• 3 months ago

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Leela can't find out about it, right? I start work tomorrow, I'm gonna be drug-tested.
00:03Obviously I'm gonna fail, so I need you to help me cheat it.
00:07I'm here on behalf of James. He's asked me to deliver these to you.
00:13It's tea. They're divorce papers.
00:17Do you really think that I would leak a video of you, my girlfriend,
00:21on the internet, like that, for the whole world to see?
00:25No one will ever see that video, as long as we're together.
00:30Now go and get your stuff, and come back home.
01:25I'll sign the divorce papers. On one condition.
01:45You need to speak to Cleo.
01:55You're gonna help me pass this drug test, or what?
02:03It's not a negotiation, Steve. You cheated on me,
02:06in the rancid toilet of a courtroom.
02:09And now I'm ending our marriage.
02:11And don't act like this is your first rodeo.
02:14You've basically divorced every gay in the village.
02:16You're still taking painkillers? Have you been to see a doctor yet?
02:20They diagnosed it as the aftereffects of being married to an irritating northern chav.
02:25Just sign the papers, and we can both go our separate ways,
02:30and you'll be free to have all the bathroom liaisons your heart desires.
02:33This is not just another work contract, you know.
02:36You actually became a dad to my kids.
02:40James, I thought me and you, we were gonna grow old together.
02:43Don't be so dramatic. What is your condition for signing?
02:46Don't worry, I'm not gonna try and change your mind.
02:49I just want us to spend the day together,
02:51so we can say goodbye to each other properly,
02:54and end our marriage on a nice note.
02:57That's it.
02:59I promise.
03:02By the end of the day, I will sign these papers.
03:07Deal?
03:12I mean, yeah, sure we had an argument,
03:14I mean, yeah, sure we had an argument,
03:16but Cleo came back so we could squash it.
03:18I understand this, it's just that she changed her mind really quickly.
03:22Hi.
03:22Hey, there she is.
03:25I just came to check you were okay.
03:26You said you were popping back here to get a bag, and you never returned.
03:30Yeah, well, we're all good now, aren't we?
03:32It made me realise that I'm not gonna throw everything away we've got over Theresa,
03:35so yeah, it's all good.
03:37Cool.
03:38Yeah, see ya.
03:44You know I'd never want to actually leak that sex video of you, right?
03:48I know.
03:49You're just trying to make me see sense.
03:53So, why don't we make a start on baby making?
03:56Yeah?
03:56Getting a shower?
03:57I'll just clean up your protein shake.
03:59Don't know why you always spill it everywhere.
04:00Ah, you love looking after me.
04:03See you in there.
04:03Wait, are you trying to delete that video?
04:16Were you playing me for a mug?
04:21Look, I'm not asking you for your right kidney,
04:22it's just a bit of weed to help me pass my drug test.
04:24You need to go on the sick and get some proper help,
04:27because if I were in a burning building,
04:29I wouldn't want you coming to save me off your face.
04:31I'm not.
04:32It's called tapering off.
04:34No one says, I need this job.
04:35Kate's going to help me focus, help me get off it for good.
04:38Please.
04:42Well, back again are ya?
04:44Start charging you rent?
04:47Just talking about my dad's legal options, that's all.
04:51Right, nearly ready for work?
04:53Yeah.
05:03Just nipping to upload.
05:16Do you realise what you're threatening is illegal?
05:18Sorry, are you going to call the police on me?
05:20Try me, see what happens.
05:21You couldn't prove that you didn't upload it yourself.
05:24Little Miss Attention Seeker.
05:26First you beat me, and now this.
05:29Babe, if you put that video on the internet without my consent,
05:32that is sexual abuse.
05:34Like, do you really seriously want to put me through that again?
05:38Sorry, are you comparing me to Pete?
05:40You filmed me without me knowing about it!
05:44Like, and now you're threatening to put it on the internet
05:46where people can watch it again and again
05:48and save it and download it.
05:50That is like being abused.
05:52Oh, Cleo, for once in your life,
05:53can you stop playing the victim?
05:55Please!
05:55Ask yourself, what is it about you
05:57that brings out the worst in people?
05:59Why, why are you so ugly under the surface?
06:04No, you are ugly, Abe.
06:08Inside and out.
06:10I don't want this anymore.
06:13Fine.
06:15Is that your answer, then?
06:16I'll post it.
06:17And seeing as you're being such a little bitch about things,
06:19I'll make sure your co-workers, your friends, your family
06:21all get sent a little link
06:23so they can see you having the time of your life
06:24with that filthy prostitute.
