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Short filmTranscript
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00:01:19Peter, here you are.
00:01:35Hi, Molly.
00:01:36Where?
00:01:37Oh, yes.
00:01:38Still I am.
00:01:39Sorry.
00:01:40Come on.
00:01:41The train's nearly going.
00:01:42Trains don't nearly go, darling.
00:01:43Either they go or they stay where they are.
00:01:44See?
00:01:45Oh, sorry.
00:01:46Hold on.
00:01:47Here, I'll follow.
00:01:48I suppose we're in the right part of the train.
00:01:49Oh, darling, it looks all right to me.
00:01:50Yes, but I mean we want to go to the right place, don't we?
00:01:56Anywhere you go is the right place for me.
00:01:58Oh, darling, you do say nice things.
00:02:00I know I do.
00:02:01Oh.
00:02:02Oh, here.
00:02:03Now I'll go and get some papers.
00:02:04Well, hurry up.
00:02:05I'm sure the train's going to go.
00:02:06Now, don't you worry, darling.
00:02:07I'll be back long before it does that.
00:02:08Excuse me.
00:02:09I've got a paper.
00:02:10Well, so do I.
00:02:11Here, follow me.
00:02:13Wait a minute.
00:02:14Marguerite.
00:02:15Peter.
00:02:16Darling.
00:02:17Fancy meeting you.
00:02:18Yes, rather.
00:02:19How delightful.
00:02:20It must be nearly two years since I haven't seen you.
00:02:21Yes, and we haven't seen you.
00:02:22Peter.
00:02:23Peter.
00:02:24You know you have to be careful.
00:02:25I know.
00:02:26I know.
00:02:27I know.
00:02:28I know.
00:02:29I know.
00:02:30I know.
00:02:31I know.
00:02:32I know.
00:02:33I know.
00:02:34I know.
00:02:35I know.
00:02:36I know.
00:02:37I know.
00:02:38I know.
00:02:39I know.
00:02:40I know.
00:02:41Peter.
00:02:42You know you haven't changed a bit.
00:02:43Good.
00:02:44Oh, yes, you have.
00:02:45You've been married, haven't you?
00:02:46So have you.
00:02:47Yes, rather.
00:02:48Lovely.
00:02:49And where are you going now?
00:02:50I'm going to stay with the Bunters.
00:02:51The Bunters.
00:02:52And so are we.
00:02:59Peter.
00:03:01But, heavens, he's missed it.
00:03:03What are you doing?
00:03:04Peter.
00:03:05Peter.
00:03:06Is your wife going with you?
00:03:08Oh, rather, yes.
00:03:10She's in that.
00:03:11Good Lord.
00:03:16Here, quick.
00:03:17Oh.
00:03:18Oh, cursed father death.
00:03:20I wouldn't have had this happen for the world.
00:03:22Oh.
00:03:23But what about me?
00:03:24You've made me miss it, too.
00:03:26Well, never mind about that.
00:03:28Poor little Barbara.
00:03:30Gone without me.
00:03:32What can we do?
00:03:33Now, what can we do, Peter?
00:03:35I know.
00:03:36We'll go back to my flat and ring up for a car.
00:03:38And we'll get there almost as soon as the train.
00:03:40Good.
00:03:41Come along, then.
00:03:42Let's do that.
00:03:43All right.
00:03:44But, um, about your wife.
00:03:46We will explain to her, naturally.
00:03:48She will understand, won't she?
00:03:50Oh, of course.
00:03:51She's a darling.
00:03:53But she has a mother.
00:03:56Oh.
00:03:57Oh, I see.
00:03:59But surely her mother is not going to make any fuss about a little thing like this.
00:04:03Oh, certainly not.
00:04:06Unless, of course, she finds out.
00:04:08She's a beauty.
00:04:10Oh.
00:04:11But her father's all right.
00:04:12Oh, he's a great sport.
00:04:14You know, sort of wet accumulator.
00:04:20George.
00:04:21What?
00:04:22What are you doing?
00:04:24What?
00:04:25What are you doing?
00:04:31Gargling.
00:04:33Gargling.
00:04:43Stop doing that and come out.
00:04:46We've got to go to Barbara's at once.
00:04:49Barbara's?
00:04:50Why?
00:04:51I've just had a wire from her.
00:04:54Something very serious has happened.
00:04:56What is it?
00:04:57It's that husband of hers.
00:04:59He's put his foot in it this time.
00:05:01Put his foot in what?
00:05:03Open the door and come out.
00:05:06How the devil can I come out if I don't open the door?
00:05:11You do say some damn silly things.
00:05:16Don't fiddle and diddle.
00:05:18I warn fiddling and diddling.
00:05:20You can't leave me alone for a minute.
00:05:24Hurry up and get your coat.
00:05:26We've got to go to Barbara's at once.
00:05:29Oh.
00:05:32This is funny, isn't it?
00:05:34Oh, is it?
00:05:36Both of us going to the bunkers.
00:05:38You with a wife I have never seen
00:05:40and me with a husband you have never seen.
00:05:43Great Scott, you don't mean to tell me
00:05:45your husband's on the train with my Barbara?
00:05:47No, no, he's not coming down till tomorrow.
00:05:50Oh, I see.
00:05:51He's sitting late tonight.
00:05:53Sitting late?
00:05:54Why, is he broody or something?
00:05:58No, he's an MP.
00:06:07Good evening, ma'am.
00:06:14George!
00:06:18Who was she?
00:06:19Have you any idea?
00:06:21I don't know who she was, ma'am.
00:06:22A strange young lady.
00:06:23A foreigner, it struck me, with a little dog.
00:06:26A little what?
00:06:27Dog.
00:06:29Dog.
00:06:30Dog.
00:06:31Dog.
00:06:32Gone.
00:06:33Mr. Wickham seemed in a great hurry.
00:06:35He went straight and telephoned to Gamble's garage
00:06:37for a car at once for a long journey.
00:06:39You see?
00:06:41Gone.
00:06:42They stayed here some time.
00:06:44And then?
00:06:46Then the car come.
00:06:47And then?
00:06:48Then away they went, together.
00:06:51I knew something of this sort would happen.
00:06:55What happened to the little dog?
00:06:58That will do.
00:06:59I've had a telegram saying Mrs. Wickham is returning.
00:07:02I shall remain until she comes in.
00:07:04Thank you, ma'am.
00:07:13George!
00:07:15What?
00:07:18I'm sorry, sir, there's nothing for it.
00:07:20Well, what are we going to do?
00:07:21I'll have to get back to a garage and have her taken in tow.
00:07:24And what's going to happen to us?
00:07:26I don't know.
00:07:27We'd better find a pub and get some food.
00:07:29But where is a pub?
00:07:30How should I know, my dear girl?
00:07:32Oh, look, here comes a local.
00:07:36Local?
00:07:37You mean yokel?
00:07:39Well, local yokel.
00:07:40Looks a dear old thing to me.
00:07:43Looks to me like a very old boy scout.
00:07:46Tell me, where's the nearest pub?
00:07:50Maiden Blatant.
00:07:51Maiden Blatant.
00:07:52It's like an aunt.
00:07:54I'll be going there.
00:07:56I'll show you.
00:07:57That's good.
00:07:58We'd better take my suitcases.
00:08:00Yeah, well, he can carry them.
00:08:01Not at all.
00:08:02Why?
00:08:03He looks too old and decrepitus.
00:08:04You carry them.
00:08:05Well, I'm feeling a bit decrepitus myself.
00:08:08I'll show you.
00:08:09I'll show you.
00:08:10I'll show you.
00:08:12You should have forbidden the marriage.
00:08:14I told you so.
00:08:15You did.
00:08:17Often.
00:08:19But very likely Barbara knows all about it.
00:08:22This is what Barbara knows about it.
00:08:24He missed the train on purpose.
00:08:26He's probably living with this woman.
00:08:29Oh, nonsense, Constance.
00:08:33Thank goodness.
00:08:34Here she is.
00:08:40Barbara.
00:08:42My poor child.
00:08:44Come in.
00:08:47Is Peter here?
00:08:48He is not.
00:08:49It is Barbara.
00:08:51Yes.
00:08:52I guessed it would be.
00:08:54I'm absolutely fagged out.
00:08:56Father, there's some wine in the cupboard.
00:08:59Oh, thank you very much, my dear.
00:09:02That's very thoughtful of you.
00:09:04For me, I mean.
00:09:07Oh, I see.
00:09:09Still, all the same, where is the cupboard?
00:09:12Oh, you know where it is.
00:09:14Yes, quite right, I do.
00:09:19Oh.
00:09:26Now, my poor child.
00:09:28Tell me exactly what happened.
00:09:30Well, Peter and I went to Paddington.
00:09:32We got into the train, both of us.
00:09:34Then Peter got out and went to buy some papers.
00:09:37The next thing I knew was the train began to move.
00:09:40I jumped up and put my head through the window.
00:09:43Good heavens.
00:09:44The window was open.
00:09:46Oh, I see.
00:09:48Will you stop fiddling and get the wine?
00:09:52I've got it.
00:09:53Peter was standing with his back to the train,
00:09:55talking to a young woman.
00:09:57She was no one I knew.
00:09:59What did you do?
00:10:00What could I do?
