Classic British comedy following an accident-prone army Private, played by music hall legend Frank Randle in his final screen role, as he attempts to rescue a Corporal (played by icon Diana Dors) from the attentions of a predatory Sergeant-Major.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:30© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:01:00© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:01:30© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:02:00© BF-WATCH TV 2021
00:02:19I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault!
00:02:21You see, it was on the wrong side.
00:02:23I was only doing about 10 miles an hour, it was his fault.
00:02:25What are you talking about?
00:02:26You see, you've been dreaming.
00:02:28Who's been dreaming?
00:02:29You're the one who's been dreaming!
00:02:31He won't marry a flame, he doesn't frighten me like that!
00:02:33Well, get in!
00:02:35Bless his soul.
00:02:37Oh, dear.
00:02:38Hello, son.
00:02:39How are you?
00:02:40You've been enjoying yourself, haven't you?
00:02:41Enjoying themselves? I think he has.
00:02:43He only did a couple of smashing robberies while he's been away.
00:02:46What's his job in the army?
00:02:47Motor transport.
00:02:48I pinched a lorry when I deserted last time.
00:02:50Boy, how she flew!
00:02:51I might have known I was on the run.
00:02:53Ah, well, you'll be quite all right.
00:02:54You won't pinch anymore for a long time.
00:02:56Why, how long do you think I'll get?
00:02:57How long have you been away?
00:02:58Nearly six months.
00:02:59Six months!
00:03:00Six months!
00:03:01Come on.
00:03:02You think we could stop for a drink on the way down?
00:03:04A drink?
00:03:05An old drink for you today?
00:03:06It's all right, I'll pay.
00:03:07I've got a face of dough, lad.
00:03:08Who's got the money?
00:03:09Ah, that's different.
00:03:10Oh, yes.
00:03:11I know a lovely place.
00:03:12The mine is out.
00:03:13The mine is out?
00:03:14And a grand bar, mate.
00:03:15This is him.
00:03:16Right.
00:03:17It's me.
00:03:18Keep an eye on him.
00:03:19Yes.
00:03:28Keep an eye on him.
00:03:29Yes.
00:03:30Keep an eye on him.
00:03:31Keep an eye on him.
00:03:32Keep an eye on him.
00:03:33Keep an eye on him.
00:03:34Keep an eye on him.
00:03:35Keep an eye on him.
00:03:36Keep an eye on him.
00:03:37Keep an eye on him.
00:03:38Keep an eye on him.
00:03:39Keep an eye on him.
00:03:40Keep an eye on him.
00:03:41Keep an eye on him.
00:03:42Keep an eye on him.
00:03:43Keep an eye on him.
00:03:44Keep an eye on him.
00:03:45Keep an eye on him.
00:03:46Keep an eye on him.
00:03:47Keep an eye on him.
00:03:48Keep an eye on him.
00:03:49Keep an eye on him.
00:03:50Keep an eye on him.
00:03:51Keep an eye on him.
00:03:52Keep an eye on him.
00:03:53Keep an eye on him.
00:03:54Keep an eye on him.
00:03:55Keep an eye on him.
00:03:56Hello.
00:03:57Hello.
00:03:58Nice day?
00:03:59Very.
00:04:00Where are we?
00:04:01I'll have a bitter.
00:04:02A pint?
00:04:03A bitter.
00:04:04A pint.
00:04:05Where are we?
00:04:06I'll have a bitter.
00:04:07Four pints of bitter, a glass of fish soups, a small water bottle and a bayonet.
00:04:08Who wants a wood barn, lads?
00:04:09No thanks, not for me.
00:04:10No?
00:04:11Yes, please.
00:04:12All the same size?
00:04:13I think so.
00:04:14Thanks.
00:04:15Nice place this is.
00:04:16Not bad.
00:04:17You study doing?
00:04:18I do.
00:04:19I'm a doctor.
00:04:20I'm a doctor.
00:04:21I'm a doctor.
00:04:22I'm a doctor.
00:04:23I'm a doctor.
00:04:24I'm a doctor.
00:04:25You study doing or weren't you?
00:04:26About six months ago.
00:04:27Six months eh?
00:04:29It cost a bit of money.
00:04:31I say boys, did you hear the story about the two butterflies who went to a dance but they
00:04:34wouldn't let them in?
00:04:35Why not?
00:04:36It was a mop ball.
00:04:39I'll have it neatly if you don't mind.
00:04:40There you go.
00:04:45Those old cocks in the cornfields used to be very good at turning yarns didn't they?
00:04:49Aye all round for these measures
00:04:51I've certainly had it done.
00:04:52Oh, not for the world.
00:04:53He's one of about 85 and the other about 92.
00:04:55Really?
00:04:56Aye, deaf as a post.
00:04:57Cheer.
00:04:58Cheer.
00:04:58All the best.
00:04:59Remember that day, that's when I done,
00:05:00that day I was in and once in the early she's there,
00:05:03I say, I say here the Cyrus has lost his boat.
00:05:08I says, hey.
00:05:09And she says, I say here the Cyrus has lost his boat.
00:05:13I says, he's cut his throat.
00:05:15I says, what?
00:05:16I says, he's cut his throat.
00:05:17I says, no, he's lost his boat.
00:05:20Oh?
00:05:21Aye.
00:05:22I says, has he cut it much?
00:05:24He says, no, he's cut his blasted head off.
00:05:29I've had to get rid of that bulldog of mine.
00:05:31No wonder.
00:05:33About time, eh?
00:05:35Fierce?
00:05:35Fierce.
00:05:36No, no, no.
00:05:37Not half.
00:05:38Well, what about that day I was around there,
00:05:39grabbed my leg and, ah, well, I couldn't get it off.
00:05:43He couldn't, mate.
00:05:43He'd had no teeth.
00:05:44No, but it'd give me a nasty soak.
00:05:46Ah, excuse me a minute, lads.
00:05:51It's a good idea.
00:05:53Sit here.
00:05:54It's quiet in here today, isn't it?
00:05:56Very quiet.
00:05:57You've got no television?
00:05:58I've got one in the kitchen.
00:05:59Oh, aye?
00:06:00Oh, so she's the one we have at the camp home.
00:06:03Very good, very good.
00:06:04What meat is it?
00:06:05Huh?
00:06:05What meat is it?
00:06:06I think it was made by the Argentinian meat company.
00:06:08We use it as a fridge.
00:06:11Once again?
00:06:12Yes, I don't mind.
00:06:13Ah, thank you.
00:06:14Is it all right?
00:06:15Yes, sir.
