[mb_hues] Fact Checking and Grading Lily Orchard's Pokemon Video (2:2)
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00:00:00And she's going to do this, I can tell right now, as a way to lie to her audience, as a
00:00:12way to trick them into thinking that they didn't show it soon enough because she wants
00:00:19to control the narrative.
00:00:24She chooses now, skipping after the first part where you battle Nimona and where she
00:00:28introduces you to the idea of terrestrialization via battling.
00:00:37That is just scummy behavior.
00:00:49I seriously do want Ant here, but it's fun.
00:00:53Ah.
00:00:54Bleh.
00:00:55Excuse me.
00:00:56I'm just so fucking done with all this bullshit.
00:01:07Don't worry, we can do this together.
00:01:10Metaphorically holding your hand.
00:01:12Holding hands.
00:01:13Platonically holding your hand.
00:01:14Yeah.
00:01:15We are platonically holding hands.
00:01:17We are platonically holding hands.
00:01:20Get through this.
00:01:22Just man, strong goblins.
00:01:24I'm going to stand by.
00:01:26Hehehehehe.
00:01:27So you have large terrestrialized hostages.
00:01:31They're not large, Louie!
00:01:33They're far away!
00:01:35You dumbass!
00:01:36I thought I had that perception.
00:01:39Until she opened her fucking mouth.
00:01:43I actually, so when I was recording the fucking Millie stream on my fucking iPad, I would
00:01:57like occasionally pick, open quick notes, and then just write out my fucking thoughts
00:02:02about this, and I'm like, and I thought I was bad duck perception, I'm like, and I'm
00:02:07still getting the whiplash of this, right now.
00:02:12But you know what I can do right now, we can laugh about it.
00:02:16That's how we get through this people, stupidity from people like Lillie.
00:02:20We can laugh, and we can pick it apart, and have fun.
00:02:26If there's one thing evil does not like, it's to be mocked.
00:02:30Mm-hmm.
00:02:32They do not like it.
00:02:34And then they try to mock us.
00:02:35We'll do a bad and beyond on these motherfuckers.
00:02:39Yeah, no, this is, this is ultimate ping pong.
00:02:42This is a ping, a ping pong, a ping pong, a ping pong tournament.
00:02:47Beth, yeah, uh, to those of you that get the reference, bad and beyond makes fun of the
00:02:51Joker in Return of the Joker.
00:02:53Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:03:04There's a funny gif.
00:03:08Hold on, where?
00:03:10Can I put it in the, um, Stan chat?
00:03:13Uh, it's funny.
00:03:21Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:03:30Ah!
00:03:31Flannel is also adorable.
00:03:32I love them, and I love that they have a little green underskirt.
00:03:36They look like a little tennis ball.
00:03:38That's what they're based off.
00:03:40I think.
00:03:41I think they're based off of that.
00:03:43So, they're based off of like a little badminton or tennis ball, I think.
00:03:47Maybe, just color-wise, because David Attenborough, back at BBC Studios, he was given the responsibility
00:03:54for, like, color choice during the era where TV and television took the next step out of
00:04:05black-and-white film to color.
00:04:08And the only reason why today we have those bright, obnoxiously highlighter-yellow tennis
00:04:16balls is because of Sir David Attenborough.
00:04:19Because that ball was so easy to pick up on the camera.
00:04:28Nice.
00:04:29That is my trivia.
00:04:32This bad boy is filled with fun facts and cool knowledge.
00:04:37I'm ready to share.
00:04:43No, it's not like that!
00:04:47They aren't identical, Lily!
00:04:50Oh my god!
00:04:52So, Max Raids, they didn't have that timer.
00:04:55No.
00:04:56You see, they had a 10-turn system where you could watch the turns and you could keep track
00:05:02of them.
00:05:03But, like, if you lost, if you fainted a certain amount of time with Max Raids and Gigantamax
00:05:10Raids, Dynamax Raids, you would be blown out of the cave.
00:05:16I mean, while, granted, it is similar, you actually had a strict limit of turns per interaction
00:05:23in the Dynamax Raids.
00:05:26Whereas, for the Terror Raids, you are on a timer.
00:05:31And if you do faint, you yourself, while playing with the NPCs, that timer will take out the
00:05:39largest chunk of time.
00:05:42And it gets so stressful, especially for the 7-star raids.
00:05:46If you do not have a strategy planned for the 7-star raids, it is a fever dream.
00:05:52It's a fever dream.
00:05:53You are going up, uh, you're going up rapids in a shitty canoe.
00:06:01Hmm.
00:06:02You know, you're going up rapids on a fucking paddleboard.
00:06:06Damn.
00:06:07That's why I'm in a server where people share paddle strategies for Pokémon Scarlet and
00:06:15Violet, because they're usually always having to vent Terror Raids, which are very fun.
00:06:23Ugh.
00:06:25And it's important to know, especially as Terror Raid battles are, they are ranked.
00:06:32There's 1-star all the way up to 7-star.
00:06:357-star raids are usually special event global raids that you can do to get a certain special Pokémon.
00:06:42Usually that has a mark or a little story thing.
00:06:48Early on, there was a special Terror Raid for the Legendary.
00:06:55For two Paradox Legendary Pokémon, Iron Leafs for Pokémon Violet and Walking Wake for Pokémon
00:07:05Scarlet, which is the Paradox forms for Virizion and fucking Suicune.
00:07:16And one thing I'm going to bring up right now is predictions for which Pokémon we might
00:07:22see in this Legends Arceus, Legends EA series, is we're going to probably see the Swords
00:07:30of Justice, because guess what?
00:07:32Those Pokémon are based entirely off of the Three Musketeers, which is a French story.
00:07:40They all represent different characters, and we're definitely seeing them in Legends EA.
00:07:50See, this is why I do this shit.
00:07:53It's fun.
00:08:03I'm just listening.
00:08:04Okay.
00:08:06Oh my god, it's not even-
00:08:09A time limit that is mercifully visible.
00:08:12To Scarlet and Violet's credit, this time all of your allies attacked at the same time,
00:08:17making the battle flow much better than it didn't.
00:08:20We're muting this for now because I want to just bring up the moment that-
00:08:25So for some reason, whenever I do streams like this and I'm talking about Lily, any
00:08:31kind of anxiety attack I have goes away.
00:08:35Just goes away.
00:08:38Yeah, because we're facing this freaking monster together.
00:08:42I know, right?
00:08:43It's also very fun and creative.
00:08:46I would say as well that Lily might- I would say that we're having an anime moment where
00:08:53we're projecting all of our anxiety and hatred on Lily.
00:08:57Yes, we are taking this negative energy that is being dumped on us by Lily Orchard.
00:09:04I'm not calling her Lilith Orchard because that is an insult to a wonderful feminist
00:09:10icon that had been reclaimed by Jewish culture.
00:09:14So originally, Lilith in Jewish culture and biblical mythology, she was used as a way
00:09:22to kind of paint women as these horrible things and make them seem like villains.
00:09:32When it did the opposite for women seeing Lilith as a character, as she was a feminist
00:09:38icon for reclaiming what was taken from her and her just being a fertility representation.
00:09:50It's really cool.
00:09:54Yeah, yeah.
00:09:55I always saw Lilith as the bad, as the bad, as the bad one and he was the good one.
