Never mind getting kicked when you're down, how about getting your finger ripped off when you're up...
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00:00Pride comes before a fall, we're frequently told, and at no time is a footballer more
00:08proud than when he or she has just scored a goal.
00:11Now I could spin out something incredibly poetic for you by way of an introduction here,
00:15but I'm not going to.
00:16This is just a video of footballers celebrating scoring a goal, and then things going immediately
00:21– comically – wrong for them.
00:23So put your feet up for a few minutes and have yourself a nice steaming hot cup of schadenfreude.
00:28Number 10, Carlos Tevez vs River Plate.
00:30After notching a crucial goal in Boca Juniors' Copa Libertadores clash with arch-rivals River
00:35Plate in 2004, Carlos Tevez did what anyone would do in that situation.
00:39He ripped off his shirt and flapped around dementedly performing a chicken dance in front
00:44of his teammates.
00:45The reason?
00:46Well, Boca fans refer to River Plate players as gallinas – or chickens, as you call them
00:51– claiming their rivals lack guts and fighting spirit.
00:54The distinctly unimpressed referee deemed the celebration inflammatory and immediately
00:58red-carded a crestfallen Tevez.
01:00However, the best bit of this, by a mile, is the fact that to explain his decision,
01:05the referee was forced to then recreate the little chicken dance, and well, that's just
01:09brilliant.
01:10Number 9, Robbie Fowler vs Everton.
01:12Any um, any kids watching this?
01:14Yeah, okay, well if this doesn't make sense, go ask your parents and enjoy their faces.
01:19Relentlessly taunted by Everton fans, who alleged he was fond of the uh, the old Bolivian
01:25marching powder in his spare time, Liverpool striker Fowler celebrated scoring against
01:31them by getting down on all fours and pretending to hoover a line of cocaine off the touchline.
01:36Boy, the 90s were a time, weren't they?
01:39Teammate Steve McManaman quickly pulled him to his feet, but the damage was already done.
01:43And I mean, fair play to manager Gerard Houllier here, who genuinely tried to cover for Fowler
01:48by saying he was merely imitating a cow eating grass.
01:52Astonishingly, the authorities didn't buy that and banned him for four games.
01:55Number 8, Nikolaj Muller vs Augsburg.
01:57In 2017, the Hamburg winger was enjoying a dream start to life in the Bundesliga.
02:03He just scored a goal in the 8th minute to put his side 1-0 up at Augsburg, but mere
02:07seconds later, managed to rule himself out of action for seven months.
02:12How, you ask?
02:13Why, after rupturing his anterior cruciate ligament, celebrating a goal, of course!
02:18Having volleyed home the only goal of the game, the 29-year-old insisted on performing
02:22a frankly ludicrous series of balletic pirouettes.
02:25As he landed following the final twist, Muller fell to the ground in agony.
02:29Now look, I don't like laughing at an actual injury here, that must suck, but spinning
02:33around like that while wearing boots designed to stick in the ground had EXPLOSIVE KNEE
02:38INJURY written all over it.
02:40Next time, I'll probably just shake the guy's hands, he said ruefully afterwards.
02:447.
02:45Edison Cavani vs Lon Yeah, so the big lad here was one of three
02:49players to be sent off in PSG's 3-1 win over Lon in 2014.
02:53He was first booked for celebrating his goal in front of their raucous fans with his trademark
02:57gun slash arrow thing celebration, before then receiving a second yellow for remonstrating
03:02about it with the referee.
03:03I mean, yeah, okay, I'm sure there's something objectionable about it, but he'd been doing
03:07that celebration for years and has continued to do so for years afterwards, so you can
03:12sort of understand why he found that booking to be stupid in the extreme.
03:16Still though, it wasn't the referee's only contribution to the game, managing to completely
03:19lose his handle on an ill-tempered encounter and send off two Lon players on top of this.
03:23Refs, eh?
03:246.
03:25Diogo vs FC Schaffhausen Really funny this one, as he didn't even
03:29score the goal.
03:30In December 2004, this man, Diogo, laid on a little assist for Jean Bautejour in the
03:3587th minute.
03:36Gleeful at his contribution, he then jumped onto the metal fence separating fans from
03:40pitch.
03:41So far, they shouted at first, oh god, oh god, no, that's disgusting, they shouted
03:46after.
03:47You see, his wedding ring got caught in the barrier and, as he jumped off the fence, most
03:51of his finger stayed with the ring, and not on his hand.
04:06To rub salt in the wound, not literally mercifully, referee Florian Etta then penalised him with
04:10a yellow card for excessive time-wasting.
04:13Rules are rules, I suppose, but said time-wasting was because he was busy helping stewards search
04:18for his severed finger.
04:21And hey, while you're here, if this sort of footballing nonsense is your sort of thing,
04:24then why don't you nip down there and hit the old subscribe button for us.
04:27We're putting out both insightful and irreverent football content every single week here at
04:31442, and would dearly, honestly, truly love to have you along for the ride.
