10 Most Useless Doctor Who Characters
The Doctor doesn't always travel with the best, as this lot sufficiently proved.
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00:00It's been said that the Doctor only travels with the best, however, as River Song was
00:04so fond of reminding everyone, the Doctor lies.
00:07So with that in mind then, I'm Ellie with WhoCulture, here with the 10 most useless
00:12Doctor Who characters.
00:1410.
00:15Susan Forman
00:16Now this might be a controversial choice, but in retrospect, the Doctor's granddaughter
00:20is a bit useless.
00:21When Doctor Who was first conceived by Sidney Newman in the early 60s, he envisioned a 740-year-old
00:27senile alien time traveller, who whisked two school teachers and a teenage girl across
00:32all of time and space.
00:33In essence, this is what happens in the very first episode, but with one key difference.
00:37Susan.
00:38In the finished version of Doctor Who's pilot episode, Susan isn't a contemporary
00:42teenage girl.
00:43She's the Doctor's granddaughter and therefore also an alien time traveller with superior
00:48knowledge.
00:49The problem is that many of the people who wrote for Susan mostly forget this key detail
00:53and wrote her as an ineffectual teenage girl.
00:56Therefore, rather than continuing to dazzle and intrigue her school teachers Ian and Barbara
01:00with her advanced knowledge of science, history and technology, Susan instead rolls her ankle
01:05at regular intervals.
01:06She also frequently loses her head in the face of various intergalactic terrors, as
01:10if she hasn't been travelling to alien worlds with her grandfather for ages prior to the
01:14show starting.
01:15It's hardly surprising that Carol Ann Ford left the role at the start of Doctor Who's
01:19second season.
01:20She was replaced by Vicky, an orphan from the future who was generally written as a
01:24far more savvy character, one who essentially became the Doctor's surrogate granddaughter.
01:299.
01:30Mickey Smith
01:31Mickey Smith, or Mickey the Idiot, is a character so useless that he lost a fight with a wheelie
01:36bin.
01:37Originally written by Russell T Davies as mundane, ordinary and cowardly, Mickey represented
01:41everything that Rose Tyler wanted to leave behind.
01:44In Doctor Who's 2005 pilot episode, Rose, Mickey is so useless that he can be convincingly
01:49replaced by a plastic replica who can barely string a coherent sentence together.
01:54Seeing what Clark brought to the character as a performer, Russell T Davies gave Mickey
01:58more depth as Doctor Who continued into its second series.
02:01However, he's still pretty pointless.
02:03He risks detection by screaming at a cupboard full of rats in school reunion, and while
02:06the Ninth Doctor is impressed by Mickey in World War 3, he's only really been following
02:11the Doctor's orders the whole time, rather than thinking for himself.
02:14It's only when he's presented with a parallel universe doppelganger that Mickey decides
02:18to stand up for himself, becoming an action hero and resistance fighter against John Leumick's
02:23Cybermen.
02:24It's this more heroic version of Mickey that appears in the Series 2 and Series 4
02:28finales, where he fights again against the Daleks and the Cybermen.
02:32However, it doesn't change the fact that for the first few years of his time on Doctor
02:35Who, he was pretty darn useless.
02:388.
02:39Victoria Waterfield
02:40After Fraser Hines' historical companion Jamie McCrimmon became a big success, the
02:45Doctor Who production team attempted to repeat the feat by introducing another historical
02:49companion, Victoria Waterfield.
02:52The only problem was that she didn't have any notable skills beyond screaming and just
02:56having a terrible time of it.
02:58The original plan was to make Pauline Collins' Samantha a full-time companion, but she turned
03:02down the role.
03:03Investigating her brother's disappearance in The Faceless One, Samantha proved herself
03:07to be a much more independent and forthright companion than Victoria.
03:11When she's introduced in Evil of the Daleks, Victoria is literally a damsel in distress.
03:15This comes to define the character throughout her time with the Second Doctor and Jamie.
03:19While Deborah Watling is an incredibly likeable actor, she's rarely given any substantial
03:24material to sink her teeth into, and whenever she does take some initiative, she ends up
03:28in deadly danger and needs to be rescued by the Doctor or Jamie.
03:32Victoria's screaming became such a key part of her character that it played a crucial
03:36role in her final story.
03:38Attempting to defeat an outbreak of deadly sentient seaweed, the Doctor realises that
03:41sound is the perfect weapon, and so he weaponises the screams of his companion.
03:46It's an ending that's either a celebration of or an insult to Victoria, depending on
03:51your outlook.
03:527.
03:53Katerina
03:54When futuristic space orphan Vicky left Doctor Who, the production team decided to go in
03:59the opposite direction for her replacement.
