House Rules Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Hey, save me one of those.
00:00:07Good morning.
00:00:09Morning.
00:00:11But lately, my current roommate has been making it difficult for me to do so.
00:00:31Whatever happened to the shirts on in the kitchen rule?
00:00:36That's not a real rule.
00:00:38Yeah, it's house rule number 16.
00:00:41No roommate shall hang around the apartment, topless or bottomless or both.
00:00:46But those are your rules.
00:00:48No, they're our rules. We agreed to them before you moved in.
00:00:51No, you wrote them down and asked if I agreed.
00:00:54Then I grunted. Not admissible in a court of law.
00:00:56Well, it's admissible in our kitchen, so shirt on.
00:01:01So, shirt on.
00:01:02Or what?
00:01:03Or, I won't save you any waffles.
00:01:06Why didn't you start with that?
00:01:08Shirt coming right up.
00:01:11Did I seriously just ask him to cover up that six pack?
00:01:16I mean, Dylan has always been objectively hot.
00:01:20And it's not like I don't appreciate looking at him.
00:01:23Dylan and I have been friends for years.
00:01:26And I swear I've never seen him as anything more than that.
00:01:30Plus, he's a total player.
00:01:32And I know better than to get involved in games.
00:01:37Aw, man!
00:01:39You happy now? This is your fault.
00:01:41Oh, why? Because I made you put on a shirt like a normal person?
00:01:45Please.
00:01:46Don't worry. I get it.
00:01:48You get what?
00:01:49I understand why you have the no shirt on rule.
00:01:51It's too distracting for you otherwise.
00:01:53Oh, looks like we'll be needing a bigger apartment.
00:01:57Your ego needs a tall room.
00:01:59You say ego, I say awesomeness.
00:02:01Tomato, guacamole.
00:02:03All I know is that it's time for house rule twenty-one.
00:02:06Cook?
00:02:09Oh, okay. Yeah.
00:02:10Um...
00:02:15Okay.
00:02:17All right.
00:02:21Sorry.
00:02:24I'm gonna go take a shower.
00:02:28Need any help?
00:02:29I know he's joking, but my whole body just blushed.
00:02:32Um, yeah. No. No.
00:02:35You know, one of these days, I'm gonna say yes just to fuck you out.
00:02:39I'll take care of it. I'll take care of it.
00:02:43What on earth?
00:02:44Is he serious?
00:02:47Yeah, that's a no.
00:02:48Yeah, that's a no.
00:02:57What happened back there?
00:02:58Was he joking?
00:02:59Probably.
00:03:02Nope.
00:03:03Was that Emma?
00:03:04Remember?
00:03:05That was her.
00:03:06What?!
00:03:07What?!
00:03:27Just what I needed to calm down.
00:03:32Oh no, my bathrobe isn't here.
00:03:36A major violation of house rule number eight.
00:03:39Robes, not towels, after showers.
00:03:42What do I do?
00:03:43Okay, I just have to get to my bedroom before Dylan sees me.
00:03:57He must still be in the kitchen washing dishes.
00:04:05Oh!
00:04:07I hate my life.
00:04:18Holy mother of...
00:04:37I'm sorry, are you okay?
00:04:38I was just grabbing my robe, you know?
00:04:40House rule number eight.
00:04:41Do you want me to put the waffles in the freezer?
00:04:43No, no, don't worry about it, I'll do it.
00:04:47I can't believe Dylan just saw me naked.
00:04:49I wonder if he liked it.
00:04:51Wait, why do I care if he liked it?
00:04:55Oh God, who am I kidding?
00:04:57My heart races whenever Dylan walks into a room with or without a shirt.
00:05:08Why is he looking at me like that?
00:05:20Where are the leftover waffles?
00:05:22In the freezer.
00:05:23House rule number 22, remember?
00:05:25You cooked, so I clean.
00:05:31Well, I never stopped you from cleaning.
00:05:33You just didn't know where the waffles went, so I needed to show you because...
00:05:36Emma.
00:05:37What?
00:05:38I have a question about your house rules.
00:05:41Okay.
00:05:42I think it's time we go over some of them together.
00:05:45What's the point in doing that? You ignore most of them anyway.
00:05:48But you don't ignore them.
00:05:49So what are you getting at?
00:05:51House rule number 19.
00:05:54Roommates shall never date?
00:05:56Yeah, that one.
00:05:57I think it's time I had more input on the house rules.
00:06:00And my first action as co-rule maker will be to delete house rule number 19 from the list.
00:06:05So what are you trying to say, Dylan?
00:06:08I think you know, Emma.
00:06:10Well, rule number 19 is there for a reason.
00:06:13What reason?
00:06:14I mean, if anything were to happen between us, it wouldn't last.
00:06:19And how would we live together after that?
00:06:21Why wouldn't it last?
00:06:22Wait, let me guess.
00:06:24You think I'm a player.
00:06:26Let's just say that ego of yours is well-fed.
00:06:33What if I told you that the reason I go on all these dates was because I'm trying to find someone,
00:06:37anyone who would compare to the girl I was really into?
00:06:40No one could ever compare to her.
00:06:42What are you saying?
00:06:44Emma, I secretly love your house rules.
00:06:47Not only is it adorable to watch you try to keep me in line,
00:06:51but the rules are just so ... you.
00:06:55What, strict and uptight?
00:06:57Thoughtful and clever.
00:06:59And you're funny when you don't even know it.
00:07:02Most important, your house rules make disappointment ...
00:07:07calm.
00:07:08All these years, we've been right in front of each other,
00:07:11but the rules have kept us apart.
00:07:13I'd like to propose a new house rule.
00:07:15Yeah?
00:07:16What's that?
00:07:17A secret kiss rule.
00:07:19Roommates are allowed to kiss just once to see if they're feeling super serious.
00:07:25The risk of what, abolishing house rule number 19?
00:07:30I'm worried about the kids.
00:07:32Of course, I am too.
00:07:35But this thing between us is powerful.
00:07:38It feels real.
00:07:40So I think you should try it.
00:07:43So I think you should try it.
00:07:47Thank you for casting the phone.
00:07:49My phone?
00:07:50Yeah, you're welcome.
00:07:51I'll just have to be on number 19.
00:07:53I didn't think ...
00:07:55Hey, no!
00:07:56No, I'm not taking it back.
00:07:58I'm just saying that my kiss doesn't necessarily count.
00:08:05I'm sorry.
00:08:06I'm sorry.
00:08:07I'm sorry.
00:08:08I'm sorry.
00:08:09I'm sorry.
00:08:10I'm sorry.
00:08:11I'm sorry.
00:08:12I'm sorry.
00:08:13I'm sorry.
00:08:14Oh, there's a rule.
00:08:15Oh, there's a rule.
00:08:16You have to find it.
00:08:17Are you asking for trouble?
00:08:18I am.
00:08:19Oh, my God.
00:08:20I guess in the end, it's the rules that brought us together.
00:08:25Dylan, De La Rosa, I vote that we risk it all for us.
00:08:33All right, then.
00:08:34It's official.
00:08:36New rule, no more house rule number 19.
00:08:44And who am I to argue with the rules?
00:08:57I can't believe you're making me do this.
00:09:00You better believe I'm getting you back good next time.
00:09:02Seeing you dance will be worth it.
