Sailor Beware. is a 1956 British romantic comedy film directed by Gordon Parry. It was released as Panic in the Parlor in the United States. The film is an adaptation of the successful stage play of the same name. It follows the story of a sailor betrothed to be married, but wary that home-life may echo that of her parents: a hen-pecked husband and battle-axe mother. It is one of Michael Caine's first films; he has a small, uncredited role as a sailor.
Source: IMDB
Source: IMDB
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Short filmTranscript
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00:01:22Right, customs forms.
00:01:24Now, for those of you that can't read, it says on this form,
00:01:27which those of you that can write have already filled in,
00:01:29that all contraband must be declared.
00:01:31So get them filled in and don't let's have any messing about.
00:01:33I've had trouble with him before.
00:01:34Well, I'm not taking no chances.
00:01:36Don't tell me you're going to declare everything.
00:01:37What else can I do?
00:01:38Same as me, boy. Use your loaf.
00:01:40Got it in Japan, from me Aunt Aggie.
00:01:42Where'd you pay for it?
00:01:43A packet of more bines.
00:01:44You've been done.
00:01:45That's what I'm going to put down in my form.
00:01:46How many cigarettes have you got?
00:01:47A hundred and ninety.
00:01:48Oh, you're allowed two hundred.
00:01:50I'm no made of money.
00:01:51This yours?
00:01:53No, no, it's from my mother.
00:01:54Oh, is she a dancer?
00:01:56No, she's not.
00:01:58All right.
00:02:00Here, did you...
00:02:01Oh, look, I've just counted them.
00:02:03Well, we'll soon be on shore now, Canoosty.
00:02:05Another twenty-four hours and surely now I'll be married and...
00:02:08Albert, get on with your packing.
00:02:10And how will you get on without me?
00:02:12Who's going to save you from the girls now, eh?
00:02:13Oh, Albert, you can't find that women scare me to death.
00:02:16They're awful possessive and awful expensive.
00:02:19Mind you, I'm not saying that I don't find them attractive,
00:02:22but I'll not give in to my weakness.
00:02:24So I try to keep out of their way.
00:02:25What, do you think I haven't noticed?
00:02:26The trouble is, the more I try to keep out of their way,
00:02:28the more they seem to get into mine.
00:02:30The sooner you're married and out of danger, the better.
00:02:32Albert, the nearest I'll ever get to being married
00:02:34is being your best man.
00:02:35Yeah, it's all right for you.
00:02:37You've already got a family and a place to get back to.
00:02:39I haven't.
00:02:40But it's going to be different now.
00:02:42Just think, Canoosty.
00:02:43A wife, a dear little house, home.
00:02:47That's what married life means to me.
00:02:49Home sweet home.
00:02:50And when he does get here,
00:02:51he needn't think he's in that thing all his own way.
00:02:54My Shirley may be going to be his wife,
00:02:56but I'm still her mother.
00:02:59I've said it once and I'll say it again.
00:03:02He's not going to have the cushy time he thinks he is.
00:03:05Edie, are you listening to what I'm telling you?
00:03:09And you're going to have to pull your socks up a bit
00:03:11instead of trailing around the place as if you wasn't all there.
00:03:15And Emma knows you're not,
00:03:16but you might try a bit harder not to show it.
00:03:19Yes, Emma.
00:03:20Or put it down.
00:03:22Edie on it, you're going to drive me into my grave.
00:03:26By the time this wedding's over, I shall be a corpse.
00:03:29But nobody need go into mourning for me
00:03:31because I shall be happy for the first time in my life.
00:03:35It'll be heaven to be in heaven until you arrive.
00:03:40Oh, don't just stand there, do something.
00:03:43Yes, Emma.
00:03:44Have you made the tea?
00:03:45Not yet, Emma.
00:03:46Well, go and make it.
00:03:48And Edie, don't forget to put the tea in the pot.
00:03:51Yes, Emma.
00:03:53And when you've made the tea,
00:03:54you'd better get yourself down to the florist
00:03:56and shake them up a bit.
00:03:57Tell them Mrs. Allnit wants those bouquets
00:03:59round here at ten o'clock tomorrow morning
00:04:01and not a minute later.
00:04:02And if they're not here, they'll be a row.
00:04:04They won't forget in a hurry.
00:04:05And Edie, tell them I want fresher flowers
00:04:07than they put in that wreath for Mrs. Hogg's funeral last week.
00:04:10And after that, you'd better get yourself down to the co-op
00:04:13and find out what's happened to the cake.
00:04:15If it's not here within half an hour,
00:04:17I shall be down there myself.
00:04:18And if I do go down there, there'll be trouble.
00:04:21Just say Mrs. Allnit says.
00:04:24That should be enough.
00:04:26They know me.
00:04:28Yes, Emma.
00:04:30Edie, have you gone deaf?
00:04:32There's someone ringing the front doorbell.
00:04:34Yes, Emma.
00:04:35Well, go and answer it.
00:04:36I'm just going, Emma.
00:04:38Take your time, Edie.
00:04:40Do take your time.
00:04:42Don't hurry yourself, whatever you do.
00:04:44It will be a shame to hurry you.
00:04:46And don't stand talking for half an hour.
00:04:48Just find out what they want and come and tell me.
00:04:51Are you the bride's mother?
00:04:53No, I'm only her aunt.
00:04:55My aunt.
00:04:56Edie Allnit!
00:04:58Edie, what are you doing?
00:05:00I thought I told you not to stop talking at the door.
00:05:04Can you hear me?
00:05:06Edie, the kettle's boiling over.
00:05:09Blimey.
00:05:10That's the bride's mother.
00:05:12Call Lord out the bridegroom.
00:05:14It's come, Emma.
00:05:16It's here.
00:05:18Emma.
00:05:19It's come.
00:05:21What's come?
00:05:22The wedding cake, Emma.
00:05:24Shall I open it?
00:05:25You'll just go and fetch that teapot.
00:05:26I could do with a cup.
00:05:32I suppose there is a cake.
00:05:35Oh, isn't it beautiful?
00:05:37Beautiful.
00:05:38Now then, don't you start.
00:05:40I can't help it, Emma.
00:05:42It's bringing it all back to me.
00:05:44Now, we won't go into that now.
00:05:45Where's the teapot?
00:05:46Oh, I put it down somewhere.
00:05:48Now, where did I have...
00:05:49Oh, yes, it's on the sideboard.
00:05:51On the...
00:05:53What is it, Emma?
00:05:54Look at that.
00:05:55Edie, all that you haven't got the brains you was born with.
00:05:58No more sense than an old teapot down on a polished sideboard.
00:06:01Just look at that big white ring.
00:06:03I'll try and get it out afterwards.
00:06:05Afterwards?
00:06:06You'll try and get it out now.
00:06:07Go and fetch the furniture polish.
00:06:09Hurry.
00:06:15Here we are, Emma.
00:06:17Here we are, Emma.
00:06:18And what do we put it on with?
00:06:20Our knickers?
00:06:22Oh, here we are, Emma.
00:06:24Now, come and watch.
00:06:26Now, this is how you do it.
00:06:27You rub round and round until it gets real hot
00:06:30and you go on rubbing and it might bring it out.
00:06:32Yes, Emma.
00:06:33No!
00:06:34You'll have another mark there in a minute.
00:06:36I don't know.
00:06:37You're always moaning because you never got married
00:06:39but Lord knows what sort of home you'd have had if you had.
00:06:41Here.
00:06:43What's the time?
00:06:44I shall never get everything finished
00:06:46by the time their train arrives.
00:06:49I do wish tomorrow was over.
00:06:51So do I.
00:06:52Well, it's not your daughter that's getting married.
00:06:54Anybody at home?
00:06:55Oh, my God.
00:06:56It's only Mrs. Lack, Emma.
00:06:57It's only me?
00:06:59Polishing all up ready for tomorrow, eh, Edie?
00:07:02The great day, eh?
00:07:03Oh, you're just having a cup of tea?
00:07:05Well, I didn't mean to disturb you.
00:07:07I suppose you'd better have one since you're here.
00:07:10She's got yet it again, has she, Edie?
00:07:12You know, it's not fair working you like that.
00:07:14Oh, but I'm not going to the wedding, Mrs. Lack.
00:07:17It's your own brother's daughter's wedding and you're not going?
00:07:20She say you can't?
00:07:22No, I couldn't bring myself to go.
00:07:24It would bring back too many memories.
00:07:26Ah, yes, I see what you mean.
00:07:28How silly of me.
00:07:30Standing watching Shirley at the altar rails,
00:07:32remembering the day when you yourself...
00:07:34Don't. Don't, Mrs. Lack.
00:07:37I mustn't think of my great sorrow.
00:07:40Well, I'm all ready for the bridegroom.
00:07:42What?
00:07:43Oh, well, you know what I mean.
00:07:44I've got the room ready for him and his best man.
00:07:46They want breakfast as well, don't they?
00:07:47That's the whole point of them coming to you, to keep them out of the way.
00:07:50Oh, well, but mustn't see Shirley before the wedding, whatever happens.
00:07:53That'd be unlucky.
00:07:54Never you mind who sees who, is it? Come in all.
00:07:57Not so you'd notice.
00:07:58Or rub harder.
00:07:59Yes, Emma.
00:08:01Well, I do hope they'll be comfortable at my place.
00:08:03They're both sailors. They should be used to roughing it.
00:08:06It's not their comfort tonight,
00:08:08but Shirley's happiness in the future that I'm concerned about.
00:08:11Yes, I'm sure it must be a worry for you and your husband.
00:08:13Them?
00:08:14He never worries about anything except his blessed ferrets.
00:08:17But there's one thing I will say, and I don't care who hears me.
00:08:19Are you listening, Edie?
00:08:20If Shirley's marriage turns out wrong to my dying day,
00:08:23I shall say Henry's to blame.
00:08:25Is that you, Henry?
00:08:27Yes.
00:08:28Have you worked your feet?
00:08:29Yes.
00:08:38Evening, all.
00:08:39I suppose you want a cup of tea now?
00:08:41Well, I'm not fussy.