00:06:15All right, thank you very much.
00:06:16More pints, man, I'll see you later.
00:06:18I didn't expect to meet you fellas here.
00:06:20No, I didn't expect to see you.
00:06:21We always come here, you know.
00:06:22We have every pub.
00:06:24We'll have one.
00:06:25I don't mind.
00:06:26A pint?
00:06:26A pint, yes.
00:06:27A pint and a half will do for you, won't it?
00:06:29Another pint and a half, landlord, please.
00:06:31Right.
00:06:32Hello.
00:06:33Hey.
00:06:33Be better.
00:06:34Hey.
00:06:35A funny thing happened to me.
00:06:36I can see that.
00:06:37Oh, eh?
00:06:38I was coming down the street and a little kid come up to me.
00:06:41He says, what time is it?
00:06:42Seven and three, please.
00:06:43How much?
00:06:44Seven and three.
00:06:44Right.
00:06:45All right.
00:06:46No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:06:47Yes, sir.
00:06:48Oh, aye.
00:06:50Thanks, Mr. Rockefeller.
00:06:51That's thanks.
00:06:51Thanks, Mr. Rockefeller.
00:06:52Hey, young lad.
00:06:53Ah.
00:06:54Where's he?
00:06:54I was coming down the street and a little kid come up to me.
00:06:57He says, what time is it?
00:06:58I says, a quarter to four.
00:06:59He says, well, when he gets four o'clock, get your hair cut.
00:07:03Oh.
00:07:04Oh.
00:07:04Oh, no.
00:07:05Oh, no, no.
00:07:06Never mind.
00:07:06Don't bother.
00:07:07Don't bother.
00:07:08What's up?
00:07:09He, uh.
00:07:09Well, why not?
00:07:10Let him go on his own.
00:07:11He's all right.
00:07:12Think so?
00:07:13Ah, he'll come back.
00:07:14Don't worry.
00:07:14I hope so.
00:07:15Of course, yes.
00:07:16Well, uh, I'll be there at something.
00:07:41I hope he hasn't scarred it.
00:07:42You hope?
00:07:43Oh, what did I tell you?
00:07:44He has?
00:07:44He's gone.
00:07:45He's away.
00:07:46Oh, what a dirty thing.
00:07:47A filthy mouse.
00:07:48Well, I told you.
00:07:49I told you.
00:07:49I told you.
00:07:50You didn't tell me I told you.
00:07:51Never mind.
00:07:52Never mind.
00:07:52Oh, have you had a good sleep?
00:07:54I mean, have you seen a man in a sheet?
00:07:56No, we've lost our poor peep.
00:07:57Deserter.
00:07:59He's gone.
00:07:59What are you talking about?
00:08:00Listen, I'll explain.
00:08:01We had a prisoner, but we had him.
00:08:02What happened now?
00:08:03He's gone.
00:08:03Going back to camp, you see?
00:08:04Oh, I see.
00:08:05Will you, will you?
00:08:06I'll phone the station.
00:08:07Thanks.
00:08:08Oh, hey, is he here?
00:08:09Is he here?
00:08:10Is he in the camp?
00:08:11That's him.
00:08:12Hey, does he look like him?
00:08:12Yes, he does.
00:08:13Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:08:16Come here.
00:08:18Come here.
00:08:19Hey.
00:08:23Hey, hey.
00:08:24Where did you get this jeep from?
00:08:25It belongs to our camp.
00:08:26It does not.
00:08:27Oh, yes, it does.
00:08:28This is an armoured jeep.
00:08:30It was.
00:08:30It was until I bought it.
00:08:31What did you do with it?
00:08:32Bought it.
00:08:32He bought it off that deserter.
00:08:34Come on, let's have a look.
00:08:36He's quite right.
00:08:36It's a private jeep.
00:08:37It's got a private number.
00:08:38Is it?
00:08:39Yes.
00:08:39All right.
00:08:41Come on.
00:08:41Bye.
00:08:42Bye.
00:08:42Are you all right?
00:08:43Bye.
00:08:49Bye.
00:08:50Bye.
00:08:53All right.
00:08:58Bye.
00:09:01Good game now.
00:09:03It was good.
00:09:05Is your body all right?
00:09:07Yeah.
00:09:08That was all right.
00:09:09We're going to have tea out here, yes, in the pub tonight.
00:09:36Tea for two, please.
00:09:37Thanks, Miss.
00:09:38Oh, yes.
00:09:39Yup.
00:09:40Heading near the camp now, aren't we?
00:09:41Yes, it's over there, about a mile along.
00:09:43That's where we're supposed to report.
00:09:45We haven't reported yet.
00:09:47You know, I don't feel like spending all my Sunday there, especially when I'm so near
00:09:52home.
00:09:53Well, couldn't you get leave of absence?
00:09:55Until I deliver this truck.
00:09:57Anyway, how would I get home?
00:09:59Walk, I suppose.
00:10:00It's about 18 miles.
00:10:02You know, there'd be a lot of trouble if you didn't report today.
00:10:06Yes, but there wouldn't be if we stuck to a story.
00:10:10Now, listen.
00:10:11We had engine trouble on the road, so we had to put up somewhere.
00:10:15Got it?
00:10:16Right.
00:10:32Would you girls be after going to the camp?
00:11:01I could do with a lift.
00:11:02Oh, I'm sorry.
00:11:03I've got an assignment a few miles beyond the camp.
00:11:05Oh, I see.
00:11:06Oh, no.
00:11:07It's not what you think.
00:11:08My home's there.
00:11:09Well, perhaps there'll be another transport along soon.
00:11:12I hope so.
00:11:13Sorry I couldn't oblige.
00:11:14Bye now.
00:11:15Goodbye.
00:11:16I hope he doesn't report us if he sees us at the camp.
00:11:19Why should he?
00:11:20Well, he's a sergeant major.
00:11:22What?
00:11:23Didn't you see his crown?
00:11:25No.
00:11:26Well, I did.
00:11:27Anyway, let's go.
00:11:28It's getting late.
00:11:29Okay.
00:11:59Let's go.
00:12:30Now, then, Private Randall, what are you to say about this deserter Barnes getting away
00:12:36and stealing the army jeep of which you were in charge?
00:12:38Oh, yes, sir.
00:12:39I...
00:12:40I...
00:12:41I said, what about this deserter Barnes who got away and stole the army jeep of which
00:12:45you were in charge?
00:12:46Oh, yes.
00:12:47Very, very bad show, sir.
00:12:48You see, it's very, very difficult because the chap who told me to back it, he must have
00:12:53been daft or something.
