A tabloid reporter makes a shocking cryptozoological discovery while investigating a recent rash of Bigfoot sightings in this comedy featuring beer, bikinis, and the wildest party animal you've ever met.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:00So, I just finished reading this book about boosting your memory.
00:00:15It's really good, actually.
00:00:16You'll have to read it.
00:00:17I'll give it to you.
00:00:18Yeah, I think I read one once.
00:00:19Actually, I'm trying to remember where I left it.
00:00:22I think this one's written by John something, he's some professor at some school.
00:00:27What's that supplement called that's supposed to boost your memory?
00:00:30I think it's called Kinky Balboa.
00:00:33I think it's Gecko Barbacoa?
00:00:36Oh yeah, that totally sounds right.
00:00:57I think it's Gecko Barbacoa, I think it's Gecko Barbacoa, Gecko Barbacoa, Gecko Barbacoa.
00:01:26Wow, it's about time.
00:01:54Come on, you son of a gun.
00:01:59Oh, you're a big one.
00:02:02Oh yeah.
00:02:05Oh yeah.
00:02:08Oh, dang.
00:02:11What the?
00:02:14You should come join us.
00:02:20Yeah, come on in, the water's great.
00:02:23You might want to take off that coat first.
00:02:28Or leave it on.
00:02:29Come on, let's party.
00:03:54Hey girls.
00:03:55Hi Mrs. Pepperdough.
00:03:56So are you girls ready to have a good time this weekend?
00:03:58I can't wait, I've never been camping before.
00:04:01I have, it's really fun.
00:04:03We get to go on hikes and make campfires and roast marshmallows.
00:04:07That sounds like so much work, can't we just go to the beach?
00:04:10Yeah, there'd be less bugs and dirt.
00:04:13We're not going to the beach.
00:04:15Besides, camping's a lot of fun and you'll learn some necessary survival skills.
00:04:20What are you reading, Marianne?
00:04:22A book on cryptids.
00:04:24How is it?
00:04:26Oh, there's this fascinating chapter.
00:04:28Oh, there's this fascinating chapter on...
00:04:30You're such a geek.
00:04:31You're such an idiot.
00:04:32Spaz.
00:04:33Slut.
00:04:34Knock it off, girls.
00:04:35Sorry.
00:04:36Sorry, Mrs. Pepperdough.
00:04:39Are you princesses done chatting?
00:04:41If we don't get a move on, traffic's going to be a bitch.
00:04:44Now move it!
00:05:01Yep.
00:05:06Alright, put him on.
00:05:10Yeah, this is Barry.
00:05:12Fisherman, huh?
00:05:16Third incident this week?
00:05:19Okay, what's the name of this place again?
00:05:22Skull Mountain.
00:05:26Up near Ahwahnee.
00:05:32Okay, I'm sending someone up there to check it out.
00:05:35His name is Harlan James.
00:05:39Yeah, yeah.
00:05:40I'll have him contact you once he gets up there.
00:05:44Alright.
00:05:45Alright.
00:05:46Thank you for calling.
00:05:51James, get your ass in here!
00:05:55Have I got a story for you.
00:05:58It's not those Jersey Devil twins again, is it?
00:06:01No, this is bigger.
00:06:03And real.
00:06:05Seems a man was out fishing yesterday
00:06:07and when his cooler full of beer went missing
00:06:09it appears it was stolen by Bigfoot.
00:06:11Bigfoot?
00:06:13James, this isn't some made-up grainy camera footage.
00:06:17There were actual footprints left in the mud.
00:06:19This person was so close to Bigfoot
00:06:21he could have kicked him square in the crotch.
00:06:24How'd he turn around?
00:06:26So, he didn't actually see him?
00:06:29No, but I did just get off the phone with the local sheriff
00:06:32and he told me this is the third incident in two days.
00:06:36The day we get law enforcement calling us with these stories
00:06:39they have to be real.
00:06:41I need you to get up there and see what you can find.
00:06:44Okay.
00:06:45So, where am I headed?
00:06:48Someplace called Skull Mountain up near Ahwahnee.
00:06:51Once you get there, look up Sheriff Bubble Lopez
00:06:54and he'll fill you in.
00:06:58Tell everyone the Tattletail will offer 25,000 cash
00:07:03for anyone who can capture the creature.
00:07:05Dead or alive.
00:07:0725 grand?
00:07:09We've never offered that much for a story.
00:07:12I know.
00:07:13But we're talking about one of the most elusive creatures in the world.
00:07:17If we can just get pictures of this thing
00:07:19or better yet his corpse
00:07:21we'll make a fortune.
00:07:23That seems a little extreme.
00:07:26Hey, that's journalism.
00:07:29You do what you gotta do to get your story.
00:07:33After all these years
00:07:36I'm finally gonna get that stinking ape.
00:07:40James, this could be huge.
00:07:43Just get down there and get me that story no matter what.
00:08:03This looks like a good spot, don't you think?
00:08:05You know, I'm tired of driving. It's perfect.
00:08:12Okay girls, let's unpack.
00:08:14Let's get this stuff out of the van.
00:08:16We're gonna camp here.
00:08:18Get the crap out of the van now!
00:08:21You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
00:08:23We're gonna camp here.
00:08:25We're gonna camp here.
00:08:27We're gonna camp here.
00:08:29We're gonna camp here.
00:08:31You've gotta be fun with them otherwise they'll walk all over you.
00:08:35Isn't there some mud?
00:09:02Ow!
00:09:03Watch where you're putting that thing.
00:09:05Shoot, that's not what you said last night.
00:09:11What the heck is this?
00:09:13Seriously, you two don't know your ass from a hole in the ground.
00:09:16Let me see that pole.
00:09:18She's never said that before.
00:09:19What was that?
00:09:20She said the instructions are in German.
00:09:23It's actually pretty simple if you aren't a moron.
00:09:28So, have you ever camped up here before?
00:09:30A couple times when I was younger.
00:09:32In fact, I think there's a swimming hole near here.
00:09:35Hope you brought your suit.
00:09:37How's everything going over here, girls?
00:09:39I think we got it under control.
00:09:41Good. Why don't you go gather some wood before it gets dark, okay?
00:09:54Yeah, it's right over here.
00:10:00Yeah, this is the spot right here.
00:10:04I am so very glad that you called me.
00:10:09You ever seen footprints this size before?
00:10:11I'll tell you, I have seen bigger.
00:10:14But don't get me wrong, this is a very, very interesting specimen.
00:10:31Okay.
00:10:44Oh!
00:10:45What's that?
00:10:46What's that?
00:10:47What's that?
00:10:48What's that?
00:10:49I can't show you.
00:10:51No, no, no.
00:11:00Oh.
00:11:01Oh.
00:11:02Oh.
00:11:03Oh.
00:11:06This is it.
00:11:07It is.
00:11:13So, what do you think?
00:11:15This is a very interesting specimen, Sheriff.
00:11:18I would like to have some plaster casts made so I can study them.
00:11:24So, Professor, tell me.
00:11:26Do you think the campers are in any real danger?
