مايا خليفة الممـــ١ا١ـ,ـرـسة كل يوم لم تكن حلمي انا كنت اريد ان اصبح مدرسة تاريخ!!!
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Short filmTranscript
00:00It makes me feel like...
00:04How did a girl who was brought by her parents to the United States from Lebanon, your home
00:09country, schooled in the United States, clearly smart, went to university in Texas, read history,
00:16how did you get involved with the sex porn industry?
00:21How did a girl who was brought by her parents to the United States from Lebanon, your home
00:27country, schooled in the United States, clearly smart, went to university in Texas, read history,
00:33how did you get involved with the sex porn industry?
00:39I don't think low self-esteem discriminates against anyone, it doesn't matter if you come
00:43from a great family or if you come from a not so great background.
00:48I struggled my entire childhood with weight and I never felt attractive or worthy of male
00:55attention and suddenly my first year of college I start losing all this weight from making
01:01small changes and by the time I graduated I was ready to make a bigger difference.
01:07I felt extremely self-conscious about my breasts because that was the first thing to go when
01:11I lost all the weight.
01:12I lost about 50 pounds, I don't know how many kilos that is, or stones.
01:17Well it's a considerable amount of weight, it changed you a lot, it changed you physically.
01:21So my biggest insecurity was my breasts so I wanted to more or less go back to what they
01:26normally were and once I did that I started garnering all this attention from men and
01:33I was never used to it and I felt like unless I held on to it and kind of did what was asked
01:41of me or what was expected of me it would go away and after feeling what it was like,
01:46that validation and the compliments for the first time, I did not want that to go away.
01:53You were spotted I think on a street, I mean there you were, you were a young graduate
01:57wanting to sort of find a job and you were spotted on a street by a guy who said I can
02:04work with you and clearly he opened up and said it's the porn business.
02:10What was it in you that far from running away was drawn into it?
02:16It wasn't, that's not how it was, it wasn't just hey do you want to come do porn, it was
02:21more so oh you're beautiful, would you like to do some modeling, oh you have a great body,
02:26I think you'd be great in nude modeling, things like that and after I came and toured the
02:31studio it was very respectable, it was a gorgeous location, it was in Miami, in Doral, Florida,
02:39it was clean, everyone who worked there was nice, all of their cubicles were decorated
02:44with family photos, like it was nothing dodgy or that made me uncomfortable and after, the
02:51first time I went in wasn't the first time I filmed a porn movie, it was the second time,
03:00the first time was more so do you want to do this, like sign the paperwork, etc, etc.
03:06So these guys, they just saw you frankly as a money machine.
03:10Absolutely.
03:11But you still had no advisors, you had no lawyer, you had no nothing, so I...
03:15What 21 year old has a lawyer on retainer?
03:19I'm just trying to get my head around how stressful this must have been and whether
03:24even now, because you sit here so poised and obviously a lot of time has passed and you've
03:28moved on, but do you think there is some sort of post-traumatic stress that is in you from
03:35this experience?
03:36Yes, and I think it kicks in mostly when I go out in public because the stares I get,
03:43I feel like people can see through my clothes and it brings me deep shame, it makes me feel
03:48like I lost all right to my privacy, which I did because I'm one Google search away.
03:58And those images, you cannot expunge, you have no right, even though it is deeply personal
04:05to you, you have no right to remove them from anybody's view around the world.
04:14It is very hard.
04:15It is.
04:16And I'm just thinking, this isn't, I mean this story is your story, but frankly it's
04:21also the story of other porn actors and actresses.
04:25I honestly started seeing that recently after the interview came out and people started
04:31reaching out and all of the emails go, my manager checks them and when he gets stuff
04:37like that he filters them and sends them to me.
04:40And reading the words of some of these girls who have been sex trafficked and forced into
04:45porn and all of these stories of girls whose lives have been ruined by it and by men who
04:50have taken advantage of them and by contracts that they didn't even understand the jargon
04:55of, it makes me feel like, OK, maybe it was good that I started talking and that I posted
05:02this interview and that I'm speaking out now because other people feel the same way.
05:08And even if they don't relate on as deep a level as, you know, doing porn, they can relate
05:14on the level of being insecure and being pressured into doing something they didn't want to do.
05:18You were wearing the Islamic headscarf, often known as hijab, and of course then it developed
05:25into a sort of a sex scene.
05:29You must have known how provocative that was.
05:32I verbatim told them, you guys are going to get me killed.
05:38And they said?
05:40They just laughed.
05:42Why didn't you then say, I'm not doing it?
05:45Intimidation.
05:46I was scared.
05:48I knew that if I said no, it would, you know, they're not going to force you to do it.
05:56That's, at that point, that's rape.
05:58No one's going to force you to have sex.
06:01But I was still scared.
06:02I mean, have you ever felt scared to, not scared, but nervous to speak up and say something
06:10at a restaurant when your food's not right and the waiter comes by and says, how is everything?
06:14I was intimidated.
06:15I was nervous.
06:16We interview a lot of people, and many of them are middle-aged or older.
06:19It's great to have somebody in the studio who's only 26 years old.
06:22There is a school of thought which says that our culture as a whole, and I'm not just talking
06:28about the United States or the UK, but many, many countries, is being pornified, and that
06:32young people in particular are so exposed to pornography, so young in their lives, that
06:38it's materially changing the way males and females relate to each other, the way they
06:43think about relationships, in a potentially very corrosive, damaging way.
06:49What's your take on that?
06:51Of course it affects relationships.
06:53Porn addiction is very prevalent in America, and I'm sure here, too.
06:59The things that men see in videos, they expect from the women in their lives, and that's
07:03just not reality.
07:05No one is going to be...