.
00:02:27Three.
00:02:30Two.
00:02:31One.
00:02:35Ellen! I mean, Ms. Musk!
00:02:38Ellen, I mean, I'm sorry that I...
00:02:42Sorry to frighten you.
00:02:45How's my boss bitch?
00:02:47Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:02:48So how do you, like...
00:02:52She's my boss.
00:02:54I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:02:58No way.
00:03:02Well?
00:03:07No, I'm sorry for offending your boss. I won't do it again.
00:03:14Alright, that's enough. We're not tyrants here.
00:03:19Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:27You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:29The Runaway Bride.
00:03:32You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:37Who are you?
00:03:40Where is she?
00:03:42Atlanta. And you were right.
00:03:45Where is she?
00:03:46Atlanta. And you were right.
00:03:48It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:50My clever bride.
00:03:52I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:03:59Max, prep the jet.
00:04:01I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:07Dr. Wilson, Ben Sterling's on the move. He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:10Atlanta? The game is afoot. I'm going.
00:04:14Wait, Dr. Wilson. The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:16He can wait. I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:23Dr. Wilson!
00:04:30General Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:04:33Ben Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:36Atlanta!
00:04:38Where is that?
00:04:40Whatever. Prepare my warplanes.
00:04:42Those two are going after my fiancee.
00:04:45This is war.
00:05:02I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:08Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:10This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:13That project is worth billions. He can finally take his company public.
00:05:17But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:27Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:32Well, three years ago...
00:05:41You saved me.
00:06:00He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:04I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:10But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:18So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:21I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:26But why work at the flea market? Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:32Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:37Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:41You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:47Where the hell are you? Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:52Get home, stat. It's a big day today.
00:06:56That was...
00:06:58My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:03But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:09You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:17Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:21Hi, I'm home. I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:26Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:31Divorce papers?
00:07:34Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:38God! Don't call me Mom again. We're ending that relationship.
00:07:44Just look at you. Dirt all over. You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:49You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:53I'm below his league?
00:07:55That's right. You are.
00:07:58Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:04And then his company's going public.
00:08:07That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:10But you? You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:15Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:19You will always just be a pawn. Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:27Dirt on your shoes? But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:33You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:37How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:43Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:47And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:52You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:08:58Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee. Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:03Enough!
00:09:05Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:09But I am.
00:09:11Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:14Here's 500K. You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:19Now sign the papers, take a check, and leave. Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:25I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:30Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:33Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:36Fine. Here's another 200,000.
00:09:40500,000 is too much for her already. She's done nothing.
00:09:44Hasn't even contributed a grandchild. She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:50Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:09:54I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:09:58You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:03And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:07A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:10A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO? What a joke.
00:10:15If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:21And leave!
00:10:24You really think that Jared would have gotten that Maple Plaza bid without me?
00:10:29Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:32I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:35Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:41It's all my work!
00:10:45Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:53You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:10:58So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:02She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:06Fine. I'll sign it.
00:11:10But don't regret it.
00:11:13Regret?
00:11:15Do you know who I am?
00:11:17Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:21I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:25Jared winning the bid on Maple Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:31Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:34It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:38You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:42Social stratum matters.
00:11:44Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:48And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:51And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:11:56Ha! You're delusional!
00:11:59Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:05You owe me.
00:12:06You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:15You hit me.
00:12:19Now sign the papers, pay your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:37I don't need your penny money.
00:12:42We're finished.
00:12:44You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:47Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:50But I would like my ring back.
00:12:53Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:04And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:11Isn't that the Winston Bluejays?
00:13:15Yeah.
00:13:17Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:21It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:25Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:28Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:31You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:37Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:41Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:48Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:51Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:13:56Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:11Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:17Vanderbilt?
00:14:18Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically, our employee.
00:14:22Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:25You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:29That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:32Angela Lockhart.
00:14:34Derek?
00:14:38Angela!
00:14:39Angela!
00:14:41Angela!
00:14:43Angela!
00:14:45Angela!
00:14:48She's still in there!
00:14:50Angela, wait!
00:14:52Angela!
00:14:53Angela!
00:14:56Angela!
00:14:58Angela!
00:14:59I'm sorry.
00:15:00I finally found you.