00:10:01I shouted and waved,
00:10:03and no one took the slightest notice of me,
00:10:05except one offensive-looking man who waved back.
00:10:08You should have rung the alarm bell.
00:10:10Oh, I don't suppose he'd have heard it.
00:10:13The wine.
00:10:16Gone, dear.
00:10:17I got out at Reading and wired you and came straight home.
00:10:21Oh, Mother, what do you think has really happened?
00:10:25I handed the lady a little dog.
00:10:30Dog?
00:10:31The wine.
00:10:32Yes.
00:10:33Rice.
00:10:44Ah.
00:10:47Ring up Gamble's Garage.
00:10:49We may find out something from them.
00:10:53Gamble's Garage?
00:10:55Yes.
00:10:56Oh, right.
00:10:58That's what I said, didn't I?
00:11:01We seem to be walking for hours.
00:11:04Yes.
00:11:05I don't think I've got any feet left.
00:11:08Come on, old boy.
00:11:10Where is this pub?
00:11:13Down the road, round the lane,
00:11:17past the stacks, and away along.
00:11:21Yes.
00:11:22You mean along away.
00:11:25All right, all right, all right.
00:11:27I've got it.
00:11:28Um...
00:11:29I'll speak.
00:11:30Oh, that'll be a nice change.
00:11:33But for once, in a way, let me have a say.
00:11:36I think we should wire.
00:11:38We ought to inquire.
00:11:39Are you trying to be funny?
00:11:41Oh, Lord.
00:11:42There you are, you see.
00:11:43Always the same.
00:11:44Your father would suggest anything.
00:11:49What?
00:11:50Well, of course I'm here.
00:11:52Is that, um...
00:11:54Is that, um...
00:11:57What is it?
00:11:58The, um...
00:12:00Is that, um...
00:12:01Whatever the number is...
00:12:03Oh, give it to me.
00:12:04Leave it, leave it, leave it.
00:12:06Um...
00:12:07Are you, um...
00:12:09A thingamabob's what's-her-name?
00:12:11Oh, get out!
00:12:12Ah!
00:12:15Good gracious!
00:12:16How much further is it?
00:12:18It'll be dark soon.
00:12:20There'll be stag and yonder.
00:12:24Yonder.
00:12:25It looks very desolate.
00:12:28It looks absolutely obsolete.
00:12:30Where is this place?
00:12:32Oh.
00:12:33Mm-hmm.
00:12:34Yes.
00:12:36What, Mother, quickly.
00:12:37The car broke down.
00:12:38They went off together to the nearest hotel.
00:12:40The chauffeur got a lift and telephone gambles.
00:12:42But where is this hotel?
00:12:44A place called Maiden Blotten.
00:12:46I shall go there straight away.
00:12:48Not tonight, dear.
00:12:49You can go by the first train tomorrow.
00:12:51But that may be too late.
00:12:53Oh, why do you think you'd be too late,
00:12:55even if you did go tonight?
00:12:57You seem very experienced.
00:12:59No, just an ordinary public school education.
00:13:03I can't believe there's anything wrong.
00:13:06I do love him.
00:13:07We were so happy.
00:13:09There you are, do you see?
00:13:11Do you see what you've done?
00:13:12You've made her cry.
00:13:14Now, now, come, come now.
00:13:16Dry eyes now.
00:13:17Dry eyes.
00:13:18Come on.
00:13:19Besides, you don't know that there's anything to cry for yet.
00:13:23Pa.
00:13:25Well, party you.
00:13:28Just because a fellow happens to meet a girl accidentally,
00:13:32it doesn't necessarily...
00:13:34Oh, Daddy, then you don't really think
00:13:35he went off with her on purpose?
00:13:37Well, I don't know.
00:13:39I haven't seen the woman yet.
00:13:41Oh.
00:13:42Now, now, come, come now.
00:13:43Stop that.
00:13:44Come on.
00:13:45Here you are.
00:13:46Drink this up.
00:13:47That'll do you good.
00:13:48No, thank you.
00:13:49I don't want any now.
00:13:50You don't?
00:13:51Well, that's extraordinary.
00:13:52It seems such a waste.
00:13:54Put that down.
00:13:56And you stop nagging at me.
00:13:58Well, you deserve it.
00:14:00I get it.
00:14:01You got all you deserve.
00:14:03Now, don't you two quarrel.
00:14:05That won't help.
00:14:07Quite right, dear.
00:14:09Well, then, whatever happens, we'll stay as we are.
00:14:13Peaceful and united.
00:14:15We must not have words in front of each other.
00:14:18I don't want to.
00:14:19Nor do I.
00:14:22I've always been a family man.
00:14:26And among all things, I count love and peace in the home.
00:14:32Thank you, Daddy.
00:14:33I do love to hear you say that.
00:14:37Yes.
00:14:38All right, then.
00:14:40That's how it shall be.
00:14:42So you stop it, dear.
00:14:54Now, don't you worry anymore, Mother.
00:14:56I'll go to this hotel at Maiden Blotten first thing tomorrow morning.
00:15:01I can get a very early train from Paddington.
00:15:04Kate?
00:15:14Now, we must go at once.
00:15:16We've time to catch a night train.
00:15:20What the deuce do you intend doing?
00:15:22I intend to get to that hotel tonight.
00:15:25I know that man, and I mean to know that woman.
00:15:29Catch them at the hotel, but they'll have gone to bed.
00:15:32I know they will.
00:15:33That's just the point.
00:15:36So that's where you intend to walk in and catch them?
00:15:39Of course it is.
00:15:42Do you mean to tell me that you're going to burst into this woman's bedroom?
00:15:47Yes.
00:15:48Oh, I see.
00:15:51Oh, well, in that case, perhaps I'd better come, too.
00:16:00Come on.
00:16:15E-E-B?
00:16:17At last.
00:16:18Yes, we've walked miles.
00:16:20Look at my shoes.
00:16:22Oh, I don't look at them all the time.
00:16:24Just look at them and carry on with the conversation.
00:16:26What a place.
00:16:27Yes.
00:16:28What's going to happen on this road?
00:16:30Puddy's pigs pass by here.
00:16:32Oh.
00:16:33Is that all?
00:16:34Well, there you are.
00:16:35If you think it, you think it.
00:16:41Well, I expect we can get some food of sorts.
00:16:45I doubt it.
00:16:46Even the pigs pass by.
00:16:59Oh.
00:17:05Good evening.
00:17:06Can you tell me where I can find the landlord?
00:17:08Not yet.
00:17:09I'm his widow.
00:17:10Oh.
00:17:11I'm sorry.
00:17:12Well, can we stay here for a bit?
00:17:13I'm completely occupied.
00:17:15Oh, we are sorry if you're busy, but...
00:17:17I tell you, I'm completely occupied.
00:17:20Oh, you mean you're full up?
00:17:21Completely occupied.
00:17:22Oh, hell.
00:17:24Well, can we get some food here?
00:17:25Not if you blaspheme.
00:17:27He's sorry, he's sorry.
00:17:28He didn't mean you to hear.
00:17:29Whether I hear or no, it all goes down in the book.
00:17:33The book?
00:17:34What book?
00:17:35The book from which there is no rubbing out.
00:17:40Oh, how dreadful.
00:17:42Well, where's the nearest town?
00:17:44Danblotten.
00:17:45Five miles on.
00:17:46Five miles.
00:17:47Well, haven't you got a cab or a cart or an ox or anything that is yours?
00:17:52No such thing.
00:17:53Well, isn't there a telephone?
00:17:55Yes, a Danblotten.
00:18:02George, my old sportsman.
00:18:06All the best.
00:18:09George?
00:18:10What?
00:18:11Where are you?
00:18:13In the bathroom.
00:18:14What are you doing?
00:18:15What?
00:18:16What are you doing?
00:18:23Listen.
00:18:26What are you doing?
00:18:28What are you doing?
00:18:36How many more times am I to tell you to hurry up?
00:18:39Well, I haven't had any dinner.
00:18:41Your daughter's on the brink of disaster and you babble about dinner.
00:18:46Besides, I gave you a biscuit.
00:18:48A biscuit?
00:18:50Who do you think I am?
00:18:51Something at the zoo?
00:18:53Yes, or ought to be.
00:18:54Now do you want any more?
00:18:55Yes.
00:18:56What?
00:18:57Nuts.
00:19:01Oh.
00:19:02Now then, stop that.
00:19:04Stop that.
00:19:05Stop it.
00:19:07If there's one thing that you do that annoys me more than another, it is that.
00:19:19This is hopeless.
00:19:22Surely the old woman will give us some food.
00:19:24But she said she wouldn't.
00:19:26She said she would if you didn't blaspheme.
00:19:28Oh, blaspheme.
00:19:29Now go in and ask her again.
00:19:31Without blaspheming.
00:19:33Well, it's very difficult, but I'll try.
00:19:36Off you go.
00:19:37Off you go.
00:19:39Do you think I keep my hotel open to couples living in shame?
00:19:43We're only hiking together.
00:19:44Couples don't hike together without shame.
00:19:47Off you go and off you stay.
00:19:50Excuse me.
00:19:51We've hiked a long way to get here and quite without shame.
00:19:55So, may we have some food?
00:19:58I take it you are married?
00:20:01Of course we are married.
00:20:03Yes, both of us.
