6.Call My Bluff S11E16 (1977), S12E1, S12E2, S12E3, S12E4 (1978) P. Gee, S. Cusack, J. Agutter, A. Valentine

Very British

S11E16 Prunella Gee, Hannah Gordon, Bryan Marshall, Humphrey Burton.  S12E1 Miriam Stoppard, Wendy Allnutt, Anthony Valentine, James Loughran.  S12E2 Miriam Stoppard, Wendy Allnutt, Anthony Valentine, James Loughran.  S12E3 Sinead Cusack, Jenny Agutter, Nigel Dempster, Tim Rice.  S12E4 Sinead Cusack, Jenny Agutter, Nigel Dempster, Tim Rice.  Host/Team captains: Robert Robinson, Frank Muir, Patrick Campbell.

Transcript

00:00:00It's a slightly smaller sack of coal than a hundredweight, it's 75 pounds, actually,

00:00:06which is easy to carry and was carried by women quite a lot.

00:00:09Butterham, quite well known.

00:00:12And carried by women quite a lot.

00:00:15Yep, in the olden times.

00:00:17And only in the north-east.

00:00:19Anyway, Humphrey Burton.

00:00:21Now, a butterham is a partial lining to a cloak.

00:00:25It's a half or three-quarter length of some material,

00:00:28which is worn either for warmth or for show.

00:00:31I mean, this sort of stuff is, as it were, a butterham.

00:00:36Now, it's not known whether the cloak spread by Sir Walter Raleigh

00:00:39before Queen Elizabeth was adorned with a butterham,

00:00:43but therefore...

00:00:45Now you've got to put it back on.

00:00:47Yes.

00:00:49Let's see that. That should be worth seeing.

00:00:51Because it's not known whether Sir Walter Raleigh wore a butterham or not,

00:00:54we don't know whether, in fact, the cloak hit the puddle,

00:00:57butterham side up or down.

00:01:01Well, well, well.

00:01:03You'll have to take that handkerchief out of your...

00:01:05Oh, you've got it on now.

00:01:07Well, so, it's that. It's a sack of coals.

00:01:09It's an axe in Somerset.

00:01:11And it's a cloak lining.

00:01:13Hannah, your turn.

00:01:19Humphrey's half lining to his cloak...

00:01:22All three quarters.

00:01:24All three quarters. Well, I got so interested in the jacket coming off

00:01:27that I forgot to listen to the half of the three quarters I had to do.

00:01:30I'll do it again.

00:01:32Well, yes.

00:01:34Prunella's axe,

00:01:37sort of do-it-yourself beheading kit.

00:01:42And Frank's sack of coal from the north that ladies carried.

00:01:47What did we think?

00:01:50Two to one chance.

00:01:52I think it's...

00:01:54Prunella's beheading.

00:01:56She said it was an axe, didn't she?

00:01:58Yeah, chopping away. True or bluff, Prunella?

00:02:01She doesn't look too displeased.

00:02:03Ah!

00:02:05APPLAUSE

00:02:11Now, which member of the team gave the true definition of the word?

00:02:17That's a clue.

00:02:20Ah!

00:02:26So all that he did with the coat was true.

00:02:28Well, you know what I mean.

00:02:30Butterham does mean the inside, the lining of a cloak.

00:02:34For two, we get Lovinente.

00:02:36And Patrick's going to tell us about it.

00:02:39Lovinente was a kind of hairdo

00:02:43that was created by the beauties of Norlands,

00:02:48or New Orleans, as we say it here.

00:02:54Or a difficult kind of hairdo.

00:02:57You take a bunch of hair on top of it.

00:03:00You kind of draw it down.

00:03:02You kind of bush it out to one side.

00:03:05Lovely.

00:03:07So you can put a kind of flat crown,

00:03:10a kind of flat crown hat with a high thing on top of it.

00:03:17And you go sauntering down Bourbon Street wearing a Lovinente.

00:03:23Ah!

00:03:24Thank you.

00:03:25Brian Marshall tells us.

00:03:28Lovinente doesn't mean anything at all.

00:03:32It's an exclamation.

00:03:35So it really needs an exclamation mark after it.

00:03:39It's not a particularly strong exclamation.

00:03:41It's like on a par with, oh, golly and gosh and heavens

00:03:47and really vile things like that.

00:03:50It was fashionable in the mid-19th century,

00:03:52but it's not used a lot now.

00:03:54I haven't used it recently, anyway.

00:03:57If we win, I'll say Lovinente at the end.

00:04:01Well, well. Now, Hannah Gordon tells us.

00:04:04Lovinente is the ancient art of levitation.

00:04:08Causing objects to hover in mid-air.

00:04:12And to define it in the words of a contemporary of Chaucer,

00:04:15I should like to refer to my notes for this.

00:04:18It is, and I quote,

00:04:20in arte mathematical,

00:04:22which showeth how above nature, virtue and force

00:04:27may be multiplied to pull to or cast through.

00:04:32Oh, wasn't that nice?

00:04:34Well put.

00:04:36Well put.

00:04:38It means levitation.

00:04:40It means a hairdo, and it is an exclamation.

00:04:45Frank chooses.

00:04:49Lovinente, Lovinente.

00:04:53Just to obscure the fact we have no idea what the answer is.

00:04:57We can see that from here.

00:05:00Don't you think it's levitation, Hannah?

00:05:02It doesn't sort of ring, doesn't zing,

00:05:05does it, Lovinente?

00:05:08Could be. How long have I got?

00:05:11An hour and a half.

00:05:13No, Paddy is rubbish about New Orleans, it must be.

00:05:17Beautifully put, anyway.

00:05:19You're going to choose that bit? Yes.

00:05:21About the hairdo, he said it was.

00:05:23Patrick, true of love, he owns up now.

00:05:26At long last, I'm going to speak with Richard.

00:05:29APPLAUSE

00:05:31Thank you.

00:05:37No, no, no, it wasn't a hairdo.

00:05:39Someone must have given the true definition.

00:05:41Here it comes. Own up.

00:05:44Oh, very good. Lovinente.

00:05:46Yes!

00:05:51An exclamation.

00:05:53Ah, 4-3, everyone's in the game.

00:05:55All to win, as they say, yes.

00:05:57Feezings, Frank.

00:05:59Feezings was a thing which occurred, the feezings occurred,

00:06:04and rather sort of worried the early settlers in Virginia,

00:06:08who found themselves...

00:06:10HE EXHALES

00:06:12..rather like viewers to this programme...

00:06:14LAUGHTER

00:06:16..yawning a lot, full of lassitude,

00:06:19unwilling to work or even to think much.

00:06:23Probably a form of swamp fever, wouldn't you say?

00:06:29And now it's Humphrey's turn.

00:06:31Well, feezings are small, undernourished apples,

00:06:34so small and sort of mingy that they're left on a tree

00:06:37by the professional apple pickers, not worth the picking.

00:06:40In certain cider-making counties in the south-west particularly,

00:06:44small boys who usually scrump these sort of things

00:06:47are bribed not to steal the healthy, full-grown apples

00:06:50by being given the promise that they can pick the feezings for free

00:06:54when the harvest is actually over.

00:06:57Small, nasty apples.

00:07:00And I hope you pick a ripe harvest yourself.

00:07:02Right, Prunella. Ah, yeah, Prunella.

00:07:05Yeah. Sight of feezings on board a ship would be absolutely guaranteed

00:07:09to make the first mate blow a gasket.

00:07:12Feezings are the untidy unravellings of rope ends

00:07:16which haven't been whipped,

00:07:18that is to say they've been allowed to fray in an unseamanlike manner.

00:07:23Yep, so it's kind of a disease,

00:07:26it's untidy rope ends and it's undersized apples.

00:07:29Patrick?

00:07:32Speaking once again as a former member of the Irish Marine Service,

00:07:36TPO Campbell,

00:07:39we never called...

00:07:41Hello, sailor.

00:07:43We never feezed a rope

00:07:45during our four years of defending Irish neutrality.

00:07:50Um...

00:07:52Of course, it's silly.

00:07:54It didn't run any longer.

00:07:56Apples.

00:07:58You think it's the apples? You won't have anything to do with the maladies?

00:08:01No, no, no.

00:08:03Humphrey Burton said that it was...

00:08:05A child...

00:08:06A little apple left on the tree.

00:08:08A diseased apple.

00:08:13Ah!

00:08:15APPLAUSE

00:08:18APPLAUSE

00:08:23No.

00:08:24Now, I wonder which of the other two was telling the truth.

00:08:27Now we have to learn.

00:08:31Good old Ireland.

00:08:33APPLAUSE

00:08:38Yeah, feezings turns out to be rope ends.

00:08:40I must say that's exploded your credibility as an ex-CPO in the Irish Navy.

00:08:45Oh, dear me, dear me.

00:08:47What a sad note to end not only this programme but indeed the series on.

00:08:51But before we do, let me declare the final scores.

00:08:545-3.

00:08:56Frank Muir's team has won.

00:08:58APPLAUSE

00:09:04As I say, that's the end of the programme.

00:09:07Indeed, the end of the series.

00:09:09We put the OED back in the cage,

00:09:11draw the cloth over the top,

00:09:14beginning, first of all, with Brian Marshall.

00:09:17APPLAUSE

00:09:20Humphrey Burton.

00:09:22Anna Gordon.

00:09:25Brunella Gee.

00:09:28Patrick Campbell.

00:09:31Frank Muir.

00:09:34And goodbye.

00:09:36APPLAUSE

00:09:44APPLAUSE

00:10:10Good evening.

00:10:13Let me welcome you to another spasm of Call My Bluff,

00:10:16featuring the first gentleman of the panel game,

00:10:18wearing, as he's just told me, a free tie,

00:10:22Frank Muir.

00:10:24APPLAUSE

00:10:31What a gross breach of confidence to start the series.

00:10:34Good evening.

00:10:36And my first guest is a doctor, scientist,

00:10:39television presenter, author, mother of four,

00:10:43Miriam Stoppard.

00:10:45APPLAUSE

00:10:52And continuing with our firm's policy

00:10:54of bringing you nothing but the best,

00:10:56we have the conductor of the Hallé Orchestra,

00:10:59James Loughran.

00:11:01APPLAUSE

00:11:09And the ancient mariner himself, Patrick Campbell.

00:11:12APPLAUSE

00:11:19And I have here on my left...

00:11:23..a lady solicitor who's well-known...

00:11:27..deal from rough justice,

00:11:29smooth, delicious Wendy Allnut.

00:11:32APPLAUSE

00:11:40And the other one is a lovely, smooth walnut

00:11:42called Anthony Valentine.

00:11:44APPLAUSE

00:11:51As ever...

00:11:53..the game begins like that.

00:11:55We get this word, puncteto, and what happens,

00:11:57if I remember it correctly, is that Frank and his team

00:12:00are going to define puncteto three different ways.

00:12:02Two of those definitions are false ones, one's true,

00:12:05and that's the one that Patrick and company try to pick out.

00:12:08Frank, tell us about puncteto.

00:12:10Puncteto, as you would suppose, is not very nice.

00:12:14Not very nice at all, but not very nasty.

00:12:17The etto means little, you see,

00:12:19and it's a small social or social gaffe,

00:12:24some kind of tiny breakdown in protocol.

00:12:29Like passing the cakes round with your thumb on the good one.

00:12:34LAUGHTER

00:12:36Or having coffee with the Queen

00:12:39and nervously leaving the spoon in the cup,

00:12:42so that when you take a sip and bring it down again,

00:12:45you've got the spoon stuck up your...