00:10:01Mostly because I grew up on Christian narratives.
00:10:05Yep.
00:10:06I didn't really know what Lilith was because I grew up Catholic.
00:10:11Irish Catholic.
00:10:15The thing about me is that I did my homework on these sort of things.
00:10:19They didn't really make us do homework.
00:10:21We just watched VeggieTales and I got a fear of them.
00:10:25What?
00:10:26VeggieTales is good.
00:10:27How do they hold things?
00:10:29Where are their hands?
00:10:32What's the scary part?
00:10:40How are they alive?
00:10:45Isn't that magic though?
00:10:50Oh, something to add.
00:10:52Okay, we're going ahead of ourselves.
00:10:56We're going on a tangent.
00:11:00Yes!
00:11:08I have this weird charisma.
00:11:10I don't know how.
00:11:11I was born with weird charisma.
00:11:13I swear to God.
00:11:15I swear to God.
00:11:16I'm a child that was swapped.
00:11:18I'm a child of the faith.
00:11:19I was swapped with a human baby.
00:11:21I can't be human.
00:11:23I don't know how.
00:11:24I'm like, I'm just this weird thing.
00:11:27Yeah!
00:11:30Except my feeling is more monstrous.
00:11:32Eh, changelings are monstrous too.
00:11:34They usually have to put a sword under the bed
00:11:36or hang scissors above them in the mobile
00:11:38just to confuse them enough
00:11:40to where they drop the act.
00:11:43I just like, I just like stealing things.
00:11:45I'm a little, I'm a little house goblin.
00:11:48I like stealing.
00:11:50I like taking things.
00:11:51That's why I like Bender.
00:11:53Oh, shit.
00:11:54I don't want to fall out of my chair.
00:11:55Alright, alright, alright.
00:11:56Back to Lily.
00:11:57Back to Lily!
00:11:58Lily!
00:12:04You are a weak little bitch.
00:12:13This is...
00:12:14That's you, Lily!
00:12:16That's you!
00:12:19That's you, Lily.
00:12:22Hehehehe.
00:12:27Now we're, we're, we're, we're borrowing.
00:12:30We're borrowers.
00:12:39We need size stickers.
00:12:47Yep!
00:12:51That was so fun!
00:12:59We know you have a gigantism fetish, Lily.
00:13:03You fucking weirdo.
00:13:05Good god.
00:13:06I have, I have lore.
00:13:09I met a guy who was like into giantesses
00:13:11when I went to my first concert.
00:13:14And I haven't had the guts to like
00:13:16unfollow them on TV before.
00:13:18I...
00:13:19Okay, I...
00:13:21I don't get why that'd be a fetish, but okay.
00:13:27That's...
00:13:31I like, I like a smart woman.
00:13:43Oh no, do I have that?
00:13:45Oh god.
00:13:52It's sapio.
00:13:53It's sapio!
00:13:54It's a, I believe it was a sapio, um,
00:13:57sexual kind of thing.
00:13:59Where it's like you're attracted to
00:14:02the intellect, your, the mind
00:14:04and how the, your, the individual's
00:14:07intellect works.
00:14:11Yeah, yeah, that's what I like.
00:14:13I like a person, I like a person by their personality
00:14:15not their fucking looks, you know?
00:14:17I, I am...
00:14:19I am uranic, which is, um,
00:14:22I like men and also male presenting.
00:14:30I'm also, I am also
00:14:32demisexual.
00:14:34Ain't it?
00:14:35Oh my god, it's not even pointing at me.
00:14:41I do love it.
00:14:44I, I like, I take things slow.
00:14:46I take five months.
00:14:48It takes me five months, okay?
00:14:50I can't help it.
00:14:59I need to feel, for me,
00:15:01so, for me, with being demisexual,
00:15:05it stems from a trauma I have
00:15:08where I feel like I can't,
00:15:11I don't know if someone's feelings are genuine or not
00:15:13or if it's just a joke because I got bullied.
00:15:17We are not gonna trauma...
00:15:19Go ahead.
00:15:20I'm not gonna trauma dump too much, but, yeah.
00:15:22Uh, 7th grade, someone's...
00:15:26Middle school sucked.
00:15:27Middle school sucked.
00:15:29I had a bully who, um,
00:15:31made a kid slow dance with me at a school dance
00:15:33as a joke
00:15:35in 7th grade.
00:15:37And before, like, I thought it was a genuine, like,
00:15:40thing, and then I look and I see my bully laughing
00:15:43and I'm, like, crying.
00:15:44But luckily I invited my brother and his two friends
00:15:46and they were moments away from beating him up.
00:15:50They should have let him beat him up.
00:15:52It was a rich kid
00:15:54who had, uh, whose parents weren't really
00:15:56paying attention and, yeah.
00:15:58It's interesting.
00:16:02Hell yeah, this is my channel.
00:16:04This is my channel.
00:16:05We can talk about anything we want
00:16:07as long as it doesn't break any laws and guidelines.
00:16:10Yeah, yeah, you're free to talk about whatever the fuck you like.
00:16:12I don't give a damn.
00:16:14I... I use my...
00:16:16I... I talk...
00:16:18I try to... I share
00:16:20what I've been going through
00:16:22in a healthy, cathartic way.
00:16:24The more you share
00:16:26and talk about your trauma,
00:16:28the more it happens,
00:16:30the easier and lighter the weight
00:16:32of the trauma gets.
00:16:34Until it's nothing more
00:16:36than a small little mouse
00:16:38or a tiny little bug
00:16:40on your shoulder.
00:16:42Yeah, you don't have to worry about trauma
00:16:44jumping on me, man. You're fine.
00:16:46I had an ex-friend group who
00:16:48was like...
00:16:50I... Okay, so I
00:16:52felt comfortable with them because we all had been
00:16:54through shitty relationships
00:16:56and, like, interactions and also
00:16:58hurt ourselves.
00:17:00I still have a scar dealing with
00:17:02a shitty professor
00:17:04who denied
00:17:06the use of
00:17:08my accommodations
00:17:10and would use other
00:17:12accommodations for some reason
00:17:14and would write passive-aggressive, teenage-level
00:17:16angst-like
00:17:18red font
00:17:20bolded, underlined
00:17:22word usage, passive-aggressive,
00:17:24just really shitty, lily language.
00:17:26What the fuck,
00:17:28that guy? I know, I had to get an
00:17:30ombudsman and I also relapsed on self-harm.
00:17:32Oh, shit.
00:17:34Yeah. Are you okay?
00:17:36I am fine. It happened in
00:17:382020. I am
00:17:40fine, but at the time, because I was
00:17:42scared and not able to really
00:17:44feel safe and
00:17:46comfortable around
00:17:48telling someone about it, because I had trauma
00:17:50where if I told someone
00:17:52about hurting myself and having
00:17:54these thoughts, I thought I was going to go back
00:17:56to that one mental health facility.
00:17:58Listen, listen, listen.
00:18:00Don't fucking worry about shit like that around me.
00:18:02You're fine. I know,
00:18:04I can talk about it now.
00:18:06Because I still get a bit
00:18:08jumpy if someone's like, do you want to go to
00:18:10the hospital? I'm like, nope.
00:18:12Do you want to go to a rehab
00:18:14place? And it's like, nope.
00:18:16Nope.
