Bill/Elyse/Steve, 1987
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00A hump like a snow hill! It is Moby Dick!
00:05Imagine five great books like Moby Dick.
00:10Kenny wasn't like the other kids.
00:14TV mattered nothing else, kid.
00:18The girl said yes, but he said no.
00:23Now he's got his own game show.
00:31And now, it's his basement, it's his rules, it's his game show.
00:35The Quizmaster of 72 will be called Blaine Kanober!
00:47Colin, Marisol, Steve, how are you?
00:50Colin, Marisol, Steve, how are you?
00:59All right.
01:02Sorry, Mom, we'll keep it down.
01:04All right, welcome to Remote Control.
01:06We've got three contestants ready to rock and roll.
01:09Let's find out who they are.
01:11Numero uno, his name is Bill.
01:13He's a chemistry major from Seton Hall University.
01:16He wants to be a surgeon, yeah.
01:18Yeah, good. I love it.
01:21Contestant number two, her name is Elise.
01:24She's a sophomore at SUNY Stony Brook.
01:26And she's originally from the Isle of Manhattan.
01:28Welcome, my friend.
01:32Number three, his name is Steve.
01:34He's from St. John's.
01:36He's on the rugby team.
01:37Yeah, how you doing, Ted?
01:39All right, nice to see you, Kenny.
01:42Basically, my friends, this is my basement.
01:46This is my show.
01:47This is my big zenith.
01:48Now, up here, you'll see a whole bunch of cable TV channels.
01:51You whip around the dial with the remote.
01:53I ask questions about the channels you land on.
01:56The first person to buzz in and give the right answer
01:59wins control of the almighty remote.
02:02That gives you the power to change channels
02:04or stay where you are for bigger points.
02:06Okie dokie, Smokey.
02:08Bill, you drew straws.
02:10You got the big one.
02:11You're in control.
02:12What do you want to do, Bill?
02:13To start out, I'll take channel three.
02:16Channel three.
02:20Calm down, Steve.
02:21Prime time.
02:22For five points, my friends, who shot J.R.?
02:27Bill, for five.
02:28Sue Ellen.
02:30No.
02:31No.
02:32No.
02:33At least, Steve.
02:34I don't know.
02:35Oh, Kristen.
02:37Oh, God.
02:43Steve, you're going to have an aneurysm.
02:45Calm down.
02:46All right, Bill.
02:49You still have control.
02:50I'll take out channel three again there, Ken.
02:52Okay, staying with prime time.
02:54For ten points, after dancing in the dark with the boss,
02:58this actress took up with another short guy.
03:00Bill, for ten points.
03:02That would be Courtney Cox, Ken.
03:03Courtney Cox took up.
03:05Good going, Bill.
03:10You got ten points.
03:11You have the lead and control, Bill.
03:13I'll take finish out channel three, Ken.
03:15Okay, close it down.
03:17For 15 points, contestants, on who's the boss,
03:21what happened to Tony's wife before he came to work for the Bauer family?
03:25She died.
03:27Right, Steve.
03:28Wait till I call on you now, Steve.
03:30That's right.
03:31She died for 15 points.
03:37All right, Steve.
03:38I wouldn't expect that kind of behavior from a rugby player, would you?
03:41No.
03:42Steve, you have 15 points of lead and control.
03:46I'm going to go with number four.
03:49All right, number four.
03:52Mary Tyler Moore, the MTM channel.
03:55For five points, it took a mighty babe to drag Ted Baxter to the altar.
03:59Name the lady who finally did it.
04:03Elise, for five.
04:04Georgette.
04:05Georgette is right for five points.
04:06Good one.
04:09All right, on the points.
04:11You have control.
04:12I'll stay with number four.
04:13You'll stay with four.
04:14Mary Tyler Moore for ten points.
04:16Ask the name of Mary Richard's best friend,
04:19and the whole world will answer Rhoda.
04:21Bill, for ten.
04:23Morgenstern.
04:24Morgenstern is right.
04:32We were looking for the last name, and that was right.
04:34Morgenstern, you have 20 points of lead and control, Bill.
04:38I'll go up to channel nine there, Kent.
04:42The Movie Network.
04:44Channel nine, The Movie Network, for five points.