00:12:47It's a tiny little solacism, social solacism.

00:12:52Right, James Loughran, your go.

00:12:55Well, I call it puncteto.

00:12:58Puncteto is an Italian word...

00:13:03..used in a duel.

00:13:06And as soon as there's a drop of blood,

00:13:08it just needs to be a prick of blood,

00:13:10between these two duelists,

00:13:13they all throw their arms about each other and cry and say,

00:13:18honour has been done, but the puncteto has been seen to be done.

00:13:23Puncteto.

00:13:25What drivel.

00:13:27Beautifully done, James.

00:13:29Many of them stopped by, your turn now.

00:13:32Well, now, all you wine connoisseurs will recognise this word immediately

00:13:36because a puncteto is a deliberately made,

00:13:39pinched-in kink in the neck of a wine bottle.

00:13:43You can think of it as a bottleneck in a bottleneck.

00:13:47And punctetos first appeared in 17th-century Lombardy wine bottles,

00:13:52partly as a trademark,

00:13:54but also because they helped make that lovely noise as you poured it out,

00:13:57you know, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.

00:13:59It was the puncteto doing that.

00:14:02Right, so, it's being pinked by a sword,

00:14:05it's that sort of kink in a bottle,

00:14:08and it's a sort of a little solacism.

00:14:10Patrick?

00:14:12He's worried, I feel.

00:14:16I don't regard a teaspoon up the nose as being a social gaffe.

00:14:22Even taking tea with the Queen, it could happen to anybody.

00:14:26But a gaffe up the nose.

00:14:28So, who's speaking?

00:14:32All this puncteto.

00:14:38Of course, everyone knows it's a bottleneck in a bottleneck.

00:14:42You're choosing that, are you, Patrick?

00:14:44The little dint in the bottle,

00:14:47which Miriam said, true or bluff, Miriam?

00:14:50The usual bluff.

00:14:52APPLAUSE

00:14:58Could easily have been that, but it wasn't.

00:15:00Who gave the true definition of puncteto?

00:15:03It was puncteto, wasn't it?

00:15:05No!

00:15:07APPLAUSE

00:15:13No, it's being left with a teaspoon up your nose

00:15:16in unhappy circumstances.

00:15:18Menal is the next one,

00:15:20or I dare say you'll pronounce it umpteen different ways.

00:15:22Patrick?

00:15:24The menal is the kind of hairy blemish

00:15:28on a beautiful white horse,

00:15:30an unimaginably white horse,

00:15:33but it's got a menal on it.

00:15:36Oh.

00:15:38About the horse's person is this blemish,

00:15:40but you can see it, fortunately, where the horse is standing up.

00:15:45Because its menal can appear on its nose,

00:15:48perhaps the snout or muzzle,

00:15:51or on its foot.

00:15:54LAUGHTER

00:15:56Pretty scientific.

00:15:58Anthony Valentine's turn now.

00:16:00Yes.

00:16:02A menal is a flat metal plate

00:16:04used by a charcoal burner

00:16:06to regulate the draft of air...

00:16:08Oh, thank you.

00:16:10Please, Frank, Frank, a little patience, please.

00:16:13The draft of air going into his fire,

00:16:15and as the temperature of the fire,

00:16:17it's very important it must be maintained evenly.

00:16:19The position and the angle of the fire

00:16:21is an important part of the charcoal burner's craft.

00:16:26Great. Now, Wendy Allnut, she has a go.

00:16:29A menal is soured honey.

00:16:32It's an acrid honey that comes from a diseased beehive.

00:16:35It's pretty nasty, but you mustn't throw it away,

00:16:38cos you can use it.

00:16:40It's used as a dressing for leather.

00:16:42It puts a nice squeak into a new pair of leather breeches.

00:16:45Put a nice squeak in or take it out.

00:16:48Ah, well.

00:16:50One or the other.

00:16:52Sour honey is what it is.

00:16:54It's a blot on an otherwise white horse,

00:16:56and it's a sort of draft plate

00:16:58that's arranged just so by charcoal burners.

00:17:00Frank, your choice.

00:17:02It's so obvious, it seems a pity to take the money, doesn't it?

00:17:05Yes.

00:17:11I thought white...

00:17:13I thought it was a punker thing of me

00:17:15to call a white horse white.

00:17:17Don't you call it a grey?

00:17:19Well, I don't call a...

00:17:21I call a grey horse a grey one.

00:17:23LAUGHTER

00:17:25I think you're wrong.

00:17:27Upper Olympia, the three-day events.

00:17:30Whether it's sour honey...

00:17:32No, don't think so.

00:17:34I think it's a bit sort of mead and honey,

00:17:36and I think it's a play on words,

00:17:38to lure, to ruse us into thinking it's honey.

00:17:41Perforated...

00:17:43Oh, God, what are you writing?

00:17:45Hang on.

00:17:47Do some...

00:17:51Yes, OK, Paddy.

00:17:53Let's have this wretched white horse.

00:17:55So you're choosing the... The horse pimple.

00:17:57The flaw of the white horse.

00:17:59Now, Patrick.

00:18:04How did you know?

00:18:06APPLAUSE

00:18:09Oh!

00:18:13That was... Miriam got through that, I think.

00:18:15Thanks. Yeah, he knew.

00:18:172-0, my goodness.

00:18:19Let's have another word, see what happens.

00:18:21Car-doer.

00:18:23And it's James Loughran's turn to define it.

00:18:25Car-doer.

00:18:27It's very close to my heart, this meeting,

00:18:30because it's a self-employed Scotsman...

00:18:34..who's...

00:18:35But he's rather handy with needle and thread.

00:18:37He goes...

00:18:38Whether they have them now in Scotland, I don't know,

00:18:40but they used to go round patching up

00:18:44any men's that...

00:18:46From house to house.

00:18:48And if you had to be in the embarrassing situation

00:18:51where your sporn in your kilt

00:18:53was wearing an embarrassing hole,

00:18:55then you brought in a car-doer.

00:18:57LAUGHTER

00:18:59Well, because he knew the tartan

00:19:01and he could link it all together,

00:19:04this was a car-doer.

00:19:07Right. Now it's Miriam, your go.

00:19:10Well, now, a car-doer is a piece of jewellery.

00:19:13In fact, it's a locket, and it's usually given to a loved one.

00:19:17And because of this, it has a rather pretty heart shape.

00:19:20Regardless of what it's made, whether it's gold or silver or whatever,

00:19:23it always has this rather sentimental shape.

00:19:26And probably the most famous, the most well-known car-doer of all

00:19:30was found amongst the effects of Lady Hamilton.

00:19:33It was thought to have been made in Naples

00:19:35and given, of course, to her by Lord Nelson.

00:19:40Car-doer.

00:19:42That's the word, Patrick, and now Frank's going to tell you about it.

00:19:46Car-doer, as the word itself indicates,

00:19:50is a flat American jug.

00:19:55It's a jug, squatty, a sort of squat jug,

00:19:59which the Americans tend to use

00:20:02for pouring maple syrup over waffles

00:20:06or gravy over giant cheeseburgers.

00:20:10Or very often, Americans being what they are,

00:20:13syrup over the giant cheeseburgers.

00:20:17Gravy over waffles.

00:20:19And it's a squat, traditional American jug.

00:20:23So they say that this word is a locket, a kind of a gravy boat,

00:20:28and a Scotch clothes mender.

00:20:31Anthony, your go.

00:20:33Yes.

00:20:35Yes, I'm reluctant to believe that such a hardy and self-sufficient race

00:20:40as the Scots would actually need a little man,

00:20:43presumably on a bicycle, to come round and mend a broken sporran.

00:20:47They might be able to get down to it themselves.

00:20:50I want to believe that they can.

00:20:52As for Frank's flat American jug, I don't think I can even deal with that.

00:20:56So, Frank, no, you won't convince me, and it may well be up my...

00:21:00No, Miriam, it's got to be a locket.

00:21:02Yes, that's what she said, a locket to unlock, Miriam.

00:21:06Oh!

00:21:12I wonder who gave the true definition.

00:21:15Will you believe it when you see it?

00:21:18APPLAUSE

00:21:24It's this little Scotchman who comes round and says things for you.

00:21:28Right, 3-0, goodness me.

00:21:30Carotel is the next one. Anthony Valentine.

00:21:33A carotel is an offensive epithet for a stared-home soldier,

00:21:38particularly for a reluctant knight.

00:21:40I mean, a knight who is reluctant to quit his ladies' boudoir

00:21:44and other such creature comforts.

00:21:46In fact, Duffy's historical account of the Crusades

00:21:49referred to them as posturing carotels,

00:21:51who spend their time in sport and play

00:21:54and are a stain upon the social society.

00:21:58Yes, right. Wendy now tells you a thing.

00:22:01A carotel is a word used by dried fruit merchants,

00:22:05people who deal in cloves, figs, raisins, apricots,

00:22:09and it's the cask or barrel that they transport the fruit in,

00:22:14and it usually weighs about 700 weight, a carotel.

00:22:18Right, now, Patrick, what do you tell us?

00:22:23Carotel...

00:22:25LAUGHTER

00:22:27..is...

00:22:29..nutritious jelly which you can make by boiling

00:22:34kind of wiry seaweed which you find off the coast of Cornwall.

00:22:41You make a jelly out of it.

00:22:43A little medical aid here is a kind of anticoagulant.

00:22:48Would that be all right with you?

00:22:50Anyway...

00:22:53..Dr John...

00:22:55..John Todd Hunter...

00:22:57I know him well. ..in Truro...

00:22:59LAUGHTER ..in 1888,

00:23:02he suddenly found that by boiling what he called carotel...

00:23:08..he could stop wounds bleeding.

00:23:11That's what he did. That's what I just said.

00:23:14LAUGHTER

00:23:16So, yeah, well, it's this seaweed jelly.

00:23:18This chap was boiling one day, found it worked.

00:23:22It's a barrel containing dried fruit

00:23:24and it's a sort of skiving soldier, a stay-at-home soldier.

00:23:28James, your go.

00:23:30Well, this particular carotel or carotel that Patrick talks about,

00:23:37I can't be convinced about this jelly being nutritious,

00:23:41with a word like carotel somehow.

00:23:43It doesn't click. It's not convincing.

00:23:46And what a stay-at-home soldier has got to do with...

00:23:53..carotels...

00:23:56No, that also doesn't weigh anything.

00:23:59I would plump for Wendy.

00:24:01Oh, I'm delighted you've plumped.

00:24:03You've broken the plumping barrier.

00:24:06Someone always does it and it's personally pleasing to me.

00:24:09Wendy, true or bluff?

00:24:13APPLAUSE

00:24:22Incredible opening innings, Frank.

00:24:24The rub of the green, Patrick.

00:24:26Four-nil, my goodness.

00:24:28Sloyd is our next word.

00:24:30And Miriam, perhaps you'll tell us.

00:24:33Yes.

00:24:34Now, any of you parents who have a small son

00:24:38who while away the hours with hammer and nails

00:24:40could do with brushing up on your Sloyd.

00:24:43Because Sloyd, of course,

00:24:45is an elementary system of instruction in woodwork

00:24:49and it originated in Sweden.

00:24:52So the next time little Johnny feels like doing a bit of fretwork

00:24:56on your best three-piece suite,

00:24:58you might consider giving him

00:25:00the Sloyd manual of carpentry for his birthday.

00:25:04LAUGHTER

00:25:06So, that and now Frank.

