Townhouse Confidential.2023 Drama Movie

Movie Fire

A 30-something single girl in New York City is seeking the perfect tenant for her townhouse when she meets a handsome real estate mogul, who happens to be both rich and eligible. As the sparks fly, she has to determine what she really wants in life

Transcript

00:00:00🎵

00:00:30I

00:00:51Little help would be nice

00:01:00Moving on out, looks like it's Blitzville from the West Village for Lindsay Lohan and her latest beau, Bad Boy Rock, or Rocky Rakovia.

00:01:12Townhouse Confidential has learned that little Lindsay has grown teary-eyed over the construction going on in front of her rented townhouse,

00:01:21and put in an offer on a Hudson Yards penthouse with a floor-to-ceiling river view.

00:01:27Her new digs come complete with an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, an equinox gym, and, get this, luxury barrel saunas for two.

00:01:38With amenities like that, how can a West Village townhouse hope to compete?

00:01:58Oh, Sophie, why didn't you text me and let me know you were coming?

00:02:03Next time, remind me to take an Uber.

00:02:07So you finally found us a new tenant, Sophie.

00:02:11It's about time. Making money while you sleep sure does beat working for a living.

00:02:15You call that working? Hooking up with middle-aged hedge funders that you meet at the gym while I slave away icing cupcakes at Magnolia Bakery.

00:02:23Well, at least I make more than minimum wage working as a personal trainer.

00:02:26Girls, girls, please! I finally found a tenant for your precious garden apartment.

00:02:32And not just any tenant. He's 32, runs his own venture capital fund, and rakes in more than half a million a year.

00:02:41And best of all, he's single! Ha! Never married, no kids, no pets.

00:02:47That means he's probably gay. Or bankrupt, or both. Have you checked him out on deadbeatenants.com?

00:02:52Lizzie, do you have to be so cynical all the time?

00:02:55What?

00:02:56Maybe he's got a friend for you, too.

00:02:57Oh, come on. He might be interested.

00:02:59Can't a girl get a minute's peace to blog in this house?

00:03:02You do realize that the Huffington Post just named Townhouse Confidential one of the 100 best new real estate laws to watch?

00:03:09Yes, Mary, we know. And now we just wait for all those advertising dollars to roll in.

00:03:14Okay, girls. I'll bring him around for your inspection tomorrow.

00:03:18But if there's a marriage comes out of this, I expect an invitation to the wedding.

00:03:24You are the boss, Sophie.

00:03:26You have no idea.

00:03:39Well, thank you so much for coming, everyone. Thank you.

00:03:42Thank you very much.

00:03:44As most of you know, my family has maintained a dominant presence in West Village real estate for nearly two centuries.

00:03:53Our new master plan, which we will execute with $100 million in bank loans and investor capital, will remake the face of the West Village.

00:04:06Affording the world's elite the opportunity to own entire blocks of luxury townhouse properties where they can live, work...

00:04:17Did you know that from the moment I brought Georgie home from St. Vincent's Hospital, he could already point out a lintel from his stroller.

00:04:24And by age seven, he knew the difference between a federal style townhouse and a Greek revival.

00:04:29More into it.

00:04:31Now, as you can see in the shaded area, Barrow Ventures has holdings on Charles, Perry, Bank Street, as well as 50 other luxury townhouse properties.

00:04:46Not to worry. Girls are always fainting at Georgie's presentations.

00:04:50That's why we always have a couple of paramedics on hand. Boys!

00:04:55Thank you, boys.

00:04:59She's fine. She's fine.

00:05:03Any questions?

00:05:06Yes.

00:05:07What about the Landmarks Preservation Commission?

00:05:09Won't the city's preservationists object to your turning the West Village into a hedge funder Disneyland?

00:05:21The deal is in the bag. Everyone from the mayor on down has already signed off on the project.

00:05:26Trust me, this baby is shovel-ready.

00:05:29But what if some of the townhouse owners refuse to sell?

00:05:33Got it covered. We've hired the top brokers in the West Village to canvass the homeowners.

00:05:38Everyone has agreed to sell to our development company, once we close on the financing.

00:05:43Mr. Barrow, one more question.

00:05:45So, I think the presentation went very well today.

00:05:49Such a pity your father wasn't there to see it. He would have been so proud.

00:05:54I miss Dad, too, Mother. But it's been ten years since he passed away.

00:05:59I'm sure he would have wanted us to move on.

00:06:01And so we are. By creating a townhouse empire in the West Village that'll make the Barrow family name burn even brighter.

00:06:10And, perhaps, one day, by continuing the Barrow legacy into the seventh generation.

00:06:16Here we go again.

00:06:17You know, Diana's daughter Amy was in the audience today.

00:06:21Goldman real estate analyst, Wharton MBA. I saw the way she was looking at you.

00:06:26Please don't start.

00:06:28George, you're not getting any younger.

00:06:30Why, when your father was your age...

00:06:32He was married with a baby and a mortgage. Yes, Mother, I know.

00:06:35But I'm 32 and single. I have more mortgages than I can count.

00:06:41I'm so busy building this business, I barely have time for a girlfriend, let alone a wife and kid.

00:06:48George, every girl I've ever introduced you to has been wrong.

00:06:53Too thin, too fat, too smart, not smart enough, wrong school, wrong zip code.

00:06:59I'm beginning to think that maybe you're not interested in girls at all.

00:07:05What are you trying to say, Mother?

00:07:07All I want is a little grandbaby I can pop in a stroller and push around the West Village to teach the ABCs of bricks and brownstones.

00:07:15Is that too much to ask?

00:07:17Mother, we're done here. I'm off to a business meeting.

00:07:22Don't wait up.

00:07:27What are you getting?

00:07:29I don't know. How about you?

00:07:31I think I'm going to go for the pastrami, no mustard.

00:07:34Sal, you've got to watch your gluten, Sal.

00:07:36Yeah, but I like food with gluten.

00:07:39All right, good. Here he is.

00:07:44How are you doing, Mr. Barrow?

00:07:46Sal Clownline, Long Island Mortgage and Title.

00:07:49This is my associate, Big Sal.

00:07:51Nice to meet you, Mr. Barrow.

00:07:53Very nice to meet you, gentlemen. Have a seat.

00:07:57Thank you for coming today. Appreciate you.

00:07:59So, Big Sal. Looks like the two of you are exactly the same height.

00:08:05We get that a lot, actually. But I'm 5'6", he's 5'7". That's why they call him Big Sal.

00:08:12Listen, guys, I'm a little pressed for time. What have you got for me?

00:08:16Well, unfortunately, Georgie, the pickings were pretty slim.

00:08:19Your family owns 50 townhouses in the West Village, but you drain most of your equity.

00:08:24And your credit lines, they're pretty tapped.

00:08:26The only bank that's willing to give you a bridge loan to finance your deal until it closes

00:08:30is the Hudson River Bank out of Westchester.

00:08:33Hudson River Bank? I thought they were a front for the Russian mob.

00:08:38Doesn't a certain bankrupt real estate developer from Queens borrow money there?

00:08:44I heard he got into politics just to pay his bills.

00:08:47You are tough. What's the rate?

00:08:50Eight and a half percent and five points at closing. Cheap.

00:08:54With Fed funds at next to zero? Why, that's practically usury.

00:08:58You want to have a million dollars or not?

00:09:00Half a million? I told you I needed a million dollars to close the deal.

00:09:05Well, that's why I brought Big Sal over here. He's like a brother from another mother.

00:09:10Let's just say he has access to some creative financing.

00:09:14You've got to be kidding me.

00:09:16Listen, listen, listen. It's a new thing we're trying.

00:09:19It's called bridge and tunnel financing.

00:09:21We charge lower rates than the Russian mob.

00:09:23And what the IRS don't know, we'll hire them.

00:09:34So, what kind of collateral are you looking for?

00:09:38Do you need a personal guarantee?

00:09:41Nothing, nothing. Just your word of honor.

00:09:43And I promise that you'll do the right thing.

00:09:48What happens if the deal falls apart and I can't pay you back?

00:09:51Go home and watch the Godfather. You'll get the idea.

00:09:55Well, maybe Texas changed all massively.

00:09:59Pleasure doing business with you guys.

00:10:09Oh, coming.

00:10:12Put your foot down.

00:10:17Welcome. Come on in.

00:10:19Hi, girls. Look who I brought with me.

00:10:22Meet Jonathan Grove, your new tenant.

00:10:25It's a pleasure to meet you.

00:10:27And his friend and real estate advisor, George Barrow.

00:10:31Mr. Barrow. Pleasure.

00:10:33You as well. What a lovely home.

00:10:35Oh, thank you.

00:10:36How is your plan coming along to turn the West Village into a hedge funder's Disneyland?

00:10:42Very well. Thank you.

00:10:45George and Jonathan were roommates at Columbia.

00:10:48Now, Jonathan has returned to New York to start his own venture capital fund.

00:10:52Wow. Welcome back.

00:10:54Shall we sign the lease?

00:10:55Yes. Yes, please.

00:10:58This is where you sign, Jonathan,

00:11:00to start your new life in the historic and charming West Village.

00:11:05Not so fast, my friend.

00:11:07Before we sign the lease, let's go downstairs and do a walk-through.

00:11:13You know, I normally make my own decisions,

00:11:16at least when it comes to investing in start-ups,

00:11:18but he's the townhouse expert. I'm just the money guy.

00:11:21Indeed.

00:11:23Come on in.

00:11:26Come on. Let's go.

00:11:32Welcome to your new home, Jonathan.

00:11:34Oh, my God.

00:11:37And so the couch and the table, they come with the apartment?

00:11:41They can if you'd like them to stay.

00:11:42Great. Okay.

00:11:43Does this outlet work?

00:11:45Yes, they all work. I checked them myself.

00:11:47You see how spacious it is?

00:11:49Oh, my God. I didn't even see back there. Wow.

00:11:51Take a look.

00:11:53Scuff marks on the wall.

00:11:55Easy to fix.

00:11:57Do you have another light bulb?

00:11:58Of course.

00:12:02Paint's a bit peeling. We'll need some drywall repair.

00:12:05Absolutely.

00:12:13You're going to have to handle this.

00:12:16Consider it handled.

00:12:18Print out this e-mail,

00:12:21attach it to the lease as a writer,

00:12:23and Jonathan will sign it.

00:12:25Personally, I think the place is charming just the way it is.

00:12:28Well, I'll look for your e-mail.

00:12:30Nice to meet you.

00:12:31You, too.

00:12:32Really excited for this.

00:12:33Us, too.

00:12:34Good.

00:12:38Girls, you've got yourself a tenant.

00:12:40Do you have any idea how much all those repairs are going to cost us?

00:12:43We need every cent of Jonathan's first month's rent and security deposit

00:12:46to pay for the mortgage and the taxes.

00:12:48Wait, I have an idea.

00:12:49I will take him down to the little branch.

00:12:51I'll get him wasted, introduce him to some girls.