00:18:18But it's
00:18:20because of that, because I had
00:18:22this fear, and it had been
00:18:24five years at that point,
00:18:26I didn't feel comfortable
00:18:28and I didn't want my mom to know because I was
00:18:30afraid that I would have to go home early,
00:18:32so I felt safe
00:18:34in the comfort of these, well, now
00:18:36ex-friends, by
00:18:38being like, hey, I just want
00:18:40support. I need help.
00:18:42And because one of them was also
00:18:44in the class, whose accommodations
00:18:46were actually being taken,
00:18:48but she wouldn't even use them,
00:18:50she, like,
00:18:52I thought, I was like, can you guys please
00:18:54help? I need, I just,
00:18:56I don't know where to go. I don't feel comfortable
00:18:58with my mom. I just feel safe.
00:19:00And I,
00:19:02this one professor has just been really
00:19:04awful, and I hurt myself
00:19:06and just, I
00:19:08need
00:19:10comfort in knowing that you guys
00:19:12are here for me.
00:19:14And they weren't. They were
00:19:16just like, uh, okay?
00:19:18And I'm like,
00:19:20panicked, and it was
00:19:22terrible friendship. Oh my god.
00:19:24But... Fuck the assholes!
00:19:26Fuck all of them!
00:19:28You know what happened after that?
00:19:30Out of that horrible
00:19:32event,
00:19:34after having an ombudsman
00:19:36and actually being able to
00:19:38barely pass that class,
00:19:40the following year, in 2021,
00:19:42winter quarter, I was lucky
00:19:44enough to take a professor
00:19:46who, sadly,
00:19:48had passed away.
00:19:50I was lucky to take him during the time
00:19:52I did.
00:19:54And it was the best time
00:19:56ever, because
00:19:58he was so understanding, and
00:20:00so sweet, and patient,
00:20:02and when I told him that I was
00:20:04afraid of, like, not
00:20:06having my accommodations taken,
00:20:08he told me that,
00:20:10well, I, it's like, you're fine with
00:20:12your accommodations. I have accommodations.
00:20:14We, accommodations are a real-world
00:20:16thing, and you're fine.
00:20:18He was a southern man.
00:20:20He was going through
00:20:22chemotherapy,
00:20:24and his whole backdrop on
00:20:26Zoom was, like, this little country
00:20:28like,
00:20:30cabin, and he was playing Red Dead
00:20:32Redemption.
00:20:34He was so sweet,
00:20:36and he used to be an
00:20:38animator for Disney.
00:20:42And he was a wonderful
00:20:44man, and everyone who took
00:20:46him would have only positive things
00:20:48to say.
00:20:50The following year, he would lose his battle
00:20:52to cancer, and while
00:20:54it's been a few years since
00:20:56his passing, I am lucky
00:20:58that I was able to take him in the time
00:21:00I did.
00:21:02He was a really cool dude,
00:21:04and compared to the other professor, he was
00:21:06the good cowboy.
00:21:08You're gonna make me cry. Stop it.
00:21:10It's gonna make, I'm gonna make you even cry
00:21:12more, because he looked like Sam Elliott.
00:21:16He worked on, he worked on, he worked on
00:21:18Lion King and all these other films,
00:21:20and it was so, he was so
00:21:22sweet.
00:21:24And I'm so lucky to have
00:21:26taken him, after
00:21:28dealing with that horrible professor.
00:21:30And in 2022,
00:21:32when that ex, that
00:21:34friend group that treated me like
00:21:36shit happened,
00:21:38I, I was
00:21:40suffering, and they sent a
00:21:4217-year-old to send
00:21:44me a paragraph,
00:21:46a whole ass lily-level essay
00:21:48during while
00:21:50I was mid-class.
00:21:52And I had a presentation that day,
00:21:54but luckily I was able to finish it up.
00:21:56And then I checked, and I see these
00:21:58messages, and I'm like, I'm broken.
00:22:00I was so lucky,
00:22:02because my professor was so
00:22:04understanding, and she was so sweet.
00:22:06She was from New Zealand,
00:22:08and
00:22:10she was my free speech class,
00:22:12or
00:22:14free, yeah,
00:22:16public speaking professor.
00:22:18And she
00:22:20was starting a new
00:22:22type of class that would count for
00:22:24my science,
00:22:26like, requirement
00:22:28needed for my,
00:22:30my major, my degree,
00:22:32that was
00:22:34human science. That was
00:22:36the first
00:22:38interpersonal communication class.
00:22:40And that
00:22:42helped me
00:22:44so much,
00:22:46because I was able to
00:22:48finally healthily
00:22:50analyze and look
00:22:52back on these moments
00:22:54with that one friend
00:22:56group, and
00:22:58healthily process and
00:23:00analyze it in a way that
00:23:02made the pain
00:23:04I had
00:23:06to realize that it wasn't a breakup.
00:23:08It had been a death
00:23:10of a friendship.
00:23:12A quick and sudden death.
00:23:14God
00:23:16damn it!
00:23:18The stream.
00:23:20It crashed.
00:23:22You know what?
00:23:24We can take a break from Lily.
00:23:26We can just talk.
00:23:28Yeah, yeah. We're gonna,
00:23:30we're just gonna take a break from Lily
00:23:32and talk, but what happened
00:23:34with that one friend group?
00:23:36So, it had ended,
00:23:38and I was
00:23:40lucky to have a good professor who was helping me
00:23:42with that.
00:23:44And that same time,
00:23:46someone
00:23:48I hadn't seen
00:23:50since my freshman
00:23:52year, the first few weeks
00:23:54I was at my college
00:23:56re-entered my life.
00:23:58And
00:24:00she has been in my
00:24:02life ever since,
00:24:04and I am so
00:24:06happy to have
00:24:08run into her again.
00:24:10We met, like, freshman year,
00:24:12and, like, because of a mutual
00:24:14friend, and we hadn't talked, and then
00:24:16here she comes
00:24:18into my life after
00:24:20I thought I was never able to
00:24:22have a best friend.
00:24:24And now, I'm
00:24:26been
00:24:28invited to
00:24:30take part in being, I think,
00:24:32the ring bearer
00:24:34for their wedding.
00:24:36Oh my god.
00:24:38And it's a Halloween
00:24:40wedding, and they asked me
00:24:42if I could wear a
00:24:44mask I made.
00:24:46And I will grab it
00:24:48real quick.
00:24:50And they were like,
00:24:52hey, could you wear your
00:24:54mask to my wedding?
00:24:56And it's like, oh my god, yes.
00:24:58And they also,
00:25:00they're like, I want to wear your art.
00:25:02I want to get your art.
00:25:04Can you design my tattoo?
00:25:06And it's like, absolutely.
00:25:10Of course I will.
00:25:12You're my best friend.
00:25:18I'm gonna cry.
00:25:20Don't cry.
00:25:22I can't cry, no.
00:25:24Yes.
00:25:26Be a man and cry.
00:25:28Don't be beautiful, okay?
00:25:30Your story's beautiful.
00:25:32Hi.
00:25:36Your story's
00:25:38fucking beautiful.
00:25:40Where is it? I gotta turn on the light.
00:25:44Fuck.
00:25:46Wait, the screen's crashed, so like, wouldn't that not matter?
00:25:50Did the screen crash?