00:25:09One of the most embarrassing experiences of my life,

00:25:12a brief one it was, it was a brief one.

00:25:14Donkeys years ago, taking my little godniece

00:25:18to Bertram Mills Circus at Olympia

00:25:21and a lady acrobat came in on the back of a horse

00:25:25and lolloped round the rim, balancing,

00:25:28and a hush descended over Olympia

00:25:32and my tiny godniece stood up

00:25:36and addressed the packed seats behind and said,

00:25:40God can do that! God can do anything!

00:25:44I said, sit down, sit down.

00:25:46Well, a circus artist who floats around on the back of horses,

00:25:50either leaping from one to the other

00:25:52or turning handstands on the flat bit of their bottom,

00:25:55that's called a Sloyd.

00:25:57Fascinating.

00:25:59LAUGHTER

00:26:02Right, yes, yes.

00:26:04Now it's James, your turn.

00:26:06Well, Sloyd is a Scandinavian name.

00:26:09It was well known at the time of the explorers

00:26:12going to either the North Pole or the South Pole.

00:26:15Adminsen, the Norwegian explorer, he used one.

00:26:19There were very heavy sledges, but the trouble with them,

00:26:23they were needed, of course, to carry equipment

00:26:26for the various explorations that were made,

00:26:28but they needed lots of dogs

00:26:31to carry this particular sledge.

00:26:35Yes, but they were so heavy, all the equipment...

00:26:38Sloyd is the name for this Scandinavian sledge.

00:26:43So it's kind of a... It's a species of woodwork,

00:26:47a kind of woodwork.

00:26:49A horse acrobat.

00:26:51I mean, an acrobat...

00:26:53LAUGHTER

00:26:56And it's a sledge.

00:26:58Wendy.

00:27:00Oh, dear, I don't like the sound of any of these.

00:27:03We'll do new ones.

00:27:06I don't think I like Miriam's Swedish woodwork very much.

00:27:10I don't think...

00:27:12That sounds a very good idea.

00:27:15And Frank's sloiding about, back to back,

00:27:19with these horses.

00:27:21Sounds a bit difficult to me.

00:27:23I think I'm going to go for the obvious one,

00:27:26which is James's heavy sledge.

00:27:29The sledge of which you spoke, James, yes.

00:27:32Now you must own up. True or bluff?

00:27:37No.

00:27:39APPLAUSE

00:27:45Now let us hear who gave the true definition of this word, sloid.

00:27:50It's woodwork.

00:27:52APPLAUSE

00:27:585-0.

00:28:00Dramatic opening, isn't it, really?

00:28:02Dotchin is our next word, and Wendy Allnut defines it.

00:28:07A dotchin is the common-law wife of a vagabond gypsy.

00:28:12She's the lady who stays at home and whittles the pegs that you buy

00:28:17when he comes round to your door to sell them to you.

00:28:20When the fire's burning whilst he's out collecting pieces of metal

00:28:24and things like that, a dotchin.

00:28:27Right. Patrick tells us.

00:28:29A dotchin is a Dutch duck.

00:28:31LAUGHTER

00:28:35And the worst news any village green, in England,

00:28:39used to be called then,

00:28:41ever had was the arrival of a dotchin.

00:28:45Or a Dutch duck, because a Dutch duck called a dotchin.

00:28:50It laid one egg about the size of a marble once a year.

00:28:54LAUGHTER

00:28:56You couldn't eat it.

00:28:58And it munched all the pastures for miles around.

00:29:04LAUGHTER

00:29:06A Dutch duck.

00:29:07Right, so now it's Anthony, your turn.

00:29:11A dotchin.

00:29:14Shall I repeat that for you?

00:29:16A dotchin is a portable weighing machine

00:29:20used by the street traders in southern China.

00:29:23But it is not unknown for some unscrupulous inscrutables

00:29:28to have two dotchin.

00:29:30One for buying from you and the other for selling to you.

00:29:34That's clever. That's clever.

00:29:36LAUGHTER

00:29:38Convinced.

00:29:40So, it's a Dutch duck.

00:29:42It's a portable weighing machine in the south of China.

00:29:46And it's a gypsy wife.

00:29:48Miriam.

00:29:50The portable Chinese weighing machine's a marvellous idea, isn't it?

00:29:54It'll catch on. Yes.

00:29:56LAUGHTER

00:29:58And the destructive Dutch duck,

00:30:02eating its way...

00:30:04Cutting a swathe through the British landscape.

00:30:08I like the peg-whittling gypsy wife.

00:30:13Ah, that was Wendy. Tell us, Wendy.

00:30:16True or bluff?

00:30:20Yeah!

00:30:22APPLAUSE

00:30:29You've got one at last. That's a treat.

00:30:32So, let us have the true one now. Here it comes.

00:30:38There he is.

00:30:40There you are.

00:30:42APPLAUSE

00:30:47Portable weighing machine in the south of China.

00:30:505-1, thank goodness.

00:30:52Smooting, we have...

00:30:54Frank.

00:30:57I wondered where it would be!

00:30:59No, no, no. This is not smooting.

00:31:01Because the smooting, the 18th century,

00:31:05the cheapest snuff was called raperie,

00:31:07which is very rough and dry and nasty.

00:31:11But there was also something nastier,

00:31:13and that was when you'd rubbed and sieved your...

00:31:19..roll of dry tobacco against the little rasper,

00:31:23you got left on the bench with a whole lot of dust and muck,

00:31:26and that was called the smooting.

00:31:28Fit only for Spaniard, it was said at the time.

00:31:31Very cheap.

00:31:33Right, now, James Loughran, you tell us.

00:31:36Smooting is the angler's dream.

00:31:39It's when he sees a calm river

00:31:42and suddenly there's lots of bubbles appear in the middle

00:31:45with the fish coming up to eat insects.

00:31:49This action is called smooting.

00:31:54Angler's term. Miriam.

00:31:56Now, smooting could get a printer into trouble with his trade union,

00:32:01because smooting is the practice of accepting casual labour

00:32:05in a printing house where the printer is not employed,

00:32:08and it's a practice which is greatly frowned upon by the TUC.

00:32:15So it's kind of the bits that are left behind

00:32:18after you've gathered up the other bits and stuffed them up your nose.

00:32:23It's the rise of the fish, and it's a sort of moonlighting printer.

00:32:28Patrick, your choice.

00:32:30Wretched nonsense.

00:32:32Rough snuff!

00:32:36I don't know smooting, whether the fish or the fisherman is smooting.

00:32:40Don't answer.

00:32:43The rise of the fish, as I gathered it, sitting here as I was.

00:32:49Moonlighting printer...

00:32:56I'm sure it's either the fish or the fisherman.

00:32:59The fish or the fisherman that are smooting.

00:33:02I think I am.

00:33:05Yes! You're going to choose the rise of the fish.

00:33:08That's James. It's another bluff.

00:33:10Just show it, just flash it, lad.

00:33:12Shall I?

00:33:21No, no, no, let's see which it was.

00:33:24Two, one, comes out now, and there it is.

00:33:27APPLAUSE

00:33:32Who does other work besides the one he does during the day?

00:33:36Kratchen is our next word, and Patrick to define it.

00:33:41If you're stuck with an old sheep, and you've taken the skin off it,

00:33:46and you've eaten the edible bit, you want to melt down the rest of it.

00:33:50You get some juice out of it anyway.

00:33:52LAUGHTER

00:33:55Little bits, kind of gristle and bone and that kind of rubbish

00:33:59that's left behind are called kratchen.

00:34:01After you've sieved it, you've got your kratchen in your sieve.

00:34:06Sometimes the kratchen is...

00:34:10..put into Roper's bowl for Roper's lunch.

00:34:13I might be ill any moment.

00:34:15LAUGHTER

00:34:17There's still better news to come.

00:34:20Round about Cheshire...

00:34:23..many a thrifty housewife takes the kratchen out of Roper's bowl,

00:34:27seeing that Roper doesn't like it,

00:34:29and turns it into kratchen cakes.

00:34:31LAUGHTER

00:34:33Delicious.

00:34:35Well, as likely as anything, Anthony Valentine now.

00:34:41Kratchen!

00:34:43Actually, kratchen is a rare piece of authentic Somerset dialect.

00:34:49It's an ancient adjective and its modern counterpart

00:34:52would probably be something like

00:34:54as thick as two or even three short planks.

00:34:58Yes. In villages like Marston Magna or Chiltern Cantello,

00:35:02he or she who has an IQ which is regarded as being an absolute minus

00:35:06may be referred to as being kratchen,

00:35:09if he kratchen, if he kratchen, kratchen.

00:35:13You did it very well. I finished.

00:35:16Now, Wendy, what do you tell us?

00:35:18A kratchen is a tool or an implement

00:35:21for digging up cockles on the sandbanks of Essex.

00:35:24Cockles? Cockles.

00:35:26It's a curved wooden implement

00:35:29with three or four prongs at the end of it,

00:35:32and you put it under the sand and dig up the cockles.

00:35:37So, it's a... Well done.

00:35:39It's a cockle... It's a cockle fork.

00:35:42It's gristly fat and it's daft in Somerset.

00:35:47My funny valentine.

00:35:55I don't really think it's a funny West Countryman.

00:36:01Could be, could be.

00:36:03I might just juggle the options a little. Are we for time?

00:36:06We may get another one in if we're briskish.

00:36:09I don't think it's a cockle fork.

00:36:12I think it's a cockle fork.

00:36:14I think the cockles, being the size they were,

00:36:17would fall between the prongs if there were only three.

00:36:25Whether it's a filleted haggis is the other thing.

00:36:29I think it's a filleted haggis.

00:36:31The gristly thingy that is sometimes made into cake.

00:36:35But the meat.

00:36:36Patrick, true or bluff? He tells us now.

00:36:39Well, losing is fun.

00:36:49Just once in a while, it is the fatty cake, you know, and it's real.

00:36:53Now, let's race fairly swiftly.

00:36:55Let's have the last word.

00:36:57It's archit. James, just canter along fairly swiftly.

00:37:01Yes, archit is a French term for the hard crust

00:37:05that forms in a barrel of fermented wine.

00:37:08Very difficult to clean.

00:37:10Splendid. Miriam, your turn.

00:37:12Archit is a word which is really passed out of use.

00:37:15It's the old word for the bow with which you play a violin.

00:37:18Perhaps the older members of James Orchestra still use it.

00:37:21Yes, we know, we know. Frank?

00:37:23Archit, archit, small arch, such as top half of mouse hole.

00:37:28Right.

00:37:30It's crust on the inside, crust on the inside of a barrel.

00:37:34It's a small arch and it's an old-fashioned word for violin bow.

00:37:37Antony, make a swiftish choice.

00:37:39A swiftish stab, yes.

00:37:41It could well be the crust and it could well be a mouse's top-knot hole.

00:37:46I'd take an even dafter guess and say it's the violin bow.

00:37:49Violin bow? Right. Miriam, tell him.

00:37:51Well done. Oh, my God!

00:37:53APPLAUSE

00:38:01Lovely. Lovely.

00:38:03It does, in fact, mean a violin bow.

00:38:05Had you ever heard the term before, James?

00:38:07Oh, yes, I had. Ah, yes.

00:38:09Well, it's the only thing I have heard in this program.

00:38:12Just one. Just one.

00:38:14Anyway, there you are. The score tells its own story, does it not?

00:38:172-7 or 7-2, Frank Muir's team has won.

00:38:20APPLAUSE

00:38:27So, we are back next time with the halt and the lame

00:38:31from the Oxford English Dictionary.

