Boys, Dubai and Crowd Work - Stand-Up Comedy By Munawar Faruqui
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00:00We have experienced business, we have experienced hard work
00:02Day and night we work hard, but we only get sweet bhakri
00:05We want to sell vegetables and rice-based mango tea
00:07That's great. Nice, nice. Thank you so much for coming.
00:10Friends, look, right now, half of the people who are talking in the middle
00:17are the audience of Bigg Boss.
00:24And more than half of the people who know what stand-up is
00:28who want to hear stand-up jokes, who won't take out their mobile phones
00:31are the stand-up audience. There's a difference between the two.
00:33Because, what is it? Can't you hear me?
00:36Can you hear me?
00:38It's just your problem, bro.
00:41Are you a doctor or what? I can't even hear you.
00:46The whole world can hear you, but this one can't.
00:51Who was it? Show me.
00:54Who was it? What's your name?
00:58The audience member says,
00:59it's a woman.
01:00It's a woman, you say?
01:03Look, it won't look good if you call a woman of half a life a whore.
01:09That's why I'm not saying it.
01:15Did someone bring a telephone?
01:20It's like a trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
01:21Can anyone bring such a big phone?
01:23There was an announcement to make the phone silent-violent.
01:28They said, no, I'm red.
01:29I've brought a box of coins.
01:33The people who watch stand-up know what's going to happen in stand-up.
01:36What to expect.
01:37Bigg Boss people are not at fault either.
01:38It's my fault.
01:42It's my fault.
01:44That what I've done is confuse the audience.
01:47That, bro, he's a poet.
01:51Stand-up is different.
01:54People bring their mothers and say,
01:55Mom, do you know that in Bigg Boss,
01:58the boy used to say spiritual things.
02:05He's doing a show.
02:07The mother says, let's go, son, let's go.
02:10We'll give you blessings.
02:13Here the mother is confused,
02:14that son, why is he doing this?
02:19It's my fault.
02:21It's a little different.
02:22Look, I'm a very different person off the stage.
02:25I'm a very different person on the stage.
02:26There's a lot of difference between poetry and stand-up.
02:29Look, what does poetry mean?
02:31Things.
02:32Such things that touch the heart.
02:34I'll give you the example, look.
02:36The candle burns,
02:38the firefly flutters.
02:42You understand?
02:43This is Munna Varun Farooq's Bigg Boss, poetry.
02:45The candle burns, the firefly flutters.
02:48Now stand-up is a different thing.
02:50The candle burns,
02:51because his father didn't give dowry.
03:01See, you weren't expecting it, right?
03:03The firefly is burning over there.
03:07Stand-up is an unexpected thing.
03:10Whatever you don't expect,
03:12it will all be here.
03:14Okay?
03:15That's why everyone...
03:16Everyone is from Bombay, right?
03:18Has anyone traveled?
03:22Wow, wow, wow.
03:23Where are you from?
03:23Taloja.
03:24Taloja?
03:26Taloja?
03:27Okay, so you asked today,
03:29that if anyone has traveled,
03:30Taloja is different.
03:32Otherwise, if the villagers ask,
03:34where do you live?
03:34We live in Bombay.
03:37These Kokni people make everyone an idiot.
03:46Are you Kokni?
03:51Yes.
03:52Who?
03:53From Dubai?
03:55That's what happened.
03:57He's saying Taloja is Mumbai.
04:00Abu Dhabi is different.
04:01I went to Abu Dhabi.
04:05Bang Jumeirah.
04:09Now half the audience is even more confused.
04:12That this vlog's audience is different.
04:16Okay, let's talk to the Dubai guy.
04:17Hello Habibi, Assalamualaikum.
04:20What do you do in Dubai?
04:21Do you live there?
04:23So the Dubai show...
04:29Look, it's not nice to call a half-aged woman an idiot.
04:34So you must have missed it.
04:36So you must have missed it.
04:39You...
04:41You live there?
04:41But it's closer, right?
04:42This is...
04:44I had to come with friends.
04:45Okay.
04:46All your friends live here?
04:47Yes.
04:48Okay, great.
04:49In Bombay?
04:51What's the biggest?
04:52Friend.
04:53The biggest friend.
04:54Okay.
04:57Now what do you do in Abu Dhabi?
05:02Homemaker.
05:03You make a house.
05:08Is there an upgraded version of Housewife?
