The Three Badasses Who Want Me - Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:12What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:16Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:26Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:29What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:32it to your penniless self?
00:00:34And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:38All right, everybody get out!
00:00:41We got an important guest coming!
00:00:45You!
00:00:50You deaf?
00:00:51I said pack up and scram!
00:00:52I paid the stall fee already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have to calm
00:00:57down.
00:00:58I don't want to pay for today's losses.
00:00:59You want to say that again?
00:01:04You know who's visiting today?
00:01:06Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:09Ellen Musk?
00:01:10Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:13Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:17Really?
00:01:18Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:23You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:28Coming to see you?
00:01:31All right, you know what, I'll play your game.
00:01:34If she does this so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:41Deal.
00:01:49Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes, or else, you're fired.
00:01:58Hmm.
00:02:14Prepare the limo.
00:02:15Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:24Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:26Good.
00:02:28Out your pants.
00:02:29Five.
00:02:30Four.
00:02:31Three.
00:02:32Two.
00:02:33One.
00:02:34Ellen.
00:02:35Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, uh, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten
00:02:49you.
00:02:50How's my boss bitch?
00:02:52Kick an ass, girlfriend.
00:02:54So how do you, like?
00:02:57She's my boss.
00:02:58Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:03No way.
00:03:07Well?
00:03:11No, no, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:14No, I won't do it again.
00:03:19All right, that's enough.
00:03:20We're not tyrants here.
00:03:24Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:36You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:38The Runaway Bride.
00:03:41You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:46Who are you?
00:03:49Where is she?
00:03:51Atlanta.
00:03:53And you were right.
00:03:54It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:56My clever bride.
00:03:57I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:04Max, prep the jet.
00:04:06I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:12Dr. Wilson, Kevin Sterling's on the move.
00:04:15He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:16Atlanta?
00:04:17The game is afoot.
00:04:18I'm going.
00:04:19Wait, Dr. Wilson, the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:22Wait, I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:28Dr. Wilson!
00:04:35General Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:04:38Kevin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:41Atlanta!
00:04:43Where is that?
00:04:45Whatever, prepare my warplanes.
00:04:47Those two are going after my fiancee.
00:04:50This is war.
00:04:52Yeah.
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:13Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:15This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:18That project is worth billions.
00:05:20I can finally take his company public.
00:05:22But Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:32Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago...
00:05:50You saved me.
00:05:53He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:05:57I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:04But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing, and then I don't have to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:14But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing, and then I don't have to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:23So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:26I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:31But why work at the flea market?
00:06:33Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:37Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:52Where the hell are you? Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:57Get home, stat! It's a big day today!
00:07:01That was...
00:07:03My mother-in-law, Carol. She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:09But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:15You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:23Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:27Hi, I'm home! I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:31Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers!
00:07:37Divorce papers?
00:07:39Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:43God! Don't call me Mom again. We're ending that relationship.
00:07:48Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:51You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:54You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:58I'm below his league?
00:08:00That's right. You are.
00:08:02Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:09And then his company's going public.
00:08:12That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:14But you? You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:20Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:24You will always just be a pawn, like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:32Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:35But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:38You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:42How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here?
00:08:48Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:52And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:57You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:02Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:05Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:07Enough!
00:09:09Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:13But I am.
00:09:15Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:18Here's $500,000. You'll never make as much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:24Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave. Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:30I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:35Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:38Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:41Fine. Here's another $200,000.
00:09:45$500,000 is too much for her already. She's done nothing.
00:09:49Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:52She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:55Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:09:59I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:03You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:08And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:12A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:16What a joke.
00:10:18If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:24And leave!
00:10:27You really think that Jared would have gotten that Maple Plaza bid without me?
00:10:32Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:35I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:38Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:41It's all my work!
00:10:45Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:53You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:10:58So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:02She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:04Fine. I'll sign it.
00:11:08But don't regret it.
00:11:11Regret?
00:11:13Do you know who I am?
00:11:15Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:19I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:23Jared winning the bid on Maple Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:29Jared winning the bid on Maple Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:35Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:38It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:43You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:47Social stratum matters.