00:38:33And until then, goodnight from James Loughran.

00:38:37Goodnight.

00:38:39APPLAUSE

00:38:43Miriam Stockard.

00:38:45Wendy Allnut.

00:38:47Thank you.

00:38:49Goodnight.

00:38:53Goodbye.

00:39:01APPLAUSE

00:39:19APPLAUSE

00:39:26Hello again.

00:39:28Let me welcome you to Call My Bluff,

00:39:30the upmarket version of Crown & Anchor,

00:39:32which features Patrick Campbell.

00:39:34APPLAUSE

00:39:41And having been robbed blind last week by the other mob,

00:39:45I've called back to my side from rough justice

00:39:49lovely Wendy Allnut.

00:39:51APPLAUSE

00:39:54And on the other side, the master of well-attempted...

00:39:58..a little bit of burgling, Anthony Valentine.

00:40:02APPLAUSE

00:40:09And several yards of pure flannel, Frank Muir.

00:40:13APPLAUSE

00:40:19A curious sort of life where you start off the show

00:40:22with falling about with laughter at Robert's jokes.

00:40:25Oh, come! That'll be the day.

00:40:27I have the same team as last week.

00:40:30A lady of many parts, beautifully fitted together.

00:40:33A doctor and a mother and a writer and lots of other things.

00:40:38Miriam Stockard.

00:40:40APPLAUSE

00:40:45And from the world of music, as they say,

00:40:49the conductor of the Hallé Orchestra, James Loughran.

00:40:53APPLAUSE

00:40:59Our first word appears to be rum swizzle.

00:41:03Let me remind you that Patrick Campbell and his team

00:41:07will define rum swizzle three different ways.

00:41:09Two of them will be false definitions.

00:41:11One is true, that's the one that Frank and co. will try and pick out.

00:41:14So, Patrick, what of rum swizzle?

00:41:17Rum swizzle, about 200 years ago,

00:41:22was a thick fabric, almost waterproof,

00:41:26worn by the poorer people in Dublin.

00:41:29We were all poor people 200 years ago now.

00:41:32So you might be taking your eaves along the North Wall,

00:41:36right near the quays there.

00:41:39You might hear a man saying,

00:41:41Hey, Joe, I think a bit of rain's coming on.

00:41:44LAUGHTER

00:41:46I'd rather slip into me rum swizzle.

00:41:48LAUGHTER

00:41:53Yeah, sort of a thing you put on.

00:41:55I said it. You did, you did.

00:41:57I'm sure I was listening.

00:41:59Anthony Ballantyne.

00:42:01As you might expect, rum swizzle is an artificial,

00:42:06an ersatz, a mock kind of rum.

00:42:10It's a rum that's never been anywhere near,

00:42:12not within 100 miles of Sugarcane.

00:42:14It's made from fermented juices of sugar beet.

00:42:17And its brewing was once a very important,

00:42:20but nevertheless clandestine, industry

00:42:22in the remoter parts of Suffolk.

00:42:26So, now it's Wendy Allnut to tell us.

00:42:29A rum swizzle, in the hunting dialect of Herefordshire,

00:42:34is a hen's egg that might be said to have gone off at half cock.

00:42:39It looks all right.

00:42:42It looks absolutely fine, like any other hen's egg,

00:42:45but when you crack it open, it's half full of air.

00:42:53So, it's an empty-ish sort of egg.

00:42:55It's thick stuff that they made coats of in Ireland.

00:43:00And it's mock ersatz rum.

00:43:03Frank.

00:43:08Can't be.

00:43:10We're having a little conference here.

00:43:12Too long, really. No, no, no, it's all right.

00:43:15We don't think it's the beet generation's juice

00:43:19extracted as an imitation or swizzle on Jamaican rum.

00:43:24It could happen.

00:43:26Well, no, we couldn't really, could we, Anthony?

00:43:29The best will in the world, it just is too obvious.

00:43:32Now, whether it's, on the other hand,

00:43:35Irish waterproof fabric or an aerated egg

00:43:39is very interesting.

00:43:41I would have thought the aerated egg...

00:43:43So, Wend, if you could...

00:43:46She did indeed. ..put us out of our misery.

00:43:48Miss Allnut, yes.

00:43:50Wendy, trow a bluff.

00:43:52APPLAUSE

00:43:59No, no, no, no.

00:44:01Who gave the true definition of this interesting word?

00:44:05You've seen...

00:44:07APPLAUSE

00:44:12So, it is indeed that thick material

00:44:14out of which rainproof garments were sometimes made.

00:44:18Gub is the next simple word.

00:44:21Frank, what of gub?

00:44:23The meaning of this word is frightfully dreary

00:44:26and is not helped by the way I do it.

00:44:29So, if you'll listen intently,

00:44:31a gub is the elongated extension of the hub of a wheel.

00:44:39In other words, it's the hub extending beyond the spokes of the wheel.

00:44:44So, mark me, if the wheel is turning

00:44:47and you fit an endless belt over the hub, the gub,

00:44:50the endless belt will be projected round at a speed

00:44:54depending not only on the speed of revolution of the wheel

00:44:58but also of the diameter of the gub.

00:45:04What?

00:45:06I don't... I've forgotten.

00:45:12Well, I'll get James Loughran to have a try now.

00:45:15Next time you're in the Faroes, in the Faroe Islands,

00:45:19listen for the word gub to be shouted out by these islanders

00:45:24because this is a very significant word.

00:45:26It means that those bottle-necked whales

00:45:31are approaching the waters around the island.

00:45:35Now, the significance of that is not the bottle-nosed whales,

00:45:40which you know, which you can recognise, I'm sure.

00:45:44Personally, I've never seen them,

00:45:46but it's the fact that they bring always a shoal of herring

00:45:51and therefore the fishermen of the Faroe Islands are pleased

00:45:55and it's just a way of expressing relief.

00:45:57Gub.

00:46:01I see.

00:46:02Miriam, your go.

00:46:04Well, the word is pronounced goob

00:46:06because it's a lovely Persian word for a lovely Persian custom.

00:46:11Goob is dried rose petals,

00:46:13which the Persians are given to spreading on the floor

00:46:16so that the visitor will step on these sweet-smelling items

00:46:20onto couches, chairs and beds as a sort of aromatic deodorant.

00:46:26Come to think of it, it might not be a bad idea

00:46:28if London Transport didn't spread a little goob around the rush-hour tubes.

00:46:34It's delicious rose petals.

00:46:37It's the extension of a hub

00:46:40and it's a school of whales that are both bottle-nosed and bottle-necked,

00:46:44if I got you right.

00:46:45Anyway, one or the other or perhaps even both.

00:46:47Patrick.

00:46:50Ah.

00:46:53Is it a flock or a shah or a mob?

00:46:57A bottle-nosed, bottle-necked?

00:46:59Way to write it.

00:47:00A school.

00:47:01A school, Patrick.

00:47:02A school.

00:47:03You've got a bottle-necked...

00:47:04Bottle-nosed school.

00:47:05Bottle-nosed.

00:47:06It's a comprehensive term.

00:47:07Comprehensive school.

00:47:09Yes, we're advancing a little bit into a fairly impenetrable jungle here.

00:47:14The thing that sticks out of the wheelchair whizzes round with the belt on it.

00:47:18No, no, no, no, no.

00:47:20I'll say it without jester, Frank.

00:47:23A goob in the tube.

00:47:28Everyone knows, including probably my team but not myself,

00:47:33that it's the thing that sticks out of the wheel.

00:47:35That's the one you choose.

00:47:37Frank, you said that.

00:47:39I'll give you a chance to change your mind, stranger.

00:47:44For how much money?

00:47:47Money doesn't enter into this programme to any great extent, does it?

00:47:52Oh, go on, then.

00:48:01It is indeed the extension of the heart around which you can wrap whatever pleases you.

00:48:07Toker is the next one.

00:48:09Anthony Valentine defines it.

00:48:12A toker was a giant variety of broad bean

00:48:18that was grown in the 18th century in gardens and allotments,

00:48:23and so large and luxuriant was its growth

00:48:26that the Percy Throwers of the day recommended

00:48:30that each toker bean should not be sown less than a yard apart.

00:48:36And now Wendy tells us.

00:48:40A toker is a word which originates from Weymouth in Dorset.

00:48:44No, it will.

00:48:48It's the name given to a bathing machine attendant,

00:48:51particularly of the horse-drawn variety.

00:48:56Horse-drawn attendant.

00:49:00Horse-drawn bathing machine.

00:49:02Horse-drawn bathing machine.

00:49:04Sorry.

00:49:05It may be helpful to you to know that in the Dorset dialect

00:49:08there is a word, to toke, which is to take a dip.

00:49:15Good, good. Glad to know that.

00:49:18Patrick tells us now.

00:49:20A toker, a little bowl made of wood

00:49:24in which the inmates of arms houses, of course, in the old days,

00:49:30they would serve their gruel in the toker,

00:49:33wooden bowl about that size, that deep.

00:49:38Not a lot of gruel, I must say, but still, you'd be free of charge.

00:49:42Now, the strange thing is that

00:49:45it was St John's Parish, hard by Canterbury.

00:49:51All the tokers in the arms houses there, they were made of hornbeam.

00:49:56God bless my soul.

00:49:59So, it's a bathing machine attendant,

00:50:02it's a bowl, and it's broad beans, or a broad bean.

00:50:07My home beans.

00:50:12Well, you know, the laughing bean was the thing I couldn't quite understand.

00:50:17I've had lots of laughing beans.

00:50:19I didn't really... Although it was so convincing,

00:50:22in fact, the whole team is so convincing, it makes it very difficult.

00:50:27But a toker...

00:50:30It was a toss-up between Patrick and Wendy, as far as I know.

00:50:35Wendy was very convincing.

00:50:40But I'll go for Patrick.

00:50:42Patrick, he said... The wooden bowl.

00:50:44The wooden bowl. Patrick, you must now tell us true or bluff.

00:50:48We can't bear wooden bowls.

00:50:50APPLAUSE

00:50:56No, no, no, no, no, no. Who gave the true definition of toker?

00:51:02It's my own amazement.

00:51:04APPLAUSE

00:51:08A broad bean is what it is.

00:51:113-0. Are the tables about to be turned?

00:51:14Let's see. It is.

00:51:16Well, they'll pronounce it, I don't know which way.

00:51:19Franschmeier, I would say James Loughran.

00:51:22Well, I don't know whether it's Franschmeier or Franschmeier or Franschmeier,

00:51:27what it is, but...

00:51:29what I do know is that it is an unorthodox haggis.

00:51:36No, no, don't laugh. I mean, it's...

00:51:38I'm not laughing at all.

00:51:40It's a non-performist way of making the haggis,

00:51:43and it's really only fit for Sassenachs to eat.

00:51:47Because, you see, I mean, without trying to spoil your meal tonight,

00:51:51you take a...

00:51:53To make the real Franschmeier,

00:51:56you would take a sheep's stomach...

00:52:02..and then you cram it full,

00:52:04not with oatmeal and sheep's entrails.

00:52:09Now, that's the right way of doing it. That's the way I like it.

00:52:12Now, the way that the Franschmeier would do it

00:52:15is with eggs and cream

00:52:18and such commodities so that it's not quite so strong.

00:52:23That is a Franschmeier.

00:52:27Positively lyrical, that one.

00:52:30Franschmeier is poor man's Brussels lace.