04:35Anyway, number 5, Samir Nasri vs England.
04:38After Samir Nasri drilled a shot past Joe Hart during France's clash with England
04:41at Euro 2012, he ran towards the press box with his finger on his lips.
04:46It was a non-too-subtle dig aimed at French journalists, whom Nasri believed had been
04:50overly critical of him in the preceding months.
04:53And of course, rather than forcing them to take stock and wonder if maybe they've been
04:57too harsh on him, the inflammatory gesture simply made things a lot worse.
05:02After France lost to Spain in the quarterfinals, one French journalist hit him with a tough
05:06question, to which Nasri responded, you're looking for shit, you're looking for trouble.
05:11He then called the writer a son of a bitch, and controversially quit international football
05:15at just 27.
05:16Told you.
05:17Number 4, Kevin Londono vs Santa Fe.
05:20With Jaguar's 1-0 up at Santa Fe in a Colombian top flight contest in 2017, Kevin Londono
05:25doubled his side's lead in the 71st minute.
05:28The goal was of high quality, but the celebration topped it.
05:32The 23-year-old laid down on a sponsor's mat by the goal, and in double quick time, rolled
05:37himself up in it.
05:38The referee, very unimpressed by this, promptly punished him for the frippery.
05:42Again, right, if you were one of our younger viewers and you're looking at this thinking,
05:46what's the deal here, what's going on, is this about sleeping bags, does this guy love
05:50burritos, then look, I understand your confusion, but this is, it's one for your parents, this,
05:56not me, I'm afraid.
05:57Oh, and if you do end up asking them about it, just don't mention it was a 442 video,
06:01okay, say it was on TikTok or something.
06:03Number 3, Matt Ritchie vs Chelsea.
06:05Look right, you just hear the edited version of these videos, okay, you have no idea how
06:10many takes this took me to get through without laughing.
06:14You see, I was at this game and was sitting close enough to spot the aftermath.
06:19Long story short, Matt Ritchie hates corner flags.
06:22Dunno if it was something in his childhood, dunno if a fortune teller told him one would
06:26ultimately be his undoing and he just doesn't like taking chances, but he just, he hates
06:31them.
06:32Thus, when Isaac Hayden got a late improbable winner against Chelsea at St James' Park,
06:35he joined the celebrations by booting the nearest one as hard as he could.
06:39I will need a scientist to explain precisely how what followed was possible, but it spun
06:43360 degrees into the crowd and arrived perfectly horizontally, see I can't do it, into this
06:51man's unprotected cock and balls.
06:54If he'd pulled it out the ground and javelined it, he couldn't have got the poor bloke any
07:00more flush in the dingle.
07:01Number 2, Thierry Henry vs Chelsea.
07:03I've never actually had it confirmed either way if Henry was trying to mimic former Manchester
07:07United forward Lee Sharpe's Elvis celebration here, but in my headcanon, that's what it
07:11was.
07:12Anyway, after scoring against Chelsea one time, he grabbed a corner flag and used it
07:15as a mic stand.
07:17How cool, how suave, how hilarious that it then snapped back upright and smacked him
07:21full in the face.
07:22Forced to miss the restart, Henry required medical attention in order to regain his customary
07:26va-va-voom butt.
07:27And I mean, as we've just seen my friends, the face is absolutely not the worst place
07:32a corner flag can get you.
07:34And I'm just, I'm so sorry to that guy, but can we just see that again with the noise
07:37please?
07:38Brilliant.
07:39Number 1, Anderson Lopez vs Esposito.
07:42Given some of the big names on this list, you just know that if someone you've never
07:47heard of is in the number one spot, then it's going to be good, so yeah, watch this.
07:52Brazilian striker Anderson Lopez bags a massive goal in the J League for his side, Concedol,
07:57in their opening match of the season.
07:59Wanting to celebrate with the fans, because I mean, who wouldn't, he excitedly jumps
08:03over the nearest advertising hoarding, only to realise there is an incredibly steep drop
08:08on the other side.
08:09Now, what I personally really like about this is that from every single camera angle, he
08:13just completely vanishes down the other side, as if it's a yawning hole in the centre
08:18of the earth.
08:24And if we just freeze it here, you can see the exact moment he realises precisely what
08:29he's done.
08:30Now look, don't worry, he wasn't badly hurt, but landing in a 10 foot drop onto concrete
08:34in football boots must absolutely knack.
08:38And that's it, that's the video, thank you so very much for watching, and making it all
08:41the way till the end.
08:42Somebody's keen.
08:43While you're here, please do consider subscribing to the 442 YouTube channel, we've got loads
08:47of awesome football content dropping all through the week, as well as an amazing library
08:51of documentaries, player interviews, and performance guides as well.
08:54Until next time though, thank you once again for watching, I do hope you enjoy yourself,
08:58and I'll see you soon.
08:59Goodbye!