00:09:05Get moving!
00:09:09Come on! Woo!
00:09:11Shake that ass!
00:09:32Woo hoo! Get it Dylan!
00:09:34You like that?
00:09:37And I think we should dance together when I get home.
00:09:42Oh yeah?
00:09:46Hey jerk!
00:09:48You dance like a d-bag!
00:09:50Sorry Mrs. Davenport!
00:09:55Okay, that was amazing!
00:09:57If by amazing you mean humiliating, yes, it was.
00:10:01You asked for a dare, you get a dare!
00:10:07I know I said this already, but uh...
00:10:12I seriously wish I was home right now with you.
00:10:15Why? So you can yell at me for drinking out of the carton?
00:10:18No, so we can spend Valentine's together.
00:10:22I know baby, we'll be together soon.
00:10:24So, truth or dare?
00:10:29Do you have to ask? Truth.
00:10:32Okay.
00:10:37Do you remember the first time we kissed?
00:10:43Of course.
00:10:45Was that the first time you wanted to kiss me?
00:10:49No.
00:10:51So when? Was it when we first got together?
00:10:54No, not that either.
00:10:59It was during that snowstorm we had a few years back.
00:11:02I was so sick and you had a date with uh...
00:11:08with Jenna Stevens from chemistry.
00:11:11Ah, Jenna.
00:11:13Anyway, you cancelled it just to keep me company.
00:11:18I felt so feverish, but we didn't have a thermometer
00:11:23and you told me how in your family if someone says they're burning up
00:11:27you kiss them on the forehead to check.
00:11:30Lips are sensitive.
00:11:32It's better than using the back of your hand on someone's forehead.
00:11:35I told you it was a stupid idea that I could get you sick.
00:11:38But I did it anyway.
00:11:40Yeah, and all I wanted to do was tilt my head back
00:11:45and press my lips to yours.
00:11:49But I was also scared.
00:11:52I was scared too.
00:11:54But I'm glad I thought about the forehead kiss.
00:11:56Even though I ended up getting sick anyway.
00:11:59See? You should have listened to me.
00:12:02Oh, uh, hold on a sec.
00:12:10Oh my gosh!
00:12:14Dylan!
00:12:16This is so sweet!
00:12:18You like them?
00:12:20They're beautiful!
00:12:22What are they?
00:12:24They're flowers. They grow out of the ground.
00:12:26Shut up. You know what I mean.
00:12:28They're called the Queen Emma Lily.
00:12:31That's why they're so beautiful, delicate, unique, sensitive.
00:12:36I told you to shut up.
00:12:38You know what you're doing to me.
00:12:40You know what you're doing to me.
00:12:42I know, and I wish I could help you out with that.
00:12:45I love them.
00:12:47No one's ever bought me flowers before.
00:12:50And what's this?
00:12:52Is this my mysterious gift you were talking about?
00:12:55Uh, uh, that's for later.
00:12:58You're seriously too much.
00:13:01I never knew you were the type of guy to send flowers.
00:13:04Hey, I'm not just a chiseled bar.
00:13:07I've been known to be romantic.
00:13:11To whom?
00:13:13To whom? Marcia. That's her mom.
00:13:15Marcia?
00:13:18Wait. Marcia Mason?
00:13:21You slept with my co-worker?
00:13:24Haven't we discussed this?
00:13:26No.
00:13:28I introduced you to her at my office party,
00:13:31and you both acted like you didn't know each other.
00:13:34That was so long ago, I don't even remember.
00:13:37So you don't remember if you slept with her?
00:13:41Emma.
00:13:42I dare you to tell me, did you have sex with Marcia?
00:13:45Emma.
00:13:46I dare you to tell me, did you have sex with Marcia?
00:13:50We got together way before you and I ever hooked up.
00:13:53Just tell me.
00:13:54Fine. Yes, we did. Once.
00:13:58Well, maybe a few times, but it was all in one night.
00:14:01So, silver lining?
00:14:06How many people do I know that you've slept with?
00:14:08Jenna Stevens?
00:14:09Don't ask me that.
00:14:10Gross! My sister?
00:14:13Come on, no.
00:14:14Mrs. Davenport?
00:14:16Ew! She's old enough to be my grandmother.
00:14:19Well, seems like you're not too discerning.
00:14:21Emma, come on.
00:14:22You know what?
00:14:23Try not to f*** anybody else until I'm ready to talk to you again.
00:14:27Wha-
00:14:52I'm sorry, babe.
00:15:04Marcia, it was so long ago.
00:15:06I told you, back then I had this hole in my heart.
00:15:09And I looked everywhere to find something to fill it.
00:15:12It meant nothing.
00:15:15It was painful, because I should have been with you.
00:15:18Well, now you are.
00:15:21So we're okay?
00:15:23I shouldn't have gotten so mad.
00:15:25No, I shouldn't have brought it up. It was stupid.
00:15:29Yeah, it was pretty stupid.
00:15:32Well, we do have a game to finish.
00:15:35Dylan, I'm not really in the mood.
00:15:37Just play along, please.
00:15:39Okay, fine. Truth or dare?
00:15:43Truth.
00:15:44Wow, really?
00:15:46Really.
00:15:47Okay.
00:15:49Hmm.
00:15:52Tell me about one of those lover secrets.
00:15:55Tell me about one of those lover secrets.
00:15:58Okay, here's a secret.
00:16:00I love you.
00:16:02Like, really, really love.
00:16:05Like, I can't breathe kind of love.
00:16:09This Valentine, what I really want to give you is my heart.
00:16:17What? Too sappy?
00:16:19No, it's just...
00:16:22Thank you.
00:16:23I wanted to tell you so bad, but I was nervous.
00:16:26I love you, Dylan.
00:16:28You know what?
00:16:30This Valentine's Day hasn't been so bad after all.
00:16:33Yeah, even though we're apart, it's been a pretty good day.
00:16:37I miss you.
00:16:39I miss you, babe.
00:16:40Are you ready to open your present?
00:16:42Yes.
00:16:48Ooh!
00:16:52Bubble bath and candle?
00:16:56Ooh, me likes, me likes.
00:16:59Thank you.
00:17:00You're welcome, beautiful.
00:17:02You feeling dirty?
00:17:05Dirty?
00:17:08Oh, this is exactly what I needed.
00:17:13Happy Valentine's Day, baby.
00:17:16Best Valentine's Day ever.
00:17:19Now, show me something.
00:17:23Emma!
00:17:25Emma, what happened?
00:17:27Look what I found in a drawer in Dylan's room!
00:17:34I never took you for a thong, girl.
00:17:36I'm not! These aren't mine!
00:17:39So why would they be in Dylan's room?
00:17:41Amanda!
00:17:43Okay, um, let's not jump to any conclusions.
00:17:49Why were you looking in his room?
00:17:52I wasn't looking around! I was just doing laundry!
00:17:56You do his laundry?
00:17:58We do each other's laundry, Amanda.
00:18:01We take turns doing stuff around the house.
00:18:03That's what a...
00:18:05That's what a relationship is?
00:18:08I guess that's why I avoid them.
00:18:11Are you sure they're not yours?
00:18:13Amanda, I was at my parents' house all last week.
00:18:16I mean, he clearly had someone over.