00:52:34It's slightly coarser and harder-wearing than real Brussels lace,

00:52:39and it actually comes from a place called Franschmeil,

00:52:42which is on the outskirts of Liège.

00:52:44It was used for things in the Victorian times

00:52:47like ecclesiastical vestments and for antimacassars,

00:52:51and in those days, when they didn't like looking at piano legs,

00:52:54it was used for the pantaloons to cover up the piano legs.

00:52:58It's a trimming lace.

00:53:00Mm-hm, mm-hm. Frank Muir.

00:53:03I don't know if you've considered the fate of a medieval sapper.

00:53:08It's all they were for the knight who's got bags of armour on and things,

00:53:12but they'd say to this poor bloke,

00:53:14you know, go out and dig a hole under the castle wall

00:53:18and we'll put a bomb in and bring it all down,

00:53:20or we'll dig and make it collapse.

00:53:23How does he protect himself?

00:53:25Spears and arrows and stones and hot oil and things.

00:53:28With a Franschmeier, which is a wicker basket.

00:53:33Hang on, it's not solely a wicker basket,

00:53:36because he used to fill the wicker basket with gravel.

00:53:39It's a whisker basket.

00:53:41If you like, a whisker blasket with...

00:53:44There are several variant pronunciations with earth and stones and things,

00:53:49and that gave him a little bit of protection,

00:53:51later superseded by the sandbag.

00:53:54So, it's an early sandbag.

00:53:56It's inferior lace and an inferior haggis.

00:54:00Anthony Valentine, his choice.

00:54:03It's your choice, isn't it?

00:54:05I wish it was someone else's.

00:54:07Nothing to do with us at all.

00:54:09Utterly overwhelmed by your unorthodox haggis.

00:54:12Utterly. You must tell me about that later on.

00:54:14A wicker basket full of things, wasn't it, Frank?

00:54:18Stones and things.

00:54:20And he gets behind this or into this?

00:54:22It's a protection.

00:54:23Yes, and...

00:54:24Or it isn't.

00:54:25Lace that goes over Victorian... Yes.

00:54:29Oh, Lord.

00:54:31Are you OK at 3-0?

00:54:34Plunge, lad.

00:54:35Yes, I shall.

00:54:36In at the deep end, because I don't believe it,

00:54:38I think it's James's unorthodox haggis.

00:54:40Well, we shall live to see whether this is the case,

00:54:43because, James, you did say that.

00:54:45Now you must own up, true or bluff.

00:54:47Suspense, suspense.

00:54:48You're right!

00:54:56Indeed.

00:54:58The tables are being turned for the vengeance now.

00:55:00Gonagra is the next word,

00:55:02and Wendy Allnut is to define it.

00:55:06Gonagra is a powdered form of cochineal.

00:55:10It's the dried blood of insects used for colouring junkets and things,

00:55:14but it's not used in the kitchen any longer.

00:55:16It's now used in the manufacture of artists' paints as a pigment,

00:55:22mostly for Davies Carmine

00:55:25and brown markers.

00:55:27Yes.

00:55:28Yes.

00:55:29Now, Patrick, his go.

00:55:33A gonagra...

00:55:36..it's a purple hailstorm that comes roaring down

00:55:42onto the coast of Chile.

00:55:46It's more to come.

00:55:48I bet there is.

00:55:52There's little known about it,

00:55:55there's little known fact

00:55:58that the town of Caldora,

00:56:01on the east coast of Chile, just east of Chile, you see,

00:56:04down there, that way,

00:56:07it was destroyed by

00:56:12a hailstorm of this stuff

00:56:16at the autumn equinox in 1888.

00:56:21Good Lord.

00:56:22Good Lord.

00:56:24Nobody survived, all lost.

00:56:26How do you know, then?

00:56:28I read about it.

00:56:31How does anybody know if they were all killed?

00:56:33People generally see what had happened.

00:56:36When hailstones are big as billiard balls.

00:56:38When hailstones melt.

00:56:40I scrubbed that one.

00:56:43They got there quick enough, that was the thing.

00:56:46Anthony.

00:56:47Gout, as you know, is a painful affliction

00:56:50that affects heavy port drinkers,

00:56:53usually in or about or around or upon the big toe.

00:56:58Gonagra is a variety of gout

00:57:01that especially attacks the kneecap.

00:57:04Yes, I'm afraid so.

00:57:06And is therefore detested and feared by the clergy

00:57:09who find that kneeling to pray is made even more difficult

00:57:12when they have this condition.

00:57:13So it's a kind of cochineal, they're covering stuff.

00:57:16It's gout in the kneecap,

00:57:18and it's a very nasty hailstorm.

00:57:21Miriam.

00:57:22We've decided we're all going to go down together.

00:57:25If it's gout of the kneecap,

00:57:27I'll never hold my head up again.

00:57:29Because I've never heard of gonagra as a form of gout.

00:57:36Chilean hailstones.

00:57:39Chilean hailstones.

00:57:43All souls lost.

00:57:47I rather like the idea of the red pigment

00:57:50that goes into Davis Carmine and Madder Brown.

00:57:54Well, that was Wendy, yes.

00:57:56Was Wendy telling the truth, or was she teasing?

00:58:01No, no.

00:58:02APPLAUSE

00:58:09Now, let's see the true definition.

00:58:13Prepare to bow your heads.

00:58:15APPLAUSE

00:58:23It's probably not called gonagra these days, is it?

00:58:26No, not in mine.

00:58:29You'd have known about it, I'm sure.

00:58:32So, yes, that's what it is.

00:58:34It's gout in the kneecap.

00:58:35No laughing matter, I dare say.

00:58:37Bijan, the next one.

00:58:38Miriam, your gout.

00:58:40Well, it's pronounced bajan,

00:58:43like behold, behead and behave, Patrick.

00:58:49What did I do?

00:58:51You're sitting here quietly listening.

00:58:53You're winning, that's what you're doing.

00:58:56So behave, Patrick.

00:58:58Now, bajan is a verb,

00:59:00and it describes the activity of a hawk

00:59:03when it's getting ready to take off,

00:59:05when it's seen its prey and it's getting rather excited

00:59:07and it knows that there's a kill ahead.

00:59:09When it arches its neck, fluffs up its feathers,

00:59:12and you know how they do this with their feet?

00:59:15No.

00:59:17Yes, when a bird's excited,

00:59:18it sort of goes from one foot to another on the perch.

00:59:23And that is to bajan.

00:59:28We don't like to overdo things, birds.

00:59:31Tremor a bit on the perch.

00:59:32Frank, your gout.

00:59:35Bajan, from the French.

00:59:38Lovely antiquarian word

00:59:40for first-year student at a Scottish university.

00:59:45Happily, a term still preserved

00:59:49at the University of St Andrews,

00:59:53of which I'm rector.

00:59:56Ad.

00:59:57What?

00:59:58An ad.

01:00:01Ad what?

01:00:04We call them bijans.

01:00:07From the French.

01:00:10Well, James.

01:00:12You must know it. It's a terribly well-known word.

01:00:14James.

01:00:15Well, bajan is an Indian.

01:00:17It sounds Indian. It's an Indian word.

01:00:19It means a little tall house outside a village

01:00:24in India, northern India.

01:00:27And, in fact,

01:00:29during the Indian mutiny,

01:00:31there was one of the first VCs

01:00:35with his company held one of these bajans

01:00:38against the revolting natives

01:00:41or the natives revolting.

01:00:45That was the bajan.

01:00:47So it's that kind of Indian toll gate

01:00:50or bar where you go through.

01:00:52It's a hawk getting fed,

01:00:54or where you go through.

01:00:55It's a hawk getting fairly excited

01:00:58and it's a Scotch fresh...

01:01:00Scotch freshman, not the other way round.

01:01:02Be grateful if you get this wrong.

01:01:04Be grateful if you get this wrong.

01:01:10Up to you, darling.

01:01:12You're on your own.

01:01:13Oh, I think this is very difficult.

01:01:17I don't think that I...

01:01:20Despite the fact you're rector,

01:01:22I don't think that it sounds like a first-year student

01:01:25at a Scottish university.

01:01:28Sorry.

01:01:32The hawk taking off,

01:01:34doing this funny little dance

01:01:37in James's toll house.

01:01:39It does sound Indian,

01:01:41but I think I'll go for Miriam's hawk.

01:01:44She did say, yeah, the hawk trying to work itself up

01:01:47to get up into the air.

01:01:48Job love, here he comes.

01:01:50No, no.

01:01:58Now, did the rector speak true?

01:02:00Oh, the relief is extraordinary when you get one, isn't it?

01:02:05He was right.

01:02:12Beegent and Beegentine.

01:02:14There you are.

01:02:15He knew what he was talking about.

01:02:17For once.

01:02:18Right.

01:02:19Here we have another word, tenty,

01:02:21and I think Patrick's going to have a crack at that one.

01:02:25You might see a field...

01:02:29You might see two fields,

01:02:31one's got cows in it,

01:02:33a kind of cow field,

01:02:34but the field next door,

01:02:36they're full of tents.

01:02:39There's Boy Scouts,

01:02:42even Girl Guides,

01:02:44or mixed, even.

01:02:46Some Sea Scouts in there.

01:02:49A tenty just means

01:02:52a kind of field with tents in it.

01:02:57Makes a lot of sense.

01:03:00Antony, now your go.

01:03:04A tenty is a vital piece of a horse-drawn plough.

01:03:09I've got to be a bit... I must get this right.

01:03:12It's a stout block of timber

01:03:14to which the ploughshare is attached,

01:03:16and because of the torsion...

01:03:18Think about it, Frank, yes.

01:03:20Because of the torsion exerted upon the tenty

01:03:24by the turning motion of the ploughshare,

01:03:27it is recommended that regularly it's turned through 90 degrees,

01:03:32otherwise you end up with a twisted tenty.

01:03:34Not good.

01:03:38So, now, Wendy, what do you say?

01:03:40Tenty, or tenty,

01:03:43is a Scots adjective

01:03:45for watchful or observant,

01:03:48or keeping your peepers well peeled.

01:03:51And if I may quote from Burns,

01:03:54Jean slips in toi with tenty-y,

01:03:58what was she wouldn't-a-teal.

01:04:00What?

01:04:01I'm not doing it again!

01:04:07Not the same programme without a bit of Burns, I always say.

01:04:10Anyway, it's part of a plough.

01:04:12It's a lot of tents, it's a field full of tents,

01:04:15and it's an adjective...

01:04:17Or do I mean an adverb?

01:04:19No, I mean an adjective, watchful.

01:04:21Frank, your turn.

01:04:22I think, Anthony, it's the ninth piece of a horse-drawn plough

01:04:25that we've had on this programme,

01:04:27and none of them have been right.

01:04:29This might be the night tonight,

01:04:32but I don't think it is.

01:04:34Turning this bulk of timber through 90 degrees

01:04:36wouldn't do it any good, you know.

01:04:38Now, is it a tenty?

01:04:41Tenty, tenty.

01:04:43It sounds awfully Scottish, doesn't it?

01:04:45In a porky way.

01:04:47Or is it a field full of tents?

01:04:49No, it must be, Wendy, it must be your Scottish tenty.

01:04:53You think that it means watchful?

01:04:55By heavens, I hope so.

01:04:56Draw bluff, Wendy!

01:04:58No.

01:04:59You're right!

01:05:00APPLAUSE

01:05:07We've got nice time for another word.

01:05:09Tenty does indeed mean watchful, a Scottish word.

01:05:13Hoggler's the next one. Frank.

