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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel, my name's Kevin, I'm a Geek, you're watching
00:17Kevin The Geek and we're here for episode 4 of series 6 of Taskmaster.
00:48And this time, BMXing, it's going to be a Russell quote.
00:57Thank you and of course hello, I'm Greg Davis and this is Taskmaster.
01:01Three episodes down, we've already learnt so much about the five contestants.
01:05We've learnt their names for example, but for those who haven't got that far,
01:09here's what our contenders are usually called.
01:13Our contenders are Alice Levine, Asim Chowdhury, Lisa Tarbuck, Russell Howard and Tim Vine.
01:26And next to me, like a blob of mayonnaise that's dripped out of your sandwich onto your trousers,
01:32there to remain a nagging reminder of all the clumsy mistakes in life you've ever made,
01:38it's...
01:40Little Alex Horne!
01:45It's nice to be here.
01:46And here to my left, he's as mild as he's meek, it's my assistant, Little Ian.
01:55Ready?
01:56When you are, sir.
01:57What the hell is this?
02:00This is my assistant, Ian.
02:02We play squash together and I've offered him a job.
02:04Where are you getting the money from?
02:06I've taken some of the money from the budget.
02:08Sorry, Ian, you're going to have to leave.
02:11No, fuck you.
02:14I don't want to embarrass Ian, he seems like a perfectly nice chap.
02:16If you're going to ask him to leave, I'd be very grateful.
02:20You've got to go now.
02:21No problem.
02:22Can you book me a car, though, for afternoon?
02:24What kind of car would you like?
02:25Don't give a shit, just make it silver.
02:30Poor Ian!
02:31Let's start the episode, Alex.
02:32OK, we're going to start off with a prize task.
02:35This week's prize category is the most thought-provoking thing.
02:40Ooh, I like this.
02:41The person whose thing provokes the most thought from you, Greg,
02:43will get a maximum of five points, and at the end of the show,
02:45the person with the most points across the episode
02:47will take home five thought-provoking things.
02:49It's simple, but also exciting.
02:51Quite long-winded, though, wasn't it?
02:53Yeah, it was a little bit.
02:54That's him.
02:55Right, so do you believe that everyone's got a doppelganger in life?
02:58Yes, I do, I was saying it to Alex just before the show.
03:00Yeah, and I was saying it to... Do you know what I mean?
03:03So, my mate was in LA and he went into this restaurant
03:06and there was a painting of this Iranian prince
03:09from, like, the 17th century, and this is my doppelganger.
03:13Here we go.
03:17OK.
03:19Not bad.
03:20Yeah?
03:22In order to provoke this thought,
03:24that painting looks a bit like that's him.
03:26What I would like you to do is to give voice to the prince.
03:28OK.
03:29I'm going to look at that. Say what you want.
03:31Papa G, I love you.
03:34You are a part of my royal kingdom and I look like Asim
03:37and you're going to give me the prize for this task
03:40cos I love you, Papa G.
03:42Asim, it's an interesting opener.
03:44Thank you, Papa.
03:45Not a problem, my child.
03:46Who's next?
03:47Some may be fine on the right.
03:49Thought-provoking.
03:51I collect records.
03:52Yeah?
03:53It's my decision and it's vinyl.
03:55Hey!
03:56Come on.
03:57This album I bought by Bill and Kate,
04:01I can't understand what meeting they looked at that and said,
04:05yeah, that's great, let's go with that.
04:07Do you want to see it?
04:08Please.
04:12They're both out of focus.
04:14Yeah.
04:15And they've got this weird sort of gap on his right.
04:17Were they there at the same time or is that early Photoshop?
04:20Exactly. So many questions.
04:22Oh, my God, it's worse than that. I've worked it out.
04:24What?
04:25Bill's dead.
04:26Oh!
04:27Oh!
04:28Some ghost shit.
04:30That provoked more thought than I ever dreamt in my life.
04:34Do you want Lisa?
04:35I do, but, I mean, I'm still...
04:38I'm having so many thoughts being provoked.
04:42Lisa, provoke my thought.
04:44The sort of whole concept of Nikola Tesla.
04:47Nikola Tes...
04:48Nikola.
04:49Nikola Tesla.
04:50If I find out that this guy didn't put his name to Tesla cars,
04:53I'm going to be so disappointed.
04:55Tesla cars nicked into...
04:57Oh, thank God.
04:59Without him, we wouldn't have X-rays,
05:01we wouldn't have remote control, we wouldn't have lights.
05:04The big deal is he was stopped.
05:06He wanted free energy for everybody.
05:08Right.
05:09JP Morgan, who was funding him, kind of closed him down
05:12and sold him as a lunatic.
05:13Oh, God, what became of him, Lisa?
05:15Oh, he died in a hotel room, penniless.
05:17Oh, shut up.
05:20Tesla!
05:22I think that, cos it has to be a prize, you can't give him.
05:25It's a good job you did the talking before we saw that.
05:29OK, so we've got the concept of Tesla.
05:31Yeah, good.
05:32Shall we move on to Alex Levine?
05:34This was a thought-provoking book that I read recently.
05:40What the hell?!
05:42Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.
05:48What the hell?!
05:49What the hell, Judge Judy?!
05:52It's provoked a thought.
05:54There are some really incredible bits of thought-provoking
05:57philosophy in her book, so I've got a few of them here.
05:59Oh, you've dropped a few down.
06:01If you break the law, you have to pay.
06:05Wow.
06:06That's deep.
06:08That's deep, isn't it?
06:09That's incredible, because that's so not deep.
06:11Yeah.
06:12You're looking for angles underneath her saying,
06:15you shouldn't break the law.
06:17Right, OK, well, Judge Judy was more thought-provoking
06:20than I thought, I guess.
06:22Who's next?