00:11:29Do you think we need to be concerned about these big footprints?
00:11:33Well, that's hard to say.
00:11:36They're not generally known to be very violent creatures.
00:11:39However, there's no telling what they'll do if provoked.
00:11:44All right, then.
00:12:00What's he doing?
00:12:02We'll wait until tonight.
00:12:06Dance off.
00:12:09Hey, brother.
00:12:21Sweetheart.
00:12:22Sweetheart.
00:12:32Oh, yeah?
00:12:53Oh, yeah?
00:13:06All right.
00:13:07What'll it be?
00:13:09Well, I'm supposed to meet Sheriff Lopez here.
00:13:12Have you seen him?
00:13:14Yeah, he was in here earlier.
00:13:16But he had to go do an interview with some newswoman.
00:13:20Sure, he'll be back soon.
00:13:21Why don't you have a drink while you wait?
00:13:23Sure.
00:13:24You got any root beer?
00:13:27Yeah.
00:13:29You're gonna pay the same price as regular beer.
00:13:31It's all right.
00:13:33All right.
00:13:35Here you go.
00:13:36Thank you.
00:13:52What the hell?
00:13:53Are you staring at my woman?
00:13:56I'm sorry.
00:13:57What?
00:13:58I caught you staring at my woman.
00:14:00Eddie, I caught this guy looking at my woman.
00:14:03Your woman?
00:14:05That's my girl.
00:14:06That's my girl.
00:14:11Would you two stop?
00:14:13You both know she's mine, right?
00:14:15Hey!
00:14:16Knock it off or take it outside.
00:14:18The sheriff's gonna be here any minute.
00:14:20Sorry, bud.
00:14:22Why is the sheriff coming?
00:14:23I don't know.
00:14:25I'm supposed to talk to this kid.
00:14:29Who are you and what are you doing in our part of the woods?
00:14:33I'm a reporter with the Tattletail.
00:14:36Why you gotta meet with Bubba?
00:14:38Well, he called with some sightings of Bigfoot.
00:14:42I came to get the scoop and offer a word for whoever can capture the beast.
00:14:47What kind of reward are we talking about?
00:14:50Twenty-five grand, cash.
00:14:54Did you say twenty-five grand?
00:14:56Yep.
00:14:57Twenty-five grand, dead or alive.
00:15:06Another round, fellas?
00:15:08Sorry, bud.
00:15:09We gotta go.
00:15:11A cup of coffee, bud.
00:15:12All right, Sheriff.
00:15:17You must be Harlan James.
00:15:19Yeah. How do you know?
00:15:21Well, because you're the only one I know.
00:15:24I'm sorry, Sheriff.
00:15:25You're not the only one I know.
00:15:27You're the only one I know.
00:15:29I'm the only one I know.
00:15:31You're the only one I know.
00:15:33You're the only one I know.
00:15:35You're the only one I know.
00:15:37I'm the only one I know.
00:15:39Well, because you're the only one in here that I haven't met.
00:15:42Thanks, bud.
00:15:44Bubba Lopez.
00:15:46I'm the local sheriff here.
00:15:48Pleasure to meet you, sir.
00:15:50So, I'm hearing that you've been having some problems with Bigfoot.
00:15:55Well, he's quite a legend around these parts.
00:15:59Some people believe in him, most don't.
00:16:02Some claim to have had an encounter with him over the years,
00:16:05but from what I've heard, he pretty much minds to himself.
00:16:09Although, I guess lately he's been causing some of the tourists a bit of harassment.
00:16:17I'd love to talk to some of the people who have seen him.
00:16:20That can be arranged.
00:16:22Great.
00:16:23Oh, and my editor wanted me to mention,
00:16:26we're offering an award of $25,000 for whoever can capture the monster.
00:16:32First of all, Mr. James, he's not a monster.
00:16:36Second of all, well, if the locals find out about that money,
00:16:41there's liable to be all kinds of people running around here with shotguns,
00:16:45and someone's liable to get hurt.
00:16:48I suppose you've got a point.
00:16:51So, when can we get started?
00:16:54Well, tomorrow morning.
00:16:56Where are you staying?
00:16:58The Black Hawk Lodge.
00:16:59It's right across the street.
00:17:00All right, I'll pick you up at 9 o'clock.
00:17:03And it looks like the show's about to start.
00:17:08All right, all right, settle down.
00:17:10Contest's about to start.
00:17:12Now, the rules are real simple.
00:17:13The contestant that gets the loudest applause
00:17:16is going to win one free night at the Black Hawk Lodge,
00:17:20and also one free entree at Ling's Chinese and Italian Restaurant in Norfolk.
00:17:28So, let's hear it for contestant number one.
00:17:32Woo!
00:17:34Woo!
00:17:37Woo!
00:17:40Woo!
00:18:01Double-time.
00:18:07All right.
00:18:09Contestant number one, let's hear it for her.
00:18:13Contestant number two, let's see what you can do.
00:18:16Woo!
00:18:19Woo!
00:18:22Woo!
00:18:25Woo!
00:18:28Woo!
00:18:31Woo!
00:18:34Woo!
00:18:37Contestant number two, man.
00:18:39Contestant number three, let's see it.
00:18:42Woo!
00:18:45Woo!
00:18:48Woo!
00:18:51Woo!
00:18:54Woo!
00:18:57Woo!
00:19:00Woo!
00:19:04All right, let's hear it for contestant number three.
00:19:07Woo!
00:19:10Woo!
00:19:11I don't know, though, y'all.
00:19:13It's unanimous.
00:19:14Contestant number one, you're the winner!
00:19:16Woo!
00:19:19Woo!
00:19:22Woo!
00:19:26Come on, boy.
00:19:28What are you doing there?
00:19:31Sheriff, aren't you going to break it up?
00:19:35I would, but I'm off-duty.
00:19:55Oh, I can smell that money.
00:19:59What are you going to do with your cut, sonny?
00:20:01First, I'm going to get me a new hunting bow.
00:20:04Then I'm going to take the missus out to the nicest restaurant in town,
00:20:08order some egg rolls and spaghetti, and have us a feast.
00:20:14What about you?
00:20:17There's this used truck I've had my eye on for quite some time.
00:20:22What about you, Roger?
00:20:25I hadn't really decided what I'm going to do with my half of the reward.
00:20:30Your half?
00:20:32There's three of us.
00:20:34I'm taking half the reward.
00:20:36You two can split the other half any way you want.
00:20:39That's bull! Why you get half?
00:20:42My guns, my ammo, my reward.
00:20:47Yeah, that sounds fair.
00:20:52Let's pick this stuff up and go collect our money.
00:21:06I was a hand-hooked killer.
00:21:09Lame.
00:21:11Does anyone else have a story?
00:21:13Well, I do, but it's not really a ghost story.
00:21:17Well, go ahead and tell it anyways.
00:21:19Well, the book I'm reading has this chapter on Sasquatch.
00:21:23What the hell's a Sasquatch?
00:21:25Bigfoot.
00:21:27The book I'm reading has a chapter on Bigfoot, this half-man, half-ape creature.
