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00:00In 2086, two peaceful aliens journeyed to Earth, seeking our help.
00:08In return, they gave us the plans for our first hyperdrive, allowing mankind to open the doors to the stars.
00:20We have assembled a team of unique individuals to protect Earth and our allies,
00:24courageous pioneers committed to the highest ideals of justice,
00:28and dedicated to preserving law and order across the new frontier.
00:33These are the Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers!
00:54Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling,
01:23X-2-9, you went down and purged forever, blessed sorrow, X-2-9.
01:30In my program, on my hard disk, waiting to come up online,
01:36came a blackout which did knock out my darling X-2-9.
01:42I told you that shaft entrance was here, bro!
01:53Look here, bro!
02:17This dang stick's about ready to jump out of my hands!
02:20This is gonna be something big, I know it!
02:24I can feel it in my bones, and you know my bones never lie!
02:44Golly, wow!
02:58Wow, I'll be a son of a sidewinder, what in tarnation is that?
03:05No, no, bro, don't go getting too close to it, I don't like the looks of that thing.
03:12I said get back, bro!
03:14Come on, let's get to camp.
03:16We can call the Galaxy Rangers, they'll know what to do!
03:33Purr-oh, dang you, get your aluminum hide out here now!
03:50Ranger Nico, message coming in from Beta.
03:54Come in, Ranger Nico.
03:57Commander Walsh, what is it?
03:59Message relay from a prospector named Roy McIntyre.
04:02He claims to have unearthed some strange alien artifact.
04:05Old Roy? We met a while back on an archaeological dig.
04:09He's out on the asteroid Bardo and he's worried about claim jumpers.
04:13Break away from Ranger Maneuvers and check it out.
04:16Setting course for the Bardo Mining Colony, Commander.
04:21What about me, sir?
04:23Ranger Hartford, you're with Nico on this assignment.
04:26Okey-dokey, I mean it, yes, sir!
04:28Group leader, this is Ranger One leaving formation. Catch you later.
04:32Roger, Ranger Nico, good luck.
04:53We're approaching Bardo.
04:54Doc, try to raise our prospector.
04:57Right. Hello, Bardo, this is Galaxy Ranger One calling Bardo. Anyone read me?
05:02You're darn tootin', I do. Nico, you there?
05:05Darn tootin'.
05:06Hot dang. Okey, land her up by Sector 9.
05:26Hey, anybody home?
05:32It's Burrow 5000.
05:34Hiya, Nico.
05:37Roy, how are you?
05:39Fine, sure am glad you're here.
05:41It was very hard for me to resist.
05:44Less so for me.
05:45Roy, this is my partner, Ranger Walter Hartford.
05:48Oh, I sure am pleased to meet you, Wally.
05:52Don't call me Wally.
05:57Okey, Wally.
06:00So it's in there, is it?
06:04It could be the biggest dang thing ever discovered.
06:07I knew right away I had to call you, Nico, you being an expert on alien archaeology and stuff.
06:12This bedrock is at least 15 million years old.
06:16Amazing, it doesn't look a day over 10 million.
06:24Not too eerie, huh?
06:27It's gone!
06:28What do you mean it's gone?
06:30Gone!
06:31It was right here.
06:33Roy, this isn't some of your monkey shines, is it?
06:36Or some of your moon shines?
06:38Nico, can you check it out?
06:41Let's see.
06:59Within these walls, there is great danger.
07:03All who enter shall never leave.
07:06Beware the axe.
07:16Nico!
07:19Roy's not joking. Something's right here.
07:22It's here guarding the king's tomb and the treasures within.
07:25A treasure? Hot dang!
07:28That's all well and good.
07:30But where's this fool axe?
07:35Whoa!
07:40Hey, I was just kidding, bae.
07:43Boo!
08:00You can't scare me.
08:05I've been warned before.
08:07Polarized ion beams.
08:09Heavy fire.
08:12Let's go.
08:22In here.
08:30Wait a dang minute here. This ain't the mineshaft.
08:33Good point.
08:34We're in the temple.
08:36Where's the treasure? Can we get out?
08:40These passageways could run for miles underground.
08:59Huh?
09:00Hey, a secret passageway.
09:03Beauty, let's go.
09:13No, wait, Doc.
09:17What is it?
09:18Wait, I have to ask.
09:21Doc!
09:22Wally!
09:28Don't call me Wally.
09:34Hang on!
09:37I hate it when people say that.
10:02I can't keep this up much longer.
10:05Born to escape.
10:19Roy, hand me that stone.
10:24I hope those years of my college baseball team weren't for nothing.
10:45You're out!
10:46That was some fancy shooting, partner.
