We are Not in Control - Nouman Ali Khan
We are Not in Control - Nouman Ali Khan
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00:00The Second Volume of Our Art Book, The Book of Illustration of Qur'an
00:03Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
00:05Before you continue this video, I'd like to tell you
00:08that the second volume of our art book, The Book of Illustration of Qur'an
00:12can be ordered right now.
00:13You can support us by buying this book for your niece and nephew.
00:17Link in the description below.
00:19Assalamu'alaikum.
00:20The Second Volume of Our Art Book, The Book of Illustration of Qur'an
00:25The Book of Illustration of Qur'an
00:29When I travel, sometimes people see me at a restaurant and recognize me
00:33and then after wanting a selfie, they wanna have a conversation or whatever.
00:37And we sit down and have a chat.
00:38And when we have a chat, a lot of times it's about their family.
00:41This is my daughter.
00:42And you know, she used to pray.
00:44She used to pray every single day.
00:46And until she was 12, 13 years old, I made sure she prayed all her prayers.
00:51And then by the time she got 18, she went to college.
00:54And now, I don't know if she prays anymore.
00:56What can you tell her?
00:58Tell her something that can...
00:59And the daughter sitting next to her rolling her eyes like,
01:02Oh God, here we go again.
01:03You know, she's being put on the spot.
01:05So first of all, I apologize to the daughter, sorry.
01:08And she even tells me, the mom even tells me,
01:10I send her all your videos.
01:12And so I'm sorry that she sends you my videos.
01:14First of all, let me apologize about that.
01:17But after that, the thing is that we have to understand something.
01:21We believe Allah controls every leaf on every tree.
01:25Allah controls every movement of every honeybee.
01:28Allah who controls every step that every ant takes.
01:32And I ask, do you believe in this control that Allah has?
01:35Yeah, I do.
01:36Then why do you think you can control your child?
01:38Who's in charge?
01:40Who's gonna control the outcome for our kids?
01:42What they're gonna do and what they're not gonna do?
01:44Once they become adults,
01:46then their choices are theirs to make.
01:49We have to understand our only job can be to remind,
01:52but even that so gently.
01:54And some parents or some...
01:56It's not just about parents.
01:57It could be siblings or spouses, whoever else.
02:00We start thinking, no, no, no, that's all I do is just remind.
02:03But yeah, nagging is not the same as reminding.
02:06Sarcasm is not the same as reminding.
02:09Criticizing someone or making someone feel like scum
02:11is not the same as reminding.
02:12Embarrassing someone is not the same as reminding.
02:15Oh, you didn't pray, did you?
02:17No, no, I remind very gently.
02:19How do you remind?
02:20You know, you're just gonna burn in hell if you keep this up.
02:23This is not the way you remind someone.
02:25This is not the way you...
02:27You're hoping they dress the way you'd like them to,
02:29that they behave the way you'd like them to,
02:31they pray the way...
02:32And then ask a hard question to people who wanna do that.
02:34I just wish my son would pray.
02:36And your son comes over to the house to visit,
02:38he works in some different city,
02:40he comes to visit you,
02:41and when he visits you,
02:42you say, pray, pray, pray.
02:43And then he prays, fine.
02:45And when he prays, why did he pray?
02:47I mean, if he was gonna verbalize his intentions,
02:49they're not gonna be,
02:50I'm about to pray dhuhr salah for Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
02:52He's gonna say, I'm gonna pray four rak'ah
02:53because my mother won't leave me alone.
02:55Allahu Akbar.
02:56Those intentions are not for Allah anymore.
02:59He didn't do that for Allah.
03:00So what good is it?
03:01إِنَّمَا الْأَعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَاةِ
03:03Actions are only good if their intentions are right.
03:06Doesn't everybody know that?
03:08So if we're trying to control what somebody else does,
03:10and now they're doing it because we wanted them to do it,
03:13and we forced them to do it,
03:14or we pressured them to do it,
03:15or we nagged them into doing it,
03:16then they're doing it for the wrong reasons
03:18which makes it completely worthless.
03:20It's utterly worthless.
03:22And so here, what the messenger is being taught
03:25is a profound heavy truth.
03:27We are not in control.
03:29We're not in charge.
03:31We cannot control any other human being and what they do.
03:35No one, no matter how much we love them,
03:37no matter how much we think we're responsible for them,
03:39and that's the next thing.
03:41Parents feel like they're responsible.
03:43A spouse might feel like they're responsible.
03:45An older brother or a sister might feel like they're responsible.
03:48But I'm responsible.
03:49My younger brother is drifting away.
03:52He's doing bad stuff.
03:53I need to stop him.
03:54I'm responsible for him.
03:56A father might feel responsible.
03:57A mother might feel responsible.
03:59The thing is nobody's ever going to feel more responsible
04:02than Rasulullah ﷺ.
04:05Nobody.
04:06Nobody will ever have more of a sense of responsibility.
04:09And he did feel the burden,
04:11the pain of people not listening,
04:13of people drifting away.
04:14He did feel that pain.
04:16And yet Allah told him there's a reality
04:18that even if it's in your mind, your heart forgets it.
04:21And your heart needs to remember
04:22that you cannot guide whoever you love.
04:25And when you see the one you love going in harm's way,
04:28if you saw your child going towards a swimming pool
04:31and they don't know how to swim,
04:33if you saw somebody heading towards a car crash,
04:35if you saw that you want to stop them,
04:37that's what naturally we want.
04:38That's a protective sense that Allah put inside all human beings.
04:42We want to protect those that we love.
04:44But we have to do it after understanding
04:46that when it comes to guidance,
04:48when it comes to changing somebody's behavior,
04:51that we have to follow the model given to our Messenger ﷺ.
04:54And he's being told,
04:56your only job is to remind,
04:58you are not in control.
05:00لَسْتَعَلَيْهِمْ بِمُسَيْطِرٍ
05:02You are not in control over them at all.
05:04You cannot guide whoever you love.
05:06Allah in fact, He guides whoever He wants.