00:11:49Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:52And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:55And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:00Ha! You're delusional.
00:12:03Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:09You owe me.
00:12:11You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:20You hit me.
00:12:22You hit me.
00:12:25Now sign the papers, take a check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:43I don't need your pity money.
00:12:47We're finished.
00:12:49You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:52Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:55But I would like my ring back.
00:13:06Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:17And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:22Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:28It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:32Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:35Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:38You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:44Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:48Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:55Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:58Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:03Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:18Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:24Vanderbilt?
00:14:25Yeah. He's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically our employee.
00:14:29Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:32You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:36That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:38That's exactly why I'm going.
00:15:02Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:15:07Who is he?
00:15:09That? That's Devin Sterling.
00:15:12He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:19Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:21And he's your fiancé.
00:15:24What? My fiancé?
00:15:28The one and only.
00:15:30So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:35have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:15:47That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:53What is she doing here?
00:15:58You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:05Divorced?
00:16:07That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:13Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:17So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:21Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:28How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:32Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:35Do you know who I am?
00:16:37They don't know who you are.
00:16:40You hide it well.
00:16:42X-Team! Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:47Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:53Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:58You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:05Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:08Go ahead.
00:17:12Tell these ill-mannered apes out.
00:17:15You bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:25A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:29No.
00:17:35Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:39You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:45Gentlemen. Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:48Pleased to meet you all. Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:54I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:57It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:59Congrats. You'll be next.
00:18:01Thank you. But we haven't received the contract yet, but we deserve it.
00:18:05Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:08Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:11So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:15Thank you, Mr. Manville.
00:18:17Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:21Yes. I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:26Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:29Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:38I'll do my best.
00:18:44Excuse me, second gentleman.
00:18:47What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:51How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:54Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:59You sleep your way in.
00:19:01I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:04Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:07Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:11This is your ex-husband?
00:19:15What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:18Who the hell is this? You were cheating on me?
00:19:29Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:33That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:38They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:52You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:54You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:59Get your hands off of her!
00:20:04My lady.
00:20:20My queen.
00:20:24My queen.
00:20:33It's...
00:20:35It's him!
00:20:37He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:40Who are these peasants?
00:20:42These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:47Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:50You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:51Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:54That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:56You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:59His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:03This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:06Vanderbilt.
00:21:08The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:13who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:17That lonely Vanderbilt family?
00:21:20That lonely Vanderbilt family?
00:21:27Oh, goddammit, stomachache now?
00:21:34Whatever.
00:21:36Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:50How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:53I'm Harley Evan Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:58I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:03And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:07Not with me around.
00:22:09I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:14You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:16You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:19We've had enough of your games.
00:22:21Security!
00:22:23Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:25Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:28But don't worry.
00:22:30You got new money here.
00:22:33I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:36Yes, my queen.
00:22:38You're all despicable.
00:22:41An insult to your family names.
00:22:44Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:48Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:51Cut off all business ties.
00:22:54And if you don't,
00:22:56I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:01Ha! I knew it!
00:23:03You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:05You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:07How much money did you spend on that get-up?
00:23:09To hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:11You're annoying.
00:23:12To make me jealous?
00:23:14You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:17You have nothing.
00:23:19And you will always be nothing.
00:23:22She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger?
00:23:26Gigolo.
00:23:28Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:35They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:39She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:42Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:45Security!
00:23:50Security!
00:23:52You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:56And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:58You!
00:24:00Insolent fools.
00:24:02Let me guess.
00:24:04You're that special guest?
00:24:06I don't know.
00:24:08Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:19Back to our match.
00:24:24I got this.
00:24:38Whoa!
00:24:44Hey!
00:24:52What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:54I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:25:01Angela!
00:25:03Don't hurt her!
00:25:05You bitch.
00:25:07I've always been sick of you.
00:25:09You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:11How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:13Boss?
00:25:15Did she say her boss?
00:25:17Miss Musk?
00:25:19That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:21That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:23My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's four-year contract.
00:25:26I don't care who you are.