00:12:54He'll forget all about the stupid repairs.

00:12:56Plus, we all know a handyman who will do the work for cheap.

00:13:09On time with 30 seconds to spare.

00:13:12Diamond boy.

00:13:14You still close out the bars and pick up the chicks.

00:13:33Hey, Tommy.

00:13:35How you been?

00:13:37Haven't seen you around lately.

00:13:38Hey, babe. What's going on?

00:13:40Babe.

00:13:43You don't remember my name, do you?

00:13:46Sure, babe. Of course I do. It's, uh...

00:13:48Starts with a K?

00:13:51I let you crash at my place for three weeks because you couldn't pay rent?

00:13:54Caitlin.

00:13:56Kristen.

00:13:58The top floor apartment on Bleecker and 11th Street?

00:14:01Above Magnolia Bakery where we literally didn't...

00:14:03Kathleen.

00:14:05Oh, sorry, baby. I'm still a little hungover after last night.

00:14:08I missed you, baby.

00:14:10You know what? Go fuck yourself, Tommy.

00:14:13You're a total man-whore!

00:14:27Goddamn George Barrow.

00:14:29Why'd the GC send me here? He knows how much I hate that guy.

00:14:32Oh. Hey, baby. You new in town?

00:14:41To our sweet tenant, Jonathan.

00:14:45May this little box of treats sweeten your stay in our home.

00:14:55Hey, Lizzie.

00:14:57Got your text saying something down here needs fixing.

00:14:59Said it was, uh, urgent.

00:15:02Yes, Tommy. We have a new tenant moving in on Monday

00:15:04and we have a whole punch list of things that we need to do.

00:15:07We have a new tenant moving in on Monday

00:15:09and we have a whole punch list of things that we need to fix before then.

00:15:12Really? Like what?

00:15:15Place looks like it's still in, uh, pretty decent shape as far as I can remember.

00:15:20Last time I was here, I'll admit, it was pretty dark.

00:15:25So you do realize that my sisters and I, we don't make a lot of money?

00:15:30Yeah, the poor little rich girls living in a townhouse make minimum wage.

00:15:34Yeah, I've heard the stories.

00:15:36So how much do you think you're going to charge me to fix everything on this punch list?

00:15:39Plus slap on a fresh coat of paint, of course.

00:15:42I was thinking maybe $500?

00:15:48What's in the box?

00:15:50Oh, no, Tommy. Those cupcakes aren't for you.

00:15:52They're a housewarming present for Jonathan.

00:15:54He's coming by later to pick up his keys.

00:15:57Mm-hmm.

00:15:58Mm-hmm.

00:16:01Mm.

00:16:08You won't miss just one, right?

00:16:10No, Tommy, don't.

00:16:15Yummy.

00:16:17Tommy, I said no.

00:16:19You sure, Lizzie?

00:16:22Because on New Year's, as I recall, that...

00:16:25quickly turned into a...

00:16:28quickly turned into a...

00:16:30Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes!

00:16:35Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, stop!

00:16:38Put down that cupcake or...

00:16:40Or you'll what? Run to the 6th Precinct at an order of protection?

00:16:43Cops can't protect you from your own appetites, Lizzie.

00:16:46You have no idea how hard it is everyday at work,

00:16:50being surrounded by cupcakes and frosting and banana cream pudding,

00:16:55Always having to be the good girl, always having to say no.

00:16:58Why? Because you're waiting for the day Prince Charming

00:17:00walks in with your glass slipper?

00:17:03You know what you want, Liz Perry.

00:17:06Just relax and enjoy it.

00:17:12Oh, my God.

00:17:14Oh, my God.

00:17:16Come here.

00:17:25This is really good.

00:17:27It's, uh...

00:17:29It's been a while.

00:17:31Heh.

00:17:33Give me a thousand bucks, I'll start tomorrow.

00:17:36Elizabeth Perry.

00:17:39The girl who can't resist a cupcake.

00:17:42Who would have thought?

00:17:46Bye!

00:17:59Hi, I'm looking for Lydia Perry.

00:18:02Oh, hey, I'm Lydia Perry.

00:18:04I'm your personal trainer.

00:18:06Hi, Jim Bedford, good to meet you.

00:18:08So, what brings you to the gym, Jim?

00:18:10It wasn't really my idea to come here.

00:18:12Usually the only thing I exercise is my fingers.

00:18:15It's typical of most guys.

00:18:18No, I didn't mean it like that.

00:18:20I'm a software developer,

00:18:22so I just, you know, I spend most of my time

00:18:24just writing code, just banging away at the keyboard.

00:18:27So you enjoy banging, too.

00:18:30No, hold on. Hold on.

00:18:32No, that's...

00:18:34What I mean is I'm the CEO of a social media startup,

00:18:37and I'm going on a road show next month

00:18:39to raise money from investors.

00:18:41So the VCs thought it would be a good idea

00:18:43for me to get in shape before, you know,

00:18:45I collapse in an airport and die.

00:18:47Wow, social media.

00:18:49Road show, investors.

00:18:51What does your company do?

00:18:53Oh, um, well,

00:18:55we developed an app called Chickstalkers,

00:18:57which lets guys rate other guys' ex-girlfriends

00:18:59by swiping left or right on their phones.

00:19:01Consumers use it for free,

00:19:03and we make money by selling the data

00:19:05that we gather to porn sites in the NSA.

00:19:07I'll have to check it out.

00:19:09In the meantime, why don't you go ahead

00:19:11and hop on the treadmill so I can check you out.

00:19:13See what kind of shape you're in.

00:19:15Yep, right over there.

00:19:17Beep. Beep. Beep.

00:19:19Beep.

00:19:21Beep.

00:19:23Beep.

00:19:25Beep.

00:19:27Beep.

00:19:29Beep.

00:19:31Beep.

00:19:33Beep.

00:19:35Beep.

00:19:37Beep.

00:19:39Beep.

00:19:41Beep.

00:19:43Beep.

00:19:45Beep.

00:19:47Now we're gonna head this way.

00:19:49Whoa.

00:19:51Wow, I'm impressed.

00:19:53Did you play sports in college?

00:19:55Well, I, uh,

00:19:57I played lacrosse at NYU,

00:19:59but we were only Division III.

00:20:01Truth be told, I spent most of my time warming the bench.

00:20:03Writing code, I suspect.

00:20:05Yeah, actually,

00:20:07I had a teammate.

00:20:09Oh, he got dumped by this girl with huge tits,

00:20:11and he dared me to write a program

00:20:13that ranked all the girls at NYU based on their cup size.

00:20:15It's actually where I got the idea for Chick Stalkers.

00:20:17Cool.

00:20:19Yeah, the only problem we're having

00:20:21is getting girls to use it.

00:20:23Really?

00:20:25You know what, I would actually love a woman's point of view.

00:20:27All of our developers are just horny nerds.

00:20:29Well, I will definitely

00:20:31check out your app,

00:20:33Jim Bedford.

00:20:35Cool.

00:20:37See you back here next week.

00:20:43Okay.

00:21:01Guess who I just met at the gym?

00:21:05Mary!

00:21:07Mary, I know you're in there because you never go anywhere

00:21:09and you don't have a life.

00:21:11Lydia, I'm on deadline with my blog.

00:21:17So,

00:21:19I was at the gym, and I met this guy who was also named Jim.

00:21:21He's the CEO of this company called-

00:21:23Shh!

00:21:25Lindsay Dumps Boyfriend

00:21:27to Shack Up with Dad?

00:21:29Totally clickbait.

00:21:31Spotted. Lindsay Lohan

00:21:33checking out townhouses in the 10014

00:21:35with super broker Catherine Waverly.

00:21:37Sources close to the former

00:21:39West Village resident, tell townhouse confidential,

00:21:41blah, blah, blah.

00:21:43If I post it now, I can scoop page six

00:21:45and the New York Times real estate section.

00:21:47Who gave you that tip?

00:21:49One of the addicts that hangs out on the stoop?

00:21:51How do you even know it's true?

00:21:53I'm a journalist.

00:21:55I don't reveal my sources.

00:21:57You'd have more sources if you left the house once in a while.

00:21:59I pick up more information at the gym

00:22:01every day than you ever will

00:22:03through your network of street people.

00:22:05Anyway, good luck.

00:22:07I'm out of here.

00:22:37♪♪♪♪

00:22:39♪♪♪♪

00:22:41♪♪♪♪

00:22:43♪♪♪♪

00:22:45♪♪♪♪

00:22:47♪♪♪♪

00:22:49♪♪♪♪

00:22:51♪♪♪♪

00:22:53♪♪♪♪

00:22:55Listen, sister, if you want to get to the top

00:22:57of the blogosphere, you've got to get out

00:22:59of your townhouse and do some real journalism

00:23:01once in a while.

00:23:03I can't believe I actually left my house to meet with you.

00:23:05I had a deadline with a Lindsay Lohan exclusive.

00:23:07I could have been scooped by The Real Deal

00:23:09or Curt New York.

00:23:11♪♪♪♪

00:23:13I just texted you a picture

00:23:15of George Barrow at the Waverly Diner

00:23:17borrowing money from a couple of mobsters.

00:23:19Practically gift-wrapped it

00:23:21for sobbing out loud.

00:23:23Now, do you want to bring down the wicked Prince Charming

00:23:25of West Village Real Estate or not?

00:23:27Sure,

00:23:29I'd love to break that story and win a Pulitzer.

00:23:31But how do I know you're telling the truth?

00:23:33Why would George Barrow borrow money from the mob

00:23:35if he already has a ton of cash?

00:23:37Not as much as you'd think.

00:23:39Take a look.

00:23:41George's check from the Waverly Diner.

00:23:43So what does that prove?

00:23:45Well, he only left a 10% tip, not his usual

00:23:4725.

00:23:49My God.

00:23:51You're right.

00:23:53George is in serious trouble.

00:23:55Give me all the dirt.

00:23:57You're right.

00:23:59What are you doing?

00:24:01It's a burner phone.

00:24:03Do you really think I'm that stupid?

00:24:05But you didn't tell me anything.

00:24:07I don't even know your name.

00:24:09How do I get a hold of you?

00:24:11Just call me Deep Park.

00:24:13And follow the money.

00:24:15It won't steer you wrong.

00:24:17What?

00:24:19Oh.

00:24:31Oh, uh, George.

00:24:33Wasn't expecting you.

00:24:35How can I help you today?

00:24:37Well, it's just one more little thing.

00:24:39After that contractor came by to do the repairs

00:24:41before Jonathan moved in,

00:24:43you assured me that all the electrical outlets were working.

00:24:45But this one

00:24:47really is not.

00:24:49I had one of my electricians come by and test it this morning.

00:24:51Well, it was working fine until Jonathan had his

00:24:53home entertainment system installed last week.

00:24:55I checked it myself.

00:24:57With what? An iPhone?

00:24:59You can hardly expect

00:25:01my friend to run a

00:25:0360-inch flat-screen TV,

00:25:05a Bose speaker system, and an Xbox

00:25:07from an outlet that can barely charge a cell phone.

