Filmed at the Athenaeum Theatre in Melbourne 2023. | dG1fb0dXTWVDa1NXZHc
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I don't know if you feel the same way, if you ever feel like,
00:02oh, I've got too much time on my hands, maybe I should be doing something productive,
00:04and then you see someone and you're like, oh,
00:08they've definitely got too much time on their hands, I'm fine.
00:15I realised this when I was buying eggs online.
00:22Yeah, I like to party, and I was buying eggs online, I was buying it on like,
00:28you know, online grocery shopping on the Woolworths website,
00:31and I saw that the eggs that I was buying had a rating of 4.2 stars.
00:47There's people out there
00:53spending their time reviewing eggs.
00:59Like, it wasn't the Health Star rating, it had that as well, this was
01:02user reviews.
01:06I was like, I'm fine, why do you need to review an egg, it's
01:11it's an egg. Who's having an egg, a food that's been around unchanged
01:19for thousands of years, and gone, I've got some notes.
01:27If you could pass this on to the chicken,
01:32the chicken passes that on to the egg,
01:39and so on and so forth. I'll tell you who's reviewing these eggs,
01:45500 people. 500 reviews, 46 pages, I read them all.
01:55I've got a lot of time on my hands, I got obsessed with them, I got obsessed.
02:00There's also people out there that review cat food.
02:06Here's the kicker, in character as their cat.
02:18Like, if you look it up, you can look it up when you're at home, like Fancy Feast
02:21website, there's like reviews and they're like,
02:25every morning I go over to my bowl and I'm so excited to eat my Fancy Feast,
02:31it's it's fucked.
02:36And I assume they're writing it in character as their cat,
02:40otherwise, Fluffy is a weird woman.
02:47Back to the eggs, because, oh, I loved reading them,
02:51because the reviews for the eggs are what you'd expect
02:55a review for an egg to be. One of them just said,
03:00tasted the same as any other egg.
03:07Three stars.
03:12I was like, how much better than tasting like other eggs
03:16can you get? That's a good egg in my books.
03:22The five star reviews are even more illuminating,
03:25because these people had an egg and had an amazing experience.
03:34My favourite five star review was from this guy called Nigel,
03:39page 36. Check it out. Check this when you're home, it's fun.
03:47I just have nothing else to do. This guy from Nigel, it's five stars,
03:54said, incredible colour and taste, life-changing egg.
04:03I was, oh no, Nigel, how bad is your life going?
04:09That an egg is really turning things around.
04:12I was very, very worried for him, you know.
04:16The weird thing about it as well is, you know, the eggs, they're
04:204.2 stars. My show that I did in the comedy festival before this show,
04:26the age rated it four stars. I got beaten by a fucking egg.
04:35Do you know how humbling that is? Now every time I have an egg, I've got tall
04:39poppy syndrome. Like, you think you're better than me?
04:44Look who's beating who now.