00:20:05Well, come inside.
00:20:08You'll excuse me being careful, but one spit.
00:20:13I wonder who bit her.
00:20:20I guess there's a drop of soup left over.
00:20:23Left over from what?
00:20:32Don't annoy her, Peter.
00:20:34We shan't even get the soup.
00:20:36Well, where do you suppose we are going to sleep?
00:20:40Perhaps there's a cottage somewhere.
00:20:42Oh, do ask.
00:20:44Ask who?
00:20:45Oh, look.
00:20:46There's something.
00:20:51Allow me, will you?
00:20:52Now, look here, my man.
00:20:55Tell me, is this a big village or a small village?
00:21:01No, sir.
00:21:02Well, what I mean is, do you know anywhere where we could put up?
00:21:06In the village?
00:21:07No, sir.
00:21:08Isn't there a cottage or something?
00:21:11Cottage?
00:21:12Isn't there a cottage or something?
00:21:14Cottage?
00:21:15No, ma'am.
00:21:16There'll be only four cottages, and in them they already sleeps unhealthy, in my opinion.
00:21:21Unhealthy?
00:21:23Six and seven in a bedroom, mostly.
00:21:26Oh.
00:21:27I see you mean a sort of whisk drive.
00:21:29Really?
00:21:30Aye, sir.
00:21:33Well, can I have some beer?
00:21:35Aye, sir.
00:21:36Oh, good.
00:21:37I suppose you have some real country beer here.
00:21:39Aye, sir.
00:21:40Oh, I see.
00:21:41All change.
00:21:42All change here.
00:21:43All change.
00:21:44All change.
00:21:45All change.
00:21:46Change.
00:21:47All change here.
00:21:48But I want to go to Down Blotten.
00:21:51Oh, that ain't on this line at all.
00:21:54You ought to change that ready.
00:21:56Well, why didn't they say so?
00:21:58George?
00:21:59Ah.
00:22:00George!
00:22:01Ah, stand back there.
00:22:03Stand right back there.
00:22:04Go on.
00:22:05Stand right over there.
00:22:06Huh?
00:22:07Don't shout at me like that.
00:22:08What is it?
00:22:09What?
00:22:10What?
00:22:11Good Lord, I, I was dreaming I was a Christian among the lions.
00:22:17Well, where are we?
00:22:19This is Piddock.
00:22:20What?
00:22:21Piddock.
00:22:22Is, is, is that it?
00:22:24No.
00:22:25How far is it to Maiden Blotten?
00:22:27Lummi, I don't know.
00:22:29Why not?
00:22:30And don't call my wife Lummi.
00:22:32Show us a little respect for a lady, can't you?
00:22:35Even if she has gone and made a marine's multicoloured muddle of the whole everything.
00:22:43Go on.
00:22:44Get out, can't you?
00:22:45We must get a car.
00:22:46Where is there a car?
00:22:47Doubtful if you get one down here.
00:22:50You might try Pinhorn down the road.
00:22:53What?
00:22:54Pinhorn.
00:22:57Did you hear that?
00:22:58Come along.
00:22:59Get my bag.
00:23:00We'll go down the road and try Pinhorn.
00:23:03I'd like to give you something to try.
00:23:07Any other husband would have dished you up a spot of weed killer.
00:23:13Oh, Gladys.
00:23:14How many rooms are there in this hotel?
00:23:16Two, sir.
00:23:17Two.
00:23:18Number one and number two.
00:23:19We're in number two, Peter.
00:23:20I see.
00:23:21What's number one doing?
00:23:23There's an old lady in there, sir.
00:23:25She's bedridden.
00:23:26Oh, poor dear old lady.
00:23:28Is she suffering?
00:23:29Yes, she's got...
00:23:33Yes, that must be rather painful, mustn't it?
00:23:36Yes.
00:23:37Is there anything after this?
00:23:40There's some cheese.
00:23:41Oh, I see.
00:23:42What is that cheese?
00:23:44She means cheese.
00:23:45It's a very, very old Cheshire word.
00:23:48What kind of cheese?
00:23:53Fine.
00:23:54I don't think we'd have any of that.
00:24:04What's the matter?
00:24:06You've got a car.
00:24:08Well, I know that.
00:24:09What about it?
00:24:10Well, I want it.
00:24:11I've got to go somewhere, ain't I?
00:24:13Who's Cheshire?
00:24:14My wife.
00:24:16It's getting pretty late, ain't it?
00:24:18I don't want to know what the time is.
00:24:20Well, where do you want to go to?
00:24:22Well, it's...
00:24:24It's a girl's maiden's blotting pen or something, I think.
00:24:30It's a maiden's blotting pen or something, I don't know.
00:24:34Well, how far is it?
00:24:36Well, how do I know?
00:24:37If I knew how far it was, I should know the name of the place, wouldn't I?
00:24:40Not necessarily.
00:24:42What?
00:24:43Not necessarily.
00:24:45Now, take China, for instance.
00:24:47What sort of China?
00:24:49You know where China is, but you don't know how far it is.
00:24:51Not strictly speaking, so to put it more or less,
00:24:54to guess at it roughly as it were, aphazard.
00:24:57Well, I'd like...
00:24:59I'd like some of that, too.
00:25:01Some of what?
00:25:02Some of what you've been drinking.
00:25:04Oh, hold on.
00:25:10Look, I'll be careful.
00:25:12You nearly had me off.
00:25:14Oh, big boob.
00:25:16I think, madam, I'll take the dog now,
00:25:18and there'll be this book to sign.
00:25:20I suppose that's the book from which there is no rubbing out.
00:25:23Oh.
00:25:24What name is it?
00:25:25Oh, the name, yes, I tried, yes.
00:25:27She's got it.
00:25:28Hickett.
00:25:29I thought it was Hickett.
00:25:32Ah, good evening, Mrs. Spoker.
00:25:34I'm having a terrible time tonight with my motorbike.
00:25:36I wonder if you can give me a little oil.
00:25:38I want oiling.
00:25:39Well, you can't come here and get oiled.
00:25:43Hello.
00:25:45Why, good gracious me.
00:25:47Surely it's Mrs. Hickett.
00:25:49Well!
00:25:51How do you do?
00:25:52Mr. Slowly Jones.
00:25:54Yes.
00:25:55The first time I've seen you since you got married.
00:25:57Yes.
00:25:58Fancy meeting you here.
00:25:59Not at all.
00:26:01Oh, bad luck.
00:26:03And this, of course, is your husband.
00:26:06First time we've met, isn't it?
00:26:08I hope so.
00:26:09I'm so delighted to meet you.
00:26:11Oh, not at all.
00:26:12Being an MP must be very hard work.
00:26:14Yes.
00:26:15I followed your career in the house, you know.
00:26:18Oh, you mustn't follow me about like that.
00:26:21Well, well, I suppose I'd better be pushing off.
00:26:24That is, if you're sure I can't get what I want here.
00:26:27Well, good night, Mrs. Hickett.
00:26:28Good night, Mr. Jones.
00:26:29Oh, I say.
00:26:30Hello, my Christopher.
00:26:31What a nice little dog.
00:26:33Your little dog, Mrs. Hickett?
00:26:34Yes.
00:26:35A dear little dog.
00:26:36Nice little dog.
00:26:37Pretty little dog.
00:26:38Good night, little dog.
00:26:40Good night, little man.
00:26:41Oh, sorry.
00:26:42Poor little dog.
00:26:43May I take the dog to the stable?
00:26:46If you'll kindly sign the register.
00:26:49Herr Feldt, put this in the stable.
00:26:51Aye, Mrs. Spogat.
00:26:53This is terrible.
00:26:54That person knows you.
00:26:56You needn't worry about him.
00:26:58He won't remember you.
00:27:00I hope not.
00:27:01Then there's this register book.
00:27:03I can't sign your husband's name.
00:27:05I'll sign it.
00:27:19You don't write very clear.
00:27:21No.
00:27:22You see, we've just had some very thick soup.
00:27:24I expect, madam, you'll be ready to retire now.
00:27:27Yes.
00:27:28Yes, I think I will.
00:27:29Good night.
00:27:30Good night.
00:27:48Shall I come up to you, dear?
00:27:50Yes, please.
00:27:51I was talking to my wife.
00:27:53Yes.
00:27:54The bedroom is on the next floor, isn't it?
00:27:56It is.
00:27:57Oh, I see.
00:27:58Yes.
00:27:59The one above this?
00:28:00Yes.
00:28:01And the bedridden old lady, is she on the same floor?
00:28:04Next to you.
00:28:05So you'll kindly observe as much quiet as possible.
00:28:08I shan't take any notice of her at all.
00:28:11And where do you sleep, Mrs. Spicer?
00:28:13Then why do you want to know?
00:28:15Oh, did I say that?
00:28:17I don't want to know at all, thank you.
00:28:19Oh, I shall hear you if you call.
00:28:21Oh, I'm not likely to call on you.
00:28:23Call you?
00:28:24Yes.
00:28:25Well, thank you.
00:28:26That'll be it.
00:28:28Oh.
00:28:33Alfred!
00:28:37Have you lit the fire in number two?
00:28:39Aye, Mrs. Spicer.
00:28:40What do you want the fire for?
00:28:41I don't know.
00:28:42On a summer's night?