00:21:33Science doesn't have any proof that he exists, but lots of people think he's real.
00:21:39Apparently, he's eight foot tall and weighs 500 pounds.
00:21:44Marianne, you're just making that up.
00:21:46No, I'm not.
00:21:48There's been Bigfoot sightings all over the world.
00:21:51In fact, there's been sightings in these mountains.
00:21:55Here?
00:21:57Is this thing dangerous?
00:22:00Well, he has a very distinct smell, and they say he's extremely dangerous.
00:22:07He can snap a man in half like a twig.
00:22:10I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
00:22:13Personally, I think that was just a bunch of crap.
00:22:16My story was way better.
00:22:19Well, it's getting late. We should all turn in.
00:22:26So is all that true about Sasquatch?
00:22:29It's Sasquatch, and I don't know.
00:22:33Some people believe in him. Some people don't.
00:22:36Nobody's captured him to prove that he exists, but I like to think he's out there.
00:22:41That gives me the creeps, thinking that he's out there.
00:22:43Well, don't worry. You'll know if he's around.
00:22:45Supposedly, he has a very distinct odor.
00:22:49I wonder what he smells like.
00:22:51Probably like the cafeteria after fish stick day.
00:22:54Ew.
00:22:56I swear, this camping trip is the worst ever.
00:23:01I know. I can't wait till we get home. The sooner, the better.
00:23:04I know. Can you believe Marianne and her ridiculous stories?
00:23:08You didn't believe her?
00:23:09No, and don't tell me you believe that load of crap.
00:23:12I don't know. It just kind of scared me to think some giant ape lives around here.
00:23:16Aw, did Morgan get all scared?
00:23:19Did you want me to make you feel all better?
00:23:24Marianne, are you awake? Did you hear that noise?
00:23:28Is it Sasquatch?
00:23:31It's Sasquatch.
00:23:33It's probably just an owl.
00:23:35Go back to sleep.
00:23:37It's just an owl. It's just an owl. It's just an owl.
00:23:41It's just an owl. It's just an owl.
00:23:58Morning, Sheriff.
00:24:00Morning.
00:24:02Dang. Sweet ride.
00:24:05Yeah, I've had old Darlene there ever since I was a deputy.
00:24:11You ever think about trading her in for a newer model?
00:24:14Yeah, well, the county keeps offering to get me a new cruiser, and I keep turning them down.
00:24:19I ain't ready to give her up just yet.
00:24:23Remember, son.
00:24:25You always dance with the girl that brought you.
00:24:29Ready to go?
00:24:30Yes, sir.
00:24:31All righty, then. Come on.
00:24:37What's going on?
00:24:39That's the woman that interviewed me last night.
00:24:42Looks like she's with that scientist that I brought in.
00:24:47You mind if we stop?
00:24:49Sure, we can do that.
00:25:00Looking to do another interview, Sheriff?
00:25:03Nah, we just stopped by to kind of see what was going on here.
00:25:06Well, stick around. I love having an audience.
00:25:08Is this your new deputy?
00:25:10Oh, sorry. Simone Jennings. This is Harlan James. He works for the Tattletail.
00:25:14He's also doing a story on Bigfoot.
00:25:17The Tattletail? Looks like I got some competition.
00:25:20Hey, Simone. We're ready.
00:25:22Sorry, gentlemen. I have an interview to conduct.
00:25:27We're live in five, four, three, two...
00:25:33Bigfoot. Fact or myth?
00:25:37His existence has been debated for years.
00:25:40Adding to this controversy are several campers who have reported encounters with this legendary creature.
00:25:46I'm here with world-famous cryptozoologist, Professor Trent Grover.
00:25:52Professor, you've been called in to investigate.
00:25:56Were you able to find any trace of this mythical creature?
00:26:00Well, see this footprint?
00:26:03Oh.
00:26:04This footprint was taken down by the river.
00:26:08This is of an adolescent male, at least seven feet tall, weight 400 pounds.
00:26:16Professor, why the strain of recent activity?
00:26:21Well, this time of year is their mating season.
00:26:26I wouldn't confront one.
00:26:28They're liable to be extremely volatile, especially when they're horny.
00:26:37What else can you tell us about these creatures?
00:26:41Well, I can tell you a lot about these creatures.
00:26:45The general misconception is that they're very simple and primitive.
00:26:49However, I found them to be quite intelligent.
00:26:54In fact, I taught one to play catch in five minutes.
00:26:59Wait.
00:27:00Are you saying that you've actually had contact with these animals?
00:27:05Oh, yes.
00:27:06I even lived with a colony of Bigfoots for over a year when I was living up in Washington.
00:27:16I'm sorry.
00:27:17Did you say you lived with a colony of Bigfoots?
00:27:21Yes, exactly.
00:27:22It was an amazing experience.
00:27:25They welcomed me into their community and their society, and I was able to study their patterns and behaviors.
00:27:33What exactly did you learn about them?
00:27:36Well, I learned that they are extremely fond of garlic, and they love hot dogs, too.
00:27:46Yes.
00:27:47And they are able to mimic humans.
00:27:51Mimic humans?
00:27:52Yes.
00:27:53In fact, I once caught one pretending to smoke a cigarette.
00:27:57It was so cute.
00:27:58It looked like a huge monkey smoking.
00:28:01Well, thank you, Professor, for your time.
00:28:03Oh, yes.
00:28:04And then there was another time we were close to a village.
00:28:07I saw one actually using a urinal.
00:28:10Of course, he was using the wrong end, but he had the proper idea.
00:28:15Well, thank you, Professor.
00:28:16And do you know, Simone, may I call you Simone?
00:28:19There was this time in their colony that I taught one to play Iron Man on a ukulele.
00:28:26Thank you, Professor.
00:28:28This has been Simone Jennings reporting live from Skull Mountain, Channel 15 News.
00:28:35And we're clear.
00:28:39That went well.
00:28:40Are you kidding me?
00:28:42That guy's nuttier than a pound of squirrel poop.
00:28:45Well, at least you look good on camera.
00:28:51So, Mr. James, how's your story coming along?
00:28:54Call me Harlan.
00:28:55And I haven't really started yet.
00:28:59I hope I can get what my boss wants.
00:29:01He's looking for something concrete.
00:29:04He's even offering an award for the capture of Bigfoot.
00:29:07What kind of reward?
00:29:09Twenty-five grand.
00:29:11Cash.
00:29:12Wow.
00:29:13For that kind of money, I might have to go buy a gun and go hunting myself.
00:29:17I know.
00:29:18I had the same thought.
00:29:21So, since you work for the Tattletail, I take it you believe in Bigfoot.
00:29:29I don't know.
00:29:30I'd like to, but it's hard when all you have is hearsay and blurry photographs.
00:29:36I just hope something happens real soon.
00:29:40Harlan, you want to Google?
00:29:41Oh, yeah.
00:29:42I better get going.
00:29:44It was nice to meet you.
00:29:45It was nice to meet you, too.
00:29:47Maybe I'll see you around.
00:29:54Well, this is the place.
00:30:11This is cold.
00:30:42Oh!