00:18:19Someone who wears sexier panties than me.
00:18:23Okay, I said no jumping to conclusions.
00:18:26And please, never say the word panties again.
00:18:29Amanda, what other explanation could there possibly be?
00:18:32Maybe they're from, like, an old fling from, like, a while back.
00:18:36Maybe they're from, like, an old fling from, like, a while back.
00:18:40And then he just stuffed them in her drawer, out of sight, out of mind.
00:18:44That doesn't make sense.
00:18:46Why not just throw them out?
00:18:48Unless...
00:18:50Unless he's still into her!
00:18:52I really don't think so.
00:18:54I mean, he's just a guy.
00:18:56I really don't think so.
00:18:58I mean, he just told you he loved you.
00:19:00That's serious, E.
00:19:02Maybe that was just his guilt talking.
00:19:04Nuh-uh, nuh-uh.
00:19:05I'm not about to let you wallow in this pity party
00:19:08until we have some actual proof that something's up.
00:19:11But how?
00:19:13You say he's gonna be gone a while?
00:19:15I mean, I guess.
00:19:18Then it's time to investigate, girl.
00:19:20There might be some actual evidence in there.
00:19:23You mean, snoop around in his stuff?
00:19:25Some people might call it snooping,
00:19:27but I like to call it...
00:19:29searching for the truth.
00:19:46Ooh!
00:19:47Ew!
00:19:48Ew!
00:19:52New health rule?
00:19:53Don't be gross.
00:19:54Blech.
00:19:56What are you even looking for down there?
00:19:58I mean, it's not like women still write their numbers
00:20:01on, like, notes in napkins.
00:20:03Call me. XOXO.
00:20:05That's so old school.
00:20:07Just want to check.
00:20:10But I don't know. There's nothing.
00:20:12Maybe it is just a thong from some old fling.
00:20:15Maybe.
00:20:19But you have separate bathrooms?
00:20:24Yeah.
00:20:34For someone who's such a neat freak,
00:20:36you're an expert at wrecking shit.
00:20:45It's a strawberry-flavored condom?
00:20:49He's cheating on me with a stripper?!
00:20:51Well, maybe he bought it for you,
00:20:53you know, to spice things up a little.
00:20:56Flavored condoms can be fun.
00:20:58No, no, no! We don't use condoms!
00:21:00I hung a pill!
00:21:02This is more evidence, right?!
00:21:05I mean, I guess.
00:21:07But go you with the raw dog!
00:21:09He didn't even try to hide it.
00:21:11He just left it in plain sight!
00:21:13It was in his private bathroom cabinet
00:21:16behind his deodorant
00:21:18where anyone could see it.
00:21:22Sorry.
00:21:24What's the paper it was wrapped in?
00:21:27It's a note.
00:21:30Glad you could use my services.
00:21:32Call me when she's away again.
00:21:34XOXO Britney.
00:21:36And there's a phone number here!
00:21:38Oh, shit!
00:21:40People still actually write notes?!
00:21:42And he kept it?!
00:21:44F*** boy.
00:21:45I'm gonna kill him.
00:21:47Well, you won't have to do it alone.
00:21:49I'm coming over.
00:21:52Amanda, I...
00:21:54Why would he do this?
00:21:56I don't know, Em.
00:21:58But no matter what,
00:22:00you're gonna be okay.
00:22:02I don't know.
00:22:04I have to call Dylan
00:22:06and tell him about what I found.
00:22:09You want me to come over?
00:22:11I was serious, you know.
00:22:13Maybe, yeah.
00:22:15If talking to Dylan goes south,
00:22:17I'm gonna need a girl's night.
00:22:19And someone to help me
00:22:21throw all this shit out into the street.
00:22:23Is that part of the house rules?
00:22:25Cheaters will be forcibly
00:22:27removed from the premises.
00:22:30We're gonna add it.
00:22:32Well, just let me know.
00:22:35I'm here for you.
00:22:37Thanks, A.
00:22:38And if he is cheating,
00:22:40screw him!
00:22:41Or don't.
00:22:43Or screw him good one last time
00:22:45and then kick him to the curb.
00:22:47He is really hot.
00:22:49I will.
00:22:51Or I won't.
00:22:53Bye.
00:22:54Bye, girl.
00:22:55Good luck.
00:23:04Hey, babe.
00:23:05So I went ahead and got us tacos.
00:23:09I know it's not Tuesday, but...
00:23:14Hey, what's wrong?
00:23:16I know my room's a mess.
00:23:17Dylan?
00:23:19I found a thong.
00:23:20Guess what?
00:23:21I booked that commercial!
00:23:24Great.
00:23:25I found a thong.
00:23:26So what do you say you and I
00:23:27celebrate tonight?
00:23:29And, uh...
00:23:31Yo, yo, yo, yo!
00:23:33Yo, are you serious right now, bro?
00:23:35Are you serious?
00:23:37I'm sorry, man. I didn't know.
00:23:39Why don't you take your eyes out of your ass
00:23:41so you can see where you're going next time, man?
00:23:43I'm so sorry.
00:23:44Yeah, you sorry!
00:23:46What am I supposed to do now?
00:23:48You just ruined my pies!
00:23:51Black pies matter, bro.
00:23:53What am I gonna do now?
00:23:55What am I gonna do now?
00:23:56I don't know, but whatever you need, I'll pay for it.
00:23:58I'm sorry.
00:23:59No, no, no, no, no!
00:24:00Don't touch my slices, man.
00:24:02Go somewhere, do your pilates, do what you do.
00:24:04What do you need?
00:24:05You want me to pay for anything?
00:24:06No!
00:24:07Just go, man.
00:24:08Just go look pretty somewhere else, man.
00:24:10Thanks.
00:24:11Just go ahead, Abercrombie and Fitch.
00:24:15That was quick.
00:24:16Everything okay?
00:24:17No.
00:24:18I didn't even get it out.
00:24:20Why?
00:24:21Just...
00:24:22He...
00:24:23Just...
00:24:24Stuff happened, okay?
00:24:25Just don't push me, okay?
00:24:27Okay.
00:24:29I'm sorry, Amanda.
00:24:30It's not you.
00:24:32It's just...
00:24:34I don't ever want to see him again.
00:24:36Well, you won't have to.
00:24:38I'm gonna be leaving my place soon.
00:24:40He won't come near you or that apartment.
00:24:42Thanks, A.
00:24:43I know you really love him.
00:24:45I do.
00:24:47I really thought he was different.
00:24:49We all did.
00:24:50He had us all fooled.
00:24:52But I'm about to leave soon.
00:24:54Don't do anything stupid, okay?
00:24:56Don't do anything stupid, okay?
00:25:13Hi.
00:25:16Are you the casting director?
00:25:18No.
00:25:19I'm Emma.
00:25:20Dylan's girlfriend.
00:25:22Well, soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.
00:25:25Who's Dylan?
00:25:30Oh.
00:25:32Right.
00:25:33That Dylan.
00:25:35Ex, huh?
00:25:38So sorry to hear you guys broke up.
00:25:41Oh, don't give me that bullshit.
00:25:43You left your disgusting thong here.
00:25:45And a note!
00:25:47I wanted Dylan to have something to remember me by.
00:25:50Ugh.
00:25:51I can't believe this.