00:08:42I'm going down on my knees to ask.
00:08:44Well, if there's any in the pot, I'll have it.
00:08:45Edie, did you feed the ferrets?
00:08:46Keep your mind on things that really matter instead of ferrets.
00:08:50I shall think you'll give us a rest from them for once.
00:08:53Shirley's wedding day tomorrow and all.
00:08:55Well, it's her wedding, not mine.
00:08:57Well, she's your daughter, isn't she?
00:09:00So you say.
00:09:01What?
00:09:06Oh, what about Albert's people, Emma?
00:09:08When are they coming?
00:09:09They aren't.
00:09:10He hasn't got any.
00:09:11He's caught up in a sailor's orphanage, he says.
00:09:13That's fishy, isn't it?
00:09:15Heaven knows I've done my best to talk to Shirley.
00:09:17The times I've said to her, Shirley, you know what sailors are.
00:09:20Yes.
00:09:26Oh, here.
00:09:28Tea, please.
00:09:29Yes, miss.
00:09:33Oh, ain't you got something a bit smaller than that, miss?
00:09:35No, I'm sorry, I haven't.
00:09:36Oh, perhaps Jackie could...
00:09:38I wonder, could you break up half a crown for me?
00:09:40Honey, without small change.
00:09:42Oh, that's a most dangerous condition.
00:09:45Here you are.
00:09:48Here, that's one...
00:09:49Come on, the train's five to, not five past.
00:09:51Your clock will just make it.
00:09:52Aye, just a minute, that's one and nine.
00:09:53Can you never leave women alone?
00:09:54Aye, but my half crown.
00:09:55On your way.
00:09:56Here.
00:09:58Now, son, I've always said it's the uniform Shirley's fallen for.
00:10:03She'll change her tune when she sees him without it.
00:10:06Oh, of course, that all depends on whether...
00:10:08He won't look so la-dee-da in a suit of dungarees.
00:10:11Oh, I see what you mean.
00:10:13Hey, up here.
00:10:14Giddy.
00:10:15I'll have a drop of milk, quick.
00:10:16It's happened.
00:10:17Rosie's had them.
00:10:18Six of them.
00:10:19Oh, don't use this morning's milk.
00:10:21There's some just on the turn of the back of the shelf.
00:10:24Oh, my goodness, look at the time.
00:10:25I'll have to be off.
00:10:26I've had to put our Rita to bed as well.
00:10:28Oh, is Rita poorly?
00:10:29No, no, she's just excited, you know, being one of Shirley's bridesmaids.
00:10:33Well, then, I'll expect the boys sometime, Emma.
00:10:35You can expect them at ten o'clock.
00:10:37They're not stopping here all hour.
00:10:38Shirley'll want some rest tonight, and I'm going to see that she gets it.
00:10:41Yes, well, I mean, she won't get much tomorrow night.
00:10:48That's right.
00:10:49Now, don't gobble it, Rosie.
00:10:51That's right.
00:10:52Come in.
00:10:54Oh, busy, aren't you?
00:10:55Yeah.
00:10:56Well, it's everybody to the fancy, of course.
00:10:58But me, myself, personally, I'm not very partial to ferrets.
00:11:01No?
00:11:02No, they're very nasty habits, I'm told.
00:11:04Well, as a matter of fact, they are.
00:11:05I remember once there were two ferrets I had...
00:11:07Yes, there'll never be enough of that.
00:11:08Thank you, Mr. Arnott.
00:11:09Here.
00:11:10There's one of those ferrets fishing.
00:11:12Here, where is it?
00:11:13It's not under your skirts, is it, by any chance?
00:11:15What?
00:11:16Let me get out.
00:11:21If you find that ferret, you might let me have it back.
00:11:26Hello, there.
00:11:29Hello.
00:11:30It's Albert.
00:11:31Emma, it's Albert.
00:11:33It's Albert.
00:11:34Oh, anybody at town?
00:11:35Word, if it isn't Jane Russell herself.
00:11:37Oh, Albert.
00:11:38Clear decks for action.
00:11:40Come on, eat your meal.
00:11:41Oh, Albert, tough now.
00:11:42Are you coming, or do I have to fetch you?
00:11:44Oh, Albert, stop it.
00:11:45Mind this pan, it's hot.
00:11:46Yes, so am I.
00:11:47I haven't kissed a woman for three months.
00:11:48I'm eating you for it.
00:11:49Oh, Albert.
00:11:51Now, where's the bedroom?
00:11:53Oh, Albert, don't you...
00:11:55Oh, put me down.
00:11:57Put me down.
00:11:59I'm going dizzy.
00:12:00Going? I'm gone.
00:12:03You!
00:12:06Ma, if it isn't Ma.
00:12:08How are we, Ma?
00:12:10Edie, take this.
00:12:12Take it while it's safe.
00:12:13Ah, that's better.
00:12:14I shall feel a lot better when you've got yourself sat down out of arm's way.
00:12:18And, Edie, don't stand there holding that in your arms till it melts.
00:12:22Put it down.
00:12:23Weren't you supposed to be hotting up some milk for Henry?
00:12:34Edie, own it.
00:12:35I could kill you.
00:12:36Oh, but, Emma, I swear I didn't do it on purpose.
00:12:38No, of course you didn't, Ma.
00:12:39As a matter of fact, I did it.
00:12:40So it was you, was it?
00:12:41Well, just look what you've done.
00:12:42Burnt a big white ring on my sideboard.
00:12:44Oh, never mind.
00:12:45Mine matches with that one.
00:12:46Edie, Edie, Edie, where's that hot milk?
00:12:48Albert, when did you get here?
00:12:50Where are we, Pop?
00:12:51Oh, I say, you might have let me know he was here, Emma.
00:12:53Bad news travels fast enough.
00:12:56Well, it is good to see you.
00:12:58But I say, I thought you was bringing your best man with you.
00:13:01Good Lord, Canusti.
00:13:02Hello?
00:13:03Canusti, I've forgotten all about it.
00:13:04Oh, four and six here.
00:13:06I'm not trying to buy your blinking taxi here.
00:13:08Just you run me down to the police station.
00:13:09We'll soon find out the legal fare.
00:13:11So have you.
00:13:12Do you want another free ride?
00:13:13Free, four and six.
00:13:14Now, what's going on here?
00:13:15Don't give me the money.
00:13:16He's charging me four and six.
00:13:17Come on, Canusti.
00:13:18You won't find me.
00:13:19There you are.
00:13:20Come on, inside.
00:13:21It's far too much.
00:13:22I've met your type before.
00:13:23You'll not catch me again, though.
00:13:24Did your money go down with the boat?
00:13:25You English.
00:13:26Come on.
00:13:27Yeah.
00:13:33Come and meet the ornates.
00:13:37Come on.
00:13:38Pop.
00:13:39Ma.
00:13:40Meet the one and only Canusti.
00:13:42Well, take your things off.
00:13:43I'm pleased indeed to meet you all.
00:13:46How do you do?
00:13:48And here's Aunt Edie for you.
00:13:50The pride of the R.M.
00:13:51Oh, Albert.
00:13:52I'm happy to meet you, Aunt Edie.
00:13:53How do you do?
00:13:54Now then, Car... Car...
00:13:56Canusti.
00:13:57That's right.
00:13:58Now, sit you down.
00:13:59I expect you could do with a cup of tea.
00:14:01Oh, I could that.
00:14:02It isn't ready yet.
00:14:04Oh.
00:14:05Well, I'd better go and look after Rosie.
00:14:06Make yourselves at home.
00:14:08Well, there's my girl.
00:14:09There's the future Mrs. Albert Tufnell.
00:14:11Does she love me as much as she used to?
00:14:13She loves you as much as she's ever likely to.
00:14:16Oh.
00:14:17Is she getting excited about tomorrow?
00:14:18I am.
00:14:19Now then, now then, enough of that.
00:14:22Oh, well, Canusti, we'd better get unpacked.
00:14:24You needn't bother yourselves.
00:14:25I've arranged for you both to sleep next door at Mrs. Lacks.
00:14:28Oh?
00:14:29Well, what's the idea, Ma?
00:14:30I haven't got the room for you.
00:14:31We're putting my niece Daphne up.
00:14:33She's going to be Shirley's chief bridesmaid.
00:14:35Oh, her.
00:14:36She's a bit of all right, isn't she, Ma?
00:14:38She's my sister's daughter, if that's what you mean.
00:14:41Well, no, I didn't, but...
00:14:43Besides, they say it's unlucky for the bridegroom to see the bride before the wedding.
00:14:49And heaven knows things look black enough as it is without asking for trouble.
00:14:57Henry!
00:15:00Here, Canusti boy.
00:15:03Have I asked for trouble?
00:15:04Aye, with a woman like you.
00:15:06Yeah, but I'm not marrying her.
00:15:08If you had been, Albert, I would have strangled you with my own hands.
00:15:13Ma, there's someone at the front door.
00:15:14Shall I go?
00:15:15No.
00:15:16You stay where you are.
00:15:17I'll go.
00:15:18I don't want your big feet, Paddy.
00:15:20And you can put them bolsters of yours tidy.
00:15:26Hello, Aunt Emma.
00:15:27How are you?
00:15:28I'm very well, thank you, Daphne.
00:15:29Come in.
00:15:31What a peach.
00:15:32Look, you're the best man, so she's yours.
00:15:34All yours.
00:15:36Oh.
00:15:37I didn't know the fleet was in.
00:15:39I'm Daphne.
00:15:41And I'm Albert, the bridegroom.
00:15:43You know, the human sacrifice.
00:15:46You don't waste too much time, do you, Albert?
00:15:48Well, if you think I'm fast, I'm the tortoise.
00:15:50Meet the hare, Canusti.
00:15:52Oh, it's you.
00:15:53Aye, it's me.
00:15:55The bit of talking nonsense of either of you two
00:15:57got half a crown.
00:15:58That's what you wanted, wasn't it?
00:15:59Yes, the silly taxi driver had no change.
00:16:01Half a crown.
00:16:02Now, uh...
00:16:03Ah, Canusti.
00:16:04What, again?