00:12:54Quiet, please.
00:12:55Stand to attention.
00:12:56Yes, I am.
00:12:57What are you talking about?
00:12:58I am at attention.
00:12:59I said, what are you talking about?
00:13:00I don't know, sir.
00:13:01He keeps interrupting us, sir.
00:13:02Be quiet and behave yourself.
00:13:03Will you have a word with mine, sir?
00:13:05Is this man mad?
00:13:06Put that away!
00:13:07Don't mind your own business.
00:13:09I'm talking to the corporal, not you.
00:13:11Sorry, copper.
00:13:12This, sir...
00:13:13What about Barnes?
00:13:14Ah, that's what we all ought to know, isn't it?
00:13:15Yes, he's opted...
00:13:16I don't blame him.
00:13:17I mean to say, he's gone, you see, sir.
00:13:18And this dog came out a number of feet, chap.
00:13:19What about Barnes?
00:13:20Ah, ah, Barnes, you see.
00:13:21Yes, well, what about him, sir?
00:13:22He's gone.
00:13:23He's gone.
00:13:24He's gone.
00:13:25He's gone.
00:13:27What about Barnes?
00:13:28Ah, Barnes, you see.
00:13:29Yes, well, what about him, sir?
00:13:30Do you know?
00:13:31No, never mind.
00:13:32It doesn't matter.
00:13:33Well, his wife, you see.
00:13:34She's terrible.
00:13:35He has four children, sir.
00:13:36Four.
00:13:37All four of them.
00:13:38One either a boy or a child.
00:13:39I'm not quite sure.
00:13:40And his wife.
00:13:41Very, very unfortunate.
00:13:42Nasty operation, sir.
00:13:43She's had.
00:13:44For rubbing stones.
00:13:45Slob stones.
00:13:46I think he's a gall...
00:13:47Gall stone.
00:13:48Have you seen a gall stone?
00:13:49Excuse me, sir.
00:13:50Look here.
00:13:51Now then.
00:13:52I'll draw you a chicken.
00:13:53Yes, sir.
00:13:54Don't you want a chicken, sir?
00:13:55What about Barnes?
00:13:56Yes, sir.
00:13:57Nobody to look after the children?
00:13:58Who?
00:13:59Barnes' children.
00:14:00Oh, yes, Barnes.
00:14:01He had some children.
00:14:02No one there at all.
00:14:03You told me there were four children.
00:14:04Yes, four.
00:14:05Yes, four.
00:14:06Yes, sir.
00:14:07There were three and another.
00:14:08And they all had no roost to their mouths.
00:14:09No roost.
00:14:10Nothing to eat but coal, sir.
00:14:11Had he no friends to look after them?
00:14:12Well, they were away, sir.
00:14:13Abroad.
00:14:14A witness, I think, sir.
00:14:15Awful place, I believe.
00:14:16I haven't been there.
00:14:17I haven't been there.
00:14:18I haven't been there.
00:14:19I haven't been there.
00:14:20I haven't been there.
00:14:21Awful place, I believe.
00:14:22I haven't been there.
00:14:23Had his wife no parents?
00:14:25She never had any as far as I know, sir.
00:14:27I think she could have had a mother.
00:14:29But, you see, she was bereft, you see.
00:14:31She was what?
00:14:32Did I say that?
00:14:33Yes.
00:14:34On her mother's side.
00:14:35From her father's side.
00:14:36Aunt Emily something.
00:14:37She was a...
00:14:38Wipe your nose!
00:14:39You wipe it.
00:14:40You're nearer to it than I am.
00:14:41Quiet!
00:14:42So she was an orphan?
00:14:43So I am led to believe, sir.
00:14:45Oh, by the way, Private Barnes gave this to me, sir.
00:14:48What's this?
00:14:49A piece of wood.
00:14:50What's it for?
00:14:51Not a word.
00:14:52Thank you.
00:14:53Quite.
00:14:54Yes, sir.
00:14:55And he also gave me this photograph, sir.
00:14:56Horrible, isn't it?
00:14:58It looks better the other way up, you know.
00:15:01That's right.
00:15:02Ah, they're certainly lovely children.
00:15:04It's a tragedy.
00:15:05That's the penalty of getting married too young.
00:15:07Yes, but evidently he's had his moments, sir.
00:15:09Ha ha!
00:15:10Mr. Pendinghast.
00:15:11Good morning.
00:15:12Oh, and how do you do?
00:15:13How do you find yourself this morning?
00:15:14Oh, I just found myself quite as usual.
00:15:16One hour, mate, and I found myself in bed.
00:15:18Ha ha!
00:15:19Have you brought these for me?
00:15:20Ah, just a moment.
00:15:21Don't interrupt.
00:15:22That's quite right.
00:15:23We're in conference, yes.
00:15:24Yes, sir.
00:15:25And tell me, how is that elderly son of yours?
00:15:27Give me those things!
00:15:28Fall out!
00:15:29Oh, very well.
00:15:30Excuse me.
00:15:31It's rather important.
00:15:32Well, hello.
00:15:33Yes, sir.
00:15:34I wish to speak to...
00:15:35Hello.
00:15:36No, I want to inquire if his wife has any more repercussions.
00:15:38Put that down!
00:15:39Oh, if you don't wish to know...
00:15:40Fall out!
00:15:41Fall out?
00:15:42He's almost falling out.
00:15:43Couldn't he walk out in the usual manner?
00:15:44Of course.
00:15:45Why shouldn't he?
00:15:46Yes.
00:15:47Well, I hope they won't be too severe upon you.
00:15:48Yes, of course.
00:15:49And this will be a case with only plastic eye.
00:15:50Yes.
00:15:51Yes, and...
00:15:52I'm going to.
00:15:53Can't I walk out?
00:15:54Yes.
00:15:55Yes.
00:15:56Private Randall.
00:15:57No, sir.
00:15:58Get out!
00:15:59Yes, yes.
00:16:00Don't be harsh.
00:16:01Private Randall.
00:16:02Sir, yes.
00:16:03Private Barnes, your deserter, was not married.
00:16:04He wasn't married, sir.
00:16:05Bless my soul.
00:16:06The filthy bow-outer.
00:16:07He has a father and mother still living.
00:16:08Well, he doesn't deserve it.
00:16:09That's all I can say.
00:16:10Well, I hope I've done correct in letting him go home with his wife.
00:16:11Yes, sir.
00:16:12Yes, sir.
00:16:13Yes, sir.
00:16:14Yes, sir.
00:16:15I hope I've done correct in letting him go home with the jeep.