05:10Yes.
05:11Is there an upgraded version of Housewife?
05:15It's my version.
05:16This is...
05:17We got into emotions and did this.
05:19The work of a mother's housewife is not easy.
05:22It's nothing.
05:25I have done it.
05:27I know it's a very easy job.
05:29But still...
05:30Homemaker, wow.
05:31Give it up for her.
05:36Homemaker...
05:37I mean, you got married and now you stay here.
05:39You have kids?
05:41Three kids?
05:42Over there?
05:46Huh?
05:49She flew and came for me?
05:55That's so sweet, ma'am.
05:56That's so sweet.
05:58But I went to Dubai for the first time in my life.
06:00Dubai.
06:03And Dubai...
06:04I'll tell you what.
06:05I'm not from Bombay.
06:06I'm from Junagadh.
06:07I was born there.
06:08Okay?
06:09Dubai is Dubai for us.
06:11Bombay is Dubai for us villagers.
06:16When we were kids in Junagadh...
06:17Bombay was Dubai for us.
06:20So imagine how Dubai will be for me.
06:25And I used to think that...
06:27Only rich people live in Dubai.
06:30This was a misunderstanding.
06:33That only rich people live in Dubai.
06:35But when I did the show...
06:36And I saw people sitting on balconies.
06:42Now I understood.
06:45That only rich people don't live there.
06:54But what a place Dubai is.
06:56What a beautiful place Dubai is.
06:58I went to the hotel and they said...
06:59This is the best view hotel.
07:00What do you see?
07:01You know?
07:02It's a building.
07:04I said...
07:05Is there a better view than this?
07:06They said yes.
07:07There's a better view than this...
07:08In the front hotel.
07:10I said...
07:11What do you see from there?
07:12They said...
07:13You see this building from there.
07:15I said...
07:16That's great.
07:17No but...
07:18I don't know...
07:19If someone has come from so far...
07:20To travel and see me...
07:21This is an achievement.
07:24I used to do shows in 2020.
07:26Small shows.
07:27I used to sell 100 tickets.
07:28I used to sell 60 tickets.
07:29I sold a ticket in Jaipur.
07:3165.
07:32I did a small show in Jaipur.
07:34As soon as the show ended...
07:35I heard someone crying from outside.
07:39I said...
07:40It wasn't such a bad show.
07:43I said...
07:44Why is he crying?
07:45I called the manager.
07:46He said...
07:47He's crying to meet you.
07:49I said...
07:50Why don't you make him meet me?
07:55He said...
07:56You must be tired.
07:57I said...
07:58I must be tired?
08:00Have you gone mad?
08:01Call Shahrukh Khan.
08:02Call him quickly.
08:05So I met him.
08:06As soon as he started crying...
08:07He gave me a gift.
08:08He said...
08:09I have come from 300 kms away for you.
08:12After hearing 300 kms away...
08:13I don't know how to thank him.
08:16After working so hard...
08:17A boy has come from so far.
08:19I said...
08:20Come and have dinner with me.
08:22He was happy.
08:23There was a boy standing next to him.
08:24He said...
08:25Can I also come?
08:27I said...
08:28You have also come from so far?
08:30He said...
08:31No, I live right in front of you.
08:33I know...
08:34Where I will get a good dinner.
08:38I said...
08:39You can't refuse.
08:40So I took both of them for dinner.
08:42We are sitting in a restaurant.
08:43I am asking him...
08:44What will you eat?
08:45He said...
08:46I will eat whatever you order.
08:48I said...
08:49Mutton...
08:50Chicken...
08:51Veg...
08:52Biryani...
08:53Paneer...
08:54I said...
08:55I will eat whatever you order.
08:57There was no fan.
08:59He said...
09:00I will eat whatever you order.
09:01I said...
09:02Spit it out.
09:03I will lick it.
09:05He was at that level.
09:06I said...
09:07That's it.
09:08I am done.
09:10He is sitting next to me...
09:11And ordering...
09:12Is it buttermilk?
09:16Butter naan?
09:18Apply butter on both sides.
09:22Now I am interested in this person.
09:25He is not spitting.
09:28I asked him...
09:29Who are you?
09:33What do you do?
09:35He said...
09:36I work in a medical shop.
09:38Whenever someone says...
09:39I work in a medical shop.
09:43I feel like asking him a question.