00:15:03Who is he?
00:15:05That, that's Devin Sterling.
00:15:07He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list,
00:15:10an early investor of crypto,
00:15:12CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:14Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:17And he's your fiancé.
00:15:20What?
00:15:21What?
00:15:22My fiancé?
00:15:23The one and only.
00:15:26So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:31have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:34Babe?
00:15:43That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:49What is she doing here?
00:15:53You skank.
00:15:55My son just divorced you yesterday
00:15:57and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:00Divorced?
00:16:02That's right.
00:16:04So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:08Sterling.
00:16:10Devin Sterling.
00:16:12So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:16Guess she's not just a forsaken woman,
00:16:19she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:24How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:16:27Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:30Do you know who I am?
00:16:33They don't know who you are.
00:16:36You hide it well.
00:16:38X-Team!
00:16:40Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:43Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:49Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta
00:16:52and then to New York.
00:16:54You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:01Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:04No, I'm good.
00:17:08Tell these ill-mannered apes out.
00:17:10Oh, you bitch.
00:17:12I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:19A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:23No.
00:17:31Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:34You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:39Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:42Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:44Your families all started empires
00:17:46after the Industrial Revolution.
00:17:48What an honor.
00:17:49I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:52It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:54Congrats. You'll be next.
00:17:57But we haven't received the contract yet,
00:17:59but we deserve it.
00:18:00That's nothing.
00:18:01I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:03Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:06So I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:10Thank you, Mr. Manville.
00:18:12Now we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest list.
00:18:15Yes.
00:18:16I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:20Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:23Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot,
00:18:27we can feast for generations.
00:18:32I'll do my best.
00:18:38Excuse me.
00:18:39A second, gentlemen.
00:18:41What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:44Come on.
00:18:47How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:50Me? A hobo?
00:18:52How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:55You sleep your way in?
00:18:56I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:18:59Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:02Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:07This is your ex-husband?
00:19:11What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:13Who the hell is this?
00:19:14You were cheating on me?
00:19:28Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:31That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:37They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:44Kaylee.
00:19:51You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:56Get your hands off of her.
00:20:02My lady.
00:20:13My queen.
00:20:25It's...
00:20:27It's him!
00:20:29He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:32Who are these peasants?
00:20:34These seats are reserved for the Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:20:39Oh, son.
00:20:40The Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:20:42Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:45You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:49Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:51That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:53You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:56His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:00This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:03Vanderbilt.
00:21:05The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt.
00:21:09Who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:14That lonely Vanderbilt family.
00:21:23Oh, goddammit.
00:21:25A stomachache now?
00:21:30Whatever.
00:21:31Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:40How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:43I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett,
00:21:45the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:49I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:21:53And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:21:57Not with me around.
00:21:59I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:03You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:08You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:10We've had enough of your games.
00:22:12Security.
00:22:14Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:16Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:19Don't worry.
00:22:21You got new money here.
00:22:25I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:27I can handle myself.
00:22:30I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:32Yes, my queen.
00:22:34You're all despicable.
00:22:37An insult to your family names.
00:22:42Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:45Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:48Cut off all business ties.
00:22:51And if you don't,
00:22:53I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:22:57Ha! I knew it!
00:22:59You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:01You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:03How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:07You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:11You have nothing.
00:23:13And you will always be nothing.
00:23:15She's a gold digger.
00:23:18Gold digger?
00:23:20Gigolo.
00:23:22Want to try me for a night?
00:23:25Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:27Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:30They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:33Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:35She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:38Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:40Security!
00:23:46Security!
00:23:49You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:52And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:55You!
00:23:57Insolent fools.
00:23:59Let me guess. You're that special guest?
00:24:03I don't know.
00:24:05Throw them out!
00:24:06And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:10Back down, Max.
00:24:15I got this.
00:24:39Hey! Hey, you!
00:24:48What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:50I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:52No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:55Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:25:06Angela!
00:25:08Don't hurt her!
00:25:10You bitch. I've always been sick of you.
00:25:12You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:14How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:16Boss?
00:25:17Did she say her boss?
00:25:19Miss Musk? That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:22That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:24My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:28Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:31Past the American Revolution?
