Living with ADHD, Autism, and Tourettes, Darren | In The Spotlight
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00:00Took me a couple of years. I remember when I first found out, wow, it was quite depressing.
00:04Like, now I need to relive my entire life. I need to unlearn everything and relearn something new.
00:16My name is Darren. I'm 42 this year and I recently became a full-time pickleball
00:22athlete. I also coach and I also run pickleball businesses. So I have my own coaching academy
00:29here in Singapore as well as in China. And I also consult the relevant authorities in
00:36helping them to develop facilities in mainland China. I was diagnosed with ADHD, autism and
00:41Tourette's syndrome at the age of 34. So I think my takes began when I was about seven. I remember
00:45I was in primary school already and then my teacher asked me, why are you moving so much?
00:50And I said, if I don't do it, I feel very uncomfortable. Like, it keeps eating into
00:55your head. So as you can tell, my facial twitch. I have a facial twitch, right? Like,
00:59my eyes do this. I've had it since I was young, actually. Actually, when I was younger,
01:03I think it was my Tourette's was slightly more pronounced. I used to have this shoulder twitch
01:07or something. So my twitches are primarily in the face. So I think when I was 34, 35, I had a very
01:14bad incident in a public food court. It was really bad. I remember I threw a chair. I remember it
01:20was very hot, very humid, very bright. People all around me were talking. I was, I went to the
01:25food court at lunchtime, which is something that I never do ever again. It's just, everything just
01:29came together and I just exploded. You know, I think that's what they call a meltdown, right?
01:32So I told my mum, I'm going to see a psychiatrist. And she asked me, are you sure? I said, yeah,
01:38yeah. But I told her I'm worried about the outcome. She said, oh, you're worried about what
01:42you have? I said, it's okay if I have something. But if I go through all of that, right? And the
01:47psychiatrist said, actually, you are fine. There's nothing wrong with you. Then I'd be, I'd be very
01:52worried. Because then there's really something deeply wrong with you, right? So I went there and
01:57he looked at me and said, okay, you definitely have ADHD. Because he saw me fidgeting, moving,
02:01you know, cannot focus. And then he said, I'm going to put you through an autistic spectrum
02:07test as well. So I did it. And I ranked very high on autistic scale. And it's like this zero to
02:13hundred and something scale, I remember. And out of 127, I remember 125. I'm very fortunate to
02:19still be able to function on my own. I know there are many others who are, if I can say, not as
02:24fortunate and they need caregivers, you know. So then I found out I was autistic, ADHD, and then
02:29Tourette's was fairly clear. And then I looked at him and said, got any more? Better tell me now.
02:34Don't give me one at a time. You want, you tell me all now. Package deal. Okay? Five for the price
02:38of one. He said, no, no more. It's one thing to think that you have something. It's another thing
02:43to finally confirm it. Prior to that, when I think back, before I was diagnosed when I was 34, I used
02:49to have a lot of these meltdowns and I used to just let them kind of just pass. You know, I just think
02:53that everyone used to think that Darren has a really bad temper and he's very unpredictable
02:58and you don't know when he's going to explode. And then I realized that these are just methods
03:02of expression. Then it really got me thinking about everything that's happened, you know, in
03:07the past, at the time, 34, 35 years, right? Why number one, socially, I don't mix very well with people,
03:14especially in big groups, big settings. I like to be on my own. I sometimes like to make
03:19conversations about myself. I don't even know it, or I keep dabbling into very deep subject matter.
03:25I don't read body language very well. I'm always a bit awkward, you know, and it started to
03:31make sense. And because I always thought there's something wrong with me, but I realized it's just
03:35the trait of being a neurodiverse person. It took me a couple of years. I remember when I first
03:42found out, wow, it was quite depressing. Like, oh, now I need to relive my entire life. I need to unlearn
03:47everything and relearn something new. So I went for a couple of therapy sessions, I remember, and
03:53I don't want to be dependent. Like how ADHD, they say you can take like the time adderall, now it's not
03:57allowed or whatever it is. And for ADHD, you know, you need to go through behaviour therapy. I figured
04:02through sports, I can probably make that change. And so that's what I did. I started committing a
04:06lot more time to sports and really getting quite deep into the subject matter. So during that time,
04:12I became a certified Ironman coach. I became a certified master nutritionist. I started looking
04:18at how to train endurance athletes, applied my tennis coaching skills. And I was still working,
04:25I was still doing other stuff. So all this was interest. And then now I've made a full transition
04:29into pursuing sports full time. Either as a professional athlete, professional coach, or as a
04:35sports entrepreneur. So everything is revolving around sports. So for pickleball, I started maybe
04:42about slightly over a year ago, formally. And then I went to America this year to play in the PPA. So
04:49that's the Pickleball Professionals Association. And I played in the pro category. And I also played
04:56in the 35 plus 5.0 category. So 5.0 is the highest rating for any age group. Had a very
05:02good experience. And then for the 35 plus 5.0, I won a gold medal. So I didn't think much about it.