00:25:53Can you blame me?
00:25:55Dylan's hot.
00:25:57Well, I thought he was more than just hot.
00:25:59I thought he was a really great guy.
00:26:01And I thought what we had was special.
00:26:04I can't believe he just threw it all away to cheat.
00:26:07With you.
00:26:09Wait.
00:26:10You think he cheated?
00:26:12Uh, yeah.
00:26:15The thong, the note, the condom ready to go.
00:26:20Plus, you just admitted it.
00:26:22No.
00:26:23I admit I left my panties.
00:26:25Don't say panties.
00:26:27And your strawberry-flavored condom.
00:26:30And the strawberry-flavored condom.
00:26:32It was my last one.
00:26:34I was really trying to impress him.
00:26:36So, you left a condom here, but you didn't f*** my boyfriend?
00:26:40No, unfortunately.
00:26:43So, why'd you leave a condom?
00:26:45So he would know I was DTF.
00:26:48But you know, safe about it.
00:26:50That's probably the sluttiest thing I've ever heard.
00:26:54What are you, like an escort or something?
00:26:56Excuse me?
00:26:58No, I'm not.
00:26:59Who the hell do you think you are?
00:27:01Well, I don't get it.
00:27:03Your note says, glad you can use my services.
00:27:06Look, chill out.
00:27:08I run a cleaning service.
00:27:10Dylan hired me to clean your apartment while you were away.
00:27:13Because, you know, he's kind of lazy and gross.
00:27:17And he was trying to impress you.
00:27:20But you were gone, and he was cute, so I made my move.
00:27:24He was cute, so I made my move.
00:27:27But he turned me down, which, I know, shocker.
00:27:31Not your skin, which is good.
00:27:34So, what's this all about?
00:27:36Figuring he might change his mind and give me a phone so I can say,
00:27:40I didn't respect you, even though he said he would just do it again.
00:27:45You're like, oh, seriously?
00:27:47You know, you have a lot of people.
00:27:50They are other underwear.
00:27:52You know, like cheapy, or thong, or never ask for a hand.
00:27:56So, he never called you?
00:27:59Because you're not.
00:28:01And you swear you're telling the truth.
00:28:05Yes, in fact, all people who have money,
00:28:09who are stupid housewives,
00:28:11who is actually pretty stupid.
00:28:13No, I'm not.
00:28:15I'm living under a bit of a pretext.
00:28:17I'm not.
00:28:19But if you do have money,
00:28:21you have to come to me.
00:28:23If you're hungry, you come to me.
00:28:25If you're drunk, you go to me.
00:28:27If you're single, you go to me.
00:28:29Oh my god.
00:28:37Sorry babe, that was a mess.
00:28:41I think we should probably order in tonight.
00:28:43And do some laundry.
00:28:45My shirt is pretty much ruined.
00:28:47Who says you need a shirt?
00:28:49Well, what a lady wants, a lady gets.
00:28:53Oh, and what were you saying about a thong?
00:28:55Oh, um,
00:28:57I was just thinking about wearing one for you.
00:29:01I thought you might be tired of granny panties.
00:29:05Frisky.
00:29:07Who says you need any underwear at all?
00:29:09Dylan!
00:29:11What? A man can dream, can't he?
00:29:13Maybe I'll get lucky?
00:29:15With you, every day is lucky.
00:29:17Oh babe, you must be having a nice day.
00:29:21Yep, it's been great.
00:29:23Well, I'm almost home,
00:29:25so your day's about to get even better.
00:29:29What's wrong?
00:29:35Why is Amanda in front of our building
00:29:37with a baseball bat?
00:29:41Oh, uh, you should run.
00:29:45Dylan!
00:29:47Yeah, you should get out of there.
00:29:49I just have a couple questions for you, you know.
00:29:51Let's have a chat, Dylan.
00:29:53Dylan, where are you going?
00:29:55Dylan, I don't have time for you, sir.
00:29:57Not with my best friend, Thompson.
00:29:59Are you kidding me?
00:30:03Okay, so,
00:30:05what do you think?
00:30:07No, that is not appropriate
00:30:09for a job interview.
00:30:11What if I
00:30:13wore a cardigan with it?
00:30:15Man.
00:30:17You shot down
00:30:19every outfit I own.
00:30:21I'm just being honest with you.
00:30:23Maybe too honest.
00:30:25What's that supposed to mean?
00:30:27Ever since I applied for this job,
00:30:29you've been trashing it.
00:30:31I'm just being real with you.
00:30:33Babe, assistant to the CEO
00:30:35of Vanguard Models?
00:30:37This could be huge, and you're not being supportive.
00:30:39Me telling you the truth
00:30:41is being supportive.
00:30:43You hated Vanguard so much,
00:30:45you didn't care for them.
00:30:47It was a good gig.
00:30:49And they treated the talent, me,
00:30:51like royalty.
00:30:53But they treated the staff like shit.
00:30:55I don't want you lumped in with everyone else.
00:30:57Oh, so I'm everyone else.
00:30:59My job isn't as important
00:31:01because I'm not in front of the camera
00:31:03like one of your model friends?
00:31:05That is not what I meant.
00:31:07Uh-huh, sure.
00:31:11What about this one?
00:31:15Last time I wore this,
00:31:17you said I look stunning.
00:31:19Yeah, but...
00:31:21it's just too...
00:31:23Professional? Flattering?
00:31:25Perfectly appropriate for an interview?
00:31:27Look, if you don't want my opinion,
00:31:29don't ask for it.
00:31:31Oh, I know what this is about.
00:31:33Oh, yeah? What's that?
00:31:35You're jealous of Chris Monroe.
00:31:37I am not.
00:31:39He was voted one of Style Magazine's
00:31:41most eligible bachelors.
00:31:43Two, his modeling company
00:31:45is one of the most followed accounts on Insta.
00:31:47He's one of the youngest,
00:31:49richest CEOs in the country.
00:31:51And, if I get hired,
00:31:53I'm going to be spending
00:31:55all day, every day
00:31:57with him.
00:31:59So, um, yeah, I'd say you're probably
00:32:01pretty jealous.
00:32:03That guy's a class-A douche-nozzle.
00:32:05A what?
00:32:07I'm secure in our relationship.
00:32:09Never worry about you falling for that guy.
00:32:11So then what's your issue?
00:32:13So then what's your issue?
00:32:15My issue?
00:32:17That you're not chasing your dreams.
00:32:19I want you to be happy.
00:32:21No one lands their dream job in their twenties.
00:32:23I need experience first.
00:32:25You have tons of experience.
00:32:27We met on set, remember?
00:32:29You were interning for that ad agency.
00:32:31You were modeling that dumb speedo.
00:32:33More like super hot speedo.
00:32:35And I kept catching you sneaking off
00:32:37to the craft services table.
00:32:39You have tons of experience.
00:32:41You just need to put yourself out there.
00:32:43When we first met,
00:32:45you told me you wanted to start
00:32:47your own agency.
00:32:49I still do.
00:32:51Okay, so what's holding you back?
00:32:53It's not that easy.
00:32:55Of course it is. You're smart, well-connected,
00:32:57and you have an incredibly gorgeous boyfriend
00:32:59cheering you on.
00:33:01What are you so scared of?