00:25:33Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:35If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:38That's Lady Lockhart to you. She's royalty.
00:25:41And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:45What are you going to do?
00:25:47Kneel before me.
00:25:49Oh, your majesty.
00:25:51Welcome to the United States.
00:25:54We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:25:57Yes, your highness.
00:25:59Is it a queen or princess?
00:26:01It doesn't matter.
00:26:03My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:06We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:09What are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:11Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:23What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:34She's a badass herself.
00:26:36He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:38You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:42Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:45No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:26:47I worked hard for everything.
00:26:49You worked for everything?
00:26:57I'm sorry.
00:26:59What are you doing?
00:27:06So, our 30th anniversary is coming up.
00:27:09And I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:27:12I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:14I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project.
00:27:17And if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:21Oh my god.
00:27:27You were nothing before me.
00:27:30All your achievements, all your glory.
00:27:33That's all mine.
00:27:35Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:38I can take all of that away.
00:27:41Just like that.
00:27:43No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:45That's why Ellen Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:49Oh, and this antique wedding ring.
00:27:52Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:54It was Queen Victoria's.
00:27:56And it's worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:05No.
00:28:06I gave you back the ring.
00:28:08I divorced a royal heiress.
00:28:11No.
00:28:12No, please.
00:28:13No.
00:28:14No, please take me back, baby.
00:28:16I still love you.
00:28:20Oh, man.
00:28:21Looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:23No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:28:32God, these two again.
00:28:34Did he say...
00:28:35Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:37President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:39After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:28:41each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:28:44the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:46Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:48Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:28:49I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:51Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:58And that there is...
00:28:59That is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:03He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:05Dr. House?
00:29:06Yes.
00:29:07I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:08Oh, no.
00:29:09That's based on a real figure.
00:29:10Yep, that's me.
00:29:11Son of James House.
00:29:13Dr. House?
00:29:14He's practically my uncle.
00:29:16I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:20So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands
00:29:24for the last 14 months.
00:29:26And I'm late because I ran out of gum
00:29:28and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:34Hey, Ellen.
00:29:35Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:38Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:29:41What?
00:29:42Fiancées?
00:29:45Plural?
00:29:46Fiancées.
00:29:47Plural?
00:29:49Watch it, nerds.
00:29:50I'm her fiancé.
00:29:52No, I'm her fiancé.
00:29:53You can both shut up.
00:29:55I'm her fiancé.
00:29:56It's you.
00:29:57It's me.
00:29:58Who the hell is he?
00:29:59I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:02How are all three of these men my fiancé?
00:30:07Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:30:10but I didn't tell you because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:14She has three badass fiancées and she marries his dumb ass.
00:30:21Whatever.
00:30:22Since you're all here,
00:30:24help me finish him.
00:30:27Since you're all here,
00:30:29help me finish him.
00:30:32At your service.
00:30:34Me too.
00:30:40One down, two more to go.
00:30:42She's become queen.
00:30:43Bishop to G4.
00:30:50What is that?
00:30:52The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:30:58Rook to A8.
00:31:04Hello?
00:31:08I thought I was king.
00:31:09No, you wish.
00:31:10The king doesn't do anything,
00:31:12so Ellen can be my king.
00:31:14Oh, fine.
00:31:19Bankrupt to four, it's right this second.
00:31:26I...
00:31:28I've been bankrupt!
00:31:30No!
00:31:32Who is...
00:31:38I've been bankrupt!
00:31:40No!
00:31:41I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:46Well, guess what?
00:31:47Game over.
00:31:48All right, boys.
00:31:49Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:52Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:54I'm right with you.
00:31:57Wait for me.
00:31:58Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:32:03I'm right with you.
00:32:08Angela!
00:32:12You already have three fiancés?
00:32:15You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:17I...
00:32:18want compensation.
00:32:22You greedy SOB.
00:32:24Who the fuck is that?
00:32:25My ex-husband.
00:32:27Wait, you were married?
00:32:29Yeah, and...
00:32:30If that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:33More for me?
00:32:34No, no, of course not.
00:32:36Just...
00:32:37Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:39Don't steal my joke.
00:32:41I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:43All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:46What?