00:25:28I don't care who you are.
00:25:30I'm the sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:33Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:36Past the American Revolution?
00:25:38Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:40If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:43That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:45She's royalty.
00:25:47And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:50What the hell did you do?
00:25:52Kneel to me!
00:25:54Oh, your majesty!
00:25:56Welcome to the United States.
00:25:58We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:26:01Yes, your highness.
00:26:03Is it a queen or princess?
00:26:05It doesn't matter.
00:26:07My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:10We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:12What are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:14Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness!
00:26:17Your majesty!
00:26:27What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:30What?
00:26:46She's a badass herself.
00:26:48He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:50You! You! You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:55Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:58No! No! Don't believe their lies!
00:27:00I worked hard for everything!
00:27:02You worked for everything?
00:27:10So, our 30th anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:27:16I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:18I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project.
00:27:21And if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:30You were nothing before me.
00:27:34All your achievements, all your glory.
00:27:37That's all mine!
00:27:39Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:42I can take all of that away.
00:27:45Just like that.
00:27:47No, you can't take that away from me!
00:27:49That's why Ellen Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody!
00:27:52Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:56Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:57It was Queen Victoria's and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:09I gave you back the ring?
00:28:12I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:14No! No, please! No!
00:28:17No, please take me back, baby! I still love you!
00:28:21Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:24No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:33God, these two again.
00:28:35Did he say... is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:38President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:40After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:28:46the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:48That's right.
00:28:49The highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:51Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:53Sorry I'm late, babe. I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:56Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:02And that there is... that is the legendary, boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:08He's Dr. House's protege!
00:29:10Dr. House? I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:13Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:29:15Yep, that's me.
00:29:16James House. Dr. House? He's practically my uncle.
00:29:20I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:24So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 years.
00:29:29And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:37Hey, Ellen. Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:41Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:29:44What?
00:29:46Fiancées.
00:29:48Plural?
00:29:50Fiancées.
00:29:51Plural?
00:29:53Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancée.
00:29:56No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:58You can both shut up. I'm her fiancée.
00:30:00It's you.
00:30:02It's me. Who the hell is he?
00:30:04I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:06How are all three of these men my fiancée?
00:30:11Your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because he decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:18She has three badass fiancées and she marries his dumb ass.
00:30:25Whatever. Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:31Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:36At your service.
00:30:38Me too.
00:30:41Oh!
00:30:44One down, two more to go.
00:30:46She's become queen.
00:30:48Bishop to G4.
00:30:52Ow! Ow! Ow! What is that?
00:30:56The most German-fested water in the Nile River.
00:30:59Ah!
00:31:02Rook to A8.
00:31:08Hello.
00:31:11I thought I was king.
00:31:13No, you wish. The king doesn't do anything, so Alan can be my king.
00:31:18Oh, fine.
00:31:23Bankrupt to four. It's right this second.
00:31:30I... I've been bankrupt! No!
00:31:35Rook to A8.
00:31:41I've been bankrupt! No!
00:31:45I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:50Well, guess what? Game over.
00:31:52All right, boys. Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:56Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:58I'm right with you.
00:32:00Wait for me. Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:32:11Angela!
00:32:15You already have three fiancés?
00:32:18You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:20I want compensation.
00:32:25You greedy SOB.
00:32:27Who the fuck is that?
00:32:28My ex-husband.
00:32:30Wait. You were married?
00:32:32Yeah. And if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:37More for me. No, no. Of course not. Just...
00:32:39Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:42Don't steal my joke.
00:32:44I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:46All evidence of your past with him is gone.
00:32:49What? Is there something on my face?
00:32:51Uh, yeah. Murderous intent.
00:32:54Let's remarry.
00:32:56Let's remarry.
00:32:58You still don't realize.
00:33:01I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:09What?
00:33:31Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:33We need to wreck right away.
00:33:35Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:39Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:43She should be okay now.
00:33:48Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here.
00:33:50I'll be right back.
00:34:00You saved me.
00:34:04Fuck.
00:34:05I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:09You've cheated on me.
