Who is the real soulmate? || Acharya Prashant, with Delhi University (2023)
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00:00What do you mean? So I'm like very intrigued to know who do you think a real soulmate is?
00:08Like nowadays I have known people love talking about like he's my soulmate or like she's my
00:13soulmate and stuff like that. But I wonder how they're like very sure that the partner who
00:18they're with is their soulmate. So I would like really love to know who do you think the real
00:24soulmate is? Like what do you think the term soulmate means?
00:34It merely means you know somebody is still half asleep, you need to throw some water on their face.
00:47What is the soul in the first place? What do you mean by soul?
00:55The soul is a concept in the mind, right? The soul is a concept in the mind. What is the mind?
01:02The seat of all experience. So your existence is basically the existence of the mind.
01:10Where is all this seeing, listening,
01:14experiencing taking place? That place is called the mind.
01:18So that place has a lot of thoughts and ideas. The mind has a lot of thoughts and ideas.
01:25Soul is an idea, a concept in the mind. And the mind has varying levels of qualities.
01:40You can have a mind of a very fallen level, you can have a mind of a mediocre level and you could
01:46have an excellent mind. So soul is an idea that exists only in mediocre minds.
01:59In realized minds there is nothing called the soul.
02:04There is the mind, you know there is just the mind.
02:10If the soul is just the mind, then what does soulmate mean? It simply means mindmate.
02:17And what is the mind? If it harbors the idea of soul, we said it must be a mediocre mind.
02:23If it is harboring concepts like the soul, so then mindmate would mean somebody so mediocre
02:32that he chooses to mate a mediocre mind. Are you getting it?
02:46If you are someone who subscribes to silly ideas like soulmate,
02:53then you will get a soulmate who is equally silly to subscribe to similarly silly ideas.
03:01So who you are is what you get.
03:05So you already believed in stupid things like soulmate and then you will get somebody equally
03:10silly, he will come and say I also believe in similar things and the two of you will
03:14just get together and produce kids who will be even more advanced in their levels of.
03:26We get so carried away by the hormonal
03:34rush
03:44that we just don't stop to ask ourselves what is really going on.
03:49What is going on? What are these thoughts I have started patronizing?
03:58What ideas have I started believing in? Where are they coming from?
04:02Did I think of these things since birth or since childhood? No. Somebody inserted these ideas.
04:14Somebody very steely placed these ideas in my mind. Who was it? What are the source of these ideas?
04:23And once you see where these things are coming from, you start knowing that these are all very
04:30very foreign, foreign not in terms of other countries, foreign in terms of not being you.
04:37The society, the world has placed all these things in your mind and we were not discreet enough,
04:44not careful enough, we were not attentive enough to not to allow such things to enter.
04:51First of all, there is a society outside, so ever ready to condition you and then there is the body
05:01in the hormonal stage when you are growing up, when you are a teenager and
05:22you are so ready. There is something within crying for experience
05:30and the fantastic notion that great happiness can be had through experience, that's called romance.
05:41Cultivating fantastic images of experience, that's called romance. That's the very definition of
05:46romance. So, these two things then go hand in hand. One thing aggravates the effect of the other
05:58thing. Which two things? The bodily condition, there is a hormonal rush and the effect of the
06:08society and these two things get together to make you believe in stuff like soulmate.
06:17So, all that is quite silly. You see, if I look at it from another angle,
06:27we are born mated. To be mated is to be wedded or coupled to something.
06:37To be very closely joined to something is called being mated. So, when the kid is born,
06:43please see, the kid is already coupled with so many things. The kid is wedded to ignorance,
06:55to fear, to greed. Is it not? Please see, how intelligent is the kid? So, the kid is wedded to
07:06ignorance. How discreet is the kid? How much in control or command is the kid?
07:14So, the kid is wedded to helplessness. We are already born mated. The purpose of life,
07:24therefore, is not to search for another mate called the soulmate. The purpose of life is to demate.
07:31Every girl, when she is born, she already has a thousand husbands. And when the boy is born,
07:40he already has a thousand wives. The purpose of life is to separate from each of these.
07:47And their numbers are staggeringly large, thousand. So, it takes a lot to divorce them
07:53one after the other. That's the purpose of life. That's what entire self-knowledge is about.
07:58That's what entire self-knowledge is about. So, you are already born, wedded and mated.
08:05And then you want to add another one to the list. How wise is that?