00:28:43Have you locked the back door?
00:28:44Aye, Mrs. Spicer.
00:28:45Do those things that you ought to have done.
00:28:46Aye, Mrs. Spicer.
00:28:47Then turn out the lights and go to bed.
00:28:49Aye, Mrs. Spicer.
00:28:59Is this it?
00:29:00No, we took the wrong road.
00:29:03What do you mean, we've took the wrong road?
00:29:06I haven't taken it, have I?
00:29:08That's simply a matter of a figure of speech.
00:29:11Yes, well, it's the kind of figure I don't like.
00:29:14You're in this car, ain't you?
00:29:16Yes, and I don't mind telling you I'd rather be in my hearse.
00:29:20Take alpine exploration, for instance.
00:29:24What?
00:29:25There's a party of alpine climbers all roped together.
00:29:28One has his foot slipped and takes a toss right down the abyss.
00:29:33What are you talking about?
00:29:35The whole party goes off at the top of the mountain and falls well upon its bottom.
00:29:40Are you trying to tell me a dirty story?
00:29:43So it's no use you saying we haven't took the wrong road, because we have.
00:29:48Well, get off, then.
00:29:50I've a darn good mind to get off my seat.
00:29:52Well, I've been off mine half the time.
00:29:55Will you stop that?
00:29:58Hold on, I shall have to back.
00:30:01What the blazes do you think you're doing?
00:30:05Oh.
00:30:07What are you doing now?
00:30:09Well, I was looking for a melon.
00:30:12A melon?
00:30:14And what may you be doing with that blanket?
00:30:16Blanket?
00:30:17Oh, you mean the blanket.
00:30:19Oh, yes, that's right, yes.
00:30:20I was just going to slip out to the stable and wrap the little dog in the little blanket.
00:30:25What in my best blanket?
00:30:27Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:30:29Wrap the little dog in the little blanket.
00:30:32What in my best blanket?
00:30:34Oh, is this your best one?
00:30:36I'm sorry, I thought it was the other one.
00:30:38Well, never mind.
00:30:39Good night.
00:30:41Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I'd gone.
00:30:44Yes.
00:30:46Oh, that's all right.
00:30:48Excuse me.
00:30:50Well, it doesn't matter.
00:30:52Doesn't matter?
00:30:54Never mind about the little dog.
00:30:55He'll be all right.
00:30:56I thought you said it was a she.
00:30:58Oh, yes, it was, but that was years ago.
00:31:01Yes.
00:31:12I'll make inquiries.
00:31:14You stay here and rest.
00:31:16Don't stand there babbling.
00:31:18You go and find out the way.
00:31:29Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
00:31:39Well, what's up?
00:31:40Oh, help, please help.
00:31:42There's a good fella.
00:31:43Something disastrous has occurred.
00:31:45Why, what?
00:31:47My poor wife in that car.
00:31:50What's the matter with her?
00:31:51Shh, not so loud.
00:31:53She's fainted.
00:31:55Why?
00:31:57Why?
00:31:58Well, why not?
00:32:00Well, I'll have a look at her.
00:32:02Oh, I wouldn't do that.
00:32:03She looks awful.
00:32:05Look here.
00:32:06I believe you're trying to kid me into serving you with a drink.
00:32:11What?
00:32:13You calling me a liar?
00:32:14I don't know yet.
00:32:16I'll have a look.
00:32:27How dare you doubt my word?
00:32:29I'm very sorry, sir.
00:32:30You see, we get a good many here trying it on.
00:32:32Oh, so you thought I was that sort of person, did you?
00:32:35Oh, no, sir, no.
00:32:37Come in.
00:32:46Now, perhaps you'd better take the lady a small glass of brandy.
00:32:50Oh, I think she'd prefer a large glass of port.
00:32:53How?
00:32:55There you are, sir.
00:32:57Oh, thank you very much.
00:32:59That's very kind of you.
00:33:00I'll settle for this when I bring the glass back.
00:33:40Well, dinner good?
00:33:42Well, as a matter of fact, she really doesn't know she's had it.
00:33:46She's very bad.
00:33:48It's made me feel rather faint myself.
00:33:51I suppose if I stayed here the night, I could have something to take.
00:33:59All right, but hadn't you better bring the lady in?
00:34:02Well, that's going to be rather difficult.
00:34:05I think I'd like a little something first.
00:34:08No.
00:34:09Well, as regards rooms, I can let you have two singles or a double.
00:34:13Oh, I think I'd prefer a double.
00:34:15George!
00:34:16By God, she's better.
00:34:18Come out of this!
00:34:19All right, all right.
00:34:21Wait a minute.
00:34:22How, um, how much was that?
00:34:24One and four, please.
00:34:26One and four.
00:34:29You wouldn't have to keep the change.
00:34:31No, thank you, thank you.
00:34:32Are we, are we going the right way for, um...
00:34:35Maiden Blotten.
00:34:37Oh, no, no, you're going the wrong way.
00:34:38No, no.
00:34:39No.
00:34:40Oh, there you are, you see.
00:34:41Now we know.
00:34:43We didn't come here for nothing.
00:34:48Come in, come in.
00:34:52Oh, it's you!
00:34:54Yes, it's me.
00:34:55What's the matter with you now?
00:34:57I can't sleep in the parlour.
00:34:59Nonsense, Peter.
00:35:00Why not?
00:35:01Because I can't get in the parlour.
00:35:03It's locked.
00:35:04Where have you been all this time?
00:35:06I haven't been anywhere all the time.
00:35:08But I've been everywhere where one can.
00:35:11And where one can, one can't sleep.
00:35:13What about the back door?
00:35:15I've been through there.
00:35:17Where does it lead to?
00:35:18To the back.
00:35:20Hence the expression, back door.
00:35:23Well, come in.
00:35:24No, no, no, no, I, I, I mustn't.
00:35:26Don't be so silly.
00:35:27Come in, come in.
00:35:28Oh, I, I'll do that.
00:35:33I hope Pansy's all right.
00:35:35Oh, that's all you think of.
00:35:37Pansy.
00:35:39Oh!
00:35:40What about the stables for you?
00:35:42I've tested the stables.
00:35:44Did you go in the stables?
00:35:46One doesn't have to.
00:35:49I tested them from the back door.
00:35:51I suppose you can't sleep on the stairs.
00:35:53You're right.
00:35:55I've tried the stairs and I cannot sleep there on.
00:35:58Well, there must be somewhere.
00:36:00I've been through every door that isn't locked.
00:36:03Even the bedridden old ladies.
00:36:05Good heavens, what happened?
00:36:07Nothing.
00:36:08She just cocked an eye at me and murmured,
00:36:10he knows.
00:36:13I'd give anything for a bed like yours.
00:36:15Then you can't be hard to please.
00:36:17It goes up and down in the middle
00:36:19like the lump of a camel.
00:36:22Only it does it twice.
00:36:25That's a dromedary, isn't it?
00:36:28Well, I think I must be rather restful
00:36:30after you've worked yourself into the right position.
00:36:36Is it raining?
00:36:38Raining?
00:36:40Raining?
00:36:42I should think it is.
00:36:44It's pouring all over the place.
00:36:47I pity anyone who's out on a night like this.
00:36:50Yes, I know. That's all very well.
00:36:52But what about me?
00:36:54Never mind about you.
00:36:56You do something to stop this leaking roof.
00:36:59I'm getting saturated.
00:37:01If you don't like it, out you get.
00:37:03And don't you be rude to my wife.
00:37:06You keep your blasted elbow out of my ribs.
00:37:10I've had enough for one night.
00:37:12You've had enough, have you?
00:37:16By Jove, I wish I had.
00:37:19But if you don't get back and drive on,
00:37:21I'll drive the thing myself.
00:37:23Oh, no, you won't.
00:37:25Won't I? If I get, I'll show you.
00:37:29Hello.
00:37:36Hello.
00:37:45Look here, Peter.
00:37:47There is only one thing to be done.
00:37:49Take this pillow.
00:37:51And with your blanket, get down on the floor and go to sleep.
00:37:54But supposing anybody found out?
00:37:56To any decent-minded person,
00:37:58there is nothing wrong in your sleeping on the floor of my room.
00:38:01Is there?
00:38:03Yes, but where's the decent-minded person?
00:38:06I don't know.
00:38:37This is the worst of sleeping in other people's bedrooms.
00:38:40You can get well under the washstand.
00:38:43You'll be all right there.
00:38:47On the contrary.
00:38:49The wind is also blowing straight into the washstand.
00:38:52Hurry up, Peter, and don't footle about.
00:38:55Dash it all. Let me pick my own pitch.
00:38:57If I lie on the floor all night,
00:39:00in the teeth of a gale,
00:39:02I shall die.
00:39:06If you never have anything worse happen to you
00:39:09than to have to sleep on the floor of an inn,
00:39:12you'll find my body needs the shade of the old washing stand.
00:39:32Come on.
00:40:02Come on.
00:40:33Why don't you try lying the other way round?
00:40:36That's a good idea.
00:40:52I'm round.
00:40:54Is that better?
00:40:56Better than what?
00:40:58Here. Don't you touch nothing.
00:41:00Why, Dad, I'll touch you in a minute if you don't hurry up.
00:41:03George, what was that noise?
00:41:05The engine. Cracked one of its nuts.