00:25:52You said it did.
00:25:54No, it didn't.
00:25:56It didn't? Oh.
00:25:58Okay. Hi.
00:26:04But yeah, they wanted me
00:26:06to wear this.
00:26:10I made this.
00:26:14Looks amazing.
00:26:16I can see out of the eye.
00:26:20I wanted to add
00:26:22LEDs in it
00:26:24so I can have the
00:26:26eyes glow.
00:26:32But I
00:26:36I'm still learning how to make a mask.
00:26:42One second.
00:26:44Hmm.
00:26:54I still get very self-conscious
00:26:56about my face online because
00:26:58I was one of those kids who would watch those
00:27:00Littlest Pet Shop videos.
00:27:02Like, obviously popular.
00:27:04You look
00:27:06fine.
00:27:08I have anxiety because I
00:27:10filmed myself once and I'm like,
00:27:12I don't want my face being known.
00:27:14And someone being able to track my identity.
00:27:18Well, that's fair. That's a fair point.
00:27:22But like, if it's a beauty issue,
00:27:24I mean, you look fine.
00:27:26Aww.
00:27:28Is that a fucking goose crack?
00:27:30What?
00:27:32I had a little goose voice crack.
00:27:34Every time I have a certain type of voice crack,
00:27:36it sounds like a goose.
00:27:38Women can have voice cracks?
00:27:40Aww.
00:27:48It's a book.
00:27:50It's a privacy thing.
00:27:58It's...
00:28:00If it's body...
00:28:02Why are you feeling about
00:28:04body positivity when you're turning around
00:28:06and shaming someone else
00:28:08for their appearance?
00:28:10We were talking about some
00:28:12emotional shit.
00:28:14Listen, the only thing that really gets me crying
00:28:16emotionally are those
00:28:18fucking animal dog movies.
00:28:22I can't watch Marley and Me...
00:28:24So, anytime
00:28:26on cable, I would see that movie
00:28:28show up. If it was on,
00:28:30no commercials currently,
00:28:32if I accidentally found my way on there,
00:28:34immediately I'd be like...
00:28:38And then I'd have to change the channel
00:28:40because I'd be like sobbing.
00:28:42Where's my doof meister?
00:28:46Yeah, but I never got the
00:28:48whole thing where people have to be ashamed
00:28:50of their appearance.
00:28:52I never got
00:28:54why women had to put on makeup to cover their age.
00:28:56I never got why
00:28:58people had to...
00:29:00It's media. It's how we see it
00:29:02in media.
00:29:04Because it's how
00:29:06everyone wants us to be.
00:29:08It's been a thing.
00:29:18I have a favorite
00:29:20artist who is
00:29:22above subjective beauty.
00:29:24Frida Kahlo.
00:29:26She is a Mexican,
00:29:28I believe Romanian artist.
00:29:30She is
00:29:32either Mexican, Jewish artist.
00:29:34Her dad,
00:29:36she did lots of pieces
00:29:38that people kept thinking were
00:29:40surrealist,
00:29:42but they weren't.
00:29:44They were just her.
00:29:46It wasn't surrealism.
00:29:48It was a passionate
00:29:50expression of emotion.
00:29:52It was her cathartic
00:29:54release of these painful
00:29:56worries and thoughts
00:29:58she had. She was gorgeous.
00:30:00She would wear
00:30:02a boy's uniform. She would grow out
00:30:04her facial hair.
00:30:06She didn't care.
00:30:08She just lived her life.
00:30:10Because beauty
00:30:12and the standards to that
00:30:14beauty were subjective
00:30:16and
00:30:18to a fine line point
00:30:20that she didn't want
00:30:22to live in.
00:30:24She would
00:30:26make such
00:30:28sad and real
00:30:30paintings off of her pain
00:30:32and her struggles
00:30:34and angst.
00:30:36She had identity issues
00:30:38with the Frida
00:30:40Two Hearts
00:30:42Frida Kahlo piece,
00:30:44which is a self-portrait
00:30:46of her dealing
00:30:48with her identity as a Mexican
00:30:50and I believe
00:30:52either as Romani and Jewish
00:30:54or just Jewish European
00:30:56woman because of her
00:30:58and her mother's both different
00:31:00restraining
00:31:02kind of cultures.
00:31:04And then she had a series of
00:31:06paintings where
00:31:08it was about how she wouldn't be
00:31:10able to have children or
00:31:12how she was in a trolley
00:31:14accident where
00:31:16a piece of the trolley
00:31:20found its way into
00:31:22her. It broke her
00:31:24pelvis. She was bedbound
00:31:26with yellow fever for days,
00:31:28months, and all she
00:31:30could do was look at the ceiling.
00:31:34She is a beautiful,
00:31:36beautiful artist and she is such
00:31:38her story is so
00:31:40tragic because she would return
00:31:42to this man where
00:31:44people would give him the nickname
00:31:46the Dove and the Elephant.
00:31:48She met this man
00:31:50who was a well-known painter of
00:31:52murals around Mexico
00:31:54where he
00:31:58I forgot his name because I don't want to remember his name
00:32:00because he's a fucking scumbag
00:32:02but Frida met him
00:32:04at her school growing up
00:32:06and was enamored
00:32:08and he was a bit
00:32:10older than her
00:32:12but Frida at some point
00:32:14tired of the abuse he would
00:32:16put her through
00:32:18she
00:32:20would just
00:32:22leave and explore Europe
00:32:24for a time. She fell in love.
00:32:26She would be with men and women
00:32:28and at some point she was
00:32:30with a photographer who was treating her
00:32:32wonderfully.
00:32:34The man she was with before,
00:32:36Mexico, forced her to have several
00:32:38miscarriages, destroying her body
00:32:40and her mind.
00:32:42And yet,
00:32:44even away from him,
00:32:46Frida
00:32:48wanted him still.
00:32:50Her tragic
00:32:52story is gorgeous,
00:32:54is so heartbreaking
00:32:56and yet,
00:32:58her just painting
00:33:00and her story and her
00:33:02spirit
00:33:04she is unchanged beauty
00:33:06at the highest regard.
00:33:08She could not
00:33:10fall under the title
00:33:12or restraints that she would put her in.
00:33:14She is Frida Kahlo,
00:33:16beautiful
00:33:18Mexican woman.
00:33:22Remind me to hire you to write my papers?
00:33:24Don't worry,
00:33:26I've actually had
00:33:28helped lots of peers with
00:33:30writing their emails to their professors.
00:33:32That is
00:33:34good. Oh my god.
00:33:36I'm looking at Frida Kahlo right now. Oh my god.
00:33:38She is so fun to learn
00:33:40about and don't get me started on Bernini,
00:33:42the bad boy of
00:33:44sculpting.
00:33:46Isn't that
00:33:48Michelangelo?
00:33:50No, no, no, no. This is Bernini.
00:33:52Bernini.
00:33:54He,
00:33:56his sculptures,
00:33:58you would think he had
00:34:00painted a human body
00:34:02white
00:34:04and porcelain looking
00:34:06because of how
00:34:08lifelike
00:34:10these sculptures were.
00:34:12The way he sculpted
00:34:14with marble
00:34:16was unreal.
00:34:18It was as if
00:34:20he was creating humans.
