A Monologue of Trouble (A Whole Lotta Trouble)
A short monologue about a bad day...
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www.kelvinbueckert.com
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00:00Do you care to tell us any of your problems, or...
00:03Well, I'd rather not be talking about Jeffrey in a place like this.
00:09But I could tell you about my day.
00:12Well, I'll sit down here and listen to your sad story.
00:15You know what? I wrote it all down,
00:18because I knew you were going to be here tonight,
00:20and I wanted to make sure I got everything right, perfect.
00:25Nobody knows the trouble I've seen today,
00:28which makes sense, because I haven't even told anybody yet.
00:32It all started off this morning.
00:35Jethro, you better get out to that field before the boss gets back.
00:40My wife kept saying,
00:42I tell you, all that nagging was getting on my nerves,
00:45and there ain't no trouble like a nagging wife,
00:48especially when it ain't even your wife that's nagging.
00:52Yeah, it was the boss's wife who was talking like that.
00:56Jethro, you better get out to that field before the boss gets back.
01:01That's what she just kept on telling me over and over and over again.
01:06It was really causing me stress, I tell you.
01:09But considering it was the boss's wife,
01:11I figured I better get going and work that field
01:14like the boss wanted me to do last week already.
01:18So I wander out to the tractor, and guess what happens next?
01:21That's right.
01:22You'd been better off not to go to work that week.
01:24Ah, I tried not to, but I had to that day.
01:31Anyways, nothing happened.
01:33The tractor just sat there and doing nothing.
01:36And get going, what's your problem anyway?
01:38I told you, I'm comfortable on the tractor.
01:41I tell you, no matter how much I nag,
01:44I tell you, I'm comfortable on the tractor.
01:46I tell you, no matter how much I kicked and yelled at that tractor,
01:50it didn't do nothing.
01:52It was nothing but trouble.
01:54Well, the day was dragging on, and I was getting madder and madder.
01:58I knew the boss was going to get back at any minute,
02:01and I better be working when he showed up.
02:04I just didn't know what I was going to do, though.
02:07Well, finally, you know what I decided?
02:10I should stop kicking the tires and yelling in German
02:14and turn the key in the ignition.
02:16And you know what?
02:17I turn the key in the ignition, and that tractor starts right off.
02:22Just goes to show you, they don't make machinery like they used to.
02:30Well, with the tractor running, we started racing up from the field.
02:34We weren't quite to the side.
02:36The tractor was smoking black and bouncing over mole hills and cat tails.
02:41You wouldn't believe the sounds them cats made when we were riding over their tails.
02:46But I just put down that plow and started breaking up that song.
02:50I tell you, we made some good headway for about five minutes.
02:55Then, wouldn't you know, we ran into a slough.
02:59And just like that, I got a sudden sinking feeling, if you know what I mean.
03:04I knew I was in deep trouble.
03:07I jumped out there into the mud and started yelling again.
03:11Get moving! What's the problem?
03:13Dammit, that tractor won't show it to you.
03:15I tell you, with all the trouble I'd had, I was fed up.
03:20But all that yelling didn't get me out of that mud hole neat.
03:24I just didn't know what I was going to do.
03:27I didn't want the boss to see me out there in that slough.
03:31I felt like giving up hope.
03:33But then I saw the neighbor driving along.
03:36I started jumping up and down and waving my arms.
03:40And you know what?
03:41The neighbor came over there with his tractor, hooked up his chain,
03:45and started getting ready to pull me out of that slough.
03:48I tell you, we were revving them engines.
03:51Wheels were spinning.
03:52Mud was flying all over Manitoba.
03:56And you know what?
03:57At the end of all that rigamarole, all we ended up with were two stuck tractors.
04:08Oh, that neighbor was pretty mad, I tell you.
04:12What were you doing in my field anyway?
04:15He was yelling at me.
04:17Frankly, I was shocked at his attitude.
04:19He was acting like he owned the place.
04:21You really think this here's your field, I told him.
04:25I know this is my field.
04:27The field you were supposed to be working on is over there.
04:31You know, funny thing, turned out I was in so much of a rush to get on out there,
04:36I drove into the wrong field.
04:39Well, like I said, nobody knows the trouble I've seen today.
04:44But I guess now you know.
04:49And you know what?
04:51It was your tractor I got stuck out there.
04:53My tractor?
04:55Yeah, you weren't home, so I thought I'd take your tractor,
04:59seeing as you weren't using it anyway.
05:03You leave me speechless.
05:06Well, you know what?
05:08I think you got me convinced.
05:10You were telling me we should have a different kind of thinking.
05:13You know, think what I think.
05:16With all the trouble I had today, there's one good thing in all this.
05:21Tomorrow's another day.
05:23That's right, Jethro.
05:25And if you ever really need someone to talk to,
05:27give me a call at 204-797-1230.
05:31And if anybody needs even more trouble in their life,
05:34you feel free to give me a call.
05:36You look for Jethro Barnsaw in the phone book.