00:41:10Come on. Put that tin lid on and come back here
00:41:13and let's get on with it.
00:41:15All very well.
00:41:17But no matter what's your job,
00:41:19it should be followed up with proper conscientiousness.
00:41:21Not bad.
00:41:23Take off.
00:41:25Proper conscientiousness.
00:41:27Not bad.
00:41:29Take ivory carving, for instance.
00:41:31What?
00:41:33I said take ivory carving.
00:41:35Not bad, I tell you.
00:41:37I don't want anything more to do with you,
00:41:39Mr... small piece of whatever your name is.
00:41:42No more don't I with you blinking well neither.
00:41:45This engine wants to be getting more juice.
00:41:48Oh.
00:41:50Well, in that case, I can sympathise with it.
00:41:55Here. I'm sorry I forgot.
00:41:57Would you mind opening the window?
00:41:59Do you want me to die?
00:42:01We must have air.
00:42:03I've got some, thank you.
00:42:05All right, then.
00:42:07If you don't want to do it, I'll have to do it myself.
00:42:10No, no, don't do that. No, no.
00:42:12You mustn't do a thing like that. I'll do it.
00:42:21You stay where you are.
00:42:25After all, a little walk might bring the blood back to my feet.
00:42:55Open the window, can't you?
00:43:01There's a catch somewhere.
00:43:03Yes, I think there is.
00:43:05Push it from the top.
00:43:09I can't. It won't.
00:43:11Then pull it from the bottom.
00:43:13Gosh.
00:43:15Fix it halfway open.
00:43:18It won't.
00:43:20It hasn't got one of those little things.
00:43:23Oh, never mind. Leave it.
00:43:37Leave that blind alone.
00:43:39And get back to bed.
00:43:46Isn't it time to get up yet?
00:43:53I'm sick of this spot. I'm going to find a fresh position.
00:44:23Peter, I believe the chimney is going to smoke.
00:44:26Thank you very much.
00:44:28You're two puffs late.
00:44:34Of course, Peter.
00:44:36That smoke must be caused by the window.
00:44:39Well, I'm not going to sleep under the window, I can tell you that.
00:44:43I'm not going to sleep under the window.
00:44:46I'm not going to sleep under the window.
00:44:49I'm not going to sleep under the window.
00:44:53Peter.
00:44:59Peter.
00:45:01Peter, it's Fancy.
00:45:03Can't you hear her?
00:45:05No.
00:45:07Oh, Peter, please, go down and fetch her.
00:45:11No, thanks.
00:45:13Oh, Peter, please.
00:45:16Oh.
00:45:18Oh, my left leg's gone numb.
00:45:21All down my left side's numb.
00:45:23I... I... I can't do that.
00:45:26Oh, why make such a fuss about it?
00:45:28Oh.
00:45:33Peter, have you no regard for dumb animals?
00:45:37Yes, for they are dumb.
00:45:39Poor Fancy.
00:45:43You can easily get to the stables. You said so yourself.
00:45:46I...
00:45:48Put her in your arms and don't let her bark.
00:45:51Yes.
00:45:53If I find her, she'll never bark again.
00:45:57Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff.
00:46:05Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff.
00:46:17Do be careful with those buckets.
00:46:20The poor pigs won't get their food.
00:46:24I'm sorry.
00:46:30Was that Mr. Eckert I heard out here just now?
00:46:33It sounded to me much more like a can.
00:46:35It was a can. Place outside the door, number one.
00:46:38What is the meaning of this?
00:46:40My husband has gone to fetch the dog. She was howling.
00:46:54Good Lord, a racing stable.
00:47:02Fancy! Fancy, come here!
00:47:05Fancy, come here! Come on, now!
00:47:08Fancy, come on to that!
00:47:10Come on, Fancy! Come on!
00:47:14Fancy! Oh, you good Fancy!
00:47:17What's he up to now?
00:47:20And what's the meaning of my bed, blanket and pillow being all over the floor?
00:47:24My husband was trying to make a bed there.
00:47:27A bed?
00:47:28For the dog, you see.
00:47:30Oh, really?
00:47:32I'll soon check on that.
00:47:46Peter!
00:47:48Peter! Have you got Fancy?
00:47:51No, I haven't. She's bolted.
00:47:54Cut back! Mrs. Spocker is on the warpath.
00:47:58Well, look at me. I'm not on a path at all.
00:48:02You'd better come back.
00:48:04Besides, it's pouring with rain.
00:48:07I know that.
00:48:13Well, are you finished?
00:48:14Yes, I'm finished.
00:48:15Where's the dog?
00:48:16It's run away. I pray heaven it'll stay away.
00:48:19You keep your prayers to yourself.
00:48:21That's what I'm going to do.
00:48:27I say, have a care there, I say. Have a care.
00:48:30Yes, all right, all right. You stop fiddling about with that thing.
00:48:33Listen to me, do you hear?
00:48:36Do you know a place called...
00:48:40called... what is it?
00:48:42How should I know?
00:48:43What?
00:48:44You mean to tell me you don't know where you're going?
00:48:47Maiden Blotten.
00:48:49Don't you interfere.
00:48:51Oh, yes, Maiden Blotten.
00:48:53But I say, can you help me?
00:48:55I need lubrication.
00:48:57By God, so do I.
00:49:00We wish to find the Maiden Blotten Hotel.
00:49:03Hotel, madam? There's no hotel there.
00:49:05It's a very small village.
00:49:07Hamlet, in fact.
00:49:08Its inhabitants barely number a score.
00:49:11I don't want a tourist guide to the place.
00:49:14I just want to know where it is.
00:49:16That's all.
00:49:17Only just down the road?
00:49:19Are you sure you can't help me to get oil?
00:49:22Not unless you come, too.
00:49:24You'll find an inn.
00:49:27You bet your sweet life I will.
00:49:30If there's one to be found.
00:49:42Hotel, there I say.
00:49:44Hotel.
00:49:48But Peter, you're wet.
00:49:51Of course I'm wet.
00:49:55You can't go dog hunting in the rain without getting wet.
00:49:59You must take off those wet clothes at once.
00:50:02Not in here.
00:50:04You can't catch pneumonia.
00:50:06I can.
00:50:08Now, don't be so silly.
00:50:09Go on.
00:50:10You can't sleep in wet clothes.
00:50:14All right.
00:50:15If you're so modest, I will put out the light.
00:50:22Well, you needn't have done that.
00:50:24I'm only going to take off my coat and my shoes.
00:50:32Have you got your shoes off?
00:50:34Not yet.
00:50:35Have you got your shoes off?
00:50:37Not yet.
00:50:38It's difficult to balance.
00:50:40I've only got one foot on the ground.
00:50:42Then dig it up.
00:50:47Good heavens, what's happened?
00:50:49Light the light.
00:50:50Light the light.
00:50:51All right, all right.
00:50:56Light the light.
00:50:58Oh.
00:50:59What have you done now?
00:51:01I overbalanced and caught hold of the jug.
00:51:04Well, it made a terrible noise.
00:51:07I think it only sounded loud.
00:51:10Is the jug broken?
00:51:12Yes, I think it is a bit.
00:51:14But the handle's all right.
00:51:19I'll soon see to this.
00:51:26What are you up to now, may I ask?
00:51:28My husband was undressing and knocked over the jug.
00:51:31Oh, don't worry.
00:51:32I'll get him out of the jug.
00:51:35Go away, laddies.
00:51:41Now you've gone and shook up number one.
00:51:44I'll go and settle her, and when I come back,
00:51:47I expect to find you in bed like a respectable man.
00:51:50Come on, laddies.
00:51:52Hurry up, Peter.
00:51:53Take off those wet clothes.
00:51:54But I can't take off my...
00:51:57In here?
00:52:00Rubbish.
00:52:01You can get behind that curtain.
00:52:22We are absolutely and utterly compromised.
00:52:26Compromised nonsense.
00:52:29What does she matter?
00:52:31It isn't only she.
00:52:33We are husband and wife in the register book.
00:52:35I know, Peter.
00:52:37But we're all right in the book from which there is no rubbing out.
00:52:42You can laugh.
00:52:44You'd laugh while Rome fiddles.
00:52:48You can laugh.
00:52:49You'd laugh while Rome fiddles.
00:52:52And we've been identified by that Parson chap.
00:52:56Up Jenkins or whatever his damn silly name is.
00:53:02Where is he?
00:53:04Peter.
00:53:05Look how I've got my trousers off.
00:53:07Don't be childish.
00:53:09Bring your trousers here and press them under the mattress.
00:53:12Here, I'll take them for you.
00:53:14Leave him alone, Janice, will you?
00:53:15Leave him alone.
00:53:16Look at that.
00:53:17Leave him alone.
00:53:18I want to press them in the creases.
00:53:20Pressing people's bockers about like that.
00:53:22Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:53:24Sorry.
00:53:25Peter, Peter.
00:53:27Sorry.
00:53:28Trousers.
00:53:29All right?
00:53:30Coming in here messing about like that.
00:53:34Now.
00:53:37Ladies, get you to bed.
00:53:39All right.
00:53:41And what is the meaning of that?
00:53:43Hasn't he got his night shirt?
00:53:45Yes.
00:53:46Go away, will you?
00:53:47Why don't you look after him?