00:25:09You're gonna have to call Con Ed

00:25:11to upgrade the power.

00:25:13Excuse me, this is my house. And it's my sister's house.

00:25:15And it was our parents' house

00:25:17until they were struck by a Green Apple tour bus crossing

00:25:197th Avenue.

00:25:21Now, we may not have a lot of money,

00:25:23but we do the best with what we can.

00:25:25And ever since you showed up here with your stupid punch list,

00:25:27I don't know how we're gonna be able to pay the mortgage

00:25:29this month. Now, hold on a minute.

00:25:31You're the landlord.

00:25:33You have an obligation to make repairs

00:25:35and provide essential services.

00:25:37Like what? Fix the windows that haven't been open

00:25:39since the 90s?

00:25:41Jonathan agreed to everything on that punch list

00:25:43on time release. Now, if he isn't satisfied

00:25:45with everything that my sisters and I

00:25:47have done to make sure that he is happy,

00:25:49he can back up his speaker system and his

00:25:51Xbox, and he can get his ass

00:25:53out of my house. But that's not going to

00:25:55happen. No, no, no. I'm not finished.

00:25:57At least Jonathan is a gentleman

00:25:59and thanks us for doing what we can.

00:26:01You, on the other hand, are a

00:26:03world-class asshole who wouldn't even

00:26:05help his own grandmother cross Bleeker Street.

00:26:07I know all about your

00:26:09little plan to buy out the West Village and turn it into

00:26:11a hedge funder's Disneyland,

00:26:13but there is one house

00:26:15that you are never getting your

00:26:17hands on.

00:26:19And that is this one. Now,

00:26:21get out!

00:26:23Okay.

00:26:25So what's the problem?

00:26:27He pays his rent, doesn't he?

00:26:29It's not that, Billy. It's just

00:26:31every day, George Barrow comes over to Jonathan's

00:26:33apartment and finds one more little

00:26:35thing wrong with it. One more little

00:26:37thing that then my sisters and I have to pay

00:26:39for to repair.

00:26:41So just get Tommy to do it.

00:26:43Lord knows he'll do it for free.

00:26:45All you gotta do is get on your

00:26:47little knees and beg.

00:26:49Because

00:26:51if you don't, I will, because that Tommy

00:26:53is hot! Shut up!

00:26:57So what? Tommy and I

00:26:59hooked up one time at a New Year's Eve party

00:27:01that I threw at my house. We were drunk, it didn't count.

00:27:03And I did ask

00:27:05Tommy to help me with the repairs, but he flaked

00:27:07on me midway through.

00:27:09Anyway, when George came over

00:27:11to Jonathan's apartment yesterday, he started complaining

00:27:13about an electrical outlet that wasn't working, and I

00:27:15just, mmm, I lost it!

00:27:17Now I'm afraid I'm gonna

00:27:19lose Jonathan, too.

00:27:23So what's the plan,

00:27:25honey? I know you got one.

00:27:27You always do.

00:27:29Well, this one's Lydia's idea. We're gonna

00:27:31throw Jonathan a party on Friday night

00:27:33at the Little Branch. Invite some cute girls,

00:27:35get the guys trashed, and before they

00:27:37know it, they'll forget all about that stupid

00:27:39electrical outlet.

00:27:41Count me in.

00:27:43I'll be there with bells on.

00:27:55Hey, Billy! Sorry I'm late.

00:27:57My hair dryer wasn't working. Again.

00:27:59Have you seen Jonathan?

00:28:01We need to make sure he's having a good time. George, too,

00:28:03I guess. Yes, ma'am.

00:28:05I think there's somebody talking to your sister

00:28:07and her friend from the gym. Come on, George,

00:28:09just have one drink. Jonathan,

00:28:11you know that I am training for the half-marathon

00:28:13in Battery Park next month.

00:28:15Even one drink could derail my preparation.

00:28:17You should try a Master Glenn.

00:28:19Yeah, that worked for me when I was getting ready

00:28:21for the Miss International Triathlon competition.

00:28:23For me, it's all about

00:28:25clean living. Three meals

00:28:27a day, eight hours of sleep a night,

00:28:29a five-mile run

00:28:31up and down the West Side Highway every morning.

00:28:33Sounds like a very

00:28:35interesting lifestyle, George.

00:28:37But what do you do for fun?

00:28:41Oh, George doesn't believe

00:28:43in the word fun. Back when we were in

00:28:45business school, George was always hitting the books

00:28:47while the rest of us were getting trashed.

00:28:49That's why he got the GPA and I got the girls.

00:28:53Be fair, Jonathan.

00:28:55You're making me out to be some kind of hermit.

00:28:57I'm not looking for a woman at all

00:28:59at this point in my life.

00:29:01I'm only here right now because Jonathan

00:29:03dragged me along.

00:29:07Did somebody

00:29:09say drag?

00:29:11I think

00:29:13I have to go. Big day tomorrow.

00:29:15Oh, you're not going anywhere, sweetheart.

00:29:19Drink this. It'll put some hair

00:29:21on your chest.

00:29:23Billy,

00:29:25what are you doing? You're going to ruin everything.

00:29:27George,

00:29:29I hope you can forgive my sister and her friends.

00:29:31They're just trying to show you a good time.

00:29:33Calm down,

00:29:35Lizzy. We're just having a little fun,

00:29:37right?

00:29:39Now, George,

00:29:41when's the last time you got laid?

00:29:43Because even though Lizzy

00:29:45here thinks you're a world-class asshole,

00:29:47I think

00:29:49you melt like butter in my mouth.

00:29:53Bring us another bottle of Grey Goose.

00:29:55This is the best party I've been to in a really long time.

00:30:01Girlfriend,

00:30:03I like your style.

00:30:05Oh.

00:30:21Oh.

00:30:23Oh.

00:30:25Oh.

00:30:27Oh.

00:30:29Oh.

00:30:33Hello.

00:30:35Are you still in bed?

00:30:37Charlotte, who died?

00:30:39No one yet, but it's going to be you

00:30:41if you don't tell me why I wasn't invited

00:30:43to that bash you threw at the Little Branch last night.

00:30:45Oh, I am so sorry.

00:30:47Let me guess, you read about it in Townhouse Confidential?

00:30:49I know, I'm such a nerd.

00:30:51Still,

00:30:53I am one of your oldest friends,

00:30:55and we live two doors down the block.

00:30:57Oh, my head.

00:30:59By the way, Lizzy, did you get a chance

00:31:01to check out the Street Easy Personals today?

00:31:03Charlotte, I told you

00:31:05I am done with those dating sites.

00:31:07Hold on a minute.

00:31:09The guy in this ad here sounds perfect for you.

00:31:11Ready?

00:31:13Real estate pro.

00:31:15Fed up with cheaters and game players?

00:31:17Me too.

00:31:19I'm 34, 6'2",

00:31:21190,

00:31:23positive, sincere, and single.

00:31:25My ideal date would be to

00:31:27come over to your place,

00:31:29whip up some spaghetti carbonara,

00:31:31wash the dishes, put them away.

00:31:33Then I would carry you to bed,

00:31:35give you a relaxing massage,

00:31:37and bang you all night long.

00:31:39Charlotte,

00:31:41that has to be a joke.

00:31:43There is no guy who's like that,

00:31:45who's single and straight

00:31:47and smart and good-looking

00:31:49and lives in New York City.

00:31:51But like they say in those Lotto commercials,

00:31:53you gotta be in it to win it.

00:31:55I'm going to bed now, okay?

00:31:57Goodbye.

00:32:21Bye.

00:32:45Elizabeth Perry?

00:32:47Do I know you?

00:32:49Fine. You answered my ad, right?

00:32:51Oh, sorry.

00:32:53I was expecting someone a little bit

00:32:55different.

00:32:57Perhaps a little bit

00:32:59taller? Yeah, I get that a lot.

00:33:01That's why I put 6'2".

00:33:03Oh.

00:33:05Chicks are genetically programmed

00:33:07to dig taller guys.

00:33:09Are we?

00:33:11Guys like me, in the 5'6 and under club, we don't stand a chance.

00:33:13Yeah, and I did my homework on those

00:33:15dating sites too. Chicks don't like

00:33:17bald guys, fat guys

00:33:19or married guys.

00:33:21They like the Prince Charming type.

00:33:23You know, like Mark Darcy

00:33:25from the Bridget Jones diary.

00:33:27Hold on a second. Are you married?

00:33:29Yeah.

00:33:31I got three kids in Catholic school

00:33:33on Long Island. Don't get me

00:33:35started on her tuition. You know my wife?

00:33:37She's a decent cook.

00:33:39But she don't want to give me head unless I bathe her toes in Gucci's.

00:33:41Yeah, so I thought, you know,

00:33:43getting on a dating site would be a hell of a lot cheaper

00:33:45than hiring a hooker.

00:33:47Oh my God, you are disgusting. I'm out of here.

00:33:49Come here. Where are you going?

00:33:51Come on, let's go back to my Lexus. I got a big backseat.

00:33:53I don't want to be in high school.

00:33:55Absolutely not.

00:33:57You know you want me, baby. Come on.

00:33:59I do not.

00:34:01Let me play connect the dots on your shirt.

00:34:03Oh my God, get away from my house, you creep.

00:34:05Take my card.

00:34:07I'm a licensed mortgage broker.

00:34:09If you need to refinance your loan, I'll get you

00:34:11the cheapest rates in town.

00:34:13Listen, by the look of your house,

00:34:15it looks like you're going to need some renovations.

00:34:17And you?

00:34:19You look like you seriously need to get laid.

00:34:21Oh, goodbye.

00:34:23Call me.

00:34:25Never.

00:34:29Con Ed bill.

00:34:31Pottery blind catalog.

00:34:33Okay. Greenpeace solicitation.

00:34:35Hudson River Bank.

00:34:37What?

00:34:43Uh.

00:34:45Default.

00:34:47You're hereby notified that the undersigned

00:34:49intends to foreclose.

00:34:51What?

00:34:53Oh my God.

00:34:55Uh.

00:34:57Uh.

00:34:59Uh.

00:35:01Uh.

00:35:03Uh.

00:35:05Uh.

00:35:07Uh.

00:35:09Uh.

00:35:11Uh.

00:35:13Uh.

00:35:15Good morning, Lizzie.

00:35:17Oh, don't you think it's a little early in the day

00:35:19to be drinking alone?

00:35:21Good news.

00:35:23So anyway,

00:35:25what did you want to talk to me about?

00:35:27Is it business or personal?

00:35:29Both.

00:35:31Turns out my Prince Charming

00:35:33from the Street Easy Personals

00:35:35was a married creep

00:35:37from Long Island.

00:35:39I got a love letter yesterday from the bank

00:35:41saying that they're going to repossess the house.

00:35:45The bank sent you a foreclosure notice?

00:35:47Yep.

00:35:49The mortgage payment's supposed to come out of your checking account every month.