06:27Fine.
06:28If that's the price that I have to pay to leave you,
06:32then fine.
06:34You know what?
06:34My family will be there for me
06:37and they will still love me.
06:39There. Posted.
06:43Cleo, did you think I was bluffing?
06:45See, that's what happens when you push me too far.
06:48Now you're going to have to deal with the consequences.
07:04Seriously? The hoodie from our wedding day?
07:07It was my stag do hoodie first.
07:09Thought I'd dig it out for old times' sake.
07:12Don't worry. I'm not trying to change your mind.
07:14Or guilt you.
07:17You know, I have many regrets.
07:20Almost destroying my life with you.
07:22I'm sorry.
07:23I'm sorry.
07:24I'm sorry.
07:24I'm sorry.
07:25I'm sorry.
07:26I'm sorry.
07:27I'm sorry.
07:28I'm sorry.
07:28I'm sorry.
07:29I'm sorry.
07:30I'm sorry.
07:30I'm sorry.
07:31I'm sorry.
07:31I'm sorry.
07:32I'm sorry.
07:32I'm sorry.
07:33I've spent my life with gambling.
07:35Resorting to violence on occasion.
07:39Wearing that hoodie on my wedding day is definitely top of the list.
07:44Was an amazing day though, wasn't it?
07:46Yeah.
07:47Yeah, my favourite part was when Juliet collapsed into my arms
07:50and told everyone she was dying of cancer.
07:52So, how long are we going to take this little trip down memory lane
08:04before you sign the divorce papers?
08:06Go on. Keep pestering.
08:09And today won't be a nice day, will it?
08:15The wine's repellent anyway.
08:19Do you really think that you should be drinking?
08:22You don't think I'm suicidal, still do you?
08:26You have no idea what's going on.
08:30I'm going to drink as much as I like.
08:36In fact...
08:39Everyone!
08:41You are hereby invited to my impromptu divorce party.
08:46Yeah, we're all friends here, aren't we?
08:47Including you, manicure lady.
08:50Been called worse.
08:50And you, Sienna's uncle.
08:53Her father, actually.
08:54Wow, we're going to need to unpack that.
08:56This is not what you need, James.
08:57No, no, this is my day too.
08:58And I want everyone to come back to mine
09:00and day drink my very expensive liquor cabinet dry.
09:05Yeah? Who's in?
09:15Hey.
09:17You believe that I've only got like a few shifts left?
09:20Yeah.
09:21Yeah.
09:22It's the thing about summer jobs, though, isn't it?
09:24They don't last forever.
09:25But then at least I'm going on my Spanish vacay with Scotland Prey, yeah?
09:29Ooh.
09:30You gonna miss me?
09:32You know what? I will.
09:34Who else is gonna break my glasses every two minutes?
09:37Can't help it if I get distracted.
09:43Hey.
09:44I'm gonna go sort the store room.
09:49Can I borrow some of your float, please?
09:51My roses are flying out.
09:52I don't have enough change.
09:53Yes, you can.
09:55Also, check you.
09:57Another successful business.
09:59You might be Alan Sugar of Chester.
10:02Compliment game's still strong, I see.
10:06So you, um, you have Donny Clark's daughter working here now?
10:11Yeah.
10:11Yeah, I mean, she's a, she's a good laugh, so.
10:15Mm.
10:22Well, she's into you, so just be careful.
10:26That's all I'm saying.
10:31God, I love how posho's party.
10:33This looks nice.
10:36What? Not that one.
10:37Nasty.
10:38Stop being such a bore.
10:40We're celebrating being free of one another.
10:44Isn't it about 300 year old?
10:47James, it was your mum's.
10:48Yeah, well, no time like a present.
10:51Hooray!
10:52Ha, ha, forget about it.
10:54Sign the papers.
11:01Here you are.
11:04Adult drink.
11:05Oh, yeah.
11:06Right, all the more for me, then.
11:11Listen, why don't you just slip away, yeah?
11:15I wouldn't want to be at my ex's divorce party.
11:18I can't.
11:19This is my last chance to prove to James that I want him back.
11:24That's if he doesn't drink himself to death first.
11:34Do you want a hand with her stuff?
11:36Um, I'm not here for Cleo's bags.
11:40Look, I'm, I'm worried about her mental health.
11:43Like, really worried.
11:46You mean her real house?
11:49It's so much more than her bulimia.
11:52It's like she's a completely different person.
