Struggling entertainers who are trying to put on a show pose as servants to wealthy woman in hopes of raising the money.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:02:00Hurry along please, hurry up there, come along auntie, find the door, okay George,
00:02:29come along, come along, come along, come along, come along, come along, come along, come
00:02:56along.
00:03:00George, George, George, George.
00:03:14Now you better have your willy back, this is for me, bye.
00:03:20Hello, Arthur, I've been phoning all over the place for you, I thought you were at Hobart
00:03:24station?
00:03:25The doctor ordered me a change of air, so I've been sleeping at Bond Street. Any news?
00:03:29Haven't you had a letter from Lomas? He's putting on the show at last. We're meeting at 11.
00:03:3311 o'clock at Lomas' is.
00:03:34I'll go.
00:03:41Oh, that's the best scene you've ever written, Ben.
00:03:44You think it's funny?
00:03:45It's terrific.
00:03:46The people will laugh at it.
00:03:47They'll howl, Ben.
00:03:49That's one of the serious bits.
00:03:51Hey, where is this guy Lomas? He's gone 11.
00:03:53Don't you know when an agent says 11, he means 12? He has to add on his 10%.
00:03:57Oh, isn't that a coincidence? My brother who writes lyrics, he always makes it 11 because it rhymes with semolina.
00:04:02Look, 11 doesn't rhyme with semolina.
00:04:04Well, maybe I got the wrong number or the wrong pudding.
00:04:06Maybe you got the wrong brother.
00:04:08But, uh...
00:04:08Quiet, brat!
00:04:10Yes?
00:04:11All right, I'll tell him.
00:04:13All right, I heard. I ain't got claw fears.
00:04:17That was the bus.
00:04:18He's not dead, then?
00:04:19No, no such luck. He's on his way.
00:04:21Stop!
00:04:22Once again, London's traffic halt.
00:04:25Bukowski rides again.
00:04:28Oh, buddy!
00:04:32Hello, Stinker!
00:04:33Arthur!
00:04:34See what you've done? Now they all want some.
00:04:36Oh, where have you been? We thought you were lost.
00:04:37My father lost a big drum once, and when they told him to beat it, he had to because he couldn't.
00:04:42I'm sorry he didn't beat you.
00:04:43Oh, leave her alone. She's a good kid.
00:04:45Uh-huh, so you're in the mood again.
00:04:46There's something about you I like.
00:04:48Yeah, well, try and get it.
00:04:51Is there really a part for me in this show?
00:04:53One part? I've got three parts for you.
00:04:54Three? I'm not the hind legs of anything, am I?
00:04:56This is a review, not a pantomime.
00:04:58By the way, we open in Manchester.
00:05:00You mean if you open in Manchester.
00:05:02I beg your pardon?
00:05:03I said if you open in Manchester.
00:05:05Is there an if?
00:05:06There's always an if in Manchester.
00:05:08I think it comes from the gasworks.
00:05:10Oh, shut up a minute.
00:05:11What are you getting at?
00:05:12Oh, nothing. And you don't count your curtains before they're up.
00:05:16Well, well, well, good morning, children, good morning.
00:05:19Are we all ready to start?
00:05:20We are. How about you, Mr. Lomas?
00:05:22Eh? Me?
00:05:23Well, of course. Why shouldn't I be ready?
00:05:25Well, there's a rumor going around the London moat bars that you're short of funds.
00:05:28Short of?
00:05:29What a scurrilous story.
00:05:31Then we do open in Manchester.
00:05:32Of course we do.
00:05:33And you be careful what you say, my lad.
00:05:35Or there'll be an action for slander on your hands.
00:05:37Get me Lady Randall.
00:05:39Uh, give me Grosvenor 2544, please.
00:05:42I'm going to speak to the money now.
00:05:44Hello?
00:05:45Hello?
00:05:46Oh, uh, can I speak to Lady Randall, please?
00:05:48Yes.
00:05:50Who wants a piece?
00:05:51Well, what is it about?
00:05:52If Lady Randall wants you to know, she'll tell you.
00:05:54It's her secretary. She's a regular female bull.
00:05:57Lady Randall, just a moment.
00:06:00You're through.
00:06:03Oh.
00:06:05Oh, dear.
00:06:06Oh.
00:06:07Oh.
00:06:08Oh.
00:06:09Metropolis.
00:06:12Oh.
00:06:14Lady Randall, what...
00:06:16But...
00:06:17Yes, I know, I know.
00:06:18But on the last show, we didn't make a profit.
00:06:20Profit has never interested me.
00:06:22At the same time, I refuse to be swindled.
00:06:24One thing I detest is deceit.
00:06:26She's got him daped, all right.
00:06:28What's happening?
00:06:29Quiet.
00:06:35I assure you, that was out of my private account.
00:06:39It's just a coincidence that the amounts were the same.
00:06:42Coincidence?
00:06:43Oh, I can't talk to the man.
00:06:46And you may consider yourself very lucky we're not taking proceedings.
00:06:49And don't try to communicate with my sister-in-law again.
00:06:51In future, I'm handling all her business.
00:06:56Ahem.
00:06:57Well, that's a very handsome offer,
00:06:59but I don't think I shall need all that.
00:07:05That's grand.
00:07:07Then I shall expect your checking course of phone.
00:07:10Goodbye, Lady Randall.
00:07:15All right, the check's on its way.
00:07:17Oh, yeah?
00:07:20Well, children, get on with your rehearsal.
00:07:22I'm going down to the bank.
00:07:23If anyone calls, tell him I'll be back in half an hour.
00:07:25Tell him yourself I'm through.
00:07:27Through?
00:07:28You mean you're finished?
00:07:29No, I mean you are.
00:07:30He's got as much chance with Lady Randall as I have.
00:07:32And he's just been told so on the phone.
00:07:34I thought there was a check in the course of the post.
00:07:37Well, you wouldn't be too timing us, would you?
00:07:40The fact is, there's been a bit of a hitch.
00:07:42Is this check coming, or was it?
00:07:44There's nothing to worry about, I assure you.
00:07:46It'll all come right in the wash.
00:07:48My brother wants to do a laundry man at home.
00:07:50What about these kids that have paid for their costumes?
00:07:52I'm sure something can be arranged.
00:07:54You bet something can be arranged.
00:07:56Don't listen to her.
00:08:06Hello?
00:08:07Yes, this is Lomas' office.
00:08:09An appointment?
00:08:11Why don't you go to Scotland Yard and wait there?
00:08:13He's bound to turn up sooner or later.
00:08:17Oh, well, that's that.
00:08:18Three and a quarter minutes.
00:08:19The shortest engagement I've ever had.
00:08:21Yeah, what's all this about?
00:08:22His backer has backed down.
00:08:23What, Lady Randall?
00:08:24Yeah, she's no ordinary backer.
00:08:26She only puts up the money to keep the pros in work.
00:08:28What ever for, eh?
00:08:29She used to be a pro herself.
00:08:30Ever heard of Lily Bennett?
00:08:32What, you mean the old music hall star?
00:08:34Yes, where pros are concerned, she's got a heart as big as a barrel.
00:08:38Here.
00:08:39How about sacking Lomas and seeing the old girl ourselves?
00:08:41Oh, what good would that do?
00:08:42Well, if she's got a heart as big as a barrel, she might pull the bung out for us.
00:08:45Come on.
00:08:46Good idea.
00:08:49Don't let me do the talking, Arthur.
00:08:51Oh, and I've thought out such a lovely speech with a heart-throb in every line.
00:08:54It starts like this.
00:08:55Lady Randall, as Shakespeare says, all the world's a stage.
00:08:58And all the men and women...
00:09:00Would you take my car to Lady Randall, please?
00:09:02I'll take it, sir, but her ladyship never sees anybody without an appointment.
00:09:05Oh, you'd better take her one of mine, then.
00:09:06I haven't an appointment either.
00:09:14What is it, Salby?
00:09:15Two gentlemen to see her ladyship.
00:09:17Your big-heartedly, Arthur Askey, he's a scream.
00:09:20Impudence! They're not gentlemen, Salby. They're actors.
00:09:22Send them away.
00:09:24We'll only ask for 500 pounds to start with.
00:09:26Yes.
00:09:27I mean, we don't want to be greedy, do we?
00:09:28He's the gentleman.
00:09:30Sorry, her ladyship is engaged and can't see anyone.
00:09:36Well, we lost that round on points.
00:09:38Never say die, Dickie.
00:09:40Oh, if we can't get in at the front, let's try a pincer movement and attack it from the rear.
00:09:53Oh, excuse me, what are all these people doing here?
00:09:55Well, they're not queuing up for the pictures. They come after a job.
00:09:58What sort of a job?
00:09:59Her ladyship wants a cook and footman.
00:10:01Some people are lucky. You've got to be both, here.
00:10:03There's a bell. You're being invaded.
00:10:04All right, all right.
00:10:08Next, please.
00:10:15Oh, I've got a sensational idea. I'm going to get in that queue. We will see Lady Randolph.
00:10:18But she wants a foot and cookman.
00:10:19I know, but once we get inside, we can tell her the tale, can't we?
00:10:22I'll keep the place and you rush off and get Bobby.
00:10:24Oh, you mean Bobby can be the cook?
00:10:25Yes.
00:10:26Oh, Dickie, I see the whole idea.
00:10:27Well, don't stand there looking at it. Buzz off.