00:30:47That was so fun!
00:30:48Are you going to join us, Marianne?
00:30:50Oh, God.
00:30:54You know what would be fun?
00:30:55Okay.
00:30:56If we just took our tops off and went skinny dipping.
00:30:59I don't think so.
00:31:00Why not?
00:31:01What if someone sees us?
00:31:02Then they could join us.
00:31:05Come on.
00:31:06Don't be a baby.
00:31:07Marianne, there's no one else around.
00:31:10It's just us.
00:31:12Uh, no.
00:31:14I don't think so.
00:31:15I'm going to head back.
00:31:18Be a baby.
00:31:27It smells like wet dog.
00:31:31Are you lost, little guy?
00:31:34Come here, little guy.
00:31:36Are you okay?
00:31:41Hey.
00:31:43You're not a dog, are you?
00:31:58Guys, I think I see someone.
00:32:00Well, we should really give him a show.
00:32:07Um, guys?
00:32:11What is that?
00:32:14Let me guess.
00:32:15You saw Bigfoot, too?
00:32:17Yes!
00:32:18You girls are taking this prank way too far.
00:32:20Enough already!
00:32:22But we did see him.
00:32:25See? He's right there!
00:32:40How was that?
00:32:41Boy, that sounded worse than the cat that got caught in the engine of my truck.
00:32:45Let me see that thing.
00:32:47How was that?
00:32:48Boy, that sounded worse than the cat that got caught in the engine of my truck.
00:32:52Let me see that thing.
00:33:06There, that should do the trick.
00:33:07There, that should do the trick.
00:33:17Boy, look what you've done!
00:33:24I just tuned that for you.
00:33:25Maybe you should just stick with the kazoo.
00:33:27Told you, it's too hard.
00:33:31It's not something you see every day.
00:33:38Boy, what is wrong with you?
00:33:40A bunch of half-naked women go running by and you're staring at me.
00:33:44There is no way that you came from these loins.
00:33:49I wonder what they was running from.
00:33:53There is only one thing that can cause that kind of fear in a person.
00:33:57Bigfoot!
00:33:58Get my gun!
00:33:59I'm going hunting.
00:34:18Buford, we're going to eat soon.
00:34:20Get the salad ready.
00:34:22In a minute, dear.
00:34:24I'm just reading up on this latest diet craze.
00:34:28Put that trash down and start tossing the salad.
00:34:35What was that?
00:34:37What was what?
00:34:39That noise.
00:34:40I thought I heard some leaves rustling.
00:34:43It was probably just the wind.
00:34:45How about you fix the salad, set the table.
00:34:48Food's almost done.
00:34:52There's something out there.
00:34:53Damn it!
00:34:54You and your imagination.
00:34:56Remember last year at the beach?
00:34:58You thought you saw a werewolf?
00:35:00Hey, I was protecting that beach.
00:35:05They should have been thanking me instead of threatening to sue me.
00:35:10I told you something's out there.
00:35:13It is so hot.
00:35:38I can't believe how hot.
00:35:41Oh my God.
00:35:43Is he doing what I think he's doing?
00:35:48Gross.
00:35:50Come on, let's get out of here.
00:36:07Eddie, where the hell are we?
00:36:10Let's see.
00:36:17The sun rises in the west and sets in the east.
00:36:22The sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
00:36:27What?
00:36:29Are you sure?
00:36:32I know I've seen it set in the east before.
00:36:36Give me that map before you hurt yourself.
00:36:39I know these woods like I know the back of my hand.
00:36:43And I don't know where the hell we're at.
00:36:45Hey, look at that.
00:36:48Guys.
00:36:51Check this out.
00:36:53What do we do?
00:36:55Follow the trail, idiot.
00:37:12Let's go, Skip.
00:37:13They're taking off without us.
00:37:15Do we have everything?
00:37:17I think so.
00:37:18All right, let's go.
00:37:39Where are you going?
00:37:40The party went the other way.
00:37:42Relax.
00:37:43It's a shortcut.
00:37:45We'll beat them to the campsite.
00:37:47By the time they get there, we'll already be drunk,
00:37:49while they'll still be picking dirt out of their teeth.
00:38:05Oh, come on!
00:38:07Not now!
00:38:09Son of a bitch!
00:38:32Damn it!
00:38:34What's wrong, baby?
00:38:36Looks like I blew the tranny.
00:38:38Well, I'm sure someone will be along shortly.
00:38:42I don't know.
00:38:44This road seems pretty secluded.
00:38:47I thought you said this was a shortcut.
00:38:50Well, I assumed it was.
00:38:53Hell, Skip, what are we supposed to do now?
00:39:01We hoof it.
00:39:23Oh, my God!
00:39:26When I say run, you run.
00:39:32You're so screwed!
00:39:34Well, that's reassuring.
00:39:39Get your ass up.
00:39:41What the hell?
00:39:46You folks having some trouble?
00:39:48Yeah, my truck died and we needed a ride back to the RV park.
00:39:52Can you guys give us a lift?
00:39:54I'm sorry.
00:39:55We've been hiking these woods for hours.
00:39:57Name's Chester.
00:39:58This is my son, Billy Bo-Bob.
00:40:00I'm Skip, and this is Patty.
00:40:02Pleased to make your acquaintance.
00:40:04Boy, move your ass.
00:40:08You folks will have to wait all morning to get out of here.
00:40:12I mean, it's going to be dark soon.
00:40:14It's okay.
00:40:15We've got flashlights.
00:40:18Darling, you're going to need more than flashlights to stop what's out there.
00:40:22What are you talking about?
00:40:24I'm talking about Bigfoot.
00:40:27That's just a myth.
00:40:29Like the Loch Ness Monster.
00:40:31Well, Bigfoot's real.
00:40:33Seen him myself on occasion.
00:40:35In fact, just got through terrorizing some women down by the river.
00:40:38Me and the boy have been out tracking him.
00:40:41We can help you get out in the morning, but you best stay with us tonight.
00:40:46I don't know.
00:40:49We got food we're willing to share.
00:40:52Come on, Skip.
00:40:54They've got guns.
00:40:56And food.
00:40:58We'll be safe.
00:41:02Okay, we'll stay.
00:41:04But it's not because I believe in Bigfoot or anything.
00:41:07It's just...
00:41:09I don't want Patty to trip and spin her ankle in the dark.
00:41:13What a gentleman.
00:41:17Come on. I've also got some supplies in the truck.
00:41:27Hey, maybe we should go get some firewood, Daddy.
00:41:29Good idea, boy. Get busy.
00:41:31Boy's going to get some firewood.
00:41:37I was right here raking leaves about six months ago.
00:41:40Yes, about two weeks ago.
00:41:42Something knocked over my trash cans.
00:41:45It didn't come out from behind the rock.
00:41:47So, what was it?
00:41:50Yeah, I know it's a little blurry, but that's Bigfoot.
00:41:53Bigfoot.
00:41:54Oh, it was Bigfoot.
00:41:57I looked up and I saw him right up there on that hill.
00:42:00What happened, if I may ask?