11:54That's not what you said to me this morning.
11:57Yeah.
11:58Yeah, she made me swear not to say anything to you.
12:01She thinks you're way too judgmental.
12:03That you're all just trying to mess with her head
12:04because you can't stand her out living her own life.
12:07She said what?
12:08I mean, it gets so much worse than that.
12:11That's just the start.
12:11You've seen how erratic she is recently.
12:14At home, she's, she's manipulative.
12:17She's throwing threats at me.
12:19She's purging after every meal and emotionally blackmailing me.
12:22Terrified that I'll leave her.
12:24This doesn't sound like Cleo at all.
12:26That's exactly what I've been saying to her.
12:28This is not you.
12:31I just, I haven't even told you the worst part, John Paul.
12:35The minister's cat is an astonishing, brave and cheerful cat.
12:41The minister's cat is an astonishing, brave, cheerful and dangerous.
12:48Okay, right.
12:49Now, the minister's cat is an astonishing, brave, dangerous and exciting cat.
12:58I nailed it.
13:00Come on, Steve, it's your turn.
13:01The minister's cat is an astonishing, brave...
13:06Steve.
13:09Steve, come on.
13:11You're the only one who's not drinking.
13:12All you've got to remember is A, B, C, D, E.
13:17Then you put an adjective for the start of the next word, yeah?
13:21He's out next, he's out next.
13:22No, if he wants to stay, he has to play.
13:24Come on, Steve.
13:26The minister's cat is an astonishing, brave, cheerful, dangerous and exciting cat.
13:33And what comes next?
13:34Come on, you can do it.
13:36What comes after E?
13:38I'm starting to think that you're not signing the divorce papers
13:41because you can't spell your own name.
13:44I'm going to have some vodka, okay?
13:48This used to be your tipple, didn't it?
13:50Fancy a little drop for old time's sake, eh?
13:53I know what you're trying to do.
13:55You're trying to push me away, but I'm not going to let you, James.
13:58I love you.
13:59Then let me go.
14:04James?
14:05James?
14:06James?
14:08Is he okay?
14:20Okay, okay, you ready?
14:21This is going to be so good.
14:22It's going to blow your mind, all right?
14:25Oh!
14:26Whoa!
14:27Okay, that was so good.
14:29Okay, check this out.
14:29Ready?
14:32Oh, are you okay?
14:35Good, yeah?
14:36Okay.
14:37Well, you know.
14:39Well, I missed our 30-second dance parties.
14:42I won't miss the injuries.
14:42Yeah, that was a lot.
14:44Yeah.
14:45Those are quite boring without him.
14:46You can still do it by yourself, though, right?
14:48That is true, and you won't cramp my style.
14:50Style?
14:52Style, he thinks I have style?
14:53Yeah.
14:54Okay.
14:55Your ex is, like, a lot today.
14:58Is that normal, or...?
14:59Yeah, no, she just borrowed some change.
15:01I should restock the bar.
15:03No, it's fine.
15:04I'll do it.
15:06Mm-hmm.
15:08Okay, listen.
15:09Don't start.
15:10It was just a bit of harmless fun between two mates.
15:12I don't think she wants to be mates.
15:14I'm not sure you do, either.
15:16Oh, right.
15:18Not loving the whole jealous ex vibe.
15:19But, you know, first of all, she's too young.
15:21Secondly, she's staff.
15:23Well, it wouldn't be your first lapse in judgment.
15:29Well, she's probably not that into me anyway, so...
15:32All right.
15:33Hey.
15:35Oh, Ethan.
15:37Reminds me.
15:38I was just thinking,
15:39am I really gonna leave this job without you taking me for that drink?
15:45Come on, you're going straight to hospital.
15:48Look, James, people don't just collapse like that for no reason.
15:50Just come in.
15:53How many painkillers have you took today?
15:56Just a couple this morning.
16:03No, no, no.
16:04We're not doing tears.
16:06Whatever you're doing this for, you need to stop.
16:11I don't know, it's just because you're scared.
16:15But if that means there's still a chance for me and you,
16:18there's something still to fight for then, please.
16:21Because I can't do this without you.
16:25Even the honey's telling us what to do.
16:30I knew you wouldn't sign those papers today.
16:33Why do you always have to make everything so difficult?
16:38Because it's kind of my thing, isn't it?
16:41Just go home.
16:42I'll send everyone else away too.
16:43I'm not leaving you in this state.
16:46I'm fine.
16:49I just...
16:50I just need to clear my head.