00:35:51Have you been receiving any calls from collection agencies?

00:35:53No. Ever since you set me up on auto pay,

00:35:55I haven't missed a payment.

00:35:57You're not only a great friend, Charlotte,

00:35:59you are an excellent bookkeeper.

00:36:01I know.

00:36:03Hold on a minute.

00:36:05Remember that time you went to the Hudson River Bank

00:36:07and asked for a credit line?

00:36:09Yeah.

00:36:11Whatever happened with that?

00:36:13The bank gave us a $100,000 line of credit,

00:36:15but I never used it.

00:36:17You know how I feel about borrowing money that I can't pay back.

00:36:19The bank sent us a book of checks,

00:36:21which I put in my desk drawer and never touched.

00:36:29No!

00:36:33So then I turned around

00:36:35and I was like, hey, can I buy you a shot?

00:36:37It was so hot.

00:36:39You probably saw him. He just left, actually.

00:36:43Another family meeting!

00:36:45We haven't spent this much time together

00:36:47since Mom and Dad died.

00:36:53Lydia, sit down.

00:36:55This is serious.

00:36:57Somebody stole the checkbook

00:36:59for our home equity credit line

00:37:01out of my desk drawer.

00:37:03What?

00:37:05How did you let that happen?

00:37:07Me?

00:37:09Maybe you would know something about this

00:37:11if you weren't so drunk last night.

00:37:13So this is my fault?

00:37:15Well, maybe. You're the only one who lets in random men

00:37:17at 3 o'clock in the morning.

00:37:19Sisters, please.

00:37:21Can we just work together for like five minutes?

00:37:23You're right, Mary.

00:37:25The equity credit line that we took out gives the bank

00:37:27the right to sell our house

00:37:29after three missed mortgage payments.

00:37:31That means we have seven days to come up with

00:37:33$100,000.

00:37:35$100,000?

00:37:37No, no.

00:37:39You're so stupid, Liz.

00:37:41I studied mortgage financing at NYU

00:37:43and I can tell you that a bank can't just foreclose

00:37:45on your house after a couple missed payments.

00:37:47It could take years.

00:37:49No, Lydia, there's a clause in our contract.

00:37:51The three strikes, you're out rule.

00:37:53I can't believe your bank gave us such a great rate.

00:37:55But that's mortgage fraud.

00:37:57We could sue them or expose them

00:37:59on the Daily Beast or BuzzFeed.

00:38:01I think we need to go to the police.

00:38:03Okay, don't worry. I know some guys down at the gym

00:38:05who will be happy to bail us out.

00:38:07I'll put out the word on Townhouse Confidential.

00:38:09Are you kidding me?

00:38:11Fine, I will go down there and talk to Detective Ortiz myself.

00:38:23Detective Ortiz?

00:38:25Elizabeth Perry.

00:38:27We meet again.

00:38:29You remember me?

00:38:31How could I forget?

00:38:33A damsel who's always in distress.

00:38:35What is it this time?

00:38:37Your grandmother's pearl necklace?

00:38:39Your sister's diamond earring?

00:38:41A solar eclipse over Washington Square Park?

00:38:43No, Detective Ortiz, this time it's something serious.

00:38:45Someone broke into our house

00:38:47and stole the checkbook for our home equity credit line.

00:38:49They wrote a bunch of checks

00:38:51to get all of the equity out of our townhouse.

00:38:53Now the bank wants to take the house

00:38:55because we haven't been making payments on the money

00:38:57that we didn't know we borrowed.

00:38:59Tragic.

00:39:01When did this happen? Last night?

00:39:03I don't know. I just noticed the checkbook missing this morning.

00:39:05But it could have happened months ago.

00:39:07Do you have any idea who might have taken it?

00:39:09Has anyone unusual been to the house recently?

00:39:11A plumber?

00:39:13A FedEx guy?

00:39:15Professor Dumbledore?

00:39:17Well, my sister Lydia does bring home all these random men

00:39:19every weekend.

00:39:21And then on New Year's there was this handyman

00:39:23and a lot of champagne and a couple cupcakes.

00:39:25No, no, no.

00:39:27Here's my card.

00:39:29If you think of any more information,

00:39:31give me a call.

00:39:33In the meantime, if we see anybody

00:39:35walking down Bleecker Street with a suitcase full of cash,

00:39:37we'll give you a call.

00:39:43Well, Jim, I think we'll both agree

00:39:45that I've added a lot of value

00:39:47to the development of the Chick Stalkers app.

00:39:49I mean, come on.

00:39:51Downloads have gone way up now that I've clued you in

00:39:53to what women really want.

00:39:55Didn't really expect to get a sales pitch this early in the morning.

00:39:59That's not what I'm talking about.

00:40:01Okay, okay. You know what?

00:40:03I will talk to my VCs and I will see if I can get you

00:40:05some friends and family shares before we go on the road show.

00:40:07How can you think of money

00:40:09at a time like this, Jim?

00:40:11Can't you see that what I'm really looking for

00:40:13is love?

00:40:15Love?

00:40:17But you told me

00:40:19you were the hookup queen of the West Village.

00:40:21That's where you got all those great ideas

00:40:23for Chick Stalkers, right?

00:40:25Yes, but now that I've met you, Jim,

00:40:27I've changed.

00:40:29No, all I want is to settle down

00:40:31with the man I love.

00:40:33Cuddle up in our 25-foot-wide townhouse

00:40:35west of 7th Avenue.

00:40:37Just pump out lots of babies.

00:40:43I see you've been reading my Bumble profile.

00:40:45It's true.

00:40:47I want to settle down

00:40:49with a nice, old-fashioned girl.

00:40:51Huh.

00:40:53But Lydia, unless you've had a personality transplant

00:40:55in the last 24 hours,

00:40:57that girl is just not you.

00:40:59You look scorching hot

00:41:01in those

00:41:03Lululemon shorts, but

00:41:05I love you for your mind.

00:41:07Do you want the truth?

00:41:09Yes.

00:41:11Somebody stole the checkbook

00:41:13for our home equity credit line

00:41:15off of my sister Lizzie's desk,

00:41:17and now we have to get our hands on $100,000

00:41:19by next week, or the bank takes our house.

00:41:21Well, that's terrible.

00:41:23I had no idea.

00:41:25You know, I actually really hate

00:41:27that stupid brownstone that we inherited

00:41:29from our parents.

00:41:31But my sisters won't sell it,

00:41:33and I'm the only one in the house who has any brains

00:41:35or makes any money.

00:41:37You're trying

00:41:39to help your sisters.

00:41:41You really do have family values,

00:41:43my sweet Lydia.

00:41:45I never would have guessed.

00:41:47I hope you like it.

00:42:07Cheers.

00:42:09Cheers.

00:42:11Mmm.

00:42:13Wow.

00:42:15Cupcakes look so good.

00:42:17You know, I love a woman who knows her way

00:42:19around the kitchen.

00:42:21Oh, um, I didn't make those myself. I just iced them.

00:42:23I'm the assistant shift manager

00:42:25at Magnolia Bakery. Our bakers bake those

00:42:27fresh every day.

00:42:29I bet you your oven's pretty fresh.

00:42:31My oven's actually off, thanks.

00:42:33You know what?

00:42:35Let's get down to business, shall we?

00:42:37I would love that. Yes, please.

00:42:39So, uh,

00:42:41how much money do you make working

00:42:43at this cupcake shop?

00:42:45I get $17 an hour plus a share of the tip jar.

00:42:47And Magnolia's isn't just a

00:42:49cupcake shop. Tourists come

00:42:51from all over the world to taste the baked goods

00:42:53that put sex in the city on the map.

00:42:57Alright, well, uh,

00:42:59how about your sisters?

00:43:01What do they contribute to the household

00:43:03income? I'd say, all together,

00:43:05we bring in about $125,000

00:43:07a year. Okay, based on your income

00:43:09and the rent you're getting from the apartment,

00:43:11I could probably get you a new

00:43:13mortgage in, you know, like, say,

00:43:15a couple of months?

00:43:17Oh, um, we

00:43:19actually need it by next week, otherwise

00:43:21the bank is going to take our house.

00:43:29Oh. Well,

00:43:31you know, I could

00:43:33maybe talk to the bank.

00:43:35Oh, yeah. And maybe

00:43:37speed up the

00:43:39process. That would be great.

00:43:41If there's just, like, one

00:43:43thing you could do for me. Oh, um, Sal,

00:43:45I'm not that kind of girl. Whoa.

00:43:47Oh, looks like the power went out. Better go check

00:43:49on that. You know your way out. I'll get you

00:43:51that mortgage right away.

00:43:59Who's there? Oh, my God, this is my

00:44:01house. Who are you?

00:44:03Oh, George Barrow? You think

00:44:05you can just burst in here whenever you please?

00:44:07Well, I could just as easily ask you the same

00:44:09question, Elizabeth. The lease Jonathan

00:44:11signed does not permit you to enter his

00:44:13apartment without three days' written

00:44:15notice, unless there's an emergency. Oh, there

00:44:17was an emergency. And the

00:44:19last time I checked, your name is not on the lease as

00:44:21an additional occupant. So why

00:44:23did you come over here unannounced on a Saturday

00:44:25night? I came here to fix that

00:44:27faulty outlet you and your

00:44:29contractor can never seem to fix before Jonathan

00:44:31flies back from California tomorrow

00:44:33night. And then the

00:44:35electricity went out.

00:44:39Oh,

00:44:41damn it.

00:44:43Yep.

00:44:45Yeah, that's an entire blackout. Yeah,

00:44:47all of lower Manhattan. Okay.

00:44:49Okay. Well, now

00:44:51Jonathan won't have any electricity at all.

00:44:53Do you happen to have a generator?

00:44:55No, but I

00:44:57might have some leftover firewood from Hurricane Sandy.

00:44:59Oh, you were here for that?

00:45:01Yeah, I was in this house for six days

00:45:03with nothing. It was awful. Oh, I remember.

00:45:05Yeah, I made a fire

00:45:07in my townhouse

00:45:09for Sandy. Oh, um,

00:45:11would you want to make one

00:45:13here for me?

00:45:15Yes.

00:45:17Yes, I would.

00:45:19All right.

00:45:21Follow me. Okay.

00:45:23Well, cheers to you.

00:45:25Cheers.

00:45:29I mean, I guess I am partial to dormer

00:45:31windows because I grew up in a federal-style

00:45:33townhouse, but

00:45:35still, Greek Revival?

00:45:37It leaves me cold. Oh, same here.

00:45:39You know those Italian A. Brownstones on

00:45:419th Street? I think they should be

00:45:43banished to Brooklyn Heights.

00:45:45I had no idea you

00:45:47were a townhouse junkie, too.

00:45:49Born and bred right here in the West

00:45:51Village. It's funny that we've

00:45:53never hung out before.

00:45:55Two sides to the story,

00:45:57though, right? I mean, on the one hand,

00:45:59everybody hates you because

00:46:01you get to live in your own little castle

00:46:03in the West Village.