00:32:47Is there something on my face?
00:32:48Uh, yeah.
00:32:49Murderous intent.
00:32:51Let's remarry.
00:32:53Let's remarry.
00:32:55You still don't realize.
00:32:58I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:28Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:30We need to wreck right away.
00:33:32Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:36Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:40She should be okay now.
00:33:45Hey, you!
00:33:46Watch over her.
00:33:47I'll be right back.
00:33:50You saved me.
00:33:55Fuck.
00:33:56I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:00Fuck.
00:34:01I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:03You've cheated on me.
00:34:05You've hit me.
00:34:06And you've insulted me.
00:34:08And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:12I fucking hate you.
00:34:14I hate you.
00:34:16I never want to see you again.
00:34:18I fucking hate you.
00:34:21Middle lady Lockhart.
00:34:23What now?
00:34:25Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:34:30but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:34How about us three?
00:34:35Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:39Yeah, no.
00:34:40You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:42But...
00:34:44This is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:46We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:48No, no.
00:34:51We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:34:55Oh, help me.
00:34:57I'll get you for this.
00:35:05I never should have listened to you.
00:35:06I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:15So...
00:35:17What's the situation here?
00:35:18I don't want to marry you.
00:35:28I don't want to marry you.
00:35:31Listen.
00:35:33I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:35:35and I'm not interested in flash marriage.
00:35:38I don't want to marry you.
00:35:40I don't want to marry you.
00:35:42And I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:44But what if I told you
00:35:47that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:51Much longer.
00:35:55Angela?
00:35:56Your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:36:03My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:06Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:08The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:11Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:13I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing,
00:36:18blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours.
00:36:21Can't call his name, but...
00:36:23Anyway, congratulations!
00:36:25I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:30Oh, you must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:33Otherwise...
00:36:34Let me do it.
00:36:36You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:39Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:43Mom!
00:36:44Alright, honey, that's it.
00:36:46Bye! Bye!
00:36:52So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:56Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:01Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:05All three of you.
00:37:07That seems greedy.
00:37:14But I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:19Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:23I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:28Well, okay, no murder, please. I was just kidding.
00:37:33You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:36Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:39I know. We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:44Welcome to the show, The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:48Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:52What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:55You'll see.
00:38:03Oh my god! Oh my god! Cockroaches!
00:38:06All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:09And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:14What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single lady,
00:38:20but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:24Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:27It's up to the final two.
00:38:54Oof!
00:38:59Crunchy.
00:39:01That is sick cold.
00:39:03Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:09There are two more left. Want to try one?
00:39:11Oh my god, no! No!
00:39:15Oh my god, save me!
00:39:16Save you? You're going to save me!
00:39:19Ahh!
00:39:21I'm a germaphobe doctor. These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:25They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:42Thank god you're here.
00:39:45Are you alright, honey?
00:39:48Angela!
00:39:52Alright, you won the first challenge, so you're a reward.
00:39:55You get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:58Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:00I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:09Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:12At least my girl can get some.
00:40:14I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:18The cockroaches!
00:40:19They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:21There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:25I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:32I need a drink.
00:40:41Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:44Oh, why do you care?
00:40:46Are you trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela?
00:40:51You guys were right.
00:40:53I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:56You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:02He never even loved me.
00:41:04And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:11Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:17You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:24What?
00:41:28You're number one here.
00:41:35You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:39Lies.
00:41:42You all just want something from me.
00:41:47Angela.
00:41:49I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:52But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:41:58I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:00I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:08I just need you.
00:42:12I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:14I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:16I promise.
00:42:28Screw the contest.
00:42:30I just want love.
00:42:33Angela.
00:42:35You're drunk.
00:42:36I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:40It's okay.
00:42:45But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:49Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:43:01If this is what you want.
00:43:14I love you.
00:43:30Nine inch penis.
00:43:31Morning to you too.
00:43:34You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:36A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:43:42Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:45But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:48Because then they would...
00:43:49Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:52Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:55I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:44:02Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:08You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:12Stop.
00:44:15Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:19I won't tell.
00:44:21But only on one condition.
00:44:25I won't tell.
00:44:27But only on one condition.