00:16:05Half a croon, quick.
00:16:06Oh, here.
00:16:07I'm no made of half croons.
00:16:08Now, come on.
00:16:11Thanks a lot, Canusti.
00:16:13Remind me to give it you back, won't you?
00:16:15Remind you, I will.
00:16:16Twice.
00:16:17Do you mind giving that to the man?
00:16:18Oh, OK.
00:16:20He's charming, isn't he, Aunt Emma?
00:16:22I'm sure he'll make Shirley very happy.
00:16:24Thank you, and how's your mother keeping?
00:16:25Aunt Edie.
00:16:26Little Daphne.
00:16:29My, but you look different.
00:16:31It's four years since you last saw me, Aunt Edie.
00:16:33And what a lovely little girl you were, Daphne Lamb.
00:16:35We all change.
00:16:37I'll go upstairs for a wash.
00:16:39Of course, love.
00:16:40Edie, you've forgotten the knives and forks.
00:16:43Would one of you mind?
00:16:44Oh, no, it'd be a pleasure.
00:16:45Oh, my fins.
00:16:47Blimey, stand back, eager.
00:16:49Well, aren't you careless?
00:16:50I don't know, but I'm curious.
00:16:51Oh, are you getting married too?
00:16:53Oh, what are you saying?
00:16:55Hey, didn't you say you wanted a new pair of pants?
00:16:59Oh, I'm ashamed.
00:17:01There's nothing to be ashamed about.
00:17:03Don't Scotch girls wear panties?
00:17:05I wouldn't know.
00:17:06Oh, don't you believe him, Daphne.
00:17:08Come on, Carnoustie, give a hand.
00:17:10Damn.
00:17:11Now I've landed my stocking.
00:17:13Oh, what a shame.
00:17:14Can I, uh...
00:17:16Well.
00:17:18I'm sorry if I've interrupted something.
00:17:21How are you, Daphne?
00:17:22I'm fine. I've landed my stocking.
00:17:24Having fun, aren't you?
00:17:25Shirley!
00:17:26Albert, aren't you going to introduce me?
00:17:28Oh, yes, of course.
00:17:29Shirley, this is Carnoustie Bly.
00:17:32Carnoustie Bly, Shirley.
00:17:33How do you do?
00:17:34A lady, please.
00:17:37Pleased to meet you.
00:17:40It's all right, Mr. Bly, you can finish dressing.
00:17:45And how long have you been here?
00:17:47Oh, about 20 minutes.
00:17:48Was Daphne here too?
00:17:50You've been passing the time pleasantly, haven't you?
00:17:53Would you mind?
00:17:54Not in the least.
00:18:05Oh, I comprehend.
00:18:09The two of you want to be left alone.
00:18:21Oh!
00:18:30Happy?
00:18:31I don't know.
00:18:33I wasn't until I came in and saw you and Daphne
00:18:35and that disgusting Scotchman standing there
00:18:37with Daphne's thingamabobs in his hand, as bold as brass.
00:18:40And you're just as bad, even worse.
00:18:42Heaven only knows what you were up to.
00:18:44Now, listen, Shirley, I'll give you my word, we wasn't doing anything wrong.
00:18:47How could we, anyway, with your ma and Aunt Edie bobbing in and out?
00:18:49So if it hadn't been for them bobbing in and out, as you say,
00:18:52heaven only knows what would have happened.
00:18:54Now, listen, darling, I didn't...
00:18:55It's perhaps as well I came in when I did.
00:18:57Well, perhaps it is.
00:18:58Five minutes more, we might all have been rolling stark naked on the hearthrug.
00:19:01Albert!
00:19:02Oh, no, sweetheart, I didn't mean...
00:19:04Oh, Albert, how could you say a thing like that?
00:19:06Oh, this is a nice kick-off, isn't it?
00:19:09What have I always said?
00:19:10If he has you crying your eyes out on your wedding eve,
00:19:13what's he going to do when he's been married to you for five years?
00:19:16There's only a little misunderstanding, ma.
00:19:18Oh, a little misunderstanding, is that all?
00:19:20There'll be lots more little misunderstandings very soon, if I'm any judge.
00:19:24Well, you can settle them elsewhere, if you don't mind.
00:19:26Tea won't be for half an hour,
00:19:28and I don't want to see either of you until then.
00:19:31Where's Daphne?
00:19:32She's gone upstairs.
00:19:34And where's your, um, conaster?
00:19:36Oh, he's gone with her.
00:19:37What?
00:19:40Come on, Shirley, let's get a breath of fresh air before tea.
00:19:47Oh, Carnoustie, be careful.
00:19:49Now, they might have done the vice.
00:19:51Out.
00:19:52But, Mrs. Horner, I was only trying to...
00:19:54Out.
00:19:56But...
00:19:57Out!
00:20:00Mom!
00:20:01But, Mrs. Horner, I was only helping her talk, not kissing.
00:20:03Downstairs, into the garden.
00:20:17Where are we going?
00:20:18Ah, that's just what I'd like to know.
00:20:20Let's go up to the park.
00:20:27Albert, you needn't be so worried about Mother.
00:20:29She isn't always like this.
00:20:31Good Lord, I sure hope not.
00:20:33Well, she's got all the worries of the wedding, hasn't she?
00:20:35All right, all right.
00:20:37But listen, Shirley, when we get back from our honeymoon,
00:20:40we have to go over to Badcaster right away and have a look around.
00:20:43We've got to find something to live over there, even if it's only a couple of rooms.
00:20:46But, Albert...
00:20:47I mean, we don't want to start our married life living with other people, do we?
00:20:49That gets you nowhere.
00:20:51We can talk about that after tomorrow.
00:20:53We've got plenty to think of now.
00:20:55Yeah, I should say so.
00:21:00Oh, there's a seat.
00:21:01Aye, that's what it would be.
00:21:05Come on, sit down.
00:21:07I don't know if there'll be time.
00:21:08Time? For what?
00:21:10Sit down. We'll have to be away in a couple of minutes.
00:21:12It's wonderful what can be done in a couple of minutes.
00:21:15But look, I'm not a quick worker.
00:21:17Have you kissed the bride yet, Canusti?
00:21:19Good heavens, no.
00:21:20You have to, after the wedding, you know.
00:21:23And, uh, then there's the best man's privilege.
00:21:26What's that?
00:21:27You can kiss anyone else you like.
00:21:30Albert! Albert!
00:21:32Well, that sounds like a distress signal from Canusti.
00:21:34Oh, there they are.
00:21:36At last.
00:21:37It's time we got back anyhow.
00:21:40Now, it's time we got tea over, all of you.
00:21:42Come and sit down.
00:21:43Henry, what are you dithering about at?
00:21:45Sit down.
00:21:46And you, too, Edie.
00:21:47Everybody help themselves.
00:21:48We don't stand on ceremony here.
00:21:50And you don't need that thing stuck down your throat.
00:21:53And don't let me catch you doing that at the reception tomorrow, either.
00:21:56Everybody happy?
00:21:57You're not having the reception here, Aunt Emma.
00:21:59No, we're not.
00:22:00At Bamfylde's Tea Rooms.
00:22:02Many coming on your side, Albert?
00:22:04No, I haven't got anybody coming.
00:22:05Albert's an orphan, Daphne.
00:22:07Yeah, that's right.
00:22:08An orphan of the storm.
00:22:11Oh, my lord, what's the matter with you?
00:22:13I'm sorry, Emma.
00:22:14I was thinking of poor Albert being an orphan of the storm.
00:22:17Surely there's a lot to be done tonight for you and me and Edie.
00:22:20Can I help, Aunt Emma?
00:22:21Yes, you can.
00:22:22And you boys had better just sit quiet and keep out of the way.
00:22:24Well, as a matter of fact, we'd fixed to go out, Ma.
00:22:26I was going to ask Pop to come with us.
00:22:28Go out where?
00:22:29Well, a lad from our ship, Toddy Morris, lives here.
00:22:31And we arranged to meet him and another bloke at eight o'clock for a drink.
00:22:34Oh, Albert.
00:22:35Don't you mind?
00:22:36I said we had to keep out of the way.
00:22:37Yes, but...
00:22:38Well, of course you must please yourself.
00:22:40But I do think it's a pity if all you can think of the night before your wedding is drinking.
00:22:45Oh, no, it's not the drink.
00:22:46Only been asked to see the lads.
00:22:48See the la...
00:22:49Well, you've only just left them.
00:22:51We'll be back by nine or half past.
00:22:53Yes, and after all, Emma, it is his last night of freedom.
00:22:56Anybody would think he was going to prison to hear you talk.
00:22:59Oh, no, but...
00:23:00But there's one thing I will say, and I don't care who hears me say it.
00:23:03If Albert here has half such a cosy time in his married life as you've had in yours,
00:23:06he can count himself lucky.
00:23:08And I hope he shows poor Shirley here a bit more appreciation than you've ever shown me.
00:23:12But, Emma...
00:23:13That's enough.
00:23:14Then it's settled. You're stopping in.
00:23:16But can I help at all, even if I do stay?
00:23:19No, but I should have thought if Shirley said she wanted you here, that was enough.
00:23:23Emma, I don't want to interfere.
00:23:25Then don't.
00:23:27Well, Albert, I suppose you ought to do what you think best.
00:23:30If he's got any sense, he will.
00:23:31You keep quiet.
00:23:32But I'll tell you one thing, whether Albert goes or not, you're not going.
00:23:36Shirley, come and sit down. Finish your tea.
00:23:38I don't want any more. I'm too upset.
00:23:40Oh, now, listen, darling.
00:23:41I don't want to listen, Albert. I know how I feel, and that's that.
00:23:44If you want to go, go.
00:23:46Well, that's no way to talk. That's just giving in to him.
00:23:49Now, can't you keep your mouth shut?
00:23:51Henry only.
00:23:52Come on, sit down, Shirley.
00:23:53Oh, Albert.
00:23:54Come on.
00:23:57Well, have you made up your mind what you're going to do?
00:24:00Yes.
00:24:01What?
00:24:02Finish my tea.
00:24:03That's right, lad. You do what you want to do.