00:34:22The expressions,
00:34:24the way the fat
00:34:26and body moved and curved
00:34:28and all, every little
00:34:30roll
00:34:32and just tip
00:34:34and edge
00:34:36and just, it was so
00:34:38hauntingly beautiful.
00:34:40Every word.
00:34:42Prometheus.
00:34:44No, no, no, no.
00:34:46He, oh,
00:34:48but every woman wanted him.
00:34:50He was young, handsome
00:34:52and he was
00:34:54a bit of a rascal.
00:34:56He, there's a famous sculpture
00:34:58known as the
00:35:00Ecstasy of Mother,
00:35:02I think Mother Teresa
00:35:04or Saint Teresa.
00:35:06It's a
00:35:08kind of a, it's a piece
00:35:10about this feeling of meeting
00:35:12God and this
00:35:14holy spiritual awakening
00:35:16in this one
00:35:18holy woman
00:35:20and Bernini
00:35:22took one look
00:35:24at the word ecstasy
00:35:26and made it something
00:35:28even more.
00:35:30It wasn't a holy
00:35:32pure image.
00:35:34He made it sexual.
00:35:36He made it hot.
00:35:38He made it something
00:35:40so
00:35:42just
00:35:48just
00:35:50hard to describe it.
00:35:52It was something you just
00:35:54could feel.
00:35:56I'm looking at her now, oh my God.
00:35:58The expression of the
00:36:00eyes, the way she's looking,
00:36:02the way she's holding herself
00:36:04from the fabric of her
00:36:06of just her
00:36:08gown, the way
00:36:10the little cherubs are looking at her,
00:36:12her posing.
00:36:14She is experiencing
00:36:16pure, holy
00:36:18ecstasy of the moment.
00:36:24Fuck AI, hire me.
00:36:28Who needs AI when you can hire this
00:36:30little cretin? You have a way with words.
00:36:32I love it.
00:36:34I just, I
00:36:36write how I see and feel
00:36:38things. I write how my senses
00:36:40pick them up.
00:36:42You are an artist. I'm a fucking farmer.
00:36:44Farmers can be artists
00:36:46too. Listen.
00:36:48PewDiePie,
00:36:50a gamer, taught himself
00:36:52to do art.
00:36:54He taught himself
00:36:56and it just starts small.
00:36:58It doesn't take, you don't look at the
00:37:00big picture. You focus
00:37:02on the small before you get
00:37:04to the big.
00:37:06And if I can,
00:37:08I can pull that up and send it to you.
00:37:14Oh my god.
00:37:16Like, I'm
00:37:18actually in love with the way you speak.
00:37:20Like, I'm not in a romantic
00:37:22sense, of course, but I mean like...
00:37:24Just like the
00:37:26admiration kind of
00:37:28inspiration.
00:37:30That's what I'm trying to say. You have this way
00:37:32of speaking. You
00:37:34could be, if only we didn't
00:37:36have that fucking age gap in America
00:37:38for politicians.
00:37:40Oh, I can't do that. I mean, fun fact,
00:37:42guess who my eighth grade
00:37:44granddaddy was?
00:37:46Who? Thomas Jefferson.
00:37:48Oh shit.
00:37:50Yeah.
00:37:52I have been suffering.
00:37:54I am in misery.
00:37:56I'm
00:37:58in misery.
00:38:00There ain't
00:38:02nobody to talk to.
00:38:04You have such a way to articulate.
00:38:06You have such a way to articulate
00:38:08what you're saying.
00:38:10You are a
00:38:12vocal artist.
00:38:14You use
00:38:16your sonic
00:38:18eminence, and you
00:38:20use it as like a
00:38:22painter holds his
00:38:24palette. And you
00:38:26use all of your knowledge and
00:38:28all of your
00:38:30wisdom and all that, and you
00:38:32paint this beautiful story
00:38:34that can only be seen by
00:38:36the likes of Michelangelo or
00:38:38Leonardo DiCaprio.
00:38:40Whenever I do stuff like that,
00:38:42I don't want it to be limited to people.
00:38:44Whenever I try to
00:38:46write or even
00:38:48describe things, I want it to be
00:38:50understood by
00:38:52everyone. I want them to read it
00:38:54and have this same feeling
00:38:56and understanding that I'm having.
00:38:58I've even
00:39:00written, I've even tried,
00:39:02if I know someone's not feeling
00:39:04good, I will
00:39:06try to word things in
00:39:08such a careful way
00:39:10to where it feels
00:39:12as if it is warm.
00:39:14You can feel the warmth, and you
00:39:16can feel the embrace.
00:39:18Even though I am but a
00:39:20just miles
00:39:22away and only on
00:39:24your screen, I wanted to feel
00:39:26secure and safe
00:39:28to let you know that you're
00:39:30safe.
00:39:32Damn it!
00:39:34You have this...
00:39:36I think
00:39:38I misworded when I said Leonardo DiCaprio
00:39:40or Michelangelo, but like
00:39:42my point is you have a knack
00:39:44of using your script,
00:39:46your scripted...
00:39:48not scripted, but like...
00:39:50My autism?
00:39:52Not...
00:39:54The way you
00:39:56think, the way you think
00:39:58translates
00:40:00from your tongue
00:40:02very well.
00:40:04I'm sounding very like a foreign speaker, but like...
00:40:06No, no, no, no, no.
00:40:08It's wonderful.
00:40:10But your
00:40:12thoughts flow
00:40:14from your tongue
00:40:16like a ribbon being unfurled
00:40:18open and you use
00:40:20this ribbon to dance and paint
00:40:22this wonderful story as
00:40:24if you were on a stage.
00:40:26And you're
00:40:28just entertaining the masses with
00:40:30this beautiful ribbon dancing.
00:40:32Even if there's only one
00:40:34person.
00:40:36I still do it.
00:40:38Yeah.
00:40:40And that
00:40:42imagery is so vivid.
00:40:44Like, I...
00:40:46That is a really good imagery though, Jack.
00:40:48With how
00:40:50you described it.
00:40:52For me,
00:40:54I struggle with trying
00:40:56to visualize things and usually need pictures
00:40:58to help me, so when someone's
00:41:00able to perfectly word
00:41:02and describe something
00:41:04as just
00:41:06in the same vein that I try to do,
00:41:08it's very much so
00:41:10just
00:41:12like I
00:41:14can be heard.
00:41:16It's understanding.
00:41:18And that's
00:41:20what I want to do.
00:41:22That's always been what I wanted to do.
00:41:24My whole life, I was a soldier on the battlefield.
00:41:26I was constantly fighting
00:41:28and just using my sword,
00:41:30slashing away, but I don't want to be that.
00:41:32I want to be a painter.
00:41:34I want to be a painter that just paints these
00:41:36images all across
00:41:38the world.
00:41:40Rival even the likes of
00:41:42Michelangelo or
00:41:44Shakespeare. Well, Shakespeare wasn't
00:41:46a painter, but you get my point.
00:41:48No, he was just a writer. Or even
00:41:50Shelley or Stoker or
00:41:52Paul.
00:41:56Just to be the next
00:42:00American essay.
00:42:02Which
00:42:04is a fun
00:42:06thing to do as well.
00:42:08Learning
00:42:10how to illustrate
00:42:12in a verbal,
00:42:14oral way
00:42:16is through an essay.