01:05:16Do you know you can eat the hedgehog?

01:05:18Yep.

01:05:19Before getting down to actually sinking the molars into it,

01:05:23you bake it in clay and then it gets all the things off.

01:05:26And it's extraordinary how such a lovable little animal

01:05:29is so full of fleas, but there we are.

01:05:31C'est la vie.

01:05:32But in Cambridgeshire, they eat a hedgehog pie

01:05:36and they stick almonds and roasted nuts in it

01:05:39to make it look like the spines and it's called hoggler.

01:05:42Hoggler pie.

01:05:43Splendid, splendid.

01:05:44James, your turn.

01:05:46This is a giveaway to the winning team.

01:05:51A hoggler is an unskilled peasant.

01:05:55He's so unskilled he can't...

01:05:58He isn't qualified in any country craft at all.

01:06:01I mean, he can't sort of hedge or ditch or even spread muck.

01:06:08All he can do is to sit or lean on a five-bar gate

01:06:16and suck a straw and stare into infinity.

01:06:24Some skill involved there.

01:06:28See if we can get him a job here.

01:06:30Miriam.

01:06:34Don Quixote used to have trouble with hogglers

01:06:37because these are the little pieces of metal

01:06:40that are put along the sails of windmills to strengthen them

01:06:43so he had difficulty knocking them over.

01:06:45Usually there's a strip of metal along the inside and outside

01:06:49of the leading edge and also one on the trailing edge of the sail

01:06:53to keep it stiff and straight.

01:06:55So then you say that it's part of...

01:06:57That's part of a windmill.

01:06:59It's a poor yokel who can't do much

01:07:01and it's hedgehog pudding, I think you said, Frank, pie.

01:07:05So, Patrick, what will you have?

01:07:09Come on, we want to win.

01:07:11You haven't got a hope of winning.

01:07:14Well, of course, absolutely absurd.

01:07:17The thin bits along the edges of windmill sails and...

01:07:24What about the profession of leaning on a gate stair

01:07:27in the sky sucking his straw?

01:07:31It's not you anyway, Frank, it's him.

01:07:33Who's him? What do you mean?

01:07:35Yeah, the yokel...

01:07:37The gate stairer.

01:07:39James, you said that, didn't you?

01:07:41Yes, I did.

01:07:42You're caught out, weren't you?

01:07:43Am I?

01:07:44Yeah.

01:07:45Let's see.

01:07:46Let's see it.

01:07:47You're right.

01:07:48APPLAUSE

01:07:54You really can't believe it, but it is true.

01:07:56All he said about the yokel being unable to do anything,

01:07:59perfectly true.

01:08:00So, very much last week's game is reversed,

01:08:03or nearly reversed.

01:08:04I think it was seven last week, wasn't it?

01:08:06I'm not sure.

01:08:07Yes.

01:08:086-2.

01:08:09Patrick's team has won.

01:08:11APPLAUSE

01:08:13So, we'll have some more words

01:08:16that never really caught on next week,

01:08:18and until then, goodbye from Anthony Valentine...

01:08:22APPLAUSE

01:08:24..Jed Blackburn...

01:08:27..Wendy Allnut...

01:08:30..Milliam Stoppard...

01:08:33..Patrick Campbell...

01:08:34Good night.

01:08:35APPLAUSE

01:08:36..and I'll see you next week.

01:08:38Good night.

01:08:40Patrick Campbell, good night.

01:08:42Thank you.

01:08:45And goodbye.

01:08:46APPLAUSE

01:09:10APPLAUSE

01:09:17Good evening.

01:09:18Call My Bluff Again Where A Bowtie Enters,

01:09:21closely followed by Frank Muir.

01:09:23Good evening.

01:09:24APPLAUSE

01:09:30My first guest is a delightful actress,

01:09:33too long absent from this programme, six years.

01:09:36So, how nice to be able to say, welcome back, Jenny Agatha.

01:09:39APPLAUSE

01:09:45My next has been with us a bit, actually,

01:09:47but he's a broadcaster, a cricketer of some distinction,

01:09:52and he's also co-written an opera called Evita.

01:09:55Tim Rice.

01:09:56APPLAUSE

01:09:58And Phil the Fluter himself, Patrick Campbell.

01:10:01APPLAUSE

01:10:04Good evening.

01:10:07My first guest might be called a colleen by English people.

01:10:11I just call her Sinead Cusack.

01:10:14APPLAUSE

01:10:19My next guest is a brilliant musician,

01:10:23Richard Scandalmonger.

01:10:25APPLAUSE

01:10:30And the other one knows all, tells all,

01:10:33even more than the truth,

01:10:36Richard Scandalmonger, Nigel Dempster.

01:10:39APPLAUSE

01:10:45We ring for our first word, and we get a double sample.

01:10:48Toho is the first word.

01:10:50Frank and his team are going to define Toho three different ways.

01:10:53Two of the definitions are false.

01:10:55One is true, that's the one they try and pick on.

01:10:58So, what about this word, Frank?

01:11:00Well, well, well, Robert...

01:11:02LAUGHTER

01:11:04For a change, Toho isn't a type of boat found on the Red Sea,

01:11:10nor is it diseases of sheep, nor is it a Persian cortificial.

01:11:16It's the other one.

01:11:19It's a Peruvian drink.

01:11:22No, no, wait.

01:11:24It's a Peruvian drink made out of the insides of certain trees.

01:11:29It's highly alcoholic and highly appreciated by those that make it.

01:11:34LAUGHTER

01:11:36Right, so, who's next?

01:11:38Tim Rice.

01:11:40Well, if you're a dog or a dog lover,

01:11:42the word Toho will be terribly common to you,

01:11:45because it's a command that dog lovers give to dogs.

01:11:49And if you yell,

01:11:51Toho!

01:11:53to your dog, it will instantly,

01:11:55especially if it's a setter or a pointer,

01:11:57it will instantly stop whatever it's doing

01:12:00and do something else, or it will wait.

01:12:03LAUGHTER

01:12:05Toho means stop what you're doing, Rover,

01:12:08and wait for the next command.

01:12:10All right, now, Jenny Ackerter's turn.

01:12:13A Toho, in the slang jargon of the horse and cart trade,

01:12:17is the workman whose job it is to raise the cart

01:12:20after it's been tipped over by emptying.

01:12:23At the risk of inciting a mass walkout by the Toho's union,

01:12:26I would not say that it is a highly skilled job.

01:12:29What a load of drivel.

01:12:32We'll do this, then.

01:12:34You never know, you never know.

01:12:36It might just be that, as she says, it's something lifting up a cart.

01:12:40It's an order given to a dog,

01:12:42and it's a very strong alcoholic Peruvian drink.

01:12:45So, Patrick, now, pick out the drivel from the other stuff.

01:12:48Or pick out the other stuff from the drivel.

01:12:51Plunge.

01:12:52I'd made a note here that all dogs are called Rover,

01:12:55and suddenly you call your dog Rover.

01:12:57That's not fair.

01:12:59But to say Toho, Rover, stop what you're doing.

01:13:02No, you wouldn't say that, you'd just say Toho, because that means...

01:13:05Who's doing the talking, you or me?

01:13:07LAUGHTER

01:13:09Peruvian...

01:13:11..pushing up a cart, it's a...

01:13:14..it's a cart pusher-upper.

01:13:16You think so? Now, let's see who said that.

01:13:19Yes, yes, Jenny, you said it. True or bluff?

01:13:22I wonder, was it drivel, or did she succeed in...

01:13:26Fooling you!

01:13:28APPLAUSE

01:13:33It's not my early days.

01:13:35It may have been drivel, but it was OK drivel.

01:13:37Now, who gave the true definition of Toho?

01:13:43You can't believe it, can you?

01:13:45APPLAUSE

01:13:49That is the correct way of addressing a dog.

01:13:52Toho is what you have to say if you wanted to do something else.

01:13:56Shivy is the next round. Patrick, you tell us.

01:13:59A shivy...

01:14:01..is a short class of a leprechaun, I'm sorry to say.

01:14:04Yes, sir?

01:14:05A little short class of a leprechaun.

01:14:07Short class?

01:14:09I mean a short leprechaun. Oh, I see.

01:14:12LAUGHTER

01:14:14I nearly missed there, sorry.

01:14:16A fully paid-up member of the...

01:14:18..of the world of Pennyland.

01:14:20Irish branch, you see.

01:14:22But the thing about the shivy is...

01:14:24..he's dressed in seashells.

01:14:28And you can hear him clanking around...

01:14:31..as the sun goes down on Galway Bank.

01:14:34Thank you, Mother MacCree.

01:14:36Now it's Nigel Dempster's turn.

01:14:39Time was in the east end of London when the street cry of...

01:14:42..shivy, shivy...

01:14:44..bought housewives to their door with blunt knives and forks...

01:14:47..and scissors and things like that.

01:14:49It was in fact the street cry of the knife grinder...

01:14:52..and it comes from the Jewish...

01:14:54..shivay, shivay meaning I will sharpen.

01:14:57Hence the word shivay has come to mean the knife grinder.

01:15:01Mm-hm. All right.

01:15:04Sinead, your turn.

01:15:06Well, shivy is a very dirty word among wool gatherers.

01:15:11It being an adjective to describe a sheep's fleece...

01:15:15..that is in a bad condition.

01:15:18Oh, on the diseases again. Yes.

01:15:21A fleece is said to be shivy if, for instance, it's caked with mud...

01:15:25..or full of foreign bodies like burrs or briars...

01:15:30..or bugs or dead blue bottles.

01:15:33That kind of thing.

01:15:35Right, so it's a little...

01:15:37..a short class of a leprechaun.

01:15:39It's a knife grinder's cry

01:15:41and it's an ill-conditioned fleece from a sheep.

01:15:44Frank's choice.

01:15:46Might be right. Might be right.

01:15:49Any time you're ready over there...

01:15:51Well, we're not yet. Sorry, sorry.

01:15:54A fleece full of fleas...

01:15:57A fleece full of...

01:15:59..tiny little people with rattling shells.

01:16:05The knife grinder, because a shiv is a knife, isn't it?

01:16:09A shiv. Yes.

01:16:11Very worrying. I'll go for the knife grinder.

01:16:14Knife grinder. That was Nigel Dempster who was saying all that.

01:16:18True or bluff? He tells you now.

01:16:20Suspense.

01:16:22APPLAUSE

01:16:25What was it?

01:16:29It is the knife grinder's cry.

01:16:31It's got to be one of the other two.

01:16:33Which one? Here you go.

01:16:35It's a dirty old sheep.

01:16:37Is it? Oh.

01:16:39It's there. She's hanging it out.

01:16:42APPLAUSE

01:16:48We call milking suspense.

01:16:51Right, yes. One all.

01:16:53And we come to the word...

01:16:55..Rusma or Rusma.

01:16:57Tim, rise.

01:16:59Or Ruthma.

01:17:01I don't need to tell you much about the Mongol invasion of Persia

01:17:05in the 13th century, because the information is at your fingertips.

01:17:09But...

01:17:11..suffice it to say, when these Mongols swarmed into Persia,

01:17:16as they did in 1256,

01:17:19when they swarmed, they levied a tax on the Persians.

01:17:23And the tax that they levied was called a Ruthma.

01:17:27A very slight lift on the F.

01:17:29A little lift.

01:17:31Ruthma. Well, well.

01:17:33Jenny, your turn.

01:17:35A Rusma is a lap-lam travelling sledge

01:17:38shaped like the front half of a boat.