00:34:11You've hit me.
00:34:12And you've insulted me.
00:34:14And after all that,
00:34:15I never want to see you again.
00:34:18I fucking hate you.
00:34:21Middle lady Lockhart.
00:34:23God, what now?
00:34:25Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person.
00:34:30But if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:34How about us three?
00:34:36Yes, unlike the rest of us,
00:34:38Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:42Yeah, no.
00:34:43You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:47This is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:49We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:51No.
00:34:53No.
00:34:54We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockharts.
00:34:58Our families.
00:35:00I'll get you for this.
00:35:08I never should have listened to you.
00:35:10I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:25So, what's the situation here?
00:35:28I don't want to hear you.
00:35:38I don't want to hear you.
00:35:41Listen.
00:35:43I only met you guys a few hours ago.
00:35:45And I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:48But what if I told you
00:35:51that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:54Much longer.
00:35:58Angela?
00:36:00Your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:36:04My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:07Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:09The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:12Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:14I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing,
00:36:18blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours.
00:36:21Can't call his name, but anyway.
00:36:24Congratulations.
00:36:26I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:30You must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:33Otherwise...
00:36:35Let me do it.
00:36:37You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:40Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:43Mom?
00:36:45Alright, honey, that's it.
00:36:47Bye.
00:36:49Bye.
00:36:52So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:56Well...
00:36:58Well...
00:37:00What if I want all three of you?
00:37:03Well...
00:37:05What if I want all three of you?
00:37:09That seems greedy.
00:37:16But...
00:37:18I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:21Hey!
00:37:23I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:25I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:29Whoa, okay.
00:37:31No murder, please.
00:37:33I was just kidding.
00:37:35You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:38Ooh.
00:37:40It's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:42I know.
00:37:44We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:46Welcome to the show, The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:37:50Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:53What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:57You'll see.
00:38:05Oh my God! Oh my God! Cockroaches!
00:38:08All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:11And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:17What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love?
00:38:20What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:34Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:37It's up to the final two.
00:38:50Whoa.
00:39:01Crunchy.
00:39:03That is sick, Cole.
00:39:05Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:11There are two more left.
00:39:13Want to try one?
00:39:14God, no. No.
00:39:17Oh my God. Save.
00:39:18Save you? You're going to save me.
00:39:23I'm a germophobe doctor.
00:39:25These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:44Thank God you're here.
00:39:48Are you alright, honey?
00:39:50Angela.
00:39:54Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward.
00:39:57You get to watch over her for the night.
00:40:00Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:03I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:11Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:14At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:40:16I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:21The cockroaches.
00:40:22They're gone. They're gone.
00:40:24There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:27I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:34I need a drink.
00:40:44Whoa, easy. You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:46Oh, why do you care?
00:40:49You're trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:54You guys were right.
00:40:56I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:40:59You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:05He never even loved me.
00:41:07And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:09Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:16You may not be number one on the Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:22What?
00:41:26You're number one here.
00:41:33You know, I don't know.
00:41:36You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:40Lies.
00:41:43You all just want something from me.
00:41:50Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:55But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:02I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:03I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:05I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:12I just need you.
00:42:16I'll prove my love to you within six days, I promise.
00:42:30Screw the contest.
00:42:31I just want love.
00:42:34Angela, you're drunk.
00:42:37I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:41Okay.
00:42:46But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:50Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:42:53This is what you want.
00:43:24Nine-inch penis.
00:43:26Morning to you, too.
00:43:28You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:31A girl remembers when she's had a nine-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:37Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:40But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:43Because then they would...
00:43:45Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:47No.
00:43:48Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:51I won the first challenge.
00:43:53And according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:43:58Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:04You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:09It's not...
00:44:12Fine, fine.
00:44:14I'm sorry.
00:44:16Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:20I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:26I won't tell.
00:44:29But only on one condition.
00:44:31You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:34Fine.
00:44:38I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:42You never noticed me.
00:44:43You never noticed me.