06:23Well, the final person is Russell Howard there.
06:25OK.
06:26So I was on a plane recently, and a Buddhist monk sat next to me.
06:31OK.
06:32And then I was looking at what he was playing on his iPad,
06:35and he was playing a game that was a fidget spinner.
06:38And he was just spinning it like that.
06:42And I just couldn't stop thinking about his life.
06:45Is this what he does to get away from Buddhism?
06:47He's like, yeah, see you in a bit.
06:49And then he just gets a flight and just spins fidgets.
06:53When you get to the end of Buddhism,
06:55do you pull back a curtain and there's just a big fidget spinner?
06:58Maybe.
06:59He's completed Buddhism.
07:00When you get to the end of Buddhism.
07:02Yeah, when you get to the end of Buddhism.
07:04Are you ready to judge, Greg?
07:05I am.
07:09I mean, Tim's got to be first, surely.
07:15Nikola Tesla won.
07:16That's got to be last.
07:24No, actually, I'll put Asim last,
07:26because it's thought-provoking and goes like,
07:30yeah, he looks a bit like Asim.
07:32But that is it.
07:34Nikola Tesla, fourth.
07:40I'm going to put Alice second, Russell third.
07:42That's longer to go with.
07:43In last place with one point is Asim.
07:47Oh, come on!
07:50Asim gets one.
07:51Just up from that, a lot of thought,
07:53and it made me scream into the air.
07:55But, yeah, pound for pound, it's a little bit dry.
07:58It's Tesla.
08:00Tesla.
08:01Lisa gets two points.
08:02Then I'm going to pop Alice in,
08:05and I've made some really good notes about yours.
08:07I wrote this note, ready?
08:08Made me think.
08:10In second place... With four points.
08:12..controversial, because whatever they're up to, Bill and Kate,
08:16it provokes so much thought in me.
08:18It still is.
08:19But Buddhism, it's a worthy winner, isn't it?
08:22Russell Howard wins.
08:23OK.
08:27Two out of five right.
08:28Let's get going.
08:29Alex.
08:30Yes, and here's a task
08:31to celebrate all the men out there at last.
08:34Yay!
08:35Yay!
08:45It's in the box!
08:47What's in that box?!
08:53OK.
08:54Can't do it.
08:56Hi, possums.
08:57Sorry.
08:58Possums?
08:59Don't be sorry.
09:06Don't put your tea on the floor, Russell.
09:08Do something manly with this cardboard box.
09:11Manliest thing wins.
09:13You've got 20 minutes, your time starts now.
09:15Oh, God, I'd be screwed!
09:17I could get in it and cough, couldn't I?
09:19Pretend I've got flu.
09:22Manly, though, what does manly mean?
09:24Yeah.
09:25DIY is pretty manly.
09:27It means they've got a man's characteristics.
09:30Macho, isn't it? Macho.
09:33Macho, macho, man.
09:35OK, I'll get you a woman.
09:37I mean, the manliest thing I can think of
09:39is just, like, beating the shit out of it.
09:41You know?
09:42Like, windmilling it, just...
09:44OK, let's go for it.
09:45Come on, then, world.
09:47Stand by for a bit of manly.
09:52This is going to go badly, isn't it?
09:54We're going to start with an actual man, Mr Vine.
09:56Here we go.
10:03LAUGHTER
10:25Give it to me now.
10:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:33Whatever any of you thought Tim was going to do
10:37that would be manly with that box,
10:39I can guarantee none of you would have predicted that.
10:48It worked for me.
10:50At a time when men are under a lot of fire,
10:53what a wonderful display of manliness.
10:56I'll have a start. Who's next?
10:58The bar is set high. We're going to move on to Asim and Alice.
11:01These two.
11:02Oh!
11:12Hi, Asim.
11:14My name is I feel.
11:16How do you feel?
11:18Oh, hi, I feel.
11:20Um, I feel...
11:21Oh, I don't know how I feel.
11:25You'll be playing the part of woman. OK.
11:27I'll be playing the part of man. Right.
11:29I'm going to ask you to do something,
11:31and I'm going to pay you for it.
11:33OK. OK?
11:35Can you tell me the words to Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star?
11:38Yeah.
11:39Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are.
11:42I feel like everyone wants me to be a big, strong man,
11:45but when I talk about my feelings, everyone just takes the piss.
11:48Never feel bad about feeling, Asim.
11:51There's nothing more manly than a man talking about how he feels.
11:57True. Yes, I agree.
11:59I'm going to pay you £20.
12:01Thank you.
12:03I'm now going to do the same for you.
12:05Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are.
12:08I'm playing the part of man, so I'm going to pay myself all of this.
12:11OK. OK?
12:13The more we talk, the more we learn,
12:17the more we love.
12:19Would you like a hug, Asim?
12:21Oh, yeah, I'd love a hug.
12:23Hug.
12:24All right, yeah, coming.
12:26That's a good hug.
12:28Hug.
12:29Yeah, all right, I'll hug you.
12:31Hug.
12:32Bit needy.
12:33So that was my piece, housed here in the Carble Box Theatre
12:37on the manly gender pay gap.
12:43Whoa, whoa, whoa.
12:46You know I don't like to get into really conscientious debates and stuff,
12:53but the gender pay wage gap thing pisses me off as a concept
13:00because it doesn't exist.
13:03It doesn't exist in the way that people think it does.
13:06You know, you go, oh, two people doing the same job,
13:09a man's going to get paid more than a woman.
13:12No, that is absolute bollocks.
13:15It is absolute bollocks.
13:18I'm sorry for anyone who is maybe a feminist and believes that to be the case,
13:22or is not necessarily a feminist but still believes it,
13:24but I'm sorry.
13:26There is no law in Europe, England, America,
13:31where it says you have to pay such and such person more than anything else.