00:33:03Okay,
00:33:05what about this one?
00:33:07Still no.
00:33:09Are you seriously
00:33:11policing my clothes right now?
00:33:13I can look out for myself. Thanks.
00:33:15I know you can.
00:33:17But do you really want to work for someone like that?
00:33:19Seriously. Ask him
00:33:21why his assistant left.
00:33:23It's a tough industry. Not everyone can hack it.
00:33:25Listen, I can be home
00:33:27in twenty minutes.
00:33:29Skip the interview, and we'll come up with plans
00:33:31for you to start your own agency.
00:33:33Will you just stop? Please?
00:33:35Emma, I know you're scared.
00:33:37Dylan, you don't know anything.
00:33:39You don't know what it's like.
00:33:41All you do is just stand in front
00:33:43of the camera and look hot.
00:33:45Well, some of us have to actually work for a living.
00:33:47I gotta go.
00:33:49I would say
00:33:51wish me luck, but I know you wouldn't mean it.
00:33:53Emma.
00:33:55I gotta go.
00:34:05I take it you're Emma.
00:34:07Chris Monroe.
00:34:09Hi, Chris.
00:34:11It's great to see you, Emma.
00:34:13Is now still a good time to chat?
00:34:15Definitely. I've been looking forward to this
00:34:17all week.
00:34:19All right, great.
00:34:21Let's get started then.
00:34:23So I was impressed with your resume.
00:34:25Looks like you've worked for almost every major agency
00:34:27in the city.
00:34:29Yes, I've seen it all.
00:34:31The good and the bad.
00:34:33Well, let's
00:34:35focus on the good, shall we?
00:34:37Why don't you start by telling me about your
00:34:39most memorable experience in the industry?
00:34:41Well, as you saw on my resume,
00:34:43I used to work for Perception.
00:34:47Last year, we booked
00:34:49a major holiday shoot
00:34:51and the client wanted to go for
00:34:53your typical aesthetic,
00:34:55really tall, thin women
00:34:57and lean, muscular men.
00:34:59But I suggested we take
00:35:01a different approach.
00:35:03I wanted to go for a more
00:35:05diverse array of models.
00:35:07You know, really push for
00:35:09representation.
00:35:11It was something that Perception had never done
00:35:13before and, well,
00:35:15they went for it.
00:35:17It was a super successful
00:35:19campaign and it shows that
00:35:21you can be inclusive and still be
00:35:23profitable.
00:35:25Well, I'll tell you what, Emma.
00:35:27I like your spirit.
00:35:29Wow.
00:35:31Thank you. That means so much
00:35:33coming from you. Vanguard is
00:35:35so impressive.
00:35:37I agree. I'd even say we're the best.
00:35:39Well,
00:35:41there's no such thing.
00:35:45There's always room for
00:35:47improvement.
00:35:49Top companies can always strive to be better.
00:35:51Even Vanguard.
00:35:53Oh? And, um,
00:35:55what would you do better?
00:35:57Well,
00:35:59I did notice that
00:36:01there's not a whole lot of
00:36:03diversity. Wow, you
00:36:05really like that word, huh?
00:36:07Diversity.
00:36:09Um, I noticed that there's
00:36:11not a whole lot of it on your social media
00:36:13in particular. Think of all the work
00:36:15you could do with plus-size
00:36:17models and
00:36:19models of different
00:36:21gender identities and...
00:36:23Let me stop you right there, Emma.
00:36:25Vanguard is the best because we stick
00:36:27with what works. Conventional models,
00:36:29conventional looks.
00:36:31You have the opportunity
00:36:33to change the world with your platform.
00:36:35Right. We're not trying to change the
00:36:37world. We're trying to make money.
00:36:39And we're pretty darn good at it.
00:36:41Plus, we donate plenty of that money to charity
00:36:43so the SJWs don't cancel
00:36:45us on social media.
00:36:47I'm not talking about charity.
00:36:49I'm talking about
00:36:51making a systemic
00:36:53difference. You know, shifting
00:36:55the paradigm. So we're
00:36:57clear. As my assistant, it won't be
00:36:59your job to make a systemic
00:37:01difference. It'll be your job to keep me
00:37:03happy. You book my flights.
00:37:05You keep me on schedule.
00:37:07Accompany me to social events.
00:37:09I understand.
00:37:11Alright, good. Now, just
00:37:13one last thing. Could you stand up for me?
00:37:15What?
00:37:17We have
00:37:19a certain standard here at Vanguard.
00:37:21My assistant needs to
00:37:23have the whole package. And so far,
00:37:25I mean, it looks like you do.
00:37:27I need to get a better sense of your
00:37:29assets.
00:37:35Okay, look, let's not beat
00:37:37around the bush here. You're an incredibly attractive woman.
00:37:39I'm a pretty good
00:37:41looking guy myself. We'll be working
00:37:43very closely together and I just want to make sure
00:37:45that, you know... You know what?
00:37:47I'm no longer interested in this
00:37:49position or any position
00:37:51with you for that matter.
00:37:53Excuse me?
00:37:55You know what? F*** you.
00:37:57Excuse me?
00:37:59You know what? F*** you.
00:38:19Hey, babe. That was quick.
00:38:23Everything go okay?
00:38:25I mean, you're like beyond qualified for the job.
00:38:27I hung up on him.
00:38:29You did what?
00:38:31I hung up on Chris Monroe.
00:38:33You were right.
00:38:35That guy was such a...
00:38:37What do you call him?
00:38:39Douchenozzle?
00:38:41Right. That.
00:38:43He completely shit all over
00:38:45my ideas for inclusivity.
00:38:47And then...
00:38:49He was such a creep.
00:38:51He told me to stand up so he could check out my assets.
00:38:53I'm gonna kick his ass.
00:38:55No need.
00:38:57I already hung up on him.
00:38:59Oh my god.
00:39:01I hung up on him.
00:39:03Oh my god.
00:39:05I hung up on Chris Monroe.
00:39:07He can end my career.
00:39:09I can't believe I did that. That was so stupid.
00:39:11Oh my god.
00:39:13I hung up on Chris Monroe.
00:39:15He can end my career.
00:39:17I can't believe I did that. That was so stupid.
00:39:19I'm so freaking proud of you, babe.
00:39:21What?
00:39:23You stood up for what you believe in.
00:39:25You put that asshole in his place.
00:39:27Man, I wish I could have seen the look on his face
00:39:29when you hung up on him.
00:39:31Pretty sure it's never happened to him before.
00:39:33He was like...
00:39:39Oh man.
00:39:41Maybe I should have been more professional about it.
00:39:43You know what? No.
00:39:45No regrets.
00:39:47I could never work for a douche nozzle like that.
00:39:49There you go.
00:39:51That's my girl.
00:39:53Guess you want to say I told you so.
00:39:55For what?
00:39:57You did nothing wrong.
00:39:59He's the a-hole.
00:40:01You want to know a secret?
00:40:03I may have been a teeny tiny bit jealous.
00:40:05Of Chris Monroe.
00:40:09Have you seen that man with his shirt off?
00:40:11I don't need to see pictures.
00:40:13I have my own eye candy at home.
00:40:17Eye candy, huh?
00:40:19Okay, okay.
00:40:21Don't let it get to your head.
00:40:23Too late.
