‘I’d Give Everything Up To Become A Mom' Vern Enciso-Lim Opens Up About IVF & Motherhood l Usap Tayo
Smart Parenting had the unique opportunity to visit Vern at her gorgeous modern home overlooking Cebu, and she shared her much-anticipated journey to the exciting, new chapter ahead of her—parenthood.
In this heartfelt conversation Vern revealed her hopes, fears, and the profound respect and gratitude she feels towards mothers as she prepares to become one. #VernEncisoLim #SmartParenting #IVFJourney #motherhood
Smart Parenting had the unique opportunity to visit Vern at her gorgeous modern home overlooking Cebu, and she shared her much-anticipated journey to the exciting, new chapter ahead of her—parenthood.
In this heartfelt conversation Vern revealed her hopes, fears, and the profound respect and gratitude she feels towards mothers as she prepares to become one. #VernEncisoLim #SmartParenting #IVFJourney #motherhood
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00Hello, Smart Parenting! I'm Vernon Cisalim, a mom-to-be, and you're watching a new episode of Usap Tayo. Come in!
00:22Okay, so let me show you my closet. This is what I used to call my safe space.
00:29So what they say, it's always healthy in a marriage to have your own personal space.
00:34So this is it. This is where I usually used to vlog prior to getting pregnant.
00:39This used to be my background, and I would spend every single day here before I would do my makeup here, get ready, work here, vlog here.
00:47But now, maybe once or twice a week, I can only see it.
00:51There, come in!
00:52So I put my makeup space and office in one. This was really my happy space before.
00:58Whenever I enter here, I feel like I'm just so happy.
01:02But it has to wait.
01:04Speaking of waiting, so this was actually the crib that we used to reveal my pregnancy.
01:11This was our little package waiting for us at the door.
01:16Just a little backstory, if you guys haven't seen my Instagram post on when we revealed it,
01:20I noticed that everyone around us kept getting baby packages.
01:24We were the only ones left who didn't have a baby yet among our friends, our family.
01:29So I was asking my husband, when will we get that doorbell?
01:33Then finally, we got that doorbell seven months ago, and this was what was delivered.
01:43That moment for me was very memorable because it was something that my husband and I decided together.
01:49It was 2022, and then we just both said, I think it's time to have a baby.
01:54And it made sense because we've been together for seven, eight years.
01:58Then we were married then for about a year already.
02:02So we both felt like it was time.
02:05And you really remember those milestones in your marriage.
02:10It wasn't a surprise, it wasn't planned.
02:13But I can say it's both a blessing and a curse that we planned it.
02:17Because we planned it so well.
02:23At first, we were so excited.
02:25We thought, just like any other couple, that we were at the right age.
02:30At that time, I was 29, and then my husband was maybe 35.
02:35I think at that time, we thought it was going to be easy.
02:37Just like any other couple.
02:39Okay, one, let's go.
02:41Turns out, no.
02:42So we were trying naturally for about a year without any...
02:46apps, without the ovulation, without tracking all of those.
02:50And then, from excitement, it became...
02:54We were just so worried that maybe something was wrong.
02:57Anxiety started to kick in.
02:59And we were saying, oh no, maybe something's wrong.
03:02One of us is wrong.
03:03But I really commend my husband because he was willing to also take tests.
03:09Because a lot of the husbands, they think it's always the wife who has a problem.
03:14But sure enough, it's me who has a problem.
03:16And then, when we found out that I had, after one ultrasound,
03:20that I had endometriosis and myomas,
03:23that's when sadness started to kick in.
03:26More anxiety.
03:28On me, it was a lot of anxiety because I felt like I was failing my husband.
03:33And I was less of a woman.
03:35Even if it's not...
03:37No one really puts that pressure on us but ourselves.
03:40But the greatest pressure one can experience is really what we put in ourselves.
03:45And then, when I got my first surgery, we were excited.
03:48We were happy.
03:49The doctor said, you're so clean.
03:51You'll probably get pregnant in three months.
03:53So in the three months, we went on a vacation.
03:57Because he just said, oh, just go on a vacation.
03:59Because you're clean. You'll get pregnant.
04:01So we did. We went on a vacation.