00:44:49You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:55It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:44:57I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:59Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:04Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:06Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:08Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:10What's up, guys?
00:45:11We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:13No cockroaches this time.
00:45:15Yes. No more terrifying things.
00:45:17That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:19This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:21I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:23The second challenge is...
00:45:25The second challenge is...
00:45:27A date.
00:45:29Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:45:31A date?
00:45:33That's it. What's the catch?
00:45:35No catch. Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:38As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:42Okay. Who's up first?
00:45:44Me.
00:45:46Save the best for last.
00:45:48Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:50Then it's decided.
00:45:54Please don't take my BMW away.
00:45:57Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:46:00I have nothing left.
00:46:10It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:16It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:26General Eisenhower, sir!
00:46:28At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:30This is my lieutenant. He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:33Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:46:35He's so serious. But hang on.
00:46:37Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:46:39Baby!
00:46:41I decided to take you here on our first date
00:46:43so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:45Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:46:47Yes. Murder weapons.
00:47:07You like my guns, babe?
00:47:09Pretty Lockhart.
00:47:11Yeah.
00:47:13Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:15Lieutenant!
00:47:17Come close!
00:47:19Wait! You're just going to hit him like that?
00:47:21He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:23Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:47:25Treason?
00:47:27You guys are way too serious.
00:47:29Look, you Lockhart bitch! I caught you!
00:47:31If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:33Lieutenant!
00:47:35Here's your attack!
00:47:47You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:51I will make you pay!
00:47:55If you don't need to keep beating him up,
00:47:57we could just take him to the cops.
00:47:59Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:00So he's a bit violent.
00:48:02Some might call it being protective.
00:48:04Poor anger issues.
00:48:06What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster
00:48:08on an antique table or something?
00:48:10Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:12Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:14I don't know if I am.
00:48:17Well, maybe shame will be your type.
00:48:19I don't know if I am.
00:48:21I don't know if I am.
00:48:23I don't know if I am.
00:48:25I don't know if I am.
00:48:27I don't know if I am.
00:48:28And I don't think you're your type.
00:48:30Your date with shame starts now!
00:48:38Hey.
00:48:40Hey.
00:48:41Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:48:44when I saved his wife.
00:48:46Impressive.
00:48:49Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:51Refreshing.
00:48:54I got Coolmint, too.
00:48:56Or do you prefer Spearmint?
00:48:58What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:01Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:49:04So, where are you taking me?
00:49:06Let me show you.
00:49:14Dr. Wilson!
00:49:16I'm VIP of VIPs!
00:49:18Right this way.
00:49:19VIP of VIPs?
00:49:21Ah, just some other guy I saved. I forget who.
00:49:24You saved a lot of people.
00:49:26Well, I'll do what I can.
00:49:29Oh my gosh!
00:49:31It's my gold digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:35Sandra Miller, what are you doing here?
00:49:38I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:41Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:43and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:48Hello of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:54I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high end,
00:49:57you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:50:01The auction begins.
00:50:03I'll deal with you later.
00:50:12Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:17Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:21Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:23Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:26For five million dollars.
00:50:29Excuse me.
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:34It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:36I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:41What are you doing?
00:50:42Just watch.
00:50:49That is Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:52Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:55She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:00Not this again.
00:51:01Cut the bullshit, that wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:05Here, you want it?
00:51:06For free.
00:51:07Ew!
00:51:08I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then,
00:51:14because you are the fraud.
00:51:18What are you talking about?
00:51:19Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:21Throw them out!
00:51:23Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:51:26but we're professionals.
00:51:28Oh yeah?
00:51:29And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:33Yeah.
00:51:34Mine is the real thing.
00:51:35You two are just upset because you're too poor
00:51:38to afford our luxury items.
00:51:40Oh, is that so?
00:51:42When a so-called expert fell to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:46Dear Lord.
00:51:48This is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:52It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:57Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:59Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:02It's a replica.
00:52:05They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:08So, you are the fraud.
00:52:12You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:15And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:19$150.
00:52:21Wow, not even five dollars.