00:10:29Next, please.
00:10:31Any luck?
00:10:32Well, whoever gets the job is welcome to it from me.
00:10:34I've had more insults fly at me in five minutes than I've ever had in all my life.
00:10:38Are you applying for the job?
00:10:39Yes, I've just finished with my wife.
00:10:46Two shillings on the top, please.
00:10:48There's the two shillings.
00:10:49Can you change a thrifty bit?
00:10:50Change a thrifty bit?
00:10:51Yes, I always give it to you.
00:10:58Yes, I always give a tip.
00:10:59I wouldn't deprive you, lady.
00:11:01Oh, no depravity.
00:11:06I do hope I'm not late, dear husband.
00:11:07Well, goodbye and good luck.
00:11:11Who do you think you are?
00:11:12The woman of your choice.
00:11:13Where's Bobby?
00:11:14I couldn't find her, so I arrived from the prop basket and here I am.
00:11:16I jumped into the breach.
00:11:17You think I'm going to take you in there as my wife, you're...
00:11:20Good morning.
00:11:21Morning.
00:11:24Mr. Craig, please.
00:11:25Are we next?
00:11:26We mustn't keep a ladyship waiting.
00:11:29Follow me.
00:11:32What name, please?
00:11:34Golightly.
00:11:35Mrs. Golightly.
00:11:36And this is my husband.
00:11:37His name's Golightly, too.
00:11:38Isn't that a coincidence?
00:11:59Good morning.
00:12:00Good morning.
00:12:01Good morning.
00:12:07Good lady, your morning ship.
00:12:09These are the last two, Lady Randall.
00:12:10Mr. and Mrs. Golightly.
00:12:13Lady Randall, we don't want to waste your time,
00:12:14I just wanted to tell you that we came here...
00:12:15Please just answer the questions her ladyship will put to you.
00:12:18That's quite all right, Miss Pylar.
00:12:19Please sit down.
00:12:22It's quite all right, Your Ladyship. I'd rather stand.
00:12:30You naughty jumbo, get down. Push him off.
00:12:33Oh, I couldn't be unkind to him. I'm so fond of animals.
00:12:41I'll sit over there. Get out of it.
00:12:49Before we go any further, Lady Randall, I would just like to tell you why we came to see you.
00:12:53Lady Randall, as Shakespeare says, all the world's a stage and all the men and women are...
00:12:57Lady Randall, what we really wanted is...
00:12:59I don't like her face. Oh, it's horrible.
00:13:04What a shame. A poor little dog can't help his face.
00:13:07I'm not talking about his. I'm talking about yours. It's worse than any of them.
00:13:11Well, if it comes to that, if you had a look...
00:13:13Oh, Lady Randall, we didn't come here to...
00:13:15I know, but pay no attention to my father. He's a sick man.
00:13:20I'm not sick. I'm as well as any of you.
00:13:22You're trying to poison me. That's what you're doing.
00:13:24And if you turn out any more dogs like this, I probably will be sick.
00:13:27Right here. Oh, Father, please.
00:13:30Tell me, Mrs. Goodlikely, who was your last employer?
00:13:34Well, let me see. We were with Sir Oswald Stowell.
00:13:36And prior to that, we were two years with Mr. George Black, MP.
00:13:39Oh, a member of Parliament. No, manager of the Palladium.
00:13:42That's just what we wanted to see you about, Lady Randall.
00:13:45I think Starbuck's gone out. I'll see who that is.
00:13:50Lady Randall, I wonder if we could have a few words with you alone.
00:13:53Oh, you can speak quite freely here. This is my father's physician, Dr. Pope.
00:13:57Ah, Dr. Pope. Dr. Jekyll, you mean.
00:14:00And who are you to say I can't see her? I demand you take my name in.
00:14:03Don't you raise your voice to me. I tell you, Lady Randall's engaged.
00:14:05Ah, my dear Lady Randall.
00:14:08How dare you force your way into my house?
00:14:10But your secretary wouldn't allow me.
00:14:12My secretary is quite correct. She has a list of people I don't want to see.
00:14:15And you are on it.
00:14:17But, my dear Lady Randall, you don't understand. The company's already booked.
00:14:20I'm not interested in you, the company, the theatre, or anything connected with it.
00:14:24Get out!
00:14:28Dirty little rat with two fins out of rungy, blasted neck.
00:14:31Sorry, Miss Clayborough.
00:14:32Oh, that's what I like to hear. The old family paddy coming in.
00:14:36You shouldn't upset yourself, Lady Randall.
00:14:38That wasn't Lady Randall. That was Lily Bennet getting back to her old form.
00:14:42Now, let me see. Oh, dear, it's getting late.
00:14:45I think we shall shoot each other.
00:14:47And if you care to take the situation, you can start right away.
00:14:50We can start...
00:14:52I'm not going to have any females looking after me,
00:14:54prying round doorways and peeping through kiosks.
00:14:56Father, you've had quite enough of that all morning.
00:14:58You've objected to everybody else, and I've no more time to waste.
00:15:01If it's agreeable to you, you can start at once.
00:15:04Yes, but I...
00:15:05Thank you, my lady, we will. If you say so, I suppose she must.
00:15:08Only let her look out, that's all.
00:15:10Come along, please. There's lunch to be cooked.
00:15:13Yes, come along, my dear. There's work to be done.
00:15:15One moment, please.
00:15:17This is Mr. Bennet's diet chart.
00:15:19On no account is he to be given anything that's not tabulated here.
00:15:22Do you understand? Cook.
00:15:24We understand. You can rely on us.
00:15:26Follow me, please.
00:15:29You'd look better on top of an organ.
00:15:35Hurry up, please.
00:15:45And this is your room.
00:15:51Oh, only one. Do we both sleep here?
00:15:55Oh, only one. Do we both sleep in there?
00:15:58You're married, aren't you?
00:16:00Of course. Why, our little Willie's just had his calling-up papers.
00:16:04While you're taking off your hat, I'll go and get the keys for the store, Father.
00:16:10Come on, Dickie, quick, out the back way.
00:16:12Don't be a fathead. After all the trouble we had to get in.
00:16:15We're not stopping here.
00:16:16Shh. Of course we are.
00:16:18What, there's foot in Cookman?
00:16:19Use your intelligence. Now, we're in. We can see Lady Randall whenever we like.
00:16:22Oh, yes. What we saw, it didn't do much good.
00:16:24Not with Lomas coming in and upsetting her.
00:16:26But let her simmer down a bit, and we'll tackle her again.
00:16:28Yes, and in the meantime, we'll...
00:16:30In the meantime, we'll be two of the best servants she ever had.
00:16:33Shh. Take your hat off.
00:16:37Now, come into the kitchen, and I'll show you where everything is.
00:16:40Oh, yes, that's so important, isn't it?
00:16:42As I always said to dear Sir Oswald,
00:16:44if you've got the right things in the right places,
00:16:46you can always put your hands on them when you want them.
00:16:49The small key is for the store cupboard. The large one is for the cellar.
00:16:52I think everything you want is here.
00:16:54What's over past?
00:16:55You're served lunch by one o'clock.
00:16:57Mr. Polite, you'll find your livery in the other room.
00:17:00You'll find his livery in any room.
00:17:02Oh, uniform, my pet.
00:17:04Yes, my sweet.
00:17:06You're not going to cook in those clothes.
00:17:08Oh, no fear. I'm not going to have any gravy on my tailor-made.
00:17:12While you're on duty, you will always wear your overall, cap and 80.
00:17:15You have those, of course.
00:17:16Have I? Of course.
00:17:18Oh, yes, with trousers to match.
00:17:20Don't forget, one o'clock sharp.
00:17:21I'll be down shortly to see how you're getting along.
00:17:26Come back. We've got to get ready.
00:17:27But I haven't got a cap overall and apron.
00:17:29No, but you soon will have. Look.
00:17:33Oh, I can't take those.
00:17:35You're not taking them. You're only bothering them.
00:17:37Now, hurry up before she comes back.
00:17:38Oh, I don't like to.
00:17:40Oh, don't be a silly little woman.
00:17:47Excuse me. I wonder if I could borrow your cap and apron for a minute.
00:17:50I'll bring them back when I've finished with them.
00:17:57They look a bit big.
00:17:58Well, try them on. We can pin them up.
00:17:59Hey, what about me? I've got to change, too. I nearly forgot.
00:18:01Don't be long.
00:18:02Colt Dickey!
00:18:03Here. It makes me look as if I'm...
00:18:05Oh, you've got it on back to front.
00:18:07Oh, aren't I a silly girl? Here, hold that.
00:18:11Look after her.
00:18:17Hello.
00:18:18What's been messing about with my laundry?
00:18:21What's the matter?
00:18:22I've put my clean cap and apron there.
00:18:24Are you sure?
00:18:25Of course I'm sure.
00:18:26I must be going barmy.
00:18:30How do I look?
00:18:31Oh, not bad.
00:18:32Does modem like the gussets at the back,
00:18:34or would modem prefer some picot edging in front?
00:18:37Modem would like some lunch,
00:18:38or modem's cook will be out of their gusset.
00:18:41Oh, Dickey, if only Lord Wolton could see that.
00:18:44Here you are, the perfect society lunch.
00:18:46Baked beans.
00:18:47Baked beans in Mayfair? Isn't that bourgeois?
00:18:50Doesn't say so on the label.
00:18:51I know. We'll open some sardines.