04:03A month-long vacation.
04:05And then, I come back and I had my period.
04:07It was really a sad time for us.
04:09And then, after that first surgery, after the three months,
04:12we did a work-up again.
04:14For me. Because my husband was fine.
04:18And then, after that work-up,
04:20we found more things.
04:22After more tests,
04:24I just don't have myomas.
04:26I just don't have endometriosis.
04:28I have palapikos.
04:30And then, I have chocolate cysts.
04:32My chocolate cyst was big.
04:34So, it was another round of depression.
04:37And I had to get another surgery.
04:39Then, my doctor said the same thing.
04:42Okay, try again for three to six months.
04:44Because you're very clean now.
04:46All your endometriosis is gone.
04:48And then, there. During the surgery,
04:50that's when they found out I have stage 4 endometriosis.
04:52Which is the highest stage.
04:54And my uterine lining was very thin.
04:57So, there.
04:59That's when we decided to do IPF.
05:05We really told ourselves that
05:07we don't have to get it on the first try.
05:09Because we always hear from friends
05:11who've done it.
05:13It's their second or third try.
05:15So, we really flew to Bangkok
05:17thinking that, okay, maybe
05:19we're just gonna try it
05:21just so we can say that we tried.
05:23So, that's what we did mentally and emotionally.
05:25But the second one was really
05:27praying together.
05:29I shared this. I'm so open about this online.
05:31At first, I was even shy to share it.
05:33Because I don't want to be preachy.
05:35There's some, of course, another religion.
05:37Or they just don't welcome
05:40content in their space.
05:42You know, prior to that, we never really had
05:44we never prayed together.
05:46We went to church, yes, sometimes.
05:48But it was just typical.
05:50Okay, we'll go to church, then we'll have dinner after.
05:52I look forward to the dinner date after.
05:54But it was really a test of faith
05:56for us.
05:58This whole conceiving journey.
06:00And because we prayed together,
06:02we had a whole ritual
06:04of reading the Bible together.
06:06And then, every time we felt
06:08anxiety, or we were nervous,
06:10instead of crying about it, or
06:12letting our anxiety sink in,
06:14we would really pray together.
06:16Then we'd feel better.
06:24Okay, so this is the kitchen.
06:26You know, this gave a whole new meaning
06:28to me when I got pregnant.
06:30Because my husband made all my meals
06:32when I was bed-dressed.
06:34So,
06:37it was really such a journey for us.
06:39But then, I loved him more, and I felt
06:41like he really proved that
06:43he was the best husband, because
06:45all my cravings, he really fulfilled
06:47in this kitchen.
06:53I felt like
06:55our relationship is deeper.
06:57In a way, I feel like
06:59our relationship is really next-level.
07:01It's really comfortable.
07:03Because, of course, in our first few years
07:05of marriage, it was honeymoon stage.
07:07And now, no-holds-barred.
07:09Like, our confidence
07:11is really
07:13confirmed.
07:15Especially with all the medical things I had to go through.
07:17He really saw everything.
07:19That's what I can say.
07:21Apart from physical, also
07:23emotionally, we really loved
07:25each other more. It's like a whole
07:27different meaning because
07:29it's not just the two of us anymore.
07:31We really learned to love the person
07:33who's gonna come into our lives.
07:35With my sister, Vernice,
07:37when she got married, I felt like
07:39our relationship kind of drifted apart a bit.
07:41Of course, she has her own life. I have my own life
07:43in Cebu. But when I got pregnant,
07:45she was really one of the people that helped me
07:47survive this pregnancy.
07:49Because she was there for me emotionally, even if
07:51not physically. Imagine, she also
07:53visited me here almost every month
07:55ever since I was allowed to get up
07:57from bed. So, there.
07:59It's also a deeper relationship
08:01with my sister.
08:05What I'm most excited about
08:07is really seeing us
08:09a different version of ourselves.
08:11I feel like we're gonna go through
08:13a 180 change.
08:15I'm sure at the start, it will be hard.
08:17We won't recognize each other.
08:19But I'm excited how we'll be
08:21because he's known me
08:23in my 20s and in my
08:2530s and now as a mom.
08:27So, I'm excited.