00:42:18An essay
00:42:20doesn't always have to be the standard
00:42:22high school expectation.
00:42:24An essay can be lyrical.
00:42:26It can be assembled
00:42:28by funny
00:42:30bumper stickers. It can be
00:42:32any kind of way.
00:42:34I can read some examples.
00:42:38The way you
00:42:40describe things,
00:42:42I have words describing it
00:42:44because I feel as
00:42:46it would be an inferior
00:42:48way of viewing your
00:42:50wordsmithery.
00:42:52I feel so
00:42:54sometimes when I try to describe what
00:42:56I think of how you phrase things.
00:42:58It would be a poor man's
00:43:00interpretation of the
00:43:02beauty and the beautiful nature
00:43:04that you end up with these words.
00:43:06When it comes
00:43:08to writing
00:43:10and just stuff like that,
00:43:12the key
00:43:14part of art
00:43:16itself
00:43:18is to start
00:43:20with what you know.
00:43:22What you know
00:43:24is you.
00:43:26You know you the best.
00:43:28Knowing how your brain works the best
00:43:30is fun.
00:43:32It's
00:43:34incredible.
00:43:36I think it's hard to
00:43:38see that
00:43:40nowadays too with people who
00:43:42try to
00:43:44diminish these ideas and thoughts
00:43:46and try to
00:43:48make you feel inadequate
00:43:50or even inferior.
00:43:54We get in our own heads
00:43:56when we look at others and try to compare
00:43:58ourselves. It's so
00:44:00easy to get stuck in your head
00:44:02and
00:44:04it's an awful awful
00:44:06thing that often happens too much.
00:44:08You were the first person
00:44:10to bring out this side of me.
00:44:12You were the first person that unlike
00:44:14any of
00:44:16close relatives or whatever to have brought
00:44:18out this more intellectual, this more
00:44:20philosophical,
00:44:22artistic side
00:44:24of myself and made me feel comfortable with it.
00:44:26I
00:44:28have
00:44:30met all kinds of people
00:44:32in my life. I've known
00:44:34all sorts of good, all sorts
00:44:36of bad, all sorts of anywhere
00:44:38in between
00:44:40and it's fascinating
00:44:42when I experience and
00:44:44interact with folks all across
00:44:46this strange
00:44:48gray spectrum.
00:44:50It's fun and
00:44:52impactful
00:44:54to meet and hear
00:44:56and know what's going on
00:44:58in their lives. You can see
00:45:00just behind the eyes
00:45:02or the words who they are
00:45:06and meeting you
00:45:08it's especially
00:45:10being in the server
00:45:12I love meeting
00:45:14people who are the same way
00:45:18because it's reassuring
00:45:20and comforting to know that
00:45:22I'm not alone in this sea
00:45:24of just
00:45:26darkness. The sea
00:45:28of troubled waters is what I call it.
00:45:32Some people
00:45:34are afraid of
00:45:36asking for help and finding those
00:45:38groups so
00:45:40it's good to be
00:45:42that little life raft.
00:45:44It's good to help them.
00:45:46You are
00:45:48like a candle. You're like
00:45:50a candle that
00:45:52is solitary but has a source
00:45:54of light and that light
00:45:56can be
00:45:58multiplied and you meet life-minded
00:46:00candles. Eventually you have something like a
00:46:02menorah or something like
00:46:04a huge celebration of
00:46:06day of the dead. Stuff like that.
00:46:08But you having
00:46:10that flame and never ever
00:46:12letting that wick melt to
00:46:14the ground all the way
00:46:16you got something special.
00:46:18I...
00:46:20There's been...
00:46:22I...
00:46:26I'm glad to have
00:46:28been able to be here.
00:46:30I'm glad and sad.
00:46:32I feel
00:46:34when I look back on life
00:46:36I try...
00:46:38I've been trying so hard to
00:46:40keep up and mature too soon
00:46:42when I was
00:46:44still a kid and
00:46:46now, only now,
00:46:48have I been able to take a year off from school
00:46:50and truly
00:46:52just rekindle
00:46:54and take care of this flame
00:46:56I have.
00:46:58Because when I was a kid
00:47:00I was told I was a bright spot
00:47:02and ever since I've been
00:47:04I just want to keep
00:47:06making people happy. Every time
00:47:08I met someone I'd be trying to
00:47:10be the joyful
00:47:12little sun spot, the little bright spot
00:47:14that I was to my family
00:47:16to strangers.
00:47:18Just being like, hi, how are you?
00:47:20Hi, my name's Bridget. What's your name?
00:47:22Hello. Hi.
00:47:24And just
00:47:26even in the car I'd
00:47:28look out the window and just
00:47:30smile and wave with the biggest
00:47:32little smile.
00:47:36And sure
00:47:38there was one time
00:47:40where someone was giving the bird and I was just like
00:47:42I just
00:47:44dramatically
00:47:46backed up
00:47:48from the window and I was like, oh.
00:47:52If I was in your shoes, I
00:47:54do not have a good temper. So I would do the same
00:47:56thing back but even harsher.
00:47:58But
00:48:00I was like nine. I was still
00:48:02like, I
00:48:04through
00:48:06the darkest moments and through
00:48:08learning scary
00:48:10facts and truths
00:48:12I do what I can
00:48:14to keep my mind at a
00:48:16state where
00:48:18I can still see light and
00:48:20know that while yes, there are
00:48:22negatives and things do get harder
00:48:24it doesn't
00:48:26have to be unbearable.
00:48:30And when life gets you down
00:48:32and everything
00:48:34is going
00:48:36wrong
00:48:38you can always
00:48:42always
00:48:44look on the
00:48:46side of life.
00:48:52I
00:48:54honestly, he is a motivation.
00:48:56He is one of my inspirations.
00:48:58A sing for
00:49:00Robin Williams.
00:49:02Robin Williams is mine.
00:49:04Robin Williams is one of mine.
00:49:06Not Mr. Rogers though because I
00:49:08cannot be Mr. Rogers.
00:49:10I do have his
00:49:12knitting book.
00:49:16I would love to wear the same
00:49:18fashion as Mr. Rogers. I love wearing
00:49:20sweaters.
00:49:24I love wearing sweaters. I want to
00:49:26get cardigans.
00:49:28But I like
00:49:30sweaters because then I can be like a little
00:49:32gremlin.
00:49:36But I also
00:49:38look up to Bob Ross
00:49:40because
00:49:42like something I do every night when I'm feeling
00:49:44down or ready to go to bed
00:49:46I will always press
00:49:48my little Bob Ross bobblehead
00:49:50to hear a quote
00:49:52and that's my little mantra for the night.
00:49:54You
00:49:56know
00:49:58I
00:50:00wish
00:50:02I could have that optimism
00:50:04that you carry.
00:50:06I can share it.
00:50:08My light died years ago.
00:50:10I can share it.
00:50:12Would you like
00:50:14some of it?
00:50:16If that's okay with you.
00:50:18Yeah, I can share it.
00:50:20I can share this optimism.
00:50:22See, the thing about
00:50:24my light is that
00:50:26I used to have something called the fire.
00:50:28And the fire
00:50:30was
00:50:32the fire was like this
00:50:34passion, this
00:50:36burning sensation I had
00:50:38for all things.