00:40:25Speaking of candy, what if we skip dinner and go straight to dessert?
00:40:27Another chance for you to see a model eat way too many donuts.
00:40:33Or...
00:40:35I can brainstorm some ideas.
00:40:37For dessert?
00:40:39For my modeling agency.
00:40:41You're right.
00:40:43I think it's time that I start chasing my dreams.
00:40:45Now I've never been more attracted to you.
00:40:49I love you, Dylan.
00:40:53I love you, Emma.
00:40:55Speaking of attraction,
00:40:57don't take off that dress just yet.
00:41:05Come on, let's see it.
00:41:07Here goes.
00:41:11Dylan's going to have a heart attack.
00:41:13Good thing he does a lot of cardio.
00:41:15It's a surprise for our six month anniversary.
00:41:19When we were just friends and his dates would come over,
00:41:21they'd go all out.
00:41:23One girl even showed up in a trench coat.
00:41:25Stop obsessing over his past.
00:41:29I know, it's just hard for me not to compare myself.
00:41:33Dylan has been with a lot of women.
00:41:37He's hot and sexy.
00:41:39Adventurous to women.
00:41:41I want to be hot, sexy, and adventurous too.
00:41:43You are.
00:41:45Well, in your own way.
00:41:47He's going to love it, trust me.
00:41:53What's up?
00:41:55Dylan just texted and said he has to work late.
00:41:57Damn, bummer.
00:41:59I wonder if he even remembers it's our anniversary.
00:42:01Ugh, this sucks.
00:42:03I had such big plans for us tonight.
00:42:05I should video chat him and show him what he's missing.
00:42:09Wait, you really think I should?
00:42:11Once he gets a glimpse of that outfit,
00:42:13he's not going to be able to get any work done.
00:42:17And that's exactly what a hot, sexy, adventurous girlfriend would do.
00:42:21Damn right it is.
00:42:23But are you sure I look okay?
00:42:25Like, do I look tempting?
00:42:27Yes, oh my god, yes.
00:42:29Yes, you do.
00:42:31More tempting than trench coat girl?
00:42:33Forget trench coat girl.
00:42:35Now go.
00:42:37Seduce your man.
00:42:49Come here guys, come here.
00:42:51Perfect.
00:42:53Awesome, yes.
00:42:55I want tense and beautiful, love it.
00:42:57Beautiful.
00:42:59Take four.
00:43:01Love it.
00:43:07This is great.
00:43:09This is what we want, right here.
00:43:11Don't change.
00:43:23Hi sexy.
00:43:25Hey.
00:43:27Uh, hey.
00:43:29Sorry babe, I was just expecting a call
00:43:31from someone else.
00:43:33Oh.
00:43:35Still here, just handling payroll paperwork.
00:43:37Paperwork? You're a model.
00:43:39I still gotta get paid, babe.
00:43:41Hopefully I can get out of here soon.
00:43:43I got things to do.
00:43:45I know something you can do.
00:43:47Me.
00:43:49Like, do me?
00:43:51As in like...
00:43:53Never mind, it's not funny in my head.
00:43:55Oh, okay.
00:43:57Well, I have something
00:43:59special for us tonight.
00:44:01You want a little preview?
00:44:05I'm, um,
00:44:07very much looking forward to
00:44:09spending some quality time
00:44:11tonight with you.
00:44:15What's the costume for?
00:44:17You going to a comic book convention?
00:44:19It's not a costume, it's
00:44:21lingerie.
00:44:23Oh, it's nice.
00:44:27Nice?
00:44:31Really nice?
00:44:33You know what, forget it.
00:44:35But you hate lingerie.
00:44:37What'd you call that thong we saw at the store?
00:44:39Butt floss.
00:44:41Yeah, you said you didn't need floss up your butt to feel sexy.
00:44:43Well, I don't, but
00:44:45I don't know, I just
00:44:47thought it'd be fun, you know, to try
00:44:49something different.
00:44:51Well, it definitely is different, especially
00:44:53for you.
00:44:55Hey, listen, babe, I have to
00:44:57finish this and get out of here.
00:44:59Okay, fine, go, bye.
00:45:01Bye.
00:45:03Yeah, good job. Thank you.
00:45:05Looking really good, people.
00:45:09That was a quickie.
00:45:11Nothing happened.
00:45:13Pretty much ignored me and then laughed at me.
00:45:15What?
00:45:17He called my outfit a costume.
00:45:19I'm pretty sure he insinuated I was a
00:45:21comic book nerd.
00:45:23He knows you're actually a teen lit nerd.
00:45:25I'm so bad at this.
00:45:27Stop.
00:45:29You're just as hot, sexy,
00:45:31and whatever else is all those other girls.
00:45:33So you know what you're gonna do?
00:45:35Rave the fridge and draw my feelings in
00:45:37Ben and Jerry's? You're gonna prove it.
00:45:39And when Dylan comes home and sees you
00:45:41waiting all dolled up,
00:45:43I really get his attention.
00:45:45I really get his attention.
00:45:47How? What would hot, sexy,
00:45:49and adventurous Emma do?
00:45:53Okay.
00:46:03Okay.
00:46:05I've always
00:46:07wanted to try these.
00:46:09I'm impressed.
00:46:11Should I keep the leopard print on
00:46:13or take it off and go for the
00:46:15cold, hard steel?
00:46:17The real question here is
00:46:19where are you going to hide the key
00:46:21in your body so you can find it?
00:46:23That's the beautiful thing about
00:46:25these handcuffs.
00:46:27They are breakaway.
00:46:29So when it gets all
00:46:31hot and steamy, all I have to do
00:46:33is free myself
00:46:35and jump Dylan's bones.
00:46:37I don't think I like
00:46:39the dirty you.
00:46:41Never felt sexier.
00:46:43Rawr!
00:46:49Too much?
00:46:51Maybe just a little too much.
00:47:13Hey, stud.
00:47:15On your way home yet?
00:47:17Sorry, babe. I'm just getting out of the studio right now.
00:47:19I took longer than I thought.
00:47:21Well, uh, hurry home.
00:47:23That surprise I have for you
00:47:25is all warmed up.
00:47:27That's great, babe. I need to make one stop.
00:47:29It's important.
00:47:31Oh, so is this.
00:47:33Oh, yeah. What's that?
00:47:35Can't tell you that yet.
00:47:37It's under
00:47:39three.
00:47:41And it's under
00:47:45lock
00:47:47and key.
00:47:51Handcuffs? Really?
00:47:53What's gotten into you, Emma?
00:47:55You're not acting like yourself.
00:47:57So what? You just don't think I'm hot?
00:47:59No, I'm...
00:48:01Or sexy? Or adventurous?
00:48:03What?
00:48:05You know what? Fine!
00:48:07This is the last time I ever try to impress you.
00:48:09Just get back together with Trenchcoat Girl!
00:48:11Who?
00:48:13I'm done.
00:48:15What?
00:48:17I'm done.
00:48:19What? Emma?
00:48:21Oh.
00:48:37Okay.
00:48:43Shit.
00:48:52I hate my life.
00:49:04Look, Emma needs you to come home.
00:49:06She handcuffed herself to the bedpost and got stuck.
00:49:08Um, okay.
00:49:10And why are you telling me this and not her?