00:44:30You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:33Fine.
00:44:37I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:41You never noticed me.
00:44:47You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:53It's only 7am.
00:44:54She's still sleeping.
00:44:55I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:56Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:02Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:03Oh, or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:06Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:09What's up, guys?
00:45:10We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:12No cockroaches this time.
00:45:14Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:18This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:20I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:22The second challenge is...
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26A date.
00:45:27Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:45:29A date?
00:45:31That's it.
00:45:32What's the catch?
00:45:33No catch.
00:45:34Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:37As simple as that.
00:45:38I know what I want to do.
00:45:39Let's start with me first.
00:45:40Okay, who's up first? Then...
00:45:42Me.
00:45:43Save the best for last.
00:45:45Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:47Then it's decided.
00:45:52Please don't take my BMW away.
00:45:55Too bad.
00:45:56You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:45:59I have nothing left.
00:46:08It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:14It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:24General Eisenhower, sir!
00:46:26At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:28This is my lieutenant.
00:46:29He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:31Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:46:33You're so serious.
00:46:34But, hang on.
00:46:36Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:46:39Baby!
00:46:40I decided to take you here on our first date
00:46:42so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:44Guns, like...
00:46:45murder weapons?
00:46:47Yes.
00:46:48Murder weapons.
00:47:07You like my guns, babe?
00:47:09Pretty Lockhart.
00:47:10Yeah.
00:47:12Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:14Lieutenant!
00:47:15Come close!
00:47:17Wait!
00:47:18You're just going to hit him like that?
00:47:20He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:21Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:47:23Treason?
00:47:24You guys are way too serious.
00:47:27Look, you Lockhart bitch!
00:47:28I caught you!
00:47:29If I'm going down,
00:47:30you're all going down with me!
00:47:32Lieutenant,
00:47:33pincer attack!
00:47:35Pincer attack!
00:47:48You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:52I will make you pay!
00:47:56You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:47:57We could just take him to the cops.
00:47:59Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:48:06Zoe's a bit violent.
00:48:08Some might call it being protective.
00:48:10Poor anger issues.
00:48:12What if we get married
00:48:13and I forget to use a coaster
00:48:14on an antique table or something?
00:48:16Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:19Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:21I don't know if I am.
00:48:24Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:30Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:36Hey.
00:48:37Hey.
00:48:38Cool ride.
00:48:40A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:48:42when I saved his wife.
00:48:43Impressive.
00:48:47Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:50Refreshing.
00:48:52I got cool mint, too.
00:48:54Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:57What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:00Fruit flavored gum.
00:49:02I can't stand those.
00:49:03So, where are you taking me today?
00:49:05Let me show you.
00:49:13Dr. Wilson!
00:49:15Our VIP of VIPs.
00:49:18Right this way.
00:49:19VIP of VIPs?
00:49:20Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:49:22I forget who.
00:49:24You saved a lot of people.
00:49:26I do what I can.
00:49:28Oh, my gosh.
00:49:30It's my gold-digging neighbor
00:49:31who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:34Sandra Miller.
00:49:36What are you doing here?
00:49:37I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:40Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:42and how you hired some gigolo
00:49:43to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:47Hello of you.
00:49:49What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:51Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:53I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high end
00:49:56you couldn't even afford
00:49:57even a few soldier organs.
00:50:00The auction begins.
00:50:02I'll deal with you later.
00:50:05Here, I'll just be one second.
00:50:11Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:16Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:20Cleopatra's armband,
00:50:22sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller,
00:50:25for five million dollars.
00:50:28Excuse me.
00:50:30I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:33It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:35I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:38It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:40What are you doing?
00:50:41Just watch.
00:50:48That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:51Please.
00:50:52I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:54She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:57You work at a flea market?
00:50:58Not this again.
00:51:00Cut the bullshit.
00:51:01That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:03Oh, yeah?
00:51:04Here, you want it?
00:51:05For free.
00:51:06Ew!
00:51:07I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:11Well, that's too bad then
00:51:13because you are the fraud.
00:51:17What are you talking about?
00:51:18Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:20Throw them out!
00:51:22Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine
00:51:25but we're professionals.
