Ultima Underworld 2： Labyrinth of Worlds by Noah Antwiler | The Spoony Experiment - video Dailymotion

Kanal Mongomedial

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Transcript

00:00I met you on a Thursday, Friday I took you home

00:07Well Saturday I'mma beggin' on you baby, just leave me alone

00:14You're turnin' me upside down, pullin' me to the ground

00:18When you shake me, shake me

00:20I'm givin' you what you need and I'm beggin' please

00:24Don't break me, break me love

00:30I'm givin' you what you need and I'm beggin' please

00:34Don't break me, break me love

00:37I'm givin' you what you need and I'm beggin' please

01:00Me, I'm gonna blow the dome

01:14You're gonna blow the dome

01:16Piece of cake, piece of cake, piece of cake, piece of cake

01:31Oh, I can see Dupré's got a lot of pressing business to attend to here.

01:35They just spend the whole time chilling at the castle

01:37while you bust your ass exploring the fucking sewers.

01:40And yeah, the entire game is based around a massive sewer level.

01:44There's no way out of the castle and magic doesn't work

01:46and so the only thing anyone can think of is to seek a way out through the sewers.

01:49And I HATE freaking sewer levels.

01:53There's almost nothing I hate more than being stuck in an RPG

01:56and acting as glorified pest control.

01:58Most of the enemies you encounter in this game are

02:00bats, rats, flesh-eating worms, and slugs.

02:04Seriously. Slugs?

02:07Truly an enemy worthy of the Avatar's steel.

02:10This is balls. I don't feel like a hero.

02:13I feel like the fucking Orkin Man.

02:15This sewer is five floors deep.

02:17Apparently Castle Britannia's sewer system is the most convoluted,

02:20over-engineered, labyrinthine, demon-slug-infested hellhole imaginable.

02:26But that's not to say this game is easy.

02:28Oh no.

02:29This game has one of the steepest difficulty curves I've ever seen.

02:32This game starts off fucking impossible.

02:36The first serious fight that you ever have that isn't common vermin

02:39actually comes quite early in the first level where you face something called a Headless.

02:43And this is what I get for complaining because this son of a bitch is unbeatable.

02:48I mean, would you look at this?

02:49Look at what's going on here.

02:51I can't hit this thing.

02:52And when I do hit, which is once in a blue fucking moon,

02:55all that ever happens is my axe gets damaged.

02:58I mean, oh fuck, how is this even possible?

03:01My steel fucking axe is getting damaged instead of the Headless.

03:05I'm swinging a steel axe against a Headless Wookie,

03:08and my axe is the thing that's consistently losing out.

03:12Just what the fuck?

03:14This doesn't make any sense. Fuck!

03:16What does this thing come from the planet Krypton?

03:18I literally broke my axe off hitting this thing.

03:21The Witch King of Angmar wasn't this destructive to man-made weapons.

03:24Oh shit, there's two of them?

03:26I can't even take one of these assholes. Fuck!

03:29Why can't I kill these fucking things?

03:31I'm the goddamn Avatar.

03:33I've become a complete pussy somehow.

03:35I just don't get this.

03:36What happened between Ultima 7 and now that made me fearful of fucking bats?

03:41They're bats!

03:42And now I'm getting physically dominated by a creature without a fucking head.

03:46I mean, someone explain to me how this thing is even alive.

03:49How does it eat?

03:50Does it just shove food down its neck hole?

03:52That thing is just out of my league.

03:54But get this, even the rats are basically an even match for you at the start.

03:58I mean, look at...

03:59Oh sweet Jesus, did you fucking see that?

04:01That fucking rat just tore my goddamn head off in one hit.

04:04One. Hit.

04:05What have the rats eaten this fucking sewer?

04:07Cheese?

04:08Where are they getting all this cheese that's turning them into goddamn R.O.U.S.'s?

04:12The level design and pacing of this game is just fucked.

04:15You'll be walking around exploring when all of a sudden, out of the darkness,

04:18BAM!

04:19You catch ball lightning in the fucking face.

04:21What the hell was that?

04:23You just randomly find two gazers on the first floor,

04:26monsters that are way above your current power level.

04:29You have no chance to beat these guys until about the halfway point of the fucking game.

04:33I mean, what happened here?

04:34I feel more like Lester the Unlikely than the Avatar.

04:37There's no good explanation for this.

04:39Even a common thief you find in the sewers looks you over and says,

04:42you look out of shape and he thinks he can take you.

04:45And guess what?

04:46He can.

04:47He can.

04:48I mean, what?

04:49I'm the guy who took down Mondain and I can't physically intimidate a sewer urchin?

04:54Fuck you!

04:55But seriously, the only explanation we get for my catastrophic power loss is that,

04:59since Ultima 7, I just haven't been working out.

05:03It took me four hours to beat this headless thing using hit-and-run tactics.

05:07I want you to see this.

05:09I broke three weapons on this motherfucker.

05:12I broke a battleaxe and two daggers stabbing this thing to death.

05:15And I still couldn't bring it down.

05:18I actually ran out of weapons.

05:20I used all my crossbow bolts and eventually had to resort to using my bare hands

05:24before somehow, I still don't know how, I won.

05:28It got so desperate I had to go back to the castle and steal weapons from my friend's rooms.

05:33And I'm pretty sure that's not the way the Avatar should act.

05:36Why doesn't Lord British lift a finger to help out?

05:40He doesn't do anything.

05:42He doesn't even heal you, which is the only thing he's ever been any good for.

05:46In fact, all he does in this game is mistreat the serving staff to the point they go on strike.

05:51Why do I do what this lazy piece of velvet-wearing shit says?

05:55Again, why don't they just open the armory and give me the best weapons and armor in the castle?