09:46That when someone...
09:52Does it...
09:54Then you guys...
09:56How do you react to it?
09:57What do you give?
09:59Do you ask for the flavour?
10:01Like...
10:02It's like a childhood curiosity.
10:06He said...
10:07Customers don't ask in front of us.
10:09We have a sign.
10:12I will tell you.
10:13Come here.
10:15Get up.
10:18What should I do?
10:20Come here.
10:22A customer comes to the shop.
10:24And he shakes hands.
10:33Let's see...
10:34One minute.
10:36He shakes hands like this.
10:37And this is the sign.
10:41That he wants a condom.
10:45How much...
10:46And I...
10:47I am not making this from my side.
10:49He really said this to me.
10:50Come here.
10:53At least refuse.
10:55You are having fun too, right?
11:00He is not going out.
11:01Do it.
11:05I did it twice to show the audience.
11:08Third time to see him.
11:12Guys are very comfortable.
11:15Guys are not comfortable.
11:18He is being exploited.
11:20He doesn't know.
11:22Come here.
11:25It's not going to happen.
11:26Guys are...
11:28Guys will be more physically alert.
11:30Guys are like this.
11:32We guys are very comfortable.
11:33We are very comfortable with each other.
11:35Agree?
11:37You guys agree?
11:39Guys, do you know how comfortable we guys are?
11:44You guys don't know.
11:45I will tell you.
11:47You girls have a heart.
11:51Guys have an eye-doubt.
11:55Because...
11:56Are there any girls here who are friends with two girls?
11:59Friends?
12:00Who are friends?
12:01Yes?
12:02You are friends?
12:03How long have you been friends?
12:047 years.
12:057 years?
12:06Where did you meet?
12:09Bandra.
12:10Bandra?
12:12Where did you meet?
12:13School, college...
12:14School, college...
12:16Office...
12:20We were buying a dupatta in Bandra.
12:25Through common friends.
12:26We met somewhere in Bandra.
12:29You guys became best friends.
12:31You are there for each other.
12:32Every time.
12:33Any problem, any issue.
12:34See, girls.
12:37She will say,
12:38See, I am not feeling well.
12:39She will say,
12:40You want to go to doctor?
12:42Try this medicine.
12:43Try this.
12:44Try Ceridon.
12:45Right?
12:46I have a pimple.
12:47She will be like,
12:48Go to this skin doctor.
12:50He is the best in the town.
12:52You will do that, right?
12:53Fight and tell your friend.
12:55That I have a pimple.
13:04He will say,
13:05There is a cream.
13:06Will you apply it?
13:14All the boys are agreeing, right?
13:18Ma'am, please don't record.
13:19Ma'am.
13:20Please.
13:22All the boys have agreed, right?
13:25We are so comfortable.
13:26What is this?
13:27Someone told a problem, right?
13:29That I have a pimple.
13:30Boys don't have it.
13:31They don't have a heart.
13:33It's different.
13:34It's different for boys.
13:35Girls compliment each other.
13:37They fight too.
13:38So, meanest.
13:39Do you have a female friend, ma'am?
13:41Kajol,
13:42You have fought with any of your friends.
13:44What is the meanest thing you have said to her?
13:49The worst.
13:56Do you see?
13:57She needs a heart for this.
13:59She doesn't want to talk right now.
14:01She feels bad too.
14:03That what did I say?
14:08This is the meanest thing, bro.
14:10What is the meanest thing you have said to her?
14:11You called her a bitch.
14:12You called her a slut.
14:13You die.
14:15Or die.
14:17Meanest.
14:19Bro, what is hanging and swinging?
14:22We are boys.
14:23We are boys.
14:28We are mean like this.
14:29Like this.
14:32Do you see the level of comfort?
14:35We are not physically comfortable.
14:38Physically, we are like this.
14:40Do you know whisper?
14:41Whisper.
14:42Which we say in our ears.
14:45That is called whisper.
14:47That is made for girls.
14:49Because you will see girls whispering.
14:51Have you ever seen boys?
14:56Never.
14:58You will never see.
14:59Because physically, we are not close.
15:03Like a metal detector.
15:04Like a metal detector.
15:05Like if a boy comes close.
15:09Listen to me.
15:10Like a metal detector.
15:12We can hear the soul from inside.
15:14Will you get into my ear?
15:23She is here.
15:24She is leaving.