OUR FAVORITE Naked Gun: Straight From the Police Squad Files!
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00:00Do any of you understand how a man can hurt inside?
00:28Frank, they're not here for you. Weird Al Yankovic is on the plane.
00:33Everywhere I look, something reminds me of her.
00:38He's alive, Frank, though he's on life support. Doctors say he's got a 50-50 chance of living,
00:44though there's only a 10% chance of that.
00:46Where's Neuberg?
00:47He's right here, Frank.
00:49Right. Neuberg, me, Frank, your buddy.
00:58Oh!
01:01Drugs.
01:02Hey, nurse, give this man some drugs. Quick, can't you see he's in pain?
01:05No.
01:06Give it a shot, quickly.
01:07No. Heroin.
01:09Neuberg, that's a pretty tall order. You're gonna have to give me a couple of days on that one.
01:14A parachute not opening, that's a way to die.
01:17Getting caught in the gears of a combine.
01:20Having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I want to go.
01:23As soon as Neuberg is better, he's welcome back at police squad.
01:29Unless he's a drooling vegetable, but I think that's only common sense.
01:36Whatever scum did this, not one man in this force
01:39will rest for one minute until he's behind bars.
01:41Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
01:42Yeah, come on.
01:44We can all take pride that the queen has chosen our...
01:53...especially...
01:56...will be...
02:01...we also would like...
02:14Ed and I drove down to the docks where Neuberg had been found floating face down on the water.
02:19In a case where there are no leads, you have to start somewhere.
02:23There's nothing for you to see here.
02:25Keep moving.
02:27Where'd they find Neuberg, Ed?
02:28Right out there, Frank.
02:30You want to take a dinghy?
02:31No, no, I took care of that at the press conference.
02:33I'm investigating the attempted murder of one of your dock workers.
02:39A man named Neuberg.
02:41So they were able to...
02:43So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?
02:45Yes, he's in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.
02:49There is no room in my organization for any type of criminal activity.
02:54Look out there.
02:55A vast commercial development built by me.
02:59The amount of profit per square foot.
03:02Are you all right, lieutenant?
03:05Has this officer...
03:07What's his name?
03:09Neuberg been able to tell you anything?
03:13You've been very cooperative.
03:15I'll make a note of that in my report.
03:16My pleasure.
03:20Nice beaver.
03:27I just had it stuffed.
03:28Let me help you with that.
03:30I've heard police work is dangerous.
03:33It is, that's why I carry a big gun.
03:35Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
03:38I used to have that problem.
03:39What did you do about it?
03:41I just think about baseball.
03:44Hey, look out!
03:49Take the names of everybody here for questioning.
03:59I gotta get inside.
04:04Here, let me demonstrate on it.
04:10Why?
04:13Something on the side of your mouth, Al.
04:15No, no, the other side.
04:17As you requested, Frank,
04:19we took some fiber samples from Nordberg's jacket.
04:22The car! Follow that car!
04:24All right, Stephanie, check your mirror.
04:27Signal.
04:28Now pull into traffic.
04:32Get down! Run!
04:33All right, Stephanie, gently extend your arm.
04:38Extend your middle finger.
04:44Very good.
04:45Please disperse.
04:48Nothing to see here, please.
04:51You seem to know your way around the kitchen.
04:54I'm just as handy in other rooms of the house.
04:57Interesting.
04:58Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw the other day.
05:02I was young. I needed the work.
05:04Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy.
05:08Boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl.
05:11Girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
05:15Good year?
05:17No, the worst.
05:28You take a chance getting up in the morning,
05:29crossing the street, or sticking your face in the fan.
05:32You get a good night's sleep. I'll see you in the morning.
05:40Bingo.
06:11Oh!
06:14Destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo.
06:20Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park
06:24in full view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.
06:28That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron.
06:34You killed five actors. Good ones.
06:38I have a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
06:45I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Don't fire the gun while you're talking.
06:49You didn't do anything.
06:51I got rights, look.
06:52Look at him. He's got a picture of your wife.
07:00All right, anyone else here seeing his wife?
07:05Trevor.
07:06Frank.
07:06You're both right. The gloves are off. I'm playing hardball, Ludwig.
07:11It's 4th and 15, and you're looking at a full court press.
07:14It's true what they say. Cops and women don't mix.
07:17Like eating a spoonful of Drano. Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
07:22Here, you can take this back.
07:25Whose is that?
07:28Doesn't matter.
07:28Hey, watch it!
07:37I'm laying on top of the queen with her legs wrapped around you, and they call that news.
07:45Just think, the next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.
07:49Look at that, the missing evidence in the Kellner case.
07:52My God, he was innocent.
07:55He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
07:58Well, what's the use?
08:01I'm a very lucky woman.
08:04So am I.
08:06What so proudly we hailed, at the twilight's last gleaming?
08:14For the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
08:23And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
08:26Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
08:33The home of the brave, and the land of the free!
08:46Whoops.
08:48Sorry, fellas.
08:49Stee-ray-true!
09:09Stee-ray-free!
09:11Stee-ray-true!
09:27I know this is hard to believe, but apparently,
09:30the umpires have got Grishoni in a rundown.
09:33You just stand, he'll be all right in a couple of minutes.
09:51Well.
10:03That's so horrible.
10:05I know, Ed.
10:07My father went the same way.
10:11Jane, since I met you, I noticed things that I never knew were there before.
10:14Birds singing, you glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.
10:21I love you, Jane.
10:27I'm sorry.
10:28I'm sorry that I yelled at you yesterday, Amelia.
10:36Doc says I should be on my feet in as good as new in a week.
10:38And back on the force.
10:39Third break.
10:40That's wonderful.
10:43Whoa!
10:44Come, Frank.
10:45Everyone should have a friend like you.