00:53:48Oh, and you have to manage my late husband.
00:53:51No wonder he's late.
00:53:57What is that noise?
00:54:01Alfred!
00:54:02Who told you to open that front door?
00:54:05We'll be fast closing.
00:54:06You can't get a drink out of our eyes.
00:54:09What was that?
00:54:11I don't know.
00:54:14Some drunk trying to get a drink.
00:54:32This is very unexpected.
00:54:34Not in the least.
00:54:36Well, now that you are here, let me introduce you.
00:54:40Margaret, this is my mother-in-law.
00:54:43Mrs. Bone.
00:54:44This is Major Bone, my father-in-ditto.
00:54:48How do you do?
00:54:49How do you do?
00:54:50Stop that!
00:54:53Won't you sit down?
00:54:55I'm afraid the space is rather limited.
00:54:58So you are the woman?
00:55:00Yes, I am the woman.
00:55:03And this is the man.
00:55:06I admit that for the moment his costume is rather effeminate.
00:55:11You shameless trothlicker, you.
00:55:14I find you here in this room with this scarlet woman.
00:55:18What, Carol?
00:55:20How dare you say a thing like that in a room like this?
00:55:25You spend the night with your alleged wife.
00:55:27She in bed and you in a towel.
00:55:31But my trousers are there.
00:55:33Where?
00:55:34Under the mattress if you want them.
00:55:37Allow me.
00:55:40George, stop that.
00:55:43They will stay where they are till Barbara comes in the morning.
00:55:47Barbara?
00:55:48Yes.
00:55:49This will be evidence enough.
00:55:51Evidence of what?
00:55:52Well, look here, there isn't another room in the house.
00:55:54They're all completely occupied.
00:55:57Oh, this is all very restless.
00:55:59Out you go, all of you.
00:56:01But I can't go out in the night in the middle of the rain.
00:56:03Yeah, yeah.
00:56:04I don't know who you are, but this is my hotel and out you go.
00:56:08You and your lies and deceit and sin.
00:56:11I quite agree.
00:56:12And don't you interfere.
00:56:13Quite right.
00:56:14Oh, and as for you, out you go.
00:56:16You, you sheik.
00:56:18Sheik?
00:56:19Yes.
00:56:20Out you go.
00:56:21All right, all right, all right.
00:56:22I'll go quietly.
00:56:24And you go too.
00:56:26All of you.
00:56:27But where to?
00:56:29I can't stay here alone.
00:56:31No, you don't.
00:56:32I mean my daughter to see this room as it is.
00:56:35You can go into the parlor.
00:56:37Out you go.
00:56:38This is a very pretty little thing.
00:56:44We've got to spend the night downstairs.
00:56:46I don't mind anywhere.
00:56:48George, stop that.
00:56:50Let that creature alone and come with me.
00:57:02Yes, I know.
00:57:03That's all very well.
00:57:05But you, you, you thought of that before it happened.
00:57:08How could I have thought of it before it happened
00:57:10when it hasn't happened?
00:57:12How dare you come and disturb me
00:57:14just when I was comfortably settled for the night.
00:57:18And how dare you try and drag a weak man away from his wife.
00:57:22So you think I'm that kind of woman, do you?
00:57:25You poisonous-minded old witch.
00:57:28What?
00:57:29Witch?
00:57:30Oh.
00:57:31Oh, this is insufferable.
00:57:35What about going into the bar?
00:57:38It's locked up.
00:57:40I mean to say, I'm entitled to a drink.
00:57:45I'm staying here, aren't I?
00:57:48Yes, I'm afraid so.
00:57:50Well, you can try.
00:57:52I'm going to bed.
00:58:06You're quite right.
00:58:10What, what about picking the lock?
00:58:13I haven't got a pick.
00:58:15I should like a drink.
00:58:17I want to drown my sorrows.
00:58:20Quite right, my boy.
00:58:22It's the only thing for us.
00:58:24Let, let's combine.
00:58:26George, stop muttering.
00:58:28I want to go to sleep.
00:58:30Well, go there, then.
00:58:33For the love of Mike, I'm not stopping you.
00:58:36Go anywhere you like.
00:58:50What was that?
00:58:52It's all right, my love.
00:58:53I was only just going to try to sleep.
00:58:56What was that?
00:58:58It's all right, my love.
00:58:59I was only just going to try to sleep in the car.
00:59:25It's all right.
00:59:55That's not the way to pick it.
00:59:57Shh, quiet.
00:59:58You want to jam that thing in the catch.
01:00:00No, I don't.
01:00:01I want to catch this thing in the jam.
01:00:04You can't pick it like that.
01:00:06You want to put something in and, and pull out the spring.
01:00:10And what, what if it hasn't got a spring?
01:00:12Well, pull out whatever it's got.
01:00:15You can't do it that way.
01:00:17You might just want to stand here and say, open sesame.
01:00:26Yeah, that's right.
01:00:28You, uh, go on.
01:00:29He knows you.
01:00:30You, you tell him that, um, that I'm, I'm spending the night here.
01:00:34This gentleman wants to spend most of the night here.
01:00:38Come on inside.
01:00:39All right.
01:00:55Making an early start this morning, sir?
01:00:57Yes, yes, I was going all the way last night.
01:00:59I mean, I left it rather late, so I, um, I put up here.
01:01:01Here you are.
01:01:02Thank you, sir.
01:01:03Which way do I go to, uh, to Turley?
01:01:05Take the road straight through Down Bluff, sir.
01:01:07Down Bluff.
01:01:09Oh.
01:01:10Yeah, all right.
01:01:11I'll find it.
01:01:18That bloke's an MP.
01:01:19Go on.
01:01:20Yes, I saw it on his bag.
01:01:22A printed label.
01:01:23Claude Ickett, MP.
01:01:32Mr. and Mrs. Love.
01:01:33That's not us.
01:01:34Remarks.
01:01:35Most comfortable.
01:01:36That certainly is thus.
01:01:38This is what appeals to them.
01:01:39Mr. and Mrs. Ickett, room number two.
01:01:41Yes, remarks.
01:01:42Give me a pen.
01:01:44I will take charge of this for the present.
01:01:46You can have your key.
01:01:48Will you go up to that room and get into your clothes?
01:01:51Certainly I will.
01:01:52I want to.
01:01:53I'm as cold as ice.
01:01:55You wait till you get to the next world.
01:02:00And when she's done, you can go up and get into your trousers and go.
01:02:05No, I can't.
01:02:06My wife's coming.
01:02:07Besides, I want some breakfast.
01:02:09Well, you won't get a bite out of me.
01:02:11I don't want one.
01:02:12I'm a vegetarian.
01:02:14I desire to wash.
01:02:16Have you a bathroom?
01:02:17There's a tap upstairs.
01:02:18A tap!
01:02:29By gad, that's been a dirty night.
01:02:37Listen, Bone, I'm in a terrible fix.
01:02:40Be a sport and help me out, will you?
01:02:42It's all very well.
01:02:44But it's no easy matter.
01:02:46But she ought not to doubt me.
01:02:48It isn't as if I were you.
01:02:50No.
01:02:51What?
01:02:53What do you mean?
01:02:55Well, I mean my record's pure.
01:02:59Well, it isn't mine.
01:03:01I like that.
01:03:03Here am I, trying to help you, and you start to abuse me.
01:03:08That's not the way to get systems.
01:03:11I don't mean that.
01:03:12I mean you ought to know what I should say to her.
01:03:15After all, you're an expert.
01:03:19Do you really think so?
01:03:21Yes.
01:03:22Well, that's very, very nice of you.
01:03:24Oh, Tom.
01:03:25Well, I mean, I don't know.
01:03:29It's very difficult.
01:03:30It's not really playing the game.
01:03:32But oh, what does it matter?
01:03:34I'm man of the world, and you're a very nice boy.
01:03:38Oh, Chris.
01:03:39So I don't see why you shouldn't have the benefit of my experiences.
01:03:43It ain't a bit of use, he's strange, is it?
01:03:46I know, I know where he belongs.
01:03:54Now, listen to me.
01:03:56When Barbara arrives, you stand here looking bewildered and ill-used.
01:04:05That'll be easier.
01:04:07Now, the first thing she'll say will be Peter.
01:04:12Peter?
01:04:13What is this I hear?
01:04:16What is this I hear?
01:04:18Yes.
01:04:19They all say that.
01:04:21Oh, I didn't know that.
01:04:23Oh, Lord, yes.
01:04:24You can lay the odds on that.
01:04:29Then you turn round to her and say,
01:04:32It's nothing, darling.
01:04:35Surely you know me better than that.
01:04:39Better than what?
01:04:43Better than what?
01:04:45Better than what?
01:04:48What, what?
01:04:49Oh.
01:04:50Oh, better than what?
01:04:53Yes.
01:04:54Lord, I wonder what you're talking about.
01:04:57Sorry.
01:04:58Better than what she's heard.
01:05:01Oh, I see.
01:05:04Then she's heard something.
01:05:06You bet your sweet life she has.
01:05:09Oh, gosh.
01:05:10Then I'll step into the bleach.
01:05:13Out of the bath?
01:05:14Oh, thank you very much.
01:05:16I thought.
01:05:18And I'll say to her,
01:05:20Oh, believe me, Barbara, you're utterly wrong.