10:49Okay, Nico, it's up to you now. Can you get us out of here?
10:55I'm not getting a thing.
10:57Try harder.
10:58Wally!
11:02Dang you, Burrow. You really done it this time.
11:16Welcome to my web, said the spider to the ranger.
11:20There's something peculiar about that carving.
11:29It's alive!
11:31I mean, yuck!
11:53Well, that was extremely unpleasant.
11:59Now what?
12:00That platform down there. Maybe we can swing over to it.
12:05Worth a try.
12:28Sonic Maldiplates. Middle C, I believe.
12:32Doc!
12:34We do have to go up. Come on.
12:37Hurry, Doc!
12:38Good advice.
12:57Huh?
12:59Don't do that ever again.
13:01I knew we'd find you.
13:04I just tracked down on your badges from back there.
13:08What does that thing want?
13:10It wants us out.
13:12I'm willing to oblige. Which way?
13:16This way.
13:25Niko, Niko, you know better than to monitor strange wavelengths.
13:31It's blocking the entrance.
13:34But I know how to handle this.
13:36What is that antique?
13:40My grandpappy's photon bazooka.
13:43A man's got to protect his claim.
13:53Wow!
14:04It's a laser beam garage.
14:06Yeah, it sure is pretty.
14:08Now listen, don't call me pretty.
14:10Fantastic.
14:12An entire language expressed in modulated light waves.
14:15While the thing's still inactive.
14:30I gotta wait for Burro.
14:32Hurry, Burro!
14:53Can't you get him loose?
14:55Take it easy, old pal.
15:01Niko!
15:04Okay, Niko, which way?
15:11I can't get anything. My charge is drained.
15:19That-a-way!
15:25Did anyone hear that?
15:27Hear what?
15:29Humming. I hear humming sounds.
15:33Why would you hear humming down here?
15:35Maybe you don't know the words.
15:48Doc, it's computers. A room full.
15:51Computers? You mean they have computers running this fun house?
15:55I thought it was a curse.
15:57I guess our ancient friends didn't want to leave all this up to bad luck.
16:05Finally, something I can relate to. Sort of.
16:08Don't worry, Doc. I hear the axe coming.
16:37Go get him, Pathfinder.
16:39I'm in, Doc. Sure is stuffy in here.
16:42Axe is controlled from here, all right. Now if I can only find the program.
16:48Niko, you've gotta hold it off until I break the code.
16:52How?
16:53The jewel! Fire at the jewel!
17:05Doc, hurry!
17:07There you go, Doc! The central control routine!
17:16Hang on, Niki!
17:20Tripwire, get in and override the control program.
17:24Right, Doc! Hit me at it!
17:28Doc!
17:32Doc!
17:49Pearl, run away!
17:55Bingo!
18:24Welcome to the tomb of Mightiest Joffre, conqueror of the four empires,
18:52the architect of the universe's largest mining project.
18:56His libraries, his inventions, his treasures are all yours,
19:01for you have passed the test of the heroes.
19:10This is it. Incredible. They had good reason to guard it.
19:15Say, Niko, you reckon any of this here stuff is valuable?
19:19Roy, this discovery is priceless.
19:21Once word gets out about this, why, they'll name this museum after you.
19:25Oh, twerk nothing.
19:27Says you.
19:28It's magnificent.
19:30Yeah, it sure is. Why, it's incredible.
19:33Well, it's unbelievable.
19:36What is it?
19:37A galactic chart, Roy, of precious stones.
19:40It shows planets they visited millions of years ago.
19:43And that glowing jewel represents the planet Earth.
19:47Uh, sure, I knew that.
19:55I contacted Beta, and a scientific team is being assembled to come here.
20:02I'm sure even Goose would have been impressed by you in action today.
20:06Well, thanks.
20:08A token?
20:09A little souvenir of our adventure. I'm thinking of making it a ring.
20:13Howdy, Rangers!
20:15Roy, you fixed him.
20:17I couldn't very well leave him in there, littering up all that royal stuff.
20:23Roy, I just wanted to tell you that I owe you a big one for what you and Burro did for us in there.
20:29If you ever need anything at all, give me a holler.
20:32Well, I'm plumb glad to hear you say that, Wally.
20:35You seem to be a whiz with machines.
20:38I was wondering if you might do me a favor.
20:41Sure. What is it?
20:44I can't seem to get all the bugs out.
20:47Hear that?
20:49Okay, I'll do it. On one condition.
20:52Anything!
20:53Just don't call me Wally, hmm?
21:00A deal, Wally!
21:14THEME SONG
21:44THEME SONG
22:14THEME SONG