08:31I believe and I hope
08:33I won't be strict. But I feel like
08:35in all my experiences,
08:37I'll be so careful with my
08:39kid that I'll probably be the
08:41strict mom.
08:47At first, I was very hesitant.
08:49One, because
08:51how society perceives IVF,
08:53especially in the Philippines,
08:55there's still some people, especially the
08:57older generations, who think that,
08:59because it's not naturally conceived.
09:01There were even some stories,
09:03I mean, there were some notions that maybe they'll
09:05be replaced in the lab. It's really not our baby.
09:07Or it's not 100%
09:09ours because it was
09:11manipulated genetically.
09:13At first, I was very hesitant to share my story.
09:15But after sharing,
09:17having a hard time
09:19conceiving two years
09:21ago and then hearing all the stories
09:23and the real stories of real moms
09:25every day, not the curated ones
09:27you see online, it gave me the
09:29strength to share
09:31my IVF journey because
09:33not everyone can be blessed to
09:35naturally conceive just like me.
09:37And a lot of us hide behind
09:39that. There's some
09:41moms who even don't say that their
09:43babies are IVF babies. They just
09:45pretend, oh, I just got pregnant from a travel.
09:47But I really want to open the
09:49doors to Filipino moms
09:51that it's okay that
09:53even if your baby's not naturally
09:55conceived, your baby's still a blessing
09:57no matter how or whatever
09:59form he or she was made.
10:07The number one advice I can
10:09give couples who are conceiving
10:11is to
10:13be sure that you're mentally, financially
10:15and emotionally prepared for
10:17the journey because it's not an easy
10:19one. It doesn't stop when
10:21you get your positive test.
10:23You still have to go through a long journey
10:25and it comes with IVF. There's
10:27APAS, there's immunologists, and that's
10:29also expensive. Apart
10:31from that, it's also an emotional journey
10:33mentally spent
10:35for sure because you might not
10:37get it on the first or second try.
10:39So it's something you really have
10:41to prepare for in all aspects
10:43of your life. And
10:45to just really pray
10:47about it. That if it's really
10:49meant for you. And at
10:51the end of the day, if you're not given a baby
10:53that you and your husband are enough.
10:55That it's okay even without
10:57the baby.
11:05This whole journey of mine made me
11:07appreciate moms out there.
11:09I thought that I never really got
11:11before when they would call super moms
11:13or like, why is it such a big thing to have Mother's
11:15Day more than Father's Day? It's always such
11:17a bigger thing for malls, for
11:19all of these celebrations. And
11:21having also a relationship
11:23with my mom when I was a teenager
11:25where we were not as close as I thought.
11:27I thought that it wasn't
11:29a big deal. That it was such an easy
11:31job. I even had this misconception
11:33before that it's
11:35something that moms sometimes
11:37are left to,
11:39they have no choice. Just because society
11:41tells them to be, that they're a mom.
11:43You know, after going through this journey for
11:45two years and this pregnancy,
11:47my God, there's a reason why
11:49we're called super moms.
11:51I proudly wear that badge that
11:53I really am a super mom.
11:55I'm gonna cry.
11:57Because I really remember my mom.
11:59But like I said,
12:01my teenage years
12:03or early twenties, we never really
12:05had that close of a relationship.
12:07But you know my mom now,
12:09with every single thing
12:11with this pregnancy, she's the first person
12:13I call. And whenever I'm down
12:15with hormones and my hormones are
12:17flying around, it's really my mom who
12:19I could call. And I feel like
12:21my day is okay now.
12:23Oh my God, I'm gonna cry.
12:25But yeah, super moms
12:27really do exist. When I was just
12:29trying to conceive, when people would
12:31call me mom, I felt like I didn't
12:33deserve it. But
12:35now that I'm pregnant and
12:37a baby on the way, even the
12:39moms who are still waiting
12:41to be blessed with a baby,
12:43they also deserve to be called moms
12:45because it's really the best
12:47job in the world. I wouldn't
12:49exchange it for anything. I'd give
12:51everything up to
12:53become a mom. That's what I know now.
12:55Now I know why my mom gave up her
12:57whole life for her kids.
12:59Because I would do the same.
13:13you