00:16:16And I assure you, he'll be here with the jeep tomorrow, sir.
00:16:17Oh, take him away, son, Major.
00:16:18I'll deal with him later.
00:16:19Keep quiet and stand to attention.
00:16:20At any moment, it's rather important is this.
00:16:21I do wish to thank you very, very much indeed for your kind courtesy.
00:16:22And if I can reciprocate in any small modicum in the future, I certainly will acquiesce.
00:16:23And I'm more than delighted to have met you, sir.
00:16:24Private Randall.
00:16:25Well, thank you.
00:16:26Attention!
00:16:27Right turn!
00:16:28Quick march!
00:16:29Yes.
00:16:30Very nice.
00:16:31Thank you.
00:16:32Thank you.
00:16:33Thank you.
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00:37:26Thank you.
00:37:28Thank you.
00:37:29Afterwards...
00:37:30Oh, never forget.
00:37:31Oh, by the way, sir, I rather fancy this for the...
00:37:36The fail is down.
00:37:39So I see.
00:37:40Now, let's have no more nonsense.
00:37:43You've got that rifle upside down.
00:37:45Well, I like it better this way.
00:37:47It's more restful, you know.
00:37:48Turn it up the other way.
00:37:50Here, give me that rifle.
00:37:52That's the way up, that way.
00:37:54I don't want it now, thank you.
00:37:56Oh, thank you. I'd rather have my own.
00:37:59You mind, Mr. Young?
00:38:01Yes, sir.
00:38:03All such things to be my own.
00:38:06Very sure. That cardboard dinghy is it not?
00:38:10Squad! Squad! Attention!
00:38:14Slow! Halt!
00:38:16As you were, as you were! Let's have some snap into it!
00:38:19Wait a moment, please.
00:38:21Squad! Slow! Halt!
00:38:23Come on now, let's have some life into it!
00:38:25As you were!
00:38:27Squad! Slow! Halt!
00:38:33It's gone. Gone. Would you mind...
00:38:36Quiet! Get back into the ranks there!
00:38:38Very well.
00:38:40Blount, pull out fetched rifles.
00:38:42I wouldn't do that if I were you.
00:38:44Having people running about,
00:38:46why don't you use a little more restraint whilst you're on duty?
00:38:49Hmm?
00:38:51There.
00:38:53What?
00:38:55Oh, thank you. Yours is it?
00:38:57I feel again.
00:38:59Thank you.
00:39:03Would you four gentlemen mind placing your rifles on your left shoulders?
00:39:08Now, that's the right way to speak to us.
00:39:10Don't do it!
00:39:12Squad! Squad! Squad!
00:39:14Quick march! Left, right, left, right!
00:39:17Left, right, left, right!
00:39:19Left, right, left, right!
00:39:21Left, right, left, right!
00:39:23Pick it up there! Pick it up!
00:39:25Left, right, left, right!
00:39:27Quick march!
00:39:29Halt!
00:39:31What the devil do you think you're trying to do?
00:39:34Take the mickey out of your sarsen, Major?
00:39:36Get fell in here at once!
00:39:40Cover off there! Cover off!
00:39:42That's better. That's better.
00:39:47Uh, Sergeant, please.
00:39:49Ah, well?
00:39:51A fine body of men.
00:39:53All of them.
00:39:55I've never seen anything like them in all me life.
00:39:58Now, that's the right way to talk to the boys.
00:40:00Yes.
00:40:01You ain't seen nothing yet.
00:40:03I knew we'd surprise you.
00:40:05You certainly have. Pardon me, sir.
00:40:07May I be allowed, my colleague and my distinguished friend and colleague,
00:40:12to give you a practical demonstration in the art of modern scientific maneuvers?
00:40:17What?
00:40:19I do think, my friend, Dr. Livingstone is correct.
00:40:23And I agree with him.
00:40:24Well, I'd certainly like to see those modern methods.
00:40:27In that case, stand aside, please.
00:40:29Thank you.
00:40:30Uh, well, first of all,
00:40:33good afternoon, gentlemen.
00:40:35Good afternoon, Mr. Randall.
00:40:37There you are. Politeness for a start, you see.
00:40:40Baa, baa, black sheep.
00:40:42I've met you all.
00:40:43You see, they even know that, you see.
00:40:45Now, then, gentlemen, at the word of command,
00:40:47one, two, just place your left toe forward in like manner.
00:40:51Like that, you see.
00:40:52Now, go back to where you were.
00:40:54Now, all together, one, two.
00:40:57Jump, jump, jump.
00:40:59Jump, jump, jump.
00:41:01Off we go.
00:41:10Halt! Halt!
00:41:29Halt! Halt!
00:41:35Hey, come back there!
00:41:37Halt! Halt!
00:41:41You're a big man, you see.
00:41:46I beg your pardon.
00:41:47What's the matter?
00:41:48Touch your wind.
00:41:50Oh, you caught us.
00:41:54So, there you are, Randall.
00:41:56What have you done with the rest of the squad?
00:41:58I've dismissed them.
00:41:59Dismissed them?
00:42:00Yes, and they're not coming back.
00:42:01What do you mean you've dismissed them?
00:42:03It's part of the training.
00:42:04Don't you know that they've got to attend a lecture?
00:42:06A lecture? What's that?
00:42:08what a lecturer is. Yes, what is it? You'll find out when you attend the dining hall.
00:42:13You'll be issued with paper and pencils. What, to eat? No, to suck. I hope they're kosher.
00:42:18No, not to eat. To make notes. What, five pound notes? You'll get us all pinched.
00:42:24Nobody said anything about five pound notes. They did. To make notes of what the lecturer says.
00:42:29Oh, well what is he going to tell us? How the devil do I know what he's going to tell us?
00:42:33What are you asking us for? I don't know. You'll find out when you get there. Now then, you two men,
00:42:38fall out. He's done nothing to me. Let's have a bit more quietness. A little more decorum,
00:42:46please. What do you want? I want them to go. Oh, the sergeant wants you to go. Be gone.
00:42:53Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Now then, Private Randall. Yes. You report to Colonel Waterhouse
00:42:58and tell him we're ready for the lecture. What, what house? Colonel Waterhouse. Oh, yes. Hey,
00:43:03we don't call him Waterhouse. Oh, what do you call him? Albert. Go on with it. All right,
00:43:11very good, Sarge. I shall go, and before I go, I shall like to say that I'm going,
00:43:16in a stanza, as it were, and I shall report to Colonel Waterhouse and tell him. He knows me
00:43:23very well, Mr. Albert, and I shall report you to him, too. All right. Good day.