04:01Enter Katerina, a handmaid from ancient Greece who joined the TARDIS to tend to Stephen's
04:06wounds.
04:07However, either the limitations of a historical companion or the writer's imaginations led
04:11to her being swiftly, brutally written out of the show.
04:15In some ways, Katerina was one of the most realistic Doctor Who companions.
04:19Her complete inability to wrap her head around the fantastical worlds she travelled to with
04:23the Doctor and Stephen is reflective of how contemporary audiences may lose their own
04:27minds when confronted by the far future.
04:30The problem is that it doesn't make for particularly good drama.
04:33The far future is one thing, but wouldn't Katerina respond in a similar fashion if the
04:37TARDIS landed in the present day?
04:39This propensity to be dazzled by the future made her a fairly useless travelling companion.
04:44She may have healed Stephen's wounds from the previous story, but the rest of her scenes
04:47find her dazzled by futuristic technology, leaning on the fantastical myths of ancient
04:52Greece to make sense of everything.
04:54Poor Katerina is so unfamiliar with the future that when held hostage, she opens an airlock
04:59door, ejecting herself and her captor into the vast emptiness of space.
05:036.
05:04The Justice Department
05:05Tasked with punishing history's greatest monsters with their test selector, the Justice
05:09Department is actually pretty bad at its job.
05:12The Doctor, Amy and Rory meet them when Melody Pond, or River Song, takes them back to Berlin
05:16to kill Hitler.
05:17However, the test selector has arrived at the wrong point in time and could have easily
05:21changed the whole course of history.
05:23The Justice Department shows the failings in Stephen Moffat's rather glib take on
05:27the killing Hitler dilemma.
05:29While the Doctor smartly orders Rory to put Hitler in a cupboard so that Doctor Who doesn't
05:33have to deal with him, the presence of the Justice Department does highlight the impotence
05:37of the Doctor and others in stopping Hitler's crimes.
05:40While it appears that Hitler will be punished later on, the Justice Department is moments
05:44away from killing him before they realise they have the wrong date, which is hardly
05:48the level of due diligence you'd expect from law enforcement.
05:50It's a good job that Hitler's guilty of the deaths of millions, but with such a glaring
05:55oversight, it doesn't give much hope for them as Time's judge, jury and executioner.
05:59They did prove to be of some use, however, when their test selector aided the Eleventh
06:04Doctor in faking his own death, so they're not completely useless.
06:085.
06:09Krasko Rosa is one of Doctor Who's best historical
06:12stories.
06:13It shows that recent history can be just as dangerous to the TARDIS team as medieval times
06:17or hostile alien planets.
06:19It also has one of the show's absolute worst villains in the form of Krasko, a racist time
06:24traveller who's dressed for an amateur dramatics production of Grease.
06:28Krasko represents the problem with modern Doctor Who's need for a villain.
06:31The racism of the time is a dangerous antagonist as it is, without hammering the point home
06:36via Krasko.
06:37While the idea of commercial time travel being used to spread racist rhetoric is a strong
06:42one, especially given the trajectory of how humans have used the internet, Krasko is such
06:46an ineffective presence that the character loses his thematic heft.
06:49While it's certainly a huge powerful moment in history and provides strong character work
06:54for the TARDIS team, Krasko is a Doctor Who villain who's essentially beaten by some
06:58people sitting on a bus.
07:00Krasko's uselessness and small-scale messing with the local bus timetables could be seen
07:04as a takedown of the petty, small-mindedness of racists.
07:08But it fundamentally doesn't work in terms of Doctor Who villainy.
07:114.
07:12Turlough
07:13Anyone who says that Adric is the fifth Doctor's worst companion is willfully ignoring Turlough.
07:18Adric is a passable TARDIS pilot who's really good at maths, while Turlough is an overgrown
07:23schoolboy who starts his time in the TARDIS by trying to murder the Doctor on the instruction
07:27of the Black Guardian.
07:28And yet, despite the multiple opportunities presented to him throughout his first serial
07:33Mordrin Undead, he relents.
07:34Charitably, Turlough's reluctance to kill the Doctor in Mordrin Undead could be compared
07:39to Hamlet.
07:40But writer Peter Grimwade is no William Shakespeare, and actor Mark Strickson is no Laurence Olivier.
07:45Once Turlough finally rejects the Black Guardian in Enlightenment, he goes from being a useless
07:49assassin to being a useless Doctor Who companion.
07:52He's more cowardly than Mickey, more prone to fright than Victoria, and generally spends
07:57most of his time smugly winding up Tegan.
07:59It's also not entirely certain that he's given up on his mission to kill the Doctor
08:03either.
08:04Memorably, in Warriors of the Deep, Turlough pronounces that the Doctor has drowned to
08:07death mere seconds after the unfortunate Time Lord hits the water.