04:48Name the film in which Linda Blair makes her green slime puking premiere.
04:52Steve, for five.
04:53The Exorcist.
04:54The Exorcist.
04:58For five points.
04:59We have a tie, Steve and Bill, a tie with 20.
05:01Elise, you're in second place.
05:03With five, Steve, you have control.
05:06Stay on nine.
05:07Yeah.
05:09I like you.
05:10I like you.
05:11Okay, for ten points, contestants.
05:13In the Rocky Horror Picture Show,
05:15the mad doctor was just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania.
05:20What was the doctor's name?
05:26Come on.
05:27Oh, Dr. Frank N. Footer.
05:30Right.
05:31Yeah.
05:32Friday nights, 12 o'clock at the A Street Cinema.
05:34Steve, you still have control.
05:37Stay on nine.
05:38Stay on nine.
05:40This closes out the channel for 15 points.
05:43In Fast Times at Ridgemont High, a young man asked if he needs a job.
05:48He said, nah, all I need is some tasty waves, some cool bugs, and I'm fine.
05:53Who is this surfer dude?
05:55Bill.
05:56Spicoli.
05:57Spicoli for 15, right.
06:04Billy.
06:05Oh.
06:08Snack break.
06:09Snack break.
06:10Snack break.
06:11Yes.
06:12All that TV watching has built up quite an appetite.
06:15It's time to feed your tummy with a snack break.
06:17Bill, the lovely Marisol is lounging between three fridges.
06:22Colin, tell Bill what's his if he chooses the correct fridge.
06:25From Mayday Records, an assortment of their hottest artists on CDs.
06:29Your favorites, such as Bryan Adams' Sting, 38 Special, and many more.
06:35That's right, Bill.
06:36Okay, buddy, choose a fridge.
06:39I think I'll take number three, Ken.
06:41Fridge free.
06:43Number three is...
06:44Oh.
06:45Oh.
06:46You didn't win the CDs, but this is what you did win.
06:50She's got her own Oscar, her own TV show, and now she's got her own cookie.
06:54That's right, my friend.
06:56You've won this incredible set of six gingerbread Oprahs.
07:01That's right.
07:03Nothing like a gingerbread Oprah.
07:05And they're all yours for winning today's snack break.
07:10Nothing like a gingerbread Oprah on a cold autumn night.
07:13All right, Bill, you have control and the lead with 35.
07:16What do you want to do?
07:17I'll choose channel six, Ken.
07:19Channel six.
07:21MTV.
07:23Just watch the monitor.
07:24For five points, what country does this band call home?
07:29Bill, for five.
07:31Norway.
07:32Norway is right.
07:33That's right.
07:34Aha.
07:38Good going.
07:39Bill, streaking out with 40 points, you have control.
07:41I'll stay with channel six, Ken.
07:43Stay with MTV.
07:45For ten points, my friend, name the last three solo albums released by this singer.
07:55Bill.
07:56Off the Wall, Thriller, and Bad.
07:58That's right, for ten points.
08:05You now have 50 points.
08:07Steve, you're in second with 20.
08:09Elise in third with five.
08:10Bill, you're still in control.
08:12Staying with channel six.
08:13Closing it out.
08:14Closing out the channel with 15 points.
08:16Who did this singer play in the movie Tommy?
08:20Tommy.
08:27Bill, for 15.
08:28Tommy.
08:29No.
08:31Elton John.
08:32Steve, who did he play?
08:33Elton John.
08:34No.
08:38Okay.
08:39Elton John, but he played the pinball wizard.
08:43That's what I was looking for, but tough.
08:45Bill, you still have control.
08:47I'll go to number one.
08:49Channel one, The Odd Couple, a TV classic.
08:54For five points, contestants, considering the mess babes make,
08:59you wouldn't think Felix would want to father any, but he did.
09:02What did he name his little girl?
09:08Make this face if you don't know.
09:09Okay.
09:10Edna was what we were looking for.
09:12Bill, you're still in control.
09:14We'll go to channel two, Ken.
09:15Channel two, Cartoons.
09:18For five points, it's Halloween and the Peanuts gang is out trick-or-treating.
09:22At one house, Lucy gets an apple.
09:24Pigpen gets a chocolate bar.