00:51:27Oh, yeah?
00:51:28And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:31Yeah.
00:51:32Mine is the real thing.
00:51:34You two are just upset because you're too poor
00:51:37to afford our luxury items.
00:51:39Oh, is that so?
00:51:40When a so-called expert
00:51:42failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:45Dear Lord.
00:51:47This is real.
00:51:49It's authentic.
00:51:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:56Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:58Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:01It's a replica.
00:52:04I had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:07So, you are the fraud.
00:52:11You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:14And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:18One-fifty.
00:52:19Wow, not even five dollars.
00:52:22Sandra.
00:52:24You've been duping us the whole time.
00:52:27Arrest her!
00:52:29No, please!
00:52:30This is my time!
00:52:32Please!
00:52:33What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:35Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry
00:52:38for the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:52:40Block list her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:44I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:47Me too.
00:52:49May I have a kiss?
00:53:08Something wrong?
00:53:11Something wrong?
00:53:13Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:20Yep, you never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:32Ha!
00:53:33You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:38I don't have any money.
00:53:40How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:42I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:53:50Stop!
00:53:54Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:58Mr. Buffett.
00:54:03This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:06That's right. Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:10I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:13I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:15No, no, sir. Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:18It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:21Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:24And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:30Angela still loves me. She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:33She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:35Do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:37We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:40I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago,
00:54:43but now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:45It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:49Sure. I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:52I just need...
00:54:53Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:56Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:54:59I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:06I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:55:10Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:14Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:17I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:19My contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:21It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:24And if he can't, then what?
00:55:26He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:28So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:31I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:34I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:43I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:47We should celebrate.
00:55:49You did?
00:55:50You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:52That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:56And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:55:59Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:03What?
00:56:05You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:08Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not.
00:56:10Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:12You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:15It's my decision, Mom. I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:19I'm telling my dad.
00:56:21Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:24If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:27But if not, you can scram.
00:56:30Dad, Jared is being mean to me. Teach him a lesson.
00:56:34Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:36Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:40Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:42We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:44So do as he says.
00:56:46But, Dad...
00:56:54I'm sorry.
00:56:56Be your side piece.
00:56:58Very good. I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:01Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:06I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:10But that tongue action, though. Tongue is important.
00:57:14In more than just one spot.
00:57:16Ellen, we aren't in public.
00:57:18That's true.
00:57:19Oh, stomachache.
00:57:21Again?
00:57:22I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:24Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:27Devin's late.
00:57:29Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:33This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:39And she's alone.
00:57:40With no one to save her.
00:57:44You whore.
00:57:45You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:51Let me tell you.
00:57:53I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:58:00Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:04Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:07Why do I have to leave? She's the one starting shit.
00:58:10Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:13You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:15And my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract.
00:58:19He still got the contract?
00:58:21Hmm.
00:58:22Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:24Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:28Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:30Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:39You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:44My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:47One thousand dollars to take her away.
00:58:50Two thousand dollars to drag her away.
00:58:53Five thousand dollars to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
00:59:01Ow! Hey!
00:59:05You okay? Are you hurt?
00:59:11Weakling.
00:59:12You! You! Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more?
00:59:20What a whore.
00:59:22What a whore.
00:59:23Yeah. And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:26What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go. We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:35Hang on.
00:59:37What do you want?
00:59:39I'll scream!
00:59:40I don't hit women.
00:59:42But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:45But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:48Oh God. He is a murderer.
00:59:51What if he murders me?
00:59:53Not him. Definitely not him.
00:59:59We're not afraid of you.
01:00:01That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:00:03You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:08I was just messing with them.
01:00:10Was he though?
01:00:12We're not afraid of you.
01:00:14Jared! You have to avenge us.
01:00:17Look at this slut. She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:20She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:00:22Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:24I apologize for this scene.
01:00:26I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:30Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34The potty crashes.
01:00:38You have any idea who that is?
01:00:40That's my wife.
01:00:42We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:45That's right. Know your place.
01:00:47Shut up.
01:00:48She's cheating on you.
01:00:51I know your place. You're just a side piece.
01:00:54If I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:00You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:03They really think they're something, huh?
01:01:05Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:09She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:12I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:16What?