00:50:40It was
00:50:42wild and chaotic
00:50:44but it was also
00:50:46true and
00:50:48it was
00:50:50true and
00:50:52real.
00:50:54When my dad went to prison for
00:50:56his drug use
00:50:58that was the first
00:51:00instance of when the fire started
00:51:02dying.
00:51:04And
00:51:06and
00:51:08I fell into a deep depression because of it.
00:51:12The fire slowly died
00:51:14I consider often myself.
00:51:16And
00:51:18and it was
00:51:20it sucked.
00:51:22It really sucked.
00:51:24It got so bad that
00:51:26I was not
00:51:28I used to be a pretty good student
00:51:30but then I stopped being a good student
00:51:32after that.
00:51:34You needed time to
00:51:36heal.
00:51:38And
00:51:42I'm sorry for cutting you off.
00:51:44No, no.
00:51:46No, it's okay.
00:51:48My mom
00:51:50her dad had been diagnosed with cancer
00:51:52and she had been in school
00:51:54and she
00:51:56was falling into the same kind of depression
00:51:58to where she took
00:52:00a gap year to help
00:52:02him out and do everything and her dad
00:52:04would say, what are you doing?
00:52:06Why are you not doing anything?
00:52:08I have to help you.
00:52:10Go finish school.
00:52:12It's fine.
00:52:16And
00:52:22I never met him
00:52:24but I've been told all these stories
00:52:26about him
00:52:28and I try to emulate that
00:52:32for my mom
00:52:34and maybe others.
00:52:38And what
00:52:40you're going through
00:52:42from having
00:52:44experienced, well, not entirely
00:52:46experienced but having
00:52:48known of it
00:52:50it's painful
00:52:54because you just
00:52:56feel
00:52:58lost.
00:53:00I'm so lost.
00:53:02I don't know what to do.
00:53:04It's
00:53:06I put this
00:53:08I said this for
00:53:10Ant's stream
00:53:12a while ago
00:53:14and I think
00:53:16it's a very good wisdom
00:53:20that was given to me by my
00:53:22trainer
00:53:24where in Judaism
00:53:26Judaism
00:53:28and Jewish practice
00:53:30you are taught to
00:53:32mourn and
00:53:34grieve for a year
00:53:38and in that time
00:53:40of just
00:53:42release of those emotions
00:53:44and pain
00:53:46you
00:53:48have to
00:53:50let yourself
00:53:52be sad
00:53:54and when
00:53:56after said year has passed
00:53:58and even during
00:54:00it
00:54:02it's okay to be sad
00:54:04it's important to be sad
00:54:06and it's important to get those feelings out
00:54:08but when those
00:54:10moments where you think
00:54:12of good times
00:54:14and
00:54:16the moments
00:54:18of the person or
00:54:20even
00:54:22thing come up
00:54:24those shouldn't
00:54:26be a burden
00:54:28on your mind and your soul
00:54:30and your heart
00:54:32they should be a blessing
00:54:34they should be something
00:54:36to cherish
00:54:38and hold with you
00:54:40as it's important to not let it die
00:54:42you need to
00:54:44keep it alive
00:54:46and on the earth
00:54:48because without it
00:54:50who's going to remember it
00:54:52how else is it going to be
00:54:54around
00:54:56for years and years without someone
00:54:58sharing
00:55:00and it's important
00:55:02how else
00:55:04can we still
00:55:06because then
00:55:08we are but
00:55:10stardust
00:55:16it's hard
00:55:18it is
00:55:24it's very
00:55:26it's very hard
00:55:28letting go
00:55:30of this is like
00:55:32you just find your
00:55:34you roll the boulder and then it comes back down
00:55:36and you have to roll it all the way back up again
00:55:38never knowing when that boulder is going to
00:55:40fall onto the other side
00:55:42as if you were punished by the gods for whatever
00:55:44whatever
00:55:46it doesn't have to be that way though
00:55:50it doesn't have to be that way
00:55:54you don't have to do it alone
00:55:56it doesn't have to be
00:55:58it doesn't have to be
00:56:00alone
00:56:04I warn you I push people away
00:56:10I've
00:56:12had people like that
00:56:16but it takes
00:56:18time
00:56:20and when you're ready
00:56:22when you're ready
00:56:24and if you want to cry about it
00:56:26I am here for it
00:56:32of course my friend
00:56:34and I promise you the same
00:56:36and that's what we need
00:56:38and it's something I think
00:56:40that needs to be a thing
00:56:42that should be normalized more
00:56:46we should feel safe and secure
00:56:48in the company of others
00:56:50and being vulnerable
00:56:52with them and feeling
00:56:54that we
00:56:56aren't alone and we don't
00:56:58have to suffer alone
00:57:00we are social
00:57:02we are social creatures
00:57:06we are social creatures
00:57:08that rely
00:57:10heavily on connection
00:57:14you make a health
00:57:16therapist
00:57:18I have been
00:57:20somewhat of a therapist and kind of
00:57:22emotional bouncing board
00:57:24for my family
00:57:26and just I
00:57:30I'm
00:57:32only 23
00:57:34and yet I feel as if
00:57:36I am older
00:57:38I already have like several
00:57:40white hairs on my head
00:57:42you and me both
00:57:44I feel like I'm dead already
00:57:46no
00:57:48I don't think so
00:57:50I mean I've definitely
00:57:52been there
00:57:54I've had those moments
00:57:56and I
00:57:58miss kind of shoving people away
00:58:00about my feelings too
00:58:06it wasn't our responsibility to be
00:58:08the bearer of
00:58:10of all these feelings and pain
00:58:13that's everything
00:58:15you know when my dad was
00:58:17before you ever went to prison
00:58:19he always told me that I was the glue that kept the family together
00:58:21he always told me that I was
00:58:23responsible for making sure everybody was okay
00:58:25and for a while
00:58:27for a while I believed him
00:58:31it's hard
00:58:33it's hard to be
00:58:35to kind of
00:58:39take that because it's
00:58:42kind of ingrained
00:58:44like we're so young
00:58:46when it's this responsibility
00:58:48that we have to be the change
00:58:50we have to be responsible for everything
00:58:52but why
00:58:54at this age
00:58:56why do we have to have this burden
00:58:58when we should let ourselves be
00:59:00us
00:59:02we should give us time
00:59:04to figure out who we are
00:59:06before we try
00:59:08saving the world
00:59:10I don't know what my responsibility is
00:59:12if it's not the protector
00:59:14it's what I always was
00:59:16because of him
00:59:20are you able to
00:59:22try
00:59:24are you able to take time to
00:59:26figure stuff out
00:59:30I feel like I don't have time
00:59:32you know
00:59:34I'm already in my 20s
00:59:36the next 10 years is my 30s
00:59:38that's why I seek things in a short
00:59:40lifespan
00:59:46I think
00:59:48we get caught in the moment
00:59:50of thinking
00:59:52of the next
00:59:54couple years
00:59:56and it's hard to get out of it
00:59:58but it's
01:00:00good to stop
01:00:02ourselves
01:00:04grabbing us on our own shoulder
01:00:06and just
01:00:08letting time go by
01:00:10just
01:00:12taking it in
01:00:14watching
01:00:16and
01:00:18just
01:00:20staying in the moment
01:00:28I don't know how
01:00:36I guess
01:00:38sometimes going on
01:00:40short walks
01:00:42helps
01:00:44like going out
01:00:46walking around
01:00:48doing
01:00:50small things like writing
01:00:52or drawing
01:00:54if you're ever sad
01:00:56or I can always send
01:00:58a playlist I make
01:01:00there was a place
01:01:02that I was truly happy
01:01:04it was my first ever job in California
01:01:06it was a place called
01:01:08Mazzotti's
01:01:10it was a little Italian restaurant
01:01:12it was
01:01:14such
01:01:16it felt like
01:01:18I was serving a purpose
01:01:20there
01:01:22the problem was
01:01:24the employees were not getting paid well
01:01:26they walked out
01:01:28and the restaurant closed down
01:01:30and ever since then
01:01:32I haven't been able to capture that happiness
01:01:34I felt there
01:01:36when I first got the job, yeah I was terrified
01:01:38but the more I did it
01:01:40the more I learned how to
01:01:42the more I learned
01:01:44how to do the job
01:01:46I was the best at what I did
01:01:48I was a simple dishwasher
01:01:50you know
01:01:52but I was one of the best dishwashers there was
01:01:54you know
01:01:56I was working myself to death doing those dishes
01:01:58to the point where they were like
01:02:00dude, you're overworking yourself
01:02:02but I didn't listen because I wanted to get the job done and done right
01:02:04sometimes
01:02:06we don't need to be perfect
01:02:10we just have to try our best
01:02:12and that's what we can do
01:02:14we just
01:02:16we can try
01:02:18and that's okay
01:02:20it's important to remember
01:02:22that we don't
01:02:24have to be
01:02:26perfectionists
01:02:28we don't have to be this idyllic
01:02:30godlike
01:02:32perfect image
01:02:34it's
01:02:36important to remember to be
01:02:38a little humble with yourself
01:02:40and not
01:02:42kinda
01:02:44be your own
01:02:46just self
01:02:48critic
01:02:51just
01:02:53what made the job
01:02:55the most satisfying for me
01:02:57was the fact that I served a purpose
01:02:59it was the fact that I served other people
01:03:01before my own
01:03:03can I tell you something?