09:26What, Steve, for five?
09:27A big A-rocks.
09:28A-rocks is right, Steve.
09:30What does Charlie Brown get?
09:34That is the end of round one.
09:36Bill's in the lead with 50.
09:38Steve's got 25 in second.
09:40The lead is at five.
09:41Before you can say Bob Eubanks, we'll be back and play round two.
09:45And the person that survives to the end of that baby has a chance to win this stuff.
09:50From A&M Records, five video albums from your favorite artists,
09:53such as R.E.M., Split Ends, Squeeze, UB40, Janet Jackson.
09:57Hot video artists from A&M Records.
10:00And from Casio, the FX-850P scientific library.
10:03116 built-in software programs for math and science
10:07and a compact handheld computer with large 40K memory from Casio.
10:12Bushnell Spectacool learn products, binocular telescope,
10:16easy-to-read self-teaching illustrated manuals for each product.
10:19Discover the universe from Bushnell.
10:22And from Craig, to give you super sounds while driving,
10:25an electronically tuned car stereo with quartz clock.
10:29Craig, maker of exciting products for home and car.
10:32When remote control continues.
10:43Ooh, Alberto.
10:47Feel that softness in your style.
10:49Alberto Musk, European styling phone.
10:51Designed to hold your hair in any style with softness.
10:54Ooh, Alberto.
10:56Feel that softness in your style.
10:58Ooh, Alberto.
11:01Volkswagen engineers believe our 16-valve engines should not only provide an abundance of power,
11:07but be accompanied by the technology to control it.
11:12And that's a belief from which our engineers never walk away.
11:26German engineering. The Volkswagen way.
11:32Hi, I can't get to the phone right now.
11:34It's your Panasonic telephone and answering machine with remote playback.
11:38For when you can't get to your phone.
11:40When you just don't want to.
11:42And you found it at Kmart.
11:43Yes, Kmart. America's favorite store.
11:46You got change for a dollar?
11:48Why?
11:49Because, uh, I want to see what you see in me.
11:52It must be the Musk.
11:54Cody Wild Musk.
11:57It must be the Musk.
11:59Cody Wild Musk and Musk for Men.
12:03Waiting.
12:04It seems like an eternity before a pimple will go away.
12:08What you need is a medicine that's powerful.
12:11That's fast.
12:12That starts working now.
12:15Maximum Strength Clearasil.
12:17Its strength comes from benzoyl peroxide.
12:20It's speed from a micronized formula that goes down deep to clear your skin fast.
12:27Get Maximum Strength Clearasil and minimize the wait.
12:34It's time for our $5,000 question of the day.
12:37What was the name of the police commissioner on Batman?
12:40What was the name of the police commissioner on Batman?
12:43If you can answer it, call 1-900-720-2160 and that money could be yours.
12:49Stay tuned for the winner.
12:58Welcome back to The Only Game Show, taped live in Ken Oba's basement.
13:01Remote control.
13:04Thank you, Colin. Thank you, thank you.
13:07This is round two.
13:09It's exactly the same as round one, my friends.
13:12Only the points are double.
13:14So is the danger.
13:17That's right.
13:19If that zenith goes off the air, at any time it can happen,
13:22the person with the lowest point total is gone.
13:25Out of here. Upstairs having tea with my mother.
13:27And right now, Elise, that's you with five points.
13:29Bill, you're in the lead with 50.
13:31You're in second place, Steve, with 25 points.
13:33And you have control, my excitable boy.
13:35All right. You ready, Ken?
13:37I'm ready, Steve.
13:38Number five, Ken.
13:40Okay.
13:41Number five.
13:43Sing along with Colin.
13:48For ten points, sing the next two lines to this classic tune by Don McLean.
13:54Two, three.
13:55So bye-bye, Miss American Pie.
13:59From the Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry.
14:03Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye.
14:08Elise, for ten.
14:09Saying this will be the day that I die.
14:12This will be the day that I die.
14:14Yeah.
14:19Yeah.
14:20You have a lovely singing voice.
14:22You should use it more.
14:23Yeah.
14:24You have control. You're catching up.
14:26You're in third place, but you're catching up.
14:27Stay with five.
14:28Stay.
14:29Let's sing along with Colin.
