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00:00So, you got the goods?
00:01Oh, I've got gooder than the goods.
00:03Bum-da-da-dum-dum-dum-duh!
00:05Huh? A play?
00:06I'm holding auditions tonight.
00:08It's a local production drifting through space looking for stars.
00:11If you'll need a great actor, you'll come to the right guy!
00:15What was that?
00:16An accent.
00:17From where?
00:17I don't know.
00:18Acting!
00:21Jamie, Jamie, Jamie!
00:22Where's everyone else?
00:23Uh, you're the only one that showed up.
00:25But hey, some plays only have one person in them, so we're already in 200% better shape than that.
00:29That sounds like some strange math, but I'm ready!
00:31Great! Here's a copy of the script.
00:32Beach City or Bust, the tale of William Dewey.
00:35This is my first production, so it needs to be exciting.
00:37It needs to be classic.
00:38It needs to be fully funded by Mayor Dewey.
00:41And it is, because he wrote it.
00:43What's it about?
00:44I'm glad you asked!
00:46This is the story of how Beach City was founded nearly 200 years ago by my great-great-great-great-grandfather, William Dewey.
00:52It's a truly important historical tale with a lot of sentimental and political importance to me.
00:56Well, we're just about to get started.
00:57Uh, would you like to sit in on the rehearsal, Mayor?
01:00Don't mind if I do. Oh, pardon me.
01:01Okay, Stephen, since you're the only one who showed up, you'll be playing the lead role of William Dewey.
01:05Nail the audition!
01:06And for the other roles, I guess I'll have to play... all of them.
01:11The ship is out at sea.
01:12The sun beats down on the crew while they stand on deck.
01:14Suddenly, the tall, ruggedly handsome man standing in front of them speaks.
01:18Crew, I'm so glad you could be part of this journey with me as we search for a new land to build a distinguished new city in.
01:23Oh, Captain William Dewey, you're such a good captain!
01:25Never has a voyage been so super good!
01:27Good point, first mate buddy!
01:29Ha ha ha ha ha!
01:30Hooray for fun!
01:31Oh no, is that a wild squall approaching us?
01:33Surely this can't be good!
01:34Be calm, my crew. I'll just save us with my heroic, supernatural ability!
01:39And then William Dewey grows into a 50-foot giant and carries the boat safely to shore.
01:43The crew thinks he's so good at being captain that they elect him to be the first mayor of Beach City.
01:47The end.
01:48Wow, Mayor Dewey, that was really good!
01:50Oh, yeah.
01:51William Dewey is a really... good character.
01:53But maybe we can bring out another side of William Dewey?
01:56See his struggles?
01:57The great William Dewey didn't struggle!
01:59He was good at everything on the first try!
02:01Just like me when I wrote this play!
02:03Not a single word needs to be changed!
02:05But maybe...
02:05D-d-don't forget who's funding this!
02:07Well, nice hustle, gentlemen. Keep it up.
02:09Aye, aye!
02:11This is gonna be a disaster.
02:12What?
02:13It's a terrible story. William Dewey is totally unbelievable!
02:16Because he grows 50 feet?
02:17No, he's got no character!
02:19But the script kept saying he was really good!
02:20Exactly!
02:21How can a guy have no faults?
02:23To be human is to be flawed!
02:25A real hero must struggle!
02:27That's so beautiful!
02:29And also, totally not representative of Mayor Dewey's script.
02:32My first play, and probably my last.
02:37Hey, Pearl!
02:38Pearl?
02:39Steven, you're back!
02:40Yeah.
02:41Show business is rough.
02:42Is there something I can help you with?
02:44Not unless you can make William Dewey interesting.
02:46How do you know William Dewey?
02:47I'm gonna be him in this play!
02:48But he's totally boring!
02:49He's perfect, and he never makes mistakes!
02:51I wish I could say the same for myself.
02:53Yeah, but nobody's like that!
02:54Everybody gets stuff wrong, and then you have to keep going, and it's hard,
02:57which is why it's great when you never stop trying!
02:59When did you get so smart?
03:02Hmm, this isn't just boring.
03:04It's historically inaccurate!
03:05Who wrote this?
03:06Mayor Dewey.
03:07Ha ha! He wasn't even there!
03:09But I was.
03:10You were there?
03:11Wait, what really happened?
03:12Well, for starters, Ruggedly Handsome seems rather generous.
03:15Steven, this is so real!
03:17It's like it was written by someone who lived it!
03:19It was! And I don't know if you can tell, but I wrote the jokes!
03:22I can tell!
03:23So gritty, so passionate, so...
03:25Historically accurate?
03:26And the drama?