00:24:05Don't make the mistake I did, or you won't be able to call your soul your own.
00:24:08Henry only.
00:24:09I'm going out to my ferret.
00:24:10You're going to do no such thing, my lad. I'm going right out...
00:24:12Albert!
00:24:13What?
00:24:21Hello there, boys. Come and have a drink.
00:24:32Any sign of them, Mum?
00:24:34No, and not likely to be until closing time.
00:24:37I didn't think he'd really go out, Mum.
00:24:39Well, you shouldn't have let him go. You should have put your foot down, I told you.
00:24:43I did put it down, but he went out just the same.
00:24:46Well, you'll have to learn to put it down a bit harder.
00:24:49You can't reason with men. You've got to train them.
00:24:53Mum.
00:24:54Hmm?
00:24:55There is something.
00:24:56What's that?
00:24:57I haven't said anything to Albert yet about number 24.
00:25:00Oh, why not?
00:25:01Well, after tea, he was talking about having a look round for a little flat.
00:25:05Well, you should have told him then.
00:25:07I was frightened to.
00:25:08Perhaps I ought to have waited till he got here and talked it over with him.
00:25:13Oh, just take the tea things away, Emma.
00:25:15Hey, here they are, Emma.
00:25:16Now what?
00:25:17It's our Rita. Measles. She's got them.
00:25:19Well, of all the stupid, thoughtless...
00:25:21Oh.
00:25:22Mum.
00:25:23Yes?
00:25:24Well, of all the stupid, thoughtless...
00:25:26Oh, no.
00:25:27Well, shall I be able to put up the bridegroom now and his best man?
00:25:30I mean, I'll have to put Rita in the spare room.
00:25:32This is a fine hour to do, isn't it?
00:25:34Now what are we going to do?
00:25:35Oh, dear. Everything seems to be going wrong.
00:25:38Oh!
00:25:40What is the matter with you, Edie?
00:25:42Look.
00:25:43Do you see it?
00:25:44What?
00:25:45Look, there.
00:25:46A bleeding, broken heart.
00:25:49Where?
00:25:50There.
00:25:51I wonder whose it is.
00:25:53Well, it might be yours, Edie.
00:25:55No, it don't look like mine.
00:25:57If it's anybody's, it's mine.
00:25:59My heart broke years ago, but I should think it's bled or it's going to by now.
00:26:03Now, if you've quite finished cheering us all up, Edie,
00:26:06perhaps you'll get these cups and saucers outside and wash them up.
00:26:09Yes, Emma.
00:26:11You and your tea leaves.
00:26:12Here, perhaps it's mine.
00:26:14I think I'd better go.
00:26:15Yes, I think you had.
00:26:16If your bleeding heart's going to break, let it do it in the comfort of your own home.
00:26:19Oh, thanks very much.
00:26:20Good night, all.
00:26:21Hadn't I better go round and see if they have a room at the Virgin Crown, Mum?
00:26:24No.
00:26:25He can't afford to go throwing his money away on hotels.
00:26:28Those two can sleep here.
00:26:29Come on, Shirley, give me a hand.
00:26:36Is that big enough for the two of them?
00:26:38If they don't like it, they can go and sleep with your father's ferrets, for all I care.
00:26:43The sooner you find out what it's like slaving your inside out at home
00:26:46while your husband's down at the pub drinking himself stupid, the better.
00:26:51Henry!
00:26:53Henry!
00:26:54I'm going to change my ruddy name.
00:26:56Henry, listen to what I'm telling you.
00:26:58You're to put these on and go straight down to the Red Lion.
00:27:00Right.
00:27:01Not so fast.
00:27:02And if they're not there, go to the Lifebuoy
00:27:04and tell Albert and Karninsky to come straight back home.
00:27:07Off you go.
00:27:08And don't go running away with the idea you can stop down there drinking.
00:27:11You're not to stay, do you understand?
00:27:13If you want a drink, there's half a bottle of beer I put away in the cupboard last week.
00:27:16You can have that when you get back if you behave yourself.
00:27:18Off you go.
00:27:19I'll give you ten minutes, and if you're not back by then,
00:27:21I'm coming right down there after you!
00:27:50Come on, we'd better be getting back.
00:27:52Yeah, I got you.
00:27:53Yeah, boys.
00:28:04Oh, sir, there you are!
00:28:06Hey!
00:28:08Hey, come back!
00:28:09Come back, both of you!
00:28:12Stop!
00:28:13Aye?
00:28:14Stop, will you!
00:28:15Robbie!
00:28:16Do you pay for this, you slave you donk?
00:28:19If I lay my hands on you, I'll kill you!
00:28:22Come back!
00:28:26You don't think you're going to get away with this, the pair of you?
00:28:29I guess you're not!
00:28:33You just wait until I get you out!
00:28:36Now!
00:28:37Now!
00:28:45No!
00:28:49Now, where are these boys?
00:28:51Where are they?
00:28:55Ah!
00:28:56Here, that's Pop, innit?
00:28:57Aye, it is.
00:28:58Ah, straight back home.
00:29:00Come on, now.
00:29:01No, no, no, that's the wrong way.
00:29:02Oh, no, no.
00:29:03That's the way out.
00:29:04Come on.
00:29:06Blimey, Pop's sober.
00:29:07I love him, innit?
00:29:10Here we are.
00:29:11Here we go again.
00:29:13The boys upon the sea.
00:29:15Take it easy, Pop.
00:29:16You'll get us all into trouble.
00:29:17We're going out to sea, just you and me.
00:29:18I know.
00:29:19Be quiet, Pop.
00:29:20For we're having such a lovely time as we're going out to sea.
00:29:23We're going out to sea, just you and me.
00:29:31Now, let's have a nice little song.
00:29:35No song?
00:29:36No.
00:29:37Now, you stay there, Pop.
00:29:38We're just going to have a look.
00:29:41No song.
00:29:43No song.
00:30:01For the sake of all exile.
00:30:04And here's a handgun to a friend.
00:30:07And keep an end of mind.
00:30:10We're taking...
00:30:11Quiet.
00:30:13What's the matter?
00:30:14Mrs. Hormat.
00:30:15Oh, yes.
00:30:17Mrs. Hormat.
00:30:20For the sake of all exile.
00:30:24For the sake of all exile.
00:30:27For the sake of all exile.
00:30:55For the sake of all exile.
00:31:10You did this, didn't you?
00:31:11You got him in this state.
00:31:13He'd never have dared do it all his own bat.
00:31:16Well, we're all a bit on edge tonight, Marcia.
00:31:18The least said, the better, eh?
00:31:20I'll just see Shirley for a few minutes,
00:31:21then Canoesty and I'll be getting off next door.
00:31:23You're going next door.
00:31:24You'll both have to sleep on that.
00:31:25Oh, blimey, if I'd known that,
00:31:26we could have stayed the night at Toddy's place.
00:31:27You're safer here.
00:31:28But you can get yourself down to Toddy's place,
00:31:30as you call it, first thing in the morning,
00:31:31and stay there until it's time to go to the church.
00:31:33Henry!
00:31:35Get to bed!
00:31:36I'll just go and say goodnight to my ferrets.
00:31:38You'll do no such thing, you drunken old...
00:31:40All right, all right, go on, off you go.
00:31:42Go on.
00:31:43Go on.
00:31:51I just wanted to see if there was anything you wanted, Albert.
00:31:53No, no thanks, Aunt Edie.
00:31:55Oh, you haven't got any pillows.
00:31:57Oh, I must go and get some.
00:31:59Look, what you must do is to stop worrying about...
00:32:02Well, just stop worrying, see?
00:32:05Oh, Albert, I do want you and Shirley to be happy.
00:32:08You will be, won't you?
00:32:09Of course we will, Aunt Edie.
00:32:11Once you get settled down in Bad Caster, away from...
00:32:14Well, away from here.
00:32:16And you must come over and see us sometimes.
00:32:18You promise?
00:32:19But what about...
00:32:20Aren't you going to live at No. 24, then?
00:32:23No. 24?
00:32:25No. 24 what?
00:32:26Where?
00:32:27Oh, dear me, what have I done?
00:32:30But I thought you'd...
00:32:31Well, I just took it for granted you'd know,
00:32:33that Shirley would have told you.
00:32:34Tell me what?
00:32:36Oh, Albert, I'd rather not.
00:32:37I don't want to cause any more trouble.
00:32:42Now, you're not moving out of that bed, Aunt Edie,
00:32:44till you tell me what the devil you're talking about.
00:32:46You keep quiet, Aunt Edie.
00:32:47You'll have the night of your life.
00:32:49Now, come on, Aunt Edie.
00:32:50Out with it.
00:32:51Oh, dear.
00:32:53Well, you see, Albert,
00:32:54No. 24, that's three doors up this street,
00:32:57was suddenly put up for sale,
00:32:59and Emma, as your wedding present,
00:33:01put the deposit down with the building society,
00:33:03so that you and Shirley could buy the house.
00:33:06That's all.
00:33:11That's all?
00:33:14Can I get up now?
00:33:20You won't say anything to Emma and Shirley
00:33:22that I told you, I mean?
00:33:24Oh, bless you, of course I won't.
00:33:25Shirley's sure to tell you herself.
00:33:27Good night, Albert.
00:33:30Sleep tight.
00:33:32Good night.
00:33:33Good night.
00:33:41Good night.
00:33:50I suppose I'll...
00:34:02Is that you, Albert?
00:34:03What? Oh, is that you, Cheryl?
00:34:05Yes.
00:34:06I'll be with you in a minute.
00:34:08Hello.
00:34:09Albert.
00:34:16Did you think I wasn't coming down to see you
00:34:18after what you did tonight?
00:34:19What, you mean getting pot drunk?
00:34:20We didn't, Cheryl.
00:34:21We met him in the street and brought him straight home.
00:34:23He said he was trying to cheer himself up.
00:34:25Well, I hope you don't have to cheer yourself up
00:34:27that way when we're married.
00:34:28As long as we can get away from the family.
00:34:31But, Albert, we can't go very far away.
