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FunTranscript
00:00A little Zoe blowy such a sweetie. Yeah, I can't get enough of her soft little neck
00:11cute little tummy
00:13funny little
00:15Here she wants you me isn't it your turn
00:22It's not that I don't want to change her it's just that I'm tired from working all day to support my family
00:28Maybe you don't need to work so hard after all we're saving a lot of money with me breastfeeding. Oh three times a night
00:34I hope you give her a bath. Oh
00:39What I'm still a little sore from pushing a human being out of my body
00:46So, of course I wound up changing Zoe's diapers
00:50That's women for you parlay a moment's discomfort into a lifetime free ride
00:54I think childbirths more than a moment's discomfort and you think that because women told you and what?
01:00Possible reason would they have to lie, you know
01:03It just seems that no matter how much I try to help with Zoe one it never gives me any credit
01:07Well, let me tell you I've just about reached my limit next time one and I have a face off
01:11I'm holding my ground now. You're talking. You'll probably find me more attractive. I'm finding you more attractive
01:16It's decided that operation overlord. That's the play you the man
01:24I
01:27Want to have to baby I'm Melinda you guys look busy we're digging a hole to China
01:35Is she'll be playing with a bear trap shall be ready you put that back in the garage
01:44Thank God tomorrow's Saturday Carl takes the kids to gumdrop station so I can unshackle my spirit and let it so free like a bird
01:51How do you do that paint ceramics?
01:54Hey, why don't you come with me? Oh Daryl will complain if he's stuck at home while I go have fun
01:59He can go with Carl
02:01Daryl and Carl sure just the other day Carl told me he wanted to get to know Daryl better
02:06He said that I don't know. Maybe I dreamed
02:10There's pipes blowing stinky air. Uh, see you tomorrow. I gotta go call the gas company
02:15Why is busy here? Is she babysitting? No, her phone privileges were cut off
02:20David saw Debbie and he was like, hey Debbie and Debbie was like, hey David. Can you believe that? What a slut?
02:24Oh, don't worry about the beef thing. It's just call waiting. It'll stop. Did I mention she's oh, I
02:30Thought the weekend would never come about this weekend. Could you watch Zoe for a few hours tomorrow?
02:37I don't think she can hear you, honey. I was talking to you me
02:41But tomorrow's my goof around day and taking care is always a lot of work
02:44I know I do it every day while I'm at the office. There's no way you work as hard as I do
02:53Yes, I
02:55Bust my hump Daryl. I am going to paint ceramics tomorrow with Melinda. It won't be so bad
03:02After all, you'll have help help
03:04Yeah, the aliens want to abduct you there's nothing you can do they'll pop you right out of the front seat of your car
03:09Sign me up. One thing you never do is give someone your social security number
03:13Yeah, that's how they track you. Uh-huh. And who's they exactly?
03:16Trilateral Commission. Oh, I mean if you think the president's running this country, you are a cherry red lollipop
03:24Take the wheel
03:27Tell you about throwing tires you said cash can it's the same thing
03:40How many teats on an udder I think it's six there is it eight
03:45Either way, I bet you get a lot of dates in high school. Yeah, but it take half the night to go to the bathroom
03:50This is so relaxing, yeah, don't take much to be happy just give me my ceramics and a tricyclic antidepressant
03:56What are you painting? It's a mother lion being mauled by her three cubs
04:01Yeah, don't take much to be happy just give me my ceramics and a tricyclic antidepressant
04:05What are you painting? It's a mother lion being mauled by her three cubs
04:31Oh
04:36Quieter than usual today. Oh, geez. How do you stay in this place? You gotta come prepared
04:43Don't they sell milk here? Not this kind
04:48Hey, is that does a body good Cheers
04:52It's a spot, huh, don't ever sell that cow I
04:57Gotta hand it to you Carl. I never would have thought to smuggle alcohol into a kiddie fun center. I don't feel bad
05:02I've been a father a lot longer
05:03Hey, I got a chocolate milk. You feel like a margarita this place might not be so bad after all
05:08It's about to get better. Hey pimples. I got a birthday boy here. Wasn't it his birthday last week?
05:14That was his twin brother long labor. Just get the birthday lady birthday lady. You'll see my friend. You'll see
05:20Hey, I hear it's someone's special day
05:27It's a special day for everyone that comes but once a year
05:33And for you my love that day of days
05:44Baby I hope your dreams come true
05:50Mine have with you that special day. I'd like to say I wish you
06:08This place really pays attention to the suggestion cart
06:13Baby
06:17Thanks, Melinda, I don't know when I've had a better day me too Wanda. Well gotta go nuke the tuna Getty. Oh
06:25Dear look how late it is. I hope Daryl's not having too bad a time
06:30Do they was a good old man?