08:11You already have so many things inside you that you call your own. Now you want to have another
08:16fellow that you want to call your own boyfriend or husband. But you already had so many things
08:23that you called your own. Your name, your gender, your religion, your education, your parents,
08:29your property, your thoughts, your opinions, your feelings, your wardrobe. You are already
08:35calling these your own. Your experiences, your friends. You are already calling these your own.
08:40Your thoughts, your emotions. You are already calling these your own. The fact is none of
08:44these is really your own. So, what is the purpose of life? To add another one to the list of these
08:51things that you call your own? No. That would be stupid and meaningless and also useless.
09:01Because you know when you will be adding another one to that list, the decision to choose that
09:06particular one will be coming from stuff that is not really your own. For example,
09:13if your thoughts and emotions are not your own, are your decisions your own? Please tell me.
09:19If your thoughts, decisions, ideas are not your own, then your decisions cannot be your own.
09:24Then the decision to have a soulmate, even that will not be your own.
09:30So, this soulmate will not be your own. Just as the hundred other things, the hundred prior
09:35things are not your own. So, pointless going for this soulmate or whatever it is.
09:42First thing, unmate or demate, decouple. The purpose of life is not to add to an ever-growing
09:52list of your associations and attachments and identities. The purpose of life is a restoration,
09:59a revert to your pristine pure self. And when you are that, then you have beautiful relationships.
10:11In your aloneness, in your solitary completeness, you get the power to have clean,
10:21pure, wonderful relationships. And the name for such relationships then is love.
10:30There is no love in the soulmate business, mind you.
10:34Love is there when you have relationships that come out of your solitary completeness.
10:45I'm not dying to be welded to someone. I'm great, complete, and beautiful in my aloneness.
10:56Now, when you relate to someone, there is no exploitation, no violence,
11:03no hunger or thirst in the relationship.
11:09Now, the relationship is like a beautiful duet. The two singers are capable of producing a great
11:18song alone. And when they get together, the combination is beautiful.
11:26That does not mean that they cannot have beauty in their own alone respective spheres.
11:32They are already beautiful. Are you getting it?
11:38Yes.
11:40Yes.
11:41Yes.
11:42Yes.
11:45So, do you think like social media is like kind of a part of that foreign thing,
11:50which is convincing us to this stuff, like what you said soulmate?
11:57Where did you first find me, if at all?
12:00Social media.
12:03So, it depends on you. You can look for a soulmate on social media,
12:07or you can be unfortunate enough to stumble on somebody like me on social media.
12:18So, it depends on you what you want to use social media for.
12:21Social media represents the entire universe. Everybody is there. All influences can be found
12:28there. The worst kind of stinking garbage is there on social media. And the most beautiful kind of
12:35pearls are also there. It's just that 99.9% is garbage.
12:42So, you have to be a lover of pearls to really dig out the real thing.
12:52Thank you so much.
13:00Tanvi, you can ask your follow-up.
13:05Okay, thank you. So, you have said that sub-purpose of life that to unmute everything.
13:12So, at last, what will be mine in this world? Because at the end, I will be empty.
13:19I'll unmute my experience. I'll unmute everything from my life. Then what is mine exactly at the
13:28end? I'll be sort of free. Tanvi, Tanvi, Tanvi, Tanvi, by the frequency of your questions,
13:34you will receive instant liberation this evening itself. And that is dangerous.
13:44You have asked the final question. When everything is gone, what remains?
13:47When everything is gone, even this questionnaire is gone. And so, this question too is gone.
13:53What remains? Just completeness, just peace, total realization in which you are free to fly,
14:01free to enjoy, just freedom, just freedom.
14:06Sir, at this age, at this point of time, I'm not able to get any type of solitary
14:11completeness just like you. You know that, right?
14:15As long as you call your age your own, there is no liberation. The age is of your body,
14:27not of your consciousness. So, you are identifying with your body and your gender
14:32and the lifespan and that does not bode well for liberation.
14:36So, it's not that you have to worry about the ultimate state. You start taking baby steps.
14:45You see what your major obstacles and bondages are and challenge them with courage. Do not worry
14:54too much about what will happen in the future. And of course, do not try to speculate about the
15:00end state. There is nothing called an end state. Your purpose in life currently as a brave girl
15:08with a verve to live is to identify where your weaknesses are, where your fears are
15:20and boldly challenge them.
15:24Okay, thank you.
15:26Yes.