03:27This is the play we should be doing.
03:29Well, let's do it, then!
03:30Let's put on this version of the play!
03:31But how?
03:32We'd need new costumes, new props, we have no time!
03:34And Mayor Dewey'll have our heads!
03:36But Jamie, you said it yourself.
03:38Real heroes struggle.
03:39By Jiminy, you're right!
03:41This show will go on tomorrow night, with you as Captain William Dewey,
03:44and I as the remaining roles!
03:46All of them?
03:48All of them!
03:50Spoo-ah! Acting!
03:54Mind if I have a seat?
03:55Okay.
03:56Oh, you know, I wrote this play.
04:02I hope Mayor Dewey isn't mad about the changes.
04:04Guess we'll have to see.
04:05Are you nervous?
04:06Of course.
04:07This could either make or break my career.
04:09You could lose your job at the post office?
04:10This could either make or break my hobby.
04:14Acting!
04:15Boardies and gentleboardies!
04:17Tonight, I am thrilled to present to you
04:19The Tale of William Dewey!
04:22Oh, Captain, my captain,
04:23how long until the soft lips of our sailing ship
04:25kiss the red beard of new lands?
04:27I know we've been journeying for many months,
04:28but surely we'll run into something soon.
04:30You sure can't be that big.
04:31There he is! I see him!
04:33You're so talented!
04:35Back home, they called me Dewey the Dutz.
04:37Said I couldn't find land, even if I was standing on it.
04:39What the?
04:40And I'm starting to fear that they were right.
04:42What light through yon stage left breaks?
04:44Oh, what now?
04:45It is the east, and we are the Crystal Gems!
04:48What? This wasn't in the script!
04:49This wasn't in the budget either!
04:51Greetings!
04:52I am Pearl,
04:53and I come to you as a messenger of the brilliant Pearl Squartz!
04:56We ask that you turn your ship around.
04:58The land you are headed for is no walk in the park for your species.
05:01Nonsense! I won't take orders from the likes of you!
05:04Hmph. Well, then.
05:05You should turn around lest you fall into the sea.
05:08And you know, humans aren't very good swimmers.
05:12Dang it!
05:13I'll just return home like the failure Dutz I am.
05:15Ah! I can't even turn a sail right!
05:17Why must I always struggle?
05:20Wow, Dad. What a loser.
05:23Oh, Captain, my Captain, we've drifted miles from our course.
05:25These waves are nothing like I've ever seen before.
05:28Nonsense! This is only a drizzle.
05:30Okay, maybe a light summer storm.
05:33What's that port side?
05:35Never mind.
05:38Captain! It's got me!
05:40First mate buddy!
05:41Whatever you do, don't give up your search.
05:43You're the bravest man I know, because you try,
05:45even though you fail so, so much.
05:47Buddy! No!
05:51Oh, buddy! A stale biscuit to the end!
05:56And now my boat will sink into the depths.
05:58Do we, the disastrous Dutz?
06:00What's this?
06:01Holy anchovies!
06:02A quadruple noogie!
06:03A move that's only been spoken of in legends!
06:05Ah! It heads this way!
06:07Oh, please, goddess of noogies, don't hurt me!
06:09Whoa! I've made it!
06:11Land! Sweet, solid land!
06:14Thank you, giant woman.
06:15You may not want to stay. This land is dangerous.
06:19No! I will stay!
06:20For I am William Dewey, and I don't give up in the face of failure!
06:23That's what makes me great!
06:25Very well, then. But I can't promise you I won't interfere again.
06:30I shall name this new land in honor of my dead first mate buddy.
06:33I'm alive!
06:34Okay! Beach city it is!
06:39What?
06:41Nice to know great-grandpa was a real person.
06:43Flawless. That's your move, Danny.
06:46One for you, and one for you.
06:49Excuse me, if I could have a moment with your talent.
06:52Jamie! Ha! Oh, yeah! Fantastic work! I love the message!
06:57Vote Mayor Dewey!
06:58How about I offer you another role?
07:00Lead director of Beach City Community Theater.
07:01You can put on more plays, as long as the budget allows it.
07:07Thank you, sir.
07:08A lot of the credit should go to Pearl.
07:09I could say she was an inside source.
07:11I am a gem of many talents, and dedication to that is just one of them.
07:14Thank you for preserving my legacy.
07:17Oh, what's 200 years between friends?
07:19Wow! I must be off, then, to bask in the adulation of my constituents.
07:22You know, I don't remember there being a campaign slogan at the end of that story.
07:26Art doesn't always need a reason, Pearl.
07:27Sometimes it's just gotta make the audience happy.
07:29That's why you always end on a joke.