Borderlands - Movie Review in English
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00:56Decorate that nerd cave proper.
00:59And to clarify, when talking about Celebration, I wasn't necessarily talking about this particular movie.
01:04I mean, you can.
01:12So Borderlands stars Cate Blanchett and is the newest film based off of a video game.
01:16That video game being, yes, Borderlands.
01:19And I'm not going to posture, not going to front, I haven't played Borderlands.
01:21But I have seen Friends play it so I know a little bit about it.
01:24Like enough to get some of the references from the game that were in this movie.
01:28But no doubt other references just went over my head.
01:30So in the Borderlands movie, Cate Blanchett plays Lilith.
01:33And long story short, her and her band of misfits have to find this vault before the baddies do.
01:38And looking at the positive...
01:42We'll keep that one singular.
01:43Oh, there were some action sequences that I felt had some fun in them.
01:47Is that the nice way of saying? I feel it's as nice as I can say it.
01:50But in the way the fun goes down, it feels like, yeah, you could also get more fun from the video game.
01:56The action sequences would have left a much better impression with me if they weren't plagued.
02:00Book ended with awkward, shoddy scene transitions.
02:02Choppy editing, because this is a PG-13 movie.
02:05It's the kind of editing that feels like it might have been shot to B-rated R.
02:10And they had to edit it down to PG-13.
02:12That or it's just that incompetently made, I don't know.
02:15Like there are a couple scenes where a character is amidst a bunch of enemies.
02:19And then the next scene, they're just not.
02:21Leaves me with that feeling of, but how did they get out of that?
02:24And a logical leap could be, well, it was probably a rated R movie in a hyper-violent sequence.
02:29But now that it's PG-13, just can't have it in it.
02:31My theories and conjecture, no doubt, but I'm trying to bring reason to madness here.
02:36I just see it being the case given the director of Borderlands.
02:39This movie was announced like nine years ago.
02:41Pretty sure most of the world forgot it was even coming out.
02:44But when I saw the trailer, I was like, all right, that could be fun.
02:47Oh, okay. No secret. I'm just not an Eli Roth fan.
02:50I actually surprisingly enjoyed that Thanksgiving movie he came out with recently.
02:54I don't mind saying that's probably his best movie.
02:57Is Borderlands as good as Thanksgiving?
03:03Also has horribly noticeable green screen.
03:06Studios, Hollywood, they need to figure that shit out,
03:09because that's really plaguing a lot of films.
03:11Fact is, you have a couple of Academy Award winning actors in this movie.
03:14Cate Blanchett, legend, and we all know it.
03:16A legend who really looked like she did not want to be there in this movie.
03:20Was it one of those Bill Murray and Garfield scenarios?
03:23Where Bill Murray was like, oh, that Garfield movie is written by Joel Cohen.
03:26I'd love to work with him.
03:27He was thinking Joel Cohen, but it was Joel Cohen.
03:31Point is, nobody in this movie, including Cate Blanchett,
03:33who's leading this movie, looked like they wanted to be there.
03:36Light at the end of the tunnel, she could be like,
03:38but I'm going to get paid and hope she got paid really well.
03:41Then again, looking at the script, the dialogue, the awkward jokes that just fall flat.
03:45This movie is plagued with all of it.
03:46Could be a simple case of nobody could make this sound natural.
03:50Nobody could make it sound good.
03:52It's either the kind of humor a 50-year-old man writes,
03:55thinking, hey, this is what kids like.
03:57Or it is, in fact, the kind of humor that kids like.
04:00All I know, it's just not for me.
04:02In fact, you know what, I take that back.
04:03To say the jokes fall flat in this movie is to besmirch flat surfaces.
04:08I apologize for that.
04:09Not one chuckle, not one laugh.
04:11Not from me, not from anyone else in the theater.
04:14All three of us.
04:15This movie just feels horribly miscast and you run into this chicken and the egg scenario.
04:19You're juggling the reasons as to why.
04:21Which one is feeding into the next one, it just goes round and round.
04:24But fact remains, bad wigs just don't help the situation.
04:27Um, the actor that brings the most entertainment on screen?
04:31Kevin Hart.
04:32I don't know what to say.
04:33I know he gets a lot of shit.
04:34I'm just saying.
04:35When it comes to being entertaining on screen, Kevin Hart did do the most.
04:39This movie does an interesting thing with space-time.
04:42Not in the movie.
04:44I'm saying it does an interesting thing with space-time while you're sitting there watching the movie.
04:49So I checked my watch, I was like, this has only been going on for a half an hour?
04:52I would have bet cash it was twice that.
04:54It's only 90 minutes, I appreciate that.
04:56But it's the longest 90 minutes I've felt in the cinema in eons.
05:01In the end, Borderlands is an absolute throwback.
05:03It's a throwback to the time of old of video game movie adaptations.
05:07No, I'm not talking Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat.
05:09Those movies have character.
05:10They have charm.
05:11Also, the greatest response burn in cinematic history.
05:14But for me, it was Tuesday.
05:18Now, Borderlands is a throwback to a far darker time, my friends.
05:21The Uwe Boll days.
05:23You remember those days?
05:24That was a time.
05:25A couple times I found myself wondering who would pick up the mantle of Uwe Boll video game movie adaptations.
05:30And I guess that's Eli Roth.
05:32It's a boring fetch quest scavenger hunt movie with some okay action sequences sometimes.
05:37With characters you're not invested in.
05:39You don't care about.
05:40Dialogue that feels clunky.
05:41Jokes that fall flat.
05:43And actors that just seem bored because of it.
05:45All in what feels like a generic setting.
05:47With the wasteland, or actually the universe in this film as a whole,
05:51should feel more interesting than it actually does.
05:53Just feels like a little dime store Mad Max here.
05:56Dollar store Guardians of the Galaxy there.
05:58Dollar store Suicide Squad there.
06:00Will this one day become one of those so bad it's good guilty pleasure movies?
06:04Perhaps.
06:08But not today.
06:10As of today, Borderlands is dog shit.
06:14Alright, so Borderlands.
06:15Have you seen it?
06:16What did you think about it?
06:17Or what's your favorite or least favorite video game to movie adaptation?
06:20Favorite gets more narrow.
06:22Least favorite?
06:23Man, we got some pickings.
06:24Whatever it is, whatever you think, comment below, let me know.
06:26And as always, if you like what you've seen here and you want to see more,
06:28click right here to see more.