00:44:23Get up! Colonel, Colonel, come on, wakey, wakey. The larks are at it. Come on. Wait, Colonel.
00:44:47Hey, Colonel. Come on. Come on. I beg your pardon. Never mind. You can die after this.
00:44:56You're good, sir. Come on. Up you get. Come on. Hey, get up! Where is he? He's gone. Where the
00:45:03hell is he? Hey, oh, there you are. Come on. Colonel, sit. That's it. Nice, eh? Oh, dear,
00:45:11dear. No way. Oh, all right, then. Oh, dear, dear. Come on, Colonel, your lecture.
00:45:21Huh? Your lecture. Oh, you do it, old man. You do it. Oh, dear. That's an idea. I've always
00:45:29wanted to be a Colonel. I'll do it. There's his cover. All right. Here. There's your baby.
00:45:37Just that. I'll make a good do with this. He seems a bit hot. Excuse me.
00:45:50You'll be all right in a bit. That's right.
00:45:55That's it. You'll be all right now. Yes. Can we soak up? I'll make you so warm. Yes, that's it.
00:46:01Leave it to me. I won't let it out.
00:46:18Right. Pay attention. What did he say? Go and get your pension? That's right. He did, didn't he?
00:46:23I don't know what he said. I'm so excited, I can't hear a word. Can't you hear? Pay attention.
00:46:28And put that cigarette out. They better have only just lit it, man. Never mind. Put it out. Who said
00:46:33anything about smoking? You did. I was here at the time when you said it. I was sitting on his
00:46:36very right. And they cost toppings each. Never mind what they cost. Put out those cigarettes. I wish
00:46:41I'd have gone in a coal mine. What again? He says he wants to go in a coal mine. I heard that. If you
00:46:49don't let this coal mine drop, you know what I'm going to do with you. Who said that? Morning,
00:46:54sir. Morning, men. Morning, sir. What a shower.
00:47:02Now, first of all, may I borrow your stick? Thank you very much indeed. Now, this is a lecture
00:47:10about this newfangled contraption, the bazooka. The what? Pardon? The what? Bazooka.
00:47:17A bazooka? Pardon me asking you, but how would you spell this bazooka? Yes. That's what I thought.
00:47:25Do they have them in coal mines? Oh, yes, but they've got shutters in there. Has anyone got
00:47:31a woodbine on them? I've got one. Thank you very much. Why does he call this a bazooka? You don't
00:47:35mind if I smoke, do you, gentlemen? Yes, sir. Certainly. Get rid of this lot. We'll get a new
00:47:40batch in. Now, by the way, pardon me butting in again, but how this goes, the bazooka, how would
00:47:50you spell it? Well, of course, you are being very difficult, aren't you? Well, I'm only asking.
00:47:57It's spelt with a B, a buzz, a hook, and a ha-ha. Yes, but you remember where you are. I say, sir,
00:48:05shall we draw it? If you're a daft man, you can have a go. Oh, I'll close the window,
00:48:09sir. What for? Well, you said there was draughtsman. I say, can it see? It's a damn good job it can't
00:48:17see you. It'll collapse. Sir, may I put my spoke in? Where? In. Don't put any spokes in. It's got
00:48:28a muzzle and it can't bite and it's got an eye but it can't see. What use is it? No damn good at all.
00:48:35Silence! Please, stop the noise. Now, pardon me asking you, but what is that thing there for?
00:48:43Which? That black pudding of hers. Oh, I see. Well, this is to look through if you see the enemy
00:48:50and if you don't see the enemy, you bung it up again, you see, and that is no remarks. Please,
00:48:58I've heard that sort of thing before. What is it actually for, sir? You can see through it if you
00:49:02desire. What do you see, sir? Nothing, but... What is it? Nothing. It frightened me too. Frightened
00:49:09me too. You could use this as an ashtray. You drop the ash through the top like that. It goes
00:49:16through the bottom. That saves emptying the ashtray, shouldn't it, sir? Something similar to
00:49:23like the silent mortar. Yes. Where could I put this? Don't tell me, please. Yes, thank you.
00:49:29Now, here we have the newest contraption. May I ask what is that for? Of course.
00:49:38If you notice, it is an improvement on the latest 3D novelty. It goes this way or it goes that way.
00:49:46If you have a man with one eye, you turn it in such manner. A man with three eyes,
00:49:51turn it like that. It doesn't matter whether he has one eye, two eyes or three eyes,
00:49:56he'll still see nothing. Excuse me, please. Supposing he's cross-eyed? Ah, well then,
00:50:04he sees backwards. Still nothing there, but that's the idea of the whole thing,
00:50:09to fool the enemy, you know. Very nice of you boys, but I'm not that very inclined.
00:50:17Good morning, ladies. Good morning.
00:50:18Would you come this way, please? Thank you.
00:50:25How are you? Oh, glad you're... What are you doing here?
00:50:30Why wouldn't you get you interested in my bazooka?
00:50:35What are you doing dressed like that? I'm impersonating the Colonel. Why? He's
00:50:39under the influence of ink wall. I mean, he's softened. Top secret. Oh, I see. Yes, well,
00:50:46uh, if the boys don't mind... No, no, no, I've got a job to do. I've got to go and see the Sergeant
00:50:51Major. I'll see you later, huh? Very good. Sergeant Major, would you detail someone to
00:51:04help me load my lorry? Of course I will. I'll send him to you right away. Thank you.
00:51:07Private Rubenstone, report to Corporal Clements at once. Such a pleasure.
00:51:24So it's you, I said. I thought it was all the time. I'm not here. I'm somewhere else. What's the
00:51:29idea? Well, it's like this, Sergeant Major. The Colonel, he was indisposed, you see, and he asked
00:51:33me to take the lecture for him because he knows nothing. He did what? Yes, he did. He knows nothing
00:51:37about this. I know twice as much as he does. I don't believe a word you're saying. Oh, yes,
00:51:41I've been working on this for a long, long time, you see. It's one of those marvellous contraptions.
00:51:44They work by remote control. It works how? High-pitched sound, you see. Hand me the bell,
00:51:49will you please? Whatever, don't ring it, please. Don't ring it. All you have to do is to ring the
00:51:54bell and the high-pitched note sets the machinery into motion, right? I don't believe that. Don't
00:51:58give me that. Private Green reporting, Corporal. Where did you spring from? The Sergeant sent me.