00:42:03Went in the house, gave me my shotgun, and came out and he was gone.
00:42:07Out of nowhere, I saw this thing standing right in the middle of the road.
00:42:12Pretty sure he stole my car, too.
00:42:14No one comes on my property without my permission, you hear me?
00:42:17Are you sure it wasn't a bear?
00:42:20Are you sure it wasn't raccoons?
00:42:23He's got a photo of it.
00:42:25Good thing for him I haven't seen him since.
00:42:27Yeah, it was Bigfoot.
00:42:29Let me tell you something, son.
00:42:31Mr. James, I know what I saw.
00:42:33Bigfoot or no Bigfoot.
00:42:35No, it is.
00:42:37Hmm.
00:42:41You getting all that?
00:42:43Right.
00:42:47Are you guys done?
00:42:48Nah, just about to use the restroom.
00:42:50Any messages?
00:42:51Yes, the mayor called.
00:42:53He wants you to call him back.
00:42:54Your wife also called.
00:42:56Again?
00:42:57All righty.
00:42:58I'll take care of this later on, okay?
00:43:00Okay.
00:43:01All right, I'll be right back, all right?
00:43:04Can I get you a glass of water?
00:43:07Oh, no, thank you, though.
00:43:13Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
00:43:18Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
00:43:24Hey, it's Harlan.
00:43:26I knew you wouldn't be calling unless you had good news.
00:43:29Did you get my story?
00:43:31No, not yet.
00:43:33Then why are you calling?
00:43:35Well, I've talked to a few people,
00:43:38and I don't really think that there's a story here.
00:43:42James, let me explain something to you.
00:43:45You're a tabloid journalist.
00:43:47You get the story no matter what.
00:43:49I know, but it's hard because...
00:43:52Hey, I don't want excuses.
00:43:54I want results.
00:43:56If you have to shave a hundred monkeys
00:43:58and then glue their hair to some homeless guy
00:44:00to get your picture,
00:44:02then that's what you do.
00:44:03Got it?
00:44:04Understood.
00:44:06Good.
00:44:08Now, the next time we talk,
00:44:10you'll have my story.
00:44:12Right?
00:44:13Yes, sir.
00:44:17Oh, that coffee kind of runs right through me, you know?
00:44:20All right, Rachel.
00:44:21Okay, Sheriff, be safe.
00:44:23All right, I will.
00:44:24Shall we?
00:44:31Thank you for the food, Chester.
00:44:32Oh, you're quite welcome, darling.
00:44:35Do you mind if I ask you something?
00:44:37Shoot.
00:44:39You said you've seen Bigfoot.
00:44:41What's he like?
00:44:43Well, he's all hairy.
00:44:46Bigger than a bear.
00:44:48And ugly as sin.
00:44:51I've been hunting him for years,
00:44:52and ain't never caught him.
00:44:54Shouldn't you be running away from something like that
00:44:57instead of chasing it?
00:44:59Most folks would.
00:45:01I got a score to settle with that son of a bitch.
00:45:05See, my brother Riff, he disappeared one day.
00:45:08Showed up about a week later,
00:45:10all beaten and bowlegged.
00:45:14Well, what happened?
00:45:17Well, he was out hunting for some dinner,
00:45:21and he got knocked unconscious.
00:45:24And he woke up in a cave,
00:45:26lying next to a female Bigfoot.
00:45:29She had her way with him,
00:45:31and he just couldn't talk about it.
00:45:35That's horrible.
00:45:37That's not the half of it.
00:45:40He wound up in the Himalayas,
00:45:43trying to clear his head and get away from all this.
00:45:48Well, he was out taking a leak in the snow one day,
00:45:51and got punched in the head and knocked unconscious.
00:45:53He woke up in a yeti cave.
00:45:56You've got to be kidding me.
00:45:58I wish I was, friend.
00:46:00He found out he had been violated.
00:46:03Again.
00:46:06Poor old Riff.
00:46:08He ain't never been the same since.
00:46:15Oh, you folks want some more beans?
00:46:18No.
00:46:20We're good.
00:46:25I think we're going to turn in.
00:46:27Come on, Patty.
00:46:36What are you doing?
00:46:38Those hillbillies are right outside.
00:46:40Oh, they won't mind.
00:46:42Besides, Daddy needs his sugar.
00:46:46Not now, Skip.
00:46:49Come on.
00:46:51We might as well make the best of a bad situation.
00:47:07Oh.
00:47:09Oh.
00:47:13Yeah.
00:47:23What do you want, boy?
00:47:28Where's Bigfoot?
00:47:30Give me my gun.
00:47:37Oh!
00:47:39You did it, Daddy.
00:47:41Come on. Let's finish this.
00:47:43I want to see its face when I pull the trigger.
00:47:46What the...
00:47:48What's going on? I thought I heard a gunshot.
00:47:51I did it. I finally shot that bastard.
00:48:02Bigfoot looks a lot like Skip.
00:48:05That is Skip, you idiot.
00:48:07Help him up.
00:48:12You shot me in the ass.
00:48:14Take it easy, fella.
00:48:16What are you doing out here in this crazy outfit?
00:48:18It was cold, and I had to use the bathroom.
00:48:21We thought you were Bigfoot.
00:48:23Well, I'm not.
00:48:27What am I supposed to do with this chunk taken out of my ass?
00:48:31Well, I think there's a first aid kit in the truck.
00:48:35Well, thank you, darling.
00:48:37You can go on back to sleep now.
00:48:39Are you sure you don't need my help?
00:48:41No. It's nothing serious.
00:48:43I believe we can handle it from here on.
00:48:46All right.
00:48:49Get me out of here.
00:48:51How bad is it?
00:48:53I feel like I lost a lot of blood.
00:48:55You're going to be fine.
00:48:57The bullet just barely grazed you.
00:48:59It barely grazed me? Tell it to my ass.
00:49:05It barely nicked you.
00:49:07It's nothing but a scratch.
00:49:09It's not a scratch.
00:49:11Trust me, I've seen a lot worse.
00:49:13I haven't.
00:49:15What did you make of your mind?
00:49:17Shut up, Billy.
00:49:19Sorry, Daddy.
00:49:21Hey, baby.
00:49:23Do those hillbillies fix you up outside?
00:49:27I know it hurts.
00:49:29Come lay next to Mama.
00:49:33Baby, you really need to take a shower.
00:49:38Are you going to stay wrapped up in that rug all night?
00:49:42Looks like someone's feeling a little better.
00:49:45Baby!
00:49:47Looks like someone's feeling a little better.
00:49:50Baby, that tickles.
00:49:56Ow, that hurts.
00:49:58Stop complaining.
00:49:59I complain too.
00:50:01Are you sure you don't have any whiskey I can take for the pain?
00:50:03For the last time, no. Now hold still.
00:50:06Come on.
00:50:09Come on.
00:50:16Baby, if you're going to go to the bathroom,
00:50:19at least take that rug off so you don't get shot again.
00:50:25I'd be squirming around too.
00:50:33There you are, good as new.
00:50:36Yeah, good as new, yeah.
00:50:39Except for the huge chunk taking on my ass.