16:54Do you want it?
16:57Why don't you come back tonight?
16:59Not to sleep or anything, just to talk.
17:03Really?
17:07Yeah.
17:09Yeah, I'd love that.
17:13Okay, well then, you just text me when you're ready and then I'll come back.
17:21Thanks.
17:33Something bad's happened and I don't know what to do.
17:39Abe told me that you slept with an escort.
17:44Cleo?
17:45I know.
17:47I don't know why I did it.
17:48I just lost my mind for a second.
17:51I was upset and he hired him.
17:53I'm not judging you, okay?
17:55I'm just trying to understand.
17:58He also told me that you videoed it and you threatened to put it online to embarrass him.
18:07I mean, what was she thinking?
18:08No.
18:10No, that is not what happened.
18:12I would struggle too with the Teresa situation if I was in your shoes.
18:16But Cleo, I'm worried about you.
18:18You're behaving in terrible ways and you won't let us help you.
18:22I don't believe this.
18:23Cleo!
18:28Listen.
18:31Hey, babe, what's wrong?
18:32Hey!
18:34Thought I could smell love in the air.
18:36Now listen, James Nightingale has cut off the champagne supply because he's a lightweight.
18:40Boo!
18:42Anyway, us three, we can party on the loft, right?
18:45Uh, no.
18:46I think we're gonna have a quiet night in, mum.
18:47Thanks.
18:48Oh.
18:50All right.
18:51Oh, well in this case, yeah.
18:55That for the bedroom.
18:57Mmm.
19:01Listen, I, um, I didn't upload that video.
19:07What?
19:07I said that I didn't want to upload it and I still don't.
19:11I wanted to show you something.
19:13You said that your family have always got your back.
19:16Well, I don't know.
19:18When push comes to shove, they seem like they really don't care about you.
19:22Come on, let's go home, yeah?
19:24We'll make you a nice tea.
19:26We'll put this all behind us.
19:28Please don't make me post that video, for real.
19:33Yeah?
19:37Yeah.
19:38Hey, you want more wee, you can do one.
19:41No, I just, I wanted to buy you a coffee or something, say thank you.
19:46Drug test should be fine.
19:47I had a good day.
19:48Saved a ferret from a tree.
19:50Who said all heroes wear capes, eh?
19:52I don't know, even helping people just in a small way made a huge difference to me.
19:56We'll make sure Leela washes the water bottle out properly, won't you?
20:00Honestly, Mercedes, thank you.
20:03Sticking your neck out for me.
20:05Believing in me.
20:06Promise I'll never touch your stuff again.
20:09I do believe in you.
20:10Come here, you wet wipe.
20:12Gotta believe in yourself, yeah?
20:13Yeah.
20:15Come, coffee.
20:17Two sugars, very large.
20:19I'm knackered.
20:19Go, go, go, go.
20:23Isn't it mad to think that we might have a little one calling, won't we, so?
20:31Wait, you're not, you're not finished it, yeah?
20:34Babe, you're gonna need all the energy you can get for tonight.
20:37For baby making.
20:40I'm full.
20:41It was really nice, though.
20:47I have been so forgiven, haven't I?
20:50Letting you come back here.
20:51Not posting that video.
20:55And yet you still won't eat a nutritious meal that I made for you.
21:00Abe, I've had enough.
21:02Babe, I don't think you know what's good for you, okay?
21:07Now, you're not gonna get down from this table until you finish this meal.
21:16That's a good girl.
21:17Hey, hey, hey, look, I know, I know you're upset with me.
21:21And I know this is gonna take time.
21:23But I will make you love me again, yeah?
21:33I'm not ready for you.
21:37I could be stronger.
21:39James.
21:41This is one world.
21:44And I think it only got better.
21:46James.
21:48Only if it's someone like you.
21:50No, you got it into your thick head.
21:52I think I'm getting stronger.
21:54I don't want you anymore.
21:56I've got a better man, that's brand new.
21:58Only if it's someone like you.
22:00I've got a better man, that's brand new.
22:02Only if it's someone like you.
22:04Only if it's someone like you.
22:14Only if it's someone like you.
22:16You got it.
22:38Oi.
22:39Yeah?
22:41Well, seeing as you've finished your shift, we can finally share that drink.
22:44Oh, wow.
22:45A place of work and everything.
22:47You really know how to treat a girl, don't you?
22:51Where are you going?
22:53Well, if you want a drink with me, you're gonna have to do better than that.
22:56Cheers.