01:05:26And then you must tell her the tale.
01:05:29What tale?
01:05:30Well, the tale of the old iron pot.
01:05:35The old iron pot?
01:05:38That was another way of saying,
01:05:43Spinner of the yarn.
01:05:45Ah, this will be a good one.
01:05:49You say that Hitchcock stayed here with his wife.
01:05:56Hitchcock?
01:05:57You mean Hickett?
01:05:59Well, Hotchkiss, Hitchcock, Hotchkiss, anybody's matter.
01:06:04You say that he stayed here with his wife.
01:06:08And you pushed on and stayed elsewhere.
01:06:12Oh, that's fine.
01:06:15Shall we try it now?
01:06:18Right, you be Barbara.
01:06:21Well, I don't know, that's pretty difficult.
01:06:23I'll have a poppy.
01:06:25Good.
01:06:27Well, you stay here and I'll go out and come in.
01:06:32As Barbara?
01:06:33Yes.
01:06:34Now, supposing he comes from here?
01:06:37Yes.
01:06:41But that's the front door.
01:06:43Oh, is it?
01:06:45Yes, well, there's no occasion to be as realistic as all that.
01:06:50Bewildered and ill-used.
01:06:54What's that?
01:06:55Oh, that's in case she knocks.
01:07:17Barbara, don't!
01:07:20Barbara!
01:07:22Barbara, darling!
01:07:24Peter, what is this I hear?
01:07:27It's nothing, darling. Surely you know me better than that.
01:07:30Ah.
01:07:32Then she'll say, Peter, you've been false to me.
01:07:36What?
01:07:37That's good, hold that, hold that.
01:07:39Now, now over to me.
01:07:46Hey!
01:07:52Oh, believe me, Barbara, you're utterly wrong.
01:07:58And then you go on with the sale.
01:08:00And you go back to the bar.
01:08:02Thank you very much.
01:08:03That's a very nice, kind thought of yours.
01:08:05That's great bone.
01:08:07Then there's a visitor's book.
01:08:08Mr. and Mrs. Higgin, not in my handwriting.
01:08:10Everything's cut and dried.
01:08:12Now, I'll go and put on my trousers.
01:08:14Now, look here.
01:08:15Ah, it's all right, it's all right, you needn't say it.
01:08:18You're going to take something, for instance.
01:08:20Oh, thanks, Governor.
01:08:21Not at all.
01:08:22I'll show you where it is.
01:08:24Bowden.
01:08:28Thank you, Bowden.
01:08:31It's all right, my boy.
01:08:32Not at all.
01:08:34I hope one of these days you'll be able to do as much for me.
01:08:38Now, if you will kindly step this way.
01:08:41Peter, what is this I hear?
01:08:44It's nothing, darling.
01:08:45Surely you know me better than that.
01:08:48It's nothing, darling.
01:08:50Surely you know me better than that.
01:09:11Oh, good morning.
01:09:12Are Mr. and Mrs. Higgins still here?
01:09:14I'm not yet open to the public.
01:09:16Quite enough trouble here without you.
01:09:18Trouble?
01:09:19Alfred, if any of those persons attempt to leave,
01:09:22mind they don't go without they pay.
01:09:27Surely she doesn't mean the Higgins.
01:09:29Aye, there's been trouble.
01:09:31In and out of his bed all night he were.
01:09:34He lost his dog.
01:09:36In and out of his bed all night he were.
01:09:38He lost his dog.
01:09:40He lost his trousers.
01:09:42He grumbled up his room and he burst his jug.
01:09:46Lost his dog?
01:09:48But...
01:09:50Why, look.
01:09:55Well, well, that's splendid.
01:09:58The dog's been found.
01:09:59They'll be delighted.
01:10:00I'll go and tell them.
01:10:03I... I found her.
01:10:07Excuse me.
01:10:08Can you tell me the way to it?
01:10:10Hello. Where did you get that?
01:10:18Where the deuce did you get that dog?
01:10:20I found her down along.
01:10:23She belong near.
01:10:24She belong to a lady.
01:10:26I know who she belongs to.
01:10:27Give her to me.
01:10:28No, no, no, you don't.
01:10:30I'll be delivering.
01:10:31What? Look here.
01:10:32No, no, no.
01:10:34Here, here.
01:10:39Will you give her to me?
01:10:40No.
01:10:41She belong near.
01:10:43He's quite right, sir.
01:10:44I called him myself to say the dog was found.
01:10:46Why, what do you know about the dog?
01:10:48It belongs to a man and his wife
01:10:49who were staying here for the night
01:10:50on their way to Lady Bunters.
01:10:52Lady Bunters is where I'm going to myself.
01:10:53But this is Mrs. Hickett's dog.
01:10:55That's right.
01:10:56Mr. and Mrs. Hickett's car broke down
01:10:57and they had to spend the night here.
01:10:58Mr. and Mrs. Hickett?
01:10:59Nonsense.
01:11:00I can tell you on very good authority
01:11:01that Mr. Hickett spent last night at Hayberry
01:11:03on his way from London.
01:11:04Indeed, he did not.
01:11:05If you'll pardon me, he spent last night
01:11:07getting in and out of bed after his dog poor fellow.
01:11:09From all accounts, he and Mrs. Hickett
01:11:11had a very rough time.
01:11:12Besides, I saw them here myself last night.
01:11:15Oh, then you know Mr. Hickett.
01:11:17Yes, I knew his wife before.
01:11:19She introduced me to him.
01:11:20He's Hickett the MP, you know.
01:11:22I was agreeably surprised.
01:11:24A very decent fellow.
01:11:25I'd always been told that the man was a bit of an ass.
01:11:28Indeed.
01:11:30Here you are, my man.
01:11:32Oh, thank you, sir.
01:11:34Oh, thank you.
01:11:35You needn't worry any more about it.
01:11:37No, sir.
01:11:38Now, would you be kind enough to put the dog in my car?
01:11:41In your car, sir?
01:11:42Yes, it'll be quite safe in there.
01:11:43I'll see that Mrs. Hickett gets it.
01:11:45Right you are.
01:11:46Well, glad to have been of some service.
01:11:48Come along, come along.
01:11:49Now, no snapping, no snapping.
01:11:51Come along, come along.
01:11:53Well, I'll see you downstairs.
01:11:55Don't you speak to me.
01:11:57I wasn't.
01:11:58There's only one place I'd like to see you.
01:12:02Marvellous.
01:12:03Oh, excuse me.
01:12:04I'm looking for a couple.
01:12:05Oh, well, will you go and step this way?
01:12:07Oh, no, no, I didn't mean that.
01:12:11Are you the manageress?
01:12:12Manageress.
01:12:13Oh, I beg your pardon.
01:12:14I thought that looked like the hotel register.
01:12:16It is the register.
01:12:17Why?
01:12:18May I see it, please?
01:12:19Certainly not.
01:12:20Certainly, yes.
01:12:21Give the gentleman the book.
01:12:22There you are, sir.
01:12:23There's the book.
01:12:24Where are the pens and inks and writing paper?
01:12:25Where are they?
01:12:26Did you stay at this hotel last night, sir?
01:12:28Well, in and out.
01:12:30Is this your name?
01:12:32Yes.
01:12:33Why shouldn't it be?
01:12:34Because it happens to be mine.
01:12:36Oh.
01:12:37Well, then you'd better have it.
01:12:38Will you explain?
01:12:39I can do that.
01:12:40No, no, no.
01:12:41I'll tell Marguerite.
01:12:42Marguerite?
01:12:43Yes, my wife.
01:12:44Your wife.
01:12:45Our wife.
01:12:46He spent the night in her room.
01:12:47I'll prove it.
01:12:48I'll find the landlady.
01:12:50Is this true?
01:12:51Well, the landlady wouldn't let us in unless we were married.
01:12:54And so we were married.
01:12:55Well, sir, you know what I mean.
01:12:56I mean, we carried on as if we were.
01:12:58What?
01:12:59No.
01:13:00Oh.
01:13:01Why wouldn't the landlady let you in unmarried?
01:13:02Well, because she's a sort of Prussian Baptist.
01:13:04That's not good enough.
01:13:05Oh, I'm sorry.
01:13:06I've always had good reason to regard my wife
01:13:08as a sweet and innocent woman.
01:13:10Then believe me, you're utterly wrong.
01:13:13Shut up.
01:13:14Pull yourself together.
01:13:15This is something entirely different.
01:13:17It is?
01:13:18This is the husband.
01:13:20The husband?
01:13:21Yes, the husband.
01:13:26Oh, that's very awkward.
01:13:35Where's the landlady?
01:13:36Gone to get some milk.
01:13:38Where from?
01:13:39Well, from the cow.
01:13:44You.
01:13:45Where's the cow?
01:13:47Being milked.
01:13:48But where's the cow being milked?
01:13:51Well, you knows where they milk a cow, don't he?
01:13:54I see.
01:13:55Have a care there.
01:13:56Have a care.
01:13:57Do you mean to tell me that you couldn't sleep anywhere else?
01:13:59I mean to tell you I couldn't sleep anywhere at all.
01:14:01Rox, let's pass police.
01:14:02Oh.
01:14:03I won't put up with it.
01:14:04Oh.
01:14:05Oh.
01:14:06Oh.