00:18:53Jolly good idea.
00:18:54Jolly good idea.
00:18:55Jolly good idea.
00:18:56Five for the lady.
00:18:58No, this one.
00:19:03How are you getting on?
00:19:04Oh, fine.
00:19:06Oh, fine.
00:19:07How many sardines do you think Lady Randall could eat?
00:19:11Sardines?
00:19:12Sardines?
00:19:13Oh, but she prefers salmon.
00:19:15You're not opening those tins for lunch, are you?
00:19:17Well, it is a bit soon,
00:19:18but we'll cover them up to keep the flies off.
00:19:20But didn't you find a joint in this refrigerator?
00:19:22We didn't expect to find a refrigerator in this joint.
00:19:25Oh?
00:19:26We didn't want to bust it.
00:19:28Could be done all at once.
00:19:30Lady Randall likes her lunch promptly.
00:19:31Bon appétit.
00:19:38I wonder if she's...
00:19:39After you.
00:19:40I wonder if she'd like it boiled, fried, or minced.
00:19:42Roast, I should say.
00:19:43Do you know how to do it?
00:19:44Yes, just bang it in the oven,
00:19:45shut the door, and leave it.
00:19:47Oh, I think it's a bit more involved than that.
00:19:49Yes, it is, isn't it?
00:19:52Here are 2,000 recipes.
00:19:53And this is Alba Liddell reading them to you.
00:19:56Meat's boiled.
00:19:58Meat's braised.
00:19:59Meat's roast.
00:20:01Lamb.
00:20:03First, wipe the joint with a damp cloth.
00:20:05Damp cloth.
00:20:07It's hot water taps a liar.
00:20:10One damp cloth coming up.
00:20:16Trim off any superfluous fat.
00:20:22Oh, not that.
00:20:23That's his rudder.
00:20:25We must leave him something to wag.
00:20:26Wait a minute.
00:20:27Place in the roasting tin, best side downwards.
00:20:30Now, which is his best side?
00:20:32Well, that's his right side, that's his left side,
00:20:34that's his front side, and that's his back, best side.
00:20:37Yeah, well, put that down.
00:20:39The time required for roasting
00:20:40will depend on the thickness of the meat.
00:20:42But usually a quarter of an hour to the pound
00:20:44and a quarter of an hour over.
00:20:45That's one for each and one for the pot.
00:20:47Now, the first thing to do is to weigh it.
00:20:49Ah.
00:20:50You know, I didn't think cooking was as easy as this.
00:20:54Who is this Mrs. Beaton, anyway?
00:20:57That's two pounds, three pounds, and...
00:21:01That's three pounds and three ounces.
00:21:03Three pounds and three ounces.
00:21:04Ounces?
00:21:05Yes, those little ones.
00:21:06Well, an ounce is an ounce.
00:21:07Oh.
00:21:08Three pounds, three quarters of an hour,
00:21:10and the extra quarter, that makes an hour.
00:21:12How much shall we allow for each ounce?
00:21:14Hmm, makes it a bit difficult.
00:21:15Hmm.
00:21:16I think it's his rudder that's putting us out.
00:21:18I told you so.
00:21:19That's how we do it.
00:21:20Now, garnish with potatoes and place in a medium oven.
00:21:23Ah.
00:21:26Potatoes.
00:21:29Hey, don't put that there.
00:21:31You don't know where it's been.
00:21:34Here, how many spouts?
00:21:35Two for each pound and two over.
00:21:37Oh, get on with it.
00:21:49This is it. Hurry in with it.
00:21:59Now we want a match.
00:22:00Don't need a match. This is worked by electricity.
00:22:02Ah.
00:22:03All you have to do is to switch it on.
00:22:05That shows you that it's on.
00:22:06What's the time?
00:22:09Ten to twelve.
00:22:10Oh?
00:22:11Lunch will be ready three and a half minutes too soon.
00:22:13You should have left the rudder on.
00:22:14That would put us right.
00:22:16Let's put it in.
00:22:17Here.
00:22:18Let's put these potatoes in, too.
00:22:21Well, now we've cooked the joint.
00:22:22What about the afters?
00:22:23You mean sweet or savory or something?
00:22:24Hmm.
00:22:25What's the date?
00:22:26April the 1st.
00:22:27Pancake Tuesday.
00:22:29Pancakes, pancakes.
00:22:31Pancakes.
00:22:32Here we are.
00:22:33Sip into a basin half a pound of self-raising flour
00:22:35along with a tablespoon of caster sugar and a piece of salt.
00:22:38Add one or two eggs.
00:22:40Eggs.
00:22:41Eggs?
00:22:43Can't get eggs.
00:22:44Pancakes.
00:22:46No good.
00:22:48Ah, well, it's ready.
00:22:49My favorite dish.
00:22:51Take one ounce of butter,
00:22:52half a glass of ale or milk.
00:22:54We don't want any milk.
00:22:55A little salt and mustard
00:22:56and half a pound of cheese.
00:22:57Cheese?
00:22:58Can't get cheese.
00:23:00Well, it's ready.
00:23:02No good.
00:23:04What about an economical salad?
00:23:06Mix together equal quantities of haricot beans,
00:23:08cold potatoes cut into thin slices
00:23:10and add a little finely chopped onion.
00:23:12Ha, ha, ha.
00:23:13Onion.
00:23:14Ha, ha, ha.
00:23:15Economical salad?
00:23:18No good.
00:23:24Well, now we've trimmed it down to the basic dishes.
00:23:28Say, Dickie, I've got an idea.
00:23:29What is it?
00:23:30How about opening a tin of pineapple?
00:23:32Why didn't we think of that before?
00:23:34Well, I thought pineapple.
00:23:36No good.
00:23:41Look at the kettle.
00:23:45There's no light under it.
00:23:46I know, it's an electric kettle.
00:23:47When we switch the oven on,
00:23:48we must have switched this on, too.
00:23:50Never mind, it'll do for the coffee.
00:23:51Dick, what's the time?
00:23:52Ten to one.
00:23:53The joint.
00:23:54We must have a look at it.
00:23:55Well, is that wise?
00:23:56I mean, that's in the cold air, isn't it?
00:23:57Oh, it should be done by now.
00:23:58Well, it'll be a bit hard for me.
00:23:59I haven't got a cloth.
00:24:00Well, what do we do?
00:24:01I know.
00:24:02We surprise him.
00:24:03Yes.
00:24:08Right.
00:24:18It doesn't look very brown, does it?
00:24:20The potatoes...
00:24:26Tom.
00:24:29Stone cold.
00:24:30Well, the kettle's still boiling.
00:24:32I know.
00:24:33I'll bet there's a fuse gone.
00:24:34Where's the fuse box?
00:24:35Hey, what's this?
00:24:36Low, medium, high.
00:24:38That's the trouble.
00:24:39We never switched the oven on.
00:24:40No, no, there's a fuse gone.
00:24:43Getting hot already.
00:24:44Something to do with the fuse.
00:24:48I tell you there's a fuse gone.
00:24:50There's no fuse gone.
00:24:51I think this one has.
00:24:52Of course it hasn't.
00:24:54Yes, now.
00:24:56Oh, I...
00:24:58How'd you do?
00:24:59It's ten minutes to one and you haven't laid the table yet.
00:25:02I'm just coming up now.
00:25:03I hope lunch isn't going to be late.
00:25:05Not more than a minute or two.
00:25:07Or three.
00:25:08Very well.
00:25:09Be on time.
00:25:10Oh.
00:25:11Now what are we going to do?
00:25:13Well, can't we just warm it through and put some hot gravy on it like you do in the restaurants?
00:25:17I'll even do that now.
00:25:18You fuse the oven.
00:25:19Well, perhaps the cook next door knows.
00:25:21Use the oven.
00:25:22Well, perhaps the cook next door.
00:25:23Let us use hers.
00:25:24Not a good idea.
00:25:25Don't ask her.
00:25:26Uh-oh.
00:25:27Dining room, that'll be for me.
00:25:28I've got to go and lay the table.
00:25:29Oh, Dickie.
00:25:30Dickie.
00:25:31Take a long time over it.
00:25:32A very long time.
00:25:42Excuse me.
00:25:51Excuse me.
00:26:21Are you always as slow as this?
00:26:22Oh, no, miss.
00:26:23But these forks haven't been polished as we like to see them.
00:26:26I remember once when we were with the gay Lord Quex.
00:26:29Darned me, it was.
00:26:30You know, we were so successful on stage.
00:26:32You can tell me about that some other time.
00:26:34Right.
00:26:35Let me see.
00:26:36How many will there be for lunch?
00:26:37Four, including Mr. Bennet.
00:26:38But he only has rust and fruit.
00:26:39I'll attend to him.
00:26:40Come on.
00:26:41Come on.
00:26:42Lunchtime.
00:26:43Lunchtime.
00:26:44Pass on the crust.
00:26:45Come on.
00:26:52Oh, shit.
00:26:57What bite muck again?
00:26:58Rusts.
00:26:59Anybody think I was cutting me teeth?
00:27:01I have many more rusts start to begin to look like a rust.
00:27:05Ah, is lunch ready?
00:27:07Well, it's not.
00:27:08It's self-cooked to serve at once.
00:27:10Well, lady, I...
00:27:16Now, who's going to be mother?
00:27:18Lovely lamb.
00:27:20Mint sauce?
