Watch Full Movie Online - Deep in the Valley (2009) Hollywood English Movie
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00:01:54It's Diamond Jim here, ready to rock your world.
00:01:58Lock the door.
00:01:59Throw the tarp on the couch, and get ready.
00:02:01It's time for the Diamond Jim Marathon.
00:02:04Woo!
00:02:06It's a scrapbook of some of my hottest hits,
00:02:10including Cheerleader Debutantes 3, Getting Wet,
00:02:14Debutante Nurses 9, Missionary, Impossible,
00:02:18and of course, Candy Straper Cutie 14, You Got Tail.
00:02:22So join all your favorite stars, including Autumn Bliss.
00:02:26Give me a T.
00:02:28Give me an A.
00:02:30Daphne Cheeks.
00:02:32I'm so wet.
00:02:34Suzy Diablo.
00:02:36Submit.
00:02:37And of course, the hottest piece of ass known to mankind, Mammy.
00:02:41I'm all yours.
00:02:44But wait, there's more. Start dialing that phone.
00:02:47Because one of you lucky bastards could be the next winner
00:02:50of one of these bitchin' prizes.
00:02:52How about a leather Marco Lounger,
00:02:55treated with Jus T'Aigard for wipe-a-ways,
00:02:58or a 86 Fiera,
00:03:01diamond saline racing package,
00:03:04and bumper bra.
00:03:06Come on.
00:03:07And the granddaddy of them all,
00:03:09the vintage Diamond Jim Porn Booth,
00:03:12signed by me, Diamond Jim.
00:03:16Hello?
00:03:18Yes.
00:03:20Uh, meet Lester Watts.
00:03:23W-A-T-T-S.
00:03:25Uh, I'm a boxer's man.
00:03:27Average size, probably, you know,
00:03:29five and seven-eighths inches,
00:03:31but it's really wide.
00:03:32Devastating girth.
00:03:34Last night, or this morning,
00:03:36and like 20 minutes ago at lunch.
00:03:38Package, folks.
00:03:40If I had to choose, uh,
00:03:43probably nipple clamps over strap-on.
00:03:48Tap.
00:03:51What else do I like?
00:03:54Fuckin' sixth graders!
00:03:59No, no, no, no, that's not what I meant.
00:04:00Hello?
00:04:01I didn't...
00:04:02Hello?
00:04:03Did you...
00:04:04God!
00:04:06God!
00:04:07Hey, man of the hour, what's up?
00:04:10How'd it go?
00:04:11I got it.
00:04:12What?
00:04:13Yeah.
00:04:14You just got it?
00:04:15And it was beautiful.
00:04:16I just sat down, eye-to-eye,
00:04:18and the guy caved on everything.
00:04:20Huge raise, fat title, sick office.
00:04:23The works.
00:04:24Tracy, how'd she take it when you told her
00:04:26you were leaving her daddy's firm?
00:04:28No, no, I haven't, uh, you know, I haven't told her.
00:04:30Oh, Jesus Christ, man.
00:04:32You're not giving her enough credit.
00:04:34You know, she's a great girl.
00:04:36All right, and she wants what's best for me,
00:04:38because that is what's best for us,
00:04:40the Tracy Carl unit, and...
00:04:46Did you just say to me, the Tracy Carl unit?
00:04:49Bro, I've had your back since the bloody asphalt days
00:04:52of third-grade dodgeball.
00:04:54Tim Wheatley hit you in the face with a basketball
00:04:56and knocked you out.
00:04:57What did I do?
00:04:58I held him down, and I farted in his mouth, Carl.
00:05:00I know, and I appreciate that.
00:05:02You know I appreciate that.
00:05:03I know what's best for you.
00:05:05And if I was about to cut my balls off,
00:05:07I hoped that a good friend would stand up
00:05:09and tell me that I'm an asshole.
00:05:11So, Carl, as a friend, you're an asshole.
00:05:14Lester, I promise, everything's gonna be okay.
00:05:17All right?
00:05:21It's gonna be fine.
00:05:23Are you out of your fucking mind?
00:05:26Leaving Daddy's firm after all he's done for you, for us?
00:05:29Well, yes, I know, but...
00:05:31The wedding.
00:05:32It's a hundred grand.
00:05:34Who's paying?
00:05:35Oh, that's right, Daddy.
00:05:37Honeymoon? Ding!
00:05:38Daddy again?
00:05:39Well, he's very generous.
00:05:40I just don't understand why you'd want to leave anyway.
00:05:43My brothers love it there, and so does Uncle Larry.
00:05:45A mummy comes by every day with a healthy,
00:05:47homemade, nutritious lunch you claim you just love.
00:05:50That is, unless you've been lying to me.
00:05:54Hmm?
00:05:56A liar.
00:05:58Are you, Carl?
00:05:59I am not a liar.
00:06:00I love your mother's cooking.
00:06:01I just think that I...
00:06:02Carl, sweetie, you've just...
00:06:03You've just got to have an open mind about this
00:06:05and realize that leaving Daddy's firm is just simply...
00:06:08not going to happen.
00:06:10Okay, baby?
00:06:11End of discussion.
00:06:16Is the feel okay, though?
00:06:18A little cold.
00:06:19Whoops.
00:06:29Mmm. Mmm.
00:06:31Mm-hmm.
00:06:32It's a good choice.
00:06:34You know what?
00:06:35You don't even have to tell me.
00:06:37I want to guess.
00:06:39Is that okay?
00:06:40You sat down eye-to-eye, and you folded like a little bitch.
00:06:43Am I wrong?
00:06:44So you get the same title, no raise,
00:06:46shitty office.
00:06:48What'd you call it?
00:06:49The Works.
00:06:50It's Monday morning.
00:06:51Welcome to hell.
00:06:53I mean, why is she so mad at you all the time?
00:06:56I mean, come on, bro.
00:06:58I think you're the one who should be pissed, my friend.
00:07:00I was thinking that maybe...
00:07:02I should buy her something, you know, that's special,
00:07:05but also creative.
00:07:07Ooh.
00:07:08Like, get her a retard with a box of crayons
00:07:11with one of them sharpeners so he can sharpen it
00:07:13and then take the shavings and put them all over his face.
00:07:16You're going to hell.
00:07:17Well, you know what? No.
00:07:18I'm not going to hell.
00:07:19Retards love crayons.
00:07:21What are you doing?
00:07:22No, no, no, no, no.
00:07:23Don't be that guy.
00:07:24I'm not calling her, all right?
00:07:25Who are you calling?
00:07:26I'm calling to decline the job offer.
00:07:28Just don't be rash, okay?
00:07:29You don't have to call right now.
00:07:30Give it the weekend.
00:07:31Why give it the weekend?
00:07:32I mean, what is the point?
00:07:33What's going to happen this weekend?
00:07:34Let's do it.
00:07:35Oh, oh.
00:07:46Oh.
00:07:51Um, did you buy this?
00:07:57I don't know.
00:07:58I've been pretty blackout drunk for the last week and a half.
00:08:00Thanks for asking.
00:08:01But no, I feel like I want it.
00:08:02I vaguely remember calling some sweepstakes.
00:08:05I hope I didn't buy this.
00:08:07This thing's priceless.
00:08:08I couldn't have bought it.
00:08:09I couldn't afford this.
00:08:10Really?
00:08:11And I'm the one who has to rethink my life.
00:08:12Yeah, you do.
00:08:15Let's plug this sucker in, huh?
00:08:19This is a piece of history, my man.
00:08:21I mean, this is how they kicked it old school.
00:08:22There was no Internet back then.
00:08:23Just grab a roll of quarters, get on in it,
00:08:24and get your horn on.
00:08:25Hey, thanks for the history lesson.
00:08:26Plug it in, huh?
00:08:28It works.
00:08:30It seems to, yeah.
00:08:31Let's check it out.
00:08:33Yeah, let's.
00:08:34Come on.
00:08:35It's like a time machine taking you back to porn's glory days.
00:08:38Uh-huh.
00:08:39Why am I longing for those days?
00:08:42This is a vintage Diamond Jim porn booth.
00:08:45Okay?
00:08:46You know who Diamond Jim is.
00:08:48No.
00:08:49I don't.
00:08:50Think Spielberg.
00:08:52Okay, that's the kind of influence he's got.
00:08:54Think Spielberg.
00:08:55Okay, that's the kind of influence that this man had on porn.
00:08:58I mean, before Diamond Jim,
00:09:00porno was dark and dirty and hairy,
00:09:02and Diamond Jim just changed everything.
00:09:05DJ made porn fun.
00:09:07Okay, and fun is something that you are sorely lacking these days.
00:09:10And any fun that's left in you is going to be sucked out by you-know-who.
00:09:14All right.
00:09:15And not from your...
00:09:16because she doesn't do that.
00:09:17That's inappropriate.
00:09:18She's a lady.
00:09:19Get in the porn booth, Carl,
00:09:20and I'll show you some real ladies.
00:09:21That's great.
00:09:22Yeah.
00:09:25Carl.
00:09:26What?
00:09:27Trust me.