06:00I'm the Avatar!

06:02Throw me a longsword, somebody!

06:04Oh, I'll tell you why they don't.

06:06It's because the armory's locked and the only key to it is lost in the sewers,

06:11guarded by an angry fucking tree.

06:13And naturally, this thing is virtually unbeatable.

06:16How does an angry fucking tree even grow down here?

06:19It's a sewer!

06:21Actually, wait a minute, I don't need to go to the armory.

06:23Where's my black sword?

06:25Where's the Hoe of Destruction and all the magic armor I picked up from the last game?

06:29Shouldn't I have that with me?

06:31Why would I not have that on me at all times?

06:34Guess what, they're not in the game.

06:36And that's a pretty big plot hole, considering the black sword figures prominently into Serpent Isle the next game,

06:41and at least there, you start off with it and there's a plausible explanation for its disappearance later on.

06:46But you start with virtually no equipment.

06:48Hell, if you don't find the secret door in your own bedroom, you're really fucked,

06:52because then you don't get your bag of runes, and you never will.

06:56Why is there a secret door in my bedroom?

07:00Why wouldn't I know about it if some vitally important equipment of mine is stored there?

07:04What assholes made this game?

07:06The controls in these games suck.

07:08No, they go beyond sucking.

07:10Jumping is a complete mess, because you control with the mouse and jump with the J key.

07:14Trust me, it's terrible.

07:16And it's made worse by the fact there are several sections of the game where precise platforming is absolutely necessary.

07:22Just wait till you get to the parts with moving platforms, have fun reloading,

07:26and the leveling system is needlessly complicated as well.

07:29You level up automatically, but you don't gain your skills automatically.

07:32You have to spend your skill points with trainers who hang out in the castle,

07:36but you don't know who trains what skills,

07:38unless you talk to every single person to find the exact person teaching the exact skill you want.

07:43What skills do you want? Well, let me go looking.

07:45Crossbow? No.

07:47Charisma? Um, no.

07:50Haggling? Are you serious?

07:52How about using a sword?

07:54Does anyone know how to use a sword?

07:56Worse, the number of skill points you get when you train is random,

08:00so you have to keep reloading until you train up a decent amount.

08:02I hate this shit.

08:04The worst part of this game is any time you find a locked door.

08:07Why? Because then you need to use a key,

08:09and over the course of this game you'll collect roughly a zillion fucking keys,

08:12and there's no way to tell what key works on what door.

08:15It's like in Metal Gear, when you have to try every single card key on every single door.

08:19Who thought this was a good idea?

08:21Oh, no way, I take it back.

08:23The worst part is when you run across an NPC in the hallway,

08:26and she won't fucking...

08:28Move aside, wench! I'm the fucking Avatar!

08:32Oh, and what the hell is this thing?

08:35Looks like a flan from Final Fantasy X Cross with a three-eyed goldfish from The Simpsons.

08:39Oh, jeez, what the fuck?

08:41Just move, you fucking jelly cheeseburger! Fuck!

08:44I guess you can argue that I just suck at this game.

08:47I mean, that's possible, but I didn't have this hard a time with the first game.

08:50This Headless is the first real fight you have.

08:53I hate that there's no way for the game to remember magic spells.

08:56Every time you want to cast a new spell, you have to look it up in the book,

08:59or print up a cheat sheet, figure out what runes you have and what runes you don't,

09:03translate the runes to find out what they mean, select the runes and cast it,

09:06so there's no fast way to select spells in combat.

09:09And more often than not, the spell just backfires and causes you damage.

09:13What's up with this? I was casting the Armageddon spell last game,

09:16and now I'm getting burned casting first-level shit?

09:19Fuck this!

09:20I know, I know, Spoony's begging on a classic game,

09:23he doesn't like anything, send the angry emails,

09:26here come the trolls!

09:31Okay, that's it!

09:32I'm installing anti-personnel mines in front of that fucking door,

09:35this shit keeps happening!

09:40Oh, you wanna fight?

09:43Oh, don't you fucking test me, you headless hairball!

09:46Not after the month I've had!

09:50Okay, well, I think Linkara would say at a time like this,

09:53you may be a headless monster immune to weapons, but me?

09:56I am a man!

10:01Now, me, on the other hand, I fight like a dirty bastard.

10:19I am a man!

10:20I am a man!

10:21I am a man!

10:22I am a man!

10:23I am a man!

10:24I am a man!

10:25I am a man!

10:26I am a man!

10:27I am a man!

10:28I am a man!

10:29I am a man!

10:30I am a man!

10:31I am a man!

10:32I am a man!

10:33I am a man!

10:34I am a man!

10:35I am a man!

10:36I am a man!

10:37I am a man!

10:38I am a man!

10:39I am a man!

10:40I am a man!

10:41I am a man!

10:42I am a man!

10:43I am a man!

10:44I am a man!

10:45I am a man!

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10:47I am a man!

10:48I am a man!

10:49I am a man!

10:50I am a man!

10:51I am a man!

10:52I am a man!

10:53I am a man!

10:54I am a man!

10:55I am a man!

10:56I am a man!

10:57I am a man!

10:58I am a man!

10:59I am a man!

11:00I am a man!

11:01I am a man!

11:02I am a man!

11:03I am a man!

11:04I am a man!

11:05I am a man!

11:06I am a man!

11:07I am a man!

11:08I am a man!

11:09I am a man!

11:10I am a man!

11:11I am a man!

11:12I am a man!

11:13I am a man!

11:14I am a man!

11:15I am a man!

11:16I am a man!

Ultima Underworld 2： Labyrinth of Worlds by Noah Antwiler | The Spoony Experiment

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