01:14:07Oh.
01:14:08All right.
01:14:09All right.
01:14:10Get off.
01:14:11Stop that.
01:14:12We won't have that.
01:14:13You listen to me for a moment.
01:14:14I am a man of the world.
01:14:16And I happen to be the father of this man's wife's daughter.
01:14:20Is this your father-in-law?
01:14:21Yes, I'm afraid it is.
01:14:22What?
01:14:23Blood.
01:14:24Darling, how marvelous.
01:14:26That's all very well.
01:14:28What about this man?
01:14:29Well, what do you think?
01:14:32Go on.
01:14:33Look at him.
01:14:34Tell me what you think.
01:14:35No.
01:14:36You're quite right.
01:14:38Impossible.
01:14:39What?
01:14:40What's impossible?
01:14:41Is he talking about me?
01:14:42I can explain it all, darling.
01:14:43Very well.
01:14:44Then take him away and explain.
01:14:45Go on.
01:14:48I get you, that.
01:14:49I won't stand that.
01:14:50He pips at me.
01:14:51No, no, no.
01:14:52Leave him alone.
01:14:53Leave him alone.
01:14:54Besides, he didn't pips at you.
01:14:55He pips at me.
01:14:56Did he?
01:14:57Yes.
01:14:58Oh, well, that's all right then.
01:14:59Well, that's all right anyway, boy.
01:15:01We're over that jump.
01:15:02Yes, rather.
01:15:04What's that?
01:15:06I guess it's her.
01:15:07Who?
01:15:08Well, it's Carver in the bar.
01:15:10Great Scott.
01:15:11Well, listen, I'm all right.
01:15:12You go in the bar.
01:15:13Yes.
01:15:14And don't forget, you say, Peter, what is this I hear?
01:15:17What is this I hear?
01:15:18And I say, it's nothing, darling.
01:15:20Surely you know me better than that.
01:15:22And then me, believe me, Barbara, you're utterly wrong.
01:15:26That's right.
01:15:27Now, one moment.
01:15:28My attitude.
01:15:29Bewildered and enlused.
01:15:30Yes.
01:15:31Otherwise.
01:15:32That's right.
01:15:33That is it.
01:15:34That is it.
01:15:35Peter, what is this I hear?
01:15:36Yes.
01:15:37Better than that.
01:15:38Utterly wrong.
01:15:39That's enough.
01:15:40I'll go in the bar.
01:15:41Quickly.
01:15:42Oh.
01:15:43Barbara, darling.
01:15:44Peter, what is this?
01:15:45Well, go on.
01:15:46What is this you, you what?
01:15:47What is this I find?
01:15:48You, you find.
01:15:49Don't, don't you, don't you hear anything?
01:15:50No.
01:15:51No.
01:15:52No.
01:15:53No.
01:15:54No.
01:15:55No.
01:15:56No.
01:15:57No.
01:15:58No.
01:15:59No.
01:16:00No.
01:16:01No.
01:16:02No.
01:16:03No.
01:16:04No.
01:16:05No.
01:16:06No.
01:16:07No.
01:16:08No.
01:16:09No.
01:16:10No.
01:16:11Don't, don't you hear anything?
01:16:12What?
01:16:13Oh, it's, it's nothing, darling.
01:16:16Surely you don't know me as well as all that.
01:16:19But, Peter, what's happened?
01:16:21Oh, what's happened, oh?
01:16:24I can soon tell you that I think.
01:16:27I hope.
01:16:29Now, Mr. Hardcastle, or whatever your name is.
01:16:33If you will kindly pass your pot.
01:16:41So we took a car after you, you see.
01:16:43We had a breakdown, so I had to come here.
01:16:45Yes, I heard that.
01:16:46Oh, you heard that? Oh.
01:16:48Well, now hear this.
01:16:50So along here came Mr. Hickett in his car.
01:16:53He was going to the Bunters too, funnily.
01:16:55So he stayed here with Mrs. Hickett,
01:16:58which I thought was very, very nice of him.
01:16:59And I... I pushed on and stayed where else?
01:17:03Oh, elsewhere.
01:17:04But why didn't you stay here too?
01:17:06Well, you see, darling, you see, there are only two rooms here.
01:17:10And the Hicketts had one.
01:17:12Then why didn't you have the other?
01:17:13Well, darling, because there's an old lady in bed there.
01:17:16Oh.
01:17:17Yes, and she wanted to be alone.
01:17:20So I went on, rang up the Bunters,
01:17:23heard you were not there, and came back here this morning.
01:17:26Oh, Peter.
01:17:27Then I need never have had any darker anxiety.
01:17:29Oh, believe me, Barbara, you're utterly wrong.
01:17:34Thanks.
01:17:47Well meant, but a bad spot.
01:17:49Father, are you here?
01:17:52Well, I thought so.
01:17:55Is Mother here?
01:17:56Yes.
01:17:58No.
01:18:00and stayed at another pub.
01:18:02What was it called?
01:18:03What was it called?
01:18:04Oh yes, that's right, yes.
01:18:05You mean the name of the pub?
01:18:07The name of the pub was The Cow and Litter.
01:18:10Nonsense, Peter.
01:18:12Cows don't have litters.
01:18:14No, no, of course they're not.
01:18:17It's only a name, isn't it?
01:18:19If it comes to that, pigs don't have whistles.
01:18:23Do they?
01:18:25Well now, if you'll excuse me a moment,
01:18:28I've come over rather faint.
01:18:38I'd like to see Mother.
01:18:39Oh, don't worry about Mother.
01:18:41Oh, here's Mrs. Hickett.
01:18:43I'd rather see Mother.
01:18:45What?
01:18:46You'd rather see Mother than Mrs. Hickett?
01:18:48You must be feverish.
01:18:51Are you Mrs. Wickham?
01:18:52I am.
01:18:53Oh, I'm so glad you've come.
01:18:56I hope you realize now there was nothing the matter.
01:18:59Well, of course, now that I know
01:19:00you stayed here with Mr. Hickett.
01:19:04What's the matter?
01:19:05Oh, nothing, Jenny, nothing.
01:19:06Mr. Hickett did stay here last night, didn't he?
01:19:08Oh yes, good old Hickett.
01:19:10Of course Hickett stayed here last night.
01:19:13What do you mean by saying I stayed here?
01:19:15Claude, you're being very stupid and interfering.
01:19:18I believe what you tell me, but I won't endorse lies.
01:19:22Peter, you've been lying to me.
01:19:24Have I?
01:19:25Oh, well, let me try again.
01:19:28You're lying.
01:19:29I must tell you the tale of the old copper pot.
01:19:33Come on, we'll get out of this.
01:19:34He can get out of it as best he can.
01:19:37Peter, is there anything I can say to help you?
01:19:41No, there isn't.
01:19:43If you are a sensible girl,
01:19:44you will realize what a nice husband you have.
01:19:47Nobody could have been nicer to me than he was last night.
01:19:55Now, look here, you listen to your old daddy.
01:19:58He's a man of the world.
01:19:59I won't listen.
01:20:00You missed the train on purpose.
01:20:02You brought her here, you stayed in her room,
01:20:04and you told lies.
01:20:06I'm going back home.
01:20:08No, no, no, Barbara.
01:20:09Barbara.
01:20:11Oh, she's gone.
01:20:16What shall we do?
01:20:17Well, if you want something to do,
01:20:18we'd better come in here.
01:20:19No, no, no, you can't go in there.
01:20:21You can't go in there.
01:20:22You can't go in there.
01:20:22You can't go in there.
01:20:23I'm afraid to come in here.
01:20:24No, no, no, you can't let your wife go like that.
01:20:26I love her.
01:20:27You love my wife?
01:20:28No, no, of course not.
01:20:30You, you, you, you are a bone.
01:20:32Yes, well, I mean, I was going to say.
01:20:34Yes, but don't waste time saying.
01:20:36We've got to get her back.
01:20:36Come on.
01:20:43She's gone.
01:20:45Here, put me on your back.
01:20:46What, sir?
01:20:47Don't argue.
01:20:48I've got to catch that car.
01:20:49Boy, it's life and death.
01:20:50Come on.
01:20:50Hey, slow down.
01:20:51You go on.
01:20:52Come on.
01:21:11Barbara!
01:21:12Hi, Barbara!
01:21:16Barbara!
01:21:17Peter!
01:21:18Barbara, darling!
01:21:19No, I'm going back alone.
01:21:20No, don't go until I do this.
01:21:22Do what?
01:21:23This.
01:21:26Goodbye, goodbye.
01:21:31Oh, Barbara, darling.
01:21:32Don't be cross with me after all I've done.
01:21:35Oh, I know, I mean, after all I've tried to do.
01:21:39Barbara.
01:21:40Oh, Peter.
01:21:41Oh, Barbara.
01:21:45♪ You will pretend you're, pretend you're all the ways
01:21:52♪ You will pretend you're, pretend you're all the ways
01:21:59Stop this disgusting orgy, or I'll have you add up.
01:22:02Why, get it, I was 10 years younger.
01:22:06It's women like you that make men fancy.
01:22:08Ah!
01:22:10You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you ought to.
01:22:12Well, as for you, yes, yes,
01:22:13well, never mind about being 10 years younger.
01:22:22Meow, meow, meow.