00:34:34You've got this job in Batcastle.
00:34:36And Batcastle's only four miles away.
00:34:38Hmm, and those four miles will serve their purpose very nicely.
00:34:42Little place in Batcastle.
00:34:44Darling, don't you see how wonderful it'll be?
00:34:48But, Albert, I've...
00:34:50But what, Cheryl?
00:34:51What were you going to say?
00:34:54Oh, nothing, Albert.
00:34:55It can't have been important to him, can it?
00:34:57No.
00:35:00Well, I suppose I ought to be getting off to bed.
00:35:02I love you, Cheryl.
00:35:04Tell me you'll always love me, even if...
00:35:06I'll always love you.
00:35:18Oh, darling.
00:35:20I wish you'd tell me something, Cheryl.
00:35:21What?
00:35:23Whatever's in your mind.
00:35:26I love you, Albert Duffnell, and I always will.
00:35:29There.
00:35:30Nothing else to tell me?
00:35:32Isn't that enough?
00:35:35I suppose it'll have to be.
00:35:37Good night.
00:35:40Good night, my darling.
00:36:03Albert.
00:36:04Yeah?
00:36:05Are we liable to have any more visitors, do you think?
00:36:07Oh, I shouldn't think so.
00:36:09Lock the door, if you're...
00:36:10There isn't here a key.
00:36:11I've looked.
00:36:14Oh, well, I'll just go and wash.
00:36:20I'm sorry.
00:36:22I'm sorry.
00:36:24I'm sorry.
00:36:26I'm sorry.
00:36:27I'm sorry.
00:36:28I'm sorry.
00:36:29I'm sorry.
00:36:30I'm sorry.
00:36:32I'm sorry.
00:36:45That's a weird-looking contraption, this.
00:36:49Albert.
00:36:50Yeah?
00:36:51What side do you want to sleep on?
00:36:53Oh, no fuss, eh?
00:36:56You'll sleep in the port.
00:36:59If you sleep at all.
00:37:02Oh.
00:37:28Oh.
00:37:29Oh.
00:37:32I nearly broke my bloody neck.
00:37:36A nice carry-on, I will say.
00:37:38As if it wasn't enough that I've got your daughter's wedding on my hands.
00:37:42And a couple of sailors.
00:37:44I'm landing with a drunken husband as well.
00:37:46But there's one thing I can promise you.
00:37:48You're not going to be allowed to forget tonight.
00:37:51Not to your dying day.
00:37:55Look at my face.
00:37:57Look at it.
00:37:58Look at them lines.
00:37:59And the day I married you, my skin was like peaches and cream.
00:38:04But there's one thing I will say, and I don't care who hears me.
00:38:07Are you listening, Henry?
00:38:08It's you and you alone that's wrought this havoc.
00:38:17Henry, on it!
00:38:20Albert.
00:38:22Yeah?
00:38:23You'll, er...
00:38:24You'll drop me a wee line when you're on your honeymoon
00:38:26and let me know how you're getting on.
00:38:27Yeah, sure.
00:38:29No details, mind, just the general outline.
00:38:34I suppose you'll be thinking of me.
00:38:37I hope I'll keep my imagination well under control.
00:38:42Canesty.
00:38:43Aye?
00:38:44She didn't say anything.
00:38:46What of it?
00:38:47The fire in that house.
00:38:49Did you know?
00:38:50No.
00:38:52I wish she had.
00:38:54It's a bit of a problem.
00:38:55Aye.
00:38:58You can the best way of dealing with problems, Albert.
00:39:01Huh?
00:39:02Sleep in them.
00:39:08I hope she's right.
00:39:21Canesty.
00:39:22Aye?
00:39:23The light.
00:39:25What of it?
00:39:27It's on.
00:39:29Well, put it out.
00:39:33Switch is on your side.
00:39:35Oh.
00:39:37Oh.
00:39:52Ah!
00:39:54Blimey!
00:39:56What's going on here?
00:40:06Yes, Emma.
00:40:36Oh!
00:40:55Henry!
00:40:57Get up!
00:40:59You're not going to lie there all day sleeping at home.
00:41:01If you've got headache, you'll have to put up with it.
00:41:03And when you've dressed yourself, you can get downstairs
00:41:05and see those boys tidy up the mess they've made in the parlour.
00:41:09Now, Henry, your trousers aren't in there.
00:41:11They're on the floor where you left them.
00:41:13Edie!
00:41:14Come on!
00:41:15Get up!
00:41:16We haven't got all day!
00:41:23Where do you think you're going?
00:41:24I just wanted to work with Cheryl.
00:41:26Wait a minute.
00:41:29You're not going to see her until you meet in the church.
00:41:31Oh, Ma!
00:41:32Cheryl!
00:41:33Stay where you are, Shirley.
00:41:34Downstairs.
00:41:36But, look, Ma...
00:41:37At once.
00:41:38You're to leave this house and go round to your friend's place straight away.
00:41:42Oh, well.
00:41:43That's the way you want it.
00:41:50Are you away to Toddy's, Albert?
00:41:52Yeah.
00:41:53I'll be calling for you at ten to then.
00:41:58Here, Count Askey, what do you think you're doing?
00:42:00Messing up my kitchen like that.
00:42:01If you want to clean your shoes, there's plenty of room in the backyard.
00:42:04I haven't got time to keep running around cleaning up after a couple of sailors.
00:42:07Just look what a mess you've made.
00:42:09Look what you've done to my chair.
00:42:11All that boot polish smeared all over it.
00:42:13Just you get a rag and clean it up.
00:42:15I've got enough on my hands getting everything ready for the wedding.
00:42:18Without having to run around after you two like a nasty maid.
00:42:24Blimey, what's your name?
00:42:25Emma?
00:42:32Will I do?
00:42:35Oh, Daphne, you look wonderful.
00:42:39Thank you, Carnoustie.
00:42:40Oh, my, I'm not much of a hand at expressing myself, but...
00:42:45Go on, Bobby Burns, you're doing fine.
00:42:47Well, I've never seen anyone look so...
00:42:51Go on, don't stop.
00:42:52You're as lovely as...
00:42:54Daphne, you're...
00:42:56Daphne, you're slip showing.
00:42:58Weren't you supposed to be helping Shirley to dress?
00:43:01Off you go.
00:43:02Yes, Aunt Emma.
00:43:03Are you nearly ready?
00:43:04Aye.
00:43:05The minute your taxi gets here, you're to get yourself down to Toddy's and pick up Albert.
00:43:08Right.
00:43:09Did Albert give you the ring before he went?
00:43:10He did.
00:43:11Have you got it in a safe place?
00:43:12I have.
00:43:13Where is it?
00:43:14In my pocket.
00:43:15Let me see it.
00:43:16Let me see it.
00:43:21Edie, fetch me the rag I've polished the brass with.
00:43:25I suppose it could be gold.
00:43:28Here we are, Emma.
00:43:33Is that Shirley's?
00:43:34Yes, it is. Such as it is.
00:43:37It's beautiful, Emma.
00:43:39Beautiful.
00:43:41Oh, she's going to have the time of her life.
00:43:44Here.
00:43:45If I get the wedding at all at this rate, I shall be lucky.
00:43:49If you don't, everybody else will.
00:43:58I began to think these were never coming. Give me a hand.
00:44:02Shirley wants to see her bouquet, Aunt Emma.
00:44:04Here it is. Be careful how you carry it. Is she nearly ready?
00:44:06She's getting on.
00:44:08Is that Shirley's?
00:44:10Yes, Aunt Edie.
00:44:15Well, if I'm not going to get the wedding at all at this rate, I shall be lucky.
00:44:20I'm not going to get the wedding at all.
00:44:23I'm not going to get the wedding at all.
00:44:26Well, if I'm not in a mental home by tonight, she will be.
00:44:30Oh, there you are. It's time you were ready.
00:44:32I've got to go out.
00:44:33You've got to do as I tell you.
00:44:34In case you've forgotten, you're giving your only daughter away in holy matrimony in a few minutes' time.
00:44:38I'll be in my taxi, Mrs. Hodges.
00:44:39Right, off you go.
00:44:41Oh, the ring.
00:44:45Count Dusty.
00:44:46Aye.
00:44:47The ring. Where is it?
00:44:48In my pocket.
00:44:49Let me see it.
00:44:52Off you go.
00:44:53And tell Albert to speak up in the church.
00:44:56Tell him when he says, I will.
00:44:58I want to hear him.
00:45:07What do you think you're doing?
00:45:08Rosie's got to have her milk.
00:45:09Henry, oldie.
00:45:10Now, wouldn't you want a little nourishment if you'd just given birth to six healthy young ferrets?
00:45:14All right, then. Go and give it to her and be quick about it.
00:45:16Right.
00:45:17Here, put this on.
00:45:18I say, it's not me that's getting married, you know.
00:45:21Now, I wish it was, then, to somebody else.
00:45:23Same here.
00:45:24When you come in, brush yourself down and give your hands a good wash.
00:45:27We don't want you going to the church smelling of ferrets.
00:45:29Off you go.
00:45:32Now, I'm going upstairs to get myself ready, and I've got about three minutes to do it in.
00:45:36Nice sight. I shall look.
00:45:37Not that it matters what I look like. I'm only the bride's mother.
00:45:40Are you there, Amber?
00:45:41Get rid of her before I come down.
00:45:44Oh, there's the taxi.
00:45:45It's all to me.
00:45:48Yes, the taxi's come.
00:45:49Yes, the taxi's come.
00:45:51I must tell Emma.
00:45:53Lovely white ribbons on it.
00:45:55Emma!
00:45:56The taxi's come.
00:45:57Right.
00:45:58Daphne!
00:45:59Henry!
00:46:00The taxi's here. Emma's just going.
00:46:03Good.
00:46:04Hey, this must be bringing it all back to you, Edie.
00:46:09Well, Mr. Ornette, this is a very sad day for you.
00:46:11It is.
00:46:13Rosie's just lost one of her young'uns.
00:46:15You mean it's died?
00:46:16Yes, poor little thing.
00:46:19Look.
00:46:21Take it away! Take that thing away!