14:30For 20 points, sing the next line to this Elton John tune.
14:44Steve, for 20.
14:45Benny and the Jets.
14:51Yeah.
14:52Steve, you are catching.
14:53Bill's in the lead with 50.
14:54Steve, you moved up with 45 points.
14:56You're in second place.
14:57Elise.
14:58Great.
14:59I know, I know.
15:00I'm just helping you out.
15:01Steve, you have control.
15:02I think I'm going to go a little crazy and go at two.
15:05Okay.
15:06That's plenty crazy, Steve.
15:08I'm really letting my hair down this game.
15:10Really?
15:11Okay, this is for ten points.
15:12Sports.
15:13A friend brags that he just did 18 holes.
15:16Knowing him to be a committed family man, what sport would he...
15:20Elise, for ten.
15:21Golf.
15:22Golf is right for ten points.
15:25Come on.
15:26Good going.
15:27Good going.
15:28All right, Elise, you have control.
15:31Can we go back to five, please?
15:32Okay, back to sing along with Colin.
15:37Oh, that's beautiful.
15:39It's your lucky day.
15:40This will close out the channel for 30 points.
15:42Sing the next line to this John Cougar song.
15:55Ain't that America, almost free.
15:59For 30 points, Bill.
16:01Big houses for you and me.
16:03Yeah.
16:10Good going, Bill.
16:11Bill, that gives you 80 points.
16:13Steve, you're still hot.
16:15Elise, anything can happen.
16:16Bill, you have control.
16:17I'll go back to channel two.
16:19Back to sports for 20 points.
16:21In baseball, a passed ball is not a painful medical condition.
16:29But a situation where what happens?
16:33Bill, for 20.
16:34The pitcher throws the ball past the catcher.
16:36Past the catcher, right.
16:43Okay, Bill, you have control and 100 big points.
16:46We'll finish out that category, can't we?
16:48Closing out sports for 30 points.
16:50Randy Macho Man Savage isn't managed by Luscious Johnny V or Slick or the Weasel.
16:57He's managed by...
16:59Bill, for 30.
17:00Elizabeth.
17:01Elizabeth, by a girl.
17:06Bill's on fire, man.
17:07Bill is on fire, man.
17:09Gonna have to douse him.
17:10Bill, you have 130 points.
17:12Go ahead.
17:13You know what's going on.
17:14We'll go to channel three, Ken.
17:15Channel three, okay.
17:18The Addams Family, for 10 points.
17:21Who was the fat kid who liked to...
17:25Steve, for 10 points.
17:26Pugsley.
17:27Pugsley, right, my friend.
17:29For 10 points.
17:31You have control.
17:32I'm staying on three.
17:33Staying on the Addams Family for 20 points.
17:36What was the first name of Pugsley's mother?
17:39Bill, for 20.
17:41Morticia.
17:42Morticia is right.
17:44Shake it a little bit there, Ken.
17:46Yeah.
17:47You gotta watch some TV, I guess.
17:49Okay, Bill.
17:50I'll go to channel six, Ken.
17:51Channel six.
17:54Here's some stuff I'd like to see happen on my favorite shows.
17:56I know you would.
17:57TV listings, for 10 points.
17:59Stefanis finds that three is not always a crowd
18:02when she sleeps with Larry, Daryl, and Daryl.
18:06The Kooky Hijinks are tonight on...
18:08For 10 points.
18:09New Heart.
18:10New Heart is right.
18:13All right.
18:17Steve, you have control in 60 by...
18:19Oh, no!
18:21Put your buzzer down!
18:23Drop your buzzer!
18:24He's gone, Elyse, he's gone!
18:26I miss her already!
18:28She's off the...
18:29Look at these guys!
18:30Oh!
18:32All right!
18:33She's off the air.
18:35We warned her.
18:36I warned her.
18:37I tried to help her.
18:38Anyway, control.
18:40Steve, you have control in 60...
18:42Adam's Family.
18:43Okay, closing out the channel with 30 points.
18:46This Adam's Family member could turn on a lightbulb by...
18:50Steve, for 30.
18:51Uncle Fester.
18:52Uncle Fester is right.
18:57You now have 95 points.
18:58You are catching up to Bill, who has 150.
19:00Steve, you still have control.