00:50:42You're fine. It's just a scratch.
00:50:44You'll be up and humping in no time.
00:50:52Thanks, Chester. I owe you one.
00:50:55Bet your ass.
00:50:57I help.
00:51:05Thanks.
00:51:16Daddy's home.
00:51:18What do you say we start the fire one more time?
00:51:22Again?
00:51:24Baby, I could use a little attention right now.
00:51:27Yeah, I know, but I'm completely worn out.
00:51:31When did you get so big?
00:51:34What are you talking about?
00:51:37I've always been big.
00:51:40All I can say is, wow.
00:51:44Well, thank you.
00:51:47Yeah.
00:51:59Sheriff?
00:52:01What's your honest take on all this Bigfoot stuff?
00:52:05Am I just wasting my time up here?
00:52:08Well, whether he's real or not,
00:52:11one thing's for certain.
00:52:13This is Bigfoot country.
00:52:16I've lived here all my life,
00:52:18and I've never had an encounter or sighting or anything like that,
00:52:21but I've got friends and relatives who'll swear to what they've seen.
00:52:25It's all a matter of what you want to believe.
00:52:28I mean, I've talked to over a dozen people,
00:52:32and I've heard some of the weirdest Bigfoot stories,
00:52:36but there's one common denominator.
00:52:39Nobody's ever gotten hurt.
00:52:42So what are you saying?
00:52:44Why do people make him out to be such a monster?
00:52:48Well, Mr. James,
00:52:51it wouldn't be any good if there were no evil.
00:52:55So anybody claim the bounty yet?
00:52:58No, not yet.
00:53:00I'm sure somebody will catch him.
00:53:02No one has yet.
00:53:04Hey, bud, you almost bagged him once, didn't you?
00:53:07What?
00:53:09Wait, you saw Bigfoot?
00:53:12Sure did.
00:53:14I was down there by the river hunting deer.
00:53:17Well, I had my shotgun locked on him.
00:53:20He saw me, turned around, and walked away.
00:53:25Why didn't you pull the trigger?
00:53:28Because he didn't give me a reason to.
00:53:30I mean, he's out there in his natural habitat,
00:53:33probably trying to find some food.
00:53:35I figure he's out there trying to survive,
00:53:38like the rest of us.
00:53:42Can I get a vodka and cranberry, please?
00:53:45Sheriff, Mr. James, burning the midnight oil?
00:53:49Something like that.
00:53:52Well, it's getting late.
00:53:54I should probably get going.
00:53:56I'll give you a holler if I hear anything.
00:53:59Do you guys serve food here?
00:54:01No, just alcohol.
00:54:03There's an all-night diner down the road.
00:54:05You want to go check it out?
00:54:07I'm really starving.
00:54:09No, I think I'm good.
00:54:12Well, I think I'll go check that place out.
00:54:16I'll see you later.
00:54:20Yeah.
00:54:22All I'm saying is that television's a dying medium.
00:54:26Everything's online now.
00:54:29So wouldn't that make your tabloid obsolete, too?
00:54:33No.
00:54:35There will always be tabloids.
00:54:37People always need more junk to buy at the counter.
00:54:42No matter what's going on in the world,
00:54:45everybody wants to read about Elvis and aliens
00:54:50and even the world's fattest cat.
00:54:53I must have missed that issue.
00:54:55Are you kidding me?
00:54:57Every issue.
00:54:59We're always trying to convince people
00:55:01into believing things that don't really exist.
00:55:05I know what you mean.
00:55:07The news is always preying on people's fears.
00:55:11We're only supposed to report the facts,
00:55:13but there's no such thing as impartiality.
00:55:16There's always an agenda.
00:55:18Last call.
00:55:22I guess we should go.
00:55:24Where are you staying?
00:55:26Across the street at the Black Hawk Lodge.
00:55:56Well, this is my stop.
00:56:03I guess I'll see you later.
00:56:27Ah!
00:56:31It's later.
00:56:42Phone rings
00:56:47Hello?
00:56:49Morning, sunshine.
00:56:51Barry?
00:56:52How's my story coming?
00:56:55Slowly but surely.
00:56:58I got a couple leads that, uh...
00:57:00Get any pictures yet?
00:57:02Well, no, but I, um...
00:57:05What good is the story without the proof?
00:57:08I know, I just...
00:57:11Listen to me, James.
00:57:13I really need you to get to the bottom of this story.
00:57:17If you can't do that,
00:57:19then I'll find someone who can
00:57:21and you can go back to making copies
00:57:23and get me my coffee for me.
00:57:26Is that what you want?
00:57:28No, sir.
00:57:30Now get your sorry ass out of bed
00:57:32and go get my story.
00:57:38Who's that?
00:57:40My boss.
00:57:43I gotta get to work.
00:57:48I think you'd better get down there
00:57:50to make sure we get our story.
00:57:54Footsteps
00:58:00Now I know why I don't usually drink this much.
00:58:04I could really go for something to eat.
00:58:06You want to get breakfast?
00:58:08Sure.
00:58:10Phone rings
00:58:15Hello?
00:58:16Hey, it's Bubba.
00:58:17Listen, I just got a report of another encounter.
00:58:20Seems like one of the local women got up close and personal
00:58:23a few weeks ago with Bigfoot.
00:58:25Well, can I talk to her?
00:58:28Well, you can try.
00:58:30Her name's Julie Lewis.
00:58:33She runs a local children's store down.
00:58:36It's called Just for Kids.
00:58:38You might want to hear what she has to say.
00:58:40That is, if she'll talk to you.
00:58:42Where's the store located?
00:58:45Alright.
00:58:47Thanks, Sheriff.
00:58:50What's wrong?
00:58:52Looks like we just got our first lead.
00:59:02Damn it, boy.
00:59:04What the hell's wrong with you?
00:59:06You could have blown my brains out.
00:59:07Sorry, Daddy.
00:59:08Quiet, boy.
00:59:10We're in Bigfoot country.
00:59:12You smell that?
00:59:14That's the smell of the beast.
00:59:16Are you sure that's Bigfoot?
00:59:17Yep.
00:59:18I've smelled that stink before.
00:59:20He's so close, I can taste him.
00:59:23Uh, Daddy?
00:59:25Quiet, boy.
00:59:26But, uh...
00:59:27You're gonna get us killed, boy.
00:59:29What?
00:59:34Son of a bitch.
00:59:36Why didn't you say something?
00:59:43I swear, there's no way you could have come from these loins.
00:59:47Come on, boy.
00:59:48Let's get out of here.
01:00:03Hi.
01:00:04I'll be right with you.
01:00:05Thank you so much.
01:00:06Oh, thank you.
01:00:13Is there anything I can help you folks with today?
01:00:15Yes.
01:00:16Sheriff Lopez sent us over here.
01:00:18He said you had an encounter with Bigfoot.
01:00:20Oh.
01:00:22You must be the reporter and the guy from the tabloid.
01:00:26He told me you might be stopping in.
01:00:28Miss Lewis, would you mind telling us what happened?
01:00:32I don't think so.