00:09:28Get in the porn booth.
00:09:29I'm not getting in there.
00:09:30It's vintage.
00:09:31That means used.
00:09:32Used means sticky.
00:09:33I'm not getting in there.
00:09:34You don't like sticky?
00:09:35No.
00:09:36You don't mind sitting on the couch?
00:09:37You.
00:09:38Let's go.
00:09:39Wow.
00:09:40Carl, trust me.
00:09:47Hey, give it.
00:09:48Give it.
00:09:53Wow.
00:09:54Somebody had a real thing for nurses.
00:09:56They're nice people.
00:09:57Okay, Carl.
00:09:58They're helpers.
00:10:02Holy shit.
00:10:03Sorority Surprise?
00:10:04That's insane.
00:10:05No way.
00:10:06No, no, no, no, no.
00:10:07What?
00:10:08Sorority Surprise.
00:10:09You've never heard of it?
00:10:10I never have.
00:10:11It's Diamond Jim's experimental masterpiece.
00:10:12It was an epic, days in the making,
00:10:14only to disappear off the face of the planet.
00:10:16Some people say Diamond Jim went insane trying to finish it.
00:10:18Other people say it was two scoops of cocaine
00:10:21he put on his Raisin Bran every morning.
00:10:22But here it is.
00:10:24Hey, bud.
00:10:25Pick your flick.
00:10:27There's a good smile on your face.
00:10:28I bet it will.
00:10:31All right.
00:10:32Let's get it on.
00:10:37Are you doing that?
00:10:40Stop.
00:10:41What is happening?
00:10:42Why is it happening?
00:10:43When will it stop?
00:10:44Stop it.
00:10:46Whoa, dude.
00:10:47Fail.
00:11:04Whoa.
00:11:05That was intense.
00:11:07Are you okay?
00:11:08I think so.
00:11:10Man, where are we?
00:11:11Come on.
00:11:12Come on.
00:11:15Freeze.
00:11:16Put your hands up.
00:11:17I said freeze.
00:11:18Get your hands up.
00:11:19Do you want us to freeze or get our hands up?
00:11:20Shut up, punk.
00:11:21Brittany Friscom.
00:11:22Jeez.
00:11:23I think we have a concealed weapon here.
00:11:24I don't think so.
00:11:25Is that booze I smell on your breath?
00:11:26I'm sorry, officer.
00:11:27We did not do anything.
00:11:28I'm sorry.
00:11:29I'm sorry.
00:11:30I'm sorry.
00:11:31I'm sorry.
00:11:32I'm sorry.
00:11:33I'm sorry.
00:11:34I'm sorry.
00:11:35I'm sorry.
00:11:36I'm sorry.
00:11:37I'm sorry.
00:11:38I'm sorry.
00:11:39I'm sorry.
00:11:40I'm sorry.
00:11:41I'm sorry.
00:11:42I'm sorry.
00:11:43I'm sorry.
00:11:44I did not do anything wrong here.
00:11:46Oh, yeah?
00:11:47Ow.
00:11:48How's malicious jaywalking sound with intent?
00:11:51Made up.
00:11:52No, really, officer.
00:11:53How do I know you?
00:11:54And you, too?
00:11:55College?
00:11:56I mean, I didn't really go to college.
00:11:57I used to deal weed there.
00:11:58I didn't really deal weed there, but I'm just saying.
00:12:00How do I know you?
00:12:01A-A?
00:12:02Silence.
00:12:03Oh, my God.
00:12:04Ah.
00:12:05Ah.
00:12:06Ah.
00:12:07Ah.
00:12:08Ah.
00:12:09Ah.
00:12:10Ah.
00:12:11Ah.
00:12:12Ah.
00:12:13How are those regulation uniforms?
00:12:15Any malice?
00:12:17Please head down south.
00:12:18Please head down south.
00:12:19Detective Kent.
00:12:20You're in the courage of your own life.
00:12:26Ri-ri-ri-ra.
00:12:28Ri-ri-ra.
00:12:30Ri-ri-ra.
00:12:32Ri-ri-ri-ra.
00:12:34Ri-ri-ri-ra.
00:12:35Ri-ri-ri-ra.
00:12:36Ri-ri-ri-ra.
00:12:37Ri-ri-ri-ra.
00:12:38Ri-ri-ri-ra.
00:12:39You want to cop two or walk the block?
00:12:48Because Rod Cannon has got the numbers on you.
00:12:52And good.
00:12:53I get it.
00:12:54That's the book on you, huh?
00:13:01That's the book on you?
00:13:02Smart guy, talking the talk?
00:13:04Well listen up, and you better listen good.
00:13:06You better check wise and sing the rumble, or before you know it, you might find yourself
00:13:12on the rub-out highway to Nowheresville.
00:13:14That was the gun, son.
00:13:24You don't want to see the cannon.
00:13:29Get this dumb mug out of my sight.
00:13:36We have a wet spill in the supply closet.
00:13:45Attention janitorial, we have a wet spill.
00:13:48Well, well.
00:13:49What do we have here?
00:13:50Just another piece of meat.
00:13:51I...
00:13:53Just another outburst like that, and I will send you straight to the hole.
00:14:11Wait, wait, wait.
00:14:14Just listen, okay?
00:14:15All I know is I'm hanging out with my buddy, and the next thing you know there's this lights
00:14:20and then there's sounds.
00:14:21There was slamming to the ground, okay?
00:14:24There was cops.
00:14:25Kitty cops.
00:14:26And then they kicked me in the balls and they maced me.
00:14:32And now I'm here.
00:14:33That's all I know.
00:14:34You think I haven't heard that one before, do you?
00:14:51You better get used to it, bitches.
00:15:10You're the fucking bitch.
00:15:11Bitch.
00:15:12Stop being stupid, bitch.
00:15:13Why don't you make me, bitch?
00:15:14Bitch.
00:15:15Don't.
00:15:16Don't hurt me.
00:15:17Wait a minute.
00:15:18Have we met somewhere before or something?
00:15:22I don't know.
00:15:24I see pumps like you every day.
00:15:28Oh, my God.
00:15:31You're...
00:15:32You're...
00:15:33You're...
00:15:34You're...
00:15:35You're...
00:15:36You're...
00:15:37You're...
00:15:38You're...
00:15:39You're...
00:15:40You're...
00:15:41You're...
00:15:42You're...
00:15:43You're...
00:15:44Susie.
00:15:45Susie Diel.
00:15:47Look, we can either do this the easy way
00:15:53or we can do it the hard way.
00:15:57Wait a minute.
00:15:58I know the answer to this.
00:16:00I know the next line.
00:16:03Yes?
00:16:04Could it get any harder?
00:16:05Oh, yeah.
00:16:08Mm...
00:16:11I think it just did.
00:16:13You're a good girl.
00:16:15AHHHH!
00:16:40You guys wanna...
00:16:41Because it's open.
00:16:43No.
00:16:44Okay.
00:16:47You're good.
00:16:48Yeah.
00:16:55One way or another, you're gonna tell me what I want to know.
00:17:00Even if I have to suck it out of you.
00:17:03Oh, I'm not talking.
00:17:05I'm not talking.
00:17:07You can't get me to talk.
00:17:08Lester! Hey, Lester!
00:17:10Oh, my God!
00:17:11What is he doing here?
00:17:13Uh, baby, it's okay. That's my boy.
00:17:15You understand. She needs information.
00:17:18I can explain that.
00:17:19Yeah, well, that's great. Explain later. Come on, come on.
00:17:21You're scaring me away.
00:17:23I'll talk you down until I get what I want.
00:17:29Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on.
00:17:32Excuse me.
00:17:44Oh, my God.
00:17:52Huh?
00:18:09Oh, my God!
00:18:12Oh, my God!
00:18:15This way.
00:18:25This is all my fault.
00:18:28Don't sweat it, sister.
00:18:30We're gonna track house to house, and we're gonna bag those plugs
00:18:33before the blue plate hits the counter.
00:18:35Yeah?
00:18:36Oh, yeah.
00:18:42Oh, yeah.
00:18:48Can it, chippy.
00:18:50Can it.
00:18:52Rod's always here for the taking.
00:18:54You know that.
00:18:55But with these punks, these mugs, these goofaloofadoofs
00:18:59loosing my engine,
00:19:01it's track one for trouble time.
00:19:04Okay.
00:19:05I think.
00:19:07Okay.
00:19:11Oh, my God.
00:19:12I am so wet.
00:19:17It's so cold.
00:19:19Now I'm way wetter than you are.
00:19:21Nuh-uh, I'm way wetter.
00:19:23No, girls.
00:19:25No, you're both wet.
00:19:26All right, let's take a vote.
00:19:28Yes, Miss Bliss.
00:19:30Who's wetter, Brandy or Mandy?
00:19:35I'm wet.
00:19:36I'm wet.
00:19:37I'm wet.
00:19:38I'm wet.
00:19:39I wanna play.
00:19:44That was the wettest.
00:19:48Have you ever seen anything like this?
00:19:50No.
00:19:51Yes.