00:46:23Oh, Henry, you didn't ought to.
00:46:24If Emma saw you with that thing...
00:46:25With what thing? Where's my bag?
00:46:26Good morning, Flory.
00:46:27Go and put your hat on.
00:46:28I want to see you wearing it before I go.
00:46:29Go on, hurry.
00:46:30Very good, Emma.
00:46:34Oh!
00:46:36What the...
00:46:38She's up the pole.
00:46:39As sure as my name is, Emma Hornet, she's up the pole.
00:46:42Now, are you all ready? Because we are.
00:46:44Yes, Amber, I'm ready.
00:46:45Well, I mean it. You see that I've got...
00:46:46Good morning, Mrs. Lackley.
00:46:47Oh, yes.
00:46:48That's very nice.
00:46:49You make a proper nice bridesmaid.
00:46:51Of course, you should see our Rita in that colour.
00:46:53She can wear it.
00:46:55Let me look at you.
00:46:57Henry O'Neil!
00:46:59What?
00:47:01Look!
00:47:04Rosie.
00:47:10Surely love you. You look lovely.
00:47:13Oh, doesn't she look lovely, Emma?
00:47:15Well, even though she is my own daughter,
00:47:19I will say,
00:47:21surely love you're beautiful.
00:47:25Thank you, Mum darling.
00:47:27Well, haven't you got anything to say?
00:47:30Yes, when I get a chance, you look a fair treat.
00:47:34Well, I'll say one thing, you'll do Albert credit.
00:47:37She'll do Albert credit?
00:47:42Edie!
00:47:44Edie!
00:47:45Yes, Emma?
00:47:52I mean to say, what can you do with her except put her in a straitjacket?
00:47:56Now, we'd better be off.
00:47:58Are you all set, Flora? Because we are.
00:48:00Edie! Come in here, will you?
00:48:03Now, get yourself down to Bamfylde's just as soon as we've gone
00:48:07and see that everything's just as it should be.
00:48:09And do pull yourself together.
00:48:12We don't want you handling the place down and making everybody think they're at a funeral.
00:48:16Let me look at you. Turn round.
00:48:19Right round.
00:48:22You'll do.
00:48:24Now, you'll be all right, surely love, won't you?
00:48:27You won't be nervous, will you?
00:48:29You won't be my little girl any longer, will you?
00:48:31Never mind, Emma. You're losing a daughter, but you're gaining a son.
00:48:36Now, come on, everybody.
00:48:43Henry, listen to what I'm telling you.
00:48:45Don't make a fool of yourself at the ceremony
00:48:47and see you take Shirley down the aisle nicely.
00:48:49Right.
00:48:50And if anything goes wrong, I shall know who's to blame.
00:48:52Good morning, Mrs. Mottram. I do wish you'd keep your cat off my geraniums.
00:48:55Daphne, Flory, get into your taxi, love.
00:48:59Edie, don't forget to lock the back door before you leave.
00:49:02And Henry, do take your hands out of your pockets
00:49:04and you can be thinking what you can say in your speech at the reception.
00:49:07And for goodness sake, talk about your daughter and not your blooming face!
00:49:11Right.
00:49:24Now, come on. Step on it first.
00:49:26No, Dad. Tell him to go slowly.
00:49:28Why?
00:49:29Well, you always keep the bridegroom waiting.
00:49:42DOORBELL RINGS
00:50:03Well, that's all wrong for a start.
00:50:12DOORBELL RINGS
00:50:36He's got to be somewhere. I knew this would happen any first time.
00:50:41DOORBELL RINGS
00:51:11DOORBELL RINGS
00:51:29Get back, you fool!
00:51:30What's happened?
00:51:31Get back! Drive round the square!
00:51:38What's happened? What's the matter, Dad?
00:51:40It's just me.
00:52:10CLEARS THROAT
00:52:40Drive round the square again!
00:53:11DOORBELL RINGS
00:53:21Emma, they're here at last!
00:53:23Oh, thank the Lord! Thank the Lord!
00:53:25You will make him sorry for this!
00:53:28DOORBELL RINGS
00:53:30DOORBELL RINGS
00:53:39DOORBELL RINGS
00:53:55We didn't want him in our place before. He hasn't done enough.
00:54:01CLEARS THROAT
00:54:09There. I put them straight once.
00:54:12Beautiful, beautiful.
00:54:15Mrs Lack gave Shirley that.
00:54:17Why? Let her out.
00:54:19Had it in the cupboard under her stairs for years.
00:54:21We should have left it there.
00:54:22It was a wedding present to her.
00:54:24Wasn't it beautiful?
00:54:26Is this where we come after the wedding?
00:54:28Yes, but it isn't after the wedding yet.
00:54:30You ought to be at the church.
00:54:32Don't go to church. I'm chapel myself.
00:54:35Who's your teddy boy?
00:54:36It's Uncle Brummel.
00:54:37Good morning. Good morning, Uncle Brummel.
00:54:39He's a terrible old man. You've got to watch him. Really, you have.
00:54:42That'll make two of you.
00:54:43My word, what a spread.
00:54:45Glad I had no appetite for breakfast.
00:54:47Uncle Brummel, no, you mustn't.
00:54:49Really, please, please, put it down.
00:54:51Oh, he has.
00:54:52This is terrible, terrible.
00:54:54Could be worse. Might have been the cake.
00:54:56Now do sit down. You can't start yet.
00:54:59Where's the liquor?
00:55:01Oh, over there.
00:55:03I'm not leaving this party till I'm bog-eyed.
00:55:08Enjoying yourself?
00:55:10Cracked. Cracked.
00:55:27Oh, he'll pay for this, you see, if he doesn't.
00:55:30Jilted. My own daughter, jilted.
00:55:33Oh, you mustn't give way, dear.
00:55:35Whatever happens, don't give way.
00:55:37Sit down, dear. That's right.
00:55:39Look.
00:55:40Now put your feet up, dear.
00:55:42That's better, isn't it?
00:55:44Oh, my goodness.
00:55:46Oh, my goodness.
00:55:48Oh, my goodness.
00:55:50Oh, my goodness.
00:55:52Oh, my goodness.
00:55:54That's better, isn't it?
00:55:56Oh, Mum.
00:55:57Now, dear, lie back and don't talk,
00:55:59and we'll make you a nice cup of tea.
00:56:01I don't want a cup of tea.
00:56:03I just want to die.
00:56:04You must have a cup of tea first.
00:56:06Shall I make it, Aunt Emma?
00:56:08Yes.
00:56:09I never thought I'd live to see the day
00:56:11when a daughter of mine would be...
00:56:13Mum, do you think we ought to have waited at the church a bit longer?
00:56:16If you waited from now until doomsday, he'd never turn up.
00:56:19Now, as far as marrying your precious Albert Tuffnell's concerned,
00:56:22you've had it.
00:56:24Waited a bit longer.
00:56:26I thought I would have died of shame as it was.
00:56:28All those people whispering and sniggering.
00:56:31Oh, Mum, don't.
00:56:33Oh, that's better.
00:56:36And poor Mr Purefoy.
00:56:38I'll never be able to face the vicar again.
00:56:41Standing there and trying to pretend he wasn't there at all.
00:56:44Oh, Mum, it's dreadful.
00:56:46What am I going to do?
00:56:48I'll never live it down.
00:56:50Oh, Albert, where are you?
00:56:53I want you. I want you.
00:56:56Oh, he'll pay for this, you see, if he doesn't.
00:56:59I always said he was no good, didn't I?
00:57:04Oh, stop it, Mum.
00:57:06Stop running him down. I can't bear it.
00:57:09Oh, Albert, where are you?
00:57:13Oh, where are you?
00:57:16There's one thing I will say, and I don't care who hears me.
00:57:19Are you listening, Henry? No.
00:57:21What's the good of going on at her like that?
00:57:23You're only making things worse than they are already.
00:57:25The tea won't be long. I've put the kettle on.
00:57:27Oh, good. I could do with a cup of tea.
00:57:30You could do with a cup of tea?
00:57:32You don't suppose you're going to sit there sipping tea, do you?
00:57:36That's right. Take your boots off.
00:57:38Take your collar off.
00:57:40In fact, if I were you, I'd pop upstairs and nip into bed
00:57:43and have a little nap for a couple of hours.
00:57:45Henry Ornitch, you'll put on your boots and your collar and your tie
00:57:49and you'll go round to the police station
00:57:51and you'll tell them they're going to find Albert Tufnell
00:57:54if they have to search the whole of England to do it.
00:57:56Mum, I won't let you do that.
00:57:58Well, are you going or aren't you?
00:58:00I aren't.
00:58:01What? You heard.
00:58:03Very well, then I'll go myself.
00:58:05Mum, if you do go, I'll drown myself.
00:58:09I swear I will.
00:58:11What about a bit of cake?
00:58:13You must have a bit of wedding cake.
00:58:15Edie!
00:58:16Oh, they're here. Wait till they're here.
00:58:18Crash the cymbal, bang the drum.
00:58:20Edie, I've got to break something to you.
00:58:22Oh!
00:58:23Here, now shut up a minute. I haven't told you yet.
00:58:25Hey, listen, Edie. The wedding's off.
00:58:27Albert hasn't turned up.
00:58:29Oh!
00:58:30Here, we're not licensed for singing.
00:58:33My poor shirt!
00:58:34Oh, Edie!
00:58:36You should have seen it when it was all in one piece.
00:58:40Oh!
00:58:46Canusti!
00:58:47Oh, Canusti, have you seen him?
00:58:49Have you heard anything?
00:58:50No, I've no...
00:58:51Have you looked everywhere?
00:58:52I'm awful sorry. I've done my best.
00:58:54You're sorry?
00:58:55Well, that's something I will say.
00:58:57I just want to ask you one question, young man.
00:59:00Did you know about it?
00:59:02Did Albert tell you what he was going to do?
00:59:04Of course he didn't.
00:59:05I'd never be a party at a thing like that.
00:59:07Albert told me nothing.
00:59:08It wouldn't surprise me if you didn't put him up to it.
00:59:10And what do you mean by that, Mrs. Hornet?