00:46:05But on the other hand,

00:46:07there's a million problems to deal with

00:46:09every single day.

00:46:11Yeah, for me, those problems are mice

00:46:13and bugs and the radiators that hiss all

00:46:15winter long.

00:46:17What problems could you possibly have,

00:46:19George Barrow?

00:46:21Oh, trust me. Being the

00:46:23crown prince of West Village

00:46:25real estate is not all it's cracked out to be.

00:46:27Well, why not? Because you have to share your

00:46:29castle with a queen.

00:46:31Don't even get me started

00:46:33on my mother.

00:46:35She's the one who wants to build a dynasty in the West Village.

00:46:37Not me.

00:46:39All I ever wanted

00:46:41was to be an architect.

00:46:43Like my dad.

00:46:47Oh, um...

00:46:49Oh, my. Look at this.

00:46:51All right.

00:46:57Oh, that's a good one.

00:46:59That's a little pour.

00:47:01Village pour. I'm gonna take that.

00:47:03Cheers.

00:47:07Let's play a game.

00:47:09Okay.

00:47:11Okay.

00:47:19113 Bedford.

00:47:23Date and builder.

00:47:25Oh, that's too easy.

00:47:27There's a plaque on the facade that I see every day

00:47:29on my way to work. George Harrison,

00:47:311842. Not the singer.

00:47:33Correct.

00:47:35Your turn. Okay.

00:47:37Oh, skinniest house in the West Village.

00:47:39Oh, come on, Lizzie.

00:47:41Everybody knows that one.

00:47:4375 1⁄2 Bedford.

00:47:459 1⁄2 feet wide.

00:47:47The Edna St. Vincent Millay house.

00:47:49Oh.

00:47:53Okay.

00:47:57How about this one?

00:47:5959 Morton.

00:48:03You've actually been inside this townhouse

00:48:05before, although you probably don't remember.

00:48:09It was a very long time ago.

00:48:11You were very little.

00:48:13I'll give you a clue.

00:48:15Birthday party.

00:48:19The stairs.

00:48:21Liz?

00:48:23Are you asleep?

00:48:27Lizzie?

00:48:45Tommy.

00:49:09Tommy, Leroy,

00:49:11what the hell are you doing here?

00:49:13The power went out last night

00:49:15and didn't come back on this morning.

00:49:17I figured I'd drop by and check on you and your sisters.

00:49:19Three girls alone in a townhouse

00:49:21might need a man to help out, eh?

00:49:23In your dreams.

00:49:25Get out of here before I call the cops.

00:49:27With what?

00:49:29A cell phone that's losing charge by the second?

00:49:31Ooh.

00:49:35Looks like somebody started the party without me.

00:49:37Mind if I pour myself a glass?

00:49:43Okay.

00:49:57That's right.

00:49:59George Barrow was here last night.

00:50:01To fix the electrical outlet

00:50:03that you said you fixed two weeks ago.

00:50:05Unbelievable.

00:50:07George Barrow was here.

00:50:09I thought you hated him and everything he stood for.

00:50:11I'm in the West Village.

00:50:13You can't possibly expect for me to sit around

00:50:15and wait for you to show up and fix what's wrong down there.

00:50:19In the garden apartment.

00:50:21You really expect me to believe

00:50:23that George Barrow just happened to drop by

00:50:25on a Saturday night?

00:50:27Well, yeah, because that's exactly what happened.

00:50:29And now that I'm getting to know George better,

00:50:31I can see that he's not just some money-grubbing developer.

00:50:33He's a real gentleman

00:50:35who's kind and caring

00:50:37and shares my passion

00:50:39for cornices and dormer windows.

00:50:41He's not just some

00:50:43fly-by-night handyman

00:50:45who looks really good in a pair of skinny jeans.

00:50:47Whoa!

00:50:49You're so incredibly

00:50:51naive, Liz Perry.

00:50:53You have no idea who George Barrow is

00:50:55or what he's capable of doing.

00:50:57So enlighten me.

00:50:59Yeah, I'd be happy to.

00:51:03George Barrow may be a West Village blueblood,

00:51:05but he's not the only one

00:51:07who grew up in a townhouse.

00:51:09Wait a minute.

00:51:11You grew up in a townhouse?

00:51:15My father was the Barrow family's

00:51:17property manager when I was growing up.

00:51:21The Barrows lived in the owner's triplex up top.

00:51:25My dad and I lived in the garden apartment

00:51:27underneath the stoop.

00:51:29Go on.

00:51:31When we were little,

00:51:33George and I were really close.

00:51:37Practically like brothers.

00:51:41But after old man Barrow got killed

00:51:43in a crane collapse on his way to see one of my

00:51:45construction sites, George blamed me.

00:51:49Then he asked me to move out of my dad's apartment

00:51:51so his contractor could do some

00:51:53renovations.

00:51:55I floated on

00:51:57couches for a year

00:51:59before I realized he was never gonna let me

00:52:01move back home. That's awful.

00:52:03I had no idea.

00:52:05Luckily I found a sublet in Astoria with a couple

00:52:07of guys from work.

00:52:09I had no idea that George Barrow

00:52:11was such a monster.

00:52:15Did you take him to court?

00:52:17Yeah, I hired a lawyer and everything.

00:52:21By then, George had already

00:52:23finished the renovation

00:52:25and turned it into a single family

00:52:27home worth triple what it was before.

00:52:29George Barrow?

00:52:31Yeah.

00:52:33He sent me a

00:52:35check for ten grand to settle

00:52:37and I signed the release.

00:52:43But what could George Barrow possibly

00:52:45want with me?

00:52:49Don't you get it, Lizzie?

00:52:51He's buying up every decent house in the West Village

00:52:53to combine them and sell them to billionaires

00:52:55who want 50-footers.

00:52:57The neighbors have already agreed to sell them their properties

00:52:59once he comes up with the money.

00:53:01Yeah, sure. That's old news. I read it in

00:53:03Townhouse Confidential.

00:53:05Okay, I guess you haven't read the latest post.

00:53:09Last townhouse standing.

00:53:11The Townhouse Confidential grapevine

00:53:13is buzzing with news that megabuilder

00:53:15George Barrow has the hots for a shy

00:53:17little townhouse on Washington Place

00:53:19to add to his portfolio.

00:53:21Barrow is just days

00:53:23away from closing on a $100 million

00:53:25fund to purchase dozens of the biggest

00:53:27and best townhouses in the West Village

00:53:29but needs the mid-block

00:53:31beauty to seal the deal.

00:53:33Odds are 3-to-1 that the sisters

00:53:35will say no. Will

00:53:37Gentleman George up his offer?

00:53:39I assume that's why he came by last night to

00:53:41whine and dine ya?

00:53:43I cannot believe that Mary wrote that!

00:53:45After all, she probably thinks that we're so desperate

00:53:47for cash we'd take it from anybody.

00:53:49Even George Barrow.

00:53:51Well,

00:53:53I gotta go, Lizzie.

00:53:57Make sure not to share your cupcakes

00:53:59with just anyone, huh?

00:54:03Grrrr!

00:54:05Grrrr!

00:54:07Grrrr!

00:54:21DOORBELL RINGS

00:54:23DOOR KNOCKS

00:54:33George?

00:54:35Come here to steal our house,

00:54:37I assume?

00:54:39I think I forgot my screwdriver.

00:54:41Wait there. I'll get it.

00:54:45Here. Take it.

00:54:47Did I do something wrong?

00:54:49Maybe not to me, but you should've been a little nicer

00:54:51to Tommy Leroy before you stole

00:54:53his apartment and kicked him

00:54:55out of the townhouse that you both grew up in.

00:54:57I don't know what you're talking about.

00:54:59Oh, really? So you just get to be the

00:55:01Prince Charming of the West Village while

00:55:03Tommy can barely afford his sublet

00:55:05in Queens?

00:55:07You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

00:55:09Is that all he told you?

00:55:11He told me that the only reason you came over here last night

00:55:13was to convince me to sell you our townhouse.

00:55:15So I guess all that crap

00:55:17about cornices and dormer windows

00:55:19was just the bait you used

00:55:21to reel me in.

00:55:23You are no Gentleman George Barrow

00:55:25and you never will be.

00:55:27Now go!

00:55:29Please Liz, you don't understand.

00:55:31Tommy Leroy isn't who you think he is.

00:55:33There's another side to the story.

00:55:35There always is, isn't there?

00:55:37Anyway, it doesn't matter.

00:55:39Somebody stole the checkbook for our home equity

00:55:41credit line and if I don't get my hands

00:55:43on $100,000 by next week

00:55:45the bank is going to take our house.

00:55:49Thanks for the screwdriver.

00:56:01Fuck!

00:56:03Could things possibly

00:56:05get any worse?

00:56:15See you in a bit.

00:56:27Hi.

00:56:29Got the whole pie.

00:56:31Come on, have a slice. A little carbs won't hurt you, right?

00:56:33Thanks, but no.

00:56:35It would derail my preparation

00:56:37for the half marathon.

00:56:39Rock and roll.

00:56:41Yeah.

00:56:43Say we get down to business, shall we?

00:56:45The bottom line

00:56:47is your lenders are getting pretty

00:56:49impatient. They want to know when

00:56:51you know, the deal's going to close.

00:56:53They want their fucking money now

00:56:55big guy. Amish?

00:56:57Yeah. There's no reason to talk

00:56:59like that big sound. I'm sure

00:57:01Georgie here has a perfectly reasonable

00:57:03explanation for the delay, right?

00:57:05Yes.

00:57:07There's just one more townhouse that I need

00:57:09to put into contract before the investors

00:57:11will release the financing.

00:57:13The trouble is that it's owned by

00:57:15three sisters we don't want to sell.

00:57:17You see?

00:57:19They grew up there.

00:57:21You think a horse's head in the bed may help them see the light

00:57:23of reason? I don't think

00:57:25that'd be necessary, big sound.

00:57:27Let's just let Georgie here talk to him.

00:57:29All right?

00:57:31You know that Liz Perry?

00:57:33She loves flowers.

00:57:35Especially the expensive kind.

00:57:37Otherwise, the next horse's head

00:57:39could be nobody. Amish?

00:57:41Come on, big sound.

00:57:43Everything's going to be great pizza.

00:58:01Fucking awesome!

00:58:05And the weirdest part is

00:58:07I didn't have sex with any of them.

00:58:09I mean, I was a little drunk, so it was kind of tempting,

00:58:11but no.

00:58:13Well, you go, girl.

00:58:15Unfortunately, the guy I'm crushing on just left town.

00:58:17Said some kind of

00:58:19business trip. Didn't even say when he's coming back.

00:58:21Wait a second. Are you talking

00:58:23about Jonathan? I thought he was

00:58:25straight.

00:58:27He wasn't so straight when I was done with him.

00:58:29Okay, you go, girl.

00:58:31Ooh, let's check this

00:58:33one out. Can we go home already?