00:19:53Yes, my friend, I have.
00:19:56This is the opening scene of Dirty Talking Co-ed.
00:19:59All right, that's enough of the jokes.
00:20:00I'm serious, all right?
00:20:02Bro, this is not a joke,
00:20:03and I don't even know how to be more serious.
00:20:05And, like, wow,
00:20:07Like, wow, this is definitely the wettest I've ever been.
00:20:11Excuse me.
00:20:12I am so wet.
00:20:14Like, wow, this is definitely the wettest I've ever been.
00:20:20What?
00:20:24Yeah, that chick back at the police station, her name is Suzy Diablo.
00:20:28She's a porn star. She's a black belt in S&M.
00:20:31She's nothing but trouble. And this girl?
00:20:33All right, girls!
00:20:36Her name is Autumn Bliss.
00:20:38She's the den mother here in tri-pi sorority.
00:20:41She keeps the girls in line, dirty little hussies.
00:20:44And her? There is Daphne Cheeks, the blonde one.
00:20:48She's a water sports specialist, if you know what I'm saying.
00:20:50It's one of my personal favorites.
00:20:52And in five, four, three, two...
00:21:00That is Bambi Cummings.
00:21:04She is the best of the best, Carl.
00:21:07I'll take that, Bambi.
00:21:08Thanks.
00:21:12Hi, girls.
00:21:14Hi, Bambi.
00:21:16Hi, Bambi.
00:21:19End of story.
00:21:22Carl, I think we have to seriously consider the possibility that we died back there.
00:21:28We got electrocuted in that booth.
00:21:30And now we somehow made it to heaven.
00:21:34Praise Jesus.
00:21:36No, no. This is just a bad, drunk dream.
00:21:39And any minute, I am gonna wake up, and everything will be the way it was.
00:21:44Well, not exactly, Diamond Jam.
00:21:48In the flesh, my friend.
00:21:50And please, call me DJ.
00:21:52DJ, please, tell me this is some sort of dream or something.
00:21:55Or are we dead?
00:21:57Well, the answer's yes and no.
00:21:59Told you.
00:22:00See, it's like this.
00:22:01On the one hand, you've taken on an alternative form of existence,
00:22:05which could be construed as some sort of a dreamlike state.
00:22:08But on the other hand, since you physically traveled here,
00:22:11you no longer exist back home, so technically you're considered dead.
00:22:14Yes!
00:22:15But not really, because you're here, and you're alive.
00:22:17Huh?
00:22:19So, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:22:20Are you saying that we have traveled to some sort of alternate porno flick dimension?
00:22:29Or perhaps, if you will, a porno-ville?
00:22:33Well, if it looks like porno and smells like porno.
00:22:36It must be porno!
00:22:38Oh, yes!
00:22:40Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:22:42No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:43No, this is not happening.
00:22:44Oh, it's happening, Carl.
00:22:46You see, you were brought here for a reason.
00:22:49And, like any great journey, the true adventure is figuring that reason out.
00:22:55Or something.
00:22:57Cool, I love meaningful journeys.
00:22:59If you could just do me a favor and point me in the direction of one of those dimension-altering porn booths,
00:23:05and I'll just make my way home.
00:23:07Carl, you don't punch a ticket home until you complete the journey.
00:23:12No fast-forwarding.
00:23:14You dig, son?
00:23:16Now, here are the rules. Listen up.
00:23:19There are none.
00:23:21Shut the fuck up.
00:23:23Wait, now, hang on.
00:23:25Is there one?
00:23:28Shit, I don't remember.
00:23:29Hey, do whatever the hell you want.
00:23:31It gets better, huh?
00:23:33But, boy, piece of advice.
00:23:35Just keep it simple.
00:23:42Oh, he's gone.
00:23:45Okay, so we can't hide out here in the open, then.
00:23:49Hey, we can hide up there.
00:23:51They have an attic up there that they never use.
00:23:53How do you know?
00:23:54Because in Co-Ed Cupcakes 9, the girls have a seance with a vibrating Ouija board
00:23:58that they think is haunted by a ghost with a 20-inch long that they call the Cockness Monster
00:24:02that lives in the attic that they never use.
00:24:06Oh, I should have been a better friend to you, huh?
00:24:08Yeah.
00:24:09Great. All right, fine. Let's go.
00:24:11Hey, but first we have to hide here for five more minutes.
00:24:14Why?
00:24:15They're about to have an orgy, bro.
00:24:19Fine. Let's go.
00:24:32Huh?
00:24:33This is hilarious.
00:24:38Look at this.
00:24:39What?
00:24:40Check this out.
00:24:41Oh, holy shit.
00:24:44Why do they need all this dessert? I don't understand.
00:25:01God, that was fun.
00:25:02I know, and we've only just begun.
00:25:05Ooh, look at what I've got.
00:25:10A little whipped cream.
00:25:13Mmm, any chocolate to go with that?
00:25:15Maybe.
00:25:17That feels good.
00:25:21Don't forget the cherries, girls.
00:25:23We love it.
00:25:24It's the best.
00:25:29Mmm, you're my favorite sundae. Yummy.
00:25:32Here.
00:25:39No.
00:25:49Hey. No, no, no.
00:25:53We gotta go. We gotta go.
00:25:54We forgot the cherries, man.
00:25:55Come on, we gotta go.
00:25:56Man, we forgot the cherries.
00:25:59We gotta go.
00:26:01Compose!
00:26:03Compose...
00:26:09Oh, yeah, extra, extra. I'll bring Mr. Booboo.
00:26:19Oh, good idea.
00:26:20I'm going to take a shower.
00:26:28But I always take showers.
00:26:39Oh, yeah, I forgot.
00:26:48You're silly.
00:26:58You can change in here if you want.
00:27:00Oh, um, how about we meet in the shower?
00:27:03Okay.
00:27:09Hey.
00:27:39Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:28:09More, more, more, play it loud, yeah More, more
00:28:20Who are you and what are you doing in my closet?
00:28:33I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can explain.
00:28:35Yeah, you better or I start screaming.
00:28:37No, no, no, no, don't scream, don't scream, please, please, please.
00:28:39Okay, I came here in a booth, a movie booth, but it's not a movie booth, it's a time portal dimension jumping mission.
00:28:48You sure you want to hear this?
00:28:49Oh, I'm quite sure.
00:28:54Quality control, ma'am.
00:28:57I have been inspecting these items.
00:29:02I'm afraid I'm going to have to seize them all.
00:29:04What?
00:29:06You and Mr. Boo Boo?
00:29:08Oh, especially Mr. Boo Boo.
00:29:12So you're from outer space?
00:29:16Uh, no, not exactly.
00:29:18Are you going to eat me?
00:29:20I'm not, no, no, I'm not going to do anything to you.
00:29:22I just, I need to go home.
00:29:25Oh, gee, mister, are you absolutely positive you have to take all of them?
00:29:31Absolutely sure.
00:29:33Well, are you sure there's nothing I could do to change your mind?
00:29:40Well, I, uh...
00:29:46I'm sure that, uh...
00:29:49I, uh...
00:29:55Ah!
00:29:57Ah!
00:29:59Ah!
00:30:01Ah!
00:30:03Ah!
00:30:05Ah!
00:30:07Ah!
00:30:09Ah!
00:30:11Ah!
00:30:13Ah!
00:30:15Ah!
00:30:18Ooh!
00:30:20And where did you land here?
00:30:23I don't know, I mean, there was an alley, and, um...
00:30:26And then we got arrested, I mean, everything was just happening so fast, I don't really...
00:30:29It looks like things aren't slowing down any time soon.
00:30:33Ah!
00:30:45Oh, no, that's that guy, that's that crazy detective guy with the toothpick, and I don't know what he's saying.
00:30:50Yeah, that's Detective Rod Cannon, he always gets his man.
00:30:53You guys gotta hide.
00:30:55You gonna help us?
00:30:56Of course, silly.
00:30:57Oh, thanks.
00:31:05Daphne, you gotta hide these two, and quick, Rod is here.
00:31:09Rod Cannon? The long-slong of the law, Rod Cannon?
00:31:13Did he interrogate you?
00:31:16Yeah, kind of.
00:31:19Oh, shit, bro!
00:31:21We do not want to be caught by Rod.
00:31:24He always gets his man.
00:31:27If you know what I mean.
00:31:29I usually don't know what you mean, and it's no exception right now, so...
00:31:41Well, what is it, Rod Cannon?
00:31:46Afternoon, Miss Bliss.
00:31:48What can I do for you today, Detective?
00:31:50Official business.
00:31:52Rod, you know boys aren't allowed upstairs without an escort.
00:31:58Like I said, sweetie, it's official.
00:32:08He's coming.
00:32:15Whoa!
00:32:26Open up, police.
00:32:28Hey, guys. What's up?
00:32:32Step aside, please. I need to have a look-see.
00:32:35In there.
00:32:37Cool.
00:32:39Something wrong?
00:32:41Less confidential.
00:32:44Awesome. Have fun.
00:32:55So, you girls seen anything out of the ordinary?
00:33:07Something funny?