00:59:12What I say.
00:59:13You put him up to it.
00:59:14Me?
00:59:15Rubbish.
00:59:17Do I hear proper?
00:59:19Even if you didn't put him up to it,
00:59:21you must know why he did it.
00:59:23Now, look, I know no more about this thing than you do.
00:59:25I don't believe that.
00:59:27You're most unfair, Aunt Emma.
00:59:28Why should Canusti know?
00:59:30And why should he be the cause of Albert not turning up
00:59:32any more than you?
00:59:33If as much.
00:59:34And what do you mean by that, Daphne Pink?
00:59:37If you've got something to say, say it.
00:59:39Don't go throwing out a lot of nasty insinuendos.
00:59:43And as for you, young man.
00:59:45Oh, Mother, what's the use?
00:59:47Yes, what is the use?
00:59:49That's what I'd like to know.
00:59:50What's the use of having a mother
00:59:52if you don't take any notice of what she tells you
00:59:54or warns you about?
00:59:55What's the use of having a father?
00:59:59Yes, what is the use?
01:00:01Here, here.
01:00:02Look, I'm not going to stand here and listen.
01:00:04As for you, young man.
01:00:05As for me, Mrs. Hornet.
01:00:08It's Albert.
01:00:10I know it's Albert.
01:00:12Shirley.
01:00:14Oh.
01:00:16Now, there may be none of that.
01:00:17Stop it, do you hear?
01:00:18Haven't you got a grain of sense?
01:00:19It's happened again.
01:00:20It's happened to poor Shirley, same as it happened to me.
01:00:23I knew it.
01:00:24I knew it.
01:00:25Will you be quiet, Aidee?
01:00:26I saw it.
01:00:27I saw it in the teacups.
01:00:28Oh, the bleeding, broken heart.
01:00:31Oh, the poor lamb.
01:00:32Will you be quiet and leave Shirley alone?
01:00:34Ever since I saw it in the teacups, I've known.
01:00:37Whenever I've turned, I've seen bleeding, broken hearts.
01:00:41And they've all been Shirley's.
01:00:44I knew they were Shirley's.
01:00:46Something told me.
01:00:48Oh, there you are, Aidee.
01:00:50She shot off like a rocket when I told her.
01:00:54Another great sorrow in the family.
01:00:57Oh, Shirley.
01:00:59I know what you're going through.
01:01:00I've suffered it too.
01:01:01The shame, the humiliation.
01:01:03Oh, don't, Aunt Aidee.
01:01:04It should have happened to you, same as it happened to me.
01:01:07Left at the altar of Ryan.
01:01:11Aidee, own it.
01:01:12Daphne, give Shirley a cup of tea.
01:01:14Twice it's happened in the family.
01:01:16Twice.
01:01:17It's a curse.
01:01:18That's what it is.
01:01:19It's a curse.
01:01:20Will you be quiet?
01:01:21It's a curse on the house of owners.
01:01:23Oh, Aidee, what's there to say?
01:01:25Oh, Aunt Aidee.
01:01:26Cheryl, my heart goes out to you.
01:01:29Well, I'll not be stopping because I know you want to be on your own
01:01:32with your great sorrow.
01:01:34So it's better that I...
01:01:35Oh, thanks very much.
01:01:36I needed this.
01:01:37Well, if you'll excuse me for a minute.
01:01:40We will.
01:01:41It wasn't Albert's fault.
01:01:42It was fate.
01:01:44That's what it was.
01:01:45Fate used Albert for it too.
01:01:47Oh, she's off again.
01:01:49I've had all I'm going to stand of it.
01:01:52Henry, own it.
01:01:53Listen to me.
01:01:54I've put up with this crackpot sister of yours
01:01:57for the past 20 years.
01:01:59I don't know how I've done it, but I have.
01:02:01But I'm finished.
01:02:02Do you hear me?
01:02:03I'm through.
01:02:04I've had all I can stand of her fates,
01:02:06her teacups,
01:02:08her great sorrows and her bleeding hearts.
01:02:11And I tell you here and now that she leaves this house tomorrow morning
01:02:15and if she doesn't, then I do.
01:02:18Mum, you can't turn poor Aunt Aidee out.
01:02:20It isn't fair.
01:02:22She's upset, that's all.
01:02:24Now, don't you start telling me what I ought to do.
01:02:26I should think you've got enough on your own plate
01:02:28without bothering your head about other people.
01:02:30You haven't managed your own affairs so marvellously, have you?
01:02:33Getting yourself tied up with a good-for-nothing fly-by-night from heaven knows where
01:02:37and making yourself and your whole family look a fool in front of the whole town.
01:02:48Hello?
01:02:50Albert!
01:02:51Oh, Albert!
01:02:56Albert, where have you been?
01:02:58I've been for a walk.
01:03:00Been for a walk?
01:03:02Albert Tufnell, are you completely mad?
01:03:04No, I'm not.
01:03:06At least I hope not.
01:03:08But I...
01:03:09I've tried to keep quiet. I have tried!
01:03:12Well, try a bit harder, ma.
01:03:14What?
01:03:15He said try a bit harder.
01:03:17Oh, but I don't understand.
01:03:19Do you realise what you've done?
01:03:20You let me go to the church knowing that you weren't going to go.
01:03:23Yes, I did.
01:03:25I would never have believed you could have done such a cruel thing.
01:03:29But it doesn't matter.
01:03:31If only you'll tell me you still love me and want to marry me.
01:03:35I love you, Cheryl.
01:03:37Just as I've always done.
01:03:39And I still want to marry you.
01:03:41Oh, Albert.
01:03:43I can't stand it.
01:03:45Watching my own daughter cheapening herself.
01:03:49I don't care, ma.
01:03:50I don't care if I am cheapening myself.
01:03:53All I know is that I want Albert to marry me.
01:03:56And he's going to.
01:03:58I didn't say I was.
01:03:59Albert!
01:04:00I said I wanted to, not that I was going to.
01:04:02What?
01:04:03What do you mean by that?
01:04:05You never really wanted me to marry Cheryl, did you, ma?
01:04:07I never have.
01:04:08And I'll tell you something else.
01:04:10I'd rather give her to the first man who comes through that door,
01:04:13even if he's the devil himself!
01:04:19Amber, it's the vicar. It's Mr. Purefoy.
01:04:21May I come in?
01:04:23The front door was open, so I took the liberty.
01:04:25Please come in, Mr. Purefoy.
01:04:28Thank you, Mrs. Hoyt.
01:04:32Mr. Purefoy, this is...
01:04:34Oh, no, no, please.
01:04:35Actually, I think I saw you all in church, did I not?
01:04:38Not him you didn't.
01:04:39Oh, perhaps I didn't.
01:04:41Mr. Purefoy, this is Albert.
01:04:43Albert?
01:04:44How do you do, Albert?
01:04:46Good heavens, you mean Albert.
01:04:48The Albert.
01:04:49The missing bridegroom.
01:04:51Missing bridegroom?
01:04:52He's something more than a missing bridegroom, Mr. Purefoy, if you ask me.
01:04:55Mr. Purefoy, he said he won't.
01:04:56I'm sorry I've caused all this trouble, sir.
01:04:58He says he still loves me, but won't marry me.
01:05:00Forgive me, but I'm a little confused.
01:05:02Perhaps if one person could explain.
01:05:04I'll soon do that.
01:05:06Oh, I did think perhaps that...
01:05:08However, yes, Mrs. Hoyt.
01:05:10If there's any explaining to be done, sir,
01:05:12I should see Albert's the man to do it.
01:05:14So should I.
01:05:15I mean...
01:05:16Very well, Mr. Purefoy, let him explain.
01:05:18But don't believe one word he says.
01:05:23My reason for coming, Mrs. Hornet, was to offer what comfort I could to Shirley.
01:05:27But it would appear, given the opportunity,
01:05:30I could offer her something more concrete.
01:05:32Now, I'd like to have a talk with these two young people.
01:05:35Don't you think it would be wiser if those who are not primarily concerned
01:05:38were to leave us for a while, Mrs. Hornet?
01:05:40Well, I don't see...
01:05:42Very well.
01:05:43Go on. Off you go, all of you.
01:05:45And you too, Flurry. Off you go.
01:05:48Albert, just call her if you want me.
01:06:00I'm afraid you must think I'm treating your house as though it were my own, Mrs. Hornet.
01:06:04Driving you all out like this.
01:06:07I did suggest alone, Mrs. Hornet.
01:06:10Well, we are alone.
01:06:12I meant, um...
01:06:14Do you mean alone without me?
01:06:16Is that what you mean?
01:06:18I'm afraid it is.
01:06:19If I go, I go under protest.
01:06:21I'm sure you do.
01:06:27He's the one that's done the wrong, not her.
01:06:29He's the one that wants the talking to.
01:06:31Shirley, come with me.
01:06:33No, Mum. I'm staying here.
01:06:37You'll regret it. You'll see if you don't.
01:06:40You'll regret it as sure as your name, Shirley Hornet.
01:06:43But I'm hoping we may yet change it to Shirley Tufnell.
01:06:52A woman of character, Mrs. Hornet.
01:06:55Well, now, let's sit down, shall we?
01:07:02Albert, is there any legal reason why you shouldn't marry Shirley?
01:07:06Well, I haven't got a wife in Honolulu, if that's what you mean, sir.
01:07:09There's really never been any other girl in my life except Shirley.
01:07:12And do you still love her?
01:07:13Yes, sir.
01:07:15And Shirley, you love Albert?
01:07:17He knows I do.
01:07:20And Albert, Shirley.
01:07:22By the devil, have we come unstuck.
01:07:25Right or wrong, it took some courage to come back and face it.
01:07:28Albert's a brave man, you know.
01:07:30I'm sure you are too, Carnoustie.
01:07:32Brave and strong.
01:07:34Oh, I know my strength.
01:07:36And my weakness.
01:07:38I can't imagine you weak.
01:07:39I can't imagine anyone getting the better of you.
01:07:41Certainly not a girl.
01:07:43Oh, it all depends what you mean by getting the better of me.