00:58:35One more spiral staircase and I'll be in traction

00:58:37for weeks. Come on, Billy.

00:58:39This is the last one.

00:58:41Girl.

00:58:43Hi. Hi, have you got your ticket?

00:58:45Thank you so much.

00:58:47Please put the booties on.

00:58:49Okay, thank you.

00:58:53Whoa.

00:58:55Billy, did you see the chandelier?

00:58:57It's gorgeous.

00:58:59Smells like money.

00:59:01Yeah.

00:59:05Oh, girl.

00:59:07Other room?

00:59:09Does it matter?

00:59:17This is how the other half lives.

00:59:23You know, this place

00:59:25feels really familiar. Like

00:59:27I've been here before or something.

00:59:29In your dreams, Lizzie.

00:59:31You have to get past three dead boats

00:59:33and an alarm system.

00:59:35Plus, they got guns.

00:59:39I don't mean

00:59:41now, Billy. I meant when I was a little girl.

00:59:43I remember my mom dropping

00:59:45me off at this big, beautiful

00:59:47townhouse for a birthday party when I was five.

00:59:49I didn't know any of the other

00:59:51kids, so I just wandered

00:59:53around the house and I got lost.

00:59:55I almost fell down a flight of stairs

00:59:57into the basement when this little boy

00:59:59grabbed my arm and rescued me.

01:00:01Rescued you, huh?

01:00:03Mm-hmm.

01:00:09Hey, Lizzie.

01:00:11Look at this photo.

01:00:13It's George.

01:00:15And Jonathan.

01:00:17Lizzie,

01:00:19that little boy that rescued you

01:00:21was George Barrow.

01:00:23What? Oh, my God.

01:00:25Billy, you're right.

01:00:27This is

01:00:29George Barrow's house.

01:00:31But,

01:00:33hold on a second.

01:00:35How could George be so generous to a group of

01:00:37complete strangers and so cruel

01:00:39to someone who he grew up with,

01:00:41practically like his brother?

01:00:43I don't know.

01:00:45How could Jonathan be so hot

01:00:47in the Columbia T-shirt?

01:00:49I can't.

01:00:53Billy, George just texted me.

01:00:55He wants to meet up with me right now.

01:00:57For what?

01:00:59I don't know. Do we have to go back to work or

01:01:01can we go check this out?

01:01:03You sure you don't want to trash his house first?

01:01:05No. Let's go.

01:01:07Let's go.

01:01:09Bye, Jonathan.

01:01:11Well, there he is.

01:01:41What was that?

01:01:45Oh, my God.

01:01:47Billy, George wrote me an

01:01:49actual letter. By hand.

01:01:51And he sealed the envelope with wax.

01:01:53Just rip it open and read it.

01:01:55Okay, okay.

01:01:59Okay.

01:02:01Dearest Elizabeth,

01:02:03I know that you will never sell me your home

01:02:05after what you believe I have done to Tommy Leroy,

01:02:07so I won't attempt to make an offer.

01:02:09All I ask is that you

01:02:11read this letter explaining what really happened

01:02:13and give me a chance to clear my

01:02:15good name. Oh, my God, this can't be

01:02:17real.

01:02:19Five years ago, I went away on a trip to Africa

01:02:21with my friend Jonathan to dig wells to fight

01:02:23malaria. When I got back, I

01:02:25discovered that Tommy had forged my

01:02:27signature on a building permit

01:02:29and was getting ready to turn the

01:02:31home that had been in our family for almost

01:02:33200 years into multi-million

01:02:35dollar condos and pocket the

01:02:37money for himself.

01:02:39I was shocked and angered by Tommy's

01:02:41betrayal, but I promised my

01:02:43mother that I would keep the matter private

01:02:45so as not to tarnish the

01:02:47reputation of our family and

01:02:49that of the real estate business we own.

01:02:51I have

01:02:53always loved you, Elizabeth Perry.

01:02:55Ever since the day of my

01:02:57birthday party when I saved you from falling down the

01:02:59stairs. You are

01:03:01the damsel in distress that I have always

01:03:03wanted to rescue.

01:03:05But now I feel that the person who really needs

01:03:07rescuing is me.

01:03:09Without you, I am

01:03:11lost.

01:03:13With no hope of the feelings that I have for you

01:03:15and your townhouse ever being reciprocated,

01:03:17I remain your faithful servant,

01:03:19G. Fitzwilliam

01:03:21Barrow.

01:03:25I think you're about to get

01:03:27laid, girl.

01:03:31I am such an idiot.

01:03:33All I had to do was

01:03:35stick out my foot for him to put a glass

01:03:37slipper on, and instead I

01:03:39kick him out the door because I believe

01:03:41that scam artist Tommy Leroy.

01:03:43I mean, I guess it's not too late

01:03:45to call sleazy Sal Carmine

01:03:47and take him up on his offer.

01:03:49See? There's no way to talk about my

01:03:51boyfriend.

01:03:53Your boyfriend?

01:03:55What are you talking about?

01:03:57Well, remember the

01:03:59night of the blackout when you had Sal over for wine

01:04:01and cupcakes to talk about the new mortgage on the house?

01:04:03Yeah, how could I forget?

01:04:05Well, after the power went out on

01:04:07lower Manhattan, and you kicked

01:04:09Sal out the door, he went screaming

01:04:11down Washington Place.

01:04:13I heard the noise, ran downstairs,

01:04:15flung open the door, and

01:04:17well, let's just say he was grateful

01:04:19to find a friendly port in the store.

01:04:21Oh my god!

01:04:23But Sal is married,

01:04:25and he's bald, and he's short,

01:04:27and you could just- We're not all like you, Lizzie.

01:04:29Not everyone is looking

01:04:31for a Mr. Darcy with the

01:04:33uncertain domestic bliss of marriage

01:04:35and kids and happily ever after.

01:04:37For me,

01:04:39married

01:04:41Mr. Collins will do just fine.

01:04:43Maybe

01:04:45you're right.

01:04:47Maybe life isn't about getting what

01:04:49you want. It's about

01:04:51wanting what you get.

01:04:59Well, I guess that's it then.

01:05:01Jersey City, here I come.

01:05:03I guess I could get a job

01:05:05at a different bakery,

01:05:07even if that bakery isn't Magnolia.

01:05:09Uh-huh.

01:05:11And I suppose I could find an apartment

01:05:13to rent, maybe share it with a

01:05:15roommate.

01:05:17Yeah.

01:05:19Yeah.

01:05:21Yeah.

01:05:23Yeah.

01:05:25Yeah.

01:05:27A roommate?

01:05:29Yeah. Then you'll understand

01:05:31how the other 99% lives.

01:05:33I'm about to lose my house, Billy.

01:05:35I thought you could at least sympathize.

01:05:37Sympathize? Yeah.

01:05:39Do you know how many apartments I've been kicked out of

01:05:41since I moved to New York?

01:05:43You think you got a tough baby girl.

01:05:45Try being black, gay, and living in the

01:05:47Bronx. I am so done

01:05:49with you and your white townhouse privilege.

01:05:51Do you know how many millions

01:05:53of people who would gladly trade places

01:05:55for a heartbeat?

01:05:57But I am the victim here.

01:05:59Are you, though? Yeah.

01:06:01Look how many advantages you take for granted.

01:06:03Two parents that

01:06:05adored you, a college degree

01:06:07that you did not pay for,

01:06:09and that $20 bottle of Italian

01:06:11wine that you drink so effortlessly.

01:06:13I only buy Montefalco Rosso

01:06:15when it's on sale.

01:06:17Mm-hmm.

01:06:19But maybe you're right, Billy.

01:06:21I guess I never looked at it that way before.

01:06:23Of course you haven't.

01:06:25Because you're too busy looking in the mirror feeling sorry

01:06:27for yourself. Just because you

01:06:29sweep your fireplace every once in a while does not

01:06:31make you Cinderella, baby girl.

01:06:33Where I'm

01:06:35from, I'd be lucky

01:06:37to be able to walk down the street in my dress

01:06:39and my wig and not get rocks around my head.

01:06:49So maybe I am no better

01:06:51than George Barrow or Catherine Waverly

01:06:53or the other millionaire hedge funders who

01:06:55live in the West Village.

01:06:57Maybe I do deserve to be exiled to a

01:06:59beach bar in New Jersey where no one has ever

01:07:01heard of a cornice or a lintel or a

01:07:03dormer window. Hey, now.

01:07:05Don't be going all Jersey Shore on me,

01:07:07baby girl. I'm just saying

01:07:09if you want to save your town home

01:07:11or at least get some serious cash for it,

01:07:13you got to get out there and you got to fight for it.

01:07:15Don't be sitting around waiting on Prince Charming to pay the tab.

01:07:17You mean...

01:07:19Yes, Lizzie.

01:07:21There's something you love more than vanilla

01:07:23cupcakes with purple frosting and sprinkles on top.

01:07:25Something you love

01:07:27more than a hot guy with a tight ass

01:07:29on skinny jeans. Oh, I don't know if that's

01:07:31possible.

01:07:33Oh, my God.

01:07:35Billy, you're right.

01:07:37It's my townhouse.

01:07:39That 18-foot wide, broken

01:07:41down fixer-upper of a townhouse that I grew

01:07:43up in on Washington Place.

01:07:45The place where literally nothing works

01:07:47and everything's held together with scotch tape

01:07:49and rubber bands. The place

01:07:51that's always just on the verge of a nervous

01:07:53breakdown. That scorching

01:07:55hot mess pile of bricks

01:07:57is me.

01:08:05Detective Ortiz!

01:08:07Can I offer you a cupcake?

01:08:09It's on the house. And those cupcakes do

01:08:11look tasty, but this time

01:08:13I think I'll pass.

01:08:15I came in to check your security tape.

01:08:17It looks like the Gucci bandit is back out

01:08:19on the loose. The Gucci bandit?

01:08:21Yeah, he's a burglar who breaks into people's

01:08:23homes wearing Gucci sandals,

01:08:25steals their credit cards, and goes

01:08:27on a shopping spree.

01:08:29Okay, but what does that have to do with us?

01:08:31Well, it looks like he's taking

01:08:33his show on the road to Bleecker Street.

01:08:35According to the credit card company, he was in here

01:08:37sometime yesterday, before 3 p.m.

01:08:39Well, we were off yesterday, but sure,

01:08:41why not? If he was in here, he'd be on tape somewhere.

01:08:44Sure you don't want a cupcake?

01:08:46You are a temptress, Liz Perry.

01:08:48Hey, Liz, can you help me here? I don't think I was

01:08:50here for this training session. Yeah, sure.

01:08:52Um, it should just be...

01:09:02Oh!

01:09:04Busted on Bleecker! We got him!

01:09:06Good work, Liz. Just email me the clip.

01:09:08Wait, there's somebody else on tape

01:09:10walking to the store.

01:09:12Oh, my God, I'd recognize

01:09:14that butt anywhere.