15:30Sir, as people are so keenly interested to be committed to someone, what I have experienced
15:37is when you get committed to someone, your emotions get dependent on them. Their positivity
15:44as well as negativity get transferred to you. How to overcome that dependency? How to overcome that
15:50feeling?
15:51You are saying you want to stay committed and yet not have the other influence you?
16:01Like might be positive influence, but not the negative one. Like if the person...
16:06It's not like that. What you are saying is that you want to stay within sniffing distance of
16:15someone, but you want to smell only their aroma and not their stink. That's not possible.
16:23But sir, sometimes that negativity like causes you some harm, like you are not able to focus
16:29on your life or your classes. See kid, it depends on the foundation of the relationship.
16:37It depends on what keeps the two people together.
16:40I wish I'm totally wrong, but in 99.99999 percent cases, what keeps the two people together is
16:50just the bodily drive, nothing else. On top of the bodily thing, you can have emotions,
16:56you can have experiences, you can have this and that, but the bedrock is simply sexual.
17:02And when the two of you have been brought together by your genitals,
17:05by your genitals which is the blunt and ugly truth then you know you have
17:11already not cared for the higher things in life now why do you want to demand
17:17the higher things in life it you see after you are married you say you know I
17:40return home from my workplace and I'm a professor hmm or a manager in some
17:48financial services firm and I want to discuss accounts economics finance with
17:54my wife but she does not understand anything all she talks of is some some
18:02nonsensical stuff and we could reverse the genders here the wife comes back
18:10from a workplace and she wants to talk about politics or sports or literature
18:16and the husband says no I'm interested only in some bodily stuff now do either
18:27of these have the right to complain when you were choosing your wife did you
18:33first of all test her on her knowledge of economics then you tested her only
18:40on her figure see you can poke holes in my theory and I'll coolly say fine I'm
18:48wrong if that helps you or you could try to understand what I am pointing at I
18:54have I have zero urge to be proven right my purpose is to help you not to be
19:07proven right so now you are saying my wife does not understand economics if
19:14you wanted a wife who could understand economics you should have first of all
19:18kept economics as the foundation of your relationship or you should have kept
19:24wisdom as the foundation of your relationship but at that time only
19:28hormones are the foundation of the relationship in fact they always are you
19:32might marry even at the age of 40 still it is hormonal business and there are
19:37people who marry at the age of 80 still it is hormonal business from first
19:41breath till the last it is just hormonal business so once you have brought home a
19:47wife or a husband like that how can you complain now it's like bringing home a
19:58two-wheeler and then complaining that it does not have a reverse gear sir you
20:08you love the two wheels when you first look at them and you fell in love and
20:13you said these two wheels are what I want to bring home and now you are
20:17saying there is no reverse gear if you really wanted a reverse gear then you
20:21should have said four wheels not two so this positivity and negativity that you
20:28are talking of these things should be kept in mind at the time when you enter
20:35into the relationship not later on when you look at a girl don't just look at
20:43her as a piece of flesh same applies to girls when you look at a boy don't look
20:48at her as just a body look at the entire being ask yourself what is it
20:55that I'm I'm really looking for have a dialogue with yourself and have a
21:00continuous dialogue with yourself what is the purpose of life if I am inviting
21:07somebody into my life and that fellow will be around me for long hours every
21:11day what is the quality of the person that I want because it's a very it's a
21:22very very important decision it is when that fellow is afar it looks like some
21:33kind of a video game chasing that person and getting that person's consent and
21:37all those things but once that person enters your life it's a 24-hour thing
21:44and if you miss sending him or her a good night message you know you will not
21:51have a good morning see you are smiling now you know what I mean we all have
22:00been sufferers alike now so so when you enter into the relationship you must
22:11know this is what you are signing up for and once you have seen the entire gamut
22:21of it you must also ask her political views you must also ask whether she
22:25understands any bit of history and if you are a girl then you must ask the boy
22:31had I had some other kind of shape and figure would you have still come to me
22:38try to discuss the really important things with your boy or man when you sit
22:47with him discuss climate change but that fellow the only change he wants to
22:54discuss is change of clothes why are you with such a boy kick him away later on
23:09then you say oh you know she is such a headache or he is such a rascal who
23:16invited them in where was all your discretion where was all wisdom when you
23:26were clamoring for that person that's why it is very important that life
23:32education is a central part of school and college syllabi because that's the
23:42age when you make your most important decisions the decision to pursue a line
23:47in academics the decision to take up a career stream and the decision to enter
23:54into a relationship have I disappointed you this is not the answer you wanted
24:06more water