01:07:46Well, being made to do what you don't want.
01:07:49Oh, there's no fear of that.
01:07:51The trouble is being made to do what I do want.
01:07:55Why don't you, then?
01:07:59I didn't turn up at the church this morning because...
01:08:02Well, for one thing, I was frightened of the future.
01:08:05Mine and Shirley's, I mean, sir.
01:08:07Well, whether we could make a go of it.
01:08:09Or whether I could, I should say.
01:08:11I thought about it all last night. I never slept a wink.
01:08:14Last night?
01:08:15Yes, sir.
01:08:16Oh, good heavens, man. Last night was a hundred years too late.
01:08:19You should have thought about it long ago.
01:08:21But how could I when it didn't happen till last night?
01:08:23What didn't happen?
01:08:25Well, sir, I was brought up in an orphanage.
01:08:27Yes, I know.
01:08:28I never had any, what you call, home life.
01:08:31Till I got to know Shirley, I always spent my leaves at YMCA's,
01:08:34Union Jack Club, Salvation Army, you know, sir.
01:08:36Mm-hm.
01:08:37Staying here is my first taste of home life.
01:08:40And if what I've seen in this house is honest-to-God home life,
01:08:43then all I can say is give me the Salvation Army.
01:08:49Are you sure you really mean that, Albert?
01:08:51Home life has so much more to offer than is to be found in YMCA's and Salvation Army.
01:08:56I know it has lots more to offer.
01:08:58But my point is that what's offered to me here in this house, I can do very well without.
01:09:02My dear boy, your own sense must tell you that all homes are not alike.
01:09:05Every home has its own characteristics and peculiarities.
01:09:09Well, it sounds all right in theory, but this place is a home, isn't it?
01:09:13But I haven't noticed much happiness hereabouts.
01:09:15But, Albert, when you marry and settle down,
01:09:17your home will be just as happy as you and your wife make it.
01:09:20As we're allowed to make it, sir.
01:09:22As you're allowed to make it? I don't follow you.
01:09:25I'll know about the house, Shirley.
01:09:29Oh, Mr. Purefoy, I played a dirty trick on Albert.
01:09:32I let Mum put a deposit on a house without telling him.
01:09:36I wasn't going to tell him till after we were married.
01:09:38Oh, I haven't not.
01:09:39Well, this house is number 24, three doors away from here.
01:09:45Oh, I see.
01:09:48I don't know why I let Mum do it.
01:09:50Without consulting Albert. Well, that was very wrong of you, Shirley.
01:09:53And that was why.
01:09:54Yes, sir. I decided to skip the wedding and come back here.
01:09:57And if Shirley saw things as I see them,
01:09:59and if she loved me enough, then we'd get married as soon as we could.
01:10:02Yes. And if only I'd had the courage to do the same.
01:10:06And if you've got half the sense I think you have, my girl,
01:10:08you'll go down on your knees and beg Albert to marry you.
01:10:11Then you can tell your mother just what she can do with number 24.
01:10:14But, Dad, she's put a deposit on it.
01:10:17And she can do the same with a deposit.
01:10:19Mr. Hornet, really, I mean...
01:10:21Mr. Purefoy, I understand my wife. Albert doesn't.
01:10:24There's no reason why he should.
01:10:26But understanding her wouldn't make any difference as far as he's concerned.
01:10:30With me it's different. I'm her husband.
01:10:32And she's done a lot that I have to be very thankful for.
01:10:35You have, Pop?
01:10:37Yes, I have.
01:10:38Take a look around this room.
01:10:40There's nothing sort of wonderful it might say.
01:10:42But it's home I should never be ashamed to bring anyone to.
01:10:45And I've never yet come home from work and found Emma out of the pictures
01:10:48and a packet of fish and chips waiting for me in the oven.
01:10:51That's a damn sight more than most husbands in my position can say.
01:10:54That's very true.
01:10:55You're proud of Mrs. Hornet, aren't you?
01:10:57I am, sir.
01:10:58But there are times when I could wring her blasted neck if I had the courage.
01:11:02But I am fond of her, sir, and I think she's fond of me.
01:11:07What's that?
01:11:11Has she been listening?
01:11:12My God, let me get out of here while I'm still alive.
01:11:15Oh, Mum!
01:11:19Mum!
01:11:20Don't talk to me. I couldn't stand it. I've been listening.
01:11:24I've heard every word that's been said.
01:11:27They say listeners never heard any good of themselves and I've been punished.
01:11:32Blimey!
01:11:33I'm a wicked woman, Mr. Beaufort.
01:11:36I am, I must be.
01:11:38All the misery I've caused.
01:11:41Making Henry's life a hell on earth.
01:11:44And hearing Henry stick up for me like that.
01:11:48That man's a jewel, Mr. Beaufort.
01:11:52And I'm an evil woman.
01:11:54Mr. Beaufort, what can I do to be saved?
01:11:57I beg your pardon?
01:11:59Well, you're a clergyman, you ought to know.
01:12:02Well, I...
01:12:03I didn't know. I didn't realise.
01:12:06I was making everybody miserable.
01:12:09I thought I was just looking after their interests.
01:12:13But you were misguided in your method of approach, shall we say?
01:12:16Yes, let's say that.
01:12:18You see, Mr. Beaufort, I've always had to manage other people
01:12:22because they've never been able to manage themselves.
01:12:26You see, Henry doesn't know what he's doing half the time.
01:12:30And Edie, well, she doesn't know what she's doing any of the time.
01:12:36And Shirley? What about Shirley?
01:12:39I put the deposit down on number 24
01:12:43because I thought it would be nice for you to have me near you.
01:12:48A sort of guardian angel.
01:12:51You see, Mr. Beaufort, I knew he was a sailor and...
01:12:55Well, you know what sailors are.
01:12:58I know what this one is, Mrs. Hornet.
01:13:00He's a grandfellow. I can only wish he were my son-in-law.
01:13:03Yes, your daughter hasn't made a very good catch for herself, has she?
01:13:07Well, I...
01:13:08Oh, dear, oh, dear, there I go again.
01:13:13Saying unkind things, making people miserable.
01:13:18Oh, Mr. Beaufort, do you think I'm too old to reform?
01:13:22If I may be forgiven a platitude.
01:13:24Yes, I'm sure we'll all forgive you.
01:13:26I was merely going to say it's never too late to mend.
01:13:30Where's Henry?
01:13:33I want Henry!
01:13:38Aunt Edie, is Dad there?
01:13:40He's outside with his ferrets.
01:13:42Poor Emma.
01:13:44Tell him to leave his blooming ferrets and come in!
01:13:47Ahem.
01:13:48Oh.
01:13:50Ask him to come in, will you?
01:13:53Please.
01:13:54Please.
01:13:58And now you're going to dry your tears and come to St. Michael's in half an hour.
01:14:02But what for?
01:14:03For the wedding of your daughter Shirley to Albert Tuffnell, A.B.
01:14:06Albert, darling.
01:14:09Oh, excuse me, sir.
01:14:11And thanks a lot for being so understanding about Ma.
01:14:14Oh, dear, Albert. I was talking with a voice of sad experience.
01:14:17You see, I happen to have a mother-in-law myself.
01:14:22In half an hour, Mrs. Hornet?
01:14:24Yes, Mr. Beaufort.
01:14:29Edie said you wanted me.
01:14:31Yes, I do. You're to go upstairs, wash your face, brush yourself down and get ready for the wedding.
01:14:35What, another wedding?
01:14:36No, the same one! Go on, Henry, only when I tell you! Henry!
01:14:40Yes, Emma?
01:14:42Come back.
01:14:44Now make up your mind.
01:14:52There.
01:14:55Have you been drinking?
01:14:57I've started.
01:14:59Oh, I've just remembered! Edie!
01:15:01Yes, Emma?
01:15:02I was just going to make a cup of tea. I thought you needed it.
01:15:04Never mind about the tea. Get yourself down to Bamfylde's and tell everybody there to stop eating.
01:15:08They're to go to the church. The wedding's in half an hour.
01:15:10Oh, Emma!
01:15:11Edie!
01:15:13Never mind, love.
01:15:16What?
01:15:17I said never mind, love!
01:15:20Now, come on, everybody. Now, are we all ready?
01:15:22Now, come on, now. Have you got your bags? Did you lock the back door?
01:15:24Come on, now. Come on, Shirley. Come on, Daphne.
01:15:26Good morning, Mrs. Monstrome. How are you?
01:15:28Now, come on, now. For goodness' sake, come on.
01:15:30Now, don't stand around. Get into your cars, Ed. Go on.
01:15:32Now, come on, Shirley. Here we go. And drive fast!
01:15:48Smile!
01:15:49What, Ed?
01:15:52What are you for an asshole?
01:15:54You did that? Why, you bad little girl!
01:15:57You did that? Why, you bad little girl!
01:15:59Don't you call my child!
01:16:00I don't call your child what I like. If you're bringing her outside...
01:16:02Now, listen, Emma.
01:16:03You don't want to ruff out here. Come on, for goodness' sake.
01:16:05I've never known such ill-mannered people.
01:16:06You're my life.
01:16:07If she were my daughter, she'd be in the age differently.
01:16:09Oh, don't talk to me like that.
01:16:11Don't talk to me like that.
01:16:12Don't make yourself look foolish.
01:16:14I might have called you a jewel, but it doesn't mean to say you shine very bright.
01:16:16Whatever!
01:16:17And I don't think you're going home now to put your feet up and have a little nap.
01:16:20You're going to the reception to make your speech, my lad.
01:16:23All right.
01:16:24If you've got something to say, say it!
01:16:27I'm saying but, Emma.
01:16:28Oh, all right.
01:16:29And just you bear in mind that from now on, you've got to watch your step and behave yourself proper.
01:16:32Yes.
01:16:33If ever I catch you going out drinking with that sailor again, there'll be a different reckoning.
01:16:36But one thing I will say that I'll care who hears me say it.
01:16:39Are you listening, Henry?
01:16:40Yes, Emma.
01:16:41If Shirley's marriage turns out wrong to my dying day, I shall say that you were to blame.
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