00:27:21It looks perfectly delicious.
00:27:23I'll have a go, m'lady.
00:27:26♪
00:27:29All right, all right, it's coming up.
00:27:32Shouldn't gulp your soup so quickly.
00:27:34♪
00:27:37Mint sauce...mint sauce...
00:27:41Oh, hello, Bill!
00:27:43Hello, Kathleen.
00:27:44And what brings you here this morning?
00:27:46They have all to believe they.
00:27:48Mmm, smells good, my blue-eyed beauty.
00:27:50You can trot it out whenever you like.
00:27:52Oh, can I?
00:27:53Now, don't you go letting the smell of food
00:27:54spoil your good manners.
00:27:56Well, ain't the old girl finished yet?
00:27:57Well, the joint's only just gone up.
00:27:59I hope she don't make a pig of herself.
00:28:01I'm so hungry I could eat raw meat.
00:28:04Kathleen!
00:28:06What is the meaning of this?
00:28:09Never duck its raw.
00:28:11After ten years, Kathleen,
00:28:12you must know that I would never countenance
00:28:14practical joking.
00:28:15But, Mama!
00:28:16You had better prepare a cold lunch at once.
00:28:19Listen.
00:28:21Was it a practical joke?
00:28:22Now I know I'm going off me nuts.
00:28:24Look at the spuds!
00:28:25They're a pig of themselves!
00:28:26But you couldn't have done!
00:28:27But I remember doing it!
00:28:29There, there, old girl, you've been overworking.
00:28:31That's what's the matter with you.
00:28:32But I...
00:28:33Oh!
00:28:35An excellent meal.
00:28:37Thank you, m'lady.
00:28:38Shall I serve coffee now?
00:28:39Please.
00:28:39Very good, m'lady.
00:28:40And ask Cook to come up.
00:28:41Yes, m'lady.
00:28:43Cook, come up, please, and bring the coffee.
00:28:52Coffee, please.
00:28:53Go down, you fool, and come up properly.
00:28:57Is Cook coming?
00:28:58I want to congratulate her.
00:28:59All right for you,
00:29:00blowing yourselves out with real food.
00:29:05I trust the lunch was to your satisfaction, m'lady?
00:29:07Very good indeed.
00:29:08Both are.
00:29:09They're catching the 255 from King's Cross.
00:29:11I want you both to help with the packing.
00:29:12Packing?
00:29:13Oh, I forgot to tell you.
00:29:14We're going for a week to Harrogate.
00:29:16Oh, goody, goody.
00:29:17I mean, very good, m'lady.
00:29:18You'd better hurry and tidy up the kitchen.
00:29:20I'll be down in a minute and take you to the bedroom.
00:29:22Very good.
00:29:26Come on, Erskine.
00:29:33How on earth did you manage to turn out a meal like that?
00:29:35Never mind how, it worked all right, didn't it?
00:29:37The old girl's tickled to death.
00:29:38Well, now's the time to talk to her.
00:29:39After the next meal, we mightn't be quite so popular.
00:29:41I'll get a chance on the train.
00:29:43Woo!
00:29:47Albert!
00:29:48Hello.
00:29:50What are you doing here?
00:29:51Having a bit of work.
00:29:52Put those pieces down.
00:29:53He's putting them down as fast as he can.
00:29:55Blimey, who are you supposed to be?
00:29:57Never mind about him.
00:29:58How did you get here?
00:29:59I followed you.
00:29:59I thought you were after something.
00:30:00Well, you'd better hop in quick.
00:30:02Hop in?
00:30:03What's good enough for you is good enough for me.
00:30:04And if you stay, so do I.
00:30:06Of course.
00:30:10No bread today, thank you, postman.
00:30:13Follow me, please.
00:30:14You can bring some of the bags down to the hall.
00:30:16Yes.
00:30:17Call back next week with two browns and a coffee.
00:30:34There we are.
00:30:35That's the lot.
00:30:37Take these away.
00:30:38Oh.
00:30:40All we've got to do is get our things.
00:30:41We won't be five minutes.
00:30:42Your things?
00:30:43Yes, we can't go to Harrogate without a toothbrush.
00:30:45You're not going to Harrogate.
00:30:46You're engaged to stop here and look after Mr. Bennet.
00:30:50You mean Lady Randall's going without us?
00:30:52Well, of course.
00:30:52Surely you understood that.
00:30:54Here's some money for the week's housekeeping.
00:30:56And I need hardly tell you I shall want to see your accounts
00:30:58when I return.
00:30:59Goodbye, Pop.
00:31:00See ya.
00:31:00Now, take good care of yourself, won't you?
00:31:02Yes, I shall be back next week.
00:31:03Yes, all of course.
00:31:04And if you stop at Doncaster, get me a bit of butterscotch.
00:31:07You mustn't have butterscotch.
00:31:08I thought you would say something, you old knock.
00:31:10I wish you'd go to Harrogate, too.
00:31:14Well, goodbye.
00:31:15Don't forget to take care of my father.
00:31:17He's a little dangerous, you know.
00:31:18So don't let him out of your sight.
00:31:20Lady Randall, before you go, there's
00:31:22something we want to tell you.
00:31:23We hope we've given you every satisfaction
00:31:25because we wanted to ask you-
00:31:26Not to rise already.
00:31:28Lady Randall, as Shakespeare says-
00:31:30I know all about that, too.
00:31:31But I've no time to listen now.
00:31:33How long is Fizer with our things?
00:31:35I'll see you at the station.
00:31:39Well, you had a sensational idea, all right.
00:31:41All we have to do is go in as a couple of servants,
00:31:44and we can see Lady Randall when we like.
00:31:46Bah!
00:31:51She's only gone for a week.
00:31:52We can talk to her when she comes back.
00:31:54Do you think I'm going to be a skiddy for seven weary days?
00:31:56Not Pygmalion likely.
00:31:59But we can't walk out with all this money.
00:32:01Besides, what will the old man do?
00:32:02He can do just what he likes.
00:32:04I don't like his face.
00:32:06I don't like his face.
00:32:07I don't like his face, either.
00:32:09See?
00:32:11Now, listen, Arthur, don't be a silly little man.
00:32:13Just think for a minute.
00:32:14He has a grand chance to show her that we're reliable people.
00:32:17People she can trust with her money.
00:32:18You're not taking a cup in a coffee job like this
00:32:20to go back on the stage, are you?
00:32:22Well, if I am going to stay here,
00:32:23I'm going to regain my lost manhood for a start.
00:32:26That's the boy.
00:32:38The first thing we've got to do is to tell Bobby
00:32:39to keep the gang together.
00:32:40The first thing to do is to answer that bell.
00:32:42Oh, yes, the bell.
00:32:43It's Sunday. I suppose that'll be top.
00:32:45Go and see what he wants.
00:32:45OK.
00:32:46I'll give Bobby a ring.
00:32:48Oh, shut up, you bell.
00:32:53Is the woman deaf as well as dumb?
00:32:56What's the matter with you all down there?
00:32:57I nearly wore my thumb out.
00:32:58Get me a whiskey and soda.
00:32:59Whiskey and soda?
00:33:00Yes.
00:33:01Ooh.
00:33:02According to this diet list is...
00:33:04Oh, according to the diet list, nothing.
00:33:06I'm master here now.
00:33:07You do as you're told.
00:33:08Sorry, sir, you can't have a whiskey and soda.
00:33:09Oh, can't I?
00:33:11I'll show you.
00:33:12I'll get it myself.
00:33:13Not too much soda either.
00:33:15Yes, OK, Bobby.
00:33:17Yes.
00:33:18Yes.
00:33:19Bye-bye, Bobby.
00:33:20Hey, who's this?
00:33:21This is our son.
00:33:22Son?
00:33:23That's right.
00:33:23I've come to help Mummy and Daddy.
00:33:24Well, I don't like your face either.
00:33:26Who told you you could come here?
00:33:27Nobody.
00:33:27I guessed it.
00:33:28He always comes with us.
00:33:29He's very useful to run errands and things.
00:33:31Aren't you, Junior?
00:33:32Sure, Pap.
00:33:33I don't like strangers about the house.
00:33:34Oh, it's quite all right.
00:33:35I'm housebroken.
00:33:36Arthur!
00:33:37Arthur!
00:33:37Oh, blimey, you'd better come down.
00:33:40Oh, sorry.
00:33:41And who's this?
00:33:42Oh, this is our nephew.
00:33:43Cousin.
00:33:44Cousin.
00:33:44He's our fire spotter.
00:33:45Cousin?
00:33:46Wife?
00:33:47Son?
00:33:47Cousin?
00:33:48Here, whose house is this?
00:33:49Yours or mine?
00:33:50Where is she?
00:33:51That's what I want to know.
00:33:51Where is she?
00:33:53And I suppose this is your house?
00:33:55No, that's the cook from next door.
00:33:56What, she live in here too?
00:33:57No good cooking upstairs.
00:33:59Come down and play with us.
00:34:00Well, you'd better come down before she starts
00:34:01banging the house up.
00:34:02You stay there, Pop.
00:34:03I'll stop here when it might be a scrap.
00:34:05I'm coming with you.
00:34:06I like a bit of fun, same as the rest.
00:34:08It is.
00:34:08Woo-hoo.
00:34:12Darling, what's all the trouble?
00:34:13Where is she?
00:34:13That's what I want to know.
00:34:14Where is she?
00:34:15She?