00:33:10No.
00:33:11Rod, is there something we should be worried about?
00:33:17I'm a working man, Cupcake.
00:33:19So that's Detective Cannon to you.
00:33:22And, please, I'm the one asking the questions here, miss, you understand?
00:33:28How long you had this for?
00:33:34How long do you want me to have had it for?
00:33:38Oh, man.
00:33:44Oh.
00:33:45Rod, are you going to tell us what's going on or not?
00:33:48Nothing I can't handle. Just a couple hoods on the lam. You know me.
00:33:54I always get my man.
00:33:56Smash the window.
00:34:04Hey!
00:34:07Two, three.
00:34:23You hear something?
00:34:25Oh, no.
00:34:26No?
00:34:27What?
00:34:28No.
00:34:29No?
00:34:36All right. Guess my work here is done.
00:34:41Thanks, Rod. There you have your number.
00:34:44Jesus Christ.
00:34:46Oh, my God.
00:34:50Oh, my God. We have to get you guys to the hospital.
00:34:53No, no. We don't need doctors.
00:34:56And, besides, there's lots of crazy gadgets there. Maybe one of them can help you get home.
00:35:01Oh, okay. Thank you. That's nice.
00:35:03Okay.
00:35:04Yeah.
00:35:05Let me just do my hair first. My hospital hair.
00:35:07Hospital hair. Okay.
00:35:10What's happening?
00:35:12Wouldn't you say you're risking quite a bit for this mysterious stranger?
00:35:17You know me. I'm always a sucker for the new guy.
00:35:22Hey, Steve.
00:35:24Boy, Carl is so sweet and helpless.
00:35:27I mean, look at them.
00:35:33So, every day these palookas ride the streets is an embarrassment.
00:35:39An embarrassment, not only to me, but to the entire department.
00:35:43No one, and I mean no one, makes a clean sneak from the clubhouse and walks.
00:35:48Not on my watch. Not on my watch.
00:35:51Sir, I've just landed a tip.
00:35:55No, not that. They've been spotted at the hospital.
00:35:58Diablo, slant the hospital. Dick, Lance, hit the campus.
00:36:03I want these hoods back by nightfall or there will be hell to pay.
00:36:07Get out of here. Come on. Move. Let's see movement.
00:36:09Let's move. Let's move. Let's move.
00:36:11Other way. Other way. Go.
00:36:14This pink zone is for unloading only.
00:36:21I've got a contorted labor. I need 600 gallons of toxin magooey.
00:36:25What's that for? Where'd you study medicine?
00:36:28This one here's got a humerus erectus, and it's, yeah, it's huge.
00:36:32I've been looking at it. I didn't know you were here.
00:36:35Where are you going?
00:36:40Doctor, are they going to be okay?
00:36:42Right now, it doesn't look good.
00:36:45Are you sure it's held you?
00:36:47Is there anything that I can do?
00:36:49Well, I'm sure I can think of something.
00:36:52Okay.
00:36:54All deliveries for Dr. Jellyfinger, please use the rear entry.
00:37:01Carmen, what are you doing?
00:37:03Look, I have to get out of here. I can't waste my time with this.
00:37:05I've got to find the portal. I've got to get home.
00:37:07Let's just grab Lester and we'll go, okay?
00:37:09I can't.
00:37:10Oh, yeah.
00:37:11I have to go to cheerleading practice. Tryouts are tomorrow.
00:37:15Oh.
00:37:16And besides, we can't arouse any suspicions.
00:37:19Yeah. No, I understand. I mean, you've already done so much.
00:37:23But I still want to help.
00:37:25After you find Lester, come back to the Pie House, and Daphne and I will find you guys a place to hide.
00:37:30Right. Okay. Thanks, Bambi.
00:37:33Sure thing. And good luck.
00:37:41Uh, Dan, good luck to you. Thank you.
00:37:45See you guys.
00:37:58Where are they?
00:38:11Hey, girls. Do you want to get it on with me? Do you want to do it?
00:38:17Are you ready for your sponge bath?
00:38:19Uh, yeah.
00:38:26Now turn over.
00:38:29Okay.
00:38:30We always start with the back.
00:38:33But don't worry. We always finish with the front.
00:38:38Oh, yeah. Are you excited?
00:38:40Not really.
00:38:42Not really.
00:38:44Oh, yeah. Get down in the crack there.
00:38:51Dr. Bushwood, please prepare for an injection.
00:38:54Dr. Bushwood, prepare for a big injection.
00:38:58Oh, boy.
00:39:01Oh, hush.
00:39:05Oh, hush.
00:39:08Oh!
00:39:10Wow, that looked painful.
00:39:13Hello, Lester.
00:39:15Dr. Dick Blow, call Dr. Collins' dad.
00:39:19Ooh, baby. Looks like I'm all strapped in.
00:39:23It wasn't very nice running out of milk, but...
00:39:27Oh, well, it's all about timing, baby.
00:39:30Look, I'm not going anywhere, so I guess now is the time, if you know what I'm saying.
00:39:38What's that thing?
00:39:43Uh...
00:39:46I assure you, this indeed will hurt.
00:39:49Wait, wait, wait. You mean, like, role-play hurt?
00:39:53Uh-uh.
00:39:54Or, honest to God, hurt?
00:39:57Yeah.
00:39:59W-w-w-wait! No, no, no. You don't want to do that.
00:40:02Yes?
00:40:04Dr. Jellyfinger! Dr. Jellyfinger! Dr. Jellyfinger!
00:40:07Oh, no, that's not my...
00:40:08Your patient is waiting.
00:40:09I don't have patients.
00:40:11What if I told you...
00:40:14I...
00:40:16What... What if I told you that I'm a virgin?
00:40:22Oh, fuck it. I'm stalling. Get it over with.
00:40:27No!
00:40:34No.
00:40:36Okay.
00:40:39Doctor, so good to see you.
00:40:43So, um...
00:40:45What, uh...
00:40:47seems to be the problem?
00:40:49It's my nipples.
00:40:51They taste funny.
00:40:56Okay. Would you excuse me for...
00:41:06Oh, weird!
00:41:10Carl, help me!
00:41:17Hey, hey.
00:41:19You don't ever say a word about this.
00:41:20I don't know what you're talking... I don't... I have no idea what you're talking about.
00:41:22Good. Nothing.
00:41:26Get out!
00:41:28My legs!
00:41:33Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! That's where we landed.
00:41:35That's where we landed. That's where we dropped.
00:41:37I don't care! Let's go! She's coming!
00:41:39With that thing! Let's go!
00:41:41Come on!
00:41:43Um...
00:41:47Okay.
00:41:48It's still there.
00:41:50Look, I'm...
00:41:51Don't touch me!
00:41:52Look, I'm...
00:41:53I don't...
00:41:54Okay?
00:41:55Keep them closed.
00:41:57One...
00:42:06You never say a word about this, ever!
00:42:07No!
00:42:08Ever!
00:42:09No, never. Absolutely. I would not do that.
00:42:15Go, go, go, go, go, go!
00:42:17Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
00:42:22Gave you the slip, huh?
00:42:24Let me tell you something, missy.
00:42:26I want those twists bar-bound ASAP.
00:42:31If not, it's your badge.
00:42:33You got me, sister?
00:42:37Move it.
00:42:40So, why don't you tell me something about yourself?
00:42:43Okay.
00:42:44All right.
00:42:45I'm 21 years old, and I'm a Capricorn.
00:42:47I'm 5'7", 110 pounds.
00:42:49My measurements are 34C, 24, 34.
00:42:52My turn-ons include candlelight dinners,
00:42:54guys who make me laugh, and long bubble baths.
00:42:56And my goal in life is to make the world smile.
00:43:00But you know what?
00:43:02Lately, I've been having these thoughts.
00:43:05But you know what?
00:43:07Lately, I've been having these thoughts.
00:43:09New thoughts.
00:43:11I just think that there must be more to life than sex.
00:43:14Gosh, I mean, it's always sex.
00:43:18Just sex, sex, sex.
00:43:21It seems like there might be something missing.
00:43:25Yeah, like, like love, perhaps.
00:43:28Love?
00:43:30What do you mean?
00:43:32Well, you know, love.
00:43:33When you have sex with someone that you love, the sex is better.
00:43:37Okay, so I'm supposed to have sex with the people that I love.
00:43:40Yeah, absolutely.
00:43:42But how do you know if you're falling in love?
00:43:45Well, that is the great mystery.
00:43:49Maybe it's something that you catch in a person's eye that touches you,
00:43:54or maybe it's the way that that person treats you,
00:43:57the way that they understand, they listen.
00:44:01Let's make love right now.
00:44:05What? You want to make love now?
00:44:09I've got to go to the bathroom.
00:44:11What? You don't love me?
00:44:13No, it's not that. I just, you know, I should.
00:44:16Well, two seconds. Give me two seconds.
00:44:18Okay.
00:44:20So I found myself outside of San Antone around about midnight on a cold January eve.
00:44:26I was shacked up on an old Pentecostal church with Ruby Joe Greenberg.