00:52:24Sandra.
00:52:25You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:28Arrest her!
00:52:30No, please!
00:52:31Even just this one time!
00:52:33Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:36Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:52:40Bye.
00:52:41Blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:50I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:53Me too.
00:52:54May I have a kiss?
00:53:11Something wrong?
00:53:12Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:20Yep, you never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:34You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:38I don't have any money.
00:53:40How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:43I guess you'll only pay up...
00:53:48if I break your other leg.
00:53:51Stop!
00:53:55Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:59Mr. Buffett.
00:54:04This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:07That's right.
00:54:08Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:10I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:13I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:16No, no, no.
00:54:17Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:19It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:22Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:25And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:31Angela still loves me.
00:54:32She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:34She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:36Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:38We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:41I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago
00:54:44and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:46It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:50Sure.
00:54:51I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:53I just need...
00:54:54Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:57Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:55:00I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:10I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:55:13Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:17Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:19I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:21That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:23It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:27And if he can't, then what?
00:55:29He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:30So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:34I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:36I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:44Oh, I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:48We should celebrate.
00:55:50You did?
00:55:51You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:53That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:57And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:00Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:05What?
00:56:06You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:09Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not.
00:56:11Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:13You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:17It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:19I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:21I'm telling my dad.
00:56:23Fine, go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:25If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:28But if not, you can scram.
00:56:31Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:34Teach him a lesson.
00:56:36Kaylie, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:38Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:42Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:44We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:46So do as he says.
00:56:48But Dad!
00:56:56I'm sorry.
00:56:57It's a weird side piece.
00:56:59Very good.
00:57:01I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:02Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:05I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:10But that tongue action, though.
00:57:12Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:57:15Ellen, we are in public.
00:57:17It's true.
00:57:18Oh, stomachache.
00:57:20Again?
00:57:21I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:22Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:25Okay.
00:57:26Devin's late.
00:57:28Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:30This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:35It's her.
00:57:36And she's alone.
00:57:37With no one to save her.
00:57:41You whore.
00:57:42You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:48Let me tell you.
00:57:50I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:55Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:57:59Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:02What?
00:58:03Why do I have to leave?
00:58:04She's the one starting shit.
00:58:06Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:08You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:11And my son just signed a $100 billion contract.
00:58:15He still got the contract?
00:58:17Hmm.
00:58:18Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:20He still got the contract?
00:58:22Hmm.
00:58:23Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:25Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:29Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:31Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:40You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:45My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:48$4,000 to take her away.
00:58:51$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:54$5,000 to beat her away.
00:59:00Oh, hey!
00:59:01Hey!
00:59:02Ow!
00:59:03Stop!
00:59:05You okay?
00:59:06Are you hurt?
00:59:12Weakling.
00:59:13You!
00:59:14Just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more?
00:59:20What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:26What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go.
00:59:33We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:35Hang on.
00:59:37What do you want?
00:59:38I'll scream!
00:59:40I don't hit women.
00:59:41But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:45But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:47I said I don't kill women.
00:59:50Oh, God.
00:59:51He is a murderer.
00:59:52What if he murders me?
00:59:54Not him.
00:59:55Definitely not him.
01:00:00We're not afraid of you.
01:00:02That's enough.
01:00:03This isn't a war zone.
01:00:05You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:09I was just messing with them.
01:00:11Was he, though?
01:00:13We're not afraid of you.
01:00:15Jared, you have to avenge us.
01:00:18Look at this slut.
01:00:19She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:21She's cheating on you.
01:00:22Don't get back with her.
01:00:23Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:25I apologize for this scene.
01:00:27I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:31Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:33Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:35The potty crashes.
01:00:39You have any idea who that is?
01:00:41That's my wife.
01:00:42We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:46That's right.
01:00:47Know your place.
01:00:48Shut up.
01:00:49She's cheating on you.
01:00:52Know your place.
01:00:53You're just a side piece, if I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:00You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:03They really think they're something, huh?
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:13I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:17What?
01:01:19You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:29I'm sorry.
01:01:31No.