00:34:15Who's she?
00:34:16That little twerp of a cook.
00:34:17Oh, Daddy, she called Mammy a twerp.
00:34:18I'll call her something worse than that.
00:34:20Coming into my place, taking my clothes,
00:34:22stealing the very meat off my stove.
00:34:23Don't be ridiculous.
00:34:24Ridiculous, eh?
00:34:26And what's my clothes doing in this kitchen?
00:34:28And our sauce boat with our initials in this here.
00:34:31Under that, what are you doing in this here kitchen?
00:34:33That's right.
00:34:34Go on, mix it up.
00:34:34Mix it up.
00:34:35You let me lay my hands on that woman.
00:34:37But there's no woman here.
00:34:38Oh, yes, there is.
00:34:39It's Mother.
00:34:40She's in, and she's the one you want.
00:34:41I'll go and fetch her for you.
00:34:43No, no, no, no, sir.
00:34:43You mustn't disturb her.
00:34:44She's lying down.
00:34:45She'll be lying down a long time when I'm finished with her.
00:34:49Now, look here, my good woman.
00:34:50I'm not a good woman.
00:34:52Oh, oh, that's good.
00:34:53Now, leave me to it.
00:34:54Oh, that's OK with me.
00:34:55Oh, that's OK.
00:34:56Come on, then.
00:34:56Come on.
00:34:57Age for weight.
00:34:57Age for weight.
00:34:58You little woman, you old gorilla.
00:34:59A gorilla?
00:35:00You fiddle-faced old maggot.
00:35:02Oh, I see what it is.
00:35:04Three men against one woman.
00:35:05If my Bill was here, he'd belt a lot of you.
00:35:08I'll tell him.
00:35:09Oh, especially about you, Mr. Four Eyes.
00:35:12Oh.
00:35:21What is all this?
00:35:23Well, my poor mother.
00:35:25Who's not very well, you know.
00:35:26She's confined to her bedroom.
00:35:28She had a bit of difficulty with the stove.
00:35:29And as the meat wasn't cooked, she thought
00:35:31she'd borrow some from next door.
00:35:33So that you wouldn't be disappointed.
00:35:35What?
00:35:35Pinch somebody.
00:35:36Oh, she's joint.
00:35:37Yes, that's right.
00:35:40That's grand.
00:35:41Yeah.
00:35:42That's good, isn't it?
00:35:43That's beautiful.
00:35:46Nothing could be better.
00:35:48We thought it would be rather fun.
00:35:49Yes.
00:35:50Now I've got a lever on you.
00:35:53A lever?
00:35:54Yes.
00:35:54A nice little story to tell my daughter.
00:35:57Oh, you wouldn't do that, would you?
00:35:58Well, it depends what you do for me, you know.
00:36:00We'd do for you.
00:36:01What?
00:36:02We'd do anything for you.
00:36:03Oh, that's all right, then.
00:36:04Now I'll have a nice whiskey and soda for a start.
00:36:07Good, Albert.
00:36:07Go get the whiskey bottle.
00:36:08It's in the dining room.
00:36:09Now how about cooking some eggs and bakes?
00:36:13Cooking?
00:36:14Well, my poor mother.
00:36:15Who's not very well, you know.
00:36:16Oh, never mind your mother.
00:36:17I can cook eggs and bakes.
00:36:18You can?
00:36:19Of course I can.
00:36:20Well, make it for four, then.
00:36:22Oh, help.
00:36:23I quite forgot the stoves first.
00:36:24Oh, these newfangled things are always going wrong.
00:36:26I'll use what I've always used, a gas ring.
00:36:30Well, chase my aunt's money around the Balkans.
00:36:32We could have used that.
00:36:33There we are.
00:36:34Four whiskies and soda.
00:36:35Oh, that's just some.
00:36:41I'll have the other three later.
00:36:42What?
00:36:44Ah, this reminds me of the old days.
00:36:46I always used to cook my own food when I was on tour.
00:36:49On tour?
00:36:49Were you in the show business?
00:36:51And you ever heard of William Bennett?
00:36:52Topped the bills everywhere in the country.
00:36:54Oh, William Bennett.
00:36:55Oh, yes.
00:36:56Well, that's me.
00:36:57Yes, of course.
00:36:58You were a juggler, weren't you?
00:37:00Juggler?
00:37:01Me foot.
00:37:01I was Bill Deadeye, the best sharpshooter in the world.
00:37:04You know, I used to stand a man 150 yards away.
00:37:06I know.
00:37:07And shoot an apple off his head.
00:37:08Apple?
00:37:09All the other acts did that.
00:37:10I used a grape.
00:37:12There you are.
00:37:13What do you think of that?
00:37:14In the old days, I was the best friar in the business.
00:37:17Things must have altered since you retired.
00:37:18Who said I'd retire?
00:37:20I'm going to stage a comeback one of these days
00:37:22with a show of my own.
00:37:23One I've written myself.
00:37:24Full of shooting, fighting, cowboys, Indians.
00:37:26Is your daughter going to back it?
00:37:28Certainly not.
00:37:28I'm going to back it myself out of me own savings.
00:37:32Have you got some of those?
00:37:33Yes, bags of them.
00:37:34We've got a terrific show just waiting to be put on.
00:37:36You have?
00:37:37This isn't our game, really.
00:37:38We're only doing this as a filly.
00:37:39We're a pro.
00:37:40If we could get our show put on, we'd make a fortune.
00:37:42Yeah, not with that.
00:37:43Yes, but our show's got wonderful music,
00:37:46beautiful costumes.
00:37:47Lovely girls.
00:37:48Ah, that's where you're wrong.
00:37:50And that's what's wrong with all those sort of shows.
00:37:52Who wants to see women?
00:37:53They're just a perishing nuisance.
00:37:54Perishing, yes, but oh, what a lovely day.
00:37:56Here we are.
00:37:57It's all done now.
00:37:57Come on.
00:37:58Come and get it.
00:37:58Right down the car, Albert.
00:38:00Someone at the front door.
00:38:01Bearer better go and answer him.
00:38:02What, you're in the lunch hour?
00:38:03Not likely.
00:38:04Got to have an hour off for lunch.
00:38:05Trade union room.
00:38:06Well, it might be important.
00:38:08Somebody's got to go.
00:38:09Well, you're not sitting in concrete, are you?
00:38:11Well, it comes to something when I keep a dog
00:38:13and I've got to bark myself.
00:38:14I don't know.
00:38:14Hey, you might have cooked a bit of fried bread.
00:38:16Your appetite's disgusting.
00:38:17Oh, he's laying in a store for the winter.
00:38:25Who are you?
00:38:26I'm looking for that little bloke with spectacles.
00:38:28What do you want with him?
00:38:29He's been insulting my girl and I'm
00:38:30going to knock his block off.
00:38:31Oh, good.
00:38:32I know where he is.
00:38:33I'll fetch him for you.
00:38:34Come on.
00:38:35Oh, wait a minute.
00:38:36If he sees you, he won't come in.
00:38:38Now, you wait outside and I'll go and get him.
00:38:40I'll go and get him.
00:38:41I'll go and get him.
00:38:42I'll go and get him.
00:38:42I'll go and get him.
00:38:43I'll go and get him.
00:38:44And don't come in until you hear me whistle.
00:38:46All right.
00:38:47But any funny business and I'll start on you too.
00:38:49It's all right.
00:38:49Wait out.
00:38:50Wait.
00:38:51This is good.
00:38:52This is good.
00:39:15Oh.
00:39:21Tits.
00:39:22Come upstairs.
00:39:23That was Pop, wasn't it?
00:39:25Tits.
00:39:25Who's Tits?
00:39:26He means you.
00:39:28Me?
00:39:29The names I get.
00:39:30You know what somebody called me yesterday?
00:39:32Mr. Shorthouse.
00:39:34Come on.
00:39:35Come on.
00:39:36Hurry up.
00:39:37What's up?
00:39:37Come sit down.
00:39:38In this chair over here.
00:39:40This one.
00:39:40That's it.
00:39:41Down there.
00:39:42There you are.
00:39:43Now, would you like to take your coat off?
00:39:45What for?
00:39:46Well, you don't have to.
00:39:46It's quite optional.
00:39:47Only some of them like to, see?
00:39:49Now, you're nice and comfortable.
00:39:50Yeah.
00:39:51Can you whistle like this?
00:39:52Oh, yeah.
00:39:53Well, it is.
00:40:00So you're the little squirt that's been insulting my girl.
00:40:03Me?
00:40:04I've never seen you before in my life.
00:40:06Well, have a good look at me now before I bang both your eyes up.
00:40:09Start proper now.
00:40:09In your corner.
00:40:10Mark Mr. Queensborough.
00:40:11Shut up, you.
00:40:12Where the...
00:40:13Hello.
00:40:14Oh, Dickie!
00:40:15Oh, just a minute.
00:40:16This time, explain everything.
00:40:18Dickie!
00:40:25Here.
00:40:30Come up here!
00:40:30Come up here, you little...
00:40:31Dickie!
00:40:32Help!
00:40:33Dickie, help us!
00:40:33Help!
00:40:37Come up here!
00:40:39Help!
00:40:42What on earth's happening?
00:40:43This uncivil servant's trying to kill me.
00:40:44Who is he?
00:40:45He's the bloke who's going out with the cook next door.
00:40:52Look, look, Winnie!
00:40:53Look, Winnie!