00:44:29He's on foot now with old Chief Redclaw. He's out of Missoula way.
00:44:32Makes his living trading arrowheads for fire water and mescaline south of the border.
00:44:37He carries around a dream catcher.
00:44:39You want to take a bath and fuck?
00:44:43Yeah, okay.
00:44:45Okay.
00:44:48Some people say that it's not cheating if you're in a different state,
00:44:52so I don't really see how it can be cheating if you're in a different fucking dimension.
00:44:58You need to lighten up, bro.
00:45:00Come on.
00:45:01All right, here. Carl, here's what you do, all right?
00:45:04You go back in there and you man up.
00:45:08You know, I think you need to realize something.
00:45:11This is not a joke, all right?
00:45:13If we don't figure out what's what, we might be doomed here forever.
00:45:16I think you might be overreacting just a little bit.
00:45:20I mean, sure, things aren't going our way right now,
00:45:22but as soon as we've worked out the kinks, come on, everything's going to be great.
00:45:25Look, it's just, you know, I have a life to get back to, you know, a real life.
00:45:29And wait a minute, you and I have a dog together.
00:45:33Charlie.
00:45:36Charlie, yeah.
00:45:38Okay.
00:45:40But I'm going to tell you what.
00:45:42If I give all this up, you have got to promise me right now
00:45:45that when you get back you will at least try and make some changes in your life.
00:45:49I'm sorry, wait, what does that mean?
00:45:51I don't want you going back and living your same shitty life, Carl.
00:45:55Wait a minute, I have a shitty life?
00:45:57You have the shittiest life, yes.
00:45:59You're about to marry a woman who's not going to let you be you.
00:46:02Not only that, she's turned you into a bitch.
00:46:05You're a little bitch.
00:46:07She took them, she owns them, and now you're a bitch.
00:46:09I don't even know you anymore.
00:46:11Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:46:15Whoa.
00:46:19Whoa.
00:46:23Okay.
00:46:29All right, so where should we look for the way to, whoa.
00:46:32I'll tell you what, I've got a million ideas all brewing right up here.
00:46:35I can't wait to get working on them ASAP.
00:46:37But first you're going to have to let me take a bath with Daphne.
00:46:42She's ready to rock.
00:46:44If I could get you to leave the bathroom, it would be really great.
00:46:46Okay, so first thing tomorrow then.
00:46:48Oh, yeah, totally, tomorrow, perfect.
00:46:50Looking forward to it.
00:46:51Have fun.
00:46:52Okay.
00:46:55Carl, that was the longest two seconds of my life.
00:47:00This is about right.
00:47:09Hello, puppy.
00:47:11I hope you brought some ice.
00:47:13Why would I need ice?
00:47:32Hey, wait here.
00:47:53I forgot.
00:47:55You're a tri-fi.
00:47:58Dirty talking co-ed's 11.
00:47:59I knew that.
00:48:00So stupid.
00:48:06I don't know what you're saying to me.
00:48:07I don't speak that language.
00:48:12Bitch, yeah, Carl.
00:48:15Oh.
00:48:17Oh, my God, what is going on?
00:48:19That is the woman from the hospital who.
00:48:21Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:48:22She what?
00:48:23I don't know her.
00:48:25The woman who, um, who hurt Lester.
00:48:28What a bitch.
00:48:30She puked on my face.
00:48:32Oh.
00:48:34You need to find another place to hide.
00:48:36Well, where?
00:48:46All the places that Bambi could think of for us to hide.
00:48:48Hey, do I have puke in my eyebrow?
00:48:50No, I got all of it, I think.
00:48:54How are they doing?
00:48:57Everything okay?
00:48:59Look, you know, Bambi is really going out of her way to help us.
00:49:02And, by the way, so is Daphne.
00:49:05I just, you know, I just think we should make it easy on them, not get them in any more trouble.
00:49:10You cocksucker, I knew it.
00:49:13You're into her, aren't you?
00:49:14She's cute, but, uh, you know, she's not even real.
00:49:18First of all, Bambi Cummings is the hottest of the hot, Carl.
00:49:22She is like microwave lasagna hot.
00:49:24And, secondly, she wants you.
00:49:26And I don't know why, I mean, it's retarded to me.
00:49:28There's a million swinging dicks here.
00:49:29She could have anyone she wants.
00:49:31And she's chosen you.
00:49:33Bambi Cummings is real.
00:49:35She's real enough to touch.
00:49:36She's real enough to squeeze.
00:49:38And she's real enough to put her shit on the line for us.
00:49:40Okay?
00:49:41That's real.
00:49:51Good night, Carl, I love you.
00:49:52I love you, too.
00:49:53Shh.
00:49:54Maidens stay in.
00:49:55Shh.
00:50:10Aren't we in a good mood today?
00:50:12I know, I just feel so, I don't know, you know?
00:50:16Is it Carl?
00:50:19You know about Carl?
00:50:20Carl?
00:50:21Of course, sweetie.
00:50:22Daphne told me.
00:50:23Oh, doesn't he sound like a cutie?
00:50:25Oh, he is.
00:50:27It's just I've never felt like this before.
00:50:29I think I'm in love.
00:50:33Love?
00:50:34Wow.
00:50:35What does that feel like?
00:50:36Oh, well, um, at first I can't get him out of my mind, you know?
00:50:41And then I get this pit in my stomach.
00:50:43And my heart's just pumping really hard.
00:50:46And it's hard for me to breathe.
00:50:49And then I get this headache.
00:50:50It's just so awesome, you know?
00:50:54Wow.
00:50:56That's exactly how I felt after my first double penetration.
00:51:00You know what they say, you never forget your first.
00:51:03I know.
00:51:06Oh.
00:51:30It's not here.
00:51:32What's not?
00:51:33What you looking for, Carl?
00:51:35Hey, DJ, can you just please tell me where the portal is so that I can get out of here?
00:51:43How about that I give you a hint, Carl?
00:51:45Okay.
00:51:46Yeah, please give me a hint.
00:51:48Your way home's not through something you can touch, but rather something you can feel.
00:51:56Okay.
00:51:57Okay, DJ.
00:51:59You know, if you're not going to show me how to get home, maybe you could give me some actual useful information, you know?
00:52:04Like, uh, Rod?
00:52:06Why?
00:52:07Why is he chasing us all over town?
00:52:09Because that's his job.
00:52:12Rod's a cop.
00:52:14That's what cops do.
00:52:16They chase people around.
00:52:18That's what it is.
00:52:19I mean, it's like Bambi.
00:52:20Bambi?
00:52:21Bambi's going to be the hottest, damn swordy cheater there ever was.
00:52:24Sexy.
00:52:26I so want to kick your ass right now.
00:52:28I mean, I don't know if I could, but you're not helping me, okay?
00:52:30You want to throw?
00:52:31I don't know if I have to beat it out of you.
00:52:33You want me to go Cobra on you?
00:52:35If you must.
00:52:36I'll take you down.
00:52:37Show me some feeling!
00:52:38I'm feeling.
00:52:39That's your adventure.
00:52:40I'll choose my own adventure, all right?
00:52:41Feeling!
00:52:42That's all I'm saying.
00:52:43Stop.
00:52:44Bang!
00:52:45Don't.
00:52:46That hurt.
00:52:47Wah!
00:52:48Come on.
00:52:49I'm going to go out and land sharp.
00:52:50What?
00:52:51What a dick.
00:52:59Hmm.
00:53:08I am so excited about tryouts.
00:53:11I'd do anything to meet this girl.
00:53:13Me too.
00:53:14There's absolutely nothing I wouldn't do.
00:53:18I just heard that they're short one judge and they might cancel tryouts.
00:53:22No!
00:53:25Hmm.
00:53:26Now, listen, sister.
00:53:27You want to play ball or what?
00:53:29Yeah!
00:53:33Hold on, cupcake.
00:53:35Huh?
00:53:38You want the alligator, you're going to have to spill the beans.
00:53:41Um, no.
00:53:42I promised Bambi I wouldn't tell.
00:53:44Okay.
00:53:45Oh, no, no, no.
00:53:46Okay.
00:53:47Jeez.
00:53:48Okay.
00:53:49Um, on campus.
00:53:50Girls locker room.
00:53:51Hey, hey, hey.
00:53:53Huh?
00:53:54Call your jets, chippy.
00:54:00I got the jump.
00:54:01Go ahead, Roger.
00:54:02Valley campus.
00:54:03Girls locker room.
00:54:04Over.
00:54:05All right, let's chill.
00:54:06Ah!
00:54:07Ah!
00:54:08Ah!
00:54:09Ah!
00:54:10Ah!
00:54:14Well, if he doesn't show up, we're going to have to cancel.
00:54:16Oh!
00:54:24Hey, sorry, mate.
00:54:26Oh, car trouble.
00:54:28Let's get it on!
00:54:29Ah!
00:54:30Ah!
00:54:31Ah!
00:54:32Ah!
00:54:33Ah!
00:54:34Ah!
00:54:35Ah!
00:54:36Ah!
00:54:37Ah!