13:37Any job, like I get paid minimum wage,
13:40and do I look for a job?
13:42And it goes, well, if you're a man, I'm going to pay you £10 per hour,
13:47but if you're a woman, I'm going to pay you £8 an hour.
13:50No, it's absolute bollocks.
13:52It comes down to different jobs paying in different ways
13:55and more of a particular gender doing one of those particular roles.
14:01You've got more men doing manual labour jobs
14:04and you've got more women doing care jobs.
14:07But they would get paid equally based on relative experience with that.
14:12Experience is everything.
14:15That is where the difference in that pay gap is going to come with.
14:19Because if I've been doing a job for a certain amount of time
14:22and I'm more experienced at it,
14:24then they're going to potentially value that more so
14:28than someone who is newly inter...
14:31Of course, there is always going to be...
14:37...extremities and there will be exceptions to the rule.
14:43But generally speaking, you get paid exactly the same amount
14:47as a starting-off point, regardless of your gender,
14:50and then there will be other factors that contribute it.
14:54But gender is not one of them.
14:57Stop making up bullshit.
15:01I'm sorry.
15:03I seem to remember finding it funnier,
15:05but I obviously took it quite seriously.
15:07Yeah.
15:08Rightly so.
15:09No, I thought it's good to make a political point. Why not?
15:12No, absolutely.
15:13Asim, you're an affection robot.
15:15Yeah, toxic masculinity is quite a horrible thing.
15:18And I'm from, like, you know, a certain place in London,
15:22and we all have to be big men and it's got to be hard and...
15:25Yeah.
15:26So I thought I'd fucking do a robot, right?
15:28You know what I mean? Give me a little hug.
15:30It's not gay. It's not gay.
15:33Hold that thought. I'm going to send us into a break now.
15:36Break! Break!
15:43Vision!
15:46Oh, the spinny lizard.
15:48All over again.
15:49My name's Greg Davis and I am the Taskmaster,
15:51and this is Taskmaster.
15:53Before the break, we were...
15:54Alex, what were we doing?
15:56There were manly things going on, Greg.
15:58Remember, Asim and Alice made, in turn,
16:00a poignant remark on the male psyche
16:02and an important statement on the gender pay gap.
16:04Also, Tim Vine took his top off.
16:06Hey!
16:08We're going to see the final two together now,
16:10Lisa Tarbuck and Russell Howard.
16:12Let's see what we can come up with,
16:14cos we're good at this, aren't we?
16:16Yeah. You get me a pipe...
16:18OK. ..and let's meet outside.
16:20See you in a minute. Yep.
16:31Right, let's get this... Let's get this off.
16:33Whoa!
16:34Got some tattoos, you may have noticed.
16:36Yeah.
16:37Beard, petrol, Clarkson and Top Gear.
16:40So what's your problem?
16:42Don't listen to your mum!
16:51There you are. I'll take that one out.
16:54Do you want, um... Do you want anything else?
16:57OK.
16:59Quite a sexist task, isn't it?
17:02I might go back to university.
17:04What the...
17:06Fuck!
17:07Go down the local abattoir,
17:09take your own hammer and start taking names.
17:11Next!
17:13Tinder?
17:14No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
17:16If you want to get a woman, what do you do?
17:18I've told you before.
17:19Hammer abattoir.
17:20No, no!
17:21You want to get a woman,
17:23your best advice, light a fire.
17:25Right.
17:26Get what you've killed at the abattoir,
17:28burn that, hopefully burn it,
17:30get what you've killed at the abattoir,
17:32burn that, hopefully pig,
17:34the scent of the meat will bring the lady to you,
17:37cook her the meat, bang, done.
17:39Marriage.
17:40Until, of course...
17:41He fucks your brother!
17:46You all right, Russell?
17:47What?
17:48You OK?
17:49No, I'm fine, yeah.
17:50I'm pretty manly.
17:51I forgot my tie, you know.
17:54The power, the power...
18:00This is so bonkers.
18:07I suppose, if I was going to do that,
18:10like, the one thing that I always hear men going on about
18:14is doing a barbecue, you know?
18:16Like, they're like,
18:18I'll let the woman in the kitchen do that,
18:21but when it comes to cooking meat,
18:24it's the man who does that.
18:26We get the flames, we roast it up,
18:28we get the burgers, we get the sausages.
18:30I don't know why I'm going northern like that, Bob.
18:33It's Russell's fault.
18:36Such a different...
18:37What would you consider manly for this task?
18:39Such a different understanding of manly.
18:42I was on board with all of the stuff,
18:44the saw, the toplessness, the tattoos,
18:47and then we got on to the taking a hammer to an abattoir.
18:52Listen, I don't know, I'm not the most manly man, but...
18:55No shit, Sherlock. That's what they do.
18:57That's what they do.
18:58Not according to Lisa Tarbert, though.
19:00It was actually quite heartbreaking, yeah.
19:03Yeah, good role model, wasn't it?
19:05Of days gone by, hopefully.
19:07Really? Well, I don't know.
19:09I've never been a subservient female.
19:12True. Yet.
19:16There were crusts, crisps and mustard on the plate,
19:18and the tea had three sugars in.
19:20No need. No need, but she added the sugars.
19:22Of course, cos that's what that pig would want in his tea, isn't it?
19:26Leave him.
19:28Crusts on the plate?
19:30So are you saying that a man doesn't eat the crusts?
19:34If so, what's that made me? Cos I always eat the crusts.
19:37Don't let the bread go to waste.
19:39Leave him. You know what he's up to when you're not looking?
19:42He's down the abattoir with a hammer.
19:44OK, so you've seen them all, Greg.
19:46Yes, I have.
19:47I know, and it's very difficult.
19:49What I'm going to do is I'm going to give four points to everybody,
19:54apart from the heartbreak of Lisa's broken woman.