00:49:12Because she's not talking to you.
00:49:14Um, okay.
00:49:16And why are you telling me this and not her?
00:49:18Because she's not talking to you.
00:49:20Seriously?
00:49:22Yeah. I mean, you made her feel really crappy today.
00:49:24I mean, first, you forget your six-month anniversary.
00:49:26Wait, hold up.
00:49:28I know, I know.
00:49:30A six-month anniversary may seem stupid,
00:49:32but it's Emma we're talking about here.
00:49:34I mean, all she wants is to be wanted by you.
00:49:36I mean, she went and bought
00:49:38a corset,
00:49:40stockings, a garter,
00:49:42and you didn't even notice.
00:49:44She even got some handcuffs
00:49:46to spice things up in the bedroom a little bit.
00:49:48Why would Emma think she needs to spice things up?
00:49:50Because she wants to be
00:49:52just as hot, sexy,
00:49:54and adventurous as all your other exes.
00:49:56I mean, her words, not mine.
00:49:58That's ridiculous. She means more to me than all the other girls combined.
00:50:00Then show her that.
00:50:04I'm trying.
00:50:18Did you tell Dylan
00:50:20to hurry up?
00:50:22Because these handcuffs
00:50:24are super uncomfortable
00:50:26and this corset is
00:50:28super tight.
00:50:30Why don't you tell him yourself?
00:50:32Did you tell Dylan to hurry up?
00:50:34Because these handcuffs
00:50:36are super uncomfortable
00:50:38and this corset is
00:50:40super tight.
00:50:42Why don't you tell him yourself?
00:50:44Told you. I'm not...
00:50:46the hottest
00:50:48girlfriend around more than I could ever deserve.
00:50:54Look,
00:50:56I know you don't want to talk to me,
00:50:58but I just want to say I'm sorry.
00:51:00I'm sorry for being distracted.
00:51:02I'm sorry for being the dumbest boyfriend on earth.
00:51:04I don't deserve you.
00:51:06But I'm not sorry
00:51:08for forgetting our anniversary.
00:51:10Because I didn't.
00:51:12Dylan's
00:51:14house rules for Emma?
00:51:16I'm not an artist, but that's why
00:51:18it took me so long.
00:51:20Read the first rule.
00:51:22Always be yourself
00:51:24because the way you are is
00:51:26perfect. Oh, I can't believe
00:51:28you made this. That's not all.
00:51:30I was so distracted because I was
00:51:32worried I wouldn't get out of the photo shoot in time
00:51:34in order for me to pick up this little anniversary
00:51:36gift I got a few weeks ago.
00:51:38In order for me to pick up this little anniversary gift
00:51:40I got a few weeks ago.
00:51:44Looks like you already
00:51:46got a new bracelet.
00:51:50Emma,
00:51:52I love you because you're you. I don't want
00:51:54any other girls. I don't care
00:51:56if you wear a trench coat or handcuff yourself
00:51:58to a bed.
00:52:00Actually, I prefer
00:52:02if you didn't. You could hurt yourself.
00:52:04Yeah, because I'm klutzy, awkward,
00:52:06and silly? Sure, but you're also
00:52:08hot. And can you show me
00:52:10what you're wearing a little better?
00:52:14You're so beautiful.
00:52:16Emma, if you want to be more adventurous,
00:52:18I'm totally into it. But only if
00:52:20it's because it's what you want to do.
00:52:22Yeah,
00:52:24it is. Good.
00:52:26No more comparing yourself to old girlfriends.
00:52:28This is the first six months of our
00:52:30entire lives, and I can't wait
00:52:32to spend my future with you. Me too.
00:52:34You're amazing.
00:52:36We're amazing together.
00:52:38Oh.
00:52:42Okay, well, um, first things first.
00:52:44Get your butt home
00:52:46and get me out of these handcuffs!
00:52:48I have to pee!
00:52:52How's the party prep going?
00:52:54Good, I think.
00:52:56Nachos are in the oven, everything's
00:52:58decorated. Dylan's been working so
00:53:00hard lately, and I just wanted him to
00:53:02let loose and really enjoy his
00:53:04birthday. Stop worrying and go put some
00:53:06clothes on. Well, that's
00:53:08actually why I called you. Dylan loves when
00:53:10I wear this dress I got in Cabo,
00:53:12but I just feel
00:53:14so bloated. Can you let me know if it looks
00:53:16okay? A fashion show?
00:53:18I'm in.
00:53:24What do you think?
00:53:26You look amazing, as usual.
00:53:28Are you sure?
00:53:30I don't know, it just, ugh,
00:53:32it's tight. Are you sure you want
00:53:34to wear white? Why wouldn't I?
00:53:36Because you have your period?
00:53:38Okay, one, it's
00:53:40creepy that you know that. I'm your
00:53:42best friend. It's my job
00:53:44to keep track of your cycle.
00:53:46And two, you're wrong.
00:53:48I don't have my period. Well, you
00:53:50should. I mean, it's the fifth, and you
00:53:52get your period on the third of every month, just
00:53:54like me.
00:53:56Oh my god.
00:53:58You're right.
00:54:00Are you okay?
00:54:02I'm late.
00:54:04I'm late.
00:54:06I'm like
00:54:08days late.
00:54:10Okay, okay, okay, well, let's
00:54:12not freak out here.
00:54:14This isn't normal for me.
00:54:16Oh
00:54:18my god.
00:54:20I'm- No, don't say it.
00:54:22I'm pregnant!
00:54:24What am I
00:54:26gonna do? I can't-
00:54:28I have a baby? I don't know the first thing
00:54:30about raising a kid.
00:54:32Oh god. That's why the dress is
00:54:34tight. It's not bloat.
00:54:36It's baby! Emma Renee
00:54:38Arnaz.
00:54:40You wouldn't have a baby
00:54:42bump already.
00:54:44Now stop acting crazy
00:54:46and breathe.
00:54:48Good. Now
00:54:50are you having any other symptoms?
00:54:52No.
00:54:54I mean, I'm kinda crampy,
00:54:56and I'm super on edge.
00:54:58But that doesn't really tell us
00:55:00anything. It tells us that
00:55:02I'm pregnant! Could be pregnant.
00:55:04Oh my god, and what am I
00:55:06gonna tell Dylan?
00:55:08Happy birthday! You're gonna be a dad!
00:55:10Well, you always wanted to be a dad, you know?
00:55:12You both want a family.
00:55:14Someday. Not now.
00:55:16Not now. We're in our
00:55:18twenties. We're supposed to
00:55:20let loose and have fun, and
00:55:22oh my god, he's been so stressed
00:55:24lately, and now I'm gonna ruin his
00:55:26birthday, and
00:55:28oh my god,
00:55:30not just his birthday,
00:55:32his life!
00:55:34I mean, you could be worrying over
00:55:36nothing. You need to take a test.
00:55:38Oh no!
00:55:40No, no, no, no! What if someone sees me
00:55:42at the drugstore? Then
00:55:44the rumor mill will turn, and then
00:55:46they'll spread the news all over town, and then
00:55:48everyone will know that I'm pregnant, and then
00:55:50they'll be shamed and disowned!
00:55:52Emma, you live in New York
00:55:54City, not Walnut Grove.