01:01:33This can't be.
01:01:34I made you divorce...
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:40You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:48I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:51Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:55I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:58I didn't come here for you.
01:02:00I'm on a date.
01:02:03A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:06She really is a whore.
01:02:07Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:09I really do love you.
01:02:13Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:17Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:22Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:25We're too old for that.
01:02:27They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:29Please, you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:35Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:41What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:47Again?
01:02:48Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50No.
01:02:52Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:56I would rather die than be with you again.
01:03:00Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:04I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:06Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:08Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:10I'll prove it to you.
01:03:12You want a chance?
01:03:14Angela, no.
01:03:15You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:18Don't take him back.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:28Me, or the contract.
01:03:31You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:39But you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract.
01:03:42The choice is all yours.
01:03:44That's a tough choice.
01:03:47You think so?
01:03:48He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:51Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:01I deserve the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:13Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I choose the contract.
01:04:19I knew it.
01:04:20You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:23With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:27Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:32Let me show you something.
01:04:45You saved me.
01:04:51You saved me.
01:04:53I'm sorry.
01:04:55If his lies led to you wasting three years of your life,
01:05:00but I promise you,
01:05:02I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:05No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:07I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:18Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:21What?
01:05:23Me?
01:05:24Dr. Wilson?
01:05:25Losing out to saving people?
01:05:27No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually,
01:05:36they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:45Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:49Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for you?
01:06:05Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max, you know what to do.
01:06:13The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:15All business ties have been severed.
01:06:17We're bankrupt!
01:06:23How did you do that?
01:06:25Who are you?
01:06:26And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:30I'll tell you.
01:06:32I'm Spider-Man.
01:06:34You're Spider-Man.
01:06:36You're Spider-Man.
01:06:38You're Spider-Man.
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:48I am...
01:06:50Crypto Punk Number Two!
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:57You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:07:02See? You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:08Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:10It's all about young money now.
01:07:12So, how about our date?
01:07:20I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:22Let's buy two.
01:07:25They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:28I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:07:31Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:34They'll make them all pay soon!
01:07:41What?
01:07:43What?
01:07:45What?
01:07:47What?
01:07:49What?
01:07:51What?
01:07:53What?
01:07:55Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:56The Maple Plaza contract requires us
01:07:58to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:08:02and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:05No!
01:08:07I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I need a little off-card.
01:08:11You tricked me!
01:08:17Oh, allow me.
01:08:20I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials
01:08:27for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:41This looks good.
01:08:44Did you use my spices?
01:08:47I know your ex-in-law's never appreciated you.
01:08:52You can have all the money and power in the world
01:08:55and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:58I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:05Angela,
01:09:07your future with me
01:09:10is going to be different.
01:09:12Come on.
01:09:14Upstairs.
01:09:34Bob, Devin,
01:09:36I can't believe it.
01:09:38Devin, I can't believe
01:09:40this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:42these past few years
01:09:44just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela,
01:09:48I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually,
01:09:53I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:55That's right.
01:09:57I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually,
01:10:07maybe Devin, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were,
01:10:18you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:23Are you trying to get hired
01:10:25at Fortune 500
01:10:27in a suit like that?
01:10:31All you do is babble on and on
01:10:33about Internet money,
01:10:35Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:45Hey! Get away from me!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:505C girl. I like her.
01:11:03How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison
01:11:06made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:09Osh to God, salt to evil.
01:11:10Can he be cured?
01:11:12I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:14It sounds really scary,
01:11:15but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:18Household salt.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:29There you go.
01:11:31Time is up.
01:11:34Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:47So, that's how I...
01:11:50Well, we all met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards,
01:11:59the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:01attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:04I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:08Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Yeah, really.
01:12:11Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years,
01:12:17who will you pick?
01:12:23How can that be?
01:12:25Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:32Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:36Bankrupt?
01:12:38The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:41Well then, get out of here!
01:12:44You can't do this to me!
01:12:48Jared!
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:01What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We are here to re-propose your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:15Mom!