00:54:38Ah!
00:54:39Ah!
00:54:40Ah!
00:54:41Ah!
00:54:42Ah!
00:54:43Ah!
00:54:44Ah!
00:54:45Ah!
00:54:46Ah!
00:54:47Ah!
00:54:48Ah!
00:54:49Ah!
00:54:50Ah!
00:54:51Ah!
00:54:53Ah!
00:54:54Don't wake me up now.
00:54:56Ah!
00:54:57This must be a dream.
00:55:00Ah!
00:55:01Ah!
00:55:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:55:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:55:10Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:55:14Bring it down.
00:55:15Bring it down now.
00:55:16Bring it down.
00:55:17Bring it down.
00:55:18Bring it down.
00:55:19Bring it down.
00:55:20Bring it down.
00:55:21Bring it down now.
00:55:22Bring it down now.
00:55:23Bring it down now.
00:55:24Bring it down now.
00:55:25Bring it down now.
00:55:26Bring it down now.
00:55:27Bring it down now.
00:55:28Bring it down now.
00:55:29Bring it down now.
00:55:30Bring it down now.
00:55:31Bring it down now.
00:55:32Bring it down now.
00:55:33Bring it down now.
00:55:34Bring it down now.
00:55:35Bring it down now.
00:55:36Bring it down now.
00:55:37Bring it down now.
00:55:38Bring it down now.
00:55:39Bring it down now.
00:55:40Bring it down now.
00:55:41Bring it down now.
00:55:42Bring it down now.
00:55:43Bring it down now.
00:55:44Bring it down now.
00:55:45Bring it down now.
00:55:46Bring it down now.
00:55:47Bring it down now.
00:55:48Bring it down now.
00:55:49Bring it down now.
00:55:50Bring it down now.
00:55:51Bring it down now.
00:55:52Bring it down now.
00:55:53Bring it down now.
00:55:54Bring it down now.
00:55:55Bring it down now.
00:55:56Bring it down now.
00:55:57Bring it down now.
00:55:58Bring it down now.
00:55:59Bring it down now.
00:56:00Bring it down now.
00:56:01Bring it down now.
00:56:02Bring it down now.
00:56:03Bring it down now.
00:56:04Bring it down now.
00:56:05Bring it down now.
00:56:06Bring it down now.
00:56:07Bring it down now.
00:56:08Bring it down now.
00:56:09Bring it down now.
00:56:10Bring it down now.
00:56:11Bring it down now.
00:56:12Bring it down now.
00:56:13Bring it down now.
00:56:14Bring it down now.
00:56:15Bring it down now.
00:56:16Bring it down now.
00:56:17Bring it down now.
00:56:18Bring it down now.
00:56:19Bring it down now.
00:56:20Bring it down now.
00:56:21Bring it down now.
00:56:22Bring it down now.
00:56:23Bring it down now.
00:56:24Bring it down now.
00:56:25Bring it down now.
00:56:26Bring it down now.
00:56:27Bring it down now.
00:56:28Bring it down now.
00:56:29Bring it down now.
00:56:30Bring it down now.
00:56:31Bring it down now.
00:56:32Bring it down now.
00:56:33Bring it down now.
00:56:34Bring it down now.
00:56:35Bring it down now.
00:56:36Bring it down now.
00:56:37Bring it down now.
00:56:38Bring it down now.
00:56:39Bring it down now.
00:56:40Bring it down now.
00:56:41Bring it down now.
00:56:42Bring it down now.
00:56:43Bring it down now.
00:56:44Bring it down now.
00:56:45Bring it down now.
00:56:46Bring it down now.
00:56:47Bring it down now.
00:56:48Bring it down now.
00:56:49Bring it down now.
00:56:50Bring it down now.
00:56:51Bring it down now.
00:56:52Bring it down now.
00:56:53Bring it down now.
00:56:54Bring it down now.
00:56:55Bring it down now.
00:56:56Bring it down now.
00:56:57Bring it down now.
00:56:58Bring it down now.
00:56:59Bring it down now.
00:57:00Bring it down now.
00:57:01Bring it down now.
00:57:02Bring it down now.
00:57:03Bring it down now.
00:57:04Bring it down now.
00:57:05Bring it down now.
00:57:06Bring it down now.
00:57:07Bring it down now.
00:57:08Bring it down now.
00:57:09Bring it down now.
00:57:10Bring it down now.
00:57:11Bring it down now.
00:57:12Bring it down now.
00:57:13Bring it down now.
00:57:14Bring it down now.
00:57:15Bring it down now.
00:57:16Bring it down now.
00:57:17Okay, how does that help us get home?
00:57:18Dude's got a whole collection of old school video style games in the basement downstairs, Carl.
00:57:25Booth style games.
00:57:27Feel me?
00:57:29Yes.
00:57:30Okay.
00:57:31Good.
00:57:32Good.
00:57:33Good.
00:57:34Good.
00:57:35Really?
00:57:36Follow my lead.
00:57:39Yo.
00:57:40Yo.
00:57:48Back the fuck up, bitch.
00:57:52Summer E.
00:57:53Hey.
00:57:54You.
00:57:55You know me.
00:57:57It's me.
00:57:58Look at my.
00:58:00Rumpa.
00:58:01Huh?
00:58:02Rumpa.
00:58:04Rumpa thumpa.
00:58:06Rumpa thumpa.
00:58:07Check this out.
00:58:08Okay.
00:58:10With the pop and the bang, bang.
00:58:12Click back and the thumb up to the.
00:58:14You know what?
00:58:16Right here.
00:58:17There.
00:58:18And would you like a little bit of.
00:58:23All right, Rumpa.
00:58:24My brother.
00:58:25That's right.
00:58:26And this is my boy.
00:58:27PB and J.
00:58:28We call him Hot Carl.
00:58:29He likes when girls poop on him.
00:58:30Tell her.
00:58:33I like it when girls poop on me.
00:58:35Very sick fuck.
00:58:36But we fit in here.
00:58:37So, girl, we just listen to music.
00:58:39Saw the girls.
00:58:40So we come down.
00:58:41See what's crackling.
00:58:42So, girl, we just listen to music.
00:58:43Saw the girls.
00:58:44So we come down.
00:58:45See what's crackling.
00:58:46Do I get a plus one?
00:58:47Come on in.
00:58:49Thanks, girl.
00:58:52I love your work.
00:58:55It's good.
00:58:56Try to get it on the floor.
00:58:57Slow it down.
00:58:58Now shake and move your hips.
00:58:59Slow around, rub them down.
00:59:00Don't break if you were broke.
00:59:01Get low, sit your toes.
00:59:02Let it come, now take it back.
00:59:03Start over, let me see you do it like that.
00:59:04Like that.
00:59:05Like that.
00:59:06Like that.
00:59:07Like that.
00:59:08Like that.
00:59:09Like that.
00:59:10Like that.
00:59:11I'm stimulated and discombobulated.
00:59:16I'm going to get all y'all pregnant tonight.
00:59:19I'm going to leave it in.
00:59:21You know you love that, huh?
00:59:24See him right there.
00:59:25Look at the pimp.
00:59:27That's Buster.
00:59:28Buster Nutt.
00:59:29I love you because you never judged me on the fact that I was uncircumcised.
00:59:33I love that about you.
00:59:35You know my dick got a leg warmer on it.
00:59:37You still love daddy.
00:59:40He's a mad player.
00:59:42A motherfucking mastermind.
00:59:43Okay, can you just stop with that?
00:59:45Stop.
00:59:46And where's the thing?
00:59:47Oh, word.
00:59:48Sorry.
00:59:49Yeah, the time machine portal thingamabob.
00:59:51Probably going to find that over there VIP down the stairs.
00:59:54Oh, yeah.
00:59:56Oh, my God.
00:59:57Is that Carl?
01:00:01And why is he going over there?
01:00:03Oh, maybe that's where his spaceship is.
01:00:09See ya.
01:00:13Hey, sugar.
01:00:14Hi.
01:00:15Hi.
01:00:16Want to party?
01:00:17Uh, yeah.
01:00:18Okay, we'll party.
01:00:19Um, I have to meet my partner.
01:00:34Okay.
01:00:36You both look great.
01:00:38Bye.
01:00:39You think...
01:00:43Bam Bam!
01:00:45What's wrong?
01:00:47Where is he?
01:00:49We're out of here.
01:00:51Oh!
01:00:58Here's your drink.
01:01:00May I?
01:01:04Yes.
01:01:05You want some?
01:01:06Yeah.
01:01:07Mmm.
01:01:08Oh, it's warm.
01:01:09Yeah.
01:01:20I said, man.
01:01:21I said, what?
01:01:22Motherfucker, you crazy?
01:01:23I stuck my plow cup right up in his pork steak.
01:01:25For sure.
01:01:26For sure.
01:01:27Yeah.
01:01:28Yeah.
01:01:29Ain't no motherfucker spit it like my brother Rafa.
01:01:31No.
01:01:32Smoke?
01:01:33Yeah.
01:01:34Yeah.
01:01:35This came out of ass, too.