19:03Number four.
19:05Number four.
19:06It's my lucky number.
19:07The Gourmet Channel.
19:09I'm a cook.
19:10All right, this is great.
19:1110 points.
19:12Nowadays, you can get them single-stuffed, double-stuffed.
19:15Steve, for 10.
19:16What is a baked potato?
19:17No.
19:18Big stuff, even chocolate-covered.
19:21But you're still going to twist the chocolate outsides apart to eat the cream filling first.
19:26What are they?
19:27Oreo cookies.
19:28That's right, for 10 points.
19:32It's a good guess.
19:33It could have been a potato.
19:34It could have been a potato.
19:35It could have been a potato.
19:36It could have been.
19:37Bill, you have 160 points.
19:38We'll go to Channel 9.
19:41Channel 9.
19:43MTV.
19:45Okay.
19:46For 10 points, guys.
19:49These guys said they wanted to rock and roll all night.
19:53What did they want to do every day?
19:58Bill, for 10.
19:59Party every day.
20:00Party is right.
20:06That is the end.
20:07You hear that song?
20:08That's the end.
20:09Yeah, you did it.
20:11You're number one.
20:12Nice game, Steve.
20:13You're out of here, but we won't let you go home empty-handed.
20:17Hey, guys.
20:18What's Steve taking with him?
20:24This Christmas, give him the gift of Brute or Brute 33.
20:28Remember, there's something about Brute a woman loves to be close to.
20:31Brute, it smells like a man.
20:34And television's greatest hit, Volume 1, a two-record set
20:37chock-full of 65 of your favorite themes from the 50s and the 60s,
20:41just as you remember them from TV tunes.
20:44A Zenith wireless remote control that commands both your TV set and VCR.
20:50Now changing channels is as easy as changing your mind.
20:54Take it away, Ken.
20:55Thank you, guys.
20:56Thank you very much.
20:57You did it, Bill.
20:58Numero uno.
20:59Nice going.
21:01In just a minute, I'm going to be strapping you into a kraftmatic adjustable bed.
21:06A lot better than a flat bed, I think you'll agree.
21:08And you'll have a chance to win all this.
21:12Oh, la, la.
21:13French hip contemporary sportswear for the sophisticated man or woman.
21:17It's featured in the Honey Bee catalog and available in fine stores everywhere.
21:22And Gold Star Electronics' portable compact disc player, the PCD-N1,
21:26features an AM-FM cassette player and detachable two-way four-speaker system.
21:31From Zenith, this 9-inch color TV with remote control features 178-channel tuning,
21:36and that quality's in picture.
21:38Zenith, where the quality goes in.
21:40The Magnavox word processor, a self-contained personal writing system,
21:45includes keyboard, screen, memory, dictionary, and printer.
21:48The video writer word processor by Magnavox.
21:51Where remote control continues.
21:57Hey! Hey!
22:15Hi.
22:16Hi.
22:17I am looking for presents for my husband and my son,
22:19and I have seen shirts, ties, books, records.
22:23But, you know, they love sports, so I thought maybe you had something here.
22:27What's their favorite sport?
22:29Baseball, I guess.
22:30Or maybe it's football.
22:32You know, come to think of it, they love basketball, boxing, hockey, tennis.
22:36They're real big sports fans.
22:38There is a perfect present for guys like that, but I can't sell it to you.
22:43Well, why not?
22:44It's Sports Illustrated.
22:46Sports Illustrated?
22:48America's number one sports magazine.
22:50It gives them 55 weeks of great sports coverage,
22:53including the Year in Sports, the Baseball Preview, the Football Spectacular,
22:57the Basketball Preview, and the annual Swimsuit Issue.
23:00Yeah, I know they'll like that.
23:02This year, they'll also get one of Sports Illustrated's biggest issues ever,
23:06the 88 Olympic Preview Edition,
23:08with an exclusive look at all the major events, like hockey, skating, skiing.
23:13No one covers the Olympics like Sports Illustrated.
23:15They'll really like that.
23:16And you'll like getting Sports Illustrated at the Christmas sale price.
23:19Over 60% off the cover price.
23:21A sale before Christmas?
23:23And no crowded stores.
23:25Because you don't go shopping for SI, you just call.