00:52:17Well, what happened to the other man that was helping me? Oh, I sacked him. Why? Well, he had
00:52:21a wife and a couple of kids. He hasn't got them here, has he? No, but he never stops thinking
00:52:25about them and, well, one can't do one's job properly if one's thinking of other things,
00:52:28can one? I suppose not. Whereas I, being single and completely unattached, can give all my
00:52:34thoughts to you. Well, I suggest you start giving your thoughts to some of the stuff that's got to
00:52:38be loaded. It's very fragile. Where do you want it? In the truck, and there's a nice heavy one
00:52:42there for you to start with. Thank you, Corporal. Here you are. Oh, no, not there. Over on the other
00:52:54side. I want to leave room for some more stuff. Are you loaded yet? Oh, very nearly. Where's the
00:53:06man I detailed to help you? He's up there trimming the load. Is he working well? No complaints.
00:53:10Good. What are you doing tonight? Oh, I don't know. You're going to a dance with me. I gave
00:53:16you the ticket. Well, I have got a date already. Then break it. Remember what I said. I can make
00:53:22life easy for you here, or I can make it difficult. You take your choice. You're booked with me
00:53:27tonight, and that's an order. Hey, you, put a jerk in it. If you're not finished loading in five
00:53:31minutes, you'll be on the 252. What a bump idea that man would make. Well, if you don't want him
00:53:38back here, you better get this stuff in quick. Look, there's a box down there, and there's another
00:53:42one at the back. Can I come in front with you? No, you better get in the back till we get outside
00:53:58camp. All right, I need to go outside camp. Get cracking, Corporal. Okay.
00:54:18Oh, youngster, your canteen orderly. Go to the naffy, get the tea wagon,
00:54:27and take it over to the sergeant's mess. The naffy, the tea sergeant's mess.
00:54:47Get on your foot, eh?
00:54:54Very humorless. Yeah, very amusing.
00:55:18Now look at the mess you've made. I'll have no money now for the next 10 years. Still, why worry?
00:55:25The army is money to burn. I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry. You are? You do, apparently. I certainly do.
00:55:32Well, in that case, then, sir, I am a gentleman. Well, you amaze me. Oh, dear, would you care for a
00:55:38cup of tea? Even if it's army tea, I should be marveled and delighted. We have other words for
00:55:42it, but never mind. You ought to have handed me the handle, sir. Oh, I beg your pardon. I'm sorry.
00:55:48Quite a gentleman. Would you help yourself? There's the urn. Oh, you thought it was a
00:55:53television. Here's the urn. Now, what kind would you like? Would you like the small ones? These are
00:55:58rather nutty, full of blood. No, I prefer the other ones, please. You would? The one at the
00:56:02back. The one at the back. I tell you what we have got. We've got a nice sponge one here.
00:56:08We'll have a cup of tea, I beg your pardon. We'll have a cup of tea, any of you.
00:56:14It's the roof leaking. The roof. It's the roof.
00:56:21Can I have a drop of tea, any of you? Of course, sir. Tea? With pleasure.
00:56:30Would you mind? Certainly. Thank you. That's enough. Enough? Would that do for you? Yes,
00:56:36thank you. Holy mackerel, what goes on here? Don't you know you're in the army? Haven't you
00:56:53read Queen's regulations? Yes, but we're having a bit of fun, you know. What goes on here?
00:57:01We're having a tea party.
00:57:05Put that man under the roof.
00:57:32Thank you.
00:57:40You're a bit late, aren't you? Just a little, sir. Have they finished now? Yes, sir. Good.
00:57:45How about the pictures tonight? Well, I've got a terrible headache. There's the thing now. Do you
00:57:50know I've got a headache myself? A nice quiet drive in the country would do us both a lot of
00:57:55good. That's what I've been doing all day. And this thing. How about coming in my car?
00:58:01I've only just bought it. I had a bit of luck with the horses. I know a nice pub in Vashley where
00:58:07we could have a lovely quiet evening together. What do you say? Well, I think that's absolutely
00:58:12charming of you, Sergeant Major, but we've had a very busy day and I really can't see... You speak
00:58:15when you're spoken to, Green, and not before, do you understand? Yes, sir. How about you? Well,
00:58:20not tonight, thank you. Some other time. You haven't forgotten what I said the other day,
00:58:24have you? You don't want me to be difficult, do you? I might have to crime you. Crime me for what?
00:58:31Well, there's always lots of crimes around if you really look hard for them. You were late in
00:58:36tonight and you were absent without leave the other weekend, weren't you? Excuse me,
00:58:42Corporal, have you any further use of me? That'll be all, Green. That'll be all.
00:58:48Oh, thank you so very much, Sergeant Major.
00:58:52There was an old woman over there. Oh, here, fellas. Will you help me? Certainly.
00:58:58Oh, that's what they said, wasn't it? All for one and once for all. Aye, and each for two.
00:59:03Tea for two. Who's having tea? I don't know.
00:59:07Big Head O'Reilly's trying to kidnap my girl in his car. Will you help me try and stop him?
00:59:10Stop him? We'll asparagus him. They're over there together now. Has he got a car, then, now? Yes,
00:59:16I'll show you, that's it. I bet he's made that out of the money he's scrounged from us. He's
00:59:21got it out of the canteen funds, I'll bet. What are we going to do about it? Hey, I'll tell you
00:59:25what. We'll break his car into little pieces. Oh, look at you, I'm surprised that you're making
00:59:30a suggestion like that, man. Well, what do you suggest, then? I can suggest something,
00:59:33but you wouldn't do it. You get in there and sit down. You'll find she's as comfortable as a feather
00:59:38bed. Now, in a minute, we'll be off like a bird. She's a lovely car. When I get her started...
00:59:50I wonder what's wrong with her. I've never had this trouble before.
00:59:57I filled up at the dump.
01:00:01Look, I think you'd better call me when you've got it fixed.
01:00:04Don't go away now. I'll have it right in a minute.
01:00:10That's the thing.
01:00:19So,
01:00:34but the devil's the matter with him. Why, whatever's the matter, Sergeant? I don't know.
01:00:39I've got a little engine trouble, that's all. Engine trouble? Do any of you know anything
01:00:42about cars? Well, I know a little, very little, but there's the lad. He knows it all. Oh, fine.
01:00:48Would you mind giving me a hand? With the car? Yes. Certainly. Where is it? Well, right here
01:00:52under your elbow. Is it? What do you think it is, a lighter? Looks more like a mousetrap to me.
01:00:58I'll do my best. Which is the way in? Through the door. Oh, I see. Thank you.
01:01:04We'll have it ready for you in less than three weeks or a month. Yes. Where's the wing?
01:01:09On the other side, you Amazon. Oh, I see. No, no, right in front of you. Oh, is that it?