01:00:34Any information you provide would be helpful.
01:00:37No, I don't think so.
01:00:40I didn't even want to tell the sheriff.
01:00:42Please, Miss Lewis.
01:00:44It's important.
01:00:47Well, okay.
01:00:50I've lived up here my whole life and never once did I believe in Bigfoot.
01:00:54But now, I know he's real.
01:00:59It happened several weeks ago.
01:01:01There's a spot by the river where I go to sunbathe.
01:01:05No one ever goes there.
01:01:15This spot is so peaceful and private.
01:01:18I'm able to relax and not be bothered by anyone ever.
01:01:25Since the spot's so secluded, I'm able to do whatever I want.
01:01:29Next thing I know, the sky went dark.
01:01:33I thought maybe someone had discovered my secret place.
01:01:36I couldn't quite make out what was standing in front of me.
01:01:40I wanted to scream, but I couldn't.
01:01:42It was Bigfoot, all right.
01:01:44A large, hairy, ape-like creature.
01:01:47But then, I suddenly felt a calm about the creature.
01:01:50Like he didn't want to hurt me.
01:01:52Then he was gone, just like that.
01:01:58So, all he wanted were your panties.
01:02:04The size of my panties was too small.
01:02:08This happened several weeks ago.
01:02:10How come you waited so long to say something?
01:02:13Well, I didn't want everyone to think I was crazy.
01:02:17But when I found out about the bounty, I figured I should tell the authorities.
01:02:21I'm afraid someone will kill it.
01:02:24Would that be such a bad thing?
01:02:26It might be the only one of its kind.
01:02:28Miss?
01:02:30I'll be right with you.
01:02:32Can I take this?
01:02:33Oh, no, go ahead.
01:02:35Thank you for your time, Miss Lewis.
01:02:40So, what do you think?
01:02:45I'm thinking we should go looking for this thing ourselves.
01:02:51Say, are you folks from around here?
01:02:54Not really.
01:02:55Well, you folks better be careful.
01:02:57There's been a lot of Bigfoot sightings around here.
01:03:02Weren't you on television?
01:03:04Yes, I was.
01:03:05Wow, you're prettier in person.
01:03:09Say, if you're not doing anything, maybe a little later we could...
01:03:14She's busy.
01:03:17So, where are you heading?
01:03:20I don't know. Got any suggestions?
01:03:23The swimming hole's real nice. It's down the ways.
01:03:25Want me to draw you a map?
01:03:26Yeah.
01:03:31There you go.
01:03:32Oh, that'll be $14.99.
01:03:35Dude, that's totally him.
01:03:38No way.
01:03:40He's more taller, more heavier.
01:03:44Excuse me?
01:03:47What are you guys talking about?
01:03:49Bigfoot, dude.
01:03:52What about him?
01:03:54He looks nothing like the postcard.
01:03:56Yeah, he does, man.
01:03:58No way.
01:04:00How do you two know what Bigfoot looks like?
01:04:05Because we were out partying with him last night.
01:04:09Yeah.
01:04:13We were out in the woods getting nicely toasty
01:04:17when we heard a noise.
01:04:21Then, out of the blue, there he is, standing right in front of us.
01:04:27So we asked if he wanted to join us.
01:04:31Yeah.
01:04:54All I can say is, that dude knew how to party.
01:05:00Yeah.
01:05:31You mean to tell me you got high with Bigfoot?
01:05:34No, dude.
01:05:36He got wasted with Bigfoot.
01:05:39That's right.
01:05:40Do you know where he is?
01:05:42Uh-huh.
01:05:43Sorry.
01:05:44We passed out.
01:05:45We woke up.
01:05:46He was gone like, gone, gone.
01:05:49Where were you guys last night?
01:05:51Oh, uh, near the...
01:05:54Swimming hole.
01:05:56The swimming hole.
01:05:57That's right.
01:05:58I guess we know where to look.
01:06:04Hey, man.
01:06:05If you see him, can you tell him to give me back my ball?
01:06:09You took your ball?
01:06:13Don't worry about it.
01:06:15We'll buy a new one.
01:06:26There he is!
01:06:27I see him!
01:06:29Get down, boy!
01:06:30Somebody's shooting at us.
01:06:32Eddie, I'm scared.
01:06:34Hold your fire down there.
01:06:36You're gonna kill somebody.
01:06:38Chester?
01:06:40Eddie?
01:06:41What the hell are you doing?
01:06:44Sorry.
01:06:45We thought you were Bigfoot.
01:06:47We?
01:06:49Who else is down there with you?
01:06:51Me, Sonny, and Roger.
01:06:55Hold your fire.
01:06:57I'm coming down.
01:06:59Let's go, boy.
01:07:00Don't do anything to embarrass me.
01:07:13Chester Scroggins, you old goat.
01:07:16What are you doing out here in that outfit?
01:07:21Hunting Bigfoot.
01:07:24After the reward money, too, huh?
01:07:27Reward?
01:07:28What reward?
01:07:3025 grand, cash.
01:07:32You mean somebody's willing to pay money for that bastard?
01:07:35I'll shoot him for free.
01:07:37You mean to tell me you don't know anything about that reward?
01:07:40I don't know nothing about no money.
01:07:42I'm just hunting for the hell of it.
01:07:44I got a score to settle with that bastard.
01:07:47Well, since you're out here, too, why don't you join us?
01:07:51Oh, no.
01:07:52I'm not splitting my reward five different ways with that son of a bitch.
01:07:56Well, I might just let you shake my hand when I haul his corpse in.
01:08:05Boy, what did I say about embarrassing me?
01:08:07Chester, what in the world are you feeding that kid?
01:08:11Come on, let's get out of here before we all pass out.
01:08:15And good luck. You'll need it.
01:08:18Oh, and by the way, you need to get out of them ghillie suits
01:08:21before somebody takes a shot at you and takes a chunk out of your ass.
01:08:28Sorry, Daddy. I couldn't hold it in.
01:08:34There is no way that you came from my loins.
01:08:37Let's go, boy. And take that suit off. You look ridiculous.
01:08:49I loved the swim afterwards, and that was just...
01:08:56What is that thing?
01:08:58I have no idea.
01:09:00It kind of looks like a bear.
01:09:07There's one stressed out bear.
01:09:13What are you doing?
01:09:15We've got to tell someone about this.
01:09:19Yes, Rachel.
01:09:21Yeah, go ahead and transfer the call.
01:09:23Sheriff Lopez speaking.
01:09:27Ma'am, could you repeat that?
01:09:31Really?
01:09:33And you're absolutely positive?
01:09:37Where did you say this happened at?
01:09:41And you're certain about what you saw, huh?
01:09:43And what was your name again, ma'am?
01:09:47All righty, much obliged. Thanks for notifying us.
01:09:58Hey, it's Bubba.
01:10:00You ain't going to believe this one.
01:10:14I think this is the spot where the fishermen and schoolgirls saw him.
01:10:18The wall just weren't too far from here.
01:10:22Maybe we should go up to where those girls were camping.
01:10:33Hey, Bubba.
01:10:35What are you doing here?