19:58Oh!
20:00One point more, five points.
20:02I'm not having that again!
20:05OK, I'm ready for the first scoreboard update, please.
20:08It's close today. We have a leader, though, at this point.
20:11It's a man, it's Russell Howard.
20:13Ooh! With nine points, but it's close.
20:17That is very close. Very close.
20:19Now, what I'd like, and now that we've done some serious issues
20:22on this programme, I'd like something fun.
20:24Have you got something fun lined up for me? Yes, please.
20:26I've got something fun. Are you ready for the fun?
20:28Yes, please. Here comes the fun. Here comes the fun.
20:30That was quite depressing, I don't know,
20:32in a weird way for me as a man.
20:34So I need something fun, excuse me, for my hiccups.
20:38Do-do-do-do-do-do.
20:41Do-do-do-do-do-do.
20:47Team task! Team task! Team task! Team task!
20:51Oh, hello, Tim. Hello. You've got mail.
20:54We've got mail. Shall we? Can we?
20:57Lisa, why don't you do the honours? OK.
21:01Have the most fun.
21:03You have three minutes, at the end of which
21:06you must return to the caravan and await your second task.
21:10Have the most fun. You have three minutes,
21:12after which you must return to the caravan
21:14and await your second task.
21:16So we're just having fun now? Having fun, yeah.
21:18Go make a cup of tea, that's fun for me.
21:20Yes. There's some fun.
21:22There's loads of fun.
21:24I'm not really into fun.
21:26Well, that's quite a start.
21:30Two very different responses to this task there.
21:33Good, listen, let's get into them.
21:35I want to see how these guys have fun together.
21:37OK, well, fun is enjoyment, amusement or light-hearted pleasure.
21:39Let's start with Alice and Russell.
21:42Actually, do you know what I do really love? Go.
21:44A bath. But you love football,
21:46so why don't I have a bath while you play football?
21:48That makes sense. So you sit in the bath and I'll chip the ball to you.
21:50I believe the football's here.
21:55If there was hot water in here and I had a glass of wine...
21:57I'll get you some wine.
21:59There you go.
22:01Um... Oh, no.
22:03Sherry in a bath?
22:05Sherry.
22:07There you go.
22:09Thank you.
22:11Thank you. Classy.
22:13That might make somebody really happy.
22:15Maybe a little old lady out there rubbing herself silly
22:17over the idea of Alice in a bath
22:19and me doing keepy-ups.
22:21Ten seconds and then he's going to go...
22:23And like she's at home, he'll go,
22:25Oh, God, I'm close, I'm close.
22:27Five seconds and back in the car.
22:29Oh, God.
22:31Oh, quick, quick, run, run, run.
22:37LAUGHTER
22:41Hi.
22:43You've got mail.
22:45Oh. What's happening?
22:47Exactly recreate your attempt at the first task.
22:49Most accurate task reconstruction wins.
22:51You have three minutes.
22:53Your time starts when Alex shouts his own name.
22:55APPLAUSE
22:57Oh, OK.
22:59Well, I was totally drawn in by your initial definition of fun.
23:01I like a bath.
23:03I like watching Russell Howard keep a football up in the air.
23:05Those are both fun things.
23:07Washing and exercise. Yeah, lovely.
23:09Halfway throughout, you suggested
23:11that there might be an old woman masturbating.
23:13LAUGHTER
23:15Listen, we don't know that there isn't.
23:17No, no.
23:19And she's here tonight.
23:21It's Isa with a dildo.
23:23OK, let's watch the second part of that, then.
23:25Yes, here we go.
23:27Alex Horne!
23:29I don't really like having fun.
23:31Oh, but... What did I say?
23:33I love a bath.
23:35I find baths really fun.
23:37Why don't you have a bath and I'll play football?
23:39In fact, there's a football in the shed,
23:41so I'll go get that.
23:45This would be absolutely perfect
23:47if there was hot water in here and a glass of wine.
23:49OK, well, there is some booze,
23:51so I'll go get you some booze.
23:53Are you having fun, Alex?
23:55Are you having fun, Alex?
23:57Yes, I am.
23:59Sherry.
24:01Oh, thank you.
24:03Oh, that's pungent.
24:05And then I said, well, to be honest,
24:07there's probably a little old lady
24:09who's sat at home
24:11and it's kind of her dream
24:13to watch Alice
24:15living in a bath
24:17as I do keepy-ups.
24:19You said something about rubbing us.
24:21Rubbing herself silly.
24:23Rubbing herself for some...
24:25I mean, they're doing pretty well.
24:27She was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:29Oh, I'm close.
24:31I'm close.
24:35Did you go in first or second?
24:37I went in first.
24:39Even who did it first?
24:41Wow.
24:43The accuracy of the recreation was unbelievable,
24:45wasn't it?
24:47I feel so ashamed.
24:49You said something about her rubbing herself.
24:51And then you said, yeah.
24:53Ah, yeah.
24:55Let's stop all the fun right there
24:57for a while.
24:59Glaze over for some adverts.
25:01See you shortly.
25:03OK.
25:07Are we back?
25:09Oh, hi, baby.
25:11And welcome back to Taskmaster.
25:13We're in the thick of a fun task.
25:15Twist. Isn't that right, little Alex Horne?
25:17That's right. This is a tricky one, Greg.
25:19Alice and Russell have had as much fun as possible
25:21for three minutes
25:23and then opened another task
25:25to have the best bout of fun as precisely as possible.
25:27Now we're going to ask
25:29Asim, Lisa and Tim to have their fun.
25:31This is going to go well.
25:33We are X-ing.
25:35X-ing.
25:37Stashing it in there.
25:39So much fun.
25:41Are you having fun?
25:43This is so much fun, this.
25:45How many minutes have we had, gents?