23:28No shopping, no crowds? Very nice.
23:31Just call their toll-free Christmas hotline for 55 issues of Sports Illustrated
23:35at the Christmas sale price.
23:37Three monthly payments of $15.99 each.
23:39You won't even be billed till next year.
23:41That sounds like the perfect present for any man.
23:43On sale, no shopping, no catch?
23:46Uh-uh.
23:47You get 55 issues of Sports Illustrated at the Christmas sale price,
23:50including all the Preview Issues, the Swimsuit Issue,
23:53and the 88 Olympic Preview Edition.
23:56Even a card for under the tree, just by calling toll-free.
23:591-800-284-5300.
24:01I'm sold.
24:03Where's the phone?
24:04Over there.
24:05What's that number?
24:061-800-284-5300.
24:08I know what I'm getting my boyfriend.
24:10And my dad.
24:11That's a terrific idea.
24:17Son, I figured when you were old enough, I'd talk to you about drugs.
24:22I'd tell you they're nothing but poison.
24:25Tell you to stay away from the garbage that pushes that junk.
24:30Only I never figured that I ought to be telling that to a 13-year-old.
24:36If you don't teach your kids to say no to drugs,
24:40it's as good as saying yes.
24:47All right, my friend.
24:50It's grand prize time.
24:53Kind of like a nightmare, isn't it, Bill?
24:55Scrapped into a kraftmatic adjustable bed,
24:57forced to watch nine, count them,
24:59nine music videos at the same time,
25:01and all you've got to do is identify as many videos as you can in 30 seconds.
25:07Okay, I'm ready.
25:08The prize you win depends on how many videos you get right.
25:11You could even win le grand prize.
25:14We'll fly you and a friend from New York to Plaza Vallarta Tennis and Beach Resort,
25:18home of the John Newcomb Tennis Club, poolside, dining, water sports, and tennis.
25:23Enjoy the fun and the sun from Plaza Vallarta Tennis and Beach Resort.
25:27Back to you, Hermano.
25:31Beautiful, beautiful grand prize time.
25:34I'm excited.
25:35Now, Bill, behind me you see nine video screens.
25:38Let me give you a quick peek.
25:40Ah, it's more than enough.
25:43Ah, it's more than enough time, wouldn't you say?
25:45Oh, yeah, more than enough.
25:46Okay, Bill, my friend, all you've got to do is identify the band in each video,
25:50starting at one and going to nine.
25:52If you can't figure it out, pass, you can come back to it.
25:55Okie dokie.
25:56You got it.
25:57On your marks, get set, go.
26:02One pass, two, David Lee Roth, three, Eddie Monk, four, Brian Adams.
26:06Four, right.
26:07Five, Tom Petty.
26:08Five, right.
26:09Six, Kim Wilde, seven.
26:10That's right.
26:11Eight, Pet Shop Boys.
26:12Eight, right.
26:13Nine pass.
26:14Nine pass.
26:15One, Genesis.
26:16No, more.
26:17One, Phil Collins.
26:18Right, one.
26:19Seven, The Hooters.
26:21Hooters, right, seven.
26:22Nine, Pet Shop, oh, nine.
26:25One more, one more.
26:30I don't know.
26:31Oh!
26:32Oh!
26:36You got eight, man.
26:37You missed one, the only one you missed, number nine.
26:40You know what it is?
26:41Bronski B.
26:42Bronski B.
26:43Oh, oh.
26:44But you've got some neat stuff, man.
26:46Look at, you've got stuff I don't even have.
26:48You've got the videos, the calculator, binoculars and a telescope, car stereo, wardrobe, a CD
26:54player.
26:55You've got a CD player.
26:56No.
26:57Color TV and the video writer.
26:58All that stuff.
26:59That's not bad.
27:00The kids got some stuff.
27:01Congratulations, Phil.
27:03That was beautiful.
27:04And you get 170 points, it's the highest points ever.
27:08You didn't want to go to Mexico anyway.
27:12You did great.
27:13You really did great.
27:14You've got all that stuff.
27:15I hope all you folks will come back and see us again on Remote Control.
27:19We're downstairs.
27:20Take a left at the closet, go around the kitchen, knock on the door, we're there.
27:26Thanks.