01:01:36Oh!
01:01:37Ah!
01:01:41I'm smoking crack!
01:01:44Literally!
01:01:46Excuse me.
01:01:49I'm...
01:01:50Oh, I know one of them.
01:01:52Hey!
01:01:53Yo!
01:01:54Yo, my boy!
01:01:55Bitches suck this motherfucker's dick!
01:01:57Do it!
01:01:59Yo, dog!
01:02:02Give him some car wash.
01:02:04Let's look over here, my dear!
01:02:08What the...
01:02:10Uh...
01:02:11That's cool, man.
01:02:12Uh...
01:02:13He's a motherfuckin' turd in a punchbowl.
01:02:16Little crackass.
01:02:17But he's my...
01:02:18He's my boy.
01:02:22I'll just be right back, okay?
01:02:23Save my spot.
01:02:24Tap, tap.
01:02:25You better go get that motherfucker.
01:02:30Holy shit.
01:02:32Here it is.
01:02:34Alright.
01:02:35Well...
01:02:37Go ahead and get in.
01:02:40You're not coming.
01:02:43I love you, but I struck the lottery here, bro.
01:02:47I belong here.
01:02:56If this thing works, you can ride it back anytime you want.
01:02:59And who knows?
01:03:00Maybe even sometimes I'll come for holidays.
01:03:02Like Kwanzaa.
01:03:05Alright.
01:03:06Well...
01:03:08Bye.
01:03:09Bye.
01:03:15There we go!
01:03:16Holy shit, it works!
01:03:19Alright.
01:03:22What the fuck is this?
01:03:27It looks like some kind of video game where you have to use the cock to shoot all the titties.
01:03:31Well...
01:03:33Looks like you're screwed.
01:03:35Should we go back upstairs?
01:03:36You said this was gonna work!
01:03:38Make it work!
01:03:44Sorry, you died.
01:03:54Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah.
01:04:03Yeah, yeah.
01:04:05One more.
01:04:06Let's go!
01:04:19Freeze!
01:04:20What the fuck?
01:04:29What kind of bitch-ass motherfuckers you think we are?
01:04:32You think those are motherfucking guns?
01:04:34This here's a motherfucking gun!
01:04:40Ain't that right, my man?
01:04:41What the...
01:04:44You ain't no motherfucking romper.
01:04:47I... It was...
01:04:49Check that out!
01:04:52You motherfuckers!
01:04:54Don't come around here!
01:04:55I'll beat the Grizzly Adam shit out of you!
01:04:58You Andy Griffith looking motherfucker, get to dancing again.
01:05:06You're on your own!
01:05:08Don't look at me!
01:05:09Don't look at me!
01:05:14So I know that didn't go so well.
01:05:17Didn't go so well?
01:05:18No, check it out.
01:05:19I've got the... Don't give me that look.
01:05:20I've got the cure, Carl.
01:05:22We got our way out of here.
01:05:24Two words.
01:05:26Babysitter orgy.
01:05:27Oh my God!
01:05:29There's a house down here that I recognized from earlier.
01:05:31I knew I recognized it, but...
01:05:33Oh my God, I'm trapped here forever with you.
01:05:38You say that like it's a bad thing.
01:05:42I should have never listened to you.
01:05:45You work in a liquor store.
01:05:49And now you dragged me into your porn-fueled world.
01:05:57You're the biggest loser I know.
01:06:01I deserve this.
01:06:03Really.
01:06:04So thanks.
01:06:05Is that right?
01:06:06Yeah.
01:06:07You know what, Carl?
01:06:08Boo-hoo!
01:06:09Yeah!
01:06:10Oh, I'm Carl!
01:06:11Oh, there's too many boobies!
01:06:13How could you do this to me, Lester?
01:06:14How could you bring me to the greatest place on the Earth?
01:06:17You know what?
01:06:18What about me?
01:06:19I should be getting laid.
01:06:20Two at a time.
01:06:21Twice a day.
01:06:22But no.
01:06:23I gotta deal with your whining ass all the time.
01:06:25Oh, I'm sorry.
01:06:26Yeah, I'm the one who gets kicked in the balls over and over and over,
01:06:29and I'm laying in my own puke, and then that thing at the hospital...
01:06:33You don't say a word, but don't tell nobody.
01:06:38You know what?
01:06:39To hell with you.
01:06:40To hell with me.
01:06:41Yes.
01:06:42To hell with me.
01:06:43Right.
01:06:44To hell with you.
01:06:45Okay?
01:06:46No.
01:06:47You.
01:06:48Double.
01:06:49I got...
01:06:50These are all for you.
01:06:51All right?
01:06:52Go.
01:06:53Get laid.
01:06:54Enjoy.
01:06:55Enjoy.
01:06:56I what?
01:06:59You're a baby.
01:07:00Come on.
01:07:03Hey.
01:07:05Are you...
01:07:07Shh.
01:07:13Oh.
01:07:14Did I order a pizza?
01:07:16Gee, maybe I got the wrong house.
01:07:18What kind of pizza is it?
01:07:19Extra large sausage and giant meatballs.
01:07:24Mmm.
01:07:25Now, yummy.
01:07:28I'm taking your car, pizza boy.
01:07:31Power.
01:07:37천
01:07:52What's weird? You know what? Fuck you. Nothing's ruining my night.
01:08:02Good night, Miss Lance. Hey, Pammy. It's me.
01:08:17What's wrong? How could you?
01:08:21Uh, how could I what? I thought you were different.
01:08:27What are you talking about? I saw you tonight. With those girls.
01:08:33With which girls? So now you're going to lie to me?
01:08:38Oh, no, no, no, I can explain. No, I don't want to hear it. I saw what I saw and that's that.
01:08:44No, Pammy, really, it is not what you think.
01:08:46No, Carl, you hurt me. And I don't ever want to see you again. And to think I ever loved you, Carl.
01:09:04Thank you, God. Oh, my God, did we, like, order a pizza?
01:09:10You didn't? Who cares? I'm, like, totally starving.
01:09:16Oh, but we don't have any money. Oh, my God, is there, like, any other way we could pay you?
01:09:24I'm sure we could think of something.
01:09:30That was just inside for a second. Don't tell yourself shorts, stud muffin. You are harder than Chinese math.
01:09:38Thanks, sweet tits. But seriously, who steals a pizza cart? I'm kicking an arch. Now go pin your diapers on and dangle.
01:09:51Breaker, breaker. Dust out the chopper squad. I got the buzz on the hot feet.
01:09:57Roger. It's called the nervous game.
01:10:03Oh, my God, I'm, like, so scared. Stop. Seriously. So what you do is you put one hand on each other.
01:10:12Start. Not yet. Starting with each other's heads. Then you move slowly down, pausing to ask, are you nervous?
01:10:24And if the answer's no, then you keep moving. And the game doesn't stop until someone says, that makes me nervous.
01:10:33But what if nothing makes me nervous? Then you keep going and going and going and going.
01:10:39Okay, let's start.
01:10:55Are you nervous? No. Are you nervous? No.
01:11:05Are you nervous? No.
01:11:11Are you nervous?
01:11:13Are you nervous? No.
01:11:22Are you nervous? Did you guys hear something?
01:11:30Now you're making me nervous.
01:11:37Where is your boyfriend?
01:11:39It's not my boyfriend. Hello? Anybody at home?
01:11:45I am the pool boy, and I have come to clean your pool.
01:11:49Oh, and it's so dirty.
01:12:09Wait, we don't even have a pool.
01:12:39I'm sorry.
01:12:41I'm sorry.
01:13:06Fuck this place, Carl.
01:13:12Oh, come on, Bama. DJ's parties always cheer you up. Put on a happy face.
01:13:20No, no, no. Oh, no, you did the right thing by getting rid of that car.
01:13:27Oh, come on, Bama. DJ's parties always cheer you up. Put on a happy face.
01:13:34No, no, no. Oh, no, you did the right thing by getting rid of that car.
01:13:40Oh, no, I think I made a horrible mistake, and I miss him so much it hurts.
01:13:45I wonder what he's doing right now.
01:13:51Oh, God, so that's it, huh?
01:13:54Yep.
01:13:57Well, what's the plan?
01:14:12Bambi! Daphne, come over here, you sweet things.
01:14:16Uh-oh. Why the long puss, sweet cheeks?
01:14:19She'll be fine. She just needs to relax.
01:14:22Well, you came to the right place.
01:14:24Give me a seat. Come on, now.
01:14:27Sit down. You tell DJ what's going on.
01:14:30Well, there's this boy that I met, and I treated him bad.
01:14:36And now I feel bad.
01:14:38That's so sad.
01:14:53What's going on?
01:15:00Ah!
01:15:03Ah!
01:15:15Oh, sorry.
01:15:23Ah!
01:15:35Oh, no, no, no.
01:15:45Oh!
01:15:48Oh, God.
01:15:50Oh, great. Excellent.
01:15:52What's this?
01:15:53Oh, this one, too.
01:15:54Oh, that's nice.
01:15:55Okay, give it up, kinks.
