MY FIRST ORG4SM WAS WITH A DOG - ANDRESSA URACH PodCast
MY FIRST ORG4SM WAS WITH A DOG - ANDRESSA URACH PodCast
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00The company I used to work for hired me as a receptionist, then as an assistant at RH, and then as a coordinator at RH, even though I didn't go to college.
00:24And then I gave my best, you know, the first one to come in, the last one to leave, I always did my job right, I always grew up like that.
00:30Then, at 21, my marriage ended, and then I saw myself full of bills to pay.
00:35At the time, I hired girls to do events, at the fairs.
00:41Uhum, perfect.
00:42And then, when I talked to a friend of mine, I was in a financial crisis, she said, look, I have a friend who closed in a nightclub and earned 500 reais.
00:51I said, wow, 500 reais? What did she do? Did she take off her clothes? So I'm going to take off my clothes.
00:56Of course.
00:57But it wasn't quite what happened, right?
00:59Let me, let me, I didn't want to interrupt you, this story, it's very well told, this story.
01:06But I, I have a moment that we were talking, before we work at night, which was this moment.
01:12There was a moment here that we were talking, that you got emotional, which was when you talked about the beginning of this relationship back there.
01:18Uhum.
01:19Why specifically this point is a very sensitive point for you?
01:23Ah, because...
01:24Sorry to interrupt you.
01:25Actually, when it comes to childhood, it's very difficult, right, Rafa?
01:29Because I think so many problems in our future are avoided when you have a base, you know?
01:38But it's no use looking for culprits, because we, I say like this, nobody is born bad, people become bad, right?
01:45A baby is not born a bandit, he becomes one.
01:48By the means he lives, by the choices he makes.
01:52At 21, I chose to prostitute myself.
01:57At 15, it wasn't my choice, you know?
02:00I lived what the means had to offer me.
02:04So, talking about it, it's not choosing, because I choose bad things and I'm going to choose bad things.
02:11But you're already born in the middle of bad things, it's very difficult.
02:16So talking about it is very difficult, you know?
02:19When I went to make the book Morri Para Viver, it was very difficult.
02:23Because it was messing with things that are hard to talk about.
02:27Well, imagine you're going to say that your first sexual relationship was with your half-brother.
02:34I've already declared that the first orgasm I had was with the neighbor's dog at 11 years old,
02:39because the neighbor brought the dog to have oral sex with me.
02:43And these are things I say...
02:45At 11 years old?
02:46At 11 years old.
02:47These are things I say, Rafa, why?
02:49Because it brought me guilt for a long time.
02:51For a long time, guilt was killing me.
02:54Talking about it is helping people who still live these traumas, you know?
02:58Certainly, of course.
02:59Because society, it's a society that demands you to be the best, to have the best,
03:05to be smarter, to have the best college, right?
03:08As if you were only worth something if you have what the world says you have to have.
03:15And actually, I'm a person who...
03:20I'm nothing in the world, you know?
03:24But I understood that sometimes, when we talk about certain issues,
03:29you help heal wounds.
03:32When you talk about what you suffered, you take a weight off your chest,
03:37you take a stone, which often leads to depression.
03:40And you hid these stories for a long time.
03:42I hid them for a long time.
03:44So, today I understand, writing books,
03:49following a psychologist, a psychiatrist,
03:53I managed to understand that, in fact, many of my emotions are related to my childhood,
03:59they are related to my traumas, to rejection.
04:02I've always been very afraid of rejection.
04:05So, I already rejected, afraid of being rejected.
04:08I couldn't have long-term relationships with men because I was sexually abused.
04:13So, I couldn't trust men.
04:16So, I saw that many things that happened in my life were baggage that I carried,
04:21a backpack on my back.
04:23So, when I wrote the book Morri Para Viver, it was precisely to put this garbage out.
04:28It was to understand that I can't change the past.
04:31It exists, but I can make new choices.
04:35I'm not that.
04:37I lived that, yes.
04:39For a moment I lived and was that, but today I decide not to be anymore.
04:43And I think it's important that you also understand that it was a hard past,
04:49that you can't simply disregard that you really suffered,
04:53because it would be...
04:54It's not just you talking, it's you also understanding the meaning.
04:58It seems to me that the fact that you understand that your past was hard
05:01makes you able to look ahead better.
05:03Because just telling this story in a way that it almost didn't happen to you,
05:08I don't know if it would have the same result.
05:10I think, Rafa, that all of us have a purpose, you know?
05:14In the world, you know?
05:16I think that God is alive, that God exists.
05:18And He gives us this opportunity to learn.
05:22I think that everything we suffer, we learn.
05:26And today, looking at everything I've been through, I see that even the pain taught me.
05:32Maybe if I hadn't gone through everything I've been through,
05:34I wouldn't be the person I am today, you know?
05:36I wouldn't have the values I have today.
05:39I needed to suffer, I needed to go through all of this.
05:42When today I talk to a woman who has already been abused
05:48and she still hasn't been able to forgive,
05:50I can know what she felt, you know?
05:54It's not easy to forgive.
05:56It's very difficult.
05:58You have the thirst for revenge.
06:00I usually say that when we are in pain,
06:04we are taking poison and waiting for the person to die.
06:07So you are creating various types of diseases, both psychological and physical,
06:11to feed this bad feeling.
06:13All negative thinking makes your body react
06:19and that will hurt your body, your mind, your life.
06:23Your life gets stuck.
06:24And only you can make the choices, you know?
06:27Rafa, you can accept or not.
06:30You have to choose.
06:32Every day you will plant something
06:34and the seed will not bear fruit on that day.
06:37Maybe you will harvest in 10, 15, 20 years what you planted.
06:41Of course.
06:42So we have to have self-responsibility too.
06:47And learn to forgive yourself.
06:49Because we are not forced to know if it will work out or not.
06:53We will have to go through that.
06:54Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it wrong.
06:56So life is a privilege.