08:11Speaking of drowning, Turlough does save Perry from a watery grave at the start of his final
08:16story, so he's not 100% useless.
08:18That being said, looking back across his time with the Doctor and Tegan, it's hard to
08:22discern exactly what Turlough brought to the TARDIS, aside from a nice sketch of the Eye
08:26of Orion.
08:283.
08:29Adam Mitchell
08:30Adam Mitchell had one job, to be an expert on the alien technology held in Henry Van
08:34Staten's underground facility.
08:36And he wasn't very good at it.
08:37Then once the Dalek gets loose in the facility, he even leaves Rose for dead.
08:41And yet the Doctor still agrees to Rose's request to let him travel with them.
08:45Didn't the Doctor learn his lesson with Turlough?
08:47Adam doesn't improve when he takes his first trip in the TARDIS to Satellite 5, putting
08:51the Doctor and Rose's lives at risk.
08:54For those to investigate the strange goings on at Satellite 5, Adam swans off and gets
08:58his brain upgraded in a craven attempt to profit from future knowledge.
09:01The guy's a total liability.
09:03Now, while this knowledge may have actually helped him in his role with Henry Van Staten,
09:08it actually informs the Editor and the Jagrafess about the Doctor and Rose.
09:12As a result, Adam experiences the righteous fury of the Doctor, who throws him out of
09:16the TARDIS.
09:17Quite right, too.
09:18As a self-obsessed and cowardly figure, Adam is a fundamentally useless Doctor Who character,
09:23who only makes things worse for those around him.
09:262.
09:27Chameleon
09:28Chameleon is essentially the 5th Doctor equivalent of when the 11th Doctor shaved his head out
09:32of boredom, or when the 12th Doctor constructed a clockwork squirrel.
09:35The legend goes that the Chameleon prop caught the attention of 1980s Doctor Who producer
09:40John Nathan-Turner, who was focused on taking the show into the future with a properly robotic
09:45companion.
09:46The only problem was the automated prop's substantial limitations.
09:49K-9 may have struggled to traverse anything other than a smooth studio floor, but Chameleon
09:54struggled to achieve even that, and was regularly propped up against a wall.
09:58These limitations were further exacerbated when, tragically, the only person who knew
10:02how to operate Chameleon, Mike Power, was killed in a boating accident.
10:06This needn't have been a problem, however.
10:08Chameleon may have been a robot, but he also had the ability to assume any form.
10:13For notoriously publicity-hungry producer John Nathan-Turner, this could have been an
10:17ideal opportunity for a rolling cast list of special guest stars in the role of Chameleon.
10:22Instead, the robot was stuffed into a TARDIS cupboard and rarely seen again.
10:26He made one last appearance in Planet of Fire when he was taken over by his original owner,
10:31the Master.
10:32So, that's yet another 5th Doctor companion who conspired against him.
10:35Come back, Adrick!
10:36All is forgiven!
10:381.
10:39Sniper Bots
10:40I mean, the clue's in the name.
10:42Sniper Bots.
10:43Sniper.
10:44Bots.
10:45Their sole purpose is to be exceptional snipers.
10:48Created by the Stenza, the Sniper Bots appeared in both The Ghost Monument and The Battle
10:52of Ransgor Av Kolos, and were completely, utterly useless in both appearances.
10:57It's something of a sci-fi cliché that the villains can't shoot straight, but it's
11:01particularly galling in this case.
11:03These robot assassins are supposed to be the best snipers in the universe, but they can't
11:07even withstand a challenge from Ryan Sinclair.
11:10Despite Ryan's difficulties with coordination and riding a bike, he can gun down a whole
11:14army of specially designed snipers because he's played Call of Duty.
11:18Take that, Stenza weapon specialists.
11:20It's hardly surprising that the Sniper Bots are useless, especially given that the Stenza
11:25also created the evil Sentient Bandages which warn the Doctor about their hidden past.
11:29When the Sniper Bots return for the Battle of Ransgor Av Kolos, a Doctor Who story that
11:33writer Chris Chibnall doesn't even like, they are once more swiftly dispatched by Ryan
11:38and Graham with a well-timed duck.
11:40Of the Stenza's many crimes against the universe, their Sniper Bots should get them
11:44hauled up in front of the courts for breaching the Trade Description Act.
11:48And that concludes our list.
11:49If you think we missed any, then do let us know in the comments below.
11:52And while you're there, don't forget to like and subscribe, and tap that notification
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11:59Also, head over to Twitter and follow us there, and I can be found across various social medias
12:03just by searching Ellie Littlechild.
12:05I've been Ellie with WhoCulture, and in the words of River Song herself, goodbye sweeties.