01:13:18What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:48Hey, stop. Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:57I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:02Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:05which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:17Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:23Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:27Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:30But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:36and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela.
01:14:41Angela.
01:14:43Oh, I...
01:14:46I need more time to think.
01:14:52While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:55why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:11who has huge biceps,
01:15:14a massive chest,
01:15:16who would protect their wife?
01:15:20Okay, thank you.
01:15:23Shane?
01:15:26Muscles, money, they won't get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:32that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:35if you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay, I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:53a lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor
01:16:03brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:05That's a good point.
01:16:07A guy for her heart.
01:16:10And then you.
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough.
01:16:23Stand up.
01:16:26Hey, you guys.
01:16:28Whoa, break it up.
01:16:30Hey, break it up.
01:16:32Oh!
01:16:36Cut to commercial.
01:16:38Cut to commercial.
01:16:57This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make
01:16:59in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:10Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh yeah?
01:17:16I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:17:18I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:23What don't you have in that cup?
01:17:25Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:39These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not. They do not help.
01:17:44Who made these?
01:18:02It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:15Shit!
01:18:30We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:33Oh yeah.
01:18:43This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:51Hmm. Winter Mint or Cool Mint?
01:18:58You know,
01:19:00I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:03I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:06So I appreciate that.
01:19:10And you know,
01:19:11Cool, I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always really like the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26It's fresh, right?
01:19:28Yo, yo.
01:19:29Yeah, yeah.
01:19:30You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33Hey, hey.
01:19:34You need me to look at you?
01:19:36Hey, me too.
01:19:37Yeah, cool.
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:42It was Jerry Cooper.
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What, how?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring, just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then.
01:19:53My love!
01:19:54My fiance!
01:19:55My fiance!
01:19:58Fuck.
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:08You destroyed me.
01:20:12They took everything.
01:20:15What?
01:20:16I have nothing left.
01:20:18It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:21I was greedy?
01:20:22To have sex with my wife?
01:20:24What?
01:20:25I'm not your wife anymore.
01:20:27Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now, not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal.
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:41Come on, bitch.
01:20:44I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:55You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Angela!
01:21:02Come here!
01:21:06You're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless-
01:21:09Not yet.
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in his coat.
01:21:15Everything except for-
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum.
01:21:17We get it already.
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here we go.
01:21:25You're all good now.
01:21:26Oh, thank God.
01:21:28But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:30What?
01:21:31What are you going to do to me?
01:21:33Hey, stop!
01:21:34No!
01:21:35Don't!
01:21:37Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:43Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:45Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:55So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:57We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:00The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:02And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:10Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:12The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:14We're down to the wire.
01:22:16Literally.
01:22:17The wedding day.
01:22:18But who's the groom?
01:22:19Literally.
01:22:20The wedding day.
01:22:21But who's the groom?
01:22:34Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:36The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:39But who's the groom?
01:22:43Uh, seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53This is exciting!
01:22:54Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:06But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:23:12the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:15Devon.
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:23You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:28And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:32But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:36And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:41And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:49I'm just kidding.
01:23:50I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:56Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:00I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:24:02They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:05So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:11Could it be the sexy and protective,
01:24:15general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:24:28Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:32And last but not least,
01:24:34could it be the richest man of them all,
01:24:37the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:24:40Mr. Devon Sterling?
01:24:45Gentlemen,
01:24:47it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:49As may the best man win.
01:24:52May the best man win.
01:24:55Drum roll, please.
01:25:08Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:16I choose...
01:25:27I need a powerful, strong man,
01:25:29and I really feel like you can protect me.
01:25:33Who could resist those guns?
01:25:35Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Could I interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:41Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:25:56Shane, it's you.
01:25:58I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:00You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:02Yeah.
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:08Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:10I hope we can go together.
01:26:11Like this, baby?
01:26:24It's always been you.
01:26:27Yeah.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:41Ellen, Ellen.
01:26:42Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:26:44Have you seen my murder weapons?
01:26:45I need fruit-flavored gum for you.