The Sherry Vine Variety Show S3 Episode 3
The Sherry Vine Variety Show S3 Episode 3
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00:00Welcome to the Sherrybun Hootenanny.
00:07I'm here on my granddaddy's farm and I just finished my chores, milking Bertha, baling
00:13the hay, and worshing my unmentionables with a worsh board down in the worsh, crick.
00:20So I want y'all to get comfortable in your best dungarees, snuggle up to a little old
00:25piglet, and get ready for our hoedown!
00:30It's the Sherry Vine Variety Show, starring Sherry Vine, Jackie Beat, Monet X Change,
00:47Nina West, Bianca Del Rio, and now, your host, Sherry Vine!
01:02Here he comes, riding on his tractor, come on baby, make it move faster, cause he's
01:27lookin' divine, so fine in his denim overalls, I can't look away, can't wait for them to
01:35fall to the ground, now lay me on my back, on this haystack, it's time for a hoedown,
01:48hoedown!
01:50Hoedown, gettin' nitty gritty, hoedown, messin' with my kitty, hoedown, show is a pity,
01:59bitty bitty I'll be leavin' for the city, hoedown, talk to me later, hoedown, wrasslin'
02:07with this hater, hoedown, it's gonna be a hater, wish it was greater but my heart is
02:15can't see me livin' this country life, sorry baby, I'll never be a wife, mm-mm, there's
02:27too many places I wanna see, things I wanna do, the dance is comin' to an end, I love
02:36you, now do-si-do, cause he won't leave this farm, this break my heart charm, but I gotta
02:48go, gotta go, hoedown, a girl who can't say no-oh, hoedown, he plugs me like a banjo,
02:57hoedown, you already know, I want you so but I can't make you my beau, hoedown, my blood
03:05starts a-rushin', hoedown, I feel my cheeks a-brushin', hoedown, puffin' and a-puffin',
03:12lovin' all this lovin', I know he ain't my cousin, baby your life is here, the fields,
03:20the plow, what's that thing called again, cow, yes, but it's not me, no, the world's
03:28callin' and I wanna grab it all, but I'll always remember the beautiful love we made,
03:35just to be clear you're not my cousin, right, hoedown, my neck he's a-kissin', hoedown,
03:44my mind's gone fishin', hoedown, can't help wishin', coulda got you livin' how I know
03:51I'll be missin', hoedown, get it's what I am, hoedown, time for me to scram, hoedown,
03:59the law says I'm a lamb, hoedown, hoedown.
04:21hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown,
04:28hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown,
04:35hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown,
04:42hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown,
04:49hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown, hoedown.
05:05Ooh! Earning your wings! In just a few simple steps, you too can achieve your goal, earn
05:12your wings, and have an all-access pass to heaven!
05:16Oh, disclaimer, it's really not that simple as most people are selfish and they need a lot of time to learn how to care about someone other than themselves and by all access, obviously we don't mean all access, you will get more info if and when you finally get your wings. Good luck.
05:38Wow.
05:40Oh, hey girl. Good work showing that driver how to make the right decision. Here's your next assignment. It's very bewitched.
05:52Gee, is everything okay? You're normally so bouncy and gleeful and annoyingly self-centered.
05:59I don't want to talk about it.
06:01Okay.
06:03The musical Hair is playing tonight and it's my very favorite and it's one night only and I can't go.
06:06Well, honey, it's a good show, but it's not great. I mean, rent the movie.
06:12Are you crazy? I mean, that show features all that full frontal nudity and get a load of this cast that's going to be serving up top shelf dick, Sal Mineo, Rock Hudson, James Dean, Bruce Lee, Chadwick Boseman, and Don Knotts.
06:28Oh, I'd kill to see that.
06:30Sherry, don't even joke like that up here. Now listen, about your next assignment, it's going to be a real challenge. Her name is Karen and she's about to shoot a deer.
06:44You again.
07:01Hi, Karen. Yeah. Can you be quiet? I'm hot in here.
07:19Oh, you don't really want to do this?
07:21Don't tell me you're one of those Hillary Votin pro choice. No prayer in school. Gay is okay. Democratic baby eating people.
07:31I don't eat babies.
07:33I have been waiting hours for this shot. You're going to mess it up.
07:37Yeah, beat it, bitch. Take the shot, Karen.
07:42But it's an innocent deer. You're not going to eat it. So why kill it?
07:45Of course I'm not going to eat it. Have you ever tried venison? No, I just love killing things. It makes me feel alive.
07:53Okay, that makes no sense at all. Hunting is legal and it's fun. Take the shot. Take the shot.
08:02Oh, just look into its little doe eyes. Didn't you see that animated movie about a deer when you were a little kid?
08:09Wait, what movie?