00:41:01How'd that go?
00:41:02Oh, good, good!
00:41:08Hey!
00:41:35Hey! We'd better carry him across the road.
00:41:37Where's Pop?
00:41:38Oh, you're competitive, Blossom Inn, but we mustn't lose you to a retardant than any man of our size.
00:41:42You take the dance home and we'll go and look for him.
00:41:44Well, get him, Pop!
00:41:45Oh, Pop!
00:41:56Hello. Please allow me to see the office.
00:41:58Yes, we've got nothing for you today.
00:42:00I'm not looking for work.
00:42:01Look, do me a favour. Go away. I'm trying to write.
00:42:04We don't want any character actors.
00:42:06We've got millions of them out of work already.
00:42:08I'm not an actor. I'm one of the ids.
00:42:11I've come to back a show.
00:42:13Though he had the right intentions, still he was good and true.
00:42:17What rhymes with intentions?
00:42:20Leslie Henson.
00:42:22Leslie Henson.
00:42:24What did you say?
00:42:25I said Leslie Henson.
00:42:26No, no, no. Before that, you said something about backing a show.
00:42:28That's right.
00:42:29With real cash money?
00:42:30Why, of course.
00:42:31Is that on the up and down?
00:42:32Why, of course it is.
00:42:34Santa Claus, come into the office. Where have you been all my life?
00:42:37Come inside.
00:42:38Take a sit down.
00:42:39Give me your hat.
00:42:41You got a cigarette?
00:42:42You're lonely, aren't you?
00:42:43Well, I brought you my private office, didn't I?
00:42:46What a lucky geezer you are.
00:42:47You want to put on a show, and I've got the very show for you.
00:42:51I don't want your show. I've got one of my own.
00:42:53And what's more, they'll make a big sensation in the West End
00:42:55and go just as big in the Providences.
00:42:57I'm not interested.
00:42:58But you haven't heard nothing yet.
00:42:59We've got a tip-top slap-up production with a 30-piece orchestra,
00:43:0224 beautiful, gorgeous girls, and 20 gorgeous costumes.
00:43:05And that's just what the public don't want.
00:43:06All right, so we'll cut it down to 10 costumes.
00:43:09Nope.
00:43:10This is the play I'm going to back.
00:43:11This and nothing else.
00:43:12Who wrote it?
00:43:13William Bennett.
00:43:14Never heard of him.
00:43:15Some unknown, unemployed, out of work hack writer.
00:43:17Aye?
00:43:18I'll let you know that I am William Bennett.
00:43:20All right, so I dropped a brick.
00:43:23Bennett.
00:43:24Bennett.
00:43:25No relation to Lily Bennett, Lady Randall?
00:43:26She's my daughter.
00:43:28Ah, Mr. Bennett.
00:43:30Well, of course.
00:43:31I should have known right away.
00:43:32The same clean-cut features.
00:43:34Oh, never mind about my features.
00:43:35What about the show?
00:43:36There it is.
00:43:37Buckaroos, Broncos, and Blood.
00:43:40Buckaroos, Broncos, Blood.
00:43:42That's the title.
00:43:43Anything wrong with it?
00:43:44No, no, of course not.
00:43:45It's sensational.
00:43:46All right, then get on with it.
00:43:47I don't care what it costs.
00:43:48Don't you worry about anything.
00:43:49I'll have a full cast and submit you between 24 hours.
00:43:52And mind you do.
00:43:53Don't forget there's plenty more agents.
00:43:54I know that.
00:43:55But you couldn't come for a more better man than me.
00:43:57Why?
00:43:58I'll do myself a good turn for you.
00:44:00Oh.
00:44:01And don't cast anybody for the part of Robin Hood of the Pampas.
00:44:04Why, are you going to cut the character out?
00:44:05No.
00:44:06I'm going to play it myself.
00:44:23I still think we ought to have looked in the lake.
00:44:25There he is.
00:44:26Wait till I get my hands on him.
00:44:27Hold the gate.
00:44:28That man again.
00:44:29Stop.
00:44:30Hey, I'll get you out.
00:44:34Open this door.
00:44:35Do you hear me?
00:44:36Open it up.
00:44:40Bill.
00:44:41What have they done to you?
00:44:44A pretty piece of jousting for suit?
00:44:46Yes.
00:44:47Well, you'd better get ready for another joust.
00:44:48The doctor's here.
00:44:49What?
00:44:50Yes, he's been here half an hour.
00:44:51And he'd like to see the old man.
00:44:52Aye, so would we.
00:44:54Ah, so you're back at last.
00:44:56Oh, hello, Doctor.
00:44:57Where's Mr. Bennet?
00:44:58Well, as a matter of fact, he's still out walking.
00:45:00By himself?
00:45:01I hope so.
00:45:02I think so, sir.
00:45:03You've consistently disregarded my instructions.
00:45:04But, Doctor.
00:45:05Not one dose taken.
00:45:06Your wife had orders to give you to her three times a day.
00:45:08Where is she?
00:45:09I must see her immediately.
00:45:10But, Doctor, it isn't really Mother's fault.
00:45:11No, she's not being very well.
00:45:12She's confined to her bed.
00:45:13Then I'll go down and see her.
00:45:14There's no need for that, Doctor.
00:45:15Not at all.
00:45:16She's much better today.
00:45:17She can come up and see you.
00:45:18Junior, go and get your mother.
00:45:19Yes, but I...
00:45:20Don't argue.
00:45:21Don't you think of...
00:45:22I went over the other grasshopper's back.
00:45:27Whoo!
00:45:28Too grasshoppers, jumped right over the other grasshopper's back.
00:45:39A lot, a lot of the other grasshoppers back.
00:45:40Whoo!
00:45:41I was only playing me, for...
00:45:42Oh, hello, what are you doing here?
00:45:43I was only playing me.
00:45:44Mr. Bennet, you've been taking alcohol.
00:45:45Taking it?
00:45:46I've been playing one and a...
00:45:47Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet.
00:45:48Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet.
00:45:49Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet.
00:45:50Mr. Bennet, Mr. Bennet, would you want to come stick your nails round here for a couple of guineas or something?
00:45:57Hooray! What a lovely place!
00:46:01Hurry up.
00:46:02Where's your dress?
00:46:04Oh, Mrs. Fireman's taken it back.
00:46:06Well, we'll have to get it again.
00:46:07You can't go up like that.
00:46:09I can't get it. She's there.
00:46:10We'll soon fix that.
00:46:11I'll get her away.
00:46:20When we lunched, I had eggs and bacon. What do you think of that?
00:46:35You'll ruin your constitution.
00:46:36It's a wonder I got any constitution after the pig swill you've been pouring down me.
00:46:40Where is this cook?
00:46:41Well, he, she shouldn't be here any moment.
00:46:46Oh, Dr. Pope, this is a pleasure.
00:46:48Here, what are you doing up?
00:46:49Good morning, Mr. Bennet.
00:46:50Go on, get out of here. Take that face with you. Go on, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.
00:46:54Madam, you've entirely ignored that diet chart I gave you.
00:46:57Yeah, yeah, it's nothing to do with her.
00:46:59You see, my poor wife, who's not been very well.
00:47:01And has been confined to her bed.
00:47:03Then it was up to you to see that Mr. Bennet had his medicine.
00:47:05But he seems so much better without it.
00:47:06You bet you, my Lord Fireman, I feel quite young again.
00:47:09Whoopee!
00:47:10Oh, Mr. Bennet.
00:47:20Here, you may need this yourself.
00:47:23Whoop, whoop.
00:47:25Whoopee!
00:47:26One drop on, big drop, slide over the other.
00:47:29One drop on, big drop, slide over the other.
00:47:35Whoopee!
00:47:37If he does that on bacon and eggs, we'd better not give him any meat.
00:47:40I'll have tea and toast at 4.30 in McDougall's.
00:47:43Okay, Pomp.
00:47:44You know, the old boys.
00:47:46Oh.
00:47:48Oh, I thought so.
00:47:50Wearing it as bold as brass, you dirty little tea leaf.
00:47:53Whoa!
00:47:54You'll break any, don't they?
00:47:56Murder!
00:47:57Blimey, there'll be murder!
00:48:02If he gets you, I'll tear you apart!
00:48:06Dickie!
00:48:07Dickie!
00:48:08Oh!
00:48:13Oh!
00:48:14You ugly, you!
00:48:15You're going on a trip!
00:48:18Oh, Dickie!
00:48:19Oh!
00:48:20Watch it!
00:48:21Come here!
00:48:26Open up, you fine lady!
00:48:28This is woman to woman.
00:48:34Come out, you snake in the grass!
00:48:38Hey, don't throw that! It's valuable!
00:48:42And so was that!
00:48:44Woman to woman, so you want to play ball, eh?
00:48:47Sorry, cock.
00:48:48Oh, it'll be massacre!
00:48:50Open this door!
00:48:59You ugly, you!
00:49:01Oh!
00:49:02Oh!
00:49:03Oh!
00:49:06Gee!
00:49:08Oh!
00:49:09Oh!
00:49:10Gee!
00:49:11Gee!
00:49:12Gee!
00:49:13Oh!
00:49:15Gee!
00:49:16Come out of there!
00:49:18Gee!
00:49:20Strike!
00:49:23Ah, cookie, cookie, steady!
00:49:25Take your hands off me!
00:49:27There you are!
00:49:28Ah!