01:01:18You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:30No.
01:01:32This can't be.
01:01:34I made you divorce...
01:01:37Go home.
01:01:39You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:47I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:50Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:54I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:57I didn't come here for you.
01:01:59I'm on a date.
01:02:02A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:05She really is a whore.
01:02:07Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:09I really do love you.
01:02:13Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:17Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:21Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:25We're too old for that.
01:02:27They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:29Please, you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:34Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:41What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:47Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:49No.
01:02:52Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:55I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:59Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:03I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:05Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:07Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance. I'll prove it to you.
01:03:11You want a chance?
01:03:13Angela, no. You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:17Don't take him back.
01:03:19I'll give you two choices.
01:03:23I'll give you two choices.
01:03:27Me, or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:34If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:38But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:42The choice is all yours.
01:03:44That's a choice.
01:03:46You think so? He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:51Either way, he benefits.
01:03:53Why can't I have both?
01:03:55You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember? I deserved the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:13Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I choose the contract.
01:04:19I knew it. You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:22With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:27Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:32Let me show you something.
01:04:45You saved me.
01:04:51You saved me.
01:04:53I'm sorry.
01:04:55If his lies led to you wasting three years of your life,
01:05:00but I promise you,
01:05:02I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:05No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:07I just couldn't, can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:18Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:22What? Me?
01:05:24And Dr. Wilson, losing out to saving people?
01:05:27No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually,
01:05:36they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:45Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:49Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for that?
01:06:05Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max, you know what to do.
01:06:23The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:34How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you?
01:06:37And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:48I am...
01:06:50Crypto-Punk Number Two!
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:56You're Crypto-Punk Number Two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto-Punk Number One.
01:07:02See? You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:07Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:11So, how about our date?
01:07:15I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:18I'll spy too.
01:07:32They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:35I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:07:38Yes! I did it!
01:07:42Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:45I can make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:55The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09Angela Lockhart, you tricked me!
01:08:17Oh, allow me.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:39This looks good.
01:08:45Did you use my spices?
01:08:48I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:52You can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:59I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:03I'm sorry.
01:09:08Angela.
01:09:10Your future with me is going to be different.
01:09:16Come on.
01:09:18Upstairs.
01:09:34Wow.
01:09:36Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years
01:09:41just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:44Angela, I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:49Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:53That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:57How is all of this possible?
01:10:00I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:03Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:10:07I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:10You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:14Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:21Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:27All you do is babble on and on about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:34Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:38I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:41Hey! Get away from him!
01:10:44Angela!
01:10:465C girl. I like her.
01:10:51How is he?
01:10:53It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:10:57Astragal saltifum.
01:10:59Can it be cured?
01:11:01I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:03It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:07Household salt.
01:11:10I think I know what you're talking about.
01:11:14I like her.
01:11:17There you go.
01:11:19What time is it now?
01:11:22Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:33I'm sorry.
01:11:35I'm sorry.
01:11:37I'm sorry.
01:11:39I'm sorry.
01:11:42I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:48So, that's how I, well, we all met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:58Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:04I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:08Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:11Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:14Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years,
01:12:18who will you pick?
01:12:24Who couldn't it be?
01:12:26Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:33Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:37Bankrupt?
01:12:39The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:42Well then, get out of here.
01:12:45You can't do this to me.
01:12:49Jared.
01:12:50Mom, it's me.
01:12:51What happened?
01:12:53Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:56Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:58You should get back with your wife.
01:13:00We're bankrupt.
01:13:02What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We're here to propose to your long-lost.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:15Mom!
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:26Who will you pick?
01:13:30I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:37Fried chicken?
01:13:38Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute.
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:48Hey, stop. Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:57I mean, Angela Lockhart, you know what I mean.
01:14:02Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:05which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:17Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:23Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:27Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:30But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:36and give it to our winner, Angela.
01:14:41Angela.
01:14:43Oh, I...
01:14:46I need more time to think.
01:14:52While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:56why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:11who has huge biceps,
01:15:14a massive chest,
01:15:16who would protect their wife?
01:15:20Okay, thank you.
01:15:23Shane?
01:15:26Muscles, money,
01:15:29they won't get you so far.