07:00You
07:05Know Carl I had a really great time. We should do this again anytime Daryl
07:10Come on, Zoe. Let's go. Tell mommy what a good time we had
07:18Let me get this straight you were gonna tell your wife you had a good time. Well, yeah
07:24Well, you are a new father Daryl you don't ever admit to your wife that you had an easy time watching the kids
07:30Why not because then you don't score any points and don't kid yourself. It's all about points. Gee, I guess I wasn't thinking
07:37Teehee, I guess you weren't now you slumped those shoulders limp into that house and tell your wife you had a miserable time
07:43Yeah. All right. Thanks Carl. Hey, it's all part of being a good father
07:48Don't be where Shelby you'll turn up
07:51Okay, tough day tough day
07:57Too much
08:01Bullseye
08:03Hi Oh
08:04Daryl you look exhausted. I'll be all right. Just let me sit. Ow. Oh, oh boy. I'm so sorry
08:11I made you go with Carl and his kids and his kids. Was it really awful? It's not my way to complain
08:17You know what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right?
08:20Look, let's talk about something pleasant. How was your day? Well, it was kind of really good after pottery
08:26We even had time to go to a bookstore. I browsed I had a mocha. Oh, that's wonderful, honey
08:30I felt so great to indulge myself for a few hours
08:33Does that make me a bad mother? No, it makes you human if it was that much fun
08:38Then you just have to do it again next Saturday. Are you kidding? I couldn't do that to you
08:46I
08:47Insist you clearly need some time for yourself, and I love you. So you're going case closed. What a guy I married
08:55Zoe and I will go and get dinner started. What's this? Did somebody get a birthday hat today?
09:02Hey, you don't have to start dinner right away do you I thought you were tired second win. Oh, no leave it on
09:09I
09:14So, what are you painting this week? It's a mother spider trapped in her web being eaten by her babies
09:21Melinda is everything. All right. Why do you ask? Hey, can I get some more blood right here?
09:26Well, maybe you and Carl need some time alone, you know to rekindle your romance
09:31Daryl's been so frisky this week and I know it's done wonders for me who watch the kids
09:36We burn through a lot of cities. Hey, how about if Daryl and I take them next Saturday you do that for me?
09:42Of course, I'm happy and I want you to be happy too. You sure Daryl won't mind
09:47You don't know my Daryl
09:59Honey I'm home. Hey
10:07Oh
10:10Darryl Darryl
10:14Darryl
10:17Is it time for Zoe's five o'clock feeding no, I took care of that and I made you breakfast in bed
10:23What's all this about?
10:25You've just been so sweet these last few weeks taking Zoe every Saturday and putting up with Carl
10:31You've really taught me a lesson about being selfless
10:34Wanda I don't deserve this. I think you do by the way. Why are you singing? Happy birthday in your sleep, huh? Oh,
10:44That one's mine don't even think about it mister you earned that breakfast
10:55What you finally get a taste of the good life and now you're feeling guilty
10:59But Wanda thinks I'm this big sacrificing guy and I'm not don't be such a mama's boy bottom line is you are watching that kid
11:07well
11:08That's true
11:09And if while performing this service an attractive young lady crosses your field of vision, is that your fault, you know?
11:16But I'm not being honest with Wanda. That's not right. Is it?
11:20That bacon does smell good
11:30Oh
11:31Hey captain, you look like the cat that got the cream. I had a pleasant weekend. Oh, yeah
11:36So your wife a new pair of pants as a matter of fact, I spent Saturday afternoon watching a pretty woman
11:41Not my wife dance. You're kidding Daryl McPherson went to a strip joint, which one cummerbunds chilly willies
11:48I'm surprised our paths didn't cross. Well, I wouldn't call it a strip joint
11:51I'm gonna have to stop calling you a bottle-warming baby toting wuss never call me that not your face
11:56Well, the important thing is you've stopped trying to make your wife like you. Oh, yeah. She hates me so much
12:03She made me breakfast in bed this morning
12:07Mmm, that's good coffee
12:11Teach me
12:13Hey McDaddy, I can babysit Saturday if you need me. My boyfriend's got a ton of papers to grade
12:19Thanks busy, but I've really come to cherish my special time with Zoe gumdrop station. Oh, yeah
12:24Yeah, I celebrated like 200 birthdays that place. Well, if you see my dad there tell him my mom says he's late with the checks. I
12:32Mean it Carla. We need to rekindle our romance rekindle who taught you that word? Maybe I knew it already
12:38Maybe I didn't go to school just to eat my lunch
12:41Would you just tell me what you want? I want the two of us to get away from the kids for a few hours
12:46Thank
12:51Goodness we never argue like that. No, not since I learned the value of sacrifice. Oh, you know for Father's Day
12:56How about a saucer that says selfless?