00:55:58Go to the store. And if you're so
00:56:00worried about someone seeing you, then go to one
00:56:02that's further away. No, I
00:56:04don't have time. I need to
00:56:06finish baking the cake, and hanging
00:56:08the decorations, and
00:56:10This is more important. But
00:56:12Dylan will understand.
00:56:14Okay.
00:56:16I'll call you when I get the test.
00:56:18Duh!
00:56:20Thanks, A.
00:56:26How's your birthday going?
00:56:28So far, so good, babe. What are you doing out and about?
00:56:30Oh, just, uh,
00:56:32working on a surprise.
00:56:34I love surprises.
00:56:36You might not love this one.
00:56:38What's in the bag? Let me guess.
00:56:40House rule number 32.
00:56:42No Cheeto dust in the apartment.
00:56:44You're surprising me by letting me break the
00:56:46rules for my birthday. Nope, I'm surprising
00:56:48you with a baby.
00:56:50What?
00:56:52I mean, a food
00:56:54baby, with how delicious
00:56:56all the food at your party is gonna be.
00:56:58Oh, sweet!
00:57:00Can't wait! So, what do you want to name
00:57:02our food baby? Dylan Jr.?
00:57:04We are not naming our baby
00:57:06Dylan Jr.
00:57:08You okay? You look a little...
00:57:10What? Bloated?
00:57:12Testy? Fat?
00:57:14Stressed.
00:57:16Sorry.
00:57:18Don't be sorry, babe.
00:57:20I don't want you to kill yourself over this party.
00:57:22I want us all to relax, which is
00:57:24why I'm heading to the liquor store on my lunch break
00:57:26to pick up some libations for this evening.
00:57:28So, what would it be?
00:57:30Lady's choice.
00:57:32I choose water.
00:57:34What?
00:57:36Yeah, I've just been feeling really, like,
00:57:38dehydrated
00:57:40lately. I think I'll just
00:57:42stick with good old H2O.
00:57:44Come on, babe.
00:57:46It's my birthday.
00:57:48We're only young once. Before you know it,
00:57:50we'll be getting older, starting a family.
00:57:52Uh, I have to go, Dylan.
00:57:54Emma, why?
00:57:56Did I say something wrong?
00:57:58No.
00:58:00I just meant someday. Like, we're not
00:58:02ready for kids yet.
00:58:04Uh, you know what? You're breaking up.
00:58:06I have to go.
00:58:08I'll talk to you later.
00:58:10Emma, can you hear me?
00:58:12Bye, Dylan.
00:58:42I can't do this.
00:58:52I can't do this.
00:58:54Sure you can.
00:58:56Imagine a waterfall flowing
00:58:58from a deep lagoon.
00:59:00No, I mean,
00:59:02I can't have this baby.
00:59:04I'm sorry, Em.
00:59:06I'm just getting my business off the ground
00:59:08and I'm finally getting
00:59:10my shit together and
00:59:12now- You don't even know if you're pregnant
00:59:14yet. That's what the test is for.
00:59:18That's what the test is for.
00:59:22Plus, even if you are
00:59:24pregnant, it doesn't mean you can't follow your dreams.
00:59:26You just have to do it with the baby in tow.
00:59:28It's gonna ruin everything.
00:59:30And Dylan-
00:59:32Dylan loves you.
00:59:34Yeah, me.
00:59:36Not me plus a kid.
00:59:38Ow.
00:59:46Okay, I think I'm ready.
00:59:48To be a mom?
00:59:50Shut up. To pee.
00:59:52Alright, now go, girl.
00:59:54I'm not peeing with you watching.
00:59:56Really? Lame.
00:59:58After everything we've been through?
01:00:00I'll call you back when I have the results.
01:00:02Fine.
01:00:04Good luck or break a leg.
01:00:06I'm not sure.
01:00:08Whatever happens,
01:00:10I'm here for you.
01:00:12Oh, and Em?
01:00:14Yeah?
01:00:16If you are pregnant,
01:00:18can I be the godmom?
01:00:24Okay.
01:00:26Picture
01:00:28a waterfall
01:00:30flowing into a deep
01:00:32lagoon.
01:00:34Picture
01:00:36a waterfall
01:00:38flowing into a deep
01:00:40lagoon.
01:00:56Are you lying on
01:00:58the floor?
01:01:00Yeah, it's a new form of yoga.
01:01:02You hate yoga.
01:01:04You always say I look stupid in child's pose.
01:01:08Emma, what's wrong?
01:01:10And don't say nothing.
01:01:16I'm late.
01:01:18Babe, the party's at our house. You can't be late.
01:01:20No, I mean my period.
01:01:22My period is late.
01:01:24Oh.
01:01:26So,
01:01:28what does that mean exactly?
01:01:30What does that mean exactly?
01:01:32It can mean
01:01:34nothing or
01:01:36it can mean I'm pregnant.
01:01:40I'm so sorry.
01:01:42I don't know how this happened
01:01:44and I wasn't buying you
01:01:46Cheetos earlier.
01:01:48I was buying this and
01:01:50I don't know what it says yet
01:01:52and I'm really scared
01:01:54and I think it's time to look
01:01:56and I'm so sorry for ruining
01:01:58your birthday, Dylan.
01:02:00I really, really wanted today to be perfect.
01:02:02You've just been so good to me
01:02:04ever since we got together.
01:02:06Emma, just calm down.
01:02:08And after starting my business
01:02:10and you've been helping me
01:02:12with that and we don't have any money
01:02:14so it's just like the worst
01:02:16possible time ever.
01:02:18I don't know what to do.
01:02:20I'm so scared.
01:02:22Emma Renee Arnaz,
01:02:24you're going to make yourself sick.
01:02:26You need to breathe.
01:02:32See? Everything's going to be okay.
01:02:34How can it possibly
01:02:36be okay?
01:02:38Because no matter what that test says
01:02:40we're going to figure it out
01:02:42together.
01:02:44Because no matter what that test says
01:02:46we're going to figure it out together.
01:02:48But we're not ready.
01:02:50You don't know that.
01:02:52Having a baby is hard
01:02:54no matter what age you are or what your job is.
01:02:56But you and me,
01:02:58we can get through anything.
01:03:02I love you, Dylan.
01:03:04I love you, babe.
01:03:08Now go look at that test.
01:03:10We'll do it together.
01:03:24Phew.
01:03:26Oh my god, I'm not pregnant.
01:03:28Oh my god.
01:03:30Yeah.
01:03:32I know you said we could do it
01:03:34but like I really wasn't ready.
01:03:36That would have been one
01:03:38hell of a birthday present.
01:03:40I mean, something I always wanted
01:03:42just a few years too early.
01:03:44Do you mean it with me?
01:03:46Of course with you.
01:03:48And of course I mean it
01:03:50with all my heart.
01:03:54Oh, shit.
01:03:56I have to go.
01:03:58Let me guess, Amanda's already named our baby.
01:04:00Pretty much.
01:04:02Um, get ready babe
01:04:04because the party is back on.
01:04:06Are you still having water tonight?
01:04:08No way.
01:04:10I need you to get back into that store
01:04:12and buy me the biggest
01:04:14bottle of wine they have.
01:04:16You got it, babe.
01:04:18Oh, and Dylan?
01:04:20Yeah?
01:04:22Yeah.