01:15:31But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:33that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:36if you know what I mean.
01:15:40Okay, I think we do.
01:15:42And Devin?
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:49I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:51I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:54a lot of choices to make.
01:15:56And she's my queen.
01:15:58I just really hope she's okay.
01:16:00And then one more thing.
01:16:02What kind of a doctor
01:16:04brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:06That's a good point.
01:16:08It's bad for her heart.
01:16:10And then you!
01:16:12What?
01:16:13You know what they say about military men.
01:16:16They beat their wives.
01:16:20Enough!
01:16:22Stand up.
01:16:24Hey, you guys.
01:16:27Whoa, break it up.
01:16:29Hey, break it up.
01:16:31Ugh!
01:16:33Ugh!
01:16:35Cut to commercial.
01:16:37Cut to commercial.
01:16:50Oh my gosh.
01:16:56This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make
01:16:59in my entire life.
01:17:01Who do I choose?
01:17:10Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh yeah?
01:17:16I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:17:18I know and possess
01:17:20the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:24What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:26Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:28I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:30I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:32Don't forget about me.
01:17:34It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:39These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not help.
01:17:44Who made these?
01:17:49Ugh.
01:18:03It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:18Oh!
01:18:30We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:43This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down
01:18:49if they decide to team up.
01:18:51Hmm.
01:18:52Winter mint or cool mint?
01:18:58You know,
01:19:00I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:02Really?
01:19:04I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:09Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:11And you know, Cole,
01:19:13I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:22I always really like the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26Yeah.
01:19:27That's fresh, right?
01:19:28Yeah.
01:19:29Yeah, yeah.
01:19:31You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:34You need me to look at you?
01:19:36I got you.
01:19:37Hey, me?
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:42It was Jared Cooper.
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What, how?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring
01:19:51just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then.
01:19:54My fiancé.
01:19:55My fiancé.
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:08You destroyed me.
01:20:12I took everything.
01:20:15What?
01:20:16I have nothing left.
01:20:18It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:21I wasn't greedy.
01:20:23I had sex with my wife.
01:20:25What?
01:20:26I'm not your wife anymore.
01:20:28Oh, yeah, I know.
01:20:29You wouldn't take me back now,
01:20:30not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:32This is illegal.
01:20:33You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:36You won't have me arrested.
01:20:38You will take me back.
01:20:41Come on, bitch.
01:20:44I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:54You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Angela!
01:21:02Come back!
01:21:06You're too late.
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:09Not yet.
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in his coat.
01:21:15Everything except for...
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17We get it already.
01:21:18Just save my boss.
01:21:21Here you go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you going to do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop! No, don't!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:05And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:13Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:15The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire.
01:22:19Literally.
01:22:20The wedding day.
01:22:21But who's the groom?
01:22:34Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:36The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:39But who's the groom?
01:22:43Uh, seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:50Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53This is exciting.
01:22:55Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:58Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:06But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:23:12the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:23You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:29And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:33But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:36And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:42And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:50I'm just kidding.
01:23:51I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:54Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:23:58I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:00They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:03So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:06Literally.
01:24:09Could it be the sexy and protective,
01:24:13general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:17Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:24:22Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:27And last but not least,
01:24:29could it be the richest man of them all,
01:24:32the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:24:35Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:24:38Gentlemen.
01:24:40It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:42It has.
01:24:43May the best man win.
01:24:45May the best man win.
01:24:48Drum roll, please.
01:24:51Gotta make you understand
01:24:54Never gonna give you up
01:24:56Never gonna let you down
01:24:58Never gonna let you down
01:25:00Never gonna let you down
01:25:02Never gonna let you down
01:25:04Never gonna let you down
01:25:06Never gonna run around and desert you
01:25:10Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:19I choose...
01:25:30I need a powerful, strong man,
01:25:32and I really feel like you can protect me.
01:25:36Who could protect those guys?
01:25:58Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:02You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:07It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:10Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:11I hope we can go together.
01:26:13Let's make love, babe.
01:26:26It's always been you.
01:26:36I'll always love you.
01:26:40Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:44Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:45Have you seen my murder weapon?
01:26:47I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:27:06You