12:59Just a thought actually I told Melinda we take their kids. I hope you don't mind. No happen to lend a hand
13:06Exactly what I expected you to say. Yeah, it'll be a hassle
13:09But I'll love the kids to gumdrop station so you can paint your pottery
13:13Oh, no this time. I'm going with you
13:24Hey pimples got a birthday boy here happy birthday, baby
13:31Oh
13:38Wanda you really don't have to do this. I can't let you face that awful place by yourself
13:43Yeah, but oh, I insist one man can only give so much
13:51I've stuck eating burgers the meatball was no more
13:57Hey botanical gardens change of plans kids no
14:05Won't be so bad honey. I'll be there with you
14:17Hey, you know why don't you go on in with the kids I see somebody I know who
14:21Uh Darryl his name's Darryl too. Uh-huh small world go on I'll catch up with you
14:29Hey there got a birthday boy, huh? Yep seven years old today. That's great listen
14:34I got a little problem my wife came with me today, and she doesn't know about the birthday lady. Oh, that's rough
14:39Yeah, so I was thinking maybe your son could have his party at Tumble Rama instead hmm Tumble Rama is kind of expensive
14:45Why don't you let me make up the difference a little present for the birthday boy of course Billy's favorite place is
14:50Waterpalooza waterpalooza, that's 30 bucks a head or we could just go in here
14:56Okay, fine waterpalooza
14:59Hope he gets an ear infection
15:01So you ready hit the road I can hang in a little longer
15:05Why do you keep looking around? Oh?
15:07It's getting near the time when the teenagers start drifting in at turf wars and such my goodness well
15:13Maybe we should go great. I
15:15Want shiny's handcuffs hey full moon?
15:21Put your shoes on kids time to go
15:23I'm not going anywhere
15:26Yeah, now you'll have to saw my arm off Rodney. We've had our fun, but now we're leaving and that's final you heard her
15:33But it's my birthday
15:36What Rodney is it really your birthday it sure is whoa whoa it's not his birthday tell her Megan
15:43Oh, why didn't your parents tell us I guess they forgot you poor thing
15:50It's hard a lot of scars whoops
15:54What are you doing? Just messing with you? Why why not I'm gonna find out if they do something special for kids with birthday
16:02No
16:03What it's not his birthday. He's a liar Darryl. She name-calling. I thought I felt bad before
16:10Maybe everyone would be better off if I ran away from home
16:13Feel like a big man now. How do you spell I didn't mean to be no trouble
16:18Boy Rodney we will stay and celebrate your birthday for as long as you like
16:25Actually, hey minimum wage go get the birthday lady. Yes, sir
16:30Rodney aren't you gonna stay yeah my work here is done
16:35So who's this birthday lady?
16:38Hey, I hear it's someone special day
16:46Well, this is new and I might add most unwelcome in a quote-unquote family entertainment center
16:53Hey, Gavin, you weren't kidding. She really knows how to shake that cake
16:57Yo birthday lady how many skee-ball tickets for a table dance?
17:01Mm-hmm. Come on Wanda. Talk to me. I have nothing to say to you
17:05Look, I did mention to Kenny that there was a birthday lady and I might have said she was attractive
17:11You know the way a brother would compliment his sister in her prom dress. Oh, I'm not upset that you like looking at pretty girls
17:17I made my peace with that when I decided to marry a sighted heterosexual man. So we're cool then. No, we're not cool
17:23Why did you let me think you were having such a tough time taking care of Zoe? I know I'm sorry coming home with that
17:29Tired act the only part of you that was tired with your eyeballs. I thought you weren't upset about shut up
17:34Why didn't you just tell me you were having a good time because if I said I'd had a good time
17:39I wouldn't have counted Darryl. That's crazy
17:41You make it sound like we're both keeping score all the time, but we are hasn't it crossed your mind?
17:46Who's getting credit for today? No Wanda
17:5160-40 split since I carried her from the car see Oh
17:54Darryl do you realize what's happened?
17:57We've become so stuck on who's doing their fair share with Zoe. We've turned being with her into a bad thing
18:04Zoe's a good thing. She's the best thing in the world
18:08Oh
18:14Man
18:16Hey
18:19Whoa, man, let's just stay cool. Okay, I got a wife and a kid. Hey, all right
18:28I'm gonna make this up to you Wanda. I promise that I will never ever lie to you again
18:33Okay, fine and tomorrow morning I'll do Zoe's five o'clock feeding I love you look
18:39I know this wasn't my finest hour. But the fact is I did take care of those kids Wow
18:43These are much better than the Chinese ones
19:03So, what's all the ruckus I don't know what's a police guards in the mini mall Wow
19:09I guess that place really is dangerous. That's why I don't ever want you going there just me and the kids
19:15I'll come back to bed. I want to meet Kendall again. All right. All right
19:25Hey, you want to put on this birthday hat