05:09And then everyone started saying, hey, you know, you're the only non-American Asian has actually
05:13done this, right? No one else has done it before. And I don't know whether the record still stands,
05:17but I'm probably the first. So I was like, oh, really? I mean, I just had a lot of fun, you know,
05:22and I just, I just thought that it was really, really cool. I ended last year as the world
05:26number one 35 plus player. So this year I'm spending more time coaching, retraining myself,
05:32relearning new stuff. And then 2025, I'll be out there again. A lot of times when I play
05:37now in pickleball, or when I used to run marathons, there will be this
05:42timeframe where it just goes blank, where my mind just goes blank. And sometimes I wonder whether
05:48that's how a normal brain functions, right? Like there's no more noise. I don't get distracted.
05:53Some people say it's a zone. I don't know. I don't even know what a zone is, but you're just
05:57not distracted. And there's this peace and zen. Everything just starts to move very slowly and
06:01everything starts to make sense. We used to find that a lot in running long distances.
06:06Now I find it a lot when I play pickleball. Because I exercise, you have to exercise the
06:10mind and make, you have to make decisions when you're hitting the shot, right? So when I play
06:15my pickleball matches, sometimes people will come to me and say, hey, wow, how do you hit the shot?
06:18I'm like, how much are you talking about? Because when I play, I'm like in this, I just go. I'm like
06:22autopilot and I just flow with it. And I think that's how it helps me to cope with certain
06:28things. One of the big reasons why I decided to kind of drop everything else and go into sports
06:33was because I realized in sports, and when I made it into a career, I get less affected by every
06:40other piece of stimuli that comes around. And so then I get to find this inner peace. And I think
06:44for us, that's very important. I like how sports and culture is very deeply intertwined with each
06:50other. Like if you go to a place like China, where I'm based now, culture and sports is never
06:57separated. So sports is really something that is, I think transcends many boundaries. Gender,
07:04it transcends, you know, religion, all of that. And when you are generally healthier, you think
07:10clearer. And through sports, you are able to propagate messages, messages of fairness, you know,
07:16having, being competitive, you know, fighting spirit, perseverance, et cetera, et cetera, which
07:22I think is very essential for countries or populations to continue moving forward.
07:28So for me, sports is more than just keeping fit. It's a lifestyle, right? And through sports,
07:35you are then able to reach out to multiple youth. You can reach out to many people.
07:39You can share messages of care, love, concern, inclusion. Like how sometimes when I play,
07:46I hear people saying, hey, you know he's got all these conditions, right? And when they say it,
07:50I don't take it that you should think any less of me. I just, I should, I rather, I just take it as
07:56I'm just one of you. And then people start to look beyond the labels. And I think that's very
08:02important. So in 2022, I was the vice chairperson for Purple Parade and also helping them with the
08:08publicity and social media part. I remember this was the first time actually, and it's a very,
08:13very, it's a very unique experience where suddenly people are looking up to me and saying,
08:18hey, I need your input for this. I've done quite a lot in my lifetime. And the moment people know
08:23that you are, you are carrying conditions, they kind of start asking you for your opinion and
08:28they kind of stop thinking that whatever you're going to say is important. But it was very
08:33interesting because I had people who, who, who really looked up and said, hey, we need your
08:37advice on this because you are the best person to advise on this. The lighting too bright. Is this,
08:43you know, is it appropriate? And is the event organized in a way that, that is inclusive
08:49enough? That alone to me was a very, very big wake up call that this world can exist
08:56in an inclusive state. We just need to want to do it. For me moving forward,
09:00um, I can safely say that I'm going to spend a pretty long time in this industry. Pickleball
09:07at least, uh, competing, uh, preparing to go back to the pro tour, uh, launching my pedals,
09:12helping people to, to, to look at pickleball as a business as well. And then from advocacy
09:17standpoint, it never stops. I always talk about it. So when I talk about it, I advocate,
09:22um, but my former advocacy is that I don't tell people what they can do.
09:27Uh, I can't control that, but I just tell people that if you know someone who is similar,
09:31just be accepting and find ways to co-exist. And they will also find ways to co-exist with you.