25:47One minute 45 left.
25:49I'll try to hook this over your head.
25:51OK, that's good.
25:53Yay!
25:55Oh!
25:57I love the pants.
25:59So much fun.
26:01Redecorating.
26:03Nice work.
26:05Immediately fun.
26:07Can you catch my potato?
26:09That's fun.
26:11Through the hoop.
26:13Fun!
26:15Fun!
26:19Absolutely mental banter.
26:21The cushions are loose.
26:25Oh, that's way too much.
26:27Back in, back in.
26:29That's fun.
26:31Yeah.
26:33At least I've tied it up.
26:35Somebody has, anyway.
26:37Hello.
26:39Exactly recreate your attempt
26:41at the first task.
26:45Everyone's going,
26:47they can't recreate that one.
26:49That's the only thing I'd like to say before we see it.
26:51What's the best fun you can ever have?
26:53Beer maxing!
26:57They've got a combined age of 135.
26:59OK.
27:01This is their attempt to recreate that.
27:03OK.
27:05Let's get our props.
27:07Come on!
27:09I'm doing that.
27:11Oh!
27:13That's fun.
27:15Stashing it in there.
27:17That's so much fun.
27:19Did I come back here
27:21for some fun?
27:23How many minutes have we had, gents?
27:251 minute 45 left.
27:27I'll try and get this hoop over you.
27:29OK.
27:31Yay!
27:35I'm running off for a spud.
27:37So much fun.
27:41Look, there's cushions in here.
27:43Can you catch my potato?
27:45That's fun.
27:49Ready?
27:51Go!
28:0330 seconds left.
28:05That's so much fun.
28:11This is insane.
28:13I mean,
28:15to be fair,
28:17that is an incredible,
28:19incredible performance
28:21for recreating that.
28:23Well played to them.
28:25Will you catch my potato?
28:27Pretty fun stuff.
28:29OK, you've got to judge two tasks there.
28:31First of all, which team had the most fun
28:33and then which team recreated it best?
28:35I would say both teams recreated
28:37the fun they were having fairly accurately.
28:39OK, then.
28:41How many points?
28:43Three.
28:45No, four. I'll give them four out of five.
28:47Five, maybe?
28:49Five.
28:51Who had the most fun?
28:53Well, I think both teams had a lot of fun doing that.
28:55How many points for Alice and Russell
28:57and how many for the others?
28:59Two for Alice and Russell, three for the others.
29:01Fair enough.
29:03Here we go.
29:07Arty and edible, please.
29:09Art made with your favourite food.
29:11Ah!
29:13LAUGHTER
29:15MUSIC PLAYS
29:25Are they going to make him eat it?
29:27Please let them make him eat it.
29:29Oh, hello, Lisa.
29:31Well, it's probably not what I think it is, is it?
29:33Is it squirty cream? Yes.
29:35Oh, then it is what I think it is.
29:37Art using the entire contents
29:39of this can of squirty cream.
29:41You have 20 minutes.
29:43Your time starts now.
29:45Do you reckon someone's going to get Alex
29:47to take his top off, or at least most of his clothes
29:49and just squirt it with it?
29:51I mean,
29:53I wouldn't put it past any of them.
29:55Maybe Lisa.
29:57She's the most dirtiest.
29:59That's a lovely start, isn't it?
30:01I share a birthday with Magritte.
30:03How old is Magritte? He's dead now.
30:05OK, I think I've got an idea.
30:07I'll be right back.
30:09I'm going to have a look in the shed.
30:11LAUGHTER
30:13I'm going to have a look in the shed.
30:15APPLAUSE
30:17Classic first stop for art, right?
30:19Into the shed.
30:21We're going to see all five of them making their art
30:23in their own different ways. Here we go.
30:25So, this is not just a piece of art,
30:27but it's also
30:29social commentary.
30:32Oh, what if I run out of cream?
30:34Oh, no.
30:36Are you on the canvas?
30:38Yes! Knew it!
30:40Knew it!
30:46As long as we get the outline,
30:48I think it's fine.
30:50Nice, nice.
30:52And let's have this
30:54a bit more flaily.
31:02SLURPS
31:16Oh, look at that!
31:18Oh, no!
31:20Look at it! This is proper art now.
31:32Oh, that's ingenious!
31:36Get into a bowl, mix it up,
31:38it can go further.
31:40I'd buy that.
31:43I think it's finished.
31:45Global warming.
31:47Time's running out.
31:49Oh, my God.
31:53Oh, it's dribbling!
31:55It's dribbling!
31:57APPLAUSE
32:00Let's see your Sims and Tims. Here we go.
32:02There they are.
32:04You're the artist, you'd better talk us through your thinking.
32:06A powerful social statement.
32:08Yeah, global warming.
32:10It was snowing two weeks ago,
32:12we're in spring or whatever it is.
32:14Mental.
32:16I came out onto my balcony and saw the snow
32:18and I thought, this is like
32:20putting a giraffe in a bell jar.
32:22LAUGHTER
32:24That would have been a great time for the episode.
32:26That's some pretty powerful social commentary.
32:29I'm going to start with you.
32:31ER.
32:33The name of that piece of art is
32:35Her Majesty the Cream.
32:37LAUGHTER
32:39Because it's ER.
32:41I'll give her that.
32:43Her Majesty the Cream.
32:45Yeah, I like it.
32:47I don't think they've heard, actually.
32:49Yeah, I heard it, I heard it.
32:51I like it!
32:53APPLAUSE
32:55Who's next?
32:57We can see Lisa and Russell's.
32:59LAUGHTER
33:01I think let's have a look at Lisa's.
33:03OK, I'll get Lisa's up first.
33:05You're the artist.
33:07Yeah, I've got a bit of a thing about gaffer.