00:49:29Now, very lovely, good girl!
00:49:30We got all you came for!
00:49:32If either of you ever set foot in my kitchen again,
00:49:35you'll get more than you came for, you twerps!
00:49:39Oh, Dickie, I think I'm ruined.
00:49:41You think you're ruined? Just look at this room.
00:49:43Oh, the floor!
00:49:44Yes, it looks like Tappam Junction.
00:49:46The only thing to do is to try and paint them out.
00:49:48Perhaps we could cover it with a mat.
00:49:49She'd be bound to notice.
00:49:50No, the only thing to do is to repaint the whole of the floor.
00:49:52How much do you think it'll take?
00:49:54At least two threatening tens.
00:49:55There you are, Albert. Get ten gallons.
00:50:02Poor patient's waiting for you, Doctor.
00:50:04Not now, not now.
00:50:05Anything wrong, Doctor?
00:50:06Not now, not now.
00:50:07Anything wrong, Doctor?
00:50:08Everything's wrong. Get me a Herrick at 4091.
00:50:22What have you done?
00:50:23Sorry, I just put my Watson into yours.
00:50:25Oh, what do you want to paint all that for?
00:50:27Oh.
00:50:28Oh!
00:50:29Macaroon!
00:50:30Now how are we going to get out?
00:50:31Oh, dear.
00:50:32We'll have to wait till it dries.
00:50:33It won't be dry for hours.
00:50:34Yes, but all right.
00:50:35Look, it says here, fast color.
00:50:36Oh, that doesn't mean it dries fast.
00:50:38That means it won't come off.
00:50:40I know.
00:50:41We'll get Albert to throw us a clothesline.
00:50:43We'll tie it to the leg of the chair.
00:50:45You and I'll sit on the chair.
00:50:47And we'll get Albert to drag us off.
00:50:49But how about the marks we'll make?
00:50:51Oh, we'll paint those out as we go along.
00:50:53I'll ring for Albert.
00:50:57Oh, that's no good, you silly little man.
00:50:59Here, I'll hold you, and you ring the bell with this.
00:51:02How do you mean?
00:51:03Oh, stretch out with it.
00:51:04Or push it with the leg.
00:51:05That's right.
00:51:06You catch hold of mine.
00:51:07OK.
00:51:08Oh!
00:51:09Oh.
00:51:10Brother.
00:51:13That was a bright idea.
00:51:16Get back!
00:51:17Get back!
00:51:18Get back!
00:51:23Oh, get out of here!
00:51:24Shoo!
00:51:25Go away!
00:51:26Oh, did you look at our face?
00:51:28Blimey, what a mess.
00:51:30What do you want to let them out for?
00:51:32Well, I couldn't help it.
00:51:34Oh, well, I suppose it doesn't matter.
00:51:35We're walking on it now.
00:51:38Oh!
00:51:39Oh!
00:51:40Dirty towser, get up.
00:51:42Hey, stop them!
00:51:43Don't let them get up!
00:51:44Don't let them get up!
00:51:45They'll ruin everything!
00:51:46Don't make me break it loose, Maggie!
00:51:47Oh!
00:51:54Hey, stop them!
00:51:55Don't let them get up!
00:52:00Oh, don't let it go upstairs!
00:52:03Hey, stop them!
00:52:04Don't let them get up!
00:52:05Oh!
00:52:07Oh, Maggie, help them!
00:52:08Oh!
00:52:09Oh!
00:52:10What's happening here?
00:52:11I can't get a wink of sleep!
00:52:13Oh!
00:52:14What a lovely mess!
00:52:15You know, they're off-topic.
00:52:17And that's Matthew!
00:52:18Oh, I'm going to be here when my daughter sees that!
00:52:23Take them back to the kitchen and fasten them up.
00:52:25This is all your fault.
00:52:26My fault?
00:52:27I like that.
00:52:28I suppose I smashed up the drawing room.
00:52:30What is that smashed up to?
00:52:31I must have a look at this.
00:52:34Oh!
00:52:35Better and better and better.
00:52:36Hey, what are we going to do about poor old Towser?
00:52:38He's gone all piebald.
00:52:39We'll have to try and wash it off.
00:52:40Yes, I'll help.
00:52:41You'll do nothing of the sort.
00:52:42You'll go down and finish your sleep.
00:52:45Well, come on, up in the bathroom.
00:52:46Oh, no, you don't.
00:52:47You've caused enough trouble already.
00:52:48Your job's downstairs or up on the roof.
00:52:50Yes, go and do some fire spotting.
00:52:51That's what we feed you for.
00:52:52When it gets dark, it's into the blackout.
00:52:55Yes.
00:52:56How about that fire spotting?
00:52:57Well, what about it?
00:52:58You don't want to do it, do you?
00:52:59No.
00:53:00And I don't want to go back to sleep.
00:53:01I'll swap you.
00:53:02You do my sleep.
00:53:03I'll do your fire spotting.
00:53:04I might get a bit of action up there.
00:53:06That's all right.
00:53:07All right, you come down.
00:53:08Yes.
00:53:09This way.
00:53:10Yes.
00:53:16Doesn't seem to be coming off.
00:53:18Perhaps we're using the wrong soap.
00:53:20Wipe off your trousers, all right.
00:53:21Wait a minute.
00:53:22What's this?
00:53:23Liquid shampoo.
00:53:25Says it's soapless.
00:53:26Well, what's the good of tying that?
00:53:27Soapless, you fool.
00:53:28Oh.
00:53:31There.
00:53:40Is it coming off now?
00:53:43I think it's a bit better.
00:53:44Sparse colour, all right.
00:53:50Hello?
00:53:51You fool, it's the front door.
00:53:52Oh.
00:53:53Perhaps it's the fighting fireman again.
00:53:55Don't let the old man bring him in.
00:53:56Tell him I'm out.
00:53:57OK.
00:54:01Hello, Dickie!
00:54:02Don't do it!
00:54:03You'll be all right.
00:54:04You'll be all right.
00:54:10Hey, wait for me!
00:54:12Oh, my goodness.
00:54:13Oh.
00:54:14Oh, Arthur, how tall you've got.
00:54:17Where's Dickie?
00:54:18Oh, scrap.
00:54:19I want to tell you.
00:54:20I want to tell you, son.
00:54:21Oh, everybody get down.
00:54:23It's not for you.
00:54:25It's not for you.
00:54:27It's not for you.
00:54:28You can't stay here. You'll get me the sack.
00:54:30You should work for Lady Watch's name when you've got a gold mine right here in the house.
00:54:33What are you talking about?
00:54:34The old man. The old man.
00:54:35Her ladyship's father.
00:54:36You mean Pop.
00:54:37Damn!
00:54:38Sure. He's got dough to throw away.
00:54:40You know, that's something that's always worried me.
00:54:42Does a baker need dough because he needs dough?
00:54:44Or does he need dough because he likes kneading dough?
00:54:46I don't get my hands on information.
00:54:48That's your silly talk. Get to work.
00:54:50Oh, what a lovely set of teeth.
00:54:52Look at all the fillings.
00:54:53My goodness me.
00:54:54Don't move.
00:54:55Oh, I've been scuttled.
00:54:57Oh.
00:54:58Listen, fellas, please clear out.
00:55:00If the old man sees you, it'll be an awful row.
00:55:02That's what we want the old buzzard to do, see it.
00:55:04Sure.
00:55:05Then think for us to give the show tonight in the old rich tube shelter.
00:55:08The old rich tube shelter?
00:55:09Yeah, and with 10,000 feet per day, you can see it with an audience.
00:55:12Hey, what are you doing?
00:55:13Any more for you, Queen Anne's bedroom?
00:55:15Oh, Arthur, please make Vicky do it.
00:55:17Do what?
00:55:18We're going to give the show tonight.
00:55:19Yes, and I've written a special topic.
00:55:22It's a good song.
00:55:24Half of everything is yours.
00:55:25The Flying Fortress is playing it now.
00:55:27My sister will now pass among you with a copy.
00:55:29Take a listen to this.
00:55:33Yes, who are you, please?
00:55:36I'm Lady Randall's brother-in-law.
00:55:38Oh, welcome.
00:55:40Any brother-in-law of Lady Randall's a brother-in-law of mine.
00:55:43What's going on here?
00:55:44Haven't you heard?
00:55:45We've taken the house over.
00:55:46What?
00:55:47On the lease of land.
00:55:48We're the lodgers.
00:55:49Extraordinary.
00:55:50Extraordinary.
00:55:51I do all Lady Randall's business, and I've heard nothing about it.
00:55:54She told us to tell you when you called.
00:55:57Ben, Ben.
00:55:58Can we try that now?
00:55:59Oh, I'm sorry.
00:56:03Bobby, girls, meet Mr. Brother-in-law.
00:56:05This is Bobby, another lodger.
00:56:07And these are the five sublets.
00:56:09How do you do?
00:56:10Won't you come in?
00:56:11Well, I only just looked in for some papers.
00:56:13I didn't intend to stay, but all this looks very interesting.
00:56:17How do you do?
00:56:19How do you do?
00:56:20Hey, gang, we've got company.
00:56:22Come in, sit down.
00:56:23Bobby, bring him a sit-down.
00:56:24Girls, bring the brother-in-law some drinks.
00:56:25Come inside.
00:56:26Make like you're one of the family.
00:56:27Why do you care?
00:56:29Oh, Daddy.