01:17:41In fact, any do-it-yourself can make himself a Rusma

01:17:44just by sawing a dinghy in half and attaching it to a reindeer.

01:17:48LAUGHTER

01:17:52Frank Muir's go.

01:17:54Have you considered why your watch strap isn't hairy?

01:17:59It isn't.

01:18:01Or why your boots aren't furry, normally.

01:18:04Why? Because the animal, you see, from which those things were made

01:18:09was hairy and had fur.

01:18:12But the hair and the fur had to be removed, did it not?

01:18:15And it was removed by applications of Rusma.

01:18:20Rusma is buttered on like butter

01:18:23and it's a kind of ointment of lime and stuff and...

01:18:27WHICK!

01:18:29The skin becomes naked.

01:18:31It's a depilatory used in the tanning and leather trades to...

01:18:35Am I boring you?

01:18:37LAUGHTER

01:18:39It is boring.

01:18:41To get rid of all the hair without actually having to shave them.

01:18:44Oh, yeah.

01:18:46Because you rub the stuff on without having to do it by braces.

01:18:49You could do it by braces or you could shoot the hairs off one by one.

01:18:53LAUGHTER

01:18:55Throw another log on the fire, Frank.

01:18:58It's a hair remover. I think I've got you there.

01:19:01It's a hair remover, it's a sledge, it's a mongrel tax.

01:19:04Nigel Dempster makes his choice.

01:19:06Well, it's certainly not a mongrel

01:19:08because we know the invasion took place later than 1256.

01:19:11He's wearing a cricket tie but he's not playing cricket today.

01:19:14I'm deeply suspicious of those colours.

01:19:16As for the reindeer in Lapland and the...

01:19:19Definitely not.

01:19:21The way Frank told it was such gusto.

01:19:23I mean, veracity beams through.

01:19:25It's definitely you, Frank.

01:19:27You don't doubt that it was Frank who said that it was a depilatory?

01:19:30Took hair off? True or bluff?

01:19:32Ha-ha!

01:19:34APPLAUSE

01:19:37Well done.

01:19:39Well done.

01:19:41Frank was telling you the truth.

01:19:43That is a thing that takes hair off.

01:19:45Now we have puddley.

01:19:47And Nigel Dempster to tell us about puddley.

01:19:50As Archimedes is reported to have said,

01:19:52give me a puddley long enough and I will move the world,

01:19:55or words to that effect.

01:19:57From which I hope you understand that a puddley is a spar

01:20:00or a bulk of timber which is used as a lever.

01:20:03Hence the expression, and I have it here,

01:20:06give us a heave on this puddley dudley.

01:20:09LAUGHTER

01:20:12Great stuff.

01:20:14Sinead now, she tells us.

01:20:16A puddley is a term for old rags,

01:20:20used shirts or chemises,

01:20:23anything that can be converted into paper.

01:20:26And years ago, up in the north of England,

01:20:29the puddley man used to call on the housewives regularly

01:20:33to pick up the rags,

01:20:35he being a rag and bone man who dealt in rags, not bones.

01:20:43Great, yes, they love that.

01:20:45Patrick?

01:20:47A puddley is a deep-sea eel

01:20:52that congregates off the coast of Newfoundland.

01:20:55Congregates? What an awful joke.

01:20:57LAUGHTER

01:20:59Low blow, Frank, low blow.

01:21:02Your turn will come, lad, wait for it.

01:21:05But to begin again.

01:21:07LAUGHTER

01:21:09A puddley is a deep-sea eel that congregates

01:21:11with little brothers and sisters off the coast of Newfoundland

01:21:14in the autumn.

01:21:16Now, it looks... There's a great-looking eel, this one.

01:21:19It's got a kind of broken nose and two black eyes.

01:21:23For this reason, it's called the boxer fish.

01:21:27LAUGHTER

01:21:29That's laid him flat.

01:21:31It's an eel, it's a lever and it's old rags.

01:21:35Tim Rice.

01:21:37Well, I hate to go against anything Nigel says

01:21:40because I'm so used to everything he says being true.

01:21:43But, reluctantly, I don't go for Archimedes.

01:21:49Quite convinced about Chiniad's Yorkshire thing,

01:21:52but puddley's too like pudsy.

01:21:54I think the Yorkshireman would have had a different word

01:21:56that wasn't confusing with a town.

01:21:58So, I think a puddley is an eel

01:22:02that's done 15 rounds with Muhammad Ali.

01:22:06Yes, that was Paddy who said that

01:22:08and made that good joke that Frank made for him.

01:22:10Yes, true or bluff?

01:22:12I didn't hear Frank say it.

01:22:14I've got a good one here.

01:22:16APPLAUSE

01:22:19Good.

01:22:25Tit for tat, I suppose.

01:22:27Now, who gave the true definition of this word?

01:22:30The true puddley.

01:22:32No, it's...

01:22:34It's there.

01:22:36APPLAUSE

01:22:41It is a species of lever.

01:22:43Three-one.

01:22:45Ring-a-ding, we get this word, slickens.

01:22:48And, Jenny Agatha, your turn.

01:22:50A slickens on a riverbank is a sure sign to naturalists

01:22:53that there's an otter in the area.

01:22:56It's a smooth, sloping track, like a children's slide,

01:22:59which grows from the riverbank down to the river.

01:23:02And it's been made by the otter

01:23:04sliding down into the river very regularly.

01:23:07That's a slickens.

01:23:09Right, right.

01:23:11Now, Frank.

01:23:13A slickens is...

01:23:15Oh, it's hardly worth telling you, really, is it?

01:23:18Your guess.

01:23:20A slickens is a word, Victorian word,

01:23:23for crafty, sly chap.

01:23:25A slickens. There was one, actually.

01:23:27It was a chap called Samuel Wadworth,

01:23:30who was an impresario and was known as Sam the Slickens.

01:23:34If you get a contract from a slickens,

01:23:37you have to steam the stamp off,

01:23:39because there's probably another clause under it.

01:23:43Tim Rice.

01:23:45If you've ever done a guided tour of an American quartz mill,

01:23:49you might well have noticed

01:23:51a pulverised grit lying around the place.

01:23:54And that, really, is what slickens is.

01:23:57It's nothing to get terribly excited about.

01:24:00It's not that glamorous, but...

01:24:02It was quite fun, though, Tim.

01:24:04Well, it's a bit dreary. It's dross, really.

01:24:07And it's the kind of dross that, in particular,

01:24:10can only be seen round quartz mills in the United States.

01:24:14OK, well, it's an otter's track.

01:24:17It's a devious sort of person,

01:24:19and it's powdered grit left over after you've done the quartz,

01:24:23whatever you want to do with it.

01:24:25Sinead, your choice.

01:24:27Hmm.

01:24:29It's a very difficult choice.

01:24:31I can't quite believe this otter slide.

01:24:34Absolutely.

01:24:36I just can't see those otters slipping, slithering

01:24:39from the slit lines down to the water.

01:24:41Very difficult.

01:24:43However...

01:24:45Oh, yes, the Sly Fellow.

01:24:48Ridiculous.

01:24:50Well, I'm sure I would have heard it in my business somewhere.

01:24:54I could bite my tongue off.

01:24:57I don't so agree with you.

01:24:59I'm not so.

01:25:01I am most persuaded by Tim's pulverised grit,

01:25:05so I'm going for pulverised grit.

01:25:07Pulverised grit, yes. Tim Rye's True Or Bluff.

01:25:13Pulverised grit.

01:25:15APPLAUSE

01:25:20Yes, indeed.

01:25:23It was that stuff left behind after the quartz has been taken from it.

01:25:27Griggling is the next one.

01:25:29Ah, yes, 4-1, I say. A lot of catching up to be done.

01:25:32Sinead, your turn.

01:25:34It's just a bit of niggling, really,

01:25:37to pretend that there's much difference between scrumping and griggling.

01:25:41Well, as you all know, I mean, scrumping and griggling

01:25:45involves the purloining of apples without the owner's consent.

01:25:50But whereas scrumping is the purloining or pinching

01:25:54of healthy, ripe apples,

01:25:57griggling, on the other hand,

01:25:59is the pinching of unripe, unhealthy, nasty apples.

01:26:04That's a good idea.

01:26:06It's a kind of selfless activity, really.

01:26:08Patrick, what does he say?

01:26:10Griggling is a cheery meeting of friends.

01:26:15Mostly women, to my amazement.

01:26:17They all get together to celebrate perhaps the birth of a child,

01:26:21and they drink tea and cocoa and kind of meth and that kind of thing.

01:26:29But griggling mostly goes on round about Lancashire.

01:26:33They come in for a griggling because our Tom's a little baby.

01:26:37Not our Tom, our Nellie, I beg your pardon.

01:26:40Look out!

01:26:42They come in for a griggle, that's all.

01:26:44I like the accent.

01:26:46Don't do that.

01:26:48Nice and sparing.

01:26:50Nigel Dempster, it's through a griggling

01:26:52that a butcher's assistant runs fist-sized hunks of suet

01:26:55to break it up into a more manageable texture.

01:26:57It's a sort of round iron sieve like that,

01:27:00fitted with small fangs or prickles,

01:27:02which serve to rend the fibres and tease out the gristle.

01:27:08Right, it's a jolly gathering of people in Lancashire particularly.

01:27:12It's the stealing of bad apples, and it's a butcher's sieve.

01:27:17Jenny.

01:27:21I was very confused by the niggling and the scrumplings,

01:27:24and I didn't quite believe that it was...

01:27:28I don't think anyone would want to steal bad apples.

01:27:31So I've given that up.

01:27:34Griggling being a meeting of friends for a booze-up or something is...

01:27:38It sounds like booze. Ladies.

01:27:40Oh, ladies.

01:27:42Yes. No, I don't go for that.

01:27:45I'm going to believe Nigel Dempster.

01:27:47Ha-ha.

01:27:50This time.

01:27:52Are you going to say some more? Yes.

01:27:54Yes. No, no, that...

01:27:56I'd like to see whether it is indeed the truth.

01:27:58It's the going through a griggling, the meat goes through a griggling.

01:28:01That's a sentence, you know, I'm going to believe Nigel Dempster.

01:28:04Well, let's see if you are well advised. True or bluff, Nigel?

01:28:07Many do not, but Miss Agatha should join their right.

01:28:10Oh!

01:28:12APPLAUSE

01:28:17There's a moral in that somewhere, Jenny.

01:28:19Right, who gave the true definition?

01:28:23Oh. Low.

01:28:25APPLAUSE

01:28:29I don't know what they do with the bad apples once they've pinched them.

01:28:33No. I didn't enquire.

01:28:35No, but it's true.

01:28:37To bad apple buyers.

01:28:39I suppose, yes.

01:28:41Ah!

01:28:42That looks as though something's been left out, but I know it hasn't.

01:28:45It is actually, well, I would say...

01:28:48Coo, I suppose, yes. Coo.

01:28:50Frank, what of coo?

01:28:52It's a fascinating, riveting thing, coo.

01:28:56It's a vernacular of the potteries.

01:28:59That's a change, isn't it?

01:29:01And the potteries, a coo is pronounced coo.

01:29:04It's not...

01:29:06It's a special-shaped brick, a sort of semi-cylindrical brick,

01:29:10which is stuffed in the pot, you know, those things,

01:29:14and it supports the melting pot in which the bones and the clay are.

01:29:18And here's another thing, while you're still riveted,

01:29:21that these coos, or supporting bricks,

01:29:24have lots of little holes in them.