01:10:37Camping.
01:10:47See any signs of footprints?
01:10:51No.
01:10:53Nothing.
01:10:59Hold it. Right there.
01:11:01Whoa! Take it easy, mister!
01:11:03What?
01:11:05Don't move.
01:11:07Please, just let us go and we'll be out of your hair.
01:11:11Behind you.
01:11:14What the?
01:11:16Oh my god. Is that what I think it is?
01:11:19Yep.
01:11:21That's Bigfoot.
01:11:28It's okay. You folks are safe now.
01:11:31What are you planning on doing?
01:11:33I'm going to shoot him right between the eyes.
01:11:36And maybe make a vest out of his skin.
01:11:40Soup out of his bones.
01:11:42Look, if it's about the money, then there is no money.
01:11:46I should know. I'm the reporter from the newspaper.
01:11:50Tabloid.
01:11:52Whatever. Bottom line, there was never any money.
01:11:56We just said there was.
01:11:58There was never any money.
01:12:00We just said there was so we'd get people to talk.
01:12:02I don't care about no money.
01:12:04This is personal.
01:12:06My brother was raped by one of these things.
01:12:08Twice.
01:12:10Um, can you repeat that last part again?
01:12:15Say, good night, Gracie.
01:12:17Look! Chupacabra!
01:12:19What? Where?
01:12:22Dammit! What the hell did you do that for?
01:12:24I couldn't let you shoot him.
01:12:27Come on, boys! Get in the way!
01:12:33You almost bruised my ham bone, Daddy.
01:12:35For the love of God.
01:12:37There's no way you sprang from these loins.
01:12:39Now get your ass up. He's getting away.
01:12:49You had your story right in front of you.
01:12:51Why'd you do it?
01:12:54Because sometimes...
01:12:56Sometimes the myth is more important than the truth.
01:13:03Hey, guys!
01:13:05Check this out.
01:13:07Looks like a cave.
01:13:09Well, what are you waiting for? Get in there.
01:13:13I ain't going in. Eddie, you go.
01:13:17There's no way I'm going in first.
01:13:19Fine. I'll go in first.
01:13:22I'll go in first, but I get a bigger cut of the reward.
01:13:38What kind of sick freak lives here?
01:13:41I don't know.
01:13:43Is your cousin real back in town?
01:13:46No. Nothing I know of.
01:13:48Get Bigfoot.
01:13:51You really should take care of this pervert.
01:13:54Oh, my God! What's that?
01:13:56What the hell?
01:14:04I still can't believe what just happened.
01:14:06I know.
01:14:09What are you going to do?
01:14:15I guess I'm going to tell my boss I didn't get the story.
01:14:20Whatever happens, happens.
01:14:22I'll probably go back to being the copy boy.
01:14:25I'm sure everything will be okay.
01:14:29There you are.
01:14:31I've been looking all over for you.
01:14:33What's going on?
01:14:34They got him.
01:14:35Got who?
01:14:36Bigfoot. They finally got him.
01:14:40What the hell happened to you guys?
01:14:43Nothing. Give us some whiskey.
01:14:45You guys don't drink whiskey.
01:14:47We do today.
01:14:50All right.
01:15:10Keep them coming, bud.
01:15:27All right. Come on. Get out.
01:15:32Come on. Let's get out of here right now.
01:15:34Let's go. Watch your step.
01:15:37Let's go.
01:15:50What's going on?
01:15:52Looks like they caught Bigfoot.
01:15:54Well, it's about time.
01:15:56Folks, we just had a break in the Bigfoot case.
01:15:59Here's the thing that's been causing us trouble this whole weekend.
01:16:02Nothing more than a man dressed up like an ape.
01:16:05Sheriff, you got to believe me.
01:16:07This wasn't my idea. My boss sent me.
01:16:09I didn't do anything.
01:16:11We caught him in the woods.
01:16:13He had a bunch of makeup and costumes in the car.
01:16:16Claims he works for the Tattletail.
01:16:18Harlan. Harlan, is that you?
01:16:21It's me, Kenny, the copy boy.
01:16:23Tell the sheriff you know me.
01:16:25Tell him Barry sent me. This was all Barry's idea.
01:16:28Harlan, you know this man.
01:16:30Sheriff, I've never seen that guy before.
01:16:32I thought not.
01:16:34This was just all a big joke.
01:16:36Yeah, well, those campers didn't think it was such a joke.
01:16:39Think your little hoax wasted our whole weekend here?
01:16:42But I just got here, honest.
01:16:44I didn't do anything. Harlan, help me out.
01:16:46All right, quiet it, you.
01:16:48Now I got to sell in there with your name on it.
01:16:50No, I didn't do anything.
01:16:52No, my boss sent me. It was all his idea.
01:16:55Come on, Harlan.
01:16:57All right, that's enough, folks.
01:16:59Nothing more to see here.
01:17:01Just a man in a monkey suit.
01:17:03Come on, now.
01:17:05Your boss sent him?
01:17:07It appears so.
01:17:09So what are we going to do?
01:17:15Keep quiet.
01:17:17Go about our lives.
01:17:19So...
01:17:21I guess that's it, then.
01:17:24Well, it doesn't have to be.
01:17:28I've got my room for one more night.
01:17:30Feel like playing the sunbather and panty thief?
01:17:33Sounds like a plan.
01:17:45Get up, boy.
01:17:47Daddy, I'm tired.
01:17:49My foot hurts, my butt hurts, and there's a rock in my shoe.
01:17:54Hell, I'm tired, too.
01:18:00Yeah, we tried.
01:18:02We failed.
01:18:04Maybe we should just stick to hunting UFOs.
01:18:10Let me help you with that stone.
01:18:24Let's go, old boy.
01:18:30Are you sure you guys don't want to talk about it?
01:18:33Good, you wouldn't believe us if we told you.
01:18:36I'm a bartender.
01:18:38I've heard every story imaginable.
01:18:41Come on, let's go.
01:18:43Let's go.
01:18:45Let's go.
01:18:47Let's go.
01:18:49Let's go.
01:18:51This is unimaginable.
01:18:53Come on, lay it on me.
01:19:00Well, we was out looking for Bigfoot, and we found this cave.
01:19:05We went in, and we found all these pairs of women's underwear and empty beer bottles.
01:19:10While we were looking around, we discovered we weren't alone.
01:19:14Next thing we know, the cave went dark, and we couldn't see a thing.
01:19:18We woke up in the middle of the forest with our pants around our ankles and a shotgun shot.
01:19:23I'm going to have to stop you boys right there.
01:19:27Maybe there are some stories that shouldn't be told.
01:19:35There you go. Consider it on the house.
01:19:41All I'm saying is, maybe we're the aliens, man.
01:19:47What if there's creatures out there afraid of us?
01:19:55You just totally blew my mind.
01:20:04You're crazy, man.
01:20:06Yeah.
01:20:08Wait.
01:20:11What'd he say?
01:20:13He said...
01:20:15He said...
01:20:19Dude, I have no idea what he said.
01:20:43Dude, I have no idea what he said.
01:21:13To be continued...