01:15:57Or else you're both gonna get the broads.
01:16:01What's that? I don't know what that is.
01:16:03I don't know.
01:16:05I just met a teen twister.
01:16:07Do it. Try it.
01:16:09Leave! Leave!
01:16:11You're not working.
01:16:13You're not working.
01:16:22Come on. Come on.
01:16:23Okay.
01:16:32Off me, bitch.
01:16:33Nope.
01:16:35Okay. Now he's...
01:16:37Please, please, please, please.
01:16:38Dr. D, rock cannon!
01:16:44Get him, punk!
01:16:51Oh!
01:16:55Oh!
01:16:59What the hell is going on?
01:17:02I am about to red-light these hot pads back to the Hoot Scout!
01:17:06Well, just stuff it, Rod.
01:17:08D.J., we just want to go home.
01:17:10Yeah, I mean, we can't figure out why we're here,
01:17:13and by the way, none of us learned a damn thing!
01:17:17Is that right?
01:17:19So, you guys just want to give up the journey.
01:17:22Is that right?
01:17:23Exactly. Yeah.
01:17:27Well, if that's what you really want...
01:17:30That's exactly, yes, positive.
01:17:33Okay, then just do as I say.
01:17:35Cup your balls, give them a squeeze,
01:17:37and say, there's no place like home.
01:17:40There's no place like home.
01:17:49There's no place like home.
01:17:51There's no place like home.
01:17:53There's no place like home.
01:17:54Ha-ha! You're fucking with me!
01:17:57You're dead, you disgusting fool!
01:18:00Oh, the boots are right up there!
01:18:04Just step inside and off you go!
01:18:06Go.
01:18:07Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:18:09Hold the phone, he already said it.
01:18:10Hold the phone, you're just gonna...
01:18:11Sorry, guy.
01:18:12You're just gonna kick these Trouble Boys' skip out?
01:18:15Will you shut up, Rod?
01:18:18Seriously, what crime do these guys ever commit, anyway?
01:18:20Well, I mean, I'm not sure specifically.
01:18:23I mean, I'm gonna, you know, check the statues and everything.
01:18:25When I get a chance.
01:18:27Yeah, why don't you do that, Rod?
01:18:29Why don't you check the statues?
01:18:30You're the sharpest cop on the force!
01:18:33And, Rod, you're fired.
01:18:36Excuse me?
01:18:43So, what are you guys waiting for?
01:18:51What?
01:18:53Carl, come on.
01:18:55Let's go.
01:19:08I guess you learned something important here, after all.
01:19:12Well, I did, D.J.
01:19:14I guess you learned something important here, after all.
01:19:19Well, I did, D.J.
01:19:21I learned what true love really is.
01:19:24Oh, Jesus.
01:19:28I love you, Carl.
01:19:29I love you, Bambi.
01:19:34What happened?
01:19:35What'd you do to my friend, Diamond Jim?
01:19:45Bambi?
01:19:50Bambi?
01:19:53So, then I remember. It hits me.
01:19:55Wang, the one rule in this land.
01:19:58You can't fall in love.
01:20:00Well, D.J., that's so unfair. I love him.
01:20:03Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:20:05In this land, you can't have that feeling.
01:20:09Okay, I'm sorry.
01:20:12Yeah, that's tough, sweetie.
01:20:14Tough break.
01:20:15Hey, listen, it's been really great getting to know you all.
01:20:17Hey, uh, Lester.
01:20:19Are you sure that you really, really want to go?
01:20:22Yeah, bro. I think I learned my lesson.
01:20:25What was that?
01:20:26This place is not what I expected it to be.
01:20:29Okay?
01:20:30My nuts can't take anymore.
01:20:34I don't mean in a good way.
01:20:36Well, there's one more thing that you should know before you go.
01:20:39Oh, yeah, Diamond Jim, what's that?
01:20:41Lester.
01:20:44I am your father.
01:20:47What?
01:20:51There's my son.
01:20:53Prince to the valley.
01:21:02Carl!
01:21:04Where the hell have you been?
01:21:06It's been two days.
01:21:07And do you know what that means?
01:21:08That means it's Sunday.
01:21:10And do you know what Sunday is?
01:21:12Sunday is food tasting day at the club with my parents.
01:21:16But...
01:21:17What the fuck happened to your ceiling?
01:21:19Uh, I had to...
01:21:21No, no, no.
01:21:22I don't want to know.
01:21:23Because right now, we're going to go to the club,
01:21:25we're going to meet my parents,
01:21:27and we're going to have a nice time.
01:21:29Okay?
01:21:30And tomorrow, you will explain everything.
01:21:32Okay.
01:21:33So go get changed.
01:21:34Okay.
01:21:41No.
01:21:42No.
01:21:45What did you say?
01:21:50I said no.
01:21:52No?
01:21:53Oh.
01:21:54No to what?
01:21:56No to everything.
01:21:59No to picking up your parents,
01:22:02and no to going to the food tasting at the club,
01:22:06and also no to ever explaining anything to you!
01:22:11You know what?
01:22:12You are going to regret this, mister.
01:22:14Oh, really?
01:22:15Are you sure?
01:22:16Yes!
01:22:17Do I look like I'm going to regret it?
01:22:18Yes!
01:22:19Are you sure?
01:22:20Yes!
01:22:21Look closer!
01:22:22Get the hell out of here!
01:22:23Go!
01:22:24Get!
01:22:32DJ, isn't there anything you can do?
01:22:34I mean, I know the rule,
01:22:35but can't you make an exception just this once?
01:22:37Bambi, you know you've always been my favorite,
01:22:40and I would do anything in the world to make you happy.
01:22:42Then please help me.
01:22:43Please.
01:22:44Come on, DJ.
01:22:47Do our girl right.
01:22:52Well, let's just see what the Deeds can do.
01:22:55All right?
01:22:56All right.
01:23:00Thank you.
01:23:01Thank you.
01:23:02There he is.
01:23:03He's coming out of it.
01:23:05All right?
01:23:06Hey, son.
01:23:07How you doing?
01:23:08Your hair.
01:23:09Hey, you're back.
01:23:10Hi.
01:23:11You're the Prince of the Valley.
01:23:13How you like your life?
01:23:18I love you, Dad.
01:23:19Yeah.
01:23:20Are you sure you still want to go?
01:23:28No!
01:23:29No!
01:23:30No!
01:23:36I never liked him anyway.
01:23:40Dad!
01:24:01You're watching the Diamond Zone,
01:24:03America's top adult network.
01:24:05Up next...
01:24:06What's up, buddy?
01:24:08It's Lester double white walks here coming straight at you. Are you ready to get it on?
01:24:16And now for a sampling of some of my new super hot hits
01:24:20What do you mean? You can't pay me? I've cleaned the pool
01:24:24though oh
01:24:28Okay consider your pipes plumbed
01:24:38You ready for your deposition
01:24:43That's my baby
01:25:08Oh
01:25:38I
01:25:46Am present you yeah, it's really me
01:25:49But how when your journey ended it turned out mine had just begun your journey
01:25:54Yeah
01:25:55See Carl you came into my life and showed me what I was looking for and then DJ told me if I wanted true
01:26:01Love I'd have to go after it myself
01:26:03So you gave up your your life there to be with me
01:26:08Carl I'd do anything to be with you
01:26:24See Carl I told you I'd always have your back
01:26:29That's right, buddy
01:26:31Since third grade dodgeball
01:26:33Let's do what are you doing? What am I doing? I'm just having the time of my life two at a time twice a day
01:26:43Looks like you have your hands full too Carl. Yeah
01:26:47Thanks, man
01:26:51See you Kwanzaa, buddy
01:26:54Yeah, I'll see you Kwanzaa
01:26:57You know they say I'm the best of the best
01:27:01Think you can handle me
01:27:03Definitely
01:27:08You know, baby I've been thinking a lot about you and every time I walk out my door
01:27:18I'm saying maybe I should make some plans with you
01:27:23Cuz you're the one that I adore
01:27:28And
01:27:29Where I go, I can't stop thinking of you. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
01:27:39Everything I see I think of you and me. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
01:27:48You can be my lady
01:27:53Come and look me deep in the eye
01:27:55Don't give me the run around
01:27:59Even if it takes all night
01:28:05And everywhere I go, I can't stop thinking of you. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
01:28:16Everything I see I think of you and me. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
01:28:26You've been such a big part of my life
01:28:31I don't know what to say. I don't know why
01:28:36I keep coming back for more
01:28:41But you gotta show me what this love is for
01:28:48I'm gonna get with you
01:28:51I'm gonna get with you
01:28:53I'm gonna get with you
01:28:56I'm gonna get with you
01:28:59I'm gonna take over you
01:29:03You're gonna be my baby
01:29:06I'm gonna be a girl like you
01:29:09And everywhere I go, I can't stop thinking of you. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
01:29:17And everything I see I think of you and me. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
01:29:27And everywhere I go, I can't stop thinking of you. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
01:29:37And everything I see I think of you and me. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
01:29:46And everything I see I think of you and me. Oh, baby. Won't you get with me?
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