01:01:15Oh, I'm sorry. I beg your pardon. Will you please open the door?
01:01:19Thank you. Oh, it serves me right for asking. Right, will you close it now?
01:01:28Oh, I see. Five, eleven, twenty-six. What the devil do you think you're playing at?
01:01:34Yes, what number will you have? I'll have another number. Yes.
01:01:37Ah, freeze it with it. It's a bit loose, I think. I know that. You won't need that.
01:01:45Have you switched on? Of course I have. I turned the switch to the left. To the left.
01:01:51You should have turned it to the right. Oh, to the right. Yes, of course. Open the door,
01:01:54will you? Thank you very much. We'll have it ready, don't worry. Shall I turn over on the
01:01:58handle again? Just give her a turn over. All right. I can't shift her at all.
01:02:06Ah, I think you should tighten up with the extremity and the traveler. That's it.
01:02:17Mind you're on the proper way. Ah, bless my soul. That's the trouble. There appears to be an
01:02:22engine in the car. Oh, why not? Is there one? Oh, I see. Ah, I see the trouble. Ah, yes,
01:02:29hence the consta of the pie-blunch. Is there really? Yes, I'll be after actually for your
01:02:33light. Would you mind? Of course. Come on, sir, hurry up. There you are. It's the tantalizer,
01:02:39I suppose. Is it what it is? Yes. Where's the tantalizer? The octagonal square piece.
01:02:44But it's dark. I can't see. Give it a turn. Give it a turn, please. Ready?
01:03:03Come on.
01:03:33Hey!
01:03:41Will you get up?
01:03:48He! Help! Help! Hey!
01:03:52Yeah, I'll be careful of him.
01:03:56Right.
01:04:05I'll see myself listening about this.
01:04:09I'll tear you to pieces if you don't let me go.
01:04:11Get up!
01:04:27Ah, shut up.
01:04:35Oh, good. I want to go. Listen, you got to break him up when you get in there.
01:04:40I want to break him up.
01:04:55Let's have a sip of that.
01:04:57A sip of that? There you are.
01:04:59It's very good, isn't it, sir? Still breathing?
01:05:14When are they going to make him up? I think he's about ready with the key.
01:05:18Get up! Take me to bed. Take me to bed.
01:05:24He's really nice, isn't he? You'll be okay when we finish with him.
01:05:26What's that easy play, doc? Get up!
01:05:28Oh, dear, dear, dear.
01:05:32Where's my mother?
01:05:40When I get fit, I'll tear the living stuff out of the...
01:05:46Oh, my mother!
01:05:48Careful!
01:05:50Careful!
01:05:54Now then, don't run him off like that.
01:06:02Oh, wet him. Put something on him.
01:06:04Take it easy now. Take it easy.
01:06:06Take it easy.
01:06:08Take it easy.
01:06:10All right.
01:06:12Oh!
01:06:14That's the fella.
01:06:16Who? Me?
01:06:18Get out of the way.
01:06:20It's a lie.
01:06:22None of that.
01:06:24I'll report it.
01:06:26I'll report it.
01:06:28Now, look here.
01:06:30What's going on?
01:06:32Oh!
01:06:34Oh, yes.
01:06:36Oh!
01:06:38Oh!
01:06:40Now, sir, we've got a problem here.
01:06:42What problem, sir?
01:06:49DRAMATIC MUSIC
01:06:54No fair fight.
01:06:56And no one's going to punch in.
01:06:58And no interference in the ropes.
01:07:00You know.
01:07:02When I say break, break.
01:07:04And when I say you go back to your corners, back to your corners.
01:07:06No more fighting.
01:07:18Take it easy, take it easy, take it easy, get him off, give it to him, give it to him,
01:07:47give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
01:08:09it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to
01:08:31him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him,
01:08:58give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
01:09:18it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to
01:09:45him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him,
01:10:00give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
01:10:27it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to
01:10:56him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him,
01:11:24give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
01:11:53it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to
01:12:22him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him
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01:17:51give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
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01:22:07him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him,
01:22:36give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it
01:23:05to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him,
01:23:34give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
01:23:54it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to
01:24:22him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him
01:24:52give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
01:25:22it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to
01:25:29him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him,
01:25:36give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
01:25:41it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to
01:25:46him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him,
01:25:52give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give
01:25:59it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to
01:26:06him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him,
01:26:22give it to him, give it to him, give it to him, give it to him.
01:26:52Did you see Paula Clements go out?
01:27:09Yes, Sergeant Major.
01:27:10Which way did she go?
01:27:11She said she wanted an early night.
01:27:12She took the short cut over the bridge.
01:27:13Right.
01:27:14Good night, Sergeant Major.
01:27:15Good night.
01:27:17Why are you running away?
01:27:35Isn't that rather obvious?
01:27:37Come on now, don't talk like that.
01:27:39Ever since I've known you I've made it quite clear that I don't want anything to do with
01:27:43you.
01:27:44Isn't that enough?
01:27:45Can't we be friends?
01:27:46Nice to be an enemy?
01:27:47Can't you leave anyone alone?
01:27:49You were mixed up in that Phil Green business,
01:27:51now weren't you?
01:27:52Why?
01:27:53Because it was a dirty trick of yours,
01:27:54trying to get him sent overseas
01:27:55just because you were jealous of him.
01:27:56Anyway, there's no point in standing here arguing.
01:27:58Please let me go.
01:27:59I will not.
01:28:00What?
01:28:01Can't you see you're not wanted?
01:28:03Don't touch me!
01:28:04Get away!
01:28:06Get away!
01:28:10No!
01:28:46No!
01:29:17Paula, Paula, are you all right?
01:29:19Yes, she'll be all right.
01:29:20Why, what's happened?
01:29:21It was that, that Rotter O'Reilly.
01:29:23That was nice work, Private Randall.
01:29:24Go and get my car, Private Young.
01:29:26Do you think she'll be all right?
01:29:27Yes, she's all right.
01:29:29Let's get her out.
01:29:46Let's go.
01:30:17Many happy returns to Paula with love from the boys.
01:30:20Managed to catch the 4.30 express.
01:30:22Wonderful.
01:30:23That sounds like a car now.
01:30:24It might be them.
01:30:35Halt!
01:30:37Ladies, I brought you a ration.
01:30:39Gentlemen, hop it.
01:30:40Left turn.
01:30:41Left turn.
01:30:43Left turn.
01:30:44Left turn.
01:30:45Let the devil about turn.
01:30:48And a left wheel.
01:30:52Halt!