33:09So, yeah, just used the cream, do that, did it, you know.
33:12You called it, the name was Once.
33:14Yeah.
33:16And you said it wasn't a happy piece.
33:18No, it's not. It's troublesome, isn't it?
33:20Why is it called Once?
33:22Well, that's not how it started.
33:24It was predominantly on the floor,
33:26cos it had dripped in a slightly filthy way down the brickwork.
33:29Mm. Do you want to see Russell's?
33:31Yes, I do. Yeah.
33:33This is before, and then when the body was taken away,
33:36the remaining picture looked like this.
33:38Oh, that's good. Oh, it's quite haunting.
33:40Yeah. Can you remember what I called it?
33:42My balls? No.
33:44You called it the diabetic crime scene.
33:46That's it. Two hobbies were diving and ukulele playing.
33:50You were about to enjoy the day to end all days
33:52when a swine came along and chopped your nuts off.
33:55It's like having an audio guide in the gallery.
33:58Yeah.
34:00One left to see. Yeah.
34:02Alice Levine's squirty cream picture.
34:05She used coffee granules to make it brown.
34:07She's the only one who affected the colour by mixing in another agent.
34:10Oh, my God, she's at the vanguard of a new movement.
34:13Oh, my God.
34:14I don't think I'll be appreciated in my lifetime.
34:16You will not. Tragic.
34:18Talk us through it, it's a beautiful piece.
34:20So, I worried about the subjectivity of art
34:23and what you would consider the best. Jesus.
34:25And so I...
34:27I copied the Mona Lisa, can't you tell?
34:29Totally.
34:31It does look a tiny bit like Guy Fawkes, but that's OK.
34:34Yeah, you were the only person to use a paintbrush,
34:36which is quite... So you squirt out...
34:38That's got to get her big art points, I'm not an expert.
34:41Do you want to see all five next to each other?
34:43Yes, I do, please. Then you can make a decision.
34:45Before you mark it, can I just say again,
34:48LAUGHTER
34:50OK, shall I make some quick decisions?
34:52OK, then, in fifth place, with one point.
34:54Two.
34:56I'm just going to score these very quickly.
34:58Global Warming in fifth. OK.
35:00I really enjoyed Her Majesty The Cream.
35:03Oh.
35:04But I'm putting it in fourth.
35:06And then Chopped Off Balls.
35:09OK, three points to Russell.
35:10And it is, it's Lisa's, it's haunting me,
35:12it's going in first place and the Mona Cream are in second.
35:15OK. The Mona Cream.
35:17OK.
35:18Wow, I can't believe it.
35:20Wonderful artwork.
35:21Alex, have we got time for one more?
35:23We do, it's a quick, it's an easy one, it's this one.
35:25No.
35:32Hello, Alex.
35:33Oh, hello, Russell.
35:34Five are under a pint.
35:39Remove the five-pound note from under the pint...
35:42Without spilling any of the pint.
35:44You may not touch the pint glass.
35:46If you spill any of the pint, you're disqualified.
35:48From the whole thing.
35:50Ooh.
35:51Fastest wins.
35:52Any of it?
35:53Oh, is this one of those boys tricks?
35:56Does it say your time starts now?
35:57Oh, time starts now, yeah.
35:59OK.
36:01Ooh.
36:03It's pretty straightforward.
36:04You're not allowed to touch the glass.
36:05You're not allowed to touch the glass,
36:06but you've got to get it off the five pound.
36:08We're going to start with Alison Russell.
36:09Oh, God.
36:10Oh, God.
36:15So, if I drank all of the pint,
36:17then I'd be touching the pint glass.
36:19Oh, unless I drank it with a straw.
36:21There you go.
36:23Oh, OK.
36:26Nice.
36:27I can't drink all of that against the clock.
36:30I'll be sick.
36:32That tastes like truancy.
36:36I mean, you don't have to drink all of it, do you?
36:41Ooh, is that kind of spilling?
36:42Oh!
36:44LAUGHTER
36:48I know what you're thinking, that it's not going to work,
36:50but there's no evidence to that effect.
36:59Do you reckon someone's just going to quickly go,
37:01boom, done?
37:05Oh!
37:06Thank you, Russell.
37:08Thank you, Russell.
37:13Oh, nice.
37:17Would have been great, wouldn't it?
37:21Yeah, just take a little bit and up.
37:25No, Russell took one minute and 19.
37:27OK.
37:28Alice.
37:29Bit slow.
37:30Minor breakdown halfway through,
37:32we decided to start using a cup that was bigger than the glass.
37:34Yes.
37:35Yes.
37:36It was pretty sound up to that point.
37:38Give me some statistics.
37:39It was 3 minutes 27, there was a hint of spillage,
37:42just a little bit.
37:43Oh.
37:44Alex, you're such a snitch.
37:47Well, I've just put it in a little replay package.
37:50Are you...?
37:52Just cos if there's any spillage, you're not...
37:54I've got so much dirt on you, just remember that.
37:56Well, you can judge whether or not this is a spillage.
37:58Hmm. Hmm.
38:00OK.
38:05Yep.
38:06Wrong.
38:07I saw it.
38:12Don't eat.
38:14Why have you done a full McIntyre undercover on me?
38:17I think I had to clean it up, so...
38:20It's your job.
38:22You should be ashamed of yourself, woman.
38:25LAUGHTER
38:26Part three is finished, it's done, it's over, through.
38:29Bye-bye.
38:30Bye.
38:37Hi.
38:39Oh, hello, welcome to Taskmaster,
38:41where some truly thought-provoking items are soon to be claimed
38:44by one of our five contestants, but for now, back to business.
38:47That's right, and this business is trying to pinch a fiver
38:50from beneath a pint, but the pint can't be moved.
38:53Tim and Alison Russell used a straw technique.