08:10Well, I can't say the name because of legal reasons, but it rhymes with Hamby. Oh, you don't want to do this. Look into its eyes.
08:18Fuck that corny feel-good bullshit. The deer wasn't even real. It's a cartoon. Take the shot before you lose it.
08:26I remember when my mom took me to see that movie that we can't name.
08:30And I just fell in love with all the characters, all the little characters in this world.
08:36This is impossible. I can't kill Hamby. I can't do it.
08:42Fucking spoiled sport. I hate you.
08:47Oh, thank you. I am so proud of you.
08:52Can I still kill mosquitoes? Yeah, totally. Everybody hates mosquitoes.
08:56Hi, welcome to Gape. Let your body loosen and open deep. Take in the whispers of the forest with our silk hole body butter.
09:08Every dawn nature teaches us to open, to embrace, and to receive.
09:14Drawing inspiration from ancient Scandinavia, every dollop is a rich blend of organic butters infused with ancient Nordic spices, hand-picked during the fleeting midnight sun.
09:29The result? A body butter so smooth, it's like the skin of a baby.
09:35Are you a mature gay? Have you transitioned from being a twink to a twas?
09:41Is Madonna a twas?
09:45Is it a twas?
09:48Is it a twas?
09:51Is it a twas?
09:54Is it a twas?
09:57Is it a twas?
09:59Are you a mature gay? Have you transitioned from being a twink to a twas?
10:05Is Madonna still relevant to you?
10:09Then I bet you've run into this problem.
10:12Did you see that pic of JoJo Siwa kissing Avery Cyrus?
10:16It's out of the ghost. I bet Avery's dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, is going to have an achy, breaky heart when he sees that picture.
10:23Talk about a senior moment.
10:27Having trouble understanding the youth of today? You're not alone.
10:32That's why the good people at Vineco Contraptions have been working their arthritic little fingers to the bone to bring you these.
10:40Grand Buds.
10:41Grand Buds. Grand Buds combines state-of-the-art generational language translation technology
10:48with the sleek, slapping design of those little Q-tip thingies you see sticking out of the fragile heads of today's youth.
10:56OMG, did you see that new Lil Nas X video?
11:00I love how he's fucking with the patriarchy by degendering fashion and exploring gender fluidity.
11:06I'm living.
11:08Is it 1990s Prince? A scream?
11:12OMG, yes!
11:15See? It's just that easy.
11:18Grand Buds are available wherever older gays can be found.
11:22Palm Springs, DNC fundraiser dinners, and brunch between 1 and 3pm.
11:27With Grand Buds, you'll always know what the kids are talking about.
11:31You probably still won't like it, but you'll understand it.
11:37Hey, what is that you're putting in your coffee, Farrah?
11:41Oh, this? Why, it's a delicious, terrific, new no-calorie sugar substitute called Slim Sweet.
11:48Just one drop of Slim Sweet equals half a cup of fattening, unhealthy, diabetes-causing sugar.
11:54Here, try it.
11:58Slim Sweet, made right here in China.
12:01Try it.
12:04Slim Sweet, made right here in China.
12:07But we're not in China.
12:09What's that you're eating for breakfast, Pepper?
12:11Oh, this? This is leftovers from last night.
12:14I whipped up some Meat Burger Mentor, the quick and easy way to turn a disgusting pound of ground beef into a delicious dinner.
12:23Try it.
12:28I can't believe there were any leftovers.
12:31It's so good.
12:33What the hell are you two doing?
12:35Oh, it's this new thing called product placement.
12:39Yes, companies pay us big bucks to subtly mention their products in the show.
12:44Well, you two certainly put the B in stubble.
12:48Subtle.
12:50Anyway, you know, this is exactly the kind of shameless shenanigans that makes me want to pull my hair off.
12:57I mean, out. Out. Pull my hair out.
13:00Because this is my natural hair after all.
13:05It just looks this shiny and fake, thanks to.
13:09I can't believe that's not a wig.
13:17Now, listen, I have your new assignment.
13:21You two are going to have to infiltrate a drug ring hiding out in a secret location.
13:25Ooh, a dark seedy warehouse in the worst part of town?
13:29No.
13:31A secret lair carved into the side of a mountain in Geneva?
13:34Oh, we're going to Geneva!
13:36No, it's in the country.
13:39The country?
13:41As rural as it gets, okay?
13:43The Sticks, the Boonies, Nowheresville.
13:47These people are churning their own butter, eating possums for dinner, and marrying their first cousins.
13:53Sounds cute.
13:55And won't hesitate to shoot a couple of nosy city slickles like you two without batting an inbred eye.
14:01We're not afraid!
14:03If it gets those dirty drugs off the street, it's worth the risk.