01:30:53Excuse me, my dear.
01:30:54Thank you.
01:30:56Well, chaps, I've picked mine out.
01:30:58It's every man for himself.
01:31:00What is?
01:31:02Let me get at it.
01:31:07Oh, my dear lady.
01:31:08Adieu, sir.
01:31:09Of course, you know my friend, Miss Eunice von Negepen, don't you?
01:31:12We know each other well.
01:31:14Of course.
01:31:14Oh, bless you.
01:31:15I hope you're frantically well.
01:31:18I'm more than blessed myself.
01:31:20The lady appears to have disappeared.
01:31:22Good heavens, where's he got to?
01:31:24Are you about?
01:31:25Oh, I'm doing, I, did I,
01:31:27you startled me for a moment.
01:31:29Well, well, well.
01:31:31I'm delighted to meet you, Mr.
01:31:32I beg your pardon.
01:31:33Sergeant Major Randolph.
01:31:35Oh, always forgiven, sir.
01:31:35Is there anything you want?
01:31:37Oh, yes.
01:31:38I'll get that for myself later on, I hope.
01:31:39Yes, yes, yes.
01:31:42I would like to see your wine cellar.
01:31:44Certainly, come with me.
01:31:45Thank you.
01:31:46You will forgive the nonce, won't you?
01:31:47Certainly.
01:31:48Perhaps later I will have a spot of moonlight bathing
01:31:50or something like that.
01:31:53Oh, yes.
01:31:57You will forgive us, sir?
01:31:58Of course, we'll see you later.
01:32:00Come along, sir.
01:32:01Now, pardon me, I always go down steps this way.
01:32:03Yes.
01:32:06We'll, we'll, I say, oh,
01:32:08I'm afraid I tripped over your foot.
01:32:11It's a tiger, isn't it?
01:32:12Which is the way to the, I'll find it myself.
01:32:15First on the right, second on the left,
01:32:17and down the steps.
01:32:18No, no, it's the wine cellar I want.
01:32:20Oh, hey, I see, yes.
01:32:22I'll find it myself.
01:32:23Bye-bye, sir.
01:32:25Look after the pussy, I mean the tiger.
01:32:26See, first on the left, second on the right.
01:32:29And down.
01:32:30Into the ridge.
01:32:41Thank you, sir, thank you so much.
01:32:43Thank you.
01:32:52Congratulations.
01:32:56How are you?
01:33:11Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great privilege
01:33:14to introduce to you Miss Winifred Atwell.
01:33:17Miss Atwell happens to be in the district
01:33:19entertaining the troops at the various army camps
01:33:22with her brilliant artistry on the piano,
01:33:24and she's very kindly consented to come here
01:33:26this evening to play for us.
01:33:28I'm delighted.
01:33:29Thank you.
01:33:30Thank you.
01:33:31Thank you.
01:33:32Thank you.
01:33:33Thank you.
01:33:34Thank you.
01:33:35Thank you.
01:33:36Thank you.
01:33:37Thank you.
01:33:38Thank you.
01:33:39Thank you.
01:33:40Thank you.
01:33:41Thank you.
01:34:10♪
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01:38:18Well, I've never seen one like this back home.
01:38:20How quaint, isn't it?
01:38:21I've been offered quite a lot of money for it,
01:38:23but I don't want to sell.
01:38:24You see, it's a family relic,
01:38:26and I'd like to keep it in the family.
01:38:28May I try it?
01:38:29Please do.
01:38:30I'm afraid you won't get much tone out of it.
01:38:33♪
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01:40:41Thank you once again.
01:40:42You know, it was really quite wonderful.
01:40:43Why, it's a marvellous old piano.
01:40:45May I get you a drink?
01:40:46Well, I will come back later if you don't mind.
01:40:48I must dash away now.
01:40:49I have an early show at the cab.
01:40:51Come on.
01:41:02One moment, please.
01:41:04I...
01:41:05I should like to take this opportunity
01:41:07to tell you all how happy we are
01:41:09to see you here this evening
01:41:11on this highly important occasion
01:41:13which not only celebrates our daughter's 21st birthday
01:41:17but also her engagement to Philip Green
01:41:20who I think you will agree
01:41:21will make her a very charming husband.
01:41:23Well, there isn't very much that I can say
01:41:27other than I'm very happy
01:41:29to see you all here this evening
01:41:31and I sincerely hope that you all enjoy yourselves.
01:41:34And I would like to thank Sergeant Major Randall
01:41:38once again for coming to my rescue
01:41:41at a very, very special occasion.
01:41:43And I would like to thank
01:41:45Sergeant Major Randall once again
01:41:48for coming to my rescue
01:41:50at a very, very special occasion.
01:41:52And I will see you at a very vital moment.
01:41:55Thank you.
01:42:01You seem terribly embarrassed.
01:42:04But I think the time has arrived
01:42:06when we ought to have the cake.
01:42:08Of course!
01:42:12I'm sorry, Phil.
01:42:16Well, here we are.
01:42:22Oh, I'm sorry I've spilled my drink.
01:42:30Shall we cut it together, my sweet?
01:42:32Why not?
01:42:33We're going to do everything else together from now on.
01:42:37Happy birthday to you
01:42:40Happy birthday to you
01:42:44Happy birthday, dear Paula
01:42:48Happy birthday to you
01:43:18Mrs. Clements, Mr. Clements, and their lovely daughter Paula here,
01:43:27non-commissioned officers, men, and ladies and gentlemen of our present company tonight.
01:43:35I would just like to say I receive your most kind remarks with heartfelt gratitude,
01:43:43and I would like to also add that should the occasion arise, I would do the selfsame thing ever again.
01:43:51But on the next occasion, I would like more clean water in the canal,
01:43:57because I happen to get a gob full and I can taste it yet, and dead cats don't taste so nice.
01:44:04And since I've been made into a kiltie, or joined the merry happy throng from the north,
01:44:14that reminds me, there's a hell of a draft coming from somewhere.
01:44:18Where's it coming from?
01:44:19Oh, no. No, I can say I don't know where it's coming from, but I know exactly where it's going to, but I won't.
01:44:26And I do want to say that I am mere and happy that you've all come here tonight just to see myself.
01:44:35Good old son.
01:44:36Cheers.
01:44:37Good old son.
01:44:38He's a grand lad.
01:44:40Grand fella.
01:44:41Hey, oh, goodness gracious.
01:44:43Oh, goodness gracious.
01:44:44Ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served.
01:44:47Dinner.
01:44:48But I can't believe it.
01:44:52Will I?
01:44:54Will I be?