38:55What technique will our next two, Tim and Asim, use?
38:59Please tell me someone knocks over a glass, that would be great.
39:06Now, is there anything... What do they have, things here that...
39:09Look, I don't know what the hell that is, but this is not...
39:12This is not me touching the pint glass.
39:14Look, I'm not touching the pint glass, look.
39:16Oh! Oh! Oh!
39:18So, you... Now, you... Actually, no, that's making it...
39:21That's making it...
39:23I now don't want to spill any of the pint.
39:26I've transferred the pint slightly onto this thing.
39:33I just realised these five-pound notes are waterproof, aren't they?
39:36I thought it'd sog up and...
39:39OK, I don't think that's done anything.
39:41Remove the five-pound note from under the pint.
39:44Yeah, I may not touch the pint. Oh, easy, OK.
39:48Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
39:52There we go.
39:54Oh, I should have done this earlier, you see.
39:56And... Stop!
39:58There you go!
40:02What was the plan if the five rads sogged up?
40:05It would have just ripped and then, like...
40:07What, you were going to tear it round?
40:09Yeah, just tear it around and just, like, I don't know.
40:12It's the new bloody five-pound notes, isn't it?
40:14They're, like, plastic, waterproof.
40:16Bloody Brexit, isn't it? Bloody, yeah.
40:18It's all Brexit, mate.
40:20Did you understand that it's going to rip round it
40:22but still underneath it?
40:23There's still going to be a circle of five-pound note there.
40:25I don't know, I don't know. I was just fucking winging it, wasn't I?
40:28It was very difficult to tell if you spilt any because it was all wet.
40:30No, no spillage, mate.
40:32I don't think there's any spillage of mine.
40:34I don't think so, despite you putting the revolting brush thing in there.
40:37I don't know what that was.
40:39I think it belonged to the landlord.
40:42He had one tooth that was this huge.
40:45Do you want the timings? Yeah, come on, let's get on with it.
40:47OK. Timings, yeah.
40:49So, Tim took him 2 minutes 54 seconds.
40:52Oh, that's rough.
40:53So that's nearly three minutes to push a pint off a note.
40:55OK.
40:56Remember, Russell took one minute 19.
40:58Asim took one minute 20.
41:00Ooh!
41:03But it feels like there's a good time out there still
41:05and you should be able to do it in under a minute.
41:07Lisa? Yes, please.
41:09OK.
41:10So the thing is just to really pull it.
41:14Am I quick enough?
41:18Am I quick enough?
41:21It's good.
41:22Oh!
41:24Thank you.
41:25Stabbing!
41:27Moving it on.
41:29Can I do it? No.
41:32I mean, she was quick.
41:34She was very quick.
41:35Tim, what does that mean? Give us some...
41:37Well, I'm afraid it's zero points for Alice and Lisa,
41:39who both spilt so much beer.
41:41Oh, so much.
41:43That's a shame for Alice.
41:44You Nazi pups.
41:46Tim gets three points in third,
41:47then Asim in second place with four points.
41:49Russell gets five points for winning the task.
41:51APPLAUSE
41:55Now, Alex, may we please see the scoreboard?
41:57Yes.
41:58It means Alice and Asim are adrift with 18 points.
42:02OK.
42:03But the other three are still in it
42:04with 24 points.
42:06Wow!
42:09Big amount of points in this episode.
42:11OK, well, here's something novel.
42:13Would you please all follow me up to the stage...
42:15What?
42:16..for the final task of the show?
42:18Oh!
42:19This is a little bit different.
42:21APPLAUSE
42:27This is weird.
42:28Mm.
42:29Welcome to the stage.
42:30Yeah, I like it.
42:32Who do you want to read the task?
42:33I'd like Russell to read the task.
42:34Russell Howard?
42:35Yes, Russell Howard.
42:36OK, there we go, Russell.
42:37Is it wise to let Beg be blindfolded?
42:40Shake hands with the taskmaster, that's Greg,
42:42without revealing your identities.
42:43You may not speak during the task.
42:45Everyone must shake hands with the taskmaster once
42:48for at least two seconds.
42:50If the taskmaster guesses your identity,
42:52you are eliminated.
42:53The task continues until we have a winner.
42:56Thank you, Russell.
42:57Pleasure.
42:58If you want to pop your blindfold on now, Greg.
43:00Consider it popped.
43:02I'm just going to run through how it's going to work, OK,
43:04cos you're going to be randomly selected.
43:07And then Greg will put his hand forward.
43:10You come forward and you shake his hand for at least two seconds.
43:17Oh, I thought this was going to be so easy.
43:22Oh!
43:23I can go now and then Greg will guess who it is.
43:26After all five people have shaken,
43:28I will say how many people he's got right.
43:30The people who've got wrong have to go and sit on the elimination bench.
43:33Greg, whose hand did you just shake?
43:35Oh.
43:36Now, that's interesting, cos I thought that was you demonstrating,
43:39so I think it was your hand.
43:40Good. Was it?
43:43I think that shows he is beatable.
43:47So Greg will be the only one talking throughout the entire task.
43:50I'm going to walk behind you.
43:51If I tap you on your shoulder, you approach.
43:54Oh!
43:55Sneaky.
43:56Very clever.
43:57Yeah.
43:58Greg, whose hand did you just shake?
44:01Asim's.
44:02Oh, for fuck's sake.
44:03Do you stay there?
44:04No talking.
44:05Try not to give it away.
44:06Sorry.
44:07HE SNIFFS
44:08HE GRUNTS
44:09HE LAUGHS
44:10HE GRUNTS
44:15I don't like it.
44:16I don't like it.
44:17I don't like it.
44:18I don't like it.
44:19I don't like it.
44:20I don't like it.
44:21I don't like it.
44:22I don't like it.
44:26Oh.
44:27Oh.