14:07So tell me, what are we talking about here?
14:10Crystal? Crack? Crank?
14:14Actually, something called.
14:17Marijuana!
14:19Yes, please!
14:21Marijuana?
14:23Now this is a family business, okay?
14:26It's run by a maniacal matriarch named Polly Darton with her two stupid sons, Ben and Jerry.
14:31But get this, you two are going to accidentally bump into them at...
14:38The county fair!
14:42Yes!
14:44And you know what? Because of that product placement earlier, we've got about three minutes to crack this case.
14:50Nice watch!
14:51That watch looks fancy.
14:54Hi-dee! I'm Polly Darton and these are my two sons, Ben and Jerry.
15:01That watch right there kind of looks like some city slicker might wear.
15:05That watch ain't none but cheap trash.
15:08The only cheap garbage I'm looking at are you two painted Jezebels.
15:13Excuse me?
15:16Rude.
15:17Yep, that's an expensive watch, alright.
15:21Oh, come on. If this watch were expensive, would I do this?
15:25She's just freaking out because it has sentimental value.
15:31You know what would help her calm down?
15:34Oh, maybe some, I don't know, marijuana?
15:39Yeah, maybe you could hook us up with some of that there grass or pot or weed?
15:46I'm afraid we don't know what that is.
15:50I speak their language.
15:53You know, wacky, jabacky.
15:58Oh, I know what you're talking about.
16:03But if you want to meet our friend, Mary Jane, you're going to have to prove you ain't no she-sheriff.
16:11Excuse me?
16:12Excuse me?
16:14You know, the lady law.
16:16Beg pardon?
16:18Police with pussies.
16:20Fuzz with front butts.
16:23Cops with coats.
16:26Got it.
16:28You need to prove that you're all red-blooded American female type people if you want to get our little secret sauce.
16:37So you're going to have to answer three questions.
16:39Bring it on.
16:42Already been brought out, damn bitches.
16:46Question one.
16:48What is the greatest movie ever made?
16:52Ernest Goes to Camp.
16:54Oh, okay, that was easy. That was easy.
16:57Question two.
16:59What is the best dipping sauce for your homemade squirrel nugget?
17:04Equal Parts Miracle Whip and Store Brand Grape Jelly.
17:09Is that your final answer?
17:10With five packets of mild sauce from Taco Hut.
17:16I love me Taco Hut.
17:18Oh God, me too.
17:20That is correct.
17:22All right, your final question.
17:25And no help from you, Miss Piggy.
17:27What?
17:29I'm looking at you, skinny girl.
17:33You're welcome.
17:34Question three.
17:36It is little known that country music legend Reba McIntyre drives around with a handicapped parking pass.
17:42What is her disability?
17:49Just kidding. Reba has no upper lip.
17:55That is correct.
18:00Oh, I thought you were some nosy narcs, but I'm finding out that you're just some down-home Reba-loving country folk like us.
18:09How much would you like?
18:11Freeze, you ham-pocketing hillbilly.
18:14You're under arrest, you reefer-retailing rednecks.
18:19You have freckles and pigtails and a blacked-out tooth.
18:25And you answered all my stupid questions.
18:29Hey, yo.
18:31I'm wired for sound, stupid.
18:34I've been talking to the local sheriff and he's been feeding me the lines.
18:38And you're wired too?
18:40No, I'm just a massive Reba fan.
18:43Sounds like we got a lot in common.
18:46How about you come work for me and make some real money?
18:50I may be Reba-loving trash.
18:53And I may live paycheck to paycheck in a seedy one-room apartment in the worst part of town.
18:59That keeps deadly drugs like marijuana off the streets.
19:03And it's all worth it.
19:05Because we're...
19:07The Lady Cops!
19:09Oh, shit. I got bloodstain on this outfit.
19:12Oh.
19:14Don't you fret. Stain-Away 2000 will get it out for you.
19:22Thanks for watching. And y'all come back and see us now. Ya hear?
19:25See?
19:27The County Fair?
19:32I'm so sorry about that.
19:34What?
19:36Yes!
19:38I forgot how to say it for a second.
19:40Where's my camera?
19:41Hi!
19:42Okay, sorry.
19:43Maybe you could...
19:44Oh, God.
19:45You gonna have to prove they ain't young to show up.
19:48That's not the line.
19:50See, read mine, Pisces.
19:52Ooh, you're gonna die.
19:53What are you two whores doing?
19:55Nothin'.
19:57Can I have my assignment?
19:59You two are gonna do...
20:01You're gonna have a brain quake.
20:06Brain...
20:07Okay, don't fix his finger.
20:09How y'all?
20:11Sorry.
20:14Who's weed is this? It smells good.
20:15PG.
20:16Oh, come on, PG.