00:56:35Who are you?
00:56:36That's Mr. Brother-in-law.
00:56:37Oh, welcome to our party, sir.
00:56:39So happy to see you.
00:56:40Here, let me have your coat.
00:56:42I didn't know you had a brother-in-law, Ben.
00:56:43My brother-in-law, nothing.
00:56:44He's Lady Randall's brother-in-law.
00:56:46Oh, I see.
00:56:47What?
00:56:48He's in charge of all her businesses.
00:56:50Placement, please.
00:56:53I always thought brother-in-law was policeman.
00:56:56Oh.
00:56:58Yes, I told him how you rented the place from Lady's sister-in-law.
00:57:01Chickens.
00:57:02Yes, it was rather a surprise to me.
00:57:04Yes, rather a surprise to us.
00:57:05A drink?
00:57:06Good, thank you.
00:57:07And what is this?
00:57:08Fancy dress?
00:57:09Oh, we're rehearsing.
00:57:11Yes, it's a show we're hoping to put on,
00:57:13if we can get anybody interested.
00:57:15Surely there should be no difficulty about that,
00:57:17with such a galaxy of beauty.
00:57:19How charming.
00:57:27Would you like to see the show right through?
00:57:29Well, I don't know that I shall have time to see it all.
00:57:33Well, how did you like it?
00:57:35I think it was a very good show, little lady.
00:57:37Good!
00:57:38Say, for a thousand pounds, you can have a third share in the show.
00:57:41Yes, and for two thousand pounds, we'll put you on the free list.
00:57:44I don't want a third share.
00:57:46But I tell you what,
00:57:47I'll give you fifteen hundred for the whole show.
00:57:50It's a deal!
00:57:51Where's your checkbook?
00:57:55No!
00:57:56No, not you.
00:57:58You.
00:58:07Pad, somebody, pad!
00:58:08The proof of somebody's talent.
00:58:10Never mind filling it in, just sign it.
00:58:11We'll do the rest.
00:58:13Whoa, you've got blots on the ceiling.
00:58:16So misty.
00:58:17Here, wait a minute.
00:58:20Stick your nose in there.
00:58:21That better?
00:58:23So misty.
00:58:25Here.
00:58:27Can you read the top line from here?
00:58:30What a stink.
00:58:31It is such a long way away.
00:58:33Anybody got a magnifying glass?
00:58:35Who?
00:58:37Put your hand here.
00:58:39There you are.
00:58:40Is that any nearer?
00:58:42Yes, yes, yes.
00:58:44Gold knife blotted.
00:58:46Blot?
00:58:47That's not a blot, that's a goldfish.
00:58:51It is.
00:58:55Sorry, I can't write my own name on it.
00:58:57Oh, here, give me your hand.
00:58:59I'll guard it.
00:59:00Now, what sort of a signature have you got?
00:59:02Oh, this one.
00:59:03I'll guard it.
00:59:04Now, what sort of a signature have you got?
00:59:06Oh, very lovely one.
00:59:09He's asleep.
00:59:10Not for long.
00:59:15He's cuckoo-eyed.
00:59:16Can't we give him something to pull him round?
00:59:18I'll make some strong black coffee.
00:59:20Here, Dickie.
00:59:21Dickie, wait a minute.
00:59:23Hey, listen, not too strong.
00:59:24We don't want him too sober.
00:59:31Change.
00:59:32Change.
00:59:33All right.
00:59:39Good evening, m'lady.
00:59:40This is Moses.
00:59:41I hope you had a pleasant journey.
00:59:42I want a word with you.
00:59:43Yes.
00:59:44Would you care to step in the study?
00:59:46The tournament's all blacked out.
00:59:47I mean, it's not blacked out properly, m'lady.
00:59:49Care to step in there?
00:59:50I've had a very disconcerting telephone call from Dr. Fruit.
00:59:53Very, m'lady.
00:59:54I hope there's nobody else.
00:59:55Where is your wife?
00:59:56Send her to me at once.
00:59:57The wife?
00:59:58Yes, m'lady.
01:00:00What's that noise?
01:00:01Oh, that's...
01:00:02That's the virus.
01:00:11Welcome home, m'lady.
01:00:12I brought you some elevensies.
01:00:14No!
01:00:15I'll go and switch the virus off.
01:00:17I understand this is unlikely.
01:00:18You have not been obeying Dr. Pope's instructions.
01:00:21By the way, where is my father?
01:00:22He's in bed.
01:00:23Ill?
01:00:24Oh, no, he's just sleeping it off.
01:00:25I mean, he's...
01:00:27Hey, quiet, everybody!
01:00:28Quiet!
01:00:29Quiet, for heaven's sake!
01:00:30You've all got to clear out of here.
01:00:31Lady Randall's back.
01:00:32I knew it was too good to last.
01:00:35I assure you, m'lady,
01:00:36nothing has been happening in this house
01:00:37that anyone could disapprove of.
01:00:45What have they done to you?
01:00:47Oh, I...
01:00:49Don't you like it?
01:00:50It's very fashionable.
01:00:51We copied it from Vogue.
01:00:52You wicked woman!
01:00:53You wicked, wicked woman!
01:00:56My cup!
01:00:57And the stairs!
01:00:58Oh!
01:00:59And the mirror!
01:01:00Yes, that was a bit of bad luck.
01:01:02Bad luck!
01:01:03Seven years' bad luck.
01:01:06Oh!
01:01:07Lady Randall!
01:01:11Who are these people?
01:01:12This is Miss Farrell and Mr. Forsyte
01:01:15and Mr. Potter, you know.
01:01:19Henry!
01:01:20There you are, Maggie.
01:01:21Come and join us.
01:01:22Henry!
01:01:23There you are, Maggie.
01:01:24Come and join us.
01:01:25You are drunk.
01:01:26Lady Randall, help me see the door.
01:01:29I promise you.
01:01:30Well, it wasn't us, m'lady.
01:01:32It was...
01:01:33It was the fireman.
01:01:34The fireman?
01:01:35Yes, he was looking for an incendiary bomb
01:01:36with an axe.
01:01:37But hadn't there a fire too?
01:01:38No, no, no, not here.
01:01:39Next door.
01:01:40Yes, we told the fireman it wasn't here,
01:01:42but he wouldn't believe us.
01:01:44That's her!
01:01:45No, that's him!
01:01:46What a mess!
01:01:47You put it on!
01:01:48I've got a complaint!
01:01:49All right!
01:01:50Ow!
01:01:51Bill! Bill!
01:01:52What have I done to you?
01:01:55It's all your fault, you little...
01:01:57I'll scratch your eye now!
01:01:58Don't touch me!
01:01:59Let me off!
01:02:00I'll scalp you!
01:02:01Ow!
01:02:02God, I am!
01:02:05She's a man!
01:02:06Fetch the police!
01:02:07Good idea, what?
01:02:11Bill!
01:02:15Hello? 999?
01:02:16Police! Police! Police!
01:02:19Well, that's service for you.
01:02:22Arrest those men.
01:02:23Arrest everybody.
01:02:24All right, we'll go into that in a moment.
01:02:25We've come to investigate a madman
01:02:26firing a gun in your room.
01:02:27Huh? In our room?
01:02:28Impossible!
01:02:29Well, there he goes again!
01:02:31This is where I...
01:02:33How's that?
01:02:34I missed him!
01:02:35Oh, must have gone beyond a cloud!
01:02:37Bill!
01:02:39Oh, Bill!
01:02:44Bill!
01:02:45Bill!
01:02:57There he goes!
01:02:59Hey, what do you think you're doing?
01:03:00Zeppelin! Zeppelin!
01:03:01Zeppelin?
01:03:02If I can only get me tooth in, he might be...
01:03:03That's a badass balloon!
01:03:04Come on, you little...
01:03:09It's all right, it's me!
01:03:10I wish somebody had my stash!
01:03:11It's me!
01:03:12Get me over there!
01:03:13Somebody's running after me!
01:03:14Well, then run fast!
01:03:15He's catching me!
01:03:16He's catching me!
01:03:17He's caught me!
01:03:18All right, I'll go quiet.
01:03:19You're past it.
01:03:20Past what?
01:03:21The shelter. We're all ready for the concert.
01:03:23Hurry, boys, girls, peoples!
01:03:24Come back!
01:03:25Come on!
01:03:31That was very nice of you, Officer.
01:03:33After all, there were only blanks in the garden.
01:03:35Oh, no, there weren't.
01:03:36Shut up!
01:03:37What's the trouble here?
01:03:38No one home for us.
01:03:39The people in that room.
01:03:40Arrest them all.
01:03:41Come this way.
01:03:44Good.
01:03:46Go on.
01:03:47Any idea where they're going?
01:03:48I know where they're going!
01:03:49You do?
01:03:50I should have gone with them.
01:03:52In fact, they can't start the concert without me.
01:03:54Concert?
01:03:55Yeah, in the Orchard Soup Shelter.
01:03:57I know everything.
01:03:58Do that!
01:04:01Oh, wait for me!
01:04:02Do, do, don't you be true
01:04:05Do, do what I mean
01:04:07Do, do as I do
01:04:09I'm not to prolong
01:04:11I'm happy that way
01:04:13I'm happy to come
01:04:14I'm happy to stay
01:04:16I'm great with all
01:04:18And yet so numb
01:04:20But happy to stay
01:04:21At all
01:04:22Do the time