44:28Yeah, nice.
44:29OK, that's enough shakings.
44:30It's Russell.
44:33OK, no reactions, please.
44:43Oh, no.
44:50Oh, God.
44:51Whose hand, Greg?
44:52Tim Vine.
44:53Oh, shit!
45:02Oh.
45:03Oh.
45:04Now, what's that?
45:05At least two seconds.
45:06Oh, OK.
45:07OK, it's been given.
45:10There is one shake remaining.
45:18Oh!
45:22LAUGHTER
45:30Oh, no, the breathing's awful.
45:32Oh!
45:36Erm...
45:37Whose hand was that, Greg?
45:38Russell Howard's.
45:39LAUGHTER
45:40Please, to the people who he got right,
45:42go now to the elimination bench.
45:46Wow, well done, Alice.
45:47You could be a winner.
45:48LAUGHTER
45:50Can I?
45:51OK.
45:53That was the men's winner!
45:55Wow.
45:56That was bad.
45:59Oh, that was horrible.
46:00That's all.
46:01We'll make our way back down to the stage
46:03and we'll find out the final scores.
46:05So, guess with that one, like, if you think enough with them,
46:08you think about, like, maybe the size of the hands,
46:11like, Alice and Russell probably do quite have similar,
46:14kind of more thinner and more petite hands.
46:18Asim, obviously, very clever with kind of, like,
46:21doing a sleeve over the top of it, but, like, again,
46:24he would have seen what he has been wearing
46:26and so kind of would be able to use that as a way of guessing.
46:31Good.
46:32Well, that was pretty strange. Glad to be back in the throne.
46:35Can I have my snack, please, Alex?
46:37Can I have my snack, please, Ian?
46:38Certainly so.
46:39LAUGHTER
46:44Hmm.
46:45Hmm.
46:46What happened to the scores?
46:49Interesting tactics in the handshake.
46:52Asim very cleverly disguised his hand
46:55using his very distinctive jacket.
46:59But in the end, Alice won by having a hand
47:01that felt like Russell Howard's hand.
47:04But that means, I can tell you, the series scores, first of all,
47:07very tight at the bottom.
47:08Yep.
47:09Ooh.
47:10Thanks very much.
47:12Cheers.
47:13Russell on 58, Alice on 60 and Tim on 61.
47:16In the 70s, Russell on 72, Lisa on 78.
47:19Wow.
47:21Yeah.
47:23The gap's closing.
47:24This has been our closest episode by far,
47:26just six points separating all five of them.
47:28Asim at the bottom, but at the top, Mr Russell Howard!
47:32OK.
47:33CHEERING
47:34There you go.
47:40Would you believe it?
47:41With his first victory of the series thus far...
47:43It is.
47:44..Russell Howard has won.
47:46Please go and collect your thought-provoking material.
47:49CHEERING
47:52So, what have we learnt today?
47:54We've learnt what a man is.
47:56A man sits watching the golf,
47:58stands around topless at the side of a road,
48:00doesn't talk about his feelings often enough
48:02and gets paid way too much before smacking a cow with a hammer.
48:05But for now, we need to clap like lunatics one more time
48:09for tonight's winner, the brilliant Russell Howard!
48:12I'll clap like a lunatic.
48:13You, you, you, you!
48:14And thank you for watching.
48:16Good night!
48:20Oh...
48:22Yeah!
48:23That's the whole manliness thing.
48:26That's still...
48:28It bugs me a little bit.
48:30And I think to me...
48:34..the reason that it bugs me
48:37is because there's such a perception
48:41and an expectation amongst men
48:45to go, you need to be more manly.
48:49Actually, no, I will say
48:51not only just, you know, men expect it,
48:55but I think society in general say,
48:58you're a man, you should be more manly.
49:01You're a woman, you should be more feminine.
49:04And I think it's bullshit.
49:05I do think it's absolute bullshit.
49:07You know, men can do things that women traditionally did in the past.
49:12Women can do things that men traditionally did in the past.
49:15But, no, that whole thing with the gender pay gap thing,
49:20I'm sorry, I don't agree with it.
49:23And you, you're welcome to let me know
49:25if you are a believer that the wage gap does exist.
49:30But for me, I genuinely don't think it is there
49:34in the way that people try to say of it.
49:38You know, there are many, many, many, many,
49:41many factors at play for when people say
49:46that you, you know, different genders earn more for things.
49:50Like one that they always talk about, like sports.
49:53And I'm sorry, but if you compare, for example,
49:57men's football and women's football as an example,
50:01and people go, oh, you have some of the best paid players in the world,
50:05they're earning like 300 grand a week,
50:08whereas most top women can probably only manage
50:11to get like 50 grand a year in comparison.
50:14Like, yes, there is a wage gap there.
50:18But in reality, you've also got to bear in mind
50:21in something like that, supply and demand
50:24kind of comes into play there.
50:27You've got more demand for the men's football,
50:31whether it's right or wrong, you know,
50:33but that demand is there.
50:35And people pay more to watch the men's sports,
50:39or at least men's football, compared to women's football.
50:43Should more women, you know, have more opportunities
50:47and the potential to earn more? Yes, absolutely.
50:50However, when you've got something like that,
50:54that is going to have external factors that push that,
50:59you can't get away that there is going to be a wage gap there.
51:02But most normal jobs, it does not matter
51:06whether you are a man or a woman, you're getting paid the same.
51:09And if you're there longer, you know,
51:12if you're there and you work
51:16the same amount of hours and you progress
51:19at the same amount of time, you're going to still earn
51:22the same amount. That's my personal opinion with it.
51:25But that's a story for another time.
51:27Thank you for joining me for Episode 4 of Taskmaster.
51:29Join me right now for Episode 5 of Taskmaster.
51:32It's coming up right now.