01:29:27They're perforated.

01:29:29Not just plain, they've got holes in them.

01:29:31Coo.

01:29:33Tim, your turn.

01:29:35Well, this is cue, pronounced as cue gardens, or cue for the pictures.

01:29:39And I don't know if you remember, before 1971,

01:29:43we used to have pounds, shillings and pence.

01:29:46Well, before them, or with them,

01:29:49way, way back, we had things like groats and cues.

01:29:53And a cue is a coin,

01:29:55and its value was very, very, very small.

01:29:58So even back in, say, 1558,

01:30:01a cue wouldn't have got you an awful lot.

01:30:03But I suppose it might have bought you a small lump of bread

01:30:07or a quarter of a pint of ale.

01:30:09Its value was half a farthing.

01:30:11Half a farthing.

01:30:13Jenny.

01:30:16A coo is a species of hanging vine

01:30:18that drapes itself round houses in places like Samoa and the Pacific.

01:30:22Though the grapes itself are very edible,

01:30:25the chief problem about having a coo growing over your house

01:30:28is that it makes it very easy for cat burglars to get in.

01:30:33Or to steal a buttoned apple.

01:30:36Well, it's a...

01:30:38It's a...

01:30:40It's a tiny coin, half a farthing, its value.

01:30:43A firebrick, well perforated,

01:30:45and it's a hanging vine.

01:30:47Patrick.

01:30:49It's a well-known fact there are no cat burglars in Samoa

01:30:52because all the doors are open all the time,

01:30:54owing to the hot weather.

01:30:57Where do Siamese cats come from?

01:30:59Who's still living in Siam?

01:31:02It cannot be a creeping vine in Samoa,

01:31:04or help cat burglars.

01:31:06It might...

01:31:08Is it? Wait a minute, don't rush me.

01:31:11A brick with holes in it.

01:31:14Because it's a tiny little coin.

01:31:16The tiny little coin of which Tim Rice spoke.

01:31:19Now you have to own up, Tim.

01:31:21True or bluff?

01:31:24It's true!

01:31:26APPLAUSE

01:31:33The old skill isn't deserting you, isn't deserting you, Patrick.

01:31:36It is Q, or pronounce it as you will.

01:31:40It's a tiny little coin, 6-1, my goodness me.

01:31:43Gate knows the next one.

01:31:45No comments, just reading.

01:31:47I'm just, you know, I'm on the edge of my seat, Frank, I'll tell you.

01:31:50Patrick, your go.

01:31:54You might well know that all Northumbrian farmers are individuals.

01:31:58They know their way around the wheat field.

01:32:01No Siamese twins.

01:32:03Just a moment, please, your turn comes later.

01:32:06I'm keen to win.

01:32:08Northumbrian farmers, they don't stoop their sheaves or stoke their...

01:32:12Whatever it is, they...

01:32:15Tie them all together, but they...

01:32:17They tie the top of the sheaves of corn,

01:32:22kind of spread out the bottom,

01:32:25make little wigwams that each...

01:32:28Stoops.

01:32:31They stand by itself all over the field.

01:32:34Only in Northumbria is it called a gaitner.

01:32:38It's a fine old country word.

01:32:42Let us now invite Nigel Dempster.

01:32:45The gaitner was the official name of the Lord Mayor of London's state barge,

01:32:50incidentally a perk which his worship no longer enjoys.

01:32:54And it is recorded that in 1616,

01:32:57when Sir Philip Bagshaw was Lord Mayor of London,

01:33:00that he had himself rowed out in his gaitner

01:33:02to within sight of Calais before he turned back.

01:33:08Just far enough, I thought.

01:33:10Has anyone here seen Calais?

01:33:17Sinead, quick, please.

01:33:20A gaitner looks a bit like a doll's saucepan.

01:33:24It's a very, very small brass cup,

01:33:27about an inch in diameter, with a handle fitted to it.

01:33:30And when a diamond is being cut or polished,

01:33:35it's very securely cemented into the gaitner

01:33:38and thus can be held in one hand

01:33:41and polished or cut with the other hand.

01:33:44It's lovely.

01:33:46There you have all those definitions.

01:33:48You've got a little saucepan which is useful for holding diamonds

01:33:52when you want to cut and polish them.

01:33:54It's a way of stacking corn, but only in Northumbria.

01:33:57And it's a Lord Mayor's barge in which he evidently didn't go awfully far.

01:34:01Frank.

01:34:03Interesting selection.

01:34:05What it ain't, if I might say so with some confidence,

01:34:09it ain't the barge.

01:34:11They're trying to mow a barge from the Thames to Calais.

01:34:15There are lots of them. It wasn't just single-handed.

01:34:19A lot of oars, but one barge.

01:34:22I think Paddy's in stook, as they say here.

01:34:26Diamond things, I don't think... Yes, it is the diamond thing.

01:34:30He's going to choose that one, I think.

01:34:32All right, that was Sinead. Now she has to open up. True or love?

01:34:36Oh, you haven't, have you?

01:34:38Oh, you naughty girl!

01:34:40APPLAUSE

01:34:46No, no. Let's hear the true one and we've got nice time for another word.

01:34:51It is not I what is in stook.

01:34:53It is not I what is in stook, but you!

01:34:57APPLAUSE

01:35:03A gate nose, it really is one of those piles of stuff in Northumbria.

01:35:08Now, Magdalene, I think, is our last word.

01:35:13Tim Rice.

01:35:15You're right, it is Magdalene. Oh, good.

01:35:17And it's a cosmetic salve or ointment

01:35:20that comes in the form of a cylinder.

01:35:23So I guess you could call lipstick a Magdalene.

01:35:27I have no more to say.

01:35:29Well, fair enough. Jenny, your turn.

01:35:32A Magdalene was the pompous word used by the Victorians

01:35:36for the premises in which they showed magic lantern shows.

01:35:42Oh, well, yes, not much you can add to that.

01:35:45That's perfectly true, that's what it is. Now, Frank.

01:35:48I would like to suggest to you, not without some trepidation,

01:35:53that you could well accept that a Magdalene

01:35:57is a Greek Orthodox portable icon.

01:36:03Now, if you...

01:36:05If you accept that, I mean, that's that.

01:36:07Here and now, end of programme, 8-1.

01:36:10LAUGHTER

01:36:12On the other hand, I'll cheerfully have another go.

01:36:16But anyway, you are offering this portable icon as a definition.

01:36:20It's a magic lantern show also,

01:36:22and it's a kind of an ointment or salve, I think.

01:36:25No, Nigel Dempster, choose.

01:36:28Jenny is Magdalene.

01:36:33He's determined to bluff us, is Frank,

01:36:36but clearly it can't be anything to do with Greek orthodoxy

01:36:39or any other form of orthodoxy.

01:36:41Jenny speaks with such clear blue eyes.

01:36:44Oh...

01:36:46She doesn't speak with clear blue eyes.

01:36:48LAUGHTER

01:36:50It's got to be Mr Muir.

01:36:52Ah, well done, Larry.

01:36:53Ah, let's see, the portable icon.

01:36:55Let's see if you did well to yourself there, Frank.

01:36:58I'll snuff all over myself.

01:37:00LAUGHTER

01:37:02APPLAUSE

01:37:04I'll snuff all over myself.

01:37:06LAUGHTER

01:37:08APPLAUSE

01:37:11I would so like to move on to Larry.

01:37:14I can't tell you when to go.

01:37:16We're going for two definitions.

01:37:18We really need to know.

01:37:20Yes, indeed.

01:37:21That's not fair.

01:37:26Quick, we've got 30 seconds, we've got another four words in.

01:37:29LAUGHTER

01:37:31No-one likes losing on this game, it's evident.

01:37:33But anyway, there, someone has to.

01:37:357-2, I declare, Patrick Campbell's team has won.

01:37:38Just.

01:37:40APPLAUSE

01:37:47We'll be doing a little more totting

01:37:49from the Oxford English Dictionary next week.

01:37:51Until then, goodbye from Tim Rice.

01:37:53APPLAUSE

01:37:55Nigel Dempster.

01:37:58Jenny Agatha.

01:38:01Sinead Cusick.

01:38:04Frank Muir.

01:38:07Patrick Campbell.

01:38:11And goodbye.

01:38:13APPLAUSE

01:38:37APPLAUSE

01:38:46Hello again. This is Call My Bluff,

01:38:48where the tall class of a leprechaun is played by Patrick Campbell.

01:38:52APPLAUSE

01:38:55Good evening.

01:38:59I could talk forever about my first guest.

01:39:03I just say she is...

01:39:06Sinead Cusick.

01:39:08APPLAUSE

01:39:14And the other lad is disguised as a...

01:39:18..a gossip columnist, but really he's a social worker.

01:39:21Nigel Dempster.

01:39:23APPLAUSE

01:39:28And the Cesar Romero of the panel game.

01:39:31Frank Miller.

01:39:33APPLAUSE

01:39:39I wouldn't mind losing every week if it meant that every week I said,

01:39:43on my right I have Jenny Agatha.

01:39:45APPLAUSE

01:39:52On the other hand, I would also have to say

01:39:55here is cricketer and librettist Tim Rice.

01:40:00APPLAUSE

01:40:06Let's have a word.

01:40:08And we get Toe-Hoo, Bow-Hoo.

01:40:10And let me explain.

01:40:12Patrick Campbell and Co will define Toe-Hoo, Bow-Hoo three different ways.

01:40:16Two are false, one is true.

01:40:18That's the one that Frank and Co are going to try and pick out.

01:40:21So, Patrick, what are this word or words?

01:40:23Toe-Hoo, Bow-Hoo...

01:40:26..comes, of course, from the...

01:40:28..ancient Hebrew.

01:40:31Toe-Hoo, Wah, Bow-Hoo.

01:40:35It means emptiness and desolation.

01:40:40But who laps onto this ancient Hebrew word first

01:40:43in the way of European writers?

01:40:45None other than Voltaire.

01:40:48Writing in French, isn't it?

01:40:51But he slipped it and it came to Toe-Hoo, Bow-Hoo.

01:40:55Meaning utter desolation and a howling vacuum.

01:41:02Back to digging the garden.

01:41:05Right. Let us now see what Nigel Dempster says.

01:41:09Toe-Hoo, Bow-Hoo is a resinous liquid

01:41:11that is obtained by tapping the bark of the Toe-Hoo tree,

01:41:15which is indigenous to Columbia in South America.

01:41:18And Toe-Hoo, Bow-Hoo was once believed

01:41:21to have stimulating proprietor...

01:41:24Properties, I think, is the right way of putting it.

01:41:27And Toe-Hoo, Bow-Hoo lozenges

01:41:30frequently featured on the shelves of Victorian pharmacies.

01:41:35Ooh. What was it?

01:41:38Stuff you drink or eat, I think. Yes.

01:41:40Do you good. Yes.

01:41:42Sinead, your turn.

01:41:44Toe-Hoo, Bow-Hoo is, roughly speaking,

01:41:47a South Sea Islander's equivalent to the English Toe-Roo-Roo-Lay.

01:41:52That is to say, it's a meaningless refrain

01:41:56of a very joyful nature,

01:41:58which a South Sea Islander happily chants

01:42:01as an accompaniment to the lead singer.

01:42:05Right. It's a meaningless refrain.

01:42:08It's a kind of a tonic got from this tree

01:42:11and it's a sense of emptiness or despair or nothingness.

01:42:15Frank.

01:42:17I need a piece of evidence to complete my draft here.

01:42:22Yes.

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