01:03:05yeah
01:03:07you kinda
01:03:09I think right now
01:03:11you kinda
01:03:13you're a friend right now
01:03:15you're a colleague
01:03:17you're an acquaintance
01:03:20you're like someone that I
01:03:22like to bounce back
01:03:24and forth with
01:03:26with these conversations
01:03:28I think having you
01:03:30doing this is quite important
01:03:36I think having your perspective
01:03:38is very important
01:03:44and
01:03:46just knowing
01:03:49just understanding
01:03:51knowing all kinds of people
01:03:57I think you're
01:03:59I think
01:04:07to me
01:04:09you're
01:04:11what I find important about you
01:04:13is you're just
01:04:15you're you
01:04:18you know
01:04:20I don't know what that is
01:04:24I think
01:04:26you're yourself
01:04:28you are
01:04:30you're funny
01:04:32you have quips
01:04:34you're snarky and you're sharp
01:04:36and that's so important
01:04:38and that's what I find important
01:04:40you're so
01:04:42and that's the most valuable thing
01:04:44I think
01:04:47to anyone
01:04:49and what should be important
01:04:51to keep
01:04:53keep
01:04:55to keep in mind
01:04:59you are your own you
01:05:01you are the best
01:05:03at what you can do
01:05:05you know what my favorite film is?
01:05:07what is it?
01:05:09Steven Spielberg's
01:05:11book
01:05:13oh
01:05:15it stars Robin Williams
01:05:17who is a
01:05:19it stars Robin Williams who is a
01:05:21a depowered Peter Pan
01:05:23and he is
01:05:25trying to cope with everything
01:05:27that
01:05:29that life throws at him
01:05:31he's a lawyer, he's getting calls
01:05:33he has to deal with his kids
01:05:35you know
01:05:37he's just a miserable man
01:05:39but
01:05:41and so his kids get kidnapped
01:05:43and they go to Neverland to save them
01:05:45because apparently he's Peter Pan
01:05:47well he doesn't remember he's Peter Pan
01:05:49because he gave that up years ago
01:05:51what his happiest moment was
01:05:53and I think that's what my happiest moment
01:05:55is going to be
01:05:57is the fact when he had his first kid
01:05:59I've always wanted a kid
01:06:01I've always wanted a kid
01:06:03to teach him the ropes
01:06:05on how not to become like my father
01:06:07how not to become like
01:06:09well, me
01:06:11but I've always wanted
01:06:13to raise a kid to be better
01:06:15than who I am now
01:06:17you know
01:06:19and that's what I've always wanted
01:06:21I want to be a father
01:06:23you know
01:06:25well
01:06:27start small
01:06:29be
01:06:31someone who can be a good
01:06:33influence
01:06:37shape minds
01:06:39and help
01:06:41others
01:06:43could be kids, could be like
01:06:45being an inspiration for them
01:06:47like
01:06:49a client of my trainer
01:06:51has a daughter who
01:06:53like
01:06:55we
01:06:57will draw and talk about Pokemon
01:06:59and I share bits of wisdom
01:07:01and how to draw
01:07:03and it's really fun
01:07:05it's just
01:07:07it's nice
01:07:09it's like
01:07:11it's like
01:07:13I feel
01:07:15I feel good knowing
01:07:17that
01:07:19someone looks up to me
01:07:23I feel pressure
01:07:25and I fear hurt
01:07:27I fear
01:07:29that I will hurt the kid unintentionally
01:07:31or you know
01:07:33don't
01:07:35it's easier said than done
01:07:37but whenever stuff like that
01:07:39kind of happens it's just
01:07:41step
01:07:43back
01:07:45and remind yourself that
01:07:47you are not like
01:07:49this person you once knew
01:07:51this other person
01:07:53you are not them
01:07:55you aren't them
01:07:57you will
01:07:59never be them
01:08:01because you are yourself
01:08:03and you are better than that
01:08:05you know
01:08:07you know what I remind myself of
01:08:09Peter B. Parker from Into the Spider-Verse
01:08:11his alarm
01:08:13be him, be Peter
01:08:15be that Peter
01:08:19you know like I've seen it all
01:08:21but at the same time
01:08:23like right
01:08:25at the same time I'm just scared
01:08:27you know
01:08:29life
01:08:31is
01:08:33full of unknown
01:08:35and all kinds of outcomes
01:08:39it's scary
01:08:41but until we understand
01:08:43and try it
01:08:45it's
01:08:47something else
01:08:49it's not scary anymore
01:08:55it's something safe
01:08:57and secure
01:09:17it's scary to do that
01:09:23I do that all the time
01:09:27it's
01:09:29scary
01:09:35I'm
01:09:37sorry
01:09:39ok this is
01:09:41I feel like I should have
01:09:43stopped recording
01:09:45but I feel like having
01:09:47talking about that
01:09:49it's kind of good
01:09:51I still have the twitch stream on
01:09:53I'm sorry
01:09:55I thought I was lost!
01:09:57I'm sorry!
01:10:01But you know what gets lucky?
01:10:03There's only one other person
01:10:05and sometimes there's like two other people
01:10:07but there's barely anyone here!
01:10:09See ya!
01:10:55You