01:09:16It's Tommy Leroy!

01:09:18He's writing a check for some cupcakes,

01:09:20using the checkbook for our home equity

01:09:22credit line. Detective Ortiz,

01:09:24I'd like to make a citizen's arrest.

01:09:26Come down to the station and

01:09:28file a report, okay? Never trust a man

01:09:30in skinny jeans.

01:09:32We caught Tommy Leroy on video camera

01:09:34with our checkbook, but that doesn't bring

01:09:36back the $100,000, and we need

01:09:38to pay back the entire loan by

01:09:40Sunday.

01:09:42Our only choice is to sell the house

01:09:44to the first person who walks in that door with the biggest

01:09:46bag full of cash. Which means that

01:09:48we need to start painting and cleaning ASAP

01:09:50to get it ready for the open house.

01:09:52If we all pick up a brush and a mop right now,

01:09:54we should be done by Saturday.

01:09:56And once I take the pictures,

01:09:58make the video, and post the ad on StreetEasy,

01:10:00we'll be ready for the open house

01:10:02on Sunday afternoon. And that's where I come in.

01:10:04To find the mystery buyer with the

01:10:06big bankroll in his briefcase.

01:10:08We know you'll find us someone, Sophie.

01:10:10I texted Charlotte.

01:10:12She should be here any minute with the cleaning supplies.

01:10:18Let's clean my little dust bunnies!

01:10:28Yeah, it's come to this.

01:10:30World's falling all around us.

01:10:32Will we make it out alive?

01:10:34Now that we've come this far.

01:10:36Come on sisters, get together.

01:10:38And bring the city to its knees.

01:10:40We gotta get up.

01:10:42Workin' harder than we've ever worked before.

01:10:44Gotta speak up.

01:10:46Be a fighter when something's worth fighting for.

01:10:48Never give up.

01:10:50Keep on trying.

01:10:52Give it everything we've got.

01:10:54Gotta believe.

01:10:56Find out what we're made of.

01:10:58Keep my head up.

01:11:00Keep my head up.

01:11:02Find out what we're made of.

01:11:04Keep my head up.

01:11:06Just keep smiling.

01:11:20So.

01:11:22You'll never guess who I ran into today.

01:11:24Well, I guess you're going to tell me, Mother.

01:11:26And I have no choice but to listen.

01:11:28Elizabeth Perry.

01:11:30She's in that trashy little townhouse

01:11:32over on Washington Place with her two sisters.

01:11:34Oh.

01:11:36And what did she have to say, Mother?

01:11:38Well, she told me she's putting her house on the market.

01:11:40And that she and her two sisters

01:11:42are hosting an open house tomorrow afternoon.

01:11:44And that they're prepared to sell

01:11:46to the highest bidder.

01:11:48Even if that bidder is you.

01:11:50Really?

01:11:52So it's true that you've offered to buy their house.

01:11:54Or is that just

01:11:56interwebs gossip?

01:11:58I doubt that she'd be willing

01:12:00to sell to me, Mother.

01:12:02She thinks I'm an asshole

01:12:04who wouldn't help his own grandmother

01:12:06cross Bleeker Street.

01:12:08Of course she would, sweetheart.

01:12:10You're still the Prince Charming of West Village Real Estate.

01:12:12Any girl would pay gold

01:12:14just to meet you for a cup of coffee.

01:12:16Or Tesla stock.

01:12:18Bitcoin or whatever's hot these days.

01:12:20Oh, Mother, I am tired

01:12:22of living here with you

01:12:24in the shadow of my great-great-grandfather's portrait.

01:12:26All I want

01:12:28is to be like, like,

01:12:30like everybody else

01:12:32who comes to the West Village to have fun.

01:12:52Fucking awesome!

01:12:54George Barrow!

01:12:56We do not use language like that

01:12:58in this household.

01:13:00And we most certainly do not eat pizza!

01:13:02Why don't we?

01:13:04John's Pizzeria's two blocks away from our house.

01:13:06They have the best pizza in the West Village.

01:13:08You always told me that we couldn't go there

01:13:10because they have rats in their basement.

01:13:12I honestly don't care

01:13:14if they have rats in their basement.

01:13:16Their pizza is awesome!

01:13:18But, George, you'll get fat.

01:13:20Cool!

01:13:22Then maybe all these girls

01:13:24who think I'm Mr. Darcy will stop chasing me.

01:13:28Tomorrow,

01:13:30I think I'm gonna go try one of the slices

01:13:32at Joe's.

01:13:36Oh, it's a mighty fine slice, Mother.

01:13:38Mighty fine slice, Mother!

01:13:52Hi!

01:13:54Hi!

01:13:56Hello!

01:13:58Welcome!

01:14:10Wow!

01:14:16It's gorgeous!

01:14:18It's too bright.

01:14:20Okay.

01:14:30Well,

01:14:32at least we tried.

01:14:34I'm sure we can find a decent place to rent

01:14:36in New Jersey when they take the house.

01:14:38Or Florida.

01:14:40I heard it's pretty cheap down there.

01:14:42Where's Sophie, anyway?

01:14:44Does it matter?

01:14:46It's not like she's getting a commission.

01:14:50Girls!

01:14:52I just took a full price offer!

01:14:54All cash!

01:14:56And I spoke with the bank

01:14:58and they have agreed to put

01:15:00the foreclosure on hold.

01:15:02We did it!

01:15:04We did it!

01:15:06Hold on.

01:15:08What's the catch? There has to be one.

01:15:10Well, the buyer wants to meet with Liz.

01:15:12Right here. Right now.

01:15:14Alone.

01:15:16With no one else in the room.

01:15:18Good luck!

01:15:26May I come in?

01:15:28Of course.

01:15:34Thanks, Sophie.

01:15:42Please let me explain, Elizabeth.

01:15:44And this time, I beg you not kick me out

01:15:46until you've heard the entire story.

01:15:50The only reason I've offered to buy your home

01:15:52is to save it from foreclosure

01:15:54so that you and your sisters can continue to live here.

01:15:56I will not combine it

01:15:58with any other property

01:16:00or make it part of the development

01:16:02that you have so rightly called a hedge funder, Disneyland.

01:16:04I promise

01:16:06that after the deal closes

01:16:08I will walk away

01:16:10and never again darken your door.

01:16:12Please don't refuse my offer.

01:16:14If I had reported

01:16:16Tommy Leroy to the police after he tried to steal

01:16:18my family's home,

01:16:20you would not have been free to walk in

01:16:22and steal your home equity credit line checkbook

01:16:24and draw down the $100,000

01:16:26that nearly cost you and your family

01:16:28your home.

01:16:30Or to bounce a check at the Magnolia Bakery

01:16:32to buy a dozen cupcakes for his ex-girlfriend

01:16:34in the apartment upstairs.

01:16:36But I, uh,

01:16:38I guess you already knew that

01:16:40since you're the one who busted him on tape.

01:16:42Detective Ortiz told me

01:16:44the whole story.

01:16:46You're my hero, Liz Perry.

01:16:48Well, let's just say

01:16:50I'm a woman of many talents.

01:16:52So,

01:16:54do you still think I'm

01:16:56the biggest asshole in the West Village?

01:16:58No, George.

01:17:00I think you're amazing.

01:17:02And so is

01:17:04your big, beautiful townhouse

01:17:06at 59 Morton Street.

01:17:08The place where you saved me from falling down

01:17:10the stairs at your birthday party when

01:17:12I was five.

01:17:14I'm amazed that you remember.

01:17:16You were so little, but I'm two years older

01:17:18and I never forgot.

01:17:20I've always had a crush on you, Liz Perry.

01:17:22It was just easier

01:17:24for me to act like a jerk

01:17:26than to admit it and maybe find out

01:17:28that you didn't love me

01:17:30as much as I've always

01:17:32loved you.

01:17:34Hold on, Liz Perry.

01:17:36Before we get too carried away,

01:17:38there's something I have to show you

01:17:40about your charming little townhouse

01:17:42that you may not have noticed.

01:17:54Here, just in case.

01:17:56Ah, perfect.

01:17:58Follow me?

01:18:00Uh, George,

01:18:02what are we doing in my basement?

01:18:04Trust me.

01:18:10It must be around here somewhere.

01:18:14What?

01:18:16Ah-ha.

01:18:20Lizzie,

01:18:22could you hold this?

01:18:24Sure.

01:18:26Uh, hey, George, quick question.

01:18:28Why do you have a key to a lock

01:18:30in my basement?

01:18:32Wait and see.

01:18:34Uh, hey, George,

01:18:36quick question.

01:18:38Why do you have a key to a lock

01:18:40in my basement?

01:18:42Wait and see.

01:18:58Uh, George,

01:19:00when are you going to tell me what's going on?

01:19:02Sometimes, Liz,

01:19:04there are connections you didn't know existed

01:19:06that were there all along.

01:19:08What does that mean?

01:19:18Oh, my God, George,

01:19:20we're in your parlor.

01:19:22Wait, what?

01:19:32There's the portrait of Captain Barrow.

01:19:34Oh,

01:19:36and the guns.

01:19:38But,

01:19:40hold on a second. How did we get here?

01:19:42Allow me to explain.

01:19:44The same day that you came to see my house

01:19:46for the Spring House benefit tour,

01:19:48I went to the library to check out the old

01:19:50fire insurance maps.

01:19:52It turns out our two houses

01:19:54are connected underground.

01:19:56What? They've been that way for over a century.

01:19:58So, wait, you mean...

01:20:00that my mother can no longer object

01:20:02to us uniting our two houses

01:20:04and tying the knot.

01:20:08But, wait,

01:20:10doesn't your mother hate me and my 18-foot-wide townhouse?

01:20:12When I showed her on the map that Captain Barrow

01:20:14had built a tunnel so that he could hook up with his

01:20:16third cousin and true love, Betsy Washington,

01:20:18she caved immediately.

01:20:20But isn't your mother

01:20:22all business, super broker,

01:20:24Catherine Waverly and all that?

01:20:26Oh, no, Catherine Waverly is a hopeless romantic,

01:20:28just like you, Lizzie,

01:20:30a huge pride and prejudice.

01:20:32That's why she named me Fitzwilliam.

01:20:34But...

01:20:36but you can

01:20:38just call me George.

01:20:42This is no time for big romantic speeches, George!

01:20:44We've got to get out of here, now!

01:20:46What are you talking about, Mother?

01:20:48I'm in the middle of proposing to Liz Perry!

01:20:50Aren't you glad that I'm actually interested in girls?

01:20:52Oh, don't worry about that, George.

01:20:54I already knew you and Elizabeth

01:20:56would end up together.

01:20:58Don't forget, I've read the book five times

01:21:00and seen the entire BBC series.

01:21:02Here.

01:21:04They're here.

01:21:06Who's here, Mother?

01:21:08No time to explain. Just follow me!

01:21:18George! George!

01:21:20Where are you? I know you're here!

01:21:22Where the fuck is he?

01:21:24Tommy.

01:21:26You said you were going to bring us right to him. What happened?

01:21:28That asshole moved the deadline was today.

01:21:30The big boss is going to be mad.

01:21:32I grew up in this house. I know where they went.

01:21:34Follow me!

01:21:36Follow me!

01:21:54George, what is this place?

01:21:56This is where my family hid enslaved Africans

01:21:58before the Civil War

01:22:00to help them escape to freedom.

01:22:02No way! I thought you guys were white supremacists.

01:22:04This is no time for a history lesson, George.

01:22:06Tommy's probably leading a fight to us

01:22:08as we speak. We need to secure the hatch.

01:22:10Elizabeth, you.

01:22:12Okay.

01:22:18Oh, hey, Georgie boy.

01:22:20I got a couple of guys here who want to talk to you.

01:22:24Where's my fucking money, Georgie?

01:22:26Who is that?

01:22:30Sal Carmine? What the hell are you doing here?

01:22:32I'm not here for you, Lizzie. Sorry.

01:22:34I'm here for Georgie.

01:22:36Time's up, buddy.

01:22:38Just give them the money, George.

01:22:40They're not going to hurt you or Mom.

01:22:42Hold this.

01:22:44George, what are you doing?

01:22:48Elizabeth Washington Perry.

01:22:50Would you do me the honor

01:22:52of accepting this ring?

01:22:54Oh, George, of course I will.

01:22:56Georgie,

01:22:58if I don't get my fucking money,

01:23:00one of you people up here is going to end up on the sidewalk

01:23:02like a fucking pancake.

01:23:04Hey, put that gun down or I'm going to break your face.

01:23:06Do you have any idea how hard it is

01:23:08for a woman over 30 to find a single straight man

01:23:10south of 14th Street?

01:23:16Yes,

01:23:18George Fitzwilliam Barrow, you

01:23:20sweet, shy, townhouse-loving

01:23:22mama's boy.

01:23:24Of course I will marry you.

01:23:26I've loved you since I was five

01:23:28and you were seven.

01:23:30I was just too blind to see it.

01:23:42Hey, Barrow gang,

01:23:44get down off that roof now.

01:23:46Oh, Detective Ortiz,

01:23:48it's me, Liz Perry.

01:23:50I'm up here with Tommy Leroy, Sal Carmine

01:23:52and some other guy from the mafia.

01:23:54I'm also up here with my fiancé,

01:23:56George Barrow and his mom,

01:23:58Katherine Waverly.

01:24:00Wow, Liz, congrats.

01:24:02I didn't realize you was dating George.

01:24:04Oh, me neither. This just happened like an hour ago.

01:24:06Did you say Tommy Leroy's

01:24:08up there? I got a warrant for his arrest.

01:24:10A warrant for what?

01:24:12Grand larceny in the fourth degree.

01:24:14Theft of merchandise.

01:24:16Grand larceny? For bouncing a check

01:24:18on a dozen cupcakes from my girlfriend?

01:24:20You bought a total of 240

01:24:22cupcakes at the Magnolia Bakery

01:24:24at $3.95 a pop.

01:24:26So I got cupcakes for all my

01:24:28ex-girlfriends. Is that a crime?

01:24:30You can't arrest Tommy

01:24:32Leroy for grand larceny.

01:24:34That's $948.

01:24:36The statutory limit in the state of New York

01:24:38is $1,000. Pendejo,

01:24:40you forgot to include the tax.

01:24:42Come on down, Tommy. It's over.

01:24:46Howdy, boys.

01:24:48You know the drill. Stand over there.

01:24:50Tommy Leroy.

01:24:52You are

01:24:54under arrest, my friend.

01:24:56For what? Having a couple of fat

01:24:58ham hocks or soaking half the skirts

01:25:00in the West Village, huh?

01:25:04FBI.

01:25:06You're under arrest. Come on.

01:25:08You're under arrest.

01:25:10Is this what you do to family? You ain't family.

01:25:12Where's my money, Big Sal?

01:25:14She's Sofia.

01:25:16Big boss.

01:25:18I never send a man to do a woman's job.

01:25:20That's what I always say.

01:25:22But now that George has given me the briefcase full of cash,

01:25:24I'm willing to consider your debt

01:25:26paid in full. So the $500,000

01:25:28stays with me. All's well

01:25:30that ends well and all that crap.

01:25:32This time,

01:25:34I tell your boys to stay on the Jersey

01:25:36side of the river and don't dare

01:25:38cross to my side.

01:25:40Oh, and give your mother

01:25:42my regards, you know?

01:25:44It wouldn't kill her to call me once in a while.

01:25:46Come on.

01:25:48Let's get you home. Get him out of here.

01:25:50Sal! Sal!

01:25:52Oh, oh, Sal.

01:25:54I heard the commotion

01:25:56and I can't believe I'm dating an

01:25:58FBI agent.

01:26:00Oh, and not just some

01:26:02sleazy mortgage broker.

01:26:04You'll still make me pasta

01:26:06though, right? Whatever you want, baby.

01:26:08Oh, yes.

01:26:10Come on.

01:26:12Let's go home.

01:26:15It's just

01:26:17almost too much to bear.

01:26:19I can only hope that one day

01:26:21you find someone who brings you as much

01:26:23happiness as George

01:26:25Barrow brings me.

01:26:27I don't know, honey.

01:26:29I made the mistake

01:26:31of falling in love with the one guy

01:26:33who could never love me back or bring me home

01:26:35to meet his parents.

01:26:37Donovan?

01:26:39Hello.

01:26:41Hi. What are you doing here?

01:26:43I thought you moved back to San Francisco.

01:26:45I jumped on a plane the minute that I got

01:26:47George's letter. I mean,

01:26:49can you believe it? The guy sat down and

01:26:51wrote a letter by hand using a pen and

01:26:53then mailed it to me in an envelope

01:26:55with a stamp? I mean, that's why it took

01:26:57a week for me to get it.

01:26:59Anyway,

01:27:01I flew back the minute that George

01:27:03told me that you loved me.

01:27:07Ever since that party at the Little Branch Billy,

01:27:09I haven't been able

01:27:11to stop thinking about you.

01:27:13The way your nails felt

01:27:15on my back.

01:27:17The way your lips felt on my...

01:27:19Oh, hey! PG-13, we have customers.

01:27:25Anyway,

01:27:27you are so

01:27:29strong and confident,

01:27:31so sure

01:27:33of your sexuality, so unafraid

01:27:35to just go out there

01:27:37and live your truth.

01:27:39I know I should have texted you.

01:27:41I'm sorry.

01:27:43I just felt like such a coward.

01:27:45Like I'd never be cool enough for

01:27:47someone like you.

01:27:49Just hold that

01:27:51thought.

01:28:09You had me at hello.

01:28:25Dear friends,

01:28:27we have come together in the presence of God

01:28:29to celebrate the marriage

01:28:31of these couples.

01:28:33To surround them with our prayers and

01:28:35to share in their joy.

01:28:37The uniting of these persons

01:28:39in heart, body and mind

01:28:41is intended by God

01:28:43for their mutual joy,

01:28:45for the help and comfort they give one another

01:28:47in prosperity and adversity

01:28:49and that their love

01:28:51may be a blessing to all whom they encounter.

01:28:53If anyone knows

01:28:55a reason why either of these couples

01:28:57should not be joined in marriage,

01:28:59I ask them to speak now

01:29:01or forever hold their peace.

01:29:03What?

01:29:07Lizzie, don't do it.

01:29:09I still have feelings for you.

01:29:11What?

01:29:13I'm just

01:29:15playing. She's all yours,

01:29:17Georgie boy. You may proceed.

01:29:19He hates me, Roy.

01:29:21Hey!

01:29:23Goodbye, Kevin.

01:29:29Anyone else?

01:29:33I invite you to declare your vows to one another.

01:29:37You know I'm

01:29:39ride or die for you, right?

01:29:41Ride or die, baby.

01:29:59I promise

01:30:01to adore

01:30:03every brick in your brownstone

01:30:05and to cherish you

01:30:07even when you grow old

01:30:09and I grow old

01:30:11and our lentils need repointing.

01:30:13I promise

01:30:15to be the sturdy column

01:30:17that supports you

01:30:19and the cornice that ornaments your life.

01:30:21I promise

01:30:23to never forget the little boy who rescued you

01:30:25when you were a little girl

01:30:27and to love you

01:30:29for the amazing woman

01:30:31who came back and rescued me.

01:30:33George,

01:30:35I promise never to forget

01:30:37that you are the same amazing man

01:30:39who rescued me when I was five

01:30:41and you were seven.

01:30:43I promise never to drink

01:30:45Monte Foco Rosso until ten o'clock in the morning

01:30:47unless you're the one

01:30:49who's drinking with me.

01:30:51I promise

01:30:53that for better or worse,

01:30:55I will always love you

01:30:57and cherish you

01:30:59even when you grow old

01:31:01and for better or worse

01:31:03in sickness and in health

01:31:05you

01:31:07will always be my one true cupcake

01:31:09and I yours.

01:31:31By their promises before God

01:31:33and in the presence of this assembly,

01:31:39you may kiss your beloved.

01:32:01Woo!

01:32:03Woo!

01:32:05Woo!

01:32:07Woo!

01:32:09Woo!

01:32:11Woo!

01:32:13Woo!

01:32:15Woo!

01:32:17Woo!

01:32:23Hey, townhouse confidential.

01:32:25Deep Park?

01:32:27It's you.

01:32:29I'm your biggest fan.

01:32:31I've read every blog post you ever posted.

01:32:33So, you're some kind of stalker?

01:32:35More like a field agent.

01:32:37I know it's kind of hard to do investigative reporting

01:32:39when you never leave your house.

01:32:41So, what are you saying?

01:32:43I want to be your partner.

01:32:45You on the inside, me on the outside.

01:32:47Scooping stories, winning Pulitzer.

01:32:49You on the inside, me on the outside.

01:32:51Scooping stories, winning Pulitzer.

01:32:53You on the inside, me on the outside.

01:32:55Scooping stories, winning Pulitzers.

01:33:01Deep Park,

01:33:03I think that this is going to be the beginning

01:33:05of a beautiful friendship.

01:33:23New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:25New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:27New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:29New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:31New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:33New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:35New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:37New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:39New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:41New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:43New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:45New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:47New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:49New tenants are spotted on Washington Place.

01:33:51The Perry sisters townhouse

01:33:53has recently passed into other hands,

01:33:55has recently passed into other hands,

01:33:57but that, according to the terms of this unusual deal,

01:33:59but that, according to the terms of this unusual deal,

01:34:01the three sisters may continue to live there

01:34:03rent-free for as long

01:34:05as they wish to do so.

01:34:07In the words of the late,

01:34:09great Jane Austen,

01:34:11It is a truth

01:34:13universally acknowledged

01:34:15that three scorching hot sisters

01:34:17that three scorching hot